Speaker 1: Lifeun Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
Speaker 1: were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders
Speaker 1: past and present.
Speaker 2: Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
Speaker 2: recorded on de rug Wallamuta Land. Hi guys, and welcome
Speaker 2: back to another episode of Life on Cut.
Speaker 3: I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is ask Gun Cut
Speaker 3: where we answer you. Do you dark? And you're burning questions?
Speaker 3: What's going on this Thursday? I woke up in a
Speaker 3: real flurry this morning.
Speaker 1: Mcflurry. You work up with a mcfluurry.
Speaker 3: What does that mean? Waking up with desserts in your bed?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Do you know what this is? I'm going to
Speaker 1: come straight out of the bat here with the best
Speaker 1: straight out of the gate, the bat, the gate, whatever
Speaker 1: you want to come out of. I'm going to go
Speaker 1: straight out of the gate. You know what the best
Speaker 1: mcflurry is?
Speaker 3: Wow, that took a detail.
Speaker 1: Yeah, in existence, the best mcflow is everything with caramel sauce.
Speaker 1: Like if you order that, you'll never be the same again.
Speaker 3: Okay, so that's not the mcflurry.
Speaker 1: Then you're just saying that the best topping is caramel
Speaker 1: sauce topping. No, you order, this is your order. I'll
Speaker 1: walk you through it if you guys need Hey, how
Speaker 1: are you I'm just gonna get a mcfluury please with
Speaker 1: everything and caramel sauce. That's what you order. You order
Speaker 1: every topping in one and then you put the caramel
Speaker 1: sauce on the top.
Speaker 3: What was the thing that compelled you when you walked
Speaker 3: into McDonald's to place that order? It's probably break You
Speaker 3: were like, I want every single thing. Chuck ash Brown
Speaker 3: in there as well. Please?
Speaker 1: Do you know what I remember the first time we
Speaker 1: are taking such a detoy. This is so funny. I
Speaker 1: remember the first time I ordered that. I was seventeen, no,
Speaker 1: and I had just got my peas. Now, you know,
Speaker 1: when you just get your license, all you want to
Speaker 1: do is drive your friends around and you go through
Speaker 1: McDonald's drive through. I feel like it's a rite of passage, right,
Speaker 1: McDonald's drive through when you get your license is a
Speaker 1: rite of passage. Now, I remember going through the drive through.
Speaker 1: My mum had this car called a Nissen Exa and
Speaker 1: it was like it was a convertible, like not a
Speaker 1: fancy one, but it was not the roof came off
Speaker 1: and it was bright regularly because it was old.
Speaker 3: And it fell off one day. Ye not because it
Speaker 3: was supposed to.
Speaker 1: It was just one of those ones that like you
Speaker 1: pressed the button and it flaps back and whatever that
Speaker 1: is fans Actually not it wasn't you actually physically pulled
Speaker 1: it off.
Speaker 3: Yea.
Speaker 1: Though the pop tops is a pop top and then
Speaker 1: have the range. I had to pull up aside road
Speaker 1: and put the pop top back off, and it was
Speaker 1: bright red. Anyway, I just got my license and I
Speaker 1: remember going through Maca's drive through and ordered my mcflurry
Speaker 1: thinking I was so cool. My friend was in there
Speaker 1: like we were just killing it. And then I couldn't leave.
Speaker 1: I stalled like five times if at the McDonald's drive
Speaker 1: through window. You know when you just keep stalling, the
Speaker 1: ladies in hysterics, and I've never been more mortified in
Speaker 1: my life. Finally turned the car back on and did
Speaker 1: a burnout out of McDonald's and that was my experience
Speaker 1: for my first month.
Speaker 2: This has turned into a core memory for you. You've
Speaker 2: held you so long and I've never heard that story before.
Speaker 1: I'm traumatized. But anyway, that was Anyway.
Speaker 3: Thank you for sharing your mcflourish.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you would, so you woke up in a mcflurry.
Speaker 3: We are long gone past that.
Speaker 2: I woke up this morning to a guy coming, or
Speaker 2: as actually two men, two men coming.
Speaker 3: That wast Matt.
Speaker 1: You won't come to Matt coming.
Speaker 2: No, two guys who rocked at my house to fix
Speaker 2: our air conditioning, which is being broken all through summer.
Speaker 2: So glad that they arrived now that it's fucking autumn.
Speaker 2: Might I just add, you know when they say that
Speaker 2: they give you a window, They're like, I'll arrive between
Speaker 2: six am and four in the afternoon.
Speaker 1: It's never going to be the six am one. It's
Speaker 1: never going to be right on the dot. You never
Speaker 1: first cab off the rain. So I hear the doorbell go,
Speaker 1: and I'm nude, and I was like what anyway, I
Speaker 1: shucked a towel on, thinking it was just someone dropping off.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know what I I just.
Speaker 2: Thought maybe it was a postman or I don't know,
Speaker 2: but I threw a towel on. Matt had to like
Speaker 2: pick Marley up and put her back in her bedroom. Anyway,
Speaker 2: open the door and then there's these two men there
Speaker 2: coming to do the two men coming, and they were
Speaker 2: coming to do the air con and I was like fuck.
Speaker 1: Anyways, then I spent my morning trying to get ready
Speaker 1: and get dressed and shower myself and be here around
Speaker 1: two foreign men in my room.
Speaker 3: Not foreign, but that was strange.
Speaker 1: They were You're often greet people naked. I don't know
Speaker 1: just about a towel on. I don't feel like that
Speaker 1: that's that exposed.
Speaker 3: Is it?
Speaker 1: If you're nude but you put a towel on? Is
Speaker 1: that like very confronting for the person at the door. No,
Speaker 1: But for some reason, it is more like you can
Speaker 1: go to the beach and be in a tiny little
Speaker 1: bikini and it's not like you're showing too much, but
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, if you answered in a towel,
Speaker 1: it hits different because someone knows you you've been masturbating,
Speaker 1: or you've been in the shower or doing something news me. No, no,
Speaker 1: I'm not saying you. But the towel at home hits
Speaker 1: different to like a bikini at the beach.
Speaker 2: Well, I think it's context. What if you answer the
Speaker 2: door in a bikini at your house? Also kind of
Speaker 2: weird for six am in the morning.
Speaker 1: Still fine, the towel hits different.
Speaker 3: Anyway, did you get just come in?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: And then he was like, can I you know when
Speaker 2: you I just hadn't prepped, Like nothing was cleaned, not
Speaker 2: on me, but like the house was out, The house
Speaker 2: was a mess, the bathroom was like everything about our
Speaker 2: house looks like we are, you know, disgusting.
Speaker 3: We had random people in our house and it was disgusting.
Speaker 1: Anyway, we're here now, and we've taken a really long
Speaker 1: time to get to the point, which is that we're
Speaker 1: going to answer your questions. You were not there yet talking. Sorry,
Speaker 1: we're having a yarn, Misschew. I came in this morning
Speaker 1: and Laura goes, oh, you look pretty and I was like, thanks,
Speaker 1: could I wearing a very like Buffonti top no over.
Speaker 1: Then she goes, oh, I know what's happening. And what
Speaker 1: She's like, the peacocking has begun.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I said, what do you mean?
Speaker 1: She's like, well, do you go on to see Ben
Speaker 1: next week? The peacocking has begun, and there is something
Speaker 1: to be said for that, like the pruning and the preening,
Speaker 1: and they're getting ready is starting, the nails are starting,
Speaker 1: the lashes are starting.
Speaker 3: Well, we all know.
Speaker 2: After last week's episode, the waxing has probably started as well.
Speaker 3: A wick whacker?
Speaker 1: What is yes? I actually just might have one on
Speaker 1: each point.
Speaker 2: A lot of you won't know this, but like Britt
Speaker 2: is going over to see ben next week and they're
Speaker 2: gonna have what like two weeks together.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we won a two week holiday radio break. We're
Speaker 1: still bringing you the podcast, but we're we've got radio breaks,
Speaker 1: so we're like, what are we going to do? I'm
Speaker 1: going to duck over to see Benjamin? Which is his name? Benjamin? Benjamin? Yeah,
Speaker 1: you don't pronounce the jay?
Speaker 3: Okay, thanks?
Speaker 2: How do you feel you in a scale of one
Speaker 2: too excited? Like do you feel nervous to see him?
Speaker 2: Are you just excited to see I know you guys
Speaker 2: FaceTime every day, but like me now a couple of months.
Speaker 1: I'm not nervous at all, but I cannot wait to
Speaker 1: have sex.
Speaker 2: Okay, Like, don't wait for his dad to listen to
Speaker 2: this episode, Hi, dad in law.
Speaker 1: I mean I think that's standard where adults we've been
Speaker 1: apart for a couple of months, we're in love. I
Speaker 1: think that's normal. But no, I'm excited for sure. It's
Speaker 1: just that it's the weather's not great there, which is fine.
Speaker 1: I'm not going for the weather. I'm going for love.
Speaker 1: Doesn't annoy you though that every time you take a holiday,
Speaker 1: yeah you have to go somewhere that's cold and wet. Correct. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: it sucks, It really sucks. It actually really does suck.
Speaker 1: And I guess the difference is he so you guys know,
Speaker 1: I'm going. It's my holiday, so I get two weeks,
Speaker 1: but he doesn't. He's not on holiday. He still works
Speaker 1: every day. I think he only gets one day off
Speaker 1: the entire time there. So it's just part of the
Speaker 1: long distance commitment. I guess I'll see him in the mornings,
Speaker 1: I see him the afternoon and night, but he still
Speaker 1: goes and does his job. And I'll still be recording
Speaker 1: the podcast from there, so it's gonna be fine. I'll
Speaker 1: there some little check ins from Scotland. Anyhow, accents are
Speaker 1: not my thing. I want to talk to you about
Speaker 1: something else, something more, something more serious. Okay. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you've seen this going around. There's a company
Speaker 1: called Pair and they have released this new silicone ring.
Speaker 1: Now this is when I read this, I was like,
Speaker 1: is this a penis ring? Is this a cock ring? Like,
Speaker 1: what is this silicon ring? Why does it need to
Speaker 1: be silicone? I don't think it has to be. That's
Speaker 1: just what it is. Long story short, they've released a
Speaker 1: ring for singles to wear single people to sort of
Speaker 1: put out to the world that they're open to being
Speaker 1: approached when they're out, that they're single, that they're open
Speaker 1: to date. Now, the premise is, when we're in love
Speaker 1: and we're taken and we're married, we wear a ring,
Speaker 1: we wear a wedding ring, and when you're out. I
Speaker 1: don't know if you ever did this, Laura, I know
Speaker 1: producer Keisha did I know? I do when I was single,
Speaker 1: you do glance down to check if there's a ring.
Speaker 1: I feel like it's even if it's subconscious, because if
Speaker 1: someone's got a wedding ring on, you're not even on
Speaker 1: your radar. So the idea is, okay, if we can
Speaker 1: do that when we're married and saying we're taken, why
Speaker 1: can't we do it and say we're open to dating.
Speaker 1: So there's this this blue silicon ring that people are
Speaker 1: supposed to wear on their middle finger. It's like forty bucks,
Speaker 1: which is so much for a silicon ring, but it's
Speaker 1: so that you wear it out and it's signaling to
Speaker 1: everybody that, like, hey, I am open to being approached
Speaker 1: if you like, Now, what do you think about this idea?
Speaker 1: I don't hate the idea, like I mean, I don't
Speaker 1: hate the idea that there is a physical marker, which
Speaker 1: kind of is like, I'm open to being approached, Like
Speaker 1: I'm open to the idea of dating, right, especially for
Speaker 1: someone who might be introverted and might not like be
Speaker 1: very good at starting conversations or Yeah, but I also think, what's.
Speaker 2: The likelihood, like how popular is this thing? Because what's
Speaker 2: the likelihood that someone's actually gonna have it? Not only
Speaker 2: that someone's gonna have it, but that someone's even gonna
Speaker 2: have any fucking idea what this thing is?
Speaker 1: Well, this is I mean because people like us are
Speaker 1: talking about it, Okay, right, it's actually brilliant marketing from
Speaker 1: the team fighting the good fight it is. It's brilliant marketing.
Speaker 1: And I mean it's like anything. It's like when Tinder started.
Speaker 1: Remember back in the day when the first online real
Speaker 1: online dating app started and a no one knew about it,
Speaker 1: but everyone was like, ill, I don't want to go
Speaker 1: online dating, and it wasn't a really popular thing, and
Speaker 1: it wasn't the done thing, and it was almost a
Speaker 1: thing that you did in secret at the start. But
Speaker 1: then you people talk about it, it becomes popular and it
Speaker 1: takes off. I reckon that's what might happen with the
Speaker 1: Silicon ring. Well.
Speaker 2: I think when you talk about like online dating, I
Speaker 2: think online dating has been through several phases of it.
Speaker 2: I think originally online dating was like your e harmony
Speaker 2: and it was sort of fish yeah, and it was
Speaker 2: for older people, like people who maybe had been divorced
Speaker 2: and were looking for companionship. It kind of had a
Speaker 2: really different feeling around it.
Speaker 1: I felt like it was very serious. Yeah, like you
Speaker 1: were on plenty of fish. You were wanting to settle
Speaker 1: down a husband. You were wanting that deep and meaningful chat.
Speaker 1: You're not wanting like the friends with benefit.
Speaker 3: Absolutely.
Speaker 2: And then I think as Tinder came into the scene,
Speaker 2: it changed the age demographic, like it really brought it down.
Speaker 2: But I remember originally when Tinder came out, the feeling
Speaker 2: around it was like, oh my god, as if you
Speaker 2: would use a dating site. And then it was only
Speaker 2: as it grew in popularity and kind of it got
Speaker 2: to a point where almost everyone was on there. If
Speaker 2: you're online dating, it's so commonplace now that there's absolutely
Speaker 2: no judgment with it. But I think it's the same
Speaker 2: thing for this, right, Like no one wants to be
Speaker 2: the first to do something. No one wants to be
Speaker 2: the first to wear a ring on their middle finger
Speaker 2: and be.
Speaker 3: Like I am single, because it sounds a bit.
Speaker 1: Lame, and it also makes you seem like a tattoo
Speaker 1: on your head, being like available, open, Yeah.
Speaker 2: Like it almost makes that that's become like such a
Speaker 2: core part of your identity. And it also means that
Speaker 2: like you're aggressively looking for someone by constantly wearing something
Speaker 2: that says to everybody around you, I am single.
Speaker 1: I remember just like taking them back a step. But
Speaker 1: I remember when I went on online dating for the
Speaker 1: same I felt the same thing. I was, you're almost
Speaker 1: embarrassed to tell people about it. And then I remember
Speaker 1: matching with someone and I was like loose dating them,
Speaker 1: and I remember having a conversation about how we're going
Speaker 1: to tell people we met. What story are we going
Speaker 1: to come up with, because there's no way you can say,
Speaker 1: like when we met on Tinder. Even my sister Sherry
Speaker 1: and her now husband Jay, who met on Tinder. They've
Speaker 1: been together. I guess it's six this years now, So
Speaker 1: they met about six years ago, which you know, Tinder's
Speaker 1: been out way longer than that. But even when they
Speaker 1: met for a few years they were like, we've got
Speaker 1: to come up with story. How embarrassing, And it's still
Speaker 1: sort of until the last few years. Now they don't care.
Speaker 1: It's funny, but it took quite a long time for
Speaker 1: it to be acceptable. And I don't know if that's
Speaker 1: just online dating or if it takes us as a
Speaker 1: person a lot to accept that we don't have our
Speaker 1: meat cue because online dating isn't the story that you want,
Speaker 1: like you want. Even when I met Ben, which we
Speaker 1: met online, we started to joke, he said, I said
Speaker 1: the same thing. He's like, can we come up with
Speaker 1: a better story? How nice would it have been if
Speaker 1: we were walking past each other on the promenade and
Speaker 1: running to each other with a dog and started talking.
Speaker 1: But we're like, at the end of the day, it
Speaker 1: is what it is. Ninety percent of people that's made
Speaker 1: up statistic. A lot of people meet online and it's okay.
Speaker 1: It just takes that romantic story away.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean when you.
Speaker 2: Talk about a meat cute, it's because we've been sold
Speaker 2: for so long that relationships in the start of relationships
Speaker 2: are supposed to be this really like romantic idealic, magical time.
Speaker 2: And I guess when you bring in the tech of it,
Speaker 2: do you eat tinder or bumble? It takes that romance
Speaker 2: and that romantic idea out of it, which I do
Speaker 2: also think for this new ring, do I think it's
Speaker 2: going to take off?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: Really, realistically, I will eat my own shit if it does.
Speaker 2: But Keisha last because she's like the amount of times
Speaker 2: you've had to eat shit on this podcast. No, But
Speaker 2: I just think, like, will it take off?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: But also I mean I would never have thought that
Speaker 2: online dating is as prolific as what it is now,
Speaker 2: you know, I never thought that it would become so
Speaker 2: commonplace that majority of people who are single would have
Speaker 2: it on their phones. I think that there is a
Speaker 2: big difference between wearing a wedding ring when you're married
Speaker 2: and wearing a ring on your middle finger to be single,
Speaker 2: because I think for me, like I wear a wedding
Speaker 2: ring for myself, I'm not wearing a wedding ring to
Speaker 2: be like.
Speaker 1: Hey, boys don't come near me I've got a wedding
Speaker 1: ring on because you need to beat those I'm trying
Speaker 1: to beg them off me. Like, that's not I don't
Speaker 1: think that that's why most people wear a wedding ring.
Speaker 1: I think the majority of people wear a wedding ring
Speaker 1: because it's a reminder of that commitment for themselves. It's
Speaker 1: also like for me, you know, I think jewelry and
Speaker 1: this is coming from the jury designer and me, I
Speaker 1: think jewry is really important tonymaine dot com.
Speaker 3: There's no sale this week.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: I think it's really special because jewelry is this one item,
Speaker 2: Like you don't really have it with clothing. You don't
Speaker 2: have it with hair products or other accessories or handbags,
Speaker 2: but jewelry transports you to a time.
Speaker 3: It's something that can have so much meaning. Imdude in it.
Speaker 2: Like it could be from your grandmother, it could be
Speaker 2: something that's a family air loom. Like jewelry is very
Speaker 2: sentimental because it carries stories with it. And so that's
Speaker 2: why I think wedding rings are so important. Do I
Speaker 2: think that having a single ring has the same importance
Speaker 2: norm I think it's like it's almost the opposite. It's
Speaker 2: like a very much a branding of like I am single, Yeah,
Speaker 2: which is fine.
Speaker 1: I think that's fine. The problem I think it could
Speaker 1: have is that will it open you up to being
Speaker 1: approached by anyone? Because that's not what it means when
Speaker 1: you're wearing this ring. It doesn't mean I'm open for
Speaker 1: every single Joe blow in this place to take anyone.
Speaker 1: It also takes away because you know how sometimes if
Speaker 1: someone approaches you and you're not interested, you say sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm seeing someone. You can't do that anymore because they're like,
Speaker 1: well that you're lying because you've got the blue ring on.
Speaker 1: Like so, I don't know if I was single, I
Speaker 1: don't think I would wear it, And I also would
Speaker 1: hope like, are we as a generation I'm getting really
Speaker 1: deep now as a generation, at the point where we
Speaker 1: can't just go and have a conversation with someone in
Speaker 1: real life if we're interested. Are we at a point
Speaker 1: where we're so scared of being rejected that we won't
Speaker 1: try to have that conversation? Like I would still appreciate
Speaker 1: someone coming up to me and saying, hey, saw you
Speaker 1: across there, Like can I get your drink? Even if
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh my god, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: I'm actually seeing someone and they're like cool, no worries.
Speaker 1: Why are these days gone? Why can't we do that?
Speaker 1: Why are we still? I think we're all try in
Speaker 1: this idea of like being on our phones, being on media,
Speaker 1: having to need a ring just have a conversation.
Speaker 2: I mean it's easy to say that, but I think
Speaker 2: there's a big spectrum of different types of people and personalities.
Speaker 2: There's been people who have always struggled with just walking
Speaker 2: up to someone in the bar. Yes, we know that,
Speaker 2: like people are more adverse to it now because of
Speaker 2: online dating, but there have been a lot of people
Speaker 2: and I would say most people struggle with just going
Speaker 2: up and striking a conversation.
Speaker 3: I don't have that confidence and I talk for a living.
Speaker 1: Would a blue ring give you that confidence? So if
Speaker 1: you were the person that struggles to have a conversation anyway,
Speaker 1: if someone has a ring on, is that going to
Speaker 1: make all of a sudden your idea of public speaking
Speaker 1: fear go away?
Speaker 3: Not at all?
Speaker 2: Benefitent It may make me seem more approachable in terms
Speaker 2: of like, it may break that barrier down and may
Speaker 2: make it easier for someone else to approach me. That
Speaker 2: might be why someone's wearing it. They might wear it
Speaker 2: not because it's going to be them doing the initiating,
Speaker 2: but it's a signifier that they're open to other people
Speaker 2: initiating and they think that that might, you know, make
Speaker 2: that more accessible.
Speaker 3: Keisha's had an idea.
Speaker 4: I actually just remember when I was at schoolies this
Speaker 4: gone back in the Gold Coast. I remember when we
Speaker 4: used to go into the clubs and they would give
Speaker 4: you an option of picking a red sticker or a
Speaker 4: green sticker, and it was to indicate whether you were
Speaker 4: single or in a relationship.
Speaker 1: It sounds like the matrix.
Speaker 3: At school in the Gold Coast in twenty eleven.
Speaker 4: I think I graduated and yeah, used to go in
Speaker 4: and I remember I thought I was a fucking genius
Speaker 4: because I had really long hair, so I would get
Speaker 4: both stickers and I would flip my hair from one side.
Speaker 3: To the other depending on who the person was.
Speaker 1: That is pretty smart, that's fair. And then they were like,
Speaker 1: show me your other side.
Speaker 3: But like the concept is the same.
Speaker 4: It's to kind of be like, are you open to
Speaker 4: being approached or you closed off?
Speaker 1: Well, I think that's the problem. What you just said,
Speaker 1: you had the pre thought of being like, oh, I
Speaker 1: might not want them to talk to me if you've
Speaker 1: got this blue ring on baby that rings on if
Speaker 1: you are single, if you're a listener and you're single.
Speaker 1: We wanna do a pole because we genuinely want to
Speaker 1: know would people wear this stuff? Would you buy a
Speaker 1: blue silicon ring for forty dollars to wear out to
Speaker 1: indicate that you're single, or like, you know, maybe a
Speaker 1: life oncut one. Let's make one the one. That's why
Speaker 1: I was putting the fields out fall. It's just all right,
Speaker 1: it's time for Vibe and unsubscribe. Actually I don't even
Speaker 1: have an unsubscribe. I only have a Vibe.
Speaker 2: This is basically like what we're recommending this week, or
Speaker 2: what we've used or come across that we think is
Speaker 2: very handy and very useful. And I don't know how
Speaker 2: many people this is going to be useful too, but
Speaker 2: I'm going to throw it out there anyway because it
Speaker 2: makes my life so much easier. And every single time
Speaker 2: I post a reel or I post a video on
Speaker 2: like Instagram or social media where I have edited my
Speaker 2: clips together, like my videos together, I always get questions
Speaker 2: as to how I've done it. And I feel like,
Speaker 2: if you're someone who spends a lot of time on Instagram,
Speaker 2: you probably will already know this. But if you're somebody
Speaker 2: who just really wants to maybe I don't know, make
Speaker 2: a family video or make a reel, and you want
Speaker 2: an easy way, an easier way of doing it, it's
Speaker 2: an app.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: So the app I'm recommending is called Splice. Matt got
Speaker 2: me onto it. It is what he edits every single
Speaker 2: one of his dumb, funny skits with. It is so
Speaker 2: easy to use. It's a very intuitive video editing app
Speaker 2: that you can download through the app Store. Also not sponsored.
Speaker 2: You can do voiceover on it. You can add music
Speaker 2: from iTunes, you can add your own music and do
Speaker 2: fade ins, fade out. Literally anything that you can think
Speaker 2: of in terms of video editing, you can do it
Speaker 2: through this app. And it also just makes it so
Speaker 2: unbelievably easy. You can do it all on your phone.
Speaker 2: So that is my recommendation. It is called Splice, and
Speaker 2: I think it is freaking great. I use it genuinely
Speaker 2: every week.
Speaker 1: I also use Splice and I have for a long time.
Speaker 1: I can vibe your vibe.
Speaker 2: Well, when I said I was like, this is what
Speaker 2: I'm recommending this week, brit It was like, that is
Speaker 2: not a hot take, and I was like, well, other
Speaker 2: people might not know it.
Speaker 1: I just didn't know how many people want to edit
Speaker 1: their videos. But it is great. I just even do
Speaker 1: little delila of videos with it. It's brilliant. From like complicated
Speaker 1: to the little it's great. My vibe this week is
Speaker 1: a TV show. It's a show that has kept me
Speaker 1: absolutely hooked. I haven't had this level of interest in
Speaker 1: a very long time. The only other one I recommend
Speaker 1: a few weeks ago, so You, which was brilliant. I
Speaker 1: finished that, also brilliant. But this is on Netflix and
Speaker 1: it's called sweet Tooth, so it's pretty new because I
Speaker 1: saw it in the trending in the other day. Sweet
Speaker 1: Tooth now as a really tiny little wrap up of
Speaker 1: what it is, just trust me on it. It's post apocalyptic.
Speaker 1: There's a virus where I feel like it was very
Speaker 1: covid es because this virus came through lots of people
Speaker 1: were dying from it, and off the back of that,
Speaker 1: these babies were being born, not all of them, but
Speaker 1: some babies were being born. And they call them hybrids,
Speaker 1: which is a half animal half human. Everybody thinks that
Speaker 1: these hybrids are the reason the virus came, so they're
Speaker 1: wanting to kill off all these children and are half
Speaker 1: animal and half human. And the whole idea of this
Speaker 1: show is this one little boy it follows who is
Speaker 1: a half deer. He's the cutest little thing. He ends
Speaker 1: up being alone in the wilderness and this man finds
Speaker 1: him and it's them against the world for a little while,
Speaker 1: trying to find his long lost mum. It sounds probably
Speaker 1: terrible if you're listening, it is so good and on
Speaker 1: Rotten Tomatoes i checked, it rates very very highly. He
Speaker 1: doesn't really have any bad reviews. So not my usual show.
Speaker 1: But I'm really going to recommend this to the show
Speaker 1: Sweet Tooth on Netflix.
Speaker 2: When you tried to describe to me what it was about,
Speaker 2: I was like, this is the weirdest thing I've ever heard,
Speaker 2: but I'm a kind of hood on the second describe,
Speaker 2: might give it a Goain, It's really really good.
Speaker 1: You gotta trust me, all right, get into the questions.
Speaker 2: When I was on a night out with a friend,
Speaker 2: I met a guy. He was so charming and flirty
Speaker 2: and we immediately hit it off. His friend invited, asked
Speaker 2: me and my friend back to his apartment where we
Speaker 2: could continue having drinks. Our physical intimacy progressed throughout the
Speaker 2: night and we got very close. Only I didn't sleep
Speaker 2: with him because I kind of got this weird gut
Speaker 2: feeling that something was off.
Speaker 3: But we did plenty of other things.
Speaker 2: We left the night with me giving him my number
Speaker 2: and saying we couldn't wait to go on another date
Speaker 2: and spend some more time together. The next day, I
Speaker 2: found his Instagram and naturally started talking him. His tag
Speaker 2: photos have a wedding video of him and his beautiful wife.
Speaker 2: I then clicked on her profile and it showed me
Speaker 2: that they are still very much married and very much
Speaker 2: still in love. I feel disgusted with him and myself.
Speaker 2: My question is this, do you think the wife has
Speaker 2: a right to know? And should I be the one
Speaker 2: to tell her? If I was in her shoes, I
Speaker 2: know that I would want to know about his infidelity.
Speaker 1: Please never help know the answer to these. It's so
Speaker 1: hard because he didn't do anything right. Yeah they're kissed, No,
Speaker 1: well physically that we did everything but have sex, so.
Speaker 3: You know he oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: Do you know what The thing is, though, the reason
Speaker 1: these are so hard is because yes, I would want
Speaker 1: to know if I was the wife, if my partner
Speaker 1: was playing up, But do you want to bring in
Speaker 1: the shit storm that this is going to bring in,
Speaker 1: Like she's going to want to talk to you, she's
Speaker 1: gonna want to involve you, she's going to want to
Speaker 1: speak to you on the phone.
Speaker 2: Everything hard of it is because also she's just there
Speaker 2: living her life, being happy. She's happily married, everything's fine, fine, fine, fine,
Speaker 2: find fine. She lives in like Narnia, and then all
Speaker 2: of a sudden her world is going to come crashing
Speaker 2: down all around her, but her entire reality is going
Speaker 2: to be crushed.
Speaker 1: I would probably message him and be like, fuck you.
Speaker 1: I'd let him know that I know you piece of shit,
Speaker 1: you've got a wife, blah blah blah blah blah. I
Speaker 1: would do that, because that's just like I'd just be angry.
Speaker 1: I don't know if i'd want to invite that into
Speaker 1: my life. And I feel bad saying it because I
Speaker 1: have been on the receiving end of both. I've been
Speaker 1: the person that someone's told, which you know I've appreciated.
Speaker 1: But there's also a part of you that it's like,
Speaker 1: why did you tell me that? Like we've ruined it
Speaker 1: even though you want to know. And then I've been
Speaker 1: the person that has told somebody, and I regretted that
Speaker 1: at the end deeply the shit storm that that brought
Speaker 1: for over a year, and I was like, I should
Speaker 1: it just let it go?
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think that these situations are so personal, and I
Speaker 2: think that every single person who's put into this situation
Speaker 2: will react differently. Would I want to know if I
Speaker 2: was the wife, like if Matt had gone out and
Speaker 2: done something like this to me, would I want to know?
Speaker 3: Absolutely?
Speaker 2: Do I expect somebody who doesn't know me to, you know,
Speaker 2: bring on that drama, to kind of take the moral
Speaker 2: high road and be the person to tell me. I
Speaker 2: don't expect that of anyone else. I expected of my husband,
Speaker 2: but I don't expect it of a stranger. I think
Speaker 2: in this instance, whichever option you choose to do, there
Speaker 2: is no right or wrong answer. It's whatever you can
Speaker 2: morally live with and whatever you can bring into your life.
Speaker 2: Because if you're going, yeah, it's going to bring with
Speaker 2: it some fucking baggage. This one night almost stand that
Speaker 2: you had is going to bring with it so much
Speaker 2: drama because you're going to have to justify what happened.
Speaker 2: You're going to have to give her details. She's going
Speaker 2: to want to know the whole story. He's going to
Speaker 2: probably contact you and blow the fuck up as well, like.
Speaker 1: She'd probably end up believing him over you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a good chance that they'll work through it,
Speaker 2: because you know she only has the small pieces of
Speaker 2: information that you're giving her, and probably only as much
Speaker 2: as you feel comfortable with actually telling her and the
Speaker 2: amount of time that you because you're going to give
Speaker 2: the information and then walk away like you're dropping the bomb,
Speaker 2: and then you're leaving it for her to figure out.
Speaker 2: So she will probably reach out to you to try
Speaker 2: and get more closure, more information, more understanding, which you
Speaker 2: can't blame her if she does that. I do not
Speaker 2: think if I was in this situation that I would
Speaker 2: tell the wife, and I know that that goes against
Speaker 2: me saying that if I was the wife, I would
Speaker 2: want to know, but I don't think that I would
Speaker 2: want to bring that level of drama into my life.
Speaker 2: And I may contact him and say, hey, you're an
Speaker 2: absolute piece of Shit's me, you are a piece of shit.
Speaker 2: But it's not my responsibility to play vigilante for their relationship.
Speaker 2: It's not my responsibility to hold him accountable for the
Speaker 2: way that he's behaving in his relationship. And it's not
Speaker 2: your responsibility either, if you want to take the moral
Speaker 2: high road and do that, though you're absolutely entitled to tricky.
Speaker 3: What would you do if.
Speaker 1: I don't happen? I would do it, but I think
Speaker 1: that's because and I say the same thing. I say,
Speaker 1: I would want to know for sure, but I have
Speaker 1: done it. I went back and forth for about two
Speaker 1: weeks when this situation happened to me, do I tell
Speaker 1: this person this is the problem? Right? It wasn't that
Speaker 1: the boyfriend and nearly cheated with me, But I knew
Speaker 1: he was cheating on this girl. But she was my friend,
Speaker 1: if this makes sense, So I knew her. We weren't close,
Speaker 1: we were just associated. And I went back and forth
Speaker 1: because I was like, it wasn't me, but I do know,
Speaker 1: and she was like wanting to marry him, and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god. I eventually decided to I
Speaker 1: ask some other friends. They were like, probably tell her
Speaker 1: fucking ship fight? Like oh, I was like, what I
Speaker 1: I I had so much regret that I did it
Speaker 1: in the end because that she didn't believe me for
Speaker 1: a long time, and then I got stuck in the middle.
Speaker 1: Then there was a bit of like accusations towards me,
Speaker 1: or how do I know this way? Did I get
Speaker 1: it from? Why would I?
Speaker 2: Because they or people always want to shoot the messenger
Speaker 2: when you're when your entire identity, your whole world just
Speaker 2: came crashing down. The last person that you're grateful towards
Speaker 2: is the person who tells you you're feeling fucking mad.
Speaker 1: And fast forward a couple of years and she was
Speaker 1: great about it. She's moved on, she understood why the time,
Speaker 1: But it was still what that brought into my life,
Speaker 1: the anxiety that then I was going to run into
Speaker 1: them because then she told him that it was me
Speaker 1: that dropped the informations that he was in and I
Speaker 1: was like, ough out, like it wasn't my best friend,
Speaker 1: it was I just thought I was doing the whole
Speaker 1: girl code thing and it just backfired. So I think,
Speaker 1: if this situation, if it is someone, if it happened
Speaker 1: like that and it was someone close to you, then
Speaker 1: of course you would do it. Like if it's a
Speaker 1: good friend or someone you really know, but this is
Speaker 1: just some guy you met. I would just don't think
Speaker 1: i'd do it.
Speaker 2: It's like this whole idea of girl code, Like I get,
Speaker 2: I understand that you want to have another woman's back,
Speaker 2: you want to look out for their welfare and their
Speaker 2: well being, especially when you know that they're in a
Speaker 2: bad relationship. But I don't want someone listening to this
Speaker 2: thinking like, oh, like you know you've chosen the wrong thing,
Speaker 2: or because you wouldn't do it, that you're a bad person.
Speaker 2: It's okay to have boundaries in your own life to
Speaker 2: preserve your own mental health. And I think bringing purposely
Speaker 2: or knowingly bringing drama into your life that you may
Speaker 2: not have the emotional capacity to deal with right now,
Speaker 2: it's okay that you choose that option.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, you can definitely choose you in that situation.
Speaker 3: Totally.
Speaker 1: Question two Okay, a little longer, but I'm feeling this
Speaker 1: all right. Hi, girls, I live overseas and I've been
Speaker 1: listening and loving your podcast since twenty twenty. My love
Speaker 1: of Ozzie podcast, including yours, has actually played a role
Speaker 1: in my decision to move to Australia for a year.
Speaker 3: Everybody is exactly like us here.
Speaker 1: Which brings us to my issue. I decided on my
Speaker 1: own that I want to do this yearly adventure to Australia.
Speaker 1: But I do have a boyfriend of just over two years.
Speaker 1: When I told him about my choice, I pretty much said,
Speaker 1: come with me or don't, but either way, I'm going
Speaker 1: to Australia. After some thought, he decided to come with me.
Speaker 1: My issue here is, oh, I don't actually know if
Speaker 1: he's the one. I have a lot of love for him,
Speaker 1: but I don't think I'm in love with him. I
Speaker 1: think that either going on this adventure with him will
Speaker 1: be a good thing or take away an opportunity for
Speaker 1: me to have a solo experience and a fresh start.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty six years old, which I know in many
Speaker 1: ways is still young, but I'd like to get married
Speaker 1: and have kids sooner or later. There is nothing wrong
Speaker 1: with my boyfriend. He's so loving and kind, He's someone
Speaker 1: that I can rely on, etc. He's really excited for
Speaker 1: this trip to Australia.
Speaker 3: But before we.
Speaker 1: Start booking it and one hundred percent looking in, I
Speaker 1: want to make sure if it's the right thing to
Speaker 1: do to bring in with me, Do I bring him
Speaker 1: with me to have an experience knowing he might not
Speaker 1: be the one, Or do I cut it now so
Speaker 1: I can experience a solo trip and fresh start.
Speaker 3: Um, what should she do?
Speaker 1: Well, I know what. I think. Laura's confused just thinking
Speaker 1: about what she wants to do. But I know what
Speaker 1: I would do in this situation. What I would do
Speaker 1: is say, I'm really excited to go on this trip,
Speaker 1: and I do want to have a little bit of independence.
Speaker 1: So why don't you ask or tell him you're going
Speaker 1: to go for a few months first, because you want
Speaker 1: to be solo. Like it could be one month, two months,
Speaker 1: three months, and then he can maybecome and meet you
Speaker 1: after the fact, so you do get to experience some
Speaker 1: travel on your own. I think that is completely fine
Speaker 1: to do, and then he can come later say I
Speaker 1: want to go do some solo travel, do some backpacking,
Speaker 1: experience life on my own. I think the issue, though,
Speaker 1: is that you've already invited him, You've already said come,
Speaker 1: and now he's excited. You can change it. He can
Speaker 1: still come, he's just coming three months later.
Speaker 2: Imagine Imagine if Ben, Imagine if he had said, let's
Speaker 2: go traveling together. You had gotten excited, and then he
Speaker 2: turned around and said, hey, honey, actually I want some
Speaker 2: solo time. I want to go for three months on
Speaker 2: my own.
Speaker 1: I did this. I did this for an entire year.
Speaker 1: I know you did, but you were the one who
Speaker 1: did it. I'm saying, imagine if you were on the
Speaker 1: receiving end of this, you would fucking hate it. I
Speaker 1: do not think I think that is the best thing
Speaker 1: to do in this situation. You don't know if you
Speaker 1: want him to come, but you don't know if you
Speaker 1: don't want him to come, like you don't know, so
Speaker 1: go on your own for a couple of months. You're
Speaker 1: either going to miss him terribly and cannot wait till
Speaker 1: he comes and you'll say, come right now, I miss you,
Speaker 1: or you'll realize that, Okay, I didn't actually miss him
Speaker 1: that much. I love my new life. I know now
Speaker 1: that this is the life I want. I don't really
Speaker 1: see another way around this. The last thing you want
Speaker 1: to do is bring this poor guy, make him move
Speaker 1: across the world for you to get there, and then say, souls,
Speaker 1: I made a mistake to me. That is ten times
Speaker 1: worse than saying, hey, I'm going to actually go for
Speaker 1: two months on my own and then you come. I
Speaker 1: don't know if I agree in this, because I guess
Speaker 1: for me, I know that you have done something similar,
Speaker 1: but you also use it as a trying to figure
Speaker 1: out what.
Speaker 3: You wanted in your relationship.
Speaker 2: But I think by doing that, you're expecting someone to
Speaker 2: wait around, but you haven't actually told them that you're
Speaker 2: not sure, and I think that that's kind of unfair.
Speaker 2: I do actually think that the lack of transparency with
Speaker 2: that person means either it's just hurtful to say, hey,
Speaker 2: let's do this trip together and then turn around and say, oh, actually,
Speaker 2: let's do three months apart.
Speaker 3: I know if that was me and that was my.
Speaker 1: Partner and he had said that to me, I would
Speaker 1: be deeply hurt that they had changed their mind and
Speaker 1: wanted to be away from me. Would you not be
Speaker 1: more hurt if they made you move across the world
Speaker 1: and then were like psych totally?
Speaker 2: Which is also why I think there needs to be
Speaker 2: some very honest conversations now that I don't think it
Speaker 2: has to be black or white. I think it can
Speaker 2: be you know, I really need to do this. I'm
Speaker 2: not sure what I want in my life.
Speaker 3: Right now. I love being with you.
Speaker 2: You're an amazing person, but there is a part of
Speaker 2: me that really feels like I need to go and
Speaker 2: experience the world and have some independence. I guess my
Speaker 2: worry is is that if you kind of just frame
Speaker 2: it as though I want to just go and do
Speaker 2: two months of solo travel and then come meet me,
Speaker 2: he's still going to put his life on hold. He's
Speaker 2: still going to make all those arrangements in his mind
Speaker 2: that's happening in two months time. But then you've left
Speaker 2: your options open, so then you could turn around and
Speaker 2: go actually, don't come for me, which.
Speaker 1: I mean, at the end of the day, say whatever
Speaker 1: you want to him. But I think the only answer
Speaker 1: here is to go by yourself for a month or two.
Speaker 1: I really do. I don't think there's any way around this.
Speaker 2: Can I mean, and they're not moving to another country,
Speaker 2: They're just going for an extended trip.
Speaker 1: Is that not no year is moving you're moving overseas
Speaker 1: for a year.
Speaker 2: Is it not possible to kind of put a shorter
Speaker 2: time period on it and go together. I mean, I
Speaker 2: think that travel is such a make or break in relationships.
Speaker 2: You're going to know very quickly whether you enjoy it,
Speaker 2: because I think travel puts a pressure cooker in any relationship.
Speaker 2: It's like you either thrive in that environment or you
Speaker 2: don't at all. Because who's to say that just because
Speaker 2: you did organize to spend an entire year together, that
Speaker 2: your relationship is gonna last that year anyway?
Speaker 3: Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Like you might break up, you might like things happen.
Speaker 2: Just because you've committed to a year travel together doesn't
Speaker 2: mean that you absolutely cannot break up with that person
Speaker 2: in a year.
Speaker 1: I guess the reason I'm pushing I mean, like Laura
Speaker 1: and I we have different ideas of how this should
Speaker 1: go down, which is fine. The reason I'm pushing to
Speaker 1: go on your own at the start and then to
Speaker 1: come rather than you both to go together, is because
Speaker 1: you've literally said, I don't know if I want to
Speaker 1: be solo. I don't know what that is like. You're
Speaker 1: not going to know what that's like. If he comes
Speaker 1: with you from the very start, you're just not going
Speaker 1: to because he doesn't know anyone in that country. You
Speaker 1: don't know anyone in that country. You're going to want
Speaker 1: to spend all your time together. The only way you
Speaker 1: are going to have a proper solo experience is if
Speaker 1: he doesn't come with you immediately. Now that could just
Speaker 1: be four weeks for you. It could be as it
Speaker 1: could be twelve weeks. I mean I did it for
Speaker 1: an entire year. My partner was going to come and
Speaker 1: then I was like, do you know what I And
Speaker 1: I was with him for four years. I said, I
Speaker 1: just want to be on my own for you, like
Speaker 1: I love you, We're going to stay together, but I
Speaker 1: want to experience solely trouble. And he was like, I
Speaker 1: get it shatted, I'm not going to see you, but like,
Speaker 1: that's what life is. If you want to go and
Speaker 1: experience sometime on your own, do it, and it is
Speaker 1: a conversation you need to have. However you want to
Speaker 1: phrase that, if you want to tell him you're unsure
Speaker 1: about him, or if you want to say I just
Speaker 1: want to know what some independence is, like I want
Speaker 1: to feel that, I want to be scared. I want
Speaker 1: to not know what's around the corner. I want to
Speaker 1: have to figure out stuff on my own. However you
Speaker 1: want to frame it, I just genuinely don't believe if
Speaker 1: you guys come together, you're ever going to get that experience.
Speaker 3: I do agree.
Speaker 2: I don't think that you'll get that experience, but I
Speaker 2: do think that you have to make a decision around
Speaker 2: how you have the conversation. And I don't think that
Speaker 2: you can just keep someone waiting while you figure your
Speaker 2: life out. And that's my only thing that I guess.
Speaker 2: The thing that's different with you, Britt is when you left,
Speaker 2: did you know for and that you still wanted to
Speaker 2: be with him, or were you like, Hey, you pause
Speaker 2: your life, I'm going to go live my life for
Speaker 2: a year and then I'm going to come back to this.
Speaker 2: Or were you like, hey, I'm going to go live
Speaker 2: my life for a year and I'll make a decision
Speaker 2: as to whether I want you or not.
Speaker 1: Yes, I was option B. I didn't know what I
Speaker 1: wanted and that was why I did it. I didn't
Speaker 1: know who I was. I didn't know what I wanted
Speaker 1: life to be. If I wanted to be with him,
Speaker 1: if he was the right person.
Speaker 2: But was he very well aware that that's what you
Speaker 2: were doing and he chose in see that to me
Speaker 2: is unfair.
Speaker 1: No, because why would I do that for him? Because
Speaker 1: I still loved him and I wouldn't want him to
Speaker 1: go and sit there thinking what am I doing? Am
Speaker 1: I going to leave him any second? I think that's
Speaker 1: worse because we still loved each other fiercely, but deep inside,
Speaker 1: I didn't know who I was because I'd only ever
Speaker 1: been with this person, and I'd never ever been on
Speaker 1: my own, so I didn't know if I just wanted
Speaker 1: to be on my own and come back to him
Speaker 1: or if I wasn't if it wasn't him, and the
Speaker 1: only way I could work that out was to go
Speaker 1: and be on my own.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, look, I can understand what you're saying.
Speaker 2: I guess I'm looking at this from the other side
Speaker 2: of it, from the person who's being left, And I
Speaker 2: think it is a bit selfish to not be honest
Speaker 2: that you're trying to figure things out, because that person
Speaker 2: is essentially putting their life on hold being committed to you,
Speaker 2: thinking that you're committed to them while you're out there
Speaker 2: in the world kind of just living life independent of them,
Speaker 2: really unsure as to whether they're the person. And I
Speaker 2: think everybody deserves to be in a relationship with someone
Speaker 2: who fiercely chooses them, And I don't know if you
Speaker 2: can waste a year of someone's time figuring that out.
Speaker 1: Well, what wouldn't be here, She'd be gone for two
Speaker 1: months and then should decide. But think of it this way. Okay,
Speaker 1: so we're doing all angles here. If you say to
Speaker 1: him now, because I also get what you're saying, Laura,
Speaker 1: but she's not sure that's what she wants. She just
Speaker 1: hasn't been on her own yet. If you say to him,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I want to be with you.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I love you in the right way.
Speaker 1: I need to go figure that out. There's a high
Speaker 1: chance when you come back in three months say I
Speaker 1: was wrong, I love you, He'll say fuck off. There
Speaker 1: is a big chance if someone says I'm not sure
Speaker 1: about you and then they say, oh I was wrong,
Speaker 1: I am, they're gonna be like, well, you weren't sure
Speaker 1: three months ago, but you don't even know. If you're
Speaker 1: not sure, you don't even know what that is. So
Speaker 1: I think it's okay to not go and put this
Speaker 1: doubt in their head. If it's not really deep inside you,
Speaker 1: Maybe it is that you just want this one little
Speaker 1: experience on your own, and then you realize that they
Speaker 1: are absolutely your person and that you could change you
Speaker 1: So I think it's a big call to put that
Speaker 1: doubt in their mind now because they might not want
Speaker 1: you back after that, which is it's a risk totally.
Speaker 2: I guess the thing is, though, that doubt's already going
Speaker 2: to be there, because if you have already said let's
Speaker 2: go travel together, they've already gotten excited about this trip
Speaker 2: that you're going to do as a couple. They're already
Speaker 2: making arrangements to be able to go and leave and
Speaker 2: take a year together. If you turn around and say, now, actually,
Speaker 2: I'm going to do X amount of time on my
Speaker 2: own without you, that doubt's already there, that has already
Speaker 2: been cemented in that person.
Speaker 1: I don't agree with that. We're not going to agree
Speaker 1: on that one, because I think it's okay as a
Speaker 1: couple to be like, hey, I changed my mind, I
Speaker 1: want to go and have a I want to be
Speaker 1: on my own for a month. I think I'm.
Speaker 2: Very interested to hear people's opinions on this. I'd be
Speaker 2: so interested to know whether, if you're on the receiving
Speaker 2: end of that, whether that would destabilize you in that relationship.
Speaker 2: I think for me, if Matt was to turn around
Speaker 2: and say I need to go away and have a
Speaker 2: holiday independent of you. That would really rock my belief
Speaker 2: in us as a couple. That he and I don't
Speaker 2: mean just like a holiday like go away for a weekend.
Speaker 2: I mean if we'd plan to do a Europe trip
Speaker 2: for a year and he was like, actually, I need
Speaker 2: to go and do it on my own. I think
Speaker 2: for me it would kill me.
Speaker 1: But you're married with two kids and thirty seven. She's
Speaker 1: twenty six, maybe together for two years, like she's figuring
Speaker 1: out who she is and what she wants. So I
Speaker 1: don't think we ever really know who we are and
Speaker 1: what we want. And she's still in a mid twenties.
Speaker 1: So maybe I'm different. I'm a very independent person and
Speaker 1: I have made a decision a long time ago that
Speaker 1: I won't ever put my life on hold when I
Speaker 1: want to do something for someone else, I will find
Speaker 1: a way around it. Whether that's an open conversation, if
Speaker 1: you have to think to yourself, not you, Laura, this girl.
Speaker 1: If you don't do this and you never have an
Speaker 1: experience overseas on your own, will you be okay with that?
Speaker 1: Is this something you want to tick off your bucket
Speaker 1: list of life? Is it something you know deep down it,
Speaker 1: you will always regret if you don't do it. These
Speaker 1: are questions to ask yourself. But for me, maybe I'm different.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm because I'm a bit of a loan soldier.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm looking at it from a different lens. But
Speaker 1: I think if you have an open conversation. If my
Speaker 1: partner said to me, came to me and said I
Speaker 1: want to do a month or two on my own,
Speaker 1: would I be upset? Yes, absolutely would I understand probably
Speaker 1: if we had a conversation and they explained it. If
Speaker 1: they said I just want to go, I've never been
Speaker 1: on my own before, I could go for it. I mean,
Speaker 1: but I believe, and again I might be different. I
Speaker 1: don't believe in relationships where couples do everything together. I
Speaker 1: thoroughly believe for a successful, healthy relationship to thrive for
Speaker 1: the next forty years that you need to be able
Speaker 1: to do things on your own. You need to be
Speaker 1: able to go and have a girls trip. He needs
Speaker 1: to be able to go have a boys trip. You
Speaker 1: have your own interests. I don't think you have to
Speaker 1: live in each other's pocket. So maybe I am just
Speaker 1: looking at it from a different lens because I know
Speaker 1: there are couples that would never ever want to do
Speaker 1: anything without each other.
Speaker 2: Like, I think we're going to see this differently, and
Speaker 2: it's not often that we it's not often that we
Speaker 2: answer questions and like don't get to a mutually exactly
Speaker 2: the same point. It's actually never I do want to
Speaker 2: say though, of course I agree with you when you
Speaker 2: say that you think that couples should be independent of
Speaker 2: each other and do things independently of each other. Nobody
Speaker 2: is disagreeing with that, Like I one percent think is
Speaker 2: so important to a healthy long term relationship. We're probably
Speaker 2: never going to get to the same place. But for me,
Speaker 2: I know that that would make me feel very, very insecure,
Speaker 2: and I think I would want the honesty. I just
Speaker 2: don't think that you are like because I see it
Speaker 2: very much as being selfish in that you're trying to
Speaker 2: figure out what you want while you keep someone waiting,
Speaker 2: And that's what I don't like about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we thoroughly disagree, Yeah we do. It is so fun.
Speaker 1: This happened like once a year that.
Speaker 3: We actually it's up to you. I do want you more,
Speaker 3: all right. Question number three.
Speaker 2: Now, this hasn't been written in by anyone. This is
Speaker 2: not an ask gun cut from a listener. This is
Speaker 2: my own little moral pickle.
Speaker 1: My little task gun cut, my little home.
Speaker 2: Pickle with Mattie Jay that I we had a fight
Speaker 2: the other day. Actually wasn't a fight. We had a tiff,
Speaker 2: and I want to get your opinion on this. So
Speaker 2: matt every night we get into bed and he has
Speaker 2: like a bit of a wind down routine. He'll sit
Speaker 2: on TikTok for a while, he might read a news article.
Speaker 2: He'll be doing stuff while he's in bed. This is
Speaker 2: post shower, teeth rushing whatever. He's just in bed, winding
Speaker 2: down to go to sleep. I, however, have a very
Speaker 2: busy workday, and whenever I have decided because I also
Speaker 2: I get to bed, I also scroll, I do whatever
Speaker 2: it is that I'm doing my phone. But then it's
Speaker 2: always me who's the one that makes the decision it's
Speaker 2: time to go to sleep now. So I will say
Speaker 2: it's time to go to sleep, now, turn my phone off,
Speaker 2: put it down, you know, roll over, turn the light off,
Speaker 2: the lip. He has an issue with the fact that
Speaker 2: I am the drill sergeant of going to sleep time
Speaker 2: and that I don't allow him the opportunity to finish
Speaker 2: whatever it is that he was doing. So, whether it
Speaker 2: was that he needs to read the last chapter of
Speaker 2: a book or the last bit of an article, or
Speaker 2: he wants to watch three more things on TikTok. He
Speaker 2: has an issue with the fact that as soon as
Speaker 2: I've made that decision that it's time to sleep, that
Speaker 2: he must sleep. Also, who's in the wrong, because it's him.
Speaker 3: How am I in the wrong?
Speaker 1: Because let me tell you why. When you first, when
Speaker 1: we discussed this earlier, I thought it was more like
Speaker 1: you're saying, when we go to bed, it's bedtime. So
Speaker 1: I thought you'd all you're scrolling in the lound room.
Speaker 1: Then you're like, it's bedtime, you go into the room,
Speaker 1: you go to sleep, but you are both doing your
Speaker 1: wine down routine. You're both scrolling. It's not up to
Speaker 1: you to be like, I've decided it's time, so you
Speaker 1: end it. I think what it needs to be is
Speaker 1: all right, let's do another ten minutes so it gives
Speaker 1: time people time to do a wrapper. But I think
Speaker 1: you can't.
Speaker 2: It's not a toddler. I don't need to say two
Speaker 2: more minutes of screen time.
Speaker 1: Okay, how would you feel Let's reverse it? How would
Speaker 1: you feel if you were in the middle of doing something,
Speaker 1: Matt rolled over and said I'm done, took your phone
Speaker 1: and put it down, and you're like, babe, i'm doing
Speaker 1: something you It would not fly on reverse. So I
Speaker 1: think it needs to be like a meet halfway. I
Speaker 1: would get up and go and sit in the lounge room,
Speaker 1: which is scrolling.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: The reason why I have such strong feelings about this
Speaker 2: is because the bed is specifically for sleeping. So if
Speaker 2: one person has made the decision that it is time
Speaker 2: for them to sleep, that's what that gets priority.
Speaker 3: Every time.
Speaker 1: I think ifrom the middle of the day and someone's like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm going to use this space to sleep, now, that's
Speaker 1: the function of that space. But his problem, I think
Speaker 1: his problem is the fact that you're just saying I'm
Speaker 1: the decision maker.
Speaker 3: I think this is what.
Speaker 1: I'm getting here. Yes, I think you're not the decision maker.
Speaker 1: You're a couple, So I think you need to be like,
Speaker 1: let's wrap it up in ten minutes, not I've decided
Speaker 1: this so you have to do it right this second.
Speaker 1: That's what I think his problem is.
Speaker 2: It's not seven thirty, it's like eleven o'clock at night
Speaker 2: when I'm like, it's time for sleep now.
Speaker 1: But it's okay for you to be scrolling until you're already.
Speaker 1: So I think that's where his problem is. So I
Speaker 1: think maybe you guys need to do it like a
Speaker 1: ten minute signal where you're like, hey, let's finish what
Speaker 1: we're doing, so he doesn't feel like you're just telling
Speaker 1: him that's been fair.
Speaker 3: Okay. I have one more thing.
Speaker 2: The issue I have though, is I'm always the first
Speaker 2: person to say I'm going to bed, so I get
Speaker 2: into bed, but then he comes in and has his shower,
Speaker 2: and Dick's around in the bathroom for a.
Speaker 3: While, so I'm already waiting.
Speaker 1: I have a question, Yes, does he use headphones? No?
Speaker 4: Okay, that I can understand as a bit of a
Speaker 4: that's annoying, But also.
Speaker 2: It wouldn't even matter if you had headphones on. I
Speaker 2: can't stand the light.
Speaker 4: It's the okay, Now.
Speaker 1: He can roll over put his headphones in doing the light.
Speaker 1: I think his problem is with the authority. I don't
Speaker 1: think it's a fact. I think it's the now or never.
Speaker 4: Like I don't know if I agree, because I'm a
Speaker 4: really troubled sleeper. Like, I've had problems sleeping for years
Speaker 4: and years and years, and this dates back to so
Speaker 4: long ago, and I remember when I lived with my boyfriend,
Speaker 4: and I often have to listen to things to.
Speaker 3: Go to sleep.
Speaker 4: I have to, like I seem to have a very
Speaker 4: hyperactive mind. And I know everyone's like you should sit
Speaker 4: there and count sheep. But if someone laying next to
Speaker 4: me was like, yo, you can't have any sound, you
Speaker 4: can't have any light, I'd be like, cool, that means
Speaker 4: I'm literally not getting to sleep tonight.
Speaker 2: Well, then you can sleep on the couch, although sometimes
Speaker 2: I do go to sleep with my omnilux male on.
Speaker 3: Matt's like, you're kidding me on, yeah, Like I put
Speaker 3: it on.
Speaker 1: That light is blind. I put it on, and Matt's like,
Speaker 1: it's like we're in an infrared sauna.
Speaker 3: And I'm just like laying there with this. Oh no,
Speaker 3: you don't know. Is he getting like the off cut.
Speaker 4: Health benefits On one side, he's youthful, but only on
Speaker 4: his left hand.
Speaker 1: You're supposed to wear every ten minutes you fall asleep
Speaker 1: with like twelve hours you're glowing.
Speaker 4: I think if he brings headphones, it's play on, play on.
Speaker 4: I can understand if you're trying to get to sleep
Speaker 4: and someone's watching a TikTok video, especially if they're laughing
Speaker 4: and carrying on.
Speaker 3: That I can understand is like an irk. Known't quite fair.
Speaker 2: I don't even care that I'm outnumbered. The bed is
Speaker 2: for sleeping. The person who wants to sleep is the
Speaker 2: winner of that argument.
Speaker 1: I also know, Okay, I'm gonna throw this to my
Speaker 1: sister for a second. So my sister Sherry and her
Speaker 1: husband Jay, So Jay works. Jay's from the UK and
Speaker 1: he still works on UK time, so he does a
Speaker 1: lot of night work. Bitch, he will often say to Sherry.
Speaker 1: Because he usually is in a loundroom so he doesn't
Speaker 1: wake up, he'll often say like, can I work him
Speaker 1: better night? Because he wants to just feel like he's
Speaker 1: he's with her, like be next to her still because
Speaker 1: he's otherwise he's never sees that. And she's like, of course,
Speaker 1: he puts his headphones in, she puts an eyemask on,
Speaker 1: and he just works in bed next to her, and
Speaker 1: it's fine.
Speaker 3: That's great for them, it doesn't work for me.
Speaker 1: I love you, thank you, and I'll always have your back.
Speaker 1: If he don't tell him I'm on his side. He listen,
Speaker 1: but I sort of am like, I understand, and I
Speaker 1: think there is an easy way for you guys to
Speaker 1: meet half Wait, you put an eye mask on, Laura.
Speaker 1: You're happy to wear your omnilux, which is like you've
Speaker 1: ever seen put an eye mask on. He can put
Speaker 1: his headphones in, he can roll over and just go
Speaker 1: to sleep, like he's not going to do it all night.
Speaker 1: I think his problem is you being like, look, we're
Speaker 1: not in coots with.
Speaker 4: But if we were to be in cootes with one
Speaker 4: of you right now, I think we're pretty strongly falling
Speaker 4: on his side.
Speaker 3: Like, hey, guys, that's enough from us today.
Speaker 1: It's been a great episode to hear at Aska and cut.
Speaker 3: I think Laura wants to do you all know the drill.
Speaker 4: Also, Omniluck sponsored the podcast can already you got so
Speaker 4: many shout up.
Speaker 1: That's why they don't sponsor, because they know we're gonna
Speaker 1: talk about it anymore. Just saying the brand we need
Speaker 1: to just be like that bright face mask. Tell your mum,
Speaker 1: to you dad, tell you dog, tell your friends, put
Speaker 1: the plug in charge your in and told you to night,
Speaker 1: go to sleep.