Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 2: I'm Laura and I'm Britney, and I am.
Speaker 1: Coming to you from the deep dark and cedy place
Speaker 1: that is Sydney in lockdown.
Speaker 2: Here we are hang hang on a hot second. You
Speaker 2: are literally in my laundrym Are you saying that that
Speaker 2: is deep dark and city because I play.
Speaker 1: I'm back to you from the deep dark and city
Speaker 1: place that is Britney's apartment. Thank god that you gave
Speaker 1: me keys though, because okay, so obviously you guys know
Speaker 1: BRIT's overseas. Brit gave me keys to her apartment, and
Speaker 1: I have been sneaking up here, which is fine because
Speaker 1: it is very COVID safe. There is nobody here at
Speaker 1: the moment. I'm all by myself, but I've been coming
Speaker 1: up here to record. There is no way that we
Speaker 1: have been able to continue to bring you this podcast
Speaker 1: if it meant me recording in the house with the
Speaker 1: two kids and Matt and a dog.
Speaker 2: It's chaos. Everything is chaos. The floor is lava. I
Speaker 2: knew that you'd need a safe place, so yeah.
Speaker 1: I've been telling Matt, hey, I'm just going to go
Speaker 1: up and do some work and I've literally just been
Speaker 1: sitting here on the couch in the serene silence.
Speaker 2: No, but I did. I very likely gave keys to
Speaker 2: two friends that I said. You can come and go
Speaker 2: as you please if you need a safe place, if
Speaker 2: you need a bed. So also, just water my plans
Speaker 2: and look after everything. Thanks, love you, bye.
Speaker 1: Guys. You don't come here for us to be sad.
Speaker 1: You come here for the uplifting content. However, we cannot
Speaker 1: avoid the fact that one half of us is very
Speaker 1: much in Sydney locked out at the moment. So for
Speaker 1: anybody else who's experiencing it, we just want to say
Speaker 1: that our thoughts and our feelings and our love and
Speaker 1: everything is with you, and for everybody who is in
Speaker 1: Melbourne who's thinking, oh it was about time that Sydney
Speaker 1: got their turn of this.
Speaker 2: We're all in this together, guys. No, and what Laura
Speaker 2: said is right. You don't come here to listen to
Speaker 2: the dark, gloomy stuff, but we do just want to say, like,
Speaker 2: our thoughts are with you. My thoughts are really with
Speaker 2: you over here, and I mean I lived it last
Speaker 2: year as well. We're very lucky we didn't do it
Speaker 2: for a long time, but just make sure that you
Speaker 2: guys stay really connected with each other. You reach out
Speaker 2: to each other, you have your zooms, you can play
Speaker 2: online games like just try and find a way to
Speaker 2: stay connected because we know how much mental health can
Speaker 2: suffer in this time.
Speaker 1: And there was somebody who actually wrote on our Facebook
Speaker 1: discussion group, So if you haven't joined the discussion group,
Speaker 1: jump on it's Life Uncut discussion group on Facebook. But
Speaker 1: somebody who has lived and breathed and done the Melbourne
Speaker 1: lockdowns actually did a post the other day and I
Speaker 1: love this. It was her ten point plan for how
Speaker 1: she survived Melbourne lockdown and I'm just want to read
Speaker 1: off some of these because I took a screenshot of
Speaker 1: it today and I was like, this is what I'm
Speaker 1: going to do for the next two weeks. Number One,
Speaker 1: change your room around. It's like having a little mini
Speaker 1: holiday too. Start a project. I started at dot painting
Speaker 1: and it took me weeks, but it's something that you
Speaker 1: can accomplish easily. Number Three, I YouTube and learned how
Speaker 1: to knit.
Speaker 2: I love this.
Speaker 1: I'm not that self motivated to learn how to knit,
Speaker 1: but like, I really appreciate this. Maybe I'll get small plants. Four.
Speaker 1: The freezer is your best friend. Number five. Use Amazon
Speaker 1: Prime for next day delivery. Number six. Make sure you
Speaker 1: mix it up. One day eat in your bedroom, maybe
Speaker 1: one day eat on the couch, maybe one day eat
Speaker 1: on the balcony. Really keep yourself guessing here, guys. Number
Speaker 1: seven declutter while you can pick a room each day
Speaker 1: and just go for it.
Speaker 2: Number eight.
Speaker 1: Plan a date night with your friends on Zoom where
Speaker 1: you all order food from the same restaurant and then
Speaker 1: you sit down at the same time and eat it together.
Speaker 1: It feels like you're actually catching up with friends properly.
Speaker 1: Number nine. Make the most of not having to wash
Speaker 1: your hair. Okay, I've embraced this one. Make the most
Speaker 1: of not having to wash your hair. If you're trying
Speaker 1: to retrain your hair to only wash it once every
Speaker 1: x amount of days, this is the perfect time because
Speaker 1: you can look like crap and no one is going
Speaker 1: to see Number ten. If you can have fresh flowers
Speaker 1: in your house. And I love this, and I wanted
Speaker 1: to say thank you to the person who wrote this
Speaker 1: and shared it with oh y'all in Sydney.
Speaker 2: I love all of those I particularly love and I
Speaker 2: think this was really good like this was a suggestion
Speaker 2: we did for dating during COVID was the but I
Speaker 2: think it was number eight Laura, call your friends, make
Speaker 2: sure you order from the same restaurants, sit down and
Speaker 2: have a dinner. I really love that. But when I
Speaker 2: think about my lockdown, I just remember I just let
Speaker 2: everything go wild. Like I didn't shave my legs for
Speaker 2: a month. It was pretty scary times back then.
Speaker 1: I've been doing that since I had kids. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: like twenty twenty ones really set me backwards, but I'm
Speaker 1: here for it. But also I did want to say
Speaker 1: one thing, and like we said, we're not going to
Speaker 1: harp on about the fact that we're in lockdown, like
Speaker 1: we've all heard it before, we've all read the news.
Speaker 1: But there is one thing that I think we can
Speaker 1: all appreciate and relate to, and that is that with
Speaker 1: the current climate, it makes it so hard to actually
Speaker 1: look forward to stuff. I mean, for me, it was
Speaker 1: that we had a holiday plan to go to New Zealand.
Speaker 1: It was that we were supposed to be planning our
Speaker 1: wedding this weekend, and all of those plans have now
Speaker 1: been canceled and put on hold, and it just makes
Speaker 1: it really difficult to get excited about stuff. So if
Speaker 1: there's anybody else who's had some big things canceled, or
Speaker 1: maybe we're going to catch up with your family, whatever
Speaker 1: it was that you were looking forward to that's been
Speaker 1: taken away from you, I just want to let you
Speaker 1: know that we are very much thinking of you and
Speaker 1: we hope that you're able to find a little bit
Speaker 1: of happiness in this lockdown period as well.
Speaker 2: Guys, I am so excited about today's episode. This is
Speaker 2: one if you follow along on my Instagram. For the
Speaker 2: last little while, I've been hyping on this TV show,
Speaker 2: Love on the Spectrum. It's better than The Bachelor. I'm
Speaker 2: obsessed with it. I love it. I love how real
Speaker 2: and raw it is. You know, it's a window into
Speaker 2: another world that we don't really get to see that
Speaker 2: we don't really know about. I think that we're not
Speaker 2: as educated on as we could probably be. Anyway, I
Speaker 2: fell head over heels in love with the show. So
Speaker 2: I reached out to the ABC and was like, Yo,
Speaker 2: I'm obsessed, Please can I speak to some of the
Speaker 2: contestants And we were lucky enough to speak to Cassandra
Speaker 2: from Love on the Spectrum. She's on season two, which
Speaker 2: is airing at the moment, and she's absolutely brilliant. So
Speaker 2: she's coming to join us just to talk about all
Speaker 2: things love life, what it's like to date on the Spectrum,
Speaker 2: what it's like to have autism day to day, things
Speaker 2: that she deals with, and things I guess, misconcepttions, myths.
Speaker 2: She's really open and honest about life on the Spectrum.
Speaker 2: So that's really really brilliant. I'm looking forward to that.
Speaker 2: But then we also got Jodi Rodgers on Now. Jody
Speaker 2: is the specialist on Love on the Spectrum, so she's
Speaker 2: the woman that she comes in and she helps to
Speaker 2: coach all then I don't know if we can call
Speaker 2: them contestants. It's like I'm talking about it like it's
Speaker 2: a Bachelor Laura. I guess all the participants on the show.
Speaker 2: She comes in and she teaches them different social skills,
Speaker 2: different dating skills. Some of them are more high functioning,
Speaker 2: some of them are more low functioning. Show. She comes
Speaker 2: in and she teaches them what they need to know,
Speaker 2: she helps coach them through. So she comes on the
Speaker 2: podcast today as well, So we have Cassandra and Jody
Speaker 2: coming up.
Speaker 1: So before we get into that, and I honestly, am
Speaker 1: so excited by this interview. I learned so much and
Speaker 1: it just there was one thing that was said by Cassandra,
Speaker 1: and I really loved this about the show and the
Speaker 1: purpose of the show. So one of the things that
Speaker 1: Cassandra said to us just before we started the interview,
Speaker 1: she said, Love in the Spectrum is not really a
Speaker 1: dating show for people who have autis. She was like,
Speaker 1: people who have autism already know what it's like to
Speaker 1: have autism. Love on the Spectrum is a TV show
Speaker 1: that is being designed for people who are neurotypical so
Speaker 1: that they can better understand what it is that we
Speaker 1: deal with on a day to day and how we
Speaker 1: show up to the world. And I just love that
Speaker 1: so much because I think that, you know, we can
Speaker 1: watch this and we can kind of almost think like, oh,
Speaker 1: like it's so beautiful, it's so wholesome. But there was
Speaker 1: something really quite powerful in the way that she was
Speaker 1: able to explain that. Now, before we get into that conversation,
Speaker 1: of course, there's a few things that we want to
Speaker 1: talk about first, and before we do that, I also
Speaker 1: have a little bit of housekeeping that we want to do.
Speaker 1: So if you listen to ask on Cut and you
Speaker 1: listen to Thursday's episode, you would know that we did
Speaker 1: a big discussion around Victoria's Secret and how they are
Speaker 1: changing from having the Victoria's Secret Angels to having the
Speaker 1: Victoria's Secret Collective. And now the Victoria's Secret Collective is
Speaker 1: all based on diversity, and we really unpacked that on
Speaker 1: Thursday's Ask on Cut episode. However, I made an error
Speaker 1: in something that I said, and I just want to
Speaker 1: correct that. We talk about some of the influential women
Speaker 1: who are making up the Victoria's Secret Collective, and I
Speaker 1: incorrectly said that Meghan Rappino is somebody who is transgender
Speaker 1: and identifies as being transgender. Now, Meghan Rappino is an
Speaker 1: LGBTQI activist. She's also a very famous soccer player, and
Speaker 1: she does not identify as being transgender. So I want
Speaker 1: to say thank you to every single person who messaged
Speaker 1: and corrected.
Speaker 2: Me on that.
Speaker 1: We always want to bring you the best content that
Speaker 1: we possibly can, and it's important to us that the
Speaker 1: content that we bring.
Speaker 2: You is correct.
Speaker 1: But Brittany, you did send me an article that you
Speaker 1: wanted to touch on before we got into the episode.
Speaker 1: Please look, take the microphone.
Speaker 2: I just landed in London. I landed in England from Spain. Obviously,
Speaker 2: it's Wimbledon next week, so I'm very excited about that.
Speaker 2: It's one of the big Grand Slams and I absolutely
Speaker 2: just can't wait to watch Jordan play. But what I
Speaker 2: do every single morning, and especially in another country, I've
Speaker 2: always done this since I was like thirteen years old.
Speaker 2: I wake up and I read the news. I'm obsessed
Speaker 2: with the news. Anyway, there was one article in England
Speaker 2: when I wake up this morning that really grabbed my attention.
Speaker 2: The headline was that a woman mourns the loss of
Speaker 2: her husband only a few months after marrying him. I
Speaker 2: was like, fucking hell, Like that is horrific. I couldn't
Speaker 2: even imagine that. Okay, I don't.
Speaker 1: I'm laughing for good reason. Guys, don't think that I'm
Speaker 1: a fucking evil person.
Speaker 2: No, I was like, I just couldn't imagine what that's like.
Speaker 2: So obviously I read the article and this woman had
Speaker 2: been dating or her husband on and off for ten years,
Speaker 2: finally married him in her ceremony in Israel, and he
Speaker 2: died only a couple months later of stomach cancer. Now,
Speaker 2: the reason this is funny, and I shouldn't even say
Speaker 2: it's funny. But her husband was a dolphin. Her husband
Speaker 2: was adult. She married a dolphin. Now I didn't know
Speaker 2: that was a thing.
Speaker 1: It's not funny because it's not funny that a dolphin
Speaker 1: passed away. I'm just gonna say that to start with.
Speaker 1: The funny part is is that it took me a
Speaker 1: little while to actually realize what this was talking about.
Speaker 1: And then I was like, this is so sad, and
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm sorry. She married a who she
Speaker 1: married a what?
Speaker 3: Well?
Speaker 2: The only reason that gets funny is and it's I mean, like,
Speaker 2: this is a real thing. Guys googled it. Okay, there's
Speaker 2: people that marry I googled it, so it must be true.
Speaker 2: There's something called objective sexuality, but that's more people that
Speaker 2: marry objects. So what this went into, I just went
Speaker 2: into the depths of the internet on this. I mean,
Speaker 2: to finish her story. She met this dolphin on a
Speaker 2: trip ten years ago, and she said she literally just
Speaker 2: said it was love at first sight, like she knew
Speaker 2: that this was the person she was supposed to be with.
Speaker 2: So they dated on and off for ten years. I
Speaker 2: know she finally married him, so she would fly back
Speaker 2: to Israel to visit him on the dates and stuff.
Speaker 2: She finally married him and he died, And I mean, like,
Speaker 2: it's horrific. Ultimately a dolphin died.
Speaker 1: I want to know, like, how does a dolphin consent
Speaker 1: and opt into dating? Because like I could say that,
Speaker 1: like I've dated a guy for ten years on and off.
Speaker 1: They have to like, how does a dolphin say, yes,
Speaker 1: I want to continue to date you.
Speaker 2: Well, she has wedding. She's put her wedding pictures up.
Speaker 2: I'm looking at them right now. She's in this like
Speaker 2: beautiful white dress. She has a floral head piece on.
Speaker 2: It's the wedding and the dolphin is in the air
Speaker 2: like it's bellies kind of come up onto the platform
Speaker 2: and it's kissing her. It's unbelievable. It's a proper It
Speaker 2: actually looks like a beautiful ceremony to be honest. Well,
Speaker 2: basically she said, it's not a perverted thing. I do
Speaker 2: love this dolphin. He's the love of my life. It's
Speaker 2: not a bad thing. It's just something that we did
Speaker 2: because I love him, but not in a way that
Speaker 2: you love a man. It's just pure love that I
Speaker 2: have for this animal, so she wanted to marry him.
Speaker 2: She also said she'll never marry again. She is a
Speaker 2: one dolphin woman.
Speaker 1: Yeah, can I just say in this article as well
Speaker 1: that Brittany sent to me. Meanwhile, a woman in Devon
Speaker 1: married her own duvet, claiming it was the most intimate
Speaker 1: and reliable relationship she has ever had.
Speaker 2: Say subjective sexuality, and when I went into it, there
Speaker 2: are so many. There's a woman that married the Eiffel Tower.
Speaker 2: She changed her last name to Eiffel. There are people
Speaker 2: that have married the bridges. There's one woman that married
Speaker 2: her chandelier, so it's actually a thing.
Speaker 1: I do remember there being a guy in the States
Speaker 1: who married his sex doll, which like, there's a lot
Speaker 1: of issues tied up into that. But anyway, okay, with
Speaker 1: that out of the way, all the really important stuff,
Speaker 1: it is time for our very favorite part of every episode,
Speaker 1: and that is accidentally.
Speaker 2: I'mffiltered this one. Laura gave me very very heavy Laura vibes.
Speaker 1: I feel like, okay, literally, you say that every single time,
Speaker 1: and every single time it's something wildly inappropriate. It's like, oh,
Speaker 1: this person chat themselves in a supermarket line, and then
Speaker 1: you're like, Hey, Laura, this is something you would do. Hey,
Speaker 1: this person got blackout drunk and vomited on their boyfriend's peters.
Speaker 1: Hey Laura, this is something that you would do.
Speaker 2: Okay, you'll understand why when I read I'm okay with this,
Speaker 2: We're really not okay. This isn't something that you did, though.
Speaker 2: It was something that happened to this girl that reminded
Speaker 2: me heavily of you. Okay, hey hit me. I was
Speaker 2: seeing this guy a little while ago. He was most
Speaker 2: certainly a rebound for me. I was over at his
Speaker 2: friend's place and they were all weed smokers. Now I
Speaker 2: was only twenty one. I hadn't been around many people
Speaker 2: that did weed. No judgment. I just must have lived
Speaker 2: under wrong and I didn't really know how people acted
Speaker 2: when they were on weed. Anyway, as the night went on,
Speaker 2: everyone had a lot to drink. We all decided to
Speaker 2: stay there the night. The guy I was seeing and
Speaker 2: I went onto the couch. We were all alone, and
Speaker 2: things started to get pretty hot and heavy pants are
Speaker 2: off and kissing was going on, and I knew we
Speaker 2: were gonna do the deed.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 2: Somehow, his penis made its way between my thighs. But
Speaker 2: I'm not talking about my vagina, just sort of like
Speaker 2: in the crease of my groin, And all of a
Speaker 2: sudden he started convulsing like a jack crabead. He was
Speaker 2: going hard.
Speaker 1: Thankfully it was dark, and I had this really weird
Speaker 1: look of confusion on my face, but he couldn't see it.
Speaker 1: I have never experienced anyone on weed before, so I
Speaker 1: was like, maybe this is a reaction from it, maybe
Speaker 1: he's having a seizure. But then in minutes he whispers, I'm.
Speaker 2: Going to come. This is talking by surprise.
Speaker 1: Here I am thinking he's having a fit and he's
Speaker 1: coming and fucking my leg. Maybe he thought he was
Speaker 1: in Maybe he was so off his chops, or maybe
Speaker 1: he's also like my eggs and just like to have
Speaker 1: sex with all of her.
Speaker 2: He goes, oh my god, I'm gonna come, and she goes,
Speaker 2: what you're not even in? He came in my figs.
Speaker 2: He wasn't even nearer vagina.
Speaker 1: I'm debating this. I reckon he was so cooked he
Speaker 1: thought he was in girl science. Nah, I don't care
Speaker 1: how much weed you've had. I feel like you know
Speaker 1: where the vagina is.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: Well, mean, some guys don't some guy doesn't need a
Speaker 1: roadmap and they need an X mark the spot and
Speaker 1: they need to be shown.
Speaker 2: I wonder how many people are like that. I wonder
Speaker 2: how many people have had this happen where they're in
Speaker 2: an intimate situation and the guy has very obviously thought
Speaker 2: it was somewhere that it's not. I reckon, it's probably
Speaker 2: pretty commet.
Speaker 1: I've definitely had a guy I think that they knew
Speaker 1: where my clip was and it certainly was not it.
Speaker 1: I was like, why are you furiously rubbing that? That
Speaker 1: is not helping anyone.
Speaker 2: I feel like that has happened to everyone. That has
Speaker 2: definitely happened to me. I have a really really good winter.
Speaker 2: Strap yourselves in, Strap on your undies, ladies.
Speaker 1: I'd been talking to this guy online for a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks and we had been on a coffee date
Speaker 1: and he was really really handsome, a little alternative with
Speaker 1: long hair and not my normal type, but you know
Speaker 1: what they say, date outside your box. So he said
Speaker 1: he was really into yoga and being the yeah, sure,
Speaker 1: I'll give anything a try kind of girl that I am,
Speaker 1: I suggested that maybe I could come to a yoga
Speaker 1: class with him and he could show me the ropes.
Speaker 1: So anyway, fast forward to our next date. He invites
Speaker 1: me to do a yoga class with him. I haven't
Speaker 1: really done a lot of yoga before, a couple of
Speaker 1: classes here and there. I'm generally pretty fit, though, and
Speaker 1: I'm pretty flexible, so I thought, well, what could possibly
Speaker 1: go wrong? We were about twenty minutes into the class,
Speaker 1: and there had been a lot of side glances and
Speaker 1: smiling and making eye contact, lots of cute stuff like that.
Speaker 1: This had all been happening kind of between yoga posers.
Speaker 1: So here I am about to get into my new
Speaker 1: pose that the woman that the front is doing. Like
Speaker 1: I said, I'm pretty flexible, and I was really feeling myself.
Speaker 1: So I've locked eyes with the guy and at the
Speaker 1: same time I hinge myself forward and into the move,
Speaker 1: and simultaneously, a ginormous queaf echoes out of my.
Speaker 2: Old girl. I bene he was gonna die. There was
Speaker 2: no hiding that it came from me.
Speaker 1: The look on my face of shock and horror would
Speaker 1: have been enough to give it away. Now, anyway, I
Speaker 1: thought I was in the clear. You would think that
Speaker 1: the story would end here, but no, I continued the
Speaker 1: move thinking that everything was okay, and another two consecutive
Speaker 1: quefs followed at this point. By this point, the woman
Speaker 1: behind me was pissing herself laughing, and then the instructor
Speaker 1: says aloud to the entire class, it's okay. We all
Speaker 1: make some unusual noises sometime.
Speaker 2: Haha, No, don't make it like.
Speaker 4: I was so upset.
Speaker 2: I started to cry.
Speaker 1: Girl number one rule never queep and cry.
Speaker 2: You never quep and cry. I was like I had
Speaker 2: to text her and I was like what happened? Like
Speaker 2: where did this go? She was like, I never spoke
Speaker 2: to him again. A fucking cart Okay. Firstly, Firstly, firstly,
Speaker 2: queaping is normal with all there. Don't fret if if
Speaker 2: you quep, Like so many people are like, if that
Speaker 2: happens to you during sex or some embarrassing it's not
Speaker 2: even just tell him it means it's good or something like.
Speaker 1: I think it's different when it happens during sex. Like
Speaker 1: when it happens during sex, you can just have a
Speaker 1: giggle and be like, oh, what's that happened? Like we've
Speaker 1: all been we've all been in a compromising position where
Speaker 1: we've been having really great sex and then it's happened.
Speaker 1: I think the worst part about this story is like,
Speaker 1: you know what, just let the woman quef and everyone
Speaker 1: just pretended doesn't happen. Don't be the person at the
Speaker 1: front that calls it out, and it makes it even worse.
Speaker 2: Like don't worry, sweetheart, we all make those sounds. No,
Speaker 2: just like let that slide.
Speaker 1: I used to have a friend who could queef on demand,
Speaker 1: like she could do it as a party trick. You
Speaker 1: know what, if she was living her best life, kief
Speaker 1: and after a few wives, you're gonna be fine doing
Speaker 1: it in yo, Guru.
Speaker 2: And if he doesn't want to see you again because
Speaker 2: you're creeping, then that is his lost girl.
Speaker 1: All right. On that note, I think it's time to
Speaker 1: get into the episode.
Speaker 2: Autism Spectrum disorder affects one in sixty eight children, and
Speaker 2: we all know, or maybe we all don't know, but
Speaker 2: boys nearly five times more likely than girls to be
Speaker 2: diagnosed with ASD, and that is why we decided to
Speaker 2: get a woman in. So we have the very lovely,
Speaker 2: very beautiful Cassandra from Love on the Spectrum And I
Speaker 2: am so excited because I'm just like a super fan
Speaker 2: of the show. So welcome to life on cut Cassandra.
Speaker 5: Thank you for having me on. It's great to be here.
Speaker 2: Okay, So I got Laura into the show. We just
Speaker 2: so you know our background, because I don't think you
Speaker 2: do know. But we were on The Bachelor. We love love,
Speaker 2: we love dating, and I just fell in love with
Speaker 2: love on the spectrum.
Speaker 6: Love on the.
Speaker 1: Spectrum is like the much more wholesome version of the Bachelor,
Speaker 1: so much more wholesome. I I remember putting it on Instagram, going, this,
Speaker 1: shit's all over the Bachelor, and I think it's just
Speaker 1: because if anyone hasn't seen it, it's so real and
Speaker 1: it's so raw, and there's really not a lot of
Speaker 1: mask in your emotions, which I think when we see
Speaker 1: other dating shows, we're just.
Speaker 2: Not getting that authenticity. So I think that's why I
Speaker 2: fell in love.
Speaker 1: But also I think there is still so much stigma
Speaker 1: and mystery around autism, spectrum disorder and what it is,
Speaker 1: and I think looking in love on the spectrum gives
Speaker 1: us a better understanding, and I think that that was
Speaker 1: a big part of this. I'm really interested in how
Speaker 1: you got onto the show in the first place and
Speaker 1: why you signed up for it.
Speaker 6: So this is a few years back before COVID, my
Speaker 6: mother was looking for ways for me to get out
Speaker 6: into the world amongst people my own age. I'm quite
Speaker 6: a very young minded person. I'm still into like anime
Speaker 6: and cosplay and all the kind of teen interests, and
Speaker 6: my mum wanted me to kind of get out there
Speaker 6: amongst my own peers. So she was looking into all
Speaker 6: these different things, and she found employable me I think
Speaker 6: It's called which was like one of the first shows
Speaker 6: about autistic individuals.
Speaker 5: I did apply for that.
Speaker 6: I didn't get on I'm a bit too employable. It
Speaker 6: was more about to show lower spectrum needs to get
Speaker 6: into workhorse. So she continued looking. She found season one
Speaker 6: of Love on the Spectrum and applied for me, and
Speaker 6: I didn't get through. Obviously I'm not on season one.
Speaker 6: But when season two came around, they kind of gave
Speaker 6: us a call and we're like, are you still interested?
Speaker 6: And I was like, yes, get me somebody, So yeah,
Speaker 6: I jumped on that chance, and yeah, that's how I
Speaker 6: got into season two.
Speaker 2: Let's like sort of go back to your childhood, your diagnosis,
Speaker 2: how old you were, et cetera, and like walks through
Speaker 2: what those early years were like for you.
Speaker 6: So I didn't get diagnosed till I was in grade seven,
Speaker 6: about thirteen years old. Like most other girls on the
Speaker 6: spectrum were not diagnosed early at all. It's an average
Speaker 6: of eight years or older, and governmental help runs out
Speaker 6: at the age of eight, so we've got no help.
Speaker 6: My mom sent me to a girls school for high
Speaker 6: school like my sister went to before me, and the
Speaker 6: school figured it out. They were like, she's got some
Speaker 6: traits we've seen before. Have you ever heard of autism?
Speaker 6: And nobody back then wanted to hear that word, especially
Speaker 6: because nobody really understood it, and my mom wasn't anything different.
Speaker 6: She didn't understand it either, So my mum, being my mom,
Speaker 6: researched it to heaven and back and scary.
Speaker 1: I think, like, when you hear that as a parent,
Speaker 1: the instant fear is worst case.
Speaker 2: Now you hear horror stories.
Speaker 6: Yeah, my mum was terrified, and she got me in
Speaker 6: to see a psychologist, and that psychologist spoke to me
Speaker 6: for five minutes. She said, I was just too smart.
Speaker 6: I should have gone to a really brady person school.
Speaker 6: She didn't read the notes from my school. She didn't
Speaker 6: really talk to me. I was in the room for
Speaker 6: about five minutes, and she kind of dismissed us as
Speaker 6: having nothing to worry about, and my mom was like, no,
Speaker 6: she's smart, but no. So she did more research and
Speaker 6: she found Julie Peterson Embracing the Other Half psychology clinic,
Speaker 6: and it was at the time the leading psychology clinic
Speaker 6: for autistic children. So she got me in to see her,
Speaker 6: which was one really not easy and too quite expensive.
Speaker 6: We had no government funding for it. And Julie spoke
Speaker 6: to me for two and a half hours and she
Speaker 6: did test after test, and they didn't seem like tests
Speaker 6: at the time. Like she'd showed me a picture of
Speaker 6: a boy crying and a girl with two ice creams
Speaker 6: and asked me to interpret it, and I would get
Speaker 6: it completely wrong. Do you remember what you thought when
Speaker 6: you looked at those I thought she was just happy
Speaker 6: that she has two ice creams, and he was sad
Speaker 6: that it was hot or something. I'm not one hundred
Speaker 6: percent sure what I thought it back then, And Julie
Speaker 6: was like, I'm ninety eight percent sure she's on the spectrum.
Speaker 6: Here's a program we can run with. Let's see how
Speaker 6: this works for you. Come back in six weeks and
Speaker 6: I've been seeing her constantly since then until COVID. But yeah,
Speaker 6: every six to eight weeks, i'd have a meeting and
Speaker 6: she would train me in social etiquette. I had to
Speaker 6: learn what a conversation is.
Speaker 2: So you are not a very verbal child.
Speaker 6: Oh, I was extremely verbal, but I would talk at people,
Speaker 6: so I had to have it explained to me. Like
Speaker 6: a game of tennis, the ball is the conversation. So
Speaker 6: you hit it over with a question, they answer it,
Speaker 6: they hit it back. What I was doing was like
Speaker 6: those tennis ball machines, but to shoot them out, That's
Speaker 6: what I would do.
Speaker 5: I would talk at people.
Speaker 2: It's a great analogy.
Speaker 5: Yeah, she was brilliant.
Speaker 1: Could you explain to everyone sort of what the breakdown
Speaker 1: is for how they diagnose or where people sit on
Speaker 1: the spectrum, whether it's mild or high functioning. How is
Speaker 1: the breakdown done and where do you sit on that spectrum?
Speaker 6: So my personal diagnosis is high functioning mild autism, which
Speaker 6: means I function well in society, which is the high functioning.
Speaker 6: The mild means that you not you guys, but neurotypicals
Speaker 6: in general will experience my autism mildly. I can moderate
Speaker 6: my behavior well enough that it doesn't socially affect me
Speaker 6: too much, but I still have autism, which means my
Speaker 6: social learning was delay my experience things in a different way.
Speaker 6: Where there are people that are on the other end,
Speaker 6: which would have low functioning severe autism, which would mean
Speaker 6: they don't function well out in society on their own,
Speaker 6: and their autistic traits are extremely obvious. You can sit
Speaker 6: anywhere on there like you could have low functioning but mild,
Speaker 6: you could have high functioning but severe, and it really
Speaker 6: depends on the person's individual diagnosis where they end up.
Speaker 1: You said something that was really profound to me before
Speaker 1: we started recording, and that was that it is mild
Speaker 1: as in the way that neurotypical people perceive your autism
Speaker 1: is mild. However it's not mild to you. Absolutely.
Speaker 6: I experience all the hypersensitivities, the anxieties, the internal repercussions
Speaker 6: of being in the neurotypical world extremely like I am
Speaker 6: constantly moderating my behavior, checking in with my own stress levels.
Speaker 5: I have to be constantly aware of where I am.
Speaker 6: Mentally and physically so that my perception remains mild.
Speaker 2: It's that exhausting for you hearing That makes me really sad,
Speaker 2: because you should never have to moderate who you are
Speaker 2: to fit in with the rest of us cities.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think the same thing, like, surely there
Speaker 1: must come a point where you feel like you don't
Speaker 1: get to be your authentic self and you're constantly showing
Speaker 1: up to the world to fit in with what other
Speaker 1: people expect.
Speaker 6: In a perfect world, I wouldn't have to. But we
Speaker 6: don't live in a perfect world. We live in a
Speaker 6: neurotypical society. We live in a world based off of
Speaker 6: I guess, the average. So we live in a world
Speaker 6: that's not built for people in wheelchairs because they're not
Speaker 6: the average. We're built for people with vision, not the blind,
Speaker 6: because that's the average. Just the same our societal social
Speaker 6: constructs are built for the average. The average person can
Speaker 6: go nine to five work hours and then go out
Speaker 6: for dinner, still get maybe a hobby done, and then
Speaker 6: go to bed and continue that where autistic people, especially me,
Speaker 6: we suffer from burnout. So because we're also moderating our
Speaker 6: mental behavior, our social behavior, trying to make sure we're
Speaker 6: not showing our ticks and stems, which are like short
Speaker 6: physical movements that help kind of get us back into
Speaker 6: our social comfort zone.
Speaker 2: They help relax you a little bit.
Speaker 6: Yeah, we're constantly doing that, and I do mean constantly.
Speaker 6: We suffer from mental burnout a lot quicker. I myself
Speaker 6: cannot work nine to five. I have a job that
Speaker 6: is evening hours about five hours, and that's about maybe
Speaker 6: maximum seven and that's on the days I can do.
Speaker 6: I cannot work more than that. I've tried, and I
Speaker 6: immediately burn out, and I am in a mental place
Speaker 6: that is no good.
Speaker 2: I feel you. I can only wait for five hours
Speaker 2: too when I burn out for very different reasons, for
Speaker 2: different reasons.
Speaker 1: Can you tell me how have you found your relationships
Speaker 1: and your connections with people has been affected by having autism.
Speaker 6: So over the years of my social training with Julie,
Speaker 6: I also had to become aware of other people's social
Speaker 6: I guess habits. So I'm hyper aware of not only myself,
Speaker 6: but also of other people. This isn't for all autistics.
Speaker 6: It's maybe it's just for me, Maybe it's just for
Speaker 6: a few of us. But I don't read body language
Speaker 6: naturally like you guys would breathe and be like, ah,
Speaker 6: she's happy, she's sad. I have to read your eyes
Speaker 6: read your lips, read your shoulders, think about the words
Speaker 6: you just said, which means when I'm dating, I am
Speaker 6: very I guess, cautious and fearful that I'm being manipulated.
Speaker 6: I'm very worried that I'm one not reading them properly,
Speaker 6: or they're purposely giving me other signals so that I'll
Speaker 6: become more comfortable.
Speaker 1: We're all worried about those things when it comes to dating.
Speaker 1: Do you know what that's? One thing is like, no
Speaker 1: matter where you sell on the spectrum, I think it's
Speaker 1: in the dating world, especially in the starts, so fucking
Speaker 1: hard to know what the other person is thinking or
Speaker 1: feeling or doing.
Speaker 6: I'm extremely genuine, I don't lie. I'm very forward with
Speaker 6: everything about me, Like I tell people straight off about
Speaker 6: I'm autistic.
Speaker 2: So when you meet somebody you mentioned to us before
Speaker 2: that in the first five minutes, you'll always tell someone
Speaker 2: that you are autistic. Why is that? Is that because
Speaker 2: you feel like people might judge you for something, or
Speaker 2: that you might misunderstand something, and you just want to
Speaker 2: make it clear.
Speaker 6: Absolutely, I one will tell them I'm autistic and to
Speaker 6: ask them like, if I ever do something odd, please
Speaker 6: just fill me in because I'm still learning, but also
Speaker 6: it gives me a reason why I sometimes ask, like,
Speaker 6: I'm not currently sure about your emotion, can you explain
Speaker 6: it to me?
Speaker 5: If I hadn't explained how autistic, would be like what why?
Speaker 6: Where's that coming from? Where I've already explained I'm autistic,
Speaker 6: I don't understand it all one hundred percent me asking
Speaker 6: for explanations is kind of normal, natural, neutral.
Speaker 1: And do you find that having that conversation upfront allows
Speaker 1: for a greater level of empathy from the person that
Speaker 1: you're talking to. Do you find that like most people
Speaker 1: receive that information in a way that's really helpful to
Speaker 1: you being able to better have these conversations and better engage.
Speaker 6: Absolutely, if they're negative about it, I will kind of
Speaker 6: feel like, Okay, this is not going to be a
Speaker 6: situation that I'm going to continue. But ninety eight percent
Speaker 6: of the time people are like, oh, okay, cool. If
Speaker 6: I have questions going to ask, and I'm like, that's great.
Speaker 6: I can educate more people and continue furthering our awareness.
Speaker 2: Well, I guess that's why we wanted a big reason
Speaker 2: why we wanted you on the podcast is because I
Speaker 2: just think there is a lot of miseducation out there,
Speaker 2: and like you said earlier, when you were diagnosed as
Speaker 2: a child, and I think there was always this really
Speaker 2: negative kind of to someone with autism or someone on
Speaker 2: the spectrum because no one knew about it. So everyone
Speaker 2: was like, oh, they're on the spectrum, like they're so
Speaker 2: different and I can't relate to them, and I can
Speaker 2: never be friends with them, I can never have a
Speaker 2: relationship with them, which is so far from the truth.
Speaker 2: And I have people in my life that are on
Speaker 2: the spectrum. Everyone receives these characteristics differently on the spectrum.
Speaker 2: But I know my friend is very stimulated by sounds
Speaker 2: and light, and she has told me that that is,
Speaker 2: you know, something that is particular to most people on
Speaker 2: the spectrum at different levels. But if she'll look into
Speaker 2: the light, she's too sensitive. She can't see for the
Speaker 2: next two minutes if she hears a baby crying, where
Speaker 2: we all are annoyed by a baby screaming in that
Speaker 2: ear but she will get off a plane or she
Speaker 2: will have to leave a cafe because it does something
Speaker 2: to her that it doesn't do to other people. Can
Speaker 2: you explain that.
Speaker 6: So hypersensory is a kind of side effect of I
Speaker 6: guess most autistic spectrum disorders. I myself have light, sound,
Speaker 6: and touch. Imagine you're driving at night with a foggy windscreen.
Speaker 6: The kind of the light kind of stars out like blurs.
Speaker 6: That's how light is to me all the time. So
Speaker 6: driving at night, I have to wear driving glasses. Otherwise
Speaker 6: the light is just blinding and I cannot physically see
Speaker 6: past headlights. So the sun is like that too, Yes,
Speaker 6: very much. I pretty much go nowhere without sunglasses. I
Speaker 6: in like university or in Hi high school, would wear
Speaker 6: sunglasses in hallways, only take them off in classrooms when
Speaker 6: I had additional needs for exams, I were to be
Speaker 6: in a room that was lit by natural light, not
Speaker 6: fluorescent light. When you have fluorescent lights and they've started
Speaker 6: to break down and you can see them.
Speaker 5: Blink, we see that much earlier. With sound. It's very similar.
Speaker 5: Like I did a small.
Speaker 6: Discussion of this on the show about the dog barking,
Speaker 6: and there was a very long discussion that they cut
Speaker 6: out most of it. But our brains get kind of
Speaker 6: stuck on the irritation and it becomes like a loop.
Speaker 5: In our head. We can't get it out. Have you
Speaker 5: ever had a song stuck in your head and it's
Speaker 5: like to.
Speaker 6: Do and it's like just that short bit and you
Speaker 6: don't know the rest of the song, but that one
Speaker 6: little bit keeps looping.
Speaker 5: I guess as well.
Speaker 1: Like the way that I'm interpreting this is if there
Speaker 1: was some sort of distracting noise that was happening, like
Speaker 1: someone clicking a pen or you know, my kid crying
Speaker 1: in the room next door, that for me, I might
Speaker 1: be able to dull that down, and I might be
Speaker 1: to dial it back and pay attention to whatever's happening
Speaker 1: in front of me, where for.
Speaker 6: Us it's amplified. Our brains link onto it and stick
Speaker 6: on to it, and we can't not pay attention to it.
Speaker 1: What do you think is some of the most prolific
Speaker 1: misconceptions that surround autism.
Speaker 6: Probably when we most people call it a meltdown, but
Speaker 6: when we break down because we can no longer mask
Speaker 6: Masking is where we consciously change our behavior to hide
Speaker 6: our autistic traits or non neurotypical traits.
Speaker 2: So sort of before when you explained that it's exhausting
Speaker 2: for you because you're constantly trying to not be your
Speaker 2: authentic self, that's masking where you're like, I'm just trying
Speaker 2: to fit in with you guys. Look don't have a tick.
Speaker 6: So when I'm extremely stressed, I might stim which is
Speaker 6: for me playing with my fingers, which usually I can
Speaker 6: do in my pocket. So that's a bit of masking.
Speaker 5: But it could also.
Speaker 6: Be like some people have echololia where they repeat sounds
Speaker 6: that they've heard, so baby Shark and the doo doo doos,
Speaker 6: and you'll have one autistic child just doing the doo
Speaker 6: do dooos for the rest of the day. It's an
Speaker 6: ecololic habit where for masking we realize we're doing it,
Speaker 6: we have to physically stop ourselves from doing it. Sometimes
Speaker 6: we do it where we can't be seen, Like if
Speaker 6: I was doing it right now, I'd be doing the
Speaker 6: doot dooos inside my mouth without noise.
Speaker 2: A big misconception that I know of in the autism
Speaker 2: world is that and I hear it all the time,
Speaker 2: and we put just so you know, we put some
Speaker 2: questions out on our Instagram page, the podcast Instagram page.
Speaker 2: We had so many people with questions which we will
Speaker 2: never get through them all, but one of the ones
Speaker 2: that sort of just kept popping up recurrently was And
Speaker 2: I hate to even say it, but I'm just going
Speaker 2: to say it. Do people on the spectrum feel anything?
Speaker 2: Do they have emotions? And like, I mean, I know
Speaker 2: this answer, but it's a common misconception.
Speaker 1: I don't think it was just feel anything. I think
Speaker 1: the big one was feel empathy. I think that was
Speaker 1: the real one.
Speaker 6: That is a conversation I've had so many times. We
Speaker 6: do have empathy in a way. So if you fall
Speaker 6: over skin your knee, we are the first person there
Speaker 6: with band aids to check on you, dry your tears.
Speaker 6: We have that type of empathy. The empathy we usually
Speaker 6: like is when we're playing a game, it's my way
Speaker 6: or the highway. Do it my way or go away.
Speaker 6: That's the empathy we kind of lack. When it's a
Speaker 6: set thing that we know has to be done one way,
Speaker 6: that is it.
Speaker 5: It is stuck on that one way.
Speaker 1: You cannot change it easily regardless of whether someone feels
Speaker 1: because you know, I guess like even if there is
Speaker 1: one specific way of doing something or the right way
Speaker 1: of doing something, if it means that it hurts someone's feelings,
Speaker 1: we might sometimes bend.
Speaker 2: The rules to cater for that. Person's feelings.
Speaker 6: Thats quite often we are so we being the autistic
Speaker 6: people are so bound by our mental rules and structures
Speaker 6: that that's the empathy we lack. So I can love
Speaker 6: like anybody else.
Speaker 2: That was a big one. Can they love and why?
Speaker 3: Of course?
Speaker 6: Like, absolutely, we can love, but we love in our
Speaker 6: own way. Quite a few of us are touched sensitive.
Speaker 6: We don't like being physically touched. Funny story in year seven,
Speaker 6: my friend hugged me every day of the year until
Speaker 6: I stopped being touched sensitive to our group. So now
Speaker 6: with our group, I'm comfortable being touched, which is great,
Speaker 6: but quite a few people on the spectrum are like, no,
Speaker 6: don't touch me. I love her so much for it
Speaker 6: because it showed me that the fear I was having
Speaker 6: of this person touched me was for me irrational.
Speaker 1: And also you know that she's someone who you're in
Speaker 1: a safe space with it. It wasn't just like a
Speaker 1: stranger making you hug them, Like I know that someone
Speaker 1: will listen to this and be like.
Speaker 2: You should never be forced to hug someone. She was
Speaker 2: very aware.
Speaker 6: I was touch starved as well, right because the only
Speaker 6: people I would touch on my family, So I feel
Speaker 6: everything you guys do like I will feel fear, I
Speaker 6: will feel pain, I will feel grief, like Heaven knows,
Speaker 6: I've degree with my time. It's our expression is completely different.
Speaker 6: We do feel it, we don't convey it in the
Speaker 6: same way.
Speaker 2: Dated a long time ago, I dated someone for a
Speaker 2: while that was on the spectrum, and it was like
Speaker 2: it was a beautiful relationship, but I always felt like
Speaker 2: he wasn't interested in me, or he didn't love me,
Speaker 2: or he didn't care about my feelings all the time,
Speaker 2: and it was a constant battle, and he would always
Speaker 2: be like, you know, I love you, Like, how could
Speaker 2: you possibly not know that? I'm like, well, because you
Speaker 2: don't do anything to show me.
Speaker 6: This crops up in my social circles as well. Love
Speaker 6: languages and the language of autism. It's like if you
Speaker 6: were sitting here in Australia and you decided to teleport
Speaker 6: to Japan into a rural area they don't speak English.
Speaker 6: You're not going to complain that they don't speak English.
Speaker 6: You're gonna be like, oh, I have to learn their language.
Speaker 6: It's the same you need to learn the language of
Speaker 6: the person in front of you. So over time, I've
Speaker 6: learned the language of neurotypicals. Also, like love languages, like
Speaker 6: your love language might be shows of affection physical affection,
Speaker 6: where theirs might be acts of service. So they might
Speaker 6: have made you tea or coffee in the mornings, They might.
Speaker 5: Have made the bed.
Speaker 6: They might have remembered you said you wanted to get
Speaker 6: something and they get it on their next shopping trip,
Speaker 6: things like that. So understanding their love language and their
Speaker 6: autistic language bridges that gap.
Speaker 1: When you talk about love languages for people who sit
Speaker 1: on the autism specing disorder, do they still perceive the
Speaker 1: same love languages that we perceive. Could you sit down
Speaker 1: with someone and be like, here, do this love languages
Speaker 1: test and would that give you a better idea of
Speaker 1: the things that they like or don't like.
Speaker 6: I personally think yes, okay, because you will find probably
Speaker 6: ninety percent or something.
Speaker 5: Do not have physical touch as a love language?
Speaker 1: Zero?
Speaker 2: So our one was yeah, he was really great with
Speaker 2: physical touch. That was not the problem. It was like
Speaker 2: conveying anything in his brain that was the problem.
Speaker 6: So that would be a communication. So words of affirmation, Yes,
Speaker 6: because we did the love languages test.
Speaker 1: There you go, and I guess maybe even as well
Speaker 1: if you're sitting down and doing that love language just
Speaker 1: test with somebody who is on the spectrum. I know
Speaker 1: as well, like when we did a whole episode on it,
Speaker 1: and the thing I found really interesting is that you
Speaker 1: sit as a percentage, like you're not one hundred percent
Speaker 1: one zero percent of something else. Very rarely is that
Speaker 1: the case, Whereas I feel like somebody who maybe is
Speaker 1: on the spectrum could be zero percent touch or could
Speaker 1: be zero percent gifts or whatever it is. There may
Speaker 1: be a difference between what somebody perceives is this is
Speaker 1: my love language and how they show it.
Speaker 6: Absolutely, learning the love language or the autistic language of
Speaker 6: the person it extremely helps with it.
Speaker 2: We did have a lot of people write in that
Speaker 2: their partners are on the spectrum and they sort of
Speaker 2: wanted to know what can they do better as a
Speaker 2: neurotypical partner? What advice do you have for someone like that?
Speaker 2: And I guess, like before we get into the show,
Speaker 2: briefest on your dating history as well.
Speaker 6: Okay, so I am a person who doesn't like to
Speaker 6: be constantly masking obviously, so I don't like having to
Speaker 6: talk to someone that I've only just started dating every
Speaker 6: hour of every day. The thing I hate most is
Speaker 6: when they send me a good morning and a good
Speaker 6: night message.
Speaker 2: Most of us are like, why haven't you messaged me
Speaker 2: good morning yet?
Speaker 6: Exactly so, I'm the complete opposite. So the best thing
Speaker 6: to do with an autistic partner or a partner on
Speaker 6: the spectrum in any capacity is to sit down with
Speaker 6: them and communicate.
Speaker 5: I show my affection by doing this. How does that
Speaker 5: make you feel? So? I show affection by making a
Speaker 5: cup of coffee.
Speaker 6: I like hearing you look good today. I don't like
Speaker 6: hearing I missed you. I don't know why, but it
Speaker 6: just makes me feel uncomfortable discussing things like that.
Speaker 5: This is how I.
Speaker 6: Show my affection. How does that make you feel? What
Speaker 6: can I do to change it? If it makes you
Speaker 6: feel uncomfortable? And I guess that's the only thing you
Speaker 6: can do. And we preach that in every relationship is communication.
Speaker 2: You can't. I mean, we all know that the word
Speaker 2: assumption is making an ass out of you and me.
Speaker 2: You're not going to know unless you sit down and ask.
Speaker 2: And that could be a family member, that could be
Speaker 2: your romantic partner, that.
Speaker 1: Could be anyone in your life. Talk to me about
Speaker 1: love on the spectrum. What was that experience like, because
Speaker 1: I think from our experience on the Bachelor there were
Speaker 1: some really stressful pinch points with producers and actually with
Speaker 1: the whole environment. How did you find the environment of
Speaker 1: shooting or how did you find it going on dates
Speaker 1: and having cameras in your face?
Speaker 6: So it was excellent. I'm really surprised to say it
Speaker 6: was absolutely excellent. I love that it gave us a
Speaker 6: liaison I had Alex. I still love her.
Speaker 5: She's great.
Speaker 6: And they would take care of us. They had two
Speaker 6: or three people to take care of and that's it.
Speaker 6: They wouldn't help the other groups. And when it came
Speaker 6: to dates, she was like, are you going to be
Speaker 6: stressed driving in? Yes, I will drive you for free.
Speaker 6: I will drive you.
Speaker 2: That would there to make you comfortable.
Speaker 6: We'd be at the date and they would constantly like
Speaker 6: walk past and check in, are you okay?
Speaker 5: Do you need anything?
Speaker 6: And it wasn't like condescending either.
Speaker 5: It was you look a little stress? Can I help?
Speaker 6: Oh it's a bit too cold, I'll change the air conditioning.
Speaker 6: It was very very welcoming. Our interview are keen? And
Speaker 6: he would ask the question and then later on be
Speaker 6: like you didn't seem comfortable answering that one do you
Speaker 6: want us to take it out? We won't err it
Speaker 6: And they were always very accommodating of anything and everything
Speaker 6: you needed.
Speaker 1: This is the most special reality TV show. I have
Speaker 1: never heard anybody speak of their experience on a reality
Speaker 1: TV show with such like wonderful accolades.
Speaker 2: But it's so great to hear that.
Speaker 6: On my first date, when I had the panic attack
Speaker 6: on the episode one, I myself had to say can
Speaker 6: I have a break? But Kingan was like ready to
Speaker 6: ask do you need a break?
Speaker 5: And he was like.
Speaker 6: Okay, I was about to ask do you need to
Speaker 6: go outside?
Speaker 2: So did you have that panic attack? If you guys
Speaker 2: haven't seen it, this is season two and Cassandra was
Speaker 2: on a date and was just very uncomfortable and had
Speaker 2: to leave. Did you have the panic attack? What was
Speaker 2: that due to? Was that due to being on a
Speaker 2: date with someone you didn't know? Was it due to
Speaker 2: the pressures of camera? People that because you know everyone's around.
Speaker 6: So it's a mixture. His anxiety was obvious to me
Speaker 6: when my body was feeding on it. I was becoming
Speaker 6: more anxious because he was anxious. It was a part
Speaker 6: of the city I didn't know, so getting there made
Speaker 6: me anxious, and my social life at the time was
Speaker 6: not one hundred percent. COVID was happening, things were happening
Speaker 6: at the studio that was making me stressed. I had
Speaker 6: other things that I was thinking about, and it had
Speaker 6: been a very very long week. I just I shouldn't
Speaker 6: have gone on the date in the first place, because
Speaker 6: I was mentally not available. If I had a day
Speaker 6: to rest myself and be like, I'm okay, I'm safe,
Speaker 6: I have time, I would have been fine. I probably
Speaker 6: would have made it to the end of that date.
Speaker 6: But because I'd rush from one thing to the next thing,
Speaker 6: to the next thing to this date, it was just
Speaker 6: too much. It's like a thermometer. So for everybody else,
Speaker 6: the temperature of their stress increases that night they go
Speaker 6: to sleep at decreases.
Speaker 5: For us, it doesn't.
Speaker 6: It kind of sits where it was, and then the
Speaker 6: next day it builds up more. The next day it
Speaker 6: builds up more until you just pop the top off
Speaker 6: and you have your breakdown because you just haven't been
Speaker 6: able to bring yourself back down.
Speaker 1: Like did you meet anyone on the show, or did
Speaker 1: you meet anyone in that experience, who'll you were like, Yes,
Speaker 1: I can have a connection with this person.
Speaker 6: The second date with Sam, I went on a second
Speaker 6: date with him off the show. We went to the aquarium,
Speaker 6: which was lovely, but we've decided to remain friends since then.
Speaker 6: I've spoken to quite a few people that have seen
Speaker 6: me on the show and they're like, you're so amazing,
Speaker 6: But I'm kind of keeping to myself.
Speaker 2: Did you get anyone slide into DMS?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 5: So many.
Speaker 6: My favorite ones are like the moms who are like,
Speaker 6: my son saw you on TV.
Speaker 5: He's so excited. My daughter saw you on TV.
Speaker 1: I just got goose bumps. Could we like Matchmaker's amazing?
Speaker 1: Because this is this representation that people don't see. You know,
Speaker 1: it's so incredible.
Speaker 6: Love on the Spectrum is not for autistic people. It's
Speaker 6: for neurotypical people. We know what it's like to live
Speaker 6: on the spectrum. We know what it's like to try
Speaker 6: to date. We don't need a TV show to tell
Speaker 6: us how we feel, how we.
Speaker 5: Know things are.
Speaker 6: This show is for everybody else to inform you guys.
Speaker 6: It's an education program, so you guys see our world
Speaker 6: at least a glimpse of it, and there are so
Speaker 6: many variations on the spectrum. We're not going to show
Speaker 6: everybody's form of autism, which is unfortunate.
Speaker 5: I wish we could.
Speaker 6: So yes, there are people like saying, that's not how
Speaker 6: I experience autism. That is fine because you already know
Speaker 6: how you experience it.
Speaker 5: It's for everybody else.
Speaker 2: And I love that so much because it really is
Speaker 2: so eye opening it I guess I want to ask you,
Speaker 2: do you think it was a really good representation of autism.
Speaker 6: I was extremely happy with how they represented me and
Speaker 6: the people I got to meet on the show. My
Speaker 6: autism is different to Michael's, mine is different to Tao.
Speaker 6: The way they represent us is individualized.
Speaker 5: They yet to know us.
Speaker 6: They learn how we see and feel the world, and
Speaker 6: then they use the best parts of what they've recorded
Speaker 6: to represent us individually.
Speaker 2: And they do have I mean, like we see people
Speaker 2: everybody fell in love with Michael. We see people that
Speaker 2: you know, they're high functioning, they're low functioning, their mild,
Speaker 2: they're severe, And there really is the whole range. There
Speaker 2: are people, there are couples that are dating. One gets engaged.
Speaker 2: Not going to spoil it in case anyone well, oh,
Speaker 2: my god, that engagement I was I was so happy.
Speaker 2: It was the best thing I've ever saying.
Speaker 6: I found out about it maybe a week before it
Speaker 6: went to air.
Speaker 5: There's another secret.
Speaker 2: I have to keep a lot of other people on
Speaker 2: the show, a lot of the other contestants. I'm just
Speaker 2: gonna use Micael as an example because I have that
Speaker 2: in my head now I can see him saying it.
Speaker 2: A lot of them say they prefer to date people
Speaker 2: on the spectrum. It's not the Bill and end all,
Speaker 2: But when asked an interview, they're like, yeah, I would
Speaker 2: prefer to date someone on the spectrum. How do you
Speaker 2: feel about that? And does that make it easier for you?
Speaker 6: So it is again person to person different. I've dated
Speaker 6: both sides, and there is always going to be something
Speaker 6: that happens that's going to make something difficult. If it's
Speaker 6: another autistic person, their traits might conflict with mine. When
Speaker 6: I have a meltdown, I retreat. Some people will have
Speaker 6: a meltdown and they will explode. That might be a
Speaker 6: part of the relationship that doesn't work, where with a
Speaker 6: neurotypical it could be they've learned how to deal with
Speaker 6: it over time and they're not used to me, just
Speaker 6: suddenly being out of the picture. I'm happy to date
Speaker 6: either I'm not. I guess picky. I say that, but
Speaker 6: I'm very picky. To me, it's neither here nor there.
Speaker 6: If they're on the spectrum, it's how our personalities interact.
Speaker 6: Where a lot of people on the spectrum they only
Speaker 6: really know how to, I guess connect on a different
Speaker 6: level to people also on the spectrum because they can
Speaker 6: share experiences.
Speaker 2: What did you learn from the show? Like, are you
Speaker 2: happy that you did it? What you took from it?
Speaker 2: And what if you can leave our audience with something
Speaker 2: that you wish people knew or could understand better. What
Speaker 2: is your message to then? What do you want to
Speaker 2: say to them?
Speaker 6: I guess. Okay, So before I went on the show,
Speaker 6: I was almost self assured that there was something wrong
Speaker 6: with how I was dating. There had to be something
Speaker 6: I was doing wrong. There was something that I was
Speaker 6: doing that was stopping me from getting the one forever.
Speaker 6: After being on the show, it was good to see
Speaker 6: that no, I'm doing it right and there's nothing wrong.
Speaker 5: It's just dating is hard.
Speaker 1: You just haven't met yourself dating. So that's literally the
Speaker 1: crux of this entire podcast, and we say it every
Speaker 1: single week.
Speaker 2: Dating is hard.
Speaker 6: And I guess what I want to leave people with
Speaker 6: is you cannot trust your own brain. Your brain will
Speaker 6: tell you you're failing. Your brain will tell you there's
Speaker 6: something wrong with you. There's the brain will tell you that.
Speaker 6: My one likes to tell me I'm a freak. And
Speaker 6: back when I was a child, that was a word
Speaker 6: you didn't use, because you can't call my daughter a freak,
Speaker 6: she's autistic. These days, I revel in it like I
Speaker 6: am weird, I am a freak, I am unusual, and
Speaker 6: that is the best thing about me. What I want
Speaker 6: to leave people with is you cannot trust that part
Speaker 6: of your brain that tells you there's something wrong with you,
Speaker 6: because you are perfect the way you are twenty four trillion.
Speaker 6: You are one in twenty four trillion chants of existing.
Speaker 2: Actually right, that is us out.
Speaker 1: There's never been anything more profound said on this entire podcast.
Speaker 6: And like it's my favorite quote to say is out
Speaker 6: of twenty four trillion possibilities, you exist the way you
Speaker 6: exist now.
Speaker 1: And one thing that we always say, and I think
Speaker 1: that this is like just to flow on from your statement,
Speaker 1: is that thoughts are not facts, just because you think
Speaker 1: something and they're fluid, you know, like you might think
Speaker 1: something or feel something one day and that may not
Speaker 1: be a very positive thought or feeling, but those things
Speaker 1: are dynamic and they change, and in six months time
Speaker 1: or a year's time or a day's time, you may
Speaker 1: feel very, very differently about the same situation. Cassandra, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for coming on the podcast and for
Speaker 1: being a part of this.
Speaker 2: It's been such a I just like a fan girl.
Speaker 1: And it really is. It's a conversation we really want
Speaker 1: to work towards destigmatizing a whole variety of conversations on
Speaker 1: this podcast. And being able to talk to you and
Speaker 1: hear it from your own lived experience is something really
Speaker 1: truly special for us. Thank you so much, Cassandra. Whereas
Speaker 1: you've been the best.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 5: It's been great being on here.
Speaker 2: So we spoke to Cassandra earlier on and now we're
Speaker 2: going to speak to Jody Rogers now. Jody is a
Speaker 2: specialist on love on the show Spectrum Now. Jody is
Speaker 2: on this show so that she can help the participants
Speaker 2: with the little things with dating, with relationships, and with
Speaker 2: social skills. Jody has a degree in sexual health and
Speaker 2: she possesses extensive experience working with people with disabilities. So Jody,
Speaker 2: welcome to life.
Speaker 4: Uncut Ah, thanks for having me.
Speaker 2: We are so excited to talk to you. So just
Speaker 2: so you know, we did speak to Cassandra earlier on
Speaker 2: and you guys will be sharing the episode, which is
Speaker 2: really great because we did want to have I guess
Speaker 2: two perspectives. We wanted to speak to somebody that is
Speaker 2: experiencing ASD that can tell us firsthand what that's like,
Speaker 2: what it was like to be on the show. But
Speaker 2: we wanted to also speak to someone that is helping
Speaker 2: these people navigate life on the day to day and
Speaker 2: helping the families of these people. And obviously you were
Speaker 2: on the show, you were coaching them through the dating
Speaker 2: and the day to day. How did you end up
Speaker 2: in the specialty you are and then how did you
Speaker 2: end up on love on the spectrum?
Speaker 4: Life? Isn't it? Sometimes you never know how you get there.
Speaker 3: But I started, well, I've always worked with people with
Speaker 3: disabilities my whole life. Even when I was doing my
Speaker 3: undergraduate in teaching, I was still working as a support worker.
Speaker 3: So I think since I've been about fifteen or sixteen,
Speaker 3: I've been hanging out with people with disabilities. Well, originally
Speaker 3: I was a teacher. I actually have four degrees. I'm
Speaker 3: just a bit of a nerd that so I really
Speaker 3: loved learning. So originally I started teaching, and then I
Speaker 3: did a postgraduate in specially, so that sort of took
Speaker 3: me into the world of working in education and disability.
Speaker 3: But then I sort of break out of being a teacher.
Speaker 3: I'm not really good with bells, I'm not really good
Speaker 3: with time systems. So I then went into sort of
Speaker 3: working within the community in early interventions, so kids under
Speaker 3: five worked in adult areas. But what I found along
Speaker 3: the way was that, particularly working in high school, when
Speaker 3: people would transitioning to high school, there was a lot
Speaker 3: of emphasis put onto people with disability getting a job
Speaker 3: in employment and independent living skills and how to catch.
Speaker 4: A bus or something like that.
Speaker 3: But the most important thing in my life is relationships,
Speaker 3: you know. I think it's the thing that we all
Speaker 3: seek to have connection with other people. And I found
Speaker 3: that as people were getting older, there was less emphasis
Speaker 3: put onto you know, friendship was really important teaching people's
Speaker 3: skills to have friendship when they were young, but once
Speaker 3: it got into sort of the more intimate relationships that
Speaker 3: we know happened in your late teens and into your
Speaker 3: twenties and thirties and forties, blah blah blah the rest
Speaker 3: of our life.
Speaker 4: There wasn't an emphasis.
Speaker 3: So I worked for Family Planning Associations in Australia, so
Speaker 3: I was do it, working with them to support people
Speaker 3: with disabilities around sexuality. And yeah, finally just put my
Speaker 3: money where my mouth was and got a master's degree
Speaker 3: in sexual health counseling. And my whole life, every single
Speaker 3: day of my life, is based around giving people who
Speaker 3: sometimes don't have access to really good counseling and education
Speaker 3: around relationships and sexuality. So all day long, all I
Speaker 3: do is talk about relationships and sex.
Speaker 2: So do we what we do as well?
Speaker 3: You know, there's a lot of myths around autism or
Speaker 3: what the general population receive autism to be. Isn't how
Speaker 3: it is at all?
Speaker 6: You know.
Speaker 3: I stumbled onto the show because no one's paid to
Speaker 3: be on that show.
Speaker 4: There was no casting agents, there was nothing like that.
Speaker 3: They just sort of put a call out to people
Speaker 3: saying who want to be on the show, And at
Speaker 3: that point I received this early in twenty nineteen, I
Speaker 3: got an email saying, oh, you know, we're looking for
Speaker 3: autistic people to be on this show. I printed this
Speaker 3: fly out, stuck it up in my office and they
Speaker 3: just didn't think anything else about it at all. And
Speaker 3: then later that year, a friend of a friend of
Speaker 3: a friend was talking to somebody about producing this show
Speaker 3: and they said, I have you heard of Jodie Rodgers.
Speaker 3: And I literally was presenting at a sexology conference in Sydney,
Speaker 3: and Northern Pictures found out I was there called me
Speaker 3: and I thought, because I'm just like this, I thought
Speaker 3: that they just needed more help to find other autistic
Speaker 3: people to be on the show. So I rocked up
Speaker 3: to meet them to talk about that, and then they
Speaker 3: sent me a message pretty soon afterwards to say would
Speaker 3: I be on the show? I know nothing about television,
Speaker 3: so to start with, I.
Speaker 2: Was like, no way.
Speaker 3: And that's the vulnerability of it. You put yourself in
Speaker 3: a very vulnerable position. And this is my profession, this
Speaker 3: is my job. I'm an accounselor and a therapist. So
Speaker 3: a family member said to me, You've got to think
Speaker 3: about the greater good.
Speaker 4: You know, what is it that this show could offer.
Speaker 3: I just knew if this was done well and it
Speaker 3: was done right, then it would allow people to actually
Speaker 3: understand how diverse and how absolutely incredible autism is and
Speaker 3: how much we can learn from autistic people.
Speaker 2: Can you just tell us what exactly is autism? Give
Speaker 2: us a bit of a definition, because we spoke to
Speaker 2: Cassandra about it and she described what it's like for her.
Speaker 2: But can you give us an actual definition.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's very complex and hard to define.
Speaker 3: And if you ask any autistic person, they can give
Speaker 3: you their understanding of autism, but their experience of autism
Speaker 3: is very different for different people. So the simplest and
Speaker 3: best way I can explain it is it's neurological and
Speaker 3: it's a lifelong neurological People don't say disorder, but if
Speaker 3: people looking at diagnosis, then they still call it a disorder.
Speaker 4: I like to call it a difference, you know. So
Speaker 4: it's a.
Speaker 3: Neurologically different way of seeing and perceiving the world. But
Speaker 3: diagnostically what the people that do the diagnosis, they're looking
Speaker 3: for sort of differences in two distinct areas. So they're
Speaker 3: looking for differences in the way that people socially interact
Speaker 3: with one another and they're also looking for an area
Speaker 3: what they call repetitive and restricted interests and behavior. So
Speaker 3: every single person who has a diagnosis of autism must
Speaker 3: have some kind of complexity or difficulty in the way
Speaker 3: that they interact with other people.
Speaker 4: So you can imagine how diverse that is.
Speaker 3: But then every single person has to have repetitive and
Speaker 3: restricted interests. They might have a really special interest, or
Speaker 3: they may really need to have sameness and routine, or
Speaker 3: they may have difficulties with sensory processing. But every autistic
Speaker 3: person has both of these difficulties. And then I think
Speaker 3: the other thing that people need to also understand about autism.
Speaker 4: Is that you can be the most intelligent person on
Speaker 4: the planet. It's not about somebody's IQ.
Speaker 3: So you can be really really intelligent and have autism,
Speaker 3: or you can also have a profound intellectual disability and
Speaker 3: have autism. So then if you put those two things together,
Speaker 3: then it shows the complexity and diversity of it.
Speaker 1: So you mentioned earlier on that the understanding of it
Speaker 1: is so poor. You know, I think that we especially
Speaker 1: because of TV shows and not love on spectrum, and
Speaker 1: I'm talking about like how it's represented in sort of
Speaker 1: more like your Hollywood TV shows, there's this huge gap
Speaker 1: in like the understanding between what it is and how
Speaker 1: it actually presents itself. And what do you think some
Speaker 1: of the biggest misrepresentations are for autism.
Speaker 3: There's this perception because there's shows that show people with
Speaker 3: sort of high level skill that one thing is that
Speaker 3: people believe that if you're autistic, then you're going to
Speaker 3: be really skilled in one area, and often that's to
Speaker 3: do with you know, maths and science and things like that.
Speaker 3: That's not how it presents in any shape or form.
Speaker 3: So that's a misrepresentation of it. There's a misrepresentation that
Speaker 3: autistic people are actually all loners and you know, really
Speaker 3: want to be by themselves, and actually, you know that
Speaker 3: old classic stuff that autistic people don't like to be
Speaker 3: touched and they have no empathy. All of those things
Speaker 3: have needed to be breaken down. And because we do
Speaker 3: see Hollywood representations of autism when they're doing that, when
Speaker 3: they or you read a book about autism, they're only
Speaker 3: presenting one character, but it is sometimes a characterization of
Speaker 3: autism rather than looking at the multiple of many, many
Speaker 3: ways that it presents.
Speaker 2: So what are some of the reasons that people on
Speaker 2: the spectrum. Employ you employ your services to help them.
Speaker 2: Is it more social day to day things? Is it
Speaker 2: specific to relationships and dating and coaching into that world.
Speaker 2: Is it trying to learn how to have conversations, to touch,
Speaker 2: to care.
Speaker 3: So people come to me for anything to do with sexuality,
Speaker 3: and that's you can imagine how diverse sexuality is as well.
Speaker 3: You know, I will have many, many people that will
Speaker 3: rock up and say I really want a boyfriend or
Speaker 3: I really want a girlfriend, but they have no idea,
Speaker 3: absolutely no idea about even basic skills of that.
Speaker 4: So even today it will give you an exam.
Speaker 3: Today, a woman who I've been working with for three
Speaker 3: years quoted me back to myself because she's just met somebody,
Speaker 3: but she met somebody online.
Speaker 4: And I said to her, oh so great.
Speaker 3: She's actually met two fellows online and both of these
Speaker 3: have been successful relationships.
Speaker 4: And I'm saying to her, you know people looking.
Speaker 3: For partners online all the time, and where are you
Speaker 3: getting these skills from? And she said to me, you
Speaker 3: taught me the three text rule. So the three text
Speaker 3: rule I say to people is that because part of
Speaker 3: autism is not understanding reciprocal nature, what we do with reciprocity,
Speaker 3: and that if we're first getting to know someone, often.
Speaker 2: We all do it.
Speaker 3: I'm just going to put it out there, you know,
Speaker 3: when you kind of get those first feelings going, oh
Speaker 3: my god, this is so exciting, and then you hammer
Speaker 3: somebody from bard them with the tech.
Speaker 2: I'll send another one rock up at his house.
Speaker 3: Look at your phone thirty seven times in three minutes,
Speaker 3: and all that sort of stuff. But so she has
Speaker 3: learned a really simple technique of I am only allowed
Speaker 3: to send three texts and then I've got to stop.
Speaker 3: Because people with autism sometimes don't understand the reciprocal nature
Speaker 3: of back and forth in a relationship, and so can
Speaker 3: get into trouble and they can drive another person away
Speaker 3: by just being really insistent with expressing their devotion or
Speaker 3: their desire.
Speaker 4: So that's one example I work with.
Speaker 3: I do couples counseling, so I can work with couples
Speaker 3: where one person's autistic and the other's neurotypical or both
Speaker 3: autistic and sort of navigating. Sometimes that can be navigating
Speaker 3: even things like you know, sensuality within sexuality, or being
Speaker 3: able to compromise or understand. But one of the diagnostic
Speaker 3: criteria for autism is actually about social and emotional reciprocity.
Speaker 3: It's actually understanding that if every single second of a
Speaker 3: day that we're with another person's actually about finding the
Speaker 3: balance of i'll give to you, you give to me,
Speaker 3: I'll give to you, you'll give to me, and negotiation
Speaker 3: of that is really complex. You don't realize how's neurotypically,
Speaker 3: how clever we are at this because we never ever
Speaker 3: sit back and just think, where the hell did I learn.
Speaker 1: To do that. It's such an incredible thing. And this
Speaker 1: is one of the things when we were speaking to
Speaker 1: Cassandra that like I felt so naive to the fact that, yes,
Speaker 1: we learn these social cues just from living every day.
Speaker 1: Like I mean, we go to school, we learn algebra.
Speaker 1: No one teaches you how to navigate a relationship, no
Speaker 1: one teaches you how to have a conversation, but we
Speaker 1: observe other people doing it, and that's how we kind
Speaker 1: of learn.
Speaker 2: I had never even really thought.
Speaker 1: About the fact that somebody who does have autism has
Speaker 1: to be taught how to maybe interact with those social
Speaker 1: cues and this idea that they have to show up
Speaker 1: in a world where we all act and behave in
Speaker 1: a certain way. Or people who are neurotypical act and
Speaker 1: behave in a certain way, and then they have to
Speaker 1: mask what is natural to them to be able to
Speaker 1: fully function and fully be received in what is our
Speaker 1: way of kind of navigating this world. I just found
Speaker 1: it like a little part of me was like, it
Speaker 1: must be so exhausting to someone to have to constantly
Speaker 1: front up in the world and be very conscious of
Speaker 1: the way they're communicating, the way that they're interacting, and
Speaker 1: have to check in with themselves to go, okay, am
Speaker 1: I doing this the way that that person wants to
Speaker 1: be received.
Speaker 3: The lest way I explained it to neurotypical people is
Speaker 3: if I said to you two tonight, you have to
Speaker 3: go out to a big function, but you can You
Speaker 3: can't go with each other because then you've got your wingmen,
Speaker 3: then you've got your support system. So you have to
Speaker 3: go completely by yourself. And most of us experience this.
Speaker 3: I have to go byself. You're going to walk into
Speaker 3: a room, there's going to be three hundred people there,
Speaker 3: and it's going to be out of your comfort SiGe.
Speaker 3: So it's not going to be your track, you pants
Speaker 3: ug boots a night. It's going to be you have
Speaker 3: to put on the clothes you wouldn't normally wear. You're
Speaker 3: going to have to walk into this space where you're
Speaker 3: absolutely nobody, and we actually prepare ourselves do this. We
Speaker 3: actually before we go out to these think about conversations
Speaker 3: that we can hold with somebody that we've never met.
Speaker 3: How do you interact with somebody, how do you greet somebody?
Speaker 3: How do you keep a conversation going? And we also
Speaker 3: can pick up when we're talking in these areas is
Speaker 3: this person into me?
Speaker 4: Or should I be? Is there somebody else or should
Speaker 4: be talking to?
Speaker 3: When we go to those nights, it is exhausting because
Speaker 3: you can spend the whole night you're not relaxing into yourself.
Speaker 3: It's almost like you're playing a characture of what you
Speaker 3: think you should be doing in that and you put
Speaker 3: on a sort of frontal and you can feel it
Speaker 3: in yourself sometimes and you're like, oh my god.
Speaker 4: This is the worst experience. You know, it's really hard.
Speaker 3: It's what we often have one or two many glasses
Speaker 3: of wine when we're at those things.
Speaker 1: All right, but it's also one of the reasons why
Speaker 1: we say, like, oh, small talk is so hard, Like
Speaker 1: I had to turn it on tonight like it's that
Speaker 1: exact sentiment, right.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it is.
Speaker 3: And so if you think about how exhausted we are
Speaker 3: after doing that, imagine if you had to do that
Speaker 3: every single day and every moment in your life in
Speaker 3: a social interaction with another person outside of your own home.
Speaker 2: That's exhausting to think about.
Speaker 4: It's exhausting, is it?
Speaker 3: Because it takes so much mental power to have to
Speaker 3: constantly think, am I saying the right thing?
Speaker 4: How are they perceiving me?
Speaker 3: There are typical people. We've got innate priority and we
Speaker 3: learn by watching other people. So from the moment we're born,
Speaker 3: one of our highest priorities is to be with other people,
Speaker 3: to socially engage with another person. The fact that both
Speaker 3: of you are nodding your heads at me to encourage
Speaker 3: me to speak. No one ever taught you to nod
Speaker 3: your head at another person. You learnt that by this
Speaker 3: amazing ability that you, as a child, would have had
Speaker 3: somebody nodding their head at you, and somewhere in your
Speaker 3: little heart you'd have been going, oh, it feels so
Speaker 3: nice when that person's nodding.
Speaker 4: And then we mimic each other, We mimic those social skills,
Speaker 4: and this is what.
Speaker 3: We're learning a lot about because we have so many
Speaker 3: great people autistic people, and if you listen to all
Speaker 3: sic people, they teach you what autism is. It's just
Speaker 3: the fact that we don't listen because we came from
Speaker 3: this really patriarchal medical model of we know what autism is.
Speaker 3: When she talks about masking, Cassandra has mimicked other people.
Speaker 3: She sat back, and many women talk about it that
Speaker 3: they desperately.
Speaker 4: Want to fit in.
Speaker 3: They really want this, and so what they do in
Speaker 3: their life is that they copy another person and they
Speaker 3: learn to sort of. Cassandra talks a lot about she
Speaker 3: gets into character and sometimes being a character is easier
Speaker 3: than being herself. It's because she has spent her whole
Speaker 3: life copying what other people are doing around her, because
Speaker 3: she thinks that that's what's socially acceptable. You know, that's
Speaker 3: the masking. And masking can be really hard because you're
Speaker 3: playing a role. It's like you're acting every single day.
Speaker 3: It doesn't feel innate, and sometimes it's really confusing for
Speaker 3: your identity to do that.
Speaker 4: They know that men who are diagnosed don't do that
Speaker 4: as much as women do.
Speaker 3: Interestingly, because I think that's just the way many many
Speaker 3: women are really wanting to fit in. A lot of
Speaker 3: men sort of learn their social skills in a different manner,
Speaker 3: but not through copying another person.
Speaker 2: I think that's evident even with neurotypicals. Social media, you
Speaker 2: see women and we all do we all do it.
Speaker 2: We copy each other. We see something that we like,
Speaker 2: we see something that looks good, we see something that's trending,
Speaker 2: and all of a sudden, every second person has to
Speaker 2: go and have that handbag, everyone has to have that outfit,
Speaker 2: everyone has to be doing this thing. I don't think
Speaker 2: you see that as much in men and eurotypicals either,
Speaker 2: So I don't think that's even just an autism thing.
Speaker 2: I think it's just across the board. But Jodie, we
Speaker 2: did want to ask you. We wanted to make sure
Speaker 2: we're giving the listeners, you know, the information that they wanted.
Speaker 2: So we did put some questions out there and I'm
Speaker 2: just going to read a few out. My partner is
Speaker 2: on the spectrum. Actually, we got a lot of people
Speaker 2: that wrote in that had a part that one was
Speaker 2: a eurotypical and one was on the spectrum. Yeah, my
Speaker 2: partner is on the spectrum and he has trouble communicating
Speaker 2: his feelings. I feel like he never supports me when
Speaker 2: I need him to and doesn't understand when I'm upset.
Speaker 2: I know that this isn't his, but as a couple,
Speaker 2: what can we do and what can I do to
Speaker 2: help him understand better?
Speaker 4: So there's two parts to that.
Speaker 3: One is that people don't recognize that the way that
Speaker 3: we learn to give words to feelings is by somebody
Speaker 3: teaching us that. So when you guys were children, if
Speaker 3: you were really frustrated, you know, they knowing the difference
Speaker 3: between anger and frustration and being a little bit irritable,
Speaker 3: somebody puts those words in their mouth. So somebody would
Speaker 3: see you being frustrated when you were really little, they
Speaker 3: would have said, oh, you're frustrated. And we then take
Speaker 3: on the feelings of our body and we have a
Speaker 3: word for it. So sometimes autistic people have difficulty feeling
Speaker 3: their bodies, having enough body awareness, and then being able
Speaker 3: to articulate a word to that. So sometimes autistic people
Speaker 3: don't have enough emotional words. So that could be that
Speaker 3: her partner's experience number one, that he doesn't have words
Speaker 3: to express emotion. And the other one is that it's complex,
Speaker 3: but it's a thing called theory of mind, which is
Speaker 3: the ability to look.
Speaker 4: At somebody else.
Speaker 3: When we're talking about emotional reciprocity as well, we want
Speaker 3: our partner to know what we're wanting and feeling without
Speaker 3: communicating it. But the number one thing with autistic people
Speaker 3: is they just need it said straight out. They need
Speaker 3: it really clearly and bluntly communicated to them. So if
Speaker 3: that person is upset, they need to actually say I
Speaker 3: am upset so that the partner can actually hear the
Speaker 3: word of what they're feeling. They may look at that
Speaker 3: person and not understand that person's nonverbal people can be
Speaker 3: bailing their eyes out and crying, and an autistic person
Speaker 3: may go, oh, what's going on there?
Speaker 4: So the best answer I can give is number one.
Speaker 3: If you're feeling a certain way, say it, say it
Speaker 3: really clearly and bluntly, and it doesn't hurt an autistic
Speaker 3: person's feelings.
Speaker 4: They like it.
Speaker 3: They like it if you say I'm angry, I'm upset,
Speaker 3: even to be that blunt to say I need some affection,
Speaker 3: I need tenderness, you know, but you have to sometimes
Speaker 3: say it because autistic people want to not reading us.
Speaker 4: All the time in that way.
Speaker 3: So that's that first one and the other one is
Speaker 3: to really support autistic people to be able to have
Speaker 3: emotional words themselves. So if you see your autistic partner
Speaker 3: expressing an emotion, then help either asking them what are
Speaker 3: you feeling? Tell me the word like, help them get
Speaker 3: the word out of their mouth. There's a lot of
Speaker 3: miscommunication that goes on with all couples, and when you
Speaker 3: have one person who's neurotypical and they're wanting neurotypical interaction
Speaker 3: and the other person's autistic, it's finding a common.
Speaker 4: Language between those two, and the language.
Speaker 3: Has to be really upfront and really blunt and saying
Speaker 3: emotions out loud.
Speaker 2: Will you answer the next question two, which was yeah,
Speaker 2: I mean you answered it in it because we got
Speaker 2: a lot of the same kind of questions. So it's
Speaker 2: obvious that people are experiencing the same kind of problems
Speaker 2: in these relationships. I think something to take away from
Speaker 2: that what you just said then, is there's no subtlety.
Speaker 2: There's no subtle cues, there's no hints in these relationships.
Speaker 2: There's no like leaving a ring out with a circle
Speaker 2: around it hoping that your partner walks past some things.
Speaker 2: You want an engagement ring you need to be like,
Speaker 2: you need to propose this is the ring I want. Yeah,
Speaker 2: But why, I guess do people assume that people in
Speaker 2: the spectrum don't love and don't have feelings. But I
Speaker 2: think you sort of just answered it by saying they do,
Speaker 2: but they don't know how to communicate it.
Speaker 3: Sometimes autistic people, some autistic people I work with, is
Speaker 3: so empathic and feel so much of another person's feelings
Speaker 3: that it's overwhelming for them, and so they actually retreat
Speaker 3: away from it because it's so overwhelming. So if you've
Speaker 3: got a very emotional person in front of you, and you,
Speaker 3: as an autistic person, don't know how to support, you
Speaker 3: don't know, you know, their emotion is so big and
Speaker 3: so overwhelming, and you haven't learnt how to comfort and
Speaker 3: console somebody, or don't know how to do that in
Speaker 3: a way that is just natural and nate. That can
Speaker 3: be really confusing as well. But I think this is
Speaker 3: that's what I'm talking about. Neurotypical people can learn from
Speaker 3: this because sometimes we have really high expectations of a
Speaker 3: partner that we think that partner is going to read
Speaker 3: our mind and they are going to know exactly what
Speaker 3: we want and exactly how we're feeling, and then sometimes
Speaker 3: we get pissed off with them when they don't do
Speaker 3: what we want them to do. But we haven't actually communicated.
Speaker 3: We haven't said I'm feeling like this and I need
Speaker 3: you to do this so I feel better. We sometimes
Speaker 3: don't say it, and when our partner doesn't give us
Speaker 3: what we need, then we get cranky at them. But
Speaker 3: then the poor person doesn't know what we're cranky.
Speaker 2: At them for.
Speaker 1: That's not normal, but it's so true, and I reckon
Speaker 1: there's so many people listening to this who do the
Speaker 1: same thing, because like a part of you is like
Speaker 1: I don't want to have the same conversation again, or
Speaker 1: I don't want to seem like I'm needy, or you know,
Speaker 1: maybe it's a bit confrontational or whatever. It is one
Speaker 1: of the things that we advocate for on this podcast,
Speaker 1: and pretty much on every episode, it comes back to
Speaker 1: this idea of like communication, and you can't expect that
Speaker 1: people can mind read. It's really unfair to do that
Speaker 1: to your partner as well, because they've got their own stuff.
Speaker 1: Then maybe they had a busy day at work, maybe
Speaker 1: there's other things that's happened in their life that have
Speaker 1: impacted the way that they're.
Speaker 2: Thinking and feeling.
Speaker 1: And I think having this like expectation that you should
Speaker 1: be so in sync that someone can read your mind
Speaker 1: regardless of where you sit on the spectrum is like,
Speaker 1: it's such an unfair way of approaching a relationship.
Speaker 3: It is it's complex, and so then if you're walking
Speaker 3: along at least the similar path that neurology is similar,
Speaker 3: then that's helpful. But if your neurology is so different,
Speaker 3: then if you don't have good communication skills between you,
Speaker 3: if you don't develop these communication skills, and the whole
Speaker 3: thing can just fall to pieces.
Speaker 2: We don't want to leave out the parents in this
Speaker 2: conversation because we had a lot of people write in
Speaker 2: saying it can be a really lonely experience for the
Speaker 2: family members and for the parents of people on the spectrum.
Speaker 2: Some of their questions were around how to know or
Speaker 2: what early signs to look for in their kids at
Speaker 2: any age, from lake toddlers to primary school and onwards.
Speaker 2: And then I guess what they can do once they've
Speaker 2: figured out that there could be something that's not quite right,
Speaker 2: how do they seek help? What resources do they have,
Speaker 2: So we sort of want to go down that. So
Speaker 2: I guess let's start with what are some signs that
Speaker 2: your child may have autism?
Speaker 3: So the first thing I say about diagnostically, what they
Speaker 3: talk about with autism is that it is when somebody
Speaker 3: skills and not matching what's a developmental milestone. So often
Speaker 3: what will happen is that we will see autism, and
Speaker 3: we can see earlier indicators of autism before a child's
Speaker 3: even three, when a child's really young, even prior to three,
Speaker 3: you would actually want to see some of the body
Speaker 3: language skills that I'm talking about.
Speaker 4: You want to see that a child will.
Speaker 3: Turn towards a caregiver to get security from them. So
Speaker 3: if you introduce something new, a typically developing child will
Speaker 3: actually turn to a caregiver with their body. That's called
Speaker 3: body orientation. They can actually pick up these incredible research
Speaker 3: on these. They can look at a primary care give
Speaker 3: mother or father and they can look at them and
Speaker 3: that person doesn't even have to give them a big smile.
Speaker 3: They can just almost show them with their eyes or
Speaker 3: give them like a really subtle nod that everything's okay,
Speaker 3: and that will give that child the screw. Some autistic
Speaker 3: kids prior to speech don't have those early indicators.
Speaker 4: They may not be interacting in the same way.
Speaker 3: They may find It's funny, lots of parents say they
Speaker 3: kind of know before they know, they know something's just
Speaker 3: not quite right.
Speaker 4: So some kids are given very very early diagnosis.
Speaker 3: They can see these repetitive behaviors that it's not a
Speaker 3: typically developing thing for a child to be given a
Speaker 3: set of blocks and just line them up and lie
Speaker 3: on the floor and look at them. You know, that's
Speaker 3: not They learn to play differently, but then we see
Speaker 3: different steps. So if a child may have all of
Speaker 3: those skills, but then we also go through other steps
Speaker 3: socially and emotionally. So sometimes then people get a diagnosis
Speaker 3: when they're five or six because we actually or seven,
Speaker 3: we go through another developmental milestone at that age where
Speaker 3: we stop being an I and you gotta remember, all
Speaker 3: little people just a big eye.
Speaker 4: They think their parents seek the same as they do.
Speaker 4: They're just walking out.
Speaker 3: But when we get to about six or seven, what
Speaker 3: starts happening is we start changing our behavior to become
Speaker 3: part of a gang. We go to school and they
Speaker 3: start talking about us being an us and are we
Speaker 3: and class A and we follow each other as a group,
Speaker 3: and we actually start imitating the behavior of people around us.
Speaker 3: So if the teacher says, you know, everybody go to
Speaker 3: the mat, then everybody goes to mat. But if there's
Speaker 3: little Johnny out there standing who's not participating in any
Speaker 3: group activity or can't follow the lead of anybody else,
Speaker 3: that's a next So we actually see different stages. We
Speaker 3: see early diagnoses. We often see diagnoses when kids enter school.
Speaker 3: Then we see another step where there might be social
Speaker 3: skills that are not they're not keeping up. We see
Speaker 3: diagnosis in high school. And then we see very very
Speaker 3: late diagnosis where people even in their twenties and thirties.
Speaker 3: You know, I've got people that get diagnosis in their
Speaker 3: fifties because they've just been able to manage to get
Speaker 3: through the world. They've always felt a bit different, but
Speaker 3: they've managed to get through the world in a specific
Speaker 3: way that has meant that until somebody says, hey, have.
Speaker 4: You ever heard of autism?
Speaker 3: Or you know, I've got a mate that is autistic
Speaker 3: and he learned he was autistic by listening to a
Speaker 3: podcast while he was riding his bike because he heard
Speaker 3: people talking about.
Speaker 4: Autism, and as they talked about him, what that's me.
Speaker 4: That's what I do every day.
Speaker 3: When you're talking about parents, Parenting is really really hard.
Speaker 3: And I'm not just talking about parenting a child that
Speaker 3: has a neurognological difference.
Speaker 4: Parenting is hard, and so.
Speaker 3: We all go and buy these big books, you know,
Speaker 3: like how to be the Best Parent on the Planet books.
Speaker 3: If you have a child that's autistic, those books make
Speaker 3: no sense because they tell you how to do something,
Speaker 3: but if your child's not neurotypical, it doesn't work. And
Speaker 3: so you're trying really hard as a parent to do
Speaker 3: the best you possibly can for your child. And all
Speaker 3: these techniques that you're reading about in a book of
Speaker 3: give your kid one, two, three, or you know, you
Speaker 3: put up the star chart or all these different ideas
Speaker 3: parents try and then it doesn't work for them, and
Speaker 3: so then they can start feeling like it's something that
Speaker 3: they're doing and went before a diagnosis. That can be
Speaker 3: really difficult for parents, and that's what can feel really
Speaker 3: isolating alone because they think they're not doing the right thing.
Speaker 3: Lots of families talk about and autistic people. Cassandra I
Speaker 3: think even talked about it in her lifetime. Sometimes when
Speaker 3: somebody says, oh, no, it's autism, that's what it is,
Speaker 3: it can be a really deep sense of relief as well.
Speaker 3: For people Your life changes in that moment, but it's
Speaker 3: still the same person they were before the diagnosis.
Speaker 4: But it actually can allow parents.
Speaker 3: To say, Okay, this is the reason that they're doing this,
Speaker 3: and it allows parents to then have a new guidebook,
Speaker 3: a near guidebook to parenting that they didn't have before.
Speaker 3: And I think the thing is that sometimes it can
Speaker 3: furity isolating because if your child is doing things so
Speaker 3: differently to everybody else, rather than as supporting each other
Speaker 3: and rather than is helping each other sometimes which is
Speaker 3: really critical and judgmental of another person. And so it
Speaker 3: can be isolating because their kid is doing things that
Speaker 3: the rest of the kids are not doing, and rather
Speaker 3: than having being surrounded by support, they can actually feel
Speaker 3: like they're on the outer of all that.
Speaker 1: I also think as well, and I had the privilege
Speaker 1: of interviewing a woman a little while ago who son
Speaker 1: had severe cerebral palsy, and she said one of the
Speaker 1: most challenging things that she found is that when she
Speaker 1: found out her son had cerebral palsy was that every
Speaker 1: other mother was like, oh god, that must.
Speaker 2: Be the worst thing in the world.
Speaker 1: Thank god that didn't happen to me. And it was
Speaker 1: this real like pity almost, and she said the pity
Speaker 1: came from not understanding. And she's like, and even myself,
Speaker 1: she's like, when I found out, I felt like my
Speaker 1: world was over. I felt like the mother that I
Speaker 1: thought I was going to be was gone. And she's like,
Speaker 1: even though my little boy was the exact same little
Speaker 1: boy he was the day before, but that diagnosis felt
Speaker 1: like a death sentence. And Cassandra actually said that her
Speaker 1: mum felt like that at the very start as well.
Speaker 1: And it's this lack of understanding. And I think we
Speaker 1: always hear the worst case scenario. We always hear like
Speaker 1: the worst case scenario as a parent, and we and
Speaker 1: we say when we're pregnant, oh, so long as my
Speaker 1: child is healthy, and like, yes, of course you want
Speaker 1: your child to be healthy. But anything that then lies
Speaker 1: on the outside of that, it's caught with a lot
Speaker 1: of criticism, I think, And there's a lot of disappointment
Speaker 1: and a lot of fear and all of the other
Speaker 1: feelings that are kind of tied up in finding out
Speaker 1: that there's something that's not necessarily neurotypical of your child.
Speaker 1: And the more that we have these conversations, the more
Speaker 1: the people are able to watch things like Love on
Speaker 1: the Spectrum, the more that we have like very public
Speaker 1: platforms to talk about disability, to talk about autism, and
Speaker 1: to talk about the full spectrum of what people and
Speaker 1: how we all show up in the world.
Speaker 4: I couldn't have said it any better, Jody.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for coming and being a part
Speaker 1: of the podcast. Like brit said, she has been obsessed
Speaker 1: with Love on the Spectrum and she's gotten me well
Speaker 1: and truly in love with it as well. And it's
Speaker 1: just such a beautiful, wholesome take. And I think, like
Speaker 1: you said at the very beginning of this chat, we
Speaker 1: do hear about all the different ways that people's lives
Speaker 1: are affected when it comes to different different disabilities, But
Speaker 1: one of the things that is often forgotten from that
Speaker 1: is how important love is to everybody.
Speaker 2: And I love that that's what this show focuses on.
Speaker 4: Yeah, me too.
Speaker 3: I'm really glad too, because I think the connection being connected,
Speaker 3: that sense of belonging and connection and I'm loved.
Speaker 2: Everybody wants to have that feeling, no matter who they are,
Speaker 2: no matter where they live, no matter what part of
Speaker 2: their life they are. It's a universal feeling everybody. Everybody
Speaker 2: wants to feel that. Okay, guys, you know we never
Speaker 2: end an episode with it. I'll suck in our sweet,
Speaker 2: our highlight, our lowlight, the best and the worst. Sometimes
Speaker 2: it's big, sometimes it's not. It's called suck and sweet.
Speaker 2: Let's get into it, Laura, do you want to go first? Well,
Speaker 2: I feel like it's no surprise what my suck of
Speaker 2: my suite is, so myuck, I'm assumingus lockdown.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Look, I mean I know that everybody's affected, so I
Speaker 1: don't want to go into like the real nitty gritty
Speaker 1: of why I feel sad about it. I had a
Speaker 1: holiday plan to go to New Zealand that's been canceled.
Speaker 1: Matt and I also were going to do our wedding
Speaker 1: planning this weekend.
Speaker 6: We had booked.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to tell you whether the wedding's going
Speaker 1: to be guys, I'm not going to slip off on
Speaker 1: that one. But we had booked a weekend away where
Speaker 1: we're having our wedding and pretty much all of that's
Speaker 1: now being put on hold.
Speaker 4: But that is my suck.
Speaker 1: My sweet boat is something that I'm really grateful for.
Speaker 1: And some of you're going to think this is really corny,
Speaker 1: but I feel really really happy. I had a little
Speaker 1: moment with Matt today where we were, you know, kind
Speaker 1: of like unpacking, like what's changed, and the fact that
Speaker 1: we're going to be in lockdown and like, you know,
Speaker 1: we don't have any daycare at the moment, it's going
Speaker 1: to be pretty full on. And then the really nice
Speaker 1: part of that is that we kind of sat there
Speaker 1: and we had a moment where we were like so
Speaker 1: lucky that we get to do this period together and
Speaker 1: we get to do lockdown, and that we love each
Speaker 1: other so much and that we're so happy in our
Speaker 1: relationship and with our family, because I can only imagine
Speaker 1: how hard it would be for some people who are
Speaker 1: maybe going through some difficult times in their relationships to
Speaker 1: then be stuck in lockdown with their partner without any
Speaker 1: sort of escapism, I guess. So I feel really grateful
Speaker 1: for Matt and also for my family. They are my
Speaker 1: sweet and the suck is Sydney. Fuck you, Sydney.
Speaker 2: Oh they're really I mean, they're both really great suck
Speaker 2: and sweet, like your suck is very sucky. And I
Speaker 2: think everyone in Sydney at the moment, and I mean yeah,
Speaker 2: like we said, Melbourne knows, everyone in Sydney I think
Speaker 2: is gonna have the same suck. It's fucking just shit.
Speaker 2: There's not another word for it.
Speaker 1: And there are definitely worse people to be stuck in
Speaker 1: lockdown with than Matthew Johnson.
Speaker 2: So there you go, he's a sweet. Okay, my suck, Look,
Speaker 2: my suck is going to be that. I have gone
Speaker 2: overseas obviously to see Jordan and join him on the
Speaker 2: tour and do our thing, and I have just had nothing. Really,
Speaker 2: I shouldn't say nothing. I have had so much love
Speaker 2: and support from a lot of your life as but god,
Speaker 2: I have gotten some hate. My Instagram has been non
Speaker 2: stop hate in the dms, in the comments because I
Speaker 2: am overseas, which I totally understand. I feel so lucky
Speaker 2: and grateful that I get to do this. I feel
Speaker 2: so lucky that I've had a chance to have employment
Speaker 2: that allows me to travel with Jordan for a very
Speaker 2: short period of time. And I know that that is lucky,
Speaker 2: but it doesn't take away from the fact that people
Speaker 2: are really horrible, and it's been really hard to just
Speaker 2: have people hate on me for I mean, having the
Speaker 2: opportunity to leave. It's just been really tricky because I've
Speaker 2: been so excited to come and obviously so excited to
Speaker 2: see Jordan, and I just feel like that's been overshadowed
Speaker 2: by a little bit by the amount of hate that
Speaker 2: I've received. And I again, like, I totally understand that,
Speaker 2: and I understand there are so many people around the
Speaker 2: world that at the moment don't have that opportunity, and
Speaker 2: I would just hate to know that I have been
Speaker 2: the cause of anyone's pain or comfort or anything like that,
Speaker 2: because I would never, ever in a million years, want
Speaker 2: to hurt anybody's feelings. And I feel like anybody that
Speaker 2: knows me would know that. But yeah, I just want
Speaker 2: to apologize if anyone has been offended or hurt by
Speaker 2: the fact that I have. Every week here is really
Speaker 2: different for us. So I'm in a hard lockdown for
Speaker 2: a few days and then we might have an hour
Speaker 2: or two of freedom, and every week that is different
Speaker 2: depending on the country that we go to, So I
Speaker 2: don't know what the weeks look like until I get
Speaker 2: there and I didn't know that's what it would be
Speaker 2: until I was here, So you know, it's going to
Speaker 2: be interesting to see what happens. We'll have some time
Speaker 2: where we have some freedom. There'll be days where we
Speaker 2: get a few days off between tournaments and we're not
Speaker 2: in a really strict bubble, and there'll be other times
Speaker 2: where at the moment in England, so this bubble is
Speaker 2: a bit different to Spain. This one's a lot more strict.
Speaker 2: So I can't go outside unless I go to the tennis.
Speaker 2: So every week is going to be very, very different,
Speaker 2: and I don't know what that's going to look like
Speaker 2: until I'm there. Yeah, that's my suck. It's just really
Speaker 2: overshadowed me being happy. And I'm also just feel really
Speaker 2: bad if I've hurt anyone's feelings by coming overseas. I
Speaker 2: guess it's a hard one to to talk about, my sweet. Okay, guys,
Speaker 2: now that that's out of the way, now that you
Speaker 2: know I've had my tears for the week, my sweet.
Speaker 2: I think this is really funny and I didn't know
Speaker 2: I was gonna say this until now, and I feel sorry.
Speaker 2: I always throw Jordan under the bus, but I think
Speaker 2: Jordan looks a bit scruffy, right, Like I think he's
Speaker 2: growing his hair out and he's got his pustache and
Speaker 2: like he's got his little beard scrubble going on, and
Speaker 2: he's just always wearing his sports clothes. Great. Love him
Speaker 2: to death, but I'm always like, you're like a little scruffball.
Speaker 2: He's like, no, I'm not. This is great, and I'm like, okay,
Speaker 2: well I think you are. We're sitting on the plane
Speaker 2: to get from Spain to England last night and there
Speaker 2: was a lady that was like diagonally across from Jordan. Now,
Speaker 2: she was an older lady, and she was holding up
Speaker 2: her phone texting someone and you know how you can
Speaker 2: change the font on your phone, because she couldn't see
Speaker 2: because she was old, she changed it to like extra
Speaker 2: extra big, like my grandma has, so like you only
Speaker 2: need there's like five words at a time on a screen.
Speaker 2: So Jordan looked over, just happened to glance over as
Speaker 2: she was texting someone and she was like frothing. This
Speaker 2: lady was like I could see it next to Jordan
Speaker 2: as well. She was like, oh my god, there's these
Speaker 2: tennis players on the on the plane and she was
Speaker 2: listing off all these she was listening off all these
Speaker 2: good players, but she was just calling them by their name,
Speaker 2: like this name, this name, this name. And then she goes, oh,
Speaker 2: you know that really scruffy looking Thompson he's behind me,
Speaker 2: And I was like, fuck, yes, I told you you
Speaker 2: were scruffy.
Speaker 1: Even the random elderly grandma on the plane said, though
Speaker 1: I love that you're sweet. You're sweet is like taking
Speaker 1: the pierce out of Jordan. That's you're sweet and you're sweet.
Speaker 1: That right, And he did shave. Yeah, he will never
Speaker 1: let me. He'll never let me be right.
Speaker 2: So I feel like for me, for him to for
Speaker 2: that to have happened, it just couldn't have been any
Speaker 2: better timing. So that's my sweet. And on that note, guys,
Speaker 2: I reckon. That's around.
Speaker 1: Well, if you have loved this episode, you guys know
Speaker 1: the drill, go subscribe, Tell your mom, tell your dad, tell.
Speaker 2: Your friends, tell your kids, just tell everyone.
Speaker 1: And if you are stuck at home with your kids
Speaker 1: because your kids can't get to take care, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: And share the love because we love, we love love.
Speaker 2: They're not Contora, They're.
Speaker 3: They're not cuttor gay, they're bunny, They're not cuttora, that's
Speaker 3: not that day.
Speaker 6: The