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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.

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Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just answers.

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Speaker 1: Now, Kylie, we all love our kids. I mean, we

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Speaker 1: all love our kids. We're so crazy about them. But

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Speaker 1: every now and again at the Happy Families podcasts, we

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Speaker 1: receive emails like the one we received from a mum

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Speaker 1: who is kind of saying school holidays are nearly here.

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Speaker 1: If you live in Queensland, Wa, or Victoria, it's this Friday. Okay,

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Speaker 1: good Friday's coming up. Then there's sort of a staggering

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Speaker 1: of holidays over the next few weeks for different states

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Speaker 1: and territories. But Queensland, Victoria and Wa, here it comes.

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Speaker 1: And this mom's kind of saying holidays are here. I

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Speaker 1: love my daughter, but I think she's going to drive

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Speaker 1: me crazy because I know what weekends are like. And

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Speaker 1: now I've got a couple of weeks with her help.

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Speaker 1: Kylie rid the email for us.

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Speaker 2: She said, am I supposed to entertain my child all day?

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Speaker 1: Yes?

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Speaker 2: She said, just over the weekend. On Saturday, she made

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Speaker 2: us watch a Disney movie. We went shopping and visited Grandma.

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Speaker 2: I wanted to relax a bit and sit on the couch.

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Speaker 2: My husband wanted to watch football, but she started whinging

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Speaker 2: because we were not playing with her.

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Speaker 1: I'm bored. I'm bored.

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Speaker 2: She wants to pretend play, or go outside or watch TV.

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Speaker 2: She said. I'm exhausted just in finding things to do

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Speaker 2: to keep her from screaming and winging. If that's just

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Speaker 2: the weekend, what am I going to do in the holidays?

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Speaker 2: Please give me some advice.

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Speaker 1: You can send your emails to podcasts podcasts withinness at

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Speaker 1: happy families dot com dot you so that we can

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Speaker 1: try to help you with the challenges of raising these kids. Now,

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Speaker 1: there's a developmental reality to this, Kylie.

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Speaker 2: Well, and she hasn't told us how old her child is. Firstly,

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Speaker 2: and secondly, it sounds like an only child, which challenges

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Speaker 2: parents in a totally different way than children who have siblings. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So there are arguments for and against having good families.

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Speaker 1: This is one of the arguments for having big families.

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Speaker 1: You don't really have to worry too much about what

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Speaker 1: the kids are going to do. It's more dealing with

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Speaker 1: the fact that they hate each other because they're bored

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Speaker 1: and they've decided to go and every one of the

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Speaker 1: other one another. Yeah, so let's go through a three things.

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Speaker 1: I mean, we can talk about this for a long time,

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Speaker 1: but I just think we spent a couple of minutes

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Speaker 1: on three different ideas that are going to be helpful here. Obviously,

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Speaker 1: depending on the age of your child, you'll have more

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Speaker 1: or less input, you'll have more or less involvement. But

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Speaker 1: at the outset, I think that it's really important to

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Speaker 1: just work out what your expectation is for the break

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Speaker 1: and what your kid's expectation is for the break, and

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Speaker 1: communicate that really clearly with your kids.

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Speaker 2: The word that jumps out at me is you're talking

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Speaker 2: is scaffolding our kids. If we can create a system

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Speaker 2: that actually provides and facilitates an engaging environment and relationships,

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Speaker 2: that changes the dynamics of what our holidays look like.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So in other words, if you've got young kids,

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Speaker 1: you want to have the kinds of things, the kinds

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Speaker 1: of resources that make the environment feel enriching. We didn't

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Speaker 1: all do better tomorrow just recently where we talked about

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Speaker 1: how I didn't want it, but my mum insisted on

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Speaker 1: this secondhand Vuoley play equipment hashtag not sponsored. That's what

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Speaker 1: it's called. This play equipment in the backyard. I didn't

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Speaker 1: want to going to ruin my grass makes everything look ugly.

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Speaker 1: We've only got limited space anyway. But since it's arrived

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Speaker 1: that one thing has been so enriching in terms of

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Speaker 1: having the kids outside and getting them physically active. So

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Speaker 1: having the right things makes a world of difference.

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Speaker 2: And changing it up regularly. So the other day in homeschool,

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Speaker 2: one of the activities that was presented to us was

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Speaker 2: to do Emily's spelling list using shaving cream. So I

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Speaker 2: just I put some shaving cream on a tray and

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Speaker 2: then she used her finger a sensory play to actually

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Speaker 2: write the words oh.

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Speaker 1: Right, okay. So you've got a big foaming tray and

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Speaker 1: she's just dragging her fingers through it to spell the

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Speaker 1: words exactly.

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Speaker 2: Shaving cream is the most wonderful tactile experience. It doesn't

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Speaker 2: matter what age you are. There's something amazing about feeling

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Speaker 2: the soft, soapiness of shaving cream. She was having so

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Speaker 2: much fun. I kind of looked at her and she

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Speaker 2: wanted to start putting it all over her body, and

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Speaker 2: I said, you know what, when you go have a bath,

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Speaker 2: and I said, you can take that tray in there

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Speaker 2: and you can play for as long as you want.

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Speaker 2: I can see it for an hour.

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Speaker 1: No way.

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Speaker 2: She just played with it, but it was about providing

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Speaker 2: the space for her to do it.

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Speaker 1: Wow. So I think this leads into something else that's

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Speaker 1: aligned with it, and that is that we've got to

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Speaker 1: let go of the perfectible ideal. If you want to

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Speaker 1: have your children having fun in the yard or in

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Speaker 1: the house, you've got to recognize that maybe a swing

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Speaker 1: set or a trampoline is going to kill your grass

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Speaker 1: and ruin your outlook. But you're not raising grass, you're

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Speaker 1: raising kids. It's going to ruin your dining table or

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Speaker 1: make a mess in your bathroom or the living room

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Speaker 1: or whatever. I mean, we've got legos strewn across our

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Speaker 1: living room more often than not. At the moment, it

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Speaker 1: drives me crazy, But I'm not interested in having perfect carpet.

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Speaker 1: I want my kids to be creative. So creating that

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Speaker 1: enriching environment and saying to hell with the mess, that's

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Speaker 1: what happens when you have kids, makes a huge difference.

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Speaker 2: And here's the funny thing that lego. Only a few

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Speaker 2: weeks ago, she actually pulled it out and she said

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Speaker 2: to me, Mum, I don't ever play with this, can

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Speaker 2: we get rid of it? And I thought, you know what,

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Speaker 2: I have spent hundreds hundreds of dollars on Lego. We

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Speaker 2: are not getting rid of it. And so I actually

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Speaker 2: just left it in the lound room and within a

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Speaker 2: day she had gone to it started using it and now,

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Speaker 2: like you said, it's all over our floor. And she

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Speaker 2: looked at me and she said, I don't think I

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Speaker 2: want you to get rid of this, Mum. And this

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Speaker 2: is something that's really really important. When we have a

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Speaker 2: tidy house and we put everything away, it's out of sight,

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Speaker 2: out of mind. Our kids don't think to go and

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Speaker 2: open the cupboard. They don't think about all of the

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Speaker 2: things that were behind closed doors. And so as parents,

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Speaker 2: if we want to provide them with a stimulating, engaging environment,

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Speaker 2: it's about pulling out a few different things every day

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Speaker 2: that will peak their interest, putting things in a different

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Speaker 2: place than they normally would be found, kind of go

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Speaker 2: hang on a sec why are those books there? Or

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Speaker 2: why is mum put those rocks on the table.

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Speaker 1: So this ties in with one last thing that I

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Speaker 1: really have to say. A couple of weeks ago, we

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Speaker 1: lost the TV remote, and I say lost in inverted commerce.

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Speaker 1: Everyone who's old enough can nudge, nudge, wink wink, know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. But we don't know where the TV

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Speaker 1: remote is anymore. And what that has forced in our

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Speaker 1: home is our children have had to become resourceful in

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Speaker 1: terms of the activities that they're engaging with. There's limited

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Speaker 1: access to laptops and telephones and so the lego does

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Speaker 1: get played with for an hour, or a bath for

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Speaker 1: an hour with the shaving cream is amazing fun, or

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Speaker 1: time out on the swing set feels different because there's

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Speaker 1: no pull towards the screen. We've moved over the last

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Speaker 1: decade decade and a half from a person based and

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Speaker 1: play based childhood to a screen based childhood, and it's

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Speaker 1: leading to lower levels of frustration, tolerance, lower levels of emotion,

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Speaker 1: behavioral regulation, lower capacity to deal with boredom, lower levels

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Speaker 1: of delayed gratification, and it's hurting our kids. A screen

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Speaker 1: based childhood across this Easter break is the last thing,

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Speaker 1: the last thing that our children need. Therefore, as parents,

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Speaker 1: we've got to set up those resources and help our

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Speaker 1: children to understand the expectations because they will have a

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Speaker 1: much more enriching time if we can get that right.

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Speaker 2: Number two involve other people. This is huge and especially

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Speaker 2: for an only child.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, play dates.

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Speaker 2: If you are the only person your child knows and

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Speaker 2: relies on for their social interaction and entertainment, you will

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Speaker 2: be exhausted.

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Speaker 1: Playdates a or a life saver. I've had several parents

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Speaker 1: say to me over the years when I've said, Hey,

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Speaker 1: would you like to send your kiddo over to play

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Speaker 1: with mine? They're like, oh, but you've got so many kids?

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Speaker 1: Will that be okay? Can you handle it? And I'm like,

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Speaker 1: do you know what? When my child has someone else

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Speaker 1: to play with, it makes my life so much easier,

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Speaker 1: so much less attention has to be paid because the

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Speaker 1: kids are entertaining themselves. They're developing the social skills, the

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Speaker 1: emotional skills, they're developing emotional regulation, they're learning how to

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Speaker 1: negotiate and cooperate and figure things out developmentally. It's amazing.

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Speaker 1: Playdates are a godsend when it comes to school holidays,

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Speaker 1: especially for frazzled parents who feel like they're responsible for

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Speaker 1: their child's every moment.

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Speaker 2: So maybe you switch it up a little bit and

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Speaker 2: it's not so much a play date as it's a

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Speaker 2: child swap.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, yeah, I'll have your kids on Monday

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Speaker 1: and Wednesday, you have ours on Thursday and Friday or whatever.

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Speaker 2: But there's also the opportunity to involve other people. Maybe

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Speaker 2: auntie or uncle live close by. Maybe you've got a

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Speaker 2: grandparent or a close family friend who can spend special

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Speaker 2: one on one time with your child or children just

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Speaker 2: one day a week, or even a couple of hours

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Speaker 2: in a day. Yeah, just make morning all the difference.

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Speaker 2: Maybe they have a special activity that they just do

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Speaker 2: with grammar on Monday mornings and they bake together. Or

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Speaker 2: maybe granddad loves working in his shed and the kids

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Speaker 2: go and do something with.

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Speaker 1: It and sores and power equipment.

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Speaker 2: This is the perfect time to introduce new skill sets

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Speaker 2: to your children and involve them. Maybe it's gardening. Just

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Speaker 2: the other week, we actually purchased a worm farm. That

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Speaker 2: worm farm. I've had my daughter's fingers in dirt for

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Speaker 2: days as she's found for worms and places that she

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Speaker 2: couldn't find.

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Speaker 1: And I need to say this really, like explicitly, I

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Speaker 1: hate the worm farm. I hate it. It's messy, it's dirty,

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Speaker 1: it's in an area on my deck that there's nothing

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Speaker 1: about the worm farm that I like. But again, I'm

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Speaker 1: not trying to have a clean deck here. I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to raise kids who are actively engaged in their lives.

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Speaker 1: So Number one, get the resources right so they can

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Speaker 1: have it enriching time and they've got options outside of screens.

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Speaker 1: Number two, bring people in. Number three an extension of

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Speaker 1: number two. Involvement is good. This idea in our email

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Speaker 1: from our anonymous sender is I don't want to have

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Speaker 1: to be with my child all day, but please note

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Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that you shouldn't be with your child

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Speaker 1: at all. In fact, there's so much value in being

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Speaker 1: with your child. Kylie, you talked about all the things

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Speaker 1: that you've done with our kids, and when you start

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Speaker 1: doing something with the kids and they get engaged in it,

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Speaker 1: they're pretty happy to go and do stuff on their own.

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Speaker 1: So I just think you've mentioned baking and worm farms

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Speaker 1: and gardening and all the other things that have come

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Speaker 1: up in the conversation. You're teaching them new skills. Teach

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Speaker 1: them new skills, giving them new experiences. Being involved with

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Speaker 1: them for at least a couple of hours a day

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Speaker 1: I think is essential.

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Speaker 2: From where we're sitting, having watched three of our six babies,

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Speaker 2: become adults, become adults. The reality is the time that

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Speaker 2: you actually have with them in those early years pills

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Speaker 2: like it's never going to end, but it ends, and

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Speaker 2: it ends really really quickly. And as we look to

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Speaker 2: say goodbye to baby number three as she heads away

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Speaker 2: for eighteen months, the reality of that is really hitting hard.

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Speaker 1: Nine hundred and thirty that's how many weekends you have

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Speaker 1: with your kids from the time they're born until the

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Speaker 1: time that they're eighteen. Nine hundred and thirty six. Look

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Speaker 1: at how old your kids are now. Do a quick calculation.

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Speaker 1: The numbers are dropping. And of course you lose so

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Speaker 1: many to work commitments or school things like there's always

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Speaker 1: something going on.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to suggest if you're a tired mum like this,

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Speaker 2: mum sounds.

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Speaker 1: Nine thirty six, o's like a lot.

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Speaker 2: That sounds like a lot of weekends, which.

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Speaker 1: Probably already down to like four hundred or five hundred

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Speaker 1: or something like that. And really this is just about

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Speaker 1: being present. So when we've had school holidays, something that

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Speaker 1: we've done consistently is we've just said we're going to

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Speaker 1: do one family activity per day. It's good.

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Speaker 2: Well, clearly you're not involved in the family activities because

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Speaker 2: we don't do one every day because it's too much.

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Speaker 1: Well that's true, but we've tried to put together a

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Speaker 1: list of here are the eight things that we're going

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Speaker 1: to do across the twelve or the sixteen days that

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Speaker 1: we've got for school holidays.

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Speaker 2: And this is probably my number one tip yeap for

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Speaker 2: holidays to work great, you actually need a plan, right,

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Speaker 2: So in the early stages of our family, we did

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Speaker 2: create an activity every day and it was just too much.

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Speaker 2: The kids didn't love being dragged around everywhere all the time,

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Speaker 2: and I needed a break as well. So creating a

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Speaker 2: system that works for you, whether it's an activity and

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Speaker 2: outing and outing every two or three days, but then

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Speaker 2: on the other days you either have facilitate activities, whether

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Speaker 2: it's pull out the legos, take the blocks into the backyard,

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Speaker 2: create a mud puddle, create a water theme park in

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Speaker 2: your backyard, whatever would you.

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Speaker 1: Do something with balloons in confetti, Like, you can do anything,

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Speaker 1: and if you're stuck, just jump on a chat GPT,

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Speaker 1: create a free account on chat GPT and say I

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Speaker 1: live in Sydney, or I live in Newcastle, or I

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Speaker 1: live in Woongong, or I live in Brisbane or the

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Speaker 1: Gold Coast, the Sunshine Coast, Townsville. I live in Adelaide,

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Speaker 1: Claire Valley. I don't care where you are. Just type

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Speaker 1: in here's where I live, and I'm looking for activities

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Speaker 1: that I can do in my house, or that I

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Speaker 1: can do in my local area, or that I can

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Speaker 1: do within an hour of here. If you set that

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Speaker 1: up on chat GPT, it will give you as many

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Speaker 1: you can say thirty activities or fifteen activities for my

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Speaker 1: living room, and say how old your kids are. It

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Speaker 1: will give you local activities to go out and do.

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Speaker 1: It will tell you what you can do at home.

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Speaker 1: It's extraordinarily powerful software and it will do all the

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Speaker 1: thinking for you.

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Speaker 2: This works even if you're a working parent, because everybody

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Speaker 2: needs a plan, and I think it's probably more important

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Speaker 2: if you're working and you've got limited time, so that

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Speaker 2: you feel like you're actually in control of what's going on.

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Speaker 2: You can't and to know what's going.

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Speaker 1: On prioritize your own needs as well. You've got to

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Speaker 1: be there for the kids, but you've got stuff to

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Speaker 1: do as well. So by putting together a plan, you

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Speaker 1: give the children a structure or framework to follow. You

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Speaker 1: bring people in you utilize the resources that you've got.

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Speaker 1: You utilize that AI. It is incredible and hopefully that

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Speaker 1: will help you to get through the next school holidays.

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Speaker 2: When you think about what kids need, specifically the acknowledgment

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Speaker 2: that they need to know in advance what's going on.

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Speaker 2: They need to know that their environment is predictable. When

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Speaker 2: they're constantly at you, it's because they don't actually know

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Speaker 2: what's coming up next. So my last tip when it

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Speaker 2: comes to holidays, tell your kids what the plan.

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Speaker 1: Is and give them something to look forward to.

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Speaker 2: If you can say, mum's got some work to do

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Speaker 2: this morning, can you keep yourselves busy for the next

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Speaker 2: couple of hours and then we're going to go to

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Speaker 2: the theme.

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Speaker 1: Park and here are your options, or we're.

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Speaker 2: Going to go and visit Grandma at three o'clock this afternoon.

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Speaker 2: So for the next few hours, I'm just going to

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Speaker 2: get you guys to hang out together.

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Speaker 1: Here's the shaving cream.

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Speaker 2: That is going to make a world of difference because

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Speaker 2: they know what's happening.

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Speaker 1: That's got to make your holidays better. Good luck, enjoy.

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Speaker 1: We'll be back tomorrow talking about what to do when

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Speaker 1: your child is violent, When disregulated when they're hurting you

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Speaker 1: or destroying things. The Happy Family's podcast is produced by

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Speaker 1: Justin Rowland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer,

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Speaker 1: and if you like more information about how to make

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Speaker 1: your family happier, you can visit us on all of

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Speaker 1: the socials Doctor Justin Pulson's Happy Families, Seve