WEBVTT - A Terminal Diagnosis at Twenty Five - Uncut with Kellie Finlayson 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.800 Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands 0:00:03.840 --> 0:00:06.560 were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders 0:00:06.559 --> 0:00:07.600 past and present. 0:00:07.600 --> 0:00:11.399 Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was 0:00:11.440 --> 0:00:13.360 recorded on Drug Wallamuta Land. 0:00:23.000 --> 0:00:25.320 Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life 0:00:25.400 --> 0:00:25.840 on Cut. 0:00:25.880 --> 0:00:29.040 I'm Brittany and I'm Laura. And today's episode, look, we 0:00:29.080 --> 0:00:31.600 really cover the whole gamut. We talk about some very 0:00:31.640 --> 0:00:35.239 silly things. We talk about a new blowdob machine called 0:00:35.240 --> 0:00:38.120 the Auto Blow Ai Plus, but we also have a 0:00:38.360 --> 0:00:42.560 incredibly important conversation with a beautiful woman named Kelly Flinlayson. 0:00:42.880 --> 0:00:46.040 We are talking about Kelly's battle with bow cancer. Kelly's 0:00:46.080 --> 0:00:48.360 such an incredible person, but she's on a mission to 0:00:48.440 --> 0:00:50.320 raise awareness for early detection. 0:00:50.960 --> 0:00:52.640 Yeah, and I think one of the big take homes 0:00:52.680 --> 0:00:56.320 for me is bow cancer is something that I have 0:00:56.440 --> 0:01:00.760 always attributed to being an old person's problem. Only twenty 0:01:00.800 --> 0:01:03.320 five when she was diagnosed without cancer. She was also 0:01:03.360 --> 0:01:06.800 diagnosed three months after having her little beautiful baby girl, Sophia. 0:01:06.959 --> 0:01:08.480 But one of the things that I think is the 0:01:08.520 --> 0:01:13.360 most incredible part of Kelly's story is just her unbelievable positivity, 0:01:13.520 --> 0:01:16.840 her resilience, and her determination to beat this cancer. 0:01:17.800 --> 0:01:22.039 Guess whose birthday was on the weekend? Not mine? And 0:01:22.040 --> 0:01:26.800 there's only one of the boom probably someone famous, famous, please, 0:01:26.920 --> 0:01:28.520 I mean probably someone famous out there, but it was 0:01:28.520 --> 0:01:29.160 also yours. 0:01:29.680 --> 0:01:31.720 Do you know what I feel like? If you follow 0:01:31.760 --> 0:01:33.920 me on Instagram, you would probably know because I went 0:01:33.959 --> 0:01:36.160 hard this year. I was like, you know what, everyone, 0:01:36.200 --> 0:01:38.200 it's my birthday and I never do that because I 0:01:38.240 --> 0:01:40.240 never celebrate birthday. It was the Big. 0:01:40.040 --> 0:01:45.399 Three zero, so I congratulations thirty again. Everyone thirty for 0:01:45.440 --> 0:01:49.120 the seventh time. Not even I am thirty seven. I'm 0:01:49.120 --> 0:01:50.720 a proud thirty seven year old. 0:01:50.720 --> 0:01:53.960 And the reason why I think this year I was 0:01:54.040 --> 0:01:57.120 so across Instagram. I was so like, it's my birthday 0:01:57.720 --> 0:01:59.760 is because I think it's the first year this is 0:02:00.080 --> 0:02:03.360 self indulgent, but I feel so happy. I feel so indulgous, 0:02:03.560 --> 0:02:07.200 so happy. I feel so content with being thirty seven. 0:02:07.640 --> 0:02:10.040 I think other years I've been like, oh god, thirty six, 0:02:10.440 --> 0:02:12.480 what does that mean? Who am I? I don't know. 0:02:12.639 --> 0:02:14.320 This year, I was just like, yeah, I'm thirty seven, 0:02:14.720 --> 0:02:16.960 and my boobs are much lower than they were. 0:02:17.000 --> 0:02:17.520 The ruh. 0:02:17.800 --> 0:02:20.480 So funny because it does happen as you get older. 0:02:20.520 --> 0:02:22.640 So as you're aging in your twenties towards thirty, you 0:02:22.680 --> 0:02:24.480 start to get a bit petrified of what's going to 0:02:24.520 --> 0:02:26.200 happen in the next decade, like all of a sudden, 0:02:26.200 --> 0:02:28.560 your life is over. But then when you're in your thirties, 0:02:28.760 --> 0:02:31.160 it gets easier every year because you get more comfortable 0:02:31.200 --> 0:02:32.960 with who you are. I think you're start caring a 0:02:32.960 --> 0:02:35.560 lot less. I think you're more open to just going 0:02:35.600 --> 0:02:38.760 after what you want in life, being content, finding your happiness. 0:02:39.040 --> 0:02:40.840 I think it changes the way you feel in the 0:02:40.880 --> 0:02:42.800 way you look at age changes as you get older. 0:02:42.840 --> 0:02:43.960 I don't know that's what's happening to me. 0:02:44.200 --> 0:02:46.960 I agree, but I think we've sold a very different story. 0:02:47.080 --> 0:02:49.560 I think from when I was in my twenties, I 0:02:49.600 --> 0:02:52.040 was told that, well, as you get older, every year 0:02:52.080 --> 0:02:54.000 it gets worse and worse. You should be more and 0:02:54.040 --> 0:02:57.079 more fearful as that time and clock ticks by. And now, look, 0:02:57.120 --> 0:02:59.800 I'm thirty seven, I'm not turning one hundred. But I 0:03:00.200 --> 0:03:04.480 I think, I genuinely think every year for me has 0:03:04.520 --> 0:03:06.680 gotten better and better. And it's not because of any 0:03:06.720 --> 0:03:09.080 achievements that I've made. It's not because of like work 0:03:09.160 --> 0:03:11.280 or anything like that. It's because I feel more comfortable. 0:03:11.560 --> 0:03:15.639 I'm so much less judgmental on myself. And it's such 0:03:15.639 --> 0:03:17.320 a crazy thing because you look back on your twenties 0:03:17.320 --> 0:03:19.959 and you're like, I was so fit. All the things 0:03:19.960 --> 0:03:22.000 that I would think now that I would want to have, 0:03:22.120 --> 0:03:24.160 I had them in my twenties and I was insecure. 0:03:24.440 --> 0:03:27.440 And now I'm thirty seven, and I truly and honestly 0:03:27.880 --> 0:03:30.040 do not care. I'm gonna and I feel great. Yeah, 0:03:30.040 --> 0:03:32.280 I'm going to actually change what I just said. Well, 0:03:32.280 --> 0:03:33.359 I'm not going to change it, and I'm going to 0:03:33.400 --> 0:03:33.919 add to it. 0:03:34.040 --> 0:03:34.359 I do. 0:03:34.560 --> 0:03:36.160 We can edit it out, so so, Brittany, I do 0:03:36.280 --> 0:03:37.760 agree with you. No, I don't want to because I 0:03:37.760 --> 0:03:39.560 don't want to edit it, but I think I think 0:03:39.600 --> 0:03:41.720 now I want to add to it. I definitely do 0:03:41.800 --> 0:03:43.160 think it's an age thing that you do get more 0:03:43.160 --> 0:03:46.720 comfortable as you grow, but I think it also comes 0:03:46.760 --> 0:03:48.280 with where you are at in life. So I don't 0:03:48.280 --> 0:03:50.400 want to group everyone that's aging in their thirties to 0:03:50.480 --> 0:03:53.160 be you know, you get happier every year. It's definitely 0:03:53.280 --> 0:03:55.920 if you feel like you have what you always thought 0:03:55.920 --> 0:03:58.400 you wanted. Now what I mean by that is, I agree, 0:03:58.520 --> 0:04:01.320 you have a beautiful alationship, and you have your kids, 0:04:01.360 --> 0:04:03.200 and you've got a work that you love, so you 0:04:03.320 --> 0:04:06.560 feel very comfortable and whole with your life. There are 0:04:06.560 --> 0:04:07.880 a lot of people out there that every year is 0:04:07.920 --> 0:04:09.400 going by and they might not have their kids yet 0:04:09.400 --> 0:04:11.080 that they've always wanted, or they might not have found 0:04:11.480 --> 0:04:14.880 quote unquote their soulmate, and maybe those birthdays don't hit 0:04:14.920 --> 0:04:16.360 the same. And I say that because I've done that 0:04:16.440 --> 0:04:19.000 in the past too. I'm a lot more comfortable now 0:04:19.040 --> 0:04:21.440 with aging. I still am nowhere near with what I 0:04:21.480 --> 0:04:23.800 want to have in terms of family life and things 0:04:23.839 --> 0:04:25.960 like that, but there's a level of acceptance. But I 0:04:25.960 --> 0:04:27.479 know there's a lot of other people out there listening 0:04:27.520 --> 0:04:29.600 right now that are like, well fuck that. You know, 0:04:29.680 --> 0:04:31.520 I'm thirty seven and I don't have my child yet. 0:04:31.560 --> 0:04:34.599 So it definitely is dependent on your situation. 0:04:34.920 --> 0:04:36.680 I am so glad you said that, because I think 0:04:36.800 --> 0:04:39.599 for me, I'm at a point in life where maybe 0:04:39.680 --> 0:04:41.960 I guess I used to care a lot what other 0:04:42.000 --> 0:04:43.880 people thought of me, and that used to be a 0:04:43.920 --> 0:04:46.800 really big dictator of my happiness, even if in textbook 0:04:46.839 --> 0:04:48.400 I was where I or what I was supposed to be. 0:04:48.520 --> 0:04:51.320 I leveled up to whatever metric I had placed for myself. 0:04:52.000 --> 0:04:55.120 My care for how other people viewed me really affected me, 0:04:55.520 --> 0:04:58.600 and I think that with age, I care less and 0:04:58.680 --> 0:05:00.960 less what people think of me. You know, you always 0:05:01.000 --> 0:05:02.280 have to care to some extent, but. 0:05:02.320 --> 0:05:04.000 Don't leave us bad reviews. We still care. 0:05:04.800 --> 0:05:07.640 We care. I take it back, No that like I 0:05:07.680 --> 0:05:09.960 think that it's just this level of self acceptance. But 0:05:10.000 --> 0:05:13.000 I absolutely agree, britt. Maybe if I wasn't at a point, 0:05:13.080 --> 0:05:15.080 or if I didn't have the things that I always wanted, 0:05:15.080 --> 0:05:16.279 maybe I wouldn't feel that way. 0:05:16.480 --> 0:05:18.200 I still care what people think, not as much for 0:05:18.240 --> 0:05:21.960 it to bother me, but mine is more accepting of 0:05:22.000 --> 0:05:25.000 the fact that sometimes life's journey for us, and I 0:05:25.000 --> 0:05:27.400 don't like the word journey, but the path that we take, 0:05:27.560 --> 0:05:28.080 let's go with it. 0:05:28.120 --> 0:05:28.800 I'll lean into it. 0:05:28.880 --> 0:05:31.080 Let's lean into it. The journey and the path that 0:05:31.520 --> 0:05:34.680 we have been given might not be the one we 0:05:34.800 --> 0:05:38.960 had planned. And with that acceptance comes a little bit 0:05:39.000 --> 0:05:41.960 of reprieve from the stress and the pressure of I'm 0:05:42.000 --> 0:05:43.400 at this age and I don't have what I want, 0:05:43.400 --> 0:05:45.719 because man, I thought I would have three houses, a husband, 0:05:45.960 --> 0:05:47.360 five dogs, two kids, who. 0:05:47.400 --> 0:05:48.839 I pick it fat they were going to have three 0:05:48.880 --> 0:05:50.679 houses in this climate. Jesus Christ. 0:05:50.880 --> 0:05:52.920 When I was twenty, I was like, I'm setting myself 0:05:52.960 --> 0:05:54.880 a goal. At thirty years old, all I wanted to 0:05:54.920 --> 0:05:57.760 do was hustle, be a property mogul. I literally remember 0:05:57.800 --> 0:05:59.360 saying to my boyfriend, I wanted to have four kids. 0:05:59.400 --> 0:06:02.320 I want to be a young I'm thirty six. Nearly 0:06:02.360 --> 0:06:04.720 this year, I'm thirty six, and I'm like a hurricane. 0:06:04.720 --> 0:06:08.159 But my comfort now comes from the acceptance of the 0:06:08.279 --> 0:06:10.480 future and follow the path I want to take now. 0:06:10.839 --> 0:06:13.599 I really want to reiterate that I think, especially as women, 0:06:13.800 --> 0:06:16.440 that we are sold that age is such a defining 0:06:16.480 --> 0:06:19.040 factor on who we are and our value, Like this 0:06:19.120 --> 0:06:21.480 idea that as we get older, we become more invisible, 0:06:21.960 --> 0:06:24.440 that what we can contribute and who we are as 0:06:24.520 --> 0:06:26.520 people is less and less valuable. 0:06:26.560 --> 0:06:30.160 And I think opportunities dry up, Relationship opportunities dry up. 0:06:30.160 --> 0:06:31.960 That's what we're told when we're in our twenty Yeah, and. 0:06:31.880 --> 0:06:35.239 We're told to be all that were supposed to fret 0:06:35.279 --> 0:06:37.200 as each year rolls by that were supposed to be 0:06:37.279 --> 0:06:39.039 a little bit less, Like no one's supposed to go 0:06:39.040 --> 0:06:41.839 into their forties, being like I'm done and forty and 0:06:41.880 --> 0:06:44.760 that's great. We've been sold that that's not how you 0:06:44.760 --> 0:06:47.120 should approach aging, and I think it takes a real 0:06:47.279 --> 0:06:50.279 mindset shift to each year be like, you know what, 0:06:50.600 --> 0:06:53.120 I'm so happy to be here. And actually it was 0:06:53.160 --> 0:06:56.360 something that Matt's mom said. So, Matt's mum, she's seventy two, 0:06:56.560 --> 0:07:00.480 Ellie love ely fucking phenomenal. I love my mother in law. 0:07:00.520 --> 0:07:03.120 I hit the mother in law jackpot. But she made 0:07:03.160 --> 0:07:04.880 a comment, she was like, gosh, you know how old 0:07:04.920 --> 0:07:07.200 I'm turning this year? And I was like what, She's like, 0:07:07.520 --> 0:07:10.560 seventy two. That's wild. She's like, I'm seventy two, and 0:07:10.560 --> 0:07:12.800 she's like, you know, you know what, no one wants 0:07:12.800 --> 0:07:15.280 to be seventy two. She's like, no one unless you're 0:07:15.320 --> 0:07:17.640 seventy one, then you really fucking want to be seventy 0:07:17.680 --> 0:07:19.280 two and seventy three. 0:07:19.360 --> 0:07:20.240 It's so true. 0:07:20.320 --> 0:07:22.560 It's so true. Anyway, that was it. I had a 0:07:22.600 --> 0:07:25.400 beautiful weekend with the kids. We went up to Cool 0:07:25.440 --> 0:07:30.040 and Gatter Kingscliff area. We did literally everything it used 0:07:30.040 --> 0:07:33.040 to be. We literally did not know. We did every 0:07:33.120 --> 0:07:35.600 single thing you could possibly do in that area. It 0:07:35.720 --> 0:07:37.600 used to be that, like prior to my birthday, I 0:07:37.760 --> 0:07:39.960 just go out and smash margaritas and that would be 0:07:40.000 --> 0:07:41.800 how I would celebrate. And now we go to things 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:45.920 like fruit World and take the kids Macedamia, Nu picking. 0:07:46.000 --> 0:07:47.119 What did you think of the area? 0:07:47.160 --> 0:07:49.000 What did you think of Cooley and that area in 0:07:49.040 --> 0:07:51.400 Crima because I often think about moving there. I haven't 0:07:51.400 --> 0:07:53.520 told you that, but I often think about movie not yet, No. 0:07:54.040 --> 0:07:56.240 Stop trying to live life or Scotland ear to me, 0:07:56.800 --> 0:08:00.480 or Scotland is an absolutely better siving here. Just speaking 0:08:00.520 --> 0:08:04.240 of Scotland, Britt leaves in two days to go to Scotland. 0:08:04.280 --> 0:08:05.960 I am and head into Scotland. 0:08:06.320 --> 0:08:08.760 And you don't have to say Scotland like that every 0:08:08.760 --> 0:08:10.560 time you say it. I actually can't say it with 0:08:10.600 --> 0:08:13.240 it that like it's a viscual reaction. 0:08:13.280 --> 0:08:14.160 I have to be Scotland. 0:08:14.480 --> 0:08:16.920 So literally, as we sat down to record this episode, 0:08:17.320 --> 0:08:19.720 the first thing brit says, just before we turn the 0:08:19.720 --> 0:08:23.040 MIC's on, was I can't believe I'm gonna have sex 0:08:23.080 --> 0:08:26.800 in two days. I can't fucking wait. Let's talk about 0:08:26.800 --> 0:08:27.600 that for a second. 0:08:27.800 --> 0:08:31.120 That was off my cloru. Sometimes we have a friendship. 0:08:30.680 --> 0:08:33.080 Conversation happy birthday to you, pretty Hockley. 0:08:33.760 --> 0:08:35.720 Yeah, it's not my birthday and until August, but I'm 0:08:35.720 --> 0:08:37.520 gonna have a pre birthday celebration in two days. 0:08:37.840 --> 0:08:40.840 What are you most looking forward to? What part of it? 0:08:40.920 --> 0:08:46.600 No, let's get into this. No, of course I'm not. 0:08:47.000 --> 0:08:49.400 Look if I just wanted sex, I wouldn't been a 0:08:49.400 --> 0:08:50.480 long distance relationship. 0:08:50.480 --> 0:08:50.920 I would just. 0:08:51.080 --> 0:08:52.959 Be with someone down the road that I can had 0:08:52.960 --> 0:08:53.760 sex with all the time. 0:08:54.200 --> 0:08:55.600 I love Ben. I love him. 0:08:55.600 --> 0:08:57.600 When I'm with him, I feel amazing and he makes 0:08:57.600 --> 0:09:01.800 me feel like I'm blushing right now, I'm so cute, 0:09:01.600 --> 0:09:04.360 feel like I feel like I'm eighteen right now. No, 0:09:04.440 --> 0:09:07.560 but I love this early feeling in a relationship and 0:09:07.600 --> 0:09:09.760 you often forget, you miss it until you have it again, 0:09:09.840 --> 0:09:11.800 the feeling of just like like what I just said, 0:09:11.800 --> 0:09:13.440 when I'm like I'm blushing and I feel like I'm 0:09:13.480 --> 0:09:16.760 seventeen again, I still get really excited at the thought 0:09:16.840 --> 0:09:19.079 of seeing him and talking to him. And maybe that's 0:09:19.080 --> 0:09:21.199 why I do long distance relationships, because I just want 0:09:21.200 --> 0:09:22.520 to hold onto that feeling forever. 0:09:22.640 --> 0:09:23.800 Well, that's the thing, right, Like, when you're in a 0:09:23.840 --> 0:09:27.800 long distance relationship that is prolonged because normally. 0:09:27.559 --> 0:09:29.240 Oh, will never know if we actually hate each other. 0:09:30.960 --> 0:09:31.600 Well never not. 0:09:31.880 --> 0:09:34.280 We'll never figure it out until you're actually together, and 0:09:34.280 --> 0:09:36.440 then it's too late. You spend so many years committing 0:09:36.480 --> 0:09:36.800 your soul. 0:09:37.000 --> 0:09:39.000 I'm like fifty five, and I'm like, damn it, when 0:09:39.000 --> 0:09:39.920 I finally. 0:09:39.520 --> 0:09:41.520 Live with him, we're actually completely incompatible. 0:09:41.640 --> 0:09:43.640 No, but do you know what I'm actually really looking 0:09:43.640 --> 0:09:47.800 forward to jokes aside sex, aside what come away for sex, 0:09:48.000 --> 0:09:53.000 I'm really looking forward to that connection and intimacy physically 0:09:53.040 --> 0:09:55.720 without the sex, just like affection, have someone cuddle you, 0:09:55.840 --> 0:09:58.360 lay in bed and fall asleep with someone, the little 0:09:58.440 --> 0:10:02.040 like kisses that just that little having someone around you 0:10:02.080 --> 0:10:03.640 that doesn't even have to be touching you, but the 0:10:03.720 --> 0:10:05.920 feeling of having someone in your house and near you, 0:10:06.000 --> 0:10:08.960 even if you're not talking. I've lived alone for so long, 0:10:09.040 --> 0:10:11.040 so I often miss that, and I don't need that 0:10:11.120 --> 0:10:13.280 constant talk. So sometimes I liked it as be in 0:10:13.320 --> 0:10:14.520 the same room as someone. 0:10:14.800 --> 0:10:17.520 I mean, it's a very different type of connection that 0:10:17.559 --> 0:10:19.240 you get and a type of comfort that you get 0:10:19.280 --> 0:10:22.440 from like your intimate partner. Like friends can fill the cup, 0:10:22.480 --> 0:10:24.840 friends can fill the void. But I think you don't 0:10:24.840 --> 0:10:25.760 feel me like Ben. 0:10:25.920 --> 0:10:28.400 Oh that I had to do the opportunity was saying. 0:10:28.280 --> 0:10:32.320 I will. I'll fill a lot of other ones, but yeah, 0:10:32.400 --> 0:10:33.280 I'll leave that one to Ben. 0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:35.480 I don't have one you fill my cup Aline that 0:10:35.520 --> 0:10:39.120 way either, Laura. In all seriousness though, there's a big 0:10:39.200 --> 0:10:42.719 part of me, and it's probably wrong to say it, 0:10:42.760 --> 0:10:45.920 but Ben really looks after me. And when I'm there 0:10:45.960 --> 0:10:48.240 and I'm with him, I feel like I just don't 0:10:48.280 --> 0:10:49.640 have to think of anything because I feel like in 0:10:49.640 --> 0:10:51.640 my day to day life I have to do everything 0:10:51.679 --> 0:10:53.720 because I live alone. But like when something's broken, I 0:10:53.760 --> 0:10:55.840 fix it. I have to think about all the bills. 0:10:55.880 --> 0:10:57.920 I have to think about paying this, doing this, cleaning this, 0:10:57.960 --> 0:11:01.200 buying this whatever, whatever it is, it's just everything in 0:11:01.240 --> 0:11:03.960 the one household. So it's really nice to have somebody. 0:11:04.040 --> 0:11:06.360 You know, we run our business and we're constantly making 0:11:06.400 --> 0:11:09.320 the decisions. When I'm there, he just looks after me 0:11:09.360 --> 0:11:11.520 so well, and I just feel like I relaxed. I 0:11:11.600 --> 0:11:13.120 know that he's going to help me out. I know 0:11:13.120 --> 0:11:14.600 he's going to do things for me because he does. 0:11:14.640 --> 0:11:17.160 He goes above and beyond, and there's a really selfish 0:11:17.200 --> 0:11:17.640 part of me. 0:11:17.600 --> 0:11:19.079 That just like can't wait to do that you're like, 0:11:19.120 --> 0:11:22.000 I'm going to be on a mental holiday, lots of sex. 0:11:22.120 --> 0:11:23.920 No one couldn't wait for What else. 0:11:23.760 --> 0:11:24.440 Can I bring you? 0:11:25.920 --> 0:11:28.320 Fuck me, feed me and do everything me, love me, 0:11:28.400 --> 0:11:29.880 fuck me, feed me, and I'm happy girl. 0:11:31.080 --> 0:11:31.840 But do you know what? Okay? 0:11:31.880 --> 0:11:33.839 Then going back to my weekend for a second. So 0:11:33.840 --> 0:11:36.080 it's something I wanted to talk to you about because 0:11:36.120 --> 0:11:38.760 I've realized, Actually, no, I'm not going to say that 0:11:38.840 --> 0:11:40.440 I'm the mom that I thought I would never be. 0:11:40.679 --> 0:11:43.720 But I dealt with something on the weekend. After posting 0:11:43.800 --> 0:11:46.760 to Instagram. I dealt with some backlash and a wonderful 0:11:46.840 --> 0:11:49.480 troll told me what a ship parent I was, and 0:11:49.520 --> 0:11:50.720 I kind of wanted to talk about it. 0:11:50.720 --> 0:11:51.920 Oh, you got mum shamed. 0:11:52.440 --> 0:11:56.080 I got mum shamed hardcore. So I put up a 0:11:56.120 --> 0:11:58.360 post yesterday, put up a post on Sunday, and it 0:11:58.480 --> 0:12:00.439 was Matt and I going out for a date night 0:12:00.440 --> 0:12:02.640 for dinner. But obviously we were away with the kids, 0:12:02.720 --> 0:12:05.000 and so we didn't have babysitters, so we brought the 0:12:05.080 --> 0:12:06.080 kids to date night. 0:12:06.120 --> 0:12:07.439 I thought were about to say, so we just left 0:12:07.440 --> 0:12:08.200 the kids at home. 0:12:08.480 --> 0:12:10.600 No, apparently you can't do that with they're three and two. 0:12:10.600 --> 0:12:12.240 We brought them to date night, and also because it 0:12:12.280 --> 0:12:14.600 was like my birthday dinner. But to be fair, they 0:12:14.640 --> 0:12:17.679 probably weren't particularly in the mood to go out for dinner. 0:12:17.679 --> 0:12:19.240 They would have liked to have just eaten at the 0:12:19.240 --> 0:12:21.240 hotel and gone to bed. But you know what, I 0:12:21.320 --> 0:12:23.240 was like, it's my last night, I want to go 0:12:23.360 --> 0:12:25.080 out for a dinner. It was a super early dinner. 0:12:25.080 --> 0:12:26.720 It was six pm. It's not like we're going out 0:12:26.720 --> 0:12:28.800 having rages when we've got the kids with us. 0:12:28.840 --> 0:12:29.920 Totally, the sun was stiller. 0:12:30.000 --> 0:12:32.880 But you know what, every so often when you take 0:12:32.880 --> 0:12:34.600 the kids out for dinner and you just want to 0:12:34.600 --> 0:12:36.839 have a conversation with your partner, You just want to 0:12:36.840 --> 0:12:38.960 sit down and have an adult conversation where the two 0:12:39.000 --> 0:12:40.880 of you were speaking to each other and you're not 0:12:41.240 --> 0:12:43.880 running around after your children. Because trust me, Laura does 0:12:43.960 --> 0:12:45.800 not stay in her seat. She will be in her 0:12:45.800 --> 0:12:48.679 seat for ten minutes and then she's climbing out, And 0:12:48.720 --> 0:12:51.480 the only way to stop her from distracting everybody else 0:12:51.800 --> 0:12:54.240 is to give them your one hundred percent focus, which 0:12:54.280 --> 0:12:56.319 means there's no point in going out for dinner anyway, 0:12:56.360 --> 0:12:57.800 because you don't actually get to speak to each other. 0:12:57.840 --> 0:12:58.800 You may to stay at home. 0:12:59.000 --> 0:13:02.480 So I brought a friend along with me. I brought 0:13:02.679 --> 0:13:07.559 their iPads. You did what I did. I brought their 0:13:07.559 --> 0:13:10.320 iPads and I set them up at dinner. Are the worst? 0:13:10.400 --> 0:13:13.200 Such a neglect and you were so neglectful. And you 0:13:13.240 --> 0:13:15.240 know what I always thought when I, like, before I 0:13:15.280 --> 0:13:16.880 had kids, I was like, I will never be the 0:13:16.960 --> 0:13:19.600 parent that distracts my children with screens. I will never 0:13:19.600 --> 0:13:21.960 be the parent that brings an iPad with me. But 0:13:22.040 --> 0:13:24.960 then you become a parent and you realize how absolutely 0:13:25.040 --> 0:13:28.280 judgmental that is, because sometimes you just need help. 0:13:28.520 --> 0:13:31.480 I don't know one of my friends that have kids 0:13:31.480 --> 0:13:33.480 that didn't say that. Every single person I know that 0:13:33.520 --> 0:13:35.160 had a kid is like, I am never going to 0:13:35.200 --> 0:13:38.160 be that mum. My kid's going to go outside and play. 0:13:38.200 --> 0:13:40.720 They're going and play with toys, wooden toys, not plastic. 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:44.920 You know, everyone has this idea and of course that's great, 0:13:45.000 --> 0:13:46.679 but no, it doesn't work in reality. Everyone wants to 0:13:46.760 --> 0:13:50.280 be the best possible parent that they can be. Reality 0:13:50.320 --> 0:13:52.760 is a different thing. You have that child that's twenty 0:13:52.800 --> 0:13:54.520 four to seven, and you do need an hour of 0:13:54.559 --> 0:13:56.680 reprieve sometimes, and if that means they sit there and 0:13:56.720 --> 0:14:00.160 watch Bluey or whatever else it is. I think it's okay, hey, 0:14:00.240 --> 0:14:02.000 as long as it's not a twenty four to seven thing. 0:14:02.400 --> 0:14:02.559 Yeah. 0:14:02.600 --> 0:14:04.240 But I think also when you say that you know 0:14:04.280 --> 0:14:06.120 everyone wants to be the best parent that they can be, 0:14:06.360 --> 0:14:09.160 I still feel like people. I'm sure there are parents 0:14:09.200 --> 0:14:11.640 who rely too heavily on iPads and screen time because 0:14:11.640 --> 0:14:14.120 it's an easy distractor. I've got no doubt that they exist. 0:14:14.400 --> 0:14:17.079 But I would say the majority of parents still want 0:14:17.080 --> 0:14:19.240 to be the best parents that they can be. Most 0:14:19.280 --> 0:14:22.440 people are very conscious and cognizant of the impact of 0:14:22.480 --> 0:14:24.960 iPads and the impact of letting kids just sit on 0:14:25.000 --> 0:14:28.360 screens for too long, even if it is so easy 0:14:28.400 --> 0:14:30.880 to do. I think, giving people the benefit of the doubt, 0:14:30.920 --> 0:14:33.120 majority of parents want to do a really good job. 0:14:33.240 --> 0:14:35.600 But I posted this yesterday, and this was my photo 0:14:35.600 --> 0:14:38.560 to Instagram, and this was a caption barely post a 0:14:38.600 --> 0:14:40.800 month and triple dumps in one day because I put 0:14:40.800 --> 0:14:43.000 three pictures up in one day. I did. Yeah, I 0:14:43.080 --> 0:14:44.920 went wild anyway, hold me back. And then the rest 0:14:44.920 --> 0:14:46.960 of it was date night, except with a couple of 0:14:47.000 --> 0:14:49.840 overtired hooligans and their iPads because tonight I'd love to 0:14:49.840 --> 0:14:52.400 get through a single conversation without chasing a toddler through 0:14:52.400 --> 0:14:54.280 the restaurant yelling get back in your chair. 0:14:54.480 --> 0:14:56.480 So you actually owned it. You owned the fact that 0:14:56.520 --> 0:14:59.000 you're like, I know that I'm giving them an iPad, 0:14:59.120 --> 0:15:02.080 so you like tried to pre out the trolls from coming. 0:15:02.160 --> 0:15:04.720 Oh yeah, no, I wasn't even pre outing the trolls. 0:15:04.720 --> 0:15:07.880 I was just owning the fact that, like literally ninety 0:15:07.880 --> 0:15:09.880 percent of parents will do it from time to time 0:15:09.920 --> 0:15:12.800 and that it's okay. And I think sometimes, you know, 0:15:13.240 --> 0:15:16.120 having these relatable parenting moments where you see somebody else 0:15:16.160 --> 0:15:17.880 who's on Instagram. You know, we had our kids, We 0:15:17.920 --> 0:15:20.720 took them to so many activities that day. Sometimes you 0:15:20.720 --> 0:15:22.760 can look at how other people are parenting and you think, 0:15:22.800 --> 0:15:25.200 oh god, why do they have it so easy? And 0:15:25.360 --> 0:15:27.240 I also think it's important to show the shade that 0:15:27.320 --> 0:15:29.960 it's definitely not easy for us either, Like we absolutely 0:15:30.080 --> 0:15:31.600 have our moments with our kids. 0:15:31.640 --> 0:15:32.840 So what did you come at you with? 0:15:33.120 --> 0:15:35.440 Why take kids to a date night? Maybe the rest 0:15:35.440 --> 0:15:37.560 of the date nights would have a better time. And 0:15:37.600 --> 0:15:39.240 then there was some back and forth and then this 0:15:39.280 --> 0:15:42.600 person you respond, No, no, I didn't respond. Other people did oh, 0:15:42.680 --> 0:15:44.640 I made it a rule to not bring my children 0:15:44.680 --> 0:15:46.760 on date nights. Luxury has nothing to do with it. 0:15:46.800 --> 0:15:49.000 Respect for other people has everything to do with it. 0:15:49.120 --> 0:15:51.040 But then again, I was taught that as a child. 0:15:51.400 --> 0:15:53.480 And then it goes on to say, as a parent, 0:15:53.560 --> 0:15:55.920 I actually spoke to my children, we didn't put things 0:15:55.920 --> 0:15:58.280 in their hands to entertain them, and now my child 0:15:58.320 --> 0:15:59.520 has respect for people too. 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:01.280 The audacity. 0:16:01.560 --> 0:16:03.760 I was pretty irate by this because I think I 0:16:03.760 --> 0:16:06.240 can actually imagine because I know you well. The reason 0:16:06.240 --> 0:16:08.200 why I got me so fired up is because it 0:16:08.280 --> 0:16:10.960 comes down to this one reoccurring thing that I see. 0:16:11.360 --> 0:16:14.680 The only people that I ever see shaming mums for 0:16:14.720 --> 0:16:17.600 doing a shit job in their eyes are other mums 0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:20.360 who have already done it. It's other mums who hold 0:16:20.400 --> 0:16:23.320 people up to the standard and say like, you're not 0:16:23.400 --> 0:16:25.080 doing it the way I did it, and so therefore 0:16:25.080 --> 0:16:27.360 you're doing it wrong. And I guess, like, when I 0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:29.520 look at that, I think, you know it's not dads 0:16:29.520 --> 0:16:32.000 are not shaming moms. People who don't have kids are 0:16:32.000 --> 0:16:35.160 not shaming mums. It's other mums. And I don't understand 0:16:35.280 --> 0:16:37.200 why we do it to each other. No, And I 0:16:37.240 --> 0:16:39.920 mean just to really reiterate that. Not that long ago 0:16:39.960 --> 0:16:41.880 when we had Rebel Wilson on the podcast and she 0:16:42.000 --> 0:16:44.040 was talking about being mum shamed, so she I mean, 0:16:44.080 --> 0:16:46.200 she's got a platform of say, twelve million followers, so 0:16:46.280 --> 0:16:49.080 hers would be next level, right, she said the same 0:16:49.120 --> 0:16:51.120 thing she said out of If you look, you know, 0:16:51.280 --> 0:16:53.640 statistically at how many people follow her, She's like, it 0:16:53.880 --> 0:16:57.120 is all mums and women when you go on their pages. 0:16:57.160 --> 0:16:59.640 She's like, it's never a man that comes on to Shamus. 0:17:00.000 --> 0:17:02.400 I wonder why it's hard for me. I'm not a mum, 0:17:02.800 --> 0:17:05.800 but I wonder why that is. Where does that judgmental 0:17:06.119 --> 0:17:07.280 attitude come from. 0:17:07.320 --> 0:17:09.879 I think it comes back to a bit of internalized misogyny. 0:17:09.920 --> 0:17:13.280 I think it comes back to this idea that as mothers, 0:17:13.400 --> 0:17:16.360 we should be sacrificial, that we should be doing everything 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:20.280 for our children, and that if you prioritize yourself at 0:17:20.320 --> 0:17:22.959 the expense of your child, that you're then putting them 0:17:23.000 --> 0:17:26.240 at a deficit. And I think because that has been 0:17:26.440 --> 0:17:28.960 ingrained in us for so long that when you see 0:17:28.960 --> 0:17:30.960 a mom step outside of that, when you see them 0:17:31.000 --> 0:17:33.879 do something that you think, oh, I would never do that, 0:17:34.640 --> 0:17:37.800 then instantly that reaction, well, I wouldn't say that's for everyone. 0:17:37.960 --> 0:17:40.919 We're so quick to make judgment on something was one paragraph, 0:17:41.000 --> 0:17:44.120 it's one comment, it's one picture. You know, you make 0:17:44.240 --> 0:17:47.560 judgment based on one instance in time, and that informs 0:17:47.560 --> 0:17:49.880 your opinion of that entire person or the entire way 0:17:49.880 --> 0:17:52.480 that they parent. It just comes back full circle. You 0:17:52.520 --> 0:17:54.360 can have grand plans. 0:17:54.040 --> 0:17:55.800 And think you're going to be a specific person in 0:17:55.880 --> 0:17:57.520 any aspect of life. You're going to go into a 0:17:57.560 --> 0:18:00.000 relationship or parenting or a job in a certain way, 0:18:00.119 --> 0:18:02.959 and life has other plans for you. Things change. On 0:18:03.040 --> 0:18:06.200 top of that, we're in a different generation now, where 0:18:06.240 --> 0:18:09.560 our generation, I mean iPads and technology wasn't really around. 0:18:09.600 --> 0:18:12.800 But now your kids are almost at a disadvantage going 0:18:12.800 --> 0:18:15.280 into school if they don't know how to use those things. 0:18:15.320 --> 0:18:16.800 And I hate to say that because I wish we 0:18:16.840 --> 0:18:18.400 lived in a world where the kids did just play 0:18:18.400 --> 0:18:20.360 and they didn't have to be online. But a lot 0:18:20.359 --> 0:18:21.920 of schools, now this blew my mind. A lot of 0:18:21.920 --> 0:18:24.399 schools don't even have chalk anymore, like a chalkboard, you 0:18:24.400 --> 0:18:25.600 know how used to run a chalkboard? 0:18:25.720 --> 0:18:27.280 What? Yes, they use. 0:18:27.240 --> 0:18:29.760 Projectors from an iPad and they all have iPads and 0:18:29.760 --> 0:18:31.960 it's a whole nother world. Some kids don't even know 0:18:31.960 --> 0:18:32.640 what chalk. 0:18:32.560 --> 0:18:37.080 Is, Laura. Everybody yes screwed because of technology. It also 0:18:37.240 --> 0:18:39.639 will be well, well connected and all super lonely. Not 0:18:39.800 --> 0:18:42.000 a nice segue, but I want to talk about blowjobs. 0:18:42.400 --> 0:18:45.560 That is a very weird segue from going from mum 0:18:45.640 --> 0:18:46.920 shaming to blowjobs. 0:18:47.040 --> 0:18:48.119 That's what we do here. 0:18:48.520 --> 0:18:50.600 We cover it's because Britt will be giving a few 0:18:50.600 --> 0:18:51.360 of them this weekend. 0:18:51.720 --> 0:18:54.080 Definitely not like this. Wait, shall I tell you this now? 0:18:54.119 --> 0:18:56.640 I have just shown you a photo, Laura. But there's 0:18:56.680 --> 0:19:02.760 a new it's called auto blow and it's it's AI. 0:19:03.040 --> 0:19:05.800 This is the fucking weirdest segue, Like, let me talk 0:19:05.840 --> 0:19:08.920 about Look, it's a fleshlight that we're gonna be talking about. 0:19:09.040 --> 0:19:09.440 It's AI. 0:19:09.640 --> 0:19:13.719 It's artificial intelligence in a blowdrob. So it's a masturbation 0:19:13.840 --> 0:19:14.600 tool for men. 0:19:14.920 --> 0:19:16.920 It's a flashlight, but it's a fancy flesh light. 0:19:17.040 --> 0:19:19.080 Well, it's a fleshlight on steroid. 0:19:19.119 --> 0:19:20.160 It's like this thing. 0:19:20.440 --> 0:19:22.080 I'm gonna first of all, before we talk about what 0:19:22.080 --> 0:19:24.200 it doesn't gonna describe it to you. When I first 0:19:24.280 --> 0:19:27.880 saw it, I really got soda stream vibe. 0:19:28.080 --> 0:19:30.359 You've got soda stream and I got soft serve machine. 0:19:30.400 --> 0:19:31.440 It looks like a soft serve. 0:19:31.840 --> 0:19:33.960 It's like a little if you guys know what soft serve, 0:19:34.080 --> 0:19:36.679 or like a soda stream where you put the thing in. 0:19:36.720 --> 0:19:39.640 So it's like a little contraption. It's pretty narrow, like 0:19:39.760 --> 0:19:42.040 I don't know how tall it is, maybe twenty centimeters. 0:19:42.040 --> 0:19:42.280 Do you know what? 0:19:42.359 --> 0:19:43.960 We're gonna put a picture of it on our Instagram. 0:19:44.040 --> 0:19:45.800 We'll put a picture up. But then I would not 0:19:46.440 --> 0:19:48.240 looking at me like, can you please not put this 0:19:48.320 --> 0:19:48.960 on Instagram. 0:19:49.000 --> 0:19:51.080 Then it looks like it has this material like this 0:19:51.200 --> 0:19:53.680 soft silicon at the top, then a long Dill dot 0:19:53.720 --> 0:19:56.479 we tube. Then it's got some screws and some locks. 0:19:56.520 --> 0:19:58.480 And I would not want this thing anywhere near my 0:19:58.600 --> 0:20:01.520 deck if I had a penis. But what it is 0:20:01.520 --> 0:20:04.919 is it has a silicone mouth sleeve. It is a 0:20:05.000 --> 0:20:08.199 masturbation to afford the penis. It goes into it like 0:20:08.240 --> 0:20:11.800 a vagina. But it has a remote control and it 0:20:11.840 --> 0:20:15.240 has all these voice command and has all these different 0:20:15.320 --> 0:20:19.760 types of blow job technique. So it goes this soft 0:20:19.800 --> 0:20:24.520 serve part, goes up and down, goes around, changes the tightness, 0:20:24.600 --> 0:20:26.639 does all this blow job start? 0:20:26.680 --> 0:20:28.800 I feel like, you've never seen a flesh light before, 0:20:28.800 --> 0:20:30.639 because you just described a flesh light. 0:20:30.800 --> 0:20:34.040 Yeah, but no, because flesh lights aren't remote controlled and 0:20:34.160 --> 0:20:37.560 don't do blowjobs. Flesh lights is just it feels like 0:20:37.600 --> 0:20:39.159 a nice, tight, warm apple pipe. 0:20:39.240 --> 0:20:42.040 Yeah. So normally I feel like with okay, this is 0:20:42.080 --> 0:20:44.160 really getting descriptive. If you've never seen a flash light, 0:20:44.440 --> 0:20:46.479 this might be foreign to you. A lot of them 0:20:46.480 --> 0:20:49.320 are manual, so a guy would just get hard, stick 0:20:49.359 --> 0:20:52.040 his penis in it, and then bang it up and down, 0:20:52.160 --> 0:20:55.840 you know, and that's what feels and simulates being inside someone. 0:20:55.920 --> 0:20:59.080 It's just like using a dildo. Like it's manual, you 0:20:59.160 --> 0:21:01.240 still have to It's the same thing for a man. 0:21:01.320 --> 0:21:03.080 So they get their flesh light, they still have to 0:21:03.119 --> 0:21:03.879 manually do it. 0:21:03.960 --> 0:21:06.000 So the thing that's different about this is it has 0:21:06.080 --> 0:21:08.560 almost like a clamp that clamps down on the penis, 0:21:08.600 --> 0:21:11.400 and it's the clamp that moves. I'm making clamp sounds 0:21:11.480 --> 0:21:14.159 very visceral, but it's like screw it. Yeah, it's like 0:21:14.720 --> 0:21:17.119 it is technically like a plastic clamp. But now, the 0:21:17.160 --> 0:21:19.680 thing that is also quite interesting about this, I don't 0:21:19.680 --> 0:21:21.080 know why we're talking about it still, but we're going 0:21:21.160 --> 0:21:22.840 to keep on going down that track is that it 0:21:22.880 --> 0:21:26.399 comes with different sleeves, so you can choose a vagina sleeve, 0:21:26.640 --> 0:21:29.080 you can choose an anal sleeve, or you can choose 0:21:29.080 --> 0:21:29.879 a mouth sleeve. 0:21:30.000 --> 0:21:34.480 They are sold separately, yes, not included in the costs. 0:21:34.560 --> 0:21:36.280 Must by separately, can use together. 0:21:36.240 --> 0:21:40.440 So you can experience a different sensation. And it has 0:21:40.480 --> 0:21:43.000 this AI technology now, so you can literally speak to 0:21:43.040 --> 0:21:45.320 your flesh light and tell it to go down on 0:21:45.359 --> 0:21:47.520 you in different ways, so it'll perform more of a 0:21:47.560 --> 0:21:51.080 sucking motion, more of a sucking twist motion, whatever it is. 0:21:51.119 --> 0:21:54.240 Some people like different, you know, different strokes for different folks. 0:21:54.280 --> 0:21:56.840 That literally applies in this in this instance. 0:21:56.520 --> 0:22:01.640 It has ten blowjob experiences, ten speeds per experience, and 0:22:01.920 --> 0:22:05.000 the edge button to pause your blow job at any 0:22:05.040 --> 0:22:09.880 time so you can edge yourself. Theoretically this is brilliant. 0:22:10.240 --> 0:22:12.800 But why is it now? This is a conversation that 0:22:12.840 --> 0:22:15.520 we were all having off air between ourselves produce Kisha, 0:22:15.640 --> 0:22:19.440 Laura and myself. Why is it that there is something 0:22:19.520 --> 0:22:23.159 about this it's a bit creepy because it's just a 0:22:23.200 --> 0:22:27.080 masturbation tool, right, Why does it feel a little bit off? 0:22:27.359 --> 0:22:31.000 Okay? I feel like for me and we were having 0:22:31.040 --> 0:22:33.000 a laugh about this, like this is how this came up. 0:22:33.040 --> 0:22:36.720 We were laughing about this auto blow AI plus thing, 0:22:36.840 --> 0:22:40.080 and we were like, why does this exist? But I 0:22:40.160 --> 0:22:44.000 think the real question is why do we see female 0:22:44.160 --> 0:22:47.359 sex toys, sex toys like dildos and vibrators as this 0:22:47.440 --> 0:22:52.000 almost empowering movement. We see sex toys for women, like one, 0:22:52.040 --> 0:22:54.240 they don't usually look like body parts, they're usually like 0:22:54.320 --> 0:22:58.320 quite pretty and almost especially on social media now, like 0:22:58.440 --> 0:23:01.400 women posing with their dildos, we see it as kind 0:23:01.400 --> 0:23:04.480 of a take on female sexual empowerment. If a guy 0:23:04.680 --> 0:23:07.280 was to post a photo on social media posing with 0:23:07.359 --> 0:23:10.680 his fleshlight, would we feel the same? Would we see 0:23:10.720 --> 0:23:13.119 it as empowering? I don't think so, Which makes me 0:23:13.200 --> 0:23:16.880 think that we see male masturbation tools and female masturbation 0:23:16.960 --> 0:23:20.439 tools very very differently, and we put them in different camps, 0:23:20.440 --> 0:23:23.080 which technically we shouldn't do. And where does that come from? 0:23:23.240 --> 0:23:23.320 No? 0:23:23.440 --> 0:23:26.439 I mean, yeah, right, that's a big question that we 0:23:26.440 --> 0:23:29.600 don't have answers for. Yes, for me, I like the 0:23:29.680 --> 0:23:34.920 idea of masturbation tools accessories to look as simple as possible. 0:23:35.119 --> 0:23:38.280 I'm talking just a beautiful, smooth, vibrated dildo. I don't 0:23:38.320 --> 0:23:40.760 want it to be hanging from something and plugged in 0:23:40.840 --> 0:23:43.439 and WIPEI and plastic coming off it in all angles 0:23:43.520 --> 0:23:45.080 and shapes. Personal thing. 0:23:45.480 --> 0:23:47.760 You like a chic. You're like a little pink chic 0:23:47.840 --> 0:23:52.640 looking sleepy things, sexy, poor a dildo that looks as 0:23:52.680 --> 0:23:55.160 far away from an actual penis as possible. But when 0:23:55.160 --> 0:23:57.560 I look at this contraption, so even it looks more 0:23:57.560 --> 0:24:00.600 like Keisha's frank green water bottle than it doesn't pis. 0:24:00.640 --> 0:24:01.880 It's pastor purple. 0:24:01.960 --> 0:24:03.840 I'm looking at this now, you guys will put a 0:24:03.840 --> 0:24:06.720 picture up on our Instagram. There is nothing about this 0:24:06.840 --> 0:24:08.639 that I would want to be using in a sexy 0:24:08.680 --> 0:24:10.080 intimate relationship with my partner. 0:24:10.119 --> 0:24:11.360 It literally has blue. 0:24:11.119 --> 0:24:15.360 Plastic everywhere, screws, clamps, corkdowns, has got a voice machine there. 0:24:16.040 --> 0:24:17.960 It doesn't do it for me. I'd be interested to 0:24:17.960 --> 0:24:20.119 see how many people look at this and we'll be 0:24:20.160 --> 0:24:20.520 turned on. 0:24:20.600 --> 0:24:22.560 Well, I mean, I don't think it's for our demographic 0:24:22.600 --> 0:24:25.920 of females. I feel like this is very much I mean, 0:24:26.200 --> 0:24:29.520 even the coloring of it is very much full man. However, 0:24:29.920 --> 0:24:33.879 I disagree with you in some ways because I think 0:24:34.000 --> 0:24:36.960 the thing about guys pleasure toys or whatever we want 0:24:36.960 --> 0:24:39.480 to call them. Flesh lights, and whatnot is that they 0:24:39.840 --> 0:24:43.680 always seem to look very much like they are mimicking 0:24:43.680 --> 0:24:45.880 a body part. When I think of flesh lights, they're 0:24:45.920 --> 0:24:48.720 literally flesh colored. This the top of it. Yes, the 0:24:48.760 --> 0:24:50.359 rest of it is blue, but the top of it 0:24:50.400 --> 0:24:52.720 is the color of a mouth, or a vagina or 0:24:52.760 --> 0:24:56.240 a butt. Very few vibrators these days are made to 0:24:56.440 --> 0:24:59.840 look like a pedis. I remember, like the old school 0:24:59.840 --> 0:25:02.359 one that were all veiny, and I mean I remember 0:25:02.359 --> 0:25:04.720 finding one under my mum's bed. That's a whole other story, 0:25:05.000 --> 0:25:07.560 but it literally looked like an amputated penis lying under 0:25:07.560 --> 0:25:10.280 a bed, Whereas now you could find someone's vibrator and 0:25:10.280 --> 0:25:12.439 you'd be like, ooh, cute, in offensive. Fine, you might 0:25:12.480 --> 0:25:15.439 not even know what it is. Yeah, I found a 0:25:15.480 --> 0:25:17.440 bag of dicks under my mum's bed as a kid, 0:25:17.760 --> 0:25:18.880 a bag of dicks. 0:25:19.440 --> 0:25:21.439 Do you think I haven't heard this? The only thing 0:25:21.440 --> 0:25:23.320 I will say is I haven't heard what's sound this makes. 0:25:23.320 --> 0:25:25.240 So I don't know if it's like because it's mechanical, 0:25:25.359 --> 0:25:28.920 I don't know if it's like ring ring, or if 0:25:28.960 --> 0:25:30.160 it's like a blow drum. 0:25:30.240 --> 0:25:33.360 Is like anyway, I think like the big take home 0:25:33.359 --> 0:25:35.679 from this conversation, we're all very confused by it. But 0:25:35.840 --> 0:25:36.680 the take that's my. 0:25:36.640 --> 0:25:40.399 Point, not everything else have a point. 0:25:40.880 --> 0:25:42.720 No, I think there is a point. I think the 0:25:42.800 --> 0:25:46.280 point is almost reframing why do we see sex toys 0:25:46.280 --> 0:25:48.840 in such different ways. I don't think that we're being biased, 0:25:48.840 --> 0:25:51.119 Like I'm thinking it's not just us who thinks this. 0:25:51.440 --> 0:25:53.560 I also think it's very societal. We're just having a 0:25:53.640 --> 0:25:57.040 real moment at the moment where everywhere you look women 0:25:57.240 --> 0:25:59.720 and there's sex toys and women in masturbation and women 0:25:59.720 --> 0:26:00.560 in pleasure. 0:26:00.640 --> 0:26:01.960 It's out in having a moment. 0:26:02.040 --> 0:26:03.640 It's having a moment, and it's out and as loud 0:26:03.640 --> 0:26:05.240 and it's proud and it's amazing. But we don't see 0:26:05.240 --> 0:26:07.280 it as much for the men. So then when we do, 0:26:07.560 --> 0:26:08.359 it's a bit taboo. 0:26:08.440 --> 0:26:08.720 Still. 0:26:08.920 --> 0:26:10.800 Well do you know why as well? It's because male 0:26:10.880 --> 0:26:13.399 sexual pleasure has always been out, loud and proud. It 0:26:13.400 --> 0:26:15.800 has always been in public display. I mean, there's always 0:26:15.800 --> 0:26:18.680 been the conversation about men are sexually driven, that it's 0:26:18.720 --> 0:26:22.359 like very common for men to masturbate. Male sexual desire 0:26:22.760 --> 0:26:25.840 has been well documented and spoken about throughout all of time. 0:26:26.119 --> 0:26:28.560 And the reason why it's almost like the pendulum has 0:26:28.600 --> 0:26:30.760 had to swing so far in the opposite direction is 0:26:30.800 --> 0:26:33.879 because for women, for so long it was taboo, and 0:26:33.920 --> 0:26:36.399 women are reclaiming that now. But it's almost like for 0:26:36.480 --> 0:26:38.760 men that it's become shameful for them to be out 0:26:38.800 --> 0:26:41.160 and proud and sexual about it. I would love. 0:26:41.240 --> 0:26:44.560 Anyone listening if you have used one of these in 0:26:44.600 --> 0:26:46.800 your relationship, or if you're a guy listener you've used one, 0:26:46.800 --> 0:26:48.560 I'd love you to run in and tell us just 0:26:49.119 --> 0:26:53.440 purely curiosity to see how similar it is to getting 0:26:53.440 --> 0:26:56.080 a blowjob. That's what I want to know. That's my 0:26:56.200 --> 0:26:56.600 take home. 0:26:56.960 --> 0:26:58.719 Like contact us and tell us talk us through your 0:26:58.720 --> 0:27:00.960 fleshlight experience. Yeah, like an out of ten. I want 0:27:00.960 --> 0:27:01.560 you to go now. 0:27:01.840 --> 0:27:04.800 And it's called the auto blow a one plus an 0:27:04.840 --> 0:27:06.879 automatic jerk off machine roughly the size and shape of 0:27:06.920 --> 0:27:08.240 a small box with round edges. 0:27:08.320 --> 0:27:10.000 Please, if you have used one, let us know. Just 0:27:10.040 --> 0:27:13.400 Curiosity connects to Wi Fi you can download different experiences. 0:27:13.640 --> 0:27:16.280 You can control the blow job using voice command. But anyway, 0:27:16.320 --> 0:27:18.159 if a Flashlight would like to sponsor this podcast, come 0:27:18.160 --> 0:27:18.880 on board next week. 0:27:21.600 --> 0:27:24.520 Joining us on the podcast today is Kelly Finlayson. Now, 0:27:24.560 --> 0:27:28.119 Kelly is married to Port Adelaide AFL player Jeremy Finlayson. 0:27:28.160 --> 0:27:30.840 They just recently got married, so big congratulations. 0:27:30.880 --> 0:27:31.280 Together. 0:27:31.400 --> 0:27:34.560 They have a baby girl named Sophia. In August twenty 0:27:34.600 --> 0:27:37.399 twenty one, after just giving birth to her daughter and 0:27:37.440 --> 0:27:40.199 at only twenty five years old, Kelly was diagnosed with 0:27:40.240 --> 0:27:44.320 bow cancer. She was otherwise happy and healthy. Kelly has 0:27:44.359 --> 0:27:46.439 been sharing her battle with cancer on social media in 0:27:46.480 --> 0:27:49.639 an effort to raise awareness around the disease, especially in 0:27:49.680 --> 0:27:53.520 young people. Now, at just twenty seven, she has received 0:27:53.560 --> 0:27:56.240 the news that the bow cancer has spread. The disease 0:27:56.280 --> 0:27:58.880 has now metastasized to her lungs, where it has been 0:27:58.880 --> 0:28:02.159 diagnosed as stage for and terminal. I saw Kelly's story 0:28:02.280 --> 0:28:04.720 like many have on Instagram, and knew we wanted to 0:28:04.720 --> 0:28:06.919 help her on her mission to raise awareness for this 0:28:06.960 --> 0:28:11.840 horrible disease. Kelly, welcome to life uncut. Thanks for having me, No, 0:28:12.000 --> 0:28:14.719 thank you for making the time. We of course want 0:28:14.760 --> 0:28:16.520 your most embarrassing moment. We want to throw you under 0:28:16.560 --> 0:28:18.680 a bus. What is your accidentally unfiltered? 0:28:18.960 --> 0:28:20.960 Okay, So I actually had to ask my partner if 0:28:20.960 --> 0:28:22.960 I was allowed to share this because it is quite abassing. 0:28:23.119 --> 0:28:25.840 That's always a good start when you're like, let me check. 0:28:27.000 --> 0:28:29.359 Yeah, I did have to check. So when we were very, 0:28:29.480 --> 0:28:30.040 very fresh. 0:28:30.200 --> 0:28:32.720 It was actually around Easter time, when we're very fresh 0:28:32.720 --> 0:28:35.400 in the relationship, and I obviously have had really bad 0:28:35.560 --> 0:28:39.320 vows for quite some time, and I had left a 0:28:39.360 --> 0:28:43.280 little bit of a Pooh stain on a quick cover 0:28:43.480 --> 0:28:45.560 and convinced him that it was chocolate to the point 0:28:45.600 --> 0:28:47.440 because it was Easter time, to the point that he 0:28:47.600 --> 0:28:48.480 like wiped it. 0:28:49.000 --> 0:28:53.000 No, No, at least you have a baby. You could 0:28:53.040 --> 0:28:55.320 have blamed it on though you didn't have to take 0:28:55.360 --> 0:28:55.920 faul for that. 0:28:56.120 --> 0:28:59.160 No, the baby didn't exist. No, we didn't have babies 0:28:59.160 --> 0:29:02.280 at this turn. This was like three weeks in. Yeah, 0:29:02.320 --> 0:29:04.360 this is very fresh. 0:29:04.600 --> 0:29:08.640 That is actually, Kelly, I'm going to say it, that 0:29:08.760 --> 0:29:10.120 has to be one of the most embarrassing ones I've 0:29:10.120 --> 0:29:10.480 ever had. 0:29:11.880 --> 0:29:12.800 Mortified. 0:29:12.920 --> 0:29:14.480 At least he didn't put it to his mouth. At 0:29:14.560 --> 0:29:15.400 least it was just his nose. 0:29:15.400 --> 0:29:17.320 He smelt it and then did he call it? Was 0:29:17.320 --> 0:29:19.200 he like, babe, I know that's Pooh. 0:29:19.520 --> 0:29:21.560 It was like, no, one, you need to go to 0:29:21.640 --> 0:29:23.080 the gift shot yourself. 0:29:23.480 --> 0:29:24.120 Mortifying. 0:29:24.680 --> 0:29:27.520 Actually, there's not often that I'm It's not often that 0:29:27.560 --> 0:29:29.080 I put myself in the position and I'm like, I'm 0:29:29.120 --> 0:29:31.120 mortified for this person, but I actually am. 0:29:32.480 --> 0:29:34.000 And at the time, he was in it like an 0:29:34.000 --> 0:29:36.840 apartment building that they had to share launcher on each 0:29:36.920 --> 0:29:40.160 level because he was living in Sydney's obviously really small apartments. 0:29:40.200 --> 0:29:42.440 And I literally took the sheetsps straight away, the quick 0:29:42.440 --> 0:29:43.840 growl straight away and put it into the wash and 0:29:43.880 --> 0:29:44.840 just pretended nothing happened. 0:29:45.000 --> 0:29:46.960 I know that we've just started, We've gotten right in there. 0:29:46.960 --> 0:29:48.680 We started with the poo chat, but I feel like 0:29:49.160 --> 0:29:52.320 we're going to get pretty comfortable and talking about things. 0:29:52.320 --> 0:29:54.680 And I'm guessing that you are now at a point 0:29:54.720 --> 0:29:57.840 in your life where speaking about poo must be something 0:29:57.840 --> 0:30:00.760 that you are very comfortable with. Can you tell us 0:30:00.880 --> 0:30:03.160 we're going to get into talking about your diagnosis and 0:30:03.200 --> 0:30:05.360 everything that has been happening to you over the last 0:30:05.640 --> 0:30:07.800 year and a half, But what was your life like 0:30:08.000 --> 0:30:11.200 beforehand before you found out that something had gone wrong? 0:30:11.760 --> 0:30:13.120 So prior to. 0:30:13.040 --> 0:30:15.640 A diagnosis, we had just had Sophia, so she was 0:30:15.680 --> 0:30:18.440 three months old. We'd just moved home to Adelaide from 0:30:18.480 --> 0:30:22.360 Sydney with Jess's job. Luckily enough, able to get a trade, 0:30:22.400 --> 0:30:25.960 to be closer to family for help with So things 0:30:25.960 --> 0:30:29.000 were actually just going really really well. Obviously having a 0:30:29.040 --> 0:30:31.400 new babies exciting as it is, but then also being 0:30:31.440 --> 0:30:33.360 closer to home, closer to all my friends because I 0:30:33.440 --> 0:30:35.920 grew up in Essay and then went to school in Adelaide. 0:30:35.960 --> 0:30:38.240 So I was like, finally, like gonna start. 0:30:38.080 --> 0:30:44.680 Living my life, living the milk life on the beach. Yeah, 0:30:44.680 --> 0:30:46.880 but no, it didn't turn out that way. Obviously, So 0:30:46.920 --> 0:30:50.160 I was a school teacher, but obviously during COVID didn't 0:30:50.600 --> 0:30:51.960 teach much all online. 0:30:52.000 --> 0:30:54.680 So I was, yeah, were you primary school or high school? 0:30:54.760 --> 0:30:56.160 No? Am a high school math teacher? 0:30:56.280 --> 0:30:59.200 I you I would never have guessed that. 0:30:59.600 --> 0:31:02.320 No, no one really does. I don't come across as 0:31:02.320 --> 0:31:03.280 the most intelligent human. 0:31:03.360 --> 0:31:04.520 But no, no, it's not that. 0:31:04.840 --> 0:31:06.640 I just feel like when I think of high school 0:31:06.680 --> 0:31:08.640 math teachers and I think they're young miles. I don't 0:31:08.640 --> 0:31:10.680 think of the people. I think of those old men 0:31:11.320 --> 0:31:12.080 with the glasses. 0:31:12.360 --> 0:31:13.560 Yeah, old men, I know. 0:31:13.720 --> 0:31:16.840 And funnily enough, all of university obviously, because doing math 0:31:16.920 --> 0:31:19.280 courses were all like engineering courses, they were all like 0:31:19.320 --> 0:31:19.920 middle aged men. 0:31:20.120 --> 0:31:22.680 Imagine the school kids, imagine like seventeen year old kids. 0:31:22.680 --> 0:31:25.920 When Kelly walks all of a sudden, I love math 0:31:26.360 --> 0:31:27.200 very distracting. 0:31:28.000 --> 0:31:29.440 You can imagine the comments. 0:31:29.520 --> 0:31:31.640 Yeah, Kelly, I mean going back to your accidently on 0:31:31.680 --> 0:31:36.200 filter story. I mean, I know I can't. We haven't 0:31:36.200 --> 0:31:37.720 move on from it because we've got a head back there. 0:31:37.840 --> 0:31:40.440 But I mean your story. And there was a diagnosis 0:31:40.520 --> 0:31:43.680 that came after Sophia was born, but you just mentioned 0:31:43.680 --> 0:31:45.600 that you were having issues with your bows kind of 0:31:45.640 --> 0:31:48.000 a long time before that. Can you give us a 0:31:48.000 --> 0:31:50.760 little bit of context around like what you were experiencing 0:31:51.280 --> 0:31:54.360 and at what point did you realize, Okay, something is 0:31:54.400 --> 0:31:55.720 absolutely not right here. 0:31:56.480 --> 0:31:59.280 So I had about two to three years of symptoms 0:31:59.280 --> 0:32:02.440 in terms of just differences in my found movements and 0:32:02.480 --> 0:32:04.920 stuff like that, and like they're bloating, just anything that 0:32:05.000 --> 0:32:07.200 you kind of relate to period. So like all of 0:32:07.200 --> 0:32:09.280 the symptoms around your period, I was getting, but like 0:32:09.520 --> 0:32:11.760 more than just the week of my period, which I 0:32:11.760 --> 0:32:13.920 thought was just me being a girl. And then obviously 0:32:13.960 --> 0:32:16.720 when I was pregnant, all the pregnancy symptoms were very 0:32:16.720 --> 0:32:18.360 similar as well. So it wasn't until I actually had 0:32:18.400 --> 0:32:20.479 blood in my poo that I. 0:32:19.960 --> 0:32:20.960 Thought something was wrong. 0:32:21.360 --> 0:32:23.120 I thought I was just like everyone else had had 0:32:23.120 --> 0:32:25.360 the lactose intolerance or something like that. 0:32:25.760 --> 0:32:27.240 It's funny that you say that when you say I 0:32:27.280 --> 0:32:29.440 just thought I was being a girl, because you're just like, oh, 0:32:29.480 --> 0:32:31.680 it's just my crazy hormones this week. Yeah, we always 0:32:31.760 --> 0:32:33.560 passed it off as something. But when you went to 0:32:33.600 --> 0:32:36.960 the doctor with these initial symptoms, what did they tell 0:32:37.040 --> 0:32:39.160 you it was? What advice did they give you in 0:32:39.160 --> 0:32:40.840 the early stages when you were like, oh, I don't 0:32:40.880 --> 0:32:41.320 feel right. 0:32:41.800 --> 0:32:44.880 Yeah, So initially I went and got seen by nature 0:32:44.880 --> 0:32:47.280 paths and whatnot, and like did all of the herbal 0:32:47.480 --> 0:32:49.960 teas and all of the stuff like that, and then 0:32:50.040 --> 0:32:53.200 I started twenty twenty. I actually did a poo sample 0:32:53.280 --> 0:32:56.000 which must have shown up some sort of discrepancy because 0:32:56.000 --> 0:32:59.600 they booked me for colonoscopy, which then got canceled because 0:32:59.600 --> 0:33:02.280 of COVID because it was an elective surgery or procedure. 0:33:02.600 --> 0:33:04.080 But yeah, so initially it. 0:33:04.080 --> 0:33:07.040 Was literally just avoid these foods and test if it's 0:33:07.080 --> 0:33:09.960 an aalergy to this food, or maybe you were not 0:33:10.040 --> 0:33:12.480 exercising enough, even though I was running marathons, so like 0:33:12.720 --> 0:33:16.000 wasn't an issue not drinking enough water and just like 0:33:16.040 --> 0:33:18.120 the general chitch out of that stuff. 0:33:18.200 --> 0:33:20.880 Yeah, were you in any pain at the time or 0:33:20.920 --> 0:33:23.520 was it just this kind of you know, symptomatic kind 0:33:23.520 --> 0:33:24.320 of discomfort. 0:33:24.800 --> 0:33:27.880 Yeah, discomfort, Absolutely, no pain. I've never had pain even 0:33:27.920 --> 0:33:29.760 after diagnosis, during all my treatment. 0:33:29.800 --> 0:33:30.280 Never pain. 0:33:31.080 --> 0:33:33.200 How is it that you did your pooh sample and 0:33:33.240 --> 0:33:35.680 they found something wasn't correct right enough to say you 0:33:35.680 --> 0:33:37.680 need to go for a kolonoscopy? But then they can 0:33:37.720 --> 0:33:40.040 cancel the kolonoscopy because they're saying it's elective and you're 0:33:40.120 --> 0:33:43.600 choosing to what do you have to do for it 0:33:43.640 --> 0:33:45.000 to not be elected? What do you have to do 0:33:45.080 --> 0:33:47.080 to say, like if you had markers in your pooh 0:33:47.120 --> 0:33:50.000 to say you required further examination, how can they possibly 0:33:50.040 --> 0:33:51.720 cancel that? Because there must be a part of you. 0:33:51.800 --> 0:33:54.280 Now that's like what if I went earlier, Like what 0:33:54.320 --> 0:33:56.640 if you didn't cancel that appointment and I got my 0:33:56.720 --> 0:33:57.719 testing when I needed it? 0:33:58.520 --> 0:34:00.360 Yeah, well that's right, So like if I that's what 0:34:00.400 --> 0:34:02.040 kind of what I'm advocating for at the moment, is 0:34:02.080 --> 0:34:04.120 like the early detection, because if I had have gone, 0:34:04.160 --> 0:34:05.960 I could have literally just got the polyp or whatever 0:34:06.040 --> 0:34:07.920 was there removed, and I would have never even had 0:34:07.960 --> 0:34:10.759 to have treatment or like a reception nothing like that, 0:34:10.800 --> 0:34:12.839 which is kind of frustrating, But it's because I didn't 0:34:12.840 --> 0:34:15.759 actually have blood in my stool at the time. It 0:34:15.880 --> 0:34:19.479 was just I guess an abnormal amount of some sort 0:34:19.520 --> 0:34:22.120 of nutrients or whatever that they wanted to check if 0:34:22.120 --> 0:34:24.279 I had chrones or something similar to that, like an 0:34:24.320 --> 0:34:27.160 irritable bower rather than just the sensitive bower. So yeah, 0:34:27.160 --> 0:34:28.680 they were kind of checking me more so for that 0:34:28.719 --> 0:34:31.640 because of my age, obviously, which is kind of frustrating 0:34:31.680 --> 0:34:34.640 because it's literally the leading cancer killer for twenty five 0:34:34.680 --> 0:34:36.600 to thirty four year olds. So it's like I didn't 0:34:36.600 --> 0:34:39.239 know that then. I had no idea about boat cancer then, 0:34:39.320 --> 0:34:41.080 but now obviously I know more about it. 0:34:41.560 --> 0:34:44.400 I mean, your three months postpartum, and I would also 0:34:44.640 --> 0:34:47.400 assume that during that phase, there's already so many changes 0:34:47.400 --> 0:34:50.719 that are happening to your body that it's probably possible 0:34:51.040 --> 0:34:52.640 for you to kind of think that maybe this is 0:34:52.640 --> 0:34:55.400 part of the postpartum phase as well. So when you 0:34:55.440 --> 0:34:58.319 went for your colonoscopy and and I'm guessing an endoscopy 0:34:58.400 --> 0:35:01.520 and they did all of the greenings, what was that 0:35:01.560 --> 0:35:04.240 period like and kind of how did you then find 0:35:04.239 --> 0:35:06.760 out how progressed things were in terms of cancer. 0:35:07.160 --> 0:35:09.799 I definitely did just pass off everything as postpartum because 0:35:09.800 --> 0:35:10.720 it was my first child. 0:35:10.800 --> 0:35:12.160 I had nothing to compare it to. 0:35:12.520 --> 0:35:17.480 We can hear her now, I liked out Dady Daddy. 0:35:18.160 --> 0:35:20.959 Yeah, so I just passed everything off as postpartum because 0:35:20.960 --> 0:35:22.400 I had nothing to compare it to. I had no 0:35:22.440 --> 0:35:24.920 friends that I had had babies either, so it was 0:35:25.000 --> 0:35:26.719 kind of hard to even talk to them about whether 0:35:26.800 --> 0:35:28.760 it was right or not. All I had was doctor Google, 0:35:28.800 --> 0:35:31.200 which is never a good idea. So then when I 0:35:31.239 --> 0:35:33.920 finally saw so, Jeremy actually made a joke about me 0:35:33.960 --> 0:35:35.959 hav each other toilet way too often that we would 0:35:35.960 --> 0:35:39.000 need to drive around with a waterloo because we were 0:35:39.040 --> 0:35:41.360 always stopping off at every petrofesstation to go to the toilet, 0:35:41.400 --> 0:35:42.799 even though I couldn't actually go. 0:35:42.880 --> 0:35:45.520 It was just a tumor in my column. 0:35:45.120 --> 0:35:46.960 That I felt like I need to pass, but I 0:35:46.960 --> 0:35:49.200 couldn't pass it obviously because it's a tumor. But yeah, 0:35:49.239 --> 0:35:52.279 So then we went to a doctor and she was 0:35:52.360 --> 0:35:54.279 like straight away when I said there was blood, she 0:35:54.400 --> 0:35:56.640 was like, that's not good at all, Like, obviously, yes, 0:35:56.680 --> 0:35:58.760 you can have blood and toilet paper from like wiping 0:35:58.760 --> 0:36:01.960 too hard or whatever. But in the actual poo itself 0:36:02.080 --> 0:36:03.400 was like a big scary no no. 0:36:03.760 --> 0:36:05.320 I saw a specialist two days. 0:36:05.239 --> 0:36:07.919 Later, had a colonoscopy within a week, and the next 0:36:08.000 --> 0:36:09.080 day I was seeing a surgeon. 0:36:09.160 --> 0:36:11.280 So it was like very very fast paced. 0:36:11.640 --> 0:36:13.319 So what was the time frame, just to get our 0:36:13.360 --> 0:36:15.000 head around it, what was the timeframe when you were 0:36:15.000 --> 0:36:18.440 supposed to get your colonoscopy originally in COVID to when 0:36:18.480 --> 0:36:20.279 you were actually diagnosed. 0:36:20.160 --> 0:36:24.200 So March twenty twenty and then I got diagnosed November 0:36:24.239 --> 0:36:26.320 twenty twenty one, so eighteen months. 0:36:26.520 --> 0:36:27.360 Yeah. 0:36:27.440 --> 0:36:29.440 Wow, that must be so frustrating for you. 0:36:30.160 --> 0:36:33.520 So frustrating because it was like so progressed. 0:36:33.239 --> 0:36:35.520 When you got to a point where you and I 0:36:35.560 --> 0:36:38.120 mean this is quite a graphic question, but when you 0:36:38.160 --> 0:36:40.000 got to the point where you were like, okay, there 0:36:40.040 --> 0:36:43.279 is blood now. Was it consistent, like every time you 0:36:43.320 --> 0:36:45.080 went to the toilet you were like, all right, there's 0:36:45.080 --> 0:36:46.959 always blood, yeah, and I need to go and sort 0:36:47.000 --> 0:36:49.280 this out. Was that when the real alarm bells started 0:36:49.320 --> 0:36:49.759 ringing for you? 0:36:50.239 --> 0:36:53.240 Yeah, so probably like three days straight of the blood. 0:36:53.520 --> 0:36:55.040 Prior to that, I thought I was just bleeding from 0:36:55.120 --> 0:36:59.239 having a baby naturally, like vaginally, because sorry, every birth 0:36:59.280 --> 0:37:01.279 is natural. But yeah, I thought that there was just 0:37:01.280 --> 0:37:04.800 blood from that because it was eight weeks or so that. 0:37:04.560 --> 0:37:05.280 That can happen. 0:37:05.480 --> 0:37:06.200 Yeah, of course. 0:37:06.280 --> 0:37:08.000 Yeah. And then it was like maybe three or four 0:37:08.080 --> 0:37:10.240 days that it just happened in a row a month 0:37:10.360 --> 0:37:12.600 later that I was like, I can't be my period 0:37:12.600 --> 0:37:14.640 already because I'm breastfeeding, Like, surely not. 0:37:15.120 --> 0:37:17.640 So then I was like, it's definitely in my poo. 0:37:17.680 --> 0:37:19.879 And then I'd like actually looked in the toilet bowl 0:37:20.040 --> 0:37:22.040 and for like three days straight it was in there. 0:37:22.080 --> 0:37:25.960 So yeah, I imagine that that moment that you get 0:37:26.000 --> 0:37:28.719 called in the day after to have the discussion about 0:37:28.719 --> 0:37:30.600 what's next. I imagine that's a day now that will 0:37:31.080 --> 0:37:33.200 you know, it literally changed the course of your life. 0:37:33.280 --> 0:37:35.279 What was that day like and was it really just 0:37:35.320 --> 0:37:38.040 jumping into action? Was it like this is it we 0:37:38.080 --> 0:37:38.720 start tomorrow? 0:37:39.400 --> 0:37:39.640 Yeah. 0:37:39.719 --> 0:37:42.120 So the day of the colonoscopy, I actually found out 0:37:42.120 --> 0:37:45.400 that it was cancer just because the gastro antologist told me. 0:37:45.560 --> 0:37:47.239 He was like, this is what cancer looks like. He 0:37:47.280 --> 0:37:49.480 basically showed me a photo of the insides of my bow, 0:37:49.920 --> 0:37:53.240 and I was like, holy shit, like cancer, I'm twenty 0:37:53.320 --> 0:37:55.960 five at the time, and I was like, that is 0:37:56.120 --> 0:37:57.919 not something that I would have thought it would be. Ever, 0:37:58.120 --> 0:37:59.920 Like I thought they wouldn't give me a nutrition plan 0:38:00.080 --> 0:38:01.360 of how to deal with crones or. 0:38:01.360 --> 0:38:02.040 Something like that. 0:38:02.560 --> 0:38:05.120 And then he was like, way too much to process 0:38:05.160 --> 0:38:06.759 tonight sort of thing, but I've booked you in for 0:38:06.800 --> 0:38:09.800 four point thirty tomorrow. He's a great surgeon, like at Flinder's, 0:38:09.840 --> 0:38:12.040 Like it was just it was also go go go. 0:38:12.200 --> 0:38:14.319 So I literally just went home, had two friends meet 0:38:14.360 --> 0:38:16.560 me home straight away, and like I couldn't even talk 0:38:16.600 --> 0:38:18.359 to them about it because I was like, it's not real. 0:38:18.400 --> 0:38:21.319 Like I was in denial, complete denial. I think we 0:38:21.360 --> 0:38:23.560 all were, to be honest. And then the next day 0:38:24.200 --> 0:38:26.359 I saw the surgeon and he was like, we got 0:38:26.360 --> 0:38:29.120 to send you for a B and C tests. All 0:38:29.200 --> 0:38:31.640 the tests make sure that we know where it's progressed, 0:38:31.760 --> 0:38:33.640 so we know which course of action to take. Like 0:38:33.960 --> 0:38:36.960 if it's only stage one, they just removed cancerous cells 0:38:37.000 --> 0:38:40.360 and basically nine nine percent chance of complete survival, like 0:38:40.560 --> 0:38:44.240 nothing further. Stage two would be maybe a bit of treatment. 0:38:44.520 --> 0:38:46.520 Stage three is like heavy treatment, and the sage four 0:38:46.560 --> 0:38:47.480 is obviously terminal. 0:38:47.719 --> 0:38:49.719 So originally we thought stage three because it was in 0:38:49.760 --> 0:38:50.480 the lymph nodes. 0:38:50.560 --> 0:38:52.960 And then when we had a pet scan it was 0:38:53.000 --> 0:38:55.200 tracking up like that, so like straight away at stage four, 0:38:55.280 --> 0:38:57.640 so it had already moved from the original spot up 0:38:57.719 --> 0:39:01.480 further towards my spine. So it was like basically straight 0:39:01.480 --> 0:39:03.359 away when bam, like got to get it onto this. 0:39:03.600 --> 0:39:05.799 So did they tell you that? And on that day 0:39:06.120 --> 0:39:08.080 they just really don't beat around the bush? 0:39:08.080 --> 0:39:08.560 Are they like this? 0:39:08.719 --> 0:39:09.480 It is what it is. 0:39:09.960 --> 0:39:12.239 They can't beat around the bush, like they can't sugarcoat 0:39:12.280 --> 0:39:13.799 it because it's that wouldn't be fair on me. 0:39:13.880 --> 0:39:16.000 But also like their job is literally to tell me 0:39:16.160 --> 0:39:17.680 this is what we have to do in order to 0:39:18.360 --> 0:39:19.520 prolong the life. 0:39:19.920 --> 0:39:23.000 How do you process that, especially knowing you've just had 0:39:23.000 --> 0:39:26.920 a little baby, your life is heading in this incredible direction, 0:39:26.960 --> 0:39:29.960 and then you just get this unbelievable news, Like how 0:39:30.000 --> 0:39:31.759 do you even process what's going on around you? 0:39:32.160 --> 0:39:34.399 It was denial for a very very long time. And 0:39:34.600 --> 0:39:38.000 also like so while we're going through like the treatment 0:39:38.160 --> 0:39:40.080 side of things, it's kind of just everything's in the 0:39:40.080 --> 0:39:42.480 doctor's hands. There's nothing really I can do other than 0:39:42.640 --> 0:39:44.880 trust that they know what they are doing. So I 0:39:44.960 --> 0:39:48.920 didn't process things until the treatment had finished and I 0:39:49.080 --> 0:39:53.360 was essentially no evidence of disease in July. So from 0:39:53.440 --> 0:39:56.640 November to July I didn't process anything. It was like 0:39:56.680 --> 0:39:59.160 the calm down. After that that I started being like, 0:39:59.480 --> 0:40:01.600 hell is my life forever sort of thing? 0:40:01.840 --> 0:40:03.600 And what does that mean? So if you say that 0:40:03.680 --> 0:40:07.680 you've received a terminal cancer diagnosis, as in stage four, 0:40:08.080 --> 0:40:10.520 but then you are and get to a point of 0:40:10.560 --> 0:40:13.920 being disease free, how do those two things coincide? How 0:40:13.920 --> 0:40:15.920 can you be disease free if you've been given this 0:40:16.160 --> 0:40:18.120 like almost morbid diagnosis. 0:40:18.680 --> 0:40:22.440 Yeah, so basically, any stage four cancer diagnosis is considered 0:40:22.520 --> 0:40:25.240 terminal only because the chances of survival are so slim. 0:40:25.640 --> 0:40:27.400 But the course of action that we took with the 0:40:27.400 --> 0:40:32.200 treatment was so invasive and aggressive it was crazy. Like 0:40:32.280 --> 0:40:35.640 I was literally on my deathbed after each cycle of treatment, 0:40:35.680 --> 0:40:37.440 like it was nothing anyone should ever go through. But 0:40:37.480 --> 0:40:39.200 I knew why I was going through it, if that 0:40:39.239 --> 0:40:42.719 makes sense. So then they've removed all they could of 0:40:42.760 --> 0:40:45.960 the bow and like took it away, so that was 0:40:46.000 --> 0:40:48.640 technically no evidence of disease, but they knew that there 0:40:48.760 --> 0:40:51.680 was the possibility of microscopic cells floating around that doesn't 0:40:51.719 --> 0:40:54.400 shop on any scans until there are certain size and 0:40:54.520 --> 0:40:56.920 obviously in my case that happened. Like I know people 0:40:56.960 --> 0:40:59.880 that had the same diagnosis the exact same time as me, 0:41:00.200 --> 0:41:01.880 and they still have nothing showing up, so they are 0:41:02.239 --> 0:41:03.960 in remission. But I wouldn't be able to get the 0:41:04.000 --> 0:41:06.360 remission card until like five years. 0:41:06.120 --> 0:41:06.720 Down the track. 0:41:07.280 --> 0:41:09.200 Do they when they say you have stage four? Do 0:41:09.280 --> 0:41:11.680 they give you a time frame? You know, you watch 0:41:11.719 --> 0:41:14.080 the movies and you're like, you have three months to live, 0:41:14.120 --> 0:41:15.880 you have one year to live. Could they do that 0:41:15.960 --> 0:41:16.279 for you? 0:41:17.040 --> 0:41:17.239 No? 0:41:17.360 --> 0:41:19.239 No, so they wouldn't and they're not going to do 0:41:19.280 --> 0:41:22.200 that until they literally can't control it. So because the 0:41:22.400 --> 0:41:25.000 chemo works so well for me and my cancer responds 0:41:25.120 --> 0:41:28.000 so well, they were never going to give me a timeline. Obviously, 0:41:28.040 --> 0:41:30.239 they told me like the statistics of the five year 0:41:30.360 --> 0:41:33.080 like seven percent chance of making it five years and whatever, 0:41:33.480 --> 0:41:35.879 But they didn't say like, oh, you've got three months 0:41:35.920 --> 0:41:37.640 to live, go home and get comforted. They were like, obviously, 0:41:37.680 --> 0:41:39.919 we do everything we possibly can, Like you're young, you're fit, 0:41:40.000 --> 0:41:42.239 you can fight this, but it's going to be a 0:41:42.239 --> 0:41:42.799 long road. 0:41:43.080 --> 0:41:45.880 When I think of bow cancer, my very first thought 0:41:45.920 --> 0:41:48.359 is that it's an old people's problem. I would never 0:41:48.440 --> 0:41:51.520 in a million years think that someone's so young that 0:41:51.600 --> 0:41:54.920 it could even be a possibility. Do you feel like 0:41:55.480 --> 0:41:58.920 it's maybe an illness that's been underrepresented in young people, 0:41:58.960 --> 0:42:01.400 that it's something we should be more aware of, or 0:42:01.440 --> 0:42:03.319 do you think you are just such an anomaly in 0:42:03.360 --> 0:42:04.040 this instance. 0:42:04.760 --> 0:42:06.400 No, so I think it's just not talked about. I 0:42:06.400 --> 0:42:09.680 think it's an embarrassing cancer to have. It's not breast cancer. 0:42:09.719 --> 0:42:12.759 It's not like melanoma from being the sun too much 0:42:12.800 --> 0:42:14.800 sort of thing. Like it's not a sexy cancer. Like 0:42:14.840 --> 0:42:18.160 it's not something that I guess you would want to 0:42:18.160 --> 0:42:20.120 have a chat about, even like if you're a twenty 0:42:20.200 --> 0:42:21.600 year old girl, you're not going to tell someone to 0:42:21.600 --> 0:42:23.279 be got blood in you poo, Like it's just not 0:42:23.320 --> 0:42:24.440 something that's talked about. 0:42:25.000 --> 0:42:26.680 But it's so common. 0:42:26.719 --> 0:42:29.239 Like the amount of people that I've met since being 0:42:29.320 --> 0:42:33.280 diagnosed that have also been diagnosed or had polyps removed 0:42:33.320 --> 0:42:37.560 because of the symptoms that I've had is actually outrageous. 0:42:37.600 --> 0:42:39.680 Like I'm like, this is crazy. I'd never heard of 0:42:39.760 --> 0:42:41.799 any of this until I was diagnosed, but now there's 0:42:42.000 --> 0:42:44.840 so many people, Like even just with mind surgeon. Like 0:42:44.880 --> 0:42:47.960 they literally call it the Kelly cancer my surgeon because 0:42:48.120 --> 0:42:50.359 he's had so many people come since that have had 0:42:50.360 --> 0:42:51.279 the exact same thing. 0:42:51.520 --> 0:42:53.480 It's just crazy, which. 0:42:53.239 --> 0:42:56.719 Is actually so amazing in a sense that whether you 0:42:56.800 --> 0:42:59.360 know it or not, now you are making such a difference, 0:42:59.440 --> 0:43:02.640 like the number people that you have already brought awareness to. 0:43:02.920 --> 0:43:04.600 Like when I told a few people that I was 0:43:04.600 --> 0:43:06.440 getting you on because I thought it was really important, 0:43:06.800 --> 0:43:08.479 and they're like, oh my god, I've read about Kelly. 0:43:08.480 --> 0:43:11.000 I've booked an appointment because of that, Like you really are, 0:43:11.560 --> 0:43:14.160 and like you just said, people aren't talking about it 0:43:14.160 --> 0:43:15.680 because it's the shit cancer. 0:43:15.719 --> 0:43:16.479 Literally, it's shit. 0:43:16.600 --> 0:43:19.040 It's the pooh, it's the things that the bodily functions 0:43:19.080 --> 0:43:21.279 that people are like ill and not. Like you said, 0:43:21.320 --> 0:43:23.160 it's not a sexy cancer. I don't think any cancer 0:43:23.160 --> 0:43:25.239 is sexy. But I understand what you mean. But you 0:43:25.320 --> 0:43:28.640 really are. You're doing incredible things. But let's talk about 0:43:28.640 --> 0:43:30.680 your treatment. Did you do it all? Because I know 0:43:30.719 --> 0:43:34.240 you can have surgery, radiation, chemo. What were your treatment options? 0:43:34.719 --> 0:43:38.080 Yep, So initially they gave me though they asked me 0:43:38.080 --> 0:43:40.200 if wanted to do my IBF, but then it was 0:43:40.239 --> 0:43:43.279 just basically after my scans, it was like, look, if 0:43:43.280 --> 0:43:45.960 you prolong these two weeks to do the IBF, it's 0:43:46.000 --> 0:43:47.640 going to be too far gone sort of thing, like 0:43:47.640 --> 0:43:49.759 you've got a kid, let's just be happy with her 0:43:49.800 --> 0:43:50.480 and then we'll move on. 0:43:50.719 --> 0:43:54.000 And that's because the chemo can basically kill your chances 0:43:54.000 --> 0:43:55.640 of fertility and conceiving him. 0:43:56.239 --> 0:43:58.920 Yeah, that's right. So like I've gone into early menopause, 0:44:00.000 --> 0:44:00.960 so I can come back from that. 0:44:01.000 --> 0:44:03.640 I don't know what was that puriri light before we 0:44:03.840 --> 0:44:06.720 kind of just scooted over that. Yeah, you know, being 0:44:06.800 --> 0:44:09.680 so young and being a new mum and thinking maybe 0:44:09.719 --> 0:44:11.600 you might want to have more kids in the future, 0:44:11.680 --> 0:44:14.960 but not having the opportunity to be able to freeze 0:44:15.000 --> 0:44:18.120 your eggs or go through the IVF treatment. How have 0:44:18.239 --> 0:44:20.840 you processed that? Have you been able to kind of 0:44:20.880 --> 0:44:23.040 make peace with it? Is it something that you're still 0:44:23.040 --> 0:44:23.759 struggling with? 0:44:24.480 --> 0:44:27.960 Yeah, So that was honestly, my biggest struggle was knowing 0:44:28.000 --> 0:44:30.839 that I may not give Sophia any siblings, which is 0:44:31.120 --> 0:44:33.640 so hard, Like we'd always plan to have a big family, 0:44:33.760 --> 0:44:36.520 Like it's just something that I've always wanted, which was 0:44:36.600 --> 0:44:39.400 so hard to Like the hardest pill to swallow out 0:44:39.440 --> 0:44:41.640 of all the pills that I've swallowed the last eighteen months. 0:44:42.120 --> 0:44:44.439 But we've kind of come to terms with it, knowing 0:44:44.440 --> 0:44:47.440 how many options we do have, Like adoptions no longer 0:44:47.480 --> 0:44:49.040 an option because I have a big red flag of 0:44:49.120 --> 0:44:51.520 terminal written next to my name, so like, no one's 0:44:51.560 --> 0:44:55.960 going to give me a child knowing of a terminal diagnosis. 0:44:55.560 --> 0:44:57.359 Regardless of whether I keep remission or not. 0:44:57.640 --> 0:44:59.719 And even then if that's ten years time, that's a 0:44:59.800 --> 0:45:02.600 very big age gap and I'll be having children very late. 0:45:02.719 --> 0:45:04.879 So we do have like the option of like egg 0:45:04.920 --> 0:45:08.560 donors or surroga. See, like I know that there's options 0:45:08.600 --> 0:45:10.520 out there, it's just trying to find when I am 0:45:10.560 --> 0:45:13.680 well enough to even have the newborn or if that's 0:45:13.719 --> 0:45:16.319 something that we even want to do now, knowing like 0:45:16.440 --> 0:45:19.720 how hard it's been having one child with his illness, 0:45:19.760 --> 0:45:22.120 Like if I do relapse in five years time, having 0:45:22.160 --> 0:45:24.600 two would just be even harder. 0:45:24.680 --> 0:45:27.680 So yeah, that's the question then, isn't it. So do 0:45:27.760 --> 0:45:30.400 you think you would look at going down that track, 0:45:31.080 --> 0:45:33.520 like what's your criteria? Would you want to wait until 0:45:33.600 --> 0:45:37.600 you had one hundred percent intermission in the clear or 0:45:37.640 --> 0:45:39.160 do you think you would want to do it anyway, 0:45:39.280 --> 0:45:42.240 to continue to grow your family for your husband, Jeremy. 0:45:42.560 --> 0:45:45.240 So I'll never be one hundred percent clear whatever every 0:45:45.239 --> 0:45:47.120 three months, so my check up, it'll be like if 0:45:47.120 --> 0:45:49.439 I do eventually get no evidence of diseas this time around, 0:45:49.520 --> 0:45:52.160 like it will be a scare or await every single time, 0:45:52.440 --> 0:45:54.320 just like waiting for the all clear. 0:45:54.360 --> 0:45:57.400 But I don't think I'll ever be one hundredercent in permission. 0:45:57.280 --> 0:45:59.560 But it will probably I've got to be at least 0:45:59.560 --> 0:46:03.600 twelve one post my second diagnosis to even start working again, 0:46:03.760 --> 0:46:06.960 let alone to start thinking about having a family, like 0:46:07.000 --> 0:46:09.920 whether my uterus can carry again, whether I have to sorrcey. 0:46:10.040 --> 0:46:11.919 Like it's a long process, but we probably won't start 0:46:11.920 --> 0:46:13.160 talking about it to the end of the year. 0:46:13.800 --> 0:46:17.560 Have you felt like you've been able to be the 0:46:17.640 --> 0:46:19.440 type of mum that you wanted to be? You know, 0:46:19.480 --> 0:46:21.440 I think we all had these ideas of what motherhood's 0:46:21.440 --> 0:46:24.239 going to be like, and it's almost like so much 0:46:24.239 --> 0:46:27.000 of your time of motherhood's being robbed by being sick 0:46:27.120 --> 0:46:31.120 or having treatment. Has that impacted your I mean, I 0:46:31.120 --> 0:46:33.600 don't want to say your ability to enjoy being a mum, 0:46:33.719 --> 0:46:36.120 but I feel like feeling like you've been able to 0:46:36.160 --> 0:46:39.200 like connect and have those precious moments with Sophia or 0:46:39.239 --> 0:46:41.000 even just be at home and not in hospital. 0:46:41.400 --> 0:46:43.480 Yeah, so I was one hundred percent robbed of my 0:46:43.480 --> 0:46:46.279 first year of motherhood, like completely robbed of it. My 0:46:46.400 --> 0:46:48.839 mum's actually moved in with us last year, and then 0:46:48.840 --> 0:46:51.000 she's just recently again moved back in to be full 0:46:51.040 --> 0:46:52.759 time care of Sophia and me. 0:46:53.600 --> 0:46:55.960 As it is, But no, it wasn't obviously what I 0:46:55.960 --> 0:46:56.759 thought it was going to be. 0:46:56.840 --> 0:46:59.640 I have this time around been able to connect a 0:46:59.640 --> 0:47:01.759 lot more and have given a lot more energy to her, 0:47:01.800 --> 0:47:04.200 which is really nice, especially now that she's so busy. 0:47:04.480 --> 0:47:07.040 But when she was a newborn, she probably didn't even 0:47:07.040 --> 0:47:07.880 know who her mum was. 0:47:07.920 --> 0:47:09.920 If I'm being honest, she would have had about five 0:47:10.040 --> 0:47:12.719 or six women in her life that were around. 0:47:12.440 --> 0:47:13.480 Just as much as I was. 0:47:13.560 --> 0:47:15.640 So she knows who mummy is now, but at the 0:47:15.680 --> 0:47:18.160 time it was just another figure in her life. 0:47:18.320 --> 0:47:20.960 It really does tell really, So I'm so sorry, Like 0:47:21.000 --> 0:47:23.600 I can't comprehend with going through that sort of diagnosis, 0:47:23.600 --> 0:47:25.680 but I think going through it at the time in 0:47:25.719 --> 0:47:27.680 your life where you were going through it, when it's 0:47:27.719 --> 0:47:29.920 such a pivotal I mean, it's such a pivotal time 0:47:29.920 --> 0:47:33.759 for your identity, for you being able to embrace motherhood, 0:47:33.760 --> 0:47:36.480 but also knowing that you had to focus on your 0:47:36.520 --> 0:47:40.200 health and focus on yourself. And I don't mean be selfish, 0:47:40.280 --> 0:47:42.560 but I mean you could only think of yourself in 0:47:42.560 --> 0:47:44.399 that period of time in order to be able to heal. 0:47:44.560 --> 0:47:46.960 And I can't even begin to imagine how the added 0:47:47.040 --> 0:47:48.640 layer of how difficult that would have been for you. 0:47:49.280 --> 0:47:51.160 Yeah, quite literally, the mental side of it was the 0:47:51.200 --> 0:47:55.680 hardest part of the entire recovery periods, Like, twelve nights 0:47:55.719 --> 0:47:58.279 away was the most that I did in hospital, not 0:47:58.320 --> 0:48:01.000 saying Sofia because of COVID time she was under sixteen, 0:48:01.040 --> 0:48:04.160 so she wasn't vaccinated so couldn't actually come into the hospital. Yeah, 0:48:04.160 --> 0:48:07.319 so twelve nights away from her was the hardest time, Like, 0:48:07.360 --> 0:48:09.520 it hit me the hardest. And then that was the 0:48:09.520 --> 0:48:12.160 time that I got told that I wasn't in remission 0:48:12.160 --> 0:48:14.640 and wouldn't be in remission until five years had been up. 0:48:14.640 --> 0:48:17.480 So then I was also emotional from that. But yeah, 0:48:17.520 --> 0:48:19.440 it was it was hard. It was definitely hard, but 0:48:19.640 --> 0:48:21.919 we got through it so much, Like so well, because 0:48:21.920 --> 0:48:23.959 of the community we had around us, Like, we're very 0:48:24.200 --> 0:48:25.680 lucky with who we had around us. 0:48:27.000 --> 0:48:29.200 And so let's go over to your treatment options. What 0:48:29.239 --> 0:48:31.600 options did they give you and what did you decide 0:48:31.640 --> 0:48:32.320 to do and why? 0:48:32.640 --> 0:48:35.000 So I didn't really get any options as such. It 0:48:35.040 --> 0:48:36.919 was more so, here's your regime. This is all what's 0:48:36.920 --> 0:48:38.719 gonna work, Like, we need to fight this is as 0:48:38.760 --> 0:48:42.440 aggressively as we possibly can. So we went straight in 0:48:42.480 --> 0:48:45.800 with five weeks of every day having radiotherapy, So twenty 0:48:45.800 --> 0:48:49.000 five days of radiotherapy, got the weekends off over Christmas, 0:48:49.040 --> 0:48:53.920 which was intense, but then also taking chemotherapy tablets. So 0:48:53.960 --> 0:48:56.760 I took eight chemo tablets a day on those days 0:48:56.760 --> 0:48:57.200 as well. 0:48:57.239 --> 0:48:59.880 So that was my first I guess bout of treatment. 0:49:00.520 --> 0:49:01.279 Once that was up. 0:49:01.320 --> 0:49:06.000 Then I had six intense rounds of the IV chemotherapy, 0:49:06.520 --> 0:49:09.719 which was they literally put me on my deathbed every 0:49:09.719 --> 0:49:12.360 single time, like I was getting toxic shock to the 0:49:12.520 --> 0:49:14.520 treatment every single time I was being admitted. 0:49:14.800 --> 0:49:17.759 What were those symptoms for people listening now that don't know. 0:49:18.120 --> 0:49:20.920 No, I was literally on my deathbed, like I was 0:49:20.960 --> 0:49:24.879 literally hooked up in hospital with like the droops and stuff, 0:49:25.000 --> 0:49:28.280 was so chronically dehydrated, like I was getting toxic shocks, 0:49:28.320 --> 0:49:30.680 so I was allergic to one of the compound drugs 0:49:30.719 --> 0:49:33.840 in the chemotherapy. We didn't know that until afterwards. I 0:49:33.840 --> 0:49:36.720 thought that I was just being completely attacked by this chemo. 0:49:37.080 --> 0:49:39.439 But it was working so well. My markers were coming 0:49:39.480 --> 0:49:42.040 down so well that I just kept going back every time. 0:49:42.640 --> 0:49:44.920 But yeah, now that I know I was allergic to 0:49:44.960 --> 0:49:46.840 it them, I'm like, damn, that kind of wish I 0:49:46.880 --> 0:49:47.640 looked into that more. 0:49:48.120 --> 0:49:49.799 When you say you're allergic to it, do you mean 0:49:49.840 --> 0:49:52.799 one of the carriers of what carries the chemotherapy through 0:49:52.840 --> 0:49:54.920 your body, Like I think one of them is castor 0:49:54.960 --> 0:49:55.760 oil or something. 0:49:56.000 --> 0:49:56.200 Yeah. 0:49:56.239 --> 0:49:58.200 So I had to stop on my fifth treatment. I 0:49:58.239 --> 0:49:59.319 was meant to do the sick I had to stop 0:49:59.360 --> 0:50:01.640 halfway through my as well. But I was allergic to 0:50:01.640 --> 0:50:03.920 the oxyplaton, which is literally just one of the compounds 0:50:03.920 --> 0:50:05.880 in the drip itself that was going in. 0:50:05.960 --> 0:50:08.320 So this time around they've taken that out and I'm 0:50:08.360 --> 0:50:10.839 like living like normal. It's so good. 0:50:11.080 --> 0:50:12.840 So then I had a bower reception, so they removed 0:50:12.840 --> 0:50:15.320 my rectum and some of my sigmoid column, so about 0:50:15.560 --> 0:50:19.080 twenty centimeters of my bower and then just reconnected it, 0:50:19.080 --> 0:50:22.600 and I had a colostomy for nine months, an't ialiosto 0:50:22.640 --> 0:50:25.160 me for three months, so I literally shout out of 0:50:25.200 --> 0:50:27.840 my stomach. But it's like my colon has been stitched 0:50:27.920 --> 0:50:30.520 to my stomach and I literally poo out of my stomach. 0:50:30.560 --> 0:50:33.000 So like most people think there's like even my dad. 0:50:32.880 --> 0:50:35.120 Thought there was like a hose into my bow that 0:50:35.160 --> 0:50:37.880 would make it come out, but no, I'm literally stitched 0:50:38.120 --> 0:50:40.320 my bow to my stomach and it's an opening on 0:50:40.360 --> 0:50:40.840 my stomach. 0:50:41.280 --> 0:50:43.480 How do you deal with the psychological impacts of that? 0:50:44.080 --> 0:50:46.440 I hated that for a bit in terms of the 0:50:46.600 --> 0:50:50.080 bag on my stomach. It was uncomfortable, especially for someone 0:50:50.080 --> 0:50:52.640 that like I genuinely like what I look like in 0:50:52.680 --> 0:50:54.360 the mirror when I wake up in the mornings, so 0:50:54.440 --> 0:50:56.680 having that there, like I didn't have sex with my 0:50:56.760 --> 0:51:00.560 husband for six months, probably because I was so disgusted 0:51:00.600 --> 0:51:02.600 in myself. He didn't give a shit, but I was 0:51:02.640 --> 0:51:05.919 so disgusted in myself. And then I probably took about 0:51:05.920 --> 0:51:07.120 six months for me to get used to it, and 0:51:07.160 --> 0:51:09.560 then it was kind of like a countdown until I 0:51:09.600 --> 0:51:11.080 was going to get rid of it. And then obviously 0:51:11.080 --> 0:51:12.680 once I got rid of it, I was like, had 0:51:12.680 --> 0:51:15.120 this big opening gash on my stomach. So now it's 0:51:15.160 --> 0:51:17.279 just like his big scar, which I hate, but at 0:51:17.360 --> 0:51:19.040 least it's not an iliostomy. 0:51:19.080 --> 0:51:20.920 But yeah, why was that? 0:51:21.040 --> 0:51:23.200 I mean, you just mentioned that your husband, Jeremy was like, 0:51:23.239 --> 0:51:25.719 I couldn't care us. What was this? Going back to 0:51:25.719 --> 0:51:28.160 the diagnosis, how did he take that? How did he 0:51:28.200 --> 0:51:30.280 sort of jump into action and handle the situation. 0:51:30.600 --> 0:51:33.239 I think he was scared, not so much that I 0:51:33.280 --> 0:51:35.160 was sick, but scared that he would have to be 0:51:35.239 --> 0:51:37.360 a mum and a dad. Like he had done a 0:51:37.440 --> 0:51:39.600 couple of days of just him and sofa and it 0:51:39.640 --> 0:51:41.759 was obviously so hard. He doesn't have nipples, he can't 0:51:41.760 --> 0:51:44.360 feed his child naturally, so like he was scared that 0:51:44.400 --> 0:51:45.400 he was going to have to do the mum and 0:51:45.480 --> 0:51:48.160 dad's side of things, which I could imagine would be 0:51:48.280 --> 0:51:51.799 freaking scary being a single parent without choosing to be 0:51:51.800 --> 0:51:55.560 a single parent. And also once I had started the treatment, 0:51:55.600 --> 0:51:59.400 watching me go through it and seeing me completely obliterated, 0:51:59.480 --> 0:52:03.080 like I was so sick, or just scare the shit 0:52:03.080 --> 0:52:05.279 out of him, like he's not He's used to seeing 0:52:05.280 --> 0:52:07.759 me as the fun, bubbly mom that has fun and 0:52:08.000 --> 0:52:09.880 like even just person with four hours a mom like 0:52:09.880 --> 0:52:11.680 I was a live while I was the socialize I 0:52:11.760 --> 0:52:14.839 was the extrovert, and he was the shy little guy 0:52:14.880 --> 0:52:16.000 in the corner that would. 0:52:15.800 --> 0:52:17.360 Only be brought out of his shell if I was 0:52:17.400 --> 0:52:18.239 with him sort of things. 0:52:18.239 --> 0:52:20.400 So watching me then be the little one in the 0:52:20.440 --> 0:52:22.280 shell was just hard for him. 0:52:22.560 --> 0:52:24.919 Kelly, you are I mean, even speaking to you now, 0:52:24.960 --> 0:52:29.520 like you're so vibrant, you are so positive, you seem 0:52:29.600 --> 0:52:33.200 so incredibly resilient, And I would say, if I didn't 0:52:33.200 --> 0:52:35.240 know any better, I'd say, but you look so well. 0:52:35.320 --> 0:52:37.600 And I can only imagine that must be an incredibly 0:52:37.640 --> 0:52:39.759 frustrating thing to deal with when you are and have 0:52:39.840 --> 0:52:42.080 been so sick, dealing with people be like, but are 0:52:42.120 --> 0:52:43.720 you sure you're that sick? You look so well. 0:52:44.680 --> 0:52:46.520 I literally had someone from up to me and David 0:52:46.600 --> 0:52:50.200 Jones after my most recent diagnosis and I was shopping 0:52:50.200 --> 0:52:52.200 for shoes for Sophia. I remember it so clearly because 0:52:52.200 --> 0:52:54.640 I was so shocked. I had some random lady walk 0:52:54.719 --> 0:52:57.200 up past me about two meters away from me like, 0:52:57.239 --> 0:52:59.479 you look awfully well for someone that's terminally ill. 0:53:00.320 --> 0:53:02.800 I was like, huh, they're like almost like a challenge, 0:53:02.840 --> 0:53:05.480 like are you putting it on? Like? Was that their implication? 0:53:05.600 --> 0:53:07.520 Do you think, like, are you trying to be an asshole? 0:53:07.640 --> 0:53:09.279 Or are you giving me a compliment saying I'm doing 0:53:09.320 --> 0:53:10.160 well looking well? 0:53:10.200 --> 0:53:12.000 I know? I was like, I was like, what just 0:53:12.080 --> 0:53:14.560 came out of your mouth? I like walked the other 0:53:14.560 --> 0:53:16.320 way and had to like process it myself. 0:53:16.360 --> 0:53:19.239 I was like, this is crazy that someone thinks that 0:53:19.480 --> 0:53:23.080 their opinion like that should be heard, let alone in person. 0:53:23.320 --> 0:53:25.759 Like I was like, what, Like, there's trolls and then 0:53:25.760 --> 0:53:26.160 there's that. 0:53:27.120 --> 0:53:29.120 Oh, and I have seen some of the trolls on 0:53:29.160 --> 0:53:31.200 your Instagram that you've spoken about, and it's I was 0:53:31.200 --> 0:53:33.080 speaking of Keish law about it. Nothing makes my blood 0:53:33.080 --> 0:53:35.120 bowl and wi I was like, can you fucking believe 0:53:35.160 --> 0:53:38.600 these people? But you just mentioned your second diagnosis, so 0:53:38.680 --> 0:53:41.399 let's talk about that. So you've gone through your first 0:53:41.480 --> 0:53:45.319 round of chemo for your bowel cancer. What had happened then? 0:53:45.360 --> 0:53:47.759 Did you get good results saying you were in remission? 0:53:48.360 --> 0:53:50.879 No, so no remission, but good results in terms of 0:53:51.040 --> 0:53:53.239 like nothing was showing up on scans, like if there 0:53:53.280 --> 0:53:55.880 was anything there was microscopic doing really really well, like 0:53:55.960 --> 0:53:58.400 come back in three months type thing will rescan you. 0:53:58.680 --> 0:54:00.920 So I was actually due for a scan in January, 0:54:00.960 --> 0:54:05.080 but then had symptoms in December, thinking I had COVID. 0:54:05.120 --> 0:54:07.120 I don't know if you've had COVID, but I literally 0:54:07.160 --> 0:54:09.359 just couldn't breathe, and like walking upstairs, I was like 0:54:09.520 --> 0:54:11.920 so puffed. I was like, this is not good. So I, 0:54:12.280 --> 0:54:15.120 being IMMUNI coompromised, I get like this special little nutrient 0:54:15.200 --> 0:54:17.800 drip if I do get COVID, just to like bounce 0:54:17.840 --> 0:54:18.399 me back up. 0:54:18.480 --> 0:54:20.120 And so I went into the hospital and I was like, guys, 0:54:20.120 --> 0:54:21.319 give me the drip. I need the drip. 0:54:22.160 --> 0:54:26.200 I'm screwing, and they, luckily enough, the nurse at the 0:54:26.239 --> 0:54:28.000 time was like, oh, I follow your journey, like we'll 0:54:28.000 --> 0:54:32.439 take things really seriously, like any abnormalities to my health 0:54:32.520 --> 0:54:34.000 kind of they just want to take really seriously. And 0:54:34.000 --> 0:54:35.399 I was like, yeah, no worries, We'll do a CT 0:54:35.560 --> 0:54:38.080 scan like easy. And then they thought that maybe I 0:54:38.080 --> 0:54:41.120 had a pneumonia because I had a massive like softball size, 0:54:41.160 --> 0:54:43.120 like bigger than a tenn this bull size mass in 0:54:43.160 --> 0:54:46.200 my chest cavity and that well, first of obviously they 0:54:46.200 --> 0:54:48.560 thought it was cancer because that's the first thing they're 0:54:48.600 --> 0:54:50.080 going to think of it for a cancer patient. 0:54:50.600 --> 0:54:52.320 They were like, look, it's not looking good. 0:54:52.400 --> 0:54:54.200 Like they showed me what it was and they were like, 0:54:54.320 --> 0:54:57.279 but the thing is, pneumonia does mimic cancer in a 0:54:57.360 --> 0:54:59.640 CT scan. So I was like, oh, it's just a pneumonia, 0:54:59.719 --> 0:55:03.080 Like it's fine, just pneumonia, which is crazy to think 0:55:03.120 --> 0:55:05.799 that I would just want that, but yeah, obviously in 0:55:05.880 --> 0:55:08.240 the grand scheme of things, that would be much better. 0:55:08.680 --> 0:55:10.360 And then they sent it off to like all of 0:55:10.360 --> 0:55:12.880 my specialists in Adelaide and they were like, no, not convinced. 0:55:12.920 --> 0:55:15.400 So we only scanned you two months ago, Like can't 0:55:15.440 --> 0:55:18.360 be Like that's huge, Like it can't be what we 0:55:18.480 --> 0:55:20.600 think it is. And there was never any nodes in 0:55:20.600 --> 0:55:22.680 my lungs or anything. So they were like, like, where 0:55:22.719 --> 0:55:25.280 it is. It just doesn't make sense. I was like sick, 0:55:25.640 --> 0:55:28.400 come back in like I stay at home for Christmas, 0:55:28.680 --> 0:55:31.640 just had some antibiotics, felt really good, so obviously thought 0:55:31.680 --> 0:55:32.440 that's what it was. 0:55:33.000 --> 0:55:34.479 Came back here and they did a. 0:55:34.680 --> 0:55:38.359 Scope into my lungs, so bron cost pier rather than 0:55:38.520 --> 0:55:40.400 the like endoscopy into my bow, so it just went 0:55:40.400 --> 0:55:41.239 into my lungs and. 0:55:41.200 --> 0:55:44.200 They found what they thought was a mucus plug. 0:55:44.560 --> 0:55:47.280 Turns out that it was a like a little tiny 0:55:47.360 --> 0:55:49.080 baby tumor in one of my airways. 0:55:49.480 --> 0:55:50.600 So when I woke up, they. 0:55:50.480 --> 0:55:52.600 Were like, you told me to be honest, because I 0:55:52.640 --> 0:55:54.879 was like, don't bullshit me when I wake up sort 0:55:54.880 --> 0:55:56.560 of thing, like I know you don't know who I am, 0:55:56.600 --> 0:55:58.799 because like I've never met this man before. He was 0:55:58.840 --> 0:56:01.919 just doing it for as before my surgeon that does 0:56:01.920 --> 0:56:03.759 my other surgeries. And I was like, I, no, you 0:56:03.760 --> 0:56:05.400 don't know who I am, but don't bullshit me when 0:56:05.440 --> 0:56:07.840 I wake up. Tell me exactly what's going on. And 0:56:07.880 --> 0:56:09.080 he's like, yeah, no, or as, I'll tell you as 0:56:09.120 --> 0:56:10.839 much as I can when I wake up. He's like, look, 0:56:10.840 --> 0:56:12.800 I looked under a scrape myself because I knew that 0:56:12.800 --> 0:56:14.200 you'd want to know what's going on. And he's like, 0:56:14.239 --> 0:56:18.600 it's suspicious activity. Probably can so like you're a cancer 0:56:18.600 --> 0:56:20.120 patient sort of thing, and I. 0:56:20.040 --> 0:56:23.000 Was like, auck, not good. 0:56:23.200 --> 0:56:25.959 Not exactly what I obviously wanted to hear. It's broke 0:56:26.000 --> 0:56:28.120 down in tears. I was there by myself, obviously, and 0:56:28.480 --> 0:56:31.239 they were like, look, we'll send you to the X, 0:56:31.360 --> 0:56:33.399 Y and Z this week and make sure that we've 0:56:33.400 --> 0:56:35.279 got it right, because we don't want to get it wrong. 0:56:35.640 --> 0:56:38.080 He said I would recept it, and he wanted to 0:56:38.080 --> 0:56:40.200 recept it there and then, but just in case it 0:56:40.239 --> 0:56:42.439 had shown up anywhere else. If he recepted, that would 0:56:42.520 --> 0:56:46.120 put me back six weeks for treatment. So he's like, nah, 0:56:46.160 --> 0:56:47.760 we need to do the scans, do it properly. 0:56:47.800 --> 0:56:49.400 And then when I went for scans, it was just 0:56:49.400 --> 0:56:53.160 literally everywhere, so they were like, ah, so keemo was 0:56:53.200 --> 0:56:57.279 your only option otherwise literally sending me home to just 0:56:57.400 --> 0:56:58.120 get comfortable. 0:56:58.400 --> 0:57:02.080 Basically, what the diagnosis Stage four lung cancer. 0:57:02.880 --> 0:57:04.839 No, so it's always bout cancer because that's where it's 0:57:04.880 --> 0:57:07.040 come from. So it's just bow cancer that's spread. So 0:57:07.040 --> 0:57:10.080 it's just secondary cancer that has spread two my lungths. 0:57:10.080 --> 0:57:12.239 So it's still stage four bow cancer because that's where 0:57:12.280 --> 0:57:13.080 the initial. 0:57:13.000 --> 0:57:14.919 But metastasizers to the line. 0:57:15.000 --> 0:57:16.280 Yeah that's right. Yeah. 0:57:16.320 --> 0:57:19.120 So yeah, it was either go home and get comfortable 0:57:19.240 --> 0:57:21.640 or we're going to go through chemo again. So obviously 0:57:21.680 --> 0:57:22.720 I'm going through chemo again. 0:57:23.840 --> 0:57:25.920 So where are you in terms of your chemo now? 0:57:25.960 --> 0:57:27.840 So which treatment are you up to for this round 0:57:27.840 --> 0:57:30.080 of processing and how are things looking? 0:57:30.520 --> 0:57:33.320 So I am actually half way now of my eighteen 0:57:33.400 --> 0:57:36.000 week course of chemo, and so I'm half way now, 0:57:36.080 --> 0:57:38.800 So I go back in tomorrow morning for my fourth 0:57:38.920 --> 0:57:40.360 round and then I've got five and six. 0:57:41.040 --> 0:57:43.800 But my markers had were obviously. 0:57:43.440 --> 0:57:46.840 Higher when I've got rediagnosed, and they're back into. 0:57:46.720 --> 0:57:47.400 The normal range. 0:57:47.480 --> 0:57:48.160 So that's great. 0:57:48.240 --> 0:57:50.880 Chemo is working really well. Yeah, it's working really well. 0:57:50.960 --> 0:57:52.240 It's not where we need them to be, but they 0:57:52.280 --> 0:57:52.840 are normal. 0:57:52.880 --> 0:57:54.280 So like if I was to go for a three. 0:57:54.240 --> 0:57:56.080 Month check up and that's where my markers were, they 0:57:56.120 --> 0:57:59.280 wouldn't even look further into it. But because obviously they 0:57:59.320 --> 0:58:02.720 know what's going on side, they're gonna finish off my 0:58:02.880 --> 0:58:06.960 three more rounds and I've also got an alternative treatment 0:58:07.040 --> 0:58:10.080 next week in the Gold Coast to try and progress 0:58:10.160 --> 0:58:11.280 that faster. 0:58:11.520 --> 0:58:14.000 Throughout this whole process. And when you get the news 0:58:14.040 --> 0:58:17.520 that discouncer has metastasized to your lungs, like where is 0:58:17.560 --> 0:58:19.960 your mental health at? Like? How do you stay positive 0:58:20.000 --> 0:58:20.600 throughout all this? 0:58:21.360 --> 0:58:26.720 M Yeah, so initially it was kind of like, to 0:58:26.760 --> 0:58:28.360 be honest, it was a bit like whole with me. 0:58:28.760 --> 0:58:31.520 I spent probably two or three weeks after I found 0:58:31.520 --> 0:58:34.960 out just hating everyone and anyone, like anyone would people be. 0:58:34.960 --> 0:58:36.160 Like, it's right, you got through it once, we can 0:58:36.200 --> 0:58:36.560 do it again. 0:58:36.600 --> 0:58:39.400 I'm like, you don't understand how hard it was the 0:58:39.400 --> 0:58:42.520 first time. Like I said, after my first round of treatment, 0:58:42.560 --> 0:58:43.280 I'm never doing again. 0:58:43.280 --> 0:58:44.600 If it comes back, I'm never doing it again. Like 0:58:44.600 --> 0:58:45.040 I'm done. 0:58:45.600 --> 0:58:50.320 But then I changed oncologists and he was rather than 0:58:50.400 --> 0:58:54.120 he's still straightforward, but he's rather than being like we 0:58:54.200 --> 0:58:56.400 have to do this medical medical medical medical medical sort 0:58:56.400 --> 0:59:00.000 of approach, he's like, your quality of life is so importan, 0:59:00.680 --> 0:59:02.479 like this is going to be a really long term 0:59:02.520 --> 0:59:04.720 thing now if we want to make it last, Like 0:59:04.760 --> 0:59:07.040 if we want to prolong your life, we can't just 0:59:07.080 --> 0:59:08.560 think about the next three months. We need to think 0:59:08.560 --> 0:59:12.440 about the next five years type thing. So he changed 0:59:12.440 --> 0:59:15.720 my dosages, changed it up, took out some things, change 0:59:15.760 --> 0:59:18.000 my chemotherapy. He's just taken a different approach, and it 0:59:18.080 --> 0:59:21.680 made me more confident in going into chemo again because obviously, 0:59:21.760 --> 0:59:25.280 like scared shitless to go sit in that chair again. 0:59:25.320 --> 0:59:28.040 Like I was terrified walking into that room. I was like, 0:59:28.200 --> 0:59:29.600 oh my god, no, I can't do it, like I 0:59:29.640 --> 0:59:33.280 want to run away. But yeah, his approach has really 0:59:33.320 --> 0:59:34.480 helped me, really. 0:59:34.240 --> 0:59:37.120 Helped isn't that amazing that just the difference in the 0:59:37.120 --> 0:59:39.280 way a doctor will speak to you can change you 0:59:39.400 --> 0:59:42.200 literally wanting to take the treatment that will save your life. 0:59:42.200 --> 0:59:45.120 But I imagine there is a difference with if you thinking 0:59:45.160 --> 0:59:47.200 you have to go to Helen back to live for 0:59:47.240 --> 0:59:50.600 three months, I imagine you'd be like, I'm not doing it, 0:59:50.680 --> 0:59:52.840 Like let's just do this now, Like that was so bad. 0:59:52.880 --> 0:59:55.920 But when someone gives you the optimism and the positivity 0:59:55.960 --> 0:59:57.920 to say, it is going to be a long run, 0:59:58.440 --> 0:59:59.720 but we can do this. 1:00:00.040 --> 1:00:00.640 It's not just you. 1:00:00.640 --> 1:00:02.480 You're doing it for now. You've got your daughter's sof 1:00:02.560 --> 1:00:04.440 and you've got your husband Jeremy, and I guess there's 1:00:04.440 --> 1:00:05.560 a different outlook on life. 1:00:05.680 --> 1:00:06.560 Yeah, well that's right. 1:00:06.640 --> 1:00:09.800 So I obviously was expecting to be unbelievably ill again, 1:00:09.880 --> 1:00:13.080 but after even five minutes of sitting in the chair, 1:00:13.120 --> 1:00:15.560 I was like, I feel so much better already knowing 1:00:15.960 --> 1:00:19.600 that it was a different regime. So if I didn't 1:00:19.600 --> 1:00:21.760 have Sophia, I don't know if I would have gone again. 1:00:21.840 --> 1:00:24.320 But because I obviously need to prioritize her and her 1:00:24.360 --> 1:00:26.760 having a mom to grow up with, because I couldn't 1:00:26.760 --> 1:00:30.000 imagine growing up without my mom, So yeah, I've just 1:00:30.080 --> 1:00:33.959 prioritized her and everything and it's working, Kelly. 1:00:34.040 --> 1:00:36.640 When you're dealing with so much in your life, an 1:00:36.720 --> 1:00:40.560 overwhelming amount of you know, you've had one cancer diagnosis 1:00:40.640 --> 1:00:43.720 and then another one. How are you able to find 1:00:43.880 --> 1:00:47.040 the positivity and find things to be grateful for when 1:00:47.120 --> 1:00:50.320 there is so many things that you're dealing with in 1:00:50.320 --> 1:00:50.760 one time. 1:00:51.360 --> 1:00:54.320 Yeah, So gratitude is something that I try so hard 1:00:54.400 --> 1:00:56.400 to find my three things each day. Like I used 1:00:56.440 --> 1:00:58.840 to do a journal long, long, like well before I 1:00:58.840 --> 1:01:00.960 had any diagnosis, and I always used to find three 1:01:00.960 --> 1:01:02.280 things that I was grateful for, but they were all 1:01:02.360 --> 1:01:05.480 quite I guess, trivial surface level stuff like, for example, 1:01:05.480 --> 1:01:08.240 good health, roof overhead, family, whatnot. 1:01:08.240 --> 1:01:10.000 But yeah, when you are in hospital and you. 1:01:09.960 --> 1:01:12.720 Don't have good health, you don't have your own roof 1:01:12.760 --> 1:01:14.320 over your head, and you don't have your family around 1:01:14.320 --> 1:01:16.560 for a long period time, especially during those COVID times, 1:01:16.840 --> 1:01:19.680 I found it a lot harder to find those three 1:01:19.680 --> 1:01:21.440 things that I was grateful for. And like, listening to 1:01:21.520 --> 1:01:25.520 a podcast the other day of another cancer survivor, He's 1:01:25.520 --> 1:01:28.480 gone through two different, completely separate types of cancer, and 1:01:28.600 --> 1:01:31.640 it just reminded me how hard it was to find 1:01:31.680 --> 1:01:34.080 those three things where like you have to dive a 1:01:34.120 --> 1:01:35.920 little bit deeper, and obviously there is still things to 1:01:35.920 --> 1:01:39.000 be grateful for, like I'm not dead, I'm alive, treatments, 1:01:39.080 --> 1:01:41.440 working and stuff like that, but like I found myself 1:01:41.480 --> 1:01:45.040 finding like I guess still quite humorous and like gentle 1:01:45.200 --> 1:01:47.840 trivial things like oh, the nurse let me sleep overnight 1:01:48.040 --> 1:01:49.840 because I asked her not to do my obs at 1:01:49.840 --> 1:01:52.200 midnight so that I got the extra couple of hours sleep, 1:01:52.240 --> 1:01:54.200 and like I was grateful for her, even though she 1:01:54.440 --> 1:01:55.920 was probably not mean to do that, but like I 1:01:55.920 --> 1:01:58.120 would beg for it, like I need the sleep tonight, 1:01:58.200 --> 1:02:00.000 so that was something I would be grateful for when 1:02:00.320 --> 1:02:02.120 or one day I would be, Oh, I'm grateful that 1:02:02.120 --> 1:02:04.240 my nurse came in and refreshed my waters and my 1:02:04.440 --> 1:02:06.520 flowers and like did my curtains, even though I felt 1:02:06.520 --> 1:02:08.200 like I didn't want to get up and about like 1:02:08.280 --> 1:02:10.320 she forced me, but in a way that I knew 1:02:10.320 --> 1:02:12.720 that I needed, and things like that, or like even 1:02:12.760 --> 1:02:14.280 just when I'm home, I still. 1:02:14.040 --> 1:02:16.760 Do have my daughter, like I'm grateful for her. I'm 1:02:16.800 --> 1:02:17.880 grateful for my partner. 1:02:17.880 --> 1:02:19.800 I am grateful for my family, but like, yeah, those 1:02:19.840 --> 1:02:22.960 times that you don't have them around, it's so much 1:02:22.960 --> 1:02:24.880 harder to see them as something that you're grateful for 1:02:24.880 --> 1:02:26.960 because that they're just not there in your everyday life. 1:02:27.000 --> 1:02:30.520 So I guess still being able to find something positive 1:02:30.640 --> 1:02:34.120 out of such a negative experience really does help your 1:02:34.120 --> 1:02:36.560 mental health go a long way, like a really long way, 1:02:36.600 --> 1:02:38.840 which is I think so important. I think something that 1:02:38.960 --> 1:02:41.440 everyone should do is even if it's not written down in. 1:02:41.440 --> 1:02:43.520 A journal, it's just when they wake up in the morning. 1:02:43.480 --> 1:02:44.960 Like, look, I'm grateful that I get to get up 1:02:44.960 --> 1:02:46.960 and go to the gym this morning. Like, yeah, it's 1:02:47.120 --> 1:02:49.040 a slog, it's five o'clock in the morning, but I 1:02:49.080 --> 1:02:49.760 get to do that. 1:02:49.880 --> 1:02:52.360 Like some people don't get to do that. And that's what. 1:02:52.280 --> 1:02:55.400 People don't realize, Like your health is literally your wealth. 1:02:55.440 --> 1:02:57.360 Like if you are able to do something, you must 1:02:57.400 --> 1:02:58.000 do it. 1:02:58.000 --> 1:03:00.200 It's funny you say that you've just reminded me of something. 1:03:00.360 --> 1:03:03.280 It's the idea of changing your mindset. When you say, oh, 1:03:03.440 --> 1:03:05.920 I have to go to work today, you say, I 1:03:06.000 --> 1:03:08.320 get to go to work today, And it's those little 1:03:08.440 --> 1:03:10.760 changes in your day to say, well, I still am here, 1:03:11.120 --> 1:03:13.560 I am still healthy. Enough to get up and have 1:03:13.600 --> 1:03:15.720 the opportunity to go to work instead of I have 1:03:15.800 --> 1:03:17.240 to do this, I have to go to the gym. No, 1:03:17.320 --> 1:03:18.919 you don't have to, but you've got a healthy body 1:03:18.960 --> 1:03:22.040 that gets to So I guess it's that's really reinforcing 1:03:22.200 --> 1:03:23.600 that sort of messaging. 1:03:23.360 --> 1:03:25.720 So reframing it. Yeah, yeah, one hundred percent. 1:03:25.880 --> 1:03:28.560 The fact that you're able to do that is so huge, 1:03:28.560 --> 1:03:30.120 Like there's so many people out there that aren't able 1:03:30.120 --> 1:03:32.000 to when it's not until you can't that you realize 1:03:32.000 --> 1:03:33.560 how badly you wish you could. 1:03:33.880 --> 1:03:37.760 When you have a terminal cancer diagnosis. How has that 1:03:37.800 --> 1:03:40.880 sort of reframed the way you look at life in 1:03:40.960 --> 1:03:43.480 terms of living in the now verse looking to the future. 1:03:44.000 --> 1:03:46.200 Yeah, well, obviously, because I'm going through treatment at the moment, 1:03:46.320 --> 1:03:49.840 Like everything's kind of focused into getting myself through this 1:03:50.200 --> 1:03:52.840 slog of treatment, Like I'm not looking for what's going 1:03:52.880 --> 1:03:55.000 to be happening next year, and it is very much 1:03:55.160 --> 1:03:57.760 in twelve week blocks at the moment, which is fine 1:03:57.800 --> 1:03:59.920 because that's all I can really get my head around anyway. 1:04:00.040 --> 1:04:02.480 But just like there's small things in life, like even 1:04:02.880 --> 1:04:05.160 my coffee was too hot, and normally i'd be want 1:04:05.200 --> 1:04:07.920 to complain about that, but like, honestly, if that's the 1:04:07.920 --> 1:04:09.840 worst thing that's happened to me today, then is my 1:04:09.880 --> 1:04:13.320 life that bad. I'm going through a very, very very 1:04:13.560 --> 1:04:16.840 intense treatment for the worst disease you could ever possibly get, 1:04:16.880 --> 1:04:18.960 But I would still complain about my hot coffee and 1:04:19.000 --> 1:04:20.840 then be like, Kelly, wake up to yourself. 1:04:20.840 --> 1:04:23.000 There's so many worse things in the world. Right now, 1:04:23.480 --> 1:04:24.320 it's a hot coffee. 1:04:24.560 --> 1:04:26.600 I remember, we had a girl that fell from the 1:04:26.640 --> 1:04:28.440 sky em Carey on the pot of car. 1:04:28.560 --> 1:04:29.480 She's amazing. 1:04:29.520 --> 1:04:31.560 But something that stuck with me is just she said 1:04:32.360 --> 1:04:35.120 when she was plumbing into a death and she thought 1:04:35.200 --> 1:04:38.640 this is it. Within seconds, everything flashed before her eyes, 1:04:38.680 --> 1:04:41.200 the things that she realized she hadn't done yet, or 1:04:41.720 --> 1:04:43.520 the things that she had been complaining about she didn't 1:04:43.560 --> 1:04:47.040 know why, And then the repercussions of that were every day. Now, 1:04:47.200 --> 1:04:49.400 every day she gets up for the sunrise, she feels 1:04:49.400 --> 1:04:50.960 like she looks at life in a different way. And 1:04:51.000 --> 1:04:53.360 I can only imagine that's something that you feel too, 1:04:53.400 --> 1:04:55.680 when you know that it could be taken away from you. 1:04:56.160 --> 1:04:58.080 And I guess it is such a similar experience, but 1:04:58.160 --> 1:04:59.800 with just such different circumstances. 1:04:59.840 --> 1:05:00.960 Like she was falling to her death. 1:05:01.000 --> 1:05:03.040 I've listened to her podcast as well, when Wade her 1:05:03.040 --> 1:05:05.320 book and stuff, she's literally falling for a death so 1:05:05.360 --> 1:05:07.640 she could see the end, whereas I guess, yeah, I 1:05:07.640 --> 1:05:10.080 do have a terminal illness, and like there is technically 1:05:10.080 --> 1:05:12.600 an end point, but I haven't been given that endpoint, 1:05:12.640 --> 1:05:14.240 and I can't see it, Like it's not in two 1:05:14.280 --> 1:05:15.880 weeks time, it's not in two years time, like I 1:05:15.920 --> 1:05:17.600 don't know when it is. I know what's coming, but 1:05:17.640 --> 1:05:18.920 I don't know when it is, and I feel like 1:05:18.960 --> 1:05:22.040 that's probably a little bit scarier. But I actually use 1:05:22.080 --> 1:05:24.320 that if you can, you must from what she says, 1:05:24.360 --> 1:05:25.920 and I think it's so important. 1:05:26.360 --> 1:05:29.880 Do you think you would rather know the end point? Well, 1:05:29.880 --> 1:05:31.360 you know when you say it's so up in the air, 1:05:31.440 --> 1:05:32.880 like I don't know when it is, do you think 1:05:32.920 --> 1:05:34.880 you would rather know? Or because you just mentioned it's 1:05:34.960 --> 1:05:38.120 quite scary not knowing, So do you think what would 1:05:38.160 --> 1:05:39.439 be easier? Do you think for you? 1:05:40.240 --> 1:05:42.520 So the unknown probably plays on my mind a lot 1:05:42.520 --> 1:05:44.720 more than anything else, which is just a given, like 1:05:44.760 --> 1:05:46.720 that is probably the case with anyone. But I think 1:05:46.760 --> 1:05:50.160 because I know how well my cancer responds to treatment, 1:05:50.600 --> 1:05:52.920 if they gave me an endpoint, it would probably be wrong. 1:05:53.320 --> 1:05:55.680 So I'm like, I'm glad I don't have an end point. 1:05:55.680 --> 1:05:58.040 Obviously I want to live a really, really long life, 1:05:58.240 --> 1:06:00.720 but if it was to be with in two years, 1:06:00.760 --> 1:06:01.680 i'd want to know that too. 1:06:01.880 --> 1:06:04.760 So I guess it's just getting through each block and 1:06:04.800 --> 1:06:05.600 then reassessing. 1:06:05.640 --> 1:06:07.960 So like in four or five weeks time, I'll recess 1:06:08.000 --> 1:06:09.440 and we'll see how far I've come, and if my 1:06:09.520 --> 1:06:12.440 cancers responded to this chemo, I could be no evidence 1:06:12.440 --> 1:06:14.640 of disease and live for eighty years. Like it's just 1:06:14.680 --> 1:06:17.240 a term of like keeping up the maintenance and stuff. 1:06:17.280 --> 1:06:20.080 But yeah, I know what you're saying, like rather knowing 1:06:20.120 --> 1:06:22.040 than not, But I don't. I don't want to be 1:06:22.080 --> 1:06:24.920 given a three month diagnosis or sorry, an end date 1:06:24.960 --> 1:06:26.720 and then not happen, if. 1:06:26.600 --> 1:06:28.640 That makes sense, because that'd almost be worse. 1:06:28.600 --> 1:06:30.600 Yeah, because then i'd be like i'd get to that point, 1:06:30.640 --> 1:06:31.480 I'd be like huh. 1:06:31.520 --> 1:06:33.840 And I guess also having that hope to work towards. 1:06:33.880 --> 1:06:36.320 I mean, like hope is something that I think is 1:06:36.360 --> 1:06:39.480 such a powerful emotion, like it keeps us being positive, 1:06:39.480 --> 1:06:42.720 it keeps us moving forward, And I guess in terms 1:06:42.720 --> 1:06:45.560 of your situation, Like to take that away from someone 1:06:45.600 --> 1:06:46.840 feels incredibly cruel. 1:06:47.240 --> 1:06:49.600 Yeah, Like, well, I'd Trustpotop with so much, and like 1:06:49.640 --> 1:06:53.000 they are so confident that whatever's going on with me, 1:06:53.080 --> 1:06:54.040 like we'll get through it. 1:06:54.080 --> 1:06:55.440 Like even my markers. 1:06:55.440 --> 1:06:57.480 I've just got my marcers back again from the my 1:06:57.560 --> 1:07:01.560 midway mark and they're still stable and which is incredible. 1:07:01.600 --> 1:07:04.400 Oh congrat thank you, which doesn't happen with many people. 1:07:04.480 --> 1:07:07.160 But yeah, so they're confident that in this five weeks 1:07:07.200 --> 1:07:08.920 time I whant to do get my reassessment, I'd be 1:07:08.920 --> 1:07:11.439 able to just move on to the next treatment plan, 1:07:11.480 --> 1:07:13.959 which is the reception. And then once you're a sect, 1:07:13.960 --> 1:07:17.080 there's nothing left until obviously the three monthly check up. 1:07:17.120 --> 1:07:19.480 So then I am still gets going three monthly, but 1:07:19.840 --> 1:07:21.440 I could have ten more three monthlies. 1:07:21.480 --> 1:07:23.080 I could have fifty more three monthlies. 1:07:23.120 --> 1:07:25.560 I don't know, Like it is very unknown, but I'd 1:07:25.680 --> 1:07:28.640 rather be unknown than be given a date that's not real. 1:07:29.560 --> 1:07:31.840 Was there bow cancer that run in your family? Were 1:07:31.880 --> 1:07:35.120 there anything in your life that was a predetermining factor 1:07:35.640 --> 1:07:37.640 for why you were high risk for this? Or is 1:07:37.680 --> 1:07:40.480 it just something that was incredibly unfortunate? 1:07:41.080 --> 1:07:42.400 So maya both my hearts. 1:07:42.400 --> 1:07:45.000 We are actually adopted, so we don't have a family history, 1:07:45.120 --> 1:07:48.880 funnily enough, but my my tumor has been pulled apart 1:07:48.880 --> 1:07:51.800 by every single type of medical scientist and there's no 1:07:51.920 --> 1:07:52.880 genetic factors. 1:07:53.040 --> 1:07:54.920 So literally just like unlucky. 1:07:55.680 --> 1:07:59.040 But yeah, there's no no genetic factors at all, so we're. 1:07:58.920 --> 1:08:02.600 Not sure why. It's one of those things I do 1:08:02.640 --> 1:08:05.440 the CT scans, Kelly, I'm diagnosedic radiographer. About what we 1:08:05.520 --> 1:08:08.120 always used to say is cancer doesn't discriminate. It doesn't 1:08:08.160 --> 1:08:10.280 care who you are, doesn't care how old you are, 1:08:10.360 --> 1:08:12.840 it doesn't care how much money you have, how privileged 1:08:12.880 --> 1:08:14.680 you are. I doesn't care about anything in life. It 1:08:14.840 --> 1:08:19.600 just comes at any time. But talking about privilege, this is, 1:08:19.800 --> 1:08:21.479 I mean, I saw this on your Instagram the other day. 1:08:21.520 --> 1:08:23.240 This is we're going to be talking about trolls now 1:08:23.320 --> 1:08:25.559 and I feel sick saying this, but like, let's fucking 1:08:25.640 --> 1:08:28.240 tear them apart. You were talking the other day on 1:08:28.280 --> 1:08:31.080 your social media about what somebody wrote to you, and 1:08:31.120 --> 1:08:33.240 you've been getting some really interesting feedback, like the lady 1:08:33.280 --> 1:08:36.040 in the shopping center yep, and somebody literally wrote to 1:08:36.080 --> 1:08:38.520 you and said that you're privileged. 1:08:39.000 --> 1:08:41.840 Sick or a NEPO sick if you will. 1:08:42.080 --> 1:08:45.040 Yeah, quote NEFO sick if you will. I love that 1:08:45.120 --> 1:08:47.320 you're laughing because you're a better person than me, because 1:08:47.360 --> 1:08:49.000 I would want to reach through the screen. 1:08:49.520 --> 1:08:51.640 So the thing that got to me normally with it. 1:08:51.760 --> 1:08:54.040 If anyone ever wrote anything to meybe DM because I 1:08:54.200 --> 1:08:56.719 don't want to have that out there for other people 1:08:56.760 --> 1:08:58.800 to see. And I just literally plete block, don't care, 1:08:59.120 --> 1:09:01.439 never read into it. But I've got a really thick skin, 1:09:01.600 --> 1:09:04.240 like I don't care much, my very confident person. But 1:09:04.360 --> 1:09:06.599 they wrote it on a photo of my daughter at 1:09:06.640 --> 1:09:07.160 my wedding. 1:09:07.320 --> 1:09:08.479 I was like, screw you. 1:09:08.920 --> 1:09:11.360 You want people to see this, I'll make sure they do. 1:09:12.040 --> 1:09:15.439 So I talked on it on my stories because the 1:09:15.600 --> 1:09:18.840 fact that anyone could think that I am in a 1:09:19.000 --> 1:09:23.920 privileged situation right now just absolutely grind into my gears. 1:09:24.000 --> 1:09:26.519 I'm literally fighting for my life and. 1:09:26.600 --> 1:09:30.120 Putting myself on social media to save other people's lives. 1:09:30.160 --> 1:09:31.920 Like I don't have a platform because I was on 1:09:32.040 --> 1:09:35.439 Love Island or Big Brother or any other TV series 1:09:35.520 --> 1:09:35.680 like that. 1:09:35.800 --> 1:09:37.479 Like that's not why I have a platform. 1:09:37.520 --> 1:09:40.880 I have a platform because I'm advocating for such an 1:09:40.920 --> 1:09:43.920 important thing. Like it's just beyond me that someone thought 1:09:43.920 --> 1:09:46.280 they needed to have that opinion heard, Like what. 1:09:46.360 --> 1:09:48.000 Does privilege sick even mean? 1:09:48.120 --> 1:09:48.280 Though? 1:09:48.360 --> 1:09:50.720 What were they even trying to imply by this so 1:09:50.920 --> 1:09:51.479 they could. 1:09:51.320 --> 1:09:54.719 Be a wag for one, which was fun. I'm like, Okay, 1:09:54.840 --> 1:09:56.519 so now I'm just a. 1:09:56.560 --> 1:10:00.759 Person because my partner is a footballer, which it frustrates 1:10:00.800 --> 1:10:03.679 me even more because I literally have no following because 1:10:03.680 --> 1:10:06.719 of him, Like no one's following me because he's a footballer. 1:10:06.760 --> 1:10:08.519 People have following me because of the journey that I'm on, 1:10:08.680 --> 1:10:10.680 Like he's been a footballer for ten years and I've 1:10:10.720 --> 1:10:13.920 only just since being sick, got the platform that I do. 1:10:14.240 --> 1:10:16.840 Like it's not because of him, which kills me. But 1:10:17.040 --> 1:10:19.479 they think that because he's a footballer and earns a 1:10:20.120 --> 1:10:23.840 large wage, that I am then therefore privileged, even though 1:10:23.920 --> 1:10:25.680 for the last two years I haven't been out of work, 1:10:25.800 --> 1:10:27.400 my mom hasn't been out of work, and we go 1:10:27.520 --> 1:10:30.080 to the government trying to get like my disability, like 1:10:30.160 --> 1:10:33.400 even just the healthcare card NAP your partner earns too much, 1:10:33.520 --> 1:10:36.679 Like it just kills me, Like they literally the government 1:10:36.760 --> 1:10:38.760 said to my mom, your son in law should be 1:10:38.760 --> 1:10:40.599 paying your wage if you are working for them. 1:10:40.920 --> 1:10:43.280 So because your mom has given up her life in 1:10:43.400 --> 1:10:46.000 order to take care of you, the expectation is that 1:10:46.439 --> 1:10:50.519 you would pay her for her caring role, as oppriosed 1:10:50.520 --> 1:10:52.360 to it being a caring role that the government would 1:10:52.360 --> 1:10:53.639 help support, which. 1:10:53.520 --> 1:10:55.840 Anyone else would get, so like they would get the 1:10:55.920 --> 1:10:59.000 funding for that. But because my partner's wage, I don't. 1:10:59.280 --> 1:11:01.599 But then the people from the outside, all they see 1:11:01.640 --> 1:11:03.000 is that my partner's a footballer and we should be 1:11:03.040 --> 1:11:04.240 able to afford to get through all. 1:11:04.240 --> 1:11:07.479 This, whereas like, realistically, we're probably getting a lot less 1:11:07.720 --> 1:11:08.320 than if he. 1:11:08.520 --> 1:11:10.880 Was working and earning your average wage and I was 1:11:10.920 --> 1:11:13.360 getting paid by the government for what I'm going through. 1:11:13.520 --> 1:11:14.200 It's just crazy. 1:11:14.760 --> 1:11:17.800 What also means that he has to It's a lot 1:11:17.840 --> 1:11:19.840 of pressure on just your partner too to then be 1:11:19.960 --> 1:11:22.720 like I can't even if I wanted to now, I 1:11:22.840 --> 1:11:24.719 can't go on home and just be with my family. 1:11:24.720 --> 1:11:26.599 I can't be with my wife and my daughter because 1:11:27.200 --> 1:11:28.960 I have to literally be the only person that can 1:11:29.000 --> 1:11:32.240 support and unto my family totally. And it would be 1:11:32.280 --> 1:11:33.519 a lot of pressure on him as well. 1:11:34.040 --> 1:11:35.920 It is a lot of pressure on like any footballer, 1:11:36.560 --> 1:11:38.559 like they've got so much going on. I know they 1:11:38.600 --> 1:11:40.080 do live a very good life and they have a 1:11:40.240 --> 1:11:42.679 very good job and they're paid. 1:11:42.479 --> 1:11:46.519 Accordingly, but there's so many stresses on that poor man's life, 1:11:46.560 --> 1:11:48.360 and I'm just another stress added. 1:11:48.160 --> 1:11:50.639 To it, really, which I imagine he does not care 1:11:50.680 --> 1:11:51.800 about absolutely, but. 1:11:51.880 --> 1:11:54.360 Like, realistically, I'm just another financial stress because I am 1:11:54.479 --> 1:11:57.920 literally just solely reliant on him, and I no one 1:11:58.000 --> 1:12:00.280 ever wants to be reliant on someone, especially not someone 1:12:00.320 --> 1:12:02.880 that would I feel like the people that would do 1:12:02.960 --> 1:12:04.280 it for you are the people you don't want to 1:12:04.360 --> 1:12:06.000 have to do it for you totally. 1:12:06.400 --> 1:12:09.640 How do you feel, I mean apart from financially, but 1:12:09.880 --> 1:12:12.400 how else do you feel that this cancer diagnosis has 1:12:12.439 --> 1:12:13.640 affected your relationship? 1:12:14.120 --> 1:12:16.080 It has been hard, Like we don't talk about it 1:12:16.160 --> 1:12:20.080 at home at all, So anytime I'm feeling off, I 1:12:20.280 --> 1:12:23.200 just lock off and do my own thing, which we've 1:12:23.400 --> 1:12:26.360 kind of come around to now, Like originally Jeremy was like, 1:12:26.479 --> 1:12:28.519 why don't you want to talk to me? Like I'm 1:12:28.560 --> 1:12:30.000 supposed to be the first you talk to it, And 1:12:30.040 --> 1:12:32.360 I'm like, but then it's real, Like it's real if 1:12:32.400 --> 1:12:34.360 we talk about it, it's not real. If I talk 1:12:34.400 --> 1:12:36.640 about it with the doctors, or the whatever. Like as 1:12:36.640 --> 1:12:38.840 soon as it comes home with us, that's when it 1:12:39.040 --> 1:12:41.760 feels so much more real. So it's affected us kind 1:12:41.760 --> 1:12:44.800 of on a communication level there. We're slowly getting through 1:12:44.880 --> 1:12:48.880 it now, but that and also just like obviously I'm sick, 1:12:49.040 --> 1:12:50.920 I can't I can't do a lot, so like there's 1:12:51.120 --> 1:12:54.800 absolutely no intimacy in our relationship, which for any man 1:12:55.000 --> 1:12:58.240 is and woman, if I'm being honest, is a big 1:12:58.360 --> 1:13:00.960 hit to the relationship. It's kind of like we went 1:13:01.040 --> 1:13:04.320 through a period of just being housemates raising a kid, 1:13:04.520 --> 1:13:05.800 co parenting sort of thing. 1:13:06.040 --> 1:13:07.160 That's that's just how it was. 1:13:07.320 --> 1:13:09.240 Like if I'm on chemo, I can't even kiss him 1:13:09.320 --> 1:13:11.439 because then I'm transferring the chemo to him, and that's 1:13:12.400 --> 1:13:12.960 don't want to do that. 1:13:13.640 --> 1:13:17.040 It's almost like you in a way of protecting him, 1:13:17.720 --> 1:13:18.960 Like I don't want to put you through it. I 1:13:18.960 --> 1:13:20.519 don't want to put on you. I don't unload it. 1:13:20.560 --> 1:13:21.759 I don't want it to be in our house. 1:13:22.080 --> 1:13:24.760 Yeah, And like I saw a psychologist quite a bit 1:13:24.880 --> 1:13:25.240 last year. 1:13:25.720 --> 1:13:27.880 Not at the moment, but every time I went there, 1:13:27.920 --> 1:13:29.760 they were like, you're not coming here to talk about me, 1:13:29.880 --> 1:13:31.360 Tell me to talk about Jeremy and that's not what 1:13:31.439 --> 1:13:32.960 we're here for. And I'm like, but that's all I 1:13:33.080 --> 1:13:35.280 care about, Like, all I care about is making sure 1:13:35.320 --> 1:13:35.920 they're okay. 1:13:36.640 --> 1:13:38.960 I can't even imagine. I'm really sorry that you're going 1:13:39.040 --> 1:13:42.960 through this. I was, Yeah, I was talking to my 1:13:43.000 --> 1:13:44.960 sister about it, because she went and she was having 1:13:45.000 --> 1:13:47.160 some issues as well, and she's very public on her Instagram, 1:13:47.200 --> 1:13:49.840 and she went and had her bouse, like she had 1:13:49.840 --> 1:13:52.559 the colonoscoy and everything, and luckily everything came back fine. 1:13:52.600 --> 1:13:54.479 But we were just talking about it, the fact of 1:13:54.520 --> 1:13:57.880 how prevalent it is, and I showed her your profile 1:13:57.920 --> 1:13:59.960 and I was just beside myself at what you're going through. 1:14:00.560 --> 1:14:04.040 I just it's so unfair that that anyone has to 1:14:04.120 --> 1:14:06.920 go through this, let alone someone at your age and 1:14:07.000 --> 1:14:08.920 your situation, the fact that you just had a daughter. 1:14:09.040 --> 1:14:11.720 But what I'm so bewildered by and like blown away by, 1:14:11.840 --> 1:14:14.920 is you are so positive on social media and you 1:14:15.000 --> 1:14:17.600 are a breath of fresh air and you're really advocating 1:14:17.640 --> 1:14:19.000 and even a couple of days ago, I said, how 1:14:19.000 --> 1:14:21.120 are you feeling? Do you want to do this yet 1:14:21.320 --> 1:14:22.599 or you know, you tell me, and you're like, oh, 1:14:22.600 --> 1:14:24.880 I'm feeling great. You're like you came straight and be 1:14:25.000 --> 1:14:26.600 like and I was like, how can this film be 1:14:26.680 --> 1:14:27.320 feeling great? 1:14:27.400 --> 1:14:30.200 But you just were were sitting here about to be 1:14:30.280 --> 1:14:33.719 in tears and you're like, it's not like, stop stop crying. 1:14:35.040 --> 1:14:35.960 Don't you set me off? 1:14:37.479 --> 1:14:41.800 You really do put things into perspective, I think, and 1:14:41.880 --> 1:14:43.760 I think a lot of people were listening to this 1:14:43.840 --> 1:14:45.839 and we'll feel the same way. Why am I complaining 1:14:45.840 --> 1:14:49.040 about something so frivolous, like so stupid, so minor. 1:14:49.360 --> 1:14:51.479 And everyone does tell me that I'm like doing obviously 1:14:51.640 --> 1:14:53.400 all the things for the right reasons, which I'm so 1:14:53.760 --> 1:14:56.640 glad that people can see that's happening. But like, I 1:14:56.880 --> 1:14:59.840 genuinely feel like I have a purpose in life to 1:15:00.120 --> 1:15:02.760 make sure no one else goes through what I've gone through. 1:15:02.840 --> 1:15:05.639 Like, like I said at the start, like a stage 1:15:05.720 --> 1:15:07.160 one diagnosis. 1:15:06.720 --> 1:15:08.800 Or even a poop pollop can be removed in a 1:15:08.840 --> 1:15:12.519 colonost could be gone, no further following up, all done, 1:15:12.920 --> 1:15:16.040 stage one diagnosis nine and undercent chance of nothing coming back, 1:15:16.120 --> 1:15:20.000 living forever like no chemo, etc. Like the early detection 1:15:20.240 --> 1:15:22.720 is so important and I just don't want anyone else 1:15:22.760 --> 1:15:24.040 to have to go through what we've gone through. 1:15:24.479 --> 1:15:27.000 How important is it to you for people to kind 1:15:27.000 --> 1:15:30.880 of understand the importance of advocating for your own health, 1:15:31.160 --> 1:15:33.800 for taking a responsibility for your own health, that if 1:15:33.840 --> 1:15:36.720 you feel like something is not right, if you've been 1:15:36.800 --> 1:15:40.280 dealing with symptoms or something, not putting that off, not waiting, 1:15:40.439 --> 1:15:42.360 not thinking, oh, it'll be fine, I'll get a check 1:15:42.439 --> 1:15:44.600 up done later in the future. How much is that 1:15:44.720 --> 1:15:45.840 part of your messaging now. 1:15:46.360 --> 1:15:50.519 Yeah, it's probably the most pivotal part of everything. Really. 1:15:50.840 --> 1:15:53.320 I was understand how scary it would be because I've 1:15:53.320 --> 1:15:56.040 obviously been there, but scary now that they've seen someone 1:15:56.560 --> 1:16:00.400 of a similar age or younger that has gone through it, 1:16:00.880 --> 1:16:03.760 knowing that what can come from the check up or 1:16:03.800 --> 1:16:06.320 come from the colonoscopy, Like I understand that it would 1:16:06.320 --> 1:16:07.880 be absolutely petrifying. 1:16:08.000 --> 1:16:12.000 Like I get it. But the most important part is 1:16:12.120 --> 1:16:12.719 the early. 1:16:12.560 --> 1:16:15.720 Detection, Like if you're feeling some way and feeling like 1:16:16.160 --> 1:16:18.160 this needs to happen, then there's a reason for that. 1:16:18.360 --> 1:16:21.000 If there's even if you don't have the blood in stall, 1:16:21.080 --> 1:16:24.200 obviously that's the most important symptom, and if you do 1:16:24.320 --> 1:16:25.599 have that, then go get checked up. 1:16:25.680 --> 1:16:28.599 Is stupid. But even if there's other symptoms and there's 1:16:28.640 --> 1:16:30.559 a reason why you think you need to see a doctor. 1:16:30.920 --> 1:16:34.320 There's probably something going on, and you can literally save 1:16:34.360 --> 1:16:36.559 your own life just going to see a doctor. 1:16:37.200 --> 1:16:40.080 Like it's as simple as that. That's literally their job. 1:16:40.560 --> 1:16:41.760 And how important do you think it is. 1:16:41.800 --> 1:16:44.240 I mean, I know that in the early days you 1:16:44.280 --> 1:16:47.120 were given the wrong diagnosis when you were told you know, 1:16:47.240 --> 1:16:50.519 it's ibs, so it's crones all these things. Was there 1:16:50.560 --> 1:16:52.680 a part of you that knew it wasn't and that 1:16:52.800 --> 1:16:54.800 wishes maybe you pushed harder or went to a different 1:16:54.800 --> 1:16:55.799 doctor for another opinion. 1:16:56.680 --> 1:16:58.800 No, I was so naive, Like I was hard of 1:16:58.840 --> 1:17:01.679 the majority of the twenty year old girls that would 1:17:01.720 --> 1:17:04.160 be like, oh yeah, I'm intolerant to lactose and changed 1:17:04.200 --> 1:17:04.679 to oat. 1:17:04.520 --> 1:17:07.000 Milk now, Like it's just things like that. I was 1:17:07.040 --> 1:17:07.559 so naive. 1:17:07.600 --> 1:17:09.360 I had no idea that you can even get power 1:17:09.479 --> 1:17:11.120 cancer the young age. I didn't even know it was 1:17:11.120 --> 1:17:12.720 a thing. Like when they told me this is. 1:17:12.720 --> 1:17:15.000 What bowercancer looked like, I was like, you're kidding, No, 1:17:15.160 --> 1:17:18.040 it's not like I'm twenty five. I do not have 1:17:18.200 --> 1:17:20.160 bower cancer. It just wasn't a thing. 1:17:20.439 --> 1:17:23.760 Kelly. In terms of where you're at now, what is 1:17:23.880 --> 1:17:26.240 next for you? And what do you think lies ahead? 1:17:26.800 --> 1:17:29.040 Yep, So at the moment, it's obviously getting through this 1:17:29.400 --> 1:17:32.240 treatment period, so I've got the three more rounds of 1:17:32.320 --> 1:17:35.200 it with the extra orgentitive treatment between as well, and 1:17:35.280 --> 1:17:38.559 then it's rescanning and reassessing. So originally it was going 1:17:38.640 --> 1:17:41.679 to be rescanning and seeing if the chemo had worked 1:17:41.720 --> 1:17:43.800 and then seeing if we need to do another six 1:17:44.000 --> 1:17:47.680 rounds and then adding in another antibody. But because it's 1:17:47.720 --> 1:17:49.960 working so well, we're hoping that it can just be 1:17:50.400 --> 1:17:54.479 rescan like resect, so take off that third lobe in 1:17:54.560 --> 1:17:56.360 my lung and just get rid of it and then 1:17:56.920 --> 1:17:59.680 move on with my life hopefully three monthly checkups or 1:18:00.040 --> 1:18:02.240 long term management, like we just don't know until we 1:18:02.280 --> 1:18:02.880 get that scan. 1:18:03.200 --> 1:18:05.519 Like it's kind of like twelve week blocks at the moment. 1:18:05.720 --> 1:18:07.920 And what's the alternative treatment that you train if you 1:18:08.040 --> 1:18:09.720 don't mind me on skim So. 1:18:09.800 --> 1:18:13.200 It's hyperbaric therapy, So it's oxygen therapy just starves the 1:18:13.479 --> 1:18:14.640 cancer of any sugars in. 1:18:14.640 --> 1:18:16.960 The blood and it can't move forward, which means the 1:18:17.000 --> 1:18:17.920 chemo can work better. 1:18:18.320 --> 1:18:20.439 And is this something that has any proof that it's 1:18:20.439 --> 1:18:21.920 ever working or are you sort of at a point 1:18:21.920 --> 1:18:24.000 where you like throw something at me and I'll do it. 1:18:24.080 --> 1:18:24.600 I'll try it. 1:18:25.160 --> 1:18:28.120 Honestly, I'm I've put my tumor markers forward to every 1:18:28.160 --> 1:18:30.559 single trial in Adelaide and then this one here came 1:18:30.600 --> 1:18:33.640 from another girl actually on social media. But she went 1:18:33.680 --> 1:18:35.840 to Mexico and did treatment over there, and I know 1:18:35.960 --> 1:18:39.240 that there is a really good alternative cancer practice over 1:18:39.320 --> 1:18:42.519 there that's got really really good outcomes. But it's also 1:18:42.640 --> 1:18:44.680 like one hundred and fifty thousand dollars for a five 1:18:44.720 --> 1:18:46.920 weeks day, and like nobody's got that type of money, 1:18:47.200 --> 1:18:51.880 nobody's privileged enough to have that around. Yeah, like that's 1:18:51.920 --> 1:18:55.960 going to be my entire life insurance basically spent on that, 1:18:56.240 --> 1:18:58.160 which is just silly. So I've just taken bits and 1:18:58.200 --> 1:19:01.160 pieces from what they're done and found it. In Australia, 1:19:01.200 --> 1:19:03.320 it's still expensive. It's still like five thousand dollars for 1:19:03.360 --> 1:19:05.920 the week, which is in hindsight not that bad, but 1:19:06.120 --> 1:19:07.080 like it's still expensive. 1:19:07.240 --> 1:19:08.519 I'm just trying everything. 1:19:09.040 --> 1:19:11.559 The thing is, it's easy to say something's not that bad, right, 1:19:11.640 --> 1:19:14.400 like in the grand scheme of things, it's five thousand dollars, 1:19:14.960 --> 1:19:17.519 but people still need to find five thousand dollars this 1:19:17.640 --> 1:19:19.920 week for something, and then next week's treatment is another 1:19:19.960 --> 1:19:22.320 five thousand dollars. It's like, yeah, exactly, it's very easy 1:19:22.360 --> 1:19:24.120 to put in this little box and say it's not 1:19:24.160 --> 1:19:25.120 that much to save my life. 1:19:25.200 --> 1:19:26.439 You still need to have it. 1:19:27.120 --> 1:19:29.200 And I'm still paying for something that I didn't ask 1:19:29.320 --> 1:19:29.439 to have. 1:19:29.640 --> 1:19:31.120 Like it's not like I'm going out and buying a 1:19:31.160 --> 1:19:33.479 five thousand dollar holiday, Like I'm going out and buying 1:19:33.520 --> 1:19:35.400 five thousand dollars of oxygen therapy. 1:19:35.760 --> 1:19:36.400 Who wants that? 1:19:37.600 --> 1:19:40.240 Yeah, when a culture on the Goop website, that's probably it. 1:19:40.880 --> 1:19:43.280 Yeah, Kelly, I just want to say thank you so 1:19:43.360 --> 1:19:46.080 much for giving us your time and for being so generous. 1:19:46.200 --> 1:19:48.200 And we can't imagine what it is that you're going 1:19:48.240 --> 1:19:51.120 through at the moment, but we are so grateful for 1:19:51.200 --> 1:19:53.760 the message and for the fact that even in a 1:19:53.840 --> 1:19:56.720 period of your life that's been so challenging, that it's 1:19:56.760 --> 1:19:59.760 so important for you to advocate for being responsible for 1:19:59.760 --> 1:20:03.080 your health, for going and getting scanned, or if there's 1:20:03.080 --> 1:20:05.200 something that's been niggling and it's been a worry for you, 1:20:05.400 --> 1:20:08.320 going and getting checked. Because I do think that especially 1:20:08.400 --> 1:20:10.920 for people who are so young, it's so easy for 1:20:11.080 --> 1:20:13.840 us to fob it off as being something else, and 1:20:14.600 --> 1:20:17.120 you are like a true testament that we have to 1:20:17.160 --> 1:20:19.160 be responsible for our health. We have to fight for that. 1:20:19.400 --> 1:20:21.519 And just thank you so much for being a part 1:20:21.560 --> 1:20:22.719 of the pod and sharing your story. 1:20:22.840 --> 1:20:25.000 Yeah, you're doing a very selfless thing. If there's one 1:20:25.040 --> 1:20:27.080 last thing you want to tell anyone listening, anyone right 1:20:27.160 --> 1:20:29.280 now that thinks that there's something a bit unusual or 1:20:29.320 --> 1:20:30.800 something that's been bothered them, what would you say? 1:20:31.280 --> 1:20:34.479 Honestly, just trust you that that's my go to slogan 1:20:34.520 --> 1:20:36.560 at the moment. It's just trusting your gut. If you 1:20:36.600 --> 1:20:38.880 think something's wrong, it likely is, and if it's not, 1:20:39.040 --> 1:20:40.000 then lucky you. 1:20:41.840 --> 1:20:44.000 All Right, guys, you know that we never finish an 1:20:44.000 --> 1:20:47.680 episode without our suck and our suite, our highlight and 1:20:47.840 --> 1:20:50.479 our low light of each every week. Except this week, 1:20:50.560 --> 1:20:52.800 we are doing things a little bit differently, and that 1:20:53.120 --> 1:20:56.679 is that we don't have a suck this week. After 1:20:57.120 --> 1:21:01.560 listening to Kelly share her story and talk about gratitude, 1:21:02.200 --> 1:21:03.960 what we wanted to focus on this week are the 1:21:04.040 --> 1:21:07.519 things that we are very grateful for. Our highs and 1:21:07.680 --> 1:21:10.240 only the highs of the week you can get it off, 1:21:10.320 --> 1:21:11.080 My sweet is. 1:21:11.640 --> 1:21:13.760 I spent the weekend with Mitch Jury. We went off 1:21:13.760 --> 1:21:15.720 to the Gold Coast and we just I've never I 1:21:15.720 --> 1:21:17.760 don't think I've ever laughed so much in my nigh life. 1:21:17.840 --> 1:21:20.639 I think it was forty eight hours of non stop laughter, 1:21:20.720 --> 1:21:22.479 to the point that, like in the win, one laughing 1:21:22.520 --> 1:21:24.280 fit and he let out the biggest far because he couldn't. 1:21:24.280 --> 1:21:25.840 He was laughing so hard he was pushing farts out. 1:21:25.880 --> 1:21:29.240 It was so funny. And you know when you're accidentally 1:21:29.320 --> 1:21:31.559 fat and you're mortified, but you're fuck louder. 1:21:31.960 --> 1:21:34.320 Sweet, every time he laughed, he continued to fart. I 1:21:34.400 --> 1:21:36.120 love that, you guys, at that point in the relationship. 1:21:36.200 --> 1:21:38.439 Now, it was so funny. Starting friends, I had a 1:21:38.640 --> 1:21:39.960 very laughing field weekend. 1:21:40.120 --> 1:21:42.560 You also were working on a very special project on 1:21:42.600 --> 1:21:45.280 the weekend, which we will talk about because I know 1:21:45.479 --> 1:21:47.280 how much work and energy has been going into this. 1:21:47.560 --> 1:21:49.000 Yeah, well that's our project. 1:21:49.040 --> 1:21:50.960 But well it's too much, we'll talk it all right, 1:21:51.320 --> 1:21:54.880 Sweet for the week was obviously the weekend, obviously my birthday, 1:21:54.960 --> 1:21:57.839 but we did one thing which was like the true standout. 1:21:57.920 --> 1:22:00.519 We did this. It's called an eco to were but 1:22:00.680 --> 1:22:03.160 basically we went and took the kids mud crabbing, and 1:22:03.320 --> 1:22:05.719 we took them fishing, and then we had this amazing, 1:22:05.920 --> 1:22:07.040 beautiful seafood lunch. 1:22:07.240 --> 1:22:08.759 All these experiences that weren't on the iPad. 1:22:08.920 --> 1:22:10.840 We did lots of things where the children did not 1:22:11.000 --> 1:22:13.320 have the iPad, and it was it was amazing. It 1:22:13.400 --> 1:22:16.320 was really wholesome family time. That was great. 1:22:16.520 --> 1:22:18.679 That is so cute. I have so much underboob sweat 1:22:18.760 --> 1:22:19.000 right now. 1:22:19.120 --> 1:22:20.400 Is so hot here cute. 1:22:20.640 --> 1:22:21.960 I so much sweat on in the boob. 1:22:22.040 --> 1:22:22.760 And you know the drill. 1:22:22.840 --> 1:22:24.720 Guys, tell your mum, tell you dad, Telly dog, tell 1:22:24.720 --> 1:22:27.679 your friends and share a love because we love them