Speaker 1: Life on Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose
Speaker 1: lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their
Speaker 1: elders past and present.
Speaker 2: Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
Speaker 2: recorded on Cameragle Land Daddy Vibe.
Speaker 1: We just text all the time. Get sure my dad
Speaker 1: text it all the time.
Speaker 3: It texts when I dropped Elilah to him and I'm like,
Speaker 3: did she get there?
Speaker 1: Okay? Sometimes on his birthday, Oh that's cute. Do you
Speaker 1: remember when we first started the podcast.
Speaker 2: I would always be like, fuck, your dad's hot, and
Speaker 2: you were like, you need to stop.
Speaker 1: He does one hundred pull ups the morning at four
Speaker 1: thirty Din tell He's hi, guys, and welcome back to
Speaker 1: another episode of Life on Cut. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany.
Speaker 1: I'm giving the rock today. Anna Why. I looked at
Speaker 1: myself in the mirror when I got ready and I
Speaker 1: didn't have time to change, and I was like, wow,
Speaker 1: I look like the rock in that really famous photo.
Speaker 1: This is exactly that photo. And I actually had a
Speaker 1: chain around my turtleneck that I've got on. I had
Speaker 1: a chain and I was like, I can't do it.
Speaker 1: Does the rock wear Gucci crocs. You realized that the
Speaker 1: rock is the richest man in Hollywood. Yeah, he does.
Speaker 1: That's the photo where it's black. It's the one that
Speaker 1: everyone goes as Halloween. It's because of the belt and
Speaker 1: the color jeans with a turtleneck. That's why I was like,
Speaker 1: it's giving right, and you're.
Speaker 2: Bulging del toy now that you've said this, if you
Speaker 2: just put a bum bag on, thank you complete look.
Speaker 1: One hundred percent. And I was like, I probably have
Speaker 1: time to quickly put a different top on, but I
Speaker 1: was like just going to lean in. But hot rock,
Speaker 1: hot rock, hot rock. I'll take it. Yeah, thanks like hot,
Speaker 1: But I mean that's very what is it? Eighties? What
Speaker 1: one say? Yes, the rock from the eighties nineties. You
Speaker 1: look great.
Speaker 2: You look great today if you have been saying, which
Speaker 2: I wanted to know, because this is what always happens,
Speaker 2: whenever something funny happens in our lives, we're like.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you on the podcast.
Speaker 2: Oh so I've been wanting to know what it is
Speaker 2: that you've been keeping secret from me.
Speaker 1: It's not a secret, but I just had this. It
Speaker 1: was funny. I had this realization and had to chuckle
Speaker 1: to myself out loud, and I wanted to tell you
Speaker 1: guys straight away because it involves you a little bit.
Speaker 1: But then I was not enough save it for the pod. No,
Speaker 1: so Ben and I in the last little week sent
Speaker 1: out like save the date kind of wedding invites. Yeah,
Speaker 1: got it, thank you for that. So just to double down,
Speaker 1: yeah you haven't responded, I did RSVP straight away.
Speaker 2: I was probably the first person to RSVP with Matt
Speaker 2: RSVP two to all events, all three. I RSVP to
Speaker 2: the Brittany and Ben spectacular. Okay, every single one.
Speaker 1: Okay, it's a couple of days, DOMPI dramatic to the
Speaker 1: five day fucking affair. I met every single thing. It's
Speaker 1: one month, it's twenty eight events. You want me at
Speaker 1: the breakfast, the brunch, and the dinner. I am their girlfriend.
Speaker 1: I haven't even given you all of it yet. So half,
Speaker 1: for anyone that's new, half of our wedding is foreign
Speaker 1: and half is Australian. So Ben is Swiss, but he's
Speaker 1: also lived a lot of the time over in UK
Speaker 1: and in Germany and wherever else, so a lot of
Speaker 1: his people are coming from that kind of part of
Speaker 1: the world.
Speaker 2: When you said half of the wedding is you made
Speaker 2: it sound like it's a traveling circus.
Speaker 1: We're going to do half of it in Australia that
Speaker 1: we're going to take it. It's a well tool we
Speaker 1: could be. It's going to be a wonderful wedding. But yeah,
Speaker 1: so half all of his side, none of them Australian
Speaker 1: on his side except me. So we send the invites
Speaker 1: out and Ben's like, Babe, I've been getting into like
Speaker 1: these random messages about the wedding, just like yesterday, one
Speaker 1: of my friends messaged me and went dress code question mark,
Speaker 1: and so Ben wrote back and was like, oh yeah, sorry,
Speaker 1: brite set the dress code and he was like okay.
Speaker 1: He's like, but what is it done? No, because we
Speaker 1: put the dress code on there, done nothing. A day later,
Speaker 1: one of his other friends gets a message they made
Speaker 1: the missus wants to ask about the dress code question
Speaker 1: mark question mark. A couple of days go past, and
Speaker 1: I haven't heard about it yet. I don't hear about
Speaker 1: them individually. But after he got a couple he's like,
Speaker 1: it's so weird people keep asking me about the dress
Speaker 1: code and I'm like, that is weird. I was like,
Speaker 1: because our dress code is not like, it's pretty standard.
Speaker 1: This happens four or five times, and then one of
Speaker 1: his female friends messages, hey, I just wanted to follow
Speaker 1: up about the dress code and he's like, yes, what
Speaker 1: is the problem? They write the dress code. I think
Speaker 1: it's okay, and she was like, well, how strict is it?
Speaker 1: And he was like, well, pretty strict. I guess that's
Speaker 1: what she's decided she wants. And she's like, well, what
Speaker 1: if it doesn't go with my dress? And he's like,
Speaker 1: I'm sure, whatever's going to go. He's like he was like, oh,
Speaker 1: so confused. He's like, I'm sure it's going to be fine,
Speaker 1: and she goes, well, I just think it's a bit extreme,
Speaker 1: and he was like, I don't understand what the problem is.
Speaker 1: He's like, I'm sorry, the dress code is not extreme,
Speaker 1: and I think that you'll figure it out. And this
Speaker 1: goes back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
Speaker 1: I'm not involved at right. He sends me this conversation
Speaker 1: and then she goes, well, I don't understand how she's
Speaker 1: going to know if I if I wear it, and
Speaker 1: he's like, she's gonna know, she's going to see it,
Speaker 1: and she's like, well, that's a bit perverted. And he's like,
Speaker 1: I don't understand, and she's like, who in their right
Speaker 1: mind would make us wear and enforce no songs? And
Speaker 1: then Ben was like, Ben was like, they're going to
Speaker 1: be on your feet, she'll see them. And she went
Speaker 1: hang on feet and he was like, yeah, your feet
Speaker 1: and she was like, but a thong is a g
Speaker 1: string and he was like, oh my god, there is
Speaker 1: a language barrier here. So Ben calls me and he goes, Babe,
Speaker 1: half of the wedding things you've said they're not allowed
Speaker 1: to wear g strings, strict enforcement briefs or nothing, bridge
Speaker 1: joneses or nothing. And it makes so much sense why
Speaker 1: so many people were messaging and being like dress cone
Speaker 1: qush mark. Do you remember when it was our wedding?
Speaker 2: So like when Matt and I got married, we made
Speaker 2: one of those like I don't know, like the is
Speaker 2: a WEBSHD or a web whatever.
Speaker 1: It's like you go online and you fill it all
Speaker 1: out online.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you put all of the information for the
Speaker 2: wedding on like a little website, right that idea. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's the same type of thing, and so that's where
Speaker 2: you put your your dress code and everything.
Speaker 1: Yeah, except Britta and I never got it y good things.
Speaker 2: So we made this website and I didn't realize that,
Speaker 2: like because I mean it was pre COVID, and like,
Speaker 2: we're pretty fucking unorganized. And I asked Matt to fill
Speaker 2: out half of it, and I feeled out half of it.
Speaker 2: Part of his thing to fill out was the dress code,
Speaker 2: and he had just like, because you have to populate
Speaker 2: before you can move on to the next page. So
Speaker 2: he populated some things without it being serious, just so
Speaker 2: that we could flick through to the next page to
Speaker 2: put all the important information in. And he had every
Speaker 2: intention to go back and fix those things.
Speaker 1: Like a placeholder.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, except he didn't go back and didn't fix
Speaker 2: those things. And so we sent out wedding invitation with
Speaker 2: the dress code dress sexy, and that went out.
Speaker 1: Okay, mind dress sexy, that's okay. Ben's nana got no.
Speaker 2: G strings one of those mirrored aisles. Also, at what age,
Speaker 2: what age you record you stop wearing a G string? Like,
Speaker 2: because it would I can't imagine I mean, bless her,
Speaker 2: she's gone now, but I couldn't imagine Nana wearing a
Speaker 2: G string.
Speaker 1: I can't imagine mine Nana wearing a G string. When
Speaker 1: do you give up? When do you say not for
Speaker 1: me anymore? I want to be hugged forever. I don't
Speaker 1: think it's your ass, to be honest, I think it's
Speaker 1: your lips, like it's on the fallen outside. I think
Speaker 1: when it gets a bit like more relaxed down there,
Speaker 1: I want to say relaxed over looser, but like gravity,
Speaker 1: when it ages, gravity takes over. I imagine that would be
Speaker 1: super uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: You know when you said that, the only thing I
Speaker 2: thought straight away was, oh, someone's going to be angry
Speaker 2: at you because you said lips are not lady.
Speaker 1: Someone's going to be so mad that you didn't say vulva. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but then when we say labia, we get in trouble too.
Speaker 1: Stop talking abou Laura's leaby being cut off. Sorry if
Speaker 1: she wants to cut off. But I had to go
Speaker 1: back onto the website, and then I updated the wedding invitation,
Speaker 1: so I kept it all the same. It still says
Speaker 1: like no thongs, but then I had to write in
Speaker 1: brackets for all your Europeans thongs means flip flops. You can,
Speaker 1: in fact still wear a G string. That's what I
Speaker 1: wrote that I sent that out, So now now that's
Speaker 1: gone to Ben's nan. So now Ben's nan, I have
Speaker 1: confirmed that if she wants to she can wear No. Actually,
Speaker 1: Ben Nantan has passedway, but he has other people she
Speaker 1: dressing peace. She can wear whatever you want. I know.
Speaker 1: I felt bad making the joke about his nan, and
Speaker 1: then I was like, she's not here anymore. But yeah,
Speaker 1: so it went out to a lot of people. It
Speaker 1: shouldn't have gone out to pleasant b How was your weekend? Okay,
Speaker 1: so my weekend. My weekend was great.
Speaker 2: It was very long because it was like, well, it
Speaker 2: wasn't really the long weekend. But we went down to
Speaker 2: Aladalla on Thursday and had four nights down south. And
Speaker 2: so if you guys are not following, or if you
Speaker 2: don't follow social media, you might not know this, but
Speaker 2: Matt and I we are renovating a house down in
Speaker 2: Ala Dollar. It's about three hours drive from Sydney. So
Speaker 2: we went down there on the weekend. And if you
Speaker 2: listened to last week's episode, it's kind of like beautiful
Speaker 2: synchronicity that happened. So last week on Tuesday, EP I
Speaker 2: was talking about how Matt and the kids and I
Speaker 2: had all been to this reptile park and how I
Speaker 2: am sick for the reptiles.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you do love a reptile. A great reptile park.
Speaker 2: I should go there one day, but never as a
Speaker 2: non parent did I get myself there. But on the
Speaker 2: weekend I went with Matt. I went with the kids,
Speaker 2: and it was like dreams come true. I had so
Speaker 2: much fun. I love reptiles. So the reptiles heard. They
Speaker 2: listened to Life Uncut, and they got the memo, the
Speaker 2: four one one.
Speaker 1: They know that I love the snakes and leave a review. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because otherwise I don't want to know about it.
Speaker 2: Posts here from the reptile parks. Okay, well you fucking.
Speaker 1: Know what happened. Don't pretend like your shop Brittany, what happened?
Speaker 1: Trying to move it along.
Speaker 2: So we go down to the house on Saturday and
Speaker 2: we were cleaning up the gardens and about halfway through
Speaker 2: the day, as we were walking down the side of
Speaker 2: the house, this massive python and I'm talking like almost.
Speaker 1: Two meters python is slithering up the fence line and
Speaker 1: Matt was still inside. It wasn't Matt's python.
Speaker 2: So it was slithering up like between the border between
Speaker 2: our property and the neighbors, and the neighbors had come
Speaker 2: out to look at it as well, and they were
Speaker 2: all making jokes like, oh, whose house is it gonna
Speaker 2: go into?
Speaker 1: Not really like yours, motherfucker. Yeah, not a funny joke.
Speaker 2: Anyway, it went into the bushes, and because we'd cut
Speaker 2: down a couple of like dead trees, and so I
Speaker 2: for a minute thought maybe we had cut down its home,
Speaker 2: like we'd cut down where it had been living. And
Speaker 2: so it was feeling a bit displaced because it was
Speaker 2: quite cute.
Speaker 1: Nah, not cute. It was like twenty meters long.
Speaker 2: It wasn't cute. It could eat you. No, it's not
Speaker 2: a bowl constrictor. It was a diamond python hot. And
Speaker 2: so it was in the bushes and it was like
Speaker 2: hanging down and we were cleaning up. We were watching
Speaker 2: it for half the day, and I kept saying to Matt,
Speaker 2: do you think we should get a snake catcher out?
Speaker 2: Do you think we should get a snake ketch? And
Speaker 2: he's like, nah, it's fine, like it's in the bush,
Speaker 2: let it go. Anyway, we'd stopped paying attention to the
Speaker 2: snake for a while, and we were still cleaning up
Speaker 2: this back area and I look up and as I
Speaker 2: look up into the tree, the fucking snake has climbed up.
Speaker 2: And there's this one bit where the tree is like
Speaker 2: a little bit close to the roof of the house,
Speaker 2: and it is just long, skinny neck is reaching out
Speaker 2: from the tree and it's trying to get towards the
Speaker 2: hot tiles of the roof.
Speaker 1: And before we could stop it, I went and I
Speaker 1: got the broom, and I was trying to know, what
Speaker 1: were you going to do?
Speaker 2: Well, I was trying to broom it out of the roof,
Speaker 2: so I had the broom handle, and I was trying
Speaker 2: to gently because I don't want hurt it, because I
Speaker 2: love snakes. So I was like trying to like get
Speaker 2: it out of the roof anyway. I like, I knocked
Speaker 2: it once and then it didn't like that, and so
Speaker 2: then it just went a bit faster, and all of
Speaker 2: a sudden, this big ass, which it had just eaten
Speaker 2: because I had a big, fat belly, had crawled into
Speaker 2: the roof of our house. So at that point I
Speaker 2: was like, cool, Matt, I think we should probably call
Speaker 2: the snake catcher.
Speaker 1: Now, I think we should probably burn down the house.
Speaker 4: We don't move.
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about the fact that you have a small cat. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not good for Raspberry. Hey, you haven't seen Raspberry
Speaker 1: a few days. Not thinking of the cat. Also no
Speaker 1: good if we have a newborn either, that's not funny.
Speaker 1: You'd better not do it.
Speaker 2: So I get this number for a local snake catcher, right,
Speaker 2: So I call.
Speaker 1: Him Marp and he hello, my darling, Hello me dear.
Speaker 1: I was like, so irish, I do know. Is this
Speaker 1: man real? You're watching Lord of the Roof. He's real?
Speaker 2: And I was like, look, we've got a snake in
Speaker 2: the roof. Can you come out and help me? And
Speaker 2: he was like what would you like me to do
Speaker 2: about it? And I was like, get it the fuck
Speaker 2: out of my roof fleets. He goes, okay, send me
Speaker 2: a video. So I send him a video of the
Speaker 2: snake and he calls me right back and he goes, ah,
Speaker 2: a diamond python.
Speaker 1: It's beautiful. Now. Explain to me, darling, why do you
Speaker 1: want to get it out of the roof.
Speaker 2: And I was like, because I think it's living there,
Speaker 2: and he goes, yes, you are right, it has been.
Speaker 2: It's its home. I would even bet it's been there
Speaker 2: for many years. You probably have lots of snakes in
Speaker 2: your roof because they like to live together. And I
Speaker 2: was like, I think you need to understand that this
Speaker 2: is horrifying for me, and we are kind of vibing
Speaker 2: on a different frequency right now. I said, oh, look,
Speaker 2: I don't think it's gonna come out anytime soon because
Speaker 2: I think it's just eaten, and he can and goes, no,
Speaker 2: my dear, I don't think it's eaten. I think it's pregnant.
Speaker 2: And is it splendid?
Speaker 1: I was like, you're far because have you seen a
Speaker 1: snake give birth? It doesn't have one fifteen to twenty eggs?
Speaker 1: And then some the size of that python, I reckon
Speaker 1: she's having fifty. Are you're gonna have fifty? From my
Speaker 1: python experience.
Speaker 2: Print me the button tamer that was from a different
Speaker 2: phase of life though, and it wasn't a python, I.
Speaker 1: Reckon, it's gonna have like fifty baby pythons. Imagine if
Speaker 1: you have fifty of those big giant things.
Speaker 2: In your Yes, I know that is exactly how I felt,
Speaker 2: and so pretty much told me he couldn't help me
Speaker 2: because he couldn't access the python through the manhole of
Speaker 2: the roof, and so the python is just there. He's
Speaker 2: just living in the roof, chilling. To be clear, be
Speaker 2: in a python. I don't think they actually I know,
Speaker 2: we're like laughing. I don't think they actually do much.
Speaker 1: I think they're actually really good in terms of they
Speaker 1: eat the rat.
Speaker 2: This is what he said, Like, just think about it.
Speaker 2: You'll never have any vermin or mice. How wonderful. So yeah,
Speaker 2: it's not good for Raspberry. But we do have a
Speaker 2: massive python and it is living in the house.
Speaker 1: So I'm not I'm never coming.
Speaker 2: We did have like really cool plans for long weekends
Speaker 2: down there, but it's just not gonna happen.
Speaker 1: Now where does he get out of? Is there an
Speaker 1: obvious hole gutter?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 2: No, at the moment, the house is in all states
Speaker 2: of deconstructed, so there's many holes.
Speaker 3: Do the people who were doing the construction, no, because
Speaker 3: they're about to get a real jump scare.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was the problem.
Speaker 2: So we called our builder, who is an absolute legend,
Speaker 2: like this dude who's got four kids. He was like,
Speaker 2: his name's Tom, and we called him and I was like, hey,
Speaker 2: this is not not good times and he rocks up
Speaker 2: in his truck with his four children and his wife
Speaker 2: to look at it, to come and try and get
Speaker 2: out of the roof because he was worried about his
Speaker 2: workers and the reptile part. And they thought, this is
Speaker 2: actually it's a free reptor for free reptile party.
Speaker 1: Now you guys know, or you might not know, but
Speaker 1: you will. Now I am a sucker for love is blind.
Speaker 1: So love is blind. If you haven't seen it, it's
Speaker 1: like a very modern dating show where there's a bunch
Speaker 1: of men and a bunch of women and they go
Speaker 1: into these pods that are separated pods. It's just a room, right,
Speaker 1: but they go into these pods that's separated by these walls.
Speaker 1: The men are on one side, the women on the other.
Speaker 1: You go one woman per room, one man per room,
Speaker 1: and you talk to each other and you get to
Speaker 1: know each other and you write things down. You can
Speaker 1: send gifts through the room and stuff, but you never
Speaker 1: get to see each other.
Speaker 2: One might think that it's based on the premise that
Speaker 2: someone's personality is more important than.
Speaker 1: The way they look. It's exactly what it is. The
Speaker 1: whole idea is is love really blind? That's the question
Speaker 1: they pose the antidote to online dating. Maybe yes, so
Speaker 1: they it's like speed dating without seeing the other person.
Speaker 1: So all the people move between the pods. You get
Speaker 1: to speak to whoever you want, and then you form
Speaker 1: these Then you decide if there's like maybe one or
Speaker 1: two people that you want to pursue. Then at the
Speaker 1: end you have to have chosen your person blind blindly.
Speaker 1: Still then you get to meet. But the idea is
Speaker 1: you propose you're getting married. You are getting married without
Speaker 1: having seen each other. Then you go on a honeymoon
Speaker 1: that everyone goes, and that's where sometimes the drama starts
Speaker 1: to happen, because maybe one person might have had a
Speaker 1: connection with someone else but chose the other person, but
Speaker 1: then when they see them, they're more physically attracted to
Speaker 1: the other person. Then it's like do they leave, do
Speaker 1: they swap partners? Do they commit? It gets spicy. The
Speaker 1: reason I wanted to talk about this is there's one
Speaker 1: particular scene that happened episode two at the very start
Speaker 1: between two people, Steven and Monica, that sort of stopped
Speaker 1: me in my tracks a little bit, and I had
Speaker 1: to rewind it and say, did I just hear that correctly?
Speaker 1: So this happened in episode two season seven straight. At
Speaker 1: the start of episode two, Steven and Monica they have
Speaker 1: a conversation that really got me thinking about therapy tool
Speaker 1: and people using therapy tool to manipulate situations.
Speaker 4: Here's what I believe. You like someone for their qualities,
Speaker 4: but you love someone for their flaws.
Speaker 1: I've always been drawn to flaws.
Speaker 4: I've in the same way.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Actually my most recent relationship, since you know, we're already
Speaker 4: getting into this, Yeah, I will divulge something that I
Speaker 4: am not very proud of at all, but I wear
Speaker 4: this brand and I think it's very important to be
Speaker 4: honest about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: So we're we're going to talk about cheating. Yeah, I
Speaker 4: technically hold the title of being a cheater. I've been
Speaker 4: cheated on multiple times as well. I believed that this
Speaker 4: person that I was dating at the time, I believed
Speaker 4: I didn't deserve her. Everyone has a different concept of cheating.
Speaker 4: One person's could be you know, looking at someone you know.
Speaker 4: Someone else's could be an actual physical act. I basically
Speaker 4: slid into a girl's DMS like a dumb ass, and
Speaker 4: we were sting with intention. You're emotionally cheating at that
Speaker 4: point I got caught, which I knew I would. I
Speaker 4: was very disappointed with myself and there was a lot
Speaker 4: of Yeah. I mean, if we went through therapy, we
Speaker 4: figured it out. I'm actively in therapy to talk about
Speaker 4: these things.
Speaker 5: And by the way, I really appreciate you sharing with me,
Speaker 5: and I want you to feel like you can tell
Speaker 5: me anything, like we're all human. I'm thirty six years old,
Speaker 5: Like it's not so black and white. The experiences that
Speaker 5: I've had to deal with from cheating are woof they
Speaker 5: are that's music grows and very very bad. And even
Speaker 5: in those situations, I've always found a path to forgiveness.
Speaker 1: I love how.
Speaker 2: He's managed to victimize himself in that cheating situation, like
Speaker 2: he's the one who acted outside of the relationship.
Speaker 1: And obviously I know there's many reasons I people cheat.
Speaker 2: We've talked about that a load of time, but in
Speaker 2: that one conversation, he managed to make himself the victim
Speaker 2: and gain her pity for his cheating.
Speaker 1: Oh, one hundred percent. But even the way he set
Speaker 1: it up, you can tell he knows what he's doing.
Speaker 1: This is what I think. I think he one hundred
Speaker 1: percent knew what the outcome was going to be. He
Speaker 1: was being vulnerable he dropped and he went to therapy.
Speaker 1: He dropped that he only did it because he didn't
Speaker 1: feel like she was good enough because she was such
Speaker 1: a queen. And also when he says he's a cheater,
Speaker 1: so he says, you know, I want to talk about cheating.
Speaker 1: I cheated, but I've been cheated on loads of times too,
Speaker 1: Like he quickly he didn't even sit in I'm a cheater.
Speaker 1: He quickly went straight to but I've been cheated on
Speaker 1: loads of times. He went straight to I'm a victim.
Speaker 1: And I had to rewind the whole scene. And I
Speaker 1: wonder how many people would have watched that and had
Speaker 1: an issue with it. There are some online threads going around,
Speaker 1: so I know that the people.
Speaker 3: Have I saw some things on Facebook groups and that
Speaker 3: kind of thing for Love is Blind that were very divided, and.
Speaker 1: Half of the people were like, hang on a second.
Speaker 3: He just made himself exactly how we all felt, you know,
Speaker 3: he just made himself the victim in a narrative where
Speaker 3: he was actually the person doing the wrong thing. But
Speaker 3: the other half of people were saying, at least he's
Speaker 3: honest about it, like, at least he's kind of coming
Speaker 3: forward with this information and she doesn't need to ask
Speaker 3: him these questions, and he's being truthful about his past experiences.
Speaker 2: But I also think that that's been reflected recently and
Speaker 2: the whole David Groll thing foo fighters. If you guys
Speaker 2: are across it, which I'm sure you are, he has
Speaker 2: fathered a child outside of his twenty something year marriage,
Speaker 2: and the social discourse around that was so interesting because
Speaker 2: some people were like, Wow, what a flog he cheated
Speaker 2: on his wife and had a baby with an adulterous affair.
Speaker 2: But the other part of the conversations was, well, at
Speaker 2: least he came out and he was honest, and he's
Speaker 2: acknowledged the baby, and he's going to be a good dad.
Speaker 1: What a great guy. If he's taking accountability for accountability.
Speaker 2: It is fascinating to me the way in which we
Speaker 2: are able to frame some things, and we can frame
Speaker 2: our shortcomings in a way that garner empathy and garner sympathy.
Speaker 2: And I'm not saying that this is black and white,
Speaker 2: because I do think that there are absolutely instances where
Speaker 2: someone's shortcomings and the things that they do that might
Speaker 2: hurt someone else very well can be the byproduct of
Speaker 2: the unfortunate situations that they've experienced themselves. But I do
Speaker 2: think that the language that's used is a way in
Speaker 2: order to gain favor, especially in this instance. It got
Speaker 2: me thinking about an article I read recently which was
Speaker 2: from Glamar. Now it was from last year, but the
Speaker 2: article itself was talking about how a lot of women
Speaker 2: prefer to date men who are either in therapy or
Speaker 2: who have gone to therapy because it shows that they
Speaker 2: are more emotionally in touch and that they're working on
Speaker 2: themselves and their own mental health. So I was speaking
Speaker 2: to Matt about this and I was like, surely, then
Speaker 2: if people if it is known that this is a
Speaker 2: desirable attribute that some women want, surely this is something
Speaker 2: that can then be used as a way to kind
Speaker 2: of garner affection or get a woman over the line.
Speaker 2: And Matt was like, talking about therapy is akin to
Speaker 2: talking about puppies. He's like, it is a green flag
Speaker 2: if a guy is on a first date talking about
Speaker 2: Oh look, this is really hard for me to tell
Speaker 2: you about, Like, you know, I go to therapy. I
Speaker 2: think that there's a fine line between endorsing it, which
Speaker 2: we obviously do on this podcast, and we talk about
Speaker 2: how amazing it is to be able to go do
Speaker 2: therapy and be able to have moments to talk about
Speaker 2: yourself and work on your mental health. But I also
Speaker 2: think keep those blinkers wide open for people who may
Speaker 2: use that as a way to try and prove that
Speaker 2: they are something that they're not.
Speaker 3: I question why that might be the case, because I
Speaker 3: think that the implication is that they are potentially at
Speaker 3: least more aware, perhaps of their emotions if they're going
Speaker 3: to therapy.
Speaker 1: I mean, there will be exceptions, some are court mandated therapy.
Speaker 3: But always Like, I'm trying to think about the positives
Speaker 3: as to why women would be like I want a
Speaker 3: guy who has been to therapy, and I think it's
Speaker 3: all about taking accountability for your own shit. And I
Speaker 3: think that it is somewhat dangerous for us to equate
Speaker 3: going to therapy with actually owning stuff and take accountability
Speaker 3: for behavior, you know, I don't think that these things
Speaker 3: automatically align.
Speaker 2: I also really want to be careful with this because
Speaker 2: I don't want this to sound at all like we're
Speaker 2: stigmatizing people who do go to therapy or people who
Speaker 2: talk about the fact that they go. And I think
Speaker 2: it's really important because like it's not just gendered. There
Speaker 2: are a lot of very conscious and intentional men out
Speaker 2: there who are going to therapy and it has been
Speaker 2: hugely beneficial to them, and they don't feel shame around
Speaker 2: talking about it, and therefore that's the reason why they've
Speaker 2: brought it up. I think it's more so for me.
Speaker 2: This whole idea of like therapy talk is when someone
Speaker 2: has learnt the language, they've learned the tools, they're not
Speaker 2: actually implementing it in their life, but they use it
Speaker 2: as a way to make themselves sound smarter, to make
Speaker 2: themselves seem like they are superior or authoritative in a way,
Speaker 2: and that almost like diminishes, especially within a relationship as well,
Speaker 2: it diminishes the thing that the other person might be experiencing.
Speaker 2: The example of this and where I think we've seen
Speaker 2: it more recently in like social discourse is a situation
Speaker 2: with Jonah Hill last year. So last year we saw
Speaker 2: Jonah Hill. We did a big episode on it all
Speaker 2: around him using the word boundaries to set limitations on
Speaker 2: his ex girlfriend Sarah Brady, who he'd said, it's my
Speaker 2: boundary that you don't go and surf with other men, and.
Speaker 1: It's my boundary that you don't post a bikini fils.
Speaker 2: It's my boundary that you behave in a way that
Speaker 2: I expect you to. And we unpacked on that episode
Speaker 2: this conversation around how a boundary is a limitation for yourself,
Speaker 2: it can't be a limitation for someone else, and that
Speaker 2: to me wreaked of someone who had been to therapy,
Speaker 2: had learnt the tools, but then was intentionally abusing those
Speaker 2: tools in order to coercive control their partner in a relationship.
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, not everybody is
Speaker 1: cut from the same cloth. There could be people that
Speaker 1: go to therapy that are still wankers, women and men. Right,
Speaker 1: you still a dickhead, You're still want to do the
Speaker 1: same thing. Yeah, there are people that go to therapy
Speaker 1: that they come out the other side, Like Jesus, there
Speaker 1: are people that will never need to go to therapy
Speaker 1: and they're still wonderful people. Like I think, just putting
Speaker 1: that limitation on yourself for dating that you have to
Speaker 1: have gone to therapy exactly like Keisha said, that doesn't
Speaker 1: align with them being an amazing person that's emotionally available
Speaker 1: and not going to cheat on you.
Speaker 2: Like, in terms of talking about the ways in which
Speaker 2: we can abuse terminology. I think we see it beyond
Speaker 2: just dating, though. I think we see it with the
Speaker 2: overuse of the word toxic, with the word trauma, with
Speaker 2: the word triggered.
Speaker 1: Like narcissist, sociopath. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean we might have a negative experience with someone
Speaker 2: who has treated us badly, and then we've instantly blanketed
Speaker 2: them as a narcissist, which is a pathological diagnosis. Like
Speaker 2: you can't just have one interaction with someone who cheats
Speaker 2: on you or treats you badly. That doesn't instantly mean
Speaker 2: that they are narcissistic or a narcissist. I do think
Speaker 2: we overuse these words. For me, even in the industry
Speaker 2: that we work in, we have to be so careful
Speaker 2: with the things that we say from time to time,
Speaker 2: and we will often go, oh, should we put a
Speaker 2: trigger warning on this? Should we talk about the trauma
Speaker 2: that's associated with this? And I think we've almost become
Speaker 2: too trigger warning happy in a lot of ways, because
Speaker 2: something that someone might not want to listen to because
Speaker 2: it makes them feel uncomfortable, that's not necessarily a trigger.
Speaker 2: Like a trigger is someone who has experienced a deeply
Speaker 2: traumatic event there's been lots of studies around how trigger
Speaker 2: warnings are actually more negative, and trigger warnings themselves can
Speaker 2: more negatively impact a greater population than not having it
Speaker 2: in the first place. It almost seems these days as
Speaker 2: though everybody has experienced trauma, Like we use the word
Speaker 2: trauma to literally describe everything.
Speaker 3: I think that's like the situation that everyone's experience as
Speaker 3: a subjective, right, so someone's trauma will be subjective, but
Speaker 3: a term like triggering is actually an objective word, and
Speaker 3: so the overuse of it. And I'm even guilty of
Speaker 3: this myself. I mean, on this podcast over the years,
Speaker 3: I would have described one of my ex's behaviors as narcissistic,
Speaker 3: and I think as we've kind of gone on and
Speaker 3: spoken to experts, I've actually realized that by me labeling
Speaker 3: that person as a narcissist, it has diluted the experience
Speaker 3: of someone who has actually experienced narcissistic abuse.
Speaker 1: And I really regret that, Like I really regret.
Speaker 3: Amounting my experiences to something that someone really has been
Speaker 3: damaged by. And I think that's the problem with the
Speaker 3: overuse of these words. And it's not just about narcissism,
Speaker 3: you know, A lot of people will say things like
Speaker 3: I say it on TikTok all the time. Oh, I
Speaker 3: have trauma from one of my past relationships because my
Speaker 3: ex used to not write back to me for twenty
Speaker 3: four hours and it would give me anxiety and blah
Speaker 3: blah blah. And I'm like, Okay, let's actually unpack the
Speaker 3: words we're using here. You said I have trauma from
Speaker 3: a past relationship to me. I just think that we've
Speaker 3: kind of gone a little bit too heavy into this
Speaker 3: therapy speak when we're using it in such a liberal way,
Speaker 3: because people have.
Speaker 1: Genuinely experienced really really awful.
Speaker 3: And traumatizing events in relationships, especially you know, we talk
Speaker 3: about domestic violence law on this podcast. I just think
Speaker 3: that perhaps as a way to try and you know,
Speaker 3: we love to put a label on everything.
Speaker 1: We love to have everything categorized.
Speaker 3: We love to have these buzzwords and also words like this,
Speaker 3: especially when you're in therapy and you start using them
Speaker 3: in your general vocabulary, it implies a certain level of
Speaker 3: emotional intelligence.
Speaker 1: And I just think the pendulum might have swung a
Speaker 1: little too far. It's just overuse of the word. It's
Speaker 1: lost its meaning. It has an oversaturation and I read
Speaker 1: a really interesting article from a teacher, a primary school teacher,
Speaker 1: no so high school teacher, bit early like twelve, thirteen fourteen.
Speaker 1: She wanted to stay anonymous because she didn't want it
Speaker 1: to get back to her kids. But she said she
Speaker 1: cannot believe the uses of these terms that she hears
Speaker 1: amongst preteens. So she says she has a really hard
Speaker 1: time trying to be delicate and understand and guide them,
Speaker 1: but also say you can't be using those words. So
Speaker 1: she's like, when they're referring to a breakup and they're
Speaker 1: thirteen and fourteen, they're saying he's definitely a sociopath, Like
Speaker 1: what a narcissist because they're seeing these terms on TikTok.
Speaker 1: They break up with friends, they're using the same kind
Speaker 1: of words. When it's not when like we would go
Speaker 1: back to our time, I didn't even know what it was.
Speaker 1: It's just a fight with a friend and you'll probably
Speaker 1: make up in in a couple of weeks.
Speaker 3: But someone can just be a dickhead. They don't have
Speaker 3: to be emotionally abusive. Someone can just be a wenka
Speaker 3: today doesn't mean that they're a sociopath.
Speaker 1: You can be a fuck with and not narcissist, like
Speaker 1: these things are not interchangeable. But I found that really
Speaker 1: interesting because that is who we are setting up, That
Speaker 1: is the future generation that don't quite grasp the true
Speaker 1: meaning what these terms are because they have become standard vocabulary.
Speaker 2: And interchangeable and don't become interchangeable with just normal experiences
Speaker 2: that we are all going to go through as part
Speaker 2: of like figuring out how to socially exchange with other people.
Speaker 1: And I know we were talking about it, Laura, the
Speaker 1: use of the terms that we throw around now, Like
Speaker 1: when we have an argument with our partner, it's not
Speaker 1: an argument, it's gas lighting. Oh yeah, look, it's a
Speaker 1: good way to win an argument. Put it that way.
Speaker 2: You want to win an argument, tell your partner they're
Speaker 2: gas lighting you, like it won't go down.
Speaker 1: Well, you'll win, but you won't make up.
Speaker 2: Gas Lighting is a real and intentional lie to try
Speaker 2: and distort someone else's perception of what they experienced. It
Speaker 2: is an intentful act. Whereas like we are all going
Speaker 2: to have disagreements and arguments with our partners where we
Speaker 2: don't see things the same way because our experience of
Speaker 2: what we just did and went through or the way
Speaker 2: we spoke to each other. Our perceptions around it were different.
Speaker 2: And it's funny because like Matt and I will sometimes
Speaker 2: and you know, like I'm not sitting up on my
Speaker 2: pedestal here being like, oh, we shouldn't do this, because.
Speaker 1: We all do it.
Speaker 2: We've all called our ex boyfriend's narcissists. We've all told
Speaker 2: someone that they're gas lighting us when they're probably not.
Speaker 2: Matt and I will have an argument and either he'll
Speaker 2: say it or I'll say it, you're gaslighting me. And
Speaker 2: what we are meaning by that is I'm trying to
Speaker 2: convey how I experience something and you're telling me I'm wrong, right,
Speaker 2: But when when you actually unpick it and try and
Speaker 2: like get down to the root of it. Really it's
Speaker 2: just two people who actually love each other, who have
Speaker 2: a lot of respect for each other. But we both
Speaker 2: experienced that fight or whatever the thing was that set
Speaker 2: us off differently. We both had a different perception of
Speaker 2: what happened, and so neither one of us is right.
Speaker 2: We're probably right fifty to fifty. One person probably said
Speaker 2: something with a bit of tone. The other person probably
Speaker 2: had a bit of a fucking face or did something
Speaker 2: that made the other person feel inferior and then it
Speaker 2: kicked off. It's really important, and sometimes I have to
Speaker 2: stop myself and I'm like, he's not gaslining you. He
Speaker 2: just had a different experience and he's fucking wrong.
Speaker 1: Yeah. But it's funny because we can sit here, you know,
Speaker 1: on our high horses and preach and say it's overused.
Speaker 1: But like you just said, we're all guilty of overusing it.
Speaker 1: But it's something that we need to start to be
Speaker 1: conscious about.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think that's the big thing. It's not
Speaker 2: like none of this is criticism. It's all just like
Speaker 2: awareness around what's the behaviors that we do and are
Speaker 2: we contributing to something that's like as a bigger picture
Speaker 2: could be slightly problematic, I.
Speaker 1: Will throw myself under the bus. The theme of Ben's
Speaker 1: and my relationship is literally, this is how you made
Speaker 1: me feel when you said that, And then the other
Speaker 1: person says, but I didn't mean it like that. I
Speaker 1: didn't mean to make you feel like that. And I
Speaker 1: think that comes down to a bit of maybe a
Speaker 1: language barrier. Like some it's not the language barrier, because
Speaker 1: his English is wonderful, but when things are directly translated
Speaker 1: from you know how he grew up into English, it
Speaker 1: doesn't come out sometimes the same way, like an interpretation barrier.
Speaker 1: So I'll be like, I can't believe you said that,
Speaker 1: and he's like, but I didn't mean it like that,
Speaker 1: and I said, yeah, but this is how you made
Speaker 1: me feel. He's like, but that wasn't the intention. And
Speaker 1: that's where we end up getting stuck because I'm like,
Speaker 1: whether it was your intention or not, I'm upset, and
Speaker 1: he's like, Okay, I'm sorry, but can you understand why
Speaker 1: I said it? And that's the back and forth. And
Speaker 1: we've got to an amazing place now where we barely
Speaker 1: argue about anything because everything, well, we just blame it
Speaker 1: on the language barrier. If one of us fucks up,
Speaker 1: we're like, help, it's the old language barrier. It's interesting
Speaker 1: that you.
Speaker 3: Bring up perception, though, because to bring it back to
Speaker 3: the love is blind thing that we initially were talking about,
Speaker 3: it like cat back on.
Speaker 1: Track of motherfuckers? Why are we talking about your argument styles.
Speaker 3: I just think it's interesting because I am so all
Speaker 3: about therapy.
Speaker 1: I'm all about people going and sorting their mental health.
Speaker 3: I've had diagnosed mental health issues for years and years
Speaker 3: and years. I'm all about it, And I think the
Speaker 3: reason I feel the need to say that is because
Speaker 3: I've spoken in a very negative way because what I've
Speaker 3: referred to, I think is the use of therapy to
Speaker 3: shift the perception of the.
Speaker 1: Way that someone else sees you.
Speaker 3: And that's what I have a bit of a problem with,
Speaker 3: not the actual therapy or the fact that people are
Speaker 3: trying to work on themselves. So in the situation that
Speaker 3: unfolded with Stephen and Monica, what I thought was the
Speaker 3: most interesting part is that he kind of drip fed
Speaker 3: these few things about therapy, and I feel as though
Speaker 3: he did that in a way to change the way
Speaker 3: that she saw him. I thought that he did it
Speaker 3: in a way to kind of prove that he was
Speaker 3: emotionally mature, that he was willing to work on relationships
Speaker 3: if they had problems, if you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, And I think it's something that some people it's
Speaker 2: very manipulative.
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying he's done it manipulative. I don't
Speaker 1: even know if he did it deliberately, but I think
Speaker 1: he did.
Speaker 2: I think there are people out there who use their
Speaker 2: shortcomings or the things that they've done in past relationships,
Speaker 2: and they use honesty around it as a way of
Speaker 2: showing vulnerability and gaining trust.
Speaker 1: The reason I think that this was pure manipulation in
Speaker 1: this particular scene is because he went for the maximum
Speaker 1: amount of emotion for the minimal amount of hurt infliction.
Speaker 1: And what I mean by that is he was like,
Speaker 1: I need to talk about cheating something I did. I'm
Speaker 1: so not proud of it, Like it was horrible what
Speaker 1: I did, but I just didn't feel good enough and
Speaker 1: I'm going to therapy now. But I messaged a girl.
Speaker 1: Like his cheating was that he messaged a girl. So
Speaker 1: he's trying to manipulate Monica to be like, I can't
Speaker 1: believe I stooped so low, but I'm working on it.
Speaker 1: So she's thinking, fuck, what's he done? And then he's
Speaker 1: done this bait and switch, so she's like, in her
Speaker 1: own head, her internal monologue would be like wow, Like
Speaker 1: that's what you think is bad. You categorize bad as
Speaker 1: just messaging a girl, knowing that probably highly likely Monic
Speaker 1: has been cheated on horrifically, which she actually has. So
Speaker 1: now her unconscious bias is like, wow, he thinks this
Speaker 1: is the worst thing he could do. His message a
Speaker 1: girl and he's working on that bingo I've got to catch.
Speaker 1: So that's what I think he has done. Look at that, really,
Speaker 1: that is very intotective. Brittany. Yeah on the case. Yeah,
Speaker 1: maximum emotion for the minimal amount of pain infliction. That's
Speaker 1: really interesting.
Speaker 3: Last night we put up a couple polls on the
Speaker 3: Life on Cut Instagram story, and one of the questions
Speaker 3: was have you ever dated someone who used the fact
Speaker 3: that they went to therapy as a way to prove
Speaker 3: their emotional maturity, and only eleven percent of people said
Speaker 3: that they had, which felt quite low.
Speaker 1: We also put a little.
Speaker 3: Question box on there for people to kind of share
Speaker 3: their experiences if they wanted to. And the most interesting thing,
Speaker 3: I thought, this is really really funny. The most common
Speaker 3: response that we got was that people had in fact
Speaker 3: done that themselves, like they had. I don't know if
Speaker 3: they had realized that they had done it until they'd
Speaker 3: read the question, but a lot of people were like, oh, wow,
Speaker 3: I've just realized.
Speaker 1: I actually do this problem.
Speaker 3: I use it as a way at least they're self aware,
Speaker 3: maybe because they've been in therapy.
Speaker 1: I thought this was interesting.
Speaker 2: A lot of responsibly received was that the people who
Speaker 2: had they acted as though it meant that they were
Speaker 2: above being questioned or held accountable because they had done
Speaker 2: the work and they knew better, So it gave them
Speaker 2: this sense of superiority within the relationship because they couldn't
Speaker 2: be wrong because they'd been to therapy.
Speaker 3: I think that that actually goes back to what you
Speaker 3: were saying about gaslighting.
Speaker 1: I think a word like that is authoritative one hundred percent,
Speaker 1: but people use it also as an excuse as to
Speaker 1: why they are doing bad behavior. So in a relationship,
Speaker 1: like as long as you're going to therapy, you can
Speaker 1: use that, I'm working on it. I'm in therapy, like
Speaker 1: I'm trying. I know I've been in an ashole for a year,
Speaker 1: but I'm in therapy, so I'm trying. It doesn't mean
Speaker 1: anything like therapy only works. If you want it to work,
Speaker 1: you have to be so proactive. Just going there so
Speaker 1: that you can throw the t around doesn't mean anything.
Speaker 3: Funny, you mentioned excuses, Brick, because that was the last
Speaker 3: slide that we put up last night. With a poll,
Speaker 3: we asked if people use their time in therapy as
Speaker 3: an excuse to avoid accountability. Again, a pretty low percentage
Speaker 3: it was only fourteen percent who had But here are
Speaker 3: some of the responses. He went to therapy for professional
Speaker 3: evidence that he was fucked up and couldn't help mistreating me. Wow,
Speaker 3: my ex started therapy as a way to keep me
Speaker 3: after I found out that he had cheated on me.
Speaker 1: I've experienced that.
Speaker 3: Used to say things like I brought this up with
Speaker 3: my therapist and they agreed with me. My therapist said
Speaker 3: that it's likely you have validation issues from your childhood
Speaker 3: and that's why you are needy.
Speaker 2: Wow. Imagine being diagnosed by someone's secondhand because they've talked
Speaker 2: about you in therapy.
Speaker 1: Thanks for that, Pal, cheers for that. Got daddy issues.
Speaker 3: Apparently my ex's therapist told him that he cheated on
Speaker 3: me because he wasn't loved enough as a child, and
Speaker 3: he used to use it as an excuse to always
Speaker 3: be the victim and repeated that I simply wouldn't understand.
Speaker 1: Speaking a victim. The only thing that we haven't touched
Speaker 1: on yet that grinds my gears. I get it, I
Speaker 1: get that there are people out there that are gonna
Speaker 1: live like this, but his comment at the start where
Speaker 1: he said she just was too good for me, like
Speaker 1: I didn't felt like I didn't deserve her. I felt
Speaker 1: like I didn't deserve her, which is why I cheated
Speaker 1: on her. I just find that ninety niner percent of
Speaker 1: the time such a piss, weak, fake excuse. Like if
Speaker 1: you truly didn't think you deserve someone, and you had
Speaker 1: this absolute queen that wants to be with you and
Speaker 1: does everything right, you worship her like you worship your relationship.
Speaker 1: I think it's an excuse that's similar to it's not you,
Speaker 1: it's me, Like it's like, I just don't want to
Speaker 1: be with you. I cheated on you because I don't
Speaker 1: really what particularly want to be with you right now.
Speaker 1: It's not because you thought she was too good for you.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but I'm calling bullshit on whatever his name is, Stephen.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean like it's punishing someone for your own inadequacies,
Speaker 2: is what it is. But I think that this would
Speaker 2: be more common than what maybe we're giving credit to.
Speaker 2: And what I mean by that is is for anyone
Speaker 2: who has been cheated on, the two very common explanations
Speaker 2: for it is one I didn't feel good enough or
Speaker 2: worthy enough, and also the second one is I didn't
Speaker 2: feel loved enough. Or connect enough in the relationship. There
Speaker 2: is always some sort of reasoning. I mean, the third
Speaker 2: one is just that I'm lacking in empathy and I'm
Speaker 2: a sociopath and I like to you know, once again,
Speaker 2: throwing turns around, but it is it's lacking in the
Speaker 2: ability to have empathy or care for your relationship, because
Speaker 2: that does exist as well. But it's hard to unpack
Speaker 2: which one of those things is the reason, and.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's a little bit of a combination of all
Speaker 1: of them. Sometimes I also don't want to take away
Speaker 1: the fact that that actually happens, like it does happen,
Speaker 1: and people that don't feel good enough it is a
Speaker 1: real reason, Like I do want to validate it. I
Speaker 1: just think it gets thrown around too much as well.
Speaker 1: I've had people say that to me and I have
Speaker 1: had that feeling as well. Like I was in a
Speaker 1: relationship I remember I've spoken about a few years ago,
Speaker 1: very early on. We dated for three months when I
Speaker 1: was living in England. I was so into it, he
Speaker 1: was really into me. It was going really well, and
Speaker 1: then I found out that he was from his fa
Speaker 1: family were billionaires, like they were in the top richest
Speaker 1: people and he didn't tell me that I just did
Speaker 1: a stalk, like I just googled him, you know, because
Speaker 1: I was like, I wanted to find out more because
Speaker 1: it was just it was he was every time I
Speaker 1: would ask questions with a bit elusive, and it was
Speaker 1: obviously because he wanted to protect the fact that his
Speaker 1: family had money, which I totally get. And the second
Speaker 1: I found out, I self sabotage that relationship because I
Speaker 1: didn't feel good enough. I was like, but I cheat
Speaker 1: on guy.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: But what I'm saying is I can understand when people
Speaker 1: say they get that feeling of not feeling good enough,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I will not fit into that life.
Speaker 1: I'm not good enough to be in that in that world.
Speaker 1: And I had that feeling, but it didn't relay into
Speaker 1: cheating and me being a dickhead. I was just like, Oh,
Speaker 1: this isn't the relationship for me. I don't which I
Speaker 1: you know, this part of me their regrets. We'd love
Speaker 1: a billion dollars, but I've got ben, so we won't
Speaker 1: go into that too much.
Speaker 3: I think what I hate about that the most, though,
Speaker 3: is that so often and I am going to be
Speaker 3: talking in like gender stereotypes here, so often I think
Speaker 3: men use that as a weapon against successful women. Oh,
Speaker 3: you're achieving so much, And I just didn't feel like
Speaker 3: I was good enough in this relationship and that's why
Speaker 3: I was seeking validation from other girls on Instagram or like,
Speaker 3: I just get really frustrated because I see that narrative
Speaker 3: play out a lot. I've seen it happen in my
Speaker 3: own life, you know, when I've had various successes and
Speaker 3: the people that I was dating were really envious of
Speaker 3: that and used it as a way to like justify
Speaker 3: their shitty behavior, which only made me feel worse because
Speaker 3: I was like, well, I'm trying to strive and succeed,
Speaker 3: and you're using this as a reason for why you've
Speaker 3: cheated on me, Like you've implied that I'm at fault
Speaker 3: for that.
Speaker 2: I think that in order to like wrap this up,
Speaker 2: one thing that is very evident is like, although therapy
Speaker 2: is great, it certainly isn't the green flag. And dating
Speaker 2: it definitely doesn't mean that someone's got everything figured out.
Speaker 2: It certainly doesn't mean that that person is emotionally or
Speaker 2: mentally at a place of nirvana where you've hit the jackpot.
Speaker 2: And I think as well, like if somebody is bringing
Speaker 2: it up early in your dating or using it as
Speaker 2: a way to garner sympathy for things that they have
Speaker 2: done in the past, or is an excuse of how
Speaker 2: that they've bettered themselves from the things they've done in
Speaker 2: their past. Don't discredit I'm not saying that everything is
Speaker 2: something to be like alert and alarmed, but like you know,
Speaker 2: have the blinkers well and truly aware of what could
Speaker 2: be happening and how those conversations could be unfolding.
Speaker 1: Well, I haven't finished it yet, so I don't know
Speaker 1: if Steven and Monica end up together. I don't know
Speaker 1: if this little tidbit of therapy manipulation is going to
Speaker 1: like get him the home run. But I'll keep you posted,
Speaker 1: and if you guys have watched it, don't send me spoilers.
Speaker 1: It's time for accidentally Unfiltered Now. I have a long one,
Speaker 1: but it is brilliant. Back in two thousand and eight,
Speaker 1: I was eighteen and lived in the Central Coast, but
Speaker 1: we used to go to Fanny's nightclub in Newcastle every weekend.
Speaker 1: Fanny's Nightclub I think frequented. I used to live in
Speaker 1: new It frequented Fannies. Take that the wrong way. It
Speaker 1: was my first ever nightclub, Fanny's.
Speaker 3: Fanny.
Speaker 2: Imagine being the marketing guy who was like, you know
Speaker 2: what we should call this place Fanny's nightclub?
Speaker 1: It was called something else.
Speaker 3: They've changed it now, they referbed and it's called the.
Speaker 1: Eig Old House now, which is nowhere near as fun
Speaker 1: but probably slightly classy. Okay, I'm going to Fanny's tonight.
Speaker 1: My church used to be next door to it. From
Speaker 1: Fanny's to church.
Speaker 3: Yes, sometimes on a Sunday church there would still be
Speaker 3: people trickly out.
Speaker 1: Would they be going to confessional? Okay, let's soundtrack We're
Speaker 1: at Fanny's. My best friend's boyfriend, Mattise one night with
Speaker 1: a couple of his mates. I saw one of them
Speaker 1: and was in immediate love. The feeling was mutual and
Speaker 1: we made out the entire night. He lived on the
Speaker 1: northern beaches of Sydney, but his family also owned a
Speaker 1: holiday house right on the beach at the Central Coast,
Speaker 1: which coincidentally was just down the road from my house.
Speaker 1: He and I made plans to meet up the following
Speaker 1: day at the beach right in front of his place.
Speaker 1: I was fashionably early an hour or so. It's a
Speaker 1: bit creepy. Sitting out the front of his house for
Speaker 1: an hour, I was fashionably early. I text him to
Speaker 1: let him know I was there and to take his time.
Speaker 1: He responded immediately, apologizing that his dad had asked him
Speaker 1: to go back to Sydney for the day to run errands.
Speaker 1: He'd be back later in the afternoon, and he said
Speaker 1: he'd make it up to me by taking me to
Speaker 1: dinner that night. An hour or so goes by, and
Speaker 1: then I see a large group of girls congregate on
Speaker 1: the beach in front of his house. I didn't think
Speaker 1: much of it until one of them walked up the
Speaker 1: stairs and came back to the beach with him. But
Speaker 1: she just said, I'm here, but it was an hour's
Speaker 1: gone past. He went out with her into the ocean,
Speaker 1: and I started making out. I sat and watched for
Speaker 1: far too long. Oh no, my heart was breaking. But
Speaker 1: in therapy, I really we should be I really thought
Speaker 1: I had met the most amazing guy. So before I
Speaker 1: left the beach, I walked up past where they were swimming,
Speaker 1: and I yelled out from the shore, nice one, dickhead,
Speaker 1: and I flipped him the bird, and then I walked off.
Speaker 1: All of these girls cracked up laughing at me. He
Speaker 1: looked shocked. His girlfriend looked fucking puzzled. I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I really showed him. By the time I walked home,
Speaker 1: I had a message from him, Hey, how is the beach?
Speaker 1: Are you still there? I'm leaving Sydney now, I'll be
Speaker 1: home in an hour. I can't wait to see you.
Speaker 1: He mustn't have seen me from the ocean.
Speaker 2: And I thought, sick, I know what's happening here. Haha.
Speaker 1: I thought the height of this motherfucker. I had texted
Speaker 1: the most awful message back, saying I saw you at
Speaker 1: the beach. I'm not dumb. Delete my number, I'm blocking you,
Speaker 1: et cetera. He responded, what I've been in Sydney. I
Speaker 1: blocked him, deleted, forgot about him. A year later, my
Speaker 1: friend's boyfriend asked why I ghosted the guy and that
Speaker 1: he always asked how I am. And I told him
Speaker 1: what happened, and he absolutely lost it, laughing. He was
Speaker 1: cracking up, and I'm like, wow, I'm glad you think
Speaker 1: this is funny. He proceeded to tell me that he
Speaker 1: has an identical twin brother. I knew. I knew it.
Speaker 1: The brother has tattoos and the twin doesn't. But how
Speaker 1: was I supposed to know that? Because I had never
Speaker 1: seen him with his shirt off. I had already been
Speaker 1: in a relationship for seven months by this stage with
Speaker 1: a different guy. But I was curious if this was
Speaker 1: the truth. And then I knew I had fucked up. Yup,
Speaker 1: googled Facebook and searched for him identical twin brother. Oh
Speaker 1: my god.
Speaker 3: I love that she was flipped in the verb yeah,
Speaker 3: good one, dickheads, But.
Speaker 1: Imagine the girlfriend. Imagine the girlfriend being like, explain yourself
Speaker 1: totally dock was that the girlfriend would have just been
Speaker 1: so confused.
Speaker 2: Okay, surely, surely the guy would have realized that she
Speaker 2: had seen the brother, Like sure, come on, he would
Speaker 2: have known because he would have been like, what are
Speaker 2: you talking about, I'm in Sydney. And then he would
Speaker 2: have gone, oh, that's right, I'm an identical twin and
Speaker 2: my brother has a girlfriend.
Speaker 1: Like, surely he's not that dumb. But you know what
Speaker 1: she did say that, like, they've met up sporadically over
Speaker 1: the years and they still have big feelings for each other,
Speaker 1: but their stars haven't aligned. If you feel like that
Speaker 1: and you've got a boyfriend of seven months. You just oh,
Speaker 1: this was a.
Speaker 3: Long time ago. This was back in twenty eighteen. But
Speaker 3: maybe what they need is Fanny's. Maybe they need for
Speaker 3: Fannies to reopen so they can rekindle the love.
Speaker 2: Sounds like she needs a bit of dick, to be honest. Sorry, continue,
Speaker 2: that was too far.
Speaker 1: All right on that note, and that note that's not okay.
Speaker 2: Sorry everyone, If you've made it this far, you're in
Speaker 2: the fold, all right, No suck and sweet my suck
Speaker 2: for the week. Look, I know that there's rules and
Speaker 2: we're not supposed to say things we've already said. But
Speaker 2: there is a two meter long diamond python in the
Speaker 2: roof and it's pregnant having babies.
Speaker 1: Fair, I'd say that that's pretty bad. Doesn't get much
Speaker 1: worse than that.
Speaker 2: Oh no, Actually, my other suck is So we're cleaning
Speaker 2: out the garden, just trying to make it so that's
Speaker 2: actually usable.
Speaker 1: Hopefully it'll be done by Christmas. I don't think it
Speaker 1: will be, but I'm trying. Okay.
Speaker 2: So we're cleaning out the garden and I got this scratch.
Speaker 2: It's so nothing, it's the most nothing scratch in the
Speaker 2: whole world. But it did bleed for a little while,
Speaker 2: but the scratch was on a rusty, dirty nail, and
Speaker 2: so then I had to go and get a tetnis shot.
Speaker 2: So I had to leave the work site and go
Speaker 2: and get a tetanus shot. And if you've had a
Speaker 2: tetnis shot, they make you really tired. And then I
Speaker 2: had to use a broom for two days.
Speaker 1: I'm such a.
Speaker 3: Hard laborer, snake catching and tetanus needling.
Speaker 2: I had to dust and like my shoulders her and
Speaker 2: my hip's hurt, my back hurts, could have tetanus, could.
Speaker 1: Die, It's fine, I'm fine. Could also get eaten by
Speaker 1: a dive in Python.
Speaker 2: But anyway, I literally went to the medical center in
Speaker 2: Milton and she was like, I don't think it would
Speaker 2: be possible to get tetanus from such a shallow scraud.
Speaker 1: She's like, it.
Speaker 2: Hasn't even actually broken a serpace, she said, just so
Speaker 2: you know how tetanus forms, it's like asphorically.
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's like a word that she used.
Speaker 2: I didn't know what it was, but basically, it's like
Speaker 2: it needs to embed itself into your muscle. And she's
Speaker 2: like an aerob an aeroby She's like that is very superficial,
Speaker 2: but I'll give it to you anyway.
Speaker 1: I feel like your cat could have scratched you deeper
Speaker 1: than't it. Yeah, but my cat's not a rusty, dirty
Speaker 1: nail that's been in the earth. The cat's dead the python.
Speaker 1: My cat is in a python stomach. Okay, well, my
Speaker 1: sweet is, my sweet is? You don't have one.
Speaker 2: Say that the tiles went into the downstairs bathroom. That's
Speaker 2: a fucking sweet.
Speaker 1: It looked good.
Speaker 2: The renout is taking shape, and every time I go
Speaker 2: into the house now I have these moments.
Speaker 1: Of like I can see what is going to be.
Speaker 2: Whereas before I was like I have no idea how
Speaker 2: this shit show is going to turn out, but now
Speaker 2: I can kind of see it coming together.
Speaker 1: Okay, my suck this week, I had a really really
Speaker 1: great week, so I don't have any sucks. My suck
Speaker 1: is going to sound so dumb. It is a public
Speaker 1: holiday today when we're recording in New South Wales and
Speaker 1: we're at work. We got to work early, we're all
Speaker 1: working all day. We don't get the public holiday. But
Speaker 1: that's not even the suck.
Speaker 2: Because we would never leave you guys hanging, So we
Speaker 2: work all the talent.
Speaker 1: Yeah, But the suck is that I got here didn't
Speaker 1: have a lot of sleep because it's supportive girlfriend. It's
Speaker 1: Ben's match day, which he plays at one thirty in
Speaker 1: the morning, so I was watching that that we got
Speaker 1: up at six blah blah blah blah. The suck is
Speaker 1: that there is no coffee shop open in any vicinity
Speaker 1: of our work today. So I always get to work
Speaker 1: and get my coffee. I felt like I needed it
Speaker 1: more than ever today everything's closed. I made you a
Speaker 1: really delicious one, though, so bad. I think it's off.
Speaker 1: I think that milksaf we made when at work with
Speaker 1: this little coffee machine. So bad. My sweet for the
Speaker 1: week is it hasn't really happened yet. But Delilah has
Speaker 1: like a photo shoot tomorrow. Delilah has a job that
Speaker 1: she's doing her out and part of the job is
Speaker 1: she has to wear like the cutest outfit that you've
Speaker 1: ever seen. So I can't wait to show you, guys,
Speaker 1: because she looks she looks proper lit like, she looks
Speaker 1: like a rock star. Cute.
Speaker 2: I'll show you. I can't wait to see it. She
Speaker 2: looks my sweetest that my dog looks lit tomorrow.
Speaker 1: Stop it stop. You need to say, I don't know.
Speaker 1: She looks like Elton John, if that's what you mean
Speaker 1: by a rock star, Like she's giving Elton John.
Speaker 2: She looks like cute.
Speaker 1: Shit, she looks like a seventy eight year old man.
Speaker 1: But that looks like a saxophonist. If a dog could
Speaker 1: be like a jazz star, she looks like a jazz star.
Speaker 2: Very cute.
Speaker 1: All right. Well, look, guys, that is it from us.
Speaker 2: If you have loved the episode, go and leave a
Speaker 2: review subscribe. You can also go and watch it on
Speaker 2: the YouTube channel. You can join the Facebook discussion group
Speaker 2: at Life Uncut Discussion Group. You can follow us on TikTok.
Speaker 2: There's lots of ways that you can be within the
Speaker 2: Life Uncut orbit. Get into the ecosystem, insert yourself.
Speaker 1: And also please vote for us for the podcast awards.
Speaker 1: We've only got one more week of voting and then
Speaker 1: you'll never hear from us again.
Speaker 2: We've got like five days think and so yeah, look,
Speaker 2: if you've made it this time in the episode, you
Speaker 2: owe it to us because you've just gotten a lot
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Speaker 2: to a couple of ads, but all we ask for
Speaker 2: is listen to two ads and vote.
Speaker 1: So that is the Australian Podcast Awards website. Listener's choice
Speaker 1: is what we're asking to vote for, So you just
Speaker 1: type in Lifeline cut to listeners choice, press go and
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Speaker 1: we'll really appreciate it. We'll link in the show notes.
Speaker 1: It's also in our insta bio just to make it
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