1 00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:06,560 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the 2 00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:09,560 Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers. 3 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 2: Now, how can I be better? Because yes, what I 4 00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:17,159 Speaker 2: did was wrong, but that doesn't make me wrong or 5 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:18,079 Speaker 2: a bad person. 6 00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:21,800 Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom 7 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:22,280 Speaker 1: and dad. 8 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:24,560 Speaker 3: Well, we've made it to the end of the first 9 00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:26,640 Speaker 3: week of the podcast and we're getting all geared up 10 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:31,120 Speaker 3: because well, school is getting closer and closer by the day. Hello, 11 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,240 Speaker 3: this is doctor Justin Colson, the author of six books 12 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:36,360 Speaker 3: about raising happy families. I'm here on the Happy Families 13 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:39,839 Speaker 3: Podcast with my wife and partner in podcasting. This is 14 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,159 Speaker 3: Happy Family. Is Kylie Colson, mom to our six daughters, 15 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:46,839 Speaker 3: and we're back at the Friday edition of I'll Do 16 00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:49,839 Speaker 3: Better Tomorrow. Now. For those of you who are new 17 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:51,720 Speaker 3: to the podcast the idea of I'll Do Better Tomorrow 18 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:55,440 Speaker 3: is basically, we look at parenting insights. We kind of 19 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:57,760 Speaker 3: reflect on the week and think, what do I learn 20 00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,640 Speaker 3: this week or what went well or what can I 21 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:03,880 Speaker 3: do better as a parent next time? Maybe it's tomorrow, 22 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:06,080 Speaker 3: maybe it's next week. Just you know, next time I 23 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:08,960 Speaker 3: have that incident going on. So, Kylie, why don't you 24 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:10,880 Speaker 3: go first, because I always go first. I get so 25 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:14,520 Speaker 3: carried away, so excited, but I reckon this time, you 26 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:16,240 Speaker 3: should go for it because you've been you've been doing 27 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:17,880 Speaker 3: some reading, some study. 28 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:21,080 Speaker 2: Well, you know, one of my New Year's resolutions is 29 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:24,720 Speaker 2: to actually spend more time in books. I have a 30 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:27,520 Speaker 2: love hate relationship with books. I absolutely love them, but 31 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:32,440 Speaker 2: I just seem to struggle to make time for them. 32 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:35,960 Speaker 2: So this year, I've changed it up. I've already finished 33 00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:38,400 Speaker 2: one book and I'm now trying to finish a book 34 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:41,440 Speaker 2: that I've been trying to finish for about two years. 35 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:43,440 Speaker 3: I bought this book for you a long time ago. 36 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:44,920 Speaker 3: So it's a Brene Brown book. 37 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:49,360 Speaker 2: It's Brene Brown, and it's daring greatly and I actually 38 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:52,080 Speaker 2: I have tried to read it twice before, and I 39 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:55,360 Speaker 2: have loved what I've read. But the problem is there 40 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:57,800 Speaker 2: ends up being these big gaps between my reading and 41 00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:00,880 Speaker 2: then I have to start again third reading of the 42 00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:02,200 Speaker 2: first few chances. 43 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:04,880 Speaker 3: We love Brene Brown, and if anybody knows her or 44 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:06,559 Speaker 3: knows how to get in touch with her, we would 45 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,000 Speaker 3: love to have her on the podcast. I'm just putting 46 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,640 Speaker 3: it out there. I mean, you never know who's listening. 47 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:12,200 Speaker 3: And who knows, So shout out to Brene. Anyway, what's 48 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:14,519 Speaker 3: your parenting insight? Your your thing's going to help you 49 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:15,360 Speaker 3: to do better tomorrow. 50 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:17,680 Speaker 2: I didn't pick this book up to help me with 51 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:24,359 Speaker 2: my parenting, and Darren greatly is. I guess it's coming 52 00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:26,560 Speaker 2: off the back of the Roosevelt quilt. 53 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:30,680 Speaker 3: The Roosevelt quilt. I didn't know Roosevelt was a quilter. Well, 54 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:35,840 Speaker 3: it's the Roosevelt. Roosevelt quote was it warm for winter? 55 00:02:37,639 --> 00:02:41,760 Speaker 2: It's not the critic that counts. You know, everybody knows that. 56 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:44,520 Speaker 3: The man in the arena quote, that's right, the one 57 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:47,240 Speaker 3: whose face is marred with dustin blood and tears, who 58 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,320 Speaker 3: I can't remember. I used to have it memorized. I 59 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:49,680 Speaker 3: love it. 60 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:51,560 Speaker 2: Well, it's one of our favorite quotes, and in the 61 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:53,600 Speaker 2: past we have memorized it with the kids, and so 62 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:55,320 Speaker 2: I'm really I was really drawn to it. And so 63 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:57,440 Speaker 2: she talks a lot about, you know, showing up and 64 00:02:57,480 --> 00:03:02,639 Speaker 2: being in the arena and not accepting other people's opinions 65 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:04,520 Speaker 2: of ourselves if they're not willing to be in the 66 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:07,720 Speaker 2: arena with us, right, And one of the things that 67 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:11,880 Speaker 2: she really tackles is the difference between shame and guilt. 68 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:17,080 Speaker 2: And it really resonated with me because I have experienced 69 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:22,400 Speaker 2: both in various situations and specifically when it comes to parenting, 70 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:26,480 Speaker 2: and so often we actually use we kind of interchange 71 00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:26,839 Speaker 2: the two. 72 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:29,400 Speaker 3: They're very very different, they mean really different things. 73 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:32,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, And so her definition was the difference between 74 00:03:32,919 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 2: shame and guilt is best understood as the difference between 75 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:41,480 Speaker 2: I am bad and I did something bad. 76 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, what I did was bad. That's when you feel guilty, 77 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:46,560 Speaker 3: But when you feel shame, you actually internalize it as 78 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,160 Speaker 3: a reflection on who you are as a person. 79 00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:50,680 Speaker 2: That's right. And so, you know, as I look back 80 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:55,520 Speaker 2: on some of the experiences I've had, I have lived 81 00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:58,520 Speaker 2: into that I am a bad person. I'm a bad mum. 82 00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:03,480 Speaker 2: What I did was so so intrinsically wrong. I can't 83 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:06,880 Speaker 2: come back from that, you know. And then other times 84 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:08,440 Speaker 2: are are going, you know, that was actually really bad. 85 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:10,640 Speaker 2: How can I do something? You know, do better next time? 86 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:14,120 Speaker 2: And so what I've loved about our Friday episodes is 87 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,839 Speaker 2: that opportunity to reflect and look back and go, how 88 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:21,200 Speaker 2: can I be better? Because yes, what I did was wrong, 89 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,600 Speaker 2: but that doesn't make me wrong or a bad person. 90 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:27,280 Speaker 3: As a result of it, or maybe a better way 91 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:30,159 Speaker 3: to say it is it doesn't make me wrong overall, 92 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,400 Speaker 3: it just makes me wrong in that moment I write 93 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:34,359 Speaker 3: about it in the start of twenty one days to 94 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:37,960 Speaker 3: a happier family. One of the biggest moments in my 95 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,280 Speaker 3: parenting life was where I completely blew it with our 96 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:42,440 Speaker 3: eldest when she was just two years old, three years old, 97 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:45,800 Speaker 3: whatever it was, and that sort of led me to 98 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:48,719 Speaker 3: leave my radio career, go back to school, spend the 99 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:51,080 Speaker 3: next eight and a half years as a full time 100 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:54,839 Speaker 3: student before I got my PhD and started the life 101 00:04:54,839 --> 00:04:57,400 Speaker 3: that we that we now live, where I work with 102 00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:01,000 Speaker 3: parents to have happier families. But I remember thinking to myself, 103 00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:04,039 Speaker 3: I'm a bad father after I'd had that awful moment 104 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:07,240 Speaker 3: with our daughter. With Chanelle, I really believe that I 105 00:05:07,279 --> 00:05:12,000 Speaker 3: was a bad father. Now that was That was a 106 00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:15,960 Speaker 3: whole global assessment of my value as a human being 107 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:19,640 Speaker 3: in that moment. In other words, I felt deeply ashamed. 108 00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:23,600 Speaker 2: Well, and she talks about how shame is so paralyzing 109 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:25,599 Speaker 2: for us, and I'm just going to read you a 110 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:27,919 Speaker 2: tiny little excerpt that just really stood out to me. 111 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:31,760 Speaker 2: She said, just like Roosevelt advised, when we dare greatly, 112 00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:33,960 Speaker 2: we will err and we will come up short again 113 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:37,360 Speaker 2: and again. There will be failures and mistakes and criticism. 114 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:39,359 Speaker 2: If we want to be able to move through the 115 00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:43,440 Speaker 2: difficult disappointments, the hurt feelings, the heartbreaks, the bad decisions 116 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:46,760 Speaker 2: that we make that are inevitable in a fully lived life, 117 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:50,440 Speaker 2: we can't equate defeat with being unworthy of love, belonging, 118 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,160 Speaker 2: and joy. If we do, we will never show up 119 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,960 Speaker 2: and try again. Yeah, And I just love that because 120 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:58,160 Speaker 2: as a parent, I'm going to get it wrong, and 121 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:02,120 Speaker 2: not because i want to, because I'm human. But if 122 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:05,760 Speaker 2: I live into that feeling of shame that I'll never 123 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,440 Speaker 2: try again, I'll never try. 124 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:07,760 Speaker 1: To be better. 125 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:13,400 Speaker 2: And as a mum of six beautiful human beings, I 126 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:14,760 Speaker 2: want to be better for them. 127 00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:16,200 Speaker 3: I want to show up. 128 00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:18,039 Speaker 2: And so each day I'm going to get back in 129 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:20,200 Speaker 2: that arena and I'm going to fall down and I'm 130 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,080 Speaker 2: going to find a way to get back up. And 131 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,480 Speaker 2: that's what I've learned this week, which I've just loved. 132 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:27,440 Speaker 3: That's beautiful. You know, one thing that I'd briefly add 133 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,320 Speaker 3: is that the kids rely on you to get up 134 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,400 Speaker 3: the kids rely on you to not let that shame 135 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:36,560 Speaker 3: defeat you, to not let the guilt overpower you, to 136 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:39,200 Speaker 3: not live into that idea that you can never be 137 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,719 Speaker 3: good enough, that you are a bad parent. They're so 138 00:06:42,839 --> 00:06:45,719 Speaker 3: forgiving kids. They just rely on us so much that 139 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:49,080 Speaker 3: they will forgive some things that really shouldn't be forgiven 140 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:52,360 Speaker 3: quite frankly, but kids will forgive because they just want 141 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:54,960 Speaker 3: us in their lives so badly. That's awesome. Hey, in 142 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,120 Speaker 3: just a second, I'm going to share with you an 143 00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:01,080 Speaker 3: insight that I had that really changed things for one 144 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:02,480 Speaker 3: of our kids earlier this week. 145 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:06,200 Speaker 1: Oh wait, it's their Happy Families podcast. 146 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:10,360 Speaker 4: Our Screens Creating Tension at Home, Tweens, Teens and Screens 147 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:15,000 Speaker 4: is a webinar to guide families to healthy, safe superscreen solutions. 148 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:19,120 Speaker 4: Bye today at happy families dot com, dot au slash shop. 149 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:22,200 Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time 150 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:23,840 Speaker 2: poor parent who just wants answers. 151 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:25,960 Speaker 3: Now, Well, we're looking at how we can do things 152 00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:28,880 Speaker 3: better tomorrow. And I haven't experienced this week, missus Happy 153 00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:32,360 Speaker 3: Families that I was so excited about our six year 154 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:34,840 Speaker 3: old Emily not doing very well at all, really cranky, 155 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:36,480 Speaker 3: having a massive tantrument. She's been having a few of 156 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,600 Speaker 3: those lately. I think the school holidays are starting to 157 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:39,400 Speaker 3: wear head down. 158 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:42,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's interesting even, you know, you look at it 159 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,560 Speaker 2: through the term. Everybody's really excited at the beginning, and 160 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:47,680 Speaker 2: as the term comes to an end, everybody starts to 161 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:48,120 Speaker 2: get really tired. 162 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:50,920 Speaker 3: Me to break holidays, Yeah, go back to school. 163 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:53,440 Speaker 2: We're really excited about having, you know, a lack of 164 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:56,040 Speaker 2: routine and just lack of structure, and we get to 165 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:58,960 Speaker 2: a certain point where our bodies kind of just go. 166 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:01,600 Speaker 3: We need that strug back. Yeah, And I. 167 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:04,240 Speaker 2: Think we've seen it more and more in our little Emily. 168 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:09,040 Speaker 3: So she's been hard work, big tantrums. And so I'm 169 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:12,320 Speaker 3: a bit type A. I don't relax particularly well. I'm 170 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:15,239 Speaker 3: not a let's just stop everything and be mindful and meditate. 171 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:18,160 Speaker 3: I do teach people how to be mindful, and I 172 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,160 Speaker 3: try to encourage it in the kids, and I even 173 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,800 Speaker 3: try to do it myself, but I'm not great at it. 174 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:24,800 Speaker 3: But Emily was having this meltdown, and I stepped into 175 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:26,880 Speaker 3: the room and picked her up and gave her a hug, 176 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:29,160 Speaker 3: and she pushed back and fought, and she was really, 177 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:32,720 Speaker 3: really cranky. And fortunately, in that moment, I was actually 178 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:35,520 Speaker 3: pretty good. I was I was pretty relaxed and calm 179 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:37,760 Speaker 3: and just knew that she needed my help. She didn't 180 00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:39,960 Speaker 3: need me to be cranky at her. And so I 181 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:43,320 Speaker 3: did this thing. I did this mindfulness practice and it 182 00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:46,640 Speaker 3: just you know, when you practice a little strategy and 183 00:08:46,679 --> 00:08:49,559 Speaker 3: it works with the kids, and I just nailed it. 184 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:52,040 Speaker 3: And I can't even remember what it's called now, it's 185 00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:55,080 Speaker 3: been so long since I read about it, but it's 186 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:58,240 Speaker 3: basically getting the kids to connect with their senses in 187 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:02,000 Speaker 3: account back five three to one way. So I asked 188 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,640 Speaker 3: her if she could tell me five things that she 189 00:09:03,679 --> 00:09:05,679 Speaker 3: could touch, and she was pretty cranky and she said no, 190 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:08,120 Speaker 3: my god. And so I gently said, well, I can 191 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:09,719 Speaker 3: stay with you and we can find five things that 192 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:11,480 Speaker 3: you can touch, or I can come back soon. Would 193 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:12,839 Speaker 3: you like miss stay or go? And she sort of 194 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:16,160 Speaker 3: went ah. I said, well I'll stay. Let's see what 195 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,560 Speaker 3: can you Oh no, we didn't do touch. Sorry we 196 00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:20,520 Speaker 3: didn't see. What are five things that you can see? 197 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:22,800 Speaker 3: Because it's very easy to see five things? I said, 198 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:24,720 Speaker 3: can you see me? And she said h I said, 199 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:26,680 Speaker 3: can you see the bed? I said, oh, well, that's two. 200 00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:28,520 Speaker 3: What else can you see? And then she sort of 201 00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:30,199 Speaker 3: giggled a little bit, and she gave me two or 202 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:31,880 Speaker 3: three other things that she could see until we come 203 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:34,680 Speaker 3: up with five things. But she was still really cranky, 204 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:36,400 Speaker 3: and I said, okay, well you can see all those things. 205 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:40,280 Speaker 3: Now let's do four things that you can touch. And 206 00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:42,439 Speaker 3: she started to play the game with me. She gave 207 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:44,160 Speaker 3: me four things that she could touch, talked about the 208 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:46,160 Speaker 3: carpet and her clothes and my knee that she was 209 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:49,880 Speaker 3: sort of leaning against and whatever else it was. And 210 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:51,880 Speaker 3: then I said, okay, so that's five things we can 211 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:54,800 Speaker 3: see and four things we can touch. What are three 212 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:57,720 Speaker 3: things you can hear? So I sort of stepped her 213 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:00,320 Speaker 3: through the senses, and she told me that she could 214 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:03,040 Speaker 3: hear the birds outside or the cicadas I think it was, 215 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:06,320 Speaker 3: and she could hear the fan worrying above us, and 216 00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:10,200 Speaker 3: she could hear my breathing or her breathing or something. 217 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:12,480 Speaker 3: And they said, well, what are two things that you 218 00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:17,040 Speaker 3: can smell? And she told me two things that she 219 00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:19,640 Speaker 3: could smell. I think one of them was my art 220 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:21,439 Speaker 3: to shave. And then she cupped her hands over her 221 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:24,360 Speaker 3: mouth and said, I can smell my breath and I 222 00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,720 Speaker 3: was like, oh, that's disgusting, and so she started to giggle, 223 00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:28,960 Speaker 3: and I said, well, what's one thing that you can taste? 224 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:30,960 Speaker 3: And I don't remember what she came up with, but 225 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:33,120 Speaker 3: they're the five senses, right, What can you see, what 226 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:38,840 Speaker 3: can you touch? What can you hear and smell and taste? 227 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:41,520 Speaker 3: And by the time I'd done that, it probably took 228 00:10:41,559 --> 00:10:43,600 Speaker 3: about a minute and a half, maybe two minutes. She 229 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:48,000 Speaker 3: was so calm, she was so easy to deal with, 230 00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:51,280 Speaker 3: and we had like a fifteen second chat about, you know, 231 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,920 Speaker 3: next time you're feeling upset, what else can you do. 232 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,079 Speaker 3: I gave her a big hug and that was it, 233 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:59,040 Speaker 3: Like it was just it was just epic. And it 234 00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:03,800 Speaker 3: reminded me of how effective mindfulness can be to ground 235 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,520 Speaker 3: us when our emotions are really big. You know. The 236 00:11:06,559 --> 00:11:09,080 Speaker 3: other day we were talking about psychological distancing, and we 237 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:11,760 Speaker 3: talked about all those psychological strategies that we can rely 238 00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:14,920 Speaker 3: on there with temporal distancing and channeling an inner mental 239 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:18,400 Speaker 3: mentor or imagining you've got an audience. But sometimes, especially 240 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:21,240 Speaker 3: for little kids, just bringing them into the present moment 241 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:25,359 Speaker 3: by focusing on their senses just calms everything down. 242 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:28,839 Speaker 2: So if you find just a hug works really well. 243 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:32,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, well she didn't want to hug anybody in that moment. 244 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:35,360 Speaker 3: She was pretty feral. So anyway, that's my that's my 245 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:38,040 Speaker 3: old do better tomorrow, that's my insight, just focusing on 246 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:39,640 Speaker 3: those five senses. 247 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:41,640 Speaker 2: You're lucky you didn't end up with the lion kiss. 248 00:11:41,679 --> 00:11:43,520 Speaker 3: You know, a lion kiss? What's a lime? 249 00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:44,800 Speaker 2: Kissa? 250 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,480 Speaker 3: Oh, that's disgusting. I hate it when she does that. 251 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:48,440 Speaker 3: Did you teach her that? 252 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:48,720 Speaker 1: Oh? 253 00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:49,160 Speaker 2: I did not. 254 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:52,080 Speaker 3: She got it from somewhere and it wasn't me, missus Gorton. 255 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,559 Speaker 3: That's gross. Well, anyway, we hope that this has been 256 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,959 Speaker 3: a useful episode for you in making your family happier, 257 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:03,280 Speaker 3: whether it's overcoming guilt and shame, or whether it's helping 258 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:07,280 Speaker 3: your kids to ground themselves during tantrums with some mindfulness 259 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:11,480 Speaker 3: practice and tuning into their senses. That's really what the 260 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,240 Speaker 3: purpose of the podcast is, to help you to make 261 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:15,800 Speaker 3: your family happier. If you've enjoyed the podcast, we'd appreciate 262 00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:18,960 Speaker 3: you leaving a review at Apple Podcasts. Those ratings and 263 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,880 Speaker 3: reviews help other people to find out about the podcast 264 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,319 Speaker 3: and how they can make their families thrive and flourish. 265 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:27,280 Speaker 3: We really appreciate the work of Justin Ruland who produces 266 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:30,240 Speaker 3: the podcast from Bridge Media, and our executive producer is 267 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:32,880 Speaker 3: Craig Bruce. And if you'd like more information about how 268 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,920 Speaker 3: you can help your family to flourish, especially if you'd 269 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:38,920 Speaker 3: like to have ongoing monthly support via our amazing Happy 270 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:42,840 Speaker 3: Families memberships, just visit happyfamilies dot com dot au.