Speaker 1: Flex and Frooms.
Speaker 2: Flex and Frooms. This is the Flex and Frooms catch
Speaker 2: up podcast. Earlier in the week, we were speaking about
Speaker 2: cheating and whether or not cheating is okay.
Speaker 1: Also like this guy was trying to normalize it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's know about that normally cheating.
Speaker 1: Yes, I know.
Speaker 2: I think a lot of people would have strong feelings
Speaker 2: about this. And I was on TikTok the other day
Speaker 2: and came across a talk which we can't play because
Speaker 2: all my favorite tiktoks, the person isn't speaking, it's simply
Speaker 2: trending music. And they've written a caption. This one wrote
Speaker 2: when you're dating a guy and you join the are
Speaker 2: we Dating the Same Guy? Facebook group? I noticed it,
Speaker 2: He's on there, and I thought, what is there? Am
Speaker 2: I dating the same guy? Facebook group? Turns out that
Speaker 2: littered across cities all around the world. There are Facebook
Speaker 2: groups called are we Dating the same Guy? I went
Speaker 2: ahead and joined one. No yeah, no, which I won't
Speaker 2: say what I said.
Speaker 1: I won't let you talk about this exactly the rules
Speaker 1: right now.
Speaker 2: Exactly, so I'm not going to say what I said
Speaker 2: what I saw, but essentially the general idea of the group,
Speaker 2: the way that it was kind of framed, which I appreciate.
Speaker 2: Is it so I say women come together post photos
Speaker 2: or things about guys that have potential red flags? Half
Speaker 2: of them are like, stay away from this man. The
Speaker 2: other half like has anyone else dated this guy? They're
Speaker 2: the ones where I'm like, bit of privacy issue there,
Speaker 2: Like I'd hate to be a guy and my photos
Speaker 2: on there.
Speaker 1: Or just hate to be you in a group? Now?
Speaker 3: Yeah, is it that straightforward? Because I don't like the
Speaker 3: sound of this. We've spoken before about how it'd be
Speaker 3: cool to give reference checks, but realistically, every time I
Speaker 3: get asked for one, I feel like I don't know
Speaker 3: the person in a dating context, so I can't really
Speaker 3: speak to if they're a good partner, and I don't
Speaker 3: really feel like it's appropriate for me, a random spectator
Speaker 3: with a casual affiliation, to decide if this person is
Speaker 3: a good partner for you or not. However, in these groups,
Speaker 3: are we dating the same guy? Isn't the function of
Speaker 3: dating to be casual anyway? Realistically? So what if you
Speaker 3: are dating the same guy and then what happens? I
Speaker 3: understand in the sense of solidarity, Mike, current partner is
Speaker 3: acting shady, but you did say that you shouldn't bitch
Speaker 3: about your partner to groups of more than two people,
Speaker 3: so that wouldn't work. I don't think I like it.
Speaker 3: I think it's very juvenile. I don't think it gets
Speaker 3: any positive response because let's say you post the person
Speaker 3: you're dating and everyone's like, no, don't know him, don't know.
Speaker 3: Now you're the insane person who is seeking out this
Speaker 3: faux sense of solace and camaraderie where you should be
Speaker 3: learning how to assess people yourself. Also, because let's say,
Speaker 3: for example, you are reading that the person you're dating
Speaker 3: has had a few experiences with people where it just
Speaker 3: didn't work out. Now you're going to internalize those things
Speaker 3: and say, oh, well, I've got to rule out this
Speaker 3: person because Susie from Richard Or is like not into it.
Speaker 3: I feel like a lot of us make this mistake
Speaker 3: when we're in the like very infantile stage of dating
Speaker 3: where we don't want to integrate the person, we don't
Speaker 3: want them to meet our friends, we don't want to
Speaker 3: talk about them too much to people for fear that
Speaker 3: it won't work out or that it might just like
Speaker 3: prematurely accelerate it.
Speaker 1: For whatever reason, I'm doing the opposite person.
Speaker 3: I'm on the opposite tip now where I don't want
Speaker 3: to cocoon or isolate this dynamic because my fear isn't
Speaker 3: that like, oh, you know, we're gonna get codependent and integrate. No,
Speaker 3: my fear is that I'm wrong and I'm trying to
Speaker 3: avoid my friends or my confidence pointing things out to
Speaker 3: me that will make me feel like I'm not making
Speaker 3: the right decision. So let's say I tell you about
Speaker 3: like this new guy I'm seeing, right, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 3: like he's really cool, and he invited me to go bouldering,
Speaker 3: even though I didn't I said I didn't want to
Speaker 3: go king Melbourne. It's really like it's really awesome because
Speaker 3: like he wants to hang out and you're like, oh,
Speaker 3: you don't like bouldering and you said that, I'm like no,
Speaker 3: but like he wants to like hang out with me
Speaker 3: and do things that he enjoys. And you're like, yeah,
Speaker 3: but you don't enjoy that, and I'm like.
Speaker 1: No, but like it's cool.
Speaker 3: And you know, these are the kind of interactions that
Speaker 3: you're avoiding because deep down, you know, but you want
Speaker 3: to maintain the fantasy. So I used to be that
Speaker 3: person's like, it's gonna be a secret. I used to
Speaker 3: fully date people and become girlfriend and then introduce a
Speaker 3: friend three months later.
Speaker 1: What were you hiding, babe, babe, babe.
Speaker 2: My two first boyfriends met, like two of my friends.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not good.
Speaker 2: It's our avoidant it's control. We're similar.
Speaker 1: It's the fearful avoidant vibe. We like, don't ruin the fantasy.
Speaker 2: But I'll become besties with all their friends. Oh, everyone's
Speaker 2: getting the girls experience.
Speaker 3: I am there.
Speaker 1: I'm howked.
Speaker 2: They're like this one's a real one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I really like that. Now let's meet yours. Busy
Speaker 1: busy girls. Yeah, busy girls never forget.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm pretty sure I've told this on the podcast.
Speaker 2: I'll tell it again. Christmas two thousand and twelve.
Speaker 1: Oh first boyfriend.
Speaker 2: Yep, I spend the Christmas lunch at my parents' house.
Speaker 2: My parents have Christmas. He comes to pick me up
Speaker 2: in the land Rover. Oh, oh vintage land Rover. Oh
Speaker 2: family money like that one. I wasn't like integrating families
Speaker 2: or whatever I say to my extended family, Like they
Speaker 2: all know that I'm going to go and like see
Speaker 2: my boyfriend I'm the youngest in the family, right, and like,
Speaker 2: my family's kind of weird about introducing partners, like all
Speaker 2: my cousins and my sister and stuff. It's kind of awkward.
Speaker 2: And he rocks up. They all know he's rocked up.
Speaker 2: I'm like okay by everyone, and I kind of get
Speaker 2: out so that he doesn't have to come in. I
Speaker 2: walk up a really long, like steep driveway.
Speaker 1: New money. The rest of us park on the curb.
Speaker 1: But all good. It's part of the story, I promise.
Speaker 2: I like, get out of the backyard, walk out the
Speaker 2: driveway like it's a fair walk, poor concrete with little
Speaker 2: pebbles in the landscape gardens.
Speaker 1: Guy, yeah up crazy.
Speaker 2: And I get to the car. I open the door.
Speaker 2: I turn around. Why do I like, Oh, elderly family
Speaker 2: like median age is sixty trying to run.
Speaker 1: Up to drive away.
Speaker 2: Like I see them all jogging to see my boy
Speaker 2: was one of the worst moments.
Speaker 1: That was crazy instant regret.
Speaker 2: That was like a getaway car situation. Yeah, you're an
Speaker 2: elderly relative scampering the czy park in trying to get
Speaker 2: a morsel someone. The cane's falling.
Speaker 3: But you know, hindsight is twenty twenty. We love retrospect,
Speaker 3: but if you ever feel like you need to hide
Speaker 3: aspects of your relationship, I'm not saying broadcast every aspect,
Speaker 3: but going out of your way to hide or conceal
Speaker 3: or make it increasingly difficult for people that you see
Speaker 3: on a regular and speak to an a regular to
Speaker 3: know anything.
Speaker 1: It's a red.
Speaker 3: Flag my new booze. Yeah, I'm telling one of three
Speaker 3: people about you.
Speaker 1: It's two. It's you and Sally. I guess it's Mikayla
Speaker 1: and Jordan today.
Speaker 2: Actually, okay, Flex, we have become best jouns and guys.
Speaker 2: Guess what we're hanging out on the weekend.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you climb the ladder, bab, you climb the ladder.
Speaker 1: I have proven up in the ranks, and.
Speaker 2: You know why because I taught you something new.
Speaker 1: You did You're always teaching me new stuff.
Speaker 2: Don't get any ideas. You've been listening to the flexen
Speaker 2: Frooms Daily podcast. For more, tune in de cat on
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