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Speaker 1: Jersey and Amanda jam Nation. You may know our next

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Speaker 1: guest as the widow of Hugh Hefner, but she's also

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Speaker 1: a model and entrepreneur and a mental health advocate. Krystal

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Speaker 1: Hefner's new book, Only Say Good Things takes you through

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Speaker 1: her stolen youth and the journey she's been through to

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Speaker 1: get it all back.

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Speaker 2: Crystal High, Hi, thanks for having me.

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Speaker 1: How did you come to be part of the Playboy Mansion?

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Speaker 1: How did all this come about?

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Speaker 2: I submitted a photo to go to a party at

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Speaker 2: the Playboy Mansion. A friend suggested that I submit a

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Speaker 2: photo to go, and I didn't think I'd ever get picked,

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Speaker 2: but I did, and up I went to a Halloween

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Speaker 2: party in two thousand and eight.

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Speaker 1: Wow, and so many girls have been through the Mansion.

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Speaker 1: What was it about you and hef I mean you

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Speaker 1: actually got married, so it was quite a different kind

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Speaker 1: of relationship.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I ended up marrying half and I still think,

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Speaker 2: like all those women, how did I end up being

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Speaker 2: the one married to him? But but I was, and

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Speaker 2: it was an interesting experience, and now that I've had

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Speaker 2: more time to reflect on it, it was a bit traumatic.

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Speaker 2: So I think writing this book has helped me process

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Speaker 2: all of that.

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Speaker 3: And you had to share half with other bodies as well,

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Speaker 3: which would have been I watched because I watched the

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Speaker 3: documentary and I thought, wow, it's like it was, it's

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Speaker 3: like a cult.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I think once I realized, like, oh, half

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Speaker 2: wants multiple people, like in the bedroom. This man can't

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Speaker 2: really love me, So yeah, I don't. I think he

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Speaker 2: loved me maybe the best way he knew how.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, it was odd because the image we have

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Speaker 1: of Hugh Heiffna for a number of years was that

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Speaker 1: he you know, he was kind of benign and and

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Speaker 1: in a way a harmless presence. But there was a

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Speaker 1: darkness to it too, wasn't there.

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Absolutely, And now I think we have terms that

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Speaker 2: we didn't have back then, or I didn't have back then.

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Speaker 2: And you know, hef was a narcissist and I didn't know.

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Speaker 2: I thought that was just his personality, but now I know,

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Speaker 2: like the signs and like, oh he was just very narcissistic.

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Speaker 2: And I had to just be a mirror reflecting his

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Speaker 2: self importance back at him at all times, and it

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Speaker 2: was hard, and I think in some ways he didn't

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Speaker 2: even realize the damage he did to people and.

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Speaker 3: In the prism of these times now when we look

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Speaker 3: back on it and yourself, because you defended you for many,

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Speaker 3: many years, but now you're thinking, well, hang on, what

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Speaker 3: went on wasn't right?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Absolutely, I did defend him for so long, and

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Speaker 2: he did make me promise him that I would only

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Speaker 2: say good things about him after he passed away, and

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Speaker 2: you know that's why the book is called only say

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Speaker 2: good things. But after reflecting and you know me too.

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Speaker 2: Happened a month after he passed away. So while I

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Speaker 2: was there, the media really put him on a pedestal.

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Speaker 2: And time was when I felt conflicted or my something

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Speaker 2: and my soul felt like things were off. I'm like,

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Speaker 2: maybe something's just wrong with me because the media put

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Speaker 2: him on such a pedestal and like it. You know,

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Speaker 2: it was such just a different time and things have

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Speaker 2: changed now and now I realized, you know, my body

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Speaker 2: was speaking to me and things things weren't right.

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Speaker 1: So what sort of damage did you come away with?

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Speaker 2: Oh? My goodness. I remember at first my friends tried

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Speaker 2: to set me up with a matchmaker, like a matchmaking

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Speaker 2: company to date and the company asked me like, what

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Speaker 2: do you like? And it's such a simple question, and

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Speaker 2: I couldn't answer it because I'm like, what do I like?

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Speaker 2: I spent my fol like I spent an entire decade

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Speaker 2: just people pleasing and being what someone else wanted of me,

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Speaker 2: Like what do I like? So it took a while

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Speaker 2: to figure that out, and I ended up in more

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Speaker 2: relationships that were controlling and manipulative. And yeah, it took

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Speaker 2: me a while to really have self confidence and know

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Speaker 2: my worth and respect myself enough to not put up

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Speaker 2: with anything less than nurturing. So it's been a process.

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Speaker 1: What would you say to your younger self or younger women,

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Speaker 1: What would you go back in time and say to

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Speaker 1: yourself as you were about to embark on all of that.

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Speaker 2: I just I just wish that I had more that

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Speaker 2: I that I realized my power. Back then, I didn't

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Speaker 2: realize that I had power. I just kept myself small

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Speaker 2: and malleable, And I wish I just had respected myself more.

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Speaker 2: But when you're young, you're impressionable, and especially when you

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Speaker 2: come from hard childhood, which makes it a little tougher

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Speaker 2: and you.

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Speaker 3: In watching the documentary, he seemed to pray on that

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Speaker 3: a bit as well. He get the vulnerable types like

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Speaker 3: yourself and he would pray on that.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely. I remember his secretary saying, you know, he takes

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Speaker 2: in the ones with the broken wings. And I didn't

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Speaker 2: think much of it at the time, but thinking back

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Speaker 2: and like, oh, that's true. You know a lot of

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Speaker 2: the women that were there, they come from hard, broken childhoods.

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Speaker 2: And if there were women there that really respected themselves

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Speaker 2: and had the confidence that they wouldn't last. So yeah, yeah, true.

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Speaker 3: And how do you feel now? How are you now?

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Speaker 3: You're in a good place now?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, finally, finally I have like actual freedom, and I've

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Speaker 2: been traveling a lot, and i bought a farm in Hawaii,

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Speaker 2: so I've been spending a lot of time in nature

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Speaker 2: and just just finding myself.

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Speaker 3: What do you grow on the farm?

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Speaker 2: I have a light chief.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, a hundred one hundred light cheese.

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Speaker 1: That's a lot of.

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Speaker 3: It's a tree, a light tree.

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Speaker 1: I love light cheese.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Do they go on a tree? Yeah? Are they what

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Speaker 3: are they worth? They? Are they good to to say?

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Speaker 3: Like they like avocados for example, Like avocados. You know

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Speaker 3: you make some money at avocados. Is there much money

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Speaker 3: in the lichi game?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? I think I sell them for like four or

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Speaker 2: six dollars a pounds business to local farmers' markets.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's lovely.

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Speaker 1: This is going to grow light light, chill the.

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Speaker 3: Crystal. I'm always trying to get on the ground floor

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Speaker 3: of something, okay, and I think maybe the lightchi maybe

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Speaker 3: we're I know you're already there, like you're already.

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Speaker 1: May take Crystal share of the like now.

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Speaker 3: I'm just saying maybe that maybe I'm always looking for

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Speaker 3: a new hustle. Maybe there could be something.

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Speaker 2: It's all about the hustle.

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Speaker 3: That's all about the hustle, which was another magazine for

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Speaker 3: another time. Yeah, Crystal, it's great to talk to you.

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Speaker 3: I'm so happy that you're doing well. Only Say Good

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Speaker 3: Things is in all good bookstores near you right now.

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Speaker 3: Crystal Heffner, thank you for joining us, Thank you for

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Speaker 3: having me. Are you one nice to meet you.

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Speaker 1: Thank you very much, Thank you, Bye bye,