1 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:07,880 Speaker 1: This is a Happy Families podcast with doctor Justin Kilson. 2 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:10,400 Speaker 1: We are Lukin Susie and this is the podcast for 3 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:13,720 Speaker 1: time poor parents who just want answers. Now. 4 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:16,040 Speaker 2: One thing that you hear often with parents is they're 5 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:17,639 Speaker 2: always so good at school. Why can't I get them 6 00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:20,040 Speaker 2: to behave like that at home? But I think one 7 00:00:20,079 --> 00:00:24,560 Speaker 2: little word seems to explain at all. Routine, establishing routines. 8 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:26,000 Speaker 2: It's kind of an important thing. 9 00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:26,840 Speaker 3: Well. 10 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:28,760 Speaker 2: I think it was learning that it was an important 11 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:30,280 Speaker 2: thing for kids that made me realize it's kind of 12 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:32,199 Speaker 2: an important thing for us grown ups as well. 13 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:35,760 Speaker 4: Yeah, we seem to actually do better when life feels predictable. 14 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:38,560 Speaker 4: It makes us feel more secure and we actually get 15 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:40,280 Speaker 4: more done. It's funny, though, when I talk to a 16 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:43,360 Speaker 4: lot of parents, they say, I just don't like being 17 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,479 Speaker 4: in a routine because then I feel like I'm rigid, 18 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:48,920 Speaker 4: I'm stuck, I don't have any flexibility. You can have 19 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,479 Speaker 4: a routine and have a degree of flexibility around it. 20 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:55,520 Speaker 4: Routine actually allows you to have that flexibility and then 21 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:59,240 Speaker 4: come back to that safety when things aren't working out 22 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:00,200 Speaker 4: quite right. 23 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:04,160 Speaker 1: And it's important, Well it is, And so I'm not 24 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:07,880 Speaker 1: a disciplined routine personality. It's not natural to me. But 25 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:10,840 Speaker 1: as you say, what I've learned is that if I 26 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:13,960 Speaker 1: actually do a portion of my life well on routine, 27 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:17,960 Speaker 1: everything else, the freedom and the adaptability that I do well, 28 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:21,119 Speaker 1: it comes easier because everything's in a good place. 29 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:25,320 Speaker 4: That's it. I mean, you can be all army commander 30 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:28,800 Speaker 4: and you know, disciplinarian, ship shape and all that sort 31 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:31,479 Speaker 4: of thing, and that works for some families, and if 32 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:34,920 Speaker 4: it works for you, then that's fabulous. I prefer that 33 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:36,800 Speaker 4: kind of an approach myself. I like to know that 34 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:39,240 Speaker 4: it's seven o three, this is what's happening at seven 35 00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:42,360 Speaker 4: o six. You know that that works for me. But 36 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:45,760 Speaker 4: my wife doesn't like that, and so we've compromised and 37 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:49,240 Speaker 4: we've set up what we call time targets, and so 38 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:52,680 Speaker 4: we've just got two or three time targets that anchor 39 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:56,200 Speaker 4: our morning or that anchor our evening. And it's those 40 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:59,680 Speaker 4: time targets that keep us on track. We've got flexibility 41 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:02,040 Speaker 4: out out of those things. But we know that bang 42 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:05,400 Speaker 4: on this time the whole family comes together for a 43 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:08,080 Speaker 4: meal or everyone has to be out the door or 44 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:10,639 Speaker 4: whatever it is. And that seems to work pretty well 45 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:11,079 Speaker 4: for us. 46 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:13,400 Speaker 2: Well, we get that routine is important, but how do 47 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:15,919 Speaker 2: we get young children to see the same thing. It's 48 00:02:15,919 --> 00:02:18,160 Speaker 2: The Happy Family's Podcast with doctor Justin Coulson. 49 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:21,919 Speaker 3: More next, Most children are born curious and confident. They 50 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:24,720 Speaker 3: love to explore the world, meet new friends, and try 51 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:27,360 Speaker 3: new things. But between the ages of two and twelve, 52 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:31,160 Speaker 3: confidence often drops off. Why and how can we rebuild it? 53 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,920 Speaker 3: Creating Confident Kids is an easy to read e book 54 00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:36,959 Speaker 3: for busy parents where you'll discover the five biggest mistakes 55 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:40,040 Speaker 3: most parents may that crush their kids confidence and the 56 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:43,360 Speaker 3: five best confidence boosters for building resilience and well being 57 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:47,359 Speaker 3: in your children. Creating Confident Kids by doctor Justin Coulson 58 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:49,440 Speaker 3: at Happy families dot com dot a youu. 59 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:52,600 Speaker 2: It's the Happy Famili's podcast with doctor Justin Coulson. As 60 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:55,560 Speaker 2: we talk about the importance of routine in our families, 61 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:57,200 Speaker 2: so we know. 62 00:02:57,120 --> 00:03:00,000 Speaker 1: How important it is, how do we because we can't 63 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,359 Speaker 1: really sit down with young children and go right, let's 64 00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:04,720 Speaker 1: talk about the importance of routine. How do we get 65 00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:07,440 Speaker 1: them to follow the program that we think is important? 66 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,760 Speaker 4: Well, I think that the best tip and look, there's 67 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:12,040 Speaker 4: a handful that I could give you, but I'm just 68 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:14,400 Speaker 4: going to give you one because it works so well 69 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:19,160 Speaker 4: with children of pretty much any age. You use music 70 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:22,560 Speaker 4: to set them up for success. So what you do 71 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:24,799 Speaker 4: is you get one of those little Bluetooth speakers, or 72 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:26,200 Speaker 4: you go over to your seat and your player or 73 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:27,919 Speaker 4: whatever it is that you use to play your music 74 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,320 Speaker 4: nice and loud through the house, and you say, kids, 75 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:34,240 Speaker 4: every morning, when you hear this song, what we're going 76 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:35,840 Speaker 4: to do is we're going to get together for this thing. 77 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:38,240 Speaker 4: And when you hear this song, that means it's time 78 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:40,920 Speaker 4: to go and do that. And it's great for two reasons. 79 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:42,760 Speaker 4: First of all, the kids get to pick songs that 80 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:45,960 Speaker 4: make them feel fantastic, which means that you don't have 81 00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:46,480 Speaker 4: to go. 82 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:50,320 Speaker 1: Kids, kids, how do you a thousand times? Kids? 83 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:52,520 Speaker 4: You know, you actually get to be calm and quiet 84 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:54,400 Speaker 4: and just play a song that makes them feel great. 85 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:56,800 Speaker 4: But the other thing that's really good about it is 86 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,800 Speaker 4: they've got some buying into it. It's kind of it 87 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:03,440 Speaker 4: changes the energy in your home. So in our family, 88 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,320 Speaker 4: we've got a song that I play on the piano. 89 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:07,160 Speaker 4: I don't play the piano well, but I've got three 90 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:09,280 Speaker 4: songs that I can play, and I play one of 91 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:11,600 Speaker 4: those songs every morning at six point thirty, and when 92 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:14,440 Speaker 4: the kids hear that song, they know that they've got 93 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:16,720 Speaker 4: five minutes to be in the living room so that 94 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:18,279 Speaker 4: we can plan the day, get on with things, and 95 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:21,640 Speaker 4: make things happen. And then I play another song. Usually 96 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:24,480 Speaker 4: it's one of the kid's favorite songs. Lately it's been 97 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:25,880 Speaker 4: this is going to be the best day of my life. 98 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:30,640 Speaker 4: I know that's so twenty fourteen whatever, And we play 99 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:32,960 Speaker 4: that song. It gets everyone pumped up and slicked up, 100 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:34,320 Speaker 4: and they know that when that song comes on, they've 101 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:35,800 Speaker 4: got about three and a half minutes to the end 102 00:04:35,839 --> 00:04:37,920 Speaker 4: of the song before they've got to be in the 103 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:39,200 Speaker 4: car so we can get them off to the bus 104 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,040 Speaker 4: stop or off the school or whatever it is. And 105 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:44,000 Speaker 4: those couple of little time targets stop us from shouting 106 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:48,039 Speaker 4: and yelling. And it actually, I guess the word is 107 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:53,160 Speaker 4: condition songs. It's got to like pavlos. They start salivating. 108 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:55,520 Speaker 4: The kids know that it's time to do their thing. 109 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:58,200 Speaker 2: Oh that's great. It's kind of like the school bell. 110 00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:00,760 Speaker 2: Kids know when the school bell rings, it's under line up, 111 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:03,400 Speaker 2: or it's time to go to lunch or whatever it is. 112 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:06,520 Speaker 2: Love it, but it's something that is actually good for 113 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:07,560 Speaker 2: the whole music is so good. 114 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:10,440 Speaker 1: I just there's so many not to say that I 115 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,799 Speaker 1: ever think that your ideas are bad, Justin, but this, 116 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:15,440 Speaker 1: this is so in the in the sweet spot for 117 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:18,680 Speaker 1: our family, our boys. We do this. We sit around 118 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:21,560 Speaker 1: the speaker and they choose a song just because, and 119 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:24,440 Speaker 1: we have a little family playlist because of songs that 120 00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:27,279 Speaker 1: we're okay, we've filtered through and that they love. And 121 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:29,839 Speaker 1: this this is just a natural next step to help. 122 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:32,679 Speaker 1: I love it like a tear and teeth song suit. Yes, 123 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,000 Speaker 1: do get your uniform. 124 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:38,480 Speaker 4: Love it. My work here is done. 125 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:42,600 Speaker 2: You too helping us re establish routines from Happy Families 126 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:42,960 Speaker 2: dot com. 127 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:43,280 Speaker 4: That are you? 128 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:44,560 Speaker 2: It is doctor Justin Coilson. 129 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:47,040 Speaker 4: Thank you so much, always a pleasure. 130 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:50,320 Speaker 2: For more info in all of Justin's books, podcasts, and programs, 131 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:52,520 Speaker 2: you can jump online to Happy Families dot com. Do 132 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:54,960 Speaker 2: are you to find out how to have Justin speak 133 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:56,400 Speaker 2: at your school or you can come along to your 134 00:05:56,480 --> 00:06:03,840 Speaker 2: organization as well. Go to Justin Coulson dot com.