WEBVTT - How to survive a break up (without burning your ex's house down) 

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<v Speaker 1>Are you start? Hi, guys, and welcome back to another

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<v Speaker 1>episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany. Hi, Brittany,

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<v Speaker 1>Hy Laura, you're bloody Bean. I'm good. Actually, I'm actually

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<v Speaker 1>really great. Well that's actually so good. We're asking that. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>you're welcome. What about you? Anything else to elaborate on? Okay, wait,

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<v Speaker 1>I do have a question paid attention to the batch

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<v Speaker 1>in Paradise ads. Oh yeah, was Kieran actually naked? Like

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<v Speaker 1>full butt out? Did you see his pain? Kieren was

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<v Speaker 1>completely naked? Did you see his pain? I mean I

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<v Speaker 1>didn't look at it. I'm asking study women of Australia

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<v Speaker 1>because I feel like there's more people than me that

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<v Speaker 1>want to know this. Well. I mean he didn't wave

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<v Speaker 1>it around, he didn't do the windmill. He sort of

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<v Speaker 1>kept it covered. I mean, if you looked closely, you

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<v Speaker 1>could see it. Yeah, but I didn't go hunting through

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<v Speaker 1>the grapes to find it. But he was actually pulling

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<v Speaker 1>grapes off and like feeding them to people. Wow, that's

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<v Speaker 1>really confronting. Fuck, I can't wait for this to start,

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<v Speaker 1>all right, So that's enough and batching Paradise, I know,

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<v Speaker 1>I can't ask too many questions because I'm going to

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<v Speaker 1>get you in trouble. Yeah, how's your week being?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my week, Literally, I just did nine days straight

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<v Speaker 2>at the hospital.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm it's huge. At the moment. Work is crazy. But

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<v Speaker 1>something funny did happen to me at work.

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<v Speaker 2>Because I've been working so much. They're big days there

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm trying. I still have so much work to do.

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<v Speaker 2>I just have so much other work to do, like

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<v Speaker 2>for the podcast, for contracts that I've got with other people,

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<v Speaker 2>like on Instagram and things like that.

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<v Speaker 1>So what I've been trying to.

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<v Speaker 2>Do to survive is I take my laptop to work,

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<v Speaker 2>and in my lunch break and in my tea break

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<v Speaker 2>or any little moment that i have, I'm I'm working

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<v Speaker 2>at work on the other job.

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<v Speaker 1>So anyway, I'm on my lunch break a few days ago,

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<v Speaker 1>just hustling hard. I'm hustling. I'm on my lunch break

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm up in the cafeteria.

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<v Speaker 2>Now I work in a huge hospital, very big hospital.

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<v Speaker 1>The caffeteria is packed.

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<v Speaker 2>So I'm sitting there and what I'm what I'm working

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<v Speaker 2>on is as a sponsored Instagram post.

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<v Speaker 1>Basically, I'm working.

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<v Speaker 2>With gal and give them the plug. No, I'm not

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<v Speaker 2>gonna name that, but I'm just all it was is

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<v Speaker 2>I just had to send a.

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<v Speaker 1>Photo off for approval.

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<v Speaker 2>So I have this photo, and the photo is like

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<v Speaker 2>I'm I'm dolled up, like I'm in this tight little

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<v Speaker 2>dress and I've got my makeup in my head and

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<v Speaker 2>I'm drinking, and it's like it's as like it's a

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<v Speaker 2>sexy photo.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm so embarrassed for you. It's just so dumb.

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<v Speaker 2>So I'm doing a thousand emails at once, trying to

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<v Speaker 2>send his photo off, knowing I've got ten minutes to

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<v Speaker 2>get back to work. So I go, I'm trying to

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<v Speaker 2>send the photo between my phone and my computer, so

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<v Speaker 2>I try to air drop it. So I send it

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<v Speaker 2>and then I look down and it says accept it,

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<v Speaker 2>and I look, I've just sent it to some random

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<v Speaker 2>in the cafeteria.

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<v Speaker 1>There's someone in a cafeteria that has a photo of.

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<v Speaker 2>Me that I've just sent, and of course they know

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<v Speaker 2>that to accept an air drop. I'm close by. So

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<v Speaker 2>then I look up and I felt like I felt

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<v Speaker 2>so vulnerable because I was like, I know someone's looking

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<v Speaker 2>at me right now, knowing that I've just air dropped

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<v Speaker 2>on this saucy photo.

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<v Speaker 1>You live this double life as well, like you on Instagram.

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<v Speaker 1>Is very different to you at the hospital, like you

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<v Speaker 1>posted these first trapping bikini photos, versus you sitting in

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<v Speaker 1>the hospital in a pair of scrubs with your hair

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<v Speaker 1>pull back, and then some random like some random doctor

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<v Speaker 1>or surgeon or something's just gotten. This is what I'm imagining.

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<v Speaker 1>But it's not. No, it wasn't even like it wasn't

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<v Speaker 1>even the cafeteria part that's just for staff. This was

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<v Speaker 1>just a general public some and I don't know who

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<v Speaker 1>it was. But then I felt imagine looking up knowing

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<v Speaker 1>I was looking around trying to see if anyone was

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<v Speaker 1>looking at me. I was mortified.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like someone within a very very close ratio,

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<v Speaker 2>he's looking at my phone now looking at me and laughing.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like I was like being bullied in the school yard.

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<v Speaker 1>I slapped my laptop with down and just like ran off. Anyway,

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<v Speaker 1>So I thought that was really funny. I like, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>actually mortified for you, and I know that. Yeah. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>show me the photo so I can describe how nude

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<v Speaker 1>were you. No, I'm not nude. I'm just in like

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<v Speaker 1>a sexy black dress. Yeah, That's what I mean, Like

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<v Speaker 1>how much skin is showing? Like what's the level of

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<v Speaker 1>appropriateness for a hospital? This is? It's just like you

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<v Speaker 1>tell the listeners what you see. Oh look, guys, here's

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<v Speaker 1>Brittany with her cocktail. She's just enjoying a pizza and

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<v Speaker 1>a tiny little black skirt cut off just just below

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<v Speaker 1>the vagina, plunging, plunging v neck. And doesn't that look

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<v Speaker 1>like a delicious cocktail that you have. I'm sure old

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<v Speaker 1>mate who received this was very happy and couldn't wait

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<v Speaker 1>to get some tanker age in. Do you know what

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<v Speaker 1>the funniest here is, Laura. The funniest thing is like

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<v Speaker 1>you couldn't even play it off, like, oh, that looks

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<v Speaker 1>like that girl Brittany from The Bachelor. You know it

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<v Speaker 1>is because my iPhone's labeled Brittany's iPhone. You're about to say,

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<v Speaker 1>your iPhone's labeled Brittany from the Bachelor. Fuck, I'm going

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<v Speaker 1>to unsubscribe from you and this podcast. My I phone

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<v Speaker 1>is like Britney's iPhone. So it's not even like I

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<v Speaker 1>could be like, oh, I get I get that I

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<v Speaker 1>look like that girl. She I get that all the time.

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<v Speaker 2>Because sometimes I say that sometimes if I can't jump

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<v Speaker 2>into the conversation, I don't have the energy to maybe

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<v Speaker 2>a patience like oh my god, you're Brittany from a Bachelor,

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<v Speaker 2>I actually say no, I say, oh, I get that

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<v Speaker 2>a lot.

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<v Speaker 1>I look like.

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<v Speaker 2>Only only failed reality tod star with a real job.

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<v Speaker 2>So that's that's what happened to me this week, and

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<v Speaker 2>I love that for me. Nay, sucks to be you.

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<v Speaker 1>You did you do anything horrific? All right, Okay, I've

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<v Speaker 1>been holding onto this story that I need to tell you,

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm dying to hear because you have been getting

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<v Speaker 1>really excited about it for the last two hours. No,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not excited, and like, okay, so I have this story, guys.

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<v Speaker 1>I've been holding it back from Brittany because I like

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<v Speaker 1>her genuine reactions. This is not a funny story, though.

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<v Speaker 1>This happened the other night, and when I go to

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<v Speaker 1>tell people this, everyone thinks it's gonna be funny because

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<v Speaker 1>usually I'm like, blah blah blah, dig pick, but really

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<v Speaker 1>it's not that. So Okay, we had some friends over

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<v Speaker 1>on Friday night, and we have two entrances to our house.

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<v Speaker 1>We've got a back door, and we've got a front

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<v Speaker 1>door as most people do. Weird crazy, I know, but

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<v Speaker 1>we usually only use our back gate entrance because we've

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<v Speaker 1>got this like private courtyard entrance, and we never ever

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<v Speaker 1>use the front door, so I never checked to see

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<v Speaker 1>if it's locked or unlocked. Anyway, had these friends over

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<v Speaker 1>for dinner. They left from the front door. Later on,

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<v Speaker 1>I put Molly to bed. We went to bed, and

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<v Speaker 1>it was like three o'clock in the morning, and I

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<v Speaker 1>woke up because I sleep really really lightly now, I

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<v Speaker 1>woke up and I could hear footsteps in the house.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, oh my god, I just got the sickest feeling

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<v Speaker 2>in my stomach.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, wait for it. So there was footsteps in the house,

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<v Speaker 1>and I was awaken. I frozen, and Matt was asleep

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<v Speaker 1>next to me, and I was like, I'm imagining this,

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<v Speaker 1>Like this is not real. And then so we sleep

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<v Speaker 1>with our bedroom door open, and our bedroom door looks

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<v Speaker 1>directly into the front entrance of our house, and so

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<v Speaker 1>that's completely pitch black, and I can hear these footsteps

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<v Speaker 1>and then I see the front door open and the

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<v Speaker 1>light come in and there's someone standing in our house,

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<v Speaker 1>letting themselves out of our house. And I was like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>my god, Matt, look at my eyes watering, am petrified.

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, oh my god, Matt, there's someone in

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<v Speaker 1>our house. And he then woke up and he heard

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<v Speaker 1>the door slam and I have never seen a man

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<v Speaker 1>move so fast in my entire fucking life. Matt jumps

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<v Speaker 1>out of bed in his Calvin quiets, run out the door,

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<v Speaker 1>and there's a guy in our hallway. We live in

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<v Speaker 1>a security block, but he's in the hallway wearing black pants,

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<v Speaker 1>black jumper, black beanie. And Matt runs him and pushes

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<v Speaker 1>him into the stairwell like to have a full on

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<v Speaker 1>beef with him, funny bit like in his undies. Anyway.

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<v Speaker 1>Then this guy like cows into the corner. He's like, no, no, no, no, no,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I came from upstairs. I

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<v Speaker 1>got lost. I got lost, and we don't even know Still,

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<v Speaker 1>so this went on. I could hear them screaming outside.

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<v Speaker 1>I got to hear him out, like what the fuck

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<v Speaker 1>are you doing? And of course you have a child,

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<v Speaker 1>and that's what you think about it. And I ran

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<v Speaker 1>in to check on Marley, and Mary was okay, but honestly,

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<v Speaker 1>this was all unfolding, and I still don't know whether

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<v Speaker 1>or not he accidentally stumbled into our house or whether

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<v Speaker 1>this guy just let himself in because he was scoping

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<v Speaker 1>the place out to rob Us, I don't know, but

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<v Speaker 1>you do have I'm just trying to think of your building.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I'm in it right now. But welcome. Come on, guys,

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<v Speaker 1>let's flesh this out on the podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, okay, so you do have to get into that

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<v Speaker 2>entrance you're talking about, Like you said, it is a

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<v Speaker 2>security building. So so he said he'd come from a

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<v Speaker 2>party upstairs, but it Yeah, but to come from a

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<v Speaker 2>party upstairs, he would have had to have walked straight

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<v Speaker 2>past the glass the glass exit doors. Was he because

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<v Speaker 2>we were downstairs so it was three in the morning,

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<v Speaker 2>he had to have been drunk.

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<v Speaker 1>Matt was like, I don't know. I couldn't tell. Matt

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<v Speaker 1>was enraged in his red undies. But anyway, this happened,

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<v Speaker 1>and here is my word of advice. People lock your

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<v Speaker 1>fucking front door. So did you call the police or anything. No,

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<v Speaker 1>we didn't do anything. I did. I did go and

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<v Speaker 1>see the neighbors to try and find out if anyone

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<v Speaker 1>had a party, but no one, No one said that

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<v Speaker 1>they had it. So no one had a party. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>well that's suspicious if no one had a party. I

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<v Speaker 1>like that. We're doing this detective work. Doom doom. Anyone's

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<v Speaker 1>been watching NCA S No, that's law and order, isn't it. Oh? Wait, right,

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<v Speaker 1>it not what I'm talking about. Should I tell you

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<v Speaker 1>my breaking story? So what's breaking is d I was asleep?

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<v Speaker 1>Wait so we're done with my story now? Well, I

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<v Speaker 1>mean what sorry? Did you just did you want to add?

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<v Speaker 1>Do you want to just like validate my trauma for

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<v Speaker 1>one second, or do you want to go straight to you?

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<v Speaker 2>I had to use in my eyes, I was. I

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<v Speaker 2>was traumatized because that is my fear. When you with

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<v Speaker 2>you know that your house is empty and you hear

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<v Speaker 2>the footsteps, it's like your ultimate nightmare.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you, This is the validation I needed. Okay, we

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<v Speaker 1>can go to your story now. Yeah, no, it is.

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<v Speaker 1>But I guess to support you. I'm here if you

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<v Speaker 1>need to talk, and I would have called the police

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<v Speaker 1>and lock your dof Thank you. I know. It just

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<v Speaker 1>reminded me of it was a few years ago, now,

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<v Speaker 1>I was. I was with my boyfriend at the time,

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<v Speaker 1>so it was a long time ago. This was going

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<v Speaker 1>back a decade.

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<v Speaker 2>I was downstairs. We had a two story house, and

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<v Speaker 2>I knew that we were the only one there, and

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<v Speaker 2>I heard someone in the kitchen and I woke up

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<v Speaker 2>and I said to my partner, someone's in the house.

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<v Speaker 2>He's like, don't be ridiculous. I said, someone's in there.

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<v Speaker 2>I heard someone. Someone is in the house. And we

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<v Speaker 2>listened for a minute. We couldn't hear anything, and he's like,

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<v Speaker 2>you are imagining it. And I was like, well, maybe

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<v Speaker 2>I was rolled back, over heard it again and I

0:10:38.640 --> 0:10:41.320
<v Speaker 2>was like, someone's in the fucking kitchen. We're going to die.

0:10:41.400 --> 0:10:44.040
<v Speaker 1>I thought, they've got the knif block. What else is

0:10:44.080 --> 0:10:48.079
<v Speaker 1>in kitchen? They're not go in the mop's making to

0:10:48.160 --> 0:10:51.120
<v Speaker 1>sell a cap of tee, settling in for the night guard.

0:10:51.679 --> 0:10:53.880
<v Speaker 2>Anyway, I get a baseball bat. We got up together.

0:10:54.160 --> 0:10:55.840
<v Speaker 2>We both have like an object. I think I had

0:10:55.840 --> 0:10:57.360
<v Speaker 2>a lamp and he had a baseball bat. He got

0:10:57.360 --> 0:11:00.600
<v Speaker 2>the good one. So going up the stairs really quietly

0:11:00.760 --> 0:11:02.120
<v Speaker 2>and I could hear it. He looked at me and

0:11:02.160 --> 0:11:03.520
<v Speaker 2>he's like, you're fucking right, someone's in here.

0:11:03.520 --> 0:11:04.000
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god.

0:11:04.160 --> 0:11:06.079
<v Speaker 2>And I was like, okay, do we I don't know

0:11:06.080 --> 0:11:07.480
<v Speaker 2>why we didn't call the police. We just thought would

0:11:07.480 --> 0:11:09.640
<v Speaker 2>fight them off on our own. We get up there,

0:11:10.480 --> 0:11:13.320
<v Speaker 2>We get up there. We were creeping around the corner

0:11:13.320 --> 0:11:15.720
<v Speaker 2>because I know this guy's in the kitchen. It's so

0:11:15.840 --> 0:11:18.520
<v Speaker 2>obvious that someone's there now, I think, and he's in

0:11:18.520 --> 0:11:21.040
<v Speaker 2>the sink. Now I heard, and I'm so I heard

0:11:21.080 --> 0:11:22.719
<v Speaker 2>the sink and I was like, oh, he's finished his

0:11:22.800 --> 0:11:24.800
<v Speaker 2>cup of tea, he's put that on the sea, washing

0:11:24.880 --> 0:11:27.000
<v Speaker 2>up dish What he's doing the washing now he's unpacking

0:11:27.000 --> 0:11:27.520
<v Speaker 2>the dishwasher.

0:11:29.960 --> 0:11:32.160
<v Speaker 1>The fuck out of my house. But take those dirty plots.

0:11:32.200 --> 0:11:35.040
<v Speaker 2>But we jump around the corner and we're like, yeah, yeah,

0:11:35.160 --> 0:11:36.760
<v Speaker 2>we have the baseball bat and a lamp and we're

0:11:36.800 --> 0:11:37.040
<v Speaker 2>like we.

0:11:37.000 --> 0:11:42.160
<v Speaker 1>Flick the light on and in the kitchen sink, he's

0:11:42.200 --> 0:11:48.640
<v Speaker 1>a koala what I had broken through our doggy door

0:11:48.679 --> 0:11:50.959
<v Speaker 1>because we had a dog and was making himself a

0:11:51.040 --> 0:11:52.880
<v Speaker 1>home in the sink. And we're about to beat it

0:11:52.880 --> 0:11:55.679
<v Speaker 1>to death because we thought someone's breaking in. Now that

0:11:55.840 --> 0:11:58.040
<v Speaker 1>so didn't how you thought it was? Did it? No?

0:11:58.160 --> 0:11:59.800
<v Speaker 1>It did it? That was good. That was a good

0:11:59.840 --> 0:12:02.000
<v Speaker 1>day and switch I like that. But you know what

0:12:02.080 --> 0:12:04.480
<v Speaker 1>the thing with Matt so I I was still lying

0:12:04.480 --> 0:12:06.440
<v Speaker 1>in bed, so he got up. I've never seen someone

0:12:06.480 --> 0:12:09.320
<v Speaker 1>move so fast. He flew out the door, but because

0:12:09.760 --> 0:12:11.959
<v Speaker 1>I could see the door open, and so sorry, I

0:12:11.960 --> 0:12:13.280
<v Speaker 1>didn't see the door open, but I could see the

0:12:13.360 --> 0:12:15.600
<v Speaker 1>light coming in from the door. But then the door

0:12:15.600 --> 0:12:18.600
<v Speaker 1>closed again, so were in darkness. So I didn't know

0:12:18.840 --> 0:12:21.040
<v Speaker 1>if the person was in the apartment or they were

0:12:21.080 --> 0:12:22.720
<v Speaker 1>out of the apartment. And Matt ran out of the

0:12:22.760 --> 0:12:25.480
<v Speaker 1>apartment so far, so you were like, dude, if he's

0:12:25.520 --> 0:12:27.600
<v Speaker 1>in here. I didn't know if he was running after

0:12:27.720 --> 0:12:33.640
<v Speaker 1>the car, running away, or if he was running. So

0:12:34.559 --> 0:12:39.280
<v Speaker 1>I was in bed, going, what the who am I dating? Anyway,

0:12:39.320 --> 0:12:41.439
<v Speaker 1>it turns out, but did anyone run to Marley and

0:12:41.520 --> 0:12:44.319
<v Speaker 1>itharns out he was being a hero and he wasn't

0:12:44.640 --> 0:12:48.760
<v Speaker 1>running away from the robber. And you know what, guys,

0:12:48.800 --> 0:12:51.240
<v Speaker 1>that was Friday night. It's now Monday that we're recording

0:12:51.280 --> 0:12:52.720
<v Speaker 1>this because you know, we really liked to leave this

0:12:52.800 --> 0:12:56.240
<v Speaker 1>to the last minute, and no one's come back. No

0:12:56.280 --> 0:12:58.679
<v Speaker 1>one was scoping out the players. We've had no other problems.

0:12:58.880 --> 0:13:01.560
<v Speaker 1>I feel very safe, So if you've deeply concerned for me,

0:13:01.960 --> 0:13:03.040
<v Speaker 1>I think we're gonna be okay.

0:13:03.160 --> 0:13:05.520
<v Speaker 2>It is it is a reminder, isn't it just to

0:13:05.640 --> 0:13:08.160
<v Speaker 2>be a bit extra cautious. Yeah, and I really like,

0:13:08.240 --> 0:13:10.520
<v Speaker 2>I know that this is something that everybody knows, and

0:13:10.559 --> 0:13:12.800
<v Speaker 2>that's such a stupid thing to try and remind people.

0:13:12.880 --> 0:13:15.120
<v Speaker 1>But like, we live in a security building. We often

0:13:15.200 --> 0:13:17.840
<v Speaker 1>leave our front door unlocked just because just because we

0:13:17.880 --> 0:13:19.760
<v Speaker 1>don't check it, we don't use it very often, and

0:13:19.880 --> 0:13:21.760
<v Speaker 1>we tell the nation that. Yeah, and we live in

0:13:21.800 --> 0:13:23.679
<v Speaker 1>a building where we're like, oh, you got a buzz in,

0:13:23.800 --> 0:13:27.760
<v Speaker 1>like there's CCTV cameras at the front. But now I'm like, no,

0:13:28.200 --> 0:13:30.120
<v Speaker 1>you know what it's even though we have a big dog,

0:13:30.240 --> 0:13:33.240
<v Speaker 1>My dog was useless. We didn't bark, No, he slept

0:13:33.280 --> 0:13:34.080
<v Speaker 1>through the whole thing.

0:13:34.240 --> 0:13:36.040
<v Speaker 2>Dude, I have to almost fight to the death every

0:13:36.080 --> 0:13:37.640
<v Speaker 2>time I come here with Buster, and then you get

0:13:37.679 --> 0:13:39.760
<v Speaker 2>some burgle you and he doesn't even do anything.

0:13:39.840 --> 0:13:42.240
<v Speaker 1>Useless. He's up for adoption anyone. If anyone wants a

0:13:42.240 --> 0:13:46.520
<v Speaker 1>free dog, free to good home, I'll take him all Alrighty, Well, anyway,

0:13:46.559 --> 0:13:49.520
<v Speaker 1>that was a that was a big debrief. I actually

0:13:49.679 --> 0:13:50.760
<v Speaker 1>that was a funny combo.

0:13:51.000 --> 0:13:53.880
<v Speaker 2>This is why I like not telling each other our

0:13:53.960 --> 0:13:55.679
<v Speaker 2>stories until the podcast.

0:13:55.960 --> 0:13:57.360
<v Speaker 1>I just was on the edge of my seat that

0:13:57.400 --> 0:14:00.160
<v Speaker 1>whole story. Also, I kind of like save all of

0:14:00.160 --> 0:14:02.920
<v Speaker 1>my stories for when we sit down and record this podcast,

0:14:02.920 --> 0:14:04.400
<v Speaker 1>and so does Brits, and when we see each other

0:14:04.720 --> 0:14:07.080
<v Speaker 1>like any other time. Our chats are just really vanilla.

0:14:07.920 --> 0:14:10.480
<v Speaker 1>So what did you do on the weekend? Don't tell me?

0:14:10.520 --> 0:14:12.840
<v Speaker 1>Say it for the podcast, save it for the nation.

0:14:14.559 --> 0:14:17.000
<v Speaker 1>That's sorry, isn't it. I was just about to tell

0:14:17.000 --> 0:14:19.880
<v Speaker 1>you something else. Go on. Oh no, you know what

0:14:19.920 --> 0:14:23.520
<v Speaker 1>I was gonna say. You do have other news? What about?

0:14:24.680 --> 0:14:27.520
<v Speaker 1>Oh guys? Is not exciting, But I'm going to tell

0:14:27.520 --> 0:14:30.680
<v Speaker 1>you anyway. You might remember a few weeks back, like

0:14:30.720 --> 0:14:34.800
<v Speaker 1>maybe eight weeks back, I lost my wallet. Well, don't worry,

0:14:34.800 --> 0:14:38.920
<v Speaker 1>I canceled all my cards, got all of them resupplied.

0:14:39.200 --> 0:14:43.200
<v Speaker 1>And then today this afternoon, Matt found it under the

0:14:43.240 --> 0:14:47.760
<v Speaker 1>lounge because Marley had shoved it under the lounge. Do

0:14:47.800 --> 0:14:48.840
<v Speaker 1>you know what I was gonna say?

0:14:48.880 --> 0:14:50.680
<v Speaker 2>You know what, The funniest thing about this is, that's

0:14:50.680 --> 0:14:52.240
<v Speaker 2>not even the news I was talking about. I wasn't

0:14:52.280 --> 0:14:53.720
<v Speaker 2>gonna embarrass you and throw you on in the bus

0:14:53.760 --> 0:14:57.080
<v Speaker 2>with that. I'm an idiots. I don't even know what's

0:14:57.080 --> 0:14:57.920
<v Speaker 2>going on in my life.

0:14:57.920 --> 0:15:01.560
<v Speaker 1>Marley took her first stance having that for my second swinge.

0:15:02.680 --> 0:15:07.120
<v Speaker 1>Fuck Brittany, now you've ruined everything Christmas. Ah yeah, and

0:15:07.160 --> 0:15:09.240
<v Speaker 1>my daughter can walk. I mean, but big deal. We

0:15:09.240 --> 0:15:11.400
<v Speaker 1>almost got rubbed and I found my wallet. Guys, I mean,

0:15:11.400 --> 0:15:12.640
<v Speaker 1>you can cut that out and put it back at

0:15:12.640 --> 0:15:13.680
<v Speaker 1>the end. You do edit it.

0:15:14.000 --> 0:15:15.600
<v Speaker 2>You don't want to add that now, Nah, it's fine,

0:15:15.680 --> 0:15:17.880
<v Speaker 2>keep it whatever. Well, Marley took a first steps. We're

0:15:17.920 --> 0:15:20.000
<v Speaker 2>all excited. We're all like, I'm part of the family.

0:15:21.080 --> 0:15:23.040
<v Speaker 1>Now that we've gotten all that out of the way,

0:15:23.080 --> 0:15:24.800
<v Speaker 1>we should probably tell you what this episode is going

0:15:24.880 --> 0:15:27.280
<v Speaker 1>to be about. This episode is going to be a

0:15:27.320 --> 0:15:30.000
<v Speaker 1>breakup boot camp for you all, because even though we've

0:15:30.040 --> 0:15:32.520
<v Speaker 1>talked so much about breakups in like little bits and

0:15:32.560 --> 0:15:35.800
<v Speaker 1>pieces all over the place in different episodes, we've never

0:15:35.960 --> 0:15:40.560
<v Speaker 1>actually done an episode dedicated to breakups, how fucked they are,

0:15:40.760 --> 0:15:42.760
<v Speaker 1>and how to get over them, which is what we're

0:15:42.760 --> 0:15:45.640
<v Speaker 1>gonna be talking about today. But before we get in

0:15:45.760 --> 0:15:51.680
<v Speaker 1>to the episode, oh yeah, we are gonna do accidentally Unfiltered.

0:15:52.120 --> 0:15:54.560
<v Speaker 1>And I'm sorry if my singing is very traumatic for

0:15:54.600 --> 0:15:55.080
<v Speaker 1>you all.

0:15:55.320 --> 0:15:58.720
<v Speaker 2>So I already brought I guess that was my little

0:15:58.800 --> 0:16:01.400
<v Speaker 2>version of an accidentally unfilled this week. Obviously, I sent

0:16:01.440 --> 0:16:03.200
<v Speaker 2>my photo out to some strangers.

0:16:03.280 --> 0:16:04.960
<v Speaker 1>I really enjoyed that. Yeah, I love that.

0:16:05.440 --> 0:16:08.320
<v Speaker 2>But I'm going to read one today that I just

0:16:08.360 --> 0:16:10.200
<v Speaker 2>thought it was really cute because I thought it was funny.

0:16:10.240 --> 0:16:12.400
<v Speaker 2>It's not a gross one, because I'm just here for

0:16:12.440 --> 0:16:13.120
<v Speaker 2>these cute ones.

0:16:13.840 --> 0:16:17.080
<v Speaker 1>You with me, I'm here, I'm here for this, okay. Girls.

0:16:17.120 --> 0:16:18.800
<v Speaker 2>So I was going on a first date with a

0:16:18.840 --> 0:16:21.960
<v Speaker 2>guy and very naturally, my friend came around beforehand to

0:16:22.000 --> 0:16:24.400
<v Speaker 2>help me get ready. She was looking at my bookshelf

0:16:24.440 --> 0:16:25.480
<v Speaker 2>in my room and asked.

0:16:25.320 --> 0:16:26.200
<v Speaker 1>To borrow some books.

0:16:26.320 --> 0:16:29.080
<v Speaker 2>Obviously, I said yes and then continued to get ready.

0:16:29.640 --> 0:16:32.440
<v Speaker 2>Later that night, the date was going pretty well, so

0:16:32.480 --> 0:16:34.880
<v Speaker 2>we ended up back at my place. It was dark

0:16:34.920 --> 0:16:37.160
<v Speaker 2>and was getting sexy. I threw him back on the

0:16:37.160 --> 0:16:39.600
<v Speaker 2>bed and he was like, WHOA, what books are you reading?

0:16:39.720 --> 0:16:41.960
<v Speaker 2>And I'm like, what do you mean? And he's like, well,

0:16:41.960 --> 0:16:43.320
<v Speaker 2>there are like three books on your bed and I'm

0:16:43.360 --> 0:16:45.560
<v Speaker 2>laying on them. I completely forgot that. My friend came

0:16:45.560 --> 0:16:47.000
<v Speaker 2>around for the books, but she forgot.

0:16:46.840 --> 0:16:47.480
<v Speaker 1>To take them.

0:16:47.920 --> 0:16:50.080
<v Speaker 2>Turns out, the book she was meant to take with

0:16:50.160 --> 0:16:54.480
<v Speaker 2>Zoe Foster Blake's Love and Textbook Romance and How to.

0:16:54.440 --> 0:16:58.440
<v Speaker 1>Find Your soul mate in the poork. I literally thought

0:16:58.480 --> 0:17:00.680
<v Speaker 1>I was reading up on textbook how to Find Love

0:17:00.720 --> 0:17:05.480
<v Speaker 1>before our first date. That is so innocent and very

0:17:05.600 --> 0:17:08.560
<v Speaker 1>very cute read about love. You can just listen to

0:17:08.600 --> 0:17:10.960
<v Speaker 1>it on the podcast. They dates have a paper trail.

0:17:11.480 --> 0:17:14.600
<v Speaker 1>They dated for true, you can't be caught out as much.

0:17:14.640 --> 0:17:15.760
<v Speaker 1>They dated for six months.

0:17:15.800 --> 0:17:19.560
<v Speaker 2>But imagine if you went back to a guy's house

0:17:20.160 --> 0:17:22.280
<v Speaker 2>and when you went back on the first day and

0:17:22.400 --> 0:17:25.000
<v Speaker 2>on his bed were like books on like how to

0:17:25.040 --> 0:17:26.560
<v Speaker 2>do the sex good or something like that.

0:17:27.320 --> 0:17:29.679
<v Speaker 1>This is such a loser trying to make her love you.

0:17:29.760 --> 0:17:31.159
<v Speaker 2>Imagine if the book was like how to make her

0:17:31.200 --> 0:17:32.600
<v Speaker 2>love you on the date, I'd be like.

0:17:33.160 --> 0:17:35.320
<v Speaker 1>I'm out. This reminds me of when I was sixteen.

0:17:35.640 --> 0:17:38.239
<v Speaker 1>I put a like I don't know, did it all

0:17:38.280 --> 0:17:40.880
<v Speaker 1>girls go through this when they were younger. I did.

0:17:41.160 --> 0:17:43.320
<v Speaker 1>I went through this period where I was like really

0:17:43.359 --> 0:17:46.160
<v Speaker 1>obsessed with spells and like witching and stuff like this.

0:17:46.280 --> 0:17:48.919
<v Speaker 1>I think it was like during like the Charmed Years

0:17:49.000 --> 0:17:52.479
<v Speaker 1>and anyway Bewitched. Who knows, I'm so old. Anyway, So

0:17:53.320 --> 0:17:55.080
<v Speaker 1>I met this guy when I was like I would

0:17:55.080 --> 0:17:57.159
<v Speaker 1>say sixteen. I'd like to say I was young company

0:17:57.400 --> 0:18:01.120
<v Speaker 1>you put a love spell on him. I like did

0:18:01.160 --> 0:18:04.600
<v Speaker 1>this whole love spell thing, and because I was obsessed

0:18:04.600 --> 0:18:06.720
<v Speaker 1>with him. His name was Brad. I ended up dating

0:18:06.800 --> 0:18:09.360
<v Speaker 1>him for two years, mind you, but I was like obsessed.

0:18:09.359 --> 0:18:13.680
<v Speaker 1>So we swam together. Yeah he did, Yes, he did so.

0:18:13.680 --> 0:18:15.800
<v Speaker 1>So I had made this like love spell where I

0:18:15.840 --> 0:18:17.280
<v Speaker 1>had to like write a letter out of like my

0:18:17.320 --> 0:18:20.440
<v Speaker 1>affirmations or some sort of ridiculousness, and then I had

0:18:20.480 --> 0:18:23.240
<v Speaker 1>to get all these ointments and things. Anyway, I made

0:18:23.280 --> 0:18:25.080
<v Speaker 1>this love spell, and the whole thing was I had

0:18:25.080 --> 0:18:27.040
<v Speaker 1>to keep the piece of paper with me when I

0:18:27.080 --> 0:18:29.720
<v Speaker 1>went on a date with him, and then his energy

0:18:29.720 --> 0:18:32.639
<v Speaker 1>would get onto it. Anyway, things got a bit frisky,

0:18:32.680 --> 0:18:34.439
<v Speaker 1>and he found the piece of paper from my booket

0:18:34.480 --> 0:18:36.760
<v Speaker 1>and was like what is this and opened it up

0:18:37.040 --> 0:18:39.680
<v Speaker 1>whilst I was like wow, trying to grab it out

0:18:39.720 --> 0:18:43.640
<v Speaker 1>of his hands, and here it is my like undying

0:18:43.720 --> 0:18:46.120
<v Speaker 1>confession of love and this spell that I put on him.

0:18:46.160 --> 0:18:48.880
<v Speaker 1>Hang on, was this a legitimate love spell or did

0:18:48.880 --> 0:18:50.679
<v Speaker 1>you make it up? No? I found it on the internet.

0:18:51.000 --> 0:18:54.000
<v Speaker 1>I was sixteen. What was I even doing? How did

0:18:54.040 --> 0:18:57.840
<v Speaker 1>I win the Bachelor? What is wrong with Matthew Johnson?

0:18:57.960 --> 0:18:59.560
<v Speaker 1>Maybe that's why I didn't win. I should have written

0:18:59.560 --> 0:19:03.240
<v Speaker 1>a love spell. Do you know what? Even when we

0:19:03.240 --> 0:19:05.119
<v Speaker 1>were actually when we were on the show, I'm a

0:19:05.119 --> 0:19:07.879
<v Speaker 1>bit crazy, guys. You probably know that. Are you just

0:19:07.920 --> 0:19:11.200
<v Speaker 1>coming to terms? When I was when we were filming

0:19:11.440 --> 0:19:15.359
<v Speaker 1>the show, I watched The Secret. You know the book

0:19:15.400 --> 0:19:17.959
<v Speaker 1>The Secret. There's a documentary called The Secret. It's all

0:19:17.960 --> 0:19:21.679
<v Speaker 1>about like affirmations and like the the power of what

0:19:21.760 --> 0:19:24.359
<v Speaker 1>is it called the power of attraction, where you you

0:19:24.520 --> 0:19:26.560
<v Speaker 1>manifest and you dream what it is that you want,

0:19:26.560 --> 0:19:28.640
<v Speaker 1>and just by thinking of it, you're going to attract

0:19:28.640 --> 0:19:31.199
<v Speaker 1>that into your life. And so I became obsessed and

0:19:31.200 --> 0:19:33.960
<v Speaker 1>I was like, I'm gonna manifest Matt and I having

0:19:34.000 --> 0:19:36.960
<v Speaker 1>this happy relationship. And I'm just gonna say I don't

0:19:37.040 --> 0:19:39.760
<v Speaker 1>necessarily believe in it, but hey, look at me now.

0:19:40.480 --> 0:19:43.960
<v Speaker 1>I can't believe you actually did that. I'm so crazy.

0:19:44.200 --> 0:19:44.760
<v Speaker 1>I love you.

0:19:45.560 --> 0:19:48.639
<v Speaker 2>I know, okay, hang on, it's a Lola Derby, But

0:19:48.640 --> 0:19:51.800
<v Speaker 2>you're not crazy Because you know I'm crazy.

0:19:51.840 --> 0:19:53.640
<v Speaker 1>Somebody else made a whole documentary out of it, wrote

0:19:53.640 --> 0:19:55.360
<v Speaker 1>a book and it's best seller. So there's a lot

0:19:55.400 --> 0:19:56.680
<v Speaker 1>of us crazy bitches out there.

0:19:56.560 --> 0:19:58.480
<v Speaker 2>Guys, And I do believe in it. I do believe

0:19:58.480 --> 0:19:59.720
<v Speaker 2>in the law of attraction and the power of the

0:19:59.760 --> 0:20:03.080
<v Speaker 2>inner and positive afirmation. So like, I'm laughing sort of

0:20:03.119 --> 0:20:05.360
<v Speaker 2>with you, a little bit at you, but like mainly

0:20:05.400 --> 0:20:05.679
<v Speaker 2>with you.

0:20:06.160 --> 0:20:07.560
<v Speaker 1>I just think it's funny that you did it all

0:20:07.600 --> 0:20:12.120
<v Speaker 1>through the batch chest. I was like, when we were filming,

0:20:12.280 --> 0:20:15.000
<v Speaker 1>I became obsessed with this idea of manifesting that Matt

0:20:15.080 --> 0:20:15.960
<v Speaker 1>Night were going to be together.

0:20:16.080 --> 0:20:18.720
<v Speaker 2>So were you jealous? Did you get jealous when he

0:20:18.720 --> 0:20:19.640
<v Speaker 2>went on dates to other girls?

0:20:19.920 --> 0:20:22.920
<v Speaker 1>Nah, like, we're gonna be together forever. It's all right,

0:20:22.960 --> 0:20:24.440
<v Speaker 1>you can have them now, because I'm gonna have you

0:20:24.480 --> 0:20:27.879
<v Speaker 1>for the rest of my lad enjoy this time. No I,

0:20:28.119 --> 0:20:30.240
<v Speaker 1>oh no, that's a lie. Yeah I did. I've just

0:20:30.240 --> 0:20:32.840
<v Speaker 1>forgotten about it. No, No, I was hideously jealous. So

0:20:33.040 --> 0:20:37.520
<v Speaker 1>enough about that. My weird spell making days that they're

0:20:37.560 --> 0:20:39.879
<v Speaker 1>long gone. Anyway, dude, you said just said you did

0:20:39.920 --> 0:20:44.159
<v Speaker 1>it two years ago. Anyway, So I have a really

0:20:44.160 --> 0:20:46.960
<v Speaker 1>good accidentally unfiltered as well. It wasn't a listener that

0:20:47.000 --> 0:20:48.840
<v Speaker 1>this happened to, but the link to this was sent

0:20:48.920 --> 0:20:51.400
<v Speaker 1>him by a listener, and it's something that's been surfing

0:20:51.560 --> 0:20:54.240
<v Speaker 1>around on the internet. But it's just too fucking funny

0:20:54.240 --> 0:20:55.800
<v Speaker 1>that I cannot let it go, so I have to

0:20:55.840 --> 0:20:58.320
<v Speaker 1>share this with you. It sort of looks like it's

0:20:58.320 --> 0:21:00.080
<v Speaker 1>come from around the time when we were in the

0:21:00.119 --> 0:21:02.639
<v Speaker 1>depths of lockdown, so it's kind of just nice to

0:21:02.680 --> 0:21:04.040
<v Speaker 1>reminisce we were all there at.

0:21:04.000 --> 0:21:06.200
<v Speaker 2>One point that time where you're at home spinning way

0:21:06.320 --> 0:21:08.200
<v Speaker 2>too long with your partner, way too much time.

0:21:08.560 --> 0:21:10.960
<v Speaker 1>I imagine that's what people did anyway, and this also

0:21:11.000 --> 0:21:14.919
<v Speaker 1>comes from it. Oh for this also comes from a

0:21:14.920 --> 0:21:18.920
<v Speaker 1>guy's perspective, which we rarely get with acxlely unfilters, So enjoy. Okay,

0:21:19.200 --> 0:21:21.720
<v Speaker 1>So my wife and I live alone in our apartment.

0:21:21.960 --> 0:21:25.280
<v Speaker 1>We also have this really weird game of slapping each

0:21:25.280 --> 0:21:28.560
<v Speaker 1>other with random things. Like the other day my wife

0:21:28.600 --> 0:21:30.359
<v Speaker 1>slapped me in the face with a tampon, not a

0:21:30.440 --> 0:21:32.639
<v Speaker 1>used one, just a tampon. Yes, it's a bit gross,

0:21:32.640 --> 0:21:34.919
<v Speaker 1>but whatever, it's a game we like to play. So

0:21:34.960 --> 0:21:37.800
<v Speaker 1>today I decided it was time for revenge. I got

0:21:37.800 --> 0:21:41.080
<v Speaker 1>out of the shower, I dried myself off, I looked

0:21:41.080 --> 0:21:43.040
<v Speaker 1>for her, and I saw that she was sitting there

0:21:43.080 --> 0:21:45.600
<v Speaker 1>on the computer with some headphones on. So I snuck

0:21:45.680 --> 0:21:49.439
<v Speaker 1>up from the side and boom, deck slap square on

0:21:49.520 --> 0:21:52.960
<v Speaker 1>the cheek. She never stood a chance. I stood there

0:21:53.000 --> 0:21:55.680
<v Speaker 1>expectedly waiting for her to laugh or just some sort

0:21:55.720 --> 0:21:58.280
<v Speaker 1>of reaction like she normally would. But then she just

0:21:58.320 --> 0:22:01.320
<v Speaker 1>turned to me, white in the face, and said on

0:22:01.359 --> 0:22:06.679
<v Speaker 1>a call. I thought she was joking and just whinding

0:22:06.680 --> 0:22:08.719
<v Speaker 1>me up. But then I looked at a screen and

0:22:08.760 --> 0:22:13.160
<v Speaker 1>there were several gobsmat coworkers of my wives, only one

0:22:13.160 --> 0:22:15.159
<v Speaker 1>of them I had met. I immediately ran out of

0:22:15.200 --> 0:22:17.400
<v Speaker 1>the room. I'm now typing this from the bathroom. I'm

0:22:17.440 --> 0:22:19.080
<v Speaker 1>scared that I'm going to be reported for some kind

0:22:19.080 --> 0:22:21.280
<v Speaker 1>of domestic abuse, and I don't even know how to

0:22:21.320 --> 0:22:24.879
<v Speaker 1>explain to them the situation, because it's so stupid that

0:22:24.960 --> 0:22:27.439
<v Speaker 1>I just, on the daily slide my wife in the

0:22:27.520 --> 0:22:30.399
<v Speaker 1>face with my dick. Yes, there's something wrong with you,

0:22:31.680 --> 0:22:34.800
<v Speaker 1>but you know, like all relationships had those weird things

0:22:34.840 --> 0:22:36.960
<v Speaker 1>that you do like that that if you tried to

0:22:37.000 --> 0:22:40.640
<v Speaker 1>explain it to anyone, they would be like, you are cooked.

0:22:41.240 --> 0:22:43.560
<v Speaker 1>Like I'm pretty sure this is something that Matt would do.

0:22:44.600 --> 0:22:46.760
<v Speaker 1>I mean, we've all been slapped at one point, aren't

0:22:46.800 --> 0:22:49.840
<v Speaker 1>we consensually slapped in the face with the dick? Guys,

0:22:49.880 --> 0:22:52.920
<v Speaker 1>It's fine that's pretty funny. I feel like there would

0:22:52.960 --> 0:22:54.800
<v Speaker 1>be a whole thread of things that have happened on

0:22:54.920 --> 0:22:57.239
<v Speaker 1>zoom calls in lockdown that are like that. I can

0:22:57.280 --> 0:23:00.000
<v Speaker 1>there would be so many funny things. It's so nice

0:23:00.080 --> 0:23:02.160
<v Speaker 1>that we're in the clear now. I mean a lot

0:23:02.160 --> 0:23:04.400
<v Speaker 1>of people are still working from home, and zoom calls

0:23:04.400 --> 0:23:07.120
<v Speaker 1>are definitely a more permanent fixture than what they used

0:23:07.119 --> 0:23:10.080
<v Speaker 1>to be. But wow, that was a lot. Yeah. Wow.

0:23:10.160 --> 0:23:17.960
<v Speaker 1>We well we all right, should we jump in? Yeah,

0:23:18.480 --> 0:23:23.639
<v Speaker 1>let's jump into the old breakup? Yeah? Mate, it's touffy

0:23:24.160 --> 0:23:24.479
<v Speaker 1>all right.

0:23:24.840 --> 0:23:26.800
<v Speaker 2>So, like Laura said before, I know that we have

0:23:26.920 --> 0:23:29.159
<v Speaker 2>spoken here and there about breakups in the past, and

0:23:29.200 --> 0:23:31.560
<v Speaker 2>we do touch on them in almost every ep in

0:23:31.640 --> 0:23:33.879
<v Speaker 2>some way, and we talk about them a lot in

0:23:33.920 --> 0:23:36.720
<v Speaker 2>our Ask Gun cuts, and that's because you all go

0:23:36.800 --> 0:23:38.919
<v Speaker 2>through them at some stage. So we did think that

0:23:38.960 --> 0:23:41.080
<v Speaker 2>it was about time we put it all together in

0:23:41.119 --> 0:23:43.600
<v Speaker 2>one hot little bundle and give you that go to

0:23:43.720 --> 0:23:46.439
<v Speaker 2>episode for if you ever go through a breakup, or

0:23:46.440 --> 0:23:48.720
<v Speaker 2>your friend ever goes through a breakup, you can point

0:23:48.760 --> 0:23:52.720
<v Speaker 2>them in this direction. Because the sad fact is, guys,

0:23:52.800 --> 0:23:56.320
<v Speaker 2>that every single relationship that you have before you find

0:23:56.359 --> 0:24:00.000
<v Speaker 2>your penguin is inevitably going to end in a breakup, right,

0:24:00.040 --> 0:24:02.679
<v Speaker 2>that's science. You're gonna keep breaking up with people until

0:24:02.720 --> 0:24:03.560
<v Speaker 2>you find your penguin.

0:24:03.600 --> 0:24:05.120
<v Speaker 1>That was so poignant, Brittany. Thank you.

0:24:05.880 --> 0:24:08.200
<v Speaker 2>Sometimes even the life you've planned with the person you

0:24:08.280 --> 0:24:10.399
<v Speaker 2>thought was gonna be your penguin gets cut short and

0:24:10.440 --> 0:24:13.480
<v Speaker 2>doesn't work out. Now, this does not mean that true

0:24:13.480 --> 0:24:16.520
<v Speaker 2>love doesn't exist and it isn't worth looking, fighting and

0:24:16.600 --> 0:24:17.160
<v Speaker 2>waiting for.

0:24:17.480 --> 0:24:18.640
<v Speaker 1>It just means.

0:24:18.440 --> 0:24:20.960
<v Speaker 2>Sometimes in life it's hard to make it last forever

0:24:21.119 --> 0:24:24.239
<v Speaker 2>and you have to wait a little bit longer. It

0:24:24.320 --> 0:24:27.280
<v Speaker 2>is not all bad news, though life is. Whilst society

0:24:27.320 --> 0:24:29.600
<v Speaker 2>would have you believe that all marriage ends in divorce

0:24:29.680 --> 0:24:31.360
<v Speaker 2>and that the romantic, happy.

0:24:31.119 --> 0:24:35.320
<v Speaker 1>Ending is all but impossible, that's not the case. Love

0:24:35.920 --> 0:24:36.680
<v Speaker 1>does exist.

0:24:37.280 --> 0:24:39.439
<v Speaker 2>But until we find that happy ever after, we're going

0:24:39.520 --> 0:24:42.560
<v Speaker 2>to go through some pretty shit fucked up breakups and

0:24:42.600 --> 0:24:43.719
<v Speaker 2>it's not going to be easy.

0:24:44.359 --> 0:24:46.399
<v Speaker 1>Well, one of the things that we have spoken about

0:24:46.440 --> 0:24:48.680
<v Speaker 1>so many times before, and I just want to reiterate

0:24:48.720 --> 0:24:51.120
<v Speaker 1>this at the start of this episode while actually we're

0:24:51.119 --> 0:24:53.320
<v Speaker 1>about three quarters away in but anyway, I'll tell you

0:24:53.400 --> 0:24:55.520
<v Speaker 1>it now, that is that from some of the most

0:24:55.520 --> 0:25:00.960
<v Speaker 1>turbulent heartbreaking, traumatic, just gut wrenching experience in life is

0:25:00.960 --> 0:25:04.679
<v Speaker 1>where your most profound and incredible growth will happen. So

0:25:05.359 --> 0:25:07.320
<v Speaker 1>I know that you can't see that when you're in

0:25:07.320 --> 0:25:09.080
<v Speaker 1>the depths of a breakup. You can't be like, oh,

0:25:09.119 --> 0:25:11.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to be this beautiful flower at the end

0:25:11.000 --> 0:25:14.640
<v Speaker 1>of this. It doesn't feel like that. But I even

0:25:14.640 --> 0:25:17.640
<v Speaker 1>look back on some of my absolute worst breakups where

0:25:17.640 --> 0:25:19.080
<v Speaker 1>at the time I didn't think I was going to

0:25:19.119 --> 0:25:20.639
<v Speaker 1>survive and I didn't think I was going to make

0:25:20.680 --> 0:25:24.520
<v Speaker 1>it through, and I am now in retrospect almost grateful

0:25:24.600 --> 0:25:27.040
<v Speaker 1>that that happened, that I'm no longer with that person

0:25:27.080 --> 0:25:28.360
<v Speaker 1>who I thought I was going to spend the rest

0:25:28.359 --> 0:25:30.560
<v Speaker 1>of my life with that I went through that really

0:25:30.680 --> 0:25:33.480
<v Speaker 1>awful experience because it made me a better person. It

0:25:33.520 --> 0:25:36.080
<v Speaker 1>made me more aware of what I want in a relationship.

0:25:36.119 --> 0:25:37.719
<v Speaker 1>It made me more aware of what I'll put up

0:25:37.760 --> 0:25:39.240
<v Speaker 1>with and what I won't put up with, and what

0:25:39.320 --> 0:25:41.639
<v Speaker 1>my worth is. And so I know that it can

0:25:41.680 --> 0:25:44.679
<v Speaker 1>be really hard to look at those things and to

0:25:44.800 --> 0:25:46.920
<v Speaker 1>see the light at the end of the tunnel. And

0:25:47.119 --> 0:25:50.199
<v Speaker 1>something that everyone always says as well is like, don't worry,

0:25:50.280 --> 0:25:52.320
<v Speaker 1>just give it time. But what we wanted to put

0:25:52.359 --> 0:25:54.880
<v Speaker 1>together in this episode was some other things other than

0:25:54.960 --> 0:25:58.800
<v Speaker 1>just saying time heals or wounds, to help you overcome it,

0:25:59.040 --> 0:26:02.159
<v Speaker 1>to help you make sense of it, because they really

0:26:02.200 --> 0:26:05.359
<v Speaker 1>really hurt, and they're supposed to really hurt. There's some

0:26:05.400 --> 0:26:07.760
<v Speaker 1>of the most profound things that happen in our life.

0:26:07.880 --> 0:26:10.600
<v Speaker 2>And you know what, it is true. I'm on board

0:26:10.680 --> 0:26:14.000
<v Speaker 2>with the old time heals all wounds, but time alone

0:26:14.240 --> 0:26:16.240
<v Speaker 2>doesn't heal all wounds. There's a lot of things that

0:26:16.280 --> 0:26:18.600
<v Speaker 2>you need to do in that time, a lot of

0:26:18.600 --> 0:26:20.919
<v Speaker 2>things that need to accompany that time for you to

0:26:21.119 --> 0:26:23.000
<v Speaker 2>get to a place where you're healed and you feel

0:26:23.040 --> 0:26:24.240
<v Speaker 2>ready to jump back into the.

0:26:24.160 --> 0:26:27.440
<v Speaker 1>Wild and to face life again. So whilst it's easy

0:26:27.440 --> 0:26:29.280
<v Speaker 1>to be like, yep, give it time, give it time,

0:26:29.280 --> 0:26:31.920
<v Speaker 1>you've got to be putting some things into practice during

0:26:31.960 --> 0:26:34.160
<v Speaker 1>that time. But also in you saying it's not time,

0:26:34.160 --> 0:26:37.520
<v Speaker 1>it's like working on working on things and changing things.

0:26:37.600 --> 0:26:40.760
<v Speaker 1>I think to like just expand on that a little

0:26:40.800 --> 0:26:43.600
<v Speaker 1>bit as well. If you don't acknowledge or if you're

0:26:43.640 --> 0:26:46.840
<v Speaker 1>not aware of, like the reason why a breakup has happened,

0:26:46.960 --> 0:26:49.240
<v Speaker 1>or you're not you seem like you're having the same

0:26:49.280 --> 0:26:51.879
<v Speaker 1>behavior over and over. There are a lot of people,

0:26:51.920 --> 0:26:53.760
<v Speaker 1>and we've spoken about this before as well, I know,

0:26:53.840 --> 0:26:55.240
<v Speaker 1>but there are a lot of people who get into

0:26:55.280 --> 0:26:58.440
<v Speaker 1>the same carbon copy relationship and go through heartbreak after

0:26:58.440 --> 0:27:01.800
<v Speaker 1>heartbreak after heartbreak, and they think, well, why does this

0:27:01.880 --> 0:27:05.600
<v Speaker 1>keep happening to me? And it's because there's this systemic

0:27:05.640 --> 0:27:08.399
<v Speaker 1>and systematic behavior where you're doing the same thing and

0:27:08.440 --> 0:27:10.800
<v Speaker 1>getting the same outcome. So I think that that's something

0:27:10.840 --> 0:27:12.600
<v Speaker 1>as well to just be mindful of. And we'll get

0:27:12.640 --> 0:27:14.640
<v Speaker 1>into that a little bit more too. Yeah, for sure,

0:27:14.800 --> 0:27:16.840
<v Speaker 1>jump into that. But something I really wanted to just

0:27:16.880 --> 0:27:19.360
<v Speaker 1>touch on first, which I think helps to make sense

0:27:19.400 --> 0:27:21.960
<v Speaker 1>a little bit of this, the really visceral feeling that

0:27:22.000 --> 0:27:25.520
<v Speaker 1>comes with heartbreak, is this idea that when you're in

0:27:25.520 --> 0:27:29.439
<v Speaker 1>a relationship with someone, the brain creates these neuropathways. So

0:27:29.480 --> 0:27:32.639
<v Speaker 1>what happens is every time you experience a new experience

0:27:32.640 --> 0:27:35.080
<v Speaker 1>in life, your brain creates a neuropathway in order for

0:27:35.119 --> 0:27:37.800
<v Speaker 1>you to like bond that memory. And so the more

0:27:37.840 --> 0:27:41.600
<v Speaker 1>that you do something, the stronger those neuropathways actually become.

0:27:41.720 --> 0:27:43.480
<v Speaker 1>So the more time that you spend with someone, the

0:27:43.520 --> 0:27:46.359
<v Speaker 1>more shared experiences you spend with someone, the more that

0:27:46.400 --> 0:27:50.600
<v Speaker 1>you really cement those neuropathways in your brain. Now, when

0:27:50.640 --> 0:27:53.600
<v Speaker 1>you break up with that person, your brain is actually

0:27:53.640 --> 0:27:56.120
<v Speaker 1>trying to one it's trying to protect you, but it's

0:27:56.160 --> 0:27:58.560
<v Speaker 1>also sometimes your worst enemy. So when you actually go

0:27:58.600 --> 0:28:02.159
<v Speaker 1>through a breakup, what it triggers is your reward system.

0:28:02.280 --> 0:28:04.760
<v Speaker 1>So what you get from your partner is you get

0:28:04.800 --> 0:28:07.439
<v Speaker 1>this like this the love, you get this affirmation. It

0:28:07.520 --> 0:28:09.680
<v Speaker 1>is literally a drug. The same part of your brain

0:28:09.720 --> 0:28:12.800
<v Speaker 1>that affects drug addicts is lit up when you're in

0:28:12.840 --> 0:28:15.240
<v Speaker 1>a relationship with someone because it's that dope. Mean, it's

0:28:15.280 --> 0:28:17.320
<v Speaker 1>the love that we receive from that person. So when

0:28:17.359 --> 0:28:20.560
<v Speaker 1>you go through a breakup, you can get thrown into

0:28:20.560 --> 0:28:23.080
<v Speaker 1>this craziness where you're wanting like your next hit, You're

0:28:23.080 --> 0:28:26.200
<v Speaker 1>wanting to receive that affirmation from that person again, you're

0:28:26.240 --> 0:28:28.679
<v Speaker 1>needing to have contact with them. And that is like

0:28:28.720 --> 0:28:32.399
<v Speaker 1>a very like Sciance sea based way that we are

0:28:32.400 --> 0:28:34.480
<v Speaker 1>affected by a breakup. So what happens when we break

0:28:34.520 --> 0:28:37.080
<v Speaker 1>up with someone is that these neural pathways they start

0:28:37.080 --> 0:28:40.720
<v Speaker 1>to deteriorate and in order for you to slowly get

0:28:40.760 --> 0:28:43.960
<v Speaker 1>over that relationship, Yes, time heals all wounds, but it's

0:28:44.000 --> 0:28:47.440
<v Speaker 1>because these neural pathways are actually breaking down. But every

0:28:47.480 --> 0:28:50.320
<v Speaker 1>time you look at a photo, every time you text him,

0:28:50.360 --> 0:28:52.600
<v Speaker 1>every time you rock up for a booty call, every

0:28:52.680 --> 0:28:54.320
<v Speaker 1>time you have to just get that little bit of

0:28:54.360 --> 0:28:58.240
<v Speaker 1>extra closure, that's reforming those neural pathways. You're not allowing

0:28:58.240 --> 0:29:01.440
<v Speaker 1>your brain actual time to to break them down and

0:29:01.480 --> 0:29:04.200
<v Speaker 1>for you to start creating your own identity that's separate

0:29:04.240 --> 0:29:05.120
<v Speaker 1>from a relationship.

0:29:05.320 --> 0:29:07.240
<v Speaker 2>And I guess to compliment that, I just find it

0:29:07.360 --> 0:29:10.080
<v Speaker 2>so interesting. I guess I'm a woman of science.

0:29:10.120 --> 0:29:12.200
<v Speaker 1>I love it. But I have a study that actually

0:29:12.200 --> 0:29:15.440
<v Speaker 1>compliments that really well. And it's a study.

0:29:15.320 --> 0:29:18.040
<v Speaker 2>From twenty eleven, and it's published in the journal Proceedings

0:29:18.040 --> 0:29:20.360
<v Speaker 2>of the National Academy of Science in the United States

0:29:20.400 --> 0:29:25.040
<v Speaker 2>of America. And basically, when your friend or when you

0:29:25.080 --> 0:29:27.480
<v Speaker 2>say to someone like I am hurting so much, I'm

0:29:27.480 --> 0:29:29.960
<v Speaker 2>in so much pain from this breakup, is actually true.

0:29:30.240 --> 0:29:33.320
<v Speaker 2>Your body physically can feel pain. So in this study

0:29:33.680 --> 0:29:37.520
<v Speaker 2>found that romantic rejection meant areas of the brain associated

0:29:37.520 --> 0:29:41.800
<v Speaker 2>with feelings and pain are activated, so that heartbreak actually

0:29:41.920 --> 0:29:46.960
<v Speaker 2>activates real pain centers in your brain. So psychologist Edward

0:29:46.960 --> 0:29:50.680
<v Speaker 2>Smith from Columbia University, New York recruited forty volunteers who

0:29:50.760 --> 0:29:53.200
<v Speaker 2>had gone through an unwanted breakup, so they were the

0:29:53.200 --> 0:29:55.680
<v Speaker 2>ones that were broken up with they'd gone through this

0:29:55.760 --> 0:29:58.520
<v Speaker 2>breakup in the past six months. They all had MRI

0:29:58.760 --> 0:30:02.120
<v Speaker 2>scans on their brain whilst in the machine. They were

0:30:02.120 --> 0:30:04.480
<v Speaker 2>asked to look at photos of their ex partners.

0:30:04.640 --> 0:30:06.360
<v Speaker 1>So they were asked to look at photos of.

0:30:06.280 --> 0:30:10.160
<v Speaker 2>Their ex partners whilst in the MRI machine, and they

0:30:10.160 --> 0:30:12.320
<v Speaker 2>were asked to think about that feeling when they were rejected,

0:30:12.560 --> 0:30:15.320
<v Speaker 2>And the MRI scan actually showed that while the participants

0:30:15.360 --> 0:30:17.920
<v Speaker 2>were thinking about this turmoil that they went through and

0:30:17.920 --> 0:30:20.320
<v Speaker 2>thinking about the breakup, the areas of the brain that

0:30:20.400 --> 0:30:23.360
<v Speaker 2>were associated with physical pain actually were like on fire.

0:30:23.400 --> 0:30:26.240
<v Speaker 2>They were lighting up. And that is the same part

0:30:26.280 --> 0:30:27.840
<v Speaker 2>of the brain that lights up when you kick your

0:30:27.840 --> 0:30:30.720
<v Speaker 2>toe or you know, fall down a flight of stairs.

0:30:30.720 --> 0:30:34.000
<v Speaker 2>So physically, when somebody says like I am in pain

0:30:34.120 --> 0:30:38.360
<v Speaker 2>from this breakup, it's not metaphorical, like your body actually

0:30:38.440 --> 0:30:39.360
<v Speaker 2>physically feels it.

0:30:39.560 --> 0:30:42.040
<v Speaker 1>Well, I guess like anybody who has been through a

0:30:42.040 --> 0:30:45.200
<v Speaker 1>bad breakup, but anybody who's come and found this episode

0:30:45.240 --> 0:30:48.240
<v Speaker 1>because of a breakup, like you know, that pain is

0:30:48.320 --> 0:30:51.240
<v Speaker 1>so visceral it's so real. Like I remember this one

0:30:51.240 --> 0:30:54.080
<v Speaker 1>time when, like the guy who I speak about from

0:30:54.120 --> 0:30:56.200
<v Speaker 1>time to time on this podcast, who I was with

0:30:56.240 --> 0:31:00.000
<v Speaker 1>before Matt, he had cheated on me and I'd fat

0:30:59.880 --> 0:31:03.000
<v Speaker 1>out about it and we were like had a very turbulent,

0:31:03.160 --> 0:31:07.240
<v Speaker 1>like extremely all amazing, all terrible up and down roller

0:31:07.280 --> 0:31:09.120
<v Speaker 1>coaster of a relationship. It was just it was like

0:31:09.440 --> 0:31:12.680
<v Speaker 1>very very volatile all the time. And I remember when

0:31:12.680 --> 0:31:17.080
<v Speaker 1>we broke up and I had full on anxiety panic attacks,

0:31:17.080 --> 0:31:18.840
<v Speaker 1>which is not something I would actually ever say that

0:31:18.880 --> 0:31:21.160
<v Speaker 1>I normally suffer from. But I didn't even know how

0:31:21.160 --> 0:31:24.760
<v Speaker 1>to cope with the instantness of that pain. The only

0:31:24.840 --> 0:31:26.760
<v Speaker 1>thing that I thought I could do was go back

0:31:26.760 --> 0:31:28.480
<v Speaker 1>to him, because I was like, I can't deal with

0:31:28.560 --> 0:31:32.000
<v Speaker 1>feeling this bad, that even just going back will make

0:31:32.000 --> 0:31:33.680
<v Speaker 1>it better. And I think a lot of people do

0:31:33.720 --> 0:31:37.120
<v Speaker 1>that as a very quick and instant reaction to a breakup.

0:31:37.160 --> 0:31:39.160
<v Speaker 1>Instead of sitting in that pain, they run back to

0:31:39.200 --> 0:31:41.120
<v Speaker 1>the person, even if that person is not good for them,

0:31:41.160 --> 0:31:43.640
<v Speaker 1>even if that person has shown time and time again

0:31:43.680 --> 0:31:45.720
<v Speaker 1>that they're not going to change. But it's because the

0:31:45.960 --> 0:31:48.240
<v Speaker 1>physical pain of being broken up with is too hard.

0:31:48.960 --> 0:31:51.440
<v Speaker 1>I absolutely agree. I've done this the exact same thing.

0:31:51.560 --> 0:31:53.880
<v Speaker 2>I'm not someone I have been in like some stressful,

0:31:53.920 --> 0:31:58.360
<v Speaker 2>crazy situations in around the world, in all different levels,

0:31:58.360 --> 0:32:00.440
<v Speaker 2>all different aspects. And the only time I have ever

0:32:01.560 --> 0:32:04.040
<v Speaker 2>had panic attacks and not being able to breathe and

0:32:04.200 --> 0:32:05.800
<v Speaker 2>thought I was gonna die.

0:32:05.720 --> 0:32:08.320
<v Speaker 1>Was like after a breakup. After I broke up with

0:32:08.320 --> 0:32:11.000
<v Speaker 1>my partner of eight years, I felt those feelings and

0:32:11.000 --> 0:32:11.680
<v Speaker 1>I've never felt.

0:32:11.520 --> 0:32:15.160
<v Speaker 2>Them again, and I was in a proper panic. I

0:32:15.160 --> 0:32:18.000
<v Speaker 2>couldn't breathe. I couldn't and that's that was my body's

0:32:18.000 --> 0:32:20.840
<v Speaker 2>reaction to not being able to deal with heartbreak. And

0:32:20.880 --> 0:32:24.600
<v Speaker 2>I remember I remember calling him and saying, my heart

0:32:24.880 --> 0:32:26.160
<v Speaker 2>is in so.

0:32:26.240 --> 0:32:28.280
<v Speaker 1>Much pain because it was an actual feeling, like I

0:32:28.280 --> 0:32:29.840
<v Speaker 1>felt like I had a stitch in my heart. Like

0:32:29.920 --> 0:32:32.600
<v Speaker 1>that was actually I guess that's why it's called heartbreak,

0:32:32.600 --> 0:32:35.760
<v Speaker 1>because your heart is it's broken, and the pain of

0:32:35.800 --> 0:32:38.200
<v Speaker 1>it almost like it's such a weird thing to describe,

0:32:38.200 --> 0:32:40.280
<v Speaker 1>but it actually sits in your chest, like it's that

0:32:40.440 --> 0:32:42.840
<v Speaker 1>feeling of heaviness that's inside you. Like it's not like

0:32:42.960 --> 0:32:44.920
<v Speaker 1>yr nies don't hurt, your elbows don't hurt, your wrists,

0:32:44.920 --> 0:32:47.440
<v Speaker 1>don't hurt. It's like this feeling that's very centralized to

0:32:47.480 --> 0:32:51.680
<v Speaker 1>your torso and that like compulsive thinking where you can't

0:32:51.680 --> 0:32:55.280
<v Speaker 1>think about anything else and you can't really like imagine

0:32:55.280 --> 0:32:57.800
<v Speaker 1>your life without them. And I guess like something that

0:32:57.840 --> 0:32:59.680
<v Speaker 1>I think is really important that we need to kind

0:32:59.720 --> 0:33:02.840
<v Speaker 1>of take the conversation into is this idea of identity

0:33:02.840 --> 0:33:05.200
<v Speaker 1>that's tied up in a breakup, which is what makes

0:33:05.240 --> 0:33:08.440
<v Speaker 1>it so difficult to overcome. You're not only breaking up

0:33:08.440 --> 0:33:10.560
<v Speaker 1>with a person, which in and of itself is a

0:33:10.560 --> 0:33:14.520
<v Speaker 1>loss at is grief. You're also dealing with the loss

0:33:14.520 --> 0:33:16.920
<v Speaker 1>of your own identity and that's something that you really

0:33:16.920 --> 0:33:20.160
<v Speaker 1>need to be aware of because this concept that you

0:33:20.680 --> 0:33:23.560
<v Speaker 1>have formed a life with someone, but it's also the

0:33:23.600 --> 0:33:26.480
<v Speaker 1>future life that you have projected, that you have imagined

0:33:26.760 --> 0:33:29.280
<v Speaker 1>and that you've put a lot of love and energy

0:33:29.320 --> 0:33:31.960
<v Speaker 1>and thought into that you lose all of a sudden

0:33:32.000 --> 0:33:34.480
<v Speaker 1>and so by losing that identity, you're kind of thrown

0:33:34.520 --> 0:33:37.120
<v Speaker 1>into this whole world of like, I don't know who

0:33:37.120 --> 0:33:39.200
<v Speaker 1>I am anymore because I don't know who I am

0:33:39.240 --> 0:33:42.080
<v Speaker 1>without that person. So one of the first steps I

0:33:42.080 --> 0:33:45.720
<v Speaker 1>think to really starting to overcome a breakup is imagining

0:33:46.080 --> 0:33:48.440
<v Speaker 1>your life not in a negative way, but trying to

0:33:48.480 --> 0:33:51.400
<v Speaker 1>imagine your life in the most positive way possible without

0:33:51.400 --> 0:33:54.720
<v Speaker 1>that person in it. And every time you see yourself

0:33:55.080 --> 0:33:57.440
<v Speaker 1>going back to like I can't live without them, or

0:33:57.880 --> 0:33:59.760
<v Speaker 1>I can't you know, I can't imagine my life with

0:33:59.800 --> 0:34:02.600
<v Speaker 1>a without them, you have to try and retrain your

0:34:02.600 --> 0:34:05.320
<v Speaker 1>brain to start to look for the positives in what

0:34:05.360 --> 0:34:07.640
<v Speaker 1>life could be now that you're on your own, of

0:34:07.720 --> 0:34:10.120
<v Speaker 1>all the possibilities now that you're on your own.

0:34:10.680 --> 0:34:13.840
<v Speaker 2>It's very hard cycle to break because often, and I

0:34:13.840 --> 0:34:15.880
<v Speaker 2>guess it's the older you get as well, you become

0:34:16.000 --> 0:34:18.319
<v Speaker 2>more serious more quickly with people, and you do plan

0:34:18.360 --> 0:34:20.440
<v Speaker 2>out your kids, where you're going to live, what you're

0:34:20.440 --> 0:34:22.680
<v Speaker 2>going to call them, the how is she going to buy?

0:34:22.760 --> 0:34:25.840
<v Speaker 2>And you don't envision one aspect of your life anymore

0:34:25.840 --> 0:34:28.520
<v Speaker 2>without that person. So it's definitely all of a sudden

0:34:28.520 --> 0:34:31.080
<v Speaker 2>a slap in the face to reassess that. And it's

0:34:31.120 --> 0:34:34.759
<v Speaker 2>scary to face your future alone. We've all been there.

0:34:34.760 --> 0:34:36.120
<v Speaker 2>I've been there and I thought, I don't know what

0:34:36.160 --> 0:34:37.759
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to do. I don't know who I am

0:34:37.800 --> 0:34:38.600
<v Speaker 2>without this person.

0:34:38.920 --> 0:34:40.880
<v Speaker 1>Like I literally went through that. I had been my

0:34:40.920 --> 0:34:41.759
<v Speaker 1>whole adult.

0:34:41.440 --> 0:34:44.160
<v Speaker 2>Life with someone for eight years and I didn't know

0:34:44.200 --> 0:34:47.640
<v Speaker 2>how to be someone without him, And I think that

0:34:47.800 --> 0:34:51.239
<v Speaker 2>for a lot of people, it's not just the it's

0:34:51.280 --> 0:34:54.359
<v Speaker 2>not just the loss of your partner that hurts. It's

0:34:55.080 --> 0:34:59.040
<v Speaker 2>the fear and how scary the future looks going into

0:34:59.040 --> 0:35:03.040
<v Speaker 2>it alone, back in the wild, alone, not knowing where

0:35:03.080 --> 0:35:04.799
<v Speaker 2>you're going to end up, not knowing what your path

0:35:04.880 --> 0:35:07.160
<v Speaker 2>is anymore. That's that's the scary thing, isn't it. So

0:35:07.239 --> 0:35:10.440
<v Speaker 2>I think that together with the physical pain, it's just

0:35:10.480 --> 0:35:11.640
<v Speaker 2>a culmination of things.

0:35:12.000 --> 0:35:13.400
<v Speaker 1>One of the things that you just touched on as

0:35:13.440 --> 0:35:15.560
<v Speaker 1>well is like this idea that it gets worse as

0:35:15.560 --> 0:35:17.400
<v Speaker 1>we get older. And I don't know if enough like

0:35:17.440 --> 0:35:19.600
<v Speaker 1>time and energy has really been put into that conversation.

0:35:19.680 --> 0:35:22.640
<v Speaker 1>But like when you're in your twenties, breakups are bad.

0:35:23.200 --> 0:35:26.680
<v Speaker 1>They absolutely are, like you, they're still horrific. But I

0:35:26.719 --> 0:35:28.960
<v Speaker 1>do think that like sometimes you think you're afforded a

0:35:29.000 --> 0:35:31.520
<v Speaker 1>bit of time, like you know, there's still this prospect

0:35:31.520 --> 0:35:33.239
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to meet someone else, or you know, I

0:35:33.239 --> 0:35:35.600
<v Speaker 1>think I will meet someone else. But I guess like

0:35:35.640 --> 0:35:38.680
<v Speaker 1>that that becomes that becomes heavier for people when you

0:35:38.719 --> 0:35:41.279
<v Speaker 1>get into your thirties. And that's even something when I

0:35:41.320 --> 0:35:43.799
<v Speaker 1>went through my b breakup. I was thirty just that

0:35:43.960 --> 0:35:46.239
<v Speaker 1>was like just pre going on the Bachelor, and I

0:35:46.320 --> 0:35:49.200
<v Speaker 1>had this moment where I was like, that's it. I'm

0:35:49.200 --> 0:35:50.600
<v Speaker 1>going to be on my own and I'm going to

0:35:50.640 --> 0:35:53.640
<v Speaker 1>be alone forever. That was what made it so hard

0:35:53.680 --> 0:35:55.520
<v Speaker 1>to be okay, was this feeling that I was going

0:35:55.560 --> 0:35:57.160
<v Speaker 1>to be on my own, and of course that's not

0:35:57.320 --> 0:35:59.760
<v Speaker 1>the case. Like you know, breakups happen at all different

0:35:59.800 --> 0:36:02.479
<v Speaker 1>ages in life. Sometimes you might even think you've found

0:36:02.480 --> 0:36:04.360
<v Speaker 1>the one, You might even have kids with that person,

0:36:04.640 --> 0:36:07.279
<v Speaker 1>and then hey, at like forty five, fifty sixty, shit

0:36:07.360 --> 0:36:09.400
<v Speaker 1>goes wrong and you're not with that person anymore. Like

0:36:09.800 --> 0:36:12.319
<v Speaker 1>life can throw you some absolute curve balls because you

0:36:12.360 --> 0:36:15.480
<v Speaker 1>cannot control someone else. You cannot control their behavior, and

0:36:15.520 --> 0:36:17.200
<v Speaker 1>you can't control whether or not they want to be

0:36:17.239 --> 0:36:19.360
<v Speaker 1>with you for the rest of their lives. But I

0:36:19.400 --> 0:36:21.520
<v Speaker 1>think like an interesting thing to ask and tell me

0:36:21.560 --> 0:36:23.920
<v Speaker 1>if I'm overstepping by asking you as well Britain, but

0:36:24.040 --> 0:36:27.080
<v Speaker 1>like you know, I will, well, yeah, but like you're

0:36:27.160 --> 0:36:29.120
<v Speaker 1>single still and at this point in your life, am

0:36:29.160 --> 0:36:31.360
<v Speaker 1>I well? Fuck, I don't know, do you tell me?

0:36:31.719 --> 0:36:34.360
<v Speaker 1>But let's pretend I am okay. But let's pretend you

0:36:34.400 --> 0:36:36.759
<v Speaker 1>are like, how does a break up now in your

0:36:36.760 --> 0:36:39.239
<v Speaker 1>thirties compare to a breakup in your twenties. Yeah, I

0:36:39.280 --> 0:36:40.120
<v Speaker 1>was just thinking.

0:36:39.800 --> 0:36:41.520
<v Speaker 2>That actually, as you were just saying what you were

0:36:41.560 --> 0:36:43.800
<v Speaker 2>saying about how it's easier in your twenties.

0:36:43.840 --> 0:36:44.800
<v Speaker 1>I think it's a catch.

0:36:44.600 --> 0:36:49.360
<v Speaker 2>Twenty two because when you're a teenager and your early twenties,

0:36:49.400 --> 0:36:56.040
<v Speaker 2>even towards your late twenties, what happens is everything is extreme.

0:36:56.080 --> 0:36:59.200
<v Speaker 2>Everything is more extreme. So I remember breaking up in

0:36:59.200 --> 0:37:02.839
<v Speaker 2>my early twenties and I just was beside myself because

0:37:02.840 --> 0:37:04.959
<v Speaker 2>you haven't felt that pain before, and it's your.

0:37:04.880 --> 0:37:06.040
<v Speaker 1>First real heartbreak.

0:37:06.040 --> 0:37:08.160
<v Speaker 2>It's your first heartbreak and you haven't felt it, and

0:37:08.200 --> 0:37:09.880
<v Speaker 2>you don't know what you're going to do without that person.

0:37:09.920 --> 0:37:13.799
<v Speaker 2>And I think because we're younger, without life experience, we

0:37:13.920 --> 0:37:16.320
<v Speaker 2>think it's the worst thing that's ever going to happen

0:37:16.320 --> 0:37:17.839
<v Speaker 2>to us. When I broke up with my boyfriend when

0:37:17.840 --> 0:37:21.480
<v Speaker 2>I was sixteen, I remember saying to my mum, I

0:37:21.520 --> 0:37:23.680
<v Speaker 2>will never be I'll never meet anyone again. I remember

0:37:23.680 --> 0:37:25.480
<v Speaker 2>saying that, and I was sixteen. But that's because you

0:37:25.560 --> 0:37:27.880
<v Speaker 2>haven't done life yet and you don't have the experience.

0:37:27.880 --> 0:37:30.040
<v Speaker 2>So I think for a lot of young people. We

0:37:30.040 --> 0:37:31.799
<v Speaker 2>don't want to take away from that because you will

0:37:31.840 --> 0:37:34.480
<v Speaker 2>feel like the worst you've ever felt. But like Laura said,

0:37:35.440 --> 0:37:38.080
<v Speaker 2>there's this aspect of having some time on your side.

0:37:38.160 --> 0:37:39.200
<v Speaker 1>You've got so much.

0:37:39.000 --> 0:37:40.440
<v Speaker 2>More that you can go and do before you do

0:37:40.560 --> 0:37:42.719
<v Speaker 2>have to go and tie yourself into a mortgage or

0:37:43.080 --> 0:37:44.080
<v Speaker 2>you have kids.

0:37:43.920 --> 0:37:45.120
<v Speaker 1>Or anything like that.

0:37:45.239 --> 0:37:47.319
<v Speaker 2>So it's hard because you're not going to get over

0:37:47.360 --> 0:37:49.880
<v Speaker 2>it as quickly because you think it's the worst thing

0:37:49.920 --> 0:37:50.680
<v Speaker 2>that's going to happen to you.

0:37:50.719 --> 0:37:53.399
<v Speaker 1>But then you've got time to move on when you're

0:37:53.400 --> 0:37:57.640
<v Speaker 1>in your thirties. Okay, let's just flip what I just said.

0:37:57.640 --> 0:38:00.680
<v Speaker 1>When you're in your thirties, it is really really hard.

0:38:00.760 --> 0:38:03.520
<v Speaker 2>And we've had some listeners writing recently and I have

0:38:03.719 --> 0:38:05.120
<v Speaker 2>just really resonated with them.

0:38:05.560 --> 0:38:07.719
<v Speaker 1>They say things like a girl a few nights ago,

0:38:07.760 --> 0:38:08.280
<v Speaker 1>she said.

0:38:08.160 --> 0:38:12.000
<v Speaker 2>I am thirty two, I have spent ten years on

0:38:12.000 --> 0:38:16.880
<v Speaker 2>my own. What's wrong with me? What is wrong with me?

0:38:16.920 --> 0:38:18.680
<v Speaker 2>Why can't I'm never gonna meet anyone? I'm going to

0:38:18.719 --> 0:38:20.920
<v Speaker 2>give up looking? And she had this, and I felt

0:38:20.920 --> 0:38:22.600
<v Speaker 2>that because I have had that in my mind, I

0:38:22.640 --> 0:38:26.080
<v Speaker 2>have thought to myself, Brittany, give up. No one likes you,

0:38:26.440 --> 0:38:28.240
<v Speaker 2>and it's horrible. But this how you speak to yourself.

0:38:28.400 --> 0:38:31.520
<v Speaker 2>No one likes you. You're doing something wrong. Love's not

0:38:31.600 --> 0:38:34.399
<v Speaker 2>meant for you. That's such a horrible thing to say

0:38:34.400 --> 0:38:37.120
<v Speaker 2>to yourself. It is and it's not true. But I've yes,

0:38:37.160 --> 0:38:39.239
<v Speaker 2>and this is what I've told this our listener. But

0:38:40.280 --> 0:38:43.080
<v Speaker 2>there are moments where when you're in your thirties, you

0:38:43.120 --> 0:38:45.759
<v Speaker 2>feel that because you're like, okay, I'm I'm in the

0:38:45.760 --> 0:38:48.560
<v Speaker 2>next aspect of my life. There's a lot more pressure

0:38:48.600 --> 0:38:51.520
<v Speaker 2>on people. Everyone around you iss settled down and had kids,

0:38:51.560 --> 0:38:54.480
<v Speaker 2>and so breakups are definitely worse in that sense because

0:38:54.520 --> 0:38:56.799
<v Speaker 2>you feel like time isn't on your side anymore. And

0:38:56.840 --> 0:38:59.480
<v Speaker 2>I think we put too much stress on us.

0:38:59.800 --> 0:39:02.200
<v Speaker 1>And there's that comparison of like where you think you

0:39:02.239 --> 0:39:04.680
<v Speaker 1>should be in life, but really like there's no timeline

0:39:04.680 --> 0:39:06.680
<v Speaker 1>of where you should be, Like you are at exactly

0:39:06.760 --> 0:39:08.319
<v Speaker 1>the point in your life where you're meant to be at,

0:39:08.360 --> 0:39:10.239
<v Speaker 1>just because it's not the same point that someone else

0:39:10.320 --> 0:39:12.920
<v Speaker 1>is at, Like they might not even be happy anyway.

0:39:12.960 --> 0:39:15.520
<v Speaker 1>You can't compare yourself to other people and where their

0:39:15.560 --> 0:39:18.320
<v Speaker 1>relationships are at. I think that that's like a really

0:39:18.320 --> 0:39:21.320
<v Speaker 1>important thing. But the reality is breakups are going to

0:39:21.360 --> 0:39:23.800
<v Speaker 1>be hard, no matter when they happen in your life,

0:39:23.960 --> 0:39:25.879
<v Speaker 1>and no matter how they happen, whether you're the one

0:39:25.880 --> 0:39:27.920
<v Speaker 1>that does the breaking up, whether you're the one that's

0:39:27.960 --> 0:39:29.840
<v Speaker 1>broken up with. Well, on the flip.

0:39:29.560 --> 0:39:31.080
<v Speaker 2>Side to what I was just saying, and this is

0:39:31.080 --> 0:39:33.600
<v Speaker 2>something I do want to talk about, is the thing

0:39:33.600 --> 0:39:35.560
<v Speaker 2>that does help when you're in your thirties and when

0:39:35.560 --> 0:39:36.880
<v Speaker 2>you start to get a little bit older and you

0:39:36.920 --> 0:39:39.520
<v Speaker 2>have some more life experiences that you can have those

0:39:39.560 --> 0:39:42.160
<v Speaker 2>moments where you're at the bottom of the bottom. You

0:39:42.200 --> 0:39:44.120
<v Speaker 2>are laying on the bottom of the ocean floor, you

0:39:44.160 --> 0:39:45.600
<v Speaker 2>feel like you drown and you feel like you won't

0:39:45.640 --> 0:39:48.920
<v Speaker 2>move on, But you flip that a lot quicker because

0:39:48.920 --> 0:39:50.040
<v Speaker 2>you've got this life experience.

0:39:50.120 --> 0:39:51.160
<v Speaker 1>You can be in that position.

0:39:51.200 --> 0:39:53.879
<v Speaker 2>But I think that you can tell yourself, okay, you're

0:39:53.920 --> 0:39:56.920
<v Speaker 2>being silly, like you let yourself feel it for a

0:39:56.960 --> 0:39:59.000
<v Speaker 2>minute and then you say you've been silly. You know

0:39:59.160 --> 0:40:01.239
<v Speaker 2>that's not true. Of course, loves meant for you. This

0:40:01.400 --> 0:40:03.520
<v Speaker 2>just wasn't your turn, and you pull yourself yourself out

0:40:03.520 --> 0:40:05.680
<v Speaker 2>of it a lot quicker than the twenty five year

0:40:05.680 --> 0:40:08.279
<v Speaker 2>old does. So I think both aspects of a young

0:40:08.320 --> 0:40:10.880
<v Speaker 2>breakup and an older breakup. They both have their things

0:40:10.920 --> 0:40:13.319
<v Speaker 2>that their positives and their negatives and get to a

0:40:13.360 --> 0:40:16.360
<v Speaker 2>point where they feel the pain, but they can say, Okay,

0:40:16.360 --> 0:40:18.279
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna take something from this and just get to

0:40:18.480 --> 0:40:21.160
<v Speaker 2>that point where I realize, this wasn't my penguin, this

0:40:21.280 --> 0:40:23.640
<v Speaker 2>wasn't for me. I'm gonna take something I learned from it,

0:40:23.680 --> 0:40:24.680
<v Speaker 2>and I'm gonna move forward.

0:40:25.080 --> 0:40:27.719
<v Speaker 1>Okay, So let's talk. Let's talk practically about what you

0:40:27.760 --> 0:40:29.160
<v Speaker 1>can do. Like, if you're in the throes of a

0:40:29.160 --> 0:40:33.680
<v Speaker 1>breakup and you're dealing with this intense feeling that you

0:40:33.760 --> 0:40:36.719
<v Speaker 1>don't think you can control. Firstly, I just want to say, like,

0:40:36.760 --> 0:40:39.960
<v Speaker 1>you can absolutely control it, because you are not your feelings.

0:40:40.200 --> 0:40:42.839
<v Speaker 1>Your feelings go up and down and they change sporadically

0:40:42.880 --> 0:40:45.160
<v Speaker 1>depending on what it is that you're thinking of that time.

0:40:45.640 --> 0:40:49.840
<v Speaker 1>So try and rewire your brain because you are probably

0:40:49.920 --> 0:40:52.960
<v Speaker 1>thinking about him or her, but you're probably thinking about

0:40:53.000 --> 0:40:55.359
<v Speaker 1>all the good times. You're probably thinking about like why

0:40:55.400 --> 0:40:58.120
<v Speaker 1>are they not texting me back? You're probably looking at photos,

0:40:58.120 --> 0:41:01.200
<v Speaker 1>you're probably rereading text me like we've all done that.

0:41:01.880 --> 0:41:04.080
<v Speaker 1>You have to almost like put up a virtual stop

0:41:04.120 --> 0:41:06.680
<v Speaker 1>sign in your brain. And just like interrupt that sort

0:41:06.680 --> 0:41:10.120
<v Speaker 1>of obsessive thinking and that ruminating about him, because that

0:41:10.320 --> 0:41:13.640
<v Speaker 1>cycle is just going to send you into a spiral hole. Yeah,

0:41:13.680 --> 0:41:15.719
<v Speaker 1>this is going to sound really silly about literally using

0:41:15.760 --> 0:41:17.719
<v Speaker 1>something like the visual of a stop sign to try

0:41:17.719 --> 0:41:20.600
<v Speaker 1>and break the habit of this obsessive thinking can be

0:41:20.680 --> 0:41:24.080
<v Speaker 1>super useful in retraining your brain. Now, well, I completely

0:41:24.120 --> 0:41:26.680
<v Speaker 1>agree with you, Laura, and let's talk about that some more.

0:41:26.800 --> 0:41:29.200
<v Speaker 1>But I think at the very very beginning, if we're

0:41:29.239 --> 0:41:33.800
<v Speaker 1>starting from day dot, it is allow yourself time to grieve.

0:41:33.920 --> 0:41:37.759
<v Speaker 1>So whether you are the break or opera or whether

0:41:37.800 --> 0:41:40.479
<v Speaker 1>you have been broken up with, you have to deal

0:41:40.520 --> 0:41:42.400
<v Speaker 1>with it. It hurts for both parties.

0:41:42.680 --> 0:41:44.919
<v Speaker 2>I don't think it's easier either way because the person

0:41:45.000 --> 0:41:47.239
<v Speaker 2>that's inflicting the pain and breaking up, they're going through

0:41:47.280 --> 0:41:48.839
<v Speaker 2>their own pain and they're dealing with that in their

0:41:48.840 --> 0:41:50.920
<v Speaker 2>own way. So you need to sit in that and

0:41:50.960 --> 0:41:53.720
<v Speaker 2>you need to whatever it takes, you have to actually

0:41:54.320 --> 0:41:56.840
<v Speaker 2>process it and accept it. So don't go out the

0:41:56.880 --> 0:41:59.120
<v Speaker 2>next day, don't go get drunk and be like I'm

0:41:59.120 --> 0:42:00.799
<v Speaker 2>going to forget him, I'm going have a one night stand,

0:42:00.800 --> 0:42:01.279
<v Speaker 2>because you're not.

0:42:01.320 --> 0:42:02.920
<v Speaker 1>You're going to feel a lot worse the next day.

0:42:02.920 --> 0:42:04.759
<v Speaker 1>So also, don't just get drunk and then drunk text him,

0:42:04.760 --> 0:42:05.920
<v Speaker 1>because that's going to turn out to be a bad

0:42:05.920 --> 0:42:07.920
<v Speaker 1>idea as well. Okay, this is my next this is

0:42:07.920 --> 0:42:10.319
<v Speaker 1>my next point. But I'm the leader's number. I'm just

0:42:10.360 --> 0:42:12.560
<v Speaker 1>gonna like like argue with you a little bit on that.

0:42:12.960 --> 0:42:15.239
<v Speaker 1>I don't think it's even you know, when people say

0:42:15.239 --> 0:42:16.800
<v Speaker 1>like it doesn't matter whether you're the breaker up or

0:42:16.920 --> 0:42:20.080
<v Speaker 1>the one being broken up with, everyone feels pain. I agree,

0:42:20.160 --> 0:42:22.719
<v Speaker 1>it is painful for both parties, but I think in

0:42:22.760 --> 0:42:25.840
<v Speaker 1>a breakup it's very rarely equal pain. I think that

0:42:26.160 --> 0:42:28.680
<v Speaker 1>I don't think it's equal. There is always somebody who

0:42:29.040 --> 0:42:32.160
<v Speaker 1>who hurts more, And when you're the person who hurts more,

0:42:32.239 --> 0:42:35.680
<v Speaker 1>it's really really hard because you kind of then the

0:42:35.680 --> 0:42:37.400
<v Speaker 1>one that's like, well, why don't they want me? Or

0:42:37.440 --> 0:42:39.920
<v Speaker 1>why can't I had them back? Or what did I

0:42:39.960 --> 0:42:42.080
<v Speaker 1>do wrong? And it's very easy to fall into this

0:42:42.280 --> 0:42:45.680
<v Speaker 1>mental blaming of yourself or this what's wrong with me

0:42:45.880 --> 0:42:47.040
<v Speaker 1>type thinking.

0:42:47.200 --> 0:42:49.520
<v Speaker 2>When I was saying before that I had like my

0:42:49.600 --> 0:42:51.839
<v Speaker 2>panic attacks and I've hurt more than I've ever heard.

0:42:51.880 --> 0:42:55.680
<v Speaker 2>After my relationship breakdown of eight years, I was the

0:42:55.680 --> 0:42:56.560
<v Speaker 2>one that broke up with him.

0:42:56.719 --> 0:42:58.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and I think like accepting that. I think if

0:42:59.000 --> 0:43:00.879
<v Speaker 1>you try and pretend like you're not feeling the things

0:43:00.880 --> 0:43:02.560
<v Speaker 1>that you're feeling, or trying to push that down, like

0:43:02.560 --> 0:43:04.560
<v Speaker 1>that's just like putting pressure on a volcano, It's going

0:43:04.600 --> 0:43:06.400
<v Speaker 1>to come up at some point in time. So like

0:43:06.480 --> 0:43:09.759
<v Speaker 1>acknowledging it and allowing yourself to feel that hurt and

0:43:09.920 --> 0:43:12.200
<v Speaker 1>allowing yourself to talk about it with your friends and

0:43:12.719 --> 0:43:15.000
<v Speaker 1>verbalize it and like, you know, you don't have to

0:43:15.000 --> 0:43:17.960
<v Speaker 1>be okay, you don't have to be strong. I think

0:43:17.960 --> 0:43:20.600
<v Speaker 1>that that is very therapeutic in and of itself, like

0:43:20.680 --> 0:43:23.279
<v Speaker 1>talking to the people who you love. Don't talk to

0:43:23.400 --> 0:43:25.919
<v Speaker 1>him about it though, Like one of the big things,

0:43:25.920 --> 0:43:28.080
<v Speaker 1>which I know you're just about to say, delete his number, ye,

0:43:28.680 --> 0:43:33.759
<v Speaker 1>Like we preach this on every episode. No freaking contact,

0:43:34.040 --> 0:43:37.160
<v Speaker 1>which means deleting his number. It means not trying to

0:43:37.160 --> 0:43:40.000
<v Speaker 1>get closure or like whatever excuse that you have under

0:43:40.040 --> 0:43:42.840
<v Speaker 1>the sun. Get the closure once, yeah, but like not

0:43:42.920 --> 0:43:46.000
<v Speaker 1>ten times. Yeah, whatever excuse you have to contact him.

0:43:46.040 --> 0:43:48.640
<v Speaker 1>Maybe he left something at your house. Maybe he don't

0:43:48.680 --> 0:43:50.759
<v Speaker 1>need to pick up that tea towel. Yeah, maybe he's

0:43:50.800 --> 0:43:53.480
<v Speaker 1>posted something that's made you angry and you feel like

0:43:53.520 --> 0:43:55.480
<v Speaker 1>you need to tell him. Maybe he's on his stories

0:43:55.480 --> 0:43:57.480
<v Speaker 1>looking like he's having good time and you want to

0:43:57.520 --> 0:44:00.279
<v Speaker 1>be angry at him. Whatever it is. Maybe you're just

0:44:00.360 --> 0:44:02.240
<v Speaker 1>drunk and you think you can just have a booty

0:44:02.280 --> 0:44:05.040
<v Speaker 1>call and the sex won't mean anything. Like whatever it is,

0:44:05.080 --> 0:44:07.640
<v Speaker 1>whatever reasoning you're trying to tell yourself that's okay and

0:44:07.719 --> 0:44:09.839
<v Speaker 1>makes it okay for you to call him or text him,

0:44:09.880 --> 0:44:12.040
<v Speaker 1>it's not. Don't do it the end. If you have

0:44:12.120 --> 0:44:15.080
<v Speaker 1>you his number still in your phone, within a few weeks,

0:44:15.120 --> 0:44:16.880
<v Speaker 1>you're gonna be out drunk and think it's a brilliant

0:44:16.880 --> 0:44:19.680
<v Speaker 1>idea to call him or text him, it's not. And

0:44:19.760 --> 0:44:23.120
<v Speaker 1>you guys can be friends one day, but not anytime soon,

0:44:23.280 --> 0:44:25.520
<v Speaker 1>like way down the track. And that's not even a guarantee.

0:44:25.560 --> 0:44:27.920
<v Speaker 2>But if there is ever going to be a friendship

0:44:28.000 --> 0:44:30.080
<v Speaker 2>that comes out of a breakup, it's going to be

0:44:30.920 --> 0:44:31.640
<v Speaker 2>down the track.

0:44:31.880 --> 0:44:33.400
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. And it comes back to this thing I was

0:44:33.400 --> 0:44:35.920
<v Speaker 1>saying at the beginning about this whole like neural pathways.

0:44:36.360 --> 0:44:39.360
<v Speaker 1>Every time you go back and you look at his Instagram,

0:44:39.400 --> 0:44:42.239
<v Speaker 1>every time you watch his stories, every time, every time

0:44:42.280 --> 0:44:45.240
<v Speaker 1>you send him a text message, you are redipping into

0:44:45.280 --> 0:44:49.400
<v Speaker 1>that that you're rebuilding those neural pathways. You're re solidifying

0:44:49.440 --> 0:44:51.200
<v Speaker 1>all the good work that you've done to try and

0:44:51.320 --> 0:44:54.600
<v Speaker 1>distance yourself and reform a new identity. So every time

0:44:54.640 --> 0:44:57.440
<v Speaker 1>you do that, you're setting yourself back. It might not

0:44:57.480 --> 0:44:59.920
<v Speaker 1>feel like it, you might even think you're weaning yourself off.

0:45:00.440 --> 0:45:03.600
<v Speaker 1>It's a really dangerous and really like unhealthy way of

0:45:03.640 --> 0:45:05.960
<v Speaker 1>going through a breakup because you can't win yourself off

0:45:05.960 --> 0:45:08.800
<v Speaker 1>a person. You've got to just go cold turkey.

0:45:09.160 --> 0:45:11.720
<v Speaker 2>Coming with the deleting of the number comes with blocking

0:45:11.760 --> 0:45:14.160
<v Speaker 2>them on Facebook and Instagram. You don't have to go

0:45:14.239 --> 0:45:16.160
<v Speaker 2>crazy and delete their Instagram if you don't want, but

0:45:16.200 --> 0:45:16.880
<v Speaker 2>you can mute them.

0:45:16.920 --> 0:45:17.719
<v Speaker 1>I have people on my.

0:45:17.680 --> 0:45:19.600
<v Speaker 2>Instagram that I've muted because I don't want to deal

0:45:19.640 --> 0:45:23.239
<v Speaker 2>with unfollowing. Yeah, but it's a bit drastic, you know,

0:45:23.400 --> 0:45:25.160
<v Speaker 2>to block them. I think that's drastic.

0:45:25.239 --> 0:45:27.080
<v Speaker 1>But if someone's broken up with you, I don't think

0:45:27.120 --> 0:45:29.239
<v Speaker 1>it's that drastic to unfollow them. Like you might not

0:45:29.280 --> 0:45:30.760
<v Speaker 1>want you and you might not be at that point,

0:45:30.800 --> 0:45:33.200
<v Speaker 1>but you do definitely have to mute them. Yeah, mute

0:45:33.239 --> 0:45:35.359
<v Speaker 1>them you can't see their shit. Yeah, But I think

0:45:35.440 --> 0:45:37.400
<v Speaker 1>like if if a guy has broken up with you,

0:45:38.200 --> 0:45:40.960
<v Speaker 1>and then you have unfollowed them, and then they're angry

0:45:41.000 --> 0:45:43.040
<v Speaker 1>that you unfollowed them. There's some sort of like weird

0:45:43.080 --> 0:45:45.279
<v Speaker 1>ego shit going on there that they need to deal with,

0:45:45.360 --> 0:45:48.400
<v Speaker 1>because you have every right to remove people from your

0:45:48.440 --> 0:45:50.520
<v Speaker 1>life who don't make you feel good. And if you're

0:45:50.560 --> 0:45:52.719
<v Speaker 1>going through a breakup, guess what, they're probably not making

0:45:52.760 --> 0:45:54.799
<v Speaker 1>you feel good. Yeah, And if they're angry that you've

0:45:54.840 --> 0:45:58.759
<v Speaker 1>unfollowed them after a breakup, they are underestimating the pain

0:45:58.800 --> 0:46:02.120
<v Speaker 1>they have caused you. Because yeah, most most normal people

0:46:02.200 --> 0:46:04.000
<v Speaker 1>that have gone through a breakup, say, will be in

0:46:04.000 --> 0:46:05.840
<v Speaker 1>a position where they say, Okay, I totally get you

0:46:05.840 --> 0:46:07.120
<v Speaker 1>don't want to see what I'm doing at the moment,

0:46:07.160 --> 0:46:09.880
<v Speaker 1>that's fair, talk to tune six months or whatever it is.

0:46:09.920 --> 0:46:11.680
<v Speaker 1>Totally And I think when people say like, oh, like

0:46:11.719 --> 0:46:13.520
<v Speaker 1>I want to break up, or like we shouldn't be together,

0:46:13.560 --> 0:46:17.040
<v Speaker 1>but we can still be friends, not really like, yeah,

0:46:17.200 --> 0:46:19.680
<v Speaker 1>you can't. You can't go from having this like intense

0:46:19.760 --> 0:46:23.520
<v Speaker 1>physical connection and love for someone to transitioning those feelings

0:46:23.600 --> 0:46:25.960
<v Speaker 1>overnight to friends. And if you think that you're going

0:46:26.000 --> 0:46:28.040
<v Speaker 1>to be able to do that, you're absolutely fooling yourself,

0:46:28.040 --> 0:46:30.279
<v Speaker 1>because wait until he starts dating someone or you start

0:46:30.360 --> 0:46:33.160
<v Speaker 1>dating someone, and I guarantee that that will show that

0:46:33.200 --> 0:46:35.120
<v Speaker 1>you're not actually friends, that one of you is hurt

0:46:35.120 --> 0:46:40.080
<v Speaker 1>by that situation. So like, minimize, minimize that exposure, minimize

0:46:40.080 --> 0:46:42.600
<v Speaker 1>the chance that you're having a good day. Maybe you

0:46:43.200 --> 0:46:44.840
<v Speaker 1>haven't even thought of him that day, and then you

0:46:44.880 --> 0:46:47.279
<v Speaker 1>see something on social media that he's done or that

0:46:47.360 --> 0:46:49.560
<v Speaker 1>she's done, and it just brings it all back up

0:46:49.600 --> 0:46:51.720
<v Speaker 1>to the surface. So I think you have the ability

0:46:51.800 --> 0:46:55.040
<v Speaker 1>to control your environment. You have the ability to curate

0:46:55.040 --> 0:46:57.719
<v Speaker 1>your social media feed. Do that in a way that

0:46:57.800 --> 0:47:00.600
<v Speaker 1>it only brings happiness to the situation and it doesn't

0:47:00.840 --> 0:47:03.360
<v Speaker 1>allow for anything to happen to throw you into the

0:47:03.400 --> 0:47:06.160
<v Speaker 1>depths of despair again. And the thing is, we.

0:47:06.080 --> 0:47:08.200
<v Speaker 2>All know what we post on social media. We all

0:47:08.239 --> 0:47:10.839
<v Speaker 2>know what social media is, and it's essentially a highlight reel.

0:47:11.400 --> 0:47:13.680
<v Speaker 2>So the things that your ex is going to be posting,

0:47:13.760 --> 0:47:16.080
<v Speaker 2>especially after a breakup, are going to be things like

0:47:16.480 --> 0:47:22.240
<v Speaker 2>out partying out with his friends, maybe without making it obvious,

0:47:22.280 --> 0:47:24.879
<v Speaker 2>there might be girls in their photos, and it's going

0:47:24.920 --> 0:47:25.800
<v Speaker 2>to drive you insane.

0:47:25.840 --> 0:47:26.120
<v Speaker 1>Laura.

0:47:26.200 --> 0:47:28.680
<v Speaker 2>We know the depths you have gone to in your

0:47:28.680 --> 0:47:32.400
<v Speaker 2>stalking off your ex. You created fake accounts so you

0:47:32.440 --> 0:47:35.080
<v Speaker 2>could follow girls that you saw in your ex's photo

0:47:35.120 --> 0:47:37.120
<v Speaker 2>when he was on holiday, and that is what we're

0:47:37.120 --> 0:47:37.840
<v Speaker 2>trying to avoid.

0:47:37.880 --> 0:47:40.280
<v Speaker 1>People. Have I told you how crazy I am, guys,

0:47:40.520 --> 0:47:42.920
<v Speaker 1>But also, okay, we've all agniation said, we've all. But

0:47:43.120 --> 0:47:45.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm sure a lot of people out there who are

0:47:45.080 --> 0:47:47.880
<v Speaker 1>listening to their have been in the situation where when

0:47:47.920 --> 0:47:50.480
<v Speaker 1>they're in a relationship, their partner didn't really post much

0:47:50.480 --> 0:47:52.719
<v Speaker 1>on social media and they kind of were a bit

0:47:52.760 --> 0:47:55.480
<v Speaker 1>dormant on social media. But now that they're single, all

0:47:55.520 --> 0:47:58.240
<v Speaker 1>of a sudden, they're posting stories, they're putting up pictures,

0:47:58.239 --> 0:48:00.359
<v Speaker 1>and they're really really active on social media. And even

0:48:00.400 --> 0:48:03.120
<v Speaker 1>if they're not active with girls, just the fact that

0:48:03.160 --> 0:48:05.359
<v Speaker 1>they are active and showing so much more of their

0:48:05.400 --> 0:48:08.120
<v Speaker 1>life now after the breakup than when they were with you,

0:48:08.400 --> 0:48:10.960
<v Speaker 1>That in and of itself is going to make you mad.

0:48:11.160 --> 0:48:14.480
<v Speaker 1>So I think just remove yourself from any possibility of

0:48:14.480 --> 0:48:17.120
<v Speaker 1>seeing what they're doing. And I only say this because

0:48:17.960 --> 0:48:20.080
<v Speaker 1>a good friend of mine, she was with her boyfriend

0:48:20.160 --> 0:48:21.960
<v Speaker 1>first sort of like seven years. I'm going to have

0:48:22.000 --> 0:48:24.560
<v Speaker 1>a guess, and in those seven years, I reckon he

0:48:24.600 --> 0:48:27.360
<v Speaker 1>posted maybe a handful of ten times to Instagram like nothing,

0:48:27.800 --> 0:48:30.719
<v Speaker 1>And now that they're broken up, he's constantly he's doing stories,

0:48:30.960 --> 0:48:33.799
<v Speaker 1>he's posting pictures of his food, he's like out having

0:48:33.800 --> 0:48:36.400
<v Speaker 1>a good time with the boys. And that's because this

0:48:36.480 --> 0:48:38.520
<v Speaker 1>day and age as well, I think we forget this.

0:48:39.120 --> 0:48:40.400
<v Speaker 1>And I've said it a few times.

0:48:40.960 --> 0:48:45.080
<v Speaker 2>Social media, specifically Instagram, it's a dating app, whether you

0:48:45.080 --> 0:48:46.400
<v Speaker 2>want to call it a dating app or not.

0:48:46.880 --> 0:48:48.279
<v Speaker 1>Look, it's not a dating app for the people who

0:48:48.320 --> 0:48:50.520
<v Speaker 1>are in the religions, No, it's not. No, But I

0:48:50.520 --> 0:48:53.560
<v Speaker 1>mean single people use it is literally your CV. It

0:48:53.640 --> 0:48:56.240
<v Speaker 1>is putting your life out there. I mean we link

0:48:57.000 --> 0:48:59.160
<v Speaker 1>we link our Instagrams to dating apps now, and we

0:48:59.200 --> 0:49:00.880
<v Speaker 1>do that for a reason because it's your CV of

0:49:00.880 --> 0:49:02.560
<v Speaker 1>who you are and what you do in your life.

0:49:02.640 --> 0:49:04.640
<v Speaker 1>So all of a sudden, someone that's out of a relationship,

0:49:04.680 --> 0:49:06.800
<v Speaker 1>of course they're gonna start posting more because that's the

0:49:06.800 --> 0:49:08.239
<v Speaker 1>first thing I tell my friends, if they're out of

0:49:08.239 --> 0:49:10.560
<v Speaker 1>a relationship, you better pick your Instagram game up now.

0:49:10.400 --> 0:49:12.520
<v Speaker 2>Because that's what people look for. So that's why they're

0:49:12.560 --> 0:49:13.759
<v Speaker 2>posting like a nut job.

0:49:13.840 --> 0:49:15.640
<v Speaker 1>And I mean, let's be real as well, like how

0:49:15.640 --> 0:49:19.240
<v Speaker 1>many relationships start because someone slides into the other's DM mate.

0:49:19.280 --> 0:49:23.239
<v Speaker 1>I was slippery McGhee, like last year, I was sliding left,

0:49:23.280 --> 0:49:26.719
<v Speaker 1>right and center. Honestly, sorry, I slipped and fell into

0:49:26.760 --> 0:49:27.560
<v Speaker 1>your DMS again.

0:49:27.840 --> 0:49:30.320
<v Speaker 2>I slipped in full all the time, Guys. I slipped

0:49:30.320 --> 0:49:32.680
<v Speaker 2>and fell so many times into DMS. I slipped and

0:49:32.680 --> 0:49:35.680
<v Speaker 2>fell more on Instagram than I did on dating apps.

0:49:35.680 --> 0:49:38.680
<v Speaker 2>So I never ever did it because it's bigger now.

0:49:38.880 --> 0:49:40.600
<v Speaker 2>Back a few years ago, it wasn't a thing, but

0:49:40.640 --> 0:49:43.400
<v Speaker 2>everyone knows now. It's like, you know, if someone's single

0:49:43.440 --> 0:49:45.720
<v Speaker 2>on their Instagram, you know, and then you just slide

0:49:45.719 --> 0:49:48.719
<v Speaker 2>on in double tap, give them a follow slide. I

0:49:48.840 --> 0:49:50.440
<v Speaker 2>like that this has just turned into a dating how

0:49:50.480 --> 0:49:53.720
<v Speaker 2>to instead of a breakup how to. Anyway, my next

0:49:53.760 --> 0:49:57.560
<v Speaker 2>tip is to make a breakup playlist.

0:49:58.840 --> 0:50:02.120
<v Speaker 1>See I Okay, Britt put together the flow for today's

0:50:02.120 --> 0:50:04.600
<v Speaker 1>conversation and she was like, I'm gonna tell people to

0:50:04.640 --> 0:50:07.359
<v Speaker 1>make a playlist. Well, actually, psychologists send me against this,

0:50:07.600 --> 0:50:11.360
<v Speaker 1>No hang on. Psychologists suggested that it helps a breakup playlist,

0:50:11.400 --> 0:50:12.160
<v Speaker 1>so it must be true.

0:50:12.320 --> 0:50:15.520
<v Speaker 2>And then I thought back to my breakup and what

0:50:15.600 --> 0:50:17.840
<v Speaker 2>they say is not a breakup playlist. To wallow in

0:50:17.880 --> 0:50:21.120
<v Speaker 2>your emotions. It might help some people. It actually helps

0:50:21.160 --> 0:50:23.320
<v Speaker 2>them move on if they sit in their feelings and

0:50:23.320 --> 0:50:26.360
<v Speaker 2>they listen to sad songs. But that might not be

0:50:26.400 --> 0:50:27.680
<v Speaker 2>the case for you, and you might be someone that

0:50:27.760 --> 0:50:30.279
<v Speaker 2>needs to make a breakup playlist that isn't sad, but

0:50:30.320 --> 0:50:33.120
<v Speaker 2>it's a rock out playlist, it's an eminem playlist. I

0:50:33.160 --> 0:50:35.000
<v Speaker 2>had a bad Bitch playlist when I went through my

0:50:35.080 --> 0:50:37.799
<v Speaker 2>bad breakup and I still hear the songs, so like,

0:50:37.840 --> 0:50:39.640
<v Speaker 2>this is okay, I'm down for this part of it.

0:50:39.680 --> 0:50:41.440
<v Speaker 1>I thought you meant like a sad put on your

0:50:41.440 --> 0:50:43.920
<v Speaker 1>sad music and it's whatever. Yeah, it's whatever works for

0:50:43.960 --> 0:50:46.480
<v Speaker 1>the individual. But I had had a couple of songs.

0:50:46.520 --> 0:50:47.920
<v Speaker 1>It wasn't a playlist, but I had a couple of

0:50:47.920 --> 0:50:51.160
<v Speaker 1>songs where when I would listen to them, I was like, yes,

0:50:51.719 --> 0:50:53.880
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to be such a powerful single lady.

0:50:54.440 --> 0:50:56.680
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to tell you the evolution of Britney post breakup.

0:50:57.040 --> 0:51:01.560
<v Speaker 2>Post breakup, I wallowed hard. I in my I would

0:51:01.560 --> 0:51:03.600
<v Speaker 2>sit in my car and drive around for hours and

0:51:03.719 --> 0:51:06.799
<v Speaker 2>have Adele on repeat. She just drops that like emotional

0:51:06.840 --> 0:51:09.640
<v Speaker 2>album and I listened to repeat and I would scream

0:51:09.719 --> 0:51:11.320
<v Speaker 2>in my car singing it, and I would cry in

0:51:11.360 --> 0:51:13.719
<v Speaker 2>my car singing it, and I felt powerful for that

0:51:13.760 --> 0:51:16.520
<v Speaker 2>because it was my release of emotions. And I sat

0:51:16.560 --> 0:51:19.160
<v Speaker 2>in that for like a month, and then I evolved,

0:51:19.520 --> 0:51:22.880
<v Speaker 2>got rid of adell, and I jumped deep into eminem

0:51:22.960 --> 0:51:25.279
<v Speaker 2>and I was like an angry rapper and that was

0:51:25.320 --> 0:51:26.680
<v Speaker 2>my next level of healing.

0:51:26.760 --> 0:51:28.960
<v Speaker 1>It's so so out of control it was. And then

0:51:29.000 --> 0:51:30.719
<v Speaker 1>I think I just went to like mainstream pop after

0:51:30.719 --> 0:51:31.800
<v Speaker 1>that and gone on with my life.

0:51:32.120 --> 0:51:34.520
<v Speaker 2>But like, there's a lot to be said for music

0:51:34.560 --> 0:51:36.360
<v Speaker 2>and the way it makes you feel and sitting in

0:51:36.360 --> 0:51:40.279
<v Speaker 2>your emotions and moving through the emotions of what a

0:51:40.320 --> 0:51:42.279
<v Speaker 2>breakup is. So whether that's you want to be sad

0:51:42.400 --> 0:51:44.400
<v Speaker 2>and cry, whether you need to be angry and scream,

0:51:44.640 --> 0:51:46.440
<v Speaker 2>or whether you just need to have a song that

0:51:46.440 --> 0:51:49.800
<v Speaker 2>makes you feel good and he's happy. So science says

0:51:49.960 --> 0:51:51.480
<v Speaker 2>this is true. I can't I don't have the quote

0:51:51.480 --> 0:51:53.719
<v Speaker 2>from where I've read this, but it takes about eight

0:51:53.760 --> 0:51:56.319
<v Speaker 2>weeks for you to go through the process of like

0:51:56.400 --> 0:52:00.880
<v Speaker 2>those really intense first visceral feelings to start to subside.

0:52:01.560 --> 0:52:05.400
<v Speaker 2>So make sure that your whole no contact thing is

0:52:05.560 --> 0:52:08.880
<v Speaker 2>minimum eight weeks. I mean, I recommend way longer than that.

0:52:09.000 --> 0:52:11.399
<v Speaker 2>If you read Zoe Foster Blake's Breakup Boss, I think

0:52:11.440 --> 0:52:14.520
<v Speaker 2>she recommends like fifty or something crazy, or fifty days,

0:52:14.560 --> 0:52:15.080
<v Speaker 2>fifty weeks.

0:52:15.080 --> 0:52:16.920
<v Speaker 1>Who even knows it's so long. I don't know if

0:52:16.960 --> 0:52:18.719
<v Speaker 1>there's an exact timeframe we can put on it, but

0:52:18.800 --> 0:52:20.720
<v Speaker 1>I think eight weeks. I think if you have managed

0:52:20.719 --> 0:52:22.680
<v Speaker 1>to get to the end of eight weeks without speaking

0:52:22.719 --> 0:52:25.600
<v Speaker 1>to someone, without like having any sort of contact with them,

0:52:25.640 --> 0:52:28.399
<v Speaker 1>without stalking their Instagram page over and over and over,

0:52:28.880 --> 0:52:30.960
<v Speaker 1>you're really going to put some distance in your feelings

0:52:31.000 --> 0:52:32.800
<v Speaker 1>and you're going to start to make some huge headways

0:52:32.800 --> 0:52:35.560
<v Speaker 1>in the way that you feel. Heading back to this

0:52:35.719 --> 0:52:39.680
<v Speaker 1>idea of music and how it empowers you and how

0:52:39.680 --> 0:52:42.439
<v Speaker 1>it can make you feel better or worse. I think,

0:52:42.520 --> 0:52:44.760
<v Speaker 1>be mindful of the type of music that you're playing.

0:52:45.360 --> 0:52:47.880
<v Speaker 1>And I myself, I know that if I go for

0:52:47.960 --> 0:52:50.919
<v Speaker 1>really long drives and I'm on my own for too long,

0:52:51.040 --> 0:52:53.160
<v Speaker 1>like that's not good for me. Like being on my

0:52:53.200 --> 0:52:55.920
<v Speaker 1>own in the car without any other stimulation is actually

0:52:56.000 --> 0:52:58.279
<v Speaker 1>too much time for me to think about things. And

0:52:58.360 --> 0:53:00.720
<v Speaker 1>usually it means that I will start thinking about negative

0:53:00.760 --> 0:53:03.520
<v Speaker 1>things and I can put myself into a really negative

0:53:03.640 --> 0:53:06.920
<v Speaker 1>thought pattern or process or wherever I'm going with it,

0:53:07.719 --> 0:53:09.919
<v Speaker 1>just by spending too much time alone in my car

0:53:10.000 --> 0:53:13.279
<v Speaker 1>by myself. So be mindful of things that trigger you

0:53:13.320 --> 0:53:16.279
<v Speaker 1>to feel bad and stay away from those. That would

0:53:16.320 --> 0:53:19.239
<v Speaker 1>be my biggest advice as well, definitely suited to the individual.

0:53:19.520 --> 0:53:21.480
<v Speaker 2>You have to just don't go and sit in there

0:53:21.520 --> 0:53:23.320
<v Speaker 2>and listen to Eminem because we said listen to Eminem.

0:53:23.680 --> 0:53:26.960
<v Speaker 2>Find what works for you. That's absolutely essential. If it's

0:53:27.000 --> 0:53:29.799
<v Speaker 2>making you feel shit, stop it, try something new. I

0:53:29.800 --> 0:53:34.120
<v Speaker 2>think the next thing that I recommend is to reevaluate

0:53:34.120 --> 0:53:36.200
<v Speaker 2>your life and who you are and find out who

0:53:36.280 --> 0:53:38.040
<v Speaker 2>you are again on your own, because a lot of

0:53:38.080 --> 0:53:40.640
<v Speaker 2>people lose their identity in a relationship, especially a long

0:53:40.719 --> 0:53:45.640
<v Speaker 2>term relationship, and you make sacrifices. So maybe you really

0:53:45.719 --> 0:53:48.479
<v Speaker 2>loved Mexican food and your partner didn't like Mexican food,

0:53:48.480 --> 0:53:50.360
<v Speaker 2>and you really like hiking, but your partner wants to

0:53:50.360 --> 0:53:53.799
<v Speaker 2>stay at home and read. Now is your time to

0:53:53.840 --> 0:53:55.520
<v Speaker 2>go and get your burrito and go for your goddamn

0:53:55.600 --> 0:53:59.400
<v Speaker 2>hike together at the same time simultaneously be crazy, but

0:53:59.640 --> 0:54:02.120
<v Speaker 2>go and go and find the things you love again

0:54:02.239 --> 0:54:04.680
<v Speaker 2>and start doing them. But also, it doesn't just have

0:54:04.719 --> 0:54:06.440
<v Speaker 2>to be about like the things that you feel like

0:54:06.680 --> 0:54:09.000
<v Speaker 2>you couldn't do with your partner. It could also just

0:54:09.040 --> 0:54:10.600
<v Speaker 2>be looking forward to things that you're gonna do that

0:54:10.640 --> 0:54:13.800
<v Speaker 2>are completely new. Like it could be traveling on your own,

0:54:14.120 --> 0:54:16.719
<v Speaker 2>it could be getting a new job, it could be

0:54:16.760 --> 0:54:18.200
<v Speaker 2>just changing.

0:54:17.680 --> 0:54:20.920
<v Speaker 1>Living in a different city. You're now no longer tied

0:54:20.960 --> 0:54:22.920
<v Speaker 1>to something that you were tied to. This is like

0:54:22.960 --> 0:54:26.040
<v Speaker 1>your opportunity to do something completely crazy, to do something

0:54:26.120 --> 0:54:29.239
<v Speaker 1>completely new, and to recreate the person that you thought

0:54:29.239 --> 0:54:30.480
<v Speaker 1>you were going to be and the person that you

0:54:30.520 --> 0:54:32.600
<v Speaker 1>are going to be now. Like there's so many people

0:54:32.640 --> 0:54:34.680
<v Speaker 1>who go through these traumatic breakups and opens up a

0:54:34.680 --> 0:54:36.439
<v Speaker 1>whole new world and a whole new life for them.

0:54:36.440 --> 0:54:38.920
<v Speaker 1>And like I said at the very beginning, this could

0:54:38.960 --> 0:54:41.560
<v Speaker 1>be the very best fucking thing that ever happens to

0:54:41.600 --> 0:54:44.640
<v Speaker 1>you if you let it. Put yourself into new experiences

0:54:44.680 --> 0:54:46.960
<v Speaker 1>and say yes to things that you wouldn't normally say

0:54:47.040 --> 0:54:48.879
<v Speaker 1>yes to, because that's going to open your world up.

0:54:49.120 --> 0:54:51.880
<v Speaker 2>People often say to me when I speak about my

0:54:52.200 --> 0:54:55.239
<v Speaker 2>tumultuous relationship with my Psychoakes. They often say like, I'm

0:54:55.280 --> 0:54:58.000
<v Speaker 2>sorry that happened to you, and I say I'm not

0:54:58.360 --> 0:55:01.760
<v Speaker 2>I'm not sorry. I don't regret it because it in turn,

0:55:02.000 --> 0:55:05.000
<v Speaker 2>it started off this domino effect that changed my life forever,

0:55:05.080 --> 0:55:08.000
<v Speaker 2>and I have had the best experiences. I went on

0:55:08.040 --> 0:55:09.640
<v Speaker 2>a three year around the World trip because I broke

0:55:09.719 --> 0:55:11.799
<v Speaker 2>up because I went through that relationship, went on The

0:55:11.800 --> 0:55:14.040
<v Speaker 2>Bachelor because I went through that relationship, moved to Sydney,

0:55:14.360 --> 0:55:17.000
<v Speaker 2>moved to new countries, so many things. And I think

0:55:17.120 --> 0:55:19.120
<v Speaker 2>that is a really important thing to take from it

0:55:19.160 --> 0:55:22.839
<v Speaker 2>is you go through something really really horrific, but it's

0:55:22.880 --> 0:55:25.160
<v Speaker 2>what you make it. So you don't have to dwell

0:55:25.160 --> 0:55:26.759
<v Speaker 2>in that, and you, like you said, you can go

0:55:26.800 --> 0:55:28.480
<v Speaker 2>and do those things you've always thought you wanted to do,

0:55:28.600 --> 0:55:32.360
<v Speaker 2>like travel, and you need to take take this time

0:55:33.040 --> 0:55:35.360
<v Speaker 2>as I guess a form of education in life.

0:55:35.719 --> 0:55:38.680
<v Speaker 1>It's so it's so true, like I say the same thing,

0:55:38.719 --> 0:55:40.719
<v Speaker 1>like I look back on that, like I've had two

0:55:40.840 --> 0:55:43.759
<v Speaker 1>really really big and hard heartbreaks in my life, and

0:55:43.800 --> 0:55:45.640
<v Speaker 1>I look back on both of them and I think

0:55:46.040 --> 0:55:48.200
<v Speaker 1>at the time, I just didn't think I was even

0:55:48.239 --> 0:55:49.880
<v Speaker 1>going to live through it. I never thought I was

0:55:49.920 --> 0:55:53.040
<v Speaker 1>going to be happy again. And now I'm so grateful

0:55:53.040 --> 0:55:55.439
<v Speaker 1>that they happened because I love my life so much.

0:55:55.480 --> 0:55:56.840
<v Speaker 1>But if you had asked me at the time, I

0:55:56.840 --> 0:55:59.680
<v Speaker 1>would be like, no fucking way, Like I've peaked and

0:55:59.719 --> 0:56:03.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm it's all downhill from here, sister. But I really

0:56:03.200 --> 0:56:05.560
<v Speaker 1>do think that, like most people who go through shitty,

0:56:05.560 --> 0:56:08.080
<v Speaker 1>shitty breakups speak to them in ten years time, and

0:56:08.120 --> 0:56:09.400
<v Speaker 1>they're going to tell you that it was one of

0:56:09.480 --> 0:56:13.120
<v Speaker 1>the most profoundly important pivots in their life. So it

0:56:13.200 --> 0:56:15.800
<v Speaker 1>is really what you make of it. I also think

0:56:16.120 --> 0:56:19.080
<v Speaker 1>something that something that like I experienced and I know

0:56:19.120 --> 0:56:21.200
<v Speaker 1>when I have had this conversation with other girlfriends and

0:56:21.239 --> 0:56:24.480
<v Speaker 1>just people in general around breakups, is like once you

0:56:24.680 --> 0:56:27.200
<v Speaker 1>go through that feeling of like you're never gonna get

0:56:27.239 --> 0:56:29.920
<v Speaker 1>over it, and you actually start to come through the

0:56:29.960 --> 0:56:32.640
<v Speaker 1>other side as much as you have been in like

0:56:32.680 --> 0:56:35.880
<v Speaker 1>the lowest lows of feelings, there's almost this euphoria that

0:56:35.920 --> 0:56:38.160
<v Speaker 1>waits at the other end. Like I remember days when

0:56:38.200 --> 0:56:40.880
<v Speaker 1>I started to come out of my really terrible heartbreak

0:56:41.000 --> 0:56:43.520
<v Speaker 1>where I was like it was almost like I felt

0:56:43.520 --> 0:56:46.520
<v Speaker 1>like I was high because I felt happy again for

0:56:46.560 --> 0:56:49.040
<v Speaker 1>the first time in ages. And that feeling of happy

0:56:49.600 --> 0:56:52.600
<v Speaker 1>that comes after a breakup, I promise you it comes

0:56:53.040 --> 0:56:56.080
<v Speaker 1>everybody experiences that at some point after a breakup. You'll

0:56:56.120 --> 0:56:58.880
<v Speaker 1>just be walking down the street and you'll go, oh my,

0:56:59.160 --> 0:57:02.800
<v Speaker 1>oh my god, I'm not sad anymore. I'm okay, I'm okay.

0:57:02.920 --> 0:57:05.880
<v Speaker 1>And this feeling of happiness because you haven't had it

0:57:05.880 --> 0:57:09.600
<v Speaker 1>in so long is no joke. It's so neuphoric. And

0:57:09.640 --> 0:57:12.400
<v Speaker 1>I really remember, I remember walking through Rushcutter's Park this

0:57:12.440 --> 0:57:15.880
<v Speaker 1>one day, and I also the relationship was bad, and

0:57:15.920 --> 0:57:17.560
<v Speaker 1>I think it's probably more so if you've come from

0:57:17.560 --> 0:57:19.640
<v Speaker 1>a relationship where the person has done the wrong thing

0:57:19.760 --> 0:57:21.640
<v Speaker 1>over and over and you've actually been in something that

0:57:21.680 --> 0:57:24.880
<v Speaker 1>was quite an emotionally abusive relationship. When you come out

0:57:24.880 --> 0:57:27.080
<v Speaker 1>the other side of it, this real feeling of like

0:57:27.320 --> 0:57:29.760
<v Speaker 1>this is what it is to be happy and not

0:57:29.800 --> 0:57:31.960
<v Speaker 1>have my happiness tied up in someone else is a

0:57:32.040 --> 0:57:35.120
<v Speaker 1>very very real feeling, Like I get excited for people

0:57:35.160 --> 0:57:36.480
<v Speaker 1>to feel that after a breakup.

0:57:37.080 --> 0:57:39.240
<v Speaker 2>I remember the first night that I went out with

0:57:39.280 --> 0:57:42.160
<v Speaker 2>my friends and danced and had a great night, went

0:57:42.200 --> 0:57:44.800
<v Speaker 2>home the next day, woke up, went to breakfast, and

0:57:44.840 --> 0:57:48.120
<v Speaker 2>I remember sitting there at breakfast the next day realizing

0:57:48.560 --> 0:57:50.880
<v Speaker 2>that I just went twenty four hours and went out

0:57:50.920 --> 0:57:52.880
<v Speaker 2>with my friends and had fun without thinking of my ex.

0:57:52.920 --> 0:57:55.320
<v Speaker 2>You know that first day where you like, he didn't

0:57:55.360 --> 0:57:57.880
<v Speaker 2>consume me, and that was when I was like, Wow,

0:57:58.760 --> 0:58:00.400
<v Speaker 2>I can live my life with that thinking about him.

0:58:00.440 --> 0:58:02.040
<v Speaker 1>Life is going to be okay. And life at the

0:58:02.080 --> 0:58:04.120
<v Speaker 1>end of the tunnel happens without you realizing that. It

0:58:04.160 --> 0:58:07.000
<v Speaker 1>happens slowly, but it does happen. Like you know, you

0:58:07.040 --> 0:58:08.760
<v Speaker 1>think there's never gonna be a day where you're not

0:58:08.760 --> 0:58:10.120
<v Speaker 1>going to look at their Instagram, and then all of

0:58:10.120 --> 0:58:12.360
<v Speaker 1>a sudden you're like, oh, I've not even thought about

0:58:12.400 --> 0:58:14.960
<v Speaker 1>him in six months. Like it absolutely happens. It just

0:58:15.000 --> 0:58:18.240
<v Speaker 1>happens at different rates for different people. But there are

0:58:18.360 --> 0:58:20.400
<v Speaker 1>absolutely things that you can do that's gonna make the

0:58:20.440 --> 0:58:22.880
<v Speaker 1>situations worse, and there's things you can do that's gonna

0:58:22.880 --> 0:58:25.360
<v Speaker 1>make the situation better, and something that's gonna make the

0:58:25.400 --> 0:58:26.160
<v Speaker 1>situation better.

0:58:26.240 --> 0:58:29.400
<v Speaker 2>This is my absolutely swear by step to getting over

0:58:29.400 --> 0:58:29.960
<v Speaker 2>a breakup.

0:58:30.520 --> 0:58:33.800
<v Speaker 1>I feel so strongly about it. It helped me so many times.

0:58:34.320 --> 0:58:40.080
<v Speaker 2>Exercise, serotonin and endorphin releasing exercise. It is the absolute

0:58:40.360 --> 0:58:43.320
<v Speaker 2>best thing you can do to make you feel better

0:58:43.800 --> 0:58:45.760
<v Speaker 2>and help you heal inside and out. And I'm not

0:58:45.800 --> 0:58:47.760
<v Speaker 2>talking you don't have to go CrossFit, you don't have

0:58:47.800 --> 0:58:50.360
<v Speaker 2>to go and run a marathon. I'm just talking walking

0:58:50.400 --> 0:58:53.120
<v Speaker 2>every day, going for a job, just anything that's going

0:58:53.160 --> 0:58:55.120
<v Speaker 2>to get your blood going and release those endorphins.

0:58:55.280 --> 0:58:57.080
<v Speaker 1>And we should actually and we will.

0:58:57.120 --> 0:58:59.640
<v Speaker 2>We will get a health professional and nutritionists in one

0:58:59.680 --> 0:59:02.640
<v Speaker 2>day to to talk about the effects of food and

0:59:02.720 --> 0:59:04.680
<v Speaker 2>sugars and things like that have on your body. But

0:59:04.720 --> 0:59:06.840
<v Speaker 2>once you do start to eat really well and take

0:59:06.880 --> 0:59:09.240
<v Speaker 2>control of your life again and start exercising, there's a

0:59:09.320 --> 0:59:11.600
<v Speaker 2>reason you feel better, and it's because you don't do

0:59:11.680 --> 0:59:13.760
<v Speaker 2>things like have sugar highs and lows. You don't feel

0:59:13.800 --> 0:59:17.160
<v Speaker 2>guilty about binge eating in bed for two weeks straight.

0:59:17.480 --> 0:59:21.360
<v Speaker 2>It literally it evens out everything in your body, all

0:59:21.360 --> 0:59:23.400
<v Speaker 2>the physiological effects in your body, and you just start

0:59:23.400 --> 0:59:25.400
<v Speaker 2>to feel like you're getting control of your life again.

0:59:25.440 --> 0:59:27.760
<v Speaker 2>So there's just like a whole bunch of things that

0:59:27.840 --> 0:59:30.080
<v Speaker 2>goes with getting back into control.

0:59:30.160 --> 0:59:31.640
<v Speaker 1>I have a bit of a bones peck with your Bret.

0:59:31.680 --> 0:59:34.360
<v Speaker 1>You've written in this run sheet, do not get a

0:59:34.360 --> 0:59:37.160
<v Speaker 1>break up hair cut, or immediately, or at least wait

0:59:37.160 --> 0:59:39.000
<v Speaker 1>a second before getting banks. Do you know what I

0:59:39.040 --> 0:59:41.600
<v Speaker 1>did in the throes of a bad breakup. I cut

0:59:41.600 --> 0:59:44.160
<v Speaker 1>my own fair is why I put this step in Laura.

0:59:44.320 --> 0:59:46.840
<v Speaker 1>I used to have hair down past my brass strapped,

0:59:46.880 --> 0:59:49.400
<v Speaker 1>like down past my mid back, and I was going

0:59:49.440 --> 0:59:50.600
<v Speaker 1>through a breakup and I was like, do you know

0:59:50.640 --> 0:59:52.480
<v Speaker 1>what my hair's then I can cut it myself, and

0:59:52.520 --> 0:59:54.840
<v Speaker 1>I cut it into a bob. I kind of liked it,

0:59:55.000 --> 0:59:58.720
<v Speaker 1>but it was very drastic. It was the markings of

0:59:58.720 --> 1:00:01.320
<v Speaker 1>a Britney Spears nineteen ninety break down. That's what that was.

1:00:01.480 --> 1:00:04.040
<v Speaker 1>So it was a hormer. I love that so much.

1:00:04.080 --> 1:00:05.920
<v Speaker 2>I literally wrote the next step, guys, I said, do

1:00:06.040 --> 1:00:08.560
<v Speaker 2>not get a breakup haircut, or at least wait a

1:00:08.600 --> 1:00:10.800
<v Speaker 2>hot second before getting the bangs for the first time,

1:00:11.000 --> 1:00:13.800
<v Speaker 2>because there's a lot of there's a lot of emotion

1:00:14.160 --> 1:00:15.760
<v Speaker 2>in a breakup, and there's a lot of things you

1:00:15.800 --> 1:00:18.320
<v Speaker 2>want to really drastically do, like quit your job, cut

1:00:18.360 --> 1:00:19.800
<v Speaker 2>your hair, get a tattoo.

1:00:20.000 --> 1:00:21.840
<v Speaker 1>All of these things. They could be the perfect thing

1:00:21.840 --> 1:00:24.400
<v Speaker 1>and they could be what you need. Just don't do it.

1:00:24.440 --> 1:00:27.960
<v Speaker 1>The next day. I also got a tattoo. I have

1:00:28.040 --> 1:00:30.360
<v Speaker 1>a huge tattoo down my side, which I got after

1:00:30.400 --> 1:00:33.560
<v Speaker 1>a breakup. I have what I've never seen that tattoo. Yeah, man,

1:00:33.560 --> 1:00:37.920
<v Speaker 1>it's massive. I can see whole your whole boob is

1:00:38.000 --> 1:00:40.880
<v Speaker 1>just out whatever. It's only a teddy between friends. I

1:00:40.880 --> 1:00:43.120
<v Speaker 1>don't think I've ever actually, like proper seen that. Yeah,

1:00:43.160 --> 1:00:46.240
<v Speaker 1>it's like a foot I got a humps a hand

1:00:46.240 --> 1:00:48.959
<v Speaker 1>tattooed on my side after a breakup because in so work,

1:00:49.040 --> 1:00:52.080
<v Speaker 1>I found myself. You cut your bangs, you did everything

1:00:52.120 --> 1:00:53.520
<v Speaker 1>that's on my list. This is why I've written the

1:00:53.520 --> 1:00:56.600
<v Speaker 1>breakup list. I also didn't cope with breakups very well,

1:00:56.640 --> 1:00:58.240
<v Speaker 1>so I think I can tell you the things not

1:00:58.320 --> 1:01:01.000
<v Speaker 1>to do because I did everything wrong. I was the

1:01:01.000 --> 1:01:03.240
<v Speaker 1>one who kept talking his Instagram. I was the one

1:01:03.240 --> 1:01:05.080
<v Speaker 1>that kept calling. I was the one that was like

1:01:05.160 --> 1:01:07.760
<v Speaker 1>trying to make reasons to see him. I was the

1:01:07.760 --> 1:01:09.560
<v Speaker 1>one that got back together, broke up, got back together,

1:01:09.600 --> 1:01:12.840
<v Speaker 1>broke up. You made faces. It's the worst way of

1:01:12.880 --> 1:01:15.840
<v Speaker 1>getting over someone. You cannot wean yourself off another person,

1:01:15.920 --> 1:01:18.640
<v Speaker 1>like I said earlier, But yeah, look, tattoos are a

1:01:18.640 --> 1:01:21.240
<v Speaker 1>bad idea, cutting your hair, cutting a bang, all of

1:01:21.280 --> 1:01:23.200
<v Speaker 1>that bad idea, hang on, not bad ideas.

1:01:23.680 --> 1:01:27.000
<v Speaker 2>They're just bad ideas to do immediately without thinking about it.

1:01:27.080 --> 1:01:30.200
<v Speaker 2>Just don't make that drastic decision the next day, because

1:01:30.560 --> 1:01:32.160
<v Speaker 2>you might end up with a tattoo and cutting your

1:01:32.160 --> 1:01:34.280
<v Speaker 2>hair in a few weeks time, and it might be

1:01:34.360 --> 1:01:36.120
<v Speaker 2>brilliant because you really want it.

1:01:36.120 --> 1:01:38.080
<v Speaker 1>It's just like you shouldn't send a text when you're angry.

1:01:38.160 --> 1:01:41.400
<v Speaker 1>You know. It's the same process. It's the same thought

1:01:41.440 --> 1:01:44.880
<v Speaker 1>process speaking of like speaking of sending a text when

1:01:44.880 --> 1:01:47.120
<v Speaker 1>you're angry. I have one other thing that I think

1:01:47.240 --> 1:01:49.320
<v Speaker 1>is like, look, it's hard to do it because we

1:01:49.400 --> 1:01:51.880
<v Speaker 1>all want to drink when we're feeling sad. Like you

1:01:51.960 --> 1:01:53.680
<v Speaker 1>go through breakup, you want to go out with your friends.

1:01:53.720 --> 1:01:55.600
<v Speaker 1>You want to get obliterated so you don't have to

1:01:55.600 --> 1:01:57.600
<v Speaker 1>feel the pain, And a lot of people kind of

1:01:57.600 --> 1:02:02.680
<v Speaker 1>go down that path. I'm gonna say alcohol doesn't fix heartbreak.

1:02:02.760 --> 1:02:04.800
<v Speaker 1>It actually makes it way worse. It also means that

1:02:04.840 --> 1:02:07.080
<v Speaker 1>you do things that you'll end up regretting. As much

1:02:07.080 --> 1:02:08.480
<v Speaker 1>as it might seem like a good idea to go

1:02:08.520 --> 1:02:11.560
<v Speaker 1>out with your girlfriends and get blitzed, I guarantee you

1:02:11.720 --> 1:02:14.880
<v Speaker 1>it's more to me. I absolutely go and gets with

1:02:14.920 --> 1:02:19.080
<v Speaker 1>the girls. It's like blotted really anyway, you know what

1:02:19.120 --> 1:02:22.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm saying. We pay tay blind not blindsided, okay, blind

1:02:22.200 --> 1:02:25.040
<v Speaker 1>getting blind with the girls, Okay. My My thing is

1:02:25.080 --> 1:02:27.520
<v Speaker 1>like in doing that one, you could make it worse

1:02:27.520 --> 1:02:29.760
<v Speaker 1>because like, if your friends are in relationships, you know

1:02:29.800 --> 1:02:31.360
<v Speaker 1>that they're all going to go home to their partners,

1:02:31.360 --> 1:02:34.400
<v Speaker 1>and that in itself makes you feel sad. But secondly, like,

1:02:34.680 --> 1:02:37.280
<v Speaker 1>if you can't trust the things that your drunk self

1:02:37.360 --> 1:02:40.080
<v Speaker 1>is gonna do, then don't let your sober self get drunk,

1:02:40.200 --> 1:02:42.680
<v Speaker 1>Like like that's they're the rules, right, I don't trust

1:02:42.760 --> 1:02:46.120
<v Speaker 1>drunk Laura. She's an idiot, So I don't let drunk

1:02:46.280 --> 1:02:49.439
<v Speaker 1>sober Laura doesn't let drunk Laura get drunk because they're

1:02:49.480 --> 1:02:52.000
<v Speaker 1>the rules. That was such a convoluted sentence. You're really

1:02:52.040 --> 1:02:56.160
<v Speaker 1>am I'm really trying to do learning, ladies, I need

1:02:56.200 --> 1:02:59.280
<v Speaker 1>to drink after that. Ah, dear, here we go, Here

1:02:59.400 --> 1:03:01.120
<v Speaker 1>we go with this Now, I feel like we've covered

1:03:01.120 --> 1:03:01.480
<v Speaker 1>so much.

1:03:01.480 --> 1:03:02.920
<v Speaker 2>I mean, we're getting to the end of the steps,

1:03:03.000 --> 1:03:06.640
<v Speaker 2>but don't jump back into dating too soon. Whilst we say,

1:03:07.680 --> 1:03:10.760
<v Speaker 2>get back out there, get back into the wild, see

1:03:10.880 --> 1:03:13.880
<v Speaker 2>have some fun, have some one night stands. That's all

1:03:13.880 --> 1:03:15.720
<v Speaker 2>well and good, but you still have to be ready.

1:03:15.800 --> 1:03:17.720
<v Speaker 2>And I'm not saying ready for a relationship. I'm just

1:03:17.720 --> 1:03:20.040
<v Speaker 2>saying ready for the feelings that have come with You've

1:03:20.040 --> 1:03:22.880
<v Speaker 2>just been with someone else. If you're not healed, it's

1:03:22.920 --> 1:03:24.320
<v Speaker 2>going to be too soon and it's not going to

1:03:24.360 --> 1:03:25.840
<v Speaker 2>be good for you for your mental health. So I

1:03:25.840 --> 1:03:27.680
<v Speaker 2>think you just need to go back to step one,

1:03:27.760 --> 1:03:30.840
<v Speaker 2>which is accept what's happened, and sit in that and

1:03:30.880 --> 1:03:32.480
<v Speaker 2>get yourself to a good place. Then get back in

1:03:32.520 --> 1:03:34.520
<v Speaker 2>the game. And you don't need to go and find

1:03:34.520 --> 1:03:35.840
<v Speaker 2>someone that you're going to marry, and you don't have

1:03:35.880 --> 1:03:38.760
<v Speaker 2>to take it so seriously. But just don't go out

1:03:38.880 --> 1:03:40.640
<v Speaker 2>and sleep with someone the next day because you think

1:03:40.640 --> 1:03:42.080
<v Speaker 2>it's going to make you feel better, Because it's not

1:03:42.120 --> 1:03:43.000
<v Speaker 2>going to make you feel better.

1:03:43.080 --> 1:03:45.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. I also think it's important this whole idea of

1:03:45.360 --> 1:03:48.840
<v Speaker 1>monkey branching, so jumping from one relationship to another relationship.

1:03:49.200 --> 1:03:52.720
<v Speaker 1>I am an absolute like I have done it so

1:03:52.760 --> 1:03:54.480
<v Speaker 1>many times in my life, and I've talked about it

1:03:54.520 --> 1:03:56.560
<v Speaker 1>on this podcast before. But I'm here to tell you

1:03:56.600 --> 1:03:59.120
<v Speaker 1>it's a terrible thing to do because what happens when

1:03:59.160 --> 1:04:01.680
<v Speaker 1>you monkey branch one relationship to another is that you're

1:04:01.720 --> 1:04:05.120
<v Speaker 1>never actually really taking time to assess what type of

1:04:05.120 --> 1:04:07.560
<v Speaker 1>person you really want to be with. And it also

1:04:07.680 --> 1:04:09.800
<v Speaker 1>means that you're just settling for the next best thing

1:04:09.800 --> 1:04:12.480
<v Speaker 1>that comes along, so you're gonna one find that you're

1:04:12.480 --> 1:04:14.760
<v Speaker 1>gonna have the same problems and the same issues that

1:04:14.760 --> 1:04:16.840
<v Speaker 1>are going to arise. Or it might mean that you

1:04:16.880 --> 1:04:20.000
<v Speaker 1>commit to someone because the fact that you have someone

1:04:20.080 --> 1:04:21.720
<v Speaker 1>there means that you don't have to deal with the

1:04:21.720 --> 1:04:23.840
<v Speaker 1>pain of the last person, like it kind of masks that.

1:04:24.280 --> 1:04:26.520
<v Speaker 1>But they're still not the best person for you. So

1:04:26.560 --> 1:04:29.120
<v Speaker 1>you're still wasting time in a relationship that's only going

1:04:29.160 --> 1:04:32.520
<v Speaker 1>to end badly because you didn't give yourself time to

1:04:32.560 --> 1:04:35.560
<v Speaker 1>have any personal growth between relationships and actually make changes

1:04:35.600 --> 1:04:38.320
<v Speaker 1>and be a better person and grow as a person

1:04:38.400 --> 1:04:41.720
<v Speaker 1>and fucking like experience life as a single person, which

1:04:41.760 --> 1:04:43.720
<v Speaker 1>is like, this is your opportunity to do that. Don't

1:04:43.760 --> 1:04:45.880
<v Speaker 1>waste it by just jumping straight into a relationship with

1:04:45.960 --> 1:04:48.520
<v Speaker 1>someone new because you're scared of being alone. That's a

1:04:48.600 --> 1:04:49.680
<v Speaker 1>terrible reason.

1:04:49.440 --> 1:04:51.560
<v Speaker 2>Put this emphasis on, like oh my god, what am

1:04:51.560 --> 1:04:54.160
<v Speaker 2>I going to do now that I'm alone? Guys, being

1:04:54.320 --> 1:04:57.000
<v Speaker 2>single can be the best time of your life.

1:04:57.160 --> 1:04:59.160
<v Speaker 1>We don't, I think we look at this like, oh,

1:04:59.240 --> 1:05:01.800
<v Speaker 1>I've been broken up, I'm alone. What am I gonna do?

1:05:02.200 --> 1:05:05.760
<v Speaker 1>What with me? Embrace your single life. It's not gonna

1:05:05.760 --> 1:05:08.760
<v Speaker 1>be forever. You you can find out things.

1:05:08.480 --> 1:05:10.760
<v Speaker 2>You didn't even know about yourself. You can go and

1:05:10.800 --> 1:05:13.360
<v Speaker 2>have the best time of your life. You don't owe

1:05:13.840 --> 1:05:16.280
<v Speaker 2>anything to anyone at that time. It really is a

1:05:16.320 --> 1:05:18.560
<v Speaker 2>time for you just to be on your own. And

1:05:18.960 --> 1:05:22.360
<v Speaker 2>I cannot tell you how much fun I have had

1:05:22.400 --> 1:05:25.000
<v Speaker 2>being single in the back loud for.

1:05:25.040 --> 1:05:28.840
<v Speaker 1>The people, for single ladies in the back. Own this time.

1:05:28.920 --> 1:05:31.200
<v Speaker 2>And I can't stress that enough. Own it, because one

1:05:31.280 --> 1:05:33.040
<v Speaker 2>day you're gonna meet that person and that's it. You're

1:05:33.080 --> 1:05:35.120
<v Speaker 2>done and you don't get to relive it this time

1:05:35.160 --> 1:05:36.880
<v Speaker 2>of your life again. So don't think it's the worst

1:05:36.920 --> 1:05:39.160
<v Speaker 2>thing that's going to happen to you. Flip your switch,

1:05:39.320 --> 1:05:40.440
<v Speaker 2>flip the way you look on it, and be like,

1:05:40.480 --> 1:05:42.200
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna fucking own this and I am gonna have

1:05:42.360 --> 1:05:43.560
<v Speaker 2>so much.

1:05:43.560 --> 1:05:47.440
<v Speaker 1>But I cannot drop. I'm like here, I'm here for that,

1:05:47.600 --> 1:05:52.280
<v Speaker 1>like I'm I'm yes, good done. Only because now that

1:05:52.360 --> 1:05:54.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm a mom and now that I'm in a relationship

1:05:54.640 --> 1:05:56.680
<v Speaker 1>where I know that we're gonna be together forever, because

1:05:56.680 --> 1:06:00.280
<v Speaker 1>we're disgusting. I look back on my single year years

1:06:01.240 --> 1:06:03.160
<v Speaker 1>and I spent so much time in my single years.

1:06:03.160 --> 1:06:05.160
<v Speaker 1>I've said this before, but I spent so much time

1:06:05.160 --> 1:06:08.520
<v Speaker 1>in my single years being sad, wishing I was with

1:06:08.560 --> 1:06:11.440
<v Speaker 1>someone and feeling like I wasn't good enough, And I

1:06:11.720 --> 1:06:14.000
<v Speaker 1>just wish so much more now that I had been

1:06:14.000 --> 1:06:16.720
<v Speaker 1>able to really embrace it, enjoy it, and love the

1:06:16.760 --> 1:06:18.880
<v Speaker 1>time that I got to spend with my girlfriends because

1:06:19.360 --> 1:06:22.040
<v Speaker 1>I wasted it. I really wasted it. Like, yeah, I

1:06:22.080 --> 1:06:24.800
<v Speaker 1>have some great memories, and I had some great trips

1:06:24.800 --> 1:06:26.920
<v Speaker 1>overseas and did all that sort of stuff, but I

1:06:27.000 --> 1:06:29.960
<v Speaker 1>was never fully comfortable in being single and on my own.

1:06:30.240 --> 1:06:32.560
<v Speaker 1>And I look back on my life now and I

1:06:32.640 --> 1:06:34.960
<v Speaker 1>regret that I didn't fully embrace that, because what a

1:06:35.160 --> 1:06:36.920
<v Speaker 1>fucking fun time it was to be alive.

1:06:37.400 --> 1:06:41.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I've been having a pretty while, but that's.

1:06:41.120 --> 1:06:42.960
<v Speaker 1>Been Oh you guys don't know the half of It's

1:06:42.960 --> 1:06:53.360
<v Speaker 1>been a while decade, all right, guys. That brings us

1:06:53.760 --> 1:06:56.600
<v Speaker 1>to the end of our episode, which means it is

1:06:56.640 --> 1:06:59.120
<v Speaker 1>time for suck and sweet Brittany, you already tell it everyone,

1:06:59.160 --> 1:07:01.200
<v Speaker 1>my sweet what is your sack? My suck?

1:07:01.320 --> 1:07:03.560
<v Speaker 2>I got home last night from day nine of nine

1:07:03.560 --> 1:07:06.560
<v Speaker 2>at the hospital and I had the worst migraine I

1:07:06.560 --> 1:07:10.120
<v Speaker 2>have had. I do suffer migraines, but they've been coming

1:07:10.680 --> 1:07:12.920
<v Speaker 2>less and less often, but last night hit me like

1:07:12.960 --> 1:07:14.600
<v Speaker 2>a ton of brecks. I had to to the point that,

1:07:14.720 --> 1:07:16.600
<v Speaker 2>like I had to put my phone on aeroplane mode

1:07:16.640 --> 1:07:17.840
<v Speaker 2>and I passed out at six thirty.

1:07:17.880 --> 1:07:20.040
<v Speaker 1>It was it was hardcore, was hectic. I know. I

1:07:20.080 --> 1:07:22.080
<v Speaker 1>sent you a message and you left me on scene

1:07:22.360 --> 1:07:25.120
<v Speaker 1>like what is this, Brittany? Who are you? I'm sorry,

1:07:25.160 --> 1:07:26.800
<v Speaker 1>but who are you out with? What do you know? Like?

1:07:26.800 --> 1:07:28.480
<v Speaker 1>What are you doing if it's not me? I know? Right,

1:07:29.360 --> 1:07:30.640
<v Speaker 1>guys do when they don't want you to know what

1:07:30.640 --> 1:07:32.439
<v Speaker 1>they're doing, they just put their phone on helicopter mode

1:07:32.440 --> 1:07:36.920
<v Speaker 1>and say and they're like, you happen out of the

1:07:36.960 --> 1:07:39.840
<v Speaker 1>game aplane mode And then they're like, I'm sorry, my

1:07:39.880 --> 1:07:42.200
<v Speaker 1>phone ran out of battery. His phone never ran out

1:07:42.200 --> 1:07:46.120
<v Speaker 1>of battery, FYI, No, mine actually was on helicopter mode.

1:07:46.120 --> 1:07:48.480
<v Speaker 1>But shut up? All right, right, all right, okay? What's this? Sweet?

1:07:48.720 --> 1:07:49.160
<v Speaker 1>Most sweet?

1:07:49.240 --> 1:07:50.800
<v Speaker 2>Was you might remember a few weeks ago, well I

1:07:50.920 --> 1:07:53.880
<v Speaker 2>might remember you definitely will remember my dog Lily passed

1:07:53.920 --> 1:07:56.200
<v Speaker 2>and I told you about how just one of those

1:07:56.240 --> 1:08:01.520
<v Speaker 2>listeners sent me a DM off her own back and

1:08:01.560 --> 1:08:04.880
<v Speaker 2>she had drawn my dog Lily and she had sketched

1:08:04.920 --> 1:08:08.120
<v Speaker 2>it but I'm talking beautifully sketched I put on my stories.

1:08:08.160 --> 1:08:10.640
<v Speaker 1>It was really, really amazing. It was so beautiful.

1:08:10.720 --> 1:08:13.360
<v Speaker 2>She did it for no reason, and it really made

1:08:13.360 --> 1:08:15.960
<v Speaker 2>an impact on my family, and I wanted to shout

1:08:15.960 --> 1:08:18.840
<v Speaker 2>her out. But as a follow up, she knew how

1:08:18.880 --> 1:08:22.479
<v Speaker 2>much it meant, so she actually sent the physical drawing

1:08:22.560 --> 1:08:24.360
<v Speaker 2>to my house so that we could have it framed

1:08:24.360 --> 1:08:25.280
<v Speaker 2>and we could have it forever.

1:08:25.800 --> 1:08:26.479
<v Speaker 1>And I.

1:08:28.080 --> 1:08:30.599
<v Speaker 2>Said to her, I would absolutely love that. It's amazing.

1:08:30.840 --> 1:08:33.040
<v Speaker 2>Let me give me your account details. I'll at a

1:08:33.120 --> 1:08:36.080
<v Speaker 2>minimum pay you for the postage. And she wouldn't even

1:08:36.080 --> 1:08:38.000
<v Speaker 2>accept that. So she's this this girl I don't even

1:08:38.000 --> 1:08:40.160
<v Speaker 2>know she's gone to this effort and I just watched

1:08:40.200 --> 1:08:40.400
<v Speaker 2>her out.

1:08:40.479 --> 1:08:44.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, give us her instagram, give give us her Instagram handle.

1:08:45.080 --> 1:08:48.200
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely going to shout her out because she's obviously she's talented,

1:08:48.200 --> 1:08:50.200
<v Speaker 2>but she's just a good human and she's a listener.

1:08:50.320 --> 1:08:51.000
<v Speaker 1>We love this ye.

1:08:51.479 --> 1:08:55.680
<v Speaker 2>Her instagram is Chelsea Rose Studio so c h E

1:08:55.840 --> 1:09:00.559
<v Speaker 2>l s E A Rose like Bachelor studio and she

1:09:00.800 --> 1:09:03.240
<v Speaker 2>just is an amazing, amazing sketch artist.

1:09:03.280 --> 1:09:05.280
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to put the picture back up on my

1:09:05.360 --> 1:09:07.640
<v Speaker 1>stories and stuff. But that was my sweet she my

1:09:07.720 --> 1:09:12.760
<v Speaker 1>dad cried again. She really made a difference, and that's

1:09:12.880 --> 1:09:15.200
<v Speaker 1>my sweet. And I hope her sweet is the fact

1:09:15.200 --> 1:09:17.960
<v Speaker 1>that she knows she made a really big impact on

1:09:18.000 --> 1:09:18.400
<v Speaker 1>our family.

1:09:18.439 --> 1:09:20.439
<v Speaker 2>And yeah, I just wanted to shout out thank you.

1:09:20.520 --> 1:09:23.479
<v Speaker 2>If you are listening right now, that was beautiful.

1:09:23.520 --> 1:09:26.320
<v Speaker 1>It's a great sweet. We both feel really trivial now,

1:09:26.479 --> 1:09:29.880
<v Speaker 1>but they can be. That's the whole aim of the game. Okay,

1:09:31.240 --> 1:09:35.559
<v Speaker 1>watch your suck, so it's not even bad. So my

1:09:35.680 --> 1:09:40.240
<v Speaker 1>suck is that Matthew Johnson has decided to clipper his

1:09:40.400 --> 1:09:43.120
<v Speaker 1>face and his chest hair very very short, which means

1:09:43.120 --> 1:09:45.720
<v Speaker 1>he's extremely prickly all over, and I don't really like

1:09:45.800 --> 1:09:49.680
<v Speaker 1>it him. If you're listen him, I'll tell him, hey,

1:09:49.760 --> 1:09:55.080
<v Speaker 1>mat so prickly. Does anyone else deal with this when

1:09:55.080 --> 1:09:58.280
<v Speaker 1>their partners just like over clipper their face and then

1:09:58.320 --> 1:10:00.400
<v Speaker 1>when their partners try to kiss them, it's like little

1:10:00.400 --> 1:10:04.400
<v Speaker 1>needles sticking into your face. Yeah, it's awful anyway that's happened.

1:10:04.439 --> 1:10:06.760
<v Speaker 1>So that's to suck. But also I can't tell him

1:10:06.760 --> 1:10:08.960
<v Speaker 1>this because he'll get upset by it. So I'm just

1:10:08.960 --> 1:10:10.920
<v Speaker 1>gonna tell it on a national podcast that he doesn't

1:10:10.920 --> 1:10:13.400
<v Speaker 1>listen to. I don't think he'll get upset. No, I

1:10:13.400 --> 1:10:17.240
<v Speaker 1>think he gets offended if I critique how closely he

1:10:17.320 --> 1:10:19.880
<v Speaker 1>shaves hispa. It's not like you're critiquing his personality. Just

1:10:19.920 --> 1:10:23.360
<v Speaker 1>grow the hair out. And my sweet for the week,

1:10:23.400 --> 1:10:25.760
<v Speaker 1>which Britt already shared, is the fact that Marley took

1:10:25.800 --> 1:10:28.639
<v Speaker 1>four steps. It was very cute. My baby is walking

1:10:28.680 --> 1:10:32.320
<v Speaker 1>before one because she is a genius. And she also

1:10:32.400 --> 1:10:36.280
<v Speaker 1>said Hi Dada the other day and I like, literally,

1:10:36.280 --> 1:10:37.920
<v Speaker 1>my ovaries just fell out my butt because it was

1:10:37.960 --> 1:10:39.679
<v Speaker 1>the cutest thing I've ever seen in my entire life.

1:10:39.720 --> 1:10:43.920
<v Speaker 2>Okay, first, physiologically, you're ovaries can't come at your butt. Secondly,

1:10:44.360 --> 1:10:47.240
<v Speaker 2>i'll prove you wrong, brittany woman to bend over bend

1:10:47.240 --> 1:10:47.640
<v Speaker 2>over in.

1:10:47.680 --> 1:10:51.639
<v Speaker 1>Coff I just got a visual.

1:10:52.160 --> 1:10:56.040
<v Speaker 2>Secondly, how did you feel, honestly that she's saying how

1:10:56.200 --> 1:10:59.280
<v Speaker 2>dadda instead of before malm.

1:10:58.800 --> 1:11:02.120
<v Speaker 1>It's because I all say Hi dad da whenever Matt

1:11:02.160 --> 1:11:04.960
<v Speaker 1>walks into the room. I'm more angry at Matt that

1:11:05.040 --> 1:11:07.320
<v Speaker 1>he doesn't say Hi mama, so that she gets the

1:11:07.360 --> 1:11:14.000
<v Speaker 1>same repetition and learning. Obviously Matt's fault. Absolutely that what

1:11:14.120 --> 1:11:20.519
<v Speaker 1>a prick and that's it guy. So yeah, she said hi, data,

1:11:20.560 --> 1:11:23.639
<v Speaker 1>and she took four steps. And next week is her birthday,

1:11:23.880 --> 1:11:25.840
<v Speaker 1>which is just wild. It's been a year. It's been

1:11:25.840 --> 1:11:27.760
<v Speaker 1>a year since I pushed her out, and I'm gonna

1:11:27.760 --> 1:11:29.519
<v Speaker 1>have a big old glass of wine because I know

1:11:29.600 --> 1:11:31.760
<v Speaker 1>that it's her birthday, but it's also a celebration of

1:11:31.760 --> 1:11:34.160
<v Speaker 1>the fact that I've kept her alive for a year.

1:11:34.240 --> 1:11:36.679
<v Speaker 2>People, I can't believe. I can't believe that either, because

1:11:36.720 --> 1:11:39.479
<v Speaker 2>you know what it also means. That means we're one.

1:11:39.600 --> 1:11:40.600
<v Speaker 2>It's our anniversary.

1:11:40.960 --> 1:11:45.360
<v Speaker 1>Yes, I didn't think of that till now. Guys, Guys,

1:11:45.560 --> 1:11:49.400
<v Speaker 1>this also marks I mean, we missed our birthday because

1:11:49.439 --> 1:11:51.920
<v Speaker 1>it was a couple of weeks back, but this podcast

1:11:51.920 --> 1:11:55.519
<v Speaker 1>has been going for an entire year, so it's a group.

1:11:55.720 --> 1:11:58.760
<v Speaker 1>It's a solid community anniversary. Thank if you're with us

1:11:58.760 --> 1:12:01.160
<v Speaker 1>from the beginning, thanks for I'm sticking it through. My

1:12:01.280 --> 1:12:04.200
<v Speaker 1>mind is blown. I can't believe that we miss so useless,

1:12:04.200 --> 1:12:06.200
<v Speaker 1>that we missed our own birthday. We're pretty useless with that.

1:12:06.240 --> 1:12:08.160
<v Speaker 1>We missed a million. Two we're coming up to the

1:12:08.160 --> 1:12:10.639
<v Speaker 1>two mil though, guys. We're gonna do something. We're gonna

1:12:10.680 --> 1:12:12.840
<v Speaker 1>have some sort of celebration. Maybe we'll do a big,

1:12:12.920 --> 1:12:15.920
<v Speaker 1>crazy ass giveaway on the Instagram page. Let's do a.

1:12:15.880 --> 1:12:19.960
<v Speaker 2>Giveaway to someone to win something epic, like crazy epic,

1:12:20.080 --> 1:12:21.919
<v Speaker 2>like I don't know, maybe trips to Hawaii.

1:12:22.000 --> 1:12:23.599
<v Speaker 1>No, not that epic. We can't afford that, but we're

1:12:23.600 --> 1:12:25.200
<v Speaker 1>gonna do something fucking cool. Guys.

1:12:25.200 --> 1:12:26.880
<v Speaker 2>We don't make that much money. You're not going to Hawaii,

1:12:26.920 --> 1:12:28.920
<v Speaker 2>but you'll get something. There's gonna be something, all right.

1:12:29.000 --> 1:12:32.080
<v Speaker 1>Okay, guys, thank you so much for listening to another episode.

1:12:32.280 --> 1:12:34.040
<v Speaker 1>We hope that this is just one that you keep

1:12:34.040 --> 1:12:35.880
<v Speaker 1>in your back catalog. So if you're going through a

1:12:35.880 --> 1:12:38.160
<v Speaker 1>hard time or you know somebody who's going through a breakup,

1:12:38.200 --> 1:12:41.360
<v Speaker 1>you can be like, hey, those Life Uncut bitches know

1:12:41.400 --> 1:12:43.439
<v Speaker 1>what they're talking about. They've been broken up with loads.

1:12:43.520 --> 1:12:46.080
<v Speaker 1>Go talk to them because we'll be here for you

1:12:46.160 --> 1:12:49.200
<v Speaker 1>and for them when the time comes. But also, if

1:12:49.200 --> 1:12:52.519
<v Speaker 1>you have a question for Ask Guncut, please send that

1:12:52.600 --> 1:12:56.120
<v Speaker 1>through to our DM on Instagram. That's Life Uncut Podcasts.

1:12:56.320 --> 1:12:58.600
<v Speaker 1>Just title it at the very start ask Uncut so

1:12:58.640 --> 1:13:00.640
<v Speaker 1>that we can find it amongst all the messages that

1:13:00.680 --> 1:13:03.479
<v Speaker 1>you send us. We will have our episode that will

1:13:03.479 --> 1:13:05.600
<v Speaker 1>come out on Thursday. We love answering your questions. So,

1:13:05.640 --> 1:13:07.439
<v Speaker 1>if there's anything that's happening in your life at the

1:13:07.479 --> 1:13:09.280
<v Speaker 1>moment where you're like, you know what, I need some

1:13:09.320 --> 1:13:11.760
<v Speaker 1>girlfriends on my side and I need some advice. We're

1:13:11.800 --> 1:13:14.680
<v Speaker 1>here were your free therapy session. We will come with

1:13:14.760 --> 1:13:17.519
<v Speaker 1>the goods. So send us your ask gun cut questions.

1:13:17.720 --> 1:13:19.840
<v Speaker 2>If you are listening to this right now and you

1:13:19.920 --> 1:13:22.920
<v Speaker 2>are in the midst of what you think is the

1:13:22.920 --> 1:13:24.719
<v Speaker 2>worst time of your life and it is a breakup,

1:13:25.200 --> 1:13:29.680
<v Speaker 2>we just want to say, hang in there, it's going.

1:13:29.439 --> 1:13:32.559
<v Speaker 1>To get better. Yes, that's exactly what we want to say.

1:13:32.720 --> 1:13:35.200
<v Speaker 1>And that's it, I promise, No, that's not it. The

1:13:35.280 --> 1:13:38.320
<v Speaker 1>other there's much more housekeeping to be done here, Brittany.

1:13:38.520 --> 1:13:40.760
<v Speaker 1>Stop trying to rush these people away whilst we've got

1:13:40.760 --> 1:13:43.280
<v Speaker 1>their undivided attention. We'll celebrate. I'm like, that's it. Bye,

1:13:43.400 --> 1:13:45.400
<v Speaker 1>dinner time a birth day. Oh yeah, it's truly passed.

1:13:45.400 --> 1:13:48.479
<v Speaker 1>Dinner time Okay, famished. Also, if you haven't left a

1:13:48.520 --> 1:13:50.640
<v Speaker 1>review yet, and you listen to every app and you

1:13:50.720 --> 1:13:52.679
<v Speaker 1>love the episodes and you think that we're not half

1:13:52.680 --> 1:13:55.320
<v Speaker 1>bad either, then we would really, really, really really love

1:13:55.320 --> 1:13:57.240
<v Speaker 1>it if you would go over to Apple Podcast and

1:13:57.320 --> 1:13:59.559
<v Speaker 1>leave us a review. And hit subscribe. If you're thinking

1:13:59.600 --> 1:14:01.600
<v Speaker 1>about how who starts to leave us hit five. I

1:14:01.680 --> 1:14:07.000
<v Speaker 1>highly recommend, and you know the drill. Share the love, guys,

1:14:07.040 --> 1:14:13.840
<v Speaker 1>because we love love. I'm not gonna such losers like you,

1:14:13.960 --> 1:14:20.000
<v Speaker 1>and I can't say that without putting hands with me instantly. Alright,

1:14:20.120 --> 1:14:23.919
<v Speaker 1>See you, guys,