1 00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:06,519 Speaker 1: It's their Happy Families podcast. 2 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:10,320 Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just 3 00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:15,000 Speaker 2: once answers now. 4 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:19,360 Speaker 1: Okay, Kylie. Term four of twenty twenty four, crunch time 5 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,480 Speaker 1: for a whole lot of people. In fact, there's something 6 00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:25,680 Speaker 1: about end of school year, the pressure, the exams, the 7 00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:29,440 Speaker 1: report cards coming out. We really do take schooling seriously, 8 00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:31,720 Speaker 1: and for good reason. I'm in school does matter, and 9 00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:33,680 Speaker 1: yet one of the things that I'm consistently doing is 10 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:37,000 Speaker 1: railing against us taking school too seriously. I have a 11 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:41,400 Speaker 1: question for you as it pertains to end of year exams. Okay, 12 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:43,919 Speaker 1: In fact, it's not just end of year exams. There 13 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:47,760 Speaker 1: is one variable that researchers have found is positively associated 14 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,440 Speaker 1: with doing very well on exams. It's also associated with 15 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:53,080 Speaker 1: doing a well from a physical health point of view. 16 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:57,760 Speaker 1: People who possess this, or define or develop this attribute 17 00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:01,800 Speaker 1: this characteristic have much higher love of physical health. They 18 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:05,560 Speaker 1: are much less likely to experience any substance use or 19 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:09,200 Speaker 1: substance dependence. Their socio economic status tends to go up. 20 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:13,320 Speaker 1: They are more financially planful, they have higher income, They're 21 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:16,600 Speaker 1: less likely to have a criminal conviction. Just one thing, 22 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:19,160 Speaker 1: and I know that I'm putting you on the spot here. 23 00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:21,480 Speaker 1: We haven't been over this. You don't know what the 24 00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:23,200 Speaker 1: answer is, but I wanted to see if you had 25 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:25,399 Speaker 1: any idea what it could be if there was one 26 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:28,600 Speaker 1: attribute that someone had that was I mean, when you 27 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:31,120 Speaker 1: think about it, it's a performance enhancing drug, really, isn't 28 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:33,960 Speaker 1: it that can give you all of these brilliant positive 29 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:38,080 Speaker 1: outcomes in life, makes you more resilient. What would it be? 30 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:40,039 Speaker 2: Is it hope or. 31 00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:42,920 Speaker 1: I really like it? I hope people do tend to 32 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:46,880 Speaker 1: be physically healthier, but the strength of the association between 33 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:50,960 Speaker 1: things like income and socio economic status and even exam 34 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:55,200 Speaker 1: outcomes isn't quite as strong. It's not hope. It's actually 35 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,760 Speaker 1: two words. The first word is self. The second word 36 00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:01,240 Speaker 1: starts with C self control. Oh, oh my goodness, you've 37 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:01,560 Speaker 1: got it. 38 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:02,760 Speaker 2: Self control? 39 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:07,440 Speaker 1: Self control? Self control? Is this, like I said, it's 40 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:10,280 Speaker 1: like this performance enhancing drug. And if you want your 41 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:12,880 Speaker 1: children to thrive in life, then they need to see 42 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:16,799 Speaker 1: self control and action. They need to become appropriately self controlled. Now, 43 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:18,799 Speaker 1: you can always have too much of a good thing. 44 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:23,960 Speaker 1: Somebody who is overly self controlled, overly disciplined, can sometimes 45 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:26,679 Speaker 1: drive themselves into the ground. They give themselves a migraine 46 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,280 Speaker 1: every time they think about the next thing that they 47 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:32,120 Speaker 1: have to control. But self control is profoundly impactful when 48 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:36,880 Speaker 1: it comes to positive life outcomes, resilience, wellbeing, and staying 49 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:39,240 Speaker 1: away from the bad stuff in life while accumulating and 50 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:40,960 Speaker 1: moving in the direction of all the good stuff. 51 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:43,000 Speaker 2: So we're talking marshmallow test here. 52 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:45,440 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, here we are. For those of you who 53 00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:48,400 Speaker 1: are not familiar with the marshmallow test. Walter Michelle was 54 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:52,760 Speaker 1: a famous psychologist who decades and decades ago, sat kids 55 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:54,960 Speaker 1: in front of marshmallow and said, hey, you can have 56 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,040 Speaker 1: the marshmallow now, or if you can wait until I 57 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:01,280 Speaker 1: come back and don't touch that, I'll give you two. 58 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,640 Speaker 1: And what Michelle's research showed is that there was a 59 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:07,560 Speaker 1: relationship between those who ate the marshmallow straight away versus 60 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:11,400 Speaker 1: those who didn't and their successes in life the way 61 00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:13,440 Speaker 1: their life played out. Now, there's been a whole lot 62 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:16,320 Speaker 1: more research that complicates the picture quite a lot. It's 63 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:20,200 Speaker 1: not like your life's success is in the marshmallow that 64 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:21,680 Speaker 1: you chose to eat or not eat when you were 65 00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:25,240 Speaker 1: four years old. But that's the whole idea. Yeah, today's 66 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:29,320 Speaker 1: conversation is about how our children can develop self control. Well, yeah, 67 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:32,040 Speaker 1: develop self control and do well when it comes to 68 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:35,400 Speaker 1: their end of year exams. That's where we're going now. 69 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,720 Speaker 1: I do need to preface where we're headed by emphasizing 70 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:41,160 Speaker 1: the following. No matter how much we say that exams 71 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:43,000 Speaker 1: aren't that big of a deal and we don't need 72 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,720 Speaker 1: to worry that much about it, the overwhelming majority of 73 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:49,440 Speaker 1: parents do, Kylie. I do this thing in my Resilient 74 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:51,120 Speaker 1: seminar where I say to parents, put up your hand, 75 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:52,960 Speaker 1: if you were doing today what you thought you'd do 76 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:56,400 Speaker 1: when you finish high school? Would you say yes to that? 77 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:58,360 Speaker 1: By the way, what would you say, Are you doing 78 00:03:58,360 --> 00:03:59,840 Speaker 1: today what you thought you'd be doing when you finished 79 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:00,400 Speaker 1: tigh school? 80 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:01,200 Speaker 2: No way? 81 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:04,880 Speaker 1: Earning money as a podcaster? What did you think you 82 00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:06,440 Speaker 1: would do when you finished high school? I don't know 83 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:07,920 Speaker 1: if I've ever asked you it. 84 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:09,520 Speaker 2: Honestly, I thought I was going to be a mum. 85 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:11,400 Speaker 2: I thought i'd get married and have children. 86 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:14,400 Speaker 1: And oh, so you kind of, I mean, you mostly are. 87 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:17,080 Speaker 1: It's just that you're a lot busier you thought you'd be. 88 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:19,799 Speaker 1: There's a few extra correct rerectivities going on as well. 89 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:25,480 Speaker 1: When I asked that question. In seminars, around about ten 90 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,400 Speaker 1: percent of parents put up the hand. Ninety percent of 91 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,360 Speaker 1: parents are doing something different to what they thought they'd 92 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:31,280 Speaker 1: be doing. A lot of people get their degree if 93 00:04:31,279 --> 00:04:33,000 Speaker 1: they go to UNI, and then they go and do 94 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:34,520 Speaker 1: something else. A lot of people will go and get 95 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:36,159 Speaker 1: their trade and then they go and do something else. 96 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:40,120 Speaker 1: It's almost like we have no idea what we're planning 97 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:42,400 Speaker 1: on doing. When we're teenagers, we think we might have 98 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,680 Speaker 1: some idea, and then as we experience life we discover 99 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:47,440 Speaker 1: it was so wrong. So, I mean, my number one 100 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:50,880 Speaker 1: piece of advice for kids, especially year twelve kids who 101 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:52,400 Speaker 1: are about to do their year twelve exams in the 102 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:55,320 Speaker 1: next month or so. In fact, it's even less than 103 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:58,680 Speaker 1: that it's next week or so, is take the pressure off. 104 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:00,320 Speaker 1: It's not that big of a deal and you are 105 00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:02,880 Speaker 1: not your atar. But because there are a lot of 106 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,360 Speaker 1: people thinking about this and worrying about it, I thought 107 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:08,040 Speaker 1: that today would be a good conversation around exam success, 108 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:13,000 Speaker 1: strategies for exam success. How did you go with exams? 109 00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:15,520 Speaker 1: Did you have exam success in high school? 110 00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:20,159 Speaker 2: Oh? Bottomed out every time. Let's there was homemac hands on. 111 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:23,200 Speaker 1: I was going to ask you what your strategies are 112 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:26,360 Speaker 1: for exam success. I don't know if I should now, you. 113 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,160 Speaker 2: Know, it's interesting you talk about the fact that it's 114 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:32,119 Speaker 2: the parents who often stress out about exams so much, 115 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:35,159 Speaker 2: in spite of the fact that we have made it really, 116 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:38,599 Speaker 2: really clear in our home that exams, you know, are 117 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:42,360 Speaker 2: not the be all of your education. 118 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:44,720 Speaker 1: Sure, I mean, we let the kids know that we'd 119 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:46,560 Speaker 1: like them to do well, but this is not what 120 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:47,920 Speaker 1: life is about. 121 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:52,080 Speaker 2: Our seventeen year old has just gone through year eleven 122 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:58,080 Speaker 2: exams and has made yourself almost sick with anxiety over 123 00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:01,920 Speaker 2: doing well. It's just it's such a challenge and no 124 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:05,800 Speaker 2: matter what we do as parents, our children are going 125 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:06,440 Speaker 2: to feel things. 126 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:08,560 Speaker 1: It seems so funny to me, though, because I talked 127 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:10,280 Speaker 1: to so many parents who are like I just want 128 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:11,880 Speaker 1: them to do well. I just want them to do well, 129 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:14,400 Speaker 1: and they won't. There's no motivation, they won't have a go. 130 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,320 Speaker 1: And then there's parents like you and I, and we're 131 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:19,359 Speaker 1: not the only ones who are like you know what, kids, 132 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,920 Speaker 1: we believe in you, we trust in you, and we 133 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,120 Speaker 1: know that you do the best that you can. And 134 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:26,159 Speaker 1: the kids are going but I'm stressing out it's almost 135 00:06:26,279 --> 00:06:28,599 Speaker 1: like you get exactly the opposite of what you're looking 136 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,720 Speaker 1: for here. Wish our kids were a bit more like, yeah, 137 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,479 Speaker 1: we're fine. Oh we did have one. We did have 138 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:36,920 Speaker 1: one who was like, yeah, well we fine. Having said that, Kylie, 139 00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:39,960 Speaker 1: we're up to number four child, like our fourth daughter 140 00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:43,359 Speaker 1: is going into year twelve. Now, when you think about 141 00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:45,640 Speaker 1: the things that we've seen, go well, what would what 142 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:47,599 Speaker 1: would your top three bits of advice be for parents 143 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:51,440 Speaker 1: when it comes to guiding their kids through exam stress 144 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:52,560 Speaker 1: for exam success. 145 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:57,080 Speaker 2: Well, my top tip take your daughter for a massage, right, 146 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,960 Speaker 2: And I know you're laughing at me, I am very much. 147 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:04,760 Speaker 2: I think it's so important for us to teach our 148 00:07:04,839 --> 00:07:10,920 Speaker 2: kids self care. And when Annie was having an absolute meltdown, 149 00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:13,840 Speaker 2: she didn't know if she was gonna like, literally, she's 150 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:16,120 Speaker 2: hyper ventilating in the car. She was so stressed out 151 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:18,400 Speaker 2: about everything that was coming up. And I just said 152 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:21,000 Speaker 2: to her, Annie, you've got one more week to get through. 153 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:23,040 Speaker 2: Once we get through it, let's book you in for 154 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:25,840 Speaker 2: a massage. And you should have just seen the weight 155 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:29,480 Speaker 2: on her shoulders left right when she just knew that 156 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:30,800 Speaker 2: there was a light at the end of the tunnel 157 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:31,720 Speaker 2: something to look forward to. 158 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:34,440 Speaker 1: Sure, Okay, well I'll accept it. It's not what I 159 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:35,760 Speaker 1: was expecting, but I'll accept it. 160 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:39,840 Speaker 2: Number two, light in the load. If they've got significant 161 00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:43,200 Speaker 2: responsibilities in the house with siblings or you know, just 162 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:45,760 Speaker 2: kind of doing chores around the house, just lighten up 163 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:48,600 Speaker 2: a little bit. They don't get a free ride, but 164 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:52,360 Speaker 2: when things are really really stressful and there's lots going 165 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:55,480 Speaker 2: on for them as far as exams and assessments, due 166 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:57,200 Speaker 2: just lighting things up a little bit. 167 00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:00,120 Speaker 1: In fairness, if we flick this around and have look 168 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:02,400 Speaker 1: at how we are as adults when the pressure is 169 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:05,120 Speaker 1: on us, Like there are some times where we're really peaking, 170 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:08,000 Speaker 1: we're really under pressure, and what do we normally do 171 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:11,920 Speaker 1: We get takeout or we say to the family, I 172 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:13,520 Speaker 1: just need you to take some pressure off me for 173 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:15,120 Speaker 1: the next couple of days. I've got a lot on 174 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,680 Speaker 1: and then I'll be back and I'll make things work out. 175 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:20,440 Speaker 1: Like we do that as adults, well, at least we 176 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:24,440 Speaker 1: should if we're not. It's great if we can. The 177 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:26,239 Speaker 1: kids need that same benefit. 178 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:30,080 Speaker 2: And my number three tip, yeah, where possible help them 179 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:33,440 Speaker 2: to have a sense of balance in their lives. Sometimes 180 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:36,200 Speaker 2: when we get so worked up and so stressed out, 181 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:39,120 Speaker 2: our vision becomes very narrow and all we can see 182 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:41,240 Speaker 2: is what's right in front of us. And I think 183 00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:43,720 Speaker 2: it's really important for us to help our kids to 184 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:46,960 Speaker 2: recognize that while yes, you've got this exam coming up 185 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:50,480 Speaker 2: in two days time, you can't spend the next forty 186 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:54,080 Speaker 2: eight hours doing maths. It's just it's not it's not 187 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:57,160 Speaker 2: good for anyone. You can't. You can't cram and cram 188 00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:58,599 Speaker 2: and cram and cram and expect that you're going to 189 00:08:58,679 --> 00:09:01,040 Speaker 2: remember it all. You actually need to take a breath, 190 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:02,840 Speaker 2: You need to go out, you need to walk, You 191 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:04,640 Speaker 2: need to feel the sun on your skin, you need 192 00:09:04,679 --> 00:09:06,800 Speaker 2: to hear the birds saying you need to feel the wind. 193 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:09,920 Speaker 2: The whole lot like you, just help them to find balance. 194 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:11,880 Speaker 2: Spend time with some friends, even if it's just an 195 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:13,960 Speaker 2: hour to go out and have an ice cream. Just 196 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:17,880 Speaker 2: try and find a little bit of time to kind 197 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:20,000 Speaker 2: of just break the monotony of study. Up. 198 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:21,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, I was going to talk about balance as well. 199 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:24,000 Speaker 1: I think what you've said there is really wise. In 200 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:27,000 Speaker 1: just a second, I'm going to share I've got five 201 00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:28,960 Speaker 1: ideas well. I actually had one more. 202 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:30,120 Speaker 2: I know, I only said three. 203 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:30,640 Speaker 1: Yeah I did. 204 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:34,600 Speaker 2: But I think one of the things that made really 205 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:36,839 Speaker 2: big difference to Annie as she was stressing out about 206 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:38,680 Speaker 2: things was finding a tutor. 207 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:40,920 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, if you've got a child. 208 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:44,400 Speaker 2: And a particular subject, there's a stress point there. Finding someone, 209 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:47,320 Speaker 2: whether it's a paid tutor or a family friend or 210 00:09:47,559 --> 00:09:50,160 Speaker 2: a peer who can just help them work through it 211 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:53,120 Speaker 2: a little bit. Maybe it's even a teacher, makes such 212 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:56,040 Speaker 2: a difference to just lightening the load for them and 213 00:09:56,080 --> 00:10:00,559 Speaker 2: helping them to feel competent in that particular area. 214 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:08,440 Speaker 1: Okay, so we've heard Kylie's top four tips for reducing 215 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:12,360 Speaker 1: exam stress and guiding kids to exam success. I've got 216 00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:14,920 Speaker 1: five and I'm going to go through them in record time. 217 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:18,200 Speaker 1: I'll do it really fast. Do you tell me four? Well, 218 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:21,360 Speaker 1: I know, but I thought of another one. I just 219 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:25,480 Speaker 1: want to emphasize, really, really emphatically. We do make too 220 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:27,520 Speaker 1: much of a big deal about this. Do exams matter? Yeah, 221 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,920 Speaker 1: of course they do. Discore results matter absolutely. Is there 222 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:34,400 Speaker 1: a relationship between how much self control you have and 223 00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:37,559 Speaker 1: how will you do completely? And is there a relationship 224 00:10:37,559 --> 00:10:41,800 Speaker 1: between school outcomes and like Q and success in life? 225 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:42,040 Speaker 2: Yeah? 226 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:44,199 Speaker 1: There is so all of these things are related. They 227 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:47,320 Speaker 1: do matter, But what matters most of all is what 228 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:49,480 Speaker 1: we're doing in our home and how we're encouraging our 229 00:10:49,559 --> 00:10:52,040 Speaker 1: children to find ways to learn and grow and develop. 230 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:55,199 Speaker 1: And I mean, if you listen to this podcast, chances 231 00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:56,439 Speaker 1: are the kids probably going to be okay. 232 00:10:56,679 --> 00:10:56,880 Speaker 2: Right. 233 00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:00,760 Speaker 1: Our children have an innate design to grow and learn. 234 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:03,079 Speaker 1: If we just trust in that, it can makes such 235 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:06,079 Speaker 1: a difference. There's this great study by Landry and colleagues 236 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:08,400 Speaker 1: who look at this thing called organismic trust, and they 237 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:10,880 Speaker 1: just find the parents who trust in their children innate 238 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:14,160 Speaker 1: growth tendencies tend to have kids who really do grow 239 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:17,559 Speaker 1: and thrive and do really well. 240 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:21,760 Speaker 2: Yesterday, Chanell sent me a video of Indiana Sky, our 241 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:25,120 Speaker 2: one year old granddaughter. She's learning to walk at the moment, 242 00:11:25,679 --> 00:11:29,000 Speaker 2: and as she kind of stood up, she'd take a 243 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:33,000 Speaker 2: few steps, she'd stumble, she'd fall over, she'd stick a 244 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:35,040 Speaker 2: bum up in the air, and she'd get back up again. 245 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:37,800 Speaker 2: She did this for about five minutes. She thought it 246 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:42,400 Speaker 2: was hilarious time. She's so much fun. And yet somewhere 247 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:45,520 Speaker 2: along the line, as we enter into adolescence and then 248 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:50,280 Speaker 2: into early adulthood, we forget the joy in learning. And 249 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:53,920 Speaker 2: growing and trying. Here's a kid who has failed every 250 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:57,720 Speaker 2: three steps, but we don't call it failure at one. 251 00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:02,199 Speaker 2: And yet when we fail a teenager and then as 252 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:05,040 Speaker 2: an adult, we see it as the worst possible thing 253 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,800 Speaker 2: in the world. It's a wonderful opportunity to use as 254 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:10,480 Speaker 2: a stepping stone to move forward in our lives. 255 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:13,800 Speaker 1: And I could watch that video or ok, here I 256 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:17,000 Speaker 1: five things in rapid fire. Number one. Practice three is 257 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:19,600 Speaker 1: conversation with your teenager as they go into year eleven 258 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:21,480 Speaker 1: or year twelve, or as they prepare for the exams. 259 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:24,040 Speaker 1: Just sit down and say, hey, let me explore with you. 260 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:25,719 Speaker 1: What is it that you most want here, Like, what's 261 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:28,200 Speaker 1: most important to you. I'm not going to drive this bus. 262 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:29,840 Speaker 1: I'm going to let go of the wild. You're going 263 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:32,200 Speaker 1: to take the wild. You're going to drive this where 264 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:33,840 Speaker 1: do you want to take it? What's important to you. 265 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,720 Speaker 1: Once you've explored and listen really carefully, the next thing 266 00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:39,160 Speaker 1: to do is explain. So if they've got really low aspirations, 267 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:40,920 Speaker 1: you might explain how if they can put in a 268 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:42,760 Speaker 1: bit more effort, they're probably going to have better outcomes, 269 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:45,120 Speaker 1: which means that they've have more options in life. If 270 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:47,559 Speaker 1: they're pushing too hard, you might explain gently that you're 271 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,160 Speaker 1: really worried about them burning out and you want to 272 00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:51,520 Speaker 1: make sure that they're well being, in balance taken care of. 273 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,880 Speaker 1: But usually the explained section here will be pretty brief. Essentially, 274 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:56,800 Speaker 1: what you're going to do in your explain is say, 275 00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:58,960 Speaker 1: how am here to support you? Love where you're headed, 276 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,560 Speaker 1: really grateful for your drive and your ambition and the 277 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:03,480 Speaker 1: desires that you've got. And then the last thing that 278 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:06,079 Speaker 1: you do is empower them. And you empower them by saying, hey, 279 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:08,400 Speaker 1: what do you need to get there? How can we 280 00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:10,920 Speaker 1: support you? What is it that's going to make the 281 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:13,319 Speaker 1: biggest difference for you? So that's number one. 282 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:14,880 Speaker 2: That's number one. 283 00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:21,040 Speaker 1: You mock my wisdom, You're so funny. Number two is 284 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,600 Speaker 1: time management. I think the time management, especially if you're 285 00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:26,760 Speaker 1: raising and you're advergent child, this is just so tricky. 286 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:29,760 Speaker 1: And by sitting down and saying, hey, let's have a 287 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:31,439 Speaker 1: look at me. When I was in high school, I 288 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:34,320 Speaker 1: used to spend much more time Kylie putting together my 289 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:39,320 Speaker 1: schedule for study than I ever spent studying. I was 290 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,480 Speaker 1: really good at planning my time management, but I was 291 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:42,640 Speaker 1: not very good at managing the time. 292 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:45,160 Speaker 2: You saw the pretty colored pens. 293 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:48,680 Speaker 1: And the margin and all that again. Anyway, so working 294 00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:50,480 Speaker 1: on them with time management, and again this comes down 295 00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:52,480 Speaker 1: to that empowered conversation, how can I support you? What 296 00:13:52,559 --> 00:13:54,120 Speaker 1: is it that you need? Do you want to hand 297 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:56,480 Speaker 1: in your phone, your laptop? What can we do there? 298 00:13:57,120 --> 00:14:00,200 Speaker 1: Third thing, which is moving into something really practical, is 299 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:04,880 Speaker 1: teaching kids some decent breathing techniques, some anxiety reduction techniques. 300 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:06,920 Speaker 1: Because there's that thing you show up for the exam, 301 00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,840 Speaker 1: everyone's saying, did you study that thing that was on 302 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,880 Speaker 1: page fourteen? Did you re memorize that definition? And all 303 00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:14,360 Speaker 1: of a sudden your brain starts to explode. You just think, 304 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:16,320 Speaker 1: oh my goodness, I haven't done any of this. I 305 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,520 Speaker 1: know nothing about what I'm supposed to be doing. You 306 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:21,440 Speaker 1: step in high emotions, low intelligence. It's hard to access 307 00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:23,840 Speaker 1: the information that you need, and it's really really just 308 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:27,480 Speaker 1: hard to succeed at school. And so as a genuine 309 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:31,200 Speaker 1: exam success strategy, I tell the kids don't talk to 310 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:33,840 Speaker 1: anyone before the exam. But secondly, just sit down and 311 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:37,160 Speaker 1: take a few deep breaths and relax yourself and have 312 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:40,760 Speaker 1: that mindfulness moment. My big one though number four most 313 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:45,760 Speaker 1: important of all sleep. Kids just need enough sleep. 314 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:47,120 Speaker 2: I need enough sleep. 315 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:51,800 Speaker 1: We all need enough sleep. We're better, our brains work better, 316 00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:54,760 Speaker 1: things better if they get enough sleep. Work with them 317 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:56,240 Speaker 1: on that. It's a really big one. And last, but 318 00:14:56,320 --> 00:15:00,840 Speaker 1: not least, I called self control a performance enhancing drug. 319 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:02,880 Speaker 1: I think we need to model self control and encourage 320 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,600 Speaker 1: kids to practice self control. It will make all the difference. 321 00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:07,240 Speaker 1: It's what's going to help them to be mindful. It's 322 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,680 Speaker 1: going to help them be balanced, it's going to help 323 00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:10,280 Speaker 1: them use their time well, it's going to help them 324 00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:12,120 Speaker 1: to keep it together when they sit down in the 325 00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:14,600 Speaker 1: exam room. I feel like self control is really at 326 00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,120 Speaker 1: the core of all of this. So they're my top five. 327 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:17,840 Speaker 1: I did that really fast. Don't you proud of me? 328 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,680 Speaker 1: I am actually okay. Good luck for everyone who's got 329 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:23,800 Speaker 1: exams coming up, especially for our year twelve students. Sometime 330 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,520 Speaker 1: in the next week or so. In fact, I've got 331 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:29,280 Speaker 1: the dates right here. Exams New South Wales start next Tuesday, 332 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:33,560 Speaker 1: October fifteenth, Queensland October the twenty first, so about a 333 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:36,200 Speaker 1: week later the following Monday, and then just over a 334 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:38,960 Speaker 1: week after that we've got Victoria on the twenty ninth 335 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:41,080 Speaker 1: of October. Pretty much everyone in the country is going 336 00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:42,640 Speaker 1: to be doing exams over the next couple of weeks 337 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:46,000 Speaker 1: for year twelve. It's big time of the year. Good 338 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:49,840 Speaker 1: luck parents, good luck kids. And we hope that these 339 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:53,560 Speaker 1: ideas have been useful and helpful as you start to 340 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:56,920 Speaker 1: encounter everything associated with the year twelve exam season. The 341 00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,960 Speaker 1: Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Rulan from Bridge Meeting. 342 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:02,920 Speaker 1: More information about making your family happier is available at 343 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:05,040 Speaker 1: happy families dot com dot au.