Speaker 1: Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout
Speaker 1: Australia and their connections to land.
Speaker 2: Sea and community.
Speaker 1: We pay our respect to their elders past and present
Speaker 1: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait
Speaker 1: islander peoples today.
Speaker 3: This episode is recorded on Gaddigal Land of the Aurora Nation.
Speaker 3: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 3: I'm Laura and I'm producer Keisha filling in for brit
Speaker 3: We just had a discussion because Keysh tried to introduce
Speaker 3: herself as just Keisha and I was like, no, you
Speaker 3: have to be producer Keisha in case people are thrown
Speaker 3: into turmoil and confused and don't know who this new
Speaker 3: voice is on the podcast.
Speaker 2: True, true, But I did in defense of myself, I
Speaker 2: was like, that's not my actual People have started calling
Speaker 2: me that in real life, like at the live show
Speaker 2: that happened produce a key shot and I was like, hell,
Speaker 2: like it's your Like your second name is Keysha and
Speaker 2: your first name is producer. Yeah, like it's my character.
Speaker 3: You know? Do you know what? I know that you
Speaker 3: think that maybe that's offensive, but like think of it offensive.
Speaker 2: I just think it's a little odd.
Speaker 3: Sure, you could think of it as though it's an accolade,
Speaker 3: like doctors go around and say I'm doctor so and so.
Speaker 3: Once you've got that at the front of your name,
Speaker 3: you use it into the day you die.
Speaker 2: You know. One time I was dating a doctor and
Speaker 2: I got us ticks all right to settle down. I
Speaker 2: got his plane tickets, like for a holiday, and I
Speaker 2: was really annoyed about the fact that.
Speaker 3: He had the better Like, is it a suffix? The
Speaker 3: thing a prefix?
Speaker 2: What's the thing that goes at the start? You know?
Speaker 2: Missed a missus? Doctor? The thing you tick? And I
Speaker 2: was like, you know, stuff him having the better one.
Speaker 2: I don't want to be miss one's doctor. Aren't you
Speaker 2: still miss? What is a miss? Are you missed when
Speaker 2: you're in a relationship but you're not married. Are you
Speaker 2: a miss then? I'm not sure?
Speaker 3: Or you are you a miss if you don't want
Speaker 3: people to know if you're a missus or a miss?
Speaker 2: Do you mean a live giggle?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Answer. A title used before the surname or full name
Speaker 2: of any woman, regardless of her marital status. So it's neutral,
Speaker 2: so you can pick so it's an alternative to missus
Speaker 2: or miss see.
Speaker 3: I say, if you don't want anyone to know if
Speaker 3: you are married or aren't married, you become a miss.
Speaker 2: Well, that day I was a captain, and then I
Speaker 2: found out that that is illegal, so I do not
Speaker 2: recommend doing it. But for that plane ride, I was
Speaker 2: Captain Kisha bed and you know what, I really I
Speaker 2: really liked it.
Speaker 3: So if you lie about your status, like if you
Speaker 3: call yourself a doctor and you're on a plane, that's illegal.
Speaker 3: Oh it would make sense because obviously if there's an
Speaker 3: emergency or somebody carts it in the picked captain because
Speaker 3: I was like the plane with the planes falling down
Speaker 3: and they're like, Captain, I would have told him it
Speaker 3: was for boats, Slane, don't worry, I'm Canada of a boat.
Speaker 2: But as it turns out, yeah, no, it's illegal. However,
Speaker 2: did enjoy the experience so well?
Speaker 3: When producer comes up as an option for you to
Speaker 3: select the next time you're on a flight, that is,
Speaker 3: you know, the box that you can stay in.
Speaker 2: I'm ready to get out of the miss box.
Speaker 3: Okay. The reason why Keysh is feeling on today's episode
Speaker 3: is because Britt is currently away at her sister Sherry's wedding.
Speaker 3: Sherry's having two weddings. The first one was on Tuesday,
Speaker 3: that was the Indian wedding, and then today is her
Speaker 3: not Indian wedding. I don't know how else you'd described that.
Speaker 3: Today is like, is the big wedding.
Speaker 2: I think they call it a white wedding, and that
Speaker 2: is not cultural. It's actually like you know that song,
Speaker 2: It's a nice day for a white wedding.
Speaker 3: I actually think.
Speaker 2: That's what it's called it. If it's not, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: cut this out.
Speaker 3: Because you wear a white dress, whereas on Tuesday she
Speaker 3: was wearing a sari and we saw the beautiful Sarry photos.
Speaker 2: I've never seen them look more beautiful. Like, I don't
Speaker 2: know enough about Indian weddings. I'm so intrigued to hear
Speaker 2: from britt when she gets back about the cultural practices
Speaker 2: they do for the wedding, because I know it's really different.
Speaker 2: Obviously they look so different, like there's so much color
Speaker 2: and it just looks like so much fun.
Speaker 3: What I would like to know is where is Jay though,
Speaker 3: because I've seen a lot of photos on social media,
Speaker 3: I've seen photos of Brittain a sari. I've seen photos
Speaker 3: of Sherry and a Sari, but I haven't yet seen
Speaker 3: the husband.
Speaker 2: Britt's like, you know what, I'm not gonna get married
Speaker 2: anytime soon, so this is my wedding too. It's man
Speaker 2: in Cherry's wedding. But they looked so insanely stunning.
Speaker 3: Before we get into answering all your deep dark and
Speaker 3: you're burning queesquestions, there was something that we wanted to
Speaker 3: talk about.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 3: You might remember a couple of weeks ago on an
Speaker 3: Ask Guncut episode, somebody had written in about dirty talk.
Speaker 3: Now their new partner had started using some dirty talk
Speaker 3: and they weren't sure if they should be or shouldn't
Speaker 3: be offended, and it went something like this, you are
Speaker 3: a chubby little wore. And let me tell you a
Speaker 3: lot of people who heard that episode were very offended.
Speaker 3: But the big question was this, was the person who
Speaker 3: wrote in offended because they were called chubby? Or were
Speaker 3: they offended because they were called ahow? And that's what
Speaker 3: we wanted to seek out. So we put up some socials.
Speaker 3: We asked the question, what is it that you enjoy
Speaker 3: being called in the bedroom?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 3: Where can that line be drawn?
Speaker 2: And some of The.
Speaker 3: Responses we got were truly fucking amazing.
Speaker 2: They were, and I really regretted not putting Jason Drulo
Speaker 2: talk Dirty to Me as the backing song of this
Speaker 2: Instagram story.
Speaker 3: What a wasted opportunity. The just would have got things going.
Speaker 2: However, I did bring these responses to you the this morning,
Speaker 2: and I would like to read some out to you
Speaker 2: and you can tell me where the line is.
Speaker 3: No, no, okay, this is what happened. Keisha prepped. She
Speaker 3: was like, here are all the responses from all of
Speaker 3: our amazing listeners. We asked, what dirty talk do you
Speaker 3: like hearing in the bedroom? And let me tell you.
Speaker 3: You provided and they are dirty little bitch you dirty
Speaker 3: little whores. And I know that you're gonna like me
Speaker 3: calling you that because you told me this is the thing.
Speaker 3: We read through some of them. The way that we
Speaker 3: would normally do these segments is that we would read
Speaker 3: out to you some of the craziest things.
Speaker 2: Some of them are so.
Speaker 3: Smushy that I'm worried that our more like PGG rated
Speaker 3: listeners would turn this episode off because they don't like
Speaker 3: the dirty talk.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I reckon you'd be fun like I reckon
Speaker 2: the ones who wrote this it would be really good
Speaker 2: to go get a drink with.
Speaker 3: Okay, But also they're like, they're very normal vein. They're
Speaker 3: things like and I'm gonna just I'm going to brush
Speaker 3: through a couple of them very quickly, just to give
Speaker 3: you a taste of what some people are enjoying in
Speaker 3: the bedroom.
Speaker 2: Really enjoying your body language. Right now, I just feel
Speaker 2: like you're mildly uncomfortable, and I don't know if it's
Speaker 2: cause i'm in your employee.
Speaker 3: Come on my cock? Was that too much? Do we
Speaker 3: need a hr? Is that where we're at? Okay? Cool
Speaker 3: wine and I'll take two steps back. Sorry, Do I
Speaker 3: need to say it more sexy? Will you come on
Speaker 3: my cock?
Speaker 2: Well? You had a nice ASMR voice.
Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you so much. Look, No, like I said,
Speaker 3: I don't want to read out the more like smuttier ones,
Speaker 3: the more dirty of the dirtier talk. And that's just
Speaker 3: because I understand that there'll be some people who don't
Speaker 3: want to hear that. But one thing that we did
Speaker 3: find really interesting that we wanted to unpack was that
Speaker 3: there was one type of dirty talk that kept on
Speaker 3: coming in and like it's not particularly dirty but it's
Speaker 3: a common theme that we received hundreds and hundreds of
Speaker 3: times from you all.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're like being called good girls. As it turns out.
Speaker 3: Okay, see the one that I always think and like,
Speaker 3: it's just a bit of an expansion on good girl.
Speaker 3: It's good little girl. And I don't know why that
Speaker 3: one always got me off daddy issues. Yeah, and that's
Speaker 3: exactly what it is. I don't like to talk about
Speaker 3: the podcast, but.
Speaker 2: Yet good Girl came in like hundreds and hundreds of times,
Speaker 2: and this thing came up in the responses that I
Speaker 2: was really intrigued by.
Speaker 3: Because I hadn't heard of it before. It's called a.
Speaker 2: Praise kink, now, a praise kink with someone who thrives
Speaker 2: to be praised during intimacy.
Speaker 3: Don't we all like compliments all the time. Anyway, though,
Speaker 3: like I'm not surprising, it goes a little.
Speaker 2: Bit further than that. So it kind of explained how
Speaker 2: it was a little bit more of a sexual turn
Speaker 2: on rather than just like a oh that feels nice,
Speaker 2: like your hair looks good. You know, it's not like that.
Speaker 2: Examples are things like and I want you to look
Speaker 2: me deeply. I say this slow even you look.
Speaker 3: So good, baby, you feel so good. This is really inappropriate.
Speaker 3: Good good, Yeah, good girl.
Speaker 2: You like that? Huh? You like that, don't you. However,
Speaker 2: I've got some questions for you to determine whether you
Speaker 2: have a praisekink or not, or whether you think you might.
Speaker 2: Do you have a sexual submissive, dominant or otherwise kink
Speaker 2: based response to receiving praise, which I think is a
Speaker 2: pretty long winded and like professional way to say, do
Speaker 2: you have sexual arousal when you're being told like praise?
Speaker 3: I feel like so many people would have this though,
Speaker 3: like you know the fact that they've done this research
Speaker 3: into like what questions you need to ask yourself For me,
Speaker 3: I think that this is probably the most common one,
Speaker 3: like being told like you're a good little girl or
Speaker 3: you're a good girl. I don't know why we like
Speaker 3: enjoy the submissive part of that or we enjoy like
Speaker 3: having that positive affirmation, but there's something about that that
Speaker 3: is very fucking sexy. Yeah, and I agree, tell me
Speaker 3: what you really think.
Speaker 2: I'm thinking of sex with people that wasn't even loving sex,
Speaker 2: but when it's happened, like yeah, yeah, nipples.
Speaker 3: Are hard, like let's go, Okay, my other question, too,
Speaker 3: is before you get down the list of the criteria
Speaker 3: to know whether you have a praise kink or not,
Speaker 3: what is your one dirty talk? Like, what's the big
Speaker 3: thing that if someone was gonna say it to you,
Speaker 3: it would mean O town a.
Speaker 2: I think, like, yeah, along the good girl lines would definitely.
Speaker 2: I think being implemented you look so hot or along
Speaker 2: those lines that would definitely get me going.
Speaker 3: But I think, oh god, this is so good.
Speaker 2: I think I'm more into the question answer style of
Speaker 2: like do you like that? And then I get to
Speaker 2: tell them how much I like that.
Speaker 3: I feel like we're really taking this relationship to a
Speaker 3: new place.
Speaker 2: I'm really getting red patches on my chest.
Speaker 3: You should see it, Like as Keisha's speaking literally from
Speaker 3: her nipples up, She's just gone red popping.
Speaker 2: Through my top. I love this.
Speaker 3: I feel like it's a bonding experience. This is close.
Speaker 3: There's a shame BRIT's not here.
Speaker 2: I have a one question to ask you. When you
Speaker 2: think back on your hottest sex scenes, do the complimentary
Speaker 2: things your partner said to you stand out as one
Speaker 2: of your favorite parts.
Speaker 3: Do you know I feel for me as much as
Speaker 3: I like it and enjoy it it's dependent on the
Speaker 3: person that I'm with. Like, I quite enjoy a bit
Speaker 3: of I mean, I don't mind a praise, can I
Speaker 3: don't mind a bit of dirty talk. But I also
Speaker 3: think it has to be with someone who I've had
Speaker 3: a bit more of a long term relationship with, rather
Speaker 3: than it being a one night stand, or rather than
Speaker 3: it being something that's a fling. I feel like I
Speaker 3: need to be in safe territory in order to enjoy it.
Speaker 3: So for me, it's not just something I enjoy across
Speaker 3: the board.
Speaker 2: And I think that makes complete sense, especially if you're
Speaker 2: talking about more like potentially smuttier, dirtier dirty talk. Right,
Speaker 2: You're probably not gonna have that with a one night
Speaker 2: stand as much as you'd have with someone that like,
Speaker 2: you love and respect, and you know that they do
Speaker 2: respect you, So that's why it's more okay for them
Speaker 2: to call you certain things, whereas someone that you don't
Speaker 2: know you might not feel.
Speaker 3: That way about. Well exactly because like if somebody who
Speaker 3: you know respects you calls you a whole, you're like, oh,
Speaker 3: they didn't mean that. But if it's someone who's a
Speaker 3: one night stand and they're like, you're a whole you're like,
Speaker 3: you might actually think that of me? And I don't
Speaker 3: know if I don't know what we're role playing right now,
Speaker 3: or if.
Speaker 2: This is real, to rethink my behavior, what would be like?
Speaker 2: What do you I mean? Oh, I'm personal? What do
Speaker 2: you like?
Speaker 3: Good little girl? That's it. I'm their eye a bit. Yeah,
Speaker 3: well no there's more, but like, no, we're not sharing that.
Speaker 3: Yeah no, no, no, that's enough. Anyway, let's get into
Speaker 3: answering all your deep dark and you're burning questions. I
Speaker 3: will just.
Speaker 2: Quickly add that one more thing. Is that equal to
Speaker 2: the amount of good girl responses we got? I actually
Speaker 2: think that there were almost as many I don't like
Speaker 2: it responses. That was very interesting to me. There were
Speaker 2: people who were just like, I don't like dirty talk
Speaker 2: are all? I hate it when people do that, And
Speaker 2: so that's kind of the flip side of the coin.
Speaker 3: I guess, well, do you know why? Because I think
Speaker 3: unless you're someone who's really confident and comfortable with dor't
Speaker 3: it Like not everybody is comfortable with verbalizing, Like we
Speaker 3: love talking. We talk so much, it's no surprise that
Speaker 3: we would enjoy it. But for some people who were
Speaker 3: maybe slightly more introverted. Having to verbalize how they're feeling
Speaker 3: or what that sensation is or how much they like
Speaker 3: something just takes it into awkward or intimidating territory rather
Speaker 3: than it being something that they find is expressive. So
Speaker 3: I can completely understand why there's people who when someone's like, yeah,
Speaker 3: you like that, they're like, yes, I suppose five styles
Speaker 3: and uber I wasn't ntil you asked me, you know,
Speaker 3: like it's like for some people, it's fucking awkward. Get it?
Speaker 3: And I get that there's both sides of the spectrum.
Speaker 3: Like we can sit here and be like, yes, dirty
Speaker 3: talk's amazing, and here are all the different ways that
Speaker 3: people enjoy it, but they're equally a people who do
Speaker 3: not enjoy it at all, and they just want to
Speaker 3: like show their enthusiasm through other means. Do you reckon
Speaker 3: you could give.
Speaker 2: Dirty talk like because we're talking mostly about receiving it here,
Speaker 2: which no, I'm completely comfortable. If I don't know if
Speaker 2: I'm that comfortable giving it, I.
Speaker 3: Don't know what I would say, like, I mean, apart
Speaker 3: from like you're so hard. That feels so good, I
Speaker 3: don't think that I am very much.
Speaker 2: A regular on that that feels really good.
Speaker 3: That you feel so good, you feel so hard. That's
Speaker 3: literally that's the end of it. Because I think think
Speaker 3: for me as well. Then I get awkward. I'm like,
Speaker 3: how can I be creative with this? I don't know.
Speaker 3: If you're a girl and you enjoy giving dirty talk,
Speaker 3: I'd love to know those responses as well.
Speaker 2: I think some people misunderstood the brief because we actually
Speaker 2: dig it. A couple of responses and a lot of
Speaker 2: you like calling people dirty, as it turns out, are
Speaker 2: you like calling Matt daddy?
Speaker 3: No? No, even if you.
Speaker 2: Say it softly and slowly, no, because he actually is
Speaker 2: a daddy, So for me, that's weird.
Speaker 3: He's got two kids, he is a daddy. He's not
Speaker 3: my daddy, but he's their daddy, and I don't want
Speaker 3: to think of them when we're having sex. Also, they
Speaker 3: have destroyed my vagina enough that I don't want to
Speaker 3: be even thinking about them remotely whilst we're having sex.
Speaker 2: You and nobody's daddy. You're mine.
Speaker 3: All right, Let's seriously get into these questions. Question number one, Hi, Oh, actually,
Speaker 3: do you know what I'm just going to preface this.
Speaker 3: These questions are all fucking saucy today, ladies, I need help.
Speaker 3: I caught some pawn on my partner's phone. Accidental find.
Speaker 3: He was watching me use his phone, no spying needed.
Speaker 3: I'm very mad about it. The backstory is is that
Speaker 3: I've caught him watching porn before and wanking, and it
Speaker 3: doesn't sit well with me. He has disrespected my wishes
Speaker 3: and feelings as he has done it again. He thinks
Speaker 3: I'm being over the top and apologized, but how do
Speaker 3: I know that he won't do it again? Basically, she
Speaker 3: doesn't want him to watch porn and wake. I feel
Speaker 3: like we've taken two steps back in the relationship. Bound
Speaker 3: bump boum.
Speaker 2: I have something to say to her that I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't think she's gonna like. I don't think you
Speaker 2: can control someone like that. I think your behavior is
Speaker 2: really controlling. Oh unleash Keisha.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's produced a Keisha giving you the four one one?
Speaker 2: Well, it's because of the four one one?
Speaker 3: Is that what it's called?
Speaker 2: Or is that pot that's four twenty ah fuck for
Speaker 2: twenty blazer. It's been a while, Homer talk. The reason
Speaker 2: that I think it's a bit of a controlling behavior
Speaker 2: is because I mean Obviously there are elements to this.
Speaker 2: If the person that you're with is watching porn so
Speaker 2: much to the length that you know they're not having
Speaker 2: sex with you, or that it's interfering with your sex life,
Speaker 2: then yes, I understand that's a problem and you're gonna
Speaker 2: need to talk about that, But if it's just like
Speaker 2: the occasional having a look at porn and masturbating, like
Speaker 2: he's entitled to do that, totally, I don't see a problem.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I think it's kinite strange when so
Speaker 2: many people get so hung up on porn because they
Speaker 2: think it's this like really debautuous thing where it's really
Speaker 2: wrong that they don't want their partners watching it. But
Speaker 2: it's just kind of like a level of self expression
Speaker 2: in sexuality, I guess.
Speaker 3: I mean, there's a few layers to It's o that
Speaker 3: you don't like it, you know, that's fine. I think
Speaker 3: it's okay for you personally not to like something right
Speaker 3: like porn. If you are against it, that is okay.
Speaker 3: And I don't think that we can say that everybody
Speaker 3: should love porn, because it's just not the case. Not
Speaker 3: everybody will. The part about this I think is a
Speaker 3: bit problematic is like if your partner is watching something
Speaker 3: that's like, you know, consensually made porn. It's not porn
Speaker 3: that's problematic. It's not porn that's like violent or in
Speaker 3: any way confrontational. I guess, because, like you know, I
Speaker 3: think that there is some porn that can be quite
Speaker 3: confronting to watch, and then maybe that would make you
Speaker 3: feel insecure because you're like, well, is that what he
Speaker 3: wants to do in real life? Like how does this
Speaker 3: play out? Where is the line between fantasy and fiction
Speaker 3: and all that sort of stuff. So I think that
Speaker 3: there is that part of it to consider and unpack
Speaker 3: for yourself. But I don't think that we can impose
Speaker 3: our beliefs and what we want for ourselves on our partners.
Speaker 3: Like if your partner wants to watch porn and he
Speaker 3: wants to masturbate, you cannot say you can't do this.
Speaker 3: All you can do is say I don't feel comfortable
Speaker 3: with this, like I don't like it when you do that.
Speaker 3: I don't like it when you watch porn. And if
Speaker 3: they say, well, I'm going to do it anyway, then
Speaker 3: it's up to you whether you want to be in
Speaker 3: a relationship with someone who does that or doesn't do that,
Speaker 3: because ultimately, I would say that the vast majority of
Speaker 3: people do watch porn and do masturbate. And I also
Speaker 3: think you need to kind of like separate the two.
Speaker 3: Do you have a problem with your partner masturbating without
Speaker 3: you there? Like is that part of this? Because if
Speaker 3: that is a problem for you, then I think that
Speaker 3: that's a much bigger thing for you to unpack. Like,
Speaker 3: your partner has full agency over his own body. He's
Speaker 3: allowed to masturbate whenever the fuck he wants to. He
Speaker 3: doesn't need to ask for permission to pleasure himself. You
Speaker 3: don't need to be there every time he does it. It's
Speaker 3: not a reflection of you not doing a good job.
Speaker 3: It's not a reflection that he doesn't love you. Sometimes
Speaker 3: you just need a white case.
Speaker 2: I actually think that that's a massive part of it.
Speaker 2: Is like that, it's not a reflection that they don't
Speaker 2: love you. So reassure yourself with that. Him watching porn
Speaker 2: doesn't mean that he doesn't find you sexy. It doesn't
Speaker 2: mean that he doesn't find your sex life great, that
Speaker 2: he doesn't care about you and love you and want
Speaker 2: to continue having sex with you. It's not like it
Speaker 2: takes away from that.
Speaker 3: I think the other part of this as well is
Speaker 3: is that if you tell your partner that they can't
Speaker 3: do something right, like if you say you can't watch
Speaker 3: porn and you can't masturbate, and you make that such
Speaker 3: an issue in the relationship like that, there's an ultimatum
Speaker 3: that surrounds it. It doesn't mean that they're going to
Speaker 3: stop doing it. They're just going to continue to do
Speaker 3: it behind your back. And if they think that you
Speaker 3: are overreacting about it, or it's not a space where
Speaker 3: they can have a conversation with you about it, they
Speaker 3: will hide that from you. Not because they want to
Speaker 3: appease you or because they agree with you, but because
Speaker 3: they're trying to avoid the drama.
Speaker 2: They're trying to avoid the shame that you're going to
Speaker 2: make them feel for doing something that I think a
Speaker 2: lot like most people watch porn totally, and especially most guys.
Speaker 3: But I mean, I think that there's going to be
Speaker 3: some people who listen to this who don't agree with us,
Speaker 3: and that's okay. There's going to be some people who
Speaker 3: listen to this who do not want their partners to
Speaker 3: watch porn, who don't want their partners to masturbate and
Speaker 3: actually know.
Speaker 2: It's not allowed in some religions as well. So if
Speaker 2: that's a facet of like the religious situation that the
Speaker 2: two of you have agreed to, then my advice in
Speaker 2: that situation would be very different, because if that's something
Speaker 2: in your belief system, then that brings in a whole
Speaker 2: other level of Okay, we've agreed to go buy these
Speaker 2: rules and you're not following it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think that that's such an important point
Speaker 3: to make. But I think if it just comes down
Speaker 3: to controlling your partner because of your own insecurities around it,
Speaker 3: then that's quite an unfair expectation to set in the relationship.
Speaker 3: And all that that's going to do is create an
Speaker 3: ultimatum where either they're going to do it behind your
Speaker 3: back or you have to leave because they're not actually
Speaker 3: doing anything wrong by watching a bit of porn that is, like,
Speaker 3: you know, correctly made porn and masturbating. There's so many
Speaker 3: rules in life like let someone fucking masturbate, just let
Speaker 3: him let him have a wink, also gives you a
Speaker 3: note off fuck win Wind. Anyway, Question number two. I
Speaker 3: just wants to be telling she's a good girl. You're
Speaker 3: doing a good job. You're a good little girl.
Speaker 2: Question number two, So I have been diagnosed with breast
Speaker 2: cancer at thirty two fun times. Firstly, so sad. I'm
Speaker 2: so sorry, really sorry that you're having to go through that.
Speaker 2: My question is online dating. It's tough already, but being
Speaker 2: baald makes it a whole new ball game. I'm wondering
Speaker 2: if I need to tell my matches that I'm bald
Speaker 2: and going through chemo. I've tested it on one guy
Speaker 2: and told him I'm going through breast cancer, but left
Speaker 2: out the bald part. He was lovely about it. But
Speaker 2: now I've noticed he's making these sly comments like how's
Speaker 2: the sexy blonde going today? Or hey blondie. I just responded,
Speaker 2: but I'm thinking these comments are a sly way to
Speaker 2: find out if I have hair and they don't. But
Speaker 2: I have a human hair wig that looks natural. I
Speaker 2: don't know if I should be warning people before meeting them.
Speaker 2: Am I false advertising?
Speaker 3: Oh? This is so shit. I'm so sorry that you're
Speaker 3: going through this. No, you're not false advertising. You can
Speaker 3: wear a wig and you can do whatever the fuck
Speaker 3: you want to. You don't owe anybody anything, and I think,
Speaker 3: you know, go and date. Dating can be casual and
Speaker 3: there's no commitment there, and if it's you know, you're
Speaker 3: in a period of your life where you feel self
Speaker 3: conscious about the fact that you have lost your hair
Speaker 3: because of chemo. You don't have to have that conversation
Speaker 3: with anyone until a point where maybe you are going
Speaker 3: to become sexual with them or things are progressing, and
Speaker 3: you're like, well, the situation is probably gonna rise where
Speaker 3: they're going to see me without hair, and then they
Speaker 3: can make a decision of what they want to do.
Speaker 3: And if they choose that they don't want to be
Speaker 3: with you because at this point in time, for a
Speaker 3: short period of time, you're going to have no hair,
Speaker 3: then they're a fucking pretty useless person. I would say, you.
Speaker 2: Know, I actually asked my housemate, who is a straight man,
Speaker 2: this question last night, because you know, he used to
Speaker 2: use apps. He's in a relationship now, but I was like,
Speaker 2: how would you have felt about this scenario? And he said,
Speaker 2: I think that anyone who would react badly to that,
Speaker 2: you know, being told, oh, hey, by the way, I'm
Speaker 2: going through chemo, blah blah blah. There might be a
Speaker 2: couple of different things about how our first dates go.
Speaker 2: You know, for example, you might not be able to
Speaker 2: go walking in the sunshine on a big hike because
Speaker 2: your skin gets really sensitive when you're on chemo, like
Speaker 2: little things like that. And he said, anyone that would
Speaker 2: respond badly to that is firstly a piece of shit.
Speaker 3: And he was like, it might be a really good
Speaker 3: way for you to weed out guys that aren't worth
Speaker 3: your fucking time anyway. And that's exactly what this is
Speaker 3: going to do, because ultimately there will be people who
Speaker 3: may find the situation that you're in at the moment,
Speaker 3: like your health, which is obviously going to be a
Speaker 3: huge part of your life for the next little bit,
Speaker 3: it's going to be a huge focus for you. They
Speaker 3: may find that too overwhelming. That's okay. There's going to
Speaker 3: be people who don't want to opt into, you know,
Speaker 3: supporting someone through their cancer journey at the beginning of
Speaker 3: a relationship, but that also is a very very clear
Speaker 3: indication of who is worthy of your time. I think
Speaker 3: the big question with this is is this guy who
Speaker 3: you have said to you know, you've told him that
Speaker 3: that's where you're at in your life and in your health,
Speaker 3: and he's super supportive of it, and he still wants
Speaker 3: to date and that is a great indication that he's
Speaker 3: a good person at heart. But I guess it comes
Speaker 3: down to this question around hair and how much of
Speaker 3: your identity is defined, because as women, that's such a
Speaker 3: big thing. Like so much of our identity as women
Speaker 3: is defined by the fact that we have long or
Speaker 3: beautiful hair. Like think about, for like, how many people
Speaker 3: who when they've actually washed their hair and then blow
Speaker 3: dried it in a day, people will say, oh my god,
Speaker 3: you look amazing. That we use our hair as part
Speaker 3: of our esthetic identity as a female, that's.
Speaker 2: Seen as quite like a sexual part femininity. So I
Speaker 2: can understand why you have a lot of like your
Speaker 2: identity wrapped up in this. I don't think that you
Speaker 2: have to tell them, though, I completely think that that
Speaker 2: is up to you whether you feel comfortable telling them
Speaker 2: or not. The only thing I would think is that
Speaker 2: if your wig hair does not match your photos, as in,
Speaker 2: if it's a really different color or if it's a
Speaker 2: super different style, I think tell them what your hair
Speaker 2: now looks like so that they know which one you
Speaker 2: are when you turn up to the bar or cafe
Speaker 2: that you go and meet.
Speaker 3: At Yeah, I agree with that, but also I think
Speaker 3: you know, if you are dating someone for a little
Speaker 3: while and you're getting to know them, you're building that
Speaker 3: sort of trust and rapport with them, there will come
Speaker 3: a time where you want to tell them that you
Speaker 3: don't have hair. Like, there's going to come a time
Speaker 3: where you're gonna want to have that conversation because you're
Speaker 3: probably not going to want to be in a situation
Speaker 3: where you're having sex and your wig falls off like
Speaker 3: that will be more uncomfortable. I would suggest having the
Speaker 3: convo outside of the bedroom, you know, not when things
Speaker 3: are getting heated, and it doesn't have to be this big, long,
Speaker 3: deep and like, you know, you don't have to bear
Speaker 3: your soul to them. At the fact that you've gone
Speaker 3: through this period of your life. You can say, you know, yeah,
Speaker 3: like I mean, you might not know this, but this
Speaker 3: is a week I've lost a lot of hair because
Speaker 3: of chemo. It'll grow back. It's not a big deal.
Speaker 3: And I think that the way that you describe it
Speaker 3: and how you portray it is going to be how
Speaker 3: other people receive it as well. And the thing is,
Speaker 3: if it is a really big deal and it is
Speaker 3: something that you're really struggling with, then it's also okay
Speaker 3: to be honest about that and explain that to them.
Speaker 3: And I think that, you know, going back to what
Speaker 3: we said at the very beginning of this question, it
Speaker 3: will very quickly draw the line in the sand as
Speaker 3: to who is worth your investment. We all know that
Speaker 3: dating is hard. It is a really challenging to find
Speaker 3: people who you click with, who are respectful, who treat
Speaker 3: you the way you want to be treated, who value
Speaker 3: you for who you are. And I think that this
Speaker 3: is just going to fast track that process for you.
Speaker 2: And so to summarize, no, you are absolutely not false
Speaker 2: advertising whatsoever.
Speaker 3: I also hate that fucking sentiment when people are like, oh,
Speaker 3: you've won so much makeup, so you're false advertising, or
Speaker 3: you've done this, so you're false advertising. It's like, I
Speaker 3: would hope for everybody listening to this that your esthetic,
Speaker 3: like the way that you look, is the least important
Speaker 3: quality of who you are as a person. I would
Speaker 3: hope that all the other things that make up who
Speaker 3: you are are better and more amazing than just the
Speaker 3: way you look, because like, I want that to be
Speaker 3: the most boring part of who I am.
Speaker 2: Also, you gave me some great advice a while ago
Speaker 2: that I very much took on board. Your dating profile photos,
Speaker 2: make them your version of like a seven. Don't make
Speaker 2: them your ten photos, because then surprise and alike exactly
Speaker 2: when they meet you in person, they're like, oh, you're
Speaker 2: even better. You're better than I thought you were going
Speaker 2: to be, and then it just sets you up for
Speaker 2: a great date.
Speaker 3: What's almost the opposite, isn't it. I feel like people
Speaker 3: set up their dating profiles and they always put their
Speaker 3: absolute ten out of ten out of ten photos on there.
Speaker 3: Then you live with this fear that people are not
Speaker 3: going to think you're as hot in real life as
Speaker 3: what you are on your photos because you've bagged them.
Speaker 3: Because if you're a profile, But then when you get there,
Speaker 3: you've got to really put on your A game. So
Speaker 3: I always think, like, don't be your best on an
Speaker 3: online dating app, Be like just just just a notch
Speaker 3: down from your best.
Speaker 2: Lower the bar for yourself.
Speaker 3: Yeah, lower your own bar a tiny bit, and then
Speaker 3: you will exceed expectations. And you could rock up wearing
Speaker 3: a potato sack and they'll be like, fuck, you look good.
Speaker 2: I think Valenciaga was selling that for like fifteen hundred
Speaker 2: dollars a bag dress. You look fabulous.
Speaker 3: You have well and truly outdone yourself. Okay, I have
Speaker 3: one another one, and I have a lot of feelings
Speaker 3: about this. So my husband asks for blowjobs way too much,
Speaker 3: I mean daily, and I'm all for giving blowjobs. Well,
Speaker 3: you're a better woman than I am, and I quite
Speaker 3: like doing it, to be honest, once again, a better
Speaker 3: woman than I am, but I like doing it when
Speaker 3: I fucking want to. The man will bargain for them.
Speaker 3: Picture an incoming text message at ten am when you're
Speaker 3: in a meeting at work. I'll give you a back
Speaker 3: massage tonight if you give me a blowjob, that's all
Speaker 3: well and good. I'm expected to commit to it at
Speaker 3: ten am in the morning, and I might not be
Speaker 3: in the mood by the end of the day, but
Speaker 3: he will remind me that I promised a blowjob. I
Speaker 3: have told him before to stop doing it because it
Speaker 3: makes it feel like a chore, and I'm not committing
Speaker 3: to sucking his dick several hours in advance. I love
Speaker 3: the man. He's a very good husband, but he's also
Speaker 3: very sensitive and his love language is absolutely sex help
Speaker 3: how do I draw the line gently without causing this
Speaker 3: sensitive sexual beast to feel unloved.
Speaker 2: Oh, sister, I feel for you because there is nothing
Speaker 2: that makes you like a sham. Wow. Might as well
Speaker 2: come in and dry you up. Based off of the
Speaker 2: thought of someone being like you told me six hours
Speaker 2: ago that you'd give me a blow shop tonight, I'd.
Speaker 3: Be like, fuck. Oh No, one wants to be badgered
Speaker 3: to do anything, especially not sex like like you said
Speaker 3: to me, you would give me a blowjob, so you
Speaker 3: have to do it. Okay great. I also said I
Speaker 3: was going to clean out the car this Saturday, and
Speaker 3: I might not do that either.
Speaker 2: I said I was going to go to the gym
Speaker 2: this morning and I slept in.
Speaker 3: Okay totally, And I really like that She said here
Speaker 3: that she tried to tell him that it makes it
Speaker 3: feel like a chore, because that's exactly what he's doing.
Speaker 3: He's making it a job for you.
Speaker 2: Yes, within our team, I am very much the.
Speaker 3: Blow job queen. Keisha is the blowjob queen.
Speaker 2: That sounds so fucking wanky, I have expressed within the
Speaker 2: comfort of our little office between you and brit Now,
Speaker 2: apparently with the rest of Australia and other parts of
Speaker 2: the world. I like doing that.
Speaker 3: What is but the reason sham well sleep in the
Speaker 3: carp I like giving blowjobs, but only because.
Speaker 2: It makes me feel really like powerful, and I love
Speaker 2: doing that as like an active service to them.
Speaker 3: This is the active service that I like.
Speaker 2: It's not because they've asked me to do it that
Speaker 2: completely changes the dynamic. Yeah, you were going to get
Speaker 2: one beforehand, but now that you've been like you told
Speaker 2: me you would, I'd be like, well, now I don't.
Speaker 3: Want to do it even more Well, because when you
Speaker 3: say I don't want to do it now, it's because
Speaker 3: you're reclaiming the power. So I think that this is
Speaker 3: a big point. I know you've already said to him
Speaker 3: that it makes it feel like a chore. But I
Speaker 3: think the other part of the conversation of this is
Speaker 3: that I think for a lot of people, when you
Speaker 3: give a blowjob, part of it is feeling powerful. Part
Speaker 3: of it is feeling like you're in control. You're in
Speaker 3: the driver's seat, like you know you're able to provide
Speaker 3: that pleasure. But you're also doing it because it's something
Speaker 3: that you're voluntarily wanting to do. You know, give it, yeah,
Speaker 3: and you want to give a gift willingly.
Speaker 2: I want to wrap that present and tie the bow
Speaker 2: whichever way I want.
Speaker 3: To do it, absolutely, And the thing is is that
Speaker 3: when he badges you for a blowjob, when he asks
Speaker 3: for them all the time or he's texting about them,
Speaker 3: it takes the power away from you. It no longer
Speaker 3: is you doing something because you have onus and you
Speaker 3: have agency and you have the choice to do it.
Speaker 3: You're now doing it because you feel forced into it,
Speaker 3: and it totally changes the whole dynamic of the reason
Speaker 3: why you wanted to do it in the first place.
Speaker 3: So I think it's really important to have the conversation
Speaker 3: around one how much you like doing it, but how
Speaker 3: much you dislike being told because him telling you that
Speaker 3: you need to do it and him badgering you for
Speaker 3: it makes it feel almost degrading in a sense as well.
Speaker 2: And we always talk about a shit sandwich. So you're
Speaker 2: going to go in with I really like giving you
Speaker 2: blowjobs then exactly what Laura said of the However, this
Speaker 2: can make me feel like it just takes away the
Speaker 2: fun of it. When you come to me, Yeah, it
Speaker 2: makes me feel a bit ick when you do that.
Speaker 2: So I would really love it if you would, just like,
Speaker 2: let it be a gift that I like to give you, Like,
Speaker 2: let that be a choice of mine, because I really
Speaker 2: enjoy doing it, but I just don't like doing it
Speaker 2: when you make me feel pressured to.
Speaker 3: And then the next follow up of this is reward
Speaker 3: good behavior. So when he doesn't ask for it, give
Speaker 3: them to him. And when he does ask for it
Speaker 3: and demands them and then says, you're a top right
Speaker 3: that you're not going to undoor it, so now I
Speaker 3: have to you don't give him it. Yes, And I
Speaker 3: think that that needs to become like part and parcel
Speaker 3: of this is like if he's gonna badge you to
Speaker 3: a point where you just do it in submission, and
Speaker 3: you just do it because like you just want him
Speaker 3: to stop, Like you have to stop doing that because
Speaker 3: he's going to continue to do that as well, which
Speaker 3: is super disrespectful.
Speaker 2: I think, Yeah, it's Pavlovian conditioning. Get their girlfriend, It's
Speaker 2: what Pavlovian conditioning. It's an actual psychological view. Might be
Speaker 2: getting a bit deep from that. Have you heard about
Speaker 2: that thing where they have the bell, they ring the
Speaker 2: bell and the dog gets given a stake right and
Speaker 2: then they end up teaching the dog that anytime they
Speaker 2: hear the bell, the dog starts salivating.
Speaker 3: Because he thinks he's gonna get a stay.
Speaker 2: It's all about the reward system. Yeah, so it's about
Speaker 2: the reward system exactly like what you just said. If
Speaker 2: you reward the bad behavior giving him a blowjob when
Speaker 2: he actually pesters you for it, he's got that's his
Speaker 2: reward process of like, he's going to know that that works,
Speaker 2: so he's going to keep doing that. So you need
Speaker 2: to cut that shit off.
Speaker 3: We're literally treating this man like he's a dog, but
Speaker 3: like right now he's behaving like one, so he's a
Speaker 3: psychological experiment. We're treating this man like he's a psychological experiment.
Speaker 3: Just to make this very clear, we don't. We're not
Speaker 3: calling your husband a dog. I'm sure he's amazing. I'm
Speaker 3: sure he's wonderful in many other ways, just not in
Speaker 3: his badgroom for sex anyway, guys, that is literally from us.
Speaker 3: We have been dropping some bonus episodes. You might have
Speaker 3: seen them. We've been dropping all of the live show
Speaker 3: chats into the feed from our Sydney Live show, which
Speaker 3: was last week. We've already put up chantal Otten and
Speaker 3: Janfran and coming up tomorrow we have two more which
Speaker 3: is matto'kine and also m Carey the Girl who Fell
Speaker 3: from the Sky. And can I just say, if you
Speaker 3: haven't heard of Matto Kine before, you haven't listened to
Speaker 3: any of his chats. The accidentally unfiltered story at the
Speaker 3: start of this episode that's going to drop tomorrow is
Speaker 3: possibly the funniest thing I have ever fucking heard in
Speaker 3: my entire life. And that's a big call. It is
Speaker 3: a big, big, big call. But I was on the
Speaker 3: floor dying.
Speaker 2: This makes you really excited because I haven't heard it
Speaker 2: because I was backstage with the people behind the stage
Speaker 2: getting like the mics and stuff for em ready to
Speaker 2: go on after Matt, So I haven't heard it yet,
Speaker 2: So I'm really excited to listen through.
Speaker 3: Have you ever tried to go down on yourself just
Speaker 3: to put you what? Have you ever tried to get
Speaker 3: your head between your own legs? No, except for in
Speaker 3: that yoga pose, you know, the candlestick one where you
Speaker 3: never tried when you were like fourteen or something, being
Speaker 3: like how close can I get you?
Speaker 2: Did?
Speaker 3: Well, I'm guessing it's just a guy thing, no, but
Speaker 3: matter kind did and it's really fucking great. Oh I
Speaker 3: can't wait for that.
Speaker 2: I also love the m Carrey. Like you said, we've
Speaker 2: spoken to her on the podcast before, we don't just
Speaker 2: want to kind of go over the same things, and
Speaker 2: you guys spoke about some really different aspects of her
Speaker 2: story and her life, and I did hear that part
Speaker 2: and it was fucking phenomenal. So I'm really excited for
Speaker 2: you guys who weren't able to go to the live
Speaker 2: show or to stream it to be able to hear it.
Speaker 3: So that is all coming up tomorrow, and that is
Speaker 3: it from us, guys. If you've loved the episode, you
Speaker 3: can jump on leave a review for producer Keishak here
Speaker 3: she is filling in for Brittany Hock.
Speaker 2: These only positive ones.
Speaker 3: My ego is, like, we all know she's got a
Speaker 3: praise king, and you know what today, Tell your mom,
Speaker 3: tell you dad, tell you don't tell your friends, and
Speaker 3: share the love because we are loved.