WEBVTT - LOVE ON THE SPECTRUM 0:00:19.640 --> 0:00:23.079 Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. 0:00:23.160 --> 0:00:25.600 I'm Laura and I'm Britney, and I am. 0:00:25.440 --> 0:00:29.080 Coming to you from the deep dark and cedy place 0:00:29.200 --> 0:00:30.680 that is Sydney in lockdown. 0:00:31.480 --> 0:00:34.559 Here we are hang hang on a hot second. You 0:00:34.640 --> 0:00:36.760 are literally in my laundrym Are you saying that that 0:00:36.840 --> 0:00:38.720 is deep dark and city because I play. 0:00:38.760 --> 0:00:41.080 I'm back to you from the deep dark and city 0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:43.960 place that is Britney's apartment. Thank god that you gave 0:00:43.960 --> 0:00:46.559 me keys though, because okay, so obviously you guys know 0:00:46.640 --> 0:00:49.279 BRIT's overseas. Brit gave me keys to her apartment, and 0:00:49.320 --> 0:00:52.440 I have been sneaking up here, which is fine because 0:00:52.440 --> 0:00:54.600 it is very COVID safe. There is nobody here at 0:00:54.640 --> 0:00:56.960 the moment. I'm all by myself, but I've been coming 0:00:57.000 --> 0:00:59.800 up here to record. There is no way that we 0:01:00.240 --> 0:01:02.480 have been able to continue to bring you this podcast 0:01:02.560 --> 0:01:04.480 if it meant me recording in the house with the 0:01:04.480 --> 0:01:06.119 two kids and Matt and a dog. 0:01:06.560 --> 0:01:09.520 It's chaos. Everything is chaos. The floor is lava. I 0:01:09.600 --> 0:01:12.320 knew that you'd need a safe place, so yeah. 0:01:12.480 --> 0:01:13.920 I've been telling Matt, hey, I'm just going to go 0:01:14.000 --> 0:01:15.360 up and do some work and I've literally just been 0:01:15.400 --> 0:01:17.520 sitting here on the couch in the serene silence. 0:01:17.880 --> 0:01:20.520 No, but I did. I very likely gave keys to 0:01:20.560 --> 0:01:22.360 two friends that I said. You can come and go 0:01:22.400 --> 0:01:24.440 as you please if you need a safe place, if 0:01:24.440 --> 0:01:26.880 you need a bed. So also, just water my plans 0:01:26.880 --> 0:01:28.559 and look after everything. Thanks, love you, bye. 0:01:28.640 --> 0:01:30.959 Guys. You don't come here for us to be sad. 0:01:30.959 --> 0:01:34.080 You come here for the uplifting content. However, we cannot 0:01:34.080 --> 0:01:37.000 avoid the fact that one half of us is very 0:01:37.080 --> 0:01:39.399 much in Sydney locked out at the moment. So for 0:01:39.440 --> 0:01:41.680 anybody else who's experiencing it, we just want to say 0:01:41.720 --> 0:01:44.240 that our thoughts and our feelings and our love and 0:01:44.319 --> 0:01:47.039 everything is with you, and for everybody who is in 0:01:47.080 --> 0:01:50.360 Melbourne who's thinking, oh it was about time that Sydney 0:01:50.400 --> 0:01:51.200 got their turn of this. 0:01:52.080 --> 0:01:54.840 We're all in this together, guys. No, and what Laura 0:01:54.880 --> 0:01:57.240 said is right. You don't come here to listen to 0:01:57.320 --> 0:01:59.840 the dark, gloomy stuff, but we do just want to say, like, 0:02:00.040 --> 0:02:01.920 our thoughts are with you. My thoughts are really with 0:02:02.040 --> 0:02:04.240 you over here, and I mean I lived it last 0:02:04.280 --> 0:02:06.240 year as well. We're very lucky we didn't do it 0:02:06.240 --> 0:02:07.920 for a long time, but just make sure that you 0:02:07.960 --> 0:02:10.680 guys stay really connected with each other. You reach out 0:02:10.760 --> 0:02:13.080 to each other, you have your zooms, you can play 0:02:13.080 --> 0:02:15.080 online games like just try and find a way to 0:02:15.080 --> 0:02:17.760 stay connected because we know how much mental health can 0:02:17.880 --> 0:02:18.720 suffer in this time. 0:02:18.760 --> 0:02:21.280 And there was somebody who actually wrote on our Facebook 0:02:21.280 --> 0:02:23.359 discussion group, So if you haven't joined the discussion group, 0:02:23.440 --> 0:02:26.800 jump on it's Life Uncut discussion group on Facebook. But 0:02:26.880 --> 0:02:30.360 somebody who has lived and breathed and done the Melbourne 0:02:30.360 --> 0:02:32.200 lockdowns actually did a post the other day and I 0:02:32.280 --> 0:02:34.639 love this. It was her ten point plan for how 0:02:34.639 --> 0:02:36.639 she survived Melbourne lockdown and I'm just want to read 0:02:36.720 --> 0:02:39.160 off some of these because I took a screenshot of 0:02:39.160 --> 0:02:40.560 it today and I was like, this is what I'm 0:02:40.600 --> 0:02:42.880 going to do for the next two weeks. Number One, 0:02:43.080 --> 0:02:45.480 change your room around. It's like having a little mini 0:02:45.480 --> 0:02:48.640 holiday too. Start a project. I started at dot painting 0:02:48.639 --> 0:02:50.320 and it took me weeks, but it's something that you 0:02:50.320 --> 0:02:54.440 can accomplish easily. Number Three, I YouTube and learned how 0:02:54.480 --> 0:02:54.799 to knit. 0:02:55.000 --> 0:02:55.440 I love this. 0:02:55.560 --> 0:02:58.119 I'm not that self motivated to learn how to knit, 0:02:58.200 --> 0:03:01.280 but like, I really appreciate this. Maybe I'll get small plants. Four. 0:03:01.800 --> 0:03:05.040 The freezer is your best friend. Number five. Use Amazon 0:03:05.080 --> 0:03:08.480 Prime for next day delivery. Number six. Make sure you 0:03:08.560 --> 0:03:11.040 mix it up. One day eat in your bedroom, maybe 0:03:11.040 --> 0:03:12.959 one day eat on the couch, maybe one day eat 0:03:12.960 --> 0:03:16.440 on the balcony. Really keep yourself guessing here, guys. Number 0:03:16.480 --> 0:03:19.560 seven declutter while you can pick a room each day 0:03:19.600 --> 0:03:20.639 and just go for it. 0:03:20.919 --> 0:03:21.480 Number eight. 0:03:21.800 --> 0:03:24.079 Plan a date night with your friends on Zoom where 0:03:24.120 --> 0:03:26.200 you all order food from the same restaurant and then 0:03:26.240 --> 0:03:28.359 you sit down at the same time and eat it together. 0:03:28.880 --> 0:03:31.120 It feels like you're actually catching up with friends properly. 0:03:31.360 --> 0:03:33.720 Number nine. Make the most of not having to wash 0:03:33.760 --> 0:03:35.960 your hair. Okay, I've embraced this one. Make the most 0:03:35.960 --> 0:03:38.120 of not having to wash your hair. If you're trying 0:03:38.120 --> 0:03:40.240 to retrain your hair to only wash it once every 0:03:40.360 --> 0:03:42.800 x amount of days, this is the perfect time because 0:03:42.840 --> 0:03:44.360 you can look like crap and no one is going 0:03:44.400 --> 0:03:47.680 to see Number ten. If you can have fresh flowers 0:03:47.680 --> 0:03:49.600 in your house. And I love this, and I wanted 0:03:49.640 --> 0:03:51.120 to say thank you to the person who wrote this 0:03:51.200 --> 0:03:53.000 and shared it with oh y'all in Sydney. 0:03:53.440 --> 0:03:55.600 I love all of those I particularly love and I 0:03:55.600 --> 0:03:57.680 think this was really good like this was a suggestion 0:03:57.720 --> 0:04:00.240 we did for dating during COVID was the but I 0:04:00.240 --> 0:04:02.280 think it was number eight Laura, call your friends, make 0:04:02.280 --> 0:04:04.080 sure you order from the same restaurants, sit down and 0:04:04.080 --> 0:04:05.880 have a dinner. I really love that. But when I 0:04:05.880 --> 0:04:08.960 think about my lockdown, I just remember I just let 0:04:09.080 --> 0:04:11.520 everything go wild. Like I didn't shave my legs for 0:04:11.560 --> 0:04:13.560 a month. It was pretty scary times back then. 0:04:13.800 --> 0:04:16.400 I've been doing that since I had kids. Yeah, so 0:04:17.080 --> 0:04:19.160 like twenty twenty ones really set me backwards, but I'm 0:04:19.200 --> 0:04:21.240 here for it. But also I did want to say 0:04:21.240 --> 0:04:22.839 one thing, and like we said, we're not going to 0:04:22.880 --> 0:04:25.160 harp on about the fact that we're in lockdown, like 0:04:25.279 --> 0:04:27.000 we've all heard it before, we've all read the news. 0:04:27.040 --> 0:04:28.400 But there is one thing that I think we can 0:04:28.440 --> 0:04:31.359 all appreciate and relate to, and that is that with 0:04:31.760 --> 0:04:34.240 the current climate, it makes it so hard to actually 0:04:34.240 --> 0:04:37.040 look forward to stuff. I mean, for me, it was 0:04:37.080 --> 0:04:39.120 that we had a holiday plan to go to New Zealand. 0:04:39.279 --> 0:04:40.800 It was that we were supposed to be planning our 0:04:40.839 --> 0:04:43.240 wedding this weekend, and all of those plans have now 0:04:43.320 --> 0:04:45.599 been canceled and put on hold, and it just makes 0:04:45.640 --> 0:04:48.960 it really difficult to get excited about stuff. So if 0:04:48.960 --> 0:04:52.560 there's anybody else who's had some big things canceled, or 0:04:52.560 --> 0:04:55.000 maybe we're going to catch up with your family, whatever 0:04:55.080 --> 0:04:57.080 it was that you were looking forward to that's been 0:04:57.160 --> 0:04:58.960 taken away from you, I just want to let you 0:04:59.040 --> 0:05:01.360 know that we are very much thinking of you and 0:05:01.400 --> 0:05:03.599 we hope that you're able to find a little bit 0:05:03.600 --> 0:05:05.479 of happiness in this lockdown period as well. 0:05:05.520 --> 0:05:09.000 Guys, I am so excited about today's episode. This is 0:05:09.080 --> 0:05:12.080 one if you follow along on my Instagram. For the 0:05:12.160 --> 0:05:15.600 last little while, I've been hyping on this TV show, 0:05:16.120 --> 0:05:19.680 Love on the Spectrum. It's better than The Bachelor. I'm 0:05:19.720 --> 0:05:22.000 obsessed with it. I love it. I love how real 0:05:22.080 --> 0:05:24.119 and raw it is. You know, it's a window into 0:05:24.360 --> 0:05:26.640 another world that we don't really get to see that 0:05:26.680 --> 0:05:29.000 we don't really know about. I think that we're not 0:05:29.080 --> 0:05:31.800 as educated on as we could probably be. Anyway, I 0:05:31.839 --> 0:05:34.200 fell head over heels in love with the show. So 0:05:34.400 --> 0:05:37.800 I reached out to the ABC and was like, Yo, 0:05:38.160 --> 0:05:41.359 I'm obsessed, Please can I speak to some of the 0:05:41.400 --> 0:05:44.479 contestants And we were lucky enough to speak to Cassandra 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:46.440 from Love on the Spectrum. She's on season two, which 0:05:46.480 --> 0:05:49.440 is airing at the moment, and she's absolutely brilliant. So 0:05:49.440 --> 0:05:51.480 she's coming to join us just to talk about all 0:05:51.520 --> 0:05:54.719 things love life, what it's like to date on the Spectrum, 0:05:54.760 --> 0:05:57.200 what it's like to have autism day to day, things 0:05:57.200 --> 0:06:01.440 that she deals with, and things I guess, misconcepttions, myths. 0:06:01.520 --> 0:06:04.520 She's really open and honest about life on the Spectrum. 0:06:04.560 --> 0:06:06.680 So that's really really brilliant. I'm looking forward to that. 0:06:06.760 --> 0:06:09.799 But then we also got Jodi Rodgers on Now. Jody 0:06:09.920 --> 0:06:13.039 is the specialist on Love on the Spectrum, so she's 0:06:13.080 --> 0:06:15.640 the woman that she comes in and she helps to 0:06:15.800 --> 0:06:18.200 coach all then I don't know if we can call 0:06:18.240 --> 0:06:20.480 them contestants. It's like I'm talking about it like it's 0:06:20.520 --> 0:06:23.480 a Bachelor Laura. I guess all the participants on the show. 0:06:23.520 --> 0:06:27.320 She comes in and she teaches them different social skills, 0:06:27.400 --> 0:06:30.599 different dating skills. Some of them are more high functioning, 0:06:30.600 --> 0:06:32.600 some of them are more low functioning. Show. She comes 0:06:32.640 --> 0:06:34.160 in and she teaches them what they need to know, 0:06:34.200 --> 0:06:36.240 she helps coach them through. So she comes on the 0:06:36.279 --> 0:06:38.760 podcast today as well, So we have Cassandra and Jody 0:06:38.880 --> 0:06:39.520 coming up. 0:06:39.680 --> 0:06:42.160 So before we get into that, and I honestly, am 0:06:42.240 --> 0:06:44.800 so excited by this interview. I learned so much and 0:06:44.800 --> 0:06:47.279 it just there was one thing that was said by Cassandra, 0:06:47.480 --> 0:06:50.640 and I really loved this about the show and the 0:06:50.680 --> 0:06:52.680 purpose of the show. So one of the things that 0:06:52.680 --> 0:06:55.400 Cassandra said to us just before we started the interview, 0:06:55.600 --> 0:06:58.120 she said, Love in the Spectrum is not really a 0:06:58.200 --> 0:07:00.600 dating show for people who have autis. She was like, 0:07:00.640 --> 0:07:02.839 people who have autism already know what it's like to 0:07:02.880 --> 0:07:05.599 have autism. Love on the Spectrum is a TV show 0:07:05.920 --> 0:07:08.760 that is being designed for people who are neurotypical so 0:07:08.800 --> 0:07:11.800 that they can better understand what it is that we 0:07:11.840 --> 0:07:13.320 deal with on a day to day and how we 0:07:13.360 --> 0:07:16.040 show up to the world. And I just love that 0:07:16.240 --> 0:07:17.920 so much because I think that, you know, we can 0:07:17.960 --> 0:07:20.440 watch this and we can kind of almost think like, oh, 0:07:20.520 --> 0:07:23.640 like it's so beautiful, it's so wholesome. But there was 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:26.040 something really quite powerful in the way that she was 0:07:26.080 --> 0:07:29.440 able to explain that. Now, before we get into that conversation, 0:07:29.600 --> 0:07:31.200 of course, there's a few things that we want to 0:07:31.240 --> 0:07:34.000 talk about first, and before we do that, I also 0:07:34.000 --> 0:07:35.640 have a little bit of housekeeping that we want to do. 0:07:36.080 --> 0:07:38.240 So if you listen to ask on Cut and you 0:07:38.320 --> 0:07:40.640 listen to Thursday's episode, you would know that we did 0:07:40.680 --> 0:07:43.520 a big discussion around Victoria's Secret and how they are 0:07:43.600 --> 0:07:46.600 changing from having the Victoria's Secret Angels to having the 0:07:46.680 --> 0:07:50.200 Victoria's Secret Collective. And now the Victoria's Secret Collective is 0:07:50.200 --> 0:07:53.000 all based on diversity, and we really unpacked that on 0:07:53.040 --> 0:07:56.600 Thursday's Ask on Cut episode. However, I made an error 0:07:56.720 --> 0:07:58.760 in something that I said, and I just want to 0:07:58.800 --> 0:08:01.360 correct that. We talk about some of the influential women 0:08:01.400 --> 0:08:04.080 who are making up the Victoria's Secret Collective, and I 0:08:04.240 --> 0:08:08.120 incorrectly said that Meghan Rappino is somebody who is transgender 0:08:08.200 --> 0:08:11.440 and identifies as being transgender. Now, Meghan Rappino is an 0:08:11.560 --> 0:08:16.480 LGBTQI activist. She's also a very famous soccer player, and 0:08:16.560 --> 0:08:19.720 she does not identify as being transgender. So I want 0:08:19.720 --> 0:08:22.000 to say thank you to every single person who messaged 0:08:22.040 --> 0:08:23.200 and corrected. 0:08:22.800 --> 0:08:23.200 Me on that. 0:08:23.480 --> 0:08:25.640 We always want to bring you the best content that 0:08:25.640 --> 0:08:28.000 we possibly can, and it's important to us that the 0:08:28.040 --> 0:08:28.960 content that we bring. 0:08:28.800 --> 0:08:29.520 You is correct. 0:08:29.600 --> 0:08:32.080 But Brittany, you did send me an article that you 0:08:32.160 --> 0:08:35.040 wanted to touch on before we got into the episode. 0:08:35.200 --> 0:08:38.559 Please look, take the microphone. 0:08:38.040 --> 0:08:41.160 I just landed in London. I landed in England from Spain. Obviously, 0:08:41.360 --> 0:08:43.840 it's Wimbledon next week, so I'm very excited about that. 0:08:43.880 --> 0:08:45.880 It's one of the big Grand Slams and I absolutely 0:08:45.880 --> 0:08:48.960 just can't wait to watch Jordan play. But what I 0:08:49.080 --> 0:08:52.400 do every single morning, and especially in another country, I've 0:08:52.400 --> 0:08:54.079 always done this since I was like thirteen years old. 0:08:54.120 --> 0:08:55.800 I wake up and I read the news. I'm obsessed 0:08:55.800 --> 0:08:58.480 with the news. Anyway, there was one article in England 0:08:58.480 --> 0:09:00.800 when I wake up this morning that really grabbed my attention. 0:09:01.240 --> 0:09:03.440 The headline was that a woman mourns the loss of 0:09:03.440 --> 0:09:06.560 her husband only a few months after marrying him. I 0:09:06.640 --> 0:09:09.640 was like, fucking hell, Like that is horrific. I couldn't 0:09:09.640 --> 0:09:11.520 even imagine that. Okay, I don't. 0:09:12.120 --> 0:09:14.280 I'm laughing for good reason. Guys, don't think that I'm 0:09:14.280 --> 0:09:15.320 a fucking evil person. 0:09:15.800 --> 0:09:18.200 No, I was like, I just couldn't imagine what that's like. 0:09:18.280 --> 0:09:20.280 So obviously I read the article and this woman had 0:09:20.320 --> 0:09:22.760 been dating or her husband on and off for ten years, 0:09:23.080 --> 0:09:26.120 finally married him in her ceremony in Israel, and he 0:09:26.160 --> 0:09:28.559 died only a couple months later of stomach cancer. Now, 0:09:28.559 --> 0:09:31.480 the reason this is funny, and I shouldn't even say 0:09:31.480 --> 0:09:36.520 it's funny. But her husband was a dolphin. Her husband 0:09:36.559 --> 0:09:39.520 was adult. She married a dolphin. Now I didn't know 0:09:39.600 --> 0:09:40.240 that was a thing. 0:09:40.920 --> 0:09:43.200 It's not funny because it's not funny that a dolphin 0:09:43.200 --> 0:09:45.280 passed away. I'm just gonna say that to start with. 0:09:45.640 --> 0:09:47.600 The funny part is is that it took me a 0:09:47.600 --> 0:09:50.760 little while to actually realize what this was talking about. 0:09:50.880 --> 0:09:52.360 And then I was like, this is so sad, and 0:09:52.360 --> 0:09:54.760 I was like, I'm sorry. She married a who she 0:09:54.840 --> 0:09:55.280 married a what? 0:09:56.040 --> 0:09:56.199 Well? 0:09:56.240 --> 0:09:58.640 The only reason that gets funny is and it's I mean, like, 0:09:58.760 --> 0:10:00.960 this is a real thing. Guys googled it. Okay, there's 0:10:00.960 --> 0:10:03.080 people that marry I googled it, so it must be true. 0:10:03.360 --> 0:10:07.360 There's something called objective sexuality, but that's more people that 0:10:07.440 --> 0:10:09.959 marry objects. So what this went into, I just went 0:10:09.960 --> 0:10:12.319 into the depths of the internet on this. I mean, 0:10:12.320 --> 0:10:14.480 to finish her story. She met this dolphin on a 0:10:14.520 --> 0:10:17.280 trip ten years ago, and she said she literally just 0:10:17.320 --> 0:10:19.439 said it was love at first sight, like she knew 0:10:19.480 --> 0:10:21.720 that this was the person she was supposed to be with. 0:10:21.800 --> 0:10:23.760 So they dated on and off for ten years. I 0:10:23.840 --> 0:10:26.000 know she finally married him, so she would fly back 0:10:26.040 --> 0:10:28.000 to Israel to visit him on the dates and stuff. 0:10:28.000 --> 0:10:29.760 She finally married him and he died, And I mean, like, 0:10:29.800 --> 0:10:31.840 it's horrific. Ultimately a dolphin died. 0:10:32.200 --> 0:10:35.000 I want to know, like, how does a dolphin consent 0:10:35.080 --> 0:10:37.440 and opt into dating? Because like I could say that, 0:10:37.520 --> 0:10:39.600 like I've dated a guy for ten years on and off. 0:10:39.640 --> 0:10:42.080 They have to like, how does a dolphin say, yes, 0:10:42.120 --> 0:10:43.760 I want to continue to date you. 0:10:44.320 --> 0:10:46.600 Well, she has wedding. She's put her wedding pictures up. 0:10:46.600 --> 0:10:48.320 I'm looking at them right now. She's in this like 0:10:48.360 --> 0:10:51.360 beautiful white dress. She has a floral head piece on. 0:10:51.800 --> 0:10:54.240 It's the wedding and the dolphin is in the air 0:10:54.880 --> 0:10:57.240 like it's bellies kind of come up onto the platform 0:10:57.280 --> 0:11:01.760 and it's kissing her. It's unbelievable. It's a proper It 0:11:01.800 --> 0:11:04.719 actually looks like a beautiful ceremony to be honest. Well, 0:11:04.760 --> 0:11:07.040 basically she said, it's not a perverted thing. I do 0:11:07.120 --> 0:11:09.199 love this dolphin. He's the love of my life. It's 0:11:09.200 --> 0:11:11.120 not a bad thing. It's just something that we did 0:11:11.120 --> 0:11:12.920 because I love him, but not in a way that 0:11:12.960 --> 0:11:15.000 you love a man. It's just pure love that I 0:11:15.040 --> 0:11:17.079 have for this animal, so she wanted to marry him. 0:11:17.360 --> 0:11:19.720 She also said she'll never marry again. She is a 0:11:19.800 --> 0:11:20.760 one dolphin woman. 0:11:21.760 --> 0:11:25.000 Yeah, can I just say in this article as well 0:11:25.080 --> 0:11:28.720 that Brittany sent to me. Meanwhile, a woman in Devon 0:11:29.160 --> 0:11:32.400 married her own duvet, claiming it was the most intimate 0:11:32.400 --> 0:11:34.679 and reliable relationship she has ever had. 0:11:35.080 --> 0:11:38.480 Say subjective sexuality, and when I went into it, there 0:11:38.480 --> 0:11:40.640 are so many. There's a woman that married the Eiffel Tower. 0:11:40.760 --> 0:11:42.920 She changed her last name to Eiffel. There are people 0:11:42.960 --> 0:11:45.640 that have married the bridges. There's one woman that married 0:11:45.640 --> 0:11:48.320 her chandelier, so it's actually a thing. 0:11:48.800 --> 0:11:50.560 I do remember there being a guy in the States 0:11:50.559 --> 0:11:53.040 who married his sex doll, which like, there's a lot 0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:57.520 of issues tied up into that. But anyway, okay, with 0:11:57.679 --> 0:12:00.000 that out of the way, all the really important stuff, 0:12:00.480 --> 0:12:03.920 it is time for our very favorite part of every episode, 0:12:03.960 --> 0:12:06.800 and that is accidentally. 0:12:06.280 --> 0:12:11.520 I'mffiltered this one. Laura gave me very very heavy Laura vibes. 0:12:12.120 --> 0:12:15.880 I feel like, okay, literally, you say that every single time, 0:12:15.960 --> 0:12:18.720 and every single time it's something wildly inappropriate. It's like, oh, 0:12:18.840 --> 0:12:21.800 this person chat themselves in a supermarket line, and then 0:12:21.840 --> 0:12:23.760 you're like, Hey, Laura, this is something you would do. Hey, 0:12:23.760 --> 0:12:26.400 this person got blackout drunk and vomited on their boyfriend's peters. 0:12:26.440 --> 0:12:28.160 Hey Laura, this is something that you would do. 0:12:28.480 --> 0:12:31.480 Okay, you'll understand why when I read I'm okay with this, 0:12:31.840 --> 0:12:34.760 We're really not okay. This isn't something that you did, though. 0:12:34.800 --> 0:12:36.880 It was something that happened to this girl that reminded 0:12:36.920 --> 0:12:40.079 me heavily of you. Okay, hey hit me. I was 0:12:40.120 --> 0:12:42.480 seeing this guy a little while ago. He was most 0:12:42.480 --> 0:12:44.920 certainly a rebound for me. I was over at his 0:12:45.000 --> 0:12:47.760 friend's place and they were all weed smokers. Now I 0:12:47.800 --> 0:12:50.280 was only twenty one. I hadn't been around many people 0:12:50.280 --> 0:12:52.719 that did weed. No judgment. I just must have lived 0:12:52.760 --> 0:12:55.000 under wrong and I didn't really know how people acted 0:12:55.040 --> 0:12:57.480 when they were on weed. Anyway, as the night went on, 0:12:57.679 --> 0:13:00.000 everyone had a lot to drink. We all decided to 0:13:00.160 --> 0:13:02.560 stay there the night. The guy I was seeing and 0:13:02.600 --> 0:13:05.080 I went onto the couch. We were all alone, and 0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:08.439 things started to get pretty hot and heavy pants are 0:13:08.480 --> 0:13:11.040 off and kissing was going on, and I knew we 0:13:11.040 --> 0:13:12.000 were gonna do the deed. 0:13:12.240 --> 0:13:12.440 Now. 0:13:12.559 --> 0:13:17.320 Somehow, his penis made its way between my thighs. But 0:13:17.400 --> 0:13:20.080 I'm not talking about my vagina, just sort of like 0:13:20.200 --> 0:13:22.599 in the crease of my groin, And all of a 0:13:22.640 --> 0:13:26.400 sudden he started convulsing like a jack crabead. He was 0:13:26.440 --> 0:13:27.160 going hard. 0:13:27.480 --> 0:13:29.600 Thankfully it was dark, and I had this really weird 0:13:29.640 --> 0:13:31.880 look of confusion on my face, but he couldn't see it. 0:13:31.920 --> 0:13:34.760 I have never experienced anyone on weed before, so I 0:13:34.800 --> 0:13:36.760 was like, maybe this is a reaction from it, maybe 0:13:36.760 --> 0:13:40.439 he's having a seizure. But then in minutes he whispers, I'm. 0:13:40.280 --> 0:13:42.720 Going to come. This is talking by surprise. 0:13:43.040 --> 0:13:45.240 Here I am thinking he's having a fit and he's 0:13:45.280 --> 0:13:50.400 coming and fucking my leg. Maybe he thought he was 0:13:50.480 --> 0:13:53.360 in Maybe he was so off his chops, or maybe 0:13:53.400 --> 0:13:55.160 he's also like my eggs and just like to have 0:13:55.240 --> 0:13:56.000 sex with all of her. 0:13:56.360 --> 0:13:58.160 He goes, oh my god, I'm gonna come, and she goes, 0:13:58.160 --> 0:14:01.160 what you're not even in? He came in my figs. 0:14:03.400 --> 0:14:05.079 He wasn't even nearer vagina. 0:14:05.920 --> 0:14:08.280 I'm debating this. I reckon he was so cooked he 0:14:08.320 --> 0:14:12.120 thought he was in girl science. Nah, I don't care 0:14:12.120 --> 0:14:14.360 how much weed you've had. I feel like you know 0:14:14.920 --> 0:14:16.080 where the vagina is. 0:14:16.559 --> 0:14:16.880 Okay. 0:14:16.960 --> 0:14:19.160 Well, mean, some guys don't some guy doesn't need a 0:14:19.280 --> 0:14:21.960 roadmap and they need an X mark the spot and 0:14:22.000 --> 0:14:23.080 they need to be shown. 0:14:23.520 --> 0:14:24.960 I wonder how many people are like that. I wonder 0:14:24.960 --> 0:14:26.960 how many people have had this happen where they're in 0:14:27.200 --> 0:14:30.080 an intimate situation and the guy has very obviously thought 0:14:30.080 --> 0:14:32.000 it was somewhere that it's not. I reckon, it's probably 0:14:32.000 --> 0:14:32.640 pretty commet. 0:14:33.120 --> 0:14:35.280 I've definitely had a guy I think that they knew 0:14:35.320 --> 0:14:37.840 where my clip was and it certainly was not it. 0:14:38.360 --> 0:14:41.120 I was like, why are you furiously rubbing that? That 0:14:41.240 --> 0:14:42.400 is not helping anyone. 0:14:42.480 --> 0:14:44.200 I feel like that has happened to everyone. That has 0:14:44.280 --> 0:14:46.880 definitely happened to me. I have a really really good winter. 0:14:47.120 --> 0:14:49.600 Strap yourselves in, Strap on your undies, ladies. 0:14:50.040 --> 0:14:51.800 I'd been talking to this guy online for a couple 0:14:51.840 --> 0:14:53.520 of weeks and we had been on a coffee date 0:14:53.560 --> 0:14:57.120 and he was really really handsome, a little alternative with 0:14:57.200 --> 0:15:00.200 long hair and not my normal type, but you know 0:15:00.200 --> 0:15:02.720 what they say, date outside your box. So he said 0:15:02.720 --> 0:15:05.400 he was really into yoga and being the yeah, sure, 0:15:05.400 --> 0:15:07.520 I'll give anything a try kind of girl that I am, 0:15:07.800 --> 0:15:10.480 I suggested that maybe I could come to a yoga 0:15:10.480 --> 0:15:12.480 class with him and he could show me the ropes. 0:15:13.120 --> 0:15:16.000 So anyway, fast forward to our next date. He invites 0:15:16.040 --> 0:15:18.080 me to do a yoga class with him. I haven't 0:15:18.080 --> 0:15:19.760 really done a lot of yoga before, a couple of 0:15:19.840 --> 0:15:22.960 classes here and there. I'm generally pretty fit, though, and 0:15:22.960 --> 0:15:25.560 I'm pretty flexible, so I thought, well, what could possibly 0:15:25.600 --> 0:15:29.080 go wrong? We were about twenty minutes into the class, 0:15:29.120 --> 0:15:31.320 and there had been a lot of side glances and 0:15:31.400 --> 0:15:34.720 smiling and making eye contact, lots of cute stuff like that. 0:15:35.400 --> 0:15:37.960 This had all been happening kind of between yoga posers. 0:15:38.000 --> 0:15:40.080 So here I am about to get into my new 0:15:40.120 --> 0:15:42.200 pose that the woman that the front is doing. Like 0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:44.920 I said, I'm pretty flexible, and I was really feeling myself. 0:15:45.120 --> 0:15:47.160 So I've locked eyes with the guy and at the 0:15:47.200 --> 0:15:50.120 same time I hinge myself forward and into the move, 0:15:50.480 --> 0:15:54.120 and simultaneously, a ginormous queaf echoes out of my. 0:15:56.600 --> 0:15:59.440 Old girl. I bene he was gonna die. There was 0:15:59.520 --> 0:16:01.040 no hiding that it came from me. 0:16:01.120 --> 0:16:03.680 The look on my face of shock and horror would 0:16:03.680 --> 0:16:06.040 have been enough to give it away. Now, anyway, I 0:16:06.080 --> 0:16:08.000 thought I was in the clear. You would think that 0:16:08.040 --> 0:16:11.040 the story would end here, but no, I continued the 0:16:11.080 --> 0:16:14.560 move thinking that everything was okay, and another two consecutive 0:16:14.640 --> 0:16:19.600 quefs followed at this point. By this point, the woman 0:16:19.920 --> 0:16:23.080 behind me was pissing herself laughing, and then the instructor 0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:26.840 says aloud to the entire class, it's okay. We all 0:16:26.880 --> 0:16:28.600 make some unusual noises sometime. 0:16:29.000 --> 0:16:31.600 Haha, No, don't make it like. 0:16:32.640 --> 0:16:33.680 I was so upset. 0:16:33.760 --> 0:16:35.920 I started to cry. 0:16:37.000 --> 0:16:39.200 Girl number one rule never queep and cry. 0:16:39.400 --> 0:16:42.360 You never quep and cry. I was like I had 0:16:42.360 --> 0:16:44.360 to text her and I was like what happened? Like 0:16:44.400 --> 0:16:46.360 where did this go? She was like, I never spoke 0:16:46.400 --> 0:16:50.880 to him again. A fucking cart Okay. Firstly, Firstly, firstly, 0:16:51.600 --> 0:16:56.240 queaping is normal with all there. Don't fret if if 0:16:56.240 --> 0:16:57.880 you quep, Like so many people are like, if that 0:16:57.920 --> 0:16:59.800 happens to you during sex or some embarrassing it's not 0:16:59.800 --> 0:17:02.000 even just tell him it means it's good or something like. 0:17:02.080 --> 0:17:04.119 I think it's different when it happens during sex. Like 0:17:04.160 --> 0:17:05.680 when it happens during sex, you can just have a 0:17:05.720 --> 0:17:09.000 giggle and be like, oh, what's that happened? Like we've 0:17:09.000 --> 0:17:11.520 all been we've all been in a compromising position where 0:17:11.520 --> 0:17:14.760 we've been having really great sex and then it's happened. 0:17:14.920 --> 0:17:16.639 I think the worst part about this story is like, 0:17:17.400 --> 0:17:19.760 you know what, just let the woman quef and everyone 0:17:19.840 --> 0:17:21.919 just pretended doesn't happen. Don't be the person at the 0:17:21.920 --> 0:17:23.760 front that calls it out, and it makes it even worse. 0:17:23.800 --> 0:17:26.400 Like don't worry, sweetheart, we all make those sounds. No, 0:17:26.760 --> 0:17:28.120 just like let that slide. 0:17:28.680 --> 0:17:30.920 I used to have a friend who could queef on demand, 0:17:31.160 --> 0:17:32.879 like she could do it as a party trick. You 0:17:32.920 --> 0:17:35.119 know what, if she was living her best life, kief 0:17:35.160 --> 0:17:37.280 and after a few wives, you're gonna be fine doing 0:17:37.320 --> 0:17:38.359 it in yo, Guru. 0:17:38.800 --> 0:17:40.200 And if he doesn't want to see you again because 0:17:40.200 --> 0:17:42.040 you're creeping, then that is his lost girl. 0:17:42.520 --> 0:17:44.600 All right. On that note, I think it's time to 0:17:44.600 --> 0:17:46.920 get into the episode. 0:17:48.920 --> 0:17:52.160 Autism Spectrum disorder affects one in sixty eight children, and 0:17:52.359 --> 0:17:54.480 we all know, or maybe we all don't know, but 0:17:54.560 --> 0:17:57.960 boys nearly five times more likely than girls to be 0:17:58.080 --> 0:18:01.600 diagnosed with ASD, and that is why we decided to 0:18:01.640 --> 0:18:04.639 get a woman in. So we have the very lovely, 0:18:04.840 --> 0:18:07.480 very beautiful Cassandra from Love on the Spectrum And I 0:18:07.520 --> 0:18:09.360 am so excited because I'm just like a super fan 0:18:09.440 --> 0:18:12.080 of the show. So welcome to life on cut Cassandra. 0:18:11.720 --> 0:18:13.280 Thank you for having me on. It's great to be here. 0:18:13.520 --> 0:18:16.000 Okay, So I got Laura into the show. We just 0:18:16.040 --> 0:18:18.040 so you know our background, because I don't think you 0:18:18.080 --> 0:18:19.920 do know. But we were on The Bachelor. We love love, 0:18:20.000 --> 0:18:23.040 we love dating, and I just fell in love with 0:18:23.160 --> 0:18:24.040 love on the spectrum. 0:18:24.320 --> 0:18:24.679 Love on the. 0:18:24.640 --> 0:18:27.600 Spectrum is like the much more wholesome version of the Bachelor, 0:18:27.920 --> 0:18:30.879 so much more wholesome. I I remember putting it on Instagram, going, this, 0:18:31.000 --> 0:18:33.359 shit's all over the Bachelor, and I think it's just 0:18:33.400 --> 0:18:36.760 because if anyone hasn't seen it, it's so real and 0:18:36.800 --> 0:18:39.800 it's so raw, and there's really not a lot of 0:18:39.840 --> 0:18:41.840 mask in your emotions, which I think when we see 0:18:41.880 --> 0:18:43.600 other dating shows, we're just. 0:18:43.560 --> 0:18:45.840 Not getting that authenticity. So I think that's why I 0:18:45.920 --> 0:18:46.440 fell in love. 0:18:46.720 --> 0:18:49.080 But also I think there is still so much stigma 0:18:49.119 --> 0:18:53.119 and mystery around autism, spectrum disorder and what it is, 0:18:53.280 --> 0:18:56.000 and I think looking in love on the spectrum gives 0:18:56.080 --> 0:18:58.679 us a better understanding, and I think that that was 0:18:58.720 --> 0:19:01.800 a big part of this. I'm really interested in how 0:19:01.840 --> 0:19:04.080 you got onto the show in the first place and 0:19:04.119 --> 0:19:05.320 why you signed up for it. 0:19:05.760 --> 0:19:08.639 So this is a few years back before COVID, my 0:19:09.040 --> 0:19:11.560 mother was looking for ways for me to get out 0:19:11.600 --> 0:19:15.080 into the world amongst people my own age. I'm quite 0:19:15.119 --> 0:19:19.560 a very young minded person. I'm still into like anime 0:19:19.720 --> 0:19:23.000 and cosplay and all the kind of teen interests, and 0:19:23.119 --> 0:19:24.960 my mum wanted me to kind of get out there 0:19:24.960 --> 0:19:28.040 amongst my own peers. So she was looking into all 0:19:28.080 --> 0:19:30.920 these different things, and she found employable me I think 0:19:30.960 --> 0:19:33.240 It's called which was like one of the first shows 0:19:33.280 --> 0:19:35.040 about autistic individuals. 0:19:35.440 --> 0:19:36.359 I did apply for that. 0:19:36.440 --> 0:19:38.879 I didn't get on I'm a bit too employable. It 0:19:38.920 --> 0:19:42.760 was more about to show lower spectrum needs to get 0:19:42.800 --> 0:19:46.880 into workhorse. So she continued looking. She found season one 0:19:46.920 --> 0:19:49.480 of Love on the Spectrum and applied for me, and 0:19:49.920 --> 0:19:52.040 I didn't get through. Obviously I'm not on season one. 0:19:52.359 --> 0:19:54.520 But when season two came around, they kind of gave 0:19:54.560 --> 0:19:56.720 us a call and we're like, are you still interested? 0:19:56.800 --> 0:19:59.400 And I was like, yes, get me somebody, So yeah, 0:19:59.440 --> 0:20:02.040 I jumped on that chance, and yeah, that's how I 0:20:02.040 --> 0:20:02.880 got into season two. 0:20:03.600 --> 0:20:07.680 Let's like sort of go back to your childhood, your diagnosis, 0:20:07.880 --> 0:20:10.480 how old you were, et cetera, and like walks through 0:20:10.560 --> 0:20:12.480 what those early years were like for you. 0:20:12.880 --> 0:20:15.080 So I didn't get diagnosed till I was in grade seven, 0:20:15.119 --> 0:20:18.320 about thirteen years old. Like most other girls on the 0:20:18.359 --> 0:20:21.600 spectrum were not diagnosed early at all. It's an average 0:20:21.640 --> 0:20:25.919 of eight years or older, and governmental help runs out 0:20:25.960 --> 0:20:28.399 at the age of eight, so we've got no help. 0:20:28.920 --> 0:20:31.080 My mom sent me to a girls school for high 0:20:31.080 --> 0:20:33.679 school like my sister went to before me, and the 0:20:33.720 --> 0:20:36.199 school figured it out. They were like, she's got some 0:20:36.280 --> 0:20:39.080 traits we've seen before. Have you ever heard of autism? 0:20:39.320 --> 0:20:42.679 And nobody back then wanted to hear that word, especially 0:20:42.680 --> 0:20:46.040 because nobody really understood it, and my mom wasn't anything different. 0:20:46.080 --> 0:20:49.120 She didn't understand it either, So my mum, being my mom, 0:20:49.200 --> 0:20:53.240 researched it to heaven and back and scary. 0:20:53.320 --> 0:20:55.240 I think, like, when you hear that as a parent, 0:20:55.480 --> 0:20:57.800 the instant fear is worst case. 0:20:57.920 --> 0:20:59.080 Now you hear horror stories. 0:20:59.160 --> 0:21:02.159 Yeah, my mum was terrified, and she got me in 0:21:02.200 --> 0:21:05.159 to see a psychologist, and that psychologist spoke to me 0:21:05.200 --> 0:21:08.080 for five minutes. She said, I was just too smart. 0:21:08.119 --> 0:21:10.520 I should have gone to a really brady person school. 0:21:10.680 --> 0:21:13.679 She didn't read the notes from my school. She didn't 0:21:13.760 --> 0:21:15.359 really talk to me. I was in the room for 0:21:15.359 --> 0:21:18.120 about five minutes, and she kind of dismissed us as 0:21:18.440 --> 0:21:21.680 having nothing to worry about, and my mom was like, no, 0:21:22.440 --> 0:21:25.720 she's smart, but no. So she did more research and 0:21:25.760 --> 0:21:29.199 she found Julie Peterson Embracing the Other Half psychology clinic, 0:21:29.720 --> 0:21:32.560 and it was at the time the leading psychology clinic 0:21:32.600 --> 0:21:35.120 for autistic children. So she got me in to see her, 0:21:35.200 --> 0:21:38.600 which was one really not easy and too quite expensive. 0:21:38.880 --> 0:21:42.520 We had no government funding for it. And Julie spoke 0:21:42.560 --> 0:21:44.800 to me for two and a half hours and she 0:21:44.880 --> 0:21:47.760 did test after test, and they didn't seem like tests 0:21:47.800 --> 0:21:49.800 at the time. Like she'd showed me a picture of 0:21:49.800 --> 0:21:52.840 a boy crying and a girl with two ice creams 0:21:53.160 --> 0:21:55.080 and asked me to interpret it, and I would get 0:21:55.080 --> 0:21:58.359 it completely wrong. Do you remember what you thought when 0:21:58.400 --> 0:22:01.119 you looked at those I thought she was just happy 0:22:01.200 --> 0:22:03.200 that she has two ice creams, and he was sad 0:22:03.200 --> 0:22:05.440 that it was hot or something. I'm not one hundred 0:22:05.440 --> 0:22:07.680 percent sure what I thought it back then, And Julie 0:22:07.720 --> 0:22:10.520 was like, I'm ninety eight percent sure she's on the spectrum. 0:22:10.640 --> 0:22:12.880 Here's a program we can run with. Let's see how 0:22:12.920 --> 0:22:15.240 this works for you. Come back in six weeks and 0:22:15.359 --> 0:22:19.160 I've been seeing her constantly since then until COVID. But yeah, 0:22:19.200 --> 0:22:21.720 every six to eight weeks, i'd have a meeting and 0:22:21.760 --> 0:22:24.320 she would train me in social etiquette. I had to 0:22:24.440 --> 0:22:25.879 learn what a conversation is. 0:22:26.200 --> 0:22:27.720 So you are not a very verbal child. 0:22:27.840 --> 0:22:30.600 Oh, I was extremely verbal, but I would talk at people, 0:22:30.880 --> 0:22:32.520 so I had to have it explained to me. Like 0:22:32.560 --> 0:22:35.679 a game of tennis, the ball is the conversation. So 0:22:36.119 --> 0:22:37.959 you hit it over with a question, they answer it, 0:22:37.960 --> 0:22:40.280 they hit it back. What I was doing was like 0:22:40.359 --> 0:22:43.920 those tennis ball machines, but to shoot them out, That's 0:22:43.960 --> 0:22:44.560 what I would do. 0:22:44.600 --> 0:22:45.800 I would talk at people. 0:22:45.880 --> 0:22:46.800 It's a great analogy. 0:22:47.040 --> 0:22:48.240 Yeah, she was brilliant. 0:22:48.240 --> 0:22:50.879 Could you explain to everyone sort of what the breakdown 0:22:51.000 --> 0:22:53.760 is for how they diagnose or where people sit on 0:22:53.800 --> 0:22:56.960 the spectrum, whether it's mild or high functioning. How is 0:22:57.000 --> 0:22:59.679 the breakdown done and where do you sit on that spectrum? 0:22:59.800 --> 0:23:04.800 So my personal diagnosis is high functioning mild autism, which 0:23:04.840 --> 0:23:07.960 means I function well in society, which is the high functioning. 0:23:08.280 --> 0:23:12.000 The mild means that you not you guys, but neurotypicals 0:23:12.040 --> 0:23:15.800 in general will experience my autism mildly. I can moderate 0:23:15.920 --> 0:23:19.280 my behavior well enough that it doesn't socially affect me 0:23:19.320 --> 0:23:23.040 too much, but I still have autism, which means my 0:23:23.160 --> 0:23:27.000 social learning was delay my experience things in a different way. 0:23:27.160 --> 0:23:29.440 Where there are people that are on the other end, 0:23:29.800 --> 0:23:33.440 which would have low functioning severe autism, which would mean 0:23:33.920 --> 0:23:36.600 they don't function well out in society on their own, 0:23:36.880 --> 0:23:41.600 and their autistic traits are extremely obvious. You can sit 0:23:41.680 --> 0:23:45.120 anywhere on there like you could have low functioning but mild, 0:23:45.440 --> 0:23:48.480 you could have high functioning but severe, and it really 0:23:48.520 --> 0:23:52.080 depends on the person's individual diagnosis where they end up. 0:23:52.400 --> 0:23:54.320 You said something that was really profound to me before 0:23:54.359 --> 0:23:57.520 we started recording, and that was that it is mild 0:23:57.640 --> 0:24:00.920 as in the way that neurotypical people perceive your autism 0:24:01.119 --> 0:24:04.200 is mild. However it's not mild to you. Absolutely. 0:24:04.440 --> 0:24:10.760 I experience all the hypersensitivities, the anxieties, the internal repercussions 0:24:10.800 --> 0:24:15.120 of being in the neurotypical world extremely like I am 0:24:15.280 --> 0:24:20.080 constantly moderating my behavior, checking in with my own stress levels. 0:24:20.200 --> 0:24:23.679 I have to be constantly aware of where I am. 0:24:23.560 --> 0:24:28.320 Mentally and physically so that my perception remains mild. 0:24:28.440 --> 0:24:31.280 It's that exhausting for you hearing That makes me really sad, 0:24:31.320 --> 0:24:33.639 because you should never have to moderate who you are 0:24:33.720 --> 0:24:35.400 to fit in with the rest of us cities. 0:24:35.520 --> 0:24:37.760 Yeah, and I think the same thing, like, surely there 0:24:37.840 --> 0:24:40.080 must come a point where you feel like you don't 0:24:40.080 --> 0:24:42.440 get to be your authentic self and you're constantly showing 0:24:42.520 --> 0:24:44.600 up to the world to fit in with what other 0:24:44.600 --> 0:24:45.480 people expect. 0:24:45.800 --> 0:24:48.639 In a perfect world, I wouldn't have to. But we 0:24:48.680 --> 0:24:50.199 don't live in a perfect world. We live in a 0:24:50.240 --> 0:24:53.479 neurotypical society. We live in a world based off of 0:24:53.800 --> 0:24:56.840 I guess, the average. So we live in a world 0:24:56.840 --> 0:24:59.960 that's not built for people in wheelchairs because they're not 0:25:00.040 --> 0:25:03.720 the average. We're built for people with vision, not the blind, 0:25:03.720 --> 0:25:08.200 because that's the average. Just the same our societal social 0:25:08.200 --> 0:25:11.560 constructs are built for the average. The average person can 0:25:11.640 --> 0:25:14.480 go nine to five work hours and then go out 0:25:14.520 --> 0:25:18.119 for dinner, still get maybe a hobby done, and then 0:25:18.160 --> 0:25:22.240 go to bed and continue that where autistic people, especially me, 0:25:22.520 --> 0:25:26.040 we suffer from burnout. So because we're also moderating our 0:25:26.119 --> 0:25:29.240 mental behavior, our social behavior, trying to make sure we're 0:25:29.240 --> 0:25:33.800 not showing our ticks and stems, which are like short 0:25:33.800 --> 0:25:36.440 physical movements that help kind of get us back into 0:25:36.480 --> 0:25:37.720 our social comfort zone. 0:25:37.840 --> 0:25:38.959 They help relax you a little bit. 0:25:39.160 --> 0:25:42.439 Yeah, we're constantly doing that, and I do mean constantly. 0:25:43.080 --> 0:25:47.120 We suffer from mental burnout a lot quicker. I myself 0:25:47.160 --> 0:25:49.840 cannot work nine to five. I have a job that 0:25:50.080 --> 0:25:54.520 is evening hours about five hours, and that's about maybe 0:25:54.640 --> 0:25:57.919 maximum seven and that's on the days I can do. 0:25:58.640 --> 0:26:01.359 I cannot work more than that. I've tried, and I 0:26:01.359 --> 0:26:04.200 immediately burn out, and I am in a mental place 0:26:04.240 --> 0:26:05.240 that is no good. 0:26:05.359 --> 0:26:06.760 I feel you. I can only wait for five hours 0:26:06.800 --> 0:26:09.879 too when I burn out for very different reasons, for 0:26:09.880 --> 0:26:10.440 different reasons. 0:26:10.920 --> 0:26:14.480 Can you tell me how have you found your relationships 0:26:14.520 --> 0:26:18.160 and your connections with people has been affected by having autism. 0:26:18.560 --> 0:26:22.880 So over the years of my social training with Julie, 0:26:23.200 --> 0:26:27.040 I also had to become aware of other people's social 0:26:27.280 --> 0:26:31.360 I guess habits. So I'm hyper aware of not only myself, 0:26:31.400 --> 0:26:34.840 but also of other people. This isn't for all autistics. 0:26:34.880 --> 0:26:36.720 It's maybe it's just for me, Maybe it's just for 0:26:36.760 --> 0:26:39.760 a few of us. But I don't read body language 0:26:39.840 --> 0:26:42.560 naturally like you guys would breathe and be like, ah, 0:26:42.640 --> 0:26:46.399 she's happy, she's sad. I have to read your eyes 0:26:46.560 --> 0:26:49.280 read your lips, read your shoulders, think about the words 0:26:49.280 --> 0:26:52.760 you just said, which means when I'm dating, I am 0:26:53.280 --> 0:26:58.360 very I guess, cautious and fearful that I'm being manipulated. 0:26:58.560 --> 0:27:01.720 I'm very worried that I'm one not reading them properly, 0:27:01.880 --> 0:27:05.440 or they're purposely giving me other signals so that I'll 0:27:05.680 --> 0:27:06.760 become more comfortable. 0:27:06.880 --> 0:27:08.960 We're all worried about those things when it comes to dating. 0:27:09.040 --> 0:27:11.480 Do you know what that's? One thing is like, no 0:27:11.520 --> 0:27:13.080 matter where you sell on the spectrum, I think it's 0:27:13.080 --> 0:27:15.679 in the dating world, especially in the starts, so fucking 0:27:15.680 --> 0:27:17.960 hard to know what the other person is thinking or 0:27:18.000 --> 0:27:18.879 feeling or doing. 0:27:19.440 --> 0:27:24.159 I'm extremely genuine, I don't lie. I'm very forward with 0:27:24.440 --> 0:27:27.120 everything about me, Like I tell people straight off about 0:27:27.119 --> 0:27:27.800 I'm autistic. 0:27:28.000 --> 0:27:30.280 So when you meet somebody you mentioned to us before 0:27:30.320 --> 0:27:32.760 that in the first five minutes, you'll always tell someone 0:27:32.880 --> 0:27:36.399 that you are autistic. Why is that? Is that because 0:27:36.440 --> 0:27:39.160 you feel like people might judge you for something, or 0:27:39.200 --> 0:27:41.119 that you might misunderstand something, and you just want to 0:27:41.119 --> 0:27:41.640 make it clear. 0:27:41.880 --> 0:27:45.359 Absolutely, I one will tell them I'm autistic and to 0:27:45.400 --> 0:27:48.520 ask them like, if I ever do something odd, please 0:27:48.640 --> 0:27:51.560 just fill me in because I'm still learning, but also 0:27:51.840 --> 0:27:55.119 it gives me a reason why I sometimes ask, like, 0:27:55.960 --> 0:27:58.960 I'm not currently sure about your emotion, can you explain 0:27:59.000 --> 0:27:59.359 it to me? 0:28:00.320 --> 0:28:03.360 If I hadn't explained how autistic, would be like what why? 0:28:03.520 --> 0:28:06.399 Where's that coming from? Where I've already explained I'm autistic, 0:28:06.520 --> 0:28:09.600 I don't understand it all one hundred percent me asking 0:28:09.640 --> 0:28:13.560 for explanations is kind of normal, natural, neutral. 0:28:13.440 --> 0:28:16.560 And do you find that having that conversation upfront allows 0:28:16.600 --> 0:28:18.480 for a greater level of empathy from the person that 0:28:18.480 --> 0:28:20.520 you're talking to. Do you find that like most people 0:28:20.560 --> 0:28:23.800 receive that information in a way that's really helpful to 0:28:23.920 --> 0:28:27.240 you being able to better have these conversations and better engage. 0:28:27.320 --> 0:28:33.360 Absolutely, if they're negative about it, I will kind of 0:28:33.720 --> 0:28:35.960 feel like, Okay, this is not going to be a 0:28:36.000 --> 0:28:38.920 situation that I'm going to continue. But ninety eight percent 0:28:38.920 --> 0:28:40.920 of the time people are like, oh, okay, cool. If 0:28:40.920 --> 0:28:42.920 I have questions going to ask, and I'm like, that's great. 0:28:42.960 --> 0:28:47.120 I can educate more people and continue furthering our awareness. 0:28:47.640 --> 0:28:49.240 Well, I guess that's why we wanted a big reason 0:28:49.280 --> 0:28:51.800 why we wanted you on the podcast is because I 0:28:51.920 --> 0:28:54.800 just think there is a lot of miseducation out there, 0:28:54.840 --> 0:28:57.120 and like you said earlier, when you were diagnosed as 0:28:57.160 --> 0:28:59.320 a child, and I think there was always this really 0:28:59.320 --> 0:29:02.800 negative kind of to someone with autism or someone on 0:29:02.840 --> 0:29:04.920 the spectrum because no one knew about it. So everyone 0:29:04.960 --> 0:29:07.000 was like, oh, they're on the spectrum, like they're so 0:29:07.240 --> 0:29:09.520 different and I can't relate to them, and I can 0:29:09.520 --> 0:29:11.120 never be friends with them, I can never have a 0:29:11.160 --> 0:29:14.040 relationship with them, which is so far from the truth. 0:29:14.080 --> 0:29:15.680 And I have people in my life that are on 0:29:15.720 --> 0:29:19.960 the spectrum. Everyone receives these characteristics differently on the spectrum. 0:29:19.960 --> 0:29:24.320 But I know my friend is very stimulated by sounds 0:29:24.360 --> 0:29:27.920 and light, and she has told me that that is, 0:29:28.280 --> 0:29:30.840 you know, something that is particular to most people on 0:29:30.840 --> 0:29:32.600 the spectrum at different levels. But if she'll look into 0:29:32.640 --> 0:29:34.800 the light, she's too sensitive. She can't see for the 0:29:34.840 --> 0:29:38.960 next two minutes if she hears a baby crying, where 0:29:39.000 --> 0:29:41.200 we all are annoyed by a baby screaming in that 0:29:41.280 --> 0:29:43.480 ear but she will get off a plane or she 0:29:43.480 --> 0:29:45.600 will have to leave a cafe because it does something 0:29:45.640 --> 0:29:47.959 to her that it doesn't do to other people. Can 0:29:48.000 --> 0:29:48.680 you explain that. 0:29:49.000 --> 0:29:53.400 So hypersensory is a kind of side effect of I 0:29:53.400 --> 0:29:57.880 guess most autistic spectrum disorders. I myself have light, sound, 0:29:57.880 --> 0:30:01.800 and touch. Imagine you're driving at night with a foggy windscreen. 0:30:02.040 --> 0:30:05.480 The kind of the light kind of stars out like blurs. 0:30:05.960 --> 0:30:08.440 That's how light is to me all the time. So 0:30:08.600 --> 0:30:11.680 driving at night, I have to wear driving glasses. Otherwise 0:30:11.720 --> 0:30:15.080 the light is just blinding and I cannot physically see 0:30:15.360 --> 0:30:17.840 past headlights. So the sun is like that too, Yes, 0:30:17.960 --> 0:30:21.120 very much. I pretty much go nowhere without sunglasses. I 0:30:21.520 --> 0:30:23.920 in like university or in Hi high school, would wear 0:30:24.000 --> 0:30:27.760 sunglasses in hallways, only take them off in classrooms when 0:30:27.760 --> 0:30:30.360 I had additional needs for exams, I were to be 0:30:30.400 --> 0:30:32.240 in a room that was lit by natural light, not 0:30:32.360 --> 0:30:35.320 fluorescent light. When you have fluorescent lights and they've started 0:30:35.320 --> 0:30:36.560 to break down and you can see them. 0:30:36.480 --> 0:30:40.240 Blink, we see that much earlier. With sound. It's very similar. 0:30:40.400 --> 0:30:42.080 Like I did a small. 0:30:41.880 --> 0:30:44.720 Discussion of this on the show about the dog barking, 0:30:44.760 --> 0:30:46.520 and there was a very long discussion that they cut 0:30:46.520 --> 0:30:48.920 out most of it. But our brains get kind of 0:30:49.040 --> 0:30:53.760 stuck on the irritation and it becomes like a loop. 0:30:53.640 --> 0:30:55.960 In our head. We can't get it out. Have you 0:30:55.960 --> 0:30:58.040 ever had a song stuck in your head and it's 0:30:58.080 --> 0:30:59.520 like to. 0:30:59.560 --> 0:31:04.440 Do and it's like just that short bit and you 0:31:04.480 --> 0:31:06.080 don't know the rest of the song, but that one 0:31:06.120 --> 0:31:07.280 little bit keeps looping. 0:31:07.600 --> 0:31:08.320 I guess as well. 0:31:08.360 --> 0:31:10.680 Like the way that I'm interpreting this is if there 0:31:10.800 --> 0:31:12.920 was some sort of distracting noise that was happening, like 0:31:12.920 --> 0:31:15.720 someone clicking a pen or you know, my kid crying 0:31:15.720 --> 0:31:18.080 in the room next door, that for me, I might 0:31:18.120 --> 0:31:19.760 be able to dull that down, and I might be 0:31:19.840 --> 0:31:21.920 to dial it back and pay attention to whatever's happening 0:31:21.920 --> 0:31:23.040 in front of me, where for. 0:31:23.120 --> 0:31:26.360 Us it's amplified. Our brains link onto it and stick 0:31:26.400 --> 0:31:29.000 on to it, and we can't not pay attention to it. 0:31:29.280 --> 0:31:31.560 What do you think is some of the most prolific 0:31:31.680 --> 0:31:34.720 misconceptions that surround autism. 0:31:34.440 --> 0:31:37.520 Probably when we most people call it a meltdown, but 0:31:37.560 --> 0:31:40.120 when we break down because we can no longer mask 0:31:40.720 --> 0:31:45.560 Masking is where we consciously change our behavior to hide 0:31:45.640 --> 0:31:49.360 our autistic traits or non neurotypical traits. 0:31:49.360 --> 0:31:52.040 So sort of before when you explained that it's exhausting 0:31:52.040 --> 0:31:55.560 for you because you're constantly trying to not be your 0:31:55.560 --> 0:31:58.240 authentic self, that's masking where you're like, I'm just trying 0:31:58.280 --> 0:32:00.640 to fit in with you guys. Look don't have a tick. 0:32:00.960 --> 0:32:04.560 So when I'm extremely stressed, I might stim which is 0:32:04.880 --> 0:32:08.280 for me playing with my fingers, which usually I can 0:32:08.280 --> 0:32:10.040 do in my pocket. So that's a bit of masking. 0:32:10.360 --> 0:32:11.400 But it could also. 0:32:11.200 --> 0:32:15.640 Be like some people have echololia where they repeat sounds 0:32:15.680 --> 0:32:19.840 that they've heard, so baby Shark and the doo doo doos, 0:32:20.000 --> 0:32:22.760 and you'll have one autistic child just doing the doo 0:32:22.800 --> 0:32:25.040 do dooos for the rest of the day. It's an 0:32:25.120 --> 0:32:29.040 ecololic habit where for masking we realize we're doing it, 0:32:29.120 --> 0:32:32.680 we have to physically stop ourselves from doing it. Sometimes 0:32:32.720 --> 0:32:34.880 we do it where we can't be seen, Like if 0:32:34.880 --> 0:32:36.560 I was doing it right now, I'd be doing the 0:32:36.560 --> 0:32:38.360 doot dooos inside my mouth without noise. 0:32:38.560 --> 0:32:42.280 A big misconception that I know of in the autism 0:32:42.320 --> 0:32:45.400 world is that and I hear it all the time, 0:32:45.440 --> 0:32:47.000 and we put just so you know, we put some 0:32:47.080 --> 0:32:50.760 questions out on our Instagram page, the podcast Instagram page. 0:32:50.800 --> 0:32:52.880 We had so many people with questions which we will 0:32:52.880 --> 0:32:54.920 never get through them all, but one of the ones 0:32:54.960 --> 0:32:58.400 that sort of just kept popping up recurrently was And 0:32:58.600 --> 0:32:59.880 I hate to even say it, but I'm just going 0:32:59.920 --> 0:33:03.200 to say it. Do people on the spectrum feel anything? 0:33:03.360 --> 0:33:05.720 Do they have emotions? And like, I mean, I know 0:33:05.880 --> 0:33:07.920 this answer, but it's a common misconception. 0:33:08.200 --> 0:33:09.920 I don't think it was just feel anything. I think 0:33:09.920 --> 0:33:11.880 the big one was feel empathy. I think that was 0:33:11.960 --> 0:33:12.600 the real one. 0:33:12.720 --> 0:33:15.040 That is a conversation I've had so many times. We 0:33:15.080 --> 0:33:17.560 do have empathy in a way. So if you fall 0:33:17.600 --> 0:33:19.640 over skin your knee, we are the first person there 0:33:19.680 --> 0:33:22.200 with band aids to check on you, dry your tears. 0:33:22.440 --> 0:33:24.920 We have that type of empathy. The empathy we usually 0:33:25.120 --> 0:33:27.120 like is when we're playing a game, it's my way 0:33:27.200 --> 0:33:30.000 or the highway. Do it my way or go away. 0:33:30.360 --> 0:33:32.960 That's the empathy we kind of lack. When it's a 0:33:33.040 --> 0:33:35.720 set thing that we know has to be done one way, 0:33:36.320 --> 0:33:37.040 that is it. 0:33:37.040 --> 0:33:38.440 It is stuck on that one way. 0:33:38.480 --> 0:33:41.600 You cannot change it easily regardless of whether someone feels 0:33:41.600 --> 0:33:43.720 because you know, I guess like even if there is 0:33:43.840 --> 0:33:46.600 one specific way of doing something or the right way 0:33:46.640 --> 0:33:49.200 of doing something, if it means that it hurts someone's feelings, 0:33:49.200 --> 0:33:50.600 we might sometimes bend. 0:33:50.360 --> 0:33:52.640 The rules to cater for that. Person's feelings. 0:33:52.760 --> 0:33:55.840 Thats quite often we are so we being the autistic 0:33:55.840 --> 0:34:00.440 people are so bound by our mental rules and structures 0:34:00.560 --> 0:34:04.320 that that's the empathy we lack. So I can love 0:34:04.560 --> 0:34:05.400 like anybody else. 0:34:05.640 --> 0:34:07.360 That was a big one. Can they love and why? 0:34:07.440 --> 0:34:07.720 Of course? 0:34:07.760 --> 0:34:09.799 Like, absolutely, we can love, but we love in our 0:34:09.840 --> 0:34:12.720 own way. Quite a few of us are touched sensitive. 0:34:12.760 --> 0:34:16.319 We don't like being physically touched. Funny story in year seven, 0:34:16.400 --> 0:34:18.680 my friend hugged me every day of the year until 0:34:18.719 --> 0:34:22.399 I stopped being touched sensitive to our group. So now 0:34:22.440 --> 0:34:25.280 with our group, I'm comfortable being touched, which is great, 0:34:25.520 --> 0:34:28.160 but quite a few people on the spectrum are like, no, 0:34:28.239 --> 0:34:30.360 don't touch me. I love her so much for it 0:34:30.440 --> 0:34:33.440 because it showed me that the fear I was having 0:34:33.520 --> 0:34:35.960 of this person touched me was for me irrational. 0:34:36.040 --> 0:34:37.680 And also you know that she's someone who you're in 0:34:37.719 --> 0:34:39.480 a safe space with it. It wasn't just like a 0:34:39.520 --> 0:34:42.040 stranger making you hug them, Like I know that someone 0:34:42.120 --> 0:34:43.319 will listen to this and be like. 0:34:43.239 --> 0:34:46.000 You should never be forced to hug someone. She was 0:34:46.160 --> 0:34:46.680 very aware. 0:34:46.719 --> 0:34:49.560 I was touch starved as well, right because the only 0:34:49.560 --> 0:34:52.880 people I would touch on my family, So I feel 0:34:53.239 --> 0:34:55.840 everything you guys do like I will feel fear, I 0:34:55.880 --> 0:34:59.680 will feel pain, I will feel grief, like Heaven knows, 0:34:59.719 --> 0:35:04.560 I've degree with my time. It's our expression is completely different. 0:35:04.760 --> 0:35:06.840 We do feel it, we don't convey it in the 0:35:06.880 --> 0:35:07.359 same way. 0:35:07.560 --> 0:35:09.680 Dated a long time ago, I dated someone for a 0:35:09.719 --> 0:35:12.600 while that was on the spectrum, and it was like 0:35:12.640 --> 0:35:15.480 it was a beautiful relationship, but I always felt like 0:35:15.920 --> 0:35:18.600 he wasn't interested in me, or he didn't love me, 0:35:18.760 --> 0:35:21.479 or he didn't care about my feelings all the time, 0:35:21.520 --> 0:35:24.080 and it was a constant battle, and he would always 0:35:24.080 --> 0:35:26.719 be like, you know, I love you, Like, how could 0:35:26.760 --> 0:35:28.880 you possibly not know that? I'm like, well, because you 0:35:28.920 --> 0:35:30.399 don't do anything to show me. 0:35:30.760 --> 0:35:33.640 This crops up in my social circles as well. Love 0:35:33.719 --> 0:35:38.400 languages and the language of autism. It's like if you 0:35:38.480 --> 0:35:41.400 were sitting here in Australia and you decided to teleport 0:35:41.480 --> 0:35:45.480 to Japan into a rural area they don't speak English. 0:35:45.719 --> 0:35:48.080 You're not going to complain that they don't speak English. 0:35:48.239 --> 0:35:50.480 You're gonna be like, oh, I have to learn their language. 0:35:50.840 --> 0:35:53.319 It's the same you need to learn the language of 0:35:53.360 --> 0:35:56.560 the person in front of you. So over time, I've 0:35:56.640 --> 0:36:00.239 learned the language of neurotypicals. Also, like love languages, like 0:36:00.680 --> 0:36:04.400 your love language might be shows of affection physical affection, 0:36:04.960 --> 0:36:08.359 where theirs might be acts of service. So they might 0:36:08.400 --> 0:36:11.120 have made you tea or coffee in the mornings, They might. 0:36:10.960 --> 0:36:11.800 Have made the bed. 0:36:12.000 --> 0:36:14.680 They might have remembered you said you wanted to get 0:36:14.719 --> 0:36:16.600 something and they get it on their next shopping trip, 0:36:16.760 --> 0:36:19.880 things like that. So understanding their love language and their 0:36:19.920 --> 0:36:22.680 autistic language bridges that gap. 0:36:22.880 --> 0:36:25.279 When you talk about love languages for people who sit 0:36:25.400 --> 0:36:29.680 on the autism specing disorder, do they still perceive the 0:36:29.760 --> 0:36:32.040 same love languages that we perceive. Could you sit down 0:36:32.040 --> 0:36:34.000 with someone and be like, here, do this love languages 0:36:34.000 --> 0:36:35.719 test and would that give you a better idea of 0:36:35.760 --> 0:36:37.200 the things that they like or don't like. 0:36:37.360 --> 0:36:41.120 I personally think yes, okay, because you will find probably 0:36:41.239 --> 0:36:42.600 ninety percent or something. 0:36:43.200 --> 0:36:46.160 Do not have physical touch as a love language? 0:36:46.360 --> 0:36:46.560 Zero? 0:36:46.760 --> 0:36:49.080 So our one was yeah, he was really great with 0:36:49.120 --> 0:36:50.960 physical touch. That was not the problem. It was like 0:36:51.000 --> 0:36:53.200 conveying anything in his brain that was the problem. 0:36:53.280 --> 0:36:56.160 So that would be a communication. So words of affirmation, Yes, 0:36:56.160 --> 0:36:57.560 because we did the love languages test. 0:36:58.200 --> 0:37:00.279 There you go, and I guess maybe even as well 0:37:00.320 --> 0:37:02.640 if you're sitting down and doing that love language just 0:37:02.680 --> 0:37:04.920 test with somebody who is on the spectrum. I know 0:37:05.000 --> 0:37:06.799 as well, like when we did a whole episode on it, 0:37:07.000 --> 0:37:08.680 and the thing I found really interesting is that you 0:37:08.719 --> 0:37:11.440 sit as a percentage, like you're not one hundred percent 0:37:11.480 --> 0:37:13.880 one zero percent of something else. Very rarely is that 0:37:13.960 --> 0:37:16.520 the case, Whereas I feel like somebody who maybe is 0:37:16.520 --> 0:37:19.279 on the spectrum could be zero percent touch or could 0:37:19.320 --> 0:37:21.560 be zero percent gifts or whatever it is. There may 0:37:21.600 --> 0:37:24.800 be a difference between what somebody perceives is this is 0:37:24.840 --> 0:37:26.560 my love language and how they show it. 0:37:26.719 --> 0:37:30.520 Absolutely, learning the love language or the autistic language of 0:37:30.560 --> 0:37:32.799 the person it extremely helps with it. 0:37:32.920 --> 0:37:34.279 We did have a lot of people write in that 0:37:34.320 --> 0:37:36.320 their partners are on the spectrum and they sort of 0:37:36.360 --> 0:37:38.239 wanted to know what can they do better as a 0:37:38.280 --> 0:37:42.520 neurotypical partner? What advice do you have for someone like that? 0:37:42.640 --> 0:37:44.439 And I guess, like before we get into the show, 0:37:44.600 --> 0:37:46.359 briefest on your dating history as well. 0:37:46.560 --> 0:37:50.160 Okay, so I am a person who doesn't like to 0:37:50.239 --> 0:37:54.960 be constantly masking obviously, so I don't like having to 0:37:55.000 --> 0:37:58.040 talk to someone that I've only just started dating every 0:37:58.040 --> 0:38:00.640 hour of every day. The thing I hate most is 0:38:00.640 --> 0:38:02.399 when they send me a good morning and a good 0:38:02.480 --> 0:38:03.279 night message. 0:38:03.640 --> 0:38:05.400 Most of us are like, why haven't you messaged me 0:38:05.440 --> 0:38:06.000 good morning yet? 0:38:06.160 --> 0:38:09.520 Exactly so, I'm the complete opposite. So the best thing 0:38:09.520 --> 0:38:11.600 to do with an autistic partner or a partner on 0:38:11.640 --> 0:38:14.799 the spectrum in any capacity is to sit down with 0:38:14.880 --> 0:38:16.640 them and communicate. 0:38:17.080 --> 0:38:19.799 I show my affection by doing this. How does that 0:38:19.840 --> 0:38:23.680 make you feel? So? I show affection by making a 0:38:23.680 --> 0:38:24.480 cup of coffee. 0:38:25.000 --> 0:38:28.640 I like hearing you look good today. I don't like 0:38:28.760 --> 0:38:31.560 hearing I missed you. I don't know why, but it 0:38:31.640 --> 0:38:34.799 just makes me feel uncomfortable discussing things like that. 0:38:34.880 --> 0:38:35.719 This is how I. 0:38:35.680 --> 0:38:38.560 Show my affection. How does that make you feel? What 0:38:38.600 --> 0:38:40.040 can I do to change it? If it makes you 0:38:40.080 --> 0:38:41.920 feel uncomfortable? And I guess that's the only thing you 0:38:41.920 --> 0:38:44.759 can do. And we preach that in every relationship is communication. 0:38:45.000 --> 0:38:47.239 You can't. I mean, we all know that the word 0:38:47.280 --> 0:38:49.000 assumption is making an ass out of you and me. 0:38:49.520 --> 0:38:51.319 You're not going to know unless you sit down and ask. 0:38:51.440 --> 0:38:53.480 And that could be a family member, that could be 0:38:53.520 --> 0:38:54.680 your romantic partner, that. 0:38:54.640 --> 0:38:56.800 Could be anyone in your life. Talk to me about 0:38:56.840 --> 0:38:59.319 love on the spectrum. What was that experience like, because 0:38:59.520 --> 0:39:02.000 I think from our experience on the Bachelor there were 0:39:02.040 --> 0:39:04.680 some really stressful pinch points with producers and actually with 0:39:04.719 --> 0:39:07.520 the whole environment. How did you find the environment of 0:39:07.560 --> 0:39:09.920 shooting or how did you find it going on dates 0:39:09.960 --> 0:39:11.240 and having cameras in your face? 0:39:11.560 --> 0:39:14.799 So it was excellent. I'm really surprised to say it 0:39:14.840 --> 0:39:17.480 was absolutely excellent. I love that it gave us a 0:39:17.600 --> 0:39:19.879 liaison I had Alex. I still love her. 0:39:19.920 --> 0:39:20.399 She's great. 0:39:20.719 --> 0:39:22.640 And they would take care of us. They had two 0:39:22.760 --> 0:39:24.279 or three people to take care of and that's it. 0:39:24.440 --> 0:39:27.080 They wouldn't help the other groups. And when it came 0:39:27.120 --> 0:39:28.960 to dates, she was like, are you going to be 0:39:29.000 --> 0:39:32.399 stressed driving in? Yes, I will drive you for free. 0:39:32.840 --> 0:39:33.480 I will drive you. 0:39:33.560 --> 0:39:35.040 That would there to make you comfortable. 0:39:35.200 --> 0:39:37.799 We'd be at the date and they would constantly like 0:39:37.880 --> 0:39:39.440 walk past and check in, are you okay? 0:39:39.480 --> 0:39:40.480 Do you need anything? 0:39:40.760 --> 0:39:43.120 And it wasn't like condescending either. 0:39:43.160 --> 0:39:45.640 It was you look a little stress? Can I help? 0:39:46.320 --> 0:39:48.600 Oh it's a bit too cold, I'll change the air conditioning. 0:39:49.000 --> 0:39:52.480 It was very very welcoming. Our interview are keen? And 0:39:52.640 --> 0:39:55.640 he would ask the question and then later on be 0:39:55.760 --> 0:39:58.400 like you didn't seem comfortable answering that one do you 0:39:58.440 --> 0:40:00.080 want us to take it out? We won't err it 0:40:00.640 --> 0:40:04.160 And they were always very accommodating of anything and everything 0:40:04.160 --> 0:40:04.640 you needed. 0:40:04.840 --> 0:40:07.680 This is the most special reality TV show. I have 0:40:07.880 --> 0:40:10.360 never heard anybody speak of their experience on a reality 0:40:10.400 --> 0:40:13.279 TV show with such like wonderful accolades. 0:40:13.400 --> 0:40:14.520 But it's so great to hear that. 0:40:14.880 --> 0:40:17.040 On my first date, when I had the panic attack 0:40:17.120 --> 0:40:20.560 on the episode one, I myself had to say can 0:40:20.600 --> 0:40:23.200 I have a break? But Kingan was like ready to 0:40:23.320 --> 0:40:24.479 ask do you need a break? 0:40:24.520 --> 0:40:25.040 And he was like. 0:40:25.280 --> 0:40:27.560 Okay, I was about to ask do you need to 0:40:27.560 --> 0:40:28.040 go outside? 0:40:28.120 --> 0:40:29.960 So did you have that panic attack? If you guys 0:40:30.000 --> 0:40:32.360 haven't seen it, this is season two and Cassandra was 0:40:32.360 --> 0:40:33.880 on a date and was just very uncomfortable and had 0:40:33.920 --> 0:40:36.360 to leave. Did you have the panic attack? What was 0:40:36.400 --> 0:40:38.160 that due to? Was that due to being on a 0:40:38.239 --> 0:40:40.000 date with someone you didn't know? Was it due to 0:40:40.280 --> 0:40:43.800 the pressures of camera? People that because you know everyone's around. 0:40:43.520 --> 0:40:47.440 So it's a mixture. His anxiety was obvious to me 0:40:47.480 --> 0:40:49.480 when my body was feeding on it. I was becoming 0:40:49.520 --> 0:40:52.080 more anxious because he was anxious. It was a part 0:40:52.080 --> 0:40:54.239 of the city I didn't know, so getting there made 0:40:54.280 --> 0:40:57.319 me anxious, and my social life at the time was 0:40:57.840 --> 0:41:00.960 not one hundred percent. COVID was happening, things were happening 0:41:00.960 --> 0:41:03.239 at the studio that was making me stressed. I had 0:41:03.400 --> 0:41:05.799 other things that I was thinking about, and it had 0:41:05.800 --> 0:41:09.440 been a very very long week. I just I shouldn't 0:41:09.480 --> 0:41:11.399 have gone on the date in the first place, because 0:41:11.400 --> 0:41:15.640 I was mentally not available. If I had a day 0:41:15.680 --> 0:41:19.640 to rest myself and be like, I'm okay, I'm safe, 0:41:19.760 --> 0:41:22.720 I have time, I would have been fine. I probably 0:41:22.719 --> 0:41:24.000 would have made it to the end of that date. 0:41:24.080 --> 0:41:26.879 But because I'd rush from one thing to the next thing, 0:41:26.920 --> 0:41:29.360 to the next thing to this date, it was just 0:41:29.560 --> 0:41:33.600 too much. It's like a thermometer. So for everybody else, 0:41:33.760 --> 0:41:36.560 the temperature of their stress increases that night they go 0:41:36.600 --> 0:41:37.640 to sleep at decreases. 0:41:38.120 --> 0:41:39.360 For us, it doesn't. 0:41:39.480 --> 0:41:41.400 It kind of sits where it was, and then the 0:41:41.400 --> 0:41:43.239 next day it builds up more. The next day it 0:41:43.239 --> 0:41:45.200 builds up more until you just pop the top off 0:41:45.200 --> 0:41:48.680 and you have your breakdown because you just haven't been 0:41:48.719 --> 0:41:51.120 able to bring yourself back down. 0:41:51.719 --> 0:41:53.680 Like did you meet anyone on the show, or did 0:41:53.680 --> 0:41:56.200 you meet anyone in that experience, who'll you were like, Yes, 0:41:56.239 --> 0:41:57.760 I can have a connection with this person. 0:41:58.320 --> 0:42:00.880 The second date with Sam, I went on a second 0:42:00.920 --> 0:42:03.600 date with him off the show. We went to the aquarium, 0:42:03.800 --> 0:42:07.239 which was lovely, but we've decided to remain friends since then. 0:42:07.280 --> 0:42:09.479 I've spoken to quite a few people that have seen 0:42:09.520 --> 0:42:11.760 me on the show and they're like, you're so amazing, 0:42:11.840 --> 0:42:13.960 But I'm kind of keeping to myself. 0:42:14.080 --> 0:42:15.800 Did you get anyone slide into DMS? 0:42:15.880 --> 0:42:16.000 Oh? 0:42:16.239 --> 0:42:16.680 So many. 0:42:19.200 --> 0:42:22.000 My favorite ones are like the moms who are like, 0:42:22.040 --> 0:42:23.239 my son saw you on TV. 0:42:23.360 --> 0:42:25.240 He's so excited. My daughter saw you on TV. 0:42:25.600 --> 0:42:28.760 I just got goose bumps. Could we like Matchmaker's amazing? 0:42:28.760 --> 0:42:31.480 Because this is this representation that people don't see. You know, 0:42:31.680 --> 0:42:32.799 it's so incredible. 0:42:33.120 --> 0:42:35.919 Love on the Spectrum is not for autistic people. It's 0:42:36.000 --> 0:42:39.000 for neurotypical people. We know what it's like to live 0:42:39.120 --> 0:42:41.080 on the spectrum. We know what it's like to try 0:42:41.120 --> 0:42:43.520 to date. We don't need a TV show to tell 0:42:43.600 --> 0:42:45.360 us how we feel, how we. 0:42:45.600 --> 0:42:46.560 Know things are. 0:42:47.200 --> 0:42:50.439 This show is for everybody else to inform you guys. 0:42:50.480 --> 0:42:53.640 It's an education program, so you guys see our world 0:42:53.680 --> 0:42:56.400 at least a glimpse of it, and there are so 0:42:56.480 --> 0:42:58.600 many variations on the spectrum. We're not going to show 0:42:58.719 --> 0:43:01.719 everybody's form of autism, which is unfortunate. 0:43:01.719 --> 0:43:02.359 I wish we could. 0:43:02.640 --> 0:43:06.520 So yes, there are people like saying, that's not how 0:43:06.640 --> 0:43:10.080 I experience autism. That is fine because you already know 0:43:10.160 --> 0:43:11.120 how you experience it. 0:43:11.000 --> 0:43:12.120 It's for everybody else. 0:43:12.200 --> 0:43:14.560 And I love that so much because it really is 0:43:14.719 --> 0:43:16.920 so eye opening it I guess I want to ask you, 0:43:17.520 --> 0:43:21.000 do you think it was a really good representation of autism. 0:43:21.200 --> 0:43:24.359 I was extremely happy with how they represented me and 0:43:24.520 --> 0:43:26.520 the people I got to meet on the show. My 0:43:26.680 --> 0:43:30.200 autism is different to Michael's, mine is different to Tao. 0:43:30.680 --> 0:43:34.000 The way they represent us is individualized. 0:43:34.640 --> 0:43:36.080 They yet to know us. 0:43:35.920 --> 0:43:39.839 They learn how we see and feel the world, and 0:43:39.880 --> 0:43:42.800 then they use the best parts of what they've recorded 0:43:42.800 --> 0:43:44.319 to represent us individually. 0:43:44.480 --> 0:43:46.640 And they do have I mean, like we see people 0:43:46.680 --> 0:43:48.719 everybody fell in love with Michael. We see people that 0:43:49.160 --> 0:43:51.279 you know, they're high functioning, they're low functioning, their mild, 0:43:51.320 --> 0:43:53.239 they're severe, And there really is the whole range. There 0:43:53.239 --> 0:43:56.640 are people, there are couples that are dating. One gets engaged. 0:43:56.760 --> 0:43:58.839 Not going to spoil it in case anyone well, oh, 0:43:58.840 --> 0:44:00.959 my god, that engagement I was I was so happy. 0:44:01.000 --> 0:44:03.000 It was the best thing I've ever saying. 0:44:03.120 --> 0:44:05.759 I found out about it maybe a week before it 0:44:05.800 --> 0:44:06.400 went to air. 0:44:06.560 --> 0:44:07.600 There's another secret. 0:44:07.600 --> 0:44:09.120 I have to keep a lot of other people on 0:44:09.160 --> 0:44:10.719 the show, a lot of the other contestants. I'm just 0:44:10.760 --> 0:44:12.640 gonna use Micael as an example because I have that 0:44:12.719 --> 0:44:14.480 in my head now I can see him saying it. 0:44:14.840 --> 0:44:16.720 A lot of them say they prefer to date people 0:44:16.719 --> 0:44:18.399 on the spectrum. It's not the Bill and end all, 0:44:18.480 --> 0:44:20.719 But when asked an interview, they're like, yeah, I would 0:44:20.719 --> 0:44:22.480 prefer to date someone on the spectrum. How do you 0:44:22.520 --> 0:44:24.560 feel about that? And does that make it easier for you? 0:44:24.880 --> 0:44:29.200 So it is again person to person different. I've dated 0:44:29.280 --> 0:44:32.920 both sides, and there is always going to be something 0:44:32.960 --> 0:44:35.759 that happens that's going to make something difficult. If it's 0:44:35.760 --> 0:44:39.160 another autistic person, their traits might conflict with mine. When 0:44:39.200 --> 0:44:42.640 I have a meltdown, I retreat. Some people will have 0:44:42.680 --> 0:44:45.840 a meltdown and they will explode. That might be a 0:44:45.880 --> 0:44:48.480 part of the relationship that doesn't work, where with a 0:44:48.560 --> 0:44:51.920 neurotypical it could be they've learned how to deal with 0:44:51.960 --> 0:44:55.080 it over time and they're not used to me, just 0:44:55.680 --> 0:44:59.399 suddenly being out of the picture. I'm happy to date 0:44:59.520 --> 0:45:03.440 either I'm not. I guess picky. I say that, but 0:45:03.680 --> 0:45:08.080 I'm very picky. To me, it's neither here nor there. 0:45:08.120 --> 0:45:12.280 If they're on the spectrum, it's how our personalities interact. 0:45:12.480 --> 0:45:14.720 Where a lot of people on the spectrum they only 0:45:15.000 --> 0:45:18.880 really know how to, I guess connect on a different 0:45:18.960 --> 0:45:21.560 level to people also on the spectrum because they can 0:45:21.840 --> 0:45:22.919 share experiences. 0:45:23.400 --> 0:45:25.200 What did you learn from the show? Like, are you 0:45:25.280 --> 0:45:26.960 happy that you did it? What you took from it? 0:45:27.040 --> 0:45:30.080 And what if you can leave our audience with something 0:45:30.080 --> 0:45:32.759 that you wish people knew or could understand better. What 0:45:33.040 --> 0:45:34.320 is your message to then? What do you want to 0:45:34.320 --> 0:45:34.759 say to them? 0:45:34.800 --> 0:45:37.120 I guess. Okay, So before I went on the show, 0:45:37.280 --> 0:45:40.920 I was almost self assured that there was something wrong 0:45:41.280 --> 0:45:44.240 with how I was dating. There had to be something 0:45:44.280 --> 0:45:46.600 I was doing wrong. There was something that I was 0:45:46.640 --> 0:45:50.120 doing that was stopping me from getting the one forever. 0:45:50.640 --> 0:45:53.359 After being on the show, it was good to see 0:45:53.400 --> 0:45:56.480 that no, I'm doing it right and there's nothing wrong. 0:45:56.560 --> 0:45:58.000 It's just dating is hard. 0:45:58.080 --> 0:46:00.840 You just haven't met yourself dating. So that's literally the 0:46:00.880 --> 0:46:02.919 crux of this entire podcast, and we say it every 0:46:02.960 --> 0:46:03.439 single week. 0:46:03.600 --> 0:46:04.320 Dating is hard. 0:46:04.719 --> 0:46:07.359 And I guess what I want to leave people with 0:46:07.680 --> 0:46:11.279 is you cannot trust your own brain. Your brain will 0:46:11.280 --> 0:46:14.319 tell you you're failing. Your brain will tell you there's 0:46:14.320 --> 0:46:17.200 something wrong with you. There's the brain will tell you that. 0:46:18.160 --> 0:46:20.719 My one likes to tell me I'm a freak. And 0:46:20.800 --> 0:46:22.640 back when I was a child, that was a word 0:46:22.680 --> 0:46:25.080 you didn't use, because you can't call my daughter a freak, 0:46:25.080 --> 0:46:27.759 she's autistic. These days, I revel in it like I 0:46:27.800 --> 0:46:31.239 am weird, I am a freak, I am unusual, and 0:46:31.280 --> 0:46:33.520 that is the best thing about me. What I want 0:46:33.560 --> 0:46:36.759 to leave people with is you cannot trust that part 0:46:36.800 --> 0:46:39.799 of your brain that tells you there's something wrong with you, 0:46:40.080 --> 0:46:44.280 because you are perfect the way you are twenty four trillion. 0:46:45.520 --> 0:46:48.160 You are one in twenty four trillion chants of existing. 0:46:48.719 --> 0:46:51.279 Actually right, that is us out. 0:46:51.520 --> 0:46:54.400 There's never been anything more profound said on this entire podcast. 0:46:54.440 --> 0:46:57.279 And like it's my favorite quote to say is out 0:46:57.280 --> 0:47:00.239 of twenty four trillion possibilities, you exist the way you 0:47:00.320 --> 0:47:01.160 exist now. 0:47:01.320 --> 0:47:03.040 And one thing that we always say, and I think 0:47:03.080 --> 0:47:06.520 that this is like just to flow on from your statement, 0:47:06.680 --> 0:47:10.520 is that thoughts are not facts, just because you think 0:47:10.560 --> 0:47:13.200 something and they're fluid, you know, like you might think 0:47:13.239 --> 0:47:16.359 something or feel something one day and that may not 0:47:16.400 --> 0:47:19.160 be a very positive thought or feeling, but those things 0:47:19.160 --> 0:47:21.879 are dynamic and they change, and in six months time 0:47:21.960 --> 0:47:23.600 or a year's time or a day's time, you may 0:47:23.600 --> 0:47:27.040 feel very, very differently about the same situation. Cassandra, thank 0:47:27.080 --> 0:47:29.040 you so much for coming on the podcast and for 0:47:29.160 --> 0:47:30.120 being a part of this. 0:47:30.360 --> 0:47:32.799 It's been such a I just like a fan girl. 0:47:33.280 --> 0:47:35.600 And it really is. It's a conversation we really want 0:47:35.640 --> 0:47:38.880 to work towards destigmatizing a whole variety of conversations on 0:47:38.920 --> 0:47:41.680 this podcast. And being able to talk to you and 0:47:41.800 --> 0:47:44.640 hear it from your own lived experience is something really 0:47:44.640 --> 0:47:47.720 truly special for us. Thank you so much, Cassandra. Whereas 0:47:47.880 --> 0:47:48.680 you've been the best. 0:47:48.880 --> 0:47:49.359 Thank you. 0:47:49.480 --> 0:47:50.640 It's been great being on here. 0:47:52.719 --> 0:47:55.160 So we spoke to Cassandra earlier on and now we're 0:47:55.160 --> 0:47:58.239 going to speak to Jody Rogers now. Jody is a 0:47:58.360 --> 0:48:01.799 specialist on love on the show Spectrum Now. Jody is 0:48:01.880 --> 0:48:04.680 on this show so that she can help the participants 0:48:05.080 --> 0:48:08.880 with the little things with dating, with relationships, and with 0:48:09.080 --> 0:48:12.440 social skills. Jody has a degree in sexual health and 0:48:12.480 --> 0:48:17.240 she possesses extensive experience working with people with disabilities. So Jody, 0:48:17.560 --> 0:48:18.480 welcome to life. 0:48:18.400 --> 0:48:20.520 Uncut Ah, thanks for having me. 0:48:20.600 --> 0:48:22.960 We are so excited to talk to you. So just 0:48:23.000 --> 0:48:25.160 so you know, we did speak to Cassandra earlier on 0:48:25.200 --> 0:48:27.680 and you guys will be sharing the episode, which is 0:48:27.760 --> 0:48:30.279 really great because we did want to have I guess 0:48:30.320 --> 0:48:33.440 two perspectives. We wanted to speak to somebody that is 0:48:33.480 --> 0:48:37.719 experiencing ASD that can tell us firsthand what that's like, 0:48:37.840 --> 0:48:39.319 what it was like to be on the show. But 0:48:39.360 --> 0:48:42.120 we wanted to also speak to someone that is helping 0:48:42.320 --> 0:48:44.840 these people navigate life on the day to day and 0:48:44.840 --> 0:48:47.400 helping the families of these people. And obviously you were 0:48:47.400 --> 0:48:49.680 on the show, you were coaching them through the dating 0:48:49.719 --> 0:48:52.399 and the day to day. How did you end up 0:48:52.480 --> 0:48:54.600 in the specialty you are and then how did you 0:48:54.719 --> 0:48:56.200 end up on love on the spectrum? 0:48:56.320 --> 0:48:58.600 Life? Isn't it? Sometimes you never know how you get there. 0:48:58.920 --> 0:49:01.680 But I started, well, I've always worked with people with 0:49:01.719 --> 0:49:04.520 disabilities my whole life. Even when I was doing my 0:49:04.880 --> 0:49:08.040 undergraduate in teaching, I was still working as a support worker. 0:49:08.160 --> 0:49:10.440 So I think since I've been about fifteen or sixteen, 0:49:10.480 --> 0:49:13.200 I've been hanging out with people with disabilities. Well, originally 0:49:13.360 --> 0:49:15.839 I was a teacher. I actually have four degrees. I'm 0:49:15.840 --> 0:49:17.279 just a bit of a nerd that so I really 0:49:17.280 --> 0:49:20.719 loved learning. So originally I started teaching, and then I 0:49:20.760 --> 0:49:23.080 did a postgraduate in specially, so that sort of took 0:49:23.120 --> 0:49:26.279 me into the world of working in education and disability. 0:49:26.920 --> 0:49:28.839 But then I sort of break out of being a teacher. 0:49:28.840 --> 0:49:30.600 I'm not really good with bells, I'm not really good 0:49:30.600 --> 0:49:33.040 with time systems. So I then went into sort of 0:49:33.080 --> 0:49:37.520 working within the community in early interventions, so kids under 0:49:37.560 --> 0:49:41.680 five worked in adult areas. But what I found along 0:49:41.680 --> 0:49:44.719 the way was that, particularly working in high school, when 0:49:44.760 --> 0:49:47.920 people would transitioning to high school, there was a lot 0:49:47.960 --> 0:49:51.399 of emphasis put onto people with disability getting a job 0:49:51.719 --> 0:49:56.520 in employment and independent living skills and how to catch. 0:49:56.280 --> 0:49:57.319 A bus or something like that. 0:49:57.400 --> 0:50:01.200 But the most important thing in my life is relationships, 0:50:02.000 --> 0:50:03.919 you know. I think it's the thing that we all 0:50:03.960 --> 0:50:06.680 seek to have connection with other people. And I found 0:50:06.719 --> 0:50:09.960 that as people were getting older, there was less emphasis 0:50:09.960 --> 0:50:13.800 put onto you know, friendship was really important teaching people's 0:50:13.800 --> 0:50:15.879 skills to have friendship when they were young, but once 0:50:15.920 --> 0:50:19.160 it got into sort of the more intimate relationships that 0:50:19.200 --> 0:50:21.440 we know happened in your late teens and into your 0:50:21.440 --> 0:50:23.440 twenties and thirties and forties, blah blah blah the rest 0:50:23.440 --> 0:50:24.000 of our life. 0:50:24.120 --> 0:50:25.120 There wasn't an emphasis. 0:50:25.160 --> 0:50:28.480 So I worked for Family Planning Associations in Australia, so 0:50:28.480 --> 0:50:30.840 I was do it, working with them to support people 0:50:30.840 --> 0:50:34.120 with disabilities around sexuality. And yeah, finally just put my 0:50:34.160 --> 0:50:36.560 money where my mouth was and got a master's degree 0:50:36.800 --> 0:50:41.160 in sexual health counseling. And my whole life, every single 0:50:41.239 --> 0:50:44.640 day of my life, is based around giving people who 0:50:44.719 --> 0:50:48.440 sometimes don't have access to really good counseling and education 0:50:48.520 --> 0:50:51.680 around relationships and sexuality. So all day long, all I 0:50:51.760 --> 0:50:53.439 do is talk about relationships and sex. 0:50:53.560 --> 0:50:56.280 So do we what we do as well? 0:50:56.880 --> 0:50:58.759 You know, there's a lot of myths around autism or 0:50:58.800 --> 0:51:02.560 what the general population receive autism to be. Isn't how 0:51:02.560 --> 0:51:03.239 it is at all? 0:51:03.440 --> 0:51:03.600 You know. 0:51:03.680 --> 0:51:06.000 I stumbled onto the show because no one's paid to 0:51:06.000 --> 0:51:06.640 be on that show. 0:51:06.680 --> 0:51:09.160 There was no casting agents, there was nothing like that. 0:51:09.280 --> 0:51:10.960 They just sort of put a call out to people 0:51:11.000 --> 0:51:13.000 saying who want to be on the show, And at 0:51:13.000 --> 0:51:16.400 that point I received this early in twenty nineteen, I 0:51:16.440 --> 0:51:18.440 got an email saying, oh, you know, we're looking for 0:51:18.440 --> 0:51:21.799 autistic people to be on this show. I printed this 0:51:21.920 --> 0:51:23.799 fly out, stuck it up in my office and they 0:51:23.840 --> 0:51:26.520 just didn't think anything else about it at all. And 0:51:26.560 --> 0:51:29.480 then later that year, a friend of a friend of 0:51:29.480 --> 0:51:32.960 a friend was talking to somebody about producing this show 0:51:33.000 --> 0:51:34.720 and they said, I have you heard of Jodie Rodgers. 0:51:35.360 --> 0:51:39.640 And I literally was presenting at a sexology conference in Sydney, 0:51:40.160 --> 0:51:43.000 and Northern Pictures found out I was there called me 0:51:43.800 --> 0:51:47.280 and I thought, because I'm just like this, I thought 0:51:47.320 --> 0:51:50.560 that they just needed more help to find other autistic 0:51:50.600 --> 0:51:52.719 people to be on the show. So I rocked up 0:51:52.719 --> 0:51:55.400 to meet them to talk about that, and then they 0:51:55.440 --> 0:51:57.600 sent me a message pretty soon afterwards to say would 0:51:57.640 --> 0:52:00.000 I be on the show? I know nothing about television, 0:52:00.120 --> 0:52:01.320 so to start with, I. 0:52:01.200 --> 0:52:02.319 Was like, no way. 0:52:02.680 --> 0:52:05.120 And that's the vulnerability of it. You put yourself in 0:52:05.120 --> 0:52:07.640 a very vulnerable position. And this is my profession, this 0:52:07.680 --> 0:52:10.440 is my job. I'm an accounselor and a therapist. So 0:52:10.960 --> 0:52:13.799 a family member said to me, You've got to think 0:52:13.800 --> 0:52:14.680 about the greater good. 0:52:15.080 --> 0:52:16.879 You know, what is it that this show could offer. 0:52:17.080 --> 0:52:19.279 I just knew if this was done well and it 0:52:19.400 --> 0:52:22.920 was done right, then it would allow people to actually 0:52:23.200 --> 0:52:27.880 understand how diverse and how absolutely incredible autism is and 0:52:28.440 --> 0:52:30.560 how much we can learn from autistic people. 0:52:30.960 --> 0:52:34.880 Can you just tell us what exactly is autism? Give 0:52:34.920 --> 0:52:36.480 us a bit of a definition, because we spoke to 0:52:36.560 --> 0:52:39.600 Cassandra about it and she described what it's like for her. 0:52:39.760 --> 0:52:41.320 But can you give us an actual definition. 0:52:41.560 --> 0:52:43.720 Yeah, it's very complex and hard to define. 0:52:43.719 --> 0:52:47.279 And if you ask any autistic person, they can give 0:52:47.360 --> 0:52:50.800 you their understanding of autism, but their experience of autism 0:52:50.960 --> 0:52:54.000 is very different for different people. So the simplest and 0:52:54.080 --> 0:52:56.560 best way I can explain it is it's neurological and 0:52:56.640 --> 0:53:00.520 it's a lifelong neurological People don't say disorder, but if 0:53:00.640 --> 0:53:04.480 people looking at diagnosis, then they still call it a disorder. 0:53:04.800 --> 0:53:06.440 I like to call it a difference, you know. So 0:53:06.560 --> 0:53:06.840 it's a. 0:53:06.840 --> 0:53:10.800 Neurologically different way of seeing and perceiving the world. But 0:53:11.120 --> 0:53:14.600 diagnostically what the people that do the diagnosis, they're looking 0:53:14.640 --> 0:53:17.839 for sort of differences in two distinct areas. So they're 0:53:17.840 --> 0:53:21.080 looking for differences in the way that people socially interact 0:53:21.600 --> 0:53:24.359 with one another and they're also looking for an area 0:53:24.400 --> 0:53:27.160 what they call repetitive and restricted interests and behavior. So 0:53:27.360 --> 0:53:31.360 every single person who has a diagnosis of autism must 0:53:31.600 --> 0:53:34.719 have some kind of complexity or difficulty in the way 0:53:34.840 --> 0:53:37.160 that they interact with other people. 0:53:37.440 --> 0:53:38.920 So you can imagine how diverse that is. 0:53:39.280 --> 0:53:42.360 But then every single person has to have repetitive and 0:53:42.440 --> 0:53:44.880 restricted interests. They might have a really special interest, or 0:53:44.880 --> 0:53:47.880 they may really need to have sameness and routine, or 0:53:48.400 --> 0:53:53.120 they may have difficulties with sensory processing. But every autistic 0:53:53.239 --> 0:53:56.719 person has both of these difficulties. And then I think 0:53:56.760 --> 0:53:59.919 the other thing that people need to also understand about autism. 0:53:59.680 --> 0:54:03.880 Is that you can be the most intelligent person on 0:54:03.960 --> 0:54:05.760 the planet. It's not about somebody's IQ. 0:54:06.640 --> 0:54:08.880 So you can be really really intelligent and have autism, 0:54:09.320 --> 0:54:12.320 or you can also have a profound intellectual disability and 0:54:12.440 --> 0:54:15.520 have autism. So then if you put those two things together, 0:54:16.480 --> 0:54:18.960 then it shows the complexity and diversity of it. 0:54:19.239 --> 0:54:22.440 So you mentioned earlier on that the understanding of it 0:54:22.600 --> 0:54:24.840 is so poor. You know, I think that we especially 0:54:24.920 --> 0:54:27.640 because of TV shows and not love on spectrum, and 0:54:27.640 --> 0:54:29.880 I'm talking about like how it's represented in sort of 0:54:29.960 --> 0:54:33.320 more like your Hollywood TV shows, there's this huge gap 0:54:33.480 --> 0:54:36.160 in like the understanding between what it is and how 0:54:36.239 --> 0:54:38.680 it actually presents itself. And what do you think some 0:54:38.840 --> 0:54:42.160 of the biggest misrepresentations are for autism. 0:54:42.320 --> 0:54:45.320 There's this perception because there's shows that show people with 0:54:45.440 --> 0:54:48.239 sort of high level skill that one thing is that 0:54:48.360 --> 0:54:51.279 people believe that if you're autistic, then you're going to 0:54:51.320 --> 0:54:54.840 be really skilled in one area, and often that's to 0:54:54.920 --> 0:54:57.400 do with you know, maths and science and things like that. 0:54:57.600 --> 0:54:59.920 That's not how it presents in any shape or form. 0:55:00.560 --> 0:55:03.840 So that's a misrepresentation of it. There's a misrepresentation that 0:55:03.920 --> 0:55:07.520 autistic people are actually all loners and you know, really 0:55:07.600 --> 0:55:10.120 want to be by themselves, and actually, you know that 0:55:10.239 --> 0:55:12.920 old classic stuff that autistic people don't like to be 0:55:13.080 --> 0:55:16.439 touched and they have no empathy. All of those things 0:55:16.480 --> 0:55:19.239 have needed to be breaken down. And because we do 0:55:19.440 --> 0:55:23.640 see Hollywood representations of autism when they're doing that, when 0:55:23.680 --> 0:55:25.680 they or you read a book about autism, they're only 0:55:25.760 --> 0:55:29.920 presenting one character, but it is sometimes a characterization of 0:55:30.040 --> 0:55:34.200 autism rather than looking at the multiple of many, many 0:55:34.280 --> 0:55:35.200 ways that it presents. 0:55:35.360 --> 0:55:37.759 So what are some of the reasons that people on 0:55:37.840 --> 0:55:40.520 the spectrum. Employ you employ your services to help them. 0:55:40.640 --> 0:55:43.200 Is it more social day to day things? Is it 0:55:43.560 --> 0:55:46.719 specific to relationships and dating and coaching into that world. 0:55:46.880 --> 0:55:50.640 Is it trying to learn how to have conversations, to touch, 0:55:50.920 --> 0:55:51.359 to care. 0:55:51.760 --> 0:55:55.880 So people come to me for anything to do with sexuality, 0:55:55.920 --> 0:55:58.680 and that's you can imagine how diverse sexuality is as well. 0:55:59.000 --> 0:56:00.839 You know, I will have many, many people that will 0:56:00.880 --> 0:56:02.960 rock up and say I really want a boyfriend or 0:56:02.960 --> 0:56:06.000 I really want a girlfriend, but they have no idea, 0:56:06.600 --> 0:56:09.279 absolutely no idea about even basic skills of that. 0:56:09.440 --> 0:56:11.000 So even today it will give you an exam. 0:56:11.080 --> 0:56:13.359 Today, a woman who I've been working with for three 0:56:13.480 --> 0:56:17.120 years quoted me back to myself because she's just met somebody, 0:56:17.200 --> 0:56:18.600 but she met somebody online. 0:56:19.160 --> 0:56:21.239 And I said to her, oh so great. 0:56:21.320 --> 0:56:23.879 She's actually met two fellows online and both of these 0:56:23.920 --> 0:56:25.480 have been successful relationships. 0:56:25.480 --> 0:56:27.800 And I'm saying to her, you know people looking. 0:56:27.600 --> 0:56:30.080 For partners online all the time, and where are you 0:56:30.120 --> 0:56:32.719 getting these skills from? And she said to me, you 0:56:32.920 --> 0:56:36.799 taught me the three text rule. So the three text 0:56:36.920 --> 0:56:39.000 rule I say to people is that because part of 0:56:39.040 --> 0:56:43.640 autism is not understanding reciprocal nature, what we do with reciprocity, 0:56:44.160 --> 0:56:47.839 and that if we're first getting to know someone, often. 0:56:48.000 --> 0:56:48.920 We all do it. 0:56:49.080 --> 0:56:50.320 I'm just going to put it out there, you know, 0:56:50.360 --> 0:56:52.040 when you kind of get those first feelings going, oh 0:56:52.080 --> 0:56:54.520 my god, this is so exciting, and then you hammer 0:56:54.640 --> 0:56:56.719 somebody from bard them with the tech. 0:56:57.440 --> 0:56:59.640 I'll send another one rock up at his house. 0:57:00.600 --> 0:57:03.320 Look at your phone thirty seven times in three minutes, 0:57:03.360 --> 0:57:05.680 and all that sort of stuff. But so she has 0:57:05.800 --> 0:57:10.640 learned a really simple technique of I am only allowed 0:57:10.960 --> 0:57:13.240 to send three texts and then I've got to stop. 0:57:13.880 --> 0:57:17.720 Because people with autism sometimes don't understand the reciprocal nature 0:57:17.920 --> 0:57:21.160 of back and forth in a relationship, and so can 0:57:21.200 --> 0:57:23.520 get into trouble and they can drive another person away 0:57:23.600 --> 0:57:28.440 by just being really insistent with expressing their devotion or 0:57:28.760 --> 0:57:29.600 their desire. 0:57:30.160 --> 0:57:31.600 So that's one example I work with. 0:57:31.800 --> 0:57:34.240 I do couples counseling, so I can work with couples 0:57:34.280 --> 0:57:37.160 where one person's autistic and the other's neurotypical or both 0:57:37.160 --> 0:57:40.560 autistic and sort of navigating. Sometimes that can be navigating 0:57:40.720 --> 0:57:45.200 even things like you know, sensuality within sexuality, or being 0:57:45.240 --> 0:57:49.320 able to compromise or understand. But one of the diagnostic 0:57:49.400 --> 0:57:53.760 criteria for autism is actually about social and emotional reciprocity. 0:57:54.400 --> 0:57:57.280 It's actually understanding that if every single second of a 0:57:57.360 --> 0:58:00.840 day that we're with another person's actually about finding the 0:58:00.960 --> 0:58:04.480 balance of i'll give to you, you give to me, 0:58:04.800 --> 0:58:07.720 I'll give to you, you'll give to me, and negotiation 0:58:07.840 --> 0:58:11.600 of that is really complex. You don't realize how's neurotypically, 0:58:12.320 --> 0:58:14.280 how clever we are at this because we never ever 0:58:14.320 --> 0:58:18.320 sit back and just think, where the hell did I learn. 0:58:18.920 --> 0:58:21.320 To do that. It's such an incredible thing. And this 0:58:21.440 --> 0:58:22.720 is one of the things when we were speaking to 0:58:22.760 --> 0:58:27.320 Cassandra that like I felt so naive to the fact that, yes, 0:58:27.440 --> 0:58:30.520 we learn these social cues just from living every day. 0:58:30.600 --> 0:58:32.040 Like I mean, we go to school, we learn algebra. 0:58:32.400 --> 0:58:34.400 No one teaches you how to navigate a relationship, no 0:58:34.440 --> 0:58:36.280 one teaches you how to have a conversation, but we 0:58:36.840 --> 0:58:39.360 observe other people doing it, and that's how we kind 0:58:39.360 --> 0:58:39.720 of learn. 0:58:40.400 --> 0:58:43.520 I had never even really thought. 0:58:43.320 --> 0:58:47.320 About the fact that somebody who does have autism has 0:58:47.400 --> 0:58:50.000 to be taught how to maybe interact with those social 0:58:50.080 --> 0:58:53.200 cues and this idea that they have to show up 0:58:53.240 --> 0:58:55.200 in a world where we all act and behave in 0:58:55.240 --> 0:58:57.480 a certain way. Or people who are neurotypical act and 0:58:57.560 --> 0:58:59.800 behave in a certain way, and then they have to 0:59:00.200 --> 0:59:02.760 mask what is natural to them to be able to 0:59:02.880 --> 0:59:06.360 fully function and fully be received in what is our 0:59:06.480 --> 0:59:09.600 way of kind of navigating this world. I just found 0:59:09.600 --> 0:59:12.120 it like a little part of me was like, it 0:59:12.280 --> 0:59:15.160 must be so exhausting to someone to have to constantly 0:59:15.240 --> 0:59:17.720 front up in the world and be very conscious of 0:59:17.760 --> 0:59:20.160 the way they're communicating, the way that they're interacting, and 0:59:20.280 --> 0:59:22.280 have to check in with themselves to go, okay, am 0:59:22.320 --> 0:59:25.120 I doing this the way that that person wants to 0:59:25.200 --> 0:59:25.840 be received. 0:59:26.280 --> 0:59:28.440 The lest way I explained it to neurotypical people is 0:59:28.480 --> 0:59:31.720 if I said to you two tonight, you have to 0:59:31.800 --> 0:59:34.080 go out to a big function, but you can You 0:59:34.120 --> 0:59:36.000 can't go with each other because then you've got your wingmen, 0:59:36.040 --> 0:59:37.680 then you've got your support system. So you have to 0:59:37.720 --> 0:59:40.520 go completely by yourself. And most of us experience this. 0:59:40.960 --> 0:59:42.680 I have to go byself. You're going to walk into 0:59:42.760 --> 0:59:45.320 a room, there's going to be three hundred people there, 0:59:45.840 --> 0:59:47.400 and it's going to be out of your comfort SiGe. 0:59:47.440 --> 0:59:48.840 So it's not going to be your track, you pants 0:59:48.920 --> 0:59:51.000 ug boots a night. It's going to be you have 0:59:51.120 --> 0:59:54.480 to put on the clothes you wouldn't normally wear. You're 0:59:54.480 --> 0:59:56.280 going to have to walk into this space where you're 0:59:56.560 --> 1:00:00.480 absolutely nobody, and we actually prepare ourselves do this. We 1:00:00.600 --> 1:00:04.320 actually before we go out to these think about conversations 1:00:04.360 --> 1:00:06.040 that we can hold with somebody that we've never met. 1:00:06.320 --> 1:00:08.840 How do you interact with somebody, how do you greet somebody? 1:00:09.000 --> 1:00:11.400 How do you keep a conversation going? And we also 1:00:11.480 --> 1:00:14.080 can pick up when we're talking in these areas is 1:00:14.160 --> 1:00:15.520 this person into me? 1:00:15.720 --> 1:00:17.880 Or should I be? Is there somebody else or should 1:00:17.880 --> 1:00:18.280 be talking to? 1:00:18.800 --> 1:00:22.960 When we go to those nights, it is exhausting because 1:00:22.960 --> 1:00:26.160 you can spend the whole night you're not relaxing into yourself. 1:00:26.720 --> 1:00:28.960 It's almost like you're playing a characture of what you 1:00:29.200 --> 1:00:31.840 think you should be doing in that and you put 1:00:31.880 --> 1:00:34.000 on a sort of frontal and you can feel it 1:00:34.080 --> 1:00:36.040 in yourself sometimes and you're like, oh my god. 1:00:35.920 --> 1:00:38.040 This is the worst experience. You know, it's really hard. 1:00:38.440 --> 1:00:40.880 It's what we often have one or two many glasses 1:00:40.920 --> 1:00:42.320 of wine when we're at those things. 1:00:42.200 --> 1:00:44.360 All right, but it's also one of the reasons why 1:00:44.440 --> 1:00:46.800 we say, like, oh, small talk is so hard, Like 1:00:46.880 --> 1:00:48.520 I had to turn it on tonight like it's that 1:00:48.640 --> 1:00:49.880 exact sentiment, right. 1:00:49.880 --> 1:00:50.360 Yeah, it is. 1:00:50.440 --> 1:00:53.280 And so if you think about how exhausted we are 1:00:53.680 --> 1:00:55.760 after doing that, imagine if you had to do that 1:00:56.480 --> 1:01:00.800 every single day and every moment in your life in 1:01:00.880 --> 1:01:04.040 a social interaction with another person outside of your own home. 1:01:04.160 --> 1:01:05.360 That's exhausting to think about. 1:01:05.640 --> 1:01:06.720 It's exhausting, is it? 1:01:06.800 --> 1:01:10.880 Because it takes so much mental power to have to 1:01:11.040 --> 1:01:13.200 constantly think, am I saying the right thing? 1:01:13.640 --> 1:01:14.640 How are they perceiving me? 1:01:14.880 --> 1:01:18.520 There are typical people. We've got innate priority and we 1:01:19.320 --> 1:01:24.720 learn by watching other people. So from the moment we're born, 1:01:25.120 --> 1:01:28.600 one of our highest priorities is to be with other people, 1:01:28.720 --> 1:01:31.440 to socially engage with another person. The fact that both 1:01:31.480 --> 1:01:34.440 of you are nodding your heads at me to encourage 1:01:34.480 --> 1:01:36.840 me to speak. No one ever taught you to nod 1:01:36.920 --> 1:01:41.360 your head at another person. You learnt that by this 1:01:41.600 --> 1:01:44.400 amazing ability that you, as a child, would have had 1:01:44.440 --> 1:01:46.400 somebody nodding their head at you, and somewhere in your 1:01:46.440 --> 1:01:48.440 little heart you'd have been going, oh, it feels so 1:01:48.640 --> 1:01:50.040 nice when that person's nodding. 1:01:50.200 --> 1:01:53.560 And then we mimic each other, We mimic those social skills, 1:01:53.880 --> 1:01:54.400 and this is what. 1:01:54.480 --> 1:01:56.960 We're learning a lot about because we have so many 1:01:57.160 --> 1:01:59.920 great people autistic people, and if you listen to all 1:02:00.200 --> 1:02:03.040 sic people, they teach you what autism is. It's just 1:02:03.080 --> 1:02:04.920 the fact that we don't listen because we came from 1:02:04.960 --> 1:02:08.560 this really patriarchal medical model of we know what autism is. 1:02:08.680 --> 1:02:14.520 When she talks about masking, Cassandra has mimicked other people. 1:02:14.680 --> 1:02:17.720 She sat back, and many women talk about it that 1:02:17.840 --> 1:02:19.280 they desperately. 1:02:18.920 --> 1:02:19.720 Want to fit in. 1:02:19.880 --> 1:02:21.800 They really want this, and so what they do in 1:02:21.840 --> 1:02:25.240 their life is that they copy another person and they 1:02:25.760 --> 1:02:27.960 learn to sort of. Cassandra talks a lot about she 1:02:28.120 --> 1:02:30.480 gets into character and sometimes being a character is easier 1:02:30.520 --> 1:02:33.320 than being herself. It's because she has spent her whole 1:02:33.480 --> 1:02:36.560 life copying what other people are doing around her, because 1:02:36.560 --> 1:02:39.360 she thinks that that's what's socially acceptable. You know, that's 1:02:39.440 --> 1:02:42.400 the masking. And masking can be really hard because you're 1:02:42.560 --> 1:02:46.320 playing a role. It's like you're acting every single day. 1:02:46.760 --> 1:02:50.240 It doesn't feel innate, and sometimes it's really confusing for 1:02:50.320 --> 1:02:52.040 your identity to do that. 1:02:52.560 --> 1:02:56.040 They know that men who are diagnosed don't do that 1:02:56.160 --> 1:02:57.040 as much as women do. 1:02:57.240 --> 1:03:01.520 Interestingly, because I think that's just the way many many 1:03:01.600 --> 1:03:04.760 women are really wanting to fit in. A lot of 1:03:05.320 --> 1:03:08.600 men sort of learn their social skills in a different manner, 1:03:08.640 --> 1:03:10.600 but not through copying another person. 1:03:10.840 --> 1:03:14.640 I think that's evident even with neurotypicals. Social media, you 1:03:14.760 --> 1:03:16.840 see women and we all do we all do it. 1:03:17.040 --> 1:03:19.400 We copy each other. We see something that we like, 1:03:19.520 --> 1:03:21.520 we see something that looks good, we see something that's trending, 1:03:21.560 --> 1:03:23.160 and all of a sudden, every second person has to 1:03:23.240 --> 1:03:25.160 go and have that handbag, everyone has to have that outfit, 1:03:25.240 --> 1:03:27.720 everyone has to be doing this thing. I don't think 1:03:27.800 --> 1:03:29.880 you see that as much in men and eurotypicals either, 1:03:30.000 --> 1:03:31.880 So I don't think that's even just an autism thing. 1:03:31.920 --> 1:03:35.720 I think it's just across the board. But Jodie, we 1:03:35.760 --> 1:03:37.760 did want to ask you. We wanted to make sure 1:03:37.800 --> 1:03:40.520 we're giving the listeners, you know, the information that they wanted. 1:03:40.560 --> 1:03:42.480 So we did put some questions out there and I'm 1:03:42.480 --> 1:03:44.120 just going to read a few out. My partner is 1:03:44.120 --> 1:03:46.040 on the spectrum. Actually, we got a lot of people 1:03:46.080 --> 1:03:48.120 that wrote in that had a part that one was 1:03:48.160 --> 1:03:50.960 a eurotypical and one was on the spectrum. Yeah, my 1:03:51.080 --> 1:03:53.360 partner is on the spectrum and he has trouble communicating 1:03:53.400 --> 1:03:55.800 his feelings. I feel like he never supports me when 1:03:55.800 --> 1:03:58.080 I need him to and doesn't understand when I'm upset. 1:03:58.520 --> 1:04:01.360 I know that this isn't his, but as a couple, 1:04:01.840 --> 1:04:04.640 what can we do and what can I do to 1:04:04.840 --> 1:04:06.479 help him understand better? 1:04:06.760 --> 1:04:08.000 So there's two parts to that. 1:04:08.480 --> 1:04:12.960 One is that people don't recognize that the way that 1:04:13.040 --> 1:04:17.040 we learn to give words to feelings is by somebody 1:04:17.200 --> 1:04:21.160 teaching us that. So when you guys were children, if 1:04:21.240 --> 1:04:23.560 you were really frustrated, you know, they knowing the difference 1:04:23.560 --> 1:04:26.440 between anger and frustration and being a little bit irritable, 1:04:26.760 --> 1:04:29.720 somebody puts those words in their mouth. So somebody would 1:04:29.800 --> 1:04:31.680 see you being frustrated when you were really little, they 1:04:31.680 --> 1:04:34.520 would have said, oh, you're frustrated. And we then take 1:04:34.600 --> 1:04:36.600 on the feelings of our body and we have a 1:04:36.680 --> 1:04:42.440 word for it. So sometimes autistic people have difficulty feeling 1:04:42.560 --> 1:04:45.919 their bodies, having enough body awareness, and then being able 1:04:46.000 --> 1:04:49.400 to articulate a word to that. So sometimes autistic people 1:04:49.480 --> 1:04:53.160 don't have enough emotional words. So that could be that 1:04:53.360 --> 1:04:56.240 her partner's experience number one, that he doesn't have words 1:04:56.280 --> 1:05:00.760 to express emotion. And the other one is that it's complex, 1:05:00.840 --> 1:05:02.800 but it's a thing called theory of mind, which is 1:05:02.880 --> 1:05:03.920 the ability to look. 1:05:03.800 --> 1:05:04.400 At somebody else. 1:05:04.440 --> 1:05:08.840 When we're talking about emotional reciprocity as well, we want 1:05:09.000 --> 1:05:14.520 our partner to know what we're wanting and feeling without 1:05:14.640 --> 1:05:19.040 communicating it. But the number one thing with autistic people 1:05:19.280 --> 1:05:22.600 is they just need it said straight out. They need 1:05:22.680 --> 1:05:27.160 it really clearly and bluntly communicated to them. So if 1:05:27.360 --> 1:05:30.960 that person is upset, they need to actually say I 1:05:31.160 --> 1:05:34.000 am upset so that the partner can actually hear the 1:05:34.080 --> 1:05:36.240 word of what they're feeling. They may look at that 1:05:36.400 --> 1:05:41.440 person and not understand that person's nonverbal people can be 1:05:41.560 --> 1:05:45.000 bailing their eyes out and crying, and an autistic person 1:05:45.200 --> 1:05:47.520 may go, oh, what's going on there? 1:05:47.880 --> 1:05:50.160 So the best answer I can give is number one. 1:05:51.160 --> 1:05:53.960 If you're feeling a certain way, say it, say it 1:05:54.320 --> 1:05:57.160 really clearly and bluntly, and it doesn't hurt an autistic 1:05:57.240 --> 1:05:58.280 person's feelings. 1:05:58.480 --> 1:05:59.160 They like it. 1:05:59.320 --> 1:06:03.000 They like it if you say I'm angry, I'm upset, 1:06:03.480 --> 1:06:06.560 even to be that blunt to say I need some affection, 1:06:06.920 --> 1:06:09.480 I need tenderness, you know, but you have to sometimes 1:06:09.560 --> 1:06:12.320 say it because autistic people want to not reading us. 1:06:12.920 --> 1:06:14.520 All the time in that way. 1:06:14.600 --> 1:06:16.040 So that's that first one and the other one is 1:06:16.120 --> 1:06:19.680 to really support autistic people to be able to have 1:06:20.200 --> 1:06:25.200 emotional words themselves. So if you see your autistic partner 1:06:25.960 --> 1:06:29.080 expressing an emotion, then help either asking them what are 1:06:29.160 --> 1:06:32.040 you feeling? Tell me the word like, help them get 1:06:32.080 --> 1:06:34.440 the word out of their mouth. There's a lot of 1:06:34.480 --> 1:06:38.200 miscommunication that goes on with all couples, and when you 1:06:38.320 --> 1:06:41.960 have one person who's neurotypical and they're wanting neurotypical interaction 1:06:42.080 --> 1:06:44.720 and the other person's autistic, it's finding a common. 1:06:44.520 --> 1:06:47.440 Language between those two, and the language. 1:06:47.080 --> 1:06:50.520 Has to be really upfront and really blunt and saying 1:06:50.560 --> 1:06:51.480 emotions out loud. 1:06:51.760 --> 1:06:54.760 Will you answer the next question two, which was yeah, 1:06:54.960 --> 1:06:56.400 I mean you answered it in it because we got 1:06:56.400 --> 1:06:57.880 a lot of the same kind of questions. So it's 1:06:57.880 --> 1:07:00.560 obvious that people are experiencing the same kind of problems 1:07:00.640 --> 1:07:03.040 in these relationships. I think something to take away from 1:07:03.080 --> 1:07:05.280 that what you just said then, is there's no subtlety. 1:07:05.360 --> 1:07:08.560 There's no subtle cues, there's no hints in these relationships. 1:07:08.840 --> 1:07:10.920 There's no like leaving a ring out with a circle 1:07:10.960 --> 1:07:13.080 around it hoping that your partner walks past some things. 1:07:13.080 --> 1:07:14.680 You want an engagement ring you need to be like, 1:07:15.320 --> 1:07:17.480 you need to propose this is the ring I want. Yeah, 1:07:17.560 --> 1:07:20.440 But why, I guess do people assume that people in 1:07:20.480 --> 1:07:22.600 the spectrum don't love and don't have feelings. But I 1:07:22.680 --> 1:07:24.920 think you sort of just answered it by saying they do, 1:07:25.320 --> 1:07:26.600 but they don't know how to communicate it. 1:07:26.840 --> 1:07:29.560 Sometimes autistic people, some autistic people I work with, is 1:07:29.760 --> 1:07:34.040 so empathic and feel so much of another person's feelings 1:07:34.280 --> 1:07:37.120 that it's overwhelming for them, and so they actually retreat 1:07:37.200 --> 1:07:39.960 away from it because it's so overwhelming. So if you've 1:07:40.000 --> 1:07:43.520 got a very emotional person in front of you, and you, 1:07:43.720 --> 1:07:46.320 as an autistic person, don't know how to support, you 1:07:46.400 --> 1:07:48.520 don't know, you know, their emotion is so big and 1:07:48.600 --> 1:07:51.760 so overwhelming, and you haven't learnt how to comfort and 1:07:51.880 --> 1:07:54.240 console somebody, or don't know how to do that in 1:07:54.360 --> 1:07:57.400 a way that is just natural and nate. That can 1:07:57.480 --> 1:07:59.880 be really confusing as well. But I think this is 1:08:00.000 --> 1:08:02.840 that's what I'm talking about. Neurotypical people can learn from 1:08:02.880 --> 1:08:08.400 this because sometimes we have really high expectations of a 1:08:08.600 --> 1:08:11.960 partner that we think that partner is going to read 1:08:12.040 --> 1:08:15.040 our mind and they are going to know exactly what 1:08:15.160 --> 1:08:18.439 we want and exactly how we're feeling, and then sometimes 1:08:18.479 --> 1:08:20.439 we get pissed off with them when they don't do 1:08:20.680 --> 1:08:23.680 what we want them to do. But we haven't actually communicated. 1:08:24.360 --> 1:08:27.479 We haven't said I'm feeling like this and I need 1:08:27.680 --> 1:08:30.479 you to do this so I feel better. We sometimes 1:08:30.520 --> 1:08:33.600 don't say it, and when our partner doesn't give us 1:08:33.760 --> 1:08:36.080 what we need, then we get cranky at them. But 1:08:36.160 --> 1:08:39.520 then the poor person doesn't know what we're cranky. 1:08:39.240 --> 1:08:39.600 At them for. 1:08:39.920 --> 1:08:43.120 That's not normal, but it's so true, and I reckon 1:08:43.160 --> 1:08:45.200 there's so many people listening to this who do the 1:08:45.240 --> 1:08:47.400 same thing, because like a part of you is like 1:08:47.520 --> 1:08:49.680 I don't want to have the same conversation again, or 1:08:49.760 --> 1:08:52.240 I don't want to seem like I'm needy, or you know, 1:08:52.360 --> 1:08:54.439 maybe it's a bit confrontational or whatever. It is one 1:08:54.439 --> 1:08:56.200 of the things that we advocate for on this podcast, 1:08:56.240 --> 1:08:58.120 and pretty much on every episode, it comes back to 1:08:58.160 --> 1:09:00.880 this idea of like communication, and you can't expect that 1:09:00.960 --> 1:09:04.120 people can mind read. It's really unfair to do that 1:09:04.200 --> 1:09:06.559 to your partner as well, because they've got their own stuff. 1:09:06.560 --> 1:09:08.160 Then maybe they had a busy day at work, maybe 1:09:08.160 --> 1:09:09.880 there's other things that's happened in their life that have 1:09:09.960 --> 1:09:11.160 impacted the way that they're. 1:09:11.000 --> 1:09:11.759 Thinking and feeling. 1:09:12.120 --> 1:09:16.479 And I think having this like expectation that you should 1:09:16.520 --> 1:09:18.639 be so in sync that someone can read your mind 1:09:18.760 --> 1:09:21.000 regardless of where you sit on the spectrum is like, 1:09:21.120 --> 1:09:23.560 it's such an unfair way of approaching a relationship. 1:09:23.800 --> 1:09:26.599 It is it's complex, and so then if you're walking 1:09:26.680 --> 1:09:30.519 along at least the similar path that neurology is similar, 1:09:31.120 --> 1:09:34.439 then that's helpful. But if your neurology is so different, 1:09:35.240 --> 1:09:38.479 then if you don't have good communication skills between you, 1:09:38.600 --> 1:09:41.439 if you don't develop these communication skills, and the whole 1:09:41.520 --> 1:09:42.719 thing can just fall to pieces. 1:09:43.240 --> 1:09:46.240 We don't want to leave out the parents in this 1:09:46.400 --> 1:09:49.040 conversation because we had a lot of people write in 1:09:49.160 --> 1:09:52.080 saying it can be a really lonely experience for the 1:09:52.160 --> 1:09:54.759 family members and for the parents of people on the spectrum. 1:09:56.200 --> 1:09:59.640 Some of their questions were around how to know or 1:09:59.720 --> 1:10:03.160 what early signs to look for in their kids at 1:10:03.200 --> 1:10:06.400 any age, from lake toddlers to primary school and onwards. 1:10:06.960 --> 1:10:09.679 And then I guess what they can do once they've 1:10:09.680 --> 1:10:12.559 figured out that there could be something that's not quite right, 1:10:12.760 --> 1:10:14.640 how do they seek help? What resources do they have, 1:10:14.840 --> 1:10:16.200 So we sort of want to go down that. So 1:10:16.360 --> 1:10:18.920 I guess let's start with what are some signs that 1:10:19.439 --> 1:10:20.879 your child may have autism? 1:10:21.120 --> 1:10:23.519 So the first thing I say about diagnostically, what they 1:10:23.640 --> 1:10:27.519 talk about with autism is that it is when somebody 1:10:27.680 --> 1:10:31.000 skills and not matching what's a developmental milestone. So often 1:10:31.080 --> 1:10:34.360 what will happen is that we will see autism, and 1:10:34.400 --> 1:10:37.240 we can see earlier indicators of autism before a child's 1:10:37.360 --> 1:10:41.120 even three, when a child's really young, even prior to three, 1:10:41.280 --> 1:10:43.400 you would actually want to see some of the body 1:10:43.520 --> 1:10:45.000 language skills that I'm talking about. 1:10:45.000 --> 1:10:47.200 You want to see that a child will. 1:10:47.439 --> 1:10:50.720 Turn towards a caregiver to get security from them. So 1:10:50.800 --> 1:10:54.479 if you introduce something new, a typically developing child will 1:10:54.720 --> 1:10:57.439 actually turn to a caregiver with their body. That's called 1:10:57.479 --> 1:11:01.200 body orientation. They can actually pick up these incredible research 1:11:01.280 --> 1:11:03.240 on these. They can look at a primary care give 1:11:03.400 --> 1:11:05.840 mother or father and they can look at them and 1:11:05.920 --> 1:11:08.080 that person doesn't even have to give them a big smile. 1:11:08.160 --> 1:11:10.240 They can just almost show them with their eyes or 1:11:10.320 --> 1:11:12.880 give them like a really subtle nod that everything's okay, 1:11:13.320 --> 1:11:15.759 and that will give that child the screw. Some autistic 1:11:15.920 --> 1:11:20.480 kids prior to speech don't have those early indicators. 1:11:20.800 --> 1:11:24.840 They may not be interacting in the same way. 1:11:24.960 --> 1:11:28.320 They may find It's funny, lots of parents say they 1:11:28.439 --> 1:11:31.360 kind of know before they know, they know something's just 1:11:31.680 --> 1:11:32.559 not quite right. 1:11:32.960 --> 1:11:36.080 So some kids are given very very early diagnosis. 1:11:36.200 --> 1:11:39.760 They can see these repetitive behaviors that it's not a 1:11:39.840 --> 1:11:42.600 typically developing thing for a child to be given a 1:11:42.680 --> 1:11:46.120 set of blocks and just line them up and lie 1:11:46.160 --> 1:11:49.080 on the floor and look at them. You know, that's 1:11:49.120 --> 1:11:52.320 not They learn to play differently, but then we see 1:11:52.640 --> 1:11:55.160 different steps. So if a child may have all of 1:11:55.240 --> 1:11:58.240 those skills, but then we also go through other steps 1:11:58.280 --> 1:12:02.240 socially and emotionally. So sometimes then people get a diagnosis 1:12:02.280 --> 1:12:04.800 when they're five or six because we actually or seven, 1:12:04.920 --> 1:12:09.400 we go through another developmental milestone at that age where 1:12:09.479 --> 1:12:12.639 we stop being an I and you gotta remember, all 1:12:12.760 --> 1:12:14.160 little people just a big eye. 1:12:14.600 --> 1:12:16.640 They think their parents seek the same as they do. 1:12:17.240 --> 1:12:17.960 They're just walking out. 1:12:17.960 --> 1:12:19.439 But when we get to about six or seven, what 1:12:19.520 --> 1:12:22.200 starts happening is we start changing our behavior to become 1:12:22.240 --> 1:12:24.960 part of a gang. We go to school and they 1:12:25.040 --> 1:12:28.360 start talking about us being an us and are we 1:12:28.960 --> 1:12:32.519 and class A and we follow each other as a group, 1:12:32.600 --> 1:12:37.200 and we actually start imitating the behavior of people around us. 1:12:37.240 --> 1:12:39.160 So if the teacher says, you know, everybody go to 1:12:39.160 --> 1:12:40.880 the mat, then everybody goes to mat. But if there's 1:12:40.960 --> 1:12:45.000 little Johnny out there standing who's not participating in any 1:12:45.040 --> 1:12:47.880 group activity or can't follow the lead of anybody else, 1:12:48.200 --> 1:12:50.920 that's a next So we actually see different stages. We 1:12:51.000 --> 1:12:54.800 see early diagnoses. We often see diagnoses when kids enter school. 1:12:55.160 --> 1:12:57.559 Then we see another step where there might be social 1:12:57.760 --> 1:13:00.720 skills that are not they're not keeping up. We see 1:13:00.960 --> 1:13:03.680 diagnosis in high school. And then we see very very 1:13:03.800 --> 1:13:08.040 late diagnosis where people even in their twenties and thirties. 1:13:08.200 --> 1:13:10.080 You know, I've got people that get diagnosis in their 1:13:10.120 --> 1:13:14.080 fifties because they've just been able to manage to get 1:13:14.120 --> 1:13:17.080 through the world. They've always felt a bit different, but 1:13:17.280 --> 1:13:19.600 they've managed to get through the world in a specific 1:13:19.760 --> 1:13:23.320 way that has meant that until somebody says, hey, have. 1:13:23.360 --> 1:13:24.479 You ever heard of autism? 1:13:24.680 --> 1:13:26.760 Or you know, I've got a mate that is autistic 1:13:27.400 --> 1:13:31.240 and he learned he was autistic by listening to a 1:13:31.360 --> 1:13:34.240 podcast while he was riding his bike because he heard 1:13:34.320 --> 1:13:35.599 people talking about. 1:13:35.360 --> 1:13:38.000 Autism, and as they talked about him, what that's me. 1:13:38.280 --> 1:13:39.439 That's what I do every day. 1:13:40.160 --> 1:13:45.479 When you're talking about parents, Parenting is really really hard. 1:13:46.080 --> 1:13:48.880 And I'm not just talking about parenting a child that 1:13:49.000 --> 1:13:50.559 has a neurognological difference. 1:13:50.840 --> 1:13:52.519 Parenting is hard, and so. 1:13:52.680 --> 1:13:54.800 We all go and buy these big books, you know, 1:13:55.000 --> 1:13:57.800 like how to be the Best Parent on the Planet books. 1:13:57.960 --> 1:14:02.800 If you have a child that's autistic, those books make 1:14:03.040 --> 1:14:06.400 no sense because they tell you how to do something, 1:14:06.439 --> 1:14:10.240 but if your child's not neurotypical, it doesn't work. And 1:14:10.320 --> 1:14:12.760 so you're trying really hard as a parent to do 1:14:12.920 --> 1:14:15.400 the best you possibly can for your child. And all 1:14:15.439 --> 1:14:17.680 these techniques that you're reading about in a book of 1:14:17.920 --> 1:14:20.320 give your kid one, two, three, or you know, you 1:14:20.439 --> 1:14:23.400 put up the star chart or all these different ideas 1:14:24.360 --> 1:14:26.680 parents try and then it doesn't work for them, and 1:14:26.760 --> 1:14:29.080 so then they can start feeling like it's something that 1:14:29.200 --> 1:14:32.960 they're doing and went before a diagnosis. That can be 1:14:33.040 --> 1:14:35.639 really difficult for parents, and that's what can feel really 1:14:35.720 --> 1:14:39.519 isolating alone because they think they're not doing the right thing. 1:14:40.040 --> 1:14:42.920 Lots of families talk about and autistic people. Cassandra I 1:14:43.000 --> 1:14:46.280 think even talked about it in her lifetime. Sometimes when 1:14:46.320 --> 1:14:50.600 somebody says, oh, no, it's autism, that's what it is, 1:14:51.000 --> 1:14:53.920 it can be a really deep sense of relief as well. 1:14:54.040 --> 1:14:57.960 For people Your life changes in that moment, but it's 1:14:57.960 --> 1:15:00.000 still the same person they were before the diagnosis. 1:15:00.160 --> 1:15:02.480 But it actually can allow parents. 1:15:02.160 --> 1:15:05.479 To say, Okay, this is the reason that they're doing this, 1:15:05.600 --> 1:15:08.400 and it allows parents to then have a new guidebook, 1:15:08.720 --> 1:15:11.639 a near guidebook to parenting that they didn't have before. 1:15:12.080 --> 1:15:14.000 And I think the thing is that sometimes it can 1:15:14.040 --> 1:15:17.080 furity isolating because if your child is doing things so 1:15:17.400 --> 1:15:21.800 differently to everybody else, rather than as supporting each other 1:15:22.280 --> 1:15:24.720 and rather than is helping each other sometimes which is 1:15:24.960 --> 1:15:27.760 really critical and judgmental of another person. And so it 1:15:27.840 --> 1:15:31.080 can be isolating because their kid is doing things that 1:15:31.160 --> 1:15:34.439 the rest of the kids are not doing, and rather 1:15:34.560 --> 1:15:37.439 than having being surrounded by support, they can actually feel 1:15:37.479 --> 1:15:39.439 like they're on the outer of all that. 1:15:39.880 --> 1:15:41.919 I also think as well, and I had the privilege 1:15:41.920 --> 1:15:44.760 of interviewing a woman a little while ago who son 1:15:44.880 --> 1:15:48.080 had severe cerebral palsy, and she said one of the 1:15:48.160 --> 1:15:50.400 most challenging things that she found is that when she 1:15:50.479 --> 1:15:53.320 found out her son had cerebral palsy was that every 1:15:53.439 --> 1:15:56.000 other mother was like, oh god, that must. 1:15:55.840 --> 1:15:57.160 Be the worst thing in the world. 1:15:57.240 --> 1:15:59.360 Thank god that didn't happen to me. And it was 1:15:59.400 --> 1:16:02.240 this real like pity almost, and she said the pity 1:16:02.360 --> 1:16:05.200 came from not understanding. And she's like, and even myself, 1:16:05.280 --> 1:16:07.360 she's like, when I found out, I felt like my 1:16:07.439 --> 1:16:09.320 world was over. I felt like the mother that I 1:16:09.360 --> 1:16:11.439 thought I was going to be was gone. And she's like, 1:16:11.520 --> 1:16:13.160 even though my little boy was the exact same little 1:16:13.160 --> 1:16:15.920 boy he was the day before, but that diagnosis felt 1:16:16.040 --> 1:16:18.479 like a death sentence. And Cassandra actually said that her 1:16:18.560 --> 1:16:20.400 mum felt like that at the very start as well. 1:16:20.800 --> 1:16:23.240 And it's this lack of understanding. And I think we 1:16:23.400 --> 1:16:26.000 always hear the worst case scenario. We always hear like 1:16:26.320 --> 1:16:29.519 the worst case scenario as a parent, and we and 1:16:29.600 --> 1:16:31.360 we say when we're pregnant, oh, so long as my 1:16:31.479 --> 1:16:33.360 child is healthy, and like, yes, of course you want 1:16:33.360 --> 1:16:35.479 your child to be healthy. But anything that then lies 1:16:35.520 --> 1:16:37.880 on the outside of that, it's caught with a lot 1:16:37.880 --> 1:16:40.160 of criticism, I think, And there's a lot of disappointment 1:16:40.200 --> 1:16:42.000 and a lot of fear and all of the other 1:16:42.080 --> 1:16:44.120 feelings that are kind of tied up in finding out 1:16:44.160 --> 1:16:47.160 that there's something that's not necessarily neurotypical of your child. 1:16:47.720 --> 1:16:50.080 And the more that we have these conversations, the more 1:16:50.120 --> 1:16:51.720 the people are able to watch things like Love on 1:16:51.760 --> 1:16:55.000 the Spectrum, the more that we have like very public 1:16:55.080 --> 1:16:58.560 platforms to talk about disability, to talk about autism, and 1:16:58.680 --> 1:17:00.640 to talk about the full spectrum of what people and 1:17:00.720 --> 1:17:01.800 how we all show up in the world. 1:17:02.320 --> 1:17:04.200 I couldn't have said it any better, Jody. 1:17:04.000 --> 1:17:05.519 Thank you so much for coming and being a part 1:17:05.560 --> 1:17:08.240 of the podcast. Like brit said, she has been obsessed 1:17:08.320 --> 1:17:10.160 with Love on the Spectrum and she's gotten me well 1:17:10.200 --> 1:17:12.240 and truly in love with it as well. And it's 1:17:12.360 --> 1:17:14.880 just such a beautiful, wholesome take. And I think, like 1:17:14.960 --> 1:17:17.200 you said at the very beginning of this chat, we 1:17:17.400 --> 1:17:19.559 do hear about all the different ways that people's lives 1:17:19.600 --> 1:17:22.280 are affected when it comes to different different disabilities, But 1:17:22.360 --> 1:17:24.200 one of the things that is often forgotten from that 1:17:24.400 --> 1:17:27.200 is how important love is to everybody. 1:17:27.680 --> 1:17:29.800 And I love that that's what this show focuses on. 1:17:30.080 --> 1:17:30.720 Yeah, me too. 1:17:31.040 --> 1:17:34.080 I'm really glad too, because I think the connection being connected, 1:17:34.360 --> 1:17:38.480 that sense of belonging and connection and I'm loved. 1:17:38.439 --> 1:17:40.760 Everybody wants to have that feeling, no matter who they are, 1:17:41.240 --> 1:17:43.000 no matter where they live, no matter what part of 1:17:43.000 --> 1:17:46.440 their life they are. It's a universal feeling everybody. Everybody 1:17:46.560 --> 1:17:54.200 wants to feel that. Okay, guys, you know we never 1:17:54.760 --> 1:17:57.280 end an episode with it. I'll suck in our sweet, 1:17:57.360 --> 1:18:00.599 our highlight, our lowlight, the best and the worst. Sometimes 1:18:00.640 --> 1:18:03.080 it's big, sometimes it's not. It's called suck and sweet. 1:18:03.200 --> 1:18:05.360 Let's get into it, Laura, do you want to go first? Well, 1:18:05.400 --> 1:18:07.280 I feel like it's no surprise what my suck of 1:18:07.360 --> 1:18:11.519 my suite is, so myuck, I'm assumingus lockdown. 1:18:11.680 --> 1:18:11.880 Yeah. 1:18:12.000 --> 1:18:14.439 Look, I mean I know that everybody's affected, so I 1:18:14.439 --> 1:18:16.439 don't want to go into like the real nitty gritty 1:18:16.479 --> 1:18:18.519 of why I feel sad about it. I had a 1:18:18.560 --> 1:18:20.879 holiday plan to go to New Zealand that's been canceled. 1:18:21.080 --> 1:18:23.240 Matt and I also were going to do our wedding 1:18:23.360 --> 1:18:24.280 planning this weekend. 1:18:24.400 --> 1:18:25.040 We had booked. 1:18:25.320 --> 1:18:26.800 I'm not going to tell you whether the wedding's going 1:18:26.840 --> 1:18:29.280 to be guys, I'm not going to slip off on 1:18:29.360 --> 1:18:32.400 that one. But we had booked a weekend away where 1:18:32.439 --> 1:18:34.800 we're having our wedding and pretty much all of that's 1:18:34.840 --> 1:18:35.639 now being put on hold. 1:18:35.720 --> 1:18:36.920 But that is my suck. 1:18:37.320 --> 1:18:39.800 My sweet boat is something that I'm really grateful for. 1:18:40.040 --> 1:18:41.960 And some of you're going to think this is really corny, 1:18:42.040 --> 1:18:45.280 but I feel really really happy. I had a little 1:18:45.320 --> 1:18:47.840 moment with Matt today where we were, you know, kind 1:18:47.840 --> 1:18:50.160 of like unpacking, like what's changed, and the fact that 1:18:50.240 --> 1:18:51.960 we're going to be in lockdown and like, you know, 1:18:52.000 --> 1:18:54.360 we don't have any daycare at the moment, it's going 1:18:54.439 --> 1:18:57.120 to be pretty full on. And then the really nice 1:18:57.160 --> 1:18:58.439 part of that is that we kind of sat there 1:18:58.439 --> 1:19:00.200 and we had a moment where we were like so 1:19:00.400 --> 1:19:03.840 lucky that we get to do this period together and 1:19:04.000 --> 1:19:06.240 we get to do lockdown, and that we love each 1:19:06.240 --> 1:19:07.880 other so much and that we're so happy in our 1:19:07.920 --> 1:19:11.000 relationship and with our family, because I can only imagine 1:19:11.040 --> 1:19:13.240 how hard it would be for some people who are 1:19:13.600 --> 1:19:16.519 maybe going through some difficult times in their relationships to 1:19:16.600 --> 1:19:19.280 then be stuck in lockdown with their partner without any 1:19:19.360 --> 1:19:22.240 sort of escapism, I guess. So I feel really grateful 1:19:22.280 --> 1:19:24.280 for Matt and also for my family. They are my 1:19:24.600 --> 1:19:27.759 sweet and the suck is Sydney. Fuck you, Sydney. 1:19:28.400 --> 1:19:31.479 Oh they're really I mean, they're both really great suck 1:19:31.520 --> 1:19:33.720 and sweet, like your suck is very sucky. And I 1:19:33.760 --> 1:19:37.000 think everyone in Sydney at the moment, and I mean yeah, 1:19:37.040 --> 1:19:38.840 like we said, Melbourne knows, everyone in Sydney I think 1:19:38.960 --> 1:19:41.679 is gonna have the same suck. It's fucking just shit. 1:19:41.800 --> 1:19:43.000 There's not another word for it. 1:19:43.080 --> 1:19:45.120 And there are definitely worse people to be stuck in 1:19:45.200 --> 1:19:46.479 lockdown with than Matthew Johnson. 1:19:46.600 --> 1:19:51.320 So there you go, he's a sweet. Okay, my suck, Look, 1:19:51.760 --> 1:19:55.840 my suck is going to be that. I have gone 1:19:55.880 --> 1:19:58.840 overseas obviously to see Jordan and join him on the 1:19:58.880 --> 1:20:01.599 tour and do our thing, and I have just had nothing. Really, 1:20:01.720 --> 1:20:03.920 I shouldn't say nothing. I have had so much love 1:20:03.960 --> 1:20:06.280 and support from a lot of your life as but god, 1:20:06.360 --> 1:20:09.400 I have gotten some hate. My Instagram has been non 1:20:09.680 --> 1:20:14.680 stop hate in the dms, in the comments because I 1:20:14.760 --> 1:20:18.800 am overseas, which I totally understand. I feel so lucky 1:20:18.800 --> 1:20:20.920 and grateful that I get to do this. I feel 1:20:20.960 --> 1:20:22.960 so lucky that I've had a chance to have employment 1:20:23.160 --> 1:20:26.000 that allows me to travel with Jordan for a very 1:20:26.080 --> 1:20:28.760 short period of time. And I know that that is lucky, 1:20:28.880 --> 1:20:31.519 but it doesn't take away from the fact that people 1:20:31.520 --> 1:20:33.960 are really horrible, and it's been really hard to just 1:20:34.040 --> 1:20:37.320 have people hate on me for I mean, having the 1:20:37.360 --> 1:20:40.320 opportunity to leave. It's just been really tricky because I've 1:20:40.360 --> 1:20:42.519 been so excited to come and obviously so excited to 1:20:42.520 --> 1:20:45.040 see Jordan, and I just feel like that's been overshadowed 1:20:45.080 --> 1:20:46.600 by a little bit by the amount of hate that 1:20:46.640 --> 1:20:49.600 I've received. And I again, like, I totally understand that, 1:20:50.080 --> 1:20:51.760 and I understand there are so many people around the 1:20:51.800 --> 1:20:55.120 world that at the moment don't have that opportunity, and 1:20:55.320 --> 1:20:57.360 I would just hate to know that I have been 1:20:57.400 --> 1:21:01.560 the cause of anyone's pain or comfort or anything like that, 1:21:01.680 --> 1:21:04.040 because I would never, ever in a million years, want 1:21:04.080 --> 1:21:06.400 to hurt anybody's feelings. And I feel like anybody that 1:21:06.560 --> 1:21:08.800 knows me would know that. But yeah, I just want 1:21:08.840 --> 1:21:11.559 to apologize if anyone has been offended or hurt by 1:21:11.760 --> 1:21:14.280 the fact that I have. Every week here is really 1:21:14.320 --> 1:21:16.400 different for us. So I'm in a hard lockdown for 1:21:16.439 --> 1:21:18.200 a few days and then we might have an hour 1:21:18.320 --> 1:21:20.599 or two of freedom, and every week that is different 1:21:20.640 --> 1:21:22.560 depending on the country that we go to, So I 1:21:22.600 --> 1:21:25.240 don't know what the weeks look like until I get 1:21:25.280 --> 1:21:26.560 there and I didn't know that's what it would be 1:21:26.640 --> 1:21:28.920 until I was here, So you know, it's going to 1:21:28.960 --> 1:21:31.080 be interesting to see what happens. We'll have some time 1:21:31.160 --> 1:21:33.360 where we have some freedom. There'll be days where we 1:21:33.439 --> 1:21:35.320 get a few days off between tournaments and we're not 1:21:35.680 --> 1:21:38.000 in a really strict bubble, and there'll be other times 1:21:38.040 --> 1:21:40.800 where at the moment in England, so this bubble is 1:21:40.800 --> 1:21:42.880 a bit different to Spain. This one's a lot more strict. 1:21:42.920 --> 1:21:45.320 So I can't go outside unless I go to the tennis. 1:21:45.520 --> 1:21:48.000 So every week is going to be very, very different, 1:21:48.040 --> 1:21:49.320 and I don't know what that's going to look like 1:21:49.400 --> 1:21:51.880 until I'm there. Yeah, that's my suck. It's just really 1:21:51.920 --> 1:21:54.639 overshadowed me being happy. And I'm also just feel really 1:21:54.720 --> 1:21:57.840 bad if I've hurt anyone's feelings by coming overseas. I 1:21:57.920 --> 1:22:03.960 guess it's a hard one to to talk about, my sweet. Okay, guys, 1:22:04.000 --> 1:22:05.640 now that that's out of the way, now that you 1:22:05.680 --> 1:22:08.040 know I've had my tears for the week, my sweet. 1:22:08.160 --> 1:22:10.120 I think this is really funny and I didn't know 1:22:10.120 --> 1:22:12.200 I was gonna say this until now, and I feel sorry. 1:22:12.200 --> 1:22:15.320 I always throw Jordan under the bus, but I think 1:22:15.400 --> 1:22:17.760 Jordan looks a bit scruffy, right, Like I think he's 1:22:17.800 --> 1:22:20.400 growing his hair out and he's got his pustache and 1:22:20.560 --> 1:22:23.080 like he's got his little beard scrubble going on, and 1:22:23.280 --> 1:22:25.599 he's just always wearing his sports clothes. Great. Love him 1:22:25.640 --> 1:22:27.599 to death, but I'm always like, you're like a little scruffball. 1:22:27.680 --> 1:22:29.800 He's like, no, I'm not. This is great, and I'm like, okay, 1:22:29.840 --> 1:22:31.840 well I think you are. We're sitting on the plane 1:22:31.960 --> 1:22:35.920 to get from Spain to England last night and there 1:22:36.000 --> 1:22:39.120 was a lady that was like diagonally across from Jordan. Now, 1:22:39.200 --> 1:22:41.479 she was an older lady, and she was holding up 1:22:41.600 --> 1:22:45.200 her phone texting someone and you know how you can 1:22:45.360 --> 1:22:49.639 change the font on your phone, because she couldn't see 1:22:49.640 --> 1:22:51.439 because she was old, she changed it to like extra 1:22:51.479 --> 1:22:54.280 extra big, like my grandma has, so like you only 1:22:54.360 --> 1:22:56.639 need there's like five words at a time on a screen. 1:22:56.720 --> 1:22:59.080 So Jordan looked over, just happened to glance over as 1:22:59.120 --> 1:23:01.560 she was texting someone and she was like frothing. This 1:23:01.680 --> 1:23:03.639 lady was like I could see it next to Jordan 1:23:03.680 --> 1:23:05.840 as well. She was like, oh my god, there's these 1:23:05.880 --> 1:23:07.800 tennis players on the on the plane and she was 1:23:07.880 --> 1:23:09.800 listing off all these she was listening off all these 1:23:09.840 --> 1:23:11.920 good players, but she was just calling them by their name, 1:23:12.080 --> 1:23:13.960 like this name, this name, this name. And then she goes, oh, 1:23:14.080 --> 1:23:16.720 you know that really scruffy looking Thompson he's behind me, 1:23:19.960 --> 1:23:22.600 And I was like, fuck, yes, I told you you 1:23:22.640 --> 1:23:23.200 were scruffy. 1:23:23.400 --> 1:23:26.240 Even the random elderly grandma on the plane said, though 1:23:26.520 --> 1:23:29.559 I love that you're sweet. You're sweet is like taking 1:23:29.640 --> 1:23:32.320 the pierce out of Jordan. That's you're sweet and you're sweet. 1:23:32.640 --> 1:23:36.000 That right, And he did shave. Yeah, he will never 1:23:36.080 --> 1:23:37.559 let me. He'll never let me be right. 1:23:37.720 --> 1:23:39.760 So I feel like for me, for him to for 1:23:39.840 --> 1:23:41.360 that to have happened, it just couldn't have been any 1:23:41.400 --> 1:23:44.479 better timing. So that's my sweet. And on that note, guys, 1:23:44.960 --> 1:23:45.920 I reckon. That's around. 1:23:45.920 --> 1:23:48.720 Well, if you have loved this episode, you guys know 1:23:48.880 --> 1:23:52.519 the drill, go subscribe, Tell your mom, tell your dad, tell. 1:23:52.360 --> 1:23:54.439 Your friends, tell your kids, just tell everyone. 1:23:54.600 --> 1:23:56.360 And if you are stuck at home with your kids 1:23:56.360 --> 1:23:59.120 because your kids can't get to take care, I'm sorry. 1:23:59.080 --> 1:24:03.320 And share the love because we love, we love love. 1:24:06.920 --> 1:24:09.839 They're not Contora, They're. 1:24:11.720 --> 1:24:19.800 They're not cuttor gay, they're bunny, They're not cuttora, that's 1:24:19.880 --> 1:24:20.599 not that day. 1:24:23.160 --> 1:24:23.200 The