WEBVTT - The Facebook Groups For Snitching On Bad Partners ❌😳

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<v Speaker 1>Flex and Frooms.

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<v Speaker 2>Flex and Frooms. This is the Flex and Frooms catch

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<v Speaker 2>up podcast. Earlier in the week, we were speaking about

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<v Speaker 2>cheating and whether or not cheating is okay.

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<v Speaker 1>Also like this guy was trying to normalize it.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, let's know about that normally cheating.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, I know.

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<v Speaker 2>I think a lot of people would have strong feelings

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<v Speaker 2>about this. And I was on TikTok the other day

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<v Speaker 2>and came across a talk which we can't play because

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<v Speaker 2>all my favorite tiktoks, the person isn't speaking, it's simply

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<v Speaker 2>trending music. And they've written a caption. This one wrote

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<v Speaker 2>when you're dating a guy and you join the are

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<v Speaker 2>we Dating the Same Guy? Facebook group? I noticed it,

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<v Speaker 2>He's on there, and I thought, what is there? Am

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<v Speaker 2>I dating the same guy? Facebook group? Turns out that

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<v Speaker 2>littered across cities all around the world. There are Facebook

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<v Speaker 2>groups called are we Dating the same Guy? I went

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<v Speaker 2>ahead and joined one. No yeah, no, which I won't

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<v Speaker 2>say what I said.

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<v Speaker 1>I won't let you talk about this exactly the rules

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<v Speaker 1>right now.

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<v Speaker 2>Exactly, so I'm not going to say what I said

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<v Speaker 2>what I saw, but essentially the general idea of the group,

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<v Speaker 2>the way that it was kind of framed, which I appreciate.

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<v Speaker 2>Is it so I say women come together post photos

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<v Speaker 2>or things about guys that have potential red flags? Half

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<v Speaker 2>of them are like, stay away from this man. The

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<v Speaker 2>other half like has anyone else dated this guy? They're

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<v Speaker 2>the ones where I'm like, bit of privacy issue there,

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<v Speaker 2>Like I'd hate to be a guy and my photos

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<v Speaker 2>on there.

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<v Speaker 1>Or just hate to be you in a group? Now?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, is it that straightforward? Because I don't like the

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<v Speaker 3>sound of this. We've spoken before about how it'd be

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<v Speaker 3>cool to give reference checks, but realistically, every time I

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<v Speaker 3>get asked for one, I feel like I don't know

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<v Speaker 3>the person in a dating context, so I can't really

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<v Speaker 3>speak to if they're a good partner, and I don't

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<v Speaker 3>really feel like it's appropriate for me, a random spectator

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<v Speaker 3>with a casual affiliation, to decide if this person is

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<v Speaker 3>a good partner for you or not. However, in these groups,

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<v Speaker 3>are we dating the same guy? Isn't the function of

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<v Speaker 3>dating to be casual anyway? Realistically? So what if you

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<v Speaker 3>are dating the same guy and then what happens? I

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<v Speaker 3>understand in the sense of solidarity, Mike, current partner is

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<v Speaker 3>acting shady, but you did say that you shouldn't bitch

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<v Speaker 3>about your partner to groups of more than two people,

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<v Speaker 3>so that wouldn't work. I don't think I like it.

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<v Speaker 3>I think it's very juvenile. I don't think it gets

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<v Speaker 3>any positive response because let's say you post the person

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<v Speaker 3>you're dating and everyone's like, no, don't know him, don't know.

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<v Speaker 3>Now you're the insane person who is seeking out this

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<v Speaker 3>faux sense of solace and camaraderie where you should be

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<v Speaker 3>learning how to assess people yourself. Also, because let's say,

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<v Speaker 3>for example, you are reading that the person you're dating

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<v Speaker 3>has had a few experiences with people where it just

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<v Speaker 3>didn't work out. Now you're going to internalize those things

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<v Speaker 3>and say, oh, well, I've got to rule out this

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<v Speaker 3>person because Susie from Richard Or is like not into it.

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<v Speaker 3>I feel like a lot of us make this mistake

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<v Speaker 3>when we're in the like very infantile stage of dating

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<v Speaker 3>where we don't want to integrate the person, we don't

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<v Speaker 3>want them to meet our friends, we don't want to

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<v Speaker 3>talk about them too much to people for fear that

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<v Speaker 3>it won't work out or that it might just like

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<v Speaker 3>prematurely accelerate it.

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<v Speaker 1>For whatever reason, I'm doing the opposite person.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm on the opposite tip now where I don't want

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<v Speaker 3>to cocoon or isolate this dynamic because my fear isn't

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<v Speaker 3>that like, oh, you know, we're gonna get codependent and integrate. No,

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<v Speaker 3>my fear is that I'm wrong and I'm trying to

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<v Speaker 3>avoid my friends or my confidence pointing things out to

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<v Speaker 3>me that will make me feel like I'm not making

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<v Speaker 3>the right decision. So let's say I tell you about

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<v Speaker 3>like this new guy I'm seeing, right, I'm like, oh,

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<v Speaker 3>like he's really cool, and he invited me to go bouldering,

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<v Speaker 3>even though I didn't I said I didn't want to

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<v Speaker 3>go king Melbourne. It's really like it's really awesome because

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<v Speaker 3>like he wants to hang out and you're like, oh,

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<v Speaker 3>you don't like bouldering and you said that, I'm like no,

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<v Speaker 3>but like he wants to like hang out with me

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<v Speaker 3>and do things that he enjoys. And you're like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>but you don't enjoy that, and I'm like.

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<v Speaker 1>No, but like it's cool.

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<v Speaker 3>And you know, these are the kind of interactions that

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<v Speaker 3>you're avoiding because deep down, you know, but you want

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<v Speaker 3>to maintain the fantasy. So I used to be that

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<v Speaker 3>person's like, it's gonna be a secret. I used to

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<v Speaker 3>fully date people and become girlfriend and then introduce a

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<v Speaker 3>friend three months later.

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<v Speaker 1>What were you hiding, babe, babe, babe.

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<v Speaker 2>My two first boyfriends met, like two of my friends.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's not good.

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<v Speaker 2>It's our avoidant it's control. We're similar.

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<v Speaker 1>It's the fearful avoidant vibe. We like, don't ruin the fantasy.

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<v Speaker 2>But I'll become besties with all their friends. Oh, everyone's

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<v Speaker 2>getting the girls experience.

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<v Speaker 3>I am there.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm howked.

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<v Speaker 2>They're like this one's a real one.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I really like that. Now let's meet yours. Busy

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<v Speaker 1>busy girls. Yeah, busy girls never forget.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, I'm pretty sure I've told this on the podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>I'll tell it again. Christmas two thousand and twelve.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh first boyfriend.

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<v Speaker 2>Yep, I spend the Christmas lunch at my parents' house.

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<v Speaker 2>My parents have Christmas. He comes to pick me up

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<v Speaker 2>in the land Rover. Oh, oh vintage land Rover. Oh

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<v Speaker 2>family money like that one. I wasn't like integrating families

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<v Speaker 2>or whatever I say to my extended family, Like they

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<v Speaker 2>all know that I'm going to go and like see

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<v Speaker 2>my boyfriend I'm the youngest in the family, right, and like,

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<v Speaker 2>my family's kind of weird about introducing partners, like all

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<v Speaker 2>my cousins and my sister and stuff. It's kind of awkward.

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<v Speaker 2>And he rocks up. They all know he's rocked up.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like okay by everyone, and I kind of get

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<v Speaker 2>out so that he doesn't have to come in. I

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<v Speaker 2>walk up a really long, like steep driveway.

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<v Speaker 1>New money. The rest of us park on the curb.

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<v Speaker 1>But all good. It's part of the story, I promise.

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<v Speaker 2>I like, get out of the backyard, walk out the

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<v Speaker 2>driveway like it's a fair walk, poor concrete with little

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<v Speaker 2>pebbles in the landscape gardens.

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<v Speaker 1>Guy, yeah up crazy.

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<v Speaker 2>And I get to the car. I open the door.

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<v Speaker 2>I turn around. Why do I like, Oh, elderly family

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<v Speaker 2>like median age is sixty trying to run.

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<v Speaker 1>Up to drive away.

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<v Speaker 2>Like I see them all jogging to see my boy

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<v Speaker 2>was one of the worst moments.

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<v Speaker 1>That was crazy instant regret.

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<v Speaker 2>That was like a getaway car situation. Yeah, you're an

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<v Speaker 2>elderly relative scampering the czy park in trying to get

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<v Speaker 2>a morsel someone. The cane's falling.

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<v Speaker 3>But you know, hindsight is twenty twenty. We love retrospect,

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<v Speaker 3>but if you ever feel like you need to hide

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<v Speaker 3>aspects of your relationship, I'm not saying broadcast every aspect,

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<v Speaker 3>but going out of your way to hide or conceal

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<v Speaker 3>or make it increasingly difficult for people that you see

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<v Speaker 3>on a regular and speak to an a regular to

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<v Speaker 3>know anything.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a red.

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<v Speaker 3>Flag my new booze. Yeah, I'm telling one of three

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<v Speaker 3>people about you.

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<v Speaker 1>It's two. It's you and Sally. I guess it's Mikayla

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<v Speaker 1>and Jordan today.

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<v Speaker 2>Actually, okay, Flex, we have become best jouns and guys.

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<v Speaker 2>Guess what we're hanging out on the weekend.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you climb the ladder, bab, you climb the ladder.

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<v Speaker 1>I have proven up in the ranks, and.

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<v Speaker 2>You know why because I taught you something new.

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<v Speaker 1>You did You're always teaching me new stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>Don't get any ideas. You've been listening to the flexen

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<v Speaker 2>Frooms Daily podcast. For more, tune in de cat on

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<v Speaker 2>DAB or stream it on iHeartRadio.