Speaker 1: Are you start? Hi, guys, and welcome back to another
Speaker 1: episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany. Hi, Brittany,
Speaker 1: Hy Laura, you're bloody Bean. I'm good. Actually, I'm actually
Speaker 1: really great. Well that's actually so good. We're asking that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're welcome. What about you? Anything else to elaborate on? Okay, wait,
Speaker 1: I do have a question paid attention to the batch
Speaker 1: in Paradise ads. Oh yeah, was Kieran actually naked? Like
Speaker 1: full butt out? Did you see his pain? Kieren was
Speaker 1: completely naked? Did you see his pain? I mean I
Speaker 1: didn't look at it. I'm asking study women of Australia
Speaker 1: because I feel like there's more people than me that
Speaker 1: want to know this. Well. I mean he didn't wave
Speaker 1: it around, he didn't do the windmill. He sort of
Speaker 1: kept it covered. I mean, if you looked closely, you
Speaker 1: could see it. Yeah, but I didn't go hunting through
Speaker 1: the grapes to find it. But he was actually pulling
Speaker 1: grapes off and like feeding them to people. Wow, that's
Speaker 1: really confronting. Fuck, I can't wait for this to start,
Speaker 1: all right, So that's enough and batching Paradise, I know,
Speaker 1: I can't ask too many questions because I'm going to
Speaker 1: get you in trouble. Yeah, how's your week being?
Speaker 2: Oh my week, Literally, I just did nine days straight
Speaker 2: at the hospital.
Speaker 1: I'm it's huge. At the moment. Work is crazy. But
Speaker 1: something funny did happen to me at work.
Speaker 2: Because I've been working so much. They're big days there
Speaker 2: and I'm trying. I still have so much work to do.
Speaker 2: I just have so much other work to do, like
Speaker 2: for the podcast, for contracts that I've got with other people,
Speaker 2: like on Instagram and things like that.
Speaker 1: So what I've been trying to.
Speaker 2: Do to survive is I take my laptop to work,
Speaker 2: and in my lunch break and in my tea break
Speaker 2: or any little moment that i have, I'm I'm working
Speaker 2: at work on the other job.
Speaker 1: So anyway, I'm on my lunch break a few days ago,
Speaker 1: just hustling hard. I'm hustling. I'm on my lunch break
Speaker 1: and I'm up in the cafeteria.
Speaker 2: Now I work in a huge hospital, very big hospital.
Speaker 1: The caffeteria is packed.
Speaker 2: So I'm sitting there and what I'm what I'm working
Speaker 2: on is as a sponsored Instagram post.
Speaker 1: Basically, I'm working.
Speaker 2: With gal and give them the plug. No, I'm not
Speaker 2: gonna name that, but I'm just all it was is
Speaker 2: I just had to send a.
Speaker 1: Photo off for approval.
Speaker 2: So I have this photo, and the photo is like
Speaker 2: I'm I'm dolled up, like I'm in this tight little
Speaker 2: dress and I've got my makeup in my head and
Speaker 2: I'm drinking, and it's like it's as like it's a
Speaker 2: sexy photo.
Speaker 1: I'm so embarrassed for you. It's just so dumb.
Speaker 2: So I'm doing a thousand emails at once, trying to
Speaker 2: send his photo off, knowing I've got ten minutes to
Speaker 2: get back to work. So I go, I'm trying to
Speaker 2: send the photo between my phone and my computer, so
Speaker 2: I try to air drop it. So I send it
Speaker 2: and then I look down and it says accept it,
Speaker 2: and I look, I've just sent it to some random
Speaker 2: in the cafeteria.
Speaker 1: There's someone in a cafeteria that has a photo of.
Speaker 2: Me that I've just sent, and of course they know
Speaker 2: that to accept an air drop. I'm close by. So
Speaker 2: then I look up and I felt like I felt
Speaker 2: so vulnerable because I was like, I know someone's looking
Speaker 2: at me right now, knowing that I've just air dropped
Speaker 2: on this saucy photo.
Speaker 1: You live this double life as well, like you on Instagram.
Speaker 1: Is very different to you at the hospital, like you
Speaker 1: posted these first trapping bikini photos, versus you sitting in
Speaker 1: the hospital in a pair of scrubs with your hair
Speaker 1: pull back, and then some random like some random doctor
Speaker 1: or surgeon or something's just gotten. This is what I'm imagining.
Speaker 1: But it's not. No, it wasn't even like it wasn't
Speaker 1: even the cafeteria part that's just for staff. This was
Speaker 1: just a general public some and I don't know who
Speaker 1: it was. But then I felt imagine looking up knowing
Speaker 1: I was looking around trying to see if anyone was
Speaker 1: looking at me. I was mortified.
Speaker 2: I was like someone within a very very close ratio,
Speaker 2: he's looking at my phone now looking at me and laughing.
Speaker 1: I'm like I was like being bullied in the school yard.
Speaker 1: I slapped my laptop with down and just like ran off. Anyway,
Speaker 1: So I thought that was really funny. I like, I'm
Speaker 1: actually mortified for you, and I know that. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: show me the photo so I can describe how nude
Speaker 1: were you. No, I'm not nude. I'm just in like
Speaker 1: a sexy black dress. Yeah, That's what I mean, Like
Speaker 1: how much skin is showing? Like what's the level of
Speaker 1: appropriateness for a hospital? This is? It's just like you
Speaker 1: tell the listeners what you see. Oh look, guys, here's
Speaker 1: Brittany with her cocktail. She's just enjoying a pizza and
Speaker 1: a tiny little black skirt cut off just just below
Speaker 1: the vagina, plunging, plunging v neck. And doesn't that look
Speaker 1: like a delicious cocktail that you have. I'm sure old
Speaker 1: mate who received this was very happy and couldn't wait
Speaker 1: to get some tanker age in. Do you know what
Speaker 1: the funniest here is, Laura. The funniest thing is like
Speaker 1: you couldn't even play it off, like, oh, that looks
Speaker 1: like that girl Brittany from The Bachelor. You know it
Speaker 1: is because my iPhone's labeled Brittany's iPhone. You're about to say,
Speaker 1: your iPhone's labeled Brittany from the Bachelor. Fuck, I'm going
Speaker 1: to unsubscribe from you and this podcast. My I phone
Speaker 1: is like Britney's iPhone. So it's not even like I
Speaker 1: could be like, oh, I get I get that I
Speaker 1: look like that girl. She I get that all the time.
Speaker 2: Because sometimes I say that sometimes if I can't jump
Speaker 2: into the conversation, I don't have the energy to maybe
Speaker 2: a patience like oh my god, you're Brittany from a Bachelor,
Speaker 2: I actually say no, I say, oh, I get that
Speaker 2: a lot.
Speaker 1: I look like.
Speaker 2: Only only failed reality tod star with a real job.
Speaker 2: So that's that's what happened to me this week, and
Speaker 2: I love that for me. Nay, sucks to be you.
Speaker 1: You did you do anything horrific? All right, Okay, I've
Speaker 1: been holding onto this story that I need to tell you,
Speaker 1: and I'm dying to hear because you have been getting
Speaker 1: really excited about it for the last two hours. No,
Speaker 1: I'm not excited, and like, okay, so I have this story, guys.
Speaker 1: I've been holding it back from Brittany because I like
Speaker 1: her genuine reactions. This is not a funny story, though.
Speaker 1: This happened the other night, and when I go to
Speaker 1: tell people this, everyone thinks it's gonna be funny because
Speaker 1: usually I'm like, blah blah blah, dig pick, but really
Speaker 1: it's not that. So Okay, we had some friends over
Speaker 1: on Friday night, and we have two entrances to our house.
Speaker 1: We've got a back door, and we've got a front
Speaker 1: door as most people do. Weird crazy, I know, but
Speaker 1: we usually only use our back gate entrance because we've
Speaker 1: got this like private courtyard entrance, and we never ever
Speaker 1: use the front door, so I never checked to see
Speaker 1: if it's locked or unlocked. Anyway, had these friends over
Speaker 1: for dinner. They left from the front door. Later on,
Speaker 1: I put Molly to bed. We went to bed, and
Speaker 1: it was like three o'clock in the morning, and I
Speaker 1: woke up because I sleep really really lightly now, I
Speaker 1: woke up and I could hear footsteps in the house.
Speaker 2: Oh, oh my god, I just got the sickest feeling
Speaker 2: in my stomach.
Speaker 1: Yeah, wait for it. So there was footsteps in the house,
Speaker 1: and I was awaken. I frozen, and Matt was asleep
Speaker 1: next to me, and I was like, I'm imagining this,
Speaker 1: Like this is not real. And then so we sleep
Speaker 1: with our bedroom door open, and our bedroom door looks
Speaker 1: directly into the front entrance of our house, and so
Speaker 1: that's completely pitch black, and I can hear these footsteps
Speaker 1: and then I see the front door open and the
Speaker 1: light come in and there's someone standing in our house,
Speaker 1: letting themselves out of our house. And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: my god, Matt, look at my eyes watering, am petrified.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, Matt, there's someone in
Speaker 1: our house. And he then woke up and he heard
Speaker 1: the door slam and I have never seen a man
Speaker 1: move so fast in my entire fucking life. Matt jumps
Speaker 1: out of bed in his Calvin quiets, run out the door,
Speaker 1: and there's a guy in our hallway. We live in
Speaker 1: a security block, but he's in the hallway wearing black pants,
Speaker 1: black jumper, black beanie. And Matt runs him and pushes
Speaker 1: him into the stairwell like to have a full on
Speaker 1: beef with him, funny bit like in his undies. Anyway.
Speaker 1: Then this guy like cows into the corner. He's like, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I came from upstairs. I
Speaker 1: got lost. I got lost, and we don't even know Still,
Speaker 1: so this went on. I could hear them screaming outside.
Speaker 1: I got to hear him out, like what the fuck
Speaker 1: are you doing? And of course you have a child,
Speaker 1: and that's what you think about it. And I ran
Speaker 1: in to check on Marley, and Mary was okay, but honestly,
Speaker 1: this was all unfolding, and I still don't know whether
Speaker 1: or not he accidentally stumbled into our house or whether
Speaker 1: this guy just let himself in because he was scoping
Speaker 1: the place out to rob Us, I don't know, but
Speaker 1: you do have I'm just trying to think of your building.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm in it right now. But welcome. Come on, guys,
Speaker 1: let's flesh this out on the podcast.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so you do have to get into that
Speaker 2: entrance you're talking about, Like you said, it is a
Speaker 2: security building. So so he said he'd come from a
Speaker 2: party upstairs, but it Yeah, but to come from a
Speaker 2: party upstairs, he would have had to have walked straight
Speaker 2: past the glass the glass exit doors. Was he because
Speaker 2: we were downstairs so it was three in the morning,
Speaker 2: he had to have been drunk.
Speaker 1: Matt was like, I don't know. I couldn't tell. Matt
Speaker 1: was enraged in his red undies. But anyway, this happened,
Speaker 1: and here is my word of advice. People lock your
Speaker 1: fucking front door. So did you call the police or anything. No,
Speaker 1: we didn't do anything. I did. I did go and
Speaker 1: see the neighbors to try and find out if anyone
Speaker 1: had a party, but no one, No one said that
Speaker 1: they had it. So no one had a party. Okay,
Speaker 1: well that's suspicious if no one had a party. I
Speaker 1: like that. We're doing this detective work. Doom doom. Anyone's
Speaker 1: been watching NCA S No, that's law and order, isn't it. Oh? Wait, right,
Speaker 1: it not what I'm talking about. Should I tell you
Speaker 1: my breaking story? So what's breaking is d I was asleep?
Speaker 1: Wait so we're done with my story now? Well, I
Speaker 1: mean what sorry? Did you just did you want to add?
Speaker 1: Do you want to just like validate my trauma for
Speaker 1: one second, or do you want to go straight to you?
Speaker 2: I had to use in my eyes, I was. I
Speaker 2: was traumatized because that is my fear. When you with
Speaker 2: you know that your house is empty and you hear
Speaker 2: the footsteps, it's like your ultimate nightmare.
Speaker 1: Thank you, This is the validation I needed. Okay, we
Speaker 1: can go to your story now. Yeah, no, it is.
Speaker 1: But I guess to support you. I'm here if you
Speaker 1: need to talk, and I would have called the police
Speaker 1: and lock your dof Thank you. I know. It just
Speaker 1: reminded me of it was a few years ago, now,
Speaker 1: I was. I was with my boyfriend at the time,
Speaker 1: so it was a long time ago. This was going
Speaker 1: back a decade.
Speaker 2: I was downstairs. We had a two story house, and
Speaker 2: I knew that we were the only one there, and
Speaker 2: I heard someone in the kitchen and I woke up
Speaker 2: and I said to my partner, someone's in the house.
Speaker 2: He's like, don't be ridiculous. I said, someone's in there.
Speaker 2: I heard someone. Someone is in the house. And we
Speaker 2: listened for a minute. We couldn't hear anything, and he's like,
Speaker 2: you are imagining it. And I was like, well, maybe
Speaker 2: I was rolled back, over heard it again and I
Speaker 2: was like, someone's in the fucking kitchen. We're going to die.
Speaker 1: I thought, they've got the knif block. What else is
Speaker 1: in kitchen? They're not go in the mop's making to
Speaker 1: sell a cap of tee, settling in for the night guard.
Speaker 2: Anyway, I get a baseball bat. We got up together.
Speaker 2: We both have like an object. I think I had
Speaker 2: a lamp and he had a baseball bat. He got
Speaker 2: the good one. So going up the stairs really quietly
Speaker 2: and I could hear it. He looked at me and
Speaker 2: he's like, you're fucking right, someone's in here.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: And I was like, okay, do we I don't know
Speaker 2: why we didn't call the police. We just thought would
Speaker 2: fight them off on our own. We get up there,
Speaker 2: We get up there. We were creeping around the corner
Speaker 2: because I know this guy's in the kitchen. It's so
Speaker 2: obvious that someone's there now, I think, and he's in
Speaker 2: the sink. Now I heard, and I'm so I heard
Speaker 2: the sink and I was like, oh, he's finished his
Speaker 2: cup of tea, he's put that on the sea, washing
Speaker 2: up dish What he's doing the washing now he's unpacking
Speaker 2: the dishwasher.
Speaker 1: The fuck out of my house. But take those dirty plots.
Speaker 2: But we jump around the corner and we're like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: we have the baseball bat and a lamp and we're
Speaker 2: like we.
Speaker 1: Flick the light on and in the kitchen sink, he's
Speaker 1: a koala what I had broken through our doggy door
Speaker 1: because we had a dog and was making himself a
Speaker 1: home in the sink. And we're about to beat it
Speaker 1: to death because we thought someone's breaking in. Now that
Speaker 1: so didn't how you thought it was? Did it? No?
Speaker 1: It did it? That was good. That was a good
Speaker 1: day and switch I like that. But you know what
Speaker 1: the thing with Matt so I I was still lying
Speaker 1: in bed, so he got up. I've never seen someone
Speaker 1: move so fast. He flew out the door, but because
Speaker 1: I could see the door open, and so sorry, I
Speaker 1: didn't see the door open, but I could see the
Speaker 1: light coming in from the door. But then the door
Speaker 1: closed again, so were in darkness. So I didn't know
Speaker 1: if the person was in the apartment or they were
Speaker 1: out of the apartment. And Matt ran out of the
Speaker 1: apartment so far, so you were like, dude, if he's
Speaker 1: in here. I didn't know if he was running after
Speaker 1: the car, running away, or if he was running. So
Speaker 1: I was in bed, going, what the who am I dating? Anyway,
Speaker 1: it turns out, but did anyone run to Marley and
Speaker 1: itharns out he was being a hero and he wasn't
Speaker 1: running away from the robber. And you know what, guys,
Speaker 1: that was Friday night. It's now Monday that we're recording
Speaker 1: this because you know, we really liked to leave this
Speaker 1: to the last minute, and no one's come back. No
Speaker 1: one was scoping out the players. We've had no other problems.
Speaker 1: I feel very safe, So if you've deeply concerned for me,
Speaker 1: I think we're gonna be okay.
Speaker 2: It is it is a reminder, isn't it just to
Speaker 2: be a bit extra cautious. Yeah, and I really like,
Speaker 2: I know that this is something that everybody knows, and
Speaker 2: that's such a stupid thing to try and remind people.
Speaker 1: But like, we live in a security building. We often
Speaker 1: leave our front door unlocked just because just because we
Speaker 1: don't check it, we don't use it very often, and
Speaker 1: we tell the nation that. Yeah, and we live in
Speaker 1: a building where we're like, oh, you got a buzz in,
Speaker 1: like there's CCTV cameras at the front. But now I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: you know what it's even though we have a big dog,
Speaker 1: My dog was useless. We didn't bark, No, he slept
Speaker 1: through the whole thing.
Speaker 2: Dude, I have to almost fight to the death every
Speaker 2: time I come here with Buster, and then you get
Speaker 2: some burgle you and he doesn't even do anything.
Speaker 1: Useless. He's up for adoption anyone. If anyone wants a
Speaker 1: free dog, free to good home, I'll take him all Alrighty, Well, anyway,
Speaker 1: that was a that was a big debrief. I actually
Speaker 1: that was a funny combo.
Speaker 2: This is why I like not telling each other our
Speaker 2: stories until the podcast.
Speaker 1: I just was on the edge of my seat that
Speaker 1: whole story. Also, I kind of like save all of
Speaker 1: my stories for when we sit down and record this podcast,
Speaker 1: and so does Brits, and when we see each other
Speaker 1: like any other time. Our chats are just really vanilla.
Speaker 1: So what did you do on the weekend? Don't tell me?
Speaker 1: Say it for the podcast, save it for the nation.
Speaker 1: That's sorry, isn't it. I was just about to tell
Speaker 1: you something else. Go on. Oh no, you know what
Speaker 1: I was gonna say. You do have other news? What about?
Speaker 1: Oh guys? Is not exciting, But I'm going to tell
Speaker 1: you anyway. You might remember a few weeks back, like
Speaker 1: maybe eight weeks back, I lost my wallet. Well, don't worry,
Speaker 1: I canceled all my cards, got all of them resupplied.
Speaker 1: And then today this afternoon, Matt found it under the
Speaker 1: lounge because Marley had shoved it under the lounge. Do
Speaker 1: you know what I was gonna say?
Speaker 2: You know what, The funniest thing about this is, that's
Speaker 2: not even the news I was talking about. I wasn't
Speaker 2: gonna embarrass you and throw you on in the bus
Speaker 2: with that. I'm an idiots. I don't even know what's
Speaker 2: going on in my life.
Speaker 1: Marley took her first stance having that for my second swinge.
Speaker 1: Fuck Brittany, now you've ruined everything Christmas. Ah yeah, and
Speaker 1: my daughter can walk. I mean, but big deal. We
Speaker 1: almost got rubbed and I found my wallet. Guys, I mean,
Speaker 1: you can cut that out and put it back at
Speaker 1: the end. You do edit it.
Speaker 2: You don't want to add that now, Nah, it's fine,
Speaker 2: keep it whatever. Well, Marley took a first steps. We're
Speaker 2: all excited. We're all like, I'm part of the family.
Speaker 1: Now that we've gotten all that out of the way,
Speaker 1: we should probably tell you what this episode is going
Speaker 1: to be about. This episode is going to be a
Speaker 1: breakup boot camp for you all, because even though we've
Speaker 1: talked so much about breakups in like little bits and
Speaker 1: pieces all over the place in different episodes, we've never
Speaker 1: actually done an episode dedicated to breakups, how fucked they are,
Speaker 1: and how to get over them, which is what we're
Speaker 1: gonna be talking about today. But before we get in
Speaker 1: to the episode, oh yeah, we are gonna do accidentally Unfiltered.
Speaker 1: And I'm sorry if my singing is very traumatic for
Speaker 1: you all.
Speaker 2: So I already brought I guess that was my little
Speaker 2: version of an accidentally unfilled this week. Obviously, I sent
Speaker 2: my photo out to some strangers.
Speaker 1: I really enjoyed that. Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2: But I'm going to read one today that I just
Speaker 2: thought it was really cute because I thought it was funny.
Speaker 2: It's not a gross one, because I'm just here for
Speaker 2: these cute ones.
Speaker 1: You with me, I'm here, I'm here for this, okay. Girls.
Speaker 2: So I was going on a first date with a
Speaker 2: guy and very naturally, my friend came around beforehand to
Speaker 2: help me get ready. She was looking at my bookshelf
Speaker 2: in my room and asked.
Speaker 1: To borrow some books.
Speaker 2: Obviously, I said yes and then continued to get ready.
Speaker 2: Later that night, the date was going pretty well, so
Speaker 2: we ended up back at my place. It was dark
Speaker 2: and was getting sexy. I threw him back on the
Speaker 2: bed and he was like, WHOA, what books are you reading?
Speaker 2: And I'm like, what do you mean? And he's like, well,
Speaker 2: there are like three books on your bed and I'm
Speaker 2: laying on them. I completely forgot that. My friend came
Speaker 2: around for the books, but she forgot.
Speaker 1: To take them.
Speaker 2: Turns out, the book she was meant to take with
Speaker 2: Zoe Foster Blake's Love and Textbook Romance and How to.
Speaker 1: Find Your soul mate in the poork. I literally thought
Speaker 1: I was reading up on textbook how to Find Love
Speaker 1: before our first date. That is so innocent and very
Speaker 1: very cute read about love. You can just listen to
Speaker 1: it on the podcast. They dates have a paper trail.
Speaker 1: They dated for true, you can't be caught out as much.
Speaker 1: They dated for six months.
Speaker 2: But imagine if you went back to a guy's house
Speaker 2: and when you went back on the first day and
Speaker 2: on his bed were like books on like how to
Speaker 2: do the sex good or something like that.
Speaker 1: This is such a loser trying to make her love you.
Speaker 2: Imagine if the book was like how to make her
Speaker 2: love you on the date, I'd be like.
Speaker 1: I'm out. This reminds me of when I was sixteen.
Speaker 1: I put a like I don't know, did it all
Speaker 1: girls go through this when they were younger. I did.
Speaker 1: I went through this period where I was like really
Speaker 1: obsessed with spells and like witching and stuff like this.
Speaker 1: I think it was like during like the Charmed Years
Speaker 1: and anyway Bewitched. Who knows, I'm so old. Anyway, So
Speaker 1: I met this guy when I was like I would
Speaker 1: say sixteen. I'd like to say I was young company
Speaker 1: you put a love spell on him. I like did
Speaker 1: this whole love spell thing, and because I was obsessed
Speaker 1: with him. His name was Brad. I ended up dating
Speaker 1: him for two years, mind you, but I was like obsessed.
Speaker 1: So we swam together. Yeah he did, Yes, he did so.
Speaker 1: So I had made this like love spell where I
Speaker 1: had to like write a letter out of like my
Speaker 1: affirmations or some sort of ridiculousness, and then I had
Speaker 1: to get all these ointments and things. Anyway, I made
Speaker 1: this love spell, and the whole thing was I had
Speaker 1: to keep the piece of paper with me when I
Speaker 1: went on a date with him, and then his energy
Speaker 1: would get onto it. Anyway, things got a bit frisky,
Speaker 1: and he found the piece of paper from my booket
Speaker 1: and was like what is this and opened it up
Speaker 1: whilst I was like wow, trying to grab it out
Speaker 1: of his hands, and here it is my like undying
Speaker 1: confession of love and this spell that I put on him.
Speaker 1: Hang on, was this a legitimate love spell or did
Speaker 1: you make it up? No? I found it on the internet.
Speaker 1: I was sixteen. What was I even doing? How did
Speaker 1: I win the Bachelor? What is wrong with Matthew Johnson?
Speaker 1: Maybe that's why I didn't win. I should have written
Speaker 1: a love spell. Do you know what? Even when we
Speaker 1: were actually when we were on the show, I'm a
Speaker 1: bit crazy, guys. You probably know that. Are you just
Speaker 1: coming to terms? When I was when we were filming
Speaker 1: the show, I watched The Secret. You know the book
Speaker 1: The Secret. There's a documentary called The Secret. It's all
Speaker 1: about like affirmations and like the the power of what
Speaker 1: is it called the power of attraction, where you you
Speaker 1: manifest and you dream what it is that you want,
Speaker 1: and just by thinking of it, you're going to attract
Speaker 1: that into your life. And so I became obsessed and
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm gonna manifest Matt and I having
Speaker 1: this happy relationship. And I'm just gonna say I don't
Speaker 1: necessarily believe in it, but hey, look at me now.
Speaker 1: I can't believe you actually did that. I'm so crazy.
Speaker 1: I love you.
Speaker 2: I know, okay, hang on, it's a Lola Derby, But
Speaker 2: you're not crazy Because you know I'm crazy.
Speaker 1: Somebody else made a whole documentary out of it, wrote
Speaker 1: a book and it's best seller. So there's a lot
Speaker 1: of us crazy bitches out there.
Speaker 2: Guys, And I do believe in it. I do believe
Speaker 2: in the law of attraction and the power of the
Speaker 2: inner and positive afirmation. So like, I'm laughing sort of
Speaker 2: with you, a little bit at you, but like mainly
Speaker 2: with you.
Speaker 1: I just think it's funny that you did it all
Speaker 1: through the batch chest. I was like, when we were filming,
Speaker 1: I became obsessed with this idea of manifesting that Matt
Speaker 1: Night were going to be together.
Speaker 2: So were you jealous? Did you get jealous when he
Speaker 2: went on dates to other girls?
Speaker 1: Nah, like, we're gonna be together forever. It's all right,
Speaker 1: you can have them now, because I'm gonna have you
Speaker 1: for the rest of my lad enjoy this time. No I,
Speaker 1: oh no, that's a lie. Yeah I did. I've just
Speaker 1: forgotten about it. No, No, I was hideously jealous. So
Speaker 1: enough about that. My weird spell making days that they're
Speaker 1: long gone. Anyway, dude, you said just said you did
Speaker 1: it two years ago. Anyway, So I have a really
Speaker 1: good accidentally unfiltered as well. It wasn't a listener that
Speaker 1: this happened to, but the link to this was sent
Speaker 1: him by a listener, and it's something that's been surfing
Speaker 1: around on the internet. But it's just too fucking funny
Speaker 1: that I cannot let it go, so I have to
Speaker 1: share this with you. It sort of looks like it's
Speaker 1: come from around the time when we were in the
Speaker 1: depths of lockdown, so it's kind of just nice to
Speaker 1: reminisce we were all there at.
Speaker 2: One point that time where you're at home spinning way
Speaker 2: too long with your partner, way too much time.
Speaker 1: I imagine that's what people did anyway, and this also
Speaker 1: comes from it. Oh for this also comes from a
Speaker 1: guy's perspective, which we rarely get with acxlely unfilters, So enjoy. Okay,
Speaker 1: So my wife and I live alone in our apartment.
Speaker 1: We also have this really weird game of slapping each
Speaker 1: other with random things. Like the other day my wife
Speaker 1: slapped me in the face with a tampon, not a
Speaker 1: used one, just a tampon. Yes, it's a bit gross,
Speaker 1: but whatever, it's a game we like to play. So
Speaker 1: today I decided it was time for revenge. I got
Speaker 1: out of the shower, I dried myself off, I looked
Speaker 1: for her, and I saw that she was sitting there
Speaker 1: on the computer with some headphones on. So I snuck
Speaker 1: up from the side and boom, deck slap square on
Speaker 1: the cheek. She never stood a chance. I stood there
Speaker 1: expectedly waiting for her to laugh or just some sort
Speaker 1: of reaction like she normally would. But then she just
Speaker 1: turned to me, white in the face, and said on
Speaker 1: a call. I thought she was joking and just whinding
Speaker 1: me up. But then I looked at a screen and
Speaker 1: there were several gobsmat coworkers of my wives, only one
Speaker 1: of them I had met. I immediately ran out of
Speaker 1: the room. I'm now typing this from the bathroom. I'm
Speaker 1: scared that I'm going to be reported for some kind
Speaker 1: of domestic abuse, and I don't even know how to
Speaker 1: explain to them the situation, because it's so stupid that
Speaker 1: I just, on the daily slide my wife in the
Speaker 1: face with my dick. Yes, there's something wrong with you,
Speaker 1: but you know, like all relationships had those weird things
Speaker 1: that you do like that that if you tried to
Speaker 1: explain it to anyone, they would be like, you are cooked.
Speaker 1: Like I'm pretty sure this is something that Matt would do.
Speaker 1: I mean, we've all been slapped at one point, aren't
Speaker 1: we consensually slapped in the face with the dick? Guys,
Speaker 1: It's fine that's pretty funny. I feel like there would
Speaker 1: be a whole thread of things that have happened on
Speaker 1: zoom calls in lockdown that are like that. I can
Speaker 1: there would be so many funny things. It's so nice
Speaker 1: that we're in the clear now. I mean a lot
Speaker 1: of people are still working from home, and zoom calls
Speaker 1: are definitely a more permanent fixture than what they used
Speaker 1: to be. But wow, that was a lot. Yeah. Wow.
Speaker 1: We well we all right, should we jump in? Yeah,
Speaker 1: let's jump into the old breakup? Yeah? Mate, it's touffy
Speaker 1: all right.
Speaker 2: So, like Laura said before, I know that we have
Speaker 2: spoken here and there about breakups in the past, and
Speaker 2: we do touch on them in almost every ep in
Speaker 2: some way, and we talk about them a lot in
Speaker 2: our Ask Gun cuts, and that's because you all go
Speaker 2: through them at some stage. So we did think that
Speaker 2: it was about time we put it all together in
Speaker 2: one hot little bundle and give you that go to
Speaker 2: episode for if you ever go through a breakup, or
Speaker 2: your friend ever goes through a breakup, you can point
Speaker 2: them in this direction. Because the sad fact is, guys,
Speaker 2: that every single relationship that you have before you find
Speaker 2: your penguin is inevitably going to end in a breakup, right,
Speaker 2: that's science. You're gonna keep breaking up with people until
Speaker 2: you find your penguin.
Speaker 1: That was so poignant, Brittany. Thank you.
Speaker 2: Sometimes even the life you've planned with the person you
Speaker 2: thought was gonna be your penguin gets cut short and
Speaker 2: doesn't work out. Now, this does not mean that true
Speaker 2: love doesn't exist and it isn't worth looking, fighting and
Speaker 2: waiting for.
Speaker 1: It just means.
Speaker 2: Sometimes in life it's hard to make it last forever
Speaker 2: and you have to wait a little bit longer. It
Speaker 2: is not all bad news, though life is. Whilst society
Speaker 2: would have you believe that all marriage ends in divorce
Speaker 2: and that the romantic, happy.
Speaker 1: Ending is all but impossible, that's not the case. Love
Speaker 1: does exist.
Speaker 2: But until we find that happy ever after, we're going
Speaker 2: to go through some pretty shit fucked up breakups and
Speaker 2: it's not going to be easy.
Speaker 1: Well, one of the things that we have spoken about
Speaker 1: so many times before, and I just want to reiterate
Speaker 1: this at the start of this episode while actually we're
Speaker 1: about three quarters away in but anyway, I'll tell you
Speaker 1: it now, that is that from some of the most
Speaker 1: turbulent heartbreaking, traumatic, just gut wrenching experience in life is
Speaker 1: where your most profound and incredible growth will happen. So
Speaker 1: I know that you can't see that when you're in
Speaker 1: the depths of a breakup. You can't be like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm going to be this beautiful flower at the end
Speaker 1: of this. It doesn't feel like that. But I even
Speaker 1: look back on some of my absolute worst breakups where
Speaker 1: at the time I didn't think I was going to
Speaker 1: survive and I didn't think I was going to make
Speaker 1: it through, and I am now in retrospect almost grateful
Speaker 1: that that happened, that I'm no longer with that person
Speaker 1: who I thought I was going to spend the rest
Speaker 1: of my life with that I went through that really
Speaker 1: awful experience because it made me a better person. It
Speaker 1: made me more aware of what I want in a relationship.
Speaker 1: It made me more aware of what I'll put up
Speaker 1: with and what I won't put up with, and what
Speaker 1: my worth is. And so I know that it can
Speaker 1: be really hard to look at those things and to
Speaker 1: see the light at the end of the tunnel. And
Speaker 1: something that everyone always says as well is like, don't worry,
Speaker 1: just give it time. But what we wanted to put
Speaker 1: together in this episode was some other things other than
Speaker 1: just saying time heals or wounds, to help you overcome it,
Speaker 1: to help you make sense of it, because they really
Speaker 1: really hurt, and they're supposed to really hurt. There's some
Speaker 1: of the most profound things that happen in our life.
Speaker 2: And you know what, it is true. I'm on board
Speaker 2: with the old time heals all wounds, but time alone
Speaker 2: doesn't heal all wounds. There's a lot of things that
Speaker 2: you need to do in that time, a lot of
Speaker 2: things that need to accompany that time for you to
Speaker 2: get to a place where you're healed and you feel
Speaker 2: ready to jump back into the.
Speaker 1: Wild and to face life again. So whilst it's easy
Speaker 1: to be like, yep, give it time, give it time,
Speaker 1: you've got to be putting some things into practice during
Speaker 1: that time. But also in you saying it's not time,
Speaker 1: it's like working on working on things and changing things.
Speaker 1: I think to like just expand on that a little
Speaker 1: bit as well. If you don't acknowledge or if you're
Speaker 1: not aware of, like the reason why a breakup has happened,
Speaker 1: or you're not you seem like you're having the same
Speaker 1: behavior over and over. There are a lot of people,
Speaker 1: and we've spoken about this before as well, I know,
Speaker 1: but there are a lot of people who get into
Speaker 1: the same carbon copy relationship and go through heartbreak after
Speaker 1: heartbreak after heartbreak, and they think, well, why does this
Speaker 1: keep happening to me? And it's because there's this systemic
Speaker 1: and systematic behavior where you're doing the same thing and
Speaker 1: getting the same outcome. So I think that that's something
Speaker 1: as well to just be mindful of. And we'll get
Speaker 1: into that a little bit more too. Yeah, for sure,
Speaker 1: jump into that. But something I really wanted to just
Speaker 1: touch on first, which I think helps to make sense
Speaker 1: a little bit of this, the really visceral feeling that
Speaker 1: comes with heartbreak, is this idea that when you're in
Speaker 1: a relationship with someone, the brain creates these neuropathways. So
Speaker 1: what happens is every time you experience a new experience
Speaker 1: in life, your brain creates a neuropathway in order for
Speaker 1: you to like bond that memory. And so the more
Speaker 1: that you do something, the stronger those neuropathways actually become.
Speaker 1: So the more time that you spend with someone, the
Speaker 1: more shared experiences you spend with someone, the more that
Speaker 1: you really cement those neuropathways in your brain. Now, when
Speaker 1: you break up with that person, your brain is actually
Speaker 1: trying to one it's trying to protect you, but it's
Speaker 1: also sometimes your worst enemy. So when you actually go
Speaker 1: through a breakup, what it triggers is your reward system.
Speaker 1: So what you get from your partner is you get
Speaker 1: this like this the love, you get this affirmation. It
Speaker 1: is literally a drug. The same part of your brain
Speaker 1: that affects drug addicts is lit up when you're in
Speaker 1: a relationship with someone because it's that dope. Mean, it's
Speaker 1: the love that we receive from that person. So when
Speaker 1: you go through a breakup, you can get thrown into
Speaker 1: this craziness where you're wanting like your next hit, You're
Speaker 1: wanting to receive that affirmation from that person again, you're
Speaker 1: needing to have contact with them. And that is like
Speaker 1: a very like Sciance sea based way that we are
Speaker 1: affected by a breakup. So what happens when we break
Speaker 1: up with someone is that these neural pathways they start
Speaker 1: to deteriorate and in order for you to slowly get
Speaker 1: over that relationship, Yes, time heals all wounds, but it's
Speaker 1: because these neural pathways are actually breaking down. But every
Speaker 1: time you look at a photo, every time you text him,
Speaker 1: every time you rock up for a booty call, every
Speaker 1: time you have to just get that little bit of
Speaker 1: extra closure, that's reforming those neural pathways. You're not allowing
Speaker 1: your brain actual time to to break them down and
Speaker 1: for you to start creating your own identity that's separate
Speaker 1: from a relationship.
Speaker 2: And I guess to compliment that, I just find it
Speaker 2: so interesting. I guess I'm a woman of science.
Speaker 1: I love it. But I have a study that actually
Speaker 1: compliments that really well. And it's a study.
Speaker 2: From twenty eleven, and it's published in the journal Proceedings
Speaker 2: of the National Academy of Science in the United States
Speaker 2: of America. And basically, when your friend or when you
Speaker 2: say to someone like I am hurting so much, I'm
Speaker 2: in so much pain from this breakup, is actually true.
Speaker 2: Your body physically can feel pain. So in this study
Speaker 2: found that romantic rejection meant areas of the brain associated
Speaker 2: with feelings and pain are activated, so that heartbreak actually
Speaker 2: activates real pain centers in your brain. So psychologist Edward
Speaker 2: Smith from Columbia University, New York recruited forty volunteers who
Speaker 2: had gone through an unwanted breakup, so they were the
Speaker 2: ones that were broken up with they'd gone through this
Speaker 2: breakup in the past six months. They all had MRI
Speaker 2: scans on their brain whilst in the machine. They were
Speaker 2: asked to look at photos of their ex partners.
Speaker 1: So they were asked to look at photos of.
Speaker 2: Their ex partners whilst in the MRI machine, and they
Speaker 2: were asked to think about that feeling when they were rejected,
Speaker 2: And the MRI scan actually showed that while the participants
Speaker 2: were thinking about this turmoil that they went through and
Speaker 2: thinking about the breakup, the areas of the brain that
Speaker 2: were associated with physical pain actually were like on fire.
Speaker 2: They were lighting up. And that is the same part
Speaker 2: of the brain that lights up when you kick your
Speaker 2: toe or you know, fall down a flight of stairs.
Speaker 2: So physically, when somebody says like I am in pain
Speaker 2: from this breakup, it's not metaphorical, like your body actually
Speaker 2: physically feels it.
Speaker 1: Well, I guess like anybody who has been through a
Speaker 1: bad breakup, but anybody who's come and found this episode
Speaker 1: because of a breakup, like you know, that pain is
Speaker 1: so visceral it's so real. Like I remember this one
Speaker 1: time when, like the guy who I speak about from
Speaker 1: time to time on this podcast, who I was with
Speaker 1: before Matt, he had cheated on me and I'd fat
Speaker 1: out about it and we were like had a very turbulent,
Speaker 1: like extremely all amazing, all terrible up and down roller
Speaker 1: coaster of a relationship. It was just it was like
Speaker 1: very very volatile all the time. And I remember when
Speaker 1: we broke up and I had full on anxiety panic attacks,
Speaker 1: which is not something I would actually ever say that
Speaker 1: I normally suffer from. But I didn't even know how
Speaker 1: to cope with the instantness of that pain. The only
Speaker 1: thing that I thought I could do was go back
Speaker 1: to him, because I was like, I can't deal with
Speaker 1: feeling this bad, that even just going back will make
Speaker 1: it better. And I think a lot of people do
Speaker 1: that as a very quick and instant reaction to a breakup.
Speaker 1: Instead of sitting in that pain, they run back to
Speaker 1: the person, even if that person is not good for them,
Speaker 1: even if that person has shown time and time again
Speaker 1: that they're not going to change. But it's because the
Speaker 1: physical pain of being broken up with is too hard.
Speaker 1: I absolutely agree. I've done this the exact same thing.
Speaker 2: I'm not someone I have been in like some stressful,
Speaker 2: crazy situations in around the world, in all different levels,
Speaker 2: all different aspects. And the only time I have ever
Speaker 2: had panic attacks and not being able to breathe and
Speaker 2: thought I was gonna die.
Speaker 1: Was like after a breakup. After I broke up with
Speaker 1: my partner of eight years, I felt those feelings and
Speaker 1: I've never felt.
Speaker 2: Them again, and I was in a proper panic. I
Speaker 2: couldn't breathe. I couldn't and that's that was my body's
Speaker 2: reaction to not being able to deal with heartbreak. And
Speaker 2: I remember I remember calling him and saying, my heart
Speaker 2: is in so.
Speaker 1: Much pain because it was an actual feeling, like I
Speaker 1: felt like I had a stitch in my heart. Like
Speaker 1: that was actually I guess that's why it's called heartbreak,
Speaker 1: because your heart is it's broken, and the pain of
Speaker 1: it almost like it's such a weird thing to describe,
Speaker 1: but it actually sits in your chest, like it's that
Speaker 1: feeling of heaviness that's inside you. Like it's not like
Speaker 1: yr nies don't hurt, your elbows don't hurt, your wrists,
Speaker 1: don't hurt. It's like this feeling that's very centralized to
Speaker 1: your torso and that like compulsive thinking where you can't
Speaker 1: think about anything else and you can't really like imagine
Speaker 1: your life without them. And I guess like something that
Speaker 1: I think is really important that we need to kind
Speaker 1: of take the conversation into is this idea of identity
Speaker 1: that's tied up in a breakup, which is what makes
Speaker 1: it so difficult to overcome. You're not only breaking up
Speaker 1: with a person, which in and of itself is a
Speaker 1: loss at is grief. You're also dealing with the loss
Speaker 1: of your own identity and that's something that you really
Speaker 1: need to be aware of because this concept that you
Speaker 1: have formed a life with someone, but it's also the
Speaker 1: future life that you have projected, that you have imagined
Speaker 1: and that you've put a lot of love and energy
Speaker 1: and thought into that you lose all of a sudden
Speaker 1: and so by losing that identity, you're kind of thrown
Speaker 1: into this whole world of like, I don't know who
Speaker 1: I am anymore because I don't know who I am
Speaker 1: without that person. So one of the first steps I
Speaker 1: think to really starting to overcome a breakup is imagining
Speaker 1: your life not in a negative way, but trying to
Speaker 1: imagine your life in the most positive way possible without
Speaker 1: that person in it. And every time you see yourself
Speaker 1: going back to like I can't live without them, or
Speaker 1: I can't you know, I can't imagine my life with
Speaker 1: a without them, you have to try and retrain your
Speaker 1: brain to start to look for the positives in what
Speaker 1: life could be now that you're on your own, of
Speaker 1: all the possibilities now that you're on your own.
Speaker 2: It's very hard cycle to break because often, and I
Speaker 2: guess it's the older you get as well, you become
Speaker 2: more serious more quickly with people, and you do plan
Speaker 2: out your kids, where you're going to live, what you're
Speaker 2: going to call them, the how is she going to buy?
Speaker 2: And you don't envision one aspect of your life anymore
Speaker 2: without that person. So it's definitely all of a sudden
Speaker 2: a slap in the face to reassess that. And it's
Speaker 2: scary to face your future alone. We've all been there.
Speaker 2: I've been there and I thought, I don't know what
Speaker 2: I'm going to do. I don't know who I am
Speaker 2: without this person.
Speaker 1: Like I literally went through that. I had been my
Speaker 1: whole adult.
Speaker 2: Life with someone for eight years and I didn't know
Speaker 2: how to be someone without him, And I think that
Speaker 2: for a lot of people, it's not just the it's
Speaker 2: not just the loss of your partner that hurts. It's
Speaker 2: the fear and how scary the future looks going into
Speaker 2: it alone, back in the wild, alone, not knowing where
Speaker 2: you're going to end up, not knowing what your path
Speaker 2: is anymore. That's that's the scary thing, isn't it. So
Speaker 2: I think that together with the physical pain, it's just
Speaker 2: a culmination of things.
Speaker 1: One of the things that you just touched on as
Speaker 1: well is like this idea that it gets worse as
Speaker 1: we get older. And I don't know if enough like
Speaker 1: time and energy has really been put into that conversation.
Speaker 1: But like when you're in your twenties, breakups are bad.
Speaker 1: They absolutely are, like you, they're still horrific. But I
Speaker 1: do think that like sometimes you think you're afforded a
Speaker 1: bit of time, like you know, there's still this prospect
Speaker 1: I'm going to meet someone else, or you know, I
Speaker 1: think I will meet someone else. But I guess like
Speaker 1: that that becomes that becomes heavier for people when you
Speaker 1: get into your thirties. And that's even something when I
Speaker 1: went through my b breakup. I was thirty just that
Speaker 1: was like just pre going on the Bachelor, and I
Speaker 1: had this moment where I was like, that's it. I'm
Speaker 1: going to be on my own and I'm going to
Speaker 1: be alone forever. That was what made it so hard
Speaker 1: to be okay, was this feeling that I was going
Speaker 1: to be on my own, and of course that's not
Speaker 1: the case. Like you know, breakups happen at all different
Speaker 1: ages in life. Sometimes you might even think you've found
Speaker 1: the one, You might even have kids with that person,
Speaker 1: and then hey, at like forty five, fifty sixty, shit
Speaker 1: goes wrong and you're not with that person anymore. Like
Speaker 1: life can throw you some absolute curve balls because you
Speaker 1: cannot control someone else. You cannot control their behavior, and
Speaker 1: you can't control whether or not they want to be
Speaker 1: with you for the rest of their lives. But I
Speaker 1: think like an interesting thing to ask and tell me
Speaker 1: if I'm overstepping by asking you as well Britain, but
Speaker 1: like you know, I will, well, yeah, but like you're
Speaker 1: single still and at this point in your life, am
Speaker 1: I well? Fuck, I don't know, do you tell me?
Speaker 1: But let's pretend I am okay. But let's pretend you
Speaker 1: are like, how does a break up now in your
Speaker 1: thirties compare to a breakup in your twenties. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: was just thinking.
Speaker 2: That actually, as you were just saying what you were
Speaker 2: saying about how it's easier in your twenties.
Speaker 1: I think it's a catch.
Speaker 2: Twenty two because when you're a teenager and your early twenties,
Speaker 2: even towards your late twenties, what happens is everything is extreme.
Speaker 2: Everything is more extreme. So I remember breaking up in
Speaker 2: my early twenties and I just was beside myself because
Speaker 2: you haven't felt that pain before, and it's your.
Speaker 1: First real heartbreak.
Speaker 2: It's your first heartbreak and you haven't felt it, and
Speaker 2: you don't know what you're going to do without that person.
Speaker 2: And I think because we're younger, without life experience, we
Speaker 2: think it's the worst thing that's ever going to happen
Speaker 2: to us. When I broke up with my boyfriend when
Speaker 2: I was sixteen, I remember saying to my mum, I
Speaker 2: will never be I'll never meet anyone again. I remember
Speaker 2: saying that, and I was sixteen. But that's because you
Speaker 2: haven't done life yet and you don't have the experience.
Speaker 2: So I think for a lot of young people. We
Speaker 2: don't want to take away from that because you will
Speaker 2: feel like the worst you've ever felt. But like Laura said,
Speaker 2: there's this aspect of having some time on your side.
Speaker 1: You've got so much.
Speaker 2: More that you can go and do before you do
Speaker 2: have to go and tie yourself into a mortgage or
Speaker 2: you have kids.
Speaker 1: Or anything like that.
Speaker 2: So it's hard because you're not going to get over
Speaker 2: it as quickly because you think it's the worst thing
Speaker 2: that's going to happen to you.
Speaker 1: But then you've got time to move on when you're
Speaker 1: in your thirties. Okay, let's just flip what I just said.
Speaker 1: When you're in your thirties, it is really really hard.
Speaker 2: And we've had some listeners writing recently and I have
Speaker 2: just really resonated with them.
Speaker 1: They say things like a girl a few nights ago,
Speaker 1: she said.
Speaker 2: I am thirty two, I have spent ten years on
Speaker 2: my own. What's wrong with me? What is wrong with me?
Speaker 2: Why can't I'm never gonna meet anyone? I'm going to
Speaker 2: give up looking? And she had this, and I felt
Speaker 2: that because I have had that in my mind, I
Speaker 2: have thought to myself, Brittany, give up. No one likes you,
Speaker 2: and it's horrible. But this how you speak to yourself.
Speaker 2: No one likes you. You're doing something wrong. Love's not
Speaker 2: meant for you. That's such a horrible thing to say
Speaker 2: to yourself. It is and it's not true. But I've yes,
Speaker 2: and this is what I've told this our listener. But
Speaker 2: there are moments where when you're in your thirties, you
Speaker 2: feel that because you're like, okay, I'm I'm in the
Speaker 2: next aspect of my life. There's a lot more pressure
Speaker 2: on people. Everyone around you iss settled down and had kids,
Speaker 2: and so breakups are definitely worse in that sense because
Speaker 2: you feel like time isn't on your side anymore. And
Speaker 2: I think we put too much stress on us.
Speaker 1: And there's that comparison of like where you think you
Speaker 1: should be in life, but really like there's no timeline
Speaker 1: of where you should be, Like you are at exactly
Speaker 1: the point in your life where you're meant to be at,
Speaker 1: just because it's not the same point that someone else
Speaker 1: is at, Like they might not even be happy anyway.
Speaker 1: You can't compare yourself to other people and where their
Speaker 1: relationships are at. I think that that's like a really
Speaker 1: important thing. But the reality is breakups are going to
Speaker 1: be hard, no matter when they happen in your life,
Speaker 1: and no matter how they happen, whether you're the one
Speaker 1: that does the breaking up, whether you're the one that's
Speaker 1: broken up with. Well, on the flip.
Speaker 2: Side to what I was just saying, and this is
Speaker 2: something I do want to talk about, is the thing
Speaker 2: that does help when you're in your thirties and when
Speaker 2: you start to get a little bit older and you
Speaker 2: have some more life experiences that you can have those
Speaker 2: moments where you're at the bottom of the bottom. You
Speaker 2: are laying on the bottom of the ocean floor, you
Speaker 2: feel like you drown and you feel like you won't
Speaker 2: move on, But you flip that a lot quicker because
Speaker 2: you've got this life experience.
Speaker 1: You can be in that position.
Speaker 2: But I think that you can tell yourself, okay, you're
Speaker 2: being silly, like you let yourself feel it for a
Speaker 2: minute and then you say you've been silly. You know
Speaker 2: that's not true. Of course, loves meant for you. This
Speaker 2: just wasn't your turn, and you pull yourself yourself out
Speaker 2: of it a lot quicker than the twenty five year
Speaker 2: old does. So I think both aspects of a young
Speaker 2: breakup and an older breakup. They both have their things
Speaker 2: that their positives and their negatives and get to a
Speaker 2: point where they feel the pain, but they can say, Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna take something from this and just get to
Speaker 2: that point where I realize, this wasn't my penguin, this
Speaker 2: wasn't for me. I'm gonna take something I learned from it,
Speaker 2: and I'm gonna move forward.
Speaker 1: Okay, So let's talk. Let's talk practically about what you
Speaker 1: can do. Like, if you're in the throes of a
Speaker 1: breakup and you're dealing with this intense feeling that you
Speaker 1: don't think you can control. Firstly, I just want to say, like,
Speaker 1: you can absolutely control it, because you are not your feelings.
Speaker 1: Your feelings go up and down and they change sporadically
Speaker 1: depending on what it is that you're thinking of that time.
Speaker 1: So try and rewire your brain because you are probably
Speaker 1: thinking about him or her, but you're probably thinking about
Speaker 1: all the good times. You're probably thinking about like why
Speaker 1: are they not texting me back? You're probably looking at photos,
Speaker 1: you're probably rereading text me like we've all done that.
Speaker 1: You have to almost like put up a virtual stop
Speaker 1: sign in your brain. And just like interrupt that sort
Speaker 1: of obsessive thinking and that ruminating about him, because that
Speaker 1: cycle is just going to send you into a spiral hole. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is going to sound really silly about literally using
Speaker 1: something like the visual of a stop sign to try
Speaker 1: and break the habit of this obsessive thinking can be
Speaker 1: super useful in retraining your brain. Now, well, I completely
Speaker 1: agree with you, Laura, and let's talk about that some more.
Speaker 1: But I think at the very very beginning, if we're
Speaker 1: starting from day dot, it is allow yourself time to grieve.
Speaker 1: So whether you are the break or opera or whether
Speaker 1: you have been broken up with, you have to deal
Speaker 1: with it. It hurts for both parties.
Speaker 2: I don't think it's easier either way because the person
Speaker 2: that's inflicting the pain and breaking up, they're going through
Speaker 2: their own pain and they're dealing with that in their
Speaker 2: own way. So you need to sit in that and
Speaker 2: you need to whatever it takes, you have to actually
Speaker 2: process it and accept it. So don't go out the
Speaker 2: next day, don't go get drunk and be like I'm
Speaker 2: going to forget him, I'm going have a one night stand,
Speaker 2: because you're not.
Speaker 1: You're going to feel a lot worse the next day.
Speaker 1: So also, don't just get drunk and then drunk text him,
Speaker 1: because that's going to turn out to be a bad
Speaker 1: idea as well. Okay, this is my next this is
Speaker 1: my next point. But I'm the leader's number. I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna like like argue with you a little bit on that.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's even you know, when people say
Speaker 1: like it doesn't matter whether you're the breaker up or
Speaker 1: the one being broken up with, everyone feels pain. I agree,
Speaker 1: it is painful for both parties, but I think in
Speaker 1: a breakup it's very rarely equal pain. I think that
Speaker 1: I don't think it's equal. There is always somebody who
Speaker 1: who hurts more, And when you're the person who hurts more,
Speaker 1: it's really really hard because you kind of then the
Speaker 1: one that's like, well, why don't they want me? Or
Speaker 1: why can't I had them back? Or what did I
Speaker 1: do wrong? And it's very easy to fall into this
Speaker 1: mental blaming of yourself or this what's wrong with me
Speaker 1: type thinking.
Speaker 2: When I was saying before that I had like my
Speaker 2: panic attacks and I've hurt more than I've ever heard.
Speaker 2: After my relationship breakdown of eight years, I was the
Speaker 2: one that broke up with him.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think like accepting that. I think if
Speaker 1: you try and pretend like you're not feeling the things
Speaker 1: that you're feeling, or trying to push that down, like
Speaker 1: that's just like putting pressure on a volcano, It's going
Speaker 1: to come up at some point in time. So like
Speaker 1: acknowledging it and allowing yourself to feel that hurt and
Speaker 1: allowing yourself to talk about it with your friends and
Speaker 1: verbalize it and like, you know, you don't have to
Speaker 1: be okay, you don't have to be strong. I think
Speaker 1: that that is very therapeutic in and of itself, like
Speaker 1: talking to the people who you love. Don't talk to
Speaker 1: him about it though, Like one of the big things,
Speaker 1: which I know you're just about to say, delete his number, ye,
Speaker 1: Like we preach this on every episode. No freaking contact,
Speaker 1: which means deleting his number. It means not trying to
Speaker 1: get closure or like whatever excuse that you have under
Speaker 1: the sun. Get the closure once, yeah, but like not
Speaker 1: ten times. Yeah, whatever excuse you have to contact him.
Speaker 1: Maybe he left something at your house. Maybe he don't
Speaker 1: need to pick up that tea towel. Yeah, maybe he's
Speaker 1: posted something that's made you angry and you feel like
Speaker 1: you need to tell him. Maybe he's on his stories
Speaker 1: looking like he's having good time and you want to
Speaker 1: be angry at him. Whatever it is. Maybe you're just
Speaker 1: drunk and you think you can just have a booty
Speaker 1: call and the sex won't mean anything. Like whatever it is,
Speaker 1: whatever reasoning you're trying to tell yourself that's okay and
Speaker 1: makes it okay for you to call him or text him,
Speaker 1: it's not. Don't do it the end. If you have
Speaker 1: you his number still in your phone, within a few weeks,
Speaker 1: you're gonna be out drunk and think it's a brilliant
Speaker 1: idea to call him or text him, it's not. And
Speaker 1: you guys can be friends one day, but not anytime soon,
Speaker 1: like way down the track. And that's not even a guarantee.
Speaker 2: But if there is ever going to be a friendship
Speaker 2: that comes out of a breakup, it's going to be
Speaker 2: down the track.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And it comes back to this thing I was
Speaker 1: saying at the beginning about this whole like neural pathways.
Speaker 1: Every time you go back and you look at his Instagram,
Speaker 1: every time you watch his stories, every time, every time
Speaker 1: you send him a text message, you are redipping into
Speaker 1: that that you're rebuilding those neural pathways. You're re solidifying
Speaker 1: all the good work that you've done to try and
Speaker 1: distance yourself and reform a new identity. So every time
Speaker 1: you do that, you're setting yourself back. It might not
Speaker 1: feel like it, you might even think you're weaning yourself off.
Speaker 1: It's a really dangerous and really like unhealthy way of
Speaker 1: going through a breakup because you can't win yourself off
Speaker 1: a person. You've got to just go cold turkey.
Speaker 2: Coming with the deleting of the number comes with blocking
Speaker 2: them on Facebook and Instagram. You don't have to go
Speaker 2: crazy and delete their Instagram if you don't want, but
Speaker 2: you can mute them.
Speaker 1: I have people on my.
Speaker 2: Instagram that I've muted because I don't want to deal
Speaker 2: with unfollowing. Yeah, but it's a bit drastic, you know,
Speaker 2: to block them. I think that's drastic.
Speaker 1: But if someone's broken up with you, I don't think
Speaker 1: it's that drastic to unfollow them. Like you might not
Speaker 1: want you and you might not be at that point,
Speaker 1: but you do definitely have to mute them. Yeah, mute
Speaker 1: them you can't see their shit. Yeah, But I think
Speaker 1: like if if a guy has broken up with you,
Speaker 1: and then you have unfollowed them, and then they're angry
Speaker 1: that you unfollowed them. There's some sort of like weird
Speaker 1: ego shit going on there that they need to deal with,
Speaker 1: because you have every right to remove people from your
Speaker 1: life who don't make you feel good. And if you're
Speaker 1: going through a breakup, guess what, they're probably not making
Speaker 1: you feel good. Yeah, And if they're angry that you've
Speaker 1: unfollowed them after a breakup, they are underestimating the pain
Speaker 1: they have caused you. Because yeah, most most normal people
Speaker 1: that have gone through a breakup, say, will be in
Speaker 1: a position where they say, Okay, I totally get you
Speaker 1: don't want to see what I'm doing at the moment,
Speaker 1: that's fair, talk to tune six months or whatever it is.
Speaker 1: Totally And I think when people say like, oh, like
Speaker 1: I want to break up, or like we shouldn't be together,
Speaker 1: but we can still be friends, not really like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you can't. You can't go from having this like intense
Speaker 1: physical connection and love for someone to transitioning those feelings
Speaker 1: overnight to friends. And if you think that you're going
Speaker 1: to be able to do that, you're absolutely fooling yourself,
Speaker 1: because wait until he starts dating someone or you start
Speaker 1: dating someone, and I guarantee that that will show that
Speaker 1: you're not actually friends, that one of you is hurt
Speaker 1: by that situation. So like, minimize, minimize that exposure, minimize
Speaker 1: the chance that you're having a good day. Maybe you
Speaker 1: haven't even thought of him that day, and then you
Speaker 1: see something on social media that he's done or that
Speaker 1: she's done, and it just brings it all back up
Speaker 1: to the surface. So I think you have the ability
Speaker 1: to control your environment. You have the ability to curate
Speaker 1: your social media feed. Do that in a way that
Speaker 1: it only brings happiness to the situation and it doesn't
Speaker 1: allow for anything to happen to throw you into the
Speaker 1: depths of despair again. And the thing is, we.
Speaker 2: All know what we post on social media. We all
Speaker 2: know what social media is, and it's essentially a highlight reel.
Speaker 2: So the things that your ex is going to be posting,
Speaker 2: especially after a breakup, are going to be things like
Speaker 2: out partying out with his friends, maybe without making it obvious,
Speaker 2: there might be girls in their photos, and it's going
Speaker 2: to drive you insane.
Speaker 1: Laura.
Speaker 2: We know the depths you have gone to in your
Speaker 2: stalking off your ex. You created fake accounts so you
Speaker 2: could follow girls that you saw in your ex's photo
Speaker 2: when he was on holiday, and that is what we're
Speaker 2: trying to avoid.
Speaker 1: People. Have I told you how crazy I am, guys,
Speaker 1: But also, okay, we've all agniation said, we've all. But
Speaker 1: I'm sure a lot of people out there who are
Speaker 1: listening to their have been in the situation where when
Speaker 1: they're in a relationship, their partner didn't really post much
Speaker 1: on social media and they kind of were a bit
Speaker 1: dormant on social media. But now that they're single, all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, they're posting stories, they're putting up pictures,
Speaker 1: and they're really really active on social media. And even
Speaker 1: if they're not active with girls, just the fact that
Speaker 1: they are active and showing so much more of their
Speaker 1: life now after the breakup than when they were with you,
Speaker 1: That in and of itself is going to make you mad.
Speaker 1: So I think just remove yourself from any possibility of
Speaker 1: seeing what they're doing. And I only say this because
Speaker 1: a good friend of mine, she was with her boyfriend
Speaker 1: first sort of like seven years. I'm going to have
Speaker 1: a guess, and in those seven years, I reckon he
Speaker 1: posted maybe a handful of ten times to Instagram like nothing,
Speaker 1: And now that they're broken up, he's constantly he's doing stories,
Speaker 1: he's posting pictures of his food, he's like out having
Speaker 1: a good time with the boys. And that's because this
Speaker 1: day and age as well, I think we forget this.
Speaker 1: And I've said it a few times.
Speaker 2: Social media, specifically Instagram, it's a dating app, whether you
Speaker 2: want to call it a dating app or not.
Speaker 1: Look, it's not a dating app for the people who
Speaker 1: are in the religions, No, it's not. No, But I
Speaker 1: mean single people use it is literally your CV. It
Speaker 1: is putting your life out there. I mean we link
Speaker 1: we link our Instagrams to dating apps now, and we
Speaker 1: do that for a reason because it's your CV of
Speaker 1: who you are and what you do in your life.
Speaker 1: So all of a sudden, someone that's out of a relationship,
Speaker 1: of course they're gonna start posting more because that's the
Speaker 1: first thing I tell my friends, if they're out of
Speaker 1: a relationship, you better pick your Instagram game up now.
Speaker 2: Because that's what people look for. So that's why they're
Speaker 2: posting like a nut job.
Speaker 1: And I mean, let's be real as well, like how
Speaker 1: many relationships start because someone slides into the other's DM mate.
Speaker 1: I was slippery McGhee, like last year, I was sliding left,
Speaker 1: right and center. Honestly, sorry, I slipped and fell into
Speaker 1: your DMS again.
Speaker 2: I slipped in full all the time, Guys. I slipped
Speaker 2: and fell so many times into DMS. I slipped and
Speaker 2: fell more on Instagram than I did on dating apps.
Speaker 2: So I never ever did it because it's bigger now.
Speaker 2: Back a few years ago, it wasn't a thing, but
Speaker 2: everyone knows now. It's like, you know, if someone's single
Speaker 2: on their Instagram, you know, and then you just slide
Speaker 2: on in double tap, give them a follow slide. I
Speaker 2: like that this has just turned into a dating how
Speaker 2: to instead of a breakup how to. Anyway, my next
Speaker 2: tip is to make a breakup playlist.
Speaker 1: See I Okay, Britt put together the flow for today's
Speaker 1: conversation and she was like, I'm gonna tell people to
Speaker 1: make a playlist. Well, actually, psychologists send me against this,
Speaker 1: No hang on. Psychologists suggested that it helps a breakup playlist,
Speaker 1: so it must be true.
Speaker 2: And then I thought back to my breakup and what
Speaker 2: they say is not a breakup playlist. To wallow in
Speaker 2: your emotions. It might help some people. It actually helps
Speaker 2: them move on if they sit in their feelings and
Speaker 2: they listen to sad songs. But that might not be
Speaker 2: the case for you, and you might be someone that
Speaker 2: needs to make a breakup playlist that isn't sad, but
Speaker 2: it's a rock out playlist, it's an eminem playlist. I
Speaker 2: had a bad Bitch playlist when I went through my
Speaker 2: bad breakup and I still hear the songs, so like,
Speaker 2: this is okay, I'm down for this part of it.
Speaker 1: I thought you meant like a sad put on your
Speaker 1: sad music and it's whatever. Yeah, it's whatever works for
Speaker 1: the individual. But I had had a couple of songs.
Speaker 1: It wasn't a playlist, but I had a couple of
Speaker 1: songs where when I would listen to them, I was like, yes,
Speaker 1: I'm going to be such a powerful single lady.
Speaker 2: I'm going to tell you the evolution of Britney post breakup.
Speaker 2: Post breakup, I wallowed hard. I in my I would
Speaker 2: sit in my car and drive around for hours and
Speaker 2: have Adele on repeat. She just drops that like emotional
Speaker 2: album and I listened to repeat and I would scream
Speaker 2: in my car singing it, and I would cry in
Speaker 2: my car singing it, and I felt powerful for that
Speaker 2: because it was my release of emotions. And I sat
Speaker 2: in that for like a month, and then I evolved,
Speaker 2: got rid of adell, and I jumped deep into eminem
Speaker 2: and I was like an angry rapper and that was
Speaker 2: my next level of healing.
Speaker 1: It's so so out of control it was. And then
Speaker 1: I think I just went to like mainstream pop after
Speaker 1: that and gone on with my life.
Speaker 2: But like, there's a lot to be said for music
Speaker 2: and the way it makes you feel and sitting in
Speaker 2: your emotions and moving through the emotions of what a
Speaker 2: breakup is. So whether that's you want to be sad
Speaker 2: and cry, whether you need to be angry and scream,
Speaker 2: or whether you just need to have a song that
Speaker 2: makes you feel good and he's happy. So science says
Speaker 2: this is true. I can't I don't have the quote
Speaker 2: from where I've read this, but it takes about eight
Speaker 2: weeks for you to go through the process of like
Speaker 2: those really intense first visceral feelings to start to subside.
Speaker 2: So make sure that your whole no contact thing is
Speaker 2: minimum eight weeks. I mean, I recommend way longer than that.
Speaker 2: If you read Zoe Foster Blake's Breakup Boss, I think
Speaker 2: she recommends like fifty or something crazy, or fifty days,
Speaker 2: fifty weeks.
Speaker 1: Who even knows it's so long. I don't know if
Speaker 1: there's an exact timeframe we can put on it, but
Speaker 1: I think eight weeks. I think if you have managed
Speaker 1: to get to the end of eight weeks without speaking
Speaker 1: to someone, without like having any sort of contact with them,
Speaker 1: without stalking their Instagram page over and over and over,
Speaker 1: you're really going to put some distance in your feelings
Speaker 1: and you're going to start to make some huge headways
Speaker 1: in the way that you feel. Heading back to this
Speaker 1: idea of music and how it empowers you and how
Speaker 1: it can make you feel better or worse. I think,
Speaker 1: be mindful of the type of music that you're playing.
Speaker 1: And I myself, I know that if I go for
Speaker 1: really long drives and I'm on my own for too long,
Speaker 1: like that's not good for me. Like being on my
Speaker 1: own in the car without any other stimulation is actually
Speaker 1: too much time for me to think about things. And
Speaker 1: usually it means that I will start thinking about negative
Speaker 1: things and I can put myself into a really negative
Speaker 1: thought pattern or process or wherever I'm going with it,
Speaker 1: just by spending too much time alone in my car
Speaker 1: by myself. So be mindful of things that trigger you
Speaker 1: to feel bad and stay away from those. That would
Speaker 1: be my biggest advice as well, definitely suited to the individual.
Speaker 2: You have to just don't go and sit in there
Speaker 2: and listen to Eminem because we said listen to Eminem.
Speaker 2: Find what works for you. That's absolutely essential. If it's
Speaker 2: making you feel shit, stop it, try something new. I
Speaker 2: think the next thing that I recommend is to reevaluate
Speaker 2: your life and who you are and find out who
Speaker 2: you are again on your own, because a lot of
Speaker 2: people lose their identity in a relationship, especially a long
Speaker 2: term relationship, and you make sacrifices. So maybe you really
Speaker 2: loved Mexican food and your partner didn't like Mexican food,
Speaker 2: and you really like hiking, but your partner wants to
Speaker 2: stay at home and read. Now is your time to
Speaker 2: go and get your burrito and go for your goddamn
Speaker 2: hike together at the same time simultaneously be crazy, but
Speaker 2: go and go and find the things you love again
Speaker 2: and start doing them. But also, it doesn't just have
Speaker 2: to be about like the things that you feel like
Speaker 2: you couldn't do with your partner. It could also just
Speaker 2: be looking forward to things that you're gonna do that
Speaker 2: are completely new. Like it could be traveling on your own,
Speaker 2: it could be getting a new job, it could be
Speaker 2: just changing.
Speaker 1: Living in a different city. You're now no longer tied
Speaker 1: to something that you were tied to. This is like
Speaker 1: your opportunity to do something completely crazy, to do something
Speaker 1: completely new, and to recreate the person that you thought
Speaker 1: you were going to be and the person that you
Speaker 1: are going to be now. Like there's so many people
Speaker 1: who go through these traumatic breakups and opens up a
Speaker 1: whole new world and a whole new life for them.
Speaker 1: And like I said at the very beginning, this could
Speaker 1: be the very best fucking thing that ever happens to
Speaker 1: you if you let it. Put yourself into new experiences
Speaker 1: and say yes to things that you wouldn't normally say
Speaker 1: yes to, because that's going to open your world up.
Speaker 2: People often say to me when I speak about my
Speaker 2: tumultuous relationship with my Psychoakes. They often say like, I'm
Speaker 2: sorry that happened to you, and I say I'm not
Speaker 2: I'm not sorry. I don't regret it because it in turn,
Speaker 2: it started off this domino effect that changed my life forever,
Speaker 2: and I have had the best experiences. I went on
Speaker 2: a three year around the World trip because I broke
Speaker 2: up because I went through that relationship, went on The
Speaker 2: Bachelor because I went through that relationship, moved to Sydney,
Speaker 2: moved to new countries, so many things. And I think
Speaker 2: that is a really important thing to take from it
Speaker 2: is you go through something really really horrific, but it's
Speaker 2: what you make it. So you don't have to dwell
Speaker 2: in that, and you, like you said, you can go
Speaker 2: and do those things you've always thought you wanted to do,
Speaker 2: like travel, and you need to take take this time
Speaker 2: as I guess a form of education in life.
Speaker 1: It's so it's so true, like I say the same thing,
Speaker 1: like I look back on that, like I've had two
Speaker 1: really really big and hard heartbreaks in my life, and
Speaker 1: I look back on both of them and I think
Speaker 1: at the time, I just didn't think I was even
Speaker 1: going to live through it. I never thought I was
Speaker 1: going to be happy again. And now I'm so grateful
Speaker 1: that they happened because I love my life so much.
Speaker 1: But if you had asked me at the time, I
Speaker 1: would be like, no fucking way, Like I've peaked and
Speaker 1: I'm it's all downhill from here, sister. But I really
Speaker 1: do think that, like most people who go through shitty,
Speaker 1: shitty breakups speak to them in ten years time, and
Speaker 1: they're going to tell you that it was one of
Speaker 1: the most profoundly important pivots in their life. So it
Speaker 1: is really what you make of it. I also think
Speaker 1: something that something that like I experienced and I know
Speaker 1: when I have had this conversation with other girlfriends and
Speaker 1: just people in general around breakups, is like once you
Speaker 1: go through that feeling of like you're never gonna get
Speaker 1: over it, and you actually start to come through the
Speaker 1: other side as much as you have been in like
Speaker 1: the lowest lows of feelings, there's almost this euphoria that
Speaker 1: waits at the other end. Like I remember days when
Speaker 1: I started to come out of my really terrible heartbreak
Speaker 1: where I was like it was almost like I felt
Speaker 1: like I was high because I felt happy again for
Speaker 1: the first time in ages. And that feeling of happy
Speaker 1: that comes after a breakup, I promise you it comes
Speaker 1: everybody experiences that at some point after a breakup. You'll
Speaker 1: just be walking down the street and you'll go, oh my,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm not sad anymore. I'm okay, I'm okay.
Speaker 1: And this feeling of happiness because you haven't had it
Speaker 1: in so long is no joke. It's so neuphoric. And
Speaker 1: I really remember, I remember walking through Rushcutter's Park this
Speaker 1: one day, and I also the relationship was bad, and
Speaker 1: I think it's probably more so if you've come from
Speaker 1: a relationship where the person has done the wrong thing
Speaker 1: over and over and you've actually been in something that
Speaker 1: was quite an emotionally abusive relationship. When you come out
Speaker 1: the other side of it, this real feeling of like
Speaker 1: this is what it is to be happy and not
Speaker 1: have my happiness tied up in someone else is a
Speaker 1: very very real feeling, Like I get excited for people
Speaker 1: to feel that after a breakup.
Speaker 2: I remember the first night that I went out with
Speaker 2: my friends and danced and had a great night, went
Speaker 2: home the next day, woke up, went to breakfast, and
Speaker 2: I remember sitting there at breakfast the next day realizing
Speaker 2: that I just went twenty four hours and went out
Speaker 2: with my friends and had fun without thinking of my ex.
Speaker 2: You know that first day where you like, he didn't
Speaker 2: consume me, and that was when I was like, Wow,
Speaker 2: I can live my life with that thinking about him.
Speaker 1: Life is going to be okay. And life at the
Speaker 1: end of the tunnel happens without you realizing that. It
Speaker 1: happens slowly, but it does happen. Like you know, you
Speaker 1: think there's never gonna be a day where you're not
Speaker 1: going to look at their Instagram, and then all of
Speaker 1: a sudden you're like, oh, I've not even thought about
Speaker 1: him in six months. Like it absolutely happens. It just
Speaker 1: happens at different rates for different people. But there are
Speaker 1: absolutely things that you can do that's gonna make the
Speaker 1: situations worse, and there's things you can do that's gonna
Speaker 1: make the situation better, and something that's gonna make the
Speaker 1: situation better.
Speaker 2: This is my absolutely swear by step to getting over
Speaker 2: a breakup.
Speaker 1: I feel so strongly about it. It helped me so many times.
Speaker 2: Exercise, serotonin and endorphin releasing exercise. It is the absolute
Speaker 2: best thing you can do to make you feel better
Speaker 2: and help you heal inside and out. And I'm not
Speaker 2: talking you don't have to go CrossFit, you don't have
Speaker 2: to go and run a marathon. I'm just talking walking
Speaker 2: every day, going for a job, just anything that's going
Speaker 2: to get your blood going and release those endorphins.
Speaker 1: And we should actually and we will.
Speaker 2: We will get a health professional and nutritionists in one
Speaker 2: day to to talk about the effects of food and
Speaker 2: sugars and things like that have on your body. But
Speaker 2: once you do start to eat really well and take
Speaker 2: control of your life again and start exercising, there's a
Speaker 2: reason you feel better, and it's because you don't do
Speaker 2: things like have sugar highs and lows. You don't feel
Speaker 2: guilty about binge eating in bed for two weeks straight.
Speaker 2: It literally it evens out everything in your body, all
Speaker 2: the physiological effects in your body, and you just start
Speaker 2: to feel like you're getting control of your life again.
Speaker 2: So there's just like a whole bunch of things that
Speaker 2: goes with getting back into control.
Speaker 1: I have a bit of a bones peck with your Bret.
Speaker 1: You've written in this run sheet, do not get a
Speaker 1: break up hair cut, or immediately, or at least wait
Speaker 1: a second before getting banks. Do you know what I
Speaker 1: did in the throes of a bad breakup. I cut
Speaker 1: my own fair is why I put this step in Laura.
Speaker 1: I used to have hair down past my brass strapped,
Speaker 1: like down past my mid back, and I was going
Speaker 1: through a breakup and I was like, do you know
Speaker 1: what my hair's then I can cut it myself, and
Speaker 1: I cut it into a bob. I kind of liked it,
Speaker 1: but it was very drastic. It was the markings of
Speaker 1: a Britney Spears nineteen ninety break down. That's what that was.
Speaker 1: So it was a hormer. I love that so much.
Speaker 2: I literally wrote the next step, guys, I said, do
Speaker 2: not get a breakup haircut, or at least wait a
Speaker 2: hot second before getting the bangs for the first time,
Speaker 2: because there's a lot of there's a lot of emotion
Speaker 2: in a breakup, and there's a lot of things you
Speaker 2: want to really drastically do, like quit your job, cut
Speaker 2: your hair, get a tattoo.
Speaker 1: All of these things. They could be the perfect thing
Speaker 1: and they could be what you need. Just don't do it.
Speaker 1: The next day. I also got a tattoo. I have
Speaker 1: a huge tattoo down my side, which I got after
Speaker 1: a breakup. I have what I've never seen that tattoo. Yeah, man,
Speaker 1: it's massive. I can see whole your whole boob is
Speaker 1: just out whatever. It's only a teddy between friends. I
Speaker 1: don't think I've ever actually, like proper seen that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like a foot I got a humps a hand
Speaker 1: tattooed on my side after a breakup because in so work,
Speaker 1: I found myself. You cut your bangs, you did everything
Speaker 1: that's on my list. This is why I've written the
Speaker 1: breakup list. I also didn't cope with breakups very well,
Speaker 1: so I think I can tell you the things not
Speaker 1: to do because I did everything wrong. I was the
Speaker 1: one who kept talking his Instagram. I was the one
Speaker 1: that kept calling. I was the one that was like
Speaker 1: trying to make reasons to see him. I was the
Speaker 1: one that got back together, broke up, got back together,
Speaker 1: broke up. You made faces. It's the worst way of
Speaker 1: getting over someone. You cannot wean yourself off another person,
Speaker 1: like I said earlier, But yeah, look, tattoos are a
Speaker 1: bad idea, cutting your hair, cutting a bang, all of
Speaker 1: that bad idea, hang on, not bad ideas.
Speaker 2: They're just bad ideas to do immediately without thinking about it.
Speaker 2: Just don't make that drastic decision the next day, because
Speaker 2: you might end up with a tattoo and cutting your
Speaker 2: hair in a few weeks time, and it might be
Speaker 2: brilliant because you really want it.
Speaker 1: It's just like you shouldn't send a text when you're angry.
Speaker 1: You know. It's the same process. It's the same thought
Speaker 1: process speaking of like speaking of sending a text when
Speaker 1: you're angry. I have one other thing that I think
Speaker 1: is like, look, it's hard to do it because we
Speaker 1: all want to drink when we're feeling sad. Like you
Speaker 1: go through breakup, you want to go out with your friends.
Speaker 1: You want to get obliterated so you don't have to
Speaker 1: feel the pain, And a lot of people kind of
Speaker 1: go down that path. I'm gonna say alcohol doesn't fix heartbreak.
Speaker 1: It actually makes it way worse. It also means that
Speaker 1: you do things that you'll end up regretting. As much
Speaker 1: as it might seem like a good idea to go
Speaker 1: out with your girlfriends and get blitzed, I guarantee you
Speaker 1: it's more to me. I absolutely go and gets with
Speaker 1: the girls. It's like blotted really anyway, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. We pay tay blind not blindsided, okay, blind
Speaker 1: getting blind with the girls, Okay. My My thing is
Speaker 1: like in doing that one, you could make it worse
Speaker 1: because like, if your friends are in relationships, you know
Speaker 1: that they're all going to go home to their partners,
Speaker 1: and that in itself makes you feel sad. But secondly, like,
Speaker 1: if you can't trust the things that your drunk self
Speaker 1: is gonna do, then don't let your sober self get drunk,
Speaker 1: Like like that's they're the rules, right, I don't trust
Speaker 1: drunk Laura. She's an idiot, So I don't let drunk
Speaker 1: sober Laura doesn't let drunk Laura get drunk because they're
Speaker 1: the rules. That was such a convoluted sentence. You're really
Speaker 1: am I'm really trying to do learning, ladies, I need
Speaker 1: to drink after that. Ah, dear, here we go, Here
Speaker 1: we go with this Now, I feel like we've covered
Speaker 1: so much.
Speaker 2: I mean, we're getting to the end of the steps,
Speaker 2: but don't jump back into dating too soon. Whilst we say,
Speaker 2: get back out there, get back into the wild, see
Speaker 2: have some fun, have some one night stands. That's all
Speaker 2: well and good, but you still have to be ready.
Speaker 2: And I'm not saying ready for a relationship. I'm just
Speaker 2: saying ready for the feelings that have come with You've
Speaker 2: just been with someone else. If you're not healed, it's
Speaker 2: going to be too soon and it's not going to
Speaker 2: be good for you for your mental health. So I
Speaker 2: think you just need to go back to step one,
Speaker 2: which is accept what's happened, and sit in that and
Speaker 2: get yourself to a good place. Then get back in
Speaker 2: the game. And you don't need to go and find
Speaker 2: someone that you're going to marry, and you don't have
Speaker 2: to take it so seriously. But just don't go out
Speaker 2: and sleep with someone the next day because you think
Speaker 2: it's going to make you feel better, Because it's not
Speaker 2: going to make you feel better.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I also think it's important this whole idea of
Speaker 1: monkey branching, so jumping from one relationship to another relationship.
Speaker 1: I am an absolute like I have done it so
Speaker 1: many times in my life, and I've talked about it
Speaker 1: on this podcast before. But I'm here to tell you
Speaker 1: it's a terrible thing to do because what happens when
Speaker 1: you monkey branch one relationship to another is that you're
Speaker 1: never actually really taking time to assess what type of
Speaker 1: person you really want to be with. And it also
Speaker 1: means that you're just settling for the next best thing
Speaker 1: that comes along, so you're gonna one find that you're
Speaker 1: gonna have the same problems and the same issues that
Speaker 1: are going to arise. Or it might mean that you
Speaker 1: commit to someone because the fact that you have someone
Speaker 1: there means that you don't have to deal with the
Speaker 1: pain of the last person, like it kind of masks that.
Speaker 1: But they're still not the best person for you. So
Speaker 1: you're still wasting time in a relationship that's only going
Speaker 1: to end badly because you didn't give yourself time to
Speaker 1: have any personal growth between relationships and actually make changes
Speaker 1: and be a better person and grow as a person
Speaker 1: and fucking like experience life as a single person, which
Speaker 1: is like, this is your opportunity to do that. Don't
Speaker 1: waste it by just jumping straight into a relationship with
Speaker 1: someone new because you're scared of being alone. That's a
Speaker 1: terrible reason.
Speaker 2: Put this emphasis on, like oh my god, what am
Speaker 2: I going to do now that I'm alone? Guys, being
Speaker 2: single can be the best time of your life.
Speaker 1: We don't, I think we look at this like, oh,
Speaker 1: I've been broken up, I'm alone. What am I gonna do?
Speaker 1: What with me? Embrace your single life. It's not gonna
Speaker 1: be forever. You you can find out things.
Speaker 2: You didn't even know about yourself. You can go and
Speaker 2: have the best time of your life. You don't owe
Speaker 2: anything to anyone at that time. It really is a
Speaker 2: time for you just to be on your own. And
Speaker 2: I cannot tell you how much fun I have had
Speaker 2: being single in the back loud for.
Speaker 1: The people, for single ladies in the back. Own this time.
Speaker 2: And I can't stress that enough. Own it, because one
Speaker 2: day you're gonna meet that person and that's it. You're
Speaker 2: done and you don't get to relive it this time
Speaker 2: of your life again. So don't think it's the worst
Speaker 2: thing that's going to happen to you. Flip your switch,
Speaker 2: flip the way you look on it, and be like,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna fucking own this and I am gonna have
Speaker 2: so much.
Speaker 1: But I cannot drop. I'm like here, I'm here for that,
Speaker 1: like I'm I'm yes, good done. Only because now that
Speaker 1: I'm a mom and now that I'm in a relationship
Speaker 1: where I know that we're gonna be together forever, because
Speaker 1: we're disgusting. I look back on my single year years
Speaker 1: and I spent so much time in my single years.
Speaker 1: I've said this before, but I spent so much time
Speaker 1: in my single years being sad, wishing I was with
Speaker 1: someone and feeling like I wasn't good enough, And I
Speaker 1: just wish so much more now that I had been
Speaker 1: able to really embrace it, enjoy it, and love the
Speaker 1: time that I got to spend with my girlfriends because
Speaker 1: I wasted it. I really wasted it. Like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: have some great memories, and I had some great trips
Speaker 1: overseas and did all that sort of stuff, but I
Speaker 1: was never fully comfortable in being single and on my own.
Speaker 1: And I look back on my life now and I
Speaker 1: regret that I didn't fully embrace that, because what a
Speaker 1: fucking fun time it was to be alive.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've been having a pretty while, but that's.
Speaker 1: Been Oh you guys don't know the half of It's
Speaker 1: been a while decade, all right, guys. That brings us
Speaker 1: to the end of our episode, which means it is
Speaker 1: time for suck and sweet Brittany, you already tell it everyone,
Speaker 1: my sweet what is your sack? My suck?
Speaker 2: I got home last night from day nine of nine
Speaker 2: at the hospital and I had the worst migraine I
Speaker 2: have had. I do suffer migraines, but they've been coming
Speaker 2: less and less often, but last night hit me like
Speaker 2: a ton of brecks. I had to to the point that,
Speaker 2: like I had to put my phone on aeroplane mode
Speaker 2: and I passed out at six thirty.
Speaker 1: It was it was hardcore, was hectic. I know. I
Speaker 1: sent you a message and you left me on scene
Speaker 1: like what is this, Brittany? Who are you? I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: but who are you out with? What do you know? Like?
Speaker 1: What are you doing if it's not me? I know? Right,
Speaker 1: guys do when they don't want you to know what
Speaker 1: they're doing, they just put their phone on helicopter mode
Speaker 1: and say and they're like, you happen out of the
Speaker 1: game aplane mode And then they're like, I'm sorry, my
Speaker 1: phone ran out of battery. His phone never ran out
Speaker 1: of battery, FYI, No, mine actually was on helicopter mode.
Speaker 1: But shut up? All right, right, all right, okay? What's this? Sweet?
Speaker 1: Most sweet?
Speaker 2: Was you might remember a few weeks ago, well I
Speaker 2: might remember you definitely will remember my dog Lily passed
Speaker 2: and I told you about how just one of those
Speaker 2: listeners sent me a DM off her own back and
Speaker 2: she had drawn my dog Lily and she had sketched
Speaker 2: it but I'm talking beautifully sketched I put on my stories.
Speaker 1: It was really, really amazing. It was so beautiful.
Speaker 2: She did it for no reason, and it really made
Speaker 2: an impact on my family, and I wanted to shout
Speaker 2: her out. But as a follow up, she knew how
Speaker 2: much it meant, so she actually sent the physical drawing
Speaker 2: to my house so that we could have it framed
Speaker 2: and we could have it forever.
Speaker 1: And I.
Speaker 2: Said to her, I would absolutely love that. It's amazing.
Speaker 2: Let me give me your account details. I'll at a
Speaker 2: minimum pay you for the postage. And she wouldn't even
Speaker 2: accept that. So she's this this girl I don't even
Speaker 2: know she's gone to this effort and I just watched
Speaker 2: her out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, give us her instagram, give give us her Instagram handle.
Speaker 2: Absolutely going to shout her out because she's obviously she's talented,
Speaker 2: but she's just a good human and she's a listener.
Speaker 1: We love this ye.
Speaker 2: Her instagram is Chelsea Rose Studio so c h E
Speaker 2: l s E A Rose like Bachelor studio and she
Speaker 2: just is an amazing, amazing sketch artist.
Speaker 1: I'm going to put the picture back up on my
Speaker 1: stories and stuff. But that was my sweet she my
Speaker 1: dad cried again. She really made a difference, and that's
Speaker 1: my sweet. And I hope her sweet is the fact
Speaker 1: that she knows she made a really big impact on
Speaker 1: our family.
Speaker 2: And yeah, I just wanted to shout out thank you.
Speaker 2: If you are listening right now, that was beautiful.
Speaker 1: It's a great sweet. We both feel really trivial now,
Speaker 1: but they can be. That's the whole aim of the game. Okay,
Speaker 1: watch your suck, so it's not even bad. So my
Speaker 1: suck is that Matthew Johnson has decided to clipper his
Speaker 1: face and his chest hair very very short, which means
Speaker 1: he's extremely prickly all over, and I don't really like
Speaker 1: it him. If you're listen him, I'll tell him, hey,
Speaker 1: mat so prickly. Does anyone else deal with this when
Speaker 1: their partners just like over clipper their face and then
Speaker 1: when their partners try to kiss them, it's like little
Speaker 1: needles sticking into your face. Yeah, it's awful anyway that's happened.
Speaker 1: So that's to suck. But also I can't tell him
Speaker 1: this because he'll get upset by it. So I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna tell it on a national podcast that he doesn't
Speaker 1: listen to. I don't think he'll get upset. No, I
Speaker 1: think he gets offended if I critique how closely he
Speaker 1: shaves hispa. It's not like you're critiquing his personality. Just
Speaker 1: grow the hair out. And my sweet for the week,
Speaker 1: which Britt already shared, is the fact that Marley took
Speaker 1: four steps. It was very cute. My baby is walking
Speaker 1: before one because she is a genius. And she also
Speaker 1: said Hi Dada the other day and I like, literally,
Speaker 1: my ovaries just fell out my butt because it was
Speaker 1: the cutest thing I've ever seen in my entire life.
Speaker 2: Okay, first, physiologically, you're ovaries can't come at your butt. Secondly,
Speaker 2: i'll prove you wrong, brittany woman to bend over bend
Speaker 2: over in.
Speaker 1: Coff I just got a visual.
Speaker 2: Secondly, how did you feel, honestly that she's saying how
Speaker 2: dadda instead of before malm.
Speaker 1: It's because I all say Hi dad da whenever Matt
Speaker 1: walks into the room. I'm more angry at Matt that
Speaker 1: he doesn't say Hi mama, so that she gets the
Speaker 1: same repetition and learning. Obviously Matt's fault. Absolutely that what
Speaker 1: a prick and that's it guy. So yeah, she said hi, data,
Speaker 1: and she took four steps. And next week is her birthday,
Speaker 1: which is just wild. It's been a year. It's been
Speaker 1: a year since I pushed her out, and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have a big old glass of wine because I know
Speaker 1: that it's her birthday, but it's also a celebration of
Speaker 1: the fact that I've kept her alive for a year.
Speaker 2: People, I can't believe. I can't believe that either, because
Speaker 2: you know what it also means. That means we're one.
Speaker 2: It's our anniversary.
Speaker 1: Yes, I didn't think of that till now. Guys, Guys,
Speaker 1: this also marks I mean, we missed our birthday because
Speaker 1: it was a couple of weeks back, but this podcast
Speaker 1: has been going for an entire year, so it's a group.
Speaker 1: It's a solid community anniversary. Thank if you're with us
Speaker 1: from the beginning, thanks for I'm sticking it through. My
Speaker 1: mind is blown. I can't believe that we miss so useless,
Speaker 1: that we missed our own birthday. We're pretty useless with that.
Speaker 1: We missed a million. Two we're coming up to the
Speaker 1: two mil though, guys. We're gonna do something. We're gonna
Speaker 1: have some sort of celebration. Maybe we'll do a big,
Speaker 1: crazy ass giveaway on the Instagram page. Let's do a.
Speaker 2: Giveaway to someone to win something epic, like crazy epic,
Speaker 2: like I don't know, maybe trips to Hawaii.
Speaker 1: No, not that epic. We can't afford that, but we're
Speaker 1: gonna do something fucking cool. Guys.
Speaker 2: We don't make that much money. You're not going to Hawaii,
Speaker 2: but you'll get something. There's gonna be something, all right.
Speaker 1: Okay, guys, thank you so much for listening to another episode.
Speaker 1: We hope that this is just one that you keep
Speaker 1: in your back catalog. So if you're going through a
Speaker 1: hard time or you know somebody who's going through a breakup,
Speaker 1: you can be like, hey, those Life Uncut bitches know
Speaker 1: what they're talking about. They've been broken up with loads.
Speaker 1: Go talk to them because we'll be here for you
Speaker 1: and for them when the time comes. But also, if
Speaker 1: you have a question for Ask Guncut, please send that
Speaker 1: through to our DM on Instagram. That's Life Uncut Podcasts.
Speaker 1: Just title it at the very start ask Uncut so
Speaker 1: that we can find it amongst all the messages that
Speaker 1: you send us. We will have our episode that will
Speaker 1: come out on Thursday. We love answering your questions. So,
Speaker 1: if there's anything that's happening in your life at the
Speaker 1: moment where you're like, you know what, I need some
Speaker 1: girlfriends on my side and I need some advice. We're
Speaker 1: here were your free therapy session. We will come with
Speaker 1: the goods. So send us your ask gun cut questions.
Speaker 2: If you are listening to this right now and you
Speaker 2: are in the midst of what you think is the
Speaker 2: worst time of your life and it is a breakup,
Speaker 2: we just want to say, hang in there, it's going.
Speaker 1: To get better. Yes, that's exactly what we want to say.
Speaker 1: And that's it, I promise, No, that's not it. The
Speaker 1: other there's much more housekeeping to be done here, Brittany.
Speaker 1: Stop trying to rush these people away whilst we've got
Speaker 1: their undivided attention. We'll celebrate. I'm like, that's it. Bye,
Speaker 1: dinner time a birth day. Oh yeah, it's truly passed.
Speaker 1: Dinner time Okay, famished. Also, if you haven't left a
Speaker 1: review yet, and you listen to every app and you
Speaker 1: love the episodes and you think that we're not half
Speaker 1: bad either, then we would really, really, really really love
Speaker 1: it if you would go over to Apple Podcast and
Speaker 1: leave us a review. And hit subscribe. If you're thinking
Speaker 1: about how who starts to leave us hit five. I
Speaker 1: highly recommend, and you know the drill. Share the love, guys,
Speaker 1: because we love love. I'm not gonna such losers like you,
Speaker 1: and I can't say that without putting hands with me instantly. Alright,
Speaker 1: See you, guys,