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Speaker 1: Mom always always said be careful love those almboys.

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Speaker 2: It well, use your head.

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Speaker 1: They will tear you up like a paper tour.

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Speaker 2: Oh no no no, yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah, oh no no no, then the SMALLAGEI

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Speaker 1: dalling anyway, It's a lil Faughts that'll bring you down

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Speaker 1: shot to get your tipsy like god, drink love drunk girls.

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Speaker 2: Hi, I'm Amanda and I'm Rumby.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to It's layers.

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Speaker 2: We're at a long distance friendship that started over twenty

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Speaker 2: years ago when we were in high school.

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Speaker 3: We'll be talking about all things life, love, family, and

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Speaker 3: anything and everything else under the sun.

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Speaker 2: Don't deeper with us because I'm like, you know, Jine malays, hey,

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Speaker 2: as I support my water. What's new with you?

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Speaker 3: No, I'm good. I'm good. Like literally, I'm stuck indoors.

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Speaker 3: Even those like nice and sunny out and people are

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Speaker 3: I'm just like, nah, I'm not about this life. It

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Speaker 3: just makes you think, like it's so funny how we

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Speaker 3: can sometimes compare ourselves what other people are doing. I

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Speaker 3: feel like such a lazy.

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Speaker 2: Bumb I'm with you, especially when it's a like nice day,

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Speaker 2: good weather and there's a vibe out there. Mom with

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Speaker 2: you mm hmm. Yeah. For me, I think I've always

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Speaker 2: felt bad for sleeping in or chilling or like just relaxing,

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Speaker 2: because growing up it was always like, oh check that out.

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Speaker 2: What do I say, like in what that means for

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Speaker 2: those who don't understand sh and I mean, you're still

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Speaker 2: sleeping you know, like girls don't sleep in, you have

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Speaker 2: to X y Z. And there's always been like that level.

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Speaker 2: So there's a level of guilt that's always like nagging

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Speaker 2: because you're constantly growing up being compared to what other

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Speaker 2: girls are supposed to do, et cetera. So yeah, that

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Speaker 2: is too. Our topic for today, Amanda, which is you

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Speaker 2: can comparison culture?

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Speaker 3: What do what do you think comparison culture is for

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Speaker 3: you and me? You obviously gave a very good example.

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Speaker 2: Then it's African upbringing. That's the definition. Basically, if you're black,

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Speaker 2: you know what it is.

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Speaker 3: World Asians got it to we really.

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Speaker 2: Like I feel for our people. I feel for Asians.

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Speaker 2: I feel because I think it's just the idea that

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Speaker 2: your performance, who you are, what you do, how you

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Speaker 2: do it is constantly benchmarked against somebody else, never good enough.

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Speaker 2: That's basically what it is. Really. I don't know what

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Speaker 2: do you think?

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Speaker 3: No, totally, I agree with you one hundred. Like it's

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Speaker 3: like from an early age, you know, it's like keeping

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Speaker 3: up with the Joneses to another level. Like yes, it's

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Speaker 3: like everything they do you should be doing. You should

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Speaker 3: be the one. And even if you are on top,

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Speaker 3: so to speak, you're still being compared. Like it's like

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Speaker 3: a benchmark you can never reach.

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Speaker 2: Yes, percent, it's unattainable. That's really what it is. Would

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Speaker 2: you say it's healthy to have compared because I mean, look,

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Speaker 2: businesses have what they call benchmarking, like looking at whether

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Speaker 2: the competitors doing what others are doing, so you see

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Speaker 2: like if you match up or if you need to

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Speaker 2: level up, level up.

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Speaker 3: I mean, look a look at Instagram with reels and TikTok.

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Speaker 3: That was exactly Instagram needs to be about all the photos.

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Speaker 2: Now it's a completely different beast. So is it healthy?

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Speaker 2: Do you feel as something we do is it necessary?

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Speaker 3: I think it's innate, Like I do think it's it's

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Speaker 3: hard to separate yourself from it, but I think you

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Speaker 3: can use it in a healthy way where you're like, Okay,

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Speaker 3: this maybe this is what I ought to do or

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Speaker 3: I should be doing but I think as you grow

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Speaker 3: older or as more voices compare you, the line becomes

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Speaker 3: thinner from when it's healthy to when it's unhealthy, especially

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Speaker 3: like yeah, if you're constantly getting it, then you just

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Speaker 3: feel like you're inadequate. Right, so it's like a healthy dose,

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Speaker 3: but not like every single thing you do, which it

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Speaker 3: happens as you said, African parenting, Asian parenting, where it's

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Speaker 3: like every aspect of your life is definitely compared to

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Speaker 3: someone else. And I don't think that's healthy at all.

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Speaker 2: And I think it breeds, especially especially a young impressionable age.

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Speaker 2: It can breed a low self esteem. It can breed

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Speaker 2: a sense of like not being enough or not, do

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Speaker 2: you know what I mean? Like there's so many things, yeah,

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Speaker 2: like developing, but do you remember the first time you

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Speaker 2: felt it like, yo, I'm being compared to ling LINGI

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Speaker 2: also and so like how young start like for those more.

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Speaker 3: Shows, shout out to my oldest brother who's forty today birthday,

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Speaker 3: so yeah, it's how fitting and recording this episode on

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Speaker 3: his birthday and then it just he is obviously like

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Speaker 3: he's five years older than me. So the comparison was

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Speaker 3: like also because like when you have your kids that apart,

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Speaker 3: almost like parents forget like how to have a baby

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Speaker 3: in the house, how to So it's like then they

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Speaker 3: just always ah so never used to cry this much, solo,

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Speaker 3: never used to solo, never used to solow, never used

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Speaker 3: to solo. Never. I was like, oh my god, I

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Speaker 3: heard you, like you know, like it's just when he

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Speaker 3: was ten. I was five. So you can see, Like

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Speaker 3: the growth aspect is always like you're reaching, and I

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Speaker 3: think in some ways for me, it makes you grow

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Speaker 3: up so quickly because you're like playing, you always want

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Speaker 3: to catch up to your older siblings, right, but then

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Speaker 3: when you got five years between you like catching up

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Speaker 3: to do. There's a lot of catching up to do,

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Speaker 3: you know.

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Speaker 2: So.

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Speaker 3: And also it was a boy, and I think generally

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Speaker 3: in all cultures it's perceived that boys are easier to raise.

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Speaker 3: I think the fear aspect of them being lost or

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Speaker 3: being naughty is more accepted, whereas with girls, like no,

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Speaker 3: you got to be right, you got to be calm,

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Speaker 3: you got to be you know, the good woman. So obviously,

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Speaker 3: like yeah, the comparisons were like always like I can't

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Speaker 3: I don't even think I realized that it was happening.

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Speaker 3: Was always it was normal, and then it creates animosity

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Speaker 3: sometimes but I'm not him, Like I'm not him and

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Speaker 3: I'm someone who's vocals obviously I could say that, but

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Speaker 3: a lot of times sometimes you just keep quiet because

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Speaker 3: you're like not worth the battle? What about for you?

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Speaker 2: I similarly, and I think we spoke about it in

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Speaker 2: the previous episode about body image. So growing up, you know,

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Speaker 2: and my sister is really pettite like she so it

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Speaker 2: would be like like finishing her food because I was chubbier,

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Speaker 2: like you know, I was different. Yeah, I think I spoke.

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Speaker 2: I went into more detail about this, and if you

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Speaker 2: haven't listened to that episode, check it out.

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Speaker 3: Yeah it was on a special special, but.

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Speaker 2: Definitely I think those are my earliest memories of being compared.

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Speaker 2: And it's just like yo, brow am I gonna do this?

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Speaker 2: And it's like how do you make your body something

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Speaker 2: it's not? Or you know, all that stuff, but wild wild.

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Speaker 3: Like especially if you've got different personalities, because then a

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Speaker 3: place like I'm loud, I talk a lot. If you

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Speaker 3: haven't realized on this podcast, I like to talk to

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Speaker 3: my school reports will be like, oh, she's good, doing

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Speaker 3: well in school, but there's all that back. She likes

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Speaker 3: to talk well back, she's you know, like so. And

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Speaker 3: then Solomon wasn't like that. It was just always even

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Speaker 3: till this day, he's very chilled and calm and collected,

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Speaker 3: which is great for him, but that's the opposite of me.

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Speaker 3: So like it made it even worse. Like a calm

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Speaker 3: child first and a feisty child next, was like.

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Speaker 2: Whoa what happened? And for me, speaking of personality, so

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Speaker 2: our family moved around a lot, and I was very

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Speaker 2: introverted and to myself and be like, oh, your brother

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Speaker 2: and sisters can make friends easily, like what's up with you?

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Speaker 2: I was just just you know. So Also now with

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Speaker 2: your personality is being questioned, it gets hot, like.

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Speaker 1: Yo.

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Speaker 2: And I think if you speak to anyone from Zin,

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Speaker 2: I think anyone can tell you they understand and they know.

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Speaker 2: And of course it's in other cultures, but we're obviously

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Speaker 2: speaking from our experience, Like in the Zoom context of

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Speaker 2: this comparison culture, how much are you compared maybe to get.

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Speaker 3: Pea can't even breathe right, like, you can't use it

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Speaker 3: even wake up and as you said, you have to

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Speaker 3: wake up on a certain time. You can't do nothing

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Speaker 3: without being compared.

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Speaker 2: You can't not talk, you can't be sleep too much,

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Speaker 2: you can't be out on the streets too much, you

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Speaker 2: can't be eat too much.

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Speaker 3: I don't want to go to church. You can't not

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Speaker 3: go exactly.

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Speaker 2: You can't go to church like exactly.

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Speaker 3: And then even when you're at church, participate, don't just

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Speaker 3: sit there because I was singing in choir or whatever,

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Speaker 3: and you're like, damn, there's like no rest, you know,

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Speaker 3: And even like I found, even as we grow older,

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Speaker 3: it still happens, like I'll get like my friends who

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Speaker 3: are slightly older than me, and they still get compared.

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Speaker 3: That's not how I raise my kids. That's not how

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Speaker 3: I bought my house. That's not how I it like.

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Speaker 3: It's almost like instead of giving us the tools or

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Speaker 3: the ways in which to live our lives or tips,

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Speaker 3: it comes from an underhanded be like someone else, be

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Speaker 3: like someone else, like model yourself against someone. Instead of saying, oh,

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Speaker 3: you know they have what they have, but what are

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Speaker 3: you thinking? For you, like an open discussion, it's always like,

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Speaker 3: well they got it, so why aren't you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, there's nothing more anxiety inducing. If you go for

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Speaker 2: like a family event and you are women in a

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Speaker 2: kitchen or around a five minutes trying to cook.

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Speaker 3: Girl.

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Speaker 2: When comparison culture comes in, it is like it is

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Speaker 2: bird like. I think that's where it is created, curated

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Speaker 2: and amplified because people be like, why are you chopping

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Speaker 2: the onions like that? Why don't you like this? Why

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Speaker 2: don't you know? How makes us? I was going? You

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Speaker 2: m that? I think that is peak like peak. It's

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Speaker 2: a peak environment of like really making you feel like

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Speaker 2: I will never measure up.

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Speaker 3: And if you react, that's all. If you tell about

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Speaker 3: to keep quiet, leave you alone, that's also so I

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Speaker 3: just stand there and take it and do it, you know,

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Speaker 3: Like I remember for my er, we didn't do catering.

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Speaker 3: We just had all my cousins over and one of

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Speaker 3: my aunts, just who does a bit of catering, was

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Speaker 3: like our team leader, and all had a dish to cook.

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Speaker 3: And obviously when it came to me, it was, first

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Speaker 3: of all, this is your event, so let's see what

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Speaker 3: you can do. Second of all, you you know, you've

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Speaker 3: been in dire spots, so there's the one thing that

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Speaker 3: we can you know, really come for you with. And

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Speaker 3: also do you still remember your culture? You know, it's

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Speaker 3: always a thing like you've been out of the country

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Speaker 3: since and seven you still remember your culture, you know,

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Speaker 3: and like the whole time you're like nervous. You're like,

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Speaker 3: I've cooked this dish a thousand times, but now when

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Speaker 3: I'm looking in front of everyage, you know how to

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Speaker 3: do it, You're like, and then I also do it

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Speaker 3: on the fire, so it's like you kin'd try the

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Speaker 3: temperature and people are just in your ear like I.

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Speaker 2: Didn't come back.

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Speaker 3: It's definitely worse. It's definitely worse for women, Zimbabwean women

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Speaker 3: than this was Zimbabwean men. Like I've never seen my

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Speaker 3: brothers have to kill a cow, even kill a bloody chicken,

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Speaker 3: and they're not judged on that. Like their new age

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Speaker 3: now they don't have to do those things that our

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Speaker 3: fathers probably did. But for women, it's like the standard

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Speaker 3: has stayed the same as it was fifty years ago.

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Speaker 3: You're meant to know how to go and do all

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Speaker 3: those things, not even being properly taught. Like if your

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Speaker 3: mother didn't teach you, it's like a big disservice and

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Speaker 3: I'm an embarrassment to her as well. So not only

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Speaker 3: trying to think of yourself, it was trying to think

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Speaker 3: of your family name, your mom's name, like I don't

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Speaker 3: want to look like I'm an idiot.

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Speaker 2: Yes, And I feel another thing too that really where

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Speaker 2: we get compared school? Yes, thousand, Like I think that's

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Speaker 2: in a lot like pretty standard in a lot of cultures,

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Speaker 2: like third world or like black community, Asian and sure

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Speaker 2: in Indian culture too, because yeah they.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, intenation cool, but you know, like.

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Speaker 2: When people sometimes talk about Asian often separate the two.

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Speaker 3: Yes, but it's still I know it's part of Asia,

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Speaker 3: but I'm saying like I'm just kidding around it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but yeah, but for me, it's marriage or like relationship.

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Speaker 2: I don't think it can get any more like intense

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Speaker 2: and that like, oh when are you getting married? Other

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Speaker 2: people are getting married. Sanso has an in law, Sanso

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Speaker 2: has children. Why don't we have children like grandchildren? I

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Speaker 2: think that is also like peak zim probably in a

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Speaker 2: lot of other cultures, but I think that's peak because

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Speaker 2: somehow to be married and have children is to have

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Speaker 2: made it to another level. And yeah, it's really deep

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Speaker 2: like yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but like just circling back to school, I think

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Speaker 3: like it sucks because and I say this from personal experience,

246
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Speaker 3: like even if you are top of the class and

247
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Speaker 3: getting all the grades that people are expecting, one, you

248
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Speaker 3: have to keep that up, like you can't you can't

249
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Speaker 3: bring a B when you started doing all a's like

250
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Speaker 3: a B is like an F, like you know, like

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Speaker 3: it's just and then it's like that and then having

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Speaker 3: that sort of pressure. So it's almost like sometimes even

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Speaker 3: when we think of comparison culture, we always think of

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Speaker 3: the victims so to speak, in the situation where it's

255
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Speaker 3: like you're being compared, but also the person who is

256
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Speaker 3: being compared to, it's also uncomfortable because it's like maybe

257
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Speaker 3: it comes easier to me, maybe I just get it,

258
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Speaker 3: maybe I have better teachers, maybe I have a better

259
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Speaker 3: support system around my education. And then now it's like

260
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Speaker 3: you're sitting there with your cousins and you're like singled out, like,

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Speaker 3: oh she but all a's why can't you? It's like awkward.

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Speaker 4: Exactly, I try to alienate me now I can't know,

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Speaker 4: you know, because most of the time when someone is

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Speaker 4: being compared to your solo, right, and then there's like

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Speaker 4: a group of being compared to you.

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Speaker 3: So it's like also that that did and often it's

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Speaker 3: not like you can't be an all around.

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Speaker 2: It's like grade other thing like if you are an

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Speaker 2: around that it's kind of like, I mean whatever, but

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Speaker 2: it's the grade that matter. So there's no like comparison

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Speaker 2: on like yeah, it's always like about the grade and

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Speaker 2: it just makes it frustrating, like yeah we can go.

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Speaker 3: And like comparison culture almost comes with just one way

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Speaker 3: of doing something, so like it has to be as

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Speaker 3: you said, the grades that matter can't be at or

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Speaker 3: like mu sink like that A that A is on

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Speaker 3: the A I'm looking for, honey, I'm looking for them

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Speaker 3: as and mats and by.

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Speaker 2: Can you tell me arecad? Can you tell me as bad?

280
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Speaker 3: Because like don't you be coming with your from this

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Speaker 3: this guy.

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Speaker 2: Like I don't care that it don't matter, it don't matter,

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Speaker 2: so what now? So I'm all I don't think like you.

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Speaker 2: I mean you're very smart, Like I don't think either

285
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Speaker 2: of us like we did pretty well at school in general,

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Speaker 2: but I think there were other persons to us that

287
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Speaker 2: were just like so what now, we don't need that,

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Speaker 2: that's what that's not why we said in you to school.

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Speaker 3: Actually acting funny, you just said that to you because

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Speaker 3: I remember in my last year of high school, we

291
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Speaker 3: had Interact, which is like a charity group of as

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00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:55,600
Speaker 3: mentioned it before, there's a variety show. And then, luckily enough,

293
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Speaker 3: I was the president in that year, and then we

294
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Speaker 3: had to put a show on. And like at our

295
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Speaker 3: parent teacher meeting, my dad is sitting there. He hardly

296
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Speaker 3: used to ever come to this, but the one time

297
00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:09,720
Speaker 3: he decides to come, and then like my accounting teacher

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Speaker 3: is like, oh, yeah, Amanda, like you know, she she

299
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:14,800
Speaker 3: couldn't do better than she has done, but like I

300
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Speaker 3: know she's been under stress preparing for the variety show

301
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Speaker 3: and getting everything ready. And then my dad is like

302
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Speaker 3: that doesn't matter. Who cares about that variety show because yeah, ergirl,

303
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Speaker 3: you didn't come to the show. As you can probably

304
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Speaker 3: tell from that reaction, he didn't think it was important enough.

305
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Speaker 3: But like, yeah, I remember my teacher just looking at

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Speaker 3: him like this man, because it was so like such

307
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:38,800
Speaker 3: a passionate reaction, like I'd rather the show forld her

308
00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:42,439
Speaker 3: than her grades. But it's like, Okay, it's just a

309
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Speaker 3: couple of tests. It's not going to change my life.

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Speaker 3: But to him it was like no, no, no, no no,

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Speaker 3: And I don't care about your extracurricular activities, like this

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Speaker 3: is your focus. And I just started looking at my

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Speaker 3: teacher and just like shrugging, like this is what I

314
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Speaker 3: don't like. And he tried like find common ground with

315
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Speaker 3: my dad, but my dad was just like Jack, if

316
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Speaker 3: it ain't an A, we're not talking.

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Speaker 2: Let's not worry about that thing, Like yeah, what do.

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Speaker 3: You mean much? Sure what charity show? Who cares about charity?

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Speaker 3: If my kid doesn't get this A and accounting, she

320
00:19:14,359 --> 00:19:18,399
Speaker 3: will be the charity. Like yes, literally is real. You

321
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:21,160
Speaker 3: did not care. And I remember looking at this teacher

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Speaker 3: and thinking, wow, thanks sir for trying.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but like I think I speaking of parents though,

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Speaker 2: like do they make it worse? I don't even know

325
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Speaker 2: why I'm even asking this question because the like for me,

326
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Speaker 2: But like, also though, do they have it easier with

327
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Speaker 2: the comparison compared to us, like comparing them to us

328
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Speaker 2: and our generation?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, oh yeah, and I'm nut sull I would think yes,

330
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Speaker 3: wouldn't she then be? Yeah, because like buying a house

331
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Speaker 3: getting set up, I mean, especially for Zimbabweans, this is

332
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:00,760
Speaker 3: such a sore topic because there's a lot of us

333
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:04,960
Speaker 3: are going to do those milestones outside of our actual country,

334
00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:08,600
Speaker 3: you know, whether it's getting married, buying a house, getting

335
00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:12,200
Speaker 3: that dream right, sending your kids to school, all that

336
00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:15,520
Speaker 3: we're public going to do where we're based wherever and diaspora.

337
00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:15,359
Speaker 2: And for.

338
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:20,280
Speaker 3: Zimbabweans who are in Zimbabwe, they hope would be their

339
00:20:20,359 --> 00:20:24,439
Speaker 3: kids can leave. You know, hardly do you get parents

340
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:27,639
Speaker 3: anymore who are raising kids to stay in Zim Like

341
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,719
Speaker 3: they want them to go and flourish elsewhere because that's

342
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:34,600
Speaker 3: where the opportunities are. So in some ways I think

343
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:37,159
Speaker 3: they did. They also had a support network that was

344
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,719
Speaker 3: much more stronger than the friends you make later on

345
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:42,879
Speaker 3: in life. In diespora, it was just you know, they

346
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:46,560
Speaker 3: didn't have their names being mispronounced. They had people respecting them.

347
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:51,400
Speaker 3: They had got someone name yes, yeah, like you work,

348
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:54,560
Speaker 3: if you work in a softer, more inclusive environment, it's

349
00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:57,760
Speaker 3: different to someone who's like starting from the bottom. Like

350
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:02,320
Speaker 3: we've talked about it that esportat yeah, yeah, Like I

351
00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:04,840
Speaker 3: feel that they did have it much easier. I don't know,

352
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:05,719
Speaker 3: what do you think.

353
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:11,320
Speaker 2: I think there was no benchmark for them when they

354
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:15,080
Speaker 2: because a lot of like my parents came from really

355
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:18,479
Speaker 2: tough upbringing. I think in a lot of ways in

356
00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:21,560
Speaker 2: terms of like their parents just fought to keep them

357
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:25,120
Speaker 2: alive so they could go to some level of school,

358
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:28,000
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like that was there was

359
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:31,400
Speaker 2: no like the the bar. I wouldn't say it was low,

360
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:36,560
Speaker 2: but it was Likerle exactly, not saying that this struggle

361
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:40,120
Speaker 2: wasn't in immense and really hard to get, but I'm

362
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:43,520
Speaker 2: saying like there was no real like, hey, this is

363
00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:45,720
Speaker 2: what she could be, this is what it was. Just like,

364
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:49,280
Speaker 2: you know, we just got to make something of our lives. Yes,

365
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:54,439
Speaker 2: whereas now our parents managed, you know, speaking personally, my

366
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:58,520
Speaker 2: parents managed to do well for themselves to a level

367
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,960
Speaker 2: that even I'm like, yo, can I ever get to

368
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,320
Speaker 2: that or do you get what I mean? Like, it's

369
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:08,480
Speaker 2: just different now, Like so they I do think they

370
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:12,040
Speaker 2: had it easier. I do, however, think that in terms

371
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:16,760
Speaker 2: of they were just in it. From a women's women's perspective,

372
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,080
Speaker 2: it's like if you're a murer daughter in law, you

373
00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:20,720
Speaker 2: just gotta thuge it out. You got to know how

374
00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:22,359
Speaker 2: to do this, You have to do this right, you

375
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:24,439
Speaker 2: have to do like on that level, I think it

376
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:27,840
Speaker 2: was just gonna be tough regardless just the nature of

377
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:33,480
Speaker 2: our society. We have the quote unquote luxury that we

378
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:36,560
Speaker 2: can go home and leave and then we you know

379
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:41,000
Speaker 2: what I mean, and keep some of that comparison. But

380
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:44,679
Speaker 2: absolutely we have a tough and I think our parents

381
00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:48,480
Speaker 2: feel the need to put pressure apply the pressure on

382
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:51,960
Speaker 2: us because they see what their peers are doing, their

383
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:57,080
Speaker 2: peers children, and you know, like want you to measure

384
00:22:57,240 --> 00:23:01,399
Speaker 2: up because they parents feel like their children our edication

385
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:05,280
Speaker 2: of their success and failure too. So have I failed

386
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:07,240
Speaker 2: to raise you? Have I failed as a father? Have

387
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:09,200
Speaker 2: I failed as a mother? If you are not X

388
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:12,800
Speaker 2: y Z like so, and so it's also that way.

389
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:16,479
Speaker 3: But just take me deep ish, definitely, because I mean

390
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:20,320
Speaker 3: there is a saying that comparison is the thief of joy, yes,

391
00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:23,800
Speaker 3: and I think that is so eloquent because it's like

392
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:27,000
Speaker 3: sometimes you're just happy with your little bed. Then someone

393
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:29,840
Speaker 3: comes along and says that that's not enough. Feel like, yes,

394
00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:33,200
Speaker 3: I didn't realize, you know, so like really just steal

395
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:35,600
Speaker 3: that inner joy that you would have. And I think

396
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:39,560
Speaker 3: our parents have the same, Like they're fine when they

397
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:42,560
Speaker 3: just the two of them or whatever situation you have,

398
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,600
Speaker 3: but like when someone else comes along and says, oh,

399
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,439
Speaker 3: but my son you know, got into Penn State, so

400
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:51,879
Speaker 3: it was wait to have it. It's like, oh, okay,

401
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:55,440
Speaker 3: so rumby just getting in, you know, in essay a Manda,

402
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:58,639
Speaker 3: it's not good enough. You know, it's like it's almost

403
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:02,359
Speaker 3: like only because someone has come along and shown them different.

404
00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:06,280
Speaker 3: So as you said so so rightfully, it's because now

405
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:09,560
Speaker 3: they had more and more people to compare to, where

406
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:12,280
Speaker 3: as everyone before on an even keel with you know,

407
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:15,399
Speaker 3: trying to get our independence. Yes, just that'll be just

408
00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:17,919
Speaker 3: trying to have a roof of our head. And then

409
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:21,800
Speaker 3: it quickly changed to how much material stuff can you have? Well,

410
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:24,199
Speaker 3: how much can you push yourself in your career?

411
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:29,080
Speaker 2: And yeah, and I remember just chirping like, oh, your

412
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:32,640
Speaker 2: cousin's bake every week. I don't like the most readhom stuff.

413
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:34,320
Speaker 2: And I was just like brah, like I ain't a

414
00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:38,720
Speaker 2: baker like that, Like that's not even my stuff like that. Yes,

415
00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:42,480
Speaker 2: it's really becomes Yeah, it's fascinating some of the things

416
00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:44,960
Speaker 2: you have to laugh laugh. And the funny thing. I

417
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,240
Speaker 2: don't know if you've ever tried this. I've definitely tried

418
00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:49,920
Speaker 2: this on my parents to compare them, and they're.

419
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:52,200
Speaker 3: Like, oh something.

420
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:53,960
Speaker 2: Welcome.

421
00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:56,240
Speaker 3: Oh, they give you some sort of excuse and you're like,

422
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:58,880
Speaker 3: that's the same things I could use, but y'all not

423
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:03,040
Speaker 3: getting that. Yeah, but the funniest was always like when

424
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:06,680
Speaker 3: a cousin was naughty or something, they don't finally.

425
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:07,600
Speaker 2: Be like, at least you are.

426
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:11,160
Speaker 3: You're like WHOA once in a while you can see

427
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:13,760
Speaker 3: my good attributes, but that's only because there was someone

428
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:16,520
Speaker 3: now worse than you and they could compare to you

429
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:20,479
Speaker 3: again comparison. So it's all based on like a tear system.

430
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:24,360
Speaker 2: And I remembering those guys I've had both to say

431
00:25:24,359 --> 00:25:27,240
Speaker 2: something to my parents that I don't know what we're from.

432
00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:29,639
Speaker 2: I remember saying to them, you're lucky to have us

433
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:32,280
Speaker 2: as children, and they were just like, say what now,

434
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:38,640
Speaker 2: like because it's like we don't cause you that havevoc

435
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:42,480
Speaker 2: like you know, like sleepless like you know. In my mind,

436
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:45,680
Speaker 2: I was like, bruh, I'm good not to find out

437
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:47,840
Speaker 2: that my mom was reading books on how to read

438
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:50,639
Speaker 2: to raise teenage girls. Like I just remember be like,

439
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:53,320
Speaker 2: why are you reading this because you guys are complicated,

440
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:57,000
Speaker 2: like bruh, I'm simple, like problem.

441
00:25:57,359 --> 00:26:01,320
Speaker 3: Yes, it's also finding because even my dad like when

442
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:03,880
Speaker 3: people compliment him on like what we're doing. You can

443
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:08,240
Speaker 3: tell he's like regradually taking the compliment, like he's like

444
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:11,160
Speaker 3: happy obviously, But at the same time, it's like it's

445
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:13,760
Speaker 3: like to say some snide comments like how bad they

446
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:16,919
Speaker 3: would be doing it. I should just say thank you

447
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:21,000
Speaker 3: and keep on moving like you and only like people

448
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:23,760
Speaker 3: who really know him or like we're really close to

449
00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:26,440
Speaker 3: him will like push back against that snipe comment like

450
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,159
Speaker 3: I don't be silly, you know, But like most of

451
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:32,439
Speaker 3: the time that's that's the last word, Like that hangs

452
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:34,880
Speaker 3: in the air, that snide comment about how it's still

453
00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:41,920
Speaker 3: not enough enjoy Yeah, and again, dude, what are you doing? Sure,

454
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:45,639
Speaker 3: but I think I've seen a lot of tweets and means,

455
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:51,040
Speaker 3: and especially like with the pandemic of people comparing themselves

456
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:56,040
Speaker 3: financially and just tying into social media has also made

457
00:26:56,080 --> 00:27:00,119
Speaker 3: it worse because there's this whole like luxury movement, so

458
00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:03,840
Speaker 3: you know, you should be working at a certain standard

459
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:07,320
Speaker 3: of making a certain amount of money or and and

460
00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:10,360
Speaker 3: and and like I think it's so sad as well

461
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:14,719
Speaker 3: because our parents' lives were much simpler. Yes, you know,

462
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:17,200
Speaker 3: if you manage to get a mortgage, managed to find

463
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:20,520
Speaker 3: a wife, shared your house, had a couple of kids.

464
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:24,360
Speaker 3: You were more than wealthy, you know, Whereas now it's

465
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:26,919
Speaker 3: like that's not enough. You have to have the mansion,

466
00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:28,919
Speaker 3: you have to be making money, you have to have

467
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:32,400
Speaker 3: a huge crypto account, you have to and and and

468
00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:37,159
Speaker 3: go on luxury holidays. Like it's just I think like

469
00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 3: social media has just then caught onto this and like

470
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:43,360
Speaker 3: ran with this comparison.

471
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:46,359
Speaker 2: Culture for sure, like exponentially, Like we will never be

472
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:50,400
Speaker 2: the same as people because there's this constant reminder of oh,

473
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:53,520
Speaker 2: someone is doing this and I and I'll be honest,

474
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:57,800
Speaker 2: I've definitely been guilty of it and affected by social

475
00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:00,760
Speaker 2: media and the comparison culture it breeds. Because what it

476
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:04,479
Speaker 2: does it makes you kind of even the moments like

477
00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:07,360
Speaker 2: for yourself that you're thrilled and happy and like you're

478
00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:10,080
Speaker 2: happy with where your life is going, it's like, oh,

479
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:14,000
Speaker 2: that's not going that much better than like it could

480
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:16,000
Speaker 2: be better. There's so much more I could be doing.

481
00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:24,480
Speaker 2: And it's definitely problematic in that regard also because a

482
00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:27,080
Speaker 2: lot of the time, again it's a highlight reel. We've

483
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:29,720
Speaker 2: heard it said before. No one's telling you, yo, the

484
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:31,920
Speaker 2: struggle I had to do to get X to then

485
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:35,920
Speaker 2: do why to then go there renting it exactly. I

486
00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:38,080
Speaker 2: don't know if you've watched the show. I don't know

487
00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:40,800
Speaker 2: if it's on Netflix. I don't know which network it's on,

488
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:44,560
Speaker 2: about these three people who want to be famous and

489
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:47,480
Speaker 2: they basically curate their social media, like they rented out

490
00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:52,160
Speaker 2: a jet and it wasn't even like proper flying, like

491
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 2: they're flying but they're not, but posting and people and

492
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:58,480
Speaker 2: how they grew their social media. But all that we've

493
00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:02,240
Speaker 2: heard it said before, like it's fake, like it's not reality,

494
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:05,120
Speaker 2: and we're only showing like the happy moments because you're

495
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:09,239
Speaker 2: not really gonna show like you in heartbreak, you know.

496
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:12,680
Speaker 2: And I think something that happened was the last year

497
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:15,920
Speaker 2: Chrissy Tiguan and John Legend when they lost their baby

498
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,160
Speaker 2: and shared that it was very real and then people

499
00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:20,880
Speaker 2: were now accusing me, why are you sharing this? But

500
00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:24,960
Speaker 2: it's like, yo, like that is reality. It's like there

501
00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:29,320
Speaker 2: is the you know, getting to jet across the world

502
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:31,680
Speaker 2: or do whatever the amazing things they get to do.

503
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:35,320
Speaker 2: But the reality is they mourn the loss of a child.

504
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:38,560
Speaker 3: And do you get what I mean? So yes, not definitely,

505
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:41,280
Speaker 3: And I thought that was really great that she shared that,

506
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:44,719
Speaker 3: because she has always been quite open with the social

507
00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:47,560
Speaker 3: media and I think to not have shared that as

508
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:50,320
Speaker 3: well would have just been like also not authentic to

509
00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:53,520
Speaker 3: her brand. Yes, so like it was also like but

510
00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:57,000
Speaker 3: then people would never be satisfied again because only one

511
00:29:57,200 --> 00:29:59,920
Speaker 3: I Sometimes I feel like people also want social media

512
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:03,520
Speaker 3: for escapism, so it's like, oh, okay, I don't have

513
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:05,480
Speaker 3: it in check, but oh look what game is up to,

514
00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:08,960
Speaker 3: you know, So it's like people also you. So then

515
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:12,040
Speaker 3: when the people who are on there and doing well

516
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:15,280
Speaker 3: are real, we have real moments with us, it's almost

517
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:16,720
Speaker 3: like it shatters that.

518
00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:19,840
Speaker 2: Yeah you're like ah.

519
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:22,480
Speaker 3: No, no, no, you know, go back to you know,

520
00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:27,160
Speaker 3: the lux life I love to see. So it's very confronting,

521
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:30,240
Speaker 3: I think, And I think what makes it worse is

522
00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:33,880
Speaker 3: that with social media also comes again women have it worse.

523
00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:37,720
Speaker 3: The body image issues, the compared and like this whole

524
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:41,360
Speaker 3: face tuning and lifting this and lifting that and make

525
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:44,760
Speaker 3: up itself, because sometimes you look at some girls and

526
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:47,800
Speaker 3: you're like, bruh, how does she look like that? She

527
00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:50,640
Speaker 3: just woke up? Like I don't look like that when

528
00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:53,160
Speaker 3: I wake up. And then like even pawn does this

529
00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:57,240
Speaker 3: where it perpetuates an idea of how your sex life

530
00:30:57,280 --> 00:31:02,720
Speaker 3: is meant to look. How I feel like it's unrelenting

531
00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:03,880
Speaker 3: the comparisons.

532
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:08,000
Speaker 2: We used to complain about magazines only before social media

533
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:11,160
Speaker 2: telling us what we should look like, like the body image.

534
00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:14,360
Speaker 2: Now we have a twenty four to seven live show

535
00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:16,560
Speaker 2: of like, this is what's supposed to be, this is

536
00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:22,320
Speaker 2: what's supposed to be, and it's I really wonder when

537
00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:26,280
Speaker 2: they do studies comparing us post social media and pre

538
00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:29,280
Speaker 2: social media, what that's going to look like, you know,

539
00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:33,360
Speaker 2: on our you know, not only just like socially, but

540
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:38,560
Speaker 2: like mentally, I think physiologically, like so many things, you know,

541
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:44,360
Speaker 2: because the lens people go to, for example, Gorilla Blue Girl,

542
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:45,920
Speaker 2: we saw the lens you went to to get the

543
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 2: laid edges, like because laid edges are like your.

544
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:54,840
Speaker 3: Edges yea to the GOLs, you know, stuff.

545
00:31:54,640 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 2: Like baby head like stuff like that. It's like, really

546
00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:05,120
Speaker 2: is confronting. It's making us question ourselves as a society.

547
00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:10,400
Speaker 2: But definitely for women, I think so because you know,

548
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:13,560
Speaker 2: you know how they say we don't dress for men

549
00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:18,040
Speaker 2: really as well dress for each other. And now this

550
00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:23,640
Speaker 2: is now to another level of like that, like you know,

551
00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:27,480
Speaker 2: trying to show up and show off. So yeah, it's

552
00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:31,560
Speaker 2: definitely real. Like, yo, how do you even like try

553
00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:35,800
Speaker 2: and tackle it, Like how do you manage that comparison culture,

554
00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:40,560
Speaker 2: from society, from our families, from you know, as well

555
00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:44,160
Speaker 2: as from social media as well as from stuff like that,

556
00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:48,160
Speaker 2: Like how do you handle that, miss.

557
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 3: I think, from from me, from family or start with

558
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:55,080
Speaker 3: the hardest thing just learning to block them out, like

559
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:56,920
Speaker 3: not take it, as I said, do you know, even

560
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,840
Speaker 3: not cooking that meal for I just to Amanda, you've

561
00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 3: a million times it doesn't matter and even if you

562
00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:06,920
Speaker 3: burn it, we'll cook something else, like don't you know?

563
00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:10,000
Speaker 3: So like I think it's just having that self awareness

564
00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:13,080
Speaker 3: to realize to not get triggered so quickly, do not

565
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:16,600
Speaker 3: take it personally, it's really tough, easier set than done.

566
00:33:16,960 --> 00:33:20,200
Speaker 3: But I think especially in a group setting because sometimes

567
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:23,120
Speaker 3: it's a bully tactic as well, like trying to get

568
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:25,720
Speaker 3: a reaction out of it. Yes, so if you give

569
00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:29,840
Speaker 3: into that so quickly, it's like, you know, and if

570
00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:32,720
Speaker 3: you're someone who's very joke you or jokey, maybe even

571
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:35,200
Speaker 3: trying to turn it into a jokey thing to not

572
00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 3: let the weight of it get to you or it's

573
00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:41,680
Speaker 3: just it's tough, because yeah, it just depends on the

574
00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:44,960
Speaker 3: situation and what's going on. But I've definitely learned over

575
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:47,960
Speaker 3: the years to not let it, to just try and

576
00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:50,240
Speaker 3: mute the noise, and then also to try to do

577
00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:54,280
Speaker 3: better for the next generation, Like I don't want to

578
00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:56,680
Speaker 3: be that aunt in a couple of years time. Who tell,

579
00:33:56,760 --> 00:33:58,680
Speaker 3: I've noticed that the way I am with my nieces,

580
00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:01,720
Speaker 3: I'm very open and I let them be. I let them.

581
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:05,040
Speaker 3: Of course I guide them, but I don't like go

582
00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:06,560
Speaker 3: this was doing that, so you need to.

583
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:11,080
Speaker 2: Do no likes are great? Can I just say, Lemanda,

584
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:16,319
Speaker 2: thank you? Are so adorable, Like just their level of

585
00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:21,080
Speaker 2: independence and like they are who they are, which is

586
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:25,200
Speaker 2: so I remember when I met them, so refreshing to

587
00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:29,359
Speaker 2: see in young black girls, so so refreshing because I've

588
00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:32,799
Speaker 2: only ever seen it in like young white girls like

589
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:36,239
Speaker 2: that because they have the liberty to be but it's

590
00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:40,560
Speaker 2: so refreshed. But they're also grounded, like they know, like

591
00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:42,600
Speaker 2: like to be polite, and that's to go goes to

592
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:44,759
Speaker 2: show like let people be who they are doesn't mean

593
00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:48,120
Speaker 2: they're not going to be well grounded or well raised

594
00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:50,399
Speaker 2: people like well, and you.

595
00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:53,879
Speaker 3: Want confident women, especially if they're growing up and dance water,

596
00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:58,280
Speaker 3: because they are fighting a lot of comparisons in a comparisons.

597
00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:01,000
Speaker 3: You know, my nieces always saying to my I want

598
00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:03,320
Speaker 3: straight hair because that's what they see. They see little

599
00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:04,440
Speaker 3: Swiss blonde girls.

600
00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:04,759
Speaker 2: You know.

601
00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:07,080
Speaker 3: So it's like you need to there now and still

602
00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 3: that confidence in them and let them be so your

603
00:35:11,239 --> 00:35:14,000
Speaker 3: voice now being another on top of the other work

604
00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:17,120
Speaker 3: isn't helpful. Yeah, I think that's the only way. And

605
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 3: with social media, Yeah, this one's a tough one. We

606
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:24,759
Speaker 3: still trying to struggle. Yeah, I struggle because even like

607
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:27,000
Speaker 3: this right now, there's like this whole black girl luxury

608
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:30,640
Speaker 3: movement and people show off their apartments and their blah

609
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:32,879
Speaker 3: blah blah, and you're like looking around that your life

610
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:36,480
Speaker 3: you're like and especially as a business owner, I must

611
00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:42,520
Speaker 3: also say, because you're trying to obviously attract clients and

612
00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:45,160
Speaker 3: show that you're also stylish in your own way and

613
00:35:45,239 --> 00:35:48,319
Speaker 3: that you can help people. And people know that they

614
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:50,120
Speaker 3: can get help from me. If they see what you're

615
00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:52,640
Speaker 3: doing on yourself, they think, oh, if she can do it.

616
00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:55,240
Speaker 3: But then sometimes it's like you can have all the knowledge,

617
00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:58,560
Speaker 3: but doesn't necessarily mean you live that life. Like you know,

618
00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:00,640
Speaker 3: if I had a client just talking to me about

619
00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:03,840
Speaker 3: losing to on, I don't wear that myself, me that

620
00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:06,520
Speaker 3: I don't know about it. But it's like social media's

621
00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:08,640
Speaker 3: kind of made us think you have to be in

622
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:12,760
Speaker 3: it to say you can be an observer and also

623
00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:17,040
Speaker 3: still be an appreciative of the culture. So I think

624
00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:20,040
Speaker 3: it's cuchain. I'm still navigating it, so any tips will

625
00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:22,319
Speaker 3: be are welcome, any tips for me.

626
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:26,160
Speaker 2: What we've spoken about this before, But sometimes I just

627
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:28,839
Speaker 2: go off social media for a while, Like I hate

628
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:33,680
Speaker 2: the thing, but I think it's a It's one of

629
00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:36,640
Speaker 2: those things where you kind of it's it's a dance

630
00:36:36,719 --> 00:36:39,200
Speaker 2: to get to the balance, like you start off maybe

631
00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:41,120
Speaker 2: at the extreme of like I love it, I hate it,

632
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:44,080
Speaker 2: you know, like you get to a place where you

633
00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:47,560
Speaker 2: have a healthy relationship, know when to be on, when

634
00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:51,799
Speaker 2: to be off. Easier said than done. Too guilty of it,

635
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:57,239
Speaker 2: and I think too who you follow, your algorithm, as

636
00:36:57,280 --> 00:37:01,520
Speaker 2: they say, is essentially created by you. Like what comes

637
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 2: up for you is what you've been into. I also

638
00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:08,400
Speaker 2: know what's reality. I think you have to touch bases

639
00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:11,560
Speaker 2: what's reality. That's why we also that's where our families

640
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:16,040
Speaker 2: also bring us back to reality, like you know, they

641
00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:20,680
Speaker 2: will have on you, but getting you know, and just have.

642
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:23,040
Speaker 2: Like I always ask myself, like at the end of

643
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:25,359
Speaker 2: the day, what am I grateful for? So I try

644
00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:28,800
Speaker 2: to journal almost every evening like one thing I'm grateful

645
00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:32,040
Speaker 2: for in the day, Just like to keep that perspective

646
00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:36,000
Speaker 2: of like what do what is going well in my life?

647
00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:39,960
Speaker 2: What am I appreciative of in my life? Separate too,

648
00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:41,400
Speaker 2: It doesn't have to be a thing. It can be

649
00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:44,160
Speaker 2: a feeling, it could be anything, you know what I mean.

650
00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:49,800
Speaker 2: But definitely it's it's easier said than done a thousand

651
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:52,160
Speaker 2: pers I feel like that's the motto of this season

652
00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:54,480
Speaker 2: so far, easier, easier.

653
00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:56,720
Speaker 3: Said than done. We're giving you all the tips of life,

654
00:37:56,719 --> 00:37:58,520
Speaker 3: but we don't know what it's saying. You don't don't

655
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:01,080
Speaker 3: know how to do it. But I do think social

656
00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:04,600
Speaker 3: media also depends on the platform. Yes, Like I during

657
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:07,399
Speaker 3: the pandemic, obviously we saw the rise of TikTok. Yes,

658
00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:11,120
Speaker 3: and like sometimes I'll go on someone's TikTok page and

659
00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:14,920
Speaker 3: I'll literally see them no makeup, nothing, actually, yes, you

660
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:16,200
Speaker 3: go to Instagram and you're.

661
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:21,000
Speaker 2: Like, oh, yes, different platforms, so yeah, yeah.

662
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:24,240
Speaker 3: So like I think now Instagram is becoming more aesthetically pleasing,

663
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:28,440
Speaker 3: trying to feed into that whole highlights real as you said,

664
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:32,440
Speaker 3: but then TikTok is more like you see the actual personality, yes,

665
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:36,520
Speaker 3: do ragon or doing whatever they need to do. So

666
00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:39,120
Speaker 3: I think also you need with social media, might need

667
00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:41,040
Speaker 3: to find what speaks to you.

668
00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:41,759
Speaker 2: Yes.

669
00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:45,120
Speaker 3: I think the nice thing about gen Z and kids

670
00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:47,960
Speaker 3: growing up these days, as much as they have social

671
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:50,040
Speaker 3: media and they do all these things, they also know

672
00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:54,319
Speaker 3: the power of it, like they're conscious of oh, yeah,

673
00:38:54,360 --> 00:38:56,640
Speaker 3: you're doing that for the gram, like they'll call you out,

674
00:38:56,760 --> 00:38:59,160
Speaker 3: you know. Whereas like for us, I think there was

675
00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:01,319
Speaker 3: a time when we were boozled and we thought that

676
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:04,440
Speaker 3: what we saw was real yes, and we were like, oh,

677
00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:07,239
Speaker 3: she really is doing that like you said, you know,

678
00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:10,520
Speaker 3: the fake jets. We're like, oh my god, they're really fine. Rather,

679
00:39:10,560 --> 00:39:14,600
Speaker 3: I think kids these days were literally zooming and they're like, ah,

680
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:19,440
Speaker 3: first tune we see, whereas I'm like, what's how do

681
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:23,000
Speaker 3: you even use this? Like, you know, So I think

682
00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:27,719
Speaker 3: they're consciously aware of the pitfalls. Yes, they obviously will

683
00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:30,480
Speaker 3: fall through them too, But for the most part, I

684
00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:33,879
Speaker 3: think there's a lot of education that they've probably more

685
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:36,080
Speaker 3: than we've had because they've.

686
00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:41,759
Speaker 2: Yes so thousand percent and even if you think of

687
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:45,640
Speaker 2: your own I've had situations social situations where you know,

688
00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:48,040
Speaker 2: being around people like oh I need to do this

689
00:39:48,080 --> 00:39:50,239
Speaker 2: because I can't be seen like this or whatever. But

690
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:53,520
Speaker 2: you see the struggle maybe they don't really have. We've

691
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:57,640
Speaker 2: like in reality So that's also reality check, like you've

692
00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:00,960
Speaker 2: seen or been in instances like you're like, it's not

693
00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:04,160
Speaker 2: quite the life you're showing, you know, and it's like that.

694
00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:07,520
Speaker 2: That's also a reminder of us keeping up with the

695
00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:11,239
Speaker 2: Joneses is a facade, Joe like, it's just a facade.

696
00:40:11,440 --> 00:40:13,640
Speaker 3: Parents, because our parents are still signing up to them.

697
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:18,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, pray for us.

698
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:20,880
Speaker 3: I remember my brother once said, you get a girlfriend,

699
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:23,160
Speaker 3: then you get to get a fiance, then you get

700
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:25,360
Speaker 3: to get a wife. Yeah, then you have to get married.

701
00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:26,640
Speaker 3: Then you have to get the one kid. And as

702
00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:29,560
Speaker 3: soon as you're the one kid, and then where's your house?

703
00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:38,040
Speaker 2: It never ends, never ends. It's real, man. But this

704
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 2: has been so awesome. As we always say, let us

705
00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:46,000
Speaker 2: know because we don't really know, as you can tell

706
00:40:46,719 --> 00:40:49,279
Speaker 2: we could be speaking, you know, we're just trying to

707
00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:54,680
Speaker 2: navigate this life. But yeah, any final thoughts on it, Like.

708
00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:57,959
Speaker 3: I think especially I would love to know how people deal,

709
00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:02,719
Speaker 3: how people have created safe spaces for themselves when it

710
00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:06,759
Speaker 3: comes to being compared, and if anyone's still caught up

711
00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:09,279
Speaker 3: in the shackles of it, you know, especially with siblings,

712
00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:10,680
Speaker 3: like shackles up.

713
00:41:13,239 --> 00:41:14,719
Speaker 2: The shackles. I just want to.

714
00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:21,840
Speaker 3: Yas because yeah, it sticks, you can stick with you

715
00:41:21,920 --> 00:41:26,160
Speaker 3: for life. Like I'm not this person for sure, So

716
00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:28,520
Speaker 3: can't wait to hear from people for sure.

717
00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:32,040
Speaker 2: Awsome Before we leave our zim shout out for the

718
00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:37,360
Speaker 2: day for the episode, I know last.

719
00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:39,160
Speaker 3: Time it was for the week. I was like, okay,

720
00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:41,759
Speaker 3: remember it's really trying to push some sort of shout out.

721
00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:43,759
Speaker 3: You want more shouts than the episode?

722
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:45,040
Speaker 2: Yeah apparently.

723
00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:53,160
Speaker 3: Yeah. So we loved this movie, like we like watched

724
00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:55,920
Speaker 3: it separately, but we're both like oh my gosh and

725
00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:59,080
Speaker 3: like pull On went into talking about it. But one

726
00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:03,760
Speaker 3: highlight for us was seeing a Zimbabwean born actor, Nasha

727
00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:07,120
Speaker 3: had Tendy, who was in Swan Song. It's a movie

728
00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:09,839
Speaker 3: that's available on Apple TV, so please check it out

729
00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:12,600
Speaker 3: if you haven't. His role in that movie is so

730
00:42:12,719 --> 00:42:15,520
Speaker 3: pivotal to the movie, but at the same time so touching.

731
00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:20,680
Speaker 3: He did it with such grace. He was just a

732
00:42:20,719 --> 00:42:22,479
Speaker 3: ball of talent, did you.

733
00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:25,799
Speaker 2: Think for sure? And a gentleness too, And just think

734
00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:30,720
Speaker 2: that relationship with his sister was just really beautiful to see.

735
00:42:30,760 --> 00:42:36,680
Speaker 2: So shout out to Nasha had Tendye. As Amanda has said,

736
00:42:36,680 --> 00:42:39,719
Speaker 2: I couldn't add more. It's just a beautiful thing to

737
00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:43,560
Speaker 2: see yo by it. It makes us be with pride,

738
00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:45,040
Speaker 2: like literally it was like, ah.

739
00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:49,080
Speaker 3: You know, yeah, yeah, I mean the movie itself was

740
00:42:49,200 --> 00:42:52,120
Speaker 3: really good because again Brimby and I were like, if

741
00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:54,799
Speaker 3: this movie was shot ten years ago, twenty years ago,

742
00:42:54,800 --> 00:42:57,279
Speaker 3: probably would have been an all white cast, yes, you know,

743
00:42:57,480 --> 00:43:01,959
Speaker 3: but to see black people still being given roles now

744
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:04,479
Speaker 3: where they are not just in the ghetto and they're

745
00:43:04,520 --> 00:43:08,000
Speaker 3: not just you slaves and they actually can get time

746
00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:11,240
Speaker 3: to show us just normal life, yes, you know, normal

747
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:15,240
Speaker 3: successful lives. It's just such a beautiful phase and I'm really.

748
00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:19,040
Speaker 2: Sure for sure. So check it out if you haven't already.

749
00:43:20,239 --> 00:43:24,279
Speaker 2: And as always, we are so we love to hear

750
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:27,759
Speaker 2: from you, so we are. It's Layered on Instagram, It's

751
00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:31,560
Speaker 2: Layered Pod on Twitter, and you can email us. It's

752
00:43:31,640 --> 00:43:36,000
Speaker 2: layered Pod at gmail dot com. We're glad to be back.

753
00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:38,600
Speaker 2: I hope you're enjoying the season so far, and we're

754
00:43:38,640 --> 00:43:42,279
Speaker 2: gonna catch you on our next episode. Take care, everybody,

755
00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:48,480
Speaker 2: don't lie. Right Betty, We'll use your hand