1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,200 Speaker 1: I'll bring you down. 2 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:08,200 Speaker 2: Chant to get your tipsy like drink love drunk girls. 3 00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:14,720 Speaker 1: Oh, I'm Amanda and I'm Rumby. 4 00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:16,000 Speaker 3: Welcome to. 5 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:22,200 Speaker 2: Lad. We're in a long distance friendship that started nearly 6 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:24,680 Speaker 2: twenty years ago when we were in high school. 7 00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:30,600 Speaker 3: We'll be talking about all things life, love, family, anything 8 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:32,800 Speaker 3: and everything else under the sun. 9 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:37,560 Speaker 2: Delves deeper with us because in life, you know, Gine 10 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:43,400 Speaker 2: and my Lad. What about online dating for you? Did 11 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:46,239 Speaker 2: you ever you do it? 12 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:47,519 Speaker 1: Did you do online. 13 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:50,320 Speaker 2: Dating for the people on the on the on the podcast? 14 00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:51,120 Speaker 3: Like? Did you? 15 00:00:51,479 --> 00:00:51,559 Speaker 4: So? 16 00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:59,880 Speaker 3: My experience of online dating was trash, trash trash by 17 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:06,720 Speaker 3: Can I say it again? It was trash because, like I, 18 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:10,959 Speaker 3: I didn't do it because I met I was, as 19 00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:12,679 Speaker 3: I said before, I was going out a lot. You 20 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:16,240 Speaker 3: know in the previous episodes, how evolved in our love 21 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:19,240 Speaker 3: lives and career wise. I started initially in my career, 22 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:21,880 Speaker 3: I was going out and I finally met someone. Then 23 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:24,800 Speaker 3: we went into a long term relationship. So then when 24 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:28,440 Speaker 3: we broke up, the dating sphere had changed. You know, 25 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:31,319 Speaker 3: not only was I not so eager to go out 26 00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:35,240 Speaker 3: all the time, but so people online dating more it's 27 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:38,039 Speaker 3: more accepted. I yes, I wasn't as creepy as it 28 00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:41,360 Speaker 3: used to be always made out to be. So you 29 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:44,560 Speaker 3: set up your profile and here you are already an 30 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:52,200 Speaker 3: ather in a predominantly you know, Caucasian society and oh girl, 31 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:56,320 Speaker 3: the racial stereotypes. Do you have a big all these? 32 00:01:56,440 --> 00:02:02,280 Speaker 3: I was just like, this is pre pre bumble, so 33 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:04,600 Speaker 3: I couldn't really like I think we actually do, Like 34 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:07,200 Speaker 3: I don't remember what it was called rs VP or 35 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:11,560 Speaker 3: one of those how many it was there, and it 36 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,919 Speaker 3: was that whereas like you both get to interact, so 37 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:17,840 Speaker 3: you can't control I think I was on there for 38 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:22,520 Speaker 3: like two days and you're like I'm done. Yeah, I can't. Yeah, 39 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:28,440 Speaker 3: And I think for me, it's so important to connect 40 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:31,360 Speaker 3: face to face. And a lot of these guys would 41 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:36,440 Speaker 3: string you along to a lot of times after like 42 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:38,040 Speaker 3: a texting for a little bit, I would be like, 43 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:40,000 Speaker 3: can we need for a coffee or whatever? Because like 44 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:42,560 Speaker 3: I wanted to move it off the phone and more 45 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:45,880 Speaker 3: into it. And sometimes some guys would continue wanting to text. 46 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:49,280 Speaker 3: You start thinking are you actually you know? And this 47 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,279 Speaker 3: was even before the term catfish. 48 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:58,600 Speaker 2: Yes, please explain to people who don't know cat fishing, fishing. 49 00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:01,600 Speaker 3: Is pretty much pretending to be someone online who you 50 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:06,160 Speaker 3: are not, yes, yes, supposing someone else's photos or using 51 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:09,680 Speaker 3: whatever you know. Obviously more girls in or boys in 52 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:13,720 Speaker 3: even so usually use like maybe even photos of a 53 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:18,280 Speaker 3: friend who doesn't know, or talk photos who knows. But 54 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:21,680 Speaker 3: luckily that never happened to me. But I do know 55 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:24,680 Speaker 3: like a few people who've experienced it now and like, 56 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:30,200 Speaker 3: but for me, online dating just didn't. It just always fizzled. 57 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:33,919 Speaker 3: You think he met someone, and then you meet them 58 00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:37,040 Speaker 3: and maybe the data isn't it's fun or so I 59 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:42,000 Speaker 3: really had a bad experience online. I do recommend it, 60 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:44,480 Speaker 3: but I had a bad experience. 61 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,000 Speaker 2: I like actually recommended it. I was just saying it's trash. 62 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,040 Speaker 2: I'm like, sure, I'm inspired. 63 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:52,920 Speaker 3: Experience was rash. 64 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:57,680 Speaker 2: No, I get you, it's fair, I think for me, 65 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:02,680 Speaker 2: and so I have for sure online dating an essay. 66 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:08,560 Speaker 2: I went online dating on Tinder when it was becoming 67 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:13,320 Speaker 2: a thing, and I knew people who had gotten married 68 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:17,120 Speaker 2: or were together by you know, Tinder before it got 69 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:21,800 Speaker 2: really like insane, like dirty, and so I did I 70 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:24,640 Speaker 2: think I went on a date and I got yeah, 71 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,200 Speaker 2: I went on a date. It was like neither here 72 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:30,400 Speaker 2: nor there, And I think essentially the person just wanted 73 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:34,719 Speaker 2: a hook up in essence. Then there was another guy 74 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:37,320 Speaker 2: who was a no show. That happens with online dating, 75 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:39,560 Speaker 2: like someone would be like I'm coming and it's like. 76 00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:42,200 Speaker 1: Don't show. And then I got over different. 77 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:46,520 Speaker 2: It's just not wanting to say no, like people not 78 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:49,560 Speaker 2: wanting to be upfront, right, So yeah, so and then 79 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:50,880 Speaker 2: I was like over. 80 00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:52,520 Speaker 1: It, not going to do it. 81 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:55,679 Speaker 2: And then when I was here, friends came to visit 82 00:04:55,760 --> 00:05:00,520 Speaker 2: last year for summer. We like traveled together and we're 83 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:02,080 Speaker 2: just chatting. They're like the room being you should try 84 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:05,760 Speaker 2: on my dating. You're saying, you know you want companionship. 85 00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:06,719 Speaker 1: Like it's difficult to meet people. 86 00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:09,720 Speaker 2: Obviously English is not the language here, so it becomes 87 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:10,400 Speaker 2: more complex. 88 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:12,920 Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, okay, fine. 89 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:16,360 Speaker 2: So I went online and you do meet trash let 90 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:19,200 Speaker 2: me not, let me not tell no. But people that 91 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:22,400 Speaker 2: you do not, You do meet guys who are just 92 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:26,800 Speaker 2: like inappropriate, like you really just have to you really 93 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:29,200 Speaker 2: need a filter way just like no, the filter, like 94 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:33,120 Speaker 2: you literally need to know how. And now people are 95 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:35,359 Speaker 2: being more blunt about what they're looking for, even on 96 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:39,520 Speaker 2: their profiles, and they have little acronyms about what they're 97 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:40,200 Speaker 2: looking for. 98 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,320 Speaker 1: So I literally put. 99 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:45,279 Speaker 2: On my profile not here for one night stand, like 100 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:47,880 Speaker 2: I think, I put it in my actual profile. 101 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:48,680 Speaker 1: Just to dissuade people. 102 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:52,839 Speaker 2: And yeah, and yes, you do end up chatting with 103 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,920 Speaker 2: some guys. Some guys just chat chat and they get tired. 104 00:05:56,080 --> 00:06:00,920 Speaker 2: Some people don't respond. So I did Bumble and Tinder Bumble. 105 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:02,159 Speaker 1: Was slower, I found. 106 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,839 Speaker 2: I don't think they have as many registered users probably 107 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:05,400 Speaker 2: that's why. 108 00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:08,560 Speaker 1: And then Tinder. I really had no faith in. 109 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:10,960 Speaker 2: Tender honestly, but I actually went on a lot of 110 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:15,440 Speaker 2: dates through Tinder, and I think Tinder is different per region. 111 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:19,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, I know an essay. 112 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:23,000 Speaker 2: I don't think it's as like people are a bit 113 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:27,200 Speaker 2: more ratchet as I hear from that. Yeah, so here, 114 00:06:27,279 --> 00:06:29,880 Speaker 2: I think there's a mix. You'll get the ratchet, you 115 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:32,680 Speaker 2: get the So that's why you have to filter. 116 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:36,000 Speaker 1: And you have to have time. That's the other thing. 117 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:39,680 Speaker 2: Like people think online daddy, we'll connect, we'll click, let's 118 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:41,800 Speaker 2: go boom boom boom. No, you have to give it time. 119 00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:43,360 Speaker 2: You can't be like I'm on it for a week 120 00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:46,520 Speaker 2: and I'm done. So I was on it for like say, 121 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:50,640 Speaker 2: like July August, maybe three months. 122 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:51,800 Speaker 1: I want to say three. 123 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:57,080 Speaker 2: Months, but yeah, and that's how I met my current boyfriend, 124 00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:00,560 Speaker 2: Like it was on Tinder and literally what was great though, 125 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:03,520 Speaker 2: is in our initial conversation he was like I would 126 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:05,560 Speaker 2: like to meet Like he was very upfriend about that, 127 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:09,360 Speaker 2: and he came out to meet me and dates and 128 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:11,720 Speaker 2: he was very like communicative in that you know, I'll like. 129 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:14,080 Speaker 1: To see you again. So that was also great. You know, 130 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:16,200 Speaker 1: I wasn't fighting to be like this guy I want 131 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:19,520 Speaker 1: to meet me or not. So yeah, it's a good sign, 132 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:23,200 Speaker 1: yeah for sure. So all to say, there is hope. 133 00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:25,640 Speaker 2: It might be a lot of waiting, but there is 134 00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:27,960 Speaker 2: hope as well. 135 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:33,600 Speaker 3: They better be because most people are now hiding behind you know, online. Yeah, 136 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:38,240 Speaker 3: so this have to it has to be in your 137 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:40,920 Speaker 3: repertoire of how to meet people, for. 138 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:42,480 Speaker 2: Sure, and you just do it like do it like 139 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:45,720 Speaker 2: a like a hobby, like just doing it like you 140 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:48,960 Speaker 2: know you're when you get home from work or like 141 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,720 Speaker 2: just go on for I don't know how to explain. 142 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:53,960 Speaker 1: And you have to also put time. You have to 143 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:55,280 Speaker 1: put time to chat to people. 144 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:57,680 Speaker 2: There's no lie like you're not gonna know, You're not 145 00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:00,880 Speaker 2: gonna get a sense like you expected to be And. 146 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:03,720 Speaker 3: That's that's true of any sort of dating. For me, 147 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:08,800 Speaker 3: I met my husband in at a club, you knows, 148 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:10,840 Speaker 3: a night out and then you're not explained to meet 149 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:14,600 Speaker 3: someone and then you you know, girl, girl meets boy 150 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:17,280 Speaker 3: and you buy a drink and then exchange numbers and 151 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:18,760 Speaker 3: then that was that. 152 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:19,240 Speaker 2: You know. 153 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:23,400 Speaker 3: But there is obviously that initial phase when you're texting 154 00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:26,200 Speaker 3: and going on your first date and you are that's 155 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:29,200 Speaker 3: in its investment, yes, And you don't know, especially when 156 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,960 Speaker 3: you've been jaded from dating. You don't know if it's 157 00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:36,480 Speaker 3: going to be another fleeing somewhere, you know, after three 158 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:38,280 Speaker 3: months and m and I just be like, oh, I 159 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:41,760 Speaker 3: don't know him anymore. I think it's just gonna you know, 160 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:45,160 Speaker 3: you just never know. And I think it's just about 161 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:50,480 Speaker 3: keeping keep going, keep just keep if that's what you 162 00:08:50,559 --> 00:08:53,320 Speaker 3: want for yourself to meet someone, and that's just the 163 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:54,480 Speaker 3: only way to do it. 164 00:08:54,760 --> 00:09:00,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, And initially there's a lot of stigma, Like I 165 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,439 Speaker 2: realized the stigma had died when my own mother asked 166 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:03,840 Speaker 2: me if I tried online dating. 167 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:07,559 Speaker 3: Yeah, but that's also because of our age. 168 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:12,600 Speaker 2: I think there's a stigma like, oh, you're supposed to 169 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:15,800 Speaker 2: meet someone like in the physical space first, and I 170 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:18,120 Speaker 2: used to have a bit of that for sure. I 171 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:21,040 Speaker 2: think I'm just someone who's like I always try something 172 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:23,120 Speaker 2: until it doesn't work. So that's why I did try 173 00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:25,040 Speaker 2: online dating again. I was like, Okay, I'm in a 174 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:26,920 Speaker 2: different space than we tried. If it doesn't work, whatever, 175 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:30,360 Speaker 2: But there is a stigma around like, oh, you're supposed 176 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:32,839 Speaker 2: to meet me in person. But if you think about, 177 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:36,679 Speaker 2: you know, if you have a job like opportunities, how 178 00:09:36,679 --> 00:09:39,520 Speaker 2: many have you been connected with someone virtually like it 179 00:09:39,559 --> 00:09:42,000 Speaker 2: could be via email, it could be via you know, 180 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:47,720 Speaker 2: social media that is kind of like online networking, or 181 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:50,880 Speaker 2: made a friend from another country via you know what 182 00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:54,600 Speaker 2: I mean. So our society is shaped in that way 183 00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:59,120 Speaker 2: now more so than ever. So you know, I think 184 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:01,719 Speaker 2: there needs to be kind of like a shift around that. 185 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:06,920 Speaker 4: It definitely does, you're right, yeah, but yes, So tell 186 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:11,040 Speaker 4: us a little more about your hamsters, because we're now 187 00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:15,800 Speaker 4: going to go into like intercultural and interracial they ting. 188 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,000 Speaker 1: So tell us a bit about. 189 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:22,360 Speaker 3: So my husband's massle he comes even though it's a 190 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:23,800 Speaker 3: French name, he comes from Germany. 191 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:27,080 Speaker 1: Yes, And. 192 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:35,040 Speaker 3: Then he's like, nope, it's a German So yeah, he's 193 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:38,160 Speaker 3: He's I always say to him, and I've said it 194 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:40,760 Speaker 3: to a few people, like he's my greatest surprise, because 195 00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:43,560 Speaker 3: I never thought that this is the kind of guy 196 00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:46,400 Speaker 3: I would In some ways, it's exactly what I would 197 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,840 Speaker 3: have wanted and exactly what I love. In some ways, 198 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:53,080 Speaker 3: I'm totally surprised. Like obviously English is not his first language, 199 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:57,880 Speaker 3: so it's also learning a completely different culture, separated not 200 00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:01,600 Speaker 3: only separate to Zimbabwean culture, but also separate to Western 201 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:06,360 Speaker 3: culture in the terms of English, British English, what we 202 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:10,880 Speaker 3: relate with, because Germany is also like German is just 203 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:15,319 Speaker 3: its own thing. So it's it's been exciting in that aspect. 204 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:20,560 Speaker 3: Interracial wise, I think I came to terms a long 205 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:25,959 Speaker 3: time ago of how to navigate being in an interracial relationship. Again, 206 00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:31,720 Speaker 3: being in a predominantly Caucasian space, you had to learn 207 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:36,600 Speaker 3: adapt or die in that situation, you know, So I wasn't. 208 00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:39,360 Speaker 3: But I love that when we first met, he never 209 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:43,760 Speaker 3: fetishized me or I mean, maybe he was thinking it like, 210 00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:45,360 Speaker 3: oh I got a girl with a bit of booty. 211 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:51,040 Speaker 3: Maybe he was, he never did said it, yeah, or 212 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:52,840 Speaker 3: you know, of course he says like he loves my 213 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:58,800 Speaker 3: booty now, but yeah, I wasn't. He didn't lead, Yeah exactly. 214 00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:01,439 Speaker 3: I was a normal girl that you thought it was interesting, 215 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:04,840 Speaker 3: it's interested in and asked to go on a date. 216 00:12:05,679 --> 00:12:11,359 Speaker 3: So like that. So I guess I'm very much team intercultural, 217 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:15,960 Speaker 3: team interracial, as long as the communication is good and 218 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:20,400 Speaker 3: expectations are set, and they're set from the beginning. Like 219 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:23,920 Speaker 3: if you know, in your culture, when your parents retire, 220 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:25,960 Speaker 3: they have to come and live with you, for example, 221 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:30,079 Speaker 3: I think that's quite quite common in Asian cultures, especially 222 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:34,439 Speaker 3: like Japanese after the first son. I think, so it's 223 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:37,560 Speaker 3: like things like that. You if you're someone outside of 224 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:40,360 Speaker 3: your culture, you would have to let them know, like 225 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:42,960 Speaker 3: well for bad when they been serious. So I think 226 00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:44,959 Speaker 3: it's like that, Like so for me when I first 227 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,840 Speaker 3: met myself and things are getting serious, and if we 228 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:51,680 Speaker 3: ever went into talking about not necessarily our own wedding, 229 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:55,360 Speaker 3: our own marriage, but marriage in general, I would always 230 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,160 Speaker 3: bring it up. On Zimbabwe, we do lobola and for 231 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:01,400 Speaker 3: people in Lobola, rora is a. 232 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:06,079 Speaker 1: Whole yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the. 233 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:10,480 Speaker 3: Whole day and months before dedicated to planning this day. 234 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:15,680 Speaker 3: The broom's family comes over to the bride's family and 235 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:21,319 Speaker 3: offers a bride price. His bride price predominantly is decided beforehand, 236 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:23,520 Speaker 3: so you kind of know whing you're getting in. But 237 00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:24,800 Speaker 3: there's always a. 238 00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:27,600 Speaker 1: Lot of curveballs, a lot of curs. 239 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:31,720 Speaker 3: Because there's it involves not only your parents, but it's 240 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:35,200 Speaker 3: mainly like your The people who are really vocal on 241 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:39,320 Speaker 3: the day are like your dad's sisters because they're seen 242 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,240 Speaker 3: to be your voice, You're they're the ones you go 243 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:44,679 Speaker 3: to as a woman. And obviously he comes with his 244 00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:51,760 Speaker 3: uncle typically and there's obviously his male his male relations, 245 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:56,760 Speaker 3: and they discuss how to negotiate. And also it's not 246 00:13:56,840 --> 00:14:01,280 Speaker 3: all paid on one day, so you always your bride's family. 247 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:04,960 Speaker 3: As a man, you always have to look out and 248 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,199 Speaker 3: take care of them over the years as the years go. 249 00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:10,040 Speaker 3: So obviously I had to explain all of that to 250 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:12,320 Speaker 3: him because he's Germany, is like, I'm paying for you 251 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:19,120 Speaker 3: and what do you mean? What's this? Yeah? Time also 252 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:23,600 Speaker 3: straddling with some culture. So I do want to have agenting. 253 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:26,120 Speaker 3: I do want to have, if I could, a white wedding, 254 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:29,040 Speaker 3: because that's also what I've grown up thinking, you know, 255 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:36,440 Speaker 3: so I think intercultural, interracial, I do support it, but 256 00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:39,680 Speaker 3: I do think there's certain challenges along the way, yeah, 257 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:41,720 Speaker 3: and the only way to navigate them is to be 258 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:46,280 Speaker 3: open and honesty communication. What about you, what do you think? 259 00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:50,840 Speaker 2: I think we share similar sort of values around that. 260 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:56,160 Speaker 2: I think for me, I think we've ceased to live 261 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,920 Speaker 2: in a world where it's about being from the same 262 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:03,160 Speaker 2: place per se, but sharing the same ideals or sort 263 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:06,880 Speaker 2: of ideas about the world. Because we know there are 264 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:10,560 Speaker 2: children in Zim right now who are exposed to life 265 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:14,720 Speaker 2: in Asia or in Europe, and maybe they really gravitate 266 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:17,560 Speaker 2: to that. And you know, it's about where you feel 267 00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:20,800 Speaker 2: comfortable being yourself. And I think that's the most important thing, 268 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:24,560 Speaker 2: is that in any relationship, you want to be comfortable 269 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,360 Speaker 2: to be who you are one hundred percent. That can 270 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:29,760 Speaker 2: come in the form of a relationship with someone from 271 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:33,320 Speaker 2: your own home background meets you know, or someone from 272 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:34,600 Speaker 2: a completely. 273 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:35,200 Speaker 1: Different part of the world. 274 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:38,960 Speaker 2: And that has been really interesting to see that you 275 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:44,840 Speaker 2: can share commonalities and get along with someone. So my partner, 276 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:49,440 Speaker 2: he is from the Czech Republic, so he's Check is 277 00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:52,360 Speaker 2: the language they speak here, so he's English is a 278 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:59,280 Speaker 2: second language. Fortunately, he's lived in different parts of Europe. 279 00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:02,600 Speaker 2: Where English was a more dominant language. So I think 280 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:05,400 Speaker 2: that's where we connect on that end and being open 281 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:09,720 Speaker 2: minded in that way. But yeah, I'm a fan of it. 282 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:13,000 Speaker 2: I think don't you don't go into it. You can't 283 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:13,760 Speaker 2: go into it. 284 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:19,720 Speaker 1: With rose colored glasses and just it's it's there's. 285 00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:22,960 Speaker 2: A lot of a stigma sometimes surrounding you know, intercultural 286 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:27,880 Speaker 2: interracial dating in terms of what people are seeking in 287 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:32,720 Speaker 2: it and all that. You can't go in it, into 288 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:35,680 Speaker 2: it with you know, believing, oh, it's just gonna be 289 00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:39,440 Speaker 2: fairy tale roses and butterflies. No, and you can't go 290 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:42,400 Speaker 2: into it like without understanding, as a man is said, 291 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:45,640 Speaker 2: like the cultural implications or like this is what we do. 292 00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:48,720 Speaker 2: This that's something you need to be open and honest about. 293 00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:53,120 Speaker 2: So I'm just pro being in a relationship where you 294 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:58,760 Speaker 2: can be one hundred percent yourself to yourself, one hundred 295 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:04,080 Speaker 2: percent like authentic and shared values and find joy and peace. 296 00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:10,560 Speaker 1: Peace, peace, peace, peace, peace being a really key thing 297 00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:11,160 Speaker 1: because in. 298 00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:15,240 Speaker 3: A relationship there's hurdles everywhere. Whether you're from the same culture. 299 00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:20,840 Speaker 3: You could both be Zimbabwean, yes, both be Shanna Karanga 300 00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:26,000 Speaker 3: or Daou you could both that and still struggle through it. 301 00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:32,040 Speaker 3: You could be from the same race, but then you 302 00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:34,680 Speaker 3: are from different countries like a Kenyon and a Zimbabwean 303 00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:37,880 Speaker 3: or you know, and you can still face. So it's 304 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:42,280 Speaker 3: like there's never really a perfect scenario. People always assume 305 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:45,000 Speaker 3: that because you come from the same background, you're gonna 306 00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:50,240 Speaker 3: understand each other automatic case. But sometimes, you know, all 307 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,080 Speaker 3: it takes is just you just have to communicate whichever way, 308 00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:57,040 Speaker 3: whichever backgrounds you have. Of course, you find sometimes to 309 00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:59,040 Speaker 3: speak to someone in your mother's tongue. 310 00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:01,320 Speaker 1: Absolutely never be taken away. 311 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:04,560 Speaker 3: I'm sure it's nice to just but at the same time, 312 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:08,359 Speaker 3: it's not such a hindrance that blocks you from finding 313 00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:10,480 Speaker 3: someone who can really love you for. 314 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:15,080 Speaker 1: You for sure. And I think, yeah, I think, I think, yeah. 315 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:17,600 Speaker 2: You really just want to be like at least for me, 316 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:20,439 Speaker 2: it's like you want to be yourself and want to 317 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:22,360 Speaker 2: feel like someone hears you and you hear the other 318 00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:26,240 Speaker 2: person in the relationship. Bottom line, So however you find 319 00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:29,040 Speaker 2: it like, I think that's great. 320 00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:32,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, what do you think of people fetishizing like biracial 321 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:37,920 Speaker 3: because obviously you are in an interracial relationship. I am too, 322 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:44,320 Speaker 3: like you know, black and white, mixed babies or black 323 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:48,360 Speaker 3: and Asian. You see a way of social media where 324 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:51,000 Speaker 3: it's like, oh, you know, I want to have that 325 00:18:51,119 --> 00:18:54,040 Speaker 3: you know, green eyes and dark skin or whatever it is. 326 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:58,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I think I understand where it comes from. 327 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:02,800 Speaker 2: And I understand that it's stems from, you know, colonization 328 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:07,240 Speaker 2: really and the idea that white is right and black 329 00:19:07,359 --> 00:19:12,280 Speaker 2: is bad, to put it bluntly, So it's these. 330 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:14,000 Speaker 1: Ideals that have been ingrained in US. 331 00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:16,879 Speaker 2: So the fairer you are, the better you're looking you are, 332 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:18,160 Speaker 2: and you know us. 333 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:20,680 Speaker 1: Growing up in Zoom, we've been talking about. 334 00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:23,560 Speaker 2: Dating and how there was like almost like a hierarchy 335 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:27,280 Speaker 2: fair like doing white, you know, mixed race or colored 336 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,920 Speaker 2: as you call it, Zoom, and then going to the 337 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:33,240 Speaker 2: fairer skinned of the black and then going down. It's 338 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,760 Speaker 2: been so ingrained in US, so people have this idea 339 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,640 Speaker 2: that it shows I'm someone of worth or value if 340 00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:39,360 Speaker 2: I'm mixed race. 341 00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:41,000 Speaker 1: My hair isn't as kinky. 342 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,919 Speaker 2: My hair you know, falls a little straight, and like, 343 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:48,440 Speaker 2: I have these features that are not common or typical 344 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:51,480 Speaker 2: in that way. So I understand where it comes from. 345 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:57,120 Speaker 2: I think it's problematic because it says something to the 346 00:19:57,160 --> 00:20:01,560 Speaker 2: brown skinned girl qubionce skin girl. 347 00:20:02,359 --> 00:20:03,920 Speaker 3: It's just like. 348 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:08,919 Speaker 2: You know or the black skinned girl you know who 349 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:12,119 Speaker 2: it might be darker to be like, well, you're not 350 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:16,000 Speaker 2: as cute a kid as this other person, right, And 351 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:19,359 Speaker 2: I think the reason why people fetishize mixed race children 352 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:22,600 Speaker 2: is because it's like the features are a bit unusual. 353 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,080 Speaker 1: It's not like do you know what I mean? 354 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,880 Speaker 3: And also they don't have the stereo or you don't 355 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:30,800 Speaker 3: have a road map. See a lot of like obviously 356 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:32,760 Speaker 3: have a lot of friends who do have kids now 357 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,400 Speaker 3: and maybe they're interracial relationships and they're gonna have two 358 00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:39,720 Speaker 3: kids or three kids, and they all even their hair 359 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:41,879 Speaker 3: looking at how some of their hairs waved. Yes, some 360 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:45,199 Speaker 3: is more on the Afro side. Just it's just a 361 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:46,880 Speaker 3: mix where you never know what's. 362 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:50,240 Speaker 2: Gonna yeah for sure, so to speak, Yeah, what do 363 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:51,040 Speaker 2: you think about that? 364 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:58,439 Speaker 3: I think it's I think if I was a biracial child, 365 00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:01,520 Speaker 3: it would be very confusing. I think it would be 366 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:04,920 Speaker 3: like what, I just want to be treated. I don't 367 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,679 Speaker 3: want to be like put on a pedestal, you know. 368 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:11,040 Speaker 3: At the same time, I think I completely agree with you. 369 00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:15,159 Speaker 3: It all comes from colonialism or like what's perceived to 370 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:20,400 Speaker 3: be better. So obviously people were purposely seeking to have 371 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:23,600 Speaker 3: kids with people who are not, you know, the same race. 372 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,479 Speaker 3: Then I think that is a bit sad, But at 373 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:28,480 Speaker 3: the same time, I think there's a lot of work 374 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:31,480 Speaker 3: and layers to it for that specific person. 375 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:32,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know. 376 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,439 Speaker 3: At the same time, yeah, they're cute. It's like you 377 00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:37,760 Speaker 3: look at the Pharrahs of this world, You're like, yeah, 378 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:41,359 Speaker 3: black and Asian just you know, yeah, no, for sure, 379 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:46,120 Speaker 3: it's also from aesthetic point of view, it's like, wow, 380 00:21:46,119 --> 00:21:48,600 Speaker 3: it actually does look nice. But at the same time, 381 00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:51,639 Speaker 3: it's as long as it's being appreciated like that and 382 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:56,480 Speaker 3: not fetishized people, people being made to feel like an other. Yeah. 383 00:21:56,600 --> 00:22:01,000 Speaker 3: Because I'm such a fan of black love, I think 384 00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:05,320 Speaker 3: we just sn't see it enough or healthy black. 385 00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:08,359 Speaker 1: Healthy black love. That's the word growing up, you know. 386 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:12,479 Speaker 3: You know, a lot of the media we grew up 387 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,440 Speaker 3: with was American media, or maybe in British media. It's 388 00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:18,240 Speaker 3: always like the black women and the black man are fighting. 389 00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:22,320 Speaker 3: They're always some sort of drama and you just never 390 00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:26,680 Speaker 3: saw quote unquote a normal couple just loving each other 391 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:30,200 Speaker 3: and having former kids. And so I think right now, 392 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:33,640 Speaker 3: this phase we're in when people are celebrating black lives 393 00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:38,000 Speaker 3: is beautiful. And even though I guess maybe in the 394 00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:42,080 Speaker 3: American context, we might not always be considered part of 395 00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:47,520 Speaker 3: that group because an interracial relationship, I do. I do 396 00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:50,840 Speaker 3: still think we are also part of that because we 397 00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:53,359 Speaker 3: are black people who are in love. But I what 398 00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:59,240 Speaker 3: you mean certain pedestal that is there for black men 399 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:03,720 Speaker 3: and black women. I do love seeing it. Oh, you know, 400 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:07,680 Speaker 3: it's beautiful, and I think, especially in the danceportter aspect, 401 00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:12,840 Speaker 3: to actually leave your country and they'll find someone who 402 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:16,080 Speaker 3: is if that luckily is from your country, and you 403 00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,320 Speaker 3: takes all your boxes and you're completely happy. Do you 404 00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:21,800 Speaker 3: think it's a beautiful thing to most celebrate coming from 405 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:24,600 Speaker 3: home and if it's a healthy relationship. 406 00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:28,399 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, no, one hundred hundred percent. 407 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,640 Speaker 2: I think it gives me so much joy. I think 408 00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:34,960 Speaker 2: no one is prouder than like the two of us. 409 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:38,520 Speaker 2: Like we love things black by black, Like we just 410 00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:39,760 Speaker 2: like blackly black black. 411 00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:41,439 Speaker 1: There's a song by. 412 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:45,960 Speaker 3: To being maybe I don't know how to say his name, it's. 413 00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:46,720 Speaker 1: Called Hella black. 414 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:54,119 Speaker 2: Literally, like I really am a proponent for black, like 415 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:55,040 Speaker 2: love black. 416 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:59,760 Speaker 3: I mean even when we talk about skin, Yeah. 417 00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:06,919 Speaker 1: Like wecha. You're like, it's just like glowing, glowing, like 418 00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:13,200 Speaker 1: it's just anyway, sorry, come back to myself and beautiful. 419 00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:16,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, So like I'm definitely like pro it and I 420 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:19,080 Speaker 2: think we we love it too because we know that 421 00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:26,040 Speaker 2: black love has been so you know, oppressed in a way, 422 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:29,240 Speaker 2: like it's always there's so much going against black love 423 00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:32,680 Speaker 2: to begin with that. It's like when you see someone 424 00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:34,960 Speaker 2: who finds and there seems to be like a healthy 425 00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,440 Speaker 2: union and joy and love, it's like, yes, you want 426 00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:41,080 Speaker 2: them to win because it's winning for our whole culture, 427 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:42,680 Speaker 2: you know type of things. 428 00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:46,560 Speaker 3: So absolutely, yeah. 429 00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,719 Speaker 2: Any other thoughts on dating, trust, we probably will come 430 00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:50,280 Speaker 2: back to this topic many times. 431 00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:52,400 Speaker 3: You have to let it be to the people. They 432 00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:54,239 Speaker 3: have to come back to us if there's anything they 433 00:24:54,240 --> 00:25:01,160 Speaker 3: want us to specifically, yes us snavigate, revisit it, further. 434 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:06,159 Speaker 1: Explain experts we have proclaimed experts. 435 00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:11,960 Speaker 3: We have to because I think dating is ever evolving. 436 00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:14,360 Speaker 3: You know, talking to a friend of mine who never 437 00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:16,920 Speaker 3: tried online dating and then when he broke up with 438 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:20,720 Speaker 3: his with his girlfriend ten years in, he's like, how 439 00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:23,040 Speaker 3: do I go back? Like how I don't even know, 440 00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:26,480 Speaker 3: you know, and it's like it's yeah, I think in 441 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:30,280 Speaker 3: the space we live in social media and everything, it's 442 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:31,520 Speaker 3: it is different. 443 00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,080 Speaker 1: It is it's a different thing. 444 00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:35,600 Speaker 3: But at the same time, this whole goals things also 445 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:37,680 Speaker 3: another aspect we need to discuss. 446 00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:41,240 Speaker 1: Which is also for the people, can be very problematic. 447 00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:44,000 Speaker 3: Make sure you're taking all the getting the car, getting 448 00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:47,679 Speaker 3: the house, getting the wedding, getting the like to discuss that. 449 00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:52,359 Speaker 3: So definitely we are definitely going to revisit this episode 450 00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:53,879 Speaker 3: and this topic. 451 00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:58,920 Speaker 1: I mean, because there's so much layers you me, my layers. 452 00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:03,640 Speaker 2: No, thank you son, Thank you so much for tuning 453 00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:04,520 Speaker 2: in again. 454 00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:06,400 Speaker 1: This is it's Layered podcast. 455 00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:09,360 Speaker 2: If you want to hit us up, you can email 456 00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:12,879 Speaker 2: us It's Layered pod at gmail dot com. 457 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:16,240 Speaker 1: That's I T s l A y E r e 458 00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:17,440 Speaker 1: D p O. 459 00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:21,320 Speaker 2: D at gmail dot com, or hit us up on 460 00:26:21,359 --> 00:26:25,639 Speaker 2: our Instagram. It's layered literally just the name I T. 461 00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:29,840 Speaker 2: S l A y E r E D. And yeah 462 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:35,600 Speaker 2: from you, Yes, thank you. I hope you've enjoyed our talks. 463 00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:39,000 Speaker 1: These are just some of the conversations we have and. 464 00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:43,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, we look forward to you at chatting to you 465 00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:44,159 Speaker 2: again soon. 466 00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:46,720 Speaker 1: Take care, peace and. 467 00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:49,159 Speaker 4: Love from us to line N. 468 00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:57,080 Speaker 3: I'm always, always sir 469 00:26:59,040 --> 00:26:59,679 Speaker 1: Care Hello,