WEBVTT - SWITCHEROONIE! Thursday Therapy on a Tuesday -  FEATURING MATTY J

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<v Speaker 1>That's strange.

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<v Speaker 2>Hold that, Hey, guys, and welcome back to another episode

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<v Speaker 2>of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany, and before I introduced our

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<v Speaker 2>guests today, I'm just gonna say we've had to mix

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<v Speaker 2>it up a little bit. This is Tuesday, but we

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<v Speaker 2>are doing our Thursday's Ask Uncut episode and I have

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<v Speaker 2>a very special guest with me back by questionably popular demand.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not sure we have.

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<v Speaker 1>Hang on hang on a second, britt A lot of

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<v Speaker 1>people did say we really enjoyed the episode with Mattie Jay,

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<v Speaker 1>and we would like to have him back for more

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<v Speaker 1>episodes because it gives us information that we wouldn't normally

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<v Speaker 1>get access too.

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<v Speaker 2>So you wrote that, but what did everyone else write? No,

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<v Speaker 2>we did get so much amazing feedback. Actually, I was

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<v Speaker 2>almost really surprised.

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<v Speaker 1>Too much, too.

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<v Speaker 2>Much, too much.

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<v Speaker 1>Laura was like, we have created a monster. I was

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<v Speaker 1>stuck in the bedroom. My head was hugely inflated.

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<v Speaker 2>How many burner accounts did you make? No, guys, we

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<v Speaker 2>do have matt back. I guess the good thing about

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<v Speaker 2>having Maddie and he's having that guy's perspective because we've

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<v Speaker 2>never had a guy in the podcast before. But Matc

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<v Speaker 2>is a really good introspective look into the way the

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<v Speaker 2>male mind works.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't want to see I'm arrogant when I say this,

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<v Speaker 1>brit So forgive me if it does come across this way.

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<v Speaker 1>But I am a genius.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh no, that's pretty arrogant.

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<v Speaker 1>And I think it would only be unfair to the

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<v Speaker 1>listeners of Life on Cut if I didn't give my

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<v Speaker 1>knowledge to them as well. So you know, I'm here

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<v Speaker 1>to please. I'm a giver. It's great to be back.

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<v Speaker 2>Look, it's good to have you guys. This wasn't actually planned.

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<v Speaker 2>Just so you know what is going on Laura. Laura's

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<v Speaker 2>baby is just going nuts. It's having a little disco

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<v Speaker 2>dance party. It's causing her a little bit of a havoc.

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<v Speaker 2>She needs to go and have a little rest and

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<v Speaker 2>a time out. We've put her in the corner in

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<v Speaker 2>another room, and Matt just sort of got thrown in here.

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<v Speaker 2>So how do you feel about this not even being

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<v Speaker 2>like a planned thing? You haven't even had time to

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<v Speaker 2>think about it.

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<v Speaker 1>I was having my first mouth of salmon when you

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<v Speaker 1>rushed out into the living room and said can you

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<v Speaker 1>step up to the plate, And I was like, ah.

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<v Speaker 2>You like I was born for this. I've been waiting

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<v Speaker 2>for this moment.

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<v Speaker 1>Just ripped off my T shirt. My life uncut vest

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<v Speaker 1>was there. Laura is having all sorts of trouble with

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<v Speaker 1>this baby, literally doing a scene from Alien clawing its

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<v Speaker 1>way out. So I'm happy to step up last minute.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, the time has come where Laura fought us on

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<v Speaker 2>her This is her baby. She does not give this

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<v Speaker 2>podcast up easily. She had no choice. We put her

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<v Speaker 2>in the corner and we're like, you know what, take

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<v Speaker 2>a breather, but tell me what has been happening in

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<v Speaker 2>your life. I feel like I haven't caught up with

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<v Speaker 2>you in about twelve hours.

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<v Speaker 1>It's been a pretty boring week, except accept Britt. I

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<v Speaker 1>had the most extravagant Saturday planned just gone on the weekend,

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<v Speaker 1>had a mate's fortieth, I had the heat wave was on,

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<v Speaker 1>so I was going to go down to the beach.

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<v Speaker 1>I had so much going on, and I had the

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<v Speaker 1>worst case of spitty bums as they call it in

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<v Speaker 1>the medical profession, gashtro gastritis. All right, you show up.

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<v Speaker 1>I wasn't sure if I was going to admit this

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<v Speaker 1>or not. And Laura may edit this out of the podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>She won't.

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<v Speaker 1>But I fell asleep on Friday night fully clothed. I

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<v Speaker 1>went to bed at maybe like five or six o'clock

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<v Speaker 1>thinking I was going to vomit, and I hate vomiting,

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<v Speaker 1>so I just thought I'm going to sleep it off.

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<v Speaker 1>Throughout the night. There was one moment where I woke

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<v Speaker 1>up because I had to fart, and I pushed it out, and.

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<v Speaker 2>I though, shut the bed.

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<v Speaker 1>Please tell me, No, I didn't because I was fully clothed.

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<v Speaker 2>Shut your pants, because that's so much better.

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<v Speaker 1>And Laura didn't sleep in the bed because she didn't

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<v Speaker 1>want to get sick, so she slept in Marley's room.

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<v Speaker 1>And it wasn't until I woke up the next morning

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<v Speaker 1>and it was six am, and I was like, thank goodness,

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<v Speaker 1>I was wearing shorts.

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<v Speaker 2>Because in your pants didn't even wake you up.

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<v Speaker 1>It was like tiny, tiny bit?

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<v Speaker 2>Was it?

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<v Speaker 1>Tiny bit?

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<v Speaker 2>Are you exaggerated? Was that? No?

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<v Speaker 1>It was a couple of specs.

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<v Speaker 2>You have it there. You have a guy's Matt shot

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<v Speaker 2>his pants on the weekend. Let's leave that story there

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<v Speaker 2>so you find now because I'm sitting pretty close to you,

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<v Speaker 2>that's my question.

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<v Speaker 1>Good, I'm good anyway, that's me. That's the highlight of

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<v Speaker 1>my week? How have you been, britt I.

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<v Speaker 2>Had a little highlight. I actually I don't know if

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<v Speaker 2>it's a highlight. I had a patient at work last

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<v Speaker 2>night and she comes in and I'm doing my stuff

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<v Speaker 2>with her, doing the procedure, and she keeps looking at

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<v Speaker 2>me the whole time, and she goes, God, do you

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<v Speaker 2>know who you look like? And I was like who.

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<v Speaker 2>She's like Brittany from the Bachelor. And I'm like, She's like,

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<v Speaker 2>you probably get that all time, and I'm like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I do. And she's like, it's literally uncanny. You look

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<v Speaker 2>so much like her. You even sound like her. And

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, that's because I am't Bretty from the Batch.

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<v Speaker 2>Like she started crying.

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<v Speaker 1>She was like, what the hell, hang away? Were you

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<v Speaker 1>wearing a face mask at this point?

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<v Speaker 2>No, she could just see my whole face. And I'm like,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know whether I'm flattered or I'm offended because

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<v Speaker 2>I don't look like what you thought I look like

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<v Speaker 2>or I looked similar like. I don't know how to

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<v Speaker 2>take that. Is that a.

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<v Speaker 1>Compliment on I've had something similar happen to me when

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<v Speaker 1>I was at a cafe and someone came up to

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<v Speaker 1>me and said, I'm not sure if you've heard this before,

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<v Speaker 1>but you look exactly like Maddie J. And I said,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, I played along and I was like, I

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<v Speaker 1>get it all the time, all the time. It's funny,

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<v Speaker 1>like once a week at least. And then she was like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>you could be like his twin. And then I said, look,

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<v Speaker 1>secret out, I am Maddie J. And she was like, no,

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<v Speaker 1>you're not. And I was like, I was like, no,

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<v Speaker 1>I am Maddie J. And I didn't have my wallet

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<v Speaker 1>on me because I was paying on my phone, but

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<v Speaker 1>Buster was there and I'm like, look, it's a three

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<v Speaker 1>legged dogs like it's literally me. I am Maddie J.

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<v Speaker 1>And she didn't believe. She was like, nice, try and

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<v Speaker 1>then she walked off.

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<v Speaker 2>You know who else like it all the time. Who

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<v Speaker 2>if it's not like you look like Brittany Honkley, it's

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<v Speaker 2>like you look like Angelina Jolly.

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<v Speaker 1>No.

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<v Speaker 2>In less exciting news. In less exciting news, I finished

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<v Speaker 2>work at midnight last night. You know those days, it

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<v Speaker 2>was the forty degree day, it was a heat wave.

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<v Speaker 2>Then I go to work for my ten hours. It's midnight,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm tired. I walk out to the car park my

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<v Speaker 2>car's dead. It's like you literally can't get a worse

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<v Speaker 2>top off of a day.

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<v Speaker 1>You're thinking to yourself, I'm a good person. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>deserve this.

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<v Speaker 2>Why are doing it dirty? Anyway? It's gonna be a

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<v Speaker 2>couple of grand and I don't have a car, So

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<v Speaker 2>let's just not talk about that one.

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, at least you didn't shit yourself.

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<v Speaker 2>And I always have that. All right, man, I think

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<v Speaker 2>that's enough talk about that. Let's get into some questions.

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<v Speaker 2>You guys know, this is our favorite little segment. You

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<v Speaker 2>get to ride in your deepest, darkest, dirtiest, sexiest. There's

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<v Speaker 2>most questionable questions and we do our best to answer them. So, Matt,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna throw you under the bus for this one.

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<v Speaker 2>I see you lurking in the Facebook group, so I

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<v Speaker 2>want you to give me a question first.

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<v Speaker 1>All right, I've got one. I've got one. I saw

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<v Speaker 1>this a few days ago on the life on Cut

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<v Speaker 1>Facebook group and I very nearly wrote a response so close.

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<v Speaker 2>So I didn't see I'm still Do you feel like

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<v Speaker 2>you're meddling too much? If you're throwing yourself in there?

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<v Speaker 1>No, I feel like you know the best way I

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<v Speaker 1>can describe it is that It's like I'm a parent

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<v Speaker 1>and everyone right now in the Facebook group for Life

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<v Speaker 1>on Cut is having a little party, and I don't

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<v Speaker 1>want to be the parent knocking on the door being like.

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<v Speaker 2>Hand you wrap it up?

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, guys? Think is everyone okay?

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<v Speaker 2>Here?

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<v Speaker 1>Everyone having fun? So I'm just letting them do their thing.

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<v Speaker 1>But I am sitting back on the sidelines. But this

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<v Speaker 1>one caught my eye. I'm just gonna paraphrase it, but

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<v Speaker 1>essentially somebody had gone on a first date and on

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<v Speaker 1>this first date, they brought up the topic of past relationships.

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<v Speaker 1>But the guy she was on the date with and

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<v Speaker 1>that kind of startled him back and say, I don't

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<v Speaker 1>think this is a topic that we should really touch

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<v Speaker 1>upon for the very first date. She was surprised by

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<v Speaker 1>that because she was saying, well, what does it matter?

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<v Speaker 1>You know, my past relationships have shaped who I am,

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<v Speaker 1>and I also want to find out more about this

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<v Speaker 1>guy and how he's got to where he is right now.

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<v Speaker 1>So she's saying, why can't we speak about past relationships

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<v Speaker 1>on the first date. Do you think it's acceptable or

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<v Speaker 1>should that wait until down the track?

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<v Speaker 2>This one I have mixed feelings about. I'm bored aline

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<v Speaker 2>and I don't like to say this often, but I'm

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<v Speaker 2>a little bit of a fence sinner on this one.

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<v Speaker 2>I have opinions that are strong for both parties. I

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<v Speaker 2>don't think you necessarily should go out of your way

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<v Speaker 2>to bring it up on a first date. It's not

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<v Speaker 2>a checklist for me. I don't want to know about

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<v Speaker 2>I want to know everything about him, but not on

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<v Speaker 2>the first date. I don't think you need to know

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<v Speaker 2>about how he broke up with his ex, why they

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<v Speaker 2>broke up, or they went through, how long they were together.

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<v Speaker 2>I think maybe that's like a second, third, fourth date

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<v Speaker 2>when you want to know more about them now. Of course,

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<v Speaker 2>that shape who he is and my relationships and your relationships.

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<v Speaker 2>Everyone's relationship is going to shape who they are. But

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<v Speaker 2>I think a first date should be a little bit

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<v Speaker 2>more fun, surface level, light hard to get to know

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<v Speaker 2>each other on a bit more of it. I don't

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<v Speaker 2>want to say superficial level, but just have fun with

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<v Speaker 2>it and getting to the deep, dark, nitty gritty later. Also,

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<v Speaker 2>you don't know how traumatic someone's past could be, like

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<v Speaker 2>if someone straight up went to me because people ask

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<v Speaker 2>me that they asked me about my ex I'm not

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<v Speaker 2>going to say he was marrying someone else and had

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<v Speaker 2>a double life for three years and was you know,

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<v Speaker 2>sad secret photos of me and filming me. And I'm

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<v Speaker 2>never going to tell someone that on a first date.

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<v Speaker 1>No, you can laugh now, I forget how traumatic it is.

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<v Speaker 1>So I just imagining if a guy had stumbled onto

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<v Speaker 1>the subject of like, hey, Britt, when was your last relationship,

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<v Speaker 1>and then you went to that that much detail, like

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<v Speaker 1>that's that's a moodkill, isn't it?

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<v Speaker 2>Isn't it?

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<v Speaker 1>Josh?

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<v Speaker 2>So I feel like I don't think he should have

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<v Speaker 2>a problem with it. But I also think if he

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<v Speaker 2>doesn't want to speak about it, he's entitled to say, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>let's get into that another time. I think it's a

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<v Speaker 2>it's okay for him and brush it off.

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<v Speaker 1>I really like his honesty. If I was in the

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<v Speaker 1>first date and Laura was talking about her ex boyfriend

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<v Speaker 1>asking about my past relationships, I guess I would see

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<v Speaker 1>it as though she was still hung up on that person.

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<v Speaker 1>And I guess I would see it is that she

0:10:19.120 --> 0:10:22.480
<v Speaker 1>wasn't ready to start dating other people. Yeah, I would

0:10:22.480 --> 0:10:23.880
<v Speaker 1>see it as a big negative.

0:10:24.200 --> 0:10:27.000
<v Speaker 2>I think it's definitely not something that I ask about

0:10:27.080 --> 0:10:28.840
<v Speaker 2>Like I don't go into a first date. I have

0:10:28.920 --> 0:10:30.560
<v Speaker 2>things in my head that I want to know and

0:10:30.559 --> 0:10:32.240
<v Speaker 2>that I want to find out, but most of that

0:10:32.400 --> 0:10:35.400
<v Speaker 2>is surface level, i e. Chemistry level. You want to

0:10:35.400 --> 0:10:36.960
<v Speaker 2>see if the band is there, you want to see,

0:10:37.000 --> 0:10:39.200
<v Speaker 2>if you're interested in the same things, you want to see,

0:10:39.320 --> 0:10:43.440
<v Speaker 2>if you both want the same things. I think the

0:10:43.520 --> 0:10:45.840
<v Speaker 2>trauma or the breakups of the lessons someone has learned

0:10:45.840 --> 0:10:47.560
<v Speaker 2>in the past and what they've gone through is not

0:10:47.880 --> 0:10:49.520
<v Speaker 2>relevant on a first date.

0:10:49.720 --> 0:10:51.720
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to generalize here and I would say the

0:10:51.800 --> 0:10:55.320
<v Speaker 1>vast majority of breakups haven't ended that well. There are

0:10:55.360 --> 0:10:57.200
<v Speaker 1>definitely some out there that you know, I'm sure it's

0:10:57.240 --> 0:11:00.480
<v Speaker 1>really amicable between the two people, but to bring up

0:11:00.520 --> 0:11:03.559
<v Speaker 1>a really negative subject, I think it's only going to

0:11:03.640 --> 0:11:04.679
<v Speaker 1>really kill the mood.

0:11:05.040 --> 0:11:07.160
<v Speaker 2>Well, so I went on, I was dating this as well,

0:11:07.240 --> 0:11:12.360
<v Speaker 2>no stating this French guy. The first date, he asked

0:11:12.400 --> 0:11:14.080
<v Speaker 2>me about my exes.

0:11:14.640 --> 0:11:16.040
<v Speaker 1>But how did he bring up the subject?

0:11:16.080 --> 0:11:16.360
<v Speaker 2>Did it?

0:11:16.440 --> 0:11:17.800
<v Speaker 1>Was? He like, hey, that's a nice watch. Where was

0:11:17.840 --> 0:11:19.199
<v Speaker 1>it from? And he's like, well it's from an ex

0:11:19.240 --> 0:11:20.160
<v Speaker 1>blah blah blah blah blah.

0:11:20.200 --> 0:11:23.040
<v Speaker 2>No, He's straight up was like, so like, you know,

0:11:23.120 --> 0:11:24.800
<v Speaker 2>that do you know the how long? Okay, so I

0:11:24.800 --> 0:11:27.080
<v Speaker 2>think this question's okay, how long have you been single?

0:11:27.120 --> 0:11:29.880
<v Speaker 2>When was your last relationship? That's fine? But then I

0:11:29.880 --> 0:11:31.920
<v Speaker 2>don't think you delve into that more so, I think,

0:11:32.040 --> 0:11:33.679
<v Speaker 2>you know, he asked that, and obviously mine's been a

0:11:33.760 --> 0:11:35.760
<v Speaker 2>very long time. And then he's like, well, tell me

0:11:35.760 --> 0:11:37.160
<v Speaker 2>you sort of like about your ex why did you

0:11:37.200 --> 0:11:39.320
<v Speaker 2>break up? And I just stopped him. It wasn't rude.

0:11:39.360 --> 0:11:40.840
<v Speaker 2>I was like, do you know what, Like, I don't

0:11:40.880 --> 0:11:42.680
<v Speaker 2>think we even need to go there. Let's just let's

0:11:42.720 --> 0:11:44.920
<v Speaker 2>just move on. That's for another time. And he was like, yeah, cool,

0:11:44.960 --> 0:11:47.840
<v Speaker 2>no worries. I think if if the conversation's flowing that

0:11:47.880 --> 0:11:49.480
<v Speaker 2>way and they're open to it, and whoever you're on

0:11:49.520 --> 0:11:51.360
<v Speaker 2>the date with is open to it, sure delve into it.

0:11:51.480 --> 0:11:53.440
<v Speaker 2>Go and ask ask what you want if that's where

0:11:53.480 --> 0:11:55.199
<v Speaker 2>the ViBe's going. But I don't think he can sit

0:11:55.280 --> 0:11:57.120
<v Speaker 2>down with that on the agenda. I don't think in

0:11:57.160 --> 0:11:58.920
<v Speaker 2>your mind you can be like, I need to know

0:11:58.960 --> 0:12:01.360
<v Speaker 2>how many relationships had, how many people he slept with,

0:12:01.400 --> 0:12:03.720
<v Speaker 2>why they broke up, when they broke up? Girls, save

0:12:03.760 --> 0:12:04.560
<v Speaker 2>that for another date.

0:12:04.640 --> 0:12:07.400
<v Speaker 1>If it does organically go there, totally fine, but there

0:12:07.480 --> 0:12:10.199
<v Speaker 1>is so much you could talk about. Why would you

0:12:10.240 --> 0:12:11.160
<v Speaker 1>want to talk about the ex?

0:12:11.200 --> 0:12:13.960
<v Speaker 2>Do you want to know something else? But I'm bringing

0:12:14.040 --> 0:12:15.960
<v Speaker 2>a whole other aspect in hit me, what do you

0:12:16.000 --> 0:12:17.680
<v Speaker 2>got what? I don't know if it's the same for

0:12:17.760 --> 0:12:20.640
<v Speaker 2>you for men. Actually, this is really interesting what I

0:12:20.679 --> 0:12:22.600
<v Speaker 2>have found in the past. So when I date someone now,

0:12:23.280 --> 0:12:26.520
<v Speaker 2>the old Brittany used to go and scroll back look

0:12:26.600 --> 0:12:28.720
<v Speaker 2>at who their exes were, what they looked like, what

0:12:28.760 --> 0:12:30.840
<v Speaker 2>they did together, and it just never ended well because

0:12:30.840 --> 0:12:32.000
<v Speaker 2>they were always beautiful.

0:12:32.040 --> 0:12:34.040
<v Speaker 1>They were always like, Hey, why would you do that?

0:12:34.160 --> 0:12:34.839
<v Speaker 1>For what reason?

0:12:34.920 --> 0:12:36.920
<v Speaker 2>For no other reason? Then I was that I was like,

0:12:37.000 --> 0:12:39.080
<v Speaker 2>this girl was that interested in what his life was?

0:12:39.080 --> 0:12:41.400
<v Speaker 2>I was like, okay, who was? If I knew that

0:12:41.760 --> 0:12:43.600
<v Speaker 2>the person I was dating had been in a relationship

0:12:43.600 --> 0:12:46.040
<v Speaker 2>with some for three years, I want to know what

0:12:46.080 --> 0:12:48.240
<v Speaker 2>that girl was like that kept him captivated for three years.

0:12:48.280 --> 0:12:49.960
<v Speaker 2>So I used to go back, I'm talking years ago,

0:12:50.480 --> 0:12:53.280
<v Speaker 2>and I look at their photos, and it never ever

0:12:53.880 --> 0:12:55.840
<v Speaker 2>ended well because all of a sudden you start to

0:12:55.840 --> 0:12:58.600
<v Speaker 2>compare yourself to them totally, and I just think I

0:12:58.640 --> 0:13:00.520
<v Speaker 2>stopped doing it one day. You know what, I was

0:13:00.559 --> 0:13:04.439
<v Speaker 2>dating this guy he was amazing, He's in London, amazing,

0:13:05.040 --> 0:13:08.040
<v Speaker 2>seems super normal. We didn't like delve into each other's

0:13:08.080 --> 0:13:10.960
<v Speaker 2>past at all until about two months in. I got

0:13:11.000 --> 0:13:14.280
<v Speaker 2>curious and I looked at his ex and she, no joke,

0:13:14.880 --> 0:13:18.160
<v Speaker 2>was like a Victoria supermodel. She was the most beautiful,

0:13:18.520 --> 0:13:21.800
<v Speaker 2>like she was insane, and then I went all like

0:13:21.880 --> 0:13:24.040
<v Speaker 2>weird kookie Brittany, and I didn't know how to handle it,

0:13:24.040 --> 0:13:25.920
<v Speaker 2>And all of a sudden, I was like, she was

0:13:26.120 --> 0:13:28.240
<v Speaker 2>in all these designer clothes, you know, everything was like

0:13:28.280 --> 0:13:31.480
<v Speaker 2>Gucci endure, and I had like what I call kama

0:13:31.760 --> 0:13:35.559
<v Speaker 2>but it's km on but like, I'm just I was

0:13:35.679 --> 0:13:37.360
<v Speaker 2>not that kind of person. And then all of a sudden,

0:13:37.480 --> 0:13:41.320
<v Speaker 2>I felt insecure. I didn't feel good enough. I didn't

0:13:41.320 --> 0:13:43.280
<v Speaker 2>feel like I belonged there. I didn't know why he

0:13:43.440 --> 0:13:45.160
<v Speaker 2>liked me, and I ruined the relationship.

0:13:45.400 --> 0:13:47.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and so how good is going to come from that?

0:13:47.280 --> 0:13:48.720
<v Speaker 2>No? So I just decided then I was like, you

0:13:48.760 --> 0:13:50.680
<v Speaker 2>know what, if he's dating me now he's interested in me,

0:13:50.760 --> 0:13:52.480
<v Speaker 2>what he's been with in the past is irrelevant. Do

0:13:52.559 --> 0:13:55.439
<v Speaker 2>you feel like that? Did you delve into people's past?

0:13:55.800 --> 0:13:58.600
<v Speaker 1>Yes? Sometimes I do? Yeah, I mean you still.

0:13:58.400 --> 0:13:59.360
<v Speaker 2>Do do you.

0:13:59.400 --> 0:14:02.280
<v Speaker 1>No, I think we're Laura and I these days, I

0:14:02.360 --> 0:14:04.720
<v Speaker 1>think we're really open about now that we've been together

0:14:04.760 --> 0:14:07.880
<v Speaker 1>for was it three maybe four years? Is it Laura

0:14:09.040 --> 0:14:12.840
<v Speaker 1>coming three and a half, And now I think we

0:14:12.960 --> 0:14:15.440
<v Speaker 1>both will talk about our ex is really openly, so

0:14:15.480 --> 0:14:19.320
<v Speaker 1>it's not a difficult subject. But I think maybe initially

0:14:19.360 --> 0:14:21.800
<v Speaker 1>when she would talk about her ex, I would still

0:14:21.920 --> 0:14:26.760
<v Speaker 1>the thought of Laura being with another guy intimately, initially

0:14:26.840 --> 0:14:29.320
<v Speaker 1>was something that was quite difficult for me to fathom.

0:14:29.480 --> 0:14:31.600
<v Speaker 1>You know, in my little perfect world in my head,

0:14:32.080 --> 0:14:35.000
<v Speaker 1>Laura's only ever loved me and only me, and she

0:14:35.040 --> 0:14:37.000
<v Speaker 1>would never give herself to anybody else. And I know

0:14:37.040 --> 0:14:38.840
<v Speaker 1>that's not true, but it's this little fairy tale that

0:14:38.880 --> 0:14:40.360
<v Speaker 1>I just want to keep going in my head.

0:14:40.440 --> 0:14:42.960
<v Speaker 2>You know, that's a that's actually I was recently reading

0:14:42.960 --> 0:14:46.280
<v Speaker 2>this in a psychology on a psychology lecture. It's a

0:14:46.320 --> 0:14:50.160
<v Speaker 2>real problem where people cannot fathom. People can't fathom their

0:14:50.160 --> 0:14:53.320
<v Speaker 2>partner being with anyone else. But my question is, before Laura,

0:14:53.360 --> 0:14:55.080
<v Speaker 2>I want to know, before Laura, did you look at

0:14:55.160 --> 0:14:56.480
<v Speaker 2>people you were dating's exes?

0:14:56.560 --> 0:14:57.160
<v Speaker 1>Oh? For sure?

0:14:57.200 --> 0:14:59.440
<v Speaker 2>And did it make you feel shit? Yeah? There you go,

0:14:59.480 --> 0:14:59.960
<v Speaker 2>that's the question.

0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:00.480
<v Speaker 1>Don't do it?

0:15:00.560 --> 0:15:04.960
<v Speaker 2>Maybe not all right? I have a question for you now.

0:15:05.200 --> 0:15:06.840
<v Speaker 2>I am going to paraphrase this one because it was

0:15:06.840 --> 0:15:08.840
<v Speaker 2>a long one too. I want to know what I'm

0:15:08.880 --> 0:15:11.440
<v Speaker 2>doing wrong when I go out at night, I go

0:15:11.480 --> 0:15:14.280
<v Speaker 2>into a bar, I'm looking hot, I'm feeling good. I'm

0:15:14.280 --> 0:15:17.280
<v Speaker 2>with my friends. I see guys. They're hot, they're feeling good.

0:15:17.480 --> 0:15:19.920
<v Speaker 2>We're making eyes at each other, and I'm like, yes,

0:15:20.080 --> 0:15:22.040
<v Speaker 2>this is it. They're gonna come talk to me, We're

0:15:22.080 --> 0:15:26.320
<v Speaker 2>gonna hook up, and then nothing. What am I doing?

0:15:26.720 --> 0:15:28.760
<v Speaker 2>How can I get these people to come and approach me?

0:15:28.880 --> 0:15:30.080
<v Speaker 2>Where am I going wrong? Well?

0:15:30.120 --> 0:15:33.000
<v Speaker 1>Hang on, firstly, is this question coming from somebody else?

0:15:33.040 --> 0:15:35.680
<v Speaker 1>So is this coming from you, Brittany?

0:15:35.720 --> 0:15:37.240
<v Speaker 2>Why don't you call me out on the podcast? Man?

0:15:37.840 --> 0:15:39.600
<v Speaker 2>That's not me? Is it?

0:15:39.800 --> 0:15:40.080
<v Speaker 1>Honest?

0:15:40.160 --> 0:15:42.200
<v Speaker 2>It's a real listener. But like I would also like

0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:45.040
<v Speaker 2>to know if you want to tell me that's fine. No,

0:15:45.120 --> 0:15:48.080
<v Speaker 2>this is I think this is actually a really common

0:15:48.160 --> 0:15:50.120
<v Speaker 2>question in this day and age.

0:15:50.440 --> 0:15:53.640
<v Speaker 1>Gosh, I'm trying to cast my mind back to trying

0:15:53.640 --> 0:15:54.560
<v Speaker 1>to flirt in a bar.

0:15:55.000 --> 0:15:56.720
<v Speaker 2>What is like a signal that you're allowed to go

0:15:56.800 --> 0:15:59.240
<v Speaker 2>up and speak to someone or are you intimidated? By

0:15:59.760 --> 0:16:01.120
<v Speaker 2>approaching a woman if they're in.

0:16:01.080 --> 0:16:03.600
<v Speaker 1>A group, totally. If there's a big group of girls,

0:16:03.840 --> 0:16:07.080
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, really no, I don't care who you are.

0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:10.480
<v Speaker 1>Everyone's worst fear when you're like out trying to pick

0:16:10.560 --> 0:16:14.040
<v Speaker 1>up in a bar, everyone's worst fear is rejection. You know,

0:16:14.120 --> 0:16:18.160
<v Speaker 1>nobody wants that at all. And even worse than being

0:16:18.200 --> 0:16:20.360
<v Speaker 1>rejected is being rejected in front of a crowd. If

0:16:20.360 --> 0:16:22.160
<v Speaker 1>you went up to a group of girls and then

0:16:22.200 --> 0:16:24.240
<v Speaker 1>picked out one of those girls and then said, hey,

0:16:24.560 --> 0:16:26.000
<v Speaker 1>can I do you want to have a chat? Can

0:16:26.040 --> 0:16:28.400
<v Speaker 1>I buy you a drink? And then you got rejected

0:16:28.720 --> 0:16:30.680
<v Speaker 1>with her friends standing in the background.

0:16:30.760 --> 0:16:33.440
<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, is that that bad? Yeah?

0:16:33.520 --> 0:16:36.280
<v Speaker 1>I think so. But then there's safety in numbers as well,

0:16:36.360 --> 0:16:40.240
<v Speaker 1>so I can understand what people are hanging out in groups.

0:16:40.320 --> 0:16:43.480
<v Speaker 1>I think something that would really grab my attention would

0:16:43.520 --> 0:16:45.520
<v Speaker 1>be somebody just locking.

0:16:45.160 --> 0:16:48.120
<v Speaker 2>Eyes just for that like extra second, yeah, not like.

0:16:48.080 --> 0:16:52.520
<v Speaker 1>A long, long stare, not like a creepy stare, like

0:16:52.560 --> 0:16:55.160
<v Speaker 1>three seconds yeah. And then you know when you lock

0:16:55.240 --> 0:16:57.840
<v Speaker 1>eyes after a second, then you can give them a smile.

0:16:58.120 --> 0:17:00.720
<v Speaker 1>And you know, when someone gives you a smile, it's

0:17:00.800 --> 0:17:03.520
<v Speaker 1>instinct to smile back. And then I think that's like

0:17:03.680 --> 0:17:07.240
<v Speaker 1>step one of flirting. But then most often, you know,

0:17:07.400 --> 0:17:09.560
<v Speaker 1>I think people would expect that a guy would make

0:17:09.560 --> 0:17:12.639
<v Speaker 1>the first move to approach the girl. But I even think,

0:17:12.960 --> 0:17:15.520
<v Speaker 1>tell me if this sounds weird, but if you were

0:17:15.520 --> 0:17:17.399
<v Speaker 1>in a big group of girls and there was a

0:17:17.440 --> 0:17:20.280
<v Speaker 1>guy that you had locked eyes with, you had smiled

0:17:20.680 --> 0:17:23.479
<v Speaker 1>at each other, would you then separate yourself, like with

0:17:23.520 --> 0:17:25.520
<v Speaker 1>one of your girlfriends so you weren't in like a

0:17:25.560 --> 0:17:28.439
<v Speaker 1>group of six girls, just like to the side, so

0:17:28.480 --> 0:17:30.960
<v Speaker 1>it would be more you would seem more approachable for

0:17:31.040 --> 0:17:31.520
<v Speaker 1>that guy.

0:17:31.680 --> 0:17:33.960
<v Speaker 2>Well, yes, so what I would do because I have

0:17:34.040 --> 0:17:36.320
<v Speaker 2>a lot of male friends and they've all said the

0:17:36.320 --> 0:17:40.159
<v Speaker 2>same thing, So like, this is my advice to this girl. Definitely,

0:17:41.160 --> 0:17:44.480
<v Speaker 2>if you're in a big, tight group of girls, it's

0:17:44.520 --> 0:17:47.679
<v Speaker 2>going to take one really confident, ballsy or really drunk

0:17:47.760 --> 0:17:49.919
<v Speaker 2>dude to feel like he can come and approach you

0:17:50.040 --> 0:17:53.000
<v Speaker 2>and just like at you in front of all your girlfriends.

0:17:53.240 --> 0:17:55.800
<v Speaker 2>What I have done, what I do, what I advise

0:17:55.880 --> 0:17:59.000
<v Speaker 2>people do, is to go, if you see him stand

0:17:59.040 --> 0:18:01.040
<v Speaker 2>in the line for a dream and talking to his friends,

0:18:01.080 --> 0:18:03.439
<v Speaker 2>go and position yourself near him in the line at

0:18:03.480 --> 0:18:06.280
<v Speaker 2>the bar so that it's obvious that he can see you.

0:18:06.440 --> 0:18:08.439
<v Speaker 2>If he wants to make the move, it's then he

0:18:08.480 --> 0:18:10.080
<v Speaker 2>can stand next to you and buy a drink. He

0:18:10.080 --> 0:18:11.520
<v Speaker 2>can come up and chat to you with no one

0:18:11.520 --> 0:18:14.240
<v Speaker 2>else around. You're actually just putting yourself into a position

0:18:14.280 --> 0:18:17.600
<v Speaker 2>where you're both comfortable, no one's going to judge you,

0:18:18.720 --> 0:18:21.960
<v Speaker 2>And if that doesn't work, there's a chance he's not interested.

0:18:22.520 --> 0:18:25.879
<v Speaker 1>The safest place to start having a conversation with somebody

0:18:25.960 --> 0:18:29.440
<v Speaker 1>is when they're in line for a drink, when they're

0:18:29.480 --> 0:18:31.760
<v Speaker 1>at the weakest. That's when you have to pounce.

0:18:32.200 --> 0:18:34.280
<v Speaker 2>But also that's when the guy would have to offer

0:18:34.359 --> 0:18:35.280
<v Speaker 2>to buy you a drink.

0:18:35.359 --> 0:18:40.480
<v Speaker 1>Oh so it's very clever, my friend, what he used

0:18:40.520 --> 0:18:43.440
<v Speaker 1>to do, and I thought it was genius. I thought

0:18:43.440 --> 0:18:46.040
<v Speaker 1>he was very clever for doing this. But he would

0:18:46.080 --> 0:18:48.800
<v Speaker 1>go up to a girl. Sometimes he'd locked eyes with her,

0:18:49.080 --> 0:18:51.600
<v Speaker 1>sometimes he hadn't, and he would just go up to

0:18:51.640 --> 0:18:54.359
<v Speaker 1>her and say, excuse me, are you flirting with me?

0:18:56.840 --> 0:18:59.880
<v Speaker 1>And the girl would be like normally quite confused and goes,

0:19:00.080 --> 0:19:03.240
<v Speaker 1>excuse me. I mean, it's quite obvious to me that

0:19:03.880 --> 0:19:05.879
<v Speaker 1>what you're trying to do right now is flirt with me.

0:19:05.920 --> 0:19:08.280
<v Speaker 1>And I'm very flattered. It would kind of go either way.

0:19:08.320 --> 0:19:09.840
<v Speaker 1>A lot of the time they would laugh and then

0:19:09.840 --> 0:19:12.600
<v Speaker 1>he would then start the conversation. That was his icebreaker

0:19:12.920 --> 0:19:15.520
<v Speaker 1>of just like coming in cold, are you flirting with me?

0:19:15.800 --> 0:19:18.960
<v Speaker 2>I think that is great, and I advise women to

0:19:18.960 --> 0:19:20.880
<v Speaker 2>do that to men too, especially if everyone is out

0:19:20.880 --> 0:19:23.280
<v Speaker 2>with their friends having a drink. People are going to

0:19:23.280 --> 0:19:25.119
<v Speaker 2>be approachable. No one's going to laugh at you. If

0:19:25.119 --> 0:19:26.800
<v Speaker 2>you come up and say something to them, you're going

0:19:26.880 --> 0:19:28.160
<v Speaker 2>to get a vibe. If you go up and start

0:19:28.160 --> 0:19:30.600
<v Speaker 2>a conversation, you're going to get the vibe if they're

0:19:31.000 --> 0:19:32.119
<v Speaker 2>somewhat interested or not.

0:19:32.359 --> 0:19:34.639
<v Speaker 1>But I think if someone smiles back at you, that

0:19:34.800 --> 0:19:37.000
<v Speaker 1>is definitely a good sign. Like if that person doesn't

0:19:37.000 --> 0:19:38.959
<v Speaker 1>want to speak to you, they won't give you a smile.

0:19:39.200 --> 0:19:41.600
<v Speaker 2>I think the thing that we all need to sort

0:19:41.600 --> 0:19:44.040
<v Speaker 2>of get our head around is this fear of rejection

0:19:44.160 --> 0:19:47.240
<v Speaker 2>and failure. I think we've put failure on a pedestal

0:19:47.280 --> 0:19:49.920
<v Speaker 2>a little bit and we think it's a bill and

0:19:50.040 --> 0:19:51.480
<v Speaker 2>end all, But I don't think it has to be.

0:19:52.000 --> 0:19:54.360
<v Speaker 2>The second that I started to not worry about failure

0:19:54.640 --> 0:19:56.800
<v Speaker 2>personally in my life was the second that things started

0:19:56.800 --> 0:19:58.840
<v Speaker 2>to happen for me because you're not scared of anything.

0:19:58.880 --> 0:20:02.320
<v Speaker 2>You're not holding back, which in turn is giving you

0:20:02.359 --> 0:20:05.480
<v Speaker 2>more opportunities in life if you can get the guts

0:20:05.480 --> 0:20:07.239
<v Speaker 2>to go up and speak to that guy, knowing that

0:20:07.280 --> 0:20:10.399
<v Speaker 2>he might say, sorry, I've got a girlfriend. Sorry, like

0:20:10.960 --> 0:20:13.480
<v Speaker 2>I'm just with the boys night. Whatever, what's the worst

0:20:13.520 --> 0:20:14.960
<v Speaker 2>thing that can happen. You're going to turn around and

0:20:14.960 --> 0:20:16.199
<v Speaker 2>walk back to your friends and have a laugh and

0:20:16.240 --> 0:20:17.440
<v Speaker 2>have a drink and have a great night.

0:20:17.800 --> 0:20:20.119
<v Speaker 1>Or he could be the love of your life, or

0:20:20.160 --> 0:20:22.000
<v Speaker 1>failing all that, you can just do it from the

0:20:22.000 --> 0:20:25.760
<v Speaker 1>comfort of your own home, on bumble on your couch

0:20:25.840 --> 0:20:27.479
<v Speaker 1>and your pajamas.

0:20:26.880 --> 0:20:30.160
<v Speaker 2>Absolt bloody lately. All right, I'm going for question number three.

0:20:30.480 --> 0:20:35.040
<v Speaker 2>Long story short, my friends fiance cheated on her with

0:20:35.119 --> 0:20:35.760
<v Speaker 2>her cousin.

0:20:36.080 --> 0:20:38.880
<v Speaker 1>Now we'll wait, Hang on a second, you're already lost.

0:20:38.920 --> 0:20:41.600
<v Speaker 1>Don't you say that one more time?

0:20:41.720 --> 0:20:46.520
<v Speaker 2>So my friend fiance cheated on her with her cousin.

0:20:46.840 --> 0:20:49.840
<v Speaker 2>So it's literally like you cheating on Laura with Laura's cousin.

0:20:50.560 --> 0:20:52.920
<v Speaker 1>She goes a very beautiful cousin, does she.

0:20:54.840 --> 0:20:59.239
<v Speaker 2>Lock him up? Laura? So now the cousin and that

0:20:59.320 --> 0:21:03.399
<v Speaker 2>ex fiance are getting married. Okay, So they've cheated and

0:21:03.440 --> 0:21:05.800
<v Speaker 2>now he's left his partner or the cousin.

0:21:05.920 --> 0:21:10.320
<v Speaker 1>So hypothetical, I have cheated on Laura with her cousin,

0:21:10.560 --> 0:21:12.800
<v Speaker 1>I am now getting married to that cousin.

0:21:12.720 --> 0:21:17.679
<v Speaker 2>And now her family are making her go to the wedding.

0:21:17.800 --> 0:21:21.280
<v Speaker 1>So Laura has now come to the wedding of me

0:21:21.440 --> 0:21:22.119
<v Speaker 1>with a new cousin.

0:21:22.240 --> 0:21:24.840
<v Speaker 2>Now Laura doesn't want to go, but her family is

0:21:24.880 --> 0:21:27.560
<v Speaker 2>saying blood is thicker than water and you should go.

0:21:28.080 --> 0:21:30.800
<v Speaker 2>This friend's saying this is fucked up. I don't think

0:21:30.800 --> 0:21:32.680
<v Speaker 2>she should go, and I told her she should turn

0:21:32.760 --> 0:21:35.320
<v Speaker 2>up in a white dress. What do you guys think.

0:21:35.200 --> 0:21:38.200
<v Speaker 1>This is real? Doctor phil? Like, do you have.

0:21:38.119 --> 0:21:41.800
<v Speaker 2>To go to your ex fiance's wedding who cheated on

0:21:41.840 --> 0:21:44.040
<v Speaker 2>you with your own cousin? Surely not?

0:21:44.359 --> 0:21:46.000
<v Speaker 1>Yes, yes, you really.

0:21:46.000 --> 0:21:47.680
<v Speaker 2>Do, not rubbish.

0:21:47.760 --> 0:21:51.280
<v Speaker 1>I agree with the family. Blood is thicker than water.

0:21:51.760 --> 0:21:54.800
<v Speaker 1>You gotta suck it up. Find yourself a beautiful dress,

0:21:55.080 --> 0:21:57.760
<v Speaker 1>get your hair did, put some beautiful makeup on, go

0:21:57.800 --> 0:22:01.200
<v Speaker 1>to that wedding, and then find your ex partner's cousin

0:22:01.280 --> 0:22:03.399
<v Speaker 1>and then fuck him.

0:22:03.560 --> 0:22:07.800
<v Speaker 2>A mad We don't teach two wrongs. Make a right here,

0:22:07.840 --> 0:22:08.960
<v Speaker 2>life on cut an.

0:22:08.920 --> 0:22:11.880
<v Speaker 1>Eye for an eye. Absolutely, Look, that.

0:22:11.960 --> 0:22:14.040
<v Speaker 2>Is an option. I'm not going to rule that out,

0:22:14.240 --> 0:22:16.040
<v Speaker 2>but I don't know if you're serious or not. Do

0:22:16.080 --> 0:22:17.560
<v Speaker 2>you think she should actually turn up and go to

0:22:17.600 --> 0:22:18.000
<v Speaker 2>the wedding?

0:22:18.240 --> 0:22:20.240
<v Speaker 1>Whilst I want this to play out like a scene

0:22:20.240 --> 0:22:23.440
<v Speaker 1>of Doctor Phil slash Jerry Springer, I think there would

0:22:23.480 --> 0:22:26.439
<v Speaker 1>be nothing more awkward than going to the wedding of

0:22:26.480 --> 0:22:28.879
<v Speaker 1>your ex partner who is now hooking up with your cousin.

0:22:28.960 --> 0:22:29.960
<v Speaker 1>Oh my gosh.

0:22:30.040 --> 0:22:32.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, there's so much wrong with this on so many levels.

0:22:32.240 --> 0:22:35.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to straight up say I absolutely would not go.

0:22:35.840 --> 0:22:38.520
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely I don't think you should be going. And this

0:22:38.680 --> 0:22:42.159
<v Speaker 2>blood is thicker than water thing. I I am not

0:22:42.200 --> 0:22:44.159
<v Speaker 2>on part with that, because you can have people in

0:22:44.200 --> 0:22:46.760
<v Speaker 2>your life that are friends, that are not blood related,

0:22:46.760 --> 0:22:50.119
<v Speaker 2>that are more family than your family. If she actually

0:22:50.160 --> 0:22:52.160
<v Speaker 2>is from a family where it's going to cause more

0:22:52.200 --> 0:22:54.320
<v Speaker 2>harm than good, maybe this is a really tightened family

0:22:54.320 --> 0:22:55.920
<v Speaker 2>and they will cast her a side. If she doesn't

0:22:55.960 --> 0:22:58.879
<v Speaker 2>turn up, then I'm going to say, go be the

0:22:58.920 --> 0:23:01.920
<v Speaker 2>bigger person, hold your head up high, don't cause a scene.

0:23:02.520 --> 0:23:04.840
<v Speaker 2>Just just go there, be shadow in the background, do

0:23:04.880 --> 0:23:07.480
<v Speaker 2>your thing and leave. But ultimately it comes down to

0:23:08.240 --> 0:23:11.640
<v Speaker 2>it doesn't matter what the situation is or who's involved.

0:23:11.680 --> 0:23:14.000
<v Speaker 2>If you don't want to do something and it's making

0:23:14.000 --> 0:23:16.159
<v Speaker 2>you that uncomfortable, you don't have to do it. Well.

0:23:16.160 --> 0:23:18.160
<v Speaker 1>You have to listen to your gut, and as hard

0:23:18.359 --> 0:23:20.639
<v Speaker 1>as it must be to go against the wishes of

0:23:20.680 --> 0:23:23.400
<v Speaker 1>your family, if you really feel so strongly that it's

0:23:23.440 --> 0:23:25.359
<v Speaker 1>not the right thing for you to do, you have

0:23:25.400 --> 0:23:26.760
<v Speaker 1>to listen to what your body's telling you.

0:23:26.840 --> 0:23:29.439
<v Speaker 2>I guess sometimes you do just have to put yourself first,

0:23:29.520 --> 0:23:33.520
<v Speaker 2>and your mental health and your happiness and your well

0:23:33.560 --> 0:23:38.480
<v Speaker 2>being is more important sometimes than making somebody else feel

0:23:38.480 --> 0:23:41.879
<v Speaker 2>good for a day. I reckon. That's the wrap on

0:23:41.880 --> 0:23:42.240
<v Speaker 2>that one.

0:23:42.320 --> 0:23:43.640
<v Speaker 1>Hey, did you ever watch Ricky Lake?

0:23:43.960 --> 0:23:46.720
<v Speaker 2>Yes, she was the woman version of like Jerry Spring.

0:23:46.920 --> 0:23:47.800
<v Speaker 1>Wasn't she the best?

0:23:47.960 --> 0:23:51.440
<v Speaker 2>I was pretty Jerry Jerry remember. I just feel like

0:23:51.480 --> 0:23:53.040
<v Speaker 2>they got he got more fights on. Yeah.

0:23:53.160 --> 0:23:55.680
<v Speaker 1>No, he was was like more low brow.

0:23:55.960 --> 0:23:57.000
<v Speaker 2>He was so low brow.

0:23:57.200 --> 0:23:59.280
<v Speaker 1>HeLa was kind of in between your Oprah and she

0:23:59.359 --> 0:24:02.000
<v Speaker 1>was like a chat show. Oh yeah, that was my

0:24:02.080 --> 0:24:07.160
<v Speaker 1>jam your soft spot. Yeah, feeling very okay. Question four

0:24:07.240 --> 0:24:09.640
<v Speaker 1>the very last question that we have for this episode.

0:24:09.800 --> 0:24:13.560
<v Speaker 1>So here's the situation. I've been detting a guy for

0:24:13.640 --> 0:24:17.160
<v Speaker 1>six months now and things are going really great. We're

0:24:17.200 --> 0:24:19.520
<v Speaker 1>not living together, we haven't told each other that I

0:24:19.560 --> 0:24:22.080
<v Speaker 1>love you yet, but it feels like that is definitely

0:24:22.200 --> 0:24:25.160
<v Speaker 1>the next step for us to take. I was assuming that,

0:24:25.359 --> 0:24:28.440
<v Speaker 1>given Christmas is only a few weeks away, I would

0:24:28.440 --> 0:24:31.440
<v Speaker 1>get the invite to spend it with his family, except

0:24:31.480 --> 0:24:33.000
<v Speaker 1>he hasn't brought it up, and I know that he

0:24:33.000 --> 0:24:37.000
<v Speaker 1>has plans locked in to go into state. Should I

0:24:37.040 --> 0:24:38.920
<v Speaker 1>bring it up and ask him if we want to

0:24:38.920 --> 0:24:41.240
<v Speaker 1>spend Christmas with each other? Is it normal that after

0:24:41.280 --> 0:24:44.080
<v Speaker 1>six months he doesn't want to spend Christmas with me

0:24:44.320 --> 0:24:46.960
<v Speaker 1>and his family? Should I be concerned?

0:24:47.400 --> 0:24:52.359
<v Speaker 2>Okay, so Laura and I actually completely unrelated to this question.

0:24:52.440 --> 0:24:54.879
<v Speaker 2>This is actually funny that this is coming in. Probably

0:24:54.920 --> 0:24:57.639
<v Speaker 2>like two weeks ago, we had this exact conversation just

0:24:57.680 --> 0:24:59.920
<v Speaker 2>so someone else that we knew that were a cup

0:25:00.119 --> 0:25:02.119
<v Speaker 2>we're spending Christmas apart, and we started to chat about it,

0:25:02.160 --> 0:25:05.720
<v Speaker 2>and Laura and I have very opposite opinions on this.

0:25:06.720 --> 0:25:10.720
<v Speaker 2>I don't think you need to spend Christmas together when

0:25:11.240 --> 0:25:14.760
<v Speaker 2>you're just dating, when you just knew, even like even

0:25:14.800 --> 0:25:18.639
<v Speaker 2>a couple of years in. Sometimes, like what if listen

0:25:19.080 --> 0:25:22.280
<v Speaker 2>if I have my reasoning. If you're both close to

0:25:22.320 --> 0:25:25.560
<v Speaker 2>your families and your families are interstate and there's no

0:25:25.720 --> 0:25:30.200
<v Speaker 2>way you can split Christmases, then I think each individual

0:25:30.240 --> 0:25:32.000
<v Speaker 2>is entitled to go and spend it with their family,

0:25:32.040 --> 0:25:34.320
<v Speaker 2>And I don't think it means anything to the couple.

0:25:34.440 --> 0:25:35.840
<v Speaker 2>How don't think it means you love each other less.

0:25:35.840 --> 0:25:37.520
<v Speaker 2>I don't think any of that. Once you have kids

0:25:37.520 --> 0:25:39.320
<v Speaker 2>and you're married a different story. You probably need to

0:25:39.320 --> 0:25:42.320
<v Speaker 2>alternate year to year. When I was in a long

0:25:42.359 --> 0:25:44.480
<v Speaker 2>term relationship and we both of our families were in

0:25:44.480 --> 0:25:47.320
<v Speaker 2>the same city, we split the day, half the day

0:25:47.359 --> 0:25:49.800
<v Speaker 2>with one family, half the day with thegether. Then when

0:25:49.800 --> 0:25:51.920
<v Speaker 2>I was in a relationship where they were in different cities.

0:25:52.440 --> 0:25:55.479
<v Speaker 2>I am so close to my family that even if

0:25:55.520 --> 0:25:57.840
<v Speaker 2>he begged me to spend Christmas with him, I wouldn't

0:25:57.880 --> 0:26:00.840
<v Speaker 2>have because we weren't married. My family is just as

0:26:00.880 --> 0:26:03.199
<v Speaker 2>important to me as his family, And I think you

0:26:03.240 --> 0:26:05.879
<v Speaker 2>can spend your Christmases apart and then meet up on

0:26:05.920 --> 0:26:08.880
<v Speaker 2>Boxing Day even the next day. I don't think there's

0:26:08.880 --> 0:26:11.000
<v Speaker 2>anything wrong with that. Now, Laura, you probably think the

0:26:11.000 --> 0:26:12.320
<v Speaker 2>same as Laura, do you know.

0:26:13.080 --> 0:26:17.400
<v Speaker 1>I think spending on Christmas Day on that specific day

0:26:18.320 --> 0:26:21.919
<v Speaker 1>of the calendar can be very tricky logistically. Like you said,

0:26:22.040 --> 0:26:23.760
<v Speaker 1>you know, if people are in different states, it's just

0:26:23.760 --> 0:26:27.000
<v Speaker 1>not going to work out. But in our family, we've

0:26:27.040 --> 0:26:29.560
<v Speaker 1>been very accommodating, where one year we'll have it as

0:26:29.600 --> 0:26:32.840
<v Speaker 1>a Johnson Christmas on Christmas Day, and the following year

0:26:32.840 --> 0:26:35.560
<v Speaker 1>will do it either before or after Christmas, so that

0:26:35.640 --> 0:26:38.520
<v Speaker 1>you know, we can alternate between other families of the partners.

0:26:38.600 --> 0:26:42.560
<v Speaker 1>But I think in that Christmas break, you know, between

0:26:42.640 --> 0:26:46.840
<v Speaker 1>Christmas and New Year, including Boxing Day, I think that's

0:26:46.880 --> 0:26:48.520
<v Speaker 1>the time when you want to spend it with your

0:26:48.560 --> 0:26:51.160
<v Speaker 1>family and the person that you're dating, even if it's

0:26:51.440 --> 0:26:54.080
<v Speaker 1>obviously if it's like a month in, I totally get it.

0:26:54.119 --> 0:26:56.480
<v Speaker 1>But I think any longer than four months, I would

0:26:56.520 --> 0:26:58.760
<v Speaker 1>say that you're in a fully committed relationship and I

0:26:58.800 --> 0:27:01.919
<v Speaker 1>think spending time with your partner and their family is

0:27:01.960 --> 0:27:03.600
<v Speaker 1>exactly what is on the cards for you.

0:27:04.200 --> 0:27:06.200
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely, But does that mean we're.

0:27:06.040 --> 0:27:08.639
<v Speaker 1>Talking about going two years and not spending Christmas with

0:27:08.760 --> 0:27:10.200
<v Speaker 1>that partner and his family.

0:27:10.359 --> 0:27:12.200
<v Speaker 2>I just don't think it's the end of the world

0:27:12.320 --> 0:27:16.200
<v Speaker 2>if one person in this relationship isn't as close or

0:27:16.400 --> 0:27:19.720
<v Speaker 2>their family doesn't mean as much or that day doesn't

0:27:19.760 --> 0:27:22.040
<v Speaker 2>mean as much, then that's fine. But if I'm talking

0:27:22.040 --> 0:27:24.840
<v Speaker 2>if you have two people that love their families, they're

0:27:24.840 --> 0:27:27.000
<v Speaker 2>really close to their families, they got nieces and nephews,

0:27:27.040 --> 0:27:29.640
<v Speaker 2>the whole thing. They always spend Christmas together. Fuck yeah,

0:27:29.840 --> 0:27:31.640
<v Speaker 2>spend it apart. It doesn't mean you to love each

0:27:31.640 --> 0:27:33.240
<v Speaker 2>other any less, but it means that you want to

0:27:33.280 --> 0:27:35.480
<v Speaker 2>go and spend a really special time with your family.

0:27:35.480 --> 0:27:37.480
<v Speaker 2>You're going to speak to your partner, then fly and

0:27:37.520 --> 0:27:38.440
<v Speaker 2>see them the next day.

0:27:38.720 --> 0:27:40.879
<v Speaker 1>I would struggle. I would struggle with that, but.

0:27:40.880 --> 0:27:45.480
<v Speaker 2>I'm so independent, you're a little bit emotionally attached.

0:27:47.640 --> 0:27:49.320
<v Speaker 1>Okay. The one thing that I'm thinking about right now

0:27:49.359 --> 0:27:53.879
<v Speaker 1>is with this question, I wonder why the partner hasn't

0:27:53.880 --> 0:27:56.919
<v Speaker 1>at least brought up the subject of Christmas. You know,

0:27:57.040 --> 0:28:00.199
<v Speaker 1>obviously we're now only a few weeks away. Do you

0:28:00.240 --> 0:28:03.280
<v Speaker 1>think that at some point he would say and explain

0:28:03.400 --> 0:28:05.959
<v Speaker 1>to her, Hey, you know, logistically it's not going to work.

0:28:06.200 --> 0:28:08.040
<v Speaker 1>So this is the plan, and this is when I

0:28:08.080 --> 0:28:09.879
<v Speaker 1>will see you. So I am you know we are

0:28:09.880 --> 0:28:11.600
<v Speaker 1>going to spend time together, it's just not going to

0:28:11.600 --> 0:28:13.400
<v Speaker 1>be on this specific day.

0:28:13.880 --> 0:28:16.720
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. So I guess the question is here. Are you

0:28:16.840 --> 0:28:21.320
<v Speaker 2>in a defined relationship or is this casual or is

0:28:21.400 --> 0:28:24.639
<v Speaker 2>this a situationship? Is this possibly more one sided? Like,

0:28:24.800 --> 0:28:28.080
<v Speaker 2>have you guys had the conversation at all to define

0:28:28.119 --> 0:28:31.440
<v Speaker 2>the relationship? Because what if this girl thinks it's more

0:28:31.480 --> 0:28:34.520
<v Speaker 2>than it actually is. That's the only reason I can

0:28:34.560 --> 0:28:36.320
<v Speaker 2>think that he hasn't brought it up at all.

0:28:36.480 --> 0:28:39.440
<v Speaker 1>Maybe he doesn't want the confrontation of letting her down,

0:28:39.880 --> 0:28:41.960
<v Speaker 1>so he's just avoiding this subject because he's like a

0:28:41.960 --> 0:28:44.240
<v Speaker 1>typical male and just doesn't want to have conflict.

0:28:44.400 --> 0:28:48.240
<v Speaker 2>Well, the other thing is some people take longer than

0:28:48.280 --> 0:28:51.160
<v Speaker 2>six months to even want to introduce somebody to their family.

0:28:51.320 --> 0:28:54.080
<v Speaker 2>Like I know for me, that is not the case.

0:28:54.080 --> 0:28:56.600
<v Speaker 2>My family is very open. I could introduce someone after

0:28:56.640 --> 0:28:58.440
<v Speaker 2>a week. It could be months, it could be anything.

0:28:58.440 --> 0:29:00.960
<v Speaker 2>It's like, I don't put parameters. It's not a big deal.

0:29:01.000 --> 0:29:03.560
<v Speaker 2>But for some people, they don't want to let someone

0:29:03.760 --> 0:29:06.520
<v Speaker 2>into their life on a special day like Christmas if

0:29:06.520 --> 0:29:08.280
<v Speaker 2>they're not sure yet that this is going to be

0:29:08.280 --> 0:29:10.400
<v Speaker 2>the person for them. So I think the best thing

0:29:10.440 --> 0:29:13.120
<v Speaker 2>this girl can do is bring the conversation up herself.

0:29:13.360 --> 0:29:16.360
<v Speaker 2>If you are actually in a relationship with this person

0:29:17.000 --> 0:29:20.160
<v Speaker 2>for six months. I think you can say, hey, what

0:29:20.240 --> 0:29:22.240
<v Speaker 2>are plans for Christmas? Like, do you do we want

0:29:22.240 --> 0:29:24.240
<v Speaker 2>to try and see each other or just put the

0:29:24.280 --> 0:29:26.560
<v Speaker 2>feelers out there. I think if you cannot have an

0:29:26.560 --> 0:29:29.160
<v Speaker 2>open conversation after six months with your partner, that there

0:29:29.200 --> 0:29:32.640
<v Speaker 2>are other issues at play. Hang up this podcast and say, babes,

0:29:32.800 --> 0:29:33.880
<v Speaker 2>what are we doing for Christmas?

0:29:33.920 --> 0:29:36.000
<v Speaker 1>Well, don't hang up the podcast just yet. Wait until

0:29:36.040 --> 0:29:39.040
<v Speaker 1>they so finishes, give us a review, and then speak

0:29:39.080 --> 0:29:39.680
<v Speaker 1>to your boyfriend.

0:29:39.880 --> 0:29:43.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but okay, you and I and Laura and I

0:29:43.120 --> 0:29:45.120
<v Speaker 2>are never going to meet on this because we see

0:29:45.120 --> 0:29:46.800
<v Speaker 2>it very differently. You guys think that you have to

0:29:46.880 --> 0:29:48.719
<v Speaker 2>be spending it together for it to be meaningful. I

0:29:48.720 --> 0:29:50.840
<v Speaker 2>think it doesn't have to be so I think it's whatever.

0:29:51.240 --> 0:29:52.960
<v Speaker 2>I don't think you guys should put a lot of

0:29:52.960 --> 0:29:56.440
<v Speaker 2>pressure on it if it's not what you think society's normalis.

0:29:56.480 --> 0:29:58.920
<v Speaker 2>I think whatever's working for you guys as individuals, whatever

0:29:58.920 --> 0:30:02.280
<v Speaker 2>works for you as a couple, Every single person, relationship,

0:30:02.360 --> 0:30:05.600
<v Speaker 2>family is going to do something completely different. You can't

0:30:05.720 --> 0:30:09.160
<v Speaker 2>compare yourself to someone else whatever they're doing. And trust me,

0:30:09.560 --> 0:30:12.160
<v Speaker 2>you are going to look on Instagram on Christmas Day

0:30:12.200 --> 0:30:14.320
<v Speaker 2>and you're probably gonna feel like shit because everyone goes

0:30:14.320 --> 0:30:16.240
<v Speaker 2>and puts all their couple of photos on I get

0:30:16.320 --> 0:30:21.160
<v Speaker 2>every fucking year. But you've just got to like live

0:30:21.160 --> 0:30:23.000
<v Speaker 2>in the moment and live your truth and live your

0:30:23.000 --> 0:30:23.600
<v Speaker 2>best life.

0:30:23.920 --> 0:30:27.880
<v Speaker 1>Ultimately, it's not about spending Christmas together on that specific day.

0:30:28.240 --> 0:30:30.760
<v Speaker 1>It's more so about having the conversation and making sure

0:30:30.800 --> 0:30:33.200
<v Speaker 1>that you are at the forefront of your partner's mind

0:30:33.200 --> 0:30:34.360
<v Speaker 1>and they are thinking about you.

0:30:34.960 --> 0:30:37.920
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely, that was sweet and deep, ma'am.

0:30:38.160 --> 0:30:41.560
<v Speaker 1>Don't hey, don't know, Britt. You can't give a compliment

0:30:41.680 --> 0:30:45.240
<v Speaker 1>like that and then laugh. You can't. We you're meant

0:30:45.280 --> 0:30:47.920
<v Speaker 1>to say something like that, which is very sincere, and

0:30:47.960 --> 0:30:48.640
<v Speaker 1>then be silent.

0:30:48.680 --> 0:30:52.800
<v Speaker 2>Okay, well done, Matt. Guys, that is it for ours,

0:30:52.840 --> 0:30:55.120
<v Speaker 2>gun Cart. I'm sorry that this week we have had

0:30:55.160 --> 0:30:57.120
<v Speaker 2>to have a little mixed around. We've obviously put this

0:30:57.160 --> 0:30:57.880
<v Speaker 2>on the Tuesday.

0:30:58.040 --> 0:31:02.959
<v Speaker 1>Don't you dare apologize on the podcast. That is something

0:31:03.000 --> 0:31:05.840
<v Speaker 1>that we should embrace and not apologize for. And brid

0:31:05.880 --> 0:31:08.320
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if Laura mentioned this, but we do have.

0:31:08.680 --> 0:31:10.640
<v Speaker 1>We do have three weeks left of the Babble before

0:31:10.640 --> 0:31:12.080
<v Speaker 1>we break for the end of the year, and I

0:31:12.080 --> 0:31:13.600
<v Speaker 1>would love to have the two of you on.

0:31:14.000 --> 0:31:16.920
<v Speaker 2>If that's okay, Just remind me what's the bubble again.

0:31:17.240 --> 0:31:20.479
<v Speaker 1>It's the number one pop culture podcast every Monday every Thursday,

0:31:20.480 --> 0:31:21.160
<v Speaker 1>and make sure you listen.

0:31:21.320 --> 0:31:23.400
<v Speaker 2>Well, this is my official invite, Matt. I would love

0:31:23.440 --> 0:31:25.480
<v Speaker 2>to come on as a guest. Thank you. When I

0:31:25.720 --> 0:31:27.920
<v Speaker 2>just you have your people call my people. But guys,

0:31:27.960 --> 0:31:29.840
<v Speaker 2>that is it for this episode. We did have a

0:31:29.840 --> 0:31:32.000
<v Speaker 2>little mix up this week, but you know sometimes we

0:31:32.080 --> 0:31:35.520
<v Speaker 2>do that when life throws us some curve balls. Please

0:31:35.640 --> 0:31:38.720
<v Speaker 2>keep your questions coming in. If you have questions, send

0:31:38.760 --> 0:31:42.000
<v Speaker 2>them into our Instagram Live Uncut podcast, but just make

0:31:42.000 --> 0:31:44.160
<v Speaker 2>sure you put at the top ask uncut so that

0:31:44.240 --> 0:31:47.600
<v Speaker 2>I can differentiate them. If you have any accidentally unfiltered

0:31:47.680 --> 0:31:49.960
<v Speaker 2>the funny stories, write them in because we love them.

0:31:50.080 --> 0:31:53.000
<v Speaker 2>If you have any can't believe they said that literally,

0:31:53.160 --> 0:31:57.400
<v Speaker 2>we want to hear all your stories. Also, don't forget

0:31:57.640 --> 0:31:59.960
<v Speaker 2>to jump on and join our discussion group on the

0:32:00.120 --> 0:32:02.800
<v Speaker 2>Facebook page. So don't just go to the Facebook page

0:32:02.880 --> 0:32:05.600
<v Speaker 2>it's Life Uncut, but go in a little bit deeper

0:32:05.600 --> 0:32:07.400
<v Speaker 2>to the discussion group and that is where all the

0:32:07.480 --> 0:32:10.800
<v Speaker 2>magic happens, and that is where you'll see Maddy Jay lurking.

0:32:11.000 --> 0:32:13.280
<v Speaker 1>Can I just say on that point, Brittany, if there

0:32:13.360 --> 0:32:15.640
<v Speaker 1>is a question, knowing that I won't be on the

0:32:15.680 --> 0:32:19.000
<v Speaker 1>podcast for another few weeks, maybe months, if there is

0:32:19.000 --> 0:32:21.520
<v Speaker 1>a question that you would like me to specifically answer,

0:32:21.800 --> 0:32:24.280
<v Speaker 1>please tag me in that question when you post it

0:32:24.320 --> 0:32:26.000
<v Speaker 1>on Life on Cut in the Facebook group, and I

0:32:26.040 --> 0:32:27.280
<v Speaker 1>will gladly reply.

0:32:27.120 --> 0:32:29.160
<v Speaker 2>That he's been waiting for his invite for like one

0:32:29.240 --> 0:32:32.600
<v Speaker 2>You know, guys, that's it for today. Please tell your

0:32:32.680 --> 0:32:34.680
<v Speaker 2>mom or your dad, tell your friends, tell your dog,

0:32:34.760 --> 0:32:37.440
<v Speaker 2>tell your cousin, tell your cousin'sionce at the wedding, and

0:32:37.520 --> 0:32:40.640
<v Speaker 2>share the love because we love love