Speaker 1: Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
Speaker 1: were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders
Speaker 1: past and present.
Speaker 2: Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
Speaker 2: recorded on d rug Wallamuta Land. Hi guys, and welcome
Speaker 2: back to another episode of Life. I'm Cut, I'm Laura,
Speaker 2: I'm Brittany. Do you know what I just did?
Speaker 3: Farted? No?
Speaker 1: Is it a rhetorical question or do you really want
Speaker 1: me to guess?
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't think you will ever guess it,
Speaker 2: so I'll just come clean. I went to the bathroom.
Speaker 2: It does have to do with the bathroom, but nothing
Speaker 2: to do with farting. I went to the bathroom, I
Speaker 2: pulled down my pants and then I realized my underwear
Speaker 2: was on back to front. But at no point this
Speaker 2: morning did it feel uncomfortable, which says a lot about
Speaker 2: the state of my vagina.
Speaker 1: No. I think that just means that your butts the
Speaker 1: same size as your vagina.
Speaker 3: Which is a problem.
Speaker 2: It's a problem if the back of your underwear can
Speaker 2: comfortably support the front and the front of your underwear
Speaker 2: can sit at the back.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's some problems.
Speaker 2: No, I don't think it's a problem. It just means
Speaker 2: you got juicy lips. I think you know what, it's
Speaker 2: actually the roosed ones. You know, the ones that like
Speaker 2: where it's spens be a bit roosed in the bump crack.
Speaker 2: It was just rooted in the front crack. And not
Speaker 2: one single part of me, not one single part of me,
Speaker 2: found this experience uncomfortable until I looked down and I
Speaker 2: saw the tag at the front, and I was like, wow,
Speaker 2: that's not the way that the underwear goes.
Speaker 3: But god, it feels good.
Speaker 1: Does you mean the rouchine where it like makes it
Speaker 1: look like it all comes up like jump into the
Speaker 1: butt crack.
Speaker 2: The rushing out of the backside crack is currently at
Speaker 2: the front And do you know what, I didn't turn
Speaker 2: them around.
Speaker 1: So you didn't notice that that was up your fanny. No,
Speaker 1: so not only you're fanning the size of your butt,
Speaker 1: but it's tight lips like that's not getting in, nothing's penetrating.
Speaker 3: It's like a fort. It's like a cantle thought, nothing
Speaker 3: gets in or around.
Speaker 2: I just felt like my volver was comfortably supported today.
Speaker 3: I'm happy for you. It was cushioned between the rushing
Speaker 3: and you. You obviously you have to sign and you
Speaker 3: like it enough to leave it. I persevered.
Speaker 2: Well, no, I just it was the whole effort of
Speaker 2: having to take my shoes off, take my jeans off,
Speaker 2: and then turn everything around that I was like, look,
Speaker 2: we've come this far, We've come this.
Speaker 1: There is nothing worse like. I find it so uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: But I guess this is different people's vaginas, they're different shapes.
Speaker 3: But for me, volvers volvers.
Speaker 1: For me, I find it wildly uncomfortable and I have
Speaker 1: a lot of problems with front wedges.
Speaker 3: That's my story.
Speaker 2: Well apparently I don't, so yeah, anyway, I look, it
Speaker 2: was a surprise.
Speaker 3: I know that things have changed down there since in.
Speaker 2: The last couple of years after two kids, but it
Speaker 2: definitely was a surprise to look at my own underwear
Speaker 2: and be like, oh, that looks like that should be uncomfortable,
Speaker 2: but it's not.
Speaker 3: I love that for you, Thank you. Well, I just
Speaker 3: think dumb this morning. Actually it was really annoying.
Speaker 1: It should be my suck well to say it now.
Speaker 1: I went to get a coffee with Delilah in the
Speaker 1: morning before we come here, take her out so she
Speaker 1: can do a poop. I get my coffee and then
Speaker 1: I go to work for the day. So I got
Speaker 1: my coffee, she did a big poop. I was also facetiming,
Speaker 1: but at the same time in one hand, so I
Speaker 1: had which is this is probably gross, But I had
Speaker 1: the coffee in one hand like that, and then underneath,
Speaker 1: with my bottom two fingers, I was holding the poo bag.
Speaker 3: Say, we've all been there, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So the top two fingers were holding the coffee and
Speaker 1: then the bottom fingers were holding the poo bag, and
Speaker 1: my other hand had the phone.
Speaker 2: You should have gone phone and poobag, not coffee and
Speaker 2: poobag like that would have been a safer orientation.
Speaker 3: Yes, well, okay, I think I did do that.
Speaker 1: But then I went to lift up an auto bind
Speaker 1: to put it in the bin.
Speaker 3: So I had them both in one hand and I
Speaker 3: lifted it up to.
Speaker 1: Obviously, I couldn't compute in my brain that I only
Speaker 1: needed to let go of two fingers to drop the
Speaker 1: poo bag. So I opened the bin, held the coffee
Speaker 1: in the poo bag over But I couldn't work out
Speaker 1: hard to drop.
Speaker 3: The two fingers. You're doing too many tasks.
Speaker 1: So I opened my whole hand and my coffee, whole brain,
Speaker 1: new coffee, and the poo bag went into the o bin.
Speaker 3: Well, I thought what you were going to.
Speaker 2: Say was is that you took a sip of your
Speaker 2: coffee and smacked yourself in the face with a poo bag.
Speaker 3: Funny story. No, I have to say that didn't happen.
Speaker 3: That's a shame. You didn't tea bag yourself with a
Speaker 3: bag of poof.
Speaker 1: Do you know what I have done before? And this
Speaker 1: is this is actually I've got to stop doing this stuff.
Speaker 1: But I figit a lot. As you guys know, I'm
Speaker 1: always moving around, I'm always clicking my hands and whatever.
Speaker 1: I talk a lot with my hands. So often I
Speaker 1: walk with the pooh bag until I find a bin.
Speaker 1: But I'll just be like spinning it around subconsciously, even
Speaker 1: though it's produced.
Speaker 3: Is Keisha's nodding, She's like, you always spin the poo bag.
Speaker 3: I was spinning the poo bag around and it flung.
Speaker 3: The bottom had a there must have been a rock
Speaker 3: solid shit. The bottom tore.
Speaker 1: Open and the pooh flung out across my body and
Speaker 1: like just missed another human by about half a meter
Speaker 1: and then splattered against a wall. That was why I did.
Speaker 1: I was like, going like this and it just flu.
Speaker 1: The bag must have had like a really loose seam
Speaker 1: and the poo rocketed across and nearly knocks someone out
Speaker 1: with other shit.
Speaker 3: I was like, I'm so sorry, Like, well, you gotta
Speaker 3: sp spin of that around. I was like, I don't
Speaker 3: know what I was thinking.
Speaker 2: Wow, okay, wow, Well I don't know how we got here,
Speaker 2: but here we are. I know you had a very
Speaker 2: big weekend. I mean we've gone from the highs to
Speaker 2: the lows. Yeah, but on last week's episode we were
Speaker 2: talking about your egg freezing second round journey, and on
Speaker 2: Saturday you had your egg collection and.
Speaker 3: I know that that didn't go.
Speaker 2: I mean I know because we've obviously spoken about it,
Speaker 2: and I know that you wanted to talk about it
Speaker 2: on today's episode. Brit on Saturday sent a text message
Speaker 2: to both Keisha and I updating us on how that
Speaker 2: egg retrieval went.
Speaker 3: And I don't think I've ever seen you so upset.
Speaker 1: We both did have big weekends, yeah, but very different weekends.
Speaker 1: You and producer with Keisha got drunk at Keisha's birthday
Speaker 1: and we were drinking, I have drugs.
Speaker 2: We were drinking Marga readers and brit sent us a
Speaker 2: message and I was devastated.
Speaker 3: Do you know what I did?
Speaker 1: I looked back at that message and I was almost
Speaker 1: embarrassed because I was I think you can tell I
Speaker 1: was still hey. So what happens is you come out
Speaker 1: of your egg retrieval. I had a general anesthetics, so
Speaker 1: you're still high, but you're still computing enough of the information,
Speaker 1: but you don't really realize you're high. But looking back, I.
Speaker 3: Could tell and.
Speaker 1: It did not go well for me, which was really
Speaker 1: shocking because I hand on my heart, there's no part
Speaker 1: of me that thought it would be bad at all,
Speaker 1: like this bad. So two years ago I did it
Speaker 1: and I got fifteen eggs, you guys might remember, And
Speaker 1: this time the doctor came in and I could just
Speaker 1: tell by the look on her face, and she said,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, sorry, it didn't go well. We only got
Speaker 1: three eggs. Well, we actually got four, but then one
Speaker 1: was dead, you know, like four came out and one
Speaker 1: wasn't good. So we only got three, which is I
Speaker 1: don't want to like, I know theo's other people that
Speaker 1: are listening that have probably got no eggs.
Speaker 3: One egg two eggs. Three eggs, So I don't want
Speaker 3: to say, you know, this is so bad, but it's
Speaker 3: not great.
Speaker 1: And anyone that knows the statistics around egg retrieval and
Speaker 1: the success rate knows that.
Speaker 3: Three eggs is really bad.
Speaker 1: So for the fifteen eggs I got last time, she
Speaker 1: told me that that might equate to one live birth,
Speaker 1: so three is not amazing. And she just basically said,
Speaker 1: we're gonna have to do it again.
Speaker 3: Yeah, as soon as I can do it again.
Speaker 1: And I was just so upset because I think I
Speaker 1: wasn't expecting it. I think if I had known that
Speaker 1: it was likely, it wouldn't have hit me as hard.
Speaker 2: And you were really hoping that would be the last
Speaker 2: time you'd have to go through this egg freezing process. Also,
Speaker 2: it's expensive, and it's painful, and there's you know, it's emotional.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's not like not that I was hoping
Speaker 3: it would be my last time.
Speaker 1: In my head, it was I was like, oh, I'll
Speaker 1: smash out one more collection, not the ten to fifteen eggs.
Speaker 3: And would be good.
Speaker 1: And I immediately was so overwhelmed and upset, and I
Speaker 1: took a video and sent it to Keisha and Laura
Speaker 1: to give them the update, and I was just beside
Speaker 1: myself and I looked back at that when I came
Speaker 1: to a few hours later, and I was actually so
Speaker 1: embarrassed that I sent that to you guys. I was like,
Speaker 1: such a shitty thing to do, because it.
Speaker 3: Not at all.
Speaker 1: I think it's because it was like you guys were,
Speaker 1: you know, at Keisha's party, and I didn't really I
Speaker 1: didn't cross my mind.
Speaker 3: I couldn't comprehend where what was happening.
Speaker 1: I just think I needed to tell And I sent
Speaker 1: it to Ben too, because I felt really upset that
Speaker 1: like might not be able to give Ben kids, and
Speaker 1: like even when I watched it back, I was crying
Speaker 1: at how upset I was, like, it wasn't me, Like
Speaker 1: I was watching it like that's so heartbreaking for that person,
Speaker 1: but it was me. But anyway, Yeah, so it's Look,
Speaker 1: it's not the end of the world by any means,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna do it again, and I think they're
Speaker 1: gonna pump me with a lot more hormones again like
Speaker 1: the original time, and maybe thingers cross I get more.
Speaker 1: But basically, all my follicles.
Speaker 3: Were empty, little fuckers.
Speaker 1: They were all empty, So I mean I only had seven,
Speaker 1: but only three had an egg in them, and the
Speaker 1: rest were just like fake.
Speaker 2: They were already baby little follicles. And then they didn't
Speaker 2: even bring an egg.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: No, they made it to the right side eventually, so
Speaker 1: they were too small. They got to the right side,
Speaker 1: but then they were still empty, so you don't know
Speaker 1: that until you take them out.
Speaker 2: I also just want to say, like, I mean, I
Speaker 2: know we can often do this, like when we be
Speaker 2: vulnerable and be upset, and then you can have like
Speaker 2: that vulnerability hang up where you like feel almost ashamed
Speaker 2: or humiliated. You've let people see you be sad, especially
Speaker 2: because you know I don't use that.
Speaker 1: So I was like, when I look back later, I
Speaker 1: was like, why.
Speaker 3: Did I do that? That is like no one, I
Speaker 3: never want you to apologize.
Speaker 2: And this is like as a friend, but also just
Speaker 2: for everyone listening, like it's so important that sometimes we
Speaker 2: share that part of ourselves because it's the only way
Speaker 2: that people actually know when we're struggling, because otherwise, if
Speaker 2: you're always the person who shows up in relationships and
Speaker 2: shows up being.
Speaker 3: Like I'm fine, everything's fine.
Speaker 2: If you embody toxic positivity in the moments when you're
Speaker 2: not fine, you then don't get help because people just
Speaker 2: assume that since you've been saying that you're fine, you're fine,
Speaker 2: And like, there is something that's really powerful in showing
Speaker 2: when you are not and it's okay to be not okay,
Speaker 2: and that's when people come in to support you. And
Speaker 2: I think that without doing that, even the people who
Speaker 2: love you the most, the people who are closest to you,
Speaker 2: have no understanding about how much something hurts you or
Speaker 2: what you're going through because you haven't told them. And
Speaker 2: I think sometimes we expect that people just understand without
Speaker 2: giving them all of the information to really really understand.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I guess the reason I want to, I mean,
Speaker 1: the whole reason I documented the whole process was to
Speaker 1: make people feel better about it, make them feel like
Speaker 1: they can take their own fertility into their own hands.
Speaker 1: And you know, if it's going to make you feel
Speaker 1: better to go and put your eggs on eyes, do it.
Speaker 1: If you have never found out what your fertility your
Speaker 1: AMH level is, do it. But for me, this is
Speaker 1: like a really real reminder and something I really want
Speaker 1: to drive home to people is that if you haven't
Speaker 1: gone and checked that out, and I'm saying to like,
Speaker 1: you know, if you want to be in your twenties,
Speaker 1: sure go into the blood test.
Speaker 3: But if you're in your thirties.
Speaker 1: You're not sure if you want kids, or you're not ready,
Speaker 1: or you've never done the test. All I can say
Speaker 1: is just go and start the process. It's just a
Speaker 1: simple blood test to check your levels and get it going,
Speaker 1: because the worst thing that can happen is you don't
Speaker 1: investigate it and you get to the.
Speaker 3: Point where you decide it's time and then you can't.
Speaker 1: And for me, my AMH was actually the same as
Speaker 1: three years ago, so that's the level of eggs you have.
Speaker 1: Mine was the same, it hadn't changed, so we were
Speaker 1: expecting the same results. But then to only get three,
Speaker 1: which is highly likely it doesn't even result in a
Speaker 1: berth down the track is really shocking. So I would
Speaker 1: pay for anyone to get to that point and wish
Speaker 1: that they did it sooner. So it's just, if anything,
Speaker 1: it's just a reminder to.
Speaker 3: To go and check it out. Yeah, Because also I mean,
Speaker 3: if I got this wrong.
Speaker 2: When they thaw the frozen eggs, not all of them
Speaker 2: thowt correctly. It is that right, like you'll lose eggs
Speaker 2: in the thawing process as well.
Speaker 3: Because it's only one cell.
Speaker 1: It's only this one cell, so it's not overly stable
Speaker 1: to survive defrosting, Whereas when you make an embryo and
Speaker 1: freezing embryo, because there's so many more cells involved, it's
Speaker 1: more likely that it survived. It's more stable, so it's
Speaker 1: more likely to survive the defrosting and then take in
Speaker 1: the womb like when it's actually time for IVF, which
Speaker 1: is why they say freezing embryos is generally better than
Speaker 1: freezing an egg if you can.
Speaker 3: But not a lot of.
Speaker 1: People are in that position. You know a lot of
Speaker 1: people are doing this because they're single or.
Speaker 3: For whatever reason.
Speaker 2: Yeah, to try and like, yeah, safeguard the long term
Speaker 2: strategy around like how they're going to be able.
Speaker 3: To have kids.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And the reason quickly, the reason that like, if
Speaker 1: you have fifteen eggs, you know, my specialist said that
Speaker 1: could be one birth, is because half of them won't
Speaker 1: survive to frosting. Then half of them won't be good
Speaker 1: enough to take. And then statistically speaking, once it's implanted,
Speaker 1: you know, we know about miscarriages, and we know all
Speaker 1: of this stuff so it's just it's obviously not something
Speaker 1: to live and die by this number, but it's based
Speaker 1: off something, right, It's based off averages of people that
Speaker 1: freeze and inject into ITHERF. So it wasn't great for me,
Speaker 1: and it was very, very shocking, and I'm super upset
Speaker 1: about it. But I am going to do it maybe
Speaker 1: one more time, and if the results are the same,
Speaker 1: I'll have to look a bit more closely, like actually
Speaker 1: thinking about IVF and things like that, because you know,
Speaker 1: I'm thirty six, and it was like a fucking slap
Speaker 1: in the face.
Speaker 3: I was like, wow, I did not see that coming. Yeah.
Speaker 5: I just want to add one thing in that. It
Speaker 5: was a message that you sent to me yesterday, and I.
Speaker 3: Actually like, I'm looking.
Speaker 5: I'm gonna deliberately not look at you in the eye
Speaker 5: right now because I know I'll get upset because when
Speaker 5: I read it, I was like, Fuck, that was just
Speaker 5: such an insight into how you're feeling about yourself right now,
Speaker 5: and I really want to change that narrative. You sent
Speaker 5: a message and I can't remember the exact words of it,
Speaker 5: but it was along the lines of I can't even
Speaker 5: produce eggs, like I'm such a failure that I can't
Speaker 5: even with the addition of hormones and all of this
Speaker 5: scientific support, I can't even do that. And it's so
Speaker 5: not fair to be thinking.
Speaker 3: About yourself like that.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 5: We recently had Chloe Fisher on the podcast, and that
Speaker 5: was something that she really battles with, with this idea
Speaker 5: of like, why the fuck doesn't my body work the
Speaker 5: way that it's supposed to. It's not a failure of you,
Speaker 5: it just it didn't go to plan this time. Yeah,
Speaker 5: And I don't want you being down on yourself and
Speaker 5: being like, you know, I've left this so late in
Speaker 5: my fertility age or whatever it might be, whatever's going
Speaker 5: through your head, like you are not a failure because
Speaker 5: this process didn't work this time.
Speaker 2: But I also think that's such relatable feeling. Like I
Speaker 2: think anyone who's had a miscarriage, or anyone who's on
Speaker 2: their fertility journey but their body hasn't done what it's
Speaker 2: supposed to do. I think every woman who's experienced that
Speaker 2: has felt that feeling of like, well, I'm failing as
Speaker 2: a woman, you know, I'm failing as this life purpose
Speaker 2: that I've been sold my whole life that you know
Speaker 2: I'm going to one day have kids. And you know,
Speaker 2: for the majority of women who choose that, if you
Speaker 2: are the one in five who have a miscarriage, or
Speaker 2: you are the exponential number of women who struggle in
Speaker 2: their fertility journey, it is like so common to feel
Speaker 2: like you are broken, that there's something.
Speaker 1: Wrong with you totally, and I'm not ruling it out.
Speaker 1: I will still try naturally on that one off chance that,
Speaker 1: you know, I drop an egg that isn't empty, like
Speaker 1: a follicle that is there, Like, I'm still gonna try.
Speaker 3: I'm still gonna do another round.
Speaker 1: It's not to say I haven't spoken to my specialist yet,
Speaker 1: so it's not to say that the next time isn't better.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, we don't know. If the next time
Speaker 3: is the same, that's when it you know.
Speaker 1: But I know you're right, Keisha, And it's just like
Speaker 1: immediately you go to is like, wow, I just had
Speaker 1: twelve months of drugs happening in one month, like twelve
Speaker 1: months of fertility to happen in four weeks, basically three weeks,
Speaker 1: and I still can't produce it with all the help
Speaker 1: of science.
Speaker 3: There is a.
Speaker 1: Party that's like fucking how to do it on my
Speaker 1: own if science can't even help me.
Speaker 3: But Ben's been so amazing.
Speaker 1: I know this is me and my journey, but it's
Speaker 1: not just me because you're in a partnership and with
Speaker 1: somebody that wants kids and obviously something you do take on,
Speaker 1: you know, and I have to consider him at a point.
Speaker 1: But he's just like a dream boat. He's like, it
Speaker 1: doesn't change anything. Maybe we take a different route when
Speaker 1: it's time. Maybe you know, there are always different options,
Speaker 1: and he's just been like an absolute dream boat. So
Speaker 1: that's my update. Sorry to be a downer, but not
Speaker 1: a downer.
Speaker 3: You're just real. There's our headline. I'll tell you the
Speaker 3: name of the episode.
Speaker 1: Hang on, should we tell you what the episode's about?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: And it is a biggie today now keeps just jumping
Speaker 2: on because I didn't get to be here for this interview.
Speaker 3: What a shame, What a shame.
Speaker 2: We interviewed well, Keisha and Brittany interviewed Stephen Bartlett from
Speaker 2: Diary of a Ceo.
Speaker 1: So Diary of a CEO. If you don't know all
Speaker 1: Stephen Bartlet. He is one of the biggest podcasters in
Speaker 1: the UK and Europe collectively but you would have.
Speaker 2: Heard of it because almost every week, apart from sleep,
Speaker 2: it is Keisha's vibe, so she has I mean, I
Speaker 2: think if there was ever a pall pass that came
Speaker 2: in podcast form, it is Stephen Butler for Keisha.
Speaker 3: I don't even think it needs to be in podcast.
Speaker 2: Well.
Speaker 1: I think in terms of podcasting for us, Steven is
Speaker 1: one of those people that every podcast can only hope
Speaker 1: they get to speak with because he's so good. He's
Speaker 1: so successful, he's so intelligent. He's an amazing entrepreneur and
Speaker 1: an amazing businessman, and he has been since his early twenties.
Speaker 3: Like he's just one of those overachievers.
Speaker 1: He speaks to the biggest people in the industry around
Speaker 1: the world, and he doesn't speak to people in a
Speaker 1: certain area, like there's no ground he doesn't cover, and
Speaker 1: there's no ground he doesn't touch on. He's incredible. We've
Speaker 1: all listened to him for a very long time.
Speaker 3: He's all been on.
Speaker 1: Our bucket list. But Keisha in particular, I think she's
Speaker 1: slipped off a seed.
Speaker 3: A few times.
Speaker 5: So this happened because Laura was up in Magnetic Island
Speaker 5: celebrating your dad's birthday, and there was no Wi Fi,
Speaker 5: and so we actually had to do this interview at
Speaker 5: like eleven pm at night because he was in the UK.
Speaker 5: But I remember saying to Laura, I was like, Laura,
Speaker 5: I just I don't even know if I want to
Speaker 5: do this interview because they say don't meet your heroes,
Speaker 5: because in my mind, I was like, he could not
Speaker 5: possibly live up to the level that I have created
Speaker 5: for a human being. Of like he is just he's
Speaker 5: my favorite person to listen to. I learned so much
Speaker 5: from him. He's just got this phenomenal story. He comes from,
Speaker 5: like the opposite of privilege. You know, everything he has done,
Speaker 5: he has really done himself, and he's so generous with
Speaker 5: that knowledge, and he's got this real deep desire to
Speaker 5: kind of impart that knowledge onto other people so that
Speaker 5: they can make themselves.
Speaker 3: Better, which I love.
Speaker 5: Anyway, we got off this call and I turned to
Speaker 5: brit and I was like, I don't even know how,
Speaker 5: but he was better.
Speaker 3: Than I ever could have wished.
Speaker 5: We were given a really limited timeframe with him, which
Speaker 5: Britta and I definitely pushed the boundaries of Thank you Stephen,
Speaker 5: like double it just a little bit of a heads
Speaker 5: up his WiFi connection was not great, so the audio
Speaker 5: is not the most clear that you would expect, but
Speaker 5: you know what we did what we could.
Speaker 3: What do you think that was the biggest takeaway from
Speaker 3: the interview?
Speaker 1: I think there were two main parts.
Speaker 5: For me. Stephen really went into detail of how he
Speaker 5: thinks he's become as successful as he has, and it's
Speaker 5: all about sweating the small stuff. So he's all about
Speaker 5: the one percenters. And what I really liked about that
Speaker 5: is that if you apply that to your own life,
Speaker 5: it's like if you tried to make your life or
Speaker 5: your business fifty percent better in the one go, that's
Speaker 5: a really hard thing to do, but maneuvering one percent
Speaker 5: is actually not that difficult. But it's the accumulation of
Speaker 5: those one percent changes that can make either you a
Speaker 5: better person or your.
Speaker 3: Business much more successful. I really liked that.
Speaker 5: And the other part that I absolutely loved it was
Speaker 5: from this new law that he's written about in his book,
Speaker 5: was that you should never disagree. I'm quite interested in
Speaker 5: the psychology of communication, and I think anyone who listens
Speaker 5: to Life on Cut would be as well, because we
Speaker 5: talk about communication literally every episode, and so he has
Speaker 5: this philosophy that for you to have a really good
Speaker 5: relationship or even a business relationship.
Speaker 3: It could be a friendship.
Speaker 5: Going into a conversation and being like, actually, I disagree
Speaker 5: with you or I disagree with that, you're never gonna
Speaker 5: get the outcome because they've scientifically shown that people's brains
Speaker 5: shut down and they're not as open to hearing alternate
Speaker 5: ideas if you're just like no, I disagree with that.
Speaker 5: So the way that he speaks about how you can
Speaker 5: kind of sidestep those conversations and have your point be
Speaker 5: heard and have the other person feel heard and.
Speaker 3: Understood, it was really, really, really good advice.
Speaker 2: I feel like women have been doing this to their
Speaker 2: husbands for years. It's like where you suggest something, but
Speaker 2: you lead them to believe that it was their decision.
Speaker 3: In the first half. I you're like, well done, honey,
Speaker 3: that's great. I'm glad you got there. So like that
Speaker 3: you came up with that. Another thing he talks about
Speaker 3: is the idea that you should piss people off.
Speaker 1: You have to piss people off to grow and to
Speaker 1: be successful. And we talk about the why, because I
Speaker 1: think most of us want people to like us, and
Speaker 1: we want to go into a meeting or Instagram stories.
Speaker 1: Whatever we want to go in smooth calm, get people
Speaker 1: on board. If people agree with me and they like me,
Speaker 1: they might follow me. That that's going to lead to business growth.
Speaker 1: But he turns that idea on his head. And it's
Speaker 1: really interesting to hear why. One of the things that
Speaker 1: Stephen does on his podcast with every single guest at
Speaker 1: the end, he gets the guest to pose a question
Speaker 1: to whoever Steven's next guest next week is going to be.
Speaker 1: So the guest is asking the question, doesn't know who's
Speaker 1: going to answer it. They just throw any question out there.
Speaker 1: The next week comes around, Steven gets the new guest
Speaker 1: to answer that question. So we got Stephen to do
Speaker 1: this for us. We will like, let's put this on you.
Speaker 1: Let's make you do what you make everyone else do.
Speaker 1: Ask us a question and we'll answer it next week.
Speaker 4: His question was I want you to ask each other.
Speaker 6: How you could both people to send that up?
Speaker 1: Now. I found this really interesting because it is a
Speaker 1: really hot take to sweat the small stuff, because we're
Speaker 1: so often saying don't sweat the small stuff, it doesn't matter,
Speaker 1: it's irrelevant, And his idea is it one hundred percent matters.
Speaker 1: So what is something that you can change your life
Speaker 1: that will make you one percent better?
Speaker 2: I mean, before I get into the thing that I
Speaker 2: think would change my life more than one percent. I
Speaker 2: do think that sometimes we look at people who are
Speaker 2: attention detail orientated, it's like it's a negative trait. There's
Speaker 2: such a perfectionist is the word that we usually use
Speaker 2: to describe people who are detail orientated, who do sweat
Speaker 2: the small stuff, And it's not really said it as
Speaker 2: a positive. I know, obviously detail orientated is kind of
Speaker 2: like what shows up on preasure Maze, it shows up
Speaker 2: on applications. But I think people who do fixate and
Speaker 2: who do worry and sweat about the small stuff that
Speaker 2: can also then turn into a negative. And maybe it's
Speaker 2: because we then kind of think that those people labor
Speaker 2: or they harbor and they never make decisions, or they're
Speaker 2: too wrapped up in their work, or maybe they micromanage.
Speaker 2: But I even know, like for us and for where
Speaker 2: we've gotten with podcasting, I think a big part of
Speaker 2: why it's been really successful is that we do sweat
Speaker 2: the small stuff when it comes to the podcast, like
Speaker 2: we have over time and even since very first days
Speaker 2: we've edited this podcast to make sure that it is
Speaker 2: only the stuff that we find the most interesting that makes.
Speaker 3: All that we don't leave.
Speaker 2: We don't leave like there's a lot of fat that
Speaker 2: gets left on the cutting room floor, and I think
Speaker 2: that that is such an important thing rather than thinking
Speaker 2: people have the perception that podcasting is just you rock
Speaker 2: up in a room and you just chat and then
Speaker 2: you record for an hour and then you put that out.
Speaker 2: I don't think many people are aware about the nuances
Speaker 2: that happen within many many businesses or businesses, which is
Speaker 2: what makes them successful, and it is the detail stuff
Speaker 2: that really count.
Speaker 1: You're right, I don't think a lot of people see that.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people see not for you,
Speaker 1: but in life in general, a lot of people see
Speaker 1: this extra attention to detail, and sometimes it can be
Speaker 1: too much, Like in some jobs, it can be not
Speaker 1: necessary for the task, for sure, and it.
Speaker 3: Can also be debilitated.
Speaker 2: It can stop you from actually taking steps forward if
Speaker 2: you spend so much time worrying about something being perfect
Speaker 2: before you take the next step. It is often for
Speaker 2: a lot of people debilitating, and it means they never
Speaker 2: actually get that project off the ground, they never start
Speaker 2: their small business whatever it is, because they're too busy
Speaker 2: worrying about something being perfect rather than just being good
Speaker 2: and being enough to get it done.
Speaker 3: It's a very fine line.
Speaker 1: I think for me, two things that I thought about
Speaker 1: for one percent, how I mean two things. It was
Speaker 1: hard to narrow it down. That was a final list.
Speaker 4: How can you make it?
Speaker 3: How can you make your life one percent better?
Speaker 2: You're like, well, here is seventy things, and it would
Speaker 2: be seventy percent better totally.
Speaker 1: But this is what he says, Right, you write all
Speaker 1: these things down, but if you're doing one percent a day,
Speaker 1: it quickly adds up one percent a week.
Speaker 3: Whatever it is.
Speaker 1: You make one of these little changes, and it makes
Speaker 1: so much sense. But I think two things for me,
Speaker 1: no brainer. Put things in a diary more, be more organized,
Speaker 1: of course, like that's so obvious to me. But the
Speaker 1: other thing I think I should start doing, and you
Speaker 1: hear almost every successful person say it is that they
Speaker 1: wake up earlier and they wake up at the same
Speaker 1: time of day. Without doubt, you get more done when
Speaker 1: you wake up in the morning. Now that's not necessarily
Speaker 1: with kids, obviously, because life's chaotic, but as a general
Speaker 1: rule of thumb, no.
Speaker 2: I think even with kids, like the days where I've
Speaker 2: gotten them up and gotten them out of the house
Speaker 2: and gotten them to daycare. You know, when daycare opens
Speaker 2: seven thirty or eight o'clock, my days are infinitely more organized.
Speaker 2: They are infinitely better because I've been able to get
Speaker 2: two hours of work done.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I think for me, getting up earlier, so
Speaker 1: making that if there's no work, the same time of
Speaker 1: day every day and routine. So maybe it's now to
Speaker 1: start to wait, whether at six am, seven am, whatever
Speaker 1: it is, to wake up and do my exercise first thing,
Speaker 1: because I find I'm not as productive if I get
Speaker 1: up later. Three quarters of the day's gone before I'm
Speaker 1: getting my head together and my shit together. And then
Speaker 1: because my work day starts later, I don't exercise that day.
Speaker 1: I'll walk Delilah, but I don't go to the gym,
Speaker 1: I don't train properly, I don't do anything.
Speaker 3: Whereas the days that.
Speaker 1: I got up earlier, I accomplish so much. So for me,
Speaker 1: it might be starting to get into routine, set an
Speaker 1: alarm early every single day, and getting my shit together
Speaker 1: in the morning.
Speaker 3: I think that's my one percent.
Speaker 2: I think my one percent pertains to more my relationships
Speaker 2: rather than my work, but it affects everything. And this
Speaker 2: is something that I think over the past six months,
Speaker 2: I've become increasingly worse at as my workload gets busier.
Speaker 2: I often will then stay up past when I finish
Speaker 2: my work, just sitting on my phone on Instagram, just
Speaker 2: scroll like doom, scrolling right. And I think sometimes it's
Speaker 2: because like that's my billy to garner back a little
Speaker 2: bit of time for myself, and it's completely mind numbing.
Speaker 2: I don't have to think about it, and I'm just
Speaker 2: sitting on my phone and scrolling funny content. Something that
Speaker 2: Matt and I do when we're both tired and we
Speaker 2: both are kind of just like at our flattest, we'll
Speaker 2: sit on the couch and we'll pull out social media
Speaker 2: and we'll be laying on the couch across from each other,
Speaker 2: but we're both on our phones and we're scrolling. And
Speaker 2: we've been doing it increasingly lately. And also I have
Speaker 2: noticed the direct correlation to us like not being as
Speaker 2: loving towards each other, you know, like we've been stressed,
Speaker 2: and I, you know, I talked about this a few
Speaker 2: weeks back, Like we're not in a bad place by
Speaker 2: any means, But when you have little time and then
Speaker 2: you choose to spend what little time you have scrolling
Speaker 2: social media as opposed to actually trying to have a
Speaker 2: conversation with each other, and you can put it down to, oh, well,
Speaker 2: it's ten thirty pm at night, what a conversation we're
Speaker 2: going to have, but.
Speaker 3: We're not even trying because we're on Instagram.
Speaker 1: But you know what, it's not even necessarily the conversation.
Speaker 3: I totally agree.
Speaker 1: And maybe there's a rule now that you put your
Speaker 1: phone away at ten o'clock.
Speaker 2: I know, And look, that's so obvious, it's so cutsy,
Speaker 2: and I know that every fucking podcast under the sun's like,
Speaker 2: what your phone away after seventh?
Speaker 3: But we are still still realistic. Everyone still does it.
Speaker 2: Everyone knows the things that we're supposed to do to
Speaker 2: be able to garner more quality time with their partners,
Speaker 2: and yet so many of us are still so guilty,
Speaker 2: especially if you're in a long term relationship and you've
Speaker 2: got kids, of just using it as escapism.
Speaker 1: Well, what I was going to say is not like
Speaker 1: I know that you said, yo, fuck, what else is
Speaker 1: that to talk about at ten o'clock at night? But
Speaker 1: it's connection tot you could not say a word, but
Speaker 1: maybe instead of sitting on other ends of the lounge,
Speaker 1: you're spooning watching a movie. But there's physical affection, there's contact,
Speaker 1: there's intimacy without verbally communicating, which I think is super important.
Speaker 1: Like just that intimacy without talking works one day totally.
Speaker 2: And the other thing is is when you're in your phone.
Speaker 2: And I don't know if other people experience this. When
Speaker 2: you're in your phone, even if it's not productive, if
Speaker 2: someone is talking to you or they're asking you a question,
Speaker 2: it's hard to completely go, oh, okay, I'm gonna stop
Speaker 2: what I'm doing. Even if what you're doing is totally
Speaker 2: non productive. If you're watching a funny video or you're
Speaker 2: scrolling Instagram, you are not fully engaged with what that
Speaker 2: person is saying to you. So even if attempts are
Speaker 2: made to have conversations, they're derailed by the fact that
Speaker 2: your attention is already spent elsewhere.
Speaker 1: Kisha, You're one percent is not allowed to have anything
Speaker 1: to do with sleep.
Speaker 3: I'm vetoing it. No pillows, no sleep, no like.
Speaker 2: I have this amazing sleep spray which I have been
Speaker 2: We know about it.
Speaker 3: He had an alleged reaction to it last night.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I can keep using it, Laura.
Speaker 5: I think I had two that kind of sprung to
Speaker 5: mind where I was like, I could be a lot
Speaker 5: better in these ways. One of them is definitely being
Speaker 5: more deliberate with my time, which is very much related
Speaker 5: to like the phone usage and being present and all
Speaker 5: that kind of thing. The other thing that I really
Speaker 5: sat and thought about is that in the last couple
Speaker 5: of weeks, and I don't know why, in particular, it
Speaker 5: has been in the last few weeks, I have found
Speaker 5: myself being very, very irritable and particularly lacking a bit
Speaker 5: of compassion in a sense where like if I'll get
Speaker 5: a work email that kind of annoys me, or if
Speaker 5: someone you know hasn't done something that I've expected, or
Speaker 5: there's so many different things that have happened in the
Speaker 5: past couple of weeks where I now I'm reflecting back
Speaker 5: on those situations and being like, do you know what,
Speaker 5: I actually could have added a little bit more compassionate
Speaker 5: and empathy to those situations and I would have been
Speaker 5: in a better mood from it by just realizing that
Speaker 5: sometimes people have things going on that you have no
Speaker 5: idea about and you.
Speaker 3: Just got to give them a bit grace.
Speaker 2: Isn't funny how your reaction to something can so fundamentally
Speaker 2: ruin your day and the other person walks away not
Speaker 2: even not even being affected by it, you know, whether
Speaker 2: it be fucking something like road rage, or whether it
Speaker 2: be that an email has pessed you off. Like we
Speaker 2: can ruminate in our bad reaction to something in our
Speaker 2: bad mood, and the person who may have been the
Speaker 2: instigator of that doesn't give a fuck, does not care,
Speaker 2: and they've just gone on their life completely unaffected. And
Speaker 2: we are the ones, because of our reaction to a situation,
Speaker 2: are harboring all that resentment or impatience or anger over
Speaker 2: something that really if we had controlled our reaction, we
Speaker 2: would have had a better day long term.
Speaker 3: One hundred percent.
Speaker 5: And so that's where my one percent needs to be better.
Speaker 5: At the moment, I think I just need to kind
Speaker 5: of maybe attempt to lose that irritability and be a
Speaker 5: little bit more water off a duck's back. Little things
Speaker 5: annoying me, because I've found that in the last couple
Speaker 5: of weeks they've just been little things, But there might
Speaker 5: be five little things and so I'll be in a
Speaker 5: bad mood with myself, I'll be in a bad mood
Speaker 5: with everybody around me. I've definitely taken it out on
Speaker 5: my boyfriend.
Speaker 1: Check and she's talking about our work emails.
Speaker 5: To be fair, though we have had a lot of email,
Speaker 5: particularly because of the live show coming up, There's just
Speaker 5: been so many little things that I'm like, yep, I
Speaker 5: need to turn that understanding back on and also just
Speaker 5: give people a bit more grace for things that I
Speaker 5: may not know that they're managing.
Speaker 2: I would love before we get into this chat with
Speaker 2: Steven Barlett, I would love you guys as listeners, to
Speaker 2: all have a little think about what is that one
Speaker 2: percent that you could do in your life, whether it
Speaker 2: be in terms of your work. I think that there's like,
Speaker 2: let's go for the two percent. What is it that
Speaker 2: you could do in terms of your work, and what
Speaker 2: is it that you could do in terms of your
Speaker 2: personal life that you could change that would make your
Speaker 2: life one percent better? And I think that this is
Speaker 2: such an incredible tool that we can all use to
Speaker 2: make very small but incrementally amazing and really beneficial changes
Speaker 2: within our lives.
Speaker 1: I think it'd actually be really cool to even do
Speaker 1: it for fair to do it with their kids, Like,
Speaker 1: I think you can ask your kids these questions at
Speaker 1: school in their day to day like they obviously going
Speaker 1: to have completely different answers. But I think Laura maybe
Speaker 1: ask Marley if she can ask her, is there one
Speaker 1: thing today you could do you think that would make
Speaker 1: life better? It'd be so interesting. I think it's gonna
Speaker 1: be a funny response to It'd be so interested to
Speaker 1: see what she said. Stephen Bartlett is the host of
Speaker 1: the Diary of a CEO, one of the most listened
Speaker 1: to podcasts.
Speaker 3: In literally the world.
Speaker 1: He's an incredibly successful businessman and entrepreneur. He's also an
Speaker 1: author and an investor on Dragon's Den. Now Dragon's Den
Speaker 1: is like the UK version of our Shark Tank. The
Speaker 1: reason for this is he's been the CEO, founder, co founder,
Speaker 1: and board member of four industry leading companies that collectively,
Speaker 1: at their peaks, reached a valuation of more than one
Speaker 1: billion dollars. And this was all before the age of thirty. Stephen,
Speaker 1: Welcome to Life Uncut. We're very excited to talk to you.
Speaker 1: It's been a long time coming. But before we get
Speaker 1: into the chat, we have a tradition of our own,
Speaker 1: and we begin every episode with every guest with an
Speaker 1: accidentally unfiltered your most embarrassing story.
Speaker 3: Do you have one?
Speaker 6: I have a few. They're all involved my mother.
Speaker 4: I think my most is aunt. How old I've been
Speaker 4: about seven years old. I climbed onto the roof and
Speaker 4: started running around on the roof naked with my brother,
Speaker 4: and so my mom came home and she spanked me.
Speaker 6: In front of crush on.
Speaker 4: So this across the street and I write about it
Speaker 4: in my first book, Like this girl across the street
Speaker 4: was in my house and she was like making eye
Speaker 4: contact with me while my mother was spanking me naked
Speaker 4: in front of her, and I like, really really well,
Speaker 4: And from that moment onwards, I never saw that guy again.
Speaker 5: Steven, why were you naked though? Like that was a choice.
Speaker 4: With your seven you're always naked. And yeah, the spanking
Speaker 4: in front of the past, Like, imagine being spanked in
Speaker 4: front of the person you fancy you have a crush on.
Speaker 4: It's really you can't come back from that.
Speaker 5: I mean, speaking about your childhood, you weren't born into
Speaker 5: immense privilege, given you know, a small loan of a
Speaker 5: million dollars by my father, like Trump was, So what
Speaker 5: was your life like growing up?
Speaker 6: Like?
Speaker 5: What was your upbringing like?
Speaker 4: We came from Africa when I was two or three
Speaker 4: years old. When we came here from Africa to the UK,
Speaker 4: and we moved to pretty much all white area, we
Speaker 4: were pretty much the poorest family in that area, and
Speaker 4: we were pretty much the only black family that I
Speaker 4: can recall in that area. So we understand the value
Speaker 4: of anything by the context.
Speaker 6: In which we see it.
Speaker 4: So you know, if you go to an electronic store
Speaker 4: in this three televisions, your brain actually uses the really
Speaker 4: expensive TV and the cheap TV to understand the value
Speaker 4: of all the TV. So it's the same when you
Speaker 4: go to a restaurant and you see like three stakes
Speaker 4: on the menu, you're actually using the context to understand
Speaker 4: that this one is really nice and expensive, this one's
Speaker 4: probably not going to be great, and that one's probably
Speaker 4: a nice balance of the two. And in the same regard,
Speaker 4: we do that with ourselves. The context in which we
Speaker 4: see ourselves determines the value. If there's no one on earth,
Speaker 4: I am both the prettiest, the richest, the faddest, the skinniest,
Speaker 4: everything personal on earth. It's all comparison and con text,
Speaker 4: and so my comparison in context taught me that I
Speaker 4: was different and less than and that's a very sort
Speaker 4: of deep feeling to have as a child, that sense
Speaker 4: of embarrassment, shame and insecurity. So I grow up with
Speaker 4: this huge feeling that I am not enough and that
Speaker 4: I'm embarrassed, and that money is the problem, is the
Speaker 4: root of all arguments, and that to fit in and
Speaker 4: be enough, I need to become like my rich wife friends.
Speaker 4: And so I did everything at that age to be
Speaker 4: my rich wife friends. I chemically relaxed my hair at
Speaker 4: the time, I was wearing the skinny jeans and listening
Speaker 4: to arc to Monkeys and the Kooks when I didn't
Speaker 4: wasn't really into that stuff. And then the other part
Speaker 4: of me was just doing everything I could to get
Speaker 4: money by any means necessary, and as a young man,
Speaker 4: that meant starting businesses, selling things around the house, doing
Speaker 4: deals with vending machine companies from my school by the
Speaker 4: age of fourteen fifteen sixteen, and running all of the
Speaker 4: school trips in sixth form, if we're going to a
Speaker 4: theme park, or we're going we're having a party, it's
Speaker 4: all coming through Steve I'm doing all the advertising for it,
Speaker 4: and then I get expelled from school. I get unexpelled
Speaker 4: because I'm making the school a lot of money, go
Speaker 4: to university at eighteen, drop out after one lecture, and
Speaker 4: karry on doing my business.
Speaker 1: So do you feel like the reason you're so successful
Speaker 1: now and the drive behind your success as a child,
Speaker 1: even as a child businessman, was to fit in?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I guess in a way, I think it's really
Speaker 4: the thing that invalidates you ends up being the thing
Speaker 4: that you seek validation from. So if you're invalidated by
Speaker 4: how you look, you probably grow up trying to seek
Speaker 4: validation from how you look. And if you're feeling validated
Speaker 4: by by money or not being like other people, that
Speaker 4: will become your drive or the thing that's dragging you.
Speaker 4: And in my case, I certainly felt that the biggest
Speaker 4: problem in my life was that I was poor and
Speaker 4: not like my friends. So the antidote to that is
Speaker 4: to become rich and like your friends. So that's what
Speaker 4: I did. That was my drive, and that's why I
Speaker 4: think that's what my ambition was, to be honest at
Speaker 4: that age.
Speaker 5: Stephan, I'm really curious about this because I think that
Speaker 5: when you're the type of person who wants to seek
Speaker 5: validation out of any type of situation or relationship. Often,
Speaker 5: when you actually get the success, it doesn't measure up
Speaker 5: to what you expected it to. So when you became successful,
Speaker 5: you know, your first business was very, very successful, did
Speaker 5: you feel that sense of validation from that success or
Speaker 5: did the goalposts just shift?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 4: So it tends to be the case with most people
Speaker 4: that And this isn't quite an unfortunate thing that if
Speaker 4: the force that's dragging you towards validation is really really strong,
Speaker 4: for most people, they're going to require their hypothesis to
Speaker 4: fail them, so that dream to fail them. And when
Speaker 4: I say fail that, I mean for it to not
Speaker 4: give you what you thought it was going to give you,
Speaker 4: for you to understand that it wasn't the right dream.
Speaker 4: For some people, when the horse isn't strong, they can
Speaker 4: maybe vicariously learn it, read a book, watch a podcast,
Speaker 4: and go Okay, maybe I'm wrong here, and they can
Speaker 4: reflect their way out of it. But in my case,
Speaker 4: the shame and the insecurity and the desire to have
Speaker 4: money and to be validated was so strong that I
Speaker 4: needed to climb that mountain and get to the top
Speaker 4: and realize it wasn't that you ass looking for so
Speaker 4: eighteen years old. They're right in my diary, my four
Speaker 4: girls before I'm twenty five, and at this time I'm
Speaker 4: literally shoplifting pizzas to feed myself. Goal number one, A
Speaker 4: ranger of a sport will be my first car, make
Speaker 4: a million pounds. From twenty five, I'll have a six
Speaker 4: pack and a girlfriend. Did all of those things by
Speaker 4: about twenty three, twenty four, and it was a strange
Speaker 4: feeling of anti climax and confusion, as if someone had
Speaker 4: lied to me, or something had lied to me, because
Speaker 4: there was no confetti match, and there wasn't the euphoria
Speaker 4: that I was expecting. It didn't solve for or fill
Speaker 4: the hole that I thought money or a car or
Speaker 4: whatever could fill. And at some stage I come to
Speaker 4: learn in my journey that like really like if you
Speaker 4: don't believe. And this woman came to my office once
Speaker 4: and she said this sentence, She said, what if you're
Speaker 4: already enough? What if you already have everything you need?
Speaker 4: And I remember thinking that is so stupid walking back
Speaker 4: to my desk, and then it kind of puzzling me.
Speaker 4: It took me a couple of years really reflecting on
Speaker 4: what she said to realize that if you don't think
Speaker 4: you're enough now, no goal or podium position or medal
Speaker 4: or public accolade is ever going to fill that because fundamentally,
Speaker 4: one Stephen Bartlett is always going to be worth one
Speaker 4: Stephen Barlett. There's no amount of money that's going to
Speaker 4: increase my like intrinsic internal sense of worth. So it's
Speaker 4: either now or never. Like, if you defer your happiness
Speaker 4: or your sense of self worth off into the future
Speaker 4: behind some goal, it will always be.
Speaker 6: Off in the future.
Speaker 4: And when I started to realize that having my dreams
Speaker 4: fail me because they didn't deliver on the euphoria I
Speaker 4: was expecting, I realized that the ambitions I'd had in
Speaker 4: my life were fake ambitions. And most of us are
Speaker 4: living out fake ambitions, and we don't even know we're
Speaker 4: living out fake ambitions. I see it so much in
Speaker 4: young people when they come up to me after I've
Speaker 4: spoken on stage and they say I want to be
Speaker 4: a public speaker, and I go, what do you want
Speaker 4: to speak about? And they going, now, like I want
Speaker 4: to be a public I'm like, why do you want
Speaker 4: to be a public speaker.
Speaker 3: Well, you know it's uh because they want the glory.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And we confuse so easily aspiration with admiration. We
Speaker 4: admire something, so we aspire to be. They're two very
Speaker 4: different things. Admiration is like I love what Oprah Winfrey does.
Speaker 4: Aspirations I want to become Oprah Winfrey. We should keep
Speaker 4: them separate. You know, you could admire someone with that
Speaker 4: aspiring to be somebody. And really, when I dig down
Speaker 4: into that guy that comes up to me after I
Speaker 4: speak on stage, he doesn't want to be a public speaker.
Speaker 4: He wants the admiration he just saw me get from
Speaker 4: the applause from the crowd because he is insecure and
Speaker 4: he's still trying to prove to his dad he's enough.
Speaker 4: And the problem is, if you run down those paths,
Speaker 4: you waste a ton of your life. And it's actually
Speaker 4: really difficult to go down a path where you're not
Speaker 4: intrinsically internally driven by the rewards on offer. So I
Speaker 4: think it's important for all of us to really ask
Speaker 4: ourselves that question continuously, which is like why am I
Speaker 4: doing what I'm doing? Like truly, why am I doing
Speaker 4: what I'm doing? The crazy thing is when you orientate
Speaker 4: your life towards real ambitions, things that deeply within you
Speaker 4: you would do regardless of applause. That's when you set
Speaker 4: yourself up for mastery in real success, internal success like fulfillment,
Speaker 4: psychological happiness, but also real material success, because that's where
Speaker 4: mastery comes from. And I think that's where my podcast
Speaker 4: is successful, because it's something that I would do regardless
Speaker 4: of by the people were listening.
Speaker 1: It's funny we say the same thing. We did this
Speaker 1: podcast for a solid year before we made a dollar,
Speaker 1: and I remember we made our first five thousand dollars
Speaker 1: and we were celebrated. We were now We thought it
Speaker 1: was the best thing since sliced bread. And everybody kept
Speaker 1: saying to us, why are you doing it? There's no
Speaker 1: money in it, You're never going to make it anywhere,
Speaker 1: and we just thought, well, because it's our passion. And
Speaker 1: I really do think there's something in If you follow
Speaker 1: your passion, the rest will come. The success that you've
Speaker 1: had now, the money and the admiration, the validation, everything
Speaker 1: that you get, everything that comes with it. How has
Speaker 1: this changed the relationships in your life, the instrumental relationships
Speaker 1: with people you might date, with your family, members, your mum,
Speaker 1: and people that you find maybe want to come into
Speaker 1: your life for the wrong reason.
Speaker 4: Honestly, like, not at all, because the same or in
Speaker 4: my life other than my girlfriend ten years ago, the
Speaker 4: same people in my life now. And I mean it
Speaker 4: helps me pay for stuff for my parents, but outside
Speaker 4: of that, there's been no change. My five best friends
Speaker 4: and my five best friends, they were my five best
Speaker 4: friends ten years ago. And I don't go to celebrity
Speaker 4: parties and shmooths. I don't accept the invites to all
Speaker 4: of the fancy places. I just don't see a huge
Speaker 4: amount of value in that. It's not going to do
Speaker 4: anything for me to go and hang around with a
Speaker 4: list celebrities. It's not the type of person I am, honestly, like,
Speaker 4: I get to meet great people here at my table
Speaker 4: on the podcast, they come here to my house here
Speaker 4: in la in our studio in New York, but outside
Speaker 4: of that, I'm just not interested in it. I'm like
Speaker 4: well aware that it will do nothing for me. I'm
Speaker 4: well aware that all of that stuff I don't own,
Speaker 4: designer things. I could own every designer thing if I
Speaker 4: if I let myself loose, doesn't do anything for me.
Speaker 4: I wear the same out for every day.
Speaker 5: I was about to say, I don't think I've ever
Speaker 5: seen you in anything other than a black T shirt.
Speaker 4: It works, doesn't it?
Speaker 3: On my coloring?
Speaker 4: I wear this to work, and then I go from
Speaker 4: work to the gym, so and this is called twenty
Speaker 4: four to seven, so it's like it's gym material. So
Speaker 4: then the same with my trousers and my shoes that
Speaker 4: someone out for every day, and I have forty of
Speaker 4: This outfit represents something forty versions of.
Speaker 3: If it don't break, don't fix it exactly.
Speaker 4: Like I'm not playing that game. I'm not trying to
Speaker 4: be a fashion like on you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4: It's not my game. I play other games. I play
Speaker 4: this game, podcasting I do. I play the business, game
Speaker 4: Marked and game I write. Those are the games I'm playing.
Speaker 4: So this can just be localgnitive expense.
Speaker 3: Love that.
Speaker 5: Well, speaking about you writing, you are releasing a brand
Speaker 5: new book. It comes out today. It is called The
Speaker 5: Diary of CEO The Thirty three Laws of Business and Life,
Speaker 5: and Britta and I were very fortunately sent an advanced
Speaker 5: copy of this to read through, and we had all
Speaker 5: of twenty four hours to do so, what we did
Speaker 5: and something that I really I was very interested by.
Speaker 5: We talk a lot about relationships on this podcast, and
Speaker 5: I think something that we have learnt to say with
Speaker 5: our partners is that at times you're going.
Speaker 3: To have to agree to disagree.
Speaker 5: But in your book, one of the laws that you
Speaker 5: wrote is that you must never disagree.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so we're all guilty of hearing something and on
Speaker 4: a jerk reaction to something you know that's in conflict
Speaker 4: with our beliefs or something we didn't want to hear,
Speaker 4: is to say I disagree and then to make our point.
Speaker 4: And I just think it's important to realize that from
Speaker 4: a neurological perspective, when you do that, the other person's
Speaker 4: brain essentially shuts down. And this is what they've proven
Speaker 4: in multiple scientific studies. I expected Tully Sharrot, who's the
Speaker 4: neuroscientist that's done much of this research, and they just
Speaker 4: scan people's brains and situations where there's disagreement and the
Speaker 4: brain is basically shutting down, and when there's agreement, it's
Speaker 4: lighting up. So if your objective is to persuade the
Speaker 4: other person of your opinion or to resonate or connect
Speaker 4: with another person, disagreement is not the pathway. That is
Speaker 4: not a bridge. The bridge is finding similarities and this
Speaker 4: is what the brain says. So instead of I disagree,
Speaker 4: a much more effective approach. If your goal is to
Speaker 4: be heard and understood and to further whatever you know
Speaker 4: subject matter opinion, you have a much better approach might
Speaker 4: be to say something like I understand and hear what
Speaker 4: you're saying. I also think I understand what you're saying,
Speaker 4: and then to make your opinion. But you should fight
Speaker 4: desperately to keep their brain illuminated, because if you do that,
Speaker 4: then you'll be hurt and understood yourself. And this is
Speaker 4: why we get into arguments that sound like two broken
Speaker 4: records just shouting at each other because you're both I disagree,
Speaker 4: I disagree, I disagree. Both of your brains are closed off.
Speaker 4: And so again it's difficult because when emotions come into play,
Speaker 4: we all start acting on how we feel, much more
Speaker 4: than the knowledge that we have about how to communicate.
Speaker 4: So it's a discipline in every regard. But think about it.
Speaker 4: The only thing that stands in the way of you
Speaker 4: being Prime Minister of Australia or the number one salesperson
Speaker 4: in the world or the greatest philanthropist that's ever lived.
Speaker 4: Is a bunch of human beings. There's no other obstacles
Speaker 4: in life. It's a bunch of other human beings saying
Speaker 4: yes to you. And if you want to be effective
Speaker 4: at getting humans to say yes to you, you have
Speaker 4: to learn the simple skill of communication, which is the
Speaker 4: skill of sales. So it's important, like it probably determines
Speaker 4: how far you're going to go in life, whether you
Speaker 4: can persuade those human beings in your way of your
Speaker 4: ideas and your opinion. So disagreeing is not a useful thing.
Speaker 4: Finding a way to agreeably disagree is super smart and it's.
Speaker 6: Been a game changer for me.
Speaker 4: Like I'm in a relationship, it's difficult, you know, when
Speaker 4: your partner says something, it's difficult to listen. Sometimes it's
Speaker 4: difficult to understand. And it's difficult. For the first thing,
Speaker 4: that when my partners, you know, upset for me to
Speaker 4: repeat exactly back what she said to me, which is
Speaker 4: what I do to make sure I understand. And it's
Speaker 4: funny because I've been in relationships before where oh my god,
Speaker 4: old Steve, you said to me once here and I'll
Speaker 4: just come back at you you say it to me twice.
Speaker 4: I'm leaving win my new relationship, which I have been
Speaker 4: in now for four years, my partner says something to me.
Speaker 4: I listened to her, and I repeat back exactly what
Speaker 4: I think she's feeling and thinking. And the minute I
Speaker 4: do that, the broken record player stops spinning and she listens.
Speaker 4: It's the most magical thing I've ever seen. And it's
Speaker 4: an experiment I ran in my relationship. Repeat back to
Speaker 4: them what they said to you, and once they feel
Speaker 4: like they're understood, they won't feel they need to say
Speaker 4: it again. And then from that place, they're open to
Speaker 4: hear what you have to say because they feel heard
Speaker 4: and understood, which is the foundation of communication.
Speaker 5: That might be one of the best relationship bits of
Speaker 5: advice I've ever heard.
Speaker 3: I had Matthew Hawsey on the podcast No Don't Tell
Speaker 3: Matthew hows to that.
Speaker 1: I'm in a long distance relationship. My partner lives in
Speaker 1: Scotland and he's Swiss, and I can't tell you how
Speaker 1: many times last night was a point of contention, but
Speaker 1: how many times we say to each other, you're not listening,
Speaker 1: like you are not listening, and they say something back
Speaker 1: and doesn't matter how many times.
Speaker 3: I mean, we have different barriers.
Speaker 1: Obviously we don't see each other physically, and there's a
Speaker 1: language barrier. But maybe this is something I need to
Speaker 1: take on and like, we need to approach this in
Speaker 1: a different way.
Speaker 3: I hear you, I see you. You're wrong, but let's
Speaker 3: look at it this way. You don't say you're wrong disagreeing.
Speaker 3: I know, yeah, Stephen.
Speaker 1: One of the laws that I absolutely loved was this
Speaker 1: law where you said you must piss people off. And
Speaker 1: I love that because I feel like, without trying, I
Speaker 1: probably do piss a lot of people off. Why do
Speaker 1: you think we need to go through life and have
Speaker 1: people pissed at us?
Speaker 3: Explain that a little bit.
Speaker 4: So it's not that you should try and piss people off.
Speaker 4: It is the thing that you should try and do
Speaker 4: has an unavoidable side effect of pissing people off. So
Speaker 4: in any regard, whether you're a brand, whether you're trying
Speaker 4: to be heard and understood, the byproduct of that pursuit
Speaker 4: is you're going to piss people off.
Speaker 6: And here's what I mean.
Speaker 4: If you're a brand and you're in you know, let's
Speaker 4: take I don't know, a make brand for example, because
Speaker 4: there's some makeup on my table here. I didn't wear
Speaker 4: it today, but sometimes I wear it if I've got
Speaker 4: really bat skin.
Speaker 3: But I thought you were looking very conto it.
Speaker 4: This is just a great filter from this software that
Speaker 4: we're using. But I do have this makeuppey. So say
Speaker 4: you're a makeup brand, the way that you pierce through
Speaker 4: a saturated market where everybody is saying the same things,
Speaker 4: but everybody's saying we're environmentally friendly, we are cost effective,
Speaker 4: we're good for your skin. All of your competitors are
Speaker 4: going to say the exact same thing. Therefore, the consumers
Speaker 4: are all going to have heard the same messaging over
Speaker 4: and over again. And there's this thing in our brain
Speaker 4: that is a prehistoric device that makes sure we don't
Speaker 4: commit energy to things that we don't need to. So
Speaker 4: it's the same reason why today, when you woke up
Speaker 4: this morning, you guided through your house and got ready
Speaker 4: without thinking. You didn't have to think about where the
Speaker 4: kitchen was. Your brain, through this process called habituation, is
Speaker 4: deprioritizing that information and it's on autopilot. The same happens
Speaker 4: with messaging in life. So if you hear something every
Speaker 4: day like like and subscribe. We hear the same narratives
Speaker 4: every day, or the same thing from your makeup company.
Speaker 4: Your brain is just filtering it out. I call it
Speaker 4: the wallpaper filter. It doesn't even know it's there. So
Speaker 4: in order to be heard and understood in a world
Speaker 4: where your brain is literally filtering everything out that isn't important,
Speaker 4: so it can focus on the things that are, you
Speaker 4: have to use language that beats that filter. You have
Speaker 4: to have values that filter these makeup companies, they have to.
Speaker 4: I was talking about this yesterday. It's my team members.
Speaker 4: In saturated markets, you have to stand for something. You
Speaker 4: have to create a situation where even with your podcast,
Speaker 4: for example, you're so different because there's so many podcasts
Speaker 4: out there that it's not I could listen to your
Speaker 4: podcast or this podcast. It's your podcast or this podcast
Speaker 4: because your values are so distinct and so clear and
Speaker 4: so refined, which is why you pierce a saturated market
Speaker 4: that it's not I could listen to both it's this
Speaker 4: one or this one, because there's eighty percent of people
Speaker 4: which just never listen to you guys, But that twenty percent,
Speaker 4: because your values are so clear and distinctive, they love you.
Speaker 4: And I think the best brands in the world that
Speaker 4: I've studied and founders that I've spoken to, they do
Speaker 4: they piss off eighty percent of people. Their messaging is
Speaker 4: so clear, it is so unapologetic, it is so disruptive.
Speaker 1: We had Mark Manson on the podcast a little while
Speaker 1: ago for those listening, the author of The Suddle out
Speaker 1: of Not Giving a Fuck.
Speaker 3: Do you think that this is a big reason.
Speaker 1: Obviously, his book's incredible, but a big reason he had
Speaker 1: such cut through at the beginning is because of the
Speaker 1: language he used in this title.
Speaker 6: One hundred percent.
Speaker 4: You know, I talk about that in my book that
Speaker 4: authors started swearing on the front covers for this very reason,
Speaker 4: And when you've spoken. When I spoke to a couple
Speaker 4: of people that publish these books, they said the same thing.
Speaker 4: They said, we realized that a lot of people are
Speaker 4: going to be annoyed by the swearing on these books.
Speaker 4: But the upside is that we'll capture attention and we'll
Speaker 4: make more sales. So case we're accepting the fact that
Speaker 4: sixty percent of people are going to walk through bookstores
Speaker 4: and be annoyed at us for swearing on the books.
Speaker 4: We accept the fact that some bookshops won't even put
Speaker 4: the book in there, But the forty percent that do
Speaker 4: is going to be enough for us to make incrementally
Speaker 4: more sales than we would have otherwise. This is a
Speaker 4: point about like messaging language, personal brand. If you guys
Speaker 4: take to social media and you start making social media
Speaker 4: clips and there's thousands of clips and there's a short
Speaker 4: amount of attention, the way you stand out is by
Speaker 4: beating that wallpaper filter, using more provocative language than everybody else,
Speaker 4: by having more clear, defined provocative values than everybody else,
Speaker 4: standing for something more than anybody else, being the person
Speaker 4: in the pub that is dancing on the table, not
Speaker 4: sat on the chairs. By dancing on the table, you
Speaker 4: piss some people off and some people like it. But
Speaker 4: the least, I'll say, I'll conclude with this, the least
Speaker 4: profitable outcome in life when you're building a personal brand,
Speaker 4: starting a podcast, making a brand, or anything is indifference.
Speaker 4: It is the worst place to be an indifference is
Speaker 4: where nobody cares about this was written on the walls
Speaker 4: of my company back in the day. Make them feel
Speaker 4: something either way. In difference, where nobody cares, you can't
Speaker 4: take that to the bank. You can take hate to
Speaker 4: the bank and love to the bank. Both of that's attention.
Speaker 4: You can't take an difference to the bank, and so
Speaker 4: people are scared. Like if you think about people that
Speaker 4: really break out, if we think just think about some
Speaker 4: people that are like running cold right now, or even Trump.
Speaker 6: You know that he's not indifferent.
Speaker 3: Oprais on that outrage culture, doesn't.
Speaker 1: He Yeah, I feel like outrage cultures having a real moment.
Speaker 1: But maybe it's not genuine outrage. Maybe what we're seeing
Speaker 1: is people that just want to create some noise, hate
Speaker 1: or love. Because the old any publicity is good publishing.
Speaker 5: In your book, you wrote and I'm quoting this in business, sports,
Speaker 5: and academia, and individual's personal philosophies are the single biggest
Speaker 5: predictors of how they'll behave now and in the future.
Speaker 5: If you know someone's philosophy or belief so you can
Speaker 5: accurately forecast how they'll behave in any situation. From this,
Speaker 5: I'm really interested in what some of your philosophies are
Speaker 5: and like how in the business world you have created
Speaker 5: values that have led to consistent behavior within yourself.
Speaker 4: I mean, I've got so many important personal philosophies. I
Speaker 4: would say that the most important one, as I believe
Speaker 4: it now, is to sweat the small stuff. I genuinely believe, like,
Speaker 4: if people think the podcast that we've done is big
Speaker 4: this month, the thing we'll do my thayth for million downloads.
Speaker 4: We just hit three million subscribers on YouTube.
Speaker 3: Yes, Sam songratulations.
Speaker 4: Funny thing is not perform a good podcast host. And
Speaker 4: I said this on LinkedIn the other day. It's not
Speaker 4: because we have the most talented team in the world.
Speaker 4: Because when Jack joined, he was the first employee. He'd
Speaker 4: never done this before. He was a freelance felance of
Speaker 4: that recorded stuff, but he wasn't it never made a
Speaker 4: show before. The thing is and the thing where I go,
Speaker 4: that's our big philosophical advantage of everybody and this is
Speaker 4: the same in my businesses or anything that I get
Speaker 4: involved in, is we absolutely care more about the small
Speaker 4: stuff than everybody else.
Speaker 6: And that's an interesting right.
Speaker 4: So, like that's an interesting thing because you go, like
Speaker 4: the table I'm sad at now is the table I
Speaker 4: record the podcast. Act underneath this table, which you can't see,
Speaker 4: there's a track pad, an Apple track pad glued to
Speaker 4: the underside of the table. And when I'm doing the podcast,
Speaker 4: if the guess is something interesting, I just click it.
Speaker 4: You can't even see my hands. I click it with
Speaker 4: my fingerpue using AI to my team, and that becomes
Speaker 4: one of the titles and thumbnil we take ninety of
Speaker 4: those titles and thumbs now so ninety clicks that I
Speaker 4: did under the table. We run them as ads on
Speaker 4: Facebook for the episode comes out for seven days to
Speaker 4: find out which title and topic is the most important
Speaker 4: to lead. I could tell you a million things we do.
Speaker 4: They are tiny things, small small things, the temperature of
Speaker 4: the room, knowing that when Israel Ada Sana got here,
Speaker 4: the song double Up by Nipsey Hustle is a song
Speaker 4: that makes him emotional and makes him open up. I
Speaker 4: could tell you a million of these tiny things that
Speaker 4: we do. And it's all of these little things that
Speaker 4: have added up but no one sees. So people look
Speaker 4: in and when they do their sort of dissection of
Speaker 4: the Diri Ofverseea and I watch these on TikTok, They're like,
Speaker 4: he's a good host, the trailers are great. I'm like, no, no, no,
Speaker 4: no no no. It's all the stuff you can't see.
Speaker 4: And that's and I can see it in the graph
Speaker 4: I can see the graph is changing because of these
Speaker 4: small tweaks. So my personal philosophy asn't related to success
Speaker 4: is I'm absolutely obsessed with the smallest things. The thing
Speaker 4: with the small stuff is things that are easy to do,
Speaker 4: like saving one pounds of brushing your teeth, are also
Speaker 4: therefore easy not to do, so most people don't do them.
Speaker 4: They don't think they're important. I think they're really important.
Speaker 4: And it's not just that. The other thing about doing
Speaker 4: the small stuff is it's easier to find one hundred
Speaker 4: tiny things than it is to find one big thing.
Speaker 4: Like I can't reinvent the will with podcasting. I'm not
Speaker 4: going to find a new YouTube or Spotify, am I.
Speaker 4: I can find that it's very easy for a team
Speaker 4: and for me to find one hundred small things, and
Speaker 4: that equals one hundred percent gain. It actually is more
Speaker 4: when things compound, It's much more than one hundred percent
Speaker 4: if you're thinking about compounding returns. And also the science
Speaker 4: has shown and I've sat here with Sir David Brailsford
Speaker 4: who became the head of the English cycling team. He
Speaker 4: went into that team when they were down and out
Speaker 4: and winning nothing, and he turned it around to make
Speaker 4: them the most successful team in the world. And he
Speaker 4: had the same philosophy. He went and found out, can
Speaker 4: I make the water bottles a little bit bigger? Can
Speaker 4: I make the pillows in the hotels a little bit softer?
Speaker 4: And it wasn't just the accumulation of many, many one
Speaker 4: percent gains, he said to me, the most important thing
Speaker 4: from a psychological perspective, when you find small gains or
Speaker 4: any gains, is it makes your team feel like you're moving,
Speaker 4: like you have a sense of progress. And he goes,
Speaker 4: when I went into that English cycling team, we found
Speaker 4: all of these small little ways to improve, and suddenly
Speaker 4: this depressed team quote unquote, we felt like we were
Speaker 4: going somewhere. So from a psychological perspective, you see our
Speaker 4: team here when we find a one percent game, the
Speaker 4: phrase one percent is the most popular phrase used in
Speaker 4: our team. We have a head of experimentation, full time job,
Speaker 4: a full time data scientist on the podcast again full
Speaker 4: time job we've got from my CU and we have
Speaker 4: a channel in our called the one percent Chat where
Speaker 4: we're all looking for one percent games and when we
Speaker 4: find what it's like a celebration, you know. And just
Speaker 4: to conclude, their Harvard Business Review went and interviewed people
Speaker 4: in work and asked them when their most enjoyable day
Speaker 4: in work was. Then they looked at those days, and
Speaker 4: people had pointed at days when they had a sense
Speaker 4: of progress. So from a psychological perspective, it made people motivated.
Speaker 4: From a business perspective, it adds up to change the game.
Speaker 4: And I think all those small things equal a really
Speaker 4: really big thing. That's my big personal philosophy for anyone
Speaker 4: that's like just starting in a podcast, it is the
Speaker 4: best news I can possibly give you because you don't
Speaker 4: need to make some amazing higher We didn't. You don't
Speaker 4: need to be super famous. I remember my manager walking
Speaker 4: in one day and said he had anxiety because no
Speaker 4: one wanted to come on the podcast and we needed
Speaker 4: to put it out this week.
Speaker 6: And I'm going, have you got any friends you can call? Steve?
Speaker 4: So I called this guy called Dad, who was a
Speaker 4: mate of mine. That is episode like seven. No one
Speaker 4: was interested When you have seven thousand subscribers on YouTube, like,
Speaker 4: no one's interested in it, wanted to come on. But
Speaker 4: the thing and if you thok the last ninety days,
Speaker 4: we've had a million more subscribers in the last ninety days,
Speaker 4: so the laws of compounding sake goes really slow, and
Speaker 4: asked did and then it went like the Burj Khalifa.
Speaker 4: And honestly, the thing I'm pint at, which means it's
Speaker 4: accessible to everybody, is look at what you're doing every
Speaker 4: day and find a way to make it one percent better.
Speaker 6: Isn't that easy to do? One percent?
Speaker 5: I feel like that's what we're going to have to
Speaker 5: call the name of this episode, one percent better. Yeah, Stephen.
Speaker 5: Something I'd love to finish the podcast is in the
Speaker 5: same way that you do your guest, pose a question
Speaker 5: for your next guest without knowing who it's going to be.
Speaker 3: What would your question be? For all of us?
Speaker 5: Like listening to think about an answer between ourselves interesting.
Speaker 4: So I want you to ask each other how you
Speaker 4: could both be will to send better?
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm only thinking about it.
Speaker 4: So I remember Simon Sinek. One of the things that
Speaker 4: me and Simon Sinic always do with each other.
Speaker 5: My favorite episodes.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we give each other critical feedback, so he calls
Speaker 4: it like notes. So we'll do something together and I'll
Speaker 4: turn tim and say, Simon, how could I have been
Speaker 4: better today? And he'll tell me honestly, and I believe
Speaker 4: that a good criticism coming from a good place is
Speaker 4: worth its weight in gold. It's much more useful their
Speaker 4: five star review. So I would you two tell each
Speaker 4: other how you both could be better?
Speaker 6: I love that, as in you give pical feedback to
Speaker 6: each other.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I love that because it quite uncomfortable conversations, which
Speaker 4: I think and more important.
Speaker 1: We're going to slide it back into dem and let
Speaker 1: you know how we're going to be better.
Speaker 3: Stephen. We are going to let you go.
Speaker 1: But I have one last question, and that is if
Speaker 1: you possibly can do this. Out of every interview you've
Speaker 1: ever done, has there been one that's really stood out
Speaker 1: where you've walked away and you're like, I've learnt so much,
Speaker 1: I'm a different person now, something that's sort of at
Speaker 1: the forefront.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'd say it was episode one hundred and one
Speaker 4: with a guy called mo gor Dat. It was actually
Speaker 4: the and he's not a list he wasn't a famous person.
Speaker 4: So when you find out that in twenty twenty two,
Speaker 4: I'm going to say it was the most shared podcast
Speaker 4: episode in our country on Apple. According to Apple, they
Speaker 4: released the data at the end of the year and
Speaker 4: episode that episode was the most shared, and that's a
Speaker 4: key thing shared. That means one friend passed it to another.
Speaker 4: He was the ex head of Google who left when
Speaker 4: his son died in a routine operation. Gave up everything
Speaker 4: he had in his life. He was at very top
Speaker 4: and said, give up everything. I'm just going to go
Speaker 4: and find out what happiness is. And he goes on
Speaker 4: this search to figure out what happiness is. And he
Speaker 4: taught me so many things about managing your emotions, happiness
Speaker 4: and managing your happiness as well. And one of the
Speaker 4: key ideas he said to me, which I've always thought
Speaker 4: about ever since, is he said to me, you're happy
Speaker 4: when your expectations of how your life is supposed to
Speaker 4: be going are met. And from that one can also
Speaker 4: deduce that you're unhappy when your expectations of how your
Speaker 4: life is supposed to be going go unmeat. And I
Speaker 4: came from Botswana right at like two years old. In Botswana,
Speaker 4: a nice hot bowl of rice for many people is
Speaker 4: makes them happy. You come here to London and in
Speaker 4: Mayfair in London, if a billionaire's steak isn't medium rare
Speaker 4: like they requested. Visceral anger right, and you go, what's
Speaker 4: the difference? You go under expectations and then look around
Speaker 4: the rest of your life with your partner, your boyfriend,
Speaker 4: your husband, your colleagues at work, the person that cuts
Speaker 4: you off in traffic. When expectations go unmet, you have unhappiness.
Speaker 4: So if we're aware of that and we reflect on that,
Speaker 4: that means in to some degree, our happiness on a
Speaker 4: daily basis is controllable if we don't slip into unconsciousness.
Speaker 4: And for me, that means, you know, go back a
Speaker 4: couple of years. I got on a plane for the
Speaker 4: first time to go on holiday at twenty one years old.
Speaker 4: That me and my family didn't have the means to
Speaker 4: go on holiday. So I was twenty one years old.
Speaker 4: I was on this plane to Thailand and I get
Speaker 4: in the economy section and I just can't believe. What
Speaker 4: I'm seeing is Tim cann is going to attempt to
Speaker 4: fly across the world. I'm in economy and I'm like,
Speaker 4: oh my god. I'm looking at the safety manual. I'm
Speaker 4: oh my god, this is incredible. I'm blown away. I'm euphoric.
Speaker 4: My expectations are exceeded. Fast forward five years, twenty nineteen,
Speaker 4: I'm flying fifty weeks a year. I'm traveling in business class,
Speaker 4: in first class. I'm rushing on these planes, throwing my
Speaker 4: bag up, pulling my laptop out in first class, just
Speaker 4: trying to get on my laptop before I lose internet connection.
Speaker 4: And then one day I look over and I see
Speaker 4: Jenny with her husband, clearly on an engagement or something.
Speaker 6: They just got engaged.
Speaker 4: She's like sipping the champagne. She's putting on the s Dave, Dave,
Speaker 4: look at this, They've got robes. She is over the
Speaker 4: moon that used to be me an economy?
Speaker 6: Where did that go?
Speaker 4: Where did my happiness go? When it went out the
Speaker 4: door with my expectations. I've got used to my life
Speaker 4: and through that process of what I called earlier on
Speaker 4: that habituation where we just get used to things in
Speaker 4: our lives. Unfortunately, we get used to the emotions and
Speaker 4: the emotions leave too. So if we want to hold
Speaker 4: on to that joy of life and not let it
Speaker 4: go out the door when we become more and more successful,
Speaker 4: like your podcast is going to take over the world.
Speaker 6: And you're going to be there one day, You're.
Speaker 4: Going to hit ten gazillion subscribers and you're going to
Speaker 4: feel zilch because you're going to like, if we're unconscious,
Speaker 4: we expect gratitude and euphoria to show up, whereas the
Speaker 4: truth is about Euphorian gratitude is we have to it
Speaker 4: has to be a practice.
Speaker 6: We have to.
Speaker 4: Like so when I got on a plane, now I
Speaker 4: stop before I walk in the plane, just when you
Speaker 4: get to the little door part of the plane, I stop,
Speaker 4: and I remind myself how absolutely unbelievably mental it is
Speaker 4: that I'm about to go and sit in that really
Speaker 4: push section at the front of the plane. And that's
Speaker 4: Steve Barler's six years ago is stealing pizzas to feed
Speaker 4: himself and working in call center. Isn't it absolutely mental
Speaker 4: that I get to see here? It makes happiness a
Speaker 4: key part of my life by doing that practice, and
Speaker 4: we could all do that every day.
Speaker 1: Yeah, perspective truly is the most beautiful thing. It's definitely
Speaker 1: the thing that I love the most from doing this
Speaker 1: podcast and speaking to different people. These are the conversations
Speaker 1: people need to hear just to reconnect with reality and
Speaker 1: be present and grateful for what you've got. But Steven,
Speaker 1: this has been one of those moments for us in
Speaker 1: our career. We thought, if we can ever speak with
Speaker 1: you on the podcast, that's going to be one of
Speaker 1: those moments. So we're definitely going to hang up from
Speaker 1: you and celebrate after.
Speaker 3: We'll be cool on the podcast.
Speaker 1: But we can't thank you enough for your time. We
Speaker 1: know you're a very busy man. Say thanks for joining
Speaker 1: us today.
Speaker 6: Thank you so much. You guys are great.
Speaker 4: I'm so wanted to be invited on and everyone's told
Speaker 4: me about your show and how special it is so
Speaker 4: wonderful that.
Speaker 6: I could coin and speak.
Speaker 4: Yeah, of course they have. I don't really do podcasts.
Speaker 4: I didn't do that. So a lot of people said
Speaker 4: a lot of nice things about you guys. So everyone,
Speaker 4: so thank you for having me.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much everyone.
Speaker 1: The Diary of CEO The thirty three Laws of Business
Speaker 1: and Life out today everywhere.
Speaker 3: You can get your books.
Speaker 6: Appreciate it.
Speaker 1: You guys know we don't finish an episode without our
Speaker 1: suck and our sweet the highlight, the low light.
Speaker 3: Laura Burne, you want to kick it off, all right,
Speaker 3: So my suck for the week.
Speaker 2: Last week it was a hairy, scary, touch and go
Speaker 2: whet there with little Lola Ellis Johnson. I just forgot
Speaker 2: my child's middle name for one second. No one ever
Speaker 2: uses a middle name Lola el.
Speaker 1: I actually don't even know if I knew that when
Speaker 1: you just said that, that was foreign in my brain
Speaker 1: because she's just Melon, Lola Melon Johnson.
Speaker 3: Totally.
Speaker 5: Why was everyone our age they all had one of
Speaker 5: three names, Anne, Louise.
Speaker 3: Or Jane. I'm sorry, no one's had Mayo.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't have brit sits outside of like the norm,
Speaker 2: well and truly outside the box. But my middle name
Speaker 2: is Anne and my sister's middle name is Louise. Like,
Speaker 2: we couldn't be bigger cliches. And this generation, our generation
Speaker 2: of children, every single person has a middle name may
Speaker 2: and everyone says it's a family name.
Speaker 3: It was my name, blah blah blah. I get it.
Speaker 2: Every single every single kid in Molly May's daycare is may.
Speaker 1: Ben goes to me, So, just so I understand, does
Speaker 1: our kid have to be called male?
Speaker 3: It's a family name?
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, that's how is that interesting?
Speaker 5: Okay? I feel like you might need to explain this
Speaker 5: for people who haven't heard you talk about it before,
Speaker 5: because when I first heard I truly thought it was
Speaker 5: a piss take.
Speaker 1: But it's not so if you haven't heard it, my
Speaker 1: middle name is Mayo, like the condiment.
Speaker 3: Why is it a family name? Rumor has it, legend
Speaker 3: has it, and I don't know.
Speaker 1: Legend has it that one of my relatives was involved
Speaker 1: in the Mayo Clinic, which is the renowned medical clinic,
Speaker 1: and so it was something that went off the back
Speaker 1: of that.
Speaker 3: I don't know. I just know that one kid each generation.
Speaker 3: So my mum had it.
Speaker 1: She's one of four, and her mum had it and
Speaker 1: she was one of four. So it's just like one
Speaker 1: of those things.
Speaker 3: I don't know. Fuck, my kid's gonna be Mayo. I
Speaker 3: hope they never ask me why. If my kid says, Mum,
Speaker 3: why do I.
Speaker 1: Have Mayo, I'm gonna say, your grandparents use mayonnaise instead
Speaker 1: of loop.
Speaker 3: Please don't say that. Don't terrible sex education? Really imagine
Speaker 3: that legend going on through the next generation. That's terrible.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, anyway, look back to my suck for the week.
Speaker 2: But my suck for the week is Lola had a
Speaker 2: terrible is The ear infection started when we were in
Speaker 2: Magnetic Island. Were told it was just like a viral thing.
Speaker 2: She didn't need any antibiotics. Turns out the kid needed
Speaker 2: some antibiotics. We just had like four nights, consecutive nights
Speaker 2: of her screaming and being possessed like the devil, like
Speaker 2: levitating up from the bed, and then on the fourth
Speaker 2: night of that last week.
Speaker 3: You did the exorcism.
Speaker 2: No, her ear drum perforated overnight. And I think anyone
Speaker 2: who's got little kid who's had a terrible ear infection,
Speaker 2: it like absolutely peaked with pain for her. And then
Speaker 2: the perforated ear drums like all this gunk just oozes
Speaker 2: out of their ear.
Speaker 3: So I came in the.
Speaker 2: Morning and it was all over her pillow, all down
Speaker 2: her neck, pussy, ear wax, And anyway, after that happens
Speaker 2: and the pressure is kind of relieved, they start to
Speaker 2: feel better really really quickly. But also then their ear
Speaker 2: drum is open, so you've got to be careful with antibiotics,
Speaker 2: and they you got to keep him away from water
Speaker 2: and blah blah blah blah blah. Ear infections are sucky.
Speaker 2: My sweet for the week is that yesterday we had
Speaker 2: some of our really close friends over for a lunch
Speaker 2: at our house. My mom my mother in Law was there.
Speaker 2: You guys came. Keisha was wildly hungover. Keisha were at toblarone.
Speaker 2: It was such a beautiful afternoon. One of our really
Speaker 2: beautiful family friend's Falcon. So Falcon was Matt's minder on
Speaker 2: The Bachelor, and a minder is basically like he was
Speaker 2: Matt's chaperone.
Speaker 1: So they did that exactly that they mind you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so like when you are the Bachelor or you're
Speaker 2: a contestant on the Bachelor, you get given a minder,
Speaker 2: and it's the person who means that you can't have
Speaker 2: your phone, like they can't stop you from getting access to.
Speaker 3: The outside world. They basically babysit you.
Speaker 2: So Falcon was Matt's babysitter for the entire time that
Speaker 2: he was a bachelor. And now he's gone on. He
Speaker 2: works for Hay Mission Zoe Blake. He's their pa. He's
Speaker 2: such a cool and interesting person and he is so
Speaker 2: beautifully generous and he organized this unbelievably incredible gift. So
Speaker 2: he organized his friend who is a chef, to come
Speaker 2: and do homemade pass with Marley.
Speaker 3: She got to create Nyocki. It was all very Italian
Speaker 3: and very like.
Speaker 2: It was beautiful but his name was Chef Johny, and
Speaker 2: he came and he just like brought so much food,
Speaker 2: to the point where every single person that was there,
Speaker 2: like all our families and friends, were sitting there with
Speaker 2: their pants underne.
Speaker 1: I had to undo my belt as a step one,
Speaker 1: and then step two was I had to take my
Speaker 1: jeans down.
Speaker 3: All right, what is your suck? My suck?
Speaker 1: I said it at the start, But nothing's going to
Speaker 1: overtake it. This week is just my eggs or my
Speaker 1: lack thereof that's it. I mean, I've already spoken about it,
Speaker 1: but it was just a real shock and I wasn't
Speaker 1: expecting it, which made it worse. But I guess now
Speaker 1: moving forward, the expectation would be there. I think i'd
Speaker 1: expect less, so anything that I get that's more is
Speaker 1: a bonus. So rough week, and a lot of people
Speaker 1: messaged me. I didn't say this at the start of chat.
Speaker 3: A lot of people.
Speaker 1: Messaged me their journeys with egg freezing. And my heart
Speaker 1: goes out to all of you, because not all of
Speaker 1: them most successful. Some people didn't even make it. Some
Speaker 1: people didn't get any some people, you know, lots of
Speaker 1: different problems. So I guess, just know that everyone going
Speaker 1: through it might feel like you're the only person that
Speaker 1: is having.
Speaker 3: These results, but you're not.
Speaker 1: There are so many other women that are experiencing this
Speaker 1: as well. So my thoughts are with everybody going through it.
Speaker 1: My sweet I'm not going, you know, we don't have
Speaker 1: to revisit it. But my sweet is pasta, the four
Speaker 1: Courses of Pasta. It was like all my dreams come
Speaker 1: true as someone that would have pasta for breakfast. I
Speaker 1: frock the whole Thing's sweet.
Speaker 3: It was also Falcon Monte Cristo.
Speaker 1: My Sweeden is also Falcon Monte Cristo.
Speaker 3: Tisha my suck for the week.
Speaker 5: Last night, I was having a shower with my boyfriend.
Speaker 5: And there's this thing about like apartments in Bondai are
Speaker 5: disgustingly overpriced. Right, my apartment doesn't even have skirting boards,
Speaker 5: It's got no fly screens. It is such a bare
Speaker 5: bones apartment. But I pay a lot of money for it,
Speaker 5: as we all do. Anyway, one thing about the apartment,
Speaker 5: and I've just gotten to the point where I'm like,
Speaker 5: I can't live like this anymore, is that you have
Speaker 5: specifically five minutes of hot water.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's rough. Whoe to go I cannot my hair
Speaker 3: in one go.
Speaker 5: I've got to stop the hot water halfway through and
Speaker 5: let the conditioner soak in.
Speaker 1: So what I'm hearing is you're trying to get freaky.
Speaker 3: Last night, like I was so hungover. It was not
Speaker 3: a sexy shower.
Speaker 5: It was just that two people needed to shower and
Speaker 5: he was in there for about three minutes before I
Speaker 5: got to the shower, and so I had to like
Speaker 5: shower in the cold, and I was just like, how
Speaker 5: am I thirty years old paying this amount of money
Speaker 5: for an apartment that I cannot.
Speaker 3: Even have a funking shower in. That's really upsetting. Do
Speaker 3: you know what else is upsetting?
Speaker 2: I would have thought that your suck for the week
Speaker 2: was the fact that because all these photos of you
Speaker 2: with your face and a bucket and.
Speaker 3: Your ass out, I would have thought that that was
Speaker 3: your suck.
Speaker 5: I blocked it out to give a bit of context
Speaker 5: that I had a celebration and this is my sweet
Speaker 5: I've had two of the best weekends of my life
Speaker 5: back to back. You guys are big parts of that.
Speaker 5: Because we've hung out on both of those weekends. I
Speaker 5: have gotten to do things to celebrate my thirtieth birthday.
Speaker 5: We're speaking about how I wasn't really a birthday, but
Speaker 5: I just have had such a beautiful reminder of how
Speaker 5: phenomenal the people that I have in my life are.
Speaker 3: And so we went and had lots and lots and
Speaker 3: lots of mugs.
Speaker 2: On Saturday, Kisha celebrated it with bottomless margaritas, and let
Speaker 2: me tell you, it was bottomless by the end of
Speaker 2: the night.
Speaker 3: I have seen the photographic evidence of that bottom.
Speaker 5: Toblerone took a picture of me and I can't remember this,
Speaker 5: but I've got a jumper on and I'm laying over
Speaker 5: my bed and yes, look I did have my head
Speaker 5: in a bucket.
Speaker 3: It wasn't my best moment.
Speaker 5: And your whole bare bum is showing and it's like
Speaker 5: it's not hot anyway.
Speaker 3: It looks great.
Speaker 1: It was a good bar and the light was hitting it.
Speaker 1: After threat angle it was quite shimmery. It was like
Speaker 1: a shimmery, smooth, tanned butt.
Speaker 2: Honestly, if you were ever going to have a photo
Speaker 2: of someone vomiting with their face in a bucket, like
Speaker 2: it was a beautiful bomb.
Speaker 3: By the end of it. She goes, Hey falcom Onte Cristo,
Speaker 3: I want to see mask.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that was a particularly low PoID and I had
Speaker 5: the seediest hangover yesterday, but all worth it. I just had.
Speaker 5: I've had two the best weekends of my life. It's
Speaker 5: like you said, it's the people you have around you,
Speaker 5: people like Falcon that would just make you feel good
Speaker 5: after tell your presents.
Speaker 1: You don't even know him that well, and Falcon's a
Speaker 1: person you say over Laura and I who he's been
Speaker 1: every day with.
Speaker 2: Falcon is also caciou sweet. Anyway, guys, that is it
Speaker 2: from us today. We hope that you love the episode.
Speaker 2: We hope that you learned something, and like we said,
Speaker 2: please go and do the one percent chat with your
Speaker 2: family or with your friends or with yourself and figure
Speaker 2: out what is that one thing that you can change
Speaker 2: that will incrementally make your life better.
Speaker 3: And if you have loved the episode, share it with
Speaker 3: a friend.
Speaker 2: Subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts or Spotify wherever
Speaker 2: you listen to your podcast, so that is always dropping
Speaker 2: into your feed the moment that it is released.
Speaker 5: And let Stephen Bartlett know that you really enjoyed him
Speaker 5: being on My fun cut and then he might come
Speaker 5: and join us again.
Speaker 1: Tag him he's tag and tag him, share this episode, tag, tag, tag, tag,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, please. The thing that really helps us and
Speaker 1: the thing we really if you do one thing this
Speaker 1: week is to share the episode, put on your story,
Speaker 1: tell a friend, word of mouth, anything, but we really
Speaker 1: appreciate you share in the love. So don't forget Tell
Speaker 1: your mom, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends,
Speaker 1: and share that love.
Speaker 3: Because we are love. I share that love really really
Speaker 3: like brought it home today. I get thrown so easy,
Speaker 3: I said one where different. Laura's eyes were like no.
Speaker 3: I was like, what are you doing? Why and share
Speaker 3: that love. I'm just trying something new. Bye, my babe,