Speaker 1: Life on Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose
Speaker 1: lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their
Speaker 1: elders past and present.
Speaker 2: Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land.
Speaker 3: This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land.
Speaker 4: Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 4: on Cut.
Speaker 5: I'm Brittany and I'm Keisha, and producer Keish is feeling
Speaker 5: for Laura today.
Speaker 3: We know Laura's been going through a lot of personal
Speaker 3: stuff the last couple of months, so she is having
Speaker 3: a few days with herself and her family. But we
Speaker 3: love having you, Keish, So welcome to therapy Thursday.
Speaker 5: Ask Uncut, where we unpack your deep, dark, dirty, and burning.
Speaker 5: I don't even know what the tag you think new questions, Yeah, dilemmas.
Speaker 5: We should we get a literation deep dark, dirty dilemmas.
Speaker 1: I mean we're five years deep and we haven't done that,
Speaker 1: but we can update it us.
Speaker 2: Thank you. I would appreciate.
Speaker 3: Hey, Okay, you just did something that rocks to me,
Speaker 3: shocked me to my core.
Speaker 1: You sat down and we're about to record. You were
Speaker 1: chewing chewing gum and I was like, keeh, you can't
Speaker 1: chew chewing gum on the record. No one wants to
Speaker 1: hear that for an hour, and you were like, no worries.
Speaker 3: And swallowed it. I'm like, what kind of a sociopowse
Speaker 3: swallows chewing gum.
Speaker 2: It's not my choice. You made a choice to do.
Speaker 5: No, you actually made the choice you had. You had
Speaker 5: a choice to spit it out or swallow it. It's fair, yes,
Speaker 5: the whole if you swallow it stays in your guart
Speaker 5: for seven years.
Speaker 2: Not true.
Speaker 5: I don't know who started the rumor. I don't know
Speaker 5: why it took off so much.
Speaker 3: It's one of those myths that hes around as like
Speaker 3: at school.
Speaker 2: I mean, I can't imagine it being good for you.
Speaker 5: I'm not recommending, but prior to the recording, I had
Speaker 5: done a couple of things that just took up a
Speaker 5: bit of extra time, and I was like.
Speaker 2: We just need to we need to get started. We
Speaker 2: got lots to do today.
Speaker 3: What things did you do that took up time? Keisha,
Speaker 3: I don't want to talk about it.
Speaker 1: You had to go find an empty toilet block so
Speaker 1: you could do a poop because you tried to do
Speaker 1: one poop, you got poop anxiety. Poop anxiety because someone
Speaker 1: was in a cubicle next year, so she had to
Speaker 1: go out of the building to like another level. She
Speaker 1: had to take a swine card go up three levels
Speaker 1: till she found it him to cubicle so she could
Speaker 1: take a dump.
Speaker 3: Just do it.
Speaker 5: The amount of poop talk on the podcast makes me uncomfortable.
Speaker 3: It's crazy how much poop anxiety you and Laura get.
Speaker 2: We get it very differently, though.
Speaker 5: She would have had no problem with the fact that
Speaker 5: someone else is in the cubicle next to us, but
Speaker 5: they're like, over my dead body. Would I comfortably sit
Speaker 5: next to someone who I don't know who it is?
Speaker 5: I don't know if I'd be more comfortable with an
Speaker 5: anonymous person or with a friend. What if it was me,
Speaker 5: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I couldn't.
Speaker 5: I'd feel more comfortable with you than most other people.
Speaker 1: But Laura's made me leave the bathroom before. She's like
Speaker 1: quick is brah, And then I'm like washing my hands,
Speaker 1: and I'm.
Speaker 2: Like, okay, you know, I just it's a step in
Speaker 2: the right direction.
Speaker 5: Because I used to be the type of person when
Speaker 5: I would first start dating a boy, I could hold
Speaker 5: it for three days.
Speaker 2: Woo.
Speaker 1: That is equally on par with swallowing you chewing gum
Speaker 1: for how unhealthy that is for you.
Speaker 2: He just wasn't comfortable, Like it just wasn't comfortable.
Speaker 5: They would have to not be in the house, and
Speaker 5: even then I'd be like, that was still no.
Speaker 1: Do you know one time you've just made me remember this.
Speaker 1: I can't even gonna say this. I remember when I
Speaker 1: first started dating my ex. It's like I've Baltimore, Like
Speaker 1: I can't use his name, Jordan, he must not be named. No,
Speaker 1: he's great whatever when we first started dating.
Speaker 2: No, he's great. Everything's fine, I have we have really
Speaker 2: good marriages. It's great.
Speaker 3: X send in love.
Speaker 1: I was living right across from the beach, but I
Speaker 1: lived in a tiny, like one bedroom apartment with a
Speaker 1: tiny kitchen. Keisha lived there for a while, so she knows.
Speaker 1: It had one bathroom, one bedroom.
Speaker 2: And the bathroom was right next to the bedroom, same.
Speaker 3: Thin acoustics thing.
Speaker 1: And the house was so small that if you did
Speaker 1: do something that may have smells, it would have stung
Speaker 1: the house out.
Speaker 3: Anyway.
Speaker 1: I remember, I was like he was just living at
Speaker 1: my house, like we were inseparable.
Speaker 3: Great, but I was like, oh my god, I need
Speaker 3: to go so bad. What am I going to do?
Speaker 1: So I pretend I was like, I'm gonna go pick
Speaker 1: up something to eat from the shops, and he was.
Speaker 2: Like, oh come.
Speaker 1: I was like, dah, you just chill, I'll go anyway.
Speaker 1: I literally ran across the road to a public toilet.
Speaker 5: I went to find a public toilet rather than at
Speaker 5: the start and use my own bathroom.
Speaker 3: That is how much anxiety I had at the start.
Speaker 2: I think that's the most relatable thing I've ever heard
Speaker 2: in my life.
Speaker 5: It takes a long time to be comfortable. I'll never
Speaker 5: be comfortable with door open situation, like never ever, That's
Speaker 5: not for me. But I feel like it's a step
Speaker 5: in the right direction that I'm now. I mean, I
Speaker 5: don't know if it's that I'm able to go at work.
Speaker 5: So anyway, Yeah, I chose to go to the well.
Speaker 3: Back to the chewing gum. It is a myth that
Speaker 3: it stands in your stomach for seven years, but it's
Speaker 3: not a myth that it's actually really bad for you.
Speaker 3: So it doesn't ever break down. It will not break down.
Speaker 2: It stays in there like corn straight through.
Speaker 1: Well, it doesn't go straight through, but it does move
Speaker 1: very slowly through and then it does just get excreted.
Speaker 3: But in children, I don't know why I'm going so
Speaker 3: indepth into this, but in children it has been known
Speaker 3: to like block their bowl passage and it can be
Speaker 3: like really severe.
Speaker 5: So I think the myth starts so that kids don't
Speaker 5: do it. Anyway, Probably good, let's move on.
Speaker 3: That's people come here for the education.
Speaker 2: Far too much about our lives.
Speaker 3: Well, I wanted to tell you something really serious that
Speaker 3: happened to me last night. And this is not a joke.
Speaker 1: But I could have died last night. And I'm not exaggerating,
Speaker 1: And this is like a warning to people.
Speaker 2: This isn't a haha.
Speaker 3: This is not a haha.
Speaker 5: I literally feel like a message. Ben I said, I
Speaker 5: think I could have died last night. Like that's how
Speaker 5: close I think I was.
Speaker 3: So my house is really cold. I've talked to you
Speaker 3: guys about that before. Like I don't have heating in
Speaker 3: the house, and I'm always wearing jumpers. It's not insulated. Well,
Speaker 3: it's freezing, so I do have heaters.
Speaker 5: I have a heater in my room because I've freeze
Speaker 5: to death at night, and I have a heater in
Speaker 5: the lound room. Anyway, I always put the heater on
Speaker 5: for a couple of hours in my room before to
Speaker 5: heat it up.
Speaker 1: And then I turn it off. And so last night
Speaker 1: I woke up because I was cold, so I put
Speaker 1: the heater on. It's right next to my bed. I
Speaker 1: don't even have to get out of bed. I lean
Speaker 1: over and just put it on at the wall at
Speaker 1: the soccer. So I put it on, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I'll leave it on for an hour or so and
Speaker 1: then I'll turn it off, just sort re heats.
Speaker 2: What type of heater is it.
Speaker 3: It's just a little portable heater like it's actually one
Speaker 3: Ben bought me. Then this not I'm not blaming.
Speaker 2: Ben, but Ben, you could have killed me.
Speaker 3: I'm not blaming Ben. But if I'm blaming anyone, it's Ben.
Speaker 5: But its air, like an electric one, not gas. No, yeah,
Speaker 5: you just plug it in electric. It heats so well.
Speaker 5: And I've had it for months and months.
Speaker 3: It's fine.
Speaker 1: So I lean over put it on and then go
Speaker 1: back to bed. And then I am woken at about
Speaker 1: two in the morning. My smell woke me up, and
Speaker 1: I'm lucky I'm a semi light sleeper. The smell woke
Speaker 1: me up and I opened my eyes and I was like,
Speaker 1: something is wrong. My whole room was smoke and I
Speaker 1: looked down next to the bed flames like I'll.
Speaker 3: Show you the photo.
Speaker 5: I was like, I'm about to dinifire, like it was
Speaker 5: about I reckon if.
Speaker 3: I was, So, this is the wall socket like it was.
Speaker 3: It's burnt. The wall socket is burnt right next to
Speaker 3: my bed.
Speaker 5: It's like it's almost as a candle out. Yeah, all
Speaker 5: the care and all dust goes over the lid. It
Speaker 5: looks like that on the socket.
Speaker 1: It's all black smoke. The plug is completely melted. So
Speaker 1: flames were coming out. Flames were out right next to
Speaker 1: my head.
Speaker 2: The room was full of.
Speaker 3: Smoke, and I was like, oh my god, I just
Speaker 3: I don't even it was black and like the light
Speaker 3: went on and I just ripped the plug out of.
Speaker 1: The wall, picked it up, threw it into the bathroom.
Speaker 1: Because my room is all carpet and bedding and stuff.
Speaker 1: I was like, the pouse is going to burn down.
Speaker 1: Threw it into the bathroom tiles, and then my bath
Speaker 1: mat was there. So I got the bath mat and
Speaker 1: just soaked it. This is in seconds in a black
Speaker 1: I don't even know how I was operated and dropped.
Speaker 5: To the bath mat on top of smother, just to
Speaker 5: smother what was the flames that were there, just to
Speaker 5: put it out. And I was like my heart was beating,
Speaker 5: and I thought if I didn't wake up because of
Speaker 5: the smell, my room would have been on fire, like
Speaker 5: seconds away from disaster.
Speaker 2: That is a terrifying situation.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I could not believe my whole house from
Speaker 1: that tiny little socket smells of It's like a fire
Speaker 1: has been in there. Like I cannot get the less.
Speaker 1: I could not get the smell out. So I've turned
Speaker 1: all like the power off. I'm gonna get the electrician
Speaker 1: and to come and check the sockets.
Speaker 3: But I don't even know what my warning is here,
Speaker 3: Like I don't even know there's not a warning, but
Speaker 3: I guess it actually, I guess it is.
Speaker 1: I guess it's like don't leave those kind of heaters
Speaker 1: on through the night, yeah, because that could happen.
Speaker 2: But I mean, like.
Speaker 5: You're in situations where it's like, what's the alternative? Your
Speaker 5: house is fucking freezing? You want to be warm enough
Speaker 5: to actually like be comfortable. It's the housing standards in
Speaker 5: Australia are actually cooked, Like it's actually not reasonable.
Speaker 3: And not cooked like hot. Yeah, like your heart is
Speaker 3: on fire.
Speaker 2: Do you know what? Though?
Speaker 5: The only thing I'm very grateful for in that situation
Speaker 5: that I have sleeping issues, and I know it's that
Speaker 5: it wasn't the heater out in the land room near Delilah. Oh.
Speaker 3: I thought the same thing. I would never leave that on.
Speaker 1: But the other thing, I took a sleeping tablet last
Speaker 1: night because I do have trouble sleeping, so I had
Speaker 1: taken a sleeping tablet.
Speaker 3: Imagine if that's how potent the fire smell was. So
Speaker 3: I'm so so lucky.
Speaker 1: But you hear, unfortunately, you hear fires that electrical fires
Speaker 1: in a home, you know, over Christmas time, you always
Speaker 1: hear it's Christmas lights or it's it's the extra things
Speaker 1: that are plugged in.
Speaker 3: So just be careful. That's my how are you? Did
Speaker 3: you nearly die last night?
Speaker 2: I didn't. I had a wonderful sleep. I got one
Speaker 2: hundred percent on my sleep score. You said that no
Speaker 2: one really cares about that. I disagree. I had a
Speaker 2: great sleep, And I'm really sorry that.
Speaker 5: That story has absolutely rocked me because that is fucking terrifying.
Speaker 1: I love that I'm putting fire out at nine you
Speaker 1: have one hundred percent sleeps.
Speaker 2: I got kudos from my Whoop app. It's wonderful. I'm
Speaker 2: feeling great.
Speaker 5: But something did happen to me yesterday afternoon, and I
Speaker 5: thought back to the episode that you and Laura recorded
Speaker 5: of as gun Cut last week that we got a
Speaker 5: lot of feedback about. So it was the question where
Speaker 5: there were a couple they had a click and collect
Speaker 5: the director boot order for their groceries, right and they
Speaker 5: went to the store and I think because of the
Speaker 5: Microsoft outage, like things hadn't been processed properly.
Speaker 2: So they collected their groceries.
Speaker 5: They got home and they got this notification saying that
Speaker 5: they would get a re fund for their order because
Speaker 5: it wasn't able to be processed.
Speaker 3: But they already got their order.
Speaker 2: They'd already got it, and.
Speaker 5: So they were having this debate between them where her
Speaker 5: partner was saying, we should tell them, and we should
Speaker 5: you know, own up to the fact that we did
Speaker 5: get them and we should pay for them.
Speaker 2: She was saying, I think we should just take the.
Speaker 3: Win because they're struggling farmers. They've been in drought.
Speaker 2: I almost don't even know if those factors matter.
Speaker 3: Time, it does matter. I think those factors mean a lot.
Speaker 2: I was kind of seeing and.
Speaker 5: I was like, I wouldn't even batter a single eyelash
Speaker 5: to this, which was the feedback that we got from
Speaker 5: most people being like, grocery stores are not the little
Speaker 5: dog in this scenario. If it was a small business,
Speaker 5: probably would have felt differently. So overwhelming feedback was that
Speaker 5: most people were like me. So last night, I'm at
Speaker 5: the grocery store down the road from my house.
Speaker 3: Oh, here we go, TI. She's gonna blame master of
Speaker 3: a tight ass.
Speaker 2: You know the reduced items.
Speaker 5: Always go through those because I'm like, if it's something
Speaker 5: that I actually need, yeah, I'll get the reduced one.
Speaker 2: Going to use it tonight, no worries. There was a
Speaker 2: packet of chicken.
Speaker 5: Breast and it was reduced because you had to use
Speaker 5: it by tomorrow, and.
Speaker 2: I was like, that's not a problem. I'm cooking this tonight.
Speaker 5: So I had a reduce sticker on it and I
Speaker 5: got to the counter and I went through self serve
Speaker 5: and I scanned it and it came up as zero
Speaker 5: dollars and four cents, and I was like, winning, But
Speaker 5: that's that's not stealing for you, because that's you scanned
Speaker 5: the barcode, that's the price of it.
Speaker 3: That's the price.
Speaker 5: Absolutely, the actual price on the sticker was eight dollars
Speaker 5: and eighty cents or something like that, right, So you
Speaker 5: put it in my way for it, put it in
Speaker 5: my little bag in the self serve checkout where it
Speaker 5: weighs it, and.
Speaker 2: It comes up with their like, oh you haven't bagged
Speaker 2: the item, blah blah blah. And I was like, you know,
Speaker 2: kip bagging, skip.
Speaker 1: Click a board, get out, because the anxiety that the
Speaker 1: checkout person is going to come and actually go through
Speaker 1: and compare what you've scared.
Speaker 2: It's exactly what happened.
Speaker 5: And I was like, I don't know, I don't know why,
Speaker 5: Like you know, I'm playing by the rules, scanning your way.
Speaker 5: And he looked at it, and he looked in the
Speaker 5: bag and I was like, that's the chicken.
Speaker 2: And he looked and then he saw the price. Anyway.
Speaker 5: I was like, mate, just let me play on. It's
Speaker 5: scanned as chicken. It's not my fault. It's been put
Speaker 5: in as the wrong price. I didn't say this, I
Speaker 5: was thinking it in my head. I was just trying
Speaker 5: to get away with eight dollars. Anyway, this ended up
Speaker 5: in a three minute debacle, three staff members trying to
Speaker 5: avoid the price, and I was like, it wasn't even
Speaker 5: worth the reduction in the chicken.
Speaker 3: It wasn't worth the four set.
Speaker 2: No, they made me pay the full price.
Speaker 5: They entered it as like a miscellaneous sale, and I
Speaker 5: was like, you're not a person of the people.
Speaker 3: Okay, well, I think this is on you.
Speaker 5: I don't know, because you should have when you put
Speaker 5: it in the basket to be weighed, you have to
Speaker 5: hold it up a bit so it doesn't know the
Speaker 5: actual word because obviously it thought it was like an
Speaker 5: apple or something.
Speaker 2: No, it came up as chicken breast. It came up
Speaker 2: as like it.
Speaker 5: I think that when they entered it into the system
Speaker 5: as the reduced price, they'd put it in wrong.
Speaker 2: And I don't know how to system worked out that.
Speaker 5: I don't know how it happened, but it ended up
Speaker 5: wasting me time and money.
Speaker 3: Well not wasting money, because you paid what it was
Speaker 3: supposed to be. Do you know. I was genuinely.
Speaker 1: Surprised from the feedback that we got on that ask
Speaker 1: gun cut that you guys were far too virtuous. Well,
Speaker 1: I say that because I genuinely thought more people would.
Speaker 3: And I said this off camera, like when we were
Speaker 3: discussing it.
Speaker 1: I said, oh, I think the majority of people would
Speaker 1: take this back and do the right thing, or at
Speaker 1: least feel extremely guilty, like.
Speaker 3: It's take it, but at least have that.
Speaker 1: Little smidja guilt like you throw the guilt in on
Speaker 1: the side.
Speaker 3: But they weren't you mother buckers.
Speaker 2: You were like steal that, steal your groceries. You wasn't
Speaker 2: stealing it was their stuff.
Speaker 3: You own that, But I was, I mean, all for it.
Speaker 3: You all gave your valid reasons.
Speaker 5: I'm not here to judge anyone except to say that
Speaker 5: I was semi shook us to the core.
Speaker 2: I wasn't shocked at all.
Speaker 5: I would not feel gill and I want my chicken
Speaker 5: for four cents ago.
Speaker 1: The overarching feedback was if it was a small business,
Speaker 1: that people would take it back, but they could not
Speaker 1: care less about the big conglomerate switch.
Speaker 2: Fair.
Speaker 3: All right, let's get into the vibes your dirty little thieves.
Speaker 3: This week. I'm gonna vibe. And I decided to like
Speaker 3: really lean into it.
Speaker 1: I have done my hair with the curls. The curls
Speaker 1: that you've all been talking about. No one's been talking
Speaker 1: about it. The curls that I have been rocking the
Speaker 1: last week or two. And I do get a lot
Speaker 1: of d MS about it. So you saw, if you're
Speaker 1: following me on Instagram, I tried out these heatless curls
Speaker 1: in my hair that you sleep in, and I sort
Speaker 1: of was knocking them. I was like, this is ridiculous,
Speaker 1: this is not going to work, Like, how do people
Speaker 1: sleep in this?
Speaker 3: Anyway? I'm obsessed.
Speaker 2: Is it worth not having my night sleep? Yes?
Speaker 3: Is it worth almost signing a fire in my room?
Speaker 3: Because I did have the.
Speaker 2: Curls that's what saved you. Maybe you should be thanking.
Speaker 3: The heatless curl No, if anything, it's material. If a
Speaker 3: flame got onto that heatless curl in my head, my
Speaker 3: hair would be I mean, I'd have more worries and cares.
Speaker 2: Flammable anyway it is?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I have burnt my hair before on a candle,
Speaker 1: so I can confirm that it's flammable. So you can
Speaker 1: get these heatless material curls anywhere, right, Like, there's so
Speaker 1: many brands. I originally found it by just googling them online.
Speaker 1: Found one on Amazon or something.
Speaker 2: But I've got one from Mermaid Hair. You can get
Speaker 2: them from literally like any Yeah.
Speaker 1: But the difference with mine is it has four I'm
Speaker 1: gonna call them like doodles almost because they's like tentacle tentacles,
Speaker 1: thank you, bit nicer.
Speaker 3: So you put like a comb.
Speaker 1: It's like got a little tiny comb that you put
Speaker 1: in the front of your head at your hairline, and
Speaker 1: you split your hair and you literally just semi dry
Speaker 1: your hair almost dry, wrap them around, put them up.
Speaker 1: I put them in a bunch on my head and
Speaker 1: so I can sleep better. Take them out in the morning,
Speaker 1: and your curls are incredible. My particular one is called
Speaker 1: Bouncy Blowband. That's where I got it from. They've got
Speaker 1: loads of hair stuff on there.
Speaker 3: But that's it. Four tentacles. You can do. Two tentacles
Speaker 3: My vibes for the week.
Speaker 5: And I'm saying clarial because I'm gonna quickly put one
Speaker 5: in here because Laura's not here. So the first one
Speaker 5: is an episode of Modern Wisdom.
Speaker 3: It is the.
Speaker 2: Podcast by Chris Williamson who is to Australia soon.
Speaker 3: I love how many times you have planted seeds like
Speaker 3: your Vibes are someone that you want to speak to.
Speaker 2: Okay, guys, it's in the works.
Speaker 5: He's coming to Australia and we are in the process
Speaker 5: of securing an interview with him.
Speaker 2: He's one of the biggest podcasts in the world. He's
Speaker 2: originally from Love Island.
Speaker 5: But he has his podcast Modern Wisdom. It is one
Speaker 5: of the world leading podcasts. He has a particular episode
Speaker 5: really recent. It came out like a day and a
Speaker 5: half ago. It is with Andrew Wilkinson and it's called
Speaker 5: how to Stop Feeling like your success is Never enough.
Speaker 5: It is all about happiness, shifting of goals, kind of
Speaker 5: reaching that goal and realizing that once you get there,
Speaker 5: you kind of just want more, and you want more
Speaker 5: and more and more, and you're never going to feel
Speaker 5: as though you get satisfaction from what your original goal was.
Speaker 3: The goalpost keeps moving.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's pretty far in the like self help. If
Speaker 5: you're into that type of stuff, you will like it.
Speaker 5: If you're not into it, you'll probably find it a
Speaker 5: bit of a drag because it's a long episode.
Speaker 2: It goes for like two hours or something like that.
Speaker 1: But I also don't per personally as a podcast and
Speaker 1: someone that consumes a lot of podcasts the time. Like
Speaker 1: the length of a podcast doesn't bother me. Like when
Speaker 1: I see.
Speaker 5: A podcast that could go for two plus hours, it
Speaker 5: doesn't turn me off because I don't need to listen
Speaker 5: to it only one. Like I'll happily start it, go
Speaker 5: for half an hour, walk, and then pick it up
Speaker 5: the next day. Yeah, but I know a lot of
Speaker 5: people don't it almost. I think it depends on your
Speaker 5: listening habits. I think it depends if you're the type
Speaker 5: of person who listens while you commute, or whether you
Speaker 5: do the dog walk, or for me, I mean, I'm
Speaker 5: such a consumer of content through audio mediums, so I
Speaker 5: love to have it on almost at all times. I'll
Speaker 5: have it while I'm showering, while I'm getting ready for anything,
Speaker 5: while I'm driving, while I'm walking, like whatever it is,
Speaker 5: I like to have something playing. My other vibe for
Speaker 5: the week is potentially the most exorbitant vibe I have
Speaker 5: ever had in my life.
Speaker 2: I'm going to tell you you do not need this.
Speaker 5: It is a want so a couple of weeks ago
Speaker 5: and leading up until I got this because we wear headphones,
Speaker 5: Like I wear headphones so much, because after we record
Speaker 5: the podcast.
Speaker 2: I then go and edit, and I edit a lot.
Speaker 5: And I want to make this really clear, we wear
Speaker 5: road headphones when we record. I'm not speaking about these ones.
Speaker 5: I'm speaking about another pair that I had. I was
Speaker 5: getting really bad headaches because the pressure of where the
Speaker 5: headband sits on my head too much. I don't know, Like,
Speaker 5: no matter how much I adjusted it, it was just
Speaker 5: giving me really, really, really bad headaches. I tried on
Speaker 5: my friend Soave's headphones at one point, and I was like,
Speaker 5: what is this luxury? How if I never felt this before?
Speaker 5: She was like, Oh, they're the Apple AirPod Max headphones.
Speaker 5: And I was like, well, I gotta get me some
Speaker 5: of these.
Speaker 3: Oh god, how much they retail.
Speaker 2: For eight hundred and ninety nine dollars.
Speaker 3: That's an expensive headphone.
Speaker 5: So to be clear, these are not earbud AirPods. They're
Speaker 5: the ones that go over your head the headband type right,
Speaker 5: and they see over your ears.
Speaker 2: They are the most comfortable things I've ever had in
Speaker 2: my life.
Speaker 5: I am now wearing them by choice, like I've switched
Speaker 5: out my AirPods, the ones that like I put into
Speaker 5: my ears, and I have just been wearing them.
Speaker 2: The sound quality is obviously very very good.
Speaker 5: That's not why I purchased them. I purchased them because
Speaker 5: of the comfort. So I feel like for me, I
Speaker 5: can justify it because persontly tax right off.
Speaker 4: Second, I was about to say it's a tax deduction,
Speaker 4: but also there'd be a lot of people out there
Speaker 4: that would not be wearing headphones for the length of
Speaker 4: time that you are, So I think it's more to
Speaker 4: those people that are like excessive headphone uses.
Speaker 5: But I do think that people wear them more now,
Speaker 5: like people who work from home a lot. If they've
Speaker 5: got meetings and that kind of thing, they have to
Speaker 5: wear headphones. It's, you know, to block out the sound
Speaker 5: that's around them and whatever. But yeah, if you are
Speaker 5: in the market for a really good, really comfortable pair
Speaker 5: of headphones, I highly recommend to the Apple AirPod Max.
Speaker 5: I did get them on a fifteen percent off sale,
Speaker 5: so you can get them on sale every now and then.
Speaker 5: Right now, they're on sale on Amazon for seven hundred
Speaker 5: and eight dollars.
Speaker 3: Buggin.
Speaker 2: Firstly, I don't want anyone to be like, this.
Speaker 5: Is the most unrelatable thing you've just spoken about, trying
Speaker 5: to get chicken for four cents.
Speaker 3: Well, this is why, because it's all about balance. This
Speaker 3: is why you can't eat this week.
Speaker 2: Hey, let's get into the questions.
Speaker 1: A few years ago, when I was around seven months pregnant,
Speaker 1: I noticed a condom missing from the pack. The only
Speaker 1: reason I noticed this was because we don't use condoms
Speaker 1: and had only been using them while we were going
Speaker 1: through fertility treatment, and we were advised to use them
Speaker 1: prior to egg collection an embryo transfer.
Speaker 3: So that is a thing like when you are doing
Speaker 3: your egg transfers and stuff, you.
Speaker 2: Have to wear condoms.
Speaker 1: You have to be really really careful because you don't
Speaker 1: want to be implanted with an embryo like you don't
Speaker 1: want to conceive at the same time. Basically, I confronted
Speaker 1: my husband about it, and he said he just likes
Speaker 1: to wear them when he relieves himself because he likes
Speaker 1: the feeling of it. Fast forward to now and we
Speaker 1: have been trying for a second baby for almost nine months.
Speaker 1: We have embryos frozen, so I've decided to go through
Speaker 1: fertility treatment again. We have been advised to use condoms
Speaker 1: to avoid multiple pregnancies, et cetera. My husband hasn't used
Speaker 1: any of ours since then or told me that he's
Speaker 1: bought more. For the past few months, he's been working
Speaker 1: away a few nights a week and staying at a
Speaker 1: friend's house while he's way. Now this friend is married
Speaker 1: with kids. The other day, our two year old was
Speaker 1: going through his bag, which he does a lot. He
Speaker 1: opened a zipper up and pulled out two condoms from
Speaker 1: his bag, saying, daddy biscuits.
Speaker 3: So many things are running through my head.
Speaker 1: A few hours passed and a comment was made and
Speaker 1: we ended up talking about it. He told me again
Speaker 1: that he liked the feeling of ejaculating in a condom
Speaker 1: and that I had nothing to worry about. My sex
Speaker 1: drive has been very low the last few months because
Speaker 1: we're trying for a baby and sex now feels like
Speaker 1: a chore. He doesn't want to push me or put
Speaker 1: any pressure, so he says he finds the need to
Speaker 1: relieve himself, which I do understand. I explained to him
Speaker 1: why it seems suss. He understood where I was coming
Speaker 1: from and said he never even saw it that way.
Speaker 1: I don't know if this is a red flag and
Speaker 1: he's lying to me, or is this legitimately a thing
Speaker 1: that people come in condoms where they masturbate and I
Speaker 1: should be trusting him. We're about to have another embryo transfer,
Speaker 1: and I'm just all over the place with my emotions
Speaker 1: and how I feel about this. I don't have actual
Speaker 1: proof he done anything wrong or cheated. I don't have
Speaker 1: any other reasons not to trust him. My mind is
Speaker 1: just jumping to conclusions because of the missing condoms.
Speaker 3: What the fuck? Okay the show she said, what the fuck?
Speaker 5: Not me. My initial thoughts on this were very, very
Speaker 5: very different to when I spoke to my boyfriend about
Speaker 5: this last night, because I was like, hmm, male opinion.
Speaker 2: My initial opinion was I would also be suspicious as anything.
Speaker 2: This sounds really clear that perhaps something odd is going on.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, my brain would have jumped straight to like
Speaker 3: he's doing the dirty.
Speaker 5: I mean, there's kind of a few factors, more condoms
Speaker 5: than what you expected to be missing, different packets, staying.
Speaker 2: Away for work, like having him in your bag.
Speaker 5: I would have been like, oh, the writing kind of
Speaker 5: sounds like it's on the wall. My boyfriend had a
Speaker 5: very very different opinion, and he was like, yeah, it's
Speaker 5: called a poshwink, and I.
Speaker 2: Was like, it's called a what is that?
Speaker 5: The technical name Okay, so I've googled, Sorry, I've urban
Speaker 5: diction read it.
Speaker 3: Is that a verb?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 5: It says to wang using a condom. It then says
Speaker 5: number two or if you're really posh, you get your
Speaker 5: butler to do it.
Speaker 2: Kind of gross.
Speaker 3: I don't think they have a butler.
Speaker 5: Okay, So poshwank is apparently a thing, And I mean,
Speaker 5: I don't want to yuck anyone's yum.
Speaker 2: But we hear all the time that guy's like, well,
Speaker 2: it doesn't feel good when I've got a condom one.
Speaker 5: And for whatever knows reason, Yeah, but apparently it is
Speaker 5: a thing, So it is possible that your husband actually
Speaker 5: does like the feeling of it. Also, if he is
Speaker 5: doing it while he's staying in way, like at someone
Speaker 5: else's house.
Speaker 3: Well don't be doing it at your friend's house.
Speaker 5: I kind of feel like this is a respectful version
Speaker 5: of it because the cleanup's easy.
Speaker 3: It is hands down. If you were to masturbate at
Speaker 3: a friend's house.
Speaker 5: Yes, it's respectful, but it is not respectful to masturbate
Speaker 5: at a friend's house. You reckon no, especially if you're
Speaker 5: only going there to stay for one night. It's like
Speaker 5: you've got a sick fetish that you're saving it up
Speaker 5: for the friend's house. If you are going to stay
Speaker 5: a friend's house for one night a month or whatever
Speaker 5: it is, why are you banking your wank friends out?
Speaker 5: Like maybe because he feels more comfortable just doing it
Speaker 5: when you know he's partners.
Speaker 1: Like, I don't know, I don't know if I understand,
Speaker 1: I do understand. I want to say, like, I get
Speaker 1: that some people masturbate into a condom for cleanliness, totally
Speaker 1: get that. And if that's your thing, that's fine. And
Speaker 1: it does sound like he's not doing anything else that's
Speaker 1: giving you a red flag. There's no other reason for
Speaker 1: you to think that. My only question is and I
Speaker 1: don't want to say this to put like thoughts into
Speaker 1: somebody's head, but the thing that I think here is
Speaker 1: if he's saying he masturbates into a condom because he
Speaker 1: loves the feeling of it, why doesn't he like to
Speaker 1: wear them when you're having sex?
Speaker 3: Because if he likes the feeling so much.
Speaker 2: We don't know if sex and masturbation are the same, though.
Speaker 5: And I don't know either. That's why I'm posing the question.
Speaker 5: I'm not a man, I don't have a penis and
Speaker 5: I've never jacked off myself like that, so.
Speaker 3: I don't know, do you know?
Speaker 1: I would almost be asking, And maybe I'll do a
Speaker 1: round of male friends. I'll ask a bunch of my
Speaker 1: male friends and we'll report back next week.
Speaker 3: But maybe you should ask. If you have some male
Speaker 3: friends that are close to you that you trust and
Speaker 3: you respect their opinion, et cetera, maybe ask them say,
Speaker 3: is this something that maybe you don't do it, but
Speaker 3: maybe other men do it because a lot of men,
Speaker 3: even if they don't do something, they know the trends
Speaker 3: that other men are doing. They know if something is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I get what you mean.
Speaker 5: I mean, it's kind of one of those things though,
Speaker 5: if it's like if it's not normal and putting that
Speaker 5: in quotation marks, does it matter like he might like it.
Speaker 2: It's kind of one of those things.
Speaker 5: And it's like, well, I think, firstly, I want to
Speaker 5: validate you in the sense that I don't think you're crazy,
Speaker 5: and I also don't think it's your hormones that are
Speaker 5: making you think that this is suspicious behavior. Like I
Speaker 5: think anyone in this situation would be a little bit
Speaker 5: raising their eyebrows going this seems odd.
Speaker 2: You know this seems unusual.
Speaker 5: I think it's gonna have to be one of those
Speaker 5: things that you accept his answer for what he said,
Speaker 5: and you accept that maybe that's how he does like
Speaker 5: to pleasure himself, and that's fine if it is. You know,
Speaker 5: he's not doing anything wrong, as you've said, and maybe
Speaker 5: just look for other signs. I don't I don't want
Speaker 5: to say, like, look for the other signs. I think
Speaker 5: in this situation you kind of just have to accept
Speaker 5: that this could very likely be the truth, and until
Speaker 5: you are given other reasons to suspect otherwise, you just
Speaker 5: have to accept that that's the case. Well, the only
Speaker 5: other thing is she does make a point. I'm just
Speaker 5: really reading the question, and to be clear, I just
Speaker 5: made a mistake. He does he stays a few nights
Speaker 5: a week, not a few nights a month, so it's
Speaker 5: pretty frequently. She does say that if he likes using
Speaker 5: condoms to masturbate, more condoms haven't disappeared from the pack
Speaker 5: we already had, so it's not like he is actually
Speaker 5: using them for that.
Speaker 3: It's just the sporadic few.
Speaker 1: So she's like, more haven't been used, and also he
Speaker 1: hasn't said he's bought Moore so that's more of a
Speaker 1: red flag if it's just a few for me. But
Speaker 1: there's nothing that you can do in this situation at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, Like this is your husband
Speaker 1: and you have to either trust what he's saying or
Speaker 1: not trust what he's saying, and the conversation has to happen.
Speaker 1: But if he's giving you no other reason, I think
Speaker 1: you have to take it at face value and take
Speaker 1: his word for it. But for sure your ears are
Speaker 1: going to be pricked now, like you are going to
Speaker 1: be taking a lot of notice about other things that
Speaker 1: are happening, things he's saying, And I think that's okay,
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, if you can't
Speaker 1: trust your partner, you need to have those conversations about why,
Speaker 1: and then you need to decide moving forward if you're
Speaker 1: going to believe them or not, because there's nothing else
Speaker 1: to do. You can't stay in a relationship where you're
Speaker 1: questioning every move that they make and if they're being
Speaker 1: faithful to you. And it sucks, but at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, that's what you've got to do. You've
Speaker 1: either got to roll with it and trust him or not.
Speaker 1: But then what do you do if you.
Speaker 5: Don't you know, And they're in the position where she's
Speaker 5: about to have a second embryo transferred.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you're definitely not Also what Keisha said, like
Speaker 1: you're definitely not overreacting or anything like that.
Speaker 3: Like, these are all very valid.
Speaker 5: I would do exactly the same thing if I saw
Speaker 5: Ben had condoms in his.
Speaker 3: Bag knowing we don't use them.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and he stayed away a couple of nights and
Speaker 5: he was going away a few nights a week or
Speaker 5: something like that, I'd be.
Speaker 1: Like, and he smelt like women's perfume.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Like that's the one thing that I want to
Speaker 5: be careful saying, Like if it were me, I think
Speaker 5: it would kind of made me put a bit of
Speaker 5: a magnifying glass on some of the other behaviors. But
Speaker 5: that's such a negative place to be in your relationship.
Speaker 5: Like it's when you've planted that seed of suspicion.
Speaker 2: I feel as though you look for things.
Speaker 5: That otherwise you wouldn't and it can be such a
Speaker 5: poison in your relationship. So you're in a really, really
Speaker 5: tricky position. But I think play on for now and
Speaker 5: maybe just keep your wits about you for other behaviors
Speaker 5: that don't quite add up, and maybe you'll ask questions
Speaker 5: about those a little sooner than what you otherwise would have. Yeah,
Speaker 5: alrighty question number two. I've got a friend who seems
Speaker 5: to chase chaos in relationships. She is clearly the reason
Speaker 5: her last wonderful relationship didn't work out, and since then
Speaker 5: she has dated multiple toxic guys back to back. She
Speaker 5: says she loves the red flags as if it's funny,
Speaker 5: until it's not so much funny anymore. She also never
Speaker 5: takes accountability for her bad behavior. I wish I didn't
Speaker 5: get invested and didn't care what she did with relationships,
Speaker 5: but it's put me off of our friendship. She's never
Speaker 5: done anything bad to me, but I find myself with
Speaker 5: the E and not really wanting to hang out with
Speaker 5: her because I can't possibly listen to one more of
Speaker 5: these chaotic and red flag guys stories. Am I being
Speaker 5: a bad friend?
Speaker 1: We've never had an ick in a friendship before? Come
Speaker 1: into lifeln gerd. I've actually don't think I've ever had
Speaker 1: an ick in a friendship, have you?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I've had friendships deteriorate, but for different reasons, not because
Speaker 1: like the ick for me, I relate to a relationship
Speaker 1: where you're like, don't kiss me, don't touch me. The
Speaker 1: thought of your tongue in my mouth or in any
Speaker 1: crevice is disgusting. But for a friendship, I've never had
Speaker 1: that revulsion.
Speaker 2: Before, you know, Yeah, for.
Speaker 5: Me, I don't think it's revulsion. I think it's actually
Speaker 5: get to the limit of your exhaustion. And I've been
Speaker 5: in a similar.
Speaker 2: Situation to this before.
Speaker 5: The reason that I got to that point was because
Speaker 5: these chaotic stories, they can be very fun, but they
Speaker 5: can become almost like you feel as though in the relationship,
Speaker 5: the person is coming to you and they're telling you
Speaker 5: the stories, and they're so large.
Speaker 2: And full of emotion and like it's so hectic that
Speaker 2: you're like whoa, Like that's a lot.
Speaker 5: And when that happens time after time after time, you
Speaker 5: can be put in this position where you're like, I'm
Speaker 5: not your therapist, Like I'm not your therapist and I'm
Speaker 5: not here to kind of unpack the ins and outs
Speaker 5: of this.
Speaker 2: Over and over and over and over.
Speaker 5: And it kind of depends on whether they're telling you
Speaker 5: these stories because they think they're funny or because they
Speaker 5: want your advice and they kind of want to vent
Speaker 5: to you because I do think that there's a limit
Speaker 5: to how much you can kind of tolerate just as
Speaker 5: a bystander in the situation.
Speaker 2: Does that make sense, Yeah, I think what it.
Speaker 5: Is for me is it's really frustrating when you hear
Speaker 5: a friend that might always be the victim in something
Speaker 5: when you know they're not actually the victim. That's what
Speaker 5: this screams to me, Like, she's like, you know, it
Speaker 5: never works out.
Speaker 3: It's me, I'm the common denominator.
Speaker 1: But you have given them the same advice over and
Speaker 1: over again, and you've watched them do the same thing
Speaker 1: over and over again.
Speaker 3: That's when it's frustrating.
Speaker 1: That's when it's like, I don't know what to fucking
Speaker 1: tell you anymore, Like you want this, That's when it
Speaker 1: gets really hard.
Speaker 3: And maybe she does want it.
Speaker 1: Maybe she is thriving off that and that's something that
Speaker 1: she needs to unpack. Maybe she's actually commitment avoidant. And
Speaker 1: a lot of people We've spoken about this so many times,
Speaker 1: but a lot of people feel like they need that
Speaker 1: in a relationship to feel alive or to feel like
Speaker 1: that the relationships worth fighting for, you know, it's just love.
Speaker 1: This chaos and this roller coaster is because we have
Speaker 1: so much chemistry and we love each other so much,
Speaker 1: and like it's bullshit.
Speaker 5: We all know that that's bullshit. We've unpacked that enough
Speaker 5: to know that interestingly. And I really want to sit
Speaker 5: in this point for a bit, and I'm speaking before
Speaker 5: anyone kind of comes to me and is like, how
Speaker 5: do you say this? I'm speaking from the perspective of
Speaker 5: someone who has experienced this and has.
Speaker 2: A variety of psychiatric conditions.
Speaker 5: I found crazy, Kisha, well literally though It's been really
Speaker 5: interesting for me since being diagnosed a medicaid for ADHD,
Speaker 5: looking back on some of my past relationship and dating experiences,
Speaker 5: I had absolutely no awareness how much I chased a
Speaker 5: dopamine hit in relationships. It made me so impulsive, it
Speaker 5: made me do things just to feel something.
Speaker 2: But I didn't know at the time that that's what
Speaker 2: it was. I thought that that's just how I was.
Speaker 5: And I experienced the highs in relationships and what came.
Speaker 2: With that was the very, very down lows.
Speaker 5: So I think it can be a very different conversation
Speaker 5: when you're talking about someone who is not neurochemically balanced.
Speaker 2: You know, that's the current theories I've.
Speaker 5: Experienced friends do this as well, and I relate to
Speaker 5: that chaos chasing because it makes you feel so much
Speaker 5: dopamine at the time, and it sounds a little bit
Speaker 5: like maybe your friend is someone who does experience a
Speaker 5: similar thing, and maybe, like me, they didn't have as
Speaker 5: much awareness of the fact that that's what they were
Speaker 5: doing and that's why she's chasing these same guys over
Speaker 5: and over and over again. But you're in the position
Speaker 5: where you're like, this is exhausting and I don't want
Speaker 5: to hear about this anymore. And I don't think you're
Speaker 5: a bad person for doing that. I wouldn't have felt
Speaker 5: as though someone was a bad person for feeling that
Speaker 5: way about my stories, even though at the time I
Speaker 5: would have been like, oh, that's pretty offensive and hurtful
Speaker 5: to me. Now looking back on it, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 5: I completely understand why they would have been put in
Speaker 5: that position. Yeah, it's one thing if like, it's one
Speaker 5: thing if you are really trying in your dating life,
Speaker 5: or even if it's not even dating, like even if
Speaker 5: you're just doing.
Speaker 3: Hookups or whatever.
Speaker 1: It is if you are really trying and you are
Speaker 1: just unlucky and keep meeting dickheads that are treating you
Speaker 1: badly and it is chaos, then that's different. But when
Speaker 1: your friend is constantly like coming to you, laughing, telling
Speaker 1: you the same shit you've given them, the same advice,
Speaker 1: this has been going on for years, then I think
Speaker 1: you are completely in your right and it does not
Speaker 1: make you a bad friend to step away a little bit,
Speaker 1: because at the end of the day, you can only
Speaker 1: do so much and be so much, and you are
Speaker 1: not going to be a good friend if you are
Speaker 1: sitting there looking at your friend, listening to her talk
Speaker 1: to you, being like I could think of nothing fucking
Speaker 1: worse than sitting here right now. Like if your internal
Speaker 1: monologue is like I want to be somewhere else, then
Speaker 1: you probably we should be somewhere else. But I don't
Speaker 1: think that makes you a bad friend at all. I
Speaker 1: think it's really important to note too that friendships, and
Speaker 1: I've gone through this so with so many friends over
Speaker 1: the years and decades, friendships come and go.
Speaker 3: Sometimes they are situational, you know. Sometimes they are for
Speaker 3: a period. What's that super crazy.
Speaker 2: Season or a lifetime?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that super crunsyr quote that Laura would have posted
Speaker 1: a hundred times in her life in every relationship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: friends are like a season for a reason or a
Speaker 1: lifetime whatever, you know. And I've had all of them,
Speaker 1: and I think everyone has had all of them. And
Speaker 1: I think everyone listening to this right.
Speaker 3: Now knows exactly or has had a friend in this
Speaker 3: situation before. I do think you talked to her before
Speaker 3: you just abort mission that. I think you can say
Speaker 3: you're the problem, it's not me.
Speaker 5: If you actually can say that, like if she knows
Speaker 5: that too, and she's talking about it, you have to say,
Speaker 5: like this is this is going to keep happening to
Speaker 5: you as long as you're aware, this will keep happening
Speaker 5: over and over if you keep doing the same behavior
Speaker 5: over and over and then it doesn't have to be
Speaker 5: a big friend breakup.
Speaker 3: But you can easily just pull back and not be
Speaker 3: as available.
Speaker 1: Like that's fine, Like, hey, we're adults now, everyone has
Speaker 1: busy lives. He can say, hey, not available this week anymore.
Speaker 1: Maybe catch you So maybe you catch ups a bit
Speaker 1: more sporadic.
Speaker 3: But at the end of the day, fuck no, it
Speaker 3: doesn't make you a bad friend.
Speaker 5: I think the only caveat that I want you to
Speaker 5: be a little bit aware of is whether you're projecting
Speaker 5: your own desires for relationship standards onto the other person.
Speaker 5: And what I mean by that is, does this person
Speaker 5: want a long term relationship but they're acting super chaotic,
Speaker 5: they're accepting really toxic behavior. They're also doing really toxic behavior,
Speaker 5: and they're wanting this fairy tale outcome.
Speaker 2: That's incongruent.
Speaker 5: But if they want to just be having fun and
Speaker 5: dating and like, they don't want anything serious and they
Speaker 5: don't want anything long term, then you kind of expecting
Speaker 5: that that's what they want for their own life and
Speaker 5: judging that choice and their behaviors towards it probably isn't
Speaker 5: the right thing either.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but she does say she loves like the girl
Speaker 1: says she loves red flags. Yeah, like she's in her
Speaker 1: red flag era. Go queen, We've all had our red
Speaker 1: flag era, but you.
Speaker 2: Might be weren't aware that that's what it was.
Speaker 3: But it's hard.
Speaker 5: It's hard when you're in your red flag era and
Speaker 5: everyone around you's in the green flag era, Like when
Speaker 5: you've come through the cyclone of the red flag era
Speaker 5: and you're out the other end.
Speaker 3: It's hard to be in different places.
Speaker 1: So let her do a thing, if that's what she's frothing,
Speaker 1: then like, that's on her as long as as long
Speaker 1: as she's happy in it.
Speaker 2: But seems weird.
Speaker 3: To be happy in the red flag era.
Speaker 5: Some people get highs from it, like sometimes you get
Speaker 5: the thrill from it, and I think that you kind
Speaker 5: of hit the nail on the head. It depends on
Speaker 5: whether she is making herself the victim in these situations
Speaker 5: and whether she's making out that all this behavior is
Speaker 5: happening to her she's so unlucky. Yes, she's not really
Speaker 5: taking any accountability. To me, it screams of the type
Speaker 5: of person who's like, I just didn't feel the spark
Speaker 5: for anyone who is not super toxic. So it really
Speaker 5: does depend on a couple of things. But I don't
Speaker 5: think you're a bad friend for feeling this way. It
Speaker 5: just sounds as though your values are different at the moment.
Speaker 5: So take a little bit of a st back, don't
Speaker 5: cut the friendship off completely, you know.
Speaker 2: But yeah, like you said.
Speaker 1: Sporadic, Yeah, sporadic, catchup at a movie where you can't
Speaker 1: talk jokes, okay. Question number three, My family is going
Speaker 1: on a big holiday for an entire week. I'm talking
Speaker 1: about my sisters, their husbands and their kids, my parents
Speaker 1: and me. Everyone's in like relationships and families. But I'm single.
Speaker 1: I love you doing the math, thank you.
Speaker 2: I'm counting them, like, how many people are we talking?
Speaker 1: One of my sisters has been the arranger of the
Speaker 1: entire trip. It was her idea, so she has booked
Speaker 1: and budgeted everything and explained how much everything is costing
Speaker 1: and how it's going to be split. Now it's coming
Speaker 1: to the crushing time of paying everything and getting close
Speaker 1: to us all going. But I'm starting to feel as
Speaker 1: if things haven't been fairly budgeted.
Speaker 3: What's your perspective.
Speaker 1: We are three sisters helping to pay towards our parents' holiday. However,
Speaker 1: two of us have partners also contributing this.
Speaker 3: Okay, bear with me.
Speaker 1: Two of us have partners also contributing to the third
Speaker 1: expected on each of our behalfs. Then there is me,
Speaker 1: who has to support the whole third on my own.
Speaker 3: There's a lot of mass here.
Speaker 2: I'm going to do the math.
Speaker 5: So there's sister one with a partner, so that's two people,
Speaker 5: Sister two with a partner. That's four single sister who's
Speaker 5: written the question in so that's five plus the parents
Speaker 5: so seven people. Yeah, but the costs are split between
Speaker 5: the three sisters.
Speaker 3: Yes.
Speaker 1: And in those three sisters, two are in a couple, yeah,
Speaker 1: and one is alone.
Speaker 5: Yes.
Speaker 2: Okay, I understand.
Speaker 5: So her question is is this just the way the
Speaker 5: cookie crumbles or should this actually be split by five
Speaker 5: to include my sister's husbands? I I mean, oh, this
Speaker 5: is just down to the family dynamic, because technically speaking, yes,
Speaker 5: the husbands are part of the family, But is it
Speaker 5: their responsibility to be paying when the sisters have said
Speaker 5: let's cover our parents. I am leaning on Yes, I'm
Speaker 5: actually lee and I think that this happens not just
Speaker 5: with holidays. I think it happens with Christmas and birthday presence.
Speaker 5: When you're the single one and the other people, like
Speaker 5: your siblings are in couples, it's always like, hey, do
Speaker 5: you want to get Mum and dadd a present? Or
Speaker 5: do you want to get you know, Auntie blah blah
Speaker 5: blah a present?
Speaker 2: And it's split evenly between you and your sibling.
Speaker 5: But your siblings in a partnership, and then you've got
Speaker 5: to get them both birthday presents and Christmas presents, but
Speaker 5: you only get one in return because it's a joint gifference,
Speaker 5: like this is feeling very.
Speaker 3: Personal from Keisha's behalf.
Speaker 5: And sister in the way are very very generous, But
Speaker 5: I think that this happened. This kind of like splitting
Speaker 5: of money, happens within more dynamics than what just a
Speaker 5: holiday would and I can firstly understand why you are
Speaker 5: a bit miffed about this.
Speaker 2: How weever, is.
Speaker 5: It split evenly between the five of you to account
Speaker 5: for the more cost towards your parents?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 5: I don't know if it's one of those situations where
Speaker 5: it's like an even five because they're your parents and
Speaker 5: your sister's parents, but they're not their parents.
Speaker 3: Well that's why I mean. It depends on the family dynamic,
Speaker 3: and it also depends on how.
Speaker 1: Each individual couple does their finances, because whilst I think
Speaker 1: the most healthy thing in a relationship is to be
Speaker 1: sharing your finances, especially if you're married with kids, like
Speaker 1: what's mine is yours, what's yours is mine? Not everyone
Speaker 1: does that, but in this case, they're married with kids,
Speaker 1: So these couples are locked and loaded. They're not newly dating,
Speaker 1: because if they were newly dating, I'd be like fuck no,
Speaker 1: like that's not on him, he's just coming to the family,
Speaker 1: but they're settled, they got kids. I would probably expect
Speaker 1: them to pay slightly more. Yes, that would be my answer,
Speaker 1: and like that has happened before. I'm just trying to
Speaker 1: think of myself with like Sharry and Jay, my sister
Speaker 1: and her husband. When we've been going on just a
Speaker 1: trip for the three of us, which we did loads.
Speaker 1: We paid evenly thirds, like as individuals, not as their
Speaker 1: couple and myself. So but that's just what suited us
Speaker 1: and the way we were traveling. But I think if
Speaker 1: this is a really big thing for you and upsetting you,
Speaker 1: and maybe you're not financially in the position to do
Speaker 1: that and to match what they are, you should have
Speaker 1: that conversation with them.
Speaker 3: But I just think it's probably one of those conversations
Speaker 3: moving forward that you need to have before you lock
Speaker 3: it in and pay for it, so that you say, hey,
Speaker 3: I think that you know, you guys might need to
Speaker 3: put a little bit more in for this reason. Are
Speaker 3: you guys happy with that? I don't know if it's
Speaker 3: the conversation you.
Speaker 1: Have after the fact, after you've made the plans and
Speaker 1: everyone's paid, and it's you know, she's paid and it's
Speaker 1: time to pay up.
Speaker 5: I think it's a bit too late to have that conversation.
Speaker 5: You could have it.
Speaker 1: You could pay it now and have the conversation to say, hey,
Speaker 1: moving forward, I think would you guys be happy if
Speaker 1: we were splitting it a bit more evenly between.
Speaker 2: All of us.
Speaker 5: I think it also depends on your relationship with your sisters,
Speaker 5: because I've just.
Speaker 2: Been doing the math in my head. Yeah.
Speaker 5: Love that not my strongest point, but I think what
Speaker 5: would be deemed fair is you work out the cost
Speaker 5: of the trip in seven portions, because that's each person,
Speaker 5: and then you split the cost of your parents between
Speaker 5: the three of you. So you split those two portions
Speaker 5: by the three of you, and therefore the partners are
Speaker 5: paying for their share in the holiday, but you guys,
Speaker 5: as the siblings, are covering the costs of the parents.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if that could work ish.
Speaker 5: I like that. It is a lot of math, and
Speaker 5: I don't know whether it's like achievable or if it's realistic,
Speaker 5: but I do think that in these situations, it's also
Speaker 5: kind of up to your sisters to acknowledge the fact
Speaker 5: that that's not fair to you to be split like
Speaker 5: to be putting in so much more, and you know
Speaker 5: you're gonna get the ship room.
Speaker 1: I was about to say, you're on the fucking trundle.
Speaker 1: You are on the trundle. You don't have a bathroom,
Speaker 1: You've got the portal.
Speaker 2: You just know that that's a situation that's going to
Speaker 2: play out.
Speaker 3: Well.
Speaker 5: It's sort of like the equivalent of if you went
Speaker 5: to dinner with them and you all paid evenly even.
Speaker 3: Though they ate double.
Speaker 2: That happens all the time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what I mean. But even then, but even then,
Speaker 3: most of the time, when you're at dinner, you'd be like, well,
Speaker 3: you guys ate, so you pay doubles, do you like?
Speaker 2: I just think when it comes to splitting money, it
Speaker 2: can be such an.
Speaker 5: Awkward situation, and especially if you're not like super tight
Speaker 5: with your sisters and you don't want to look like
Speaker 5: you're the stingy one.
Speaker 2: Especially if this was like your.
Speaker 5: Idea to go on the holiday and you know, shout
Speaker 5: your parents and kind of have the mixed Like you said,
Speaker 5: I think it's going to be a hard thing to
Speaker 5: bring up after the fact.
Speaker 3: It wasn't it was the other sister's idea. It was
Speaker 3: a sister who planned and budgeted. It was her idea, which.
Speaker 2: She's quite the genius.
Speaker 3: She's the rich one.
Speaker 2: She's getting the discave holiday.
Speaker 3: She knows what's up. She's gone exactly where she wants
Speaker 3: to for cheaper.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't think it's fair that you split this
Speaker 5: by three when there's seven people going and unless you
Speaker 5: can bring a friend, can you bring a friend and
Speaker 5: then like you're the friends, Nah, you can't. A friend's
Speaker 5: not gone on a family holiday with kids and your
Speaker 5: sister's husbands and your parents.
Speaker 3: They're not twelve.
Speaker 2: Maybe you want someone there to share the experiences with you.
Speaker 3: I'm sure she does want someone there. Keisha thin Ice.
Speaker 3: That's it from us today.
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