WEBVTT - Make it 1% Better! Sweating the Small Stuff Leads to Success: Lessons from Steven Bartlett 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.800 Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands 0:00:03.840 --> 0:00:06.560 were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders 0:00:06.559 --> 0:00:07.600 past and present. 0:00:07.600 --> 0:00:11.399 Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was 0:00:11.440 --> 0:00:24.120 recorded on d rug Wallamuta Land. Hi guys, and welcome 0:00:24.160 --> 0:00:26.240 back to another episode of Life. I'm Cut, I'm Laura, 0:00:26.280 --> 0:00:28.120 I'm Brittany. Do you know what I just did? 0:00:28.720 --> 0:00:29.360 Farted? No? 0:00:30.600 --> 0:00:32.120 Is it a rhetorical question or do you really want 0:00:32.120 --> 0:00:32.600 me to guess? 0:00:33.040 --> 0:00:36.680 I mean, I don't think you will ever guess it, 0:00:36.800 --> 0:00:38.800 so I'll just come clean. I went to the bathroom. 0:00:38.800 --> 0:00:40.040 It does have to do with the bathroom, but nothing 0:00:40.040 --> 0:00:42.080 to do with farting. I went to the bathroom, I 0:00:42.120 --> 0:00:44.640 pulled down my pants and then I realized my underwear 0:00:44.680 --> 0:00:46.639 was on back to front. But at no point this 0:00:46.680 --> 0:00:48.880 morning did it feel uncomfortable, which says a lot about 0:00:48.880 --> 0:00:50.000 the state of my vagina. 0:00:50.240 --> 0:00:51.760 No. I think that just means that your butts the 0:00:51.800 --> 0:00:53.120 same size as your vagina. 0:00:52.840 --> 0:00:53.840 Which is a problem. 0:00:54.000 --> 0:00:57.440 It's a problem if the back of your underwear can 0:00:57.520 --> 0:01:00.000 comfortably support the front and the front of your underwear 0:01:00.040 --> 0:01:00.760 can sit at the back. 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:01.800 Yeah, there's some problems. 0:01:01.960 --> 0:01:03.400 No, I don't think it's a problem. It just means 0:01:03.440 --> 0:01:07.759 you got juicy lips. I think you know what, it's 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:09.480 actually the roosed ones. You know, the ones that like 0:01:09.480 --> 0:01:11.280 where it's spens be a bit roosed in the bump crack. 0:01:11.400 --> 0:01:13.360 It was just rooted in the front crack. And not 0:01:13.480 --> 0:01:16.160 one single part of me, not one single part of me, 0:01:16.240 --> 0:01:18.800 found this experience uncomfortable until I looked down and I 0:01:18.840 --> 0:01:20.959 saw the tag at the front, and I was like, wow, 0:01:21.000 --> 0:01:22.520 that's not the way that the underwear goes. 0:01:22.520 --> 0:01:23.360 But god, it feels good. 0:01:23.400 --> 0:01:25.600 Does you mean the rouchine where it like makes it 0:01:25.640 --> 0:01:28.680 look like it all comes up like jump into the 0:01:28.720 --> 0:01:29.280 butt crack. 0:01:29.400 --> 0:01:32.280 The rushing out of the backside crack is currently at 0:01:32.280 --> 0:01:34.120 the front And do you know what, I didn't turn 0:01:34.160 --> 0:01:35.000 them around. 0:01:34.760 --> 0:01:38.400 So you didn't notice that that was up your fanny. No, 0:01:38.760 --> 0:01:41.480 so not only you're fanning the size of your butt, 0:01:41.520 --> 0:01:44.040 but it's tight lips like that's not getting in, nothing's penetrating. 0:01:44.120 --> 0:01:46.680 It's like a fort. It's like a cantle thought, nothing 0:01:46.720 --> 0:01:48.360 gets in or around. 0:01:49.240 --> 0:01:52.360 I just felt like my volver was comfortably supported today. 0:01:52.600 --> 0:01:54.919 I'm happy for you. It was cushioned between the rushing 0:01:55.040 --> 0:01:57.160 and you. You obviously you have to sign and you 0:01:57.280 --> 0:01:58.720 like it enough to leave it. I persevered. 0:01:59.040 --> 0:02:01.360 Well, no, I just it was the whole effort of 0:02:01.360 --> 0:02:03.200 having to take my shoes off, take my jeans off, 0:02:03.200 --> 0:02:05.120 and then turn everything around that I was like, look, 0:02:05.160 --> 0:02:07.640 we've come this far, We've come this. 0:02:08.120 --> 0:02:10.840 There is nothing worse like. I find it so uncomfortable. 0:02:10.880 --> 0:02:13.440 But I guess this is different people's vaginas, they're different shapes. 0:02:13.480 --> 0:02:16.359 But for me, volvers volvers. 0:02:21.880 --> 0:02:25.040 For me, I find it wildly uncomfortable and I have 0:02:25.120 --> 0:02:27.480 a lot of problems with front wedges. 0:02:28.240 --> 0:02:28.959 That's my story. 0:02:29.000 --> 0:02:32.320 Well apparently I don't, so yeah, anyway, I look, it 0:02:32.320 --> 0:02:32.920 was a surprise. 0:02:33.120 --> 0:02:35.040 I know that things have changed down there since in. 0:02:34.960 --> 0:02:36.920 The last couple of years after two kids, but it 0:02:37.000 --> 0:02:39.120 definitely was a surprise to look at my own underwear 0:02:39.120 --> 0:02:41.519 and be like, oh, that looks like that should be uncomfortable, 0:02:41.639 --> 0:02:42.080 but it's not. 0:02:42.520 --> 0:02:44.160 I love that for you, Thank you. Well, I just 0:02:44.200 --> 0:02:46.359 think dumb this morning. Actually it was really annoying. 0:02:46.639 --> 0:02:48.959 It should be my suck well to say it now. 0:02:49.320 --> 0:02:50.880 I went to get a coffee with Delilah in the 0:02:50.880 --> 0:02:52.680 morning before we come here, take her out so she 0:02:52.680 --> 0:02:54.480 can do a poop. I get my coffee and then 0:02:54.480 --> 0:02:56.120 I go to work for the day. So I got 0:02:56.120 --> 0:02:58.440 my coffee, she did a big poop. I was also facetiming, 0:02:58.480 --> 0:03:00.200 but at the same time in one hand, so I 0:03:00.280 --> 0:03:03.000 had which is this is probably gross, But I had 0:03:03.840 --> 0:03:07.079 the coffee in one hand like that, and then underneath, 0:03:07.200 --> 0:03:09.880 with my bottom two fingers, I was holding the poo bag. 0:03:10.040 --> 0:03:11.359 Say, we've all been there, you know what I mean. 0:03:11.400 --> 0:03:13.400 So the top two fingers were holding the coffee and 0:03:13.440 --> 0:03:15.560 then the bottom fingers were holding the poo bag, and 0:03:15.600 --> 0:03:17.000 my other hand had the phone. 0:03:17.160 --> 0:03:19.560 You should have gone phone and poobag, not coffee and 0:03:19.600 --> 0:03:22.000 poobag like that would have been a safer orientation. 0:03:22.160 --> 0:03:23.920 Yes, well, okay, I think I did do that. 0:03:24.200 --> 0:03:26.400 But then I went to lift up an auto bind 0:03:26.440 --> 0:03:27.360 to put it in the bin. 0:03:28.000 --> 0:03:30.120 So I had them both in one hand and I 0:03:30.120 --> 0:03:30.919 lifted it up to. 0:03:31.320 --> 0:03:34.760 Obviously, I couldn't compute in my brain that I only 0:03:34.800 --> 0:03:37.440 needed to let go of two fingers to drop the 0:03:37.480 --> 0:03:39.800 poo bag. So I opened the bin, held the coffee 0:03:39.800 --> 0:03:41.560 in the poo bag over But I couldn't work out 0:03:41.600 --> 0:03:42.520 hard to drop. 0:03:42.280 --> 0:03:44.960 The two fingers. You're doing too many tasks. 0:03:45.160 --> 0:03:47.560 So I opened my whole hand and my coffee, whole brain, 0:03:47.600 --> 0:03:49.360 new coffee, and the poo bag went into the o bin. 0:03:49.480 --> 0:03:50.520 Well, I thought what you were going to. 0:03:50.560 --> 0:03:51.920 Say was is that you took a sip of your 0:03:51.920 --> 0:03:54.240 coffee and smacked yourself in the face with a poo bag. 0:03:56.920 --> 0:04:01.040 Funny story. No, I have to say that didn't happen. 0:04:01.160 --> 0:04:02.840 That's a shame. You didn't tea bag yourself with a 0:04:02.840 --> 0:04:03.640 bag of poof. 0:04:03.400 --> 0:04:05.040 Do you know what I have done before? And this 0:04:05.120 --> 0:04:08.120 is this is actually I've got to stop doing this stuff. 0:04:08.120 --> 0:04:09.720 But I figit a lot. As you guys know, I'm 0:04:09.720 --> 0:04:12.400 always moving around, I'm always clicking my hands and whatever. 0:04:12.440 --> 0:04:14.760 I talk a lot with my hands. So often I 0:04:14.920 --> 0:04:17.120 walk with the pooh bag until I find a bin. 0:04:17.240 --> 0:04:20.320 But I'll just be like spinning it around subconsciously, even 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:21.479 though it's produced. 0:04:21.480 --> 0:04:23.560 Is Keisha's nodding, She's like, you always spin the poo bag. 0:04:23.760 --> 0:04:25.919 I was spinning the poo bag around and it flung. 0:04:26.279 --> 0:04:28.240 The bottom had a there must have been a rock 0:04:28.279 --> 0:04:30.360 solid shit. The bottom tore. 0:04:30.320 --> 0:04:34.480 Open and the pooh flung out across my body and 0:04:34.600 --> 0:04:36.960 like just missed another human by about half a meter 0:04:37.000 --> 0:04:40.000 and then splattered against a wall. That was why I did. 0:04:40.040 --> 0:04:41.640 I was like, going like this and it just flu. 0:04:41.800 --> 0:04:43.840 The bag must have had like a really loose seam 0:04:43.839 --> 0:04:45.800 and the poo rocketed across and nearly knocks someone out 0:04:45.800 --> 0:04:46.320 with other shit. 0:04:50.640 --> 0:04:52.440 I was like, I'm so sorry, Like, well, you gotta 0:04:52.440 --> 0:04:53.839 sp spin of that around. I was like, I don't 0:04:53.880 --> 0:04:54.559 know what I was thinking. 0:04:55.000 --> 0:04:57.240 Wow, okay, wow, Well I don't know how we got here, 0:04:57.240 --> 0:04:58.880 but here we are. I know you had a very 0:04:58.880 --> 0:05:01.159 big weekend. I mean we've gone from the highs to 0:05:01.200 --> 0:05:03.800 the lows. Yeah, but on last week's episode we were 0:05:03.839 --> 0:05:08.760 talking about your egg freezing second round journey, and on 0:05:08.880 --> 0:05:11.160 Saturday you had your egg collection and. 0:05:11.120 --> 0:05:12.160 I know that that didn't go. 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:14.320 I mean I know because we've obviously spoken about it, 0:05:14.360 --> 0:05:15.800 and I know that you wanted to talk about it 0:05:15.839 --> 0:05:20.520 on today's episode. Brit on Saturday sent a text message 0:05:20.520 --> 0:05:23.400 to both Keisha and I updating us on how that 0:05:23.520 --> 0:05:24.479 egg retrieval went. 0:05:24.800 --> 0:05:27.599 And I don't think I've ever seen you so upset. 0:05:28.320 --> 0:05:30.719 We both did have big weekends, yeah, but very different weekends. 0:05:30.760 --> 0:05:33.440 You and producer with Keisha got drunk at Keisha's birthday 0:05:33.480 --> 0:05:36.520 and we were drinking, I have drugs. 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:38.440 We were drinking Marga readers and brit sent us a 0:05:38.480 --> 0:05:39.760 message and I was devastated. 0:05:39.800 --> 0:05:40.760 Do you know what I did? 0:05:40.839 --> 0:05:43.320 I looked back at that message and I was almost 0:05:43.320 --> 0:05:46.080 embarrassed because I was I think you can tell I 0:05:46.160 --> 0:05:48.880 was still hey. So what happens is you come out 0:05:48.880 --> 0:05:51.160 of your egg retrieval. I had a general anesthetics, so 0:05:51.240 --> 0:05:55.120 you're still high, but you're still computing enough of the information, 0:05:55.640 --> 0:05:58.479 but you don't really realize you're high. But looking back, I. 0:05:58.480 --> 0:05:59.840 Could tell and. 0:06:01.880 --> 0:06:04.480 It did not go well for me, which was really 0:06:04.520 --> 0:06:07.640 shocking because I hand on my heart, there's no part 0:06:07.680 --> 0:06:09.440 of me that thought it would be bad at all, 0:06:09.480 --> 0:06:11.880 like this bad. So two years ago I did it 0:06:11.920 --> 0:06:14.520 and I got fifteen eggs, you guys might remember, And 0:06:14.800 --> 0:06:17.279 this time the doctor came in and I could just 0:06:17.279 --> 0:06:18.880 tell by the look on her face, and she said, 0:06:18.920 --> 0:06:21.600 I'm sorry, sorry, it didn't go well. We only got 0:06:21.839 --> 0:06:25.400 three eggs. Well, we actually got four, but then one 0:06:25.960 --> 0:06:27.840 was dead, you know, like four came out and one 0:06:27.920 --> 0:06:31.320 wasn't good. So we only got three, which is I 0:06:31.320 --> 0:06:33.520 don't want to like, I know theo's other people that 0:06:33.560 --> 0:06:35.560 are listening that have probably got no eggs. 0:06:35.640 --> 0:06:37.320 One egg two eggs. Three eggs, So I don't want 0:06:37.360 --> 0:06:39.280 to say, you know, this is so bad, but it's 0:06:39.360 --> 0:06:39.880 not great. 0:06:39.920 --> 0:06:43.160 And anyone that knows the statistics around egg retrieval and 0:06:43.200 --> 0:06:45.480 the success rate knows that. 0:06:45.440 --> 0:06:46.600 Three eggs is really bad. 0:06:46.920 --> 0:06:49.760 So for the fifteen eggs I got last time, she 0:06:49.920 --> 0:06:52.880 told me that that might equate to one live birth, 0:06:53.880 --> 0:06:57.880 so three is not amazing. And she just basically said, 0:06:58.200 --> 0:06:59.400 we're gonna have to do it again. 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:02.559 Yeah, as soon as I can do it again. 0:07:03.240 --> 0:07:06.120 And I was just so upset because I think I 0:07:06.160 --> 0:07:10.320 wasn't expecting it. I think if I had known that 0:07:10.400 --> 0:07:12.360 it was likely, it wouldn't have hit me as hard. 0:07:12.800 --> 0:07:14.440 And you were really hoping that would be the last 0:07:14.440 --> 0:07:16.600 time you'd have to go through this egg freezing process. Also, 0:07:16.640 --> 0:07:20.600 it's expensive, and it's painful, and there's you know, it's emotional. 0:07:21.160 --> 0:07:23.120 Yeah, and it's not like not that I was hoping 0:07:23.160 --> 0:07:24.040 it would be my last time. 0:07:24.080 --> 0:07:25.760 In my head, it was I was like, oh, I'll 0:07:25.760 --> 0:07:28.400 smash out one more collection, not the ten to fifteen eggs. 0:07:28.160 --> 0:07:28.720 And would be good. 0:07:29.200 --> 0:07:33.480 And I immediately was so overwhelmed and upset, and I 0:07:33.560 --> 0:07:36.280 took a video and sent it to Keisha and Laura 0:07:36.320 --> 0:07:37.920 to give them the update, and I was just beside 0:07:37.920 --> 0:07:39.800 myself and I looked back at that when I came 0:07:39.880 --> 0:07:42.160 to a few hours later, and I was actually so 0:07:42.240 --> 0:07:44.000 embarrassed that I sent that to you guys. I was like, 0:07:44.240 --> 0:07:45.920 such a shitty thing to do, because it. 0:07:46.120 --> 0:07:46.880 Not at all. 0:07:47.080 --> 0:07:49.200 I think it's because it was like you guys were, 0:07:49.280 --> 0:07:51.400 you know, at Keisha's party, and I didn't really I 0:07:51.440 --> 0:07:52.680 didn't cross my mind. 0:07:53.080 --> 0:07:55.160 I couldn't comprehend where what was happening. 0:07:55.200 --> 0:07:57.480 I just think I needed to tell And I sent 0:07:57.560 --> 0:07:59.640 it to Ben too, because I felt really upset that 0:07:59.680 --> 0:08:01.600 like might not be able to give Ben kids, and 0:08:01.680 --> 0:08:04.480 like even when I watched it back, I was crying 0:08:04.480 --> 0:08:06.440 at how upset I was, like, it wasn't me, Like 0:08:06.600 --> 0:08:09.720 I was watching it like that's so heartbreaking for that person, 0:08:09.720 --> 0:08:12.480 but it was me. But anyway, Yeah, so it's Look, 0:08:12.480 --> 0:08:14.239 it's not the end of the world by any means, 0:08:14.240 --> 0:08:18.600 and I'm gonna do it again, and I think they're 0:08:18.600 --> 0:08:21.000 gonna pump me with a lot more hormones again like 0:08:21.040 --> 0:08:23.760 the original time, and maybe thingers cross I get more. 0:08:23.800 --> 0:08:25.680 But basically, all my follicles. 0:08:25.240 --> 0:08:26.720 Were empty, little fuckers. 0:08:27.560 --> 0:08:30.200 They were all empty, So I mean I only had seven, 0:08:30.760 --> 0:08:32.320 but only three had an egg in them, and the 0:08:32.320 --> 0:08:34.160 rest were just like fake. 0:08:34.440 --> 0:08:36.600 They were already baby little follicles. And then they didn't 0:08:36.640 --> 0:08:37.360 even bring an egg. 0:08:38.240 --> 0:08:38.440 Yeah. 0:08:38.600 --> 0:08:40.600 No, they made it to the right side eventually, so 0:08:40.600 --> 0:08:42.320 they were too small. They got to the right side, 0:08:42.360 --> 0:08:44.880 but then they were still empty, so you don't know 0:08:44.920 --> 0:08:45.959 that until you take them out. 0:08:46.080 --> 0:08:48.280 I also just want to say, like, I mean, I 0:08:48.320 --> 0:08:50.640 know we can often do this, like when we be 0:08:50.760 --> 0:08:52.600 vulnerable and be upset, and then you can have like 0:08:52.640 --> 0:08:55.959 that vulnerability hang up where you like feel almost ashamed 0:08:56.040 --> 0:08:59.120 or humiliated. You've let people see you be sad, especially 0:08:59.120 --> 0:09:00.520 because you know I don't use that. 0:09:00.559 --> 0:09:02.160 So I was like, when I look back later, I 0:09:02.160 --> 0:09:02.800 was like, why. 0:09:02.640 --> 0:09:06.040 Did I do that? That is like no one, I 0:09:06.080 --> 0:09:07.160 never want you to apologize. 0:09:07.160 --> 0:09:09.560 And this is like as a friend, but also just 0:09:09.640 --> 0:09:12.440 for everyone listening, like it's so important that sometimes we 0:09:12.440 --> 0:09:15.120 share that part of ourselves because it's the only way 0:09:15.160 --> 0:09:18.160 that people actually know when we're struggling, because otherwise, if 0:09:18.200 --> 0:09:20.360 you're always the person who shows up in relationships and 0:09:20.360 --> 0:09:21.199 shows up being. 0:09:21.040 --> 0:09:23.160 Like I'm fine, everything's fine. 0:09:23.600 --> 0:09:26.560 If you embody toxic positivity in the moments when you're 0:09:26.559 --> 0:09:28.880 not fine, you then don't get help because people just 0:09:28.920 --> 0:09:31.280 assume that since you've been saying that you're fine, you're fine, 0:09:31.760 --> 0:09:34.320 And like, there is something that's really powerful in showing 0:09:34.440 --> 0:09:37.440 when you are not and it's okay to be not okay, 0:09:37.760 --> 0:09:39.600 and that's when people come in to support you. And 0:09:39.640 --> 0:09:42.320 I think that without doing that, even the people who 0:09:42.400 --> 0:09:44.440 love you the most, the people who are closest to you, 0:09:44.800 --> 0:09:48.040 have no understanding about how much something hurts you or 0:09:48.040 --> 0:09:50.600 what you're going through because you haven't told them. And 0:09:50.640 --> 0:09:54.040 I think sometimes we expect that people just understand without 0:09:54.080 --> 0:09:57.199 giving them all of the information to really really understand. 0:09:57.520 --> 0:10:00.000 Yeah, And I guess the reason I want to, I mean, 0:10:00.080 --> 0:10:02.520 the whole reason I documented the whole process was to 0:10:02.520 --> 0:10:05.199 make people feel better about it, make them feel like 0:10:05.240 --> 0:10:08.319 they can take their own fertility into their own hands. 0:10:08.400 --> 0:10:09.880 And you know, if it's going to make you feel 0:10:09.880 --> 0:10:11.480 better to go and put your eggs on eyes, do it. 0:10:11.559 --> 0:10:13.679 If you have never found out what your fertility your 0:10:13.720 --> 0:10:16.920 AMH level is, do it. But for me, this is 0:10:16.960 --> 0:10:19.120 like a really real reminder and something I really want 0:10:19.120 --> 0:10:21.680 to drive home to people is that if you haven't 0:10:22.120 --> 0:10:24.200 gone and checked that out, and I'm saying to like, 0:10:24.240 --> 0:10:26.000 you know, if you want to be in your twenties, 0:10:26.040 --> 0:10:27.360 sure go into the blood test. 0:10:27.360 --> 0:10:28.880 But if you're in your thirties. 0:10:28.840 --> 0:10:30.800 You're not sure if you want kids, or you're not ready, 0:10:30.840 --> 0:10:32.560 or you've never done the test. All I can say 0:10:32.640 --> 0:10:35.840 is just go and start the process. It's just a 0:10:35.880 --> 0:10:38.520 simple blood test to check your levels and get it going, 0:10:38.559 --> 0:10:43.880 because the worst thing that can happen is you don't 0:10:44.120 --> 0:10:45.640 investigate it and you get to the. 0:10:45.600 --> 0:10:47.760 Point where you decide it's time and then you can't. 0:10:47.960 --> 0:10:51.320 And for me, my AMH was actually the same as 0:10:51.360 --> 0:10:53.520 three years ago, so that's the level of eggs you have. 0:10:53.920 --> 0:10:56.560 Mine was the same, it hadn't changed, so we were 0:10:56.600 --> 0:11:00.040 expecting the same results. But then to only get three, 0:11:00.080 --> 0:11:02.920 which is highly likely it doesn't even result in a 0:11:02.960 --> 0:11:06.440 berth down the track is really shocking. So I would 0:11:06.440 --> 0:11:07.920 pay for anyone to get to that point and wish 0:11:08.000 --> 0:11:10.040 that they did it sooner. So it's just, if anything, 0:11:10.080 --> 0:11:12.000 it's just a reminder to. 0:11:11.520 --> 0:11:14.079 To go and check it out. Yeah, Because also I mean, 0:11:14.280 --> 0:11:15.360 if I got this wrong. 0:11:15.559 --> 0:11:18.079 When they thaw the frozen eggs, not all of them 0:11:18.160 --> 0:11:20.560 thowt correctly. It is that right, like you'll lose eggs 0:11:20.600 --> 0:11:22.120 in the thawing process as well. 0:11:22.760 --> 0:11:25.520 Because it's only one cell. 0:11:25.600 --> 0:11:28.559 It's only this one cell, so it's not overly stable 0:11:28.720 --> 0:11:31.800 to survive defrosting, Whereas when you make an embryo and 0:11:31.840 --> 0:11:35.320 freezing embryo, because there's so many more cells involved, it's 0:11:35.440 --> 0:11:37.880 more likely that it survived. It's more stable, so it's 0:11:37.880 --> 0:11:40.319 more likely to survive the defrosting and then take in 0:11:40.400 --> 0:11:43.200 the womb like when it's actually time for IVF, which 0:11:43.200 --> 0:11:47.280 is why they say freezing embryos is generally better than 0:11:47.320 --> 0:11:48.680 freezing an egg if you can. 0:11:48.880 --> 0:11:49.440 But not a lot of. 0:11:49.400 --> 0:11:50.800 People are in that position. You know a lot of 0:11:50.800 --> 0:11:52.640 people are doing this because they're single or. 0:11:53.240 --> 0:11:53.920 For whatever reason. 0:11:54.000 --> 0:11:56.680 Yeah, to try and like, yeah, safeguard the long term 0:11:56.760 --> 0:11:58.800 strategy around like how they're going to be able. 0:11:58.640 --> 0:11:59.160 To have kids. 0:11:59.240 --> 0:12:01.800 Yeah, And the reason quickly, the reason that like, if 0:12:01.800 --> 0:12:04.000 you have fifteen eggs, you know, my specialist said that 0:12:04.040 --> 0:12:06.640 could be one birth, is because half of them won't 0:12:06.640 --> 0:12:09.640 survive to frosting. Then half of them won't be good 0:12:09.720 --> 0:12:13.000 enough to take. And then statistically speaking, once it's implanted, 0:12:13.160 --> 0:12:14.960 you know, we know about miscarriages, and we know all 0:12:15.000 --> 0:12:17.560 of this stuff so it's just it's obviously not something 0:12:17.600 --> 0:12:21.400 to live and die by this number, but it's based 0:12:21.440 --> 0:12:23.719 off something, right, It's based off averages of people that 0:12:23.800 --> 0:12:27.520 freeze and inject into ITHERF. So it wasn't great for me, 0:12:27.920 --> 0:12:30.679 and it was very, very shocking, and I'm super upset 0:12:30.679 --> 0:12:32.240 about it. But I am going to do it maybe 0:12:32.240 --> 0:12:34.559 one more time, and if the results are the same, 0:12:35.240 --> 0:12:38.720 I'll have to look a bit more closely, like actually 0:12:38.720 --> 0:12:40.679 thinking about IVF and things like that, because you know, 0:12:40.720 --> 0:12:44.000 I'm thirty six, and it was like a fucking slap 0:12:44.000 --> 0:12:44.480 in the face. 0:12:44.520 --> 0:12:47.239 I was like, wow, I did not see that coming. Yeah. 0:12:47.320 --> 0:12:49.520 I just want to add one thing in that. It 0:12:49.600 --> 0:12:51.480 was a message that you sent to me yesterday, and I. 0:12:51.440 --> 0:12:52.480 Actually like, I'm looking. 0:12:52.600 --> 0:12:54.480 I'm gonna deliberately not look at you in the eye 0:12:54.559 --> 0:12:56.120 right now because I know I'll get upset because when 0:12:56.120 --> 0:12:57.840 I read it, I was like, Fuck, that was just 0:12:58.360 --> 0:13:01.040 such an insight into how you're feeling about yourself right now, 0:13:01.080 --> 0:13:03.720 and I really want to change that narrative. You sent 0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:05.959 a message and I can't remember the exact words of it, 0:13:06.520 --> 0:13:09.560 but it was along the lines of I can't even 0:13:10.240 --> 0:13:14.000 produce eggs, like I'm such a failure that I can't 0:13:14.080 --> 0:13:16.199 even with the addition of hormones and all of this 0:13:16.280 --> 0:13:20.160 scientific support, I can't even do that. And it's so 0:13:20.760 --> 0:13:22.000 not fair to be thinking. 0:13:21.840 --> 0:13:22.840 About yourself like that. 0:13:22.920 --> 0:13:23.120 You know. 0:13:23.160 --> 0:13:25.400 We recently had Chloe Fisher on the podcast, and that 0:13:25.480 --> 0:13:28.120 was something that she really battles with, with this idea 0:13:28.160 --> 0:13:30.680 of like, why the fuck doesn't my body work the 0:13:30.679 --> 0:13:33.440 way that it's supposed to. It's not a failure of you, 0:13:33.800 --> 0:13:36.040 it just it didn't go to plan this time. Yeah, 0:13:36.040 --> 0:13:38.000 And I don't want you being down on yourself and 0:13:38.040 --> 0:13:40.600 being like, you know, I've left this so late in 0:13:40.640 --> 0:13:43.760 my fertility age or whatever it might be, whatever's going 0:13:43.760 --> 0:13:46.079 through your head, like you are not a failure because 0:13:46.120 --> 0:13:47.800 this process didn't work this time. 0:13:47.880 --> 0:13:50.320 But I also think that's such relatable feeling. Like I 0:13:50.320 --> 0:13:53.040 think anyone who's had a miscarriage, or anyone who's on 0:13:53.080 --> 0:13:55.360 their fertility journey but their body hasn't done what it's 0:13:55.360 --> 0:13:58.200 supposed to do. I think every woman who's experienced that 0:13:58.320 --> 0:14:01.280 has felt that feeling of like, well, I'm failing as 0:14:01.280 --> 0:14:03.840 a woman, you know, I'm failing as this life purpose 0:14:03.840 --> 0:14:05.760 that I've been sold my whole life that you know 0:14:05.840 --> 0:14:08.280 I'm going to one day have kids. And you know, 0:14:08.480 --> 0:14:11.520 for the majority of women who choose that, if you 0:14:11.600 --> 0:14:13.439 are the one in five who have a miscarriage, or 0:14:13.480 --> 0:14:15.959 you are the exponential number of women who struggle in 0:14:16.000 --> 0:14:19.120 their fertility journey, it is like so common to feel 0:14:19.160 --> 0:14:21.120 like you are broken, that there's something. 0:14:20.960 --> 0:14:23.800 Wrong with you totally, and I'm not ruling it out. 0:14:23.920 --> 0:14:26.880 I will still try naturally on that one off chance that, 0:14:26.920 --> 0:14:29.160 you know, I drop an egg that isn't empty, like 0:14:29.200 --> 0:14:31.480 a follicle that is there, Like, I'm still gonna try. 0:14:31.480 --> 0:14:32.680 I'm still gonna do another round. 0:14:33.120 --> 0:14:35.480 It's not to say I haven't spoken to my specialist yet, 0:14:35.480 --> 0:14:38.760 so it's not to say that the next time isn't better. 0:14:39.240 --> 0:14:41.080 Yeah, I mean, we don't know. If the next time 0:14:41.120 --> 0:14:42.240 is the same, that's when it you know. 0:14:42.800 --> 0:14:45.120 But I know you're right, Keisha, And it's just like 0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:47.560 immediately you go to is like, wow, I just had 0:14:48.480 --> 0:14:51.280 twelve months of drugs happening in one month, like twelve 0:14:51.280 --> 0:14:54.000 months of fertility to happen in four weeks, basically three weeks, 0:14:54.280 --> 0:14:56.560 and I still can't produce it with all the help 0:14:56.600 --> 0:14:57.200 of science. 0:14:57.440 --> 0:14:58.040 There is a. 0:14:58.000 --> 0:15:00.480 Party that's like fucking how to do it on my 0:15:00.520 --> 0:15:01.840 own if science can't even help me. 0:15:02.440 --> 0:15:03.760 But Ben's been so amazing. 0:15:04.320 --> 0:15:06.600 I know this is me and my journey, but it's 0:15:06.600 --> 0:15:08.600 not just me because you're in a partnership and with 0:15:08.640 --> 0:15:10.920 somebody that wants kids and obviously something you do take on, 0:15:11.440 --> 0:15:13.400 you know, and I have to consider him at a point. 0:15:13.440 --> 0:15:15.600 But he's just like a dream boat. He's like, it 0:15:15.640 --> 0:15:19.480 doesn't change anything. Maybe we take a different route when 0:15:19.520 --> 0:15:22.400 it's time. Maybe you know, there are always different options, 0:15:22.840 --> 0:15:25.720 and he's just been like an absolute dream boat. So 0:15:26.360 --> 0:15:29.520 that's my update. Sorry to be a downer, but not 0:15:29.560 --> 0:15:29.960 a downer. 0:15:29.960 --> 0:15:34.880 You're just real. There's our headline. I'll tell you the 0:15:34.920 --> 0:15:35.640 name of the episode. 0:15:35.680 --> 0:15:39.520 Hang on, should we tell you what the episode's about? 0:15:39.600 --> 0:15:39.760 Yeah? 0:15:39.800 --> 0:15:41.560 And it is a biggie today now keeps just jumping 0:15:41.560 --> 0:15:44.240 on because I didn't get to be here for this interview. 0:15:44.360 --> 0:15:45.800 What a shame, What a shame. 0:15:46.200 --> 0:15:49.760 We interviewed well, Keisha and Brittany interviewed Stephen Bartlett from 0:15:49.960 --> 0:15:50.840 Diary of a Ceo. 0:15:51.360 --> 0:15:53.320 So Diary of a CEO. If you don't know all 0:15:53.360 --> 0:15:56.440 Stephen Bartlet. He is one of the biggest podcasters in 0:15:56.480 --> 0:15:59.560 the UK and Europe collectively but you would have. 0:15:59.560 --> 0:16:02.240