WEBVTT - ASK UNCUT - A guide to flirting 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.800 Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands 0:00:03.840 --> 0:00:06.560 were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders 0:00:06.559 --> 0:00:07.600 past and present. 0:00:07.600 --> 0:00:11.399 Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was 0:00:11.440 --> 0:00:24.280 recorded on de rug Wallamuta Land. Hi guys, and welcome 0:00:24.320 --> 0:00:28.640 back to another episode Life UNKA. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany. 0:00:27.920 --> 0:00:29.760 How are you Brittany? 0:00:30.160 --> 0:00:31.280 It just boggles me. 0:00:31.360 --> 0:00:33.120 Hang on, I'm gonna lean know over as we speak 0:00:33.159 --> 0:00:34.080 to turn my mic up. 0:00:36.159 --> 0:00:37.280 It boggles me that we've. 0:00:37.159 --> 0:00:38.800 Been doing this for four years and it still takes 0:00:38.880 --> 0:00:41.040 us so long to set up what we want, like 0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:43.640 the mic, the levels and everything but going to change. 0:00:43.680 --> 0:00:45.479 You seem like you're shocked by this, But like I 0:00:45.479 --> 0:00:47.960 would have thought that after four years you would have 0:00:48.040 --> 0:00:50.040 just become used to the fact that we still. 0:00:49.920 --> 0:00:52.639 I am shocked because four years is a degree, Like 0:00:52.720 --> 0:00:55.320 we could have done a degree in this and we 0:00:55.360 --> 0:00:57.520 still can't figure out the bloody knobs. 0:00:57.960 --> 0:01:00.680 If only we had spent more time being productive in 0:01:00.760 --> 0:01:02.880 our life, not talking about breakups and shit. 0:01:03.000 --> 0:01:03.560 How are you on? 0:01:03.880 --> 0:01:04.160 Great? 0:01:04.200 --> 0:01:07.040 Because it's almost holiday time for me, holiday. 0:01:08.560 --> 0:01:11.480 One of us is holiday because you're going to see 0:01:11.520 --> 0:01:13.080 Ben and therefore it's a holiday. 0:01:13.120 --> 0:01:15.560 But with Bay, yeah, I caught holiday and actually you're 0:01:15.600 --> 0:01:17.000 vomiting your mouth day to each other. 0:01:17.240 --> 0:01:18.520 He's like, can't wait for holiday. 0:01:18.800 --> 0:01:23.080 Regular bread is fine. Maybe regular Ben not fine. 0:01:23.640 --> 0:01:25.319 No, because I've seen regular Ben. 0:01:25.760 --> 0:01:28.240 Ben's pretty chill. He's great, He's so chill. 0:01:28.319 --> 0:01:30.319 But I read something today that was concerning Actually, I 0:01:30.360 --> 0:01:32.560 read something in like one of those psychology todays. It's like, 0:01:32.600 --> 0:01:35.000 if you have more than two orgasms a day, you're 0:01:35.319 --> 0:01:39.080 like a psychopath or somewhere something that was and I 0:01:39.120 --> 0:01:41.400 was like, holy shit, do they know what holiday breed is? 0:01:41.840 --> 0:01:42.440 Psychopath? 0:01:42.520 --> 0:01:44.720 You're allowed to have five orgasms a day when you're 0:01:44.840 --> 0:01:46.119 visiting your long distance boyfriend. 0:01:46.200 --> 0:01:47.919 That's like any honeymoon period, right. 0:01:48.080 --> 0:01:51.240 Well, that's why I was concerned, as Holiday brit as psychopath? 0:01:51.400 --> 0:01:54.560 Do know? Yeah? Probably maybe? 0:01:54.680 --> 0:01:58.840 But also who's maintaining Who is maintaining a two orgasm 0:01:58.880 --> 0:02:01.680 a day average throughout a law term relationship all like. 0:02:01.680 --> 0:02:04.560 Their whole life, like consistently twice a day. 0:02:04.640 --> 0:02:06.480 Also, because twice a day is probably not going to 0:02:06.520 --> 0:02:08.359 be in quick successions, so it's probably gonna be like 0:02:08.360 --> 0:02:09.320 once in the morning, once at night. 0:02:09.320 --> 0:02:11.399 I don't think it's like bang bang, which. 0:02:11.560 --> 0:02:13.320 It doesn't mean you have to be having sex, like 0:02:13.360 --> 0:02:15.600 when we say orgasm, you're doing this to yourself, Like 0:02:15.680 --> 0:02:16.680 this is all on you. 0:02:16.760 --> 0:02:18.480 We have a really good ask on cut surrounding that 0:02:18.520 --> 0:02:20.640 today actually, but we'll get into the okay, rah, Well 0:02:20.639 --> 0:02:21.639 before we get into answering. 0:02:21.639 --> 0:02:23.400 Oh you're deep, you're dark, and you're burning questions. You 0:02:23.400 --> 0:02:25.240 know the reason why you came here. We'll do what 0:02:25.240 --> 0:02:27.440 we do every week, which is talk for way too long. First, 0:02:27.880 --> 0:02:29.000 I have something I need. 0:02:28.880 --> 0:02:29.320 To tell you. 0:02:29.880 --> 0:02:34.720 I have been duped. I got duped, I got tricked. Okay, okay, 0:02:34.760 --> 0:02:37.040 I'm that person. You know those people are like, hey, 0:02:37.120 --> 0:02:39.160 you'll never guess what happened. I'm the person actually tries 0:02:39.200 --> 0:02:39.560 to guess. 0:02:39.800 --> 0:02:40.639 I'm scammed. 0:02:40.800 --> 0:02:42.160 Yeah, I'm trying to think of what you would have 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:44.400 got duped or scammed on. Not a regular scam, not 0:02:44.400 --> 0:02:46.600 an Australia post. Hey click the link and add your 0:02:46.600 --> 0:02:48.480 detail and then I'll take all your money. No, not 0:02:48.520 --> 0:02:50.440 a scam like that. So okay, recently I moved into 0:02:50.480 --> 0:02:53.080 a new house. Now, the thing thing that I was 0:02:53.160 --> 0:02:56.920 likeing this it's beautiful. I was the garden it is 0:02:56.960 --> 0:02:59.400 it's a Magical fairy Land. I'm sure all the girls 0:02:59.480 --> 0:03:02.240 in the girls imagination. That is like the fire Away Tree. 0:03:02.280 --> 0:03:06.480 Remember the Faraway Tree? No Roald Dahl classic. You never 0:03:06.520 --> 0:03:09.600 read it? Roll Dah, Yeah, Roald Dahl. Is it Rowell 0:03:09.720 --> 0:03:12.799 or is it roll? No Roald Dahl. I think it's 0:03:12.880 --> 0:03:15.800 Roll Dahl. Whatever, the far Away Tree? How did you 0:03:15.880 --> 0:03:17.400 not read it? 0:03:17.520 --> 0:03:21.160 Dick and Fanny? What their names would? 0:03:21.240 --> 0:03:23.800 I can't believe you didn't read it The Magical Fireway Tree. 0:03:23.840 --> 0:03:26.720 Hang on, the character's names are Dick and Fanny. I'm sorry, 0:03:26.760 --> 0:03:28.839 but Moonface and sawcepan head. 0:03:29.000 --> 0:03:29.520 People know. 0:03:29.720 --> 0:03:32.959 If Roll Dahl wrote a book and the main fucking 0:03:33.080 --> 0:03:35.640 characters were Dick and Fanny, that guy has some issues. 0:03:35.840 --> 0:03:38.880 What was Dick and Fanny were names back then? Fanny 0:03:39.000 --> 0:03:41.240 was a common name. They may have been names back then. 0:03:41.280 --> 0:03:43.640 But he knew what he was doing. Oh, In Blighton 0:03:44.000 --> 0:03:46.400 wasn't a Roll d In Blyton. She was a great 0:03:46.480 --> 0:03:48.320 kid's book, so Roll Dahl. He didn't write about Dick 0:03:48.360 --> 0:03:49.640 and Fanny, but Enid. 0:03:49.400 --> 0:03:49.840 Was a sick go. 0:03:52.800 --> 0:03:55.360 He went on to write some adult romance novels after 0:03:55.360 --> 0:03:55.960 Dick and Fanny. 0:03:56.000 --> 0:03:57.920 It is actually a really great book for you to 0:03:57.960 --> 0:03:59.760 read the kids. If you haven't read it, it is 0:03:59.840 --> 0:04:02.840 so so magical. So I'm pretty sure this could be wrong. 0:04:02.880 --> 0:04:05.720 I'm pretty sure they've had to change names. They've changed 0:04:05.800 --> 0:04:08.400 names now and like as adults, and they've re hang 0:04:08.440 --> 0:04:11.840 on Producercations found something. The main characters are Joe, Bessie, 0:04:11.880 --> 0:04:22.599 and Fanny, but it's been updated to Franny. Do you 0:04:22.640 --> 0:04:25.000 know that's really sad that you can't even have a 0:04:25.080 --> 0:04:26.000 name in a book called. 0:04:25.800 --> 0:04:27.719 Fanny because it wasn't it? Okay? 0:04:27.720 --> 0:04:31.480 The story is so the garden is so pretty, and 0:04:31.560 --> 0:04:34.800 I am I am terrible with plants, but this is 0:04:34.800 --> 0:04:35.600 my new passions. 0:04:35.640 --> 0:04:37.160 It's keeping plants alive. 0:04:37.560 --> 0:04:42.520 Having luxurious, blossoming, beautiful, healthy plants is my new hobby. 0:04:42.560 --> 0:04:43.919 I'm going to be one of those old people that 0:04:44.000 --> 0:04:46.680 love to garden, and I'm okay with that. But then 0:04:47.279 --> 0:04:49.520 I went out into the garden to do my gardening, 0:04:49.560 --> 0:04:51.200 to do some weeding, because that's what I do on 0:04:51.200 --> 0:04:55.159 all weekend. You and the plants in the back of 0:04:55.200 --> 0:04:57.920 the garden, along the whole side of. 0:04:57.880 --> 0:05:01.120 The fence, fake are dying, And I was like, what 0:05:01.279 --> 0:05:01.880 is going on? 0:05:01.960 --> 0:05:05.040 And every week they're slight like they're dying more it's 0:05:05.040 --> 0:05:07.120 getting worse and worse. And I was like, maybe they 0:05:07.120 --> 0:05:08.920 need some water, so I did that, and I was like, 0:05:08.960 --> 0:05:11.200 maybe they need some fertilizers, so he did that. Anyway, 0:05:11.800 --> 0:05:14.119 they're now pretty much dead, and I was like, Okay, 0:05:14.120 --> 0:05:16.520 I might just pull one out and see what's going on. 0:05:17.279 --> 0:05:21.159 They're not real trees, they're just sticks. The guy who 0:05:21.240 --> 0:05:24.640 owned the house, what are you mean cut? He'd basically 0:05:24.680 --> 0:05:26.800 gone and gotten all these yuckers and just cut the 0:05:26.880 --> 0:05:29.119 yuckers so it was just the branch of the yucker, 0:05:29.200 --> 0:05:30.680 and he'd stuck the branch. 0:05:30.360 --> 0:05:32.160 In the ground to make it look like it was. 0:05:32.120 --> 0:05:34.880 No, Laura, that's how you grow yuckers. 0:05:34.920 --> 0:05:36.440 Don't pull them out they're dead. 0:05:36.800 --> 0:05:39.279 No, you just cut the stem and put the yucky in. 0:05:39.680 --> 0:05:42.440 They're all dead, all of them. No, you tend dead yuckers. 0:05:42.520 --> 0:05:49.359 That's how you pan yuckers. But they're not growing, they're 0:05:49.440 --> 0:05:50.040 just dying. 0:05:50.279 --> 0:05:52.919 You can cut a stem off the yucker and reput 0:05:52.920 --> 0:05:53.479 it in the ground. 0:05:53.480 --> 0:05:54.840 That's absolutely how you grow them. 0:05:54.880 --> 0:05:56.880 But they're all dead. They haven't grown root. 0:05:56.960 --> 0:05:57.720 That's not from the guy. 0:05:57.760 --> 0:05:59.800 He didn't jupe you, and that's it. 0:06:00.480 --> 0:06:03.440 That's how you can grow yakut okay, Well, anyway. 0:06:03.680 --> 0:06:06.640 You're like, I got double y jike. I jipped myself. 0:06:08.880 --> 0:06:10.839 When I said that gardening's my new passion. I don't 0:06:10.880 --> 0:06:14.160 know anything about it though, like I know, it's just started. Anyway, 0:06:14.400 --> 0:06:15.799 we have lots of things to talk about. 0:06:15.800 --> 0:06:18.160 Today. I came across an article which I wanted to 0:06:18.160 --> 0:06:18.760 talk to you about. 0:06:18.800 --> 0:06:21.840 And the reason why is because, Britt, I feel out 0:06:21.880 --> 0:06:25.560 of everybody who participates in life on cart there's three 0:06:25.560 --> 0:06:26.520 of us and Mitch Jury. 0:06:26.880 --> 0:06:28.960 You are the best flirter. 0:06:29.480 --> 0:06:31.839 I think you not an akolai. Do you know how 0:06:31.920 --> 0:06:34.360 to flirt better than anyone? I am an awkward flirter. 0:06:34.560 --> 0:06:37.039 I am a terrible, terrible flirt I never ever got 0:06:37.080 --> 0:06:39.279 better at it, I don't think, which is surprising that 0:06:39.320 --> 0:06:41.119 I managed to find a husband who stayed around. 0:06:41.520 --> 0:06:43.479 I think he was like, well he was locked in 0:06:43.520 --> 0:06:45.640 a mansion. He didn't choose to stay around you all 0:06:45.640 --> 0:06:46.760 locked there for three months. 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:50.960 You're endearingly terrible at this, Yeah, but he kept me around. 0:06:51.080 --> 0:06:54.640 You're war emmed out. I did, I did, but you, Britt, 0:06:54.680 --> 0:06:55.800 are very good at it. Anyway. 0:06:55.880 --> 0:06:57.400 So this is an article that's been written by a 0:06:57.400 --> 0:06:59.880 thirty five year old bisexual bartender, so she's. 0:07:00.320 --> 0:07:02.160 Flirting with both sexes. 0:07:02.279 --> 0:07:04.960 Now she's written out the steps of what she thinks 0:07:05.040 --> 0:07:07.919 are the most important parts of what makes someone a 0:07:07.960 --> 0:07:11.360 good flirt. Number one, don't give your life story. I 0:07:11.400 --> 0:07:13.240 feel like I always give a little bit too much. 0:07:13.280 --> 0:07:15.080 I usually end up talking about my ex's on a 0:07:15.080 --> 0:07:18.360 first date, which is not recommended. 0:07:17.760 --> 0:07:20.240 For one golden raw, just a little bit. I just 0:07:20.240 --> 0:07:22.920 talk about them a little bit. It makes people feel comfortable, No. 0:07:23.080 --> 0:07:25.200 It doesn't. It's like, why is she on a date? 0:07:25.240 --> 0:07:28.480 We've me talking about her ex? Okay, from this moment forward, 0:07:29.280 --> 0:07:31.480 as a listener, you listen to me and not la. 0:07:31.560 --> 0:07:33.720 Okay, At what point in dating would you talk about 0:07:33.760 --> 0:07:34.520 an X on a date? 0:07:34.680 --> 0:07:38.640 If and only if they ask you about it, and 0:07:38.680 --> 0:07:40.440 you give them a little bit and you don't make 0:07:40.480 --> 0:07:42.280 it emotional, very factual. 0:07:42.560 --> 0:07:44.640 The last person I dated was probably six months ago. 0:07:44.640 --> 0:07:47.280 It didn't end well though, Like that's a whole nother story. 0:07:47.320 --> 0:07:49.040 And then it's a couple of dates away. You do 0:07:49.200 --> 0:07:51.080 not sit there for the rest of a date and 0:07:52.000 --> 0:07:53.840 spill your trauma about what happened. 0:07:54.240 --> 0:07:55.600 Trauma dumping is not a good idea. 0:07:55.640 --> 0:07:57.120 And then this one time we had been out and 0:07:57.160 --> 0:07:59.920 then we got into a really big fight, and like, no. 0:07:59.560 --> 0:08:01.600 No, you don't want to go into the details of 0:08:01.640 --> 0:08:04.240 the nitty gritty, but you give big picture things. 0:08:04.320 --> 0:08:06.960 No, okay, I do not go on a first date 0:08:07.200 --> 0:08:09.960 and say I am going to have the Sydney Rock 0:08:10.000 --> 0:08:13.280 Oysters please, and then you see he had this double 0:08:13.360 --> 0:08:15.160 life and I didn't know about it. 0:08:15.520 --> 0:08:19.000 You don't do that, Okay. Obviously this is an easy one. 0:08:19.080 --> 0:08:23.800 Eye contact really works, but make it subtle. Don't eye contact. 0:08:23.880 --> 0:08:25.760 I think there is a fine line. There's a fine 0:08:25.760 --> 0:08:29.560 line between sexy and creep. That fine line sits somewhere 0:08:29.600 --> 0:08:31.200 in the fact that one you have to already be 0:08:31.240 --> 0:08:33.480 slightly attracted to the person. Like if you're not attracted 0:08:33.480 --> 0:08:35.680 to the person and they're making intense eye contact with you, 0:08:36.120 --> 0:08:37.440 it is very off putting. 0:08:37.800 --> 0:08:40.480 Stop trying to make eye contact with me. Now, did 0:08:40.520 --> 0:08:41.719 you just see what I do? Like this? 0:08:41.880 --> 0:08:42.520 I do it. 0:08:43.360 --> 0:08:44.480 I just did it. I just did it. 0:08:44.520 --> 0:08:46.360 While you're talking asholoaded with you in my eyes. 0:08:46.559 --> 0:08:50.079 You do this and your lashing I lid raise a little, eyebrows, 0:08:50.120 --> 0:08:52.559 not eyebrows, just a little, and you know what you do. 0:08:52.679 --> 0:08:53.440 You gotta describe it. 0:08:53.480 --> 0:08:54.200 I'm going to do it to you. 0:08:54.200 --> 0:08:55.319 Now, it's not a visual medium. 0:08:55.360 --> 0:08:56.760 You look at the eyes for a minute and then 0:08:56.800 --> 0:08:58.680 you do a little smile, and then you glance down 0:08:58.720 --> 0:09:00.880 to the lips and then you look back up to 0:09:00.920 --> 0:09:01.400 the eyes. 0:09:01.559 --> 0:09:03.440 It is how you do it. No, that's a thing. 0:09:03.520 --> 0:09:07.920 So men particularly respond really well when you've subtly glanced 0:09:07.920 --> 0:09:08.440 at their lips. 0:09:08.520 --> 0:09:10.960 That's actually that's from flirting school. 0:09:11.120 --> 0:09:13.200 So there is this thing which is like, let's talk 0:09:13.240 --> 0:09:14.160 about the golden try it. 0:09:14.160 --> 0:09:17.640 I definitely did not attend the golden triangle of the face. Yeah, 0:09:17.880 --> 0:09:20.079 the golden triangle of your face is your eyes, your nose, 0:09:20.080 --> 0:09:21.920 your mouth, and you're meant to just go between those 0:09:22.040 --> 0:09:25.160 three zones. So you flick between looking into their eyes. 0:09:25.880 --> 0:09:27.800 I mean, do you wish because you have to go 0:09:27.880 --> 0:09:29.840 between both. Look at the mouth, look at the nose, 0:09:29.840 --> 0:09:31.320 look at the mouth, look at the eyes, look at 0:09:31.320 --> 0:09:31.640 the nose. 0:09:31.679 --> 0:09:34.000 Don't just a couple of glances to the lips. 0:09:34.000 --> 0:09:36.200 But that's the key and a little smirk like I 0:09:36.280 --> 0:09:37.960 was flirting with you before I said it, and I 0:09:37.960 --> 0:09:38.520 could tell. 0:09:38.480 --> 0:09:40.880 You I was like, I know what you're doing right now, 0:09:40.880 --> 0:09:41.520 you fucking creep. 0:09:41.600 --> 0:09:44.440 And then conversely to that, to make someone feel really awkward, 0:09:44.520 --> 0:09:45.280 you look at their forehead. 0:09:45.679 --> 0:09:46.200 Did you know that? 0:09:46.600 --> 0:09:48.200 So when you're talking to someone, if you look over 0:09:48.200 --> 0:09:51.240 at their forehead, they immediately think that something's wrong. Really yeah, 0:09:51.240 --> 0:09:53.439 because no one looks up at the forehead. It makes 0:09:53.480 --> 0:09:55.320 you think that you've got something on there or it's 0:09:55.360 --> 0:09:55.840 so if you want to. 0:09:55.800 --> 0:09:57.720 Make someone feel awkward, you look up at their feat 0:09:57.800 --> 0:09:59.600 So maybe if you want to do the anti flirt, 0:09:59.600 --> 0:10:02.200 you steer at someone's forehead and definitely don't look at 0:10:02.240 --> 0:10:04.920 their mouth. And then obviously this is very I mean, 0:10:04.960 --> 0:10:07.120 I feel like if you're getting positive affirmations from the 0:10:07.160 --> 0:10:09.200 eye contact and the mouth and the up and down 0:10:09.240 --> 0:10:12.880 and the golden triangle, try some light touching. Try some 0:10:12.960 --> 0:10:17.000 light touching. Touch their knee, touch their arm, places that 0:10:17.040 --> 0:10:20.360 are consentually Okay, don't grote them yet. 0:10:20.640 --> 0:10:22.600 I'm big on that one, but I could probably give 0:10:22.600 --> 0:10:25.720 away too much when I'm not interested because my love 0:10:25.800 --> 0:10:27.600 language is physical touch. But I do that with my 0:10:27.640 --> 0:10:30.360 friends even like I'm quite a if someone's close to me, 0:10:30.440 --> 0:10:32.080 I will laugh and touch that leg, even if it's 0:10:32.120 --> 0:10:35.920 a friend or whatever. Like I'm quite physical, but a 0:10:36.080 --> 0:10:39.600 little touch goes a long way, And particularly I think 0:10:40.200 --> 0:10:43.160 the leg or you know that like cliche laugh if 0:10:43.160 --> 0:10:45.040 you lean into them and laugh and just put your 0:10:45.040 --> 0:10:46.480 hand on their arm, I think that. 0:10:46.600 --> 0:10:48.920 Works as well. Look how much you're loving this. This 0:10:48.960 --> 0:10:50.599 is such like your area of expertise. 0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:53.640 If I did this for ten years, I like successfully 0:10:53.720 --> 0:10:54.880 the girl honed her skills. 0:10:54.960 --> 0:10:56.480 I know these are very obvious ones. 0:10:56.520 --> 0:10:58.360 Don't get too drunk on a first date, or if 0:10:58.400 --> 0:11:01.719 you like someone also offered to pay, even if it's 0:11:01.720 --> 0:11:03.800 like you know, I know that sometimes when we've spoken 0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:05.400 about who pays on a first date, and like the 0:11:05.480 --> 0:11:07.640 gender norms, but I actually do think it goes a 0:11:07.679 --> 0:11:09.880 long way as a female to kind of flip it 0:11:09.920 --> 0:11:11.760 and offer to pay for a drink or something. Obviously 0:11:11.800 --> 0:11:13.440 you don't have to pick up the whole tab, but 0:11:13.480 --> 0:11:15.480 I do think it shows a level of investment and 0:11:15.559 --> 0:11:18.280 interest if you at least offer to pay for their tab. 0:11:18.600 --> 0:11:21.480 I'm big on this, but because I get quite awkward 0:11:21.520 --> 0:11:24.120 with money, I always have been, I'll often pay at 0:11:24.160 --> 0:11:26.120 the beginning, or I will at least be offering, and 0:11:26.160 --> 0:11:28.680 it's not an offer, It's not like a throwaway offer. 0:11:28.720 --> 0:11:31.920 I genuinely want to Ben. The weekend that I met Ben, 0:11:31.960 --> 0:11:33.840 we all know we spent this lovely weekend together. 0:11:33.960 --> 0:11:35.079 I bought the. 0:11:35.040 --> 0:11:37.960 First dinner because it was just takeaway, right like, he 0:11:38.000 --> 0:11:39.520 was coming to my house and I just ordered in, 0:11:39.800 --> 0:11:40.520 so like's stand it. 0:11:40.600 --> 0:11:41.199 I paid for it. 0:11:41.559 --> 0:11:43.320 Yeah, but also the guy was coming over for a 0:11:43.320 --> 0:11:45.319 one night stare and you bought him a chicken snitzel. 0:11:45.400 --> 0:11:46.040 Okay, hang on. 0:11:46.240 --> 0:11:48.760 What I probably haven't told you guys is I hadn't 0:11:48.760 --> 0:11:49.440 met Ben yet. 0:11:49.520 --> 0:11:52.640 I sent Ben when he was in the uber to 0:11:52.760 --> 0:11:55.320 my house and i'd never met him to have sex. 0:11:55.559 --> 0:11:58.240 I sent him the menu of a restaurant I was 0:11:58.280 --> 0:12:00.360 going to order from, and I said, pick you want, 0:12:00.360 --> 0:12:02.360 I'm going to pre order some food. I had to 0:12:02.400 --> 0:12:04.600 give him some sustenance because I thought we're up for 0:12:04.600 --> 0:12:06.880 a big night, so he had the menu as well. 0:12:07.080 --> 0:12:08.840 But I paid for that dinner. And then the next 0:12:08.920 --> 0:12:10.720 day we went and got some coffees and stuff and 0:12:10.760 --> 0:12:13.320 I just ordered for him and paid, and he mentioned 0:12:13.320 --> 0:12:15.080 that laid down the track. He didn't want me to, 0:12:15.200 --> 0:12:16.520 and I was like, just let me, like, you're at 0:12:16.559 --> 0:12:18.720 my house, let me paying. He mentioned, He's like, I 0:12:18.760 --> 0:12:21.560 remember you paying for that is what I'm saying. So 0:12:21.600 --> 0:12:23.640 he's like, it actually goes a long way. You don't 0:12:23.640 --> 0:12:25.320 have to go over the top, but like a coffee 0:12:25.360 --> 0:12:27.520 and a cake or whatever, like the little things I 0:12:27.559 --> 0:12:30.959 think sometimes really last week, I think it's the gesture 0:12:31.040 --> 0:12:33.120 just not the expectation is the bigger thing. Yeah, Like 0:12:33.160 --> 0:12:35.440 I think often you know, people will offer back and 0:12:35.440 --> 0:12:36.960 that's fine and you can take them up on it. 0:12:37.000 --> 0:12:40.280 But I think the gesture of offering and being okay 0:12:40.360 --> 0:12:42.320 with paying if you know, if they say that turns 0:12:42.320 --> 0:12:45.120 out to be the case. But it's that gesture rather 0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:48.160 than the expectation that I think is important. Now, one 0:12:48.200 --> 0:12:49.840 thing that is not listed on this and I would 0:12:49.880 --> 0:12:52.680 love to get your opinion on nagging. And then the 0:12:52.720 --> 0:12:54.720 reason why I bring up nagging is because I think 0:12:54.720 --> 0:12:56.960 it has very negative connotations, i e. 0:12:57.160 --> 0:13:00.360 Negging negative. So the idea that like if you. 0:13:00.200 --> 0:13:03.680 Like someone, you will be a little bit sarcastic or 0:13:03.720 --> 0:13:06.360 a little bit like make fun of almost as a 0:13:06.400 --> 0:13:09.200 way of flirting. The reason why I think that this 0:13:09.280 --> 0:13:11.480 is a tricky one to kind of, you know, navigate, 0:13:11.880 --> 0:13:15.240 is because we have been told and I think when 0:13:15.240 --> 0:13:16.880 you grow up, when you're a kid that that whole 0:13:16.920 --> 0:13:19.040 rhetoric of like a boy is mean to you because 0:13:19.080 --> 0:13:22.280 they like you, and then we have overcorrected that nobody 0:13:22.320 --> 0:13:24.400 should ever nag, because you know, you don't want to 0:13:24.400 --> 0:13:26.520 reinforce this idea that when people are mean to you, 0:13:26.520 --> 0:13:28.640 it's because they like you. But I think that there 0:13:28.720 --> 0:13:32.200 is a very healthy, very fine line where a little 0:13:32.200 --> 0:13:34.960 bit of sarcasm is acceptable and a little bit of 0:13:35.000 --> 0:13:39.559 flirtatious banter is fine. However, everybody's line is very, very different, 0:13:39.880 --> 0:13:42.080 and you have to be careful to tread lightly to 0:13:42.120 --> 0:13:44.560 figure out where that person's boundaries are. Because the minute 0:13:44.600 --> 0:13:47.439 that you overstep someone's comfort zone when it comes to 0:13:47.559 --> 0:13:50.040 negging and you're actually just a bit mean or critical, 0:13:50.360 --> 0:13:52.199 that's when you've instantly gone too far, and it's a 0:13:52.240 --> 0:13:53.640 fucking turn off in a red flag. 0:13:53.760 --> 0:13:54.360 I agree. 0:13:54.400 --> 0:13:57.720 I think a little bit of this lighthearted, sarcastic banter 0:13:58.000 --> 0:14:02.000 is perfect, and I mean like that's inherently like I 0:14:02.080 --> 0:14:04.679 flirt with humor more than anything. That's who I am 0:14:04.720 --> 0:14:06.600 and how I am. But I just think it can't 0:14:06.640 --> 0:14:08.360 be too personal. You're right, there is a line that 0:14:08.400 --> 0:14:10.520 you can't cross, and I think it can't be too 0:14:10.559 --> 0:14:12.520 personal because it could very much hit. 0:14:12.440 --> 0:14:13.560 A saw point with people. 0:14:13.840 --> 0:14:15.840 But fuck yeah, I want someone to make fun of me, 0:14:15.880 --> 0:14:19.280 as long as it's not like really wildly offensive. 0:14:19.480 --> 0:14:21.120 It also comes from a level of truck. 0:14:21.200 --> 0:14:23.600 I remember, so when A Matt and I first started dating, 0:14:23.960 --> 0:14:26.200 it was like the first week that we'd been thrown 0:14:26.280 --> 0:14:28.880 out of the whirlwind of the Bachelor and we were 0:14:28.920 --> 0:14:32.240 like properly together, and I remember making a joke about 0:14:32.240 --> 0:14:34.520 something and to me it was a joke, like it 0:14:34.520 --> 0:14:37.280 was me negging him and he was so offended and 0:14:37.320 --> 0:14:39.880 it wasn't in context. Now like if I was to 0:14:39.960 --> 0:14:41.960 make the same joke, he would not care because he 0:14:42.000 --> 0:14:44.320 knows me, and there's a safety there. But I do 0:14:44.360 --> 0:14:46.200 think you have to be very very careful with it 0:14:46.240 --> 0:14:50.040 because the line is so fine, and for a lot 0:14:50.040 --> 0:14:52.560 of people, I would say that, you know, making fun 0:14:52.720 --> 0:14:57.280 of or making humor around someone else's expense is not funny. 0:14:57.440 --> 0:14:59.480 So I think you tread a very fine line. But 0:14:59.480 --> 0:15:01.560 if you can someone who has a similar sense of 0:15:01.600 --> 0:15:04.320 humor and you know, can do it in a way 0:15:04.360 --> 0:15:06.920 where it's also self deprecating, it's not just making fun 0:15:06.960 --> 0:15:09.800 of or putting down, then that's where the difference is. 0:15:09.840 --> 0:15:12.440 But I think because we have, you know, the conversations 0:15:12.480 --> 0:15:15.240 around people being mean, and that being a reflection of 0:15:15.280 --> 0:15:18.880 them liking you is such a dangerous notion that I 0:15:18.880 --> 0:15:20.120 think we have overcorrected. 0:15:20.160 --> 0:15:23.440 Like I said, do you remember a couple of years ago. 0:15:23.640 --> 0:15:24.040 I don't know. 0:15:24.160 --> 0:15:25.920 I guess two years ago. This makes me sound like 0:15:25.960 --> 0:15:27.440 a wanker, but I'm gonna say it because I think 0:15:27.480 --> 0:15:30.280 it's funny. I went on this one date with this 0:15:30.680 --> 0:15:33.200 person from Hollywood, like he's a movie star and he 0:15:33.280 --> 0:15:35.480 was in Australia filming a movie. And I've never said 0:15:35.480 --> 0:15:36.920 who it is. I'm never gonna say who it is. 0:15:37.240 --> 0:15:40.120 I'll just say it good because it will make headlines. 0:15:40.160 --> 0:15:40.400 Guys. 0:15:40.560 --> 0:15:42.120 Just look up Daily Mail and you'll figure it out. 0:15:42.120 --> 0:15:42.880 They got packed together. 0:15:43.000 --> 0:15:46.560 No, no, not him, you've even forgotten. You'll remember when 0:15:46.600 --> 0:15:48.720 I tell you. He took me to this amazing restaurant 0:15:48.760 --> 0:15:50.800 in the city and then we'll go into this big 0:15:50.960 --> 0:15:53.880 party afterwards that had like some fancy people there, and 0:15:53.920 --> 0:15:55.080 I was just like, you know, this is just a 0:15:55.160 --> 0:15:56.480