Speaker 1: Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout
Speaker 1: Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We
Speaker 1: pay our respect to their elders past and present and
Speaker 1: extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander
Speaker 1: peoples today.
Speaker 2: This episode is recorded on Gadigal Land of the Aurora Nation.
Speaker 1: Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 3: I'm Brittany and I'm Laura.
Speaker 2: And this is our Thursday episode, Ask Uncut episode where
Speaker 2: we answer, well you deep, your dark and your burning questions.
Speaker 1: Well, I want to start by giving a little update
Speaker 1: to something that's very important in my life.
Speaker 3: What's happened?
Speaker 1: Well, Delilah's got a period, still.
Speaker 2: Oldest, don't you It goes lowest, probably the same as
Speaker 2: a human.
Speaker 3: Is this really another update I've got.
Speaker 1: She's very hormonal at the moment, so she's sticking to
Speaker 1: me like glue. Anywhere I go, she goes. She has
Speaker 1: to be touching me at all times. She wants to
Speaker 1: be on me. I think she's got to saw tummy.
Speaker 1: So I did google something and you can get a
Speaker 1: heat pack for them. So I was like, I am
Speaker 1: going to give her a heat pack. Heat it up.
Speaker 1: She sat down on a bed, put it on. It,
Speaker 1: went away for two minutes, came back and it was
Speaker 1: ripped to shreds the heat.
Speaker 2: Considering the amount of headphones that we've gone through in
Speaker 2: this office, considering the amount of handbags you've gone through,
Speaker 2: shoes you've gone does any of that surprise you at all?
Speaker 1: But I guess I thought because she was feeling so poorly,
Speaker 1: I'm sure she was.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she will, I know they do.
Speaker 1: I googled it anyway, We've just googled it as we're speaking.
Speaker 1: I can last up to a month period. The dog's period,
Speaker 1: two to four weeks is what googled.
Speaker 2: Do you know what's lasted too long? Us talking about
Speaker 2: your dog's period? I hate episodes in a row.
Speaker 1: Do you know what?
Speaker 2: I had to go challenged Laura, you know what, why
Speaker 2: don't we talk about busters anal glands?
Speaker 3: That could be the next good chat for today?
Speaker 1: Well we have actually done that. I know about his
Speaker 1: You had to do anal gland?
Speaker 3: No, we are not.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's map date. We can move on.
Speaker 2: Do you know what we're going to talk about? There
Speaker 2: was a there was a little segment on the project.
Speaker 2: Now we're not just talking about the project because I've
Speaker 2: been on it. This is totally just coincidental. No, this
Speaker 2: is funny, really coincidental. There was a segment on the
Speaker 2: project and it was a woman speaking about how she
Speaker 2: got the ick. She went out on a date with
Speaker 2: a guy and on the date, the man ordered a
Speaker 2: glass of milk.
Speaker 1: With his dinner. It was a dinner date, so he
Speaker 1: ordered a glass of milk. This is a woman in
Speaker 1: the UK and she said she found it odd. She's like,
Speaker 1: I don't know why. I wish I knew why, but
Speaker 1: it gave her the ick. She can't work it out.
Speaker 1: There's something about a grown man sitting down on a
Speaker 1: romantic date ordering dinner. You've got, you've got your wine,
Speaker 1: and he orders I didn't even know if a restaurant,
Speaker 1: how do you even charge for that? I don't even
Speaker 1: think that's on the menu.
Speaker 2: Like imagine sitting there and being like, I'll get the
Speaker 2: yu steak please, and a glass of milk.
Speaker 1: What do you think about this? Oh?
Speaker 3: Like it's weird. Which is funny that it's weird because
Speaker 3: it is just a drink.
Speaker 2: Because you do I because we associate having a glass
Speaker 2: of milk with children. That's why it's a very emasculating
Speaker 2: drink for him to order it is funny. The thread
Speaker 2: was funny.
Speaker 1: So she actually, this woman actually put it out to
Speaker 1: the world and she's like, why do I think this
Speaker 1: is weird?
Speaker 3: Is this weird?
Speaker 2: Like? Am?
Speaker 3: I asked?
Speaker 1: Should I date someone that drinks milk? Some of the
Speaker 1: responses were pretty funny. But maybe he's got digestion problems,
Speaker 1: you know, maybe he's got an issue. You don't know,
Speaker 1: But I don't know if that is helping the ick
Speaker 1: situation that if you think your date has bow problems
Speaker 1: that are that extreme that he can only order milk
Speaker 1: at his dinner, do you know what?
Speaker 2: Okay, I know that we're making fun of this, but
Speaker 2: Matt loves a glass of milk. Would he order it
Speaker 2: on a date? Like would we go out for a
Speaker 2: lovely dinner to Icebergs and then him order a side
Speaker 2: of milk? No, but loves a glass of milk. And
Speaker 2: I find it a bit weird when adults drink a
Speaker 2: full glass of cold, full cream milk. The whole thing
Speaker 2: is strange to me. So, I mean I've got some
Speaker 2: reserve judgment. There is nothing.
Speaker 1: There's a few things that make me viscerally ill to
Speaker 1: look at.
Speaker 3: One of them is talking about your dogs period and
Speaker 3: love that.
Speaker 1: One of them is the smell I'm going to give
Speaker 1: you an insight into my life. One of them is
Speaker 1: a smell me using your bathroom before. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: Laura Burnerstrop the biggest bomb.
Speaker 3: We do not know to go into that.
Speaker 1: You brought it up. I was going to bypass that
Speaker 1: included Okay, I'm gonna have to tell you now we
Speaker 1: did it. I don't know how you look so attractive
Speaker 1: on the outside and your insight is rotting. Something is
Speaker 1: not right, something is the right. And then you walked
Speaker 1: in and you were like, I need to ship well.
Speaker 3: I said, sorry, I've been holding onto that for four hours.
Speaker 1: So then you came back into my room, Wakeisha and
Speaker 1: I want my bed, and this smell was on you
Speaker 1: and cave wafted into my room a Keisha and I
Speaker 1: were like, we need to get out of here. Bought mission.
Speaker 3: Do you know what?
Speaker 2: This just gives you, guys an insight into how close
Speaker 2: we are and how much we love each other. That
Speaker 2: I will reserve going to the toilet in public to
Speaker 2: do it at Britney's house.
Speaker 1: No, if you were real friends, you would do it
Speaker 1: in the public toils.
Speaker 2: So I would like to make it very clear. Your
Speaker 2: house is also where we work out it. This is
Speaker 2: my workplace. And that was on you because you wanted
Speaker 2: it to be here. I did not want this to
Speaker 2: be our work Okay, let's get back on track.
Speaker 1: What I was going to say, Besides your toilet smell,
Speaker 1: a few of the things in life that make me
Speaker 1: feel sick and I cannot be around. One of them
Speaker 1: is the smell of butter in a pan, melting or
Speaker 1: melting butter. I cannot look at it, I cannot smell it.
Speaker 1: I can't. You couldn't pay me to taste it.
Speaker 2: My children will eat the spoonful of butter like a
Speaker 2: teaspoon of butter, both of them. Every morning they are
Speaker 2: obsessed with it. They wake up in the first thing
Speaker 2: they say is butter.
Speaker 1: Oh. I would have to disown my child. I would
Speaker 1: do that. What do you do when you divorce your kid?
Speaker 1: You know what's it called?
Speaker 2: You know when you divorce your children? Yeah, well, it's
Speaker 2: when you're terrible co parents. Abandonment, which one is when
Speaker 2: children divorce their parents it's called emancipation, child emancipation, but
Speaker 2: usually it's a child that's like, I don't want you
Speaker 2: to be my parents anymore.
Speaker 1: But you know, if you.
Speaker 2: Want to emancipate yourself from your children, if they want
Speaker 2: to eat butter, is that too much?
Speaker 3: A little bit extreme, a bit extremety.
Speaker 1: Back on track. The smell of melting butter. Cannot do it.
Speaker 1: I hate that your kids just like gobble it up.
Speaker 1: I haven't eaten butter my entire life. The other one
Speaker 1: is the smell of cooking raw mince or meat. So
Speaker 1: when you put that mince that first once is cooked,
Speaker 1: it's okay, or it's got some seasoning. But when you
Speaker 1: put raw mince in like I cooked Alailah's mince in
Speaker 1: the air fryer, and I have to leave the room,
Speaker 1: I'm going to be ill. That's two of them. The
Speaker 1: third thing is watching someone or drinking myself a glass
Speaker 1: of milk. I cannot do it. I don't want to
Speaker 1: taste it. I don't want to look at it. I
Speaker 1: don't want to hear it. It's thick, it's creamy, it
Speaker 1: shouldn't be consumed on its own, and I want this
Speaker 1: is my thing, So for me, this woman. If I
Speaker 1: went on a date and he ordered a glass of milk.
Speaker 1: I know that you shouldn't be judgmental. I know that
Speaker 1: I shouldn't worry about their salmon shirt and their socks
Speaker 1: and sandals. But if they ordered a glass of milk,
Speaker 1: I think that would have to be me tapping out.
Speaker 2: Do you know what I've always wondered, who was the
Speaker 2: first person, like, who was the first person back in
Speaker 2: the date in caveman days that went, I'm gonna suck
Speaker 2: from that cow's titty. I canna sack they whatever comes
Speaker 2: out of that cow's titty, I'm going to drink it.
Speaker 2: And then over time it's just become so normal that
Speaker 2: we put it on our breakfast.
Speaker 1: You have to think, Actually, if you think about it, Laura,
Speaker 1: it's not that weird. I don't think someone was walking
Speaker 1: along saw an animal, saw the udder and thought I'm
Speaker 1: gonna suck it. They would have seen the baby calfs
Speaker 1: feeding off it. Okay, that's how they grow, and then
Speaker 1: they would have been like, Okay, it's famine. I'm hungry.
Speaker 1: I'm thirsty. That little cow's growing exponentially. I'm gonna suck
Speaker 1: on the.
Speaker 2: Ditty Okay, no, because that would make sense if it
Speaker 2: was just cows. But I'm sure all the cavemen people
Speaker 2: saw cats sucking on other cats too. There's so many
Speaker 2: other animals. Why was it just a cow? Why is
Speaker 2: it okay for us to drink cow milk and not
Speaker 2: okay to drink dog milk?
Speaker 1: Like there are scientific reasons, all right?
Speaker 2: Well, anyway, look, we wanted to take this to an
Speaker 2: even weirder place. We thought we would throw it out
Speaker 2: to our beautiful life on cut community, you lifers, and
Speaker 2: find out what is it the weirdest thing that somebody
Speaker 2: has ordered on a date.
Speaker 1: Well, I want to kick start by saying I actually
Speaker 1: dated someone that did this. I dated them for quite
Speaker 1: a long time.
Speaker 3: And they ordered milk every time.
Speaker 1: Milk shakes.
Speaker 3: Oh that's fine.
Speaker 1: The dinner though not, They didn't. It was it's the
Speaker 1: same vibe, right, you go to a really nice dinner.
Speaker 1: I would get the wine, but they would get a milkshake,
Speaker 1: a chocolate milkshake, strawbery milkshake, always milkshake. They didn't like alcohol,
Speaker 1: and I was like, why don't you just get like
Speaker 1: a lemon lm bitters or something. Always a milkshake. No,
Speaker 1: matter what time of day, no matter what meal, no
Speaker 1: matter what level of fancy restaurant. And it eventually got
Speaker 1: to the point where I was like, I don't don't
Speaker 1: know about it.
Speaker 2: It's funny you say that because the very first one
Speaker 2: I had from a life I was not that weird.
Speaker 2: But we went on a coffee date and he ordered
Speaker 2: a milkshake and it gave me the eck.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's what I reckon. That's okay. In the setting
Speaker 1: you're at a cafe, I reckon it was.
Speaker 3: The same guy.
Speaker 2: Nah, Okay. I went on a date with this one
Speaker 2: guy and he ordered klamari, but he also requested for
Speaker 2: the crumbs to be removed and then for it to
Speaker 2: be cut into small pieces.
Speaker 1: Cut your own calamaria.
Speaker 2: It was a first date, and he ordered one cocktail
Speaker 2: to share with two straws, and then he insisted that
Speaker 2: we link arms to drink it. I went on a
Speaker 2: date with a guy and he ordered Bailey's in orange
Speaker 2: juice and it curdled fun and rain.
Speaker 1: That's that is literally saying I want to mix milk
Speaker 1: and orange juice. That's what that is. That's my fancy.
Speaker 1: It's not made that up.
Speaker 2: He made that up and then I bet you he
Speaker 2: regretted it and then drank it anyway.
Speaker 1: I reckon, you just panic ordered and thought of a thing.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: How the waitress comes and like what can I get you?
Speaker 1: And you're like, well, I'll have orange juice with Bayley's Like,
Speaker 1: he just panicked it.
Speaker 2: Okay, everything I ordered, he ordered the exact same thing,
Speaker 2: right down to my allergy requests and everything.
Speaker 1: That's a panic order too. It doesn't know, do you know?
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm going to interrupt this quickly though. What I
Speaker 2: do think on a date, how do we feel about sharing?
Speaker 2: Because I'm like, if I go on a date with
Speaker 2: a guy, perhaps not gonna happen again, but if I did,
Speaker 2: if I was to if I go for a dinner
Speaker 2: date and they don't want to share, it's an instant
Speaker 2: like whatever I'm getting, you're going to get something else
Speaker 2: different and we're gonna share it. If I go on
Speaker 2: a dinner date and I'm like, I'm going to get
Speaker 2: the fish and then they're like, oh, I'm also going
Speaker 2: to get the fish, and I'm like, so we're going
Speaker 2: to get two fishes and eat our own.
Speaker 3: That's dumb. I'm like, this is never gonna work.
Speaker 1: That's dumb.
Speaker 3: My relationship will never be.
Speaker 1: No, if I got a carbon which I always do fishing,
Speaker 1: carbarina ate chicken, if I get a carbonara and they
Speaker 1: ordered the same thing, I'd be like, that is the
Speaker 1: dumbest thing you've done today.
Speaker 3: But you just wasted the opportunity for us to eat everything.
Speaker 1: And the carbonara is a big like these are big servings.
Speaker 1: You want to share it around.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, this one here is he asked for
Speaker 2: no onion in his meal and then said to the
Speaker 2: waitress in case I get a kiss at the end
Speaker 2: of the night.
Speaker 1: Okay, No, this isn't bad. But it's not bad that
Speaker 1: he did it. It's bad that he said it. So
Speaker 1: it's the assumption I knew that I was going on
Speaker 1: a date recently and we're getting takeaway.
Speaker 3: Put the sardines away.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I decided not to have the mackerel. No, I
Speaker 1: made a conscious decision not to get Oh, I just
Speaker 1: said it was actually I wanted the carbonara. I didn't
Speaker 1: get it because I was like garlic, and I think
Speaker 1: that's something you got to think about. You just don't
Speaker 1: voice it.
Speaker 2: It's really nice when you're in a long term relationship
Speaker 2: because you can eat anything. I can eat so much
Speaker 2: garlic that my entire body smells proper. Downsayss like garlic,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, whatever, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: You do it as like a blockage, like you don't
Speaker 1: come near me. I had the garlic. What about this one?
Speaker 1: A long black? He ordered a long black and said, oh,
Speaker 1: this is going to last me a week, and then
Speaker 1: took it home with him so that he could then
Speaker 1: take it to work. A long black. That's just a
Speaker 1: shot of coffee. How long is his coffee lasting?
Speaker 3: You wait?
Speaker 2: Like he's just putting like a couple of drops. He's
Speaker 2: got n drop. He's putting a couple drops of his
Speaker 2: milk every morning.
Speaker 1: No, you don't add milk he just ordered.
Speaker 2: But I mean it's lasting him a week, So I
Speaker 2: don't know what he istioning out throughout the week Monday
Speaker 2: to Friday.
Speaker 1: My partner puts mayonnaise on a steak so thick that
Speaker 1: you can't see the steak anymore.
Speaker 3: I'm fine with that one. Io is that a thing?
Speaker 1: Is that condiment for a steak?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: You can put as much mayonnaise on anything, like literally,
Speaker 2: you could put mayonnaise on weep bigs and I make everything.
Speaker 2: I'm fine with that, okay this though, I'm not fine
Speaker 2: with tiramasou with a side of ketchup. Someone actually ordered
Speaker 2: tyramasu with the side of tomato sauce. And the last
Speaker 2: one that gave this lovely woman the eck was we
Speaker 2: went on a date and he ordered ice like a
Speaker 2: cup of ice because he felt sweaty, and then he
Speaker 2: sat there and sucked on ice for the entire day.
Speaker 1: Oh, no, I think that's okay. He's just hot. He's
Speaker 1: probably Mexico. No is he it's hot, he wants to
Speaker 1: cool down a bit of eyes. Nah, that one's all right.
Speaker 2: You can't just order on a date, Brittany and then
Speaker 2: suck ice like a child. What You're allowed to order
Speaker 2: a jug of milk? No, I think that's a terrible
Speaker 2: idea as well. Anyway, let's get into these questions. I'm
Speaker 2: gonna kick it off with question number one. I am
Speaker 2: in a bit of a pickle, and I'd like some
Speaker 2: perspective on this for context. At the start of the pandemic,
Speaker 2: I found out that my husband of a year was
Speaker 2: cheating on me. We tried to make it work, but
Speaker 2: ultimately we ended up getting divorced. Fast forward to now,
Speaker 2: and I've met someone who I think is truly my penguin,
Speaker 2: and it is the most fulfilling, happy relationship of my
Speaker 2: adult life.
Speaker 1: But Dun, Dun, Dun's always a butt.
Speaker 3: He really wants to get married.
Speaker 2: He talks a lot about it and says things like, oh,
Speaker 2: this could be a good wedding song, or I want
Speaker 2: to do these things for my bucks all locations that
Speaker 2: would be a nice location to propose that. But the
Speaker 2: thing is, I don't really want to get married again.
Speaker 2: Weddings ultimately are a huge cost and require so much
Speaker 2: time and energy, and I don't know if I have
Speaker 2: it in me to do it all again in what
Speaker 2: feels so soon.
Speaker 3: What should I do?
Speaker 2: Am I being unfair to deny him something that he
Speaker 2: clearly wants to do because I've already done it? Or
Speaker 2: do I say no just honestly because I want to
Speaker 2: focus on paying off my mortgage and starting a family.
Speaker 1: Okay, I think I know what I want to say here,
Speaker 1: Well go ahead, because usually you want to like chat
Speaker 1: it out and get to your answer. But I think
Speaker 1: you are completely entitled to say I don't want to
Speaker 1: do this again. I've put so much money into it.
Speaker 1: I don't want the big hoohark because I've done it
Speaker 1: once it didn't work. You've obviously got some feelings towards
Speaker 1: your last wedding and your last marriage, and that is
Speaker 1: completely okay. But your partner really wants to get married.
Speaker 1: So I think this is maybe a case of a
Speaker 1: conversation and a meet in the middle. Is there a
Speaker 1: reason that you can't get married officially, which is what
Speaker 1: he wants, because he might just want to feel like
Speaker 1: there is that commitment and you have said for the
Speaker 1: rest of your life, because there is something different about it.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying a wedding is the bill and end all,
Speaker 1: but for a lot of people, it's a comfort of like, oh,
Speaker 1: we are actually professing our love and saying we want
Speaker 1: to do this. So is there a middle ground of saying,
Speaker 1: maybe we can elope maybe we don't have to have
Speaker 1: the huge wedding and have ten friends and family so
Speaker 1: that he gets what he wants. He's getting that special
Speaker 1: moment he gets a wedding because he sounds like he
Speaker 1: hasn't been married before. And then you get what you want,
Speaker 1: which is not this whole, big, elaborate who hah. But
Speaker 1: you can't go and get married if you absolutely have
Speaker 1: an aversion to a wedding as a whole, and it's
Speaker 1: not just the idea of it being big and elaborate.
Speaker 1: But if you just don't want to do that wedding
Speaker 1: certificate again, you don't want to make it official again,
Speaker 1: then you do have to just be honest with him.
Speaker 2: I agree what you say, but I think that this
Speaker 2: is quite a tricky one because there's a very big
Speaker 2: difference between a wedding and a marriage, and that's something
Speaker 2: that only.
Speaker 3: You know what you feel comfortable with.
Speaker 2: Like, is it the fact that the wedding is expensive
Speaker 2: and hard to organize in all of that, or is
Speaker 2: it the fact that you don't want to be in
Speaker 2: a situation where you're married again and you feel like
Speaker 2: your life is completely tied to someone who could disappoint you.
Speaker 3: I agree with you.
Speaker 2: A one year out from your recent divorce and being
Speaker 2: in a your relationship is a really soon time period,
Speaker 2: and I think it is quick, yeah, really quick. And
Speaker 2: I think if you were to have that conversation with
Speaker 2: him of like, you are the person I want to
Speaker 2: be with. I see this potentially in the future. But
Speaker 2: right now, I'm not ready to get married. I don't
Speaker 2: think that that's an unreasonable expectation or thing to say, Like,
Speaker 2: I don't think you're being unreasonable by saying I'm not
Speaker 2: ready to get married again. But that doesn't mean that
Speaker 2: it changes my feelings for you. I also think that
Speaker 2: the reason why he's bringing it up and saying, oh,
Speaker 2: this is a great place to get proposal, like this
Speaker 2: is a great wedding song is I kind of think
Speaker 2: he's floating your reaction. He wants to know whether you
Speaker 2: are yes, yeah, Are you going to say yes? He's
Speaker 2: actually trying to gauge from you what your answer will be.
Speaker 2: So when he says those sorts of things, that is
Speaker 2: your opportunity to tell him how you're feeling, or to
Speaker 2: tell him what your reservations are. But I do think
Speaker 2: that by being really honest with your communication, you can
Speaker 2: explain that your reservations are not around the long term
Speaker 2: commitment of the relationship, but it's around the fact that
Speaker 2: you've already just been through this and I'm sure your
Speaker 2: divorce was quite recently final.
Speaker 3: I mean, if you split up at the beginning of.
Speaker 2: COVID, it takes a year for a divorce to actually,
Speaker 2: you know, be able to be legitimate. So there hasn't
Speaker 2: been that much time since your last marriage, and I
Speaker 2: understand why you might need a bit of breathing space.
Speaker 2: I hate to be the person who says like you
Speaker 2: might change your mind, right, because they do think in
Speaker 2: life like that's a very dismissive thing when people feel
Speaker 2: a certain way about anything, whether it's kids, whether it's
Speaker 2: about marriage, whatever it is. But there is the opportunity
Speaker 2: that in the future you may change your mind. But
Speaker 2: I don't think that you have to make a decision
Speaker 2: just yet. And I think that if he loves you
Speaker 2: and wants to be with you, then he will understand that,
Speaker 2: you know, there are some limitations with being with someone
Speaker 2: who's already just been married.
Speaker 1: The other thing I want to add to that is
Speaker 1: what you just said is very accurate, Laura. Maybe he's
Speaker 1: floating the idea of an engagement right. And one thing
Speaker 1: I do want to say, because I know a lot
Speaker 1: of people in my life, some family members, friends, some
Speaker 1: people get engaged and that is the commitment. They don't
Speaker 1: actually ever end up tying or not for no reason
Speaker 1: in particular other than maybe they want to use that
Speaker 1: money for a house. Maybe they don't feel like they
Speaker 1: need that commitment. They get busy. It was COVID, but
Speaker 1: they've realized that the proposal and the engagement ring was
Speaker 1: enough of a commitment. So maybe, if you know you
Speaker 1: want to spend your life with him, maybe let him
Speaker 1: know that. If he proposes and you say yes, then
Speaker 1: you can have a discussion too, and maybe you can say,
Speaker 1: I'm exactly what Laura just said, not ready for a
Speaker 1: wedding yet. Let's just sit on this. Let's sit in
Speaker 1: the moment you know, I want to be with you forever,
Speaker 1: and you can have the discussion later about the size
Speaker 1: of the wedding if you go to a registreet, if
Speaker 1: you even do it. But if you want to spend
Speaker 1: your life with someone, it's a pretty beautiful and a
Speaker 1: pretty special thing. And I think you're not going to
Speaker 1: it's not I would be very surprised if you love
Speaker 1: someone that purely. If this was a deal breaker, I
Speaker 1: think it's just going to be about compromise more than
Speaker 1: is it a deal breaker totally.
Speaker 2: The only thing though, is and I mean now I'm
Speaker 2: backflipping all the way just said, if you know, if
Speaker 2: you know in your heart of hearts, that you're absolutely
Speaker 2: not going to change your mind on this, that you
Speaker 2: do not want to be married again, that that was
Speaker 2: you know, the process of the breakup, and you know,
Speaker 2: thinking that that person was the one and a force
Speaker 2: was too much to tread that path again. Then I
Speaker 2: think be really clear, because the worst thing you want
Speaker 2: is for him to propose to you with the expectation
Speaker 2: that a marriage is coming, and then for you to
Speaker 2: have to disappoint him. I think it's always better to
Speaker 2: try and get on the same page early as soon
Speaker 2: as possible, to mitigate and manage someone else's expectations and
Speaker 2: what they want for themselves, because the earlier you do that,
Speaker 2: the less of a huge problem it's going to be
Speaker 2: down the path because you're only just like it's going
Speaker 2: to compile and snowball the further and the longer you leave.
Speaker 1: This comes back to honest communication. You want to be
Speaker 1: with this person forever. Just tell them how you feel.
Speaker 3: Alrighty question number two?
Speaker 1: All right, this is bringing it back to the milky ick.
Speaker 1: I sometimes get the ick after a first date. I
Speaker 1: used to get it ninety five percent of the time
Speaker 1: and now only about fifty percent. I'm good, that's great.
Speaker 2: A single date you went on you had the ick,
Speaker 2: and now only time that's a lot of ick.
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm going to like jump in on this question.
Speaker 2: I reckon I didn't even got past the fifty percent
Speaker 2: of people I went on dates with gave me the eck.
Speaker 3: Though that's normal.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: I guess no, go high standards.
Speaker 1: No, that would mean I was more iggy.
Speaker 3: No, as in like you don't don't even get on
Speaker 3: the date with them. It's like you can't get.
Speaker 2: The ick because you're like no, no, no, Okay.
Speaker 1: Well, I like why this question goes. I'm good that
Speaker 1: I get a fifty percent inch. I will send a
Speaker 1: message and say I had a great time. I just
Speaker 1: don't see going anywhere, to which they normally respond, thanks
Speaker 1: for the message. Let's still hang out as friends, they do. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just want to put one.
Speaker 3: Let's let's change your mind.
Speaker 1: As I'm an outdoorsy girl and I like activities. They
Speaker 1: want to still go exploring with me, hang out, have fun.
Speaker 1: I am assuming this is because they think the first
Speaker 1: date did them no justice. I say, sure, but then
Speaker 1: I never talked to them again, or I stop replying.
Speaker 1: That's not good. I know people tell me you should
Speaker 1: always give someone two dates to give them a chance,
Speaker 1: but I think if my mind is made up at
Speaker 1: the beginning, I shouldn't lead them on or put myself
Speaker 1: through a second date if I'm just not into it.
Speaker 1: Do you believe in the two date rule? Can someone
Speaker 1: be better the second time around? Or if y'all know,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: Oh, I definitely think people can be better the second
Speaker 2: time around, one hundred percent. But I don't believe in
Speaker 2: the two date rule. I think you don't have, like,
Speaker 2: you don't have to force yourself to go on a
Speaker 2: second date with someone who everything in your inside is
Speaker 2: telling you that that's a bad date.
Speaker 1: Run.
Speaker 2: But if it's like if you're just going to rule
Speaker 2: out a guy because he ordered a glass of milk,
Speaker 2: maybe on the second date you might realize that he
Speaker 2: has some wonderful, redeeming qualities.
Speaker 1: I agree with what you said. I don't believe in
Speaker 1: the two date rule because I don't think that's a
Speaker 1: standard that everyone should get two dates. Absolutely not. But
Speaker 1: I am ae hundred percent a big believer and I've
Speaker 1: lived it and I've seen it with my friends that
Speaker 1: people can change in the second, third, fourth, date, and
Speaker 1: it's not that they're changing. But some people get really
Speaker 1: nervous on a first date. Some people aren't themselves. Some
Speaker 1: people don't know how to act that I don't have
Speaker 1: to say. They want to impress you, they withhold a lot,
Speaker 1: maybe they give too much. There are so many reasons
Speaker 1: someone might not be one hundred percent them. Sometimes I
Speaker 1: go on a first date and I leave and I
Speaker 1: was like, what did I just do? Why was I
Speaker 1: like acting like that? I'm like, but it's something that
Speaker 1: sometimes if there's a lot of pressure on it, or
Speaker 1: you're in an environment, you might not know. Maybe it's
Speaker 1: a set up and you're try to impress them from
Speaker 1: a friend. There is a multitude of reasons someone can
Speaker 1: be uncomfortable. If you've got the ick, straight up, you're
Speaker 1: not gonna give them a second date. Absolutely not. You
Speaker 1: do not force yourself through anick. And also I don't
Speaker 1: think you can if you're ick from day one, you
Speaker 1: can't recoup that.
Speaker 2: Also, I mean, like in what you just said, I
Speaker 2: think when the stakes are high, like when you really
Speaker 2: like someone, when you go into a date and you
Speaker 2: meet them and you're like, holy shit, like I'm in
Speaker 2: trouble they're the sorts of dates where it's very hard
Speaker 2: at the very first meeting to be your a game
Speaker 2: because when the stakes are high, you care, you know,
Speaker 2: you're nervous, you're invested. Like it's harder to be on
Speaker 2: your best and like bring the best version of yourself
Speaker 2: when you're nervous and worried about whether the other person likes.
Speaker 1: You, because nerves mean, nerves are the way of your
Speaker 1: body's saying this matters to me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and and your brain's going like, don't fuck it up.
Speaker 2: And then of course when your brain's like don't fuck
Speaker 2: it up, you probably say something you should you suck
Speaker 2: it up. Do you know what I actually think of
Speaker 2: when you asked this question, Britain, I'm surprised that you
Speaker 2: didn't bring this story yet.
Speaker 1: Is it me or you?
Speaker 3: No, it's your sister Sherry. So Sherry and Jay.
Speaker 2: As you guys know if you've been a long follow
Speaker 2: of the podcast, Sherry she does a lot of behind
Speaker 2: the scenes for Life on Cut in the Facebook community
Speaker 2: group go follow Life on Cut discussion group. But Sherry
Speaker 2: met her partner, Jay, who she's now happily married to,
Speaker 2: on Tinder. They spoke for quite a long time before
Speaker 2: they actually met up.
Speaker 1: I think like two months maybe, and.
Speaker 2: Then their first date sucked, like from all accounts between
Speaker 2: the two of them, when they recount their first date,
Speaker 2: they said it was incredibly underwhelming. They thought that it
Speaker 2: would be the chemistry and the conversation would flow more easily,
Speaker 2: but it was a bit jilted.
Speaker 3: And it's because the stakes were high.
Speaker 1: Well it was because and I'm glad you brought that
Speaker 1: up now I remember, but you're so welcome. Yeah, thank you. No,
Speaker 1: they so they spoke. They met when they were in
Speaker 1: different countries, so Sherry and myself were in Peru and
Speaker 1: Jay was in Scotland. They matched online on Tinder.
Speaker 2: She literally had set her we set it to Scotland
Speaker 2: because we're moving there, so you were looking for like
Speaker 2: future boyfriends.
Speaker 3: One day, two weeks time will be there, so let's
Speaker 3: get set up.
Speaker 1: Yeah. We were like, well, a couple of months, we're
Speaker 1: moving to Scotland, let's just see what the men are like.
Speaker 2: And you're a kear furniture to arrive on the day
Speaker 2: that you get there, and also your boyfriend.
Speaker 1: It's like when I ordered a heater and it took
Speaker 1: four months and I missed it. For the whole winter. Anyway,
Speaker 1: it's in relevant.
Speaker 3: It's very different.
Speaker 1: So they started, they hit it off. Their chemistry was
Speaker 1: out of this world on text. So for months, I'm
Speaker 1: talking like one hundred messages a day, the banter calls.
Speaker 1: It was crazy. I was like, this is wild to watch.
Speaker 1: Then their first date, they came back and they were like, Sharon,
Speaker 1: I was like, how was it? I mean, actually I
Speaker 1: was on the date with him, but then I left
Speaker 1: and gave them some time.
Speaker 3: Could you tell that it was a little bit?
Speaker 1: Oh was so awkward. Jay couldn't even eat. He was
Speaker 1: so nervous he could even finish his meal, and we
Speaker 1: were like, poor backpackers. I was like, are you finished
Speaker 1: with that? I will literally read that, please. I don't
Speaker 1: know why we'll eat that. And they went on a
Speaker 1: few more dates and it got slowly better. But then
Speaker 1: they had a moment a couple of dates in and
Speaker 1: where Shardan was like, I think we're just supposed to
Speaker 1: be friends. Then she's like, I'll give it one more chance.
Speaker 1: And that's when they got comfortable enough for it to
Speaker 1: be fucking amazing, and it is. They are six years
Speaker 1: now and they are just the most perfect couple. But
Speaker 1: it was because and they say this now, there was
Speaker 1: so much pressure for it to be amazing, because they'd
Speaker 1: put the pressure on themselves and then they get there
Speaker 1: and they did not what to do. They know how
Speaker 1: to speak them and know how to act, but it
Speaker 1: wasn't a matter of the ick. They liked each other.
Speaker 1: They were great people. There's nothing wrong with them. So
Speaker 1: because they let it evolve and gave it a chance,
Speaker 1: it turned into something amazing. So I think if you
Speaker 1: are not revolted by the person, because they think about
Speaker 1: the times you go on a date, right, I know
Speaker 1: everyone out there is And I say to you, guys,
Speaker 1: there are so many times that you go on a
Speaker 1: date and you're like, I don't know. It was a bit,
Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with them. Was there a crazy chemistry? No?
Speaker 1: Did we laugh and have a good time?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 1: And then you're trying to work out in your head.
Speaker 1: Do you give it another time and something grow there?
Speaker 1: And a lot of the time it can. So I think,
Speaker 1: don't necessarily brush it off after one date.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think that'll be sometimes we expect the
Speaker 2: fireworks and the chemistry and the insanity and the intense
Speaker 2: and the ease of it. We almost expect that too much,
Speaker 2: like we think that if it doesn't have that, then
Speaker 2: it must not be good. But that stuff, and I
Speaker 2: mean we've spoken about it for three and a half
Speaker 2: years now, like that shit can grow, it truly can.
Speaker 2: The other thing that I just want to touch on
Speaker 2: from your question is you said I don't want to
Speaker 2: lead them on.
Speaker 3: You know, should I go on a second date or
Speaker 3: is that leading them on?
Speaker 2: No, going on two dates with someone, whether you're invested
Speaker 2: in them or you're not invested in them, is not
Speaker 2: leading them on. You don't owe anybody anything after two dates.
Speaker 2: The only thing that at that point in time could
Speaker 2: lead someone on is if you're having sex with them
Speaker 2: and telling them that you're really invested in them.
Speaker 3: That's leading them on if you're not.
Speaker 2: But if your actions on that date are authentic to
Speaker 2: how you feel, if you're genuinely just getting to know
Speaker 2: the person, if you're feeling it out and you're kind
Speaker 2: of like, you know, maybe you have a kiss, maybe
Speaker 2: you don't have a kiss. None of that is leading
Speaker 2: someone on. That is all just figuring out whether you
Speaker 2: actually like the person and want to go on another date,
Speaker 2: and if after two dates even if you've kissed the guy.
Speaker 2: After two dates, you decide, oh, I'm actually not into them,
Speaker 2: saying hey, sorry, you know I'm not as into you
Speaker 2: as I thought I was. You still haven't let that
Speaker 2: person on.
Speaker 1: Well, you could date someone for a year and decide
Speaker 1: it's not right and it's not leading them on, like
Speaker 1: you're allowed, but you're allowed to change your mind.
Speaker 2: Changing your mind isn't leading someone Okay, leading someone on
Speaker 2: is purposely knowing that you don't like someone and making
Speaker 2: them for a prolonged period of time. Think that you
Speaker 2: do just so you can get something out of them.
Speaker 2: That's leading someone on, so that you know, if you're
Speaker 2: lonely and you don't want to be alone, they're filling
Speaker 2: your time, or if they're just like a segue to
Speaker 2: your next relationship, like it's manipulating someone, that's leading them on.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if you left the date and you're like ill revolted,
Speaker 1: but you text them and said had a great time,
Speaker 1: that's leading them on. Going on a second date. Not
Speaker 1: so bad? All right, let's move on to the third question.
Speaker 2: Okay, question number three. I've been with my partner now
Speaker 2: for almost five years. I'm twenty three years old. And
Speaker 2: we have a mature relationship for our age. What I
Speaker 2: mean by this is we have a joint bank account
Speaker 2: and we've just bought fifty acres of land together to
Speaker 2: build a house, and our future is pretty planned out.
Speaker 1: To big house.
Speaker 2: That's a big that's also a big investment. Like I mean,
Speaker 2: amazing twenty three years old, if you know what you want.
Speaker 2: I had a gut feeling and looked through his phone
Speaker 2: on Saturday night, and I know I shouldn't have done it,
Speaker 2: and I've apologized for disrespecting his privacy, but I found
Speaker 2: a saved Snapchat message to a girl that he's known
Speaker 2: for years and I haven't met her, but it said
Speaker 2: I wish I didn't have a girlfriend so I could
Speaker 2: see your only fans.
Speaker 3: I bought it up with.
Speaker 2: Him, and he's adamant that he didn't send it, but
Speaker 2: it was at five point thirty PM on a regular
Speaker 2: Monday afternoon, so it was obviously him. I told him
Speaker 2: that if it was a one time lapse in judgment
Speaker 2: and the heat of the moment, that he could tell
Speaker 2: me and we could move past it. But he is
Speaker 2: set on denying that he didn't do it. What's upset
Speaker 2: me the most isn't the fact that he wants to
Speaker 2: see in other girls only fans. You know, I get it,
Speaker 2: guys have needs, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. But
Speaker 2: what's upset me is that he's told someone who knows
Speaker 2: that he's in a long term relationship with me that
Speaker 2: he wishes he didn't have a girlfriend. It has absolutely
Speaker 2: broken my heart and I'm finding it hard to move
Speaker 2: past it. How can I move on from this and
Speaker 2: forget it?
Speaker 1: The other thing that, oh, it's a bit of a
Speaker 1: red flag for me. There is the denial, although that's
Speaker 1: like the one you've been caught out, Like I think
Speaker 1: when you get caught out in something like this, like
Speaker 1: it's physically there, she's seen the message, it's in your phone.
Speaker 1: The only way I think I'd be able to move
Speaker 1: forward is if I approached this with him. I had
Speaker 1: this conversation with him, I confronted him and he owned
Speaker 1: up to it, and so it was holy shit, I'm
Speaker 1: I fucked up.
Speaker 3: I fucked up.
Speaker 1: I'm beside myself. I don't know why I did. I
Speaker 1: don't I whatever his reason, I'm not saying it's okay.
Speaker 1: But the denial part for me saying it didn't happen.
Speaker 1: What are you talking about? Like this level of I
Speaker 1: don't know if it was gaslighting, but you're saying it
Speaker 1: didn't happen when you know it did. That's going to
Speaker 1: start to make you think, did it happen? Could it
Speaker 1: have been someone else? Was it someone that's going to
Speaker 1: start to make you question your own Well, I don't
Speaker 1: want to say insanity, but what you saw and maybe,
Speaker 1: oh my god, did I misinterpret it? Did I read
Speaker 1: it wrong? Do I remember actually what I said? The
Speaker 1: ownership in this is imperative for me to be able
Speaker 1: to move.
Speaker 2: Forward at all. Well, I think you completely hit the
Speaker 2: nail on the head. And like, the only thing I
Speaker 2: wanted to add to that is this is gas lighting.
Speaker 2: That's quintessential gas lighting. Like if you have seen something,
Speaker 2: if you know that there is a saved Scent message
Speaker 2: that says sent from Fred to Sarah on this date,
Speaker 2: on this date, at this time that says, I wish
Speaker 2: I didn't have a girlfriend so I could see your
Speaker 2: only fans.
Speaker 3: Look.
Speaker 2: I mean it's nice that he didn't go and look
Speaker 2: at her only fans, And I mean it's a horrible
Speaker 2: thing that he wrote. That's a really awful message to read,
Speaker 2: because you never want your partner to say that they
Speaker 2: wish they don't have you in their life. But it
Speaker 2: is the lack of acknowledgment, and it's really hard to
Speaker 2: move past something when you have been given no validation
Speaker 2: by him saying I didn't do it and completely denying
Speaker 2: it and shutting down that conversation. It denies you any
Speaker 2: validation for your feelings because therefore he's saying, well, you
Speaker 2: shouldn't feel like that because it never happened. That is
Speaker 2: very manipulative behavior, and I know why he's doing it.
Speaker 2: He's doing it because he doesn't want to lose you.
Speaker 2: He's doing it because he doesn't want you to be
Speaker 2: upset or offended or angry at him. And it's easy
Speaker 2: for him to dig his heels in and say I
Speaker 2: just didn't do it, because then he doesn't have to
Speaker 2: deal with any of the repercussions for his bad behavior.
Speaker 3: But I do think it's.
Speaker 2: Very unfair of him to expect for you to completely
Speaker 2: move past this, to be completely fine, and to forget
Speaker 2: it without getting any validation for why you feel the
Speaker 2: way that you feel what he actually did in terms
Speaker 2: of the betrayal. I mean, it's up to you to
Speaker 2: decide whether that's something that you can overcome in time.
Speaker 2: And I feel like, for me, if that had happened
Speaker 2: to me after X amount of years of dating someone,
Speaker 2: after you know, having a joint bank account and owning
Speaker 2: property together, and knowing that he was actually genuinely, really
Speaker 2: invested in the relationship, I think personally I would be
Speaker 2: able to overcome that, but I would need some sort
Speaker 2: of fucking apology to feel like my feelings were valid.
Speaker 1: I one hundred percent agree. I feel like, and again, guys,
Speaker 1: this is our personal opinion. If we were in this situation,
Speaker 1: I feel like, if there was ownership and a discussion
Speaker 1: why he did it, maybe for whatever reason, But if
Speaker 1: he explains himself makes you feel like it was a
Speaker 1: huge mistake, you'll never do it again, and only then
Speaker 1: if you believe him and you can move forward. Because
Speaker 1: you're the one that has said this has unsettled me.
Speaker 1: I don't know how to move forward. If you can't
Speaker 1: move forward, this is very problematic.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And because with the lack of apology and lack
Speaker 2: of acknowledgment, like my thought would be, well, maybe you're
Speaker 2: just gonna do it again because you're not sorry for it.
Speaker 2: I'm not sorry, you've just denied it.
Speaker 1: Look, the only way you said you want to move
Speaker 1: past it, but you're a bit stuck at the moment
Speaker 1: because there's no ownership. The only way for you to
Speaker 1: move past it is have a really fucking hard conversation,
Speaker 1: and that's to be like, call him out on it.
Speaker 1: You're entitled to call him out on it. If he's
Speaker 1: gas lighting you again and says I didn't do it,
Speaker 1: just say, look, let's stop beating around the bush. It's there.
Speaker 1: Let's call a spade a spade. I know you've done it.
Speaker 1: I saw it. If you keep denying this, we cannot
Speaker 1: move forward. Just put it out there, lay all your
Speaker 1: cards out there. You don't have to be aggressive, you
Speaker 1: don't be angry. You can do it however you want.
Speaker 2: It's hard, though, isn't it, Because I guess in her mind,
Speaker 2: she's like, I don't want to create an even bigger
Speaker 2: issue because she doesn't want to break up with him.
Speaker 2: She wants to work through this. She wants to be
Speaker 2: with him, which is why she has to have the conversation.
Speaker 2: In my eyes, you could say that to him. You
Speaker 2: could say this has bothered me. This is really I
Speaker 2: don't know how to sit with this. I don't feel comfortable.
Speaker 2: I don't know if I trust you now. Can we
Speaker 2: talk about it because I want to move on.
Speaker 3: Hughes, Like, what does he say?
Speaker 2: He says, I didn't do it, Like my friend took
Speaker 2: my phone and got my snapchat and then he wrote
Speaker 2: to my friends. Yeah, Like who is he saying sent
Speaker 2: the message? Is he saying that the message just didn't exist?
Speaker 2: Or is he saying that you imagined it? Like I
Speaker 2: would love to know.
Speaker 3: I need more context. Please write back to us.
Speaker 2: I want to know aftermath what he actually is trying
Speaker 2: to tell you that happened, you know, because like that
Speaker 2: is part a really important piece of the story, Like
Speaker 2: you can't just completely deny a message that's so clearly
Speaker 2: and obviously there. He's like it was the opters hacker, Like, yeah,
Speaker 2: they took my Medicare number and all sudden sarah a message,
Speaker 2: they got my.
Speaker 1: Snapchat and everything.
Speaker 2: Ultimately that the other part of this is I know
Speaker 2: that you say that you're in a very mature relationship,
Speaker 2: and it sounds like it is a very mature relationship.
Speaker 2: But the way he is behaving is not a mature
Speaker 2: reaction to doing something wrong, and you know we can
Speaker 2: move past cheating. Cheating is definitely something that happens unfortunately,
Speaker 2: whether it's physical cheating, micro cheating, emotional cheating, it happens
Speaker 2: in relationships. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you,
Speaker 2: it doesn't mean that he thinks less of your relationship.
Speaker 2: It doesn't even mean that he's ever actually thought I
Speaker 2: don't want to be with my girlfriend. There's many, many
Speaker 2: reasons to why he has done what he's done, and
Speaker 2: it could have just been a lapse in temptation. But
Speaker 2: we're going to keep circling back on the same point,
Speaker 2: and it's that you need validity for the fact that
Speaker 2: you have been hurt, and if he hasn't and can't
Speaker 2: say sorry, then you're not getting that. So it's really
Speaker 2: hard for you to move forward and it's almost an
Speaker 2: unfair expectation that you have in yourself.
Speaker 1: Good luck. I hope you find what you're looking for. Please, guys,
Speaker 1: if we've ever answered your question and you want to
Speaker 1: give us an update, because it kills us sometimes not knowing,
Speaker 1: we're like, do.
Speaker 3: They work out what happened with that?
Speaker 1: We love the ask gun Cut after Mass.
Speaker 2: Yes, and we don't have that many more episodes before
Speaker 2: the end of the year, so maybe we need to
Speaker 2: do a twenty twenty two rap. Ask gun Cut after
Speaker 2: mass slide into the DMS, tell us the outcome of
Speaker 2: all of your SAUCYRS questions and we will get an
Speaker 2: aftermath bonus episode in the works for you.
Speaker 3: And yeah, one more thing.
Speaker 2: If you fucking love the episode or you love life
Speaker 2: Uncut in general, jump onto Apple Podcasts. If you have
Speaker 2: left us a review yet, because you're a cheeky little sausage,
Speaker 2: this is your reminder that we would really love it
Speaker 2: if you could leave us a review, share it with
Speaker 2: a friend, and you know the drill.
Speaker 1: Tell you mum, te Dad, tell you Doug, tell your friends,
Speaker 1: and share the luck.
Speaker 3: Because we love love