1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:01,760 Speaker 1: Hey you not for that? Everyone? 2 00:00:02,840 --> 00:00:07,760 Speaker 2: Bye very Will and what in line from the Adelaide Fringe, 3 00:00:08,119 --> 00:00:11,719 Speaker 2: The Wonderland's Eagle ten from Tallest Towns Competition. 4 00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:16,680 Speaker 1: We are here on thanks to seek the. 5 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:20,160 Speaker 2: Sufter known and we are very excited to introduce you 6 00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:21,440 Speaker 2: some stories. 7 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:32,000 Speaker 3: Will and Woody present the Squreliest Tallest Tale. 8 00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:36,159 Speaker 2: Explore Australia's biggest arts festival, Adelaide Fringe, from sixteen to 9 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:37,000 Speaker 2: March seventeen. 10 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,880 Speaker 1: Tickets at Adelaide Fringe dot com dot ain't you four 11 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:40,840 Speaker 1: finalists wards. 12 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,360 Speaker 2: We've got the story about the dock getting serviced. 13 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:45,360 Speaker 1: We've got the story about the Chinese delivery driver. 14 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:47,960 Speaker 2: We have got the story about the ring on the 15 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:52,199 Speaker 2: on the on the wang, the human hookie, and we 16 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:54,800 Speaker 2: have got the story about Tom Jones taking a poo 17 00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:56,680 Speaker 2: in the outbank. 18 00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:58,680 Speaker 4: Who's excited about those stories? 19 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:02,520 Speaker 1: Tom Jones is actually here in a few weeks. Did 20 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:02,880 Speaker 1: you know that? 21 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:04,720 Speaker 4: I didn't know Tom Jones is going to be here. 22 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:08,280 Speaker 4: He's back just to take a poop, just for one time. 23 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:09,400 Speaker 4: Loves going to the toilet. 24 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:12,240 Speaker 2: Here a quick reminder too, people, I know you guys 25 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:14,160 Speaker 2: are very excited for please give a rind of applause, 26 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,360 Speaker 2: a huge geer adelaide four. 27 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,640 Speaker 1: Our two guests, Claire, who. 28 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:23,760 Speaker 2: Is going to be telling your story tonight, and Merrik 29 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:25,000 Speaker 2: Watts is also going. 30 00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:25,720 Speaker 1: To be down here. 31 00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:29,120 Speaker 5: The kind of story you're going to hear A something 32 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:30,800 Speaker 5: like this got. 33 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:32,000 Speaker 6: Into this gentleman's room. 34 00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:32,959 Speaker 7: I've asked you consent. 35 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:33,800 Speaker 8: Look, is it okay? 36 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:35,160 Speaker 9: I've just been asked to do some. 37 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:38,679 Speaker 10: Observations, pulled his blankets down, pulled his jocks down. 38 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:41,680 Speaker 11: The nurse who I've been shadowing, goes. 39 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,720 Speaker 7: There's no such thing as what you've just done. 40 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,960 Speaker 12: You've just fondled an old man half a million dollars 41 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:48,440 Speaker 12: outside is that gate? 42 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:49,240 Speaker 1: Wow? 43 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:50,040 Speaker 13: As you do? 44 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:54,200 Speaker 7: You picked it up, started walking side ten big cloaths 45 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:55,320 Speaker 7: had jumped on him. 46 00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:58,320 Speaker 5: And the police officers. 47 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:01,800 Speaker 3: It was a sting wow, playing hit a really really 48 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:03,520 Speaker 3: strong gust of turbulence. 49 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:04,520 Speaker 1: My grabs. 50 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:07,760 Speaker 3: Another passenger said, to play right off. 51 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:13,040 Speaker 9: My dog's painting had a problem with his willie, So 52 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:17,120 Speaker 9: I gave him that a call. She gave him and she. 53 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:19,080 Speaker 2: Was like, cool, it's all. 54 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:24,040 Speaker 4: Sorted you you've got you tell us that. 55 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:28,120 Speaker 5: Before we crack into the stories that have been organized. 56 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:30,280 Speaker 5: There is a woman here who claims to have an 57 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:32,040 Speaker 5: amazing story about worms. 58 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:34,400 Speaker 4: Yeah, I just think it's a great warm up. Who 59 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:41,360 Speaker 4: wants to hear the worm story? They've spoken, We're doing it. Okay, 60 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:43,160 Speaker 4: Now let's keep this short and sharp. 61 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:46,120 Speaker 2: That keep in mind that Claire Hooper's up next, and 62 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:47,720 Speaker 2: you know, like she's actually you know. 63 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:50,440 Speaker 4: Yeah, well, just a quick worm story, all right. Well, yeah, 64 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:51,480 Speaker 4: it's not the warm up act. 65 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:53,359 Speaker 1: I'll cut it off whenever I choose. 66 00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:55,280 Speaker 14: All right. So I was playing minie pool table with 67 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:57,680 Speaker 14: my cousins and it was not my turn, so I 68 00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:00,280 Speaker 14: passed the pool cute in the next peasant when to 69 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:01,919 Speaker 14: go sit on the end of the bed, missed the 70 00:03:01,919 --> 00:03:04,639 Speaker 14: bed completely, sat on a baby doll cot like a 71 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:07,360 Speaker 14: four post in one, went right up my backside, and 72 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:10,120 Speaker 14: I was winded for like about six and a half hours. 73 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:10,440 Speaker 6: I was like. 74 00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:14,040 Speaker 14: The moment finally decided to take me to the hospital. 75 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:16,080 Speaker 14: When I got to the hospital, the doctor said, now, 76 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:16,880 Speaker 14: bend over, darling. 77 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:17,440 Speaker 15: So I did. 78 00:03:17,639 --> 00:03:19,840 Speaker 14: I bend over, and then he grabbed my backside, opened 79 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:21,880 Speaker 14: it up, and then he grabbed his shiny torch and 80 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:24,320 Speaker 14: he just flashed it up my backside and he goes, well, 81 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:27,359 Speaker 14: I can tell you something love She's definitely got worms. 82 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:31,560 Speaker 1: A story. 83 00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:41,080 Speaker 2: We have the pleasure of joining us here at the 84 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:42,440 Speaker 2: Spiegels this afternoon. 85 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:44,360 Speaker 1: Adelaide, please give it up for Clare. 86 00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:51,880 Speaker 6: Just hear him win the ten grand guys. 87 00:03:53,480 --> 00:04:00,680 Speaker 10: I've got a great story about a worm. Now, I've 88 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:03,400 Speaker 10: got a story about Christmas in New Zealand. My husband's room, 89 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:07,520 Speaker 10: New Zealand, and we went over there with the two kids. 90 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:09,760 Speaker 10: And what you need to know before I tell you 91 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:14,080 Speaker 10: this story is that Number one, I don't like my 92 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:16,480 Speaker 10: husband in anything except a black T shirt and jeans. 93 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:18,160 Speaker 10: You know, some people like roleplay and I'm like, good 94 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:19,320 Speaker 10: for you, but I'm not interested. 95 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:19,880 Speaker 4: No, thank you. 96 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,760 Speaker 10: If I like, honestly, even in the nude, I'm like, 97 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:24,719 Speaker 10: put your T shirt and jeans back on your pervert. 98 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:28,960 Speaker 10: You know, like if I wanted to kiss somebody wearing 99 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:32,400 Speaker 10: a policeman's uniform carrying a plastic gun, I would have 100 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:35,200 Speaker 10: married a kindergartener. Okay, so T shirt and jeans, thank 101 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:35,839 Speaker 10: you anyway. 102 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:37,360 Speaker 6: So the other thing you. 103 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,480 Speaker 10: Need to know is that when it comes to parenting, 104 00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:42,520 Speaker 10: I'm a bit of a hero. Okay. So it's our 105 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:45,640 Speaker 10: last day in New Zealand and my husband's cousin decides 106 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:49,120 Speaker 10: to go out collecting flounder and muscles and power and 107 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:51,760 Speaker 10: like this big seafood feast, and so he needs someone 108 00:04:51,839 --> 00:04:54,960 Speaker 10: to double the quota. So he makes my husband come out, 109 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:58,839 Speaker 10: sit in the tinny, don't touch anything, just double the quota, 110 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,839 Speaker 10: and he loans him a wetsuit. 111 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:03,799 Speaker 6: Like yuck. 112 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:05,880 Speaker 10: Right, I didn't have to see it until the very end. 113 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:07,760 Speaker 10: We went and joined them on the beach when they 114 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:10,200 Speaker 10: were wrapping up, and we drive up with my two 115 00:05:10,279 --> 00:05:12,839 Speaker 10: kids in the back, and my little kid sees my 116 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:16,719 Speaker 10: husband in a wet suit and she goes, Daddy looks different, 117 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,760 Speaker 10: and I was like, yeah, I know. I didn't know 118 00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:21,960 Speaker 10: wetsuits could be skimpy. 119 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:22,400 Speaker 6: Right. 120 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:25,200 Speaker 10: It was like full legs but kind of a single 121 00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:27,760 Speaker 10: at top like underwater. Later hosen like I could see 122 00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:30,400 Speaker 10: side boob. No, cover it up, Please put. 123 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:30,880 Speaker 6: A T shirt on. 124 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,200 Speaker 10: Daddy looks different, yes, babe, because some things you can 125 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,719 Speaker 10: put on your body make you look more nude than nude. 126 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:40,760 Speaker 10: And can't quite put my finger on what's wrong. And 127 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:43,599 Speaker 10: I'm certainly never going to again anyway. So we're at 128 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:46,479 Speaker 10: the beach and my daughters usually love the beach, but 129 00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:50,599 Speaker 10: my oldest one has seen a beached stingray and the 130 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:53,080 Speaker 10: tide's coming in, but every wave just lifts this sting 131 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,480 Speaker 10: ray further up the beach, and its sides are flapping 132 00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:58,440 Speaker 10: and its stingers thrashing, and it's blowholes gasping, and my 133 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:02,120 Speaker 10: daughter's so distressed by it. And I'm like, babe, if 134 00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:03,719 Speaker 10: you can't fix it, just look away. 135 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:05,440 Speaker 6: That's what grown ups do, right. 136 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:08,440 Speaker 10: But she won't stop looking at it, and she's moaning 137 00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:10,360 Speaker 10: and crying, and so I put my arm around her. 138 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:12,839 Speaker 10: And because I'm a hero, sometimes heroes teach you when 139 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:15,440 Speaker 10: to go up, give up. And I was like, babe, 140 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:19,000 Speaker 10: there's nothing we can do. Every Day in nature, things 141 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,839 Speaker 10: are born and things die. Because I'm a hero, and 142 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:24,040 Speaker 10: she's calming down. And then I see my husband and 143 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:28,200 Speaker 10: his cousin in their horrible skimpy wetsuits running towards us. 144 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:31,040 Speaker 10: They've got and all in each hand that they fished 145 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,080 Speaker 10: out the back of the tinney that's on land now, 146 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:34,680 Speaker 10: and they're running towards us with oars, and I'm like, 147 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:36,360 Speaker 10: this better not be or putting it out of its 148 00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:39,279 Speaker 10: misery situation, mate, because I've just calmed things down, Like 149 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:41,040 Speaker 10: what do they think they're going to do with two oars. 150 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:44,080 Speaker 10: It is the size of a giant Bunning's umbrella. Like, 151 00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:45,560 Speaker 10: what are they going to do? Flip it like a 152 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:47,800 Speaker 10: pancake back into the what? Tap it on the butt 153 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:50,560 Speaker 10: gently until it giggles its way back into the surf. No, 154 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:53,919 Speaker 10: thank you, there's nothing you can do here. Anyway. My cousin, 155 00:06:54,279 --> 00:06:56,520 Speaker 10: I'm his cousin and my husband they stood next to 156 00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:59,480 Speaker 10: the stingray with their oars, and every time a wave came, 157 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:03,520 Speaker 10: they just gently lifted it two inches closer to the ocean. 158 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:06,000 Speaker 10: It was the slowest. Everybody on the beach was watching, 159 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:10,280 Speaker 10: and eventually a wave caught it and the stingray shot 160 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:13,480 Speaker 10: into the ocean, and my daughter ran into his arms 161 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:16,520 Speaker 10: and I got a bit of salt water in my eye, 162 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:19,520 Speaker 10: but don't worry. I wasn't tears or anything. And my 163 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,600 Speaker 10: husband told me what his cousin said to him as 164 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:25,240 Speaker 10: they leaned over into the tinney to get the tours 165 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:27,920 Speaker 10: from where they were stored next to the spearfishing gun 166 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,800 Speaker 10: and the seven tons of dead seafood. He just said, 167 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:34,120 Speaker 10: you're going to look like a hero in your daughter's eyes, and. 168 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:36,360 Speaker 4: So beautiful. 169 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:38,600 Speaker 10: Anyway, we flew home and the next day I caught 170 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:42,640 Speaker 10: my husband googling on his phone is it okay to 171 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:44,320 Speaker 10: piss in someone else's wetsuit? 172 00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:46,840 Speaker 11: So now he's a hero. 173 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:47,600 Speaker 6: In my eyes too. 174 00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:54,480 Speaker 1: Thank you so nice. 175 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:58,120 Speaker 4: But it's time to hear that first story. And I 176 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:03,320 Speaker 4: believe the first story teller. Get up your mal makes 177 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:04,200 Speaker 4: a noisemeu. 178 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:09,720 Speaker 7: Take it away, mal adelaide, How are you thanks for 179 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:17,440 Speaker 7: having me today? So for anybody, their most magical day 180 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:18,880 Speaker 7: is their engagement. 181 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:19,720 Speaker 6: Am I right? 182 00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:25,280 Speaker 7: My partner of two years took me into the Star 183 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:30,000 Speaker 7: City Casino in Sydney, great evening to begin checked in. 184 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:33,400 Speaker 7: Everything's great. I don't know what I was expecting, certainly 185 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:36,200 Speaker 7: not what I got. And he's in the bedroom. I've 186 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:39,880 Speaker 7: come out of the bathroom, my partner standing in the 187 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:45,760 Speaker 7: beautiful water view Darling Harbor Star City Casino and he 188 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:50,600 Speaker 7: turns around and he drops his pants. Now this is 189 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:53,880 Speaker 7: not where this is not That wasn't the issue. What 190 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:58,000 Speaker 7: I noticed first was a pool of blood on his crutch. 191 00:08:58,559 --> 00:09:03,200 Speaker 7: To further investigate, I'm looking beyond the blood and I 192 00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:11,480 Speaker 7: see an engagement ring attached by a ribbon. Yes, he's panicking. 193 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:17,480 Speaker 7: I'm panicking. We're all panicking here there's blood. Of course, 194 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:21,000 Speaker 7: I call front desk. We need help, We need an emergency. 195 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:25,400 Speaker 7: There's blood everywhere. Send help. The next thing, we've got 196 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:29,280 Speaker 7: the front desk, we've got the manager, we've got the cleaner, 197 00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:33,839 Speaker 7: and we have an ambulance. And my partner had at 198 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:37,000 Speaker 7: the time ripped He's pulled his pants down and he's 199 00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:39,200 Speaker 7: ripped the edge of his. 200 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:41,440 Speaker 6: Foreskin on the ribbon. 201 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:45,040 Speaker 7: We end up in an ambulance ride to raw Nor 202 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:46,000 Speaker 7: Show Hospital. 203 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:47,840 Speaker 12: The nurse comes in, she goes, it's. 204 00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:49,400 Speaker 6: Bad, It's really bad. 205 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:53,439 Speaker 7: He's going to need an emergency circumcision. I'm thinking, oh 206 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:55,800 Speaker 7: my gosh, do you want to see the ring? I said, no, 207 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:58,880 Speaker 7: I don't want to see the ring. Put it in 208 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:04,480 Speaker 7: a doggie bag. The next thing, the relationship ended there 209 00:10:04,679 --> 00:10:09,400 Speaker 7: because me thinking future, get your engagement ring Instagram, Oh engage. 210 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:12,600 Speaker 7: How did he propose to you? Well, you know you 211 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:14,200 Speaker 7: don't want to hear that, dad, darling, how did he 212 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:17,000 Speaker 7: propose to you? Fast forward a few years we have 213 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:20,960 Speaker 7: some kids. Mummy, how did dad propose to you? Well, darling, 214 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:27,000 Speaker 7: he's certainly sacrificed. He sacrificed his foreskin during it. My son, 215 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:31,160 Speaker 7: why does daddy look different to me. Well, you know, 216 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:34,880 Speaker 7: daddy lost it during our engagement. That's the that's my 217 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:45,880 Speaker 7: story pretty much that our relationship ended there. Hell yeah, 218 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:48,199 Speaker 7: and I never seen the ring, but he certainly took 219 00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:50,160 Speaker 7: a cut of the ring to the next level. 220 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:55,760 Speaker 1: Night work. Well, wonderful story. 221 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:59,280 Speaker 5: He's now hearing this story all around Australia just. 222 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:03,040 Speaker 4: Gets worse than poor guy. All right, I big come 223 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:07,440 Speaker 4: out of that guy. That's right, all right, let's get 224 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:08,600 Speaker 4: Zack up here everyone. 225 00:11:08,679 --> 00:11:12,840 Speaker 1: He's got sorry tone for all of you guys. 226 00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:14,680 Speaker 4: Thank you. 227 00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:15,000 Speaker 15: Hello. 228 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:17,200 Speaker 13: My name is Zach and I had definitely have a 229 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:20,560 Speaker 13: tatau for you guys, many many years ago. My first 230 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:22,840 Speaker 13: ever job as an eighteen year old was a delivery 231 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:26,080 Speaker 13: driver for a Chinese restaurant. Now, this is a day 232 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:29,040 Speaker 13: of flip phones. There wasn't uber eats. This is when 233 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:31,760 Speaker 13: you call the restaurant, someone who worked there actually came 234 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:34,360 Speaker 13: to your door. So some of you who are a 235 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:38,360 Speaker 13: bit observant may think I don't fit the stereotypical expectation 236 00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:41,720 Speaker 13: of what a Chinese delivery driver would look like. So 237 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:44,440 Speaker 13: always led to a big surprise. When I go to 238 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:47,240 Speaker 13: someone's door, I knock on the door. They open the door, 239 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:49,680 Speaker 13: they give me the one eyebrow. It's a bit of 240 00:11:49,679 --> 00:11:52,120 Speaker 13: a strange look, and I almost say something along the 241 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:55,480 Speaker 13: lines of there's Chinese people actually making the food, right, 242 00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:57,320 Speaker 13: And I. 243 00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,920 Speaker 15: Always reassure them, Yep, they make the food. 244 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:00,960 Speaker 4: I just drop it off. 245 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:04,720 Speaker 13: So the running joke became no one ever expected me 246 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:08,000 Speaker 13: to be the Chinese delivery driver. So one day I 247 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:10,000 Speaker 13: had to make a delivery to a hospital and I 248 00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:13,000 Speaker 13: got the instructions delivered to this hospital in ward E. 249 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,800 Speaker 13: Not a big deal. I go to businesses all the time. 250 00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:18,120 Speaker 13: I go to the hospital. When I get to ward E, 251 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:19,040 Speaker 13: I see. 252 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:23,080 Speaker 15: Two big doors, two very secure doors. It's a button 253 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:26,120 Speaker 15: on his side. I hit the button. Doors open. I 254 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,319 Speaker 15: walk inside to look for the guy who ordered the food. 255 00:12:28,679 --> 00:12:31,480 Speaker 13: As I'm in the hospital, I'm looking around and some 256 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:33,959 Speaker 13: of the people seemed a little odd, but I'm in 257 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:34,600 Speaker 13: a hospital. 258 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:36,440 Speaker 15: I'm not gonna judge what's going on here. 259 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:39,000 Speaker 13: I find the guy, give him this food, and I 260 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:41,120 Speaker 13: go to walk out the same exit, the same big 261 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,160 Speaker 13: double doors that I came in from. 262 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:45,440 Speaker 15: I press the button on the side of the door. 263 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:50,800 Speaker 13: Nothing happens. I see a nurse's walking by and I say, oh, 264 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,800 Speaker 13: excuse me, how do I get out of here? And 265 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:56,400 Speaker 13: she so politely turns to me, puts her hand on 266 00:12:56,480 --> 00:13:01,960 Speaker 13: my shoulder and says, oh, sweetie, you don't and she 267 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:06,600 Speaker 13: walks away. It is at this point the penny has dropped. 268 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:11,600 Speaker 13: I am in a mental wards. In my panic, I 269 00:13:11,679 --> 00:13:14,439 Speaker 13: try to convince her, no, no, wait, you don't understand. 270 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:16,160 Speaker 15: I'm the Chinese delivery driver. 271 00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:26,920 Speaker 13: She turns around, gives me that eyebrow of suspicion I've 272 00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:29,760 Speaker 13: been receiving this whole time, and she doesn't even say word. 273 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:33,240 Speaker 13: She continues walking away, surely thinking I'm in the right 274 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,360 Speaker 13: place now. 275 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:36,120 Speaker 15: The question is, in. 276 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:39,240 Speaker 13: A mental ward, how do you convince someone you're not crazy. 277 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:42,680 Speaker 13: Sure you've got blonde hair, blue wise, white skin, but 278 00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:45,200 Speaker 13: you've got to convince him you're the Chinese delivery driver. 279 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,880 Speaker 13: If you've think about what to do, and you said, beg, 280 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:51,679 Speaker 13: that's exactly what I did. I ran to her. I said, please, please, 281 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:53,360 Speaker 13: I'm not supposed to be here. Can you please go 282 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:56,360 Speaker 13: check with someone? 283 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:59,240 Speaker 15: And she says, look, fine, I'll go check. 284 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:01,600 Speaker 13: And she walks up and leaves me there for fifteen 285 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:05,560 Speaker 13: or twenty minutes or something. So I'm sitting there, and 286 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:08,800 Speaker 13: you start questioning yourself. Am I actually a Chinese delivery driver? 287 00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:11,839 Speaker 13: How to actually get out of here? 288 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:14,040 Speaker 15: What am I going to do? I've got no smartphone, 289 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:16,080 Speaker 15: I've got no newspaper. You're how crazy you look? 290 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,559 Speaker 13: And you've got nothing to do. You're sitting there staring. 291 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:20,640 Speaker 13: Can't stare that will look crazy. Can't look around, that 292 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:24,400 Speaker 13: will look crazy. Anyway, Fifteen two minutes later, she comes out. 293 00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:27,240 Speaker 13: She says, oh my god, I am so sorry, and 294 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:29,760 Speaker 13: she dings her card, Lets me out, And that's how 295 00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:34,440 Speaker 13: I escaped the mental ward sack. 296 00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:35,960 Speaker 7: What a s. 297 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:42,480 Speaker 4: It's actually like shutter Island. I actually, truly, I don't 298 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:45,560 Speaker 4: know if you're supposed to be there or not. That 299 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:48,440 Speaker 4: was amazing that you really left us on a cliffhanger. 300 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:52,240 Speaker 2: Sax on vacation for the war tonight, guys, So actually 301 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:54,040 Speaker 2: you get around here before I has to go back. 302 00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:56,840 Speaker 1: What a great dude, What a great story. 303 00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,320 Speaker 5: Before we get the next two stories out that are 304 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:02,680 Speaker 5: vying for that ten thousand dollars, let's get our bloody 305 00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:05,120 Speaker 5: pro at here. I don't know what we actually can 306 00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:07,960 Speaker 5: call this guy pro, but jeez's funny. He's great at 307 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,240 Speaker 5: stand up he's got some great stories. His name is 308 00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:15,400 Speaker 5: Mark Watts. Made some noise, Oh, Las German. 309 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:17,480 Speaker 3: Absolute pleasure to be here in this Beegel ten and 310 00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:20,200 Speaker 3: to be with such great an esteemed company. I'm going 311 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,920 Speaker 3: to tell you a tall tale, but a true one. 312 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:25,520 Speaker 3: It is the story and this will Shockgip of when 313 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:31,280 Speaker 3: I was expelled from school. See a few people and 314 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:32,960 Speaker 3: already not believing this story. 315 00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:33,600 Speaker 15: But it is true. 316 00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:37,480 Speaker 3: I was in my second year of year eleven. 317 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:39,520 Speaker 1: That's right, Las of Rice is there. 318 00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:41,880 Speaker 3: I was so good at the first year. They said 319 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:45,000 Speaker 3: would you like to do another? And I was like, 320 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:47,520 Speaker 3: why not, I'm already here. And I said, will you 321 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,120 Speaker 3: nailed the first one? Have another? 322 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:49,360 Speaker 2: Guy? 323 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:52,080 Speaker 1: So I did so. In my second year. 324 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:54,880 Speaker 3: Of year eleven, I went to my classroom and it 325 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:56,640 Speaker 3: was in the two story block of an English wing. 326 00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:59,760 Speaker 3: And I walked in there and all my classmates with it. 327 00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:03,800 Speaker 3: But the no teacher right, which of course means do 328 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:06,520 Speaker 3: whatever you like. And I thought, oh, maybe an emergency 329 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:10,000 Speaker 3: teacher will come. No nobody came for us and we 330 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,400 Speaker 3: were left alone. I went well, obviously, when there's no 331 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:15,800 Speaker 3: teacher and no emergency teacher who takes care of the 332 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:19,120 Speaker 3: class Merrick does. So I said, are we ready to learn? 333 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:20,800 Speaker 3: And everyone went yes. And this is the time of 334 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:24,320 Speaker 3: blackboards and chalk, and it was so good drawing phallic 335 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:27,760 Speaker 3: symbolism up on the board, taking a six head class 336 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:30,440 Speaker 3: that no one asked for. And whilst I was there 337 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:32,000 Speaker 3: mocking around, I thought, hang on a second, there is 338 00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,040 Speaker 3: no teacher coming for us at all. This is it, 339 00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:36,600 Speaker 3: Like they're really not coming. So I started to get 340 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:38,880 Speaker 3: a little bit bored to my own very entertaining antics, 341 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:41,200 Speaker 3: and I looked out below the window there. I went 342 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:43,800 Speaker 3: over and looked down and there was a big group 343 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:47,600 Speaker 3: of parents on parent orientation day and they're checking out 344 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:48,120 Speaker 3: the school. 345 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:51,920 Speaker 15: Yes, yes, it's going there. 346 00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:54,000 Speaker 1: But wait, there's more. 347 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,160 Speaker 3: So there's a big group of parents on parent orientation 348 00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:59,400 Speaker 3: day and they're having a look at school, trying to 349 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:01,240 Speaker 3: sign whether or not they want to send their kids 350 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,879 Speaker 3: to my school the next year. And with them was 351 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:09,520 Speaker 3: the principal of my school, the year level coordinator, and 352 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:15,440 Speaker 3: the discipline coordinator, or Helen as I knew her because 353 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:17,959 Speaker 3: we were mates by that stage. And I was like, 354 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:21,000 Speaker 3: this is probably not a very good time to be 355 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:24,240 Speaker 3: an idiot. And then a voice in my mind said 356 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:27,320 Speaker 3: but Mary, you are so good at it, and I 357 00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:28,600 Speaker 3: was like, I think you're right. 358 00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:29,800 Speaker 1: I should listen to you. 359 00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:33,399 Speaker 3: More so, looking down at what would be the certain 360 00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:37,800 Speaker 3: death of my scholastic career, I decided that with no 361 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:40,200 Speaker 3: teacher in the room, I would climb out of the 362 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:44,560 Speaker 3: window two stories high, climb out and wrap one arm 363 00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:49,240 Speaker 3: around the window ledge. So I was just dangling from 364 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:53,760 Speaker 3: the window ledge all alone, two stories high, and as 365 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:59,480 Speaker 3: the parents came past, I yelled out, no, missus Norton, 366 00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:02,840 Speaker 3: you can't make me jump. 367 00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:15,560 Speaker 1: All I want to do is learn. 368 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:21,879 Speaker 3: An absolute pleasure, say the good talk that I'm gonna 369 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:24,040 Speaker 3: take the teen grand and go bye, cheap car. 370 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:26,600 Speaker 4: Thank you very much, all the best. 371 00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:30,800 Speaker 1: Now are you ready for the next story. I think 372 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:31,119 Speaker 1: we are. 373 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:33,680 Speaker 4: Let's get her up here entirely. Everybody may go. 374 00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:44,240 Speaker 9: Feel welcome, Gods, good evening, Adelaide. Thank you for having me. 375 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:46,240 Speaker 9: Not that anyone asked me to be here, but I'm 376 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:49,120 Speaker 9: here none the lefts. My name is Haley, and I'm 377 00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:52,080 Speaker 9: here this evening to tell you a story about my dog, Paddington, 378 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:55,960 Speaker 9: who has a very dodgy Willie. For those of you 379 00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:58,200 Speaker 9: that are lucky enough to have a male dog, you'll 380 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:01,680 Speaker 9: know that when they're wei, willy comes out and when 381 00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:05,040 Speaker 9: they're finished, it goes back in, or at least it should. 382 00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:08,919 Speaker 9: Paddington's willy came out and a week later it hadn't 383 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:12,199 Speaker 9: gone back in. So I gave his verta call and 384 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:14,159 Speaker 9: she was like, that's an emergency, like you need to 385 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:17,280 Speaker 9: get him in now because he might lose circulation or 386 00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:18,119 Speaker 9: it might fall off. 387 00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:18,760 Speaker 6: And it's a disaster. 388 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:22,200 Speaker 9: So I left work, I grabbed Paddington and I rushed 389 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:23,720 Speaker 9: him straight into the vet. 390 00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:25,080 Speaker 11: And I'm not sure what you. 391 00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:31,560 Speaker 12: Think the treatment is for that, but it's a hand job. 392 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:36,320 Speaker 11: A one hundred and eighty five dollars hand job. 393 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:39,400 Speaker 6: So she did her thing. 394 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:42,920 Speaker 11: She sent us on our merry way, and she said 395 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:45,840 Speaker 11: that's it. He's sorted. You won't have to see me again. 396 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:47,800 Speaker 11: Lo and behold. 397 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:50,960 Speaker 9: Or he went out the following morning for him to 398 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:53,800 Speaker 9: do his business. It came out and it didn't go 399 00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:58,040 Speaker 9: back in. So now I'm in a panic. Rushed him 400 00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:01,359 Speaker 9: back in. She did our thing again, slapped me with 401 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:04,600 Speaker 9: another bill and told me that was it. 402 00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:05,240 Speaker 6: Off you go. 403 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:08,440 Speaker 11: I said, I think we need to look at all 404 00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:11,720 Speaker 11: more like long term plan here. 405 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:16,400 Speaker 9: She said that there was an operation that could be done, 406 00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:19,720 Speaker 9: said great, when can it be done in a month? 407 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:21,159 Speaker 11: So well, what do you want. 408 00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:22,080 Speaker 15: Me to do between now and then? 409 00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:24,480 Speaker 9: Because I can't give him a happy ending at that 410 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:25,480 Speaker 9: price every day? 411 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:28,439 Speaker 1: She said, I had. 412 00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:33,080 Speaker 9: One of two options. Option one, bring him in, pay them, 413 00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:35,320 Speaker 9: they'll sort them out. 414 00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:37,800 Speaker 11: Or option two do it yourself. 415 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,680 Speaker 9: It was at that point that she gave me instructions 416 00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:45,439 Speaker 9: on how to give a dog a hand job and 417 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:48,879 Speaker 9: sent me away to make my decision. I needed to 418 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,920 Speaker 9: pop in to grab some stuff for dinner, and out 419 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:53,240 Speaker 9: of the corner my eye and it was the lube. 420 00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:55,280 Speaker 11: I clicked in my head. 421 00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:56,840 Speaker 15: Oh that's what she used. 422 00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:01,000 Speaker 9: Well, let's just say padding to and had his operation 423 00:21:01,119 --> 00:21:04,640 Speaker 9: a month later and he didn't see the vat in between. 424 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:17,240 Speaker 6: Thank you very much, good night, don't work daily? 425 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:22,480 Speaker 4: Well me, that's a very happy dog, very very happy dog. 426 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:24,560 Speaker 1: We've got one story to go. 427 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:26,840 Speaker 2: We're gonna wrap them all up very very shortly, so 428 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,639 Speaker 2: you can hear the summary of all the wonderful stories 429 00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:31,639 Speaker 2: I've had so Farwards, big thanks to Claire who beat 430 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:33,840 Speaker 2: and Merrick what's we have been up here on the stage. 431 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:34,720 Speaker 1: With us this afternoon. 432 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:36,240 Speaker 2: But we've got one story to go and then we 433 00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:37,920 Speaker 2: can all get down to voting and giving away the 434 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:38,880 Speaker 2: ten thousand dollars. 435 00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:42,639 Speaker 1: So please put your hands together and von our final. Sorry, 436 00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:45,520 Speaker 1: it's all up here in the spage or ten. 437 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:49,520 Speaker 8: Okay. Before I start, I'm gonna just let you know 438 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:52,040 Speaker 8: the emergency exits are over here and over here. 439 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:52,680 Speaker 1: Okay. 440 00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:55,720 Speaker 8: I'm going to take you back to the late nineteen 441 00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:58,080 Speaker 8: nineties when Melbourne used to. 442 00:21:58,160 --> 00:21:59,360 Speaker 15: Host the Loogies. 443 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:04,400 Speaker 8: We had Tom Jones coming over to present at the Logies. 444 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,919 Speaker 8: I was a private flight attendant at the time on 445 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,879 Speaker 8: a lee a Jed and we were tasked to bring 446 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:14,320 Speaker 8: Tom from Melbourne to Perth through the night after the 447 00:22:14,359 --> 00:22:16,800 Speaker 8: Logis because he had this special thing that he had 448 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:17,320 Speaker 8: to be out. 449 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:18,360 Speaker 15: Now, we had. 450 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:22,080 Speaker 8: Pre briefed everybody that Aliah thirty five is not a 451 00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:26,159 Speaker 8: long range aircraft. We have to stop halfway to refuel. 452 00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:29,359 Speaker 8: That was fine, so on board I got serenaded by 453 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:30,560 Speaker 8: Tom Jones, so. 454 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:31,320 Speaker 15: He saying to me. 455 00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:34,920 Speaker 8: When we landed, he came up to me and he said, look, 456 00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:38,920 Speaker 8: I have to go to the bathroom. And I said, well, look, 457 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:41,400 Speaker 8: mister Jones, like the whole flight, I was very professional, 458 00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:45,879 Speaker 8: I said, mister Jones. The bathroom on this aircraft is 459 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:49,719 Speaker 8: my flight attendant seat. What happens is you pop up 460 00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:52,800 Speaker 8: my little siege. There's a toilet bowl there, and I 461 00:22:53,119 --> 00:22:55,600 Speaker 8: cover you with the curtain while you do what you 462 00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:58,960 Speaker 8: need to do. Tom looked at me and went, ah, yen, nah, 463 00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:02,000 Speaker 8: don't think that it's gonna happen. But you still need 464 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:03,679 Speaker 8: to go to the bathroom, don't you, mister Jones? And 465 00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:06,479 Speaker 8: he said yes, I really really really need to go 466 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:09,040 Speaker 8: to the bathroom. So I went down to the refueler 467 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:11,840 Speaker 8: and I said, look, mister Jones really needs to go 468 00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:13,879 Speaker 8: to the bathroom. He is not going to use my 469 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:17,240 Speaker 8: flight attendancyat as I have offered him refuel and then said, 470 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:21,720 Speaker 8: well you do have option to see that little shed 471 00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:25,880 Speaker 8: all the way over there and we're looking in the dark. Yes, 472 00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:28,960 Speaker 8: all the way over there that is the public toilet. 473 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:31,480 Speaker 8: And Tom Jones and I look at each other and went, 474 00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:34,679 Speaker 8: you've got to be kidding me. The refueler gives me 475 00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:37,840 Speaker 8: remember the old dolphin lamb torches, Yeah, the big dolphin lambs. 476 00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:41,360 Speaker 8: So I'm holding this dolphin lamb and I've now got 477 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:45,120 Speaker 8: to escort Tom Jones across this field to this way 478 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:48,600 Speaker 8: over there shed because that's the bathroom. Now we get there. 479 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:51,520 Speaker 8: Now this story just gets even worse because we get there, 480 00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:56,040 Speaker 8: the lights don't work. So mister Jones, who really needs 481 00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:57,880 Speaker 8: to go to the bathroom, he said, well, look I've 482 00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:00,320 Speaker 8: got to go. And I said, my only option is 483 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:03,280 Speaker 8: is if you walk in there, I turn around and 484 00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:06,280 Speaker 8: I hold the torch, so you do what you need 485 00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:08,399 Speaker 8: to do. And I promise I won't look. I promise, 486 00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:13,520 Speaker 8: cross my heart, hope to die. So he starts off 487 00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:16,840 Speaker 8: at the urine or now I'm thinking that, wow, most 488 00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:20,800 Speaker 8: women like to throw their underwear at mister Jons on stage. 489 00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:23,080 Speaker 8: And here I am standing here and I have him 490 00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:25,720 Speaker 8: all to myself and I could hear him moving around. 491 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:29,600 Speaker 8: Then he comes out and we walk back to the aircraft. 492 00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:33,960 Speaker 8: We get on board, and he just looks stressed. And 493 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:37,680 Speaker 8: I said, look, mister Jones, like, what's wrong. We went 494 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,359 Speaker 8: to the bathroom and I promise I didn't look. And 495 00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:43,000 Speaker 8: I'm getting a bit of a hot flush just remembering it. 496 00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:47,600 Speaker 8: Then he said, look, I really just wanted to do 497 00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:53,080 Speaker 8: a number two, but I got stage fright, and I'm thinking, 498 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,919 Speaker 8: mister gant Tom Jones, who can stand in front of 499 00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:59,600 Speaker 8: an audience and sing or night he got stage fright 500 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:01,679 Speaker 8: in front of me because he didn't want to do 501 00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:02,400 Speaker 8: a number two. 502 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:09,480 Speaker 4: Oh my god, amazing work. 503 00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:14,240 Speaker 15: So thanks so much mate, loving have you here. 504 00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:16,760 Speaker 5: He's back in Australia soon, so you can help him 505 00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:17,600 Speaker 5: to a pool when he's back. 506 00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:19,080 Speaker 6: Maybe you really soon. 507 00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:22,159 Speaker 1: He's back here really soon. Shout out to everybody to 508 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:22,800 Speaker 1: come down tonight. 509 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:24,880 Speaker 4: Thank you so much. Has been an absolute world to man. 510 00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:26,679 Speaker 16: Would's so nice to see some of you guys down 511 00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:28,879 Speaker 16: here tonight to meet some of you guys down here 512 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:32,160 Speaker 16: and sighting to hear four amazing stories from four people 513 00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:34,360 Speaker 16: who put their hands up, told the stories, got through 514 00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:36,399 Speaker 16: the whole nomination process, and then one of them is 515 00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:38,800 Speaker 16: going to win ten Grand Struth or Mighty. 516 00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,080 Speaker 4: If you have miss stories, oh sorry you were going 517 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:42,480 Speaker 4: to I thought you threw it in me. You looked 518 00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:44,120 Speaker 4: at me with those throw eyes of yours. 519 00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:46,720 Speaker 5: Anyway, miss Reddit, maybe you're undressing me with those eyes. 520 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,960 Speaker 5: We are staying in the same hotel room tonight in Adelaide. 521 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:51,920 Speaker 4: We might shake it up anyway. 522 00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:54,080 Speaker 1: Anyway. 523 00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:57,119 Speaker 4: If you've missed any of the stories here. 524 00:25:56,760 --> 00:26:01,240 Speaker 8: They are I was a private flight attendant. We had 525 00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:05,040 Speaker 8: Tom Jones coming over to present at the logis we 526 00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:09,080 Speaker 8: have to stop halfway to refuel. Said, look, I have 527 00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:12,760 Speaker 8: to go to the bathroom. The bathroom is my flight 528 00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:15,960 Speaker 8: attendant seat. Pop up my little seat and I cover 529 00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:18,520 Speaker 8: you with a curtain while you do what you need 530 00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:22,600 Speaker 8: to do. You do have option to see that little 531 00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:25,800 Speaker 8: shed all the way over there. That is the public toilet. 532 00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:29,560 Speaker 8: The lights don't work, so mister Jones, you walk in there. 533 00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:32,880 Speaker 8: I turn around and I hold the torch. We walk 534 00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:36,760 Speaker 8: back to the aircraft and he just looks stressed. He said, look, 535 00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:40,720 Speaker 8: I really just wanted to do a number two, but 536 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:45,760 Speaker 8: I got stage fright. Tom Jones, who can stand in 537 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:48,600 Speaker 8: front of an audience and sing or not, he got 538 00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:51,360 Speaker 8: stage fright in front of me because he didn't want 539 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:52,760 Speaker 8: to do a number two. 540 00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:55,800 Speaker 9: For anybody. 541 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:59,960 Speaker 7: Their most magical day is their engagement, my partner said 542 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:04,679 Speaker 7: in the beautiful water view, and he turns around and 543 00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:08,600 Speaker 7: he drops his pants. What I noticed first was a 544 00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:13,840 Speaker 7: pool of blood on his crutch. To further investigation, I'm 545 00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:19,679 Speaker 7: looking an engagement ring attached by a ribbon. He's panicking. 546 00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:21,240 Speaker 7: We're all panicking here. 547 00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:22,040 Speaker 11: There's blood. 548 00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:23,680 Speaker 7: The next thing we've got. 549 00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:24,240 Speaker 11: The front desk. 550 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:27,840 Speaker 7: We've got the manager, we've got the cleaner, and we 551 00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:31,840 Speaker 7: have an ambulance. My partner had at the time ripped 552 00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:35,919 Speaker 7: the edge of his foreskin on the ribbon. 553 00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:36,919 Speaker 12: The nurse comes in. 554 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:37,800 Speaker 6: She goes, it's bad. 555 00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:41,920 Speaker 7: It's really bad. He's going to need an emergency circumcision. 556 00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:44,320 Speaker 7: I'm thinking, oh my gosh, do you want to see 557 00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:46,720 Speaker 7: the ring? I said, no, I don't want to see 558 00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:51,720 Speaker 7: the ring. Put it in a doggie bag. I never 559 00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:53,720 Speaker 7: seen the ring, but he certainly took a cut of 560 00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:54,919 Speaker 7: the ring to the next level. 561 00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:58,760 Speaker 13: My first ever job as an eighteen year old was 562 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,280 Speaker 13: a delivery driver for a China restaurants. Some of you, 563 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,640 Speaker 13: who are a bit observant may think I don't fit 564 00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:06,960 Speaker 13: the stereotypical expectation of what a Chinese delivery driver would 565 00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:09,960 Speaker 13: look like. So the running joke became, no one ever 566 00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:13,320 Speaker 13: expected me to be the Chinese delivery driver. So one 567 00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:15,560 Speaker 13: day I had to make a delivery to a hospital. 568 00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:19,520 Speaker 15: When I get to ward e, I see two big doors. 569 00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:21,400 Speaker 13: Give them this food, and I go to walk out 570 00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:24,760 Speaker 13: the same exit the same big double doors. Nothing happens. 571 00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:27,879 Speaker 13: I see a nurse's walking by. Excuse me, how do 572 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,480 Speaker 13: I get out of here? And she so politely turns 573 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:33,680 Speaker 13: to me, puts her hand on my shoulder and says, oh, sweetie, 574 00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:39,280 Speaker 13: you don't. It is at this point the penny has dropped. 575 00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:41,640 Speaker 15: I am in a mental warts. 576 00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:46,080 Speaker 13: In my panic. I try to convince her, no, no, wait, 577 00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:51,960 Speaker 13: you don't understand. I'm the Chinese delivery driver, my. 578 00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:55,640 Speaker 9: Dog Paddington, Paddington's Willie Kim. And a week later it 579 00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:58,240 Speaker 9: hadn't gone back in. So I give us that a 580 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:00,000 Speaker 9: call and I'm not sure what you think. 581 00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:03,640 Speaker 12: I think the treatment is for that, but it's a 582 00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:04,880 Speaker 12: hand job. 583 00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:10,440 Speaker 11: Our one hundred and eighty five dollars hand job. 584 00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:13,520 Speaker 6: So she did her thing. 585 00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:14,880 Speaker 11: She sent us on our. 586 00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:18,040 Speaker 9: Merry way, lo and behold or we went out in 587 00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:20,320 Speaker 9: the following morning for him to do his business. It 588 00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:22,360 Speaker 9: came out and it didn't go back in. 589 00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:23,640 Speaker 4: Rushed them back in. 590 00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:26,640 Speaker 11: She did our thing again, slapped. 591 00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:27,120 Speaker 15: You in another bill. 592 00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:29,480 Speaker 9: She said that there was an operation that could be 593 00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:32,120 Speaker 9: done in a month, So well, what do you want 594 00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:32,400 Speaker 9: me to. 595 00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:32,959 Speaker 15: Do between them? 596 00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:33,200 Speaker 6: And then? 597 00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:35,600 Speaker 9: Because I can't give him a happy ending at that 598 00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:39,280 Speaker 9: price every day, Well, let's just say Paddington had his 599 00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:42,880 Speaker 9: operation a month later and he didn't see the vet 600 00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:43,600 Speaker 9: in between. 601 00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:47,560 Speaker 4: Now right up next, we are going to award the winner. 602 00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:49,800 Speaker 4: Everyone here is going to vote for their favorite story. 603 00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:52,240 Speaker 5: But before we go to the next song, Wilbur I 604 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:55,400 Speaker 5: know Tom Jones had some issues with stage vote while 605 00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:57,600 Speaker 5: he was taking the pooh. Now, my good friend Dib here, 606 00:29:57,600 --> 00:29:59,840 Speaker 5: who I love to throw it because Dib's just awesome, 607 00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:03,440 Speaker 5: has some advice for if anyone ever has stage fright 608 00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:04,680 Speaker 5: while they're trying to do a poop. 609 00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:07,240 Speaker 14: So if you're doing a pooh and you've got someone 610 00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:09,840 Speaker 14: around listening, you're gonna flush the toilet while you do 611 00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:10,720 Speaker 14: the plops. 612 00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:12,040 Speaker 1: There you go. 613 00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:15,240 Speaker 2: And the beautiful thing about tonight is, of course it 614 00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:19,040 Speaker 2: has been broadcast all over the country to people in 615 00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:21,280 Speaker 2: their cars who are driving home. They've heard a great show, 616 00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:23,760 Speaker 2: and they've heard a great sample of the Adelaide Fringe Woods. 617 00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:26,920 Speaker 4: But it is all about the ten. 618 00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:28,800 Speaker 1: Thousand dollars, which goes to the best storyteller. 619 00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:31,320 Speaker 2: Tonight, we've got all our storytellers on stage with us 620 00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:32,680 Speaker 2: here at the Spiegel ten. 621 00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:36,880 Speaker 5: I can confirm the final vote has gone down to 622 00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:41,200 Speaker 5: between winner and second is between a couple of votes. 623 00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:46,480 Speaker 4: Couldn't be tighter here at the Wonderland. 624 00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:48,240 Speaker 1: Speak because it could be one vote, it. 625 00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:51,000 Speaker 5: Could be tighter, it could be slightly tighter, but it 626 00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:55,960 Speaker 5: is still quite tight at the Wonderlands Spiegel tent before 627 00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:58,400 Speaker 5: I announced the winner really quick, We've got a Von here, 628 00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:01,360 Speaker 5: a Von you would fitted in a song that you 629 00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:02,560 Speaker 5: did have a look at Tom. 630 00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:04,400 Speaker 4: Jonas's doodle, Tom Jones. 631 00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:09,800 Speaker 2: Excuse Tom Jonas, play report adelaide. 632 00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:10,920 Speaker 1: He's a good question. 633 00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:13,880 Speaker 4: Who would you rather see? Tom Jonas or Tom Jones? 634 00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:16,360 Speaker 1: Oh, Tom Jones, Tom Jones. 635 00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:18,600 Speaker 4: Yeah, oh so you were quite happy with what you. 636 00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:20,680 Speaker 8: Saw, pleasantly surprised. 637 00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:24,360 Speaker 5: Wow, And he's going to be back in Australia soon, guys. 638 00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:25,960 Speaker 4: We also have Haley here. 639 00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:29,520 Speaker 5: Hailey, you were how would you describe what you were 640 00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:30,160 Speaker 5: doing to your dog? 641 00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:31,000 Speaker 2: Uh? 642 00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:33,720 Speaker 6: Medically looking after him? 643 00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:34,720 Speaker 1: Lovely? 644 00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:36,880 Speaker 2: Well said, we're not going to ask any more questions. 645 00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:39,520 Speaker 4: Okay, perfect yet. We then have Zach here. 646 00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:43,360 Speaker 5: Zach you you have blonde hair and blue eyes and 647 00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:49,880 Speaker 5: you're a Chinese delivery restaurant guy was and then because 648 00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:52,800 Speaker 5: of that you got stuck in a psych word extraordinary. 649 00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:55,200 Speaker 4: Still not sure if you actually should belong there or not. 650 00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:57,760 Speaker 4: It's a total mystery and then we have Mel here. 651 00:31:57,840 --> 00:32:00,120 Speaker 5: Mel, you had a man who proposed to you the 652 00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:02,640 Speaker 5: ring around his todder, and then you rejected him and 653 00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:03,840 Speaker 5: have never spoken to him since. 654 00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:05,760 Speaker 6: Yeah, exactly right, guys. 655 00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:10,240 Speaker 4: It's brutal, and maybe it's gonna win you ten thousand dollars. 656 00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:13,520 Speaker 5: Okay, without further ado, guys, I mean, can I get 657 00:32:13,560 --> 00:32:16,480 Speaker 5: some sort of noise from you, guys to build anticipation, 658 00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:16,840 Speaker 5: like a. 659 00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:21,080 Speaker 1: Nice hug your feet? Nice? 660 00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:26,480 Speaker 5: I love that someone is going home with ten thousand 661 00:32:26,520 --> 00:32:28,360 Speaker 5: dollars and that person. 662 00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:42,320 Speaker 17: Is ten thousand bucks. We're getting stuck in a cyclad 663 00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:46,040 Speaker 17: and China tell them that he was a Chinese delivery driver. 664 00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:49,120 Speaker 4: Sack kay, Phil, I feel so great. 665 00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:51,160 Speaker 13: I got my little baby here as well, and I 666 00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:54,200 Speaker 13: can't wait to spend money. We'll get your best childcare babysitter. 667 00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:59,120 Speaker 4: Now we're going out for dinner. Oh, we're going to 668 00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:01,360 Speaker 4: the Chinese rest just like old times. 669 00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:05,840 Speaker 1: RNA A postmas at everyone. 670 00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:08,360 Speaker 3: What a sorry run of bossball O. 671 00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:11,920 Speaker 2: That sorry, till Um said at the Adelaide break at 672 00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:14,480 Speaker 2: the Wonderland's break with thank you so much for being involved. 673 00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:16,000 Speaker 2: If you miss sex story, make sure you get on 674 00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:17,920 Speaker 2: the podcast Whither will you Roomy, get your podcast,