1
00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:07,120
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

2
00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:10,120
Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.

3
00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:13,720
Speaker 2: Now every Tuesday we answer your questions. You can sentence

4
00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:16,640
Speaker 2: your questions via podcasts at Happy families dot com dot

5
00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:19,960
Speaker 2: you or Betty Yet Jump onto Happy families dot com

6
00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:23,119
Speaker 2: dot Au press the easy to use button where you

7
00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:25,639
Speaker 2: simply push the button and start talking and we'll do

8
00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:30,760
Speaker 2: our best to answer your questions. Today two questions, one

9
00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:34,480
Speaker 2: extremely serious and then the other about the everyday challenges

10
00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:35,239
Speaker 2: of parenting.

11
00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:39,479
Speaker 1: By now, everyone in Australia knows about the tragedy that

12
00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:43,360
Speaker 1: happened over the weekend at Bondi Junction. You've been doing

13
00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:48,360
Speaker 1: a lot of media around this. Number one question on

14
00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:51,360
Speaker 1: any parent's mind at this time or in time of

15
00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:54,560
Speaker 1: tragedy is how do I talk to my kids? What

16
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:57,520
Speaker 1: do I say to help alleviate the anxiety and worry,

17
00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:01,120
Speaker 1: grief if it is close to home, and deep sadness

18
00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:03,960
Speaker 1: that comes at times like this. What do we say?

19
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:06,720
Speaker 2: So I'm going to go back a step, and what

20
00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:09,200
Speaker 2: I want to really emphasize is that your children don't

21
00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:12,840
Speaker 2: need to see it. The rolling coverage, even when I've

22
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:14,679
Speaker 2: been on the TV and I've just been watching what's

23
00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:18,280
Speaker 2: happening in the studio. It is traumatizing, it is devastating.

24
00:01:18,319 --> 00:01:22,120
Speaker 2: It's horrific to watch this playing out. It's one thing

25
00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:25,840
Speaker 2: to hear about it. It's another thing entirely to watch it,

26
00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:29,959
Speaker 2: and it is frightening. I'm going to say this really clearly,

27
00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:31,720
Speaker 2: not just about the kids, but about you. If you

28
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,800
Speaker 2: listening to a Happy Families podcast right now, give yourself

29
00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:38,080
Speaker 2: a week away from the news because it is horrible.

30
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:42,319
Speaker 2: It's absolutely horrible. Just don't check the news sites, stay away,

31
00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:45,360
Speaker 2: give yourself a break. I'm sure that you've felt your

32
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:49,520
Speaker 2: anxiety increasing. I'm sure that it just feels absolutely terrifying.

33
00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:53,080
Speaker 2: Take a break, be outside, breathe, touch the grass, put

34
00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:56,480
Speaker 2: the phone away, do something other than watch the news,

35
00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:58,080
Speaker 2: because it's terrible for you. And it's the same with

36
00:01:58,120 --> 00:01:59,400
Speaker 2: the kids. They need to know that the world is

37
00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,160
Speaker 2: say from predict believe when it's not, and the best

38
00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:03,760
Speaker 2: thing that we can do for them is to keep

39
00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:06,040
Speaker 2: it away from them as much as possible.

40
00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:08,600
Speaker 1: So I guess the next step is what do we

41
00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:10,639
Speaker 1: actually say to our kids if they find out Because

42
00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:13,639
Speaker 1: the reality is, especially our kids in high school who

43
00:02:13,639 --> 00:02:16,200
Speaker 1: have got their own phones, it's coming through their feeds

44
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:20,079
Speaker 1: seeing it, they're talking about it. How do we actually

45
00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:22,880
Speaker 1: help alleviate the challenges that are associated with them being

46
00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:27,320
Speaker 1: aware of stuff that has the capacity to create high

47
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:28,880
Speaker 1: levels of anxiety and stress.

48
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:31,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I'm going to mention a handful of things.

49
00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:34,760
Speaker 2: First off, assuming that they have reasonable distance from the tragedy,

50
00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:39,000
Speaker 2: they're not personally affected. If your kids are seeing this,

51
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:41,880
Speaker 2: they're probably going to talk about it. So here's our

52
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:44,480
Speaker 2: job as parents. We need to Number one, acknowledge the

53
00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:46,640
Speaker 2: awfulness of it, and that's not hard. Just see, this

54
00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:51,000
Speaker 2: is terrible. This is just terrible. Number two, ask them

55
00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:53,800
Speaker 2: how it's made them feel. Say what you see in

56
00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:56,760
Speaker 2: terms of feelings. You seem really worried about this. This

57
00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:59,280
Speaker 2: seems like it's really freaked you out. You seem pretty upset.

58
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,560
Speaker 2: It seems like you don't want to go out as

59
00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:04,320
Speaker 2: a result of what you saw. If it's affecting them

60
00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:09,040
Speaker 2: that way, But wherever they're at, just acknowledge what you're seeing.

61
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:12,960
Speaker 2: Next thing, ask them if they have any questions. You've

62
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,760
Speaker 2: obviously seen this, you've obviously heard about it. What questions

63
00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:17,840
Speaker 2: do you have or what are the kids at school saying,

64
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:21,800
Speaker 2: or what has your conversation in your head been, what

65
00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:23,440
Speaker 2: do you want to talk about it in relation to it.

66
00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:25,480
Speaker 2: You're not trying to be their therapist. You're just asking

67
00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:26,480
Speaker 2: them what questions they have.

68
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:28,920
Speaker 1: So when a child comes to you with a question

69
00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:32,000
Speaker 1: that you don't have an answer to, especially at a

70
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:35,160
Speaker 1: time like this, and it's creating significant anxiety, what can

71
00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:37,840
Speaker 1: we as parents do? What do we say in that moment?

72
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:40,240
Speaker 2: I just think you answer really briefly, and you answer honestly,

73
00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:44,400
Speaker 2: You answer in an age appropriate way. Because they don't

74
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:46,680
Speaker 2: need everything. I talk about the fire hose all the time.

75
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,880
Speaker 2: Don't turn on the fire hose. When someone wants a drink.

76
00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:50,640
Speaker 2: Just give them a glass of water, let them have

77
00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:52,560
Speaker 2: a sip, and if they need to top up and

78
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,480
Speaker 2: give it to them because they ask for it. So

79
00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,960
Speaker 2: they don't need to know and hear everything. And the

80
00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:00,720
Speaker 2: reality is you probably don't know a whole lot, and

81
00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:02,600
Speaker 2: so don't make up answers. Just say I don't know.

82
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:05,119
Speaker 2: Get comfortable saying I don't know. I think that's perfectly

83
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,600
Speaker 2: fine to do. And for me, one of the biggest

84
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:10,400
Speaker 2: things that we can do, one of the centrally important

85
00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:13,800
Speaker 2: things that we can do is reassure the kids that

86
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:19,520
Speaker 2: this is unusual. This is staggeringly uncommon. I can think

87
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:24,560
Speaker 2: of two incidents that have been catastrophically tragic in Sydney

88
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:30,279
Speaker 2: let alone in Australia in the last dozen or so years.

89
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:33,960
Speaker 2: There was the Link Cafe siege, and there's what's happened

90
00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:37,479
Speaker 2: at Bondi Westfield. There may have been other things that

91
00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:39,720
Speaker 2: have happened. I mean, we can go back to nineteen

92
00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:42,760
Speaker 2: ninety six and Port Arthur. I guess my point is

93
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,800
Speaker 2: there are so few of these kinds of things that

94
00:04:45,839 --> 00:04:49,280
Speaker 2: happen in this country. It is a beautifully, wonderfully phenomenally

95
00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:53,040
Speaker 2: safe country, and our kids need to know that they've

96
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:55,560
Speaker 2: been to the shops so many times nothing like that

97
00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,560
Speaker 2: has ever happened to them. This is the only time

98
00:04:57,560 --> 00:05:00,200
Speaker 2: that we've heard of it happening. Let's get back out there,

99
00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:04,240
Speaker 2: let's get back on the horse. Avoidance reinforces anxiety, and

100
00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:06,560
Speaker 2: so I would be really really keen to number one,

101
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:10,240
Speaker 2: help them to avoid the news completely, because then there

102
00:05:10,279 --> 00:05:13,200
Speaker 2: won't be anxiety. But if they've seen it, get them

103
00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:16,240
Speaker 2: back into life as soon as you can, jump on

104
00:05:16,279 --> 00:05:17,760
Speaker 2: the bike, go for a ride, go to the park,

105
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:19,839
Speaker 2: Go to places where you know that you can feel

106
00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:22,840
Speaker 2: safe and get back into life.

107
00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:29,039
Speaker 1: Our second question comes from Kayleen. We love receiving your questions,

108
00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:30,880
Speaker 1: and if you've got one for us.

109
00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:32,599
Speaker 2: Go to Happy Families dot com dot you. We've got

110
00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:34,360
Speaker 2: a button that you can push and then you talk

111
00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:37,400
Speaker 2: about it button and people are starting to use it,

112
00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:39,360
Speaker 2: but I want everyone to use that. It's so good.

113
00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:41,880
Speaker 2: Push the button, start talking, tell us what's on your mind,

114
00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,200
Speaker 2: and we will do our best to answer your questions.

115
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:46,920
Speaker 1: Kaylen sent us an email and she said.

116
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:47,919
Speaker 2: Mae, yeah, she didn't use the button.

117
00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:51,679
Speaker 1: She said, my family isn't struggled town in a big way.

118
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:55,080
Speaker 1: I've heard you, and I'm working hard on connecting, getting

119
00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:57,800
Speaker 1: curious and all that stuff. But what are we supposed

120
00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,560
Speaker 1: to do when we are consistently met with I don't

121
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:04,880
Speaker 1: know nothing. I don't want to usually after being ignored

122
00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:08,440
Speaker 1: when making polite, respectful requests and then being yelled at

123
00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:12,200
Speaker 1: when you're holding the boundary or expectation. We simply can't

124
00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:15,200
Speaker 1: let them play, definitely when it's bedtime. We can't let

125
00:06:15,279 --> 00:06:18,400
Speaker 1: them never brush their teeth, hit one another, call each

126
00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:21,320
Speaker 1: other names, or speak to one another like their dirt

127
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:23,719
Speaker 1: under one another's feet. How do we work with this?

128
00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:26,320
Speaker 1: We're exhausted, and every day is about it.

129
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:29,640
Speaker 2: Lately, Kaylen added some contexts well, Kylie, she said that

130
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,839
Speaker 2: they've got three kids at home, six, eight, and fourteen,

131
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:34,560
Speaker 2: and there's a lot of neurodivergence in the family. Really

132
00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:37,600
Speaker 2: wanting everyone to feel happier and respected and considered. But

133
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:41,200
Speaker 2: you can hear how challenging this is. So I'm hearing

134
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:44,320
Speaker 2: Kayleen's plea, and there are a couple of things that

135
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:47,560
Speaker 2: stand out to me. First off, timing is everything. When

136
00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:49,720
Speaker 2: we try to talk to our children and they're emotional,

137
00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:54,880
Speaker 2: we tend to get responses like I don't know and nothing,

138
00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:59,240
Speaker 2: and I don't want to Our timing matters enormously. Now,

139
00:06:59,279 --> 00:07:01,640
Speaker 2: I know that's not the crux of what Kaylin's asking,

140
00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:03,920
Speaker 2: but I wanted to highlight that because if the kids

141
00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:06,400
Speaker 2: are a bit emotional, if they're really engaged in what

142
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:08,839
Speaker 2: they're doing, we're not going to be able to have

143
00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:11,240
Speaker 2: productive and effective conversations with them. We're going to get

144
00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:14,320
Speaker 2: reactions that are uncomfortable and difficult and annoying and frustrating

145
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:21,040
Speaker 2: and often inflammatory. High emotions, low intelligence. Sometimes you do

146
00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:22,720
Speaker 2: just have to deal with it in the moment. But

147
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:26,200
Speaker 2: what I would encourage, where possible is deal with challenges

148
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:29,480
Speaker 2: at appropriate times, at good times, at times where everybody's

149
00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:32,000
Speaker 2: in the mood for having a conversation and is available

150
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,560
Speaker 2: to talk, rather than in the moment.

151
00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:38,320
Speaker 1: When I'm reading this, I may have this wrong, but

152
00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:43,200
Speaker 1: I kind of feel like there is this tendency to

153
00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:47,000
Speaker 1: want to be this gentle, loving parent and not raise

154
00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:49,880
Speaker 1: our voices, and we feel like the only way we

155
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:53,040
Speaker 1: can do that when our kids push back is to

156
00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:59,480
Speaker 1: acquiesce and let them keep going. But what happens when

157
00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:03,520
Speaker 1: in moment we're stuck with a kid who keeps hurting

158
00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:06,160
Speaker 1: their sibling and we're trying our best to be respectful

159
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:09,800
Speaker 1: and be kind and help. How do we actually deal

160
00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:12,679
Speaker 1: with things in the moment? Because you're saying timing matters

161
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:18,640
Speaker 1: and we can't always have these beautiful, thought provoking conversations

162
00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:21,560
Speaker 1: with the kids. Tell me about your feelings, So what

163
00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:22,520
Speaker 1: happens in the moment.

164
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,080
Speaker 2: In the moment, I think we need to remember that

165
00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:27,480
Speaker 2: sometimes there's just no such thing as perfect. I mean,

166
00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:29,840
Speaker 2: every now and again, I'll tell a story where I've

167
00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:32,240
Speaker 2: nailed it, or you've nailed or another parent has just

168
00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:35,800
Speaker 2: gotten this so right. But most of the time perfect

169
00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:38,640
Speaker 2: doesn't exist, and the more we push for perfect, the

170
00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:41,200
Speaker 2: more frustrated we will be at ourselves and also at

171
00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:45,480
Speaker 2: our children for ruining our otherwise perfect and well planned lives.

172
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,480
Speaker 2: We sometimes just have to do what we have to

173
00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:52,439
Speaker 2: do to get kids out of trouble or to There

174
00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:54,440
Speaker 2: are times where I had to pick up a child

175
00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:56,400
Speaker 2: and literally put them over my shoulder and carry them

176
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:57,800
Speaker 2: out of the shops, or carry them out of the park,

177
00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:00,560
Speaker 2: or carry them out of wherever it is that cousin's

178
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:03,679
Speaker 2: house because they were refusing to leave. And I want

179
00:09:03,679 --> 00:09:05,040
Speaker 2: to be kind, I want to be really gentle, I

180
00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:07,560
Speaker 2: want to be compassionate with my children, but sometimes they

181
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:09,320
Speaker 2: just have to get in the car, or sometimes they

182
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:11,640
Speaker 2: do just have to go to bed. It doesn't ever

183
00:09:11,679 --> 00:09:14,880
Speaker 2: feel good to be overly controlling and forceful, but sometimes

184
00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:16,520
Speaker 2: we need to do that. We want to do it

185
00:09:16,559 --> 00:09:18,240
Speaker 2: as gently as we can, We want to do it

186
00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:21,440
Speaker 2: as softly and considerately and compassionate as we can, but

187
00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:24,920
Speaker 2: sometimes we just need a result, and in that case

188
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:29,280
Speaker 2: we have to take it. The thing is, though those

189
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:34,719
Speaker 2: instances are rare, they are vanishingly small if we can

190
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:38,440
Speaker 2: set things up ahead of time and be proactive, And

191
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:41,760
Speaker 2: that's probably where I'd like to focus. You and I

192
00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:46,040
Speaker 2: have spoken many many times about how rather than addressing

193
00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:49,080
Speaker 2: things in the moment, we'll address things on the weekend.

194
00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:51,160
Speaker 2: We sit down and have our family meeting on a Sunday,

195
00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:53,360
Speaker 2: and we say to the kids, what's gone well this week,

196
00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:57,120
Speaker 2: let's celebrate us successes. What hasn't gone well? Oh yeah,

197
00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:59,040
Speaker 2: there's been a lot of this happening, or there's been

198
00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:02,240
Speaker 2: a lot of that happening. And it's a non targeted

199
00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:05,680
Speaker 2: way to address the challenges in the family and then

200
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:08,160
Speaker 2: make plans. All right, what's one thing we're going to

201
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:09,880
Speaker 2: work on this week so that we can make our

202
00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:13,160
Speaker 2: family feel better, get everyone aligned, everyone on the same page,

203
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,439
Speaker 2: and put together a plan. Yeah, we're going to work

204
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:17,520
Speaker 2: on being kind of okay, what are two or three

205
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,880
Speaker 2: strategies that we can implement to get this right?

206
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,320
Speaker 1: Well, I just want to add some clarity because you've

207
00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:26,240
Speaker 1: acknowledged that we don't deal with things in the moment. Yeah,

208
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:30,559
Speaker 1: And the reality is that all of those situations need

209
00:10:30,679 --> 00:10:33,880
Speaker 1: to be dealt with in the moment, but the conversations

210
00:10:34,559 --> 00:10:38,040
Speaker 1: where learning takes place. Don't happen in those moments.

211
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,160
Speaker 2: What a great way to say it. Yeah, yeah, don't

212
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,480
Speaker 2: get rational in the moment, just deal with things.

213
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:46,200
Speaker 1: So one of the things that I absolutely love about

214
00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:49,920
Speaker 1: our family meetings is it's actually, in some ways, the

215
00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:53,240
Speaker 1: kids are running the conversation. It's not you and I

216
00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:55,800
Speaker 1: sitting up the front of the room and saying, Okay,

217
00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:58,200
Speaker 1: here's what I've seen kids, this is what we're upset

218
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,320
Speaker 1: about this week. This is what hasn't gone well. You

219
00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:04,280
Speaker 1: didn't do that. There is none of that. We sit

220
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:06,560
Speaker 1: down and we actually ask the kids. We're the last

221
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:09,800
Speaker 1: ones to speak in that conversation. We ask the kids

222
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:13,439
Speaker 1: what they have seen has gone really well. We celebrate

223
00:11:13,559 --> 00:11:17,360
Speaker 1: the successes, and we're able to do that together. Then

224
00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:20,440
Speaker 1: when we ask them what didn't go well, it's them

225
00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:24,239
Speaker 1: who leads the conversation. They are the ones who recognize

226
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:27,559
Speaker 1: and know that things don't feel great when we're at

227
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:30,559
Speaker 1: each other, and there is an absolute acknowledgment that they

228
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:33,199
Speaker 1: take part in that process to.

229
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:34,560
Speaker 2: The extent that we can as well. We do have

230
00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:37,480
Speaker 2: treats during this conversation. Like this family meeting is meant

231
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:41,400
Speaker 2: to be an easy, fun conversation about helping our family

232
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:43,400
Speaker 2: to function better, and so we do everything we can

233
00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:45,880
Speaker 2: in that meeting to help the kids want to be

234
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:48,720
Speaker 2: there and enjoy the opportunity that they have a voice

235
00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:50,520
Speaker 2: in the way the family operates.

236
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,440
Speaker 1: And then when it comes to that third question, what

237
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:56,160
Speaker 1: are we going to focus on this week, it's the kids.

238
00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:58,720
Speaker 1: They look at the list, they see what's gone wrong

239
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:01,360
Speaker 1: during the week or what has hasn't gone well, and

240
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,360
Speaker 1: they're the ones who want to rectify it. We haven't

241
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,040
Speaker 1: been really kind to each other this week, and our

242
00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:10,480
Speaker 1: home hasn't felt great. I think that that is where

243
00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:15,000
Speaker 1: the power comes from having those meetings.

244
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,640
Speaker 2: So Kaylin, what I would say is when the kids

245
00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:19,960
Speaker 2: are ignoring you, or when the kids say I don't know,

246
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,680
Speaker 2: or when the kids say nothing. As a parent, it's

247
00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:27,960
Speaker 2: your job to hold lines, hold boundaries, be considerate, consider timing,

248
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,360
Speaker 2: considering your children's emotional state. Look at whether they've got

249
00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:32,120
Speaker 2: food in their berey, how tired they are, all those

250
00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:36,720
Speaker 2: sorts of things, and respond accordingly. But results are necessary.

251
00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:39,960
Speaker 2: When it's bedtime, it's bedtime, so work out what needs

252
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,800
Speaker 2: to happen. Or if the kids are calling each other names,

253
00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:44,640
Speaker 2: intervene but do it as gently as you can and

254
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:47,240
Speaker 2: then kick it down the road. And on Sunday you

255
00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:49,679
Speaker 2: have that family meeting. What went well, what didn't? What

256
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:53,080
Speaker 2: can we work on? And bit by bit things improve

257
00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:56,560
Speaker 2: and then you backslide, and then they improve, and then

258
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:59,959
Speaker 2: you backslide and then they improve. That's family life.

259
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,680
Speaker 1: And that's again where the power comes in those regular

260
00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:07,160
Speaker 1: family meetings because there's accountability. Everyone's held to a level

261
00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:08,040
Speaker 1: of accountability.

262
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,200
Speaker 2: So, Kaylene, we really hope that that helps to answer

263
00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:13,760
Speaker 2: those questions that you have. Good luck. Look, parenting life,

264
00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:18,120
Speaker 2: family life, it is messy, It really is challenging. But

265
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:20,560
Speaker 2: but but hopefully those principles will be useful for you.

266
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:22,880
Speaker 2: If you have questions for us, please jump onto Happy

267
00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:25,240
Speaker 2: families dot com dot you use the button talk to us,

268
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:27,240
Speaker 2: let us know what's on your mind. The more prepared

269
00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:29,880
Speaker 2: you are with your question, the easier it will be

270
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:33,199
Speaker 2: for us to put you on the podcast and answer

271
00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:36,559
Speaker 2: your questions to make your family function better. Tomorrow a

272
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:40,719
Speaker 2: really important conversation about pregnancy and infant loss. And then

273
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:44,560
Speaker 2: on Thursday this week in parenting our favorite podcast ever.

274
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:47,360
Speaker 2: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Rawan from

275
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:50,400
Speaker 2: Bridge Media Craig Bruce is our executive producer. To make

276
00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:53,960
Speaker 2: your family happier, please visit happyfamilies dot com dot au

277
00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:57,880
Speaker 2: for all the resources you need for a flourishing family