Speaker 1: Hi, and welcome to Outspoken. You're joined by journalists Amy
Speaker 1: Sophie and Kate Torbo. Now today we've decided to dub
Speaker 1: our episode He's just not that into You. So today
Speaker 1: we're going to dissect what we've all learned about the
Speaker 1: dating world now we're thirty and hopefully given insight into
Speaker 1: how you can find a nice man after putting up
Speaker 1: with some dickheads. And I'm sure we can all relate
Speaker 1: to that. Can't be putting up with dickheads, especially you,
Speaker 1: Kate very much so not currently obviously in the past.
Speaker 1: So we're going to be dissecting a few topics, and
Speaker 1: of course we're going to share so some pretty embarrassing
Speaker 1: stories along the way. I thought we should first start
Speaker 1: off by addressing some signs that maybe he's just not
Speaker 1: that into you. I feel like, when you're twenty, you
Speaker 1: start your Google all these things, or why doesn't he
Speaker 1: like me? What should I do? So? If you're just
Speaker 1: opening up about her past Google, I feel like everyone
Speaker 1: does it, though, Well, what are some of these signs? Well,
Speaker 1: I think a major one that I've learned along the
Speaker 1: way is if you're the one initiating all of the dates. Yeah,
Speaker 1: definitely been there, done that many times. It's the worst
Speaker 1: feeling because I feel like they initiate the first date
Speaker 1: and then you know, you have a few good dates,
Speaker 1: and then this always seems to happen to me. I'm
Speaker 1: then the one sort of setting up the dates and
Speaker 1: sort of having to be on their back about it.
Speaker 1: I think that's quite common though. I've seen a lot
Speaker 1: of people and heard a lot of people talking about
Speaker 1: how they'll have this amazing date and then the guy
Speaker 1: will just basically ghost them or they will have to
Speaker 1: do all of the chasing. Do you guys think it's
Speaker 1: a power play in the early you know, in the
Speaker 1: start of a relationship, or is it just someone that's
Speaker 1: not into you. At the time I thought it was,
Speaker 1: I thought, oh, you know, this is just the normal
Speaker 1: back and forth, because it's happened quite a bit to me.
Speaker 1: But now that I'm actually in a good relationship and
Speaker 1: that shit didn't go on at the start, I actually
Speaker 1: do think it's a sign that the person isn't into you,
Speaker 1: or that they've got other options and you're not very
Speaker 1: high up on those options. Yeah, that's the thing. If
Speaker 1: a man really likes you, he's got going to want
Speaker 1: to see you all the time. He's going to be
Speaker 1: wanting to come up with nice dates and things to do.
Speaker 1: And at the time, if you do like someone, you
Speaker 1: do want to believe that there must be a reason
Speaker 1: that they're always busy, that you know, maybe they don't
Speaker 1: have any date ideas. It's a pretty obvious sign, you know,
Speaker 1: when they go like hours and hours without replying, because
Speaker 1: let's be honest, everyone's got their phone super glued to
Speaker 1: their hands. Yeah, what are the other signs? Well, I
Speaker 1: mean this seems pretty obvious, but maybe not when you're twenty.
Speaker 1: That if he's not interested in things you do or like,
Speaker 1: and quite frankly, the only thing he's interested in his sex,
Speaker 1: it's a pretty big sign that he is only looking
Speaker 1: for one thing. What else have we got? Well, another
Speaker 1: major sign, and it does sound pretty obvious, is that
Speaker 1: he's never done anything nice for you whatsoever. Sometime my
Speaker 1: whole like four to five year relationship with my ex boyfriend,
Speaker 1: and I think it is hard when maybe you don't
Speaker 1: feel great about yourself, you don't expect these things. I
Speaker 1: think as you grow older you do expect more out
Speaker 1: of our liationship and you just think someone meeting up
Speaker 1: with you is enough. Well, I'm going to put it
Speaker 1: out there. It's slightly embarrassing. But at thirty years of age,
Speaker 1: well actually I was twenty nine. I received my first
Speaker 1: and only ever Valentine's Day flowers from my now boyfriend.
Speaker 1: And that is despite having a boyfriend for five years. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: he didn't believe in Valentine's Day. I don't know, and
Speaker 1: it's just a dickhead. And you know, this guy also
Speaker 1: forgot my birthday and then pretty big one, and then
Speaker 1: he was in we were doing long distance at the time.
Speaker 1: He was in Melbourne, and then he decided that he
Speaker 1: would come over for my birthday party, which was the
Speaker 1: week after my birthday, and I chipped in for the
Speaker 1: flights for him to come across. And he didn't bring
Speaker 1: me a birthday president and said, oh me coming across
Speaker 1: was your birthday present, then proceeded to ruin my birthday.
Speaker 1: Now I'm not party. He also never gave you a compliment?
Speaker 1: Did he like? Not one? But do you think that's
Speaker 1: what made you like him more? The fact that sometimes
Speaker 1: when you were together, he you know, when he was
Speaker 1: slightly nice. It felt so good to get that reassurance
Speaker 1: or you know, or not in reassurance, but for him
Speaker 1: to actually be nice because he was so awful most
Speaker 1: of the time. Yeah, I suppose it's hard to reflect
Speaker 1: on because you know, it's sort of is pretty an
Speaker 1: indictment of you when you're talking about these things that
Speaker 1: you used to put up with. But he was my
Speaker 1: first boyfriend, and this was coming off the back of,
Speaker 1: you know, not a great time at high school, confidence
Speaker 1: being pretty low, so it really was a case of yeah,
Speaker 1: I hadn't experienced anything different, so it was kind of like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, I can change him, and you know, I'll
Speaker 1: get this tiny, little nice bit of him and then
Speaker 1: it just gets taken away. So I think it was
Speaker 1: more of a toxic continuous Well that's the thing as well,
Speaker 1: because in our society, it seems quite unusual, especially when
Speaker 1: you're in your early twenties, for men to actually want
Speaker 1: to be in a relationship, and I think a lot
Speaker 1: of them display that kind of player behavior. So it
Speaker 1: does make you feel special when they've chosen to spend
Speaker 1: their time with you, and I feel you just get
Speaker 1: used to being treated that way because that's all you've
Speaker 1: ever known. I suppose one big red flag that I
Speaker 1: picked up on was the fact that my ex boyfriend
Speaker 1: had such a reluctancy to call me his girlfriend, Like
Speaker 1: it literally took I don't even know what was it,
Speaker 1: like two years again, it's an indictmond on me. But
Speaker 1: and do you know what, I've noticed that on a
Speaker 1: lot of reality shows that some of these stunning people
Speaker 1: will go on and they'll say, oh, I've never had
Speaker 1: a boyfriend or a girlfriend before, and people look at
Speaker 1: them like they're weird. But I feel like, because people
Speaker 1: are in that mindset where they just want to be
Speaker 1: players and not be not settled down, that it is
Speaker 1: rare to find a boyfriend that wants more. I think,
Speaker 1: as Leanne from Love Island put it, she's been in
Speaker 1: lots of situationships, but not actual relationships. And it's so
Speaker 1: true because you can date these people for so long
Speaker 1: and there's just like no label, you know, you just
Speaker 1: go with the flow and you don't want to actually ask,
Speaker 1: Like it's such an awkward thing to be, like, oh,
Speaker 1: I think what we like boyfriend and girlfriend. It's almost
Speaker 1: like a proposal these day. Asking someone to be your
Speaker 1: Girlfriend's so funny because my now boyfriend brand and he
Speaker 1: didn't realize that he had to ask me to be
Speaker 1: his girlfriend, like that's a thing. Hey, Well, I said
Speaker 1: to him, Well, we had the discussion of what we were,
Speaker 1: and he's like, oh, I automatically assumed that I was
Speaker 1: your boyfriend because he'd been hanging out for a few weeks. Look,
Speaker 1: that was shocking for me, because, yeah, your situation was
Speaker 1: different because you literally became boyfriend and girlfriend after the
Speaker 1: first date, really, which is so unusual. It was after
Speaker 1: a few weeks, but that had been that came off
Speaker 1: the back of dating someone who for three months didn't
Speaker 1: want to call me their girlfriend or make any sort
Speaker 1: of title, and then he had some elaborate you know,
Speaker 1: brought me this bunch of flowers to ask me to
Speaker 1: be his girlfriend. So I don't know, I mean, in
Speaker 1: your previous relationship. Yeah, but isn't I feel like it's
Speaker 1: just an excuse to talk to other girls, and without
Speaker 1: putting a label on it, to be fair, I think
Speaker 1: it's different if you've known the person, as in Sophie
Speaker 1: previously was sort of in a friend sort of she
Speaker 1: knew her boyfriend. Should we put it? Should we have
Speaker 1: we explained how Sophie met No, I don't think so
Speaker 1: so funny enough, Brandon used to be my intern when
Speaker 1: I was working at the Thunderbirds and he we've all
Speaker 1: joke that Sophie's a cougar. So he's five years younger.
Speaker 1: He's four and a half. Oh oh my god, he is.
Speaker 1: Wait so you're wait, but you're turning thirty one and
Speaker 1: he's currently twenty six twenty six Yeah, his birthdays in
Speaker 1: October what so okay, sorry, four and a half years
Speaker 1: younger anyway, So I was also premature straws anyway. Anyway,
Speaker 1: So yeah, when I was a comms manager the Thunderbired's
Speaker 1: Brandon was my intern, and he went on to get
Speaker 1: a full time job and then we moved actually and
Speaker 1: worked together full time for another what three years in
Speaker 1: total at yes, thirty six six eight was literally his
Speaker 1: work wife, and then Sophie his not wife. I had
Speaker 1: a different work husband. Yeah, but anyway, anyway, so yeah,
Speaker 1: it's quite funny. So Brandon one day was like he
Speaker 1: saw Sophie at a Thunderbirds game and was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: your sister's hot, and like we're obviously because we're identical.
Speaker 1: I was like, this is a bit all good. I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, anyway, So he literally from the moment
Speaker 1: he saw Sophie at the game had eyes only for
Speaker 1: her and did tell me that when he first saw
Speaker 1: me at the stadium that he fell in love with me.
Speaker 1: Then I'm glad. Can I just add it on? I
Speaker 1: thought it was love at first sight? Can I at him?
Speaker 1: I'm highly offended because I met Brandon before Sophie as
Speaker 1: your sister, and we hung out and we actually had
Speaker 1: a lot in common, as in, we all love video stuff.
Speaker 1: I wasn't interested at all, but I love that. I
Speaker 1: love that. No, I was interested, but I wasn't interested
Speaker 1: at all. But you know, it worked out well that
Speaker 1: he was interested Sophie. He never said any of that
Speaker 1: stuff about me. Well, I copped it so much at
Speaker 1: work because everyone just thinks it was so funny that, like,
Speaker 1: Brandon was working with me full time but then dating Sophie,
Speaker 1: And there were so many times when I had to
Speaker 1: be like, look, we're not dating he's dating my sister.
Speaker 1: I think from there, so you should explain your first
Speaker 1: date with Brandon. And we've been talking for a few weeks,
Speaker 1: and it was kind of awkward because he had told
Speaker 1: Kate a lot about his ex girlfriend and he had
Speaker 1: been with this girl for four years and basically she
Speaker 1: kind of she dumped him over Facebook. Over Facebook, yep.
Speaker 1: I mean they were pretty young at the time, so
Speaker 1: there are girls out there that are obviously really mean
Speaker 1: to boys as well. Yeah, so she led him on
Speaker 1: for a few months that you know, maybe she'd want
Speaker 1: to get back with him, and then she invited him
Speaker 1: to her house and to tell him that she had
Speaker 1: a new boyfriend. So but this was while she was
Speaker 1: like kind of dating him again. Well I'm not really.
Speaker 1: They've kind of been talking on and off anyway, and
Speaker 1: he backed that up by telling her that he was engaged.
Speaker 1: I told him that I don't think she ever would
Speaker 1: have believed that. Well, the best bit was this got
Speaker 1: really crazy. So when Brandon and I were working together,
Speaker 1: we had to go down to the airport and there
Speaker 1: were some Thunderbirds international players that were arriving in Adelaide
Speaker 1: was like eight o'clock at night, so we had to
Speaker 1: film them arriving and interview them. And the funniest thing
Speaker 1: has happened. We're standing at the international gate and all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, Brandon's ex girlfriend is getting off a
Speaker 1: flight from Europe, and Brandon's like oh my god. And
Speaker 1: at the same time, obviously, these two Thunderbirds players are
Speaker 1: walking off, so Brandon's trying to film and the ex
Speaker 1: girlfriend walks straight up and tries to hug him, and
Speaker 1: I was like, keep bolming, keep helming. So he has
Speaker 1: to shrug this girl off and she's probably thinking, oh,
Speaker 1: he's come to see me, like maybe he wants to
Speaker 1: get back with me. And then the funniest thing was
Speaker 1: he then had to go talk because her parents are there,
Speaker 1: go talk to them, and then he came back over
Speaker 1: to me and my friend Adam, and as he's walking up,
Speaker 1: he puts his arm around my shoulder and goes, just
Speaker 1: don't do anything, keep walking. So he told them that
Speaker 1: I was his fiance. And it's so funny because we've
Speaker 1: got this like love hate brother sister relationship where like
Speaker 1: we don't touch it obviously at all, like we just
Speaker 1: don't want it to be near each other. And I
Speaker 1: was like, get off me, and it was just it
Speaker 1: was just like a TV show, like you couldn't even
Speaker 1: come up with this shit. Well that night, we'd only
Speaker 1: been talking at this stage, and he messages me to say,
Speaker 1: you're my fiance now. So we've had we had this
Speaker 1: on running joke that I was the girl, even though
Speaker 1: it was Kate who he'd been now like engaged to whatever,
Speaker 1: So if he already was a bit full on at
Speaker 1: that stage when we started speaking and anyway, he told
Speaker 1: me he was over in Bali, and I thought, oh,
Speaker 1: he's in Bali, you probably won't speak to me much.
Speaker 1: Spoke to me twenty four to seven and he told
Speaker 1: me that he had three tiers of dates that he
Speaker 1: takes girls on. And it's pretty funny because we went
Speaker 1: to read these messages back on our anniversary and we
Speaker 1: were just both like cringing, So you have to scroll
Speaker 1: pack a fuck Fairwell, I was gonna say, I remember
Speaker 1: after like when you guys have been dating for a while,
Speaker 1: going out for a while. Literally his date was just
Speaker 1: like sitting and eating food in this room. Tears food,
Speaker 1: he did, What food is that? He did say there
Speaker 1: were three level levels of dates. I had to go
Speaker 1: back to find them. He said, one was chilled. Then
Speaker 1: that's that is that like Netflix and chill? He said,
Speaker 1: Shield is like your average movie night, not bad? Is
Speaker 1: that what you do every minut And his second one
Speaker 1: is kind of like a dessert night and a nice
Speaker 1: walk and whatnot, and then the other what not so
Speaker 1: brand and the other one is the extravagant one that
Speaker 1: you have to see to believe. So did you go extravagant?
Speaker 1: Was other time you did the extravagant day? And are you?
Speaker 1: Am I boring everyone shitless? So am I continuing on this?
Speaker 1: I think people want to hear what the extravagant date
Speaker 1: was or should we tell it? From our point of view? Yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe we should so. From Kate and my perspective, it
Speaker 1: was all a bit of fun, wasn't it, because we
Speaker 1: knew Brandon before and we just thought it was hilarious
Speaker 1: that they're actually going on a date together. The best
Speaker 1: bit was at our house that we were living at
Speaker 1: at the time. It was like, this really fancy house.
Speaker 1: I have missed that so much, and it had one
Speaker 1: of those cameras out the front where you could see
Speaker 1: the person waiting at the door when they rang the doorbell.
Speaker 1: So Amy and I like sprinted over and we could
Speaker 1: and I've actually got it on my snapchat. We filmed
Speaker 1: Brandon at the door and then he was like, We're like, hello,
Speaker 1: come in, brother, And it's so funny because our house
Speaker 1: I look back at that snapchat was an absolute tip, Like
Speaker 1: how embarrassing. Anyway, poor Brandon's come in and you know,
Speaker 1: Sophie and him have gone off, and we were, like,
Speaker 1: being immature as we were, we were like, oh, I
Speaker 1: want to find out like what they're doing, where they're going.
Speaker 1: So they started snapchatting us like a few little clues
Speaker 1: here and there. Anyway, so if you can tell us
Speaker 1: what actually happened, and then we'll follow up what happened
Speaker 1: with us. It was pretty cute because apparently he'd taken
Speaker 1: his mom and dad and sister to scope out some
Speaker 1: of the locations and I think, is that just blows
Speaker 1: my mind? And then his mom and sister had a
Speaker 1: bit of a hand in helping him organize food anyway,
Speaker 1: so they cut up a bunch of fruit. Yeah. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I arrived in the car, and what's funny now is
Speaker 1: his car is an absolute shit tip, Like nowadays, I
Speaker 1: can't even get my I have to put my feet
Speaker 1: on like bottles and fucking rubbish. Anyway, his car was
Speaker 1: immaculately clean. I hopped in the car and he handed
Speaker 1: me a golf ball and said, oh, you've got a
Speaker 1: guess where we're going. Oh, minigolf anyway, So he took
Speaker 1: me to mini golf, which ended up being closed, so
Speaker 1: he had to think quickly. He didn't think about that
Speaker 1: one through. He had to think quickly on his feet,
Speaker 1: so he went to mini golf at glenelg We then
Speaker 1: went for a little beach stroll and he had come
Speaker 1: up with some questions to ask one another, like anyway,
Speaker 1: and he came up with questions and whipped them out. Wow,
Speaker 1: then it's like a love island. Then he asked me
Speaker 1: if I wanted to get ice cream down at Glenell,
Speaker 1: but we hadn't had dinner yet, so I'm like, I
Speaker 1: felt bad. I didn't want to spending all his money
Speaker 1: and I was like, no, no, that's fine. Anyway, Then
Speaker 1: we drive back. He heard that margarita pizza was my
Speaker 1: favorite food. We're going to picked up Margharita pizza. Can
Speaker 1: I just add I loved it. He had asked Kate
Speaker 1: what your favorite food was and it was pizza in
Speaker 1: the teller. Oh, I forgot about that anyway. So then
Speaker 1: he drives up to this lookout area near his house
Speaker 1: and and he opened the back of his ute and
Speaker 1: he'd set up all these like pillows and blankets and
Speaker 1: chairs and like a little like kind of his laptop
Speaker 1: with movies on it. And then later and then he
Speaker 1: had an eski full of Natella which he bought a
Speaker 1: spoon because because there's a joke that I just eat
Speaker 1: Natella like a peg with a spoon. You do anyway,
Speaker 1: And yeah, so that was pretty much the really cute
Speaker 1: date he took me on and he won me over
Speaker 1: with that. It gets more interesting. So we found out
Speaker 1: about said date and we've got a we've been sent
Speaker 1: a snapchat of the location. So Amy and my two cousins,
Speaker 1: my adult cousins, who are what six foot five and two,
Speaker 1: we decided that we were going to go see if
Speaker 1: we could do a drive by. And we also got
Speaker 1: my friend Adam, who's like six foot five in the car.
Speaker 1: So we're in Little Master two. Just to put it
Speaker 1: in perspective, Adam is a father of three and has
Speaker 1: a wife and he skipped out on well he said
Speaker 1: his wife, he said, Joe was asleep, so he'll come
Speaker 1: and join us. So we picked him up. Anyway, the
Speaker 1: cars absolutely packed the brims and our cousin and was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I know where that is anyway, So like, it was
Speaker 1: bloody miles away and we found them and so we
Speaker 1: were like, oh fuck, Like you know that moment, we
Speaker 1: were like, oh god, if they see us, they're going
Speaker 1: to get so mad. So we yelled out something, can't
Speaker 1: even remember what. Then we drove off and but we
Speaker 1: snapped a photo. Anyway, they had no idea that we
Speaker 1: were there, and it only came out later that we'd
Speaker 1: been there. And it's just this on running joke. So
Speaker 1: to pay me back, I went on a date and
Speaker 1: they bloody all turned up and scoped out the restaurant
Speaker 1: until I walked out. It was so embarrassing. Oh I
Speaker 1: remember that down at Henley b Yeah, it was so good.
Speaker 1: And we got this amazing snapchat of you exiting the
Speaker 1: date and everyone was laughing in the background. I don't
Speaker 1: even think you saw us though. The worst bit was
Speaker 1: I knew you'd do something like that. But you know,
Speaker 1: when you're late, you can feel like you're being watched,
Speaker 1: but you don't know where you are, sorry, where they are.
Speaker 1: We're talking about different levels of dates. I think we've
Speaker 1: all had dates that haven't gone too well. Kate, do
Speaker 1: you have well, okay, I know you have a few
Speaker 1: stories about those. Well, I've been a mug that thought,
Speaker 1: you know, it's nice to put her on dinners. Actually
Speaker 1: I've got two. There was one guy that I invited
Speaker 1: over for dinner, and you guys actually helped like clean
Speaker 1: up the Christmas like we didn't have. It was I
Speaker 1: think it was like February and the Christmas tree was
Speaker 1: still up, both Christmas trees, but we had two Christmas trees. Anyway,
Speaker 1: So Amy and Sophie Conney, when I was at work,
Speaker 1: packed with the Christmas decorations, cleaned the whole house, made spaghetti,
Speaker 1: you know, really put an effort in and we and
Speaker 1: so when I exited the house. Yeah, so they were
Speaker 1: over at Mum and Dad, so everyone knew that this
Speaker 1: dinner day was going on. The guy rocks up eats
Speaker 1: and then told me he had he rocked up late
Speaker 1: as well. Yeah, ropped up late, told me he had
Speaker 1: a movie on. So stayed for I think it was
Speaker 1: like forty five minutes, and then left and didn't even
Speaker 1: invite me to the movie that he was seeing with
Speaker 1: people that I knew. It is so rude. It was
Speaker 1: so rude. And then another one was there was another
Speaker 1: guy and this was more perplexing because he taken me
Speaker 1: out on all these like quite decent dates to nice
Speaker 1: restaurants and movies and paid for the bill and all that.
Speaker 1: So I was like, oh, well, I'm gonna show that,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm putting in an effort and I'll make
Speaker 1: him dinner. So and isn't that what every guy wants? Yeah?
Speaker 1: So yeah, Amy, And so if you've got you know,
Speaker 1: we're gonna leave the house. And they actually we went shopping,
Speaker 1: and I always get a bit embarrassed planning things, so
Speaker 1: like I felt awkward, you know, picking out the food. Anyway,
Speaker 1: the day of the date comes and I messaged him saying, oh,
Speaker 1: so what time are you coming? Oh? Sorry, I've got
Speaker 1: something on and I was just like I remember walking
Speaker 1: down and I was like, fuck, like this is bullshit.
Speaker 1: Like I was more like I didn't really care. It
Speaker 1: was just more that I was embarrassed. That's right. It
Speaker 1: is embarrassing when you've told all your family or friends
Speaker 1: about this person and you do feel like such a mug.
Speaker 1: I think that's half the reason why you do do
Speaker 1: the You know, when you're not getting as many messages back,
Speaker 1: that's when you do start like it's you've got a
Speaker 1: bit of pressure on you because people know about it.
Speaker 1: So you're like, oh, I'm sure there's some sort of
Speaker 1: misunderstanding why they're not replying. It's not because they're not interested. Well,
Speaker 1: back to first dates, who do you guys think should pay? Like,
Speaker 1: do you think you should split the bill or do
Speaker 1: you think the guy should pay or do you think
Speaker 1: initiated the date should pay. I'm like, we're obviously all feminists,
Speaker 1: but I think there is something kind of romantic still
Speaker 1: about a man offering to pay for you. At the
Speaker 1: same time, I feel like you should, as a woman,
Speaker 1: offer to pay half. But there should be one offer
Speaker 1: to pay half, and that should be shot down. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think, I mean it does, as you said, depend
Speaker 1: who initiated the date. But you know, I think just
Speaker 1: you know said that chivalry is still alive. I think
Speaker 1: the guy should say no, I'll get it. The girl
Speaker 1: should say oh no, are you sure, and then they
Speaker 1: go yeah, And then I think it's fair that in
Speaker 1: a second or third date you should pay for something. Well,
Speaker 1: even if you go to the movies, if he pays,
Speaker 1: then you pay for the popcorn or drinks or something.
Speaker 1: When you're actually in a serious relationship. I think that's
Speaker 1: totally different. I think that, you know, for me, I
Speaker 1: like to be equal in my relationships, and I don't
Speaker 1: expect rees to buy all my dinners and stuff like
Speaker 1: that would just be ridiculous. Yeah, that's the thing. It's
Speaker 1: the start of a relationship when someone's trying to woo
Speaker 1: you and win you over. What about when a girl
Speaker 1: might earn more than a boy, Do you think that
Speaker 1: it's different then that she should pay. I don't feel
Speaker 1: it's different, but I feel like if you earn a
Speaker 1: lot more money than someone, perhaps don't be suggesting to
Speaker 1: go to like four course meals and you know, maybe
Speaker 1: go somewhere that was not of course, sorry, somewhere that's
Speaker 1: like within their budget. I think it definitely depends on
Speaker 1: the lifestyle people are used to. So I think if
Speaker 1: you're like loaded and your partner's not, I think that
Speaker 1: you should sort of let them dictate the dates as well.
Speaker 1: And then if you want to do something particularly nice
Speaker 1: and you're the one earning more than I think it
Speaker 1: would be okay to pay pay the way for that date.
Speaker 1: Do you know what, though, when I think of first dates,
Speaker 1: it just takes me back to you know, being in
Speaker 1: your early twenties and going on like those cringe coffee
Speaker 1: dates cheatoyah, And I remember going out. I went on
Speaker 1: a few dates with this prison guard of all occupations,
Speaker 1: and the date didn't cont you know, so we went
Speaker 1: for a coffee date. We then went to the movies,
Speaker 1: and then it went back to the coffee date. What yeah,
Speaker 1: you went back to coffee. No, I'm saying like the
Speaker 1: first day was didn't progress And yeah, it didn't progress
Speaker 1: at all. Yeah, And you know when you're kind of like, oh,
Speaker 1: I feel like this is a first date situation where
Speaker 1: you get to know someone and know if you want
Speaker 1: to spend any more money or have you ever heard
Speaker 1: of those people who they'll do so many elaborate dates,
Speaker 1: And I think it's because they've got nothing to talk
Speaker 1: about that they needed to be doing something. I think
Speaker 1: if you can have coffee or multiple dinners with somebody
Speaker 1: and you've got heaps to talk about, I think that's
Speaker 1: a good sign that this relationship is going somewhere. Yeah. Well,
Speaker 1: one of the points I came across for someone not
Speaker 1: being into you was someone not making an effort. I
Speaker 1: suppose that comes into dates as well. And I remember
Speaker 1: you were particularly pulled off Amy when I think it
Speaker 1: was a second or third date and the guy rocked
Speaker 1: up to your house in great tracks with pants my
Speaker 1: most hated of tracks of pants. Yes, this particular person
Speaker 1: also didn't like chocolate. They like cheese better, so I'd
Speaker 1: put on a cheese board and they rocked up in
Speaker 1: track pants. So I wasn't very impressed. I don't think
Speaker 1: there was a third date after that. I think even
Speaker 1: if you're like, it's nice for people to feel comfortable
Speaker 1: around you, but I don't really think you should be
Speaker 1: rocking up to someone's house in tracksuit pants. Date three, Well,
Speaker 1: that's a good question. What are some deal breakers for everyone? Well,
Speaker 1: you know, from past relationship, it seems like I didn't
Speaker 1: really have any. But you know, now that I've got
Speaker 1: a bit more respect for myself, cheating would get a
Speaker 1: deal breaker. Well, I got broken up with because one
Speaker 1: guy's deal breaker was it he liked to argue in
Speaker 1: a relationship. So I don't even going out with you
Speaker 1: have been good at that. Yeah, I know he should
Speaker 1: have waited to get to know me. I've only been
Speaker 1: going out for three weeks, and like we caught up
Speaker 1: most nights during those three weeks, he was pretty flown.
Speaker 1: And how many texts was moment? Like three thousand text
Speaker 1: messages or something or something crazy anyway, or what period
Speaker 1: for three weeks? Three weeks? Anyway, I don't think it
Speaker 1: was that many, but it was a fair few. And anyway,
Speaker 1: so he told me that his mum was ten years
Speaker 1: older than his dad and that, you know, I got
Speaker 1: the vibe that he likes a woman to tell him
Speaker 1: what to do. And anyway, I was heading over to
Speaker 1: his house for dinner and to watch a movie, but
Speaker 1: I thought I felt like something was up, Like you know,
Speaker 1: when you met the person isn't messaging back as much. Yeah, anyway,
Speaker 1: I get there, and you know, when you've got the
Speaker 1: vibe that someone doesn't even want you there he was
Speaker 1: hanging up his washing on the line, and yeah. So
Speaker 1: then he just stands at the kitchen bench while I'm
Speaker 1: sitting on the table and tells me, oh, you're sorry,
Speaker 1: Oh sorry, I was sitting on the lounge. Anyway. He
Speaker 1: starts a conversation by telling me after three weeks that
Speaker 1: he can't see himself marrying me and that I'm not
Speaker 1: argumentative and he loves to have a fiery relationship where
Speaker 1: he argues with his girlfriend, and I mean, I thought, well,
Speaker 1: I don't really have much to argue with you about.
Speaker 1: But then it turned out that his ex girlfriend also
Speaker 1: worked in the newsroom. We were out at that time,
Speaker 1: and she was a very fiery character and told him
Speaker 1: to break up with me, so that there was a
Speaker 1: bit more to that story. But maybe he was trying
Speaker 1: to like initiate a fight and seeing your reaction, like
Speaker 1: if you'd been like, fuck you, I wonder stay with me,
Speaker 1: I tell brand in that story. Now he's like, God,
Speaker 1: he should have got to know you a bit longer.
Speaker 1: I know. That's the funny thing when Savi, because I
Speaker 1: was in Melbourne at the time. I'm dealing in my
Speaker 1: own drama, and when Sabby reign, I was like, did
Speaker 1: you even know you? It's quite funny. It's funny now
Speaker 1: to laugh. It wasn't funny at the time. Well, it
Speaker 1: is interesting the vibes that you can actually be putting
Speaker 1: across that you don't realize. Because when I started going
Speaker 1: out with Dale, he actually thought I think it's called nagging.
Speaker 1: That's what he told me. It's where you it's where
Speaker 1: you give like you don't really give that person very much,
Speaker 1: and it's like sort of it's kind of like you
Speaker 1: ghost them a bit, but it makes you, you know,
Speaker 1: treat me and keep him keen. Remember Amy going on
Speaker 1: a first date with Dale and Kate had Dale as
Speaker 1: if you had gotten Kate had left, what did you
Speaker 1: You were on a date with someone else, And I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, yeah, Amy's going in a day. I've
Speaker 1: got the house myself. I invited Brandon over and we're
Speaker 1: going to make dinner. Anyway, you you lost it because
Speaker 1: you didn't want us to like see you leaving for
Speaker 1: your first date and like the clothes that you picked out,
Speaker 1: like you were very get So if he's such a bitch,
Speaker 1: look just I don't know what. Everyone has been in
Speaker 1: each other's business the whole. But to be fair, that
Speaker 1: happened with me. I had to go down on a
Speaker 1: date and I was like, yeah, that's so mean. The
Speaker 1: reaction every was like, oh, where are you galleying? You're
Speaker 1: such a because you rocked up on my first day. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know. Anyway, moving on, This wasn't on the first date,
Speaker 1: but we've had a few dates and I remember we
Speaker 1: went to play mini golf and he felt like the
Speaker 1: hot spot in that later a bit of me, and
Speaker 1: he just assumed that we were hanging out for dinner,
Speaker 1: but I had plans with you guys and my cousins,
Speaker 1: and he thought that was me trying to blow him
Speaker 1: off and pulled him around and it was so awkward. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I didn't know what to do anyway. To be honest,
Speaker 1: you are quite hard to read sometimes. Well, I think
Speaker 1: it made him really like me. So girls, there's a
Speaker 1: tip out there. Act a bit cold. But the thing
Speaker 1: is he sort of kind of he'd been messaging me
Speaker 1: a lot, and then he kind of on the messaging,
Speaker 1: so I was like, oh shit. So I messaged him
Speaker 1: and asked if he wanted to catch up because it
Speaker 1: was his birthday. And I remember, Kate, you were like,
Speaker 1: for fuck, stake, Amy, don't let this slip out of
Speaker 1: your hands. You need to do a nice gesture. So
Speaker 1: I ended up making him this enormous chocolate cake, and
Speaker 1: I got him a little present. I got him a
Speaker 1: sushi maker, so we made sushi at his house, and
Speaker 1: I think that's when he realized that he really really
Speaker 1: liked me. And that's when I got an invite to
Speaker 1: his friend's birthday. So I feel like, I feel like
Speaker 1: you need to sort of be cool but then not
Speaker 1: too cool that they just don't. Yeah, you've got to
Speaker 1: You've got to be willing to put your feelings on
Speaker 1: the line and make yet I feel like, it's not
Speaker 1: like you have to be like I really like you.
Speaker 1: You just have to do a probably gesture. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: just have to do some gestures which show you actually care. Well.
Speaker 1: We should probably also talk about a few red flags,
Speaker 1: because in my first relationship there were some massive red
Speaker 1: flags that I didn't really take much notice of. The
Speaker 1: first was probably my ex boyfriend's twenty first birthday, and
Speaker 1: that was a memorable night that is still being spoken
Speaker 1: about to this very day. I've got vision of it
Speaker 1: if you would go off on YouTube, if I could
Speaker 1: be bothered to upload it. Now. What should have been
Speaker 1: the first red flag for me? He was wearing a
Speaker 1: top hat with a monocle and had arranged to be
Speaker 1: riding in a horse and cart with his friends. What
Speaker 1: is his wedding when he didn't ask me to be
Speaker 1: in the horse and cart with his friends? First red flag?
Speaker 1: The second would be that he invited girls that he
Speaker 1: had been with previously to the party. Second red flag.
Speaker 1: The third red flag was that he got increasingly drunk
Speaker 1: throughout the night, where he couldn't really even hold a sentence,
Speaker 1: and this was the first time my parents were meeting
Speaker 1: his parents. It then got increasingly worse. So it came
Speaker 1: to the twenty first speeches, and I had a little
Speaker 1: feeling that they weren't going to be so great. He
Speaker 1: was worried that his friends were going to tell some
Speaker 1: embarrassing stories. So you know, there's like a ding ding ding,
Speaker 1: like the speeches are on, and they wheel his grandmother
Speaker 1: up in a wheelchair, so she's nice and close to
Speaker 1: hear the speeches, right near the speaker, that's right. So
Speaker 1: they unfolded by the friends revealing his nickname was Anaconda.
Speaker 1: Another new nickname. I hadn't heard of. Wood's fish fingers.
Speaker 1: We can all use our agitation there. They then proceeded
Speaker 1: to point out girls in the crowd that he slept
Speaker 1: we had the wheel one revealed that he had sex
Speaker 1: in a rubbish bit, revealed that he had slept with
Speaker 1: two girls whilst we were dating at the time. That
Speaker 1: was a fun one to find out as well in
Speaker 1: front of your parents. And then they also said that
Speaker 1: he really has a thing for girls called Sophie because
Speaker 1: he used to date another girl called Sophie to individual,
Speaker 1: you know, point you out in the crowd too. And
Speaker 1: the evening ended with our mother being called a milk
Speaker 1: and me having to take him home with his own
Speaker 1: mother and to lie him down on his single bed
Speaker 1: and undress him from his tuxedo. I think you should
Speaker 1: clear it up that your ex boyfriend didn't call mother milf,
Speaker 1: just his friends did. Oh yes, I had to explain
Speaker 1: to mum what a milk meant. I think she was
Speaker 1: secretly wrapped. And to top it off, this twenty first
Speaker 1: birth that cost his family ten thousand dollars. He was serious. Yeah, alcohol,
Speaker 1: he'd drank, but anyone in earth. So it was. It
Speaker 1: was a memorable night, and the worst thing was me
Speaker 1: being a nice girlfriend and a mug. I felt really
Speaker 1: sorry for him instead of being angry, and I went
Speaker 1: home the next day and wrote a twenty first speech
Speaker 1: about all the lovely things he had achieved and how
Speaker 1: lovely he was. Wow. Yeah, well, I've got mug written
Speaker 1: across my face because I've got another red flag that
Speaker 1: I wanted to bring up, which is your boyfriend. Sorry,
Speaker 1: the guy that you're dating treating his mum like shit.
Speaker 1: So the guy that I was with, his mum was
Speaker 1: lovely and she basically did everything for him. And you know,
Speaker 1: he was I think like twenty eight at the time,
Speaker 1: and I'd moved across to Melbourne to live with him,
Speaker 1: and we used to go to his family's house about
Speaker 1: once every Sunday or you know, every weekend for dinner.
Speaker 1: He would get there and act like a child and
Speaker 1: sit on the couch or his mum fussed over him.
Speaker 1: Isn't that so unattractive when people get at clay children
Speaker 1: in front of them. Oh, and it was like she
Speaker 1: got so I found this funny. So she would pull
Speaker 1: him that she'd make tea and then she would like
Speaker 1: wait to get it to the perfect temperature, like putting
Speaker 1: cold water and you know, just making sure it was light,
Speaker 1: did the tea bag pass it over? And I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm like, I can do my own
Speaker 1: tea anyway. So maybe she did that for your tea.
Speaker 1: She did it for me too, Yeah, And no, he did.
Speaker 1: And I remember one particular night and she, you know,
Speaker 1: slaved over and you know, made the meals that they'd requested,
Speaker 1: and she was working, starting on the dishes, which no
Speaker 1: one helped it with and except me, I think I offered.
Speaker 1: And then they're watching some crap on TV and you know,
Speaker 1: the mom's knocking the pants around. They go, would you
Speaker 1: shut up? And I was like, oh my god. And
Speaker 1: then there was always in this other instance where we
Speaker 1: were going to Noosa and and his mom had to
Speaker 1: come over and help him pack and she was like,
Speaker 1: He's like, oh, have I got everything I need? You?
Speaker 1: You've got your stockies, you've got your ducks, you've got
Speaker 1: your this, you got you this. And I'm like, what
Speaker 1: the fuck do you know what? I feel like some
Speaker 1: moms do such a disservice to their sons because you
Speaker 1: might think that that's really nice for them to have
Speaker 1: done that when they're growing up, but it ruins them
Speaker 1: for when they're in a relationship. Like I must say,
Speaker 1: I think Dale had to do a lot for himself
Speaker 1: growing up. His mum was obviously lovely, but she taught
Speaker 1: him how to do things for himself, and he's so
Speaker 1: good about, you know, ironing and cooking. It's those guys
Speaker 1: that you don't want to end up with, the ones
Speaker 1: that their mom's done everything. I think It's also their
Speaker 1: dads too, because Reese's dad is like a maze and
Speaker 1: his mum. He's both got beautiful parents. And his dad
Speaker 1: does a lot of the cooking because he loves it,
Speaker 1: and I like, Reese's picked up on that and is
Speaker 1: so good around the house. So it does, it does
Speaker 1: make a difference. My ex boyfriends mum would iron things
Speaker 1: perfectly when we went overseas. She literally ironed every bit
Speaker 1: of clothing and somehow folded it up in a way
Speaker 1: so that it stayed like no perfect iron. His underpins, yea,
Speaker 1: his jobs tee towels, white ones. So do you know
Speaker 1: what just reminded me of? You know, we're talking about
Speaker 1: mothers and their sons. Remember Amy Schumer stand up bit
Speaker 1: and she's like, you get those mothers that are like
Speaker 1: two over the top and they're like, oh, I wanted
Speaker 1: to fuck my own son. I don't know if they
Speaker 1: those mums were that kind of mum, but no, you
Speaker 1: definitely hear about them, the ones with the new girlfriend's
Speaker 1: never good enough. Well, theory I've heard is that it
Speaker 1: ends up that you actually want your son to date
Speaker 1: someone like you that has the same sort of qualities
Speaker 1: as you. Moving on to another red flag. This one
Speaker 1: emerged you know again in this past hideous relationship. Boys
Speaker 1: then compliment girls in front of you. So I was
Speaker 1: out at the SB having dinner and my boyfriend at
Speaker 1: the time decided to tell me that the bartender behind
Speaker 1: the bar was a eleven out of ten? How would
Speaker 1: anyone think that that was accepted? But then proceeded in
Speaker 1: front of our work colleagues to give me a four
Speaker 1: and a half out of ten? What like this was prior?
Speaker 1: Like this was all you know, where the half come from?
Speaker 1: It was the same individual. I have to tell this
Speaker 1: story because it's actually hilarious. I remember, I don't know
Speaker 1: how this came about. But so when Kate was going
Speaker 1: out with this person, this guy actually lived at his workplace,
Speaker 1: so they had a bedroom for him to stay in.
Speaker 1: And when he left to go to Melbourne that some
Speaker 1: of the staff got left to sort of pack up
Speaker 1: his room and they discovered a polaroid that they I
Speaker 1: had it, not that it was given to me, but
Speaker 1: it was amongst some stuff that I had been given,
Speaker 1: like this book of alls, and it kind of like
Speaker 1: fell out of the pages. And let's just say this
Speaker 1: polaroid was a picture of him with his dick in
Speaker 1: his hand. Well that's real vintage though, like you know,
Speaker 1: that's before mobile phones. Well, the most hilarious thing was
Speaker 1: is that when Kate was moving out of recently, like
Speaker 1: we've been broken up what like three and a half years.
Speaker 1: So Kate had been nice and kept this box of
Speaker 1: his stuff and I don't think he'd ever had that
Speaker 1: thing where you handed stuff back because he's still in Melbourne.
Speaker 1: And so I remember Kate was moving out recently and
Speaker 1: we found the box and the Polaroid was still in there,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh my god. And I remember,
Speaker 1: just because that's a bit of a shitster, I stuck
Speaker 1: it on the fridge and I had this hilarious magnet
Speaker 1: that I got on holiday that's of a nice cream cone,
Speaker 1: and I put it over his private part and I
Speaker 1: remember I said to I literally just put it up
Speaker 1: to see if Kate noticed that it was on the fridge.
Speaker 1: And then I said to her cousin, Oh, could you
Speaker 1: go even pick up that magnet for me? And he
Speaker 1: was like, aha, yeah, the said polaroid has now been
Speaker 1: destroyed and thrown out all the rest of his crap
Speaker 1: that I held onto, But I never I never received
Speaker 1: my beautiful bedspread back, and I'm still pissed off about that.
Speaker 1: Do you sometimes think when people do that whole breakup
Speaker 1: thing and they hand stuff back, do you think sometimes
Speaker 1: it's psychological warfare what people put in the box. I
Speaker 1: was definitely a big fuck you. I've actually never been
Speaker 1: given anything back that I gave anyone. I actually sold
Speaker 1: a necklace on marketplace is a future necklace that I got,
Speaker 1: which was very out of charage to let me say,
Speaker 1: because as I said, he forgot my birthday several times
Speaker 1: or didn't give me a gift. Do you know what's hilarious?
Speaker 1: Because my boyfriend's been engaged before, and when he moved
Speaker 1: in with me, he came with all this beautiful, like
Speaker 1: beautiful pots and pans and stuff, and I was like,
Speaker 1: what are they ease from? And he's like, from our
Speaker 1: engagement party, but we never used them. I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's all right. My ex boyfriend gave me nothing of
Speaker 1: worth the cell. I remember one Christmas, he's like, oh,
Speaker 1: you will not believe what mum's got you. You won't
Speaker 1: believe it. I've been hearing about it. Leave it. I
Speaker 1: opened up this small little package and it's this chicken
Speaker 1: do you have? Can you put it on the story
Speaker 1: And the only thing that was kind of cute about
Speaker 1: it was that his mum collected them, so she wanted
Speaker 1: me to start my own collection. But why would he
Speaker 1: find that so interesting? I have no maybe sentimental. I
Speaker 1: got a great Christmas present from said dickhead ex boyfriend.
Speaker 1: It was so thoughtful. He handed over a bag which
Speaker 1: had a car. It was I think I had a
Speaker 1: some wrapping paper in a card that was meant to
Speaker 1: do with a bracelet his mum had bought me and
Speaker 1: he didn't even wrap it in the paper. The car
Speaker 1: that they're being provided that's currently on sale a marketplace too,
Speaker 1: if anyone wants really. Yeah, yeah, had a few my
Speaker 1: ex boyfriend the last birthday we celebrated together and then
Speaker 1: he dumped me, like about a week and a half later.
Speaker 1: He bought you That was after your holiday in Thailand. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was after my birthday anyway. He bought you guys
Speaker 1: a waffle machine which he wrapped, and then he bought
Speaker 1: me to teacups which were not wrapped, and a very
Speaker 1: cold card with a cown talking about funny things boys?
Speaker 1: Do I remember? Dale had me over to his house
Speaker 1: and I think he's meant to be impressing me by
Speaker 1: cooking me dinner, which was very sweet. And I remember
Speaker 1: he made sort of handmade pizzas. They were on a
Speaker 1: a bot pizza. You know, he did make it. He
Speaker 1: made the own topping, that's right. And it was so
Speaker 1: hilarious because he's like, no, no, I'll sit and make
Speaker 1: the stuff. And he had me watching him. And first
Speaker 1: thing he did, he cracked an egg onto the peach
Speaker 1: is to cook and I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: what on the tomato? Yeah, like like that was the
Speaker 1: last thing. He cracked the egg over it because he
Speaker 1: really loves egg. Now. She was quite yummy. And then
Speaker 1: it's Whenny he brought the pizzas out and he just
Speaker 1: got these scissors and just starts cutting the pizzas up
Speaker 1: as if it was so normals. Yeah, with kitchen scissors.
Speaker 1: And I was like, this is so funny. This is
Speaker 1: like Bachelor Pad style living. Wow. God, I think we
Speaker 1: could go on all afternoon. Geez. I feel so bad
Speaker 1: because there's someone that wrote in to say that they
Speaker 1: a mal teaser every time we mentioned our boyfriends, So
Speaker 1: I'm sorry you would have gone through about twenty packets.
Speaker 1: They are good among teasers. We're just giving them what
Speaker 1: they want. Yeah, yeah, well yeah, if you have enjoyed
Speaker 1: today's episode, we'd love you to send in some of
Speaker 1: your own dating questions and we probably will do a
Speaker 1: follow up episode of what it's actually like once you've
Speaker 1: secured the boyfriend and then the reality of living with them.
Speaker 1: But also we're contemplating whether we should get our boyfriends
Speaker 1: on the show for their point of view, because we'll
Speaker 1: put a poll up on the Instagram page as to
Speaker 1: whether our boyfriend should appear on the show. There might
Speaker 1: be a lot of rivalry going on to get them on.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say it would also be great if
Speaker 1: people could share some of their dating stories with us,
Speaker 1: and perhaps we could share them anonymously on the show. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and obviously, as you've heard, we're not dating experts, but
Speaker 1: you know, we have had a lot of shoe day,
Speaker 1: So if anyone wants any of our opinion on it
Speaker 1: or how to trick a boy into being in a relationship.
Speaker 1: And if you did enjoy today's episode with mother, if
Speaker 1: you could share on your Insta story, but just tag
Speaker 1: us out Outspoken, Underscore, the under Stork podcast. We're also
Speaker 1: on Facebook by the same name, and we're going to
Speaker 1: be bringing up some funk holes and questions and that
Speaker 1: kind of thing, so you should definitely follow us in there.