Speaker 1: Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
Speaker 1: were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders
Speaker 1: past and present.
Speaker 2: Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
Speaker 2: recorded on de rug Wallamuta Land. Hi guys, and welcome
Speaker 2: back to another episode Life UNKA. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany.
Speaker 2: How are you Brittany?
Speaker 3: It just boggles me.
Speaker 1: Hang on, I'm gonna lean know over as we speak
Speaker 1: to turn my mic up.
Speaker 3: It boggles me that we've.
Speaker 1: Been doing this for four years and it still takes
Speaker 1: us so long to set up what we want, like
Speaker 1: the mic, the levels and everything but going to change.
Speaker 2: You seem like you're shocked by this, But like I
Speaker 2: would have thought that after four years you would have
Speaker 2: just become used to the fact that we still.
Speaker 1: I am shocked because four years is a degree, Like
Speaker 1: we could have done a degree in this and we
Speaker 1: still can't figure out the bloody knobs.
Speaker 2: If only we had spent more time being productive in
Speaker 2: our life, not talking about breakups and shit.
Speaker 1: How are you on?
Speaker 4: Great?
Speaker 3: Because it's almost holiday time for me, holiday.
Speaker 2: One of us is holiday because you're going to see
Speaker 2: Ben and therefore it's a holiday.
Speaker 1: But with Bay, yeah, I caught holiday and actually you're
Speaker 1: vomiting your mouth day to each other.
Speaker 3: He's like, can't wait for holiday.
Speaker 2: Regular bread is fine. Maybe regular Ben not fine.
Speaker 3: No, because I've seen regular Ben.
Speaker 4: Ben's pretty chill. He's great, He's so chill.
Speaker 1: But I read something today that was concerning Actually, I
Speaker 1: read something in like one of those psychology todays. It's like,
Speaker 1: if you have more than two orgasms a day, you're
Speaker 1: like a psychopath or somewhere something that was and I
Speaker 1: was like, holy shit, do they know what holiday breed is?
Speaker 5: Psychopath?
Speaker 2: You're allowed to have five orgasms a day when you're
Speaker 2: visiting your long distance boyfriend.
Speaker 4: That's like any honeymoon period, right.
Speaker 3: Well, that's why I was concerned, as Holiday brit as psychopath?
Speaker 4: Do know? Yeah? Probably maybe?
Speaker 2: But also who's maintaining Who is maintaining a two orgasm
Speaker 2: a day average throughout a law term relationship all like.
Speaker 3: Their whole life, like consistently twice a day.
Speaker 1: Also, because twice a day is probably not going to
Speaker 1: be in quick successions, so it's probably gonna be like
Speaker 1: once in the morning, once at night.
Speaker 3: I don't think it's like bang bang, which.
Speaker 2: It doesn't mean you have to be having sex, like
Speaker 2: when we say orgasm, you're doing this to yourself, Like
Speaker 2: this is all on you.
Speaker 1: We have a really good ask on cut surrounding that
Speaker 1: today actually, but we'll get into the okay, rah, Well
Speaker 1: before we get into answering.
Speaker 2: Oh you're deep, you're dark, and you're burning questions. You
Speaker 2: know the reason why you came here. We'll do what
Speaker 2: we do every week, which is talk for way too long. First,
Speaker 2: I have something I need.
Speaker 4: To tell you.
Speaker 1: I have been duped. I got duped, I got tricked. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm that person. You know those people are like, hey,
Speaker 1: you'll never guess what happened. I'm the person actually tries
Speaker 1: to guess.
Speaker 4: I'm scammed.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm trying to think of what you would have
Speaker 2: got duped or scammed on. Not a regular scam, not
Speaker 2: an Australia post. Hey click the link and add your
Speaker 2: detail and then I'll take all your money. No, not
Speaker 2: a scam like that. So okay, recently I moved into
Speaker 2: a new house. Now, the thing thing that I was
Speaker 2: likeing this it's beautiful. I was the garden it is
Speaker 2: it's a Magical fairy Land. I'm sure all the girls
Speaker 2: in the girls imagination. That is like the fire Away Tree.
Speaker 2: Remember the Faraway Tree? No Roald Dahl classic. You never
Speaker 2: read it? Roll Dah, Yeah, Roald Dahl. Is it Rowell
Speaker 2: or is it roll? No Roald Dahl. I think it's
Speaker 2: Roll Dahl. Whatever, the far Away Tree? How did you
Speaker 2: not read it?
Speaker 4: Dick and Fanny? What their names would?
Speaker 1: I can't believe you didn't read it The Magical Fireway Tree.
Speaker 1: Hang on, the character's names are Dick and Fanny. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: but Moonface and sawcepan head.
Speaker 4: People know.
Speaker 2: If Roll Dahl wrote a book and the main fucking
Speaker 2: characters were Dick and Fanny, that guy has some issues.
Speaker 1: What was Dick and Fanny were names back then? Fanny
Speaker 1: was a common name. They may have been names back then.
Speaker 1: But he knew what he was doing. Oh, In Blighton
Speaker 1: wasn't a Roll d In Blyton. She was a great
Speaker 1: kid's book, so Roll Dahl. He didn't write about Dick
Speaker 1: and Fanny, but Enid.
Speaker 4: Was a sick go.
Speaker 2: He went on to write some adult romance novels after
Speaker 2: Dick and Fanny.
Speaker 1: It is actually a really great book for you to
Speaker 1: read the kids. If you haven't read it, it is
Speaker 1: so so magical. So I'm pretty sure this could be wrong.
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure they've had to change names. They've changed
Speaker 1: names now and like as adults, and they've re hang
Speaker 1: on Producercations found something. The main characters are Joe, Bessie,
Speaker 1: and Fanny, but it's been updated to Franny. Do you
Speaker 1: know that's really sad that you can't even have a
Speaker 1: name in a book called.
Speaker 4: Fanny because it wasn't it? Okay?
Speaker 2: The story is so the garden is so pretty, and
Speaker 2: I am I am terrible with plants, but this is
Speaker 2: my new passions.
Speaker 4: It's keeping plants alive.
Speaker 2: Having luxurious, blossoming, beautiful, healthy plants is my new hobby.
Speaker 2: I'm going to be one of those old people that
Speaker 2: love to garden, and I'm okay with that. But then
Speaker 2: I went out into the garden to do my gardening,
Speaker 2: to do some weeding, because that's what I do on
Speaker 2: all weekend. You and the plants in the back of
Speaker 2: the garden, along the whole side of.
Speaker 3: The fence, fake are dying, And I was like, what
Speaker 3: is going on?
Speaker 2: And every week they're slight like they're dying more it's
Speaker 2: getting worse and worse. And I was like, maybe they
Speaker 2: need some water, so I did that, and I was like,
Speaker 2: maybe they need some fertilizers, so he did that. Anyway,
Speaker 2: they're now pretty much dead, and I was like, Okay,
Speaker 2: I might just pull one out and see what's going on.
Speaker 6: They're not real trees, they're just sticks. The guy who
Speaker 6: owned the house, what are you mean cut? He'd basically
Speaker 6: gone and gotten all these yuckers and just cut the
Speaker 6: yuckers so it was just the branch of the yucker,
Speaker 6: and he'd stuck the branch.
Speaker 4: In the ground to make it look like it was.
Speaker 3: No, Laura, that's how you grow yuckers.
Speaker 4: Don't pull them out they're dead.
Speaker 3: No, you just cut the stem and put the yucky in.
Speaker 4: They're all dead, all of them. No, you tend dead yuckers.
Speaker 4: That's how you pan yuckers. But they're not growing, they're
Speaker 4: just dying.
Speaker 1: You can cut a stem off the yucker and reput
Speaker 1: it in the ground.
Speaker 3: That's absolutely how you grow them.
Speaker 4: But they're all dead. They haven't grown root.
Speaker 3: That's not from the guy.
Speaker 4: He didn't jupe you, and that's it.
Speaker 3: That's how you can grow yakut okay, Well, anyway.
Speaker 4: You're like, I got double y jike. I jipped myself.
Speaker 2: When I said that gardening's my new passion. I don't
Speaker 2: know anything about it though, like I know, it's just started. Anyway,
Speaker 2: we have lots of things to talk about.
Speaker 4: Today. I came across an article which I wanted to
Speaker 4: talk to you about.
Speaker 2: And the reason why is because, Britt, I feel out
Speaker 2: of everybody who participates in life on cart there's three
Speaker 2: of us and Mitch Jury.
Speaker 4: You are the best flirter.
Speaker 2: I think you not an akolai. Do you know how
Speaker 2: to flirt better than anyone? I am an awkward flirter.
Speaker 2: I am a terrible, terrible flirt I never ever got
Speaker 2: better at it, I don't think, which is surprising that
Speaker 2: I managed to find a husband who stayed around.
Speaker 3: I think he was like, well he was locked in
Speaker 3: a mansion. He didn't choose to stay around you all
Speaker 3: locked there for three months.
Speaker 2: You're endearingly terrible at this, Yeah, but he kept me around.
Speaker 4: You're war emmed out. I did, I did, but you, Britt,
Speaker 4: are very good at it. Anyway.
Speaker 2: So this is an article that's been written by a
Speaker 2: thirty five year old bisexual bartender, so she's.
Speaker 4: Flirting with both sexes.
Speaker 2: Now she's written out the steps of what she thinks
Speaker 2: are the most important parts of what makes someone a
Speaker 2: good flirt. Number one, don't give your life story. I
Speaker 2: feel like I always give a little bit too much.
Speaker 2: I usually end up talking about my ex's on a
Speaker 2: first date, which is not recommended.
Speaker 4: For one golden raw, just a little bit. I just
Speaker 4: talk about them a little bit. It makes people feel comfortable, No.
Speaker 1: It doesn't. It's like, why is she on a date?
Speaker 1: We've me talking about her ex? Okay, from this moment forward,
Speaker 1: as a listener, you listen to me and not la.
Speaker 2: Okay, At what point in dating would you talk about
Speaker 2: an X on a date?
Speaker 1: If and only if they ask you about it, and
Speaker 1: you give them a little bit and you don't make
Speaker 1: it emotional, very factual.
Speaker 3: The last person I dated was probably six months ago.
Speaker 1: It didn't end well though, Like that's a whole nother story.
Speaker 1: And then it's a couple of dates away. You do
Speaker 1: not sit there for the rest of a date and
Speaker 1: spill your trauma about what happened.
Speaker 4: Trauma dumping is not a good idea.
Speaker 1: And then this one time we had been out and
Speaker 1: then we got into a really big fight, and like, no.
Speaker 2: No, you don't want to go into the details of
Speaker 2: the nitty gritty, but you give big picture things.
Speaker 1: No, okay, I do not go on a first date
Speaker 1: and say I am going to have the Sydney Rock
Speaker 1: Oysters please, and then you see he had this double
Speaker 1: life and I didn't know about it.
Speaker 2: You don't do that, Okay. Obviously this is an easy one.
Speaker 2: Eye contact really works, but make it subtle. Don't eye contact.
Speaker 2: I think there is a fine line. There's a fine
Speaker 2: line between sexy and creep. That fine line sits somewhere
Speaker 2: in the fact that one you have to already be
Speaker 2: slightly attracted to the person. Like if you're not attracted
Speaker 2: to the person and they're making intense eye contact with you,
Speaker 2: it is very off putting.
Speaker 4: Stop trying to make eye contact with me. Now, did
Speaker 4: you just see what I do? Like this?
Speaker 3: I do it.
Speaker 4: I just did it. I just did it.
Speaker 3: While you're talking asholoaded with you in my eyes.
Speaker 2: You do this and your lashing I lid raise a little, eyebrows,
Speaker 2: not eyebrows, just a little, and you know what you do.
Speaker 4: You gotta describe it.
Speaker 3: I'm going to do it to you.
Speaker 4: Now, it's not a visual medium.
Speaker 1: You look at the eyes for a minute and then
Speaker 1: you do a little smile, and then you glance down
Speaker 1: to the lips and then you look back up to
Speaker 1: the eyes.
Speaker 4: It is how you do it. No, that's a thing.
Speaker 1: So men particularly respond really well when you've subtly glanced
Speaker 1: at their lips.
Speaker 3: That's actually that's from flirting school.
Speaker 4: So there is this thing which is like, let's talk
Speaker 4: about the golden try it.
Speaker 2: I definitely did not attend the golden triangle of the face. Yeah,
Speaker 2: the golden triangle of your face is your eyes, your nose,
Speaker 2: your mouth, and you're meant to just go between those
Speaker 2: three zones. So you flick between looking into their eyes.
Speaker 2: I mean, do you wish because you have to go
Speaker 2: between both. Look at the mouth, look at the nose,
Speaker 2: look at the mouth, look at the eyes, look at
Speaker 2: the nose.
Speaker 3: Don't just a couple of glances to the lips.
Speaker 1: But that's the key and a little smirk like I
Speaker 1: was flirting with you before I said it, and I
Speaker 1: could tell.
Speaker 4: You I was like, I know what you're doing right now,
Speaker 4: you fucking creep.
Speaker 1: And then conversely to that, to make someone feel really awkward,
Speaker 1: you look at their forehead.
Speaker 3: Did you know that?
Speaker 1: So when you're talking to someone, if you look over
Speaker 1: at their forehead, they immediately think that something's wrong. Really yeah,
Speaker 1: because no one looks up at the forehead. It makes
Speaker 1: you think that you've got something on there or it's
Speaker 1: so if you want to.
Speaker 2: Make someone feel awkward, you look up at their feat
Speaker 2: So maybe if you want to do the anti flirt,
Speaker 2: you steer at someone's forehead and definitely don't look at
Speaker 2: their mouth. And then obviously this is very I mean,
Speaker 2: I feel like if you're getting positive affirmations from the
Speaker 2: eye contact and the mouth and the up and down
Speaker 2: and the golden triangle, try some light touching. Try some
Speaker 2: light touching. Touch their knee, touch their arm, places that
Speaker 2: are consentually Okay, don't grote them yet.
Speaker 1: I'm big on that one, but I could probably give
Speaker 1: away too much when I'm not interested because my love
Speaker 1: language is physical touch. But I do that with my
Speaker 1: friends even like I'm quite a if someone's close to me,
Speaker 1: I will laugh and touch that leg, even if it's
Speaker 1: a friend or whatever. Like I'm quite physical, but a
Speaker 1: little touch goes a long way, And particularly I think
Speaker 1: the leg or you know that like cliche laugh if
Speaker 1: you lean into them and laugh and just put your
Speaker 1: hand on their arm, I think that.
Speaker 2: Works as well. Look how much you're loving this. This
Speaker 2: is such like your area of expertise.
Speaker 1: If I did this for ten years, I like successfully
Speaker 1: the girl honed her skills.
Speaker 4: I know these are very obvious ones.
Speaker 2: Don't get too drunk on a first date, or if
Speaker 2: you like someone also offered to pay, even if it's
Speaker 2: like you know, I know that sometimes when we've spoken
Speaker 2: about who pays on a first date, and like the
Speaker 2: gender norms, but I actually do think it goes a
Speaker 2: long way as a female to kind of flip it
Speaker 2: and offer to pay for a drink or something. Obviously
Speaker 2: you don't have to pick up the whole tab, but
Speaker 2: I do think it shows a level of investment and
Speaker 2: interest if you at least offer to pay for their tab.
Speaker 1: I'm big on this, but because I get quite awkward
Speaker 1: with money, I always have been, I'll often pay at
Speaker 1: the beginning, or I will at least be offering, and
Speaker 1: it's not an offer, It's not like a throwaway offer.
Speaker 1: I genuinely want to Ben. The weekend that I met Ben,
Speaker 1: we all know we spent this lovely weekend together.
Speaker 4: I bought the.
Speaker 1: First dinner because it was just takeaway, right like, he
Speaker 1: was coming to my house and I just ordered in,
Speaker 1: so like's stand it.
Speaker 4: I paid for it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but also the guy was coming over for a
Speaker 2: one night stare and you bought him a chicken snitzel.
Speaker 4: Okay, hang on.
Speaker 3: What I probably haven't told you guys is I hadn't
Speaker 3: met Ben yet.
Speaker 1: I sent Ben when he was in the uber to
Speaker 1: my house and i'd never met him to have sex.
Speaker 1: I sent him the menu of a restaurant I was
Speaker 1: going to order from, and I said, pick you want,
Speaker 1: I'm going to pre order some food. I had to
Speaker 1: give him some sustenance because I thought we're up for
Speaker 1: a big night, so he had the menu as well.
Speaker 1: But I paid for that dinner. And then the next
Speaker 1: day we went and got some coffees and stuff and
Speaker 1: I just ordered for him and paid, and he mentioned
Speaker 1: that laid down the track. He didn't want me to,
Speaker 1: and I was like, just let me, like, you're at
Speaker 1: my house, let me paying. He mentioned, He's like, I
Speaker 1: remember you paying for that is what I'm saying. So
Speaker 1: he's like, it actually goes a long way. You don't
Speaker 1: have to go over the top, but like a coffee
Speaker 1: and a cake or whatever, like the little things I
Speaker 1: think sometimes really last week, I think it's the gesture
Speaker 1: just not the expectation is the bigger thing. Yeah, Like
Speaker 1: I think often you know, people will offer back and
Speaker 1: that's fine and you can take them up on it.
Speaker 1: But I think the gesture of offering and being okay
Speaker 1: with paying if you know, if they say that turns
Speaker 1: out to be the case. But it's that gesture rather
Speaker 1: than the expectation that I think is important. Now, one
Speaker 1: thing that is not listed on this and I would
Speaker 1: love to get your opinion on nagging. And then the
Speaker 1: reason why I bring up nagging is because I think
Speaker 1: it has very negative connotations, i e.
Speaker 4: Negging negative. So the idea that like if you.
Speaker 2: Like someone, you will be a little bit sarcastic or
Speaker 2: a little bit like make fun of almost as a
Speaker 2: way of flirting. The reason why I think that this
Speaker 2: is a tricky one to kind of, you know, navigate,
Speaker 2: is because we have been told and I think when
Speaker 2: you grow up, when you're a kid that that whole
Speaker 2: rhetoric of like a boy is mean to you because
Speaker 2: they like you, and then we have overcorrected that nobody
Speaker 2: should ever nag, because you know, you don't want to
Speaker 2: reinforce this idea that when people are mean to you,
Speaker 2: it's because they like you. But I think that there
Speaker 2: is a very healthy, very fine line where a little
Speaker 2: bit of sarcasm is acceptable and a little bit of
Speaker 2: flirtatious banter is fine. However, everybody's line is very, very different,
Speaker 2: and you have to be careful to tread lightly to
Speaker 2: figure out where that person's boundaries are. Because the minute
Speaker 2: that you overstep someone's comfort zone when it comes to
Speaker 2: negging and you're actually just a bit mean or critical,
Speaker 2: that's when you've instantly gone too far, and it's a
Speaker 2: fucking turn off in a red flag.
Speaker 4: I agree.
Speaker 1: I think a little bit of this lighthearted, sarcastic banter
Speaker 1: is perfect, and I mean like that's inherently like I
Speaker 1: flirt with humor more than anything. That's who I am
Speaker 1: and how I am. But I just think it can't
Speaker 1: be too personal. You're right, there is a line that
Speaker 1: you can't cross, and I think it can't be too
Speaker 1: personal because it could very much hit.
Speaker 4: A saw point with people.
Speaker 1: But fuck yeah, I want someone to make fun of me,
Speaker 1: as long as it's not like really wildly offensive.
Speaker 4: It also comes from a level of truck.
Speaker 2: I remember, so when A Matt and I first started dating,
Speaker 2: it was like the first week that we'd been thrown
Speaker 2: out of the whirlwind of the Bachelor and we were
Speaker 2: like properly together, and I remember making a joke about
Speaker 2: something and to me it was a joke, like it
Speaker 2: was me negging him and he was so offended and
Speaker 2: it wasn't in context. Now like if I was to
Speaker 2: make the same joke, he would not care because he
Speaker 2: knows me, and there's a safety there. But I do
Speaker 2: think you have to be very very careful with it
Speaker 2: because the line is so fine, and for a lot
Speaker 2: of people, I would say that, you know, making fun
Speaker 2: of or making humor around someone else's expense is not funny.
Speaker 2: So I think you tread a very fine line. But
Speaker 2: if you can someone who has a similar sense of
Speaker 2: humor and you know, can do it in a way
Speaker 2: where it's also self deprecating, it's not just making fun
Speaker 2: of or putting down, then that's where the difference is.
Speaker 2: But I think because we have, you know, the conversations
Speaker 2: around people being mean, and that being a reflection of
Speaker 2: them liking you is such a dangerous notion that I
Speaker 2: think we have overcorrected.
Speaker 1: Like I said, do you remember a couple of years ago.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I guess two years ago. This makes me sound like
Speaker 1: a wanker, but I'm gonna say it because I think
Speaker 1: it's funny. I went on this one date with this
Speaker 1: person from Hollywood, like he's a movie star and he
Speaker 1: was in Australia filming a movie. And I've never said
Speaker 1: who it is. I'm never gonna say who it is.
Speaker 4: I'll just say it good because it will make headlines.
Speaker 1: Guys.
Speaker 2: Just look up Daily Mail and you'll figure it out.
Speaker 2: They got packed together.
Speaker 1: No, no, not him, you've even forgotten. You'll remember when
Speaker 1: I tell you. He took me to this amazing restaurant
Speaker 1: in the city and then we'll go into this big
Speaker 1: party afterwards that had like some fancy people there, and
Speaker 1: I was just like, you know, this is just a
Speaker 1: random ones in a lifetime thing.
Speaker 4: I'm going to go with it.
Speaker 3: But this guy was like being really lovely to me,
Speaker 3: really was like, and he's.
Speaker 1: Around for a while. He wanted to keep seeing me
Speaker 1: while he was here. Anyway, the date had been going
Speaker 1: for about six hours by this point. We're outside on
Speaker 1: the balcony and he was trying to flirt and he
Speaker 1: said to me, you've just got such a masculine energy,
Speaker 1: and I was not sorry.
Speaker 3: He's like just saying about you so manly, and I was.
Speaker 1: Like, did he mean that as a compliment. Yes, he
Speaker 1: was trying to sleep with me, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm so. I was like, oh, that's quite offensive, and
Speaker 1: he's like, no, it's hot, and I was like.
Speaker 4: One of us is confused here.
Speaker 1: He's like, I can't put my finger on it, telling
Speaker 1: about you so masculine.
Speaker 4: Anyway, of course, I slept with him that it did
Speaker 4: me doggy for two hours, but.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm so confused by your idea of flirting.
Speaker 3: I remember because I was offended.
Speaker 1: I was so offended because for me, I didn't want
Speaker 1: to I was trying to be who I was.
Speaker 3: I was trying to be I'm feminine, That's what I thought.
Speaker 1: But he just kept telling me how masculine and I
Speaker 1: was because and then he was like, you're so strong,
Speaker 1: and I.
Speaker 4: Was like, what are you talking about.
Speaker 2: I also think that it's problematic that we see in
Speaker 2: terms of like beauty standards and like how we as
Speaker 2: women feel attractive. That like, obviously I wouldn't use the
Speaker 2: word masculine to describe.
Speaker 4: A woman in the wrong word. It's the wrong word.
Speaker 2: But I do think this idea of like that you
Speaker 2: need to be a pretty little, tiny feminine is.
Speaker 4: Well I'm not that. I get that.
Speaker 2: It also shouldn't be the only beauty standard that's attainable
Speaker 2: all that we're driving for totally.
Speaker 3: But he went on to talk about my quads and
Speaker 3: like it was it.
Speaker 1: Was he was calling me strong and athletic. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: like the wrong I could tell what he was trying
Speaker 1: to say. I meant athletic, but he said masculine, Yes, absolutely,
Speaker 1: and I think that was where it went wrong. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I just remember saying and I think I gave him
Speaker 1: a lesson that night. I remember saying to him, just
Speaker 1: so you know, moving forward in your life, I know
Speaker 1: what you're trying to do, but this isn't it. And
Speaker 1: he's like, oh really, And I'm like, no, You're like.
Speaker 4: You never say this to someone. Just look in my
Speaker 4: eyes and then look at the mouth and look back
Speaker 4: up that.
Speaker 1: Just look at triangle, buddy, feed me and look at
Speaker 1: the triangle.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, well look we thought that out of
Speaker 2: the way. I hope that somebody learnt something about flirting.
Speaker 2: Get into our vibes and under sound subscribe. Okay my
Speaker 2: vibe this week.
Speaker 1: If you follow me on Instagram, this is not going
Speaker 1: to surprise you. I am so blown away and I
Speaker 1: can't believe I didn't do this two years ago. I've
Speaker 1: spoken a lot about my dog Delilah and how she's amazing,
Speaker 1: but she can't walk properly on a lead. She's never
Speaker 1: been able to. I sent her to military school for
Speaker 1: three weeks to learn to walk. Didn't work. I have
Speaker 1: sent it to dog trainers locally in the day, didn't work.
Speaker 1: I have done everything I can. I've tried no pool harnesses,
Speaker 1: I've tried everything. She's just a maniac. She wants to
Speaker 1: run around, she wants to say hello to everyone. She
Speaker 1: wants to run to the park. She walks me and
Speaker 1: I finally gave in to the halty. So many people
Speaker 1: had recommended to me try the halty.
Speaker 4: Try this.
Speaker 1: It's the walking lead that goes over their snout, around
Speaker 1: their head and clips to their collar. I thought it
Speaker 1: was restricting their snout like I thought it was almost
Speaker 1: like a muzzle, but it's not at all. It doesn't
Speaker 1: stop anything. The dog's exactly the same. They chase balls,
Speaker 1: they eat, they drink. It doesn't restrict anything. It's just
Speaker 1: that it's more like you know a horse when you're
Speaker 1: training a horse.
Speaker 4: Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: How that goes over there snow? Yeah, it's exactly the
Speaker 1: same for a dog. Anyway, I finally got her one
Speaker 1: this week. I put it on disaster. At the start,
Speaker 1: she was jumping around like a maniac. She was trying
Speaker 1: to scratch it off, rolling on the ground, scraping against walls.
Speaker 1: But I stuck with it and I had trees and
Speaker 1: I really worked on it, and it literally took one hour.
Speaker 1: And she is the best dog I have ever seen.
Speaker 1: I did not if you told me that you could
Speaker 1: put this on her an hour later, she'll walk immaculately.
Speaker 1: I would have called bullshit. But it is wild. This
Speaker 1: is not sponsored. I had so many people riding to me.
Speaker 1: I've never had so many responses to stories, being like,
Speaker 1: was this really only an hour later?
Speaker 4: Where do you get this?
Speaker 1: It's literally halty. I don't think he's the brand. I
Speaker 1: think it's the style. Get it from anywhere. I went
Speaker 1: to a pet store. I just went to pet Pine or.
Speaker 4: Something and picked one up.
Speaker 2: So is this meant to be that she only will
Speaker 2: walk thatt away she's wearing it, or is it meant
Speaker 2: to be a training mechanism or she always has to
Speaker 2: wear it?
Speaker 6: Now?
Speaker 1: Well different, So it's just a lead. You could wear
Speaker 1: it every day forever and it doesn't do anything to them.
Speaker 1: It's just a type of lead. But also a lot
Speaker 1: of dogs might walk on it for a year or
Speaker 1: so and then they just learn to walk side you.
Speaker 1: And now the otion is do they meet them? In
Speaker 1: children's size? Absolutely, you can muzzle you T welve. So
Speaker 1: that is my one hundred percent probably the best recommendation,
Speaker 1: best vibe I'm ever gonna have.
Speaker 2: Okay, well I have a Netflix recommendation this week, even
Speaker 2: though I said last week that.
Speaker 4: I don't have a TV.
Speaker 2: The irony in that is that last week I recommended
Speaker 2: not having a TV, and then the day, the day
Speaker 2: that we recorded that, I walked in the door Matt
Speaker 2: to a big TV that Matt had just bought and
Speaker 2: it had been delivered, So we now have a TV.
Speaker 2: It was nice while it lasted I do recommend still
Speaker 2: trying to minimize TV time, which we are doing, and
Speaker 2: it's been like so much better. The kids are not
Speaker 2: watching TV and they are not on iPads and it
Speaker 2: has definitely changed our lives. But I am back on
Speaker 2: TV and I watched it's a series that's on Netflix.
Speaker 2: It is called Lived to Our Hundred Secrets of the
Speaker 2: Blue Zone. I've started watching it. I'm a couple of
Speaker 2: episodes into it. It is so interesting. So it's around
Speaker 2: these blue zones throughout the world, and it's things that
Speaker 2: these communities are doing, which mean that they have a
Speaker 2: high population of centurians, so people who have lived to
Speaker 2: over a century within their communities.
Speaker 4: Japan is one, isn't it. There's one in Japan, there's
Speaker 4: one in Sardinia.
Speaker 2: Now, the thing that's so interesting about this is that
Speaker 2: these communities who have these high populations of people who
Speaker 2: are over one hundred, it's not people who are living
Speaker 2: and they are one hundred and they are elderly and unwell.
Speaker 2: And what we see in Western society when we associate
Speaker 2: old age, they are thriving, they have no levels of
Speaker 2: dementia or Alzheimer's. They're not living in nursing homes. They're
Speaker 2: living within their own communities, and it talks about the
Speaker 2: things that are important within those communities that have contributed
Speaker 2: to their longevity. And I guess what I love so
Speaker 2: much about it is that in Western society we talk
Speaker 2: so much about diet, exercise, and when people are elderly,
Speaker 2: we shun them away. We talk about elderly as though
Speaker 2: they're a burden. And that comes from both sides. It
Speaker 2: comes from people who were old saying I don't want
Speaker 2: to be a burden to my family, so I'll go
Speaker 2: into a home, and it also comes from people saying, well,
Speaker 2: you know, we can't take care of them at home anymore,
Speaker 2: so we had to put them in a home.
Speaker 4: And that is very much the normal within our society.
Speaker 2: The thing that's different about these communities is that there
Speaker 2: are no nursing homes and so the elderly are cared
Speaker 2: for within the home structure. And I guess it pertains
Speaker 2: to this idea that community is so important in giving
Speaker 2: people purpose, in still having a job, in not retiring.
Speaker 2: Another thing that was really beautiful about it that so
Speaker 2: many of the communities they were gardening still. Hence, when
Speaker 2: I'm into my garden. Now, guys, it also helped with longevity,
Speaker 2: and I just think it's a really beautifully put together
Speaker 2: documentary in docuseries, And I think it's so interesting because
Speaker 2: so many of us would love to know the secret
Speaker 2: what it is to live longer, and these are the
Speaker 2: communities across the world that have figured out the secret.
Speaker 2: Source produced a keisha when I were actually talking about
Speaker 2: it and you had the same vibe.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I did.
Speaker 5: I was absolutely obsessed with this, as you guys know,
Speaker 5: I'm on my wellness journey, sleep journey. They did speak
Speaker 5: about sleep in the sleep is important. That it was important,
Speaker 5: But some other things that I thought were really interesting
Speaker 5: is like, obviously, like you said, diet was a part
Speaker 5: of it, but I expected that things like altitude. I
Speaker 5: guess what I thought was so interesting was that these
Speaker 5: places all had such different physical locations, so different altitudes,
Speaker 5: different types of terrain, and the sense of purpose that
Speaker 5: you're speaking about, and that social connection.
Speaker 4: I really love that.
Speaker 5: We have kind of traditionally thought about that as like
Speaker 5: a psychological thing, but studies on these people who are
Speaker 5: living to such long lengths of time are showing that
Speaker 5: social connection actually has a physiological impact on your body.
Speaker 5: And I think that while we've kind of been quite
Speaker 5: obsessed with what you put into your body in terms
Speaker 5: of nutrition and the exercise that you do, I think
Speaker 5: that social connection being equally as important, if not more,
Speaker 5: is so incredibly interesting because I think in Western worlds
Speaker 5: we don't have that in our culture.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And also this idea of like mastery, you know,
Speaker 2: like being like really skilled at a job.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: I think we celebrate in Western culture this idea of
Speaker 2: like retirement, get to seventy and retire, Whereas all of
Speaker 2: these societies that had these centurians in them, they all
Speaker 2: were working up until the day that they dropped dead.
Speaker 2: You know, they're working throughout their old age because it
Speaker 2: keeps them going, it keeps their brains back.
Speaker 3: Did I don't want to work till I dropped dead?
Speaker 4: Fuck?
Speaker 3: Like when we live in my best life.
Speaker 2: But they're working on things that they love, on things
Speaker 2: that they get joy from, you know, not like they're
Speaker 2: not slogging it out, like digging holes and stuff, you know,
Speaker 2: building wells and things.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: And I guess there was also this idea that usually
Speaker 2: when you're wealthy, that wealthy people have the ability to
Speaker 2: live longer because they have access to healthcare systems and
Speaker 2: everything else. But some of these communities that they looked
Speaker 2: into were actually some really poor communities but had some
Speaker 2: really incredible life spans. And it was all around, as
Speaker 2: you said, keature, this sense of purpose and this sense
Speaker 2: of community.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I loved it.
Speaker 5: So it's on Netflix. It's called Live to one hundred
Speaker 5: Secrets of the Blue Zone. I think it's four episodes.
Speaker 5: Yeah right, Yeah, I really enjoyed it too. I have
Speaker 5: an unsubscribed for this week.
Speaker 4: Okay, what are you hating?
Speaker 5: I am hating on people who list things on things
Speaker 5: like Facebook Marketplace.
Speaker 4: I assume gum tree would be the same, but I
Speaker 4: don't use that.
Speaker 5: With descriptions of the item that include words like stunning, beautiful,
Speaker 5: like an.
Speaker 3: Example of words I like descriptive words.
Speaker 5: Well, it will be an example of Like let's say
Speaker 5: it was a I've got a denim dress on right now.
Speaker 5: So let's say I wanted to go and sell this
Speaker 5: dress later this afternoon. If I were to post it
Speaker 5: being like stunning denim dress, gorgeous buttons.
Speaker 1: I would buy a stunning denim dress over a denim
Speaker 1: dress any day, Kisha.
Speaker 2: I feel like do you remember when we talked about
Speaker 2: the one percent better and your patients.
Speaker 4: I think that this might be linking into that.
Speaker 3: I'm looking at it and I'm like, stop trying to
Speaker 3: sell it to me. They are trying to sell it
Speaker 3: to you.
Speaker 2: It's on a.
Speaker 5: Facebook marketplace to sell you. The draft puts me off
Speaker 5: so much. If it was that stunning, you'd be keeping it.
Speaker 5: If the buttons were that gorgeous, you wouldn't want to
Speaker 5: be letting them.
Speaker 4: Go from your wardrobe.
Speaker 6: A case.
Speaker 5: Stop trying to convince me of this item that you
Speaker 5: no longer see value in.
Speaker 1: I reckon Producer Kation needs to go back and re
Speaker 1: listen to the episode we did with Steve Bartlett and
Speaker 1: rethink about her one percent.
Speaker 4: I'm all about this recycling, reusing.
Speaker 5: I sell them buy a lot of stuff secondhand, but
Speaker 5: I don't want you to try and convince me of
Speaker 5: its value by using descriptive words.
Speaker 4: Okay, Kesha just doesn't like the hard sell. That's all
Speaker 4: it is.
Speaker 1: Before we get into the questions, we do want to
Speaker 1: just very gently remind.
Speaker 3: You and aggressively both that it's it's that time.
Speaker 4: Of year again.
Speaker 1: The Australian Podcast Awards now for us the podcasting world.
Speaker 1: This is the Oscar, This is the Logis. This is
Speaker 1: like the award that gives you.
Speaker 3: The warm, fuzzy feeling, the tingling downstairs. This is the
Speaker 3: one that means the most to us.
Speaker 1: That's actually just so important for us as individuals and
Speaker 1: as a team and for life.
Speaker 2: I mean when you say it's like the Logis, if
Speaker 2: you've ever been to the Australian Podcast Awards, it's kind
Speaker 2: of like the ut look like the came up. Look
Speaker 2: it's look, it's the sizzler of the logies. But it's
Speaker 2: delicious and we are very much looking forward to it.
Speaker 2: I mean last year. I remember I posted some videos
Speaker 2: of the Podcast Awards last year and someone was like,
Speaker 2: is this a bad school Paul recital?
Speaker 3: Yes, it was like in a step fit.
Speaker 2: But okay, I know that it looks corny, and I
Speaker 2: know it is even corny, being like it's the Podcast Awards.
Speaker 2: But this is so like for our little weed industry
Speaker 2: where we sit in rooms and record, you know, together.
Speaker 2: It is so important to us and we are so
Speaker 2: incredibly grateful for the last couple of years where you
Speaker 2: guys have gotten behind life on caut you have given
Speaker 2: us your vote for the Listener's Choice Award.
Speaker 4: And now there are so many awards.
Speaker 2: At the podcast, you know, and we never ever ever
Speaker 2: even get nominated in the Sex and Relationships even though
Speaker 2: we started off as a Sex and Relationship.
Speaker 3: We never get nominated.
Speaker 2: No, we never make it into our category. You guys
Speaker 2: have always come through with the goods and you have
Speaker 2: been so incredible in voting us for the Listener's Choice, so.
Speaker 3: We can actually have a chance.
Speaker 4: So yeah, and it's the one that we care about.
Speaker 2: It's the one that matters because it's basically you saying
Speaker 2: that you know, you choose the podcast that you listen
Speaker 2: to and that you've loved coming along the Life and
Speaker 2: Cut journey.
Speaker 4: Well, so a lot of the.
Speaker 1: So you guys understand like a lot of the other awards,
Speaker 1: because there are so many different awards and categories, but
Speaker 1: they're all voted by industry professionals. This Listener's Choice Award
Speaker 1: is the only award that is voted by I don't
Speaker 1: want to say the people that matter, but the people
Speaker 1: that listen you guys, you guys that are consuming podcasts.
Speaker 1: You're the ones that are saying, you know, we absolutely
Speaker 1: love your podcast and it would mean so much to us.
Speaker 3: Does it sound like we're begging?
Speaker 4: Yes? Are we begging?
Speaker 6: Yes?
Speaker 1: It would mean so much to us if you could vote,
Speaker 1: And it's super easy. You just go to the Australian
Speaker 1: Podcast Awards website and it will say who do.
Speaker 4: You want to vote for? Listener's choice?
Speaker 1: You type in Life Uncut and then you just have
Speaker 1: to make sure you verify that in your email, so
Speaker 1: it'll send you an email and say, did you really mean.
Speaker 4: To vote for Life on Cut?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 2: So yes, it's got an annoying little last step that
Speaker 2: you have to do. But like, look, if you've got
Speaker 2: Burner accounts, you can vote for us from Motive multiple accounts.
Speaker 3: We won't tell any university accounts, like any accounts.
Speaker 2: But the one thing I do want to say is
Speaker 2: I know that when we started this podcast, we started
Speaker 2: recording this.
Speaker 4: In my bedroom.
Speaker 2: You know, Mally was a newborn baby. She was under
Speaker 2: the table. Britt was in her struggle.
Speaker 1: Longer than table.
Speaker 4: That sounds so bad.
Speaker 2: She was literally under the table in a bouncer or
Speaker 2: strapped to me, you were coming in in your scrull.
Speaker 3: I would be on a twelve hour hospital shift.
Speaker 1: Laura's got the baby strapped to a titty and we
Speaker 1: were still just trying to put this out just because
Speaker 1: we loved them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and we've been through this like incredible journey. But
Speaker 2: you know, four years on, I think some people think
Speaker 2: that four years on we had this massive team around
Speaker 2: us and that now because we do the radio show,
Speaker 2: that we are like well into the radio world in
Speaker 2: terms of podcasting. We I do just want everyone to
Speaker 2: know that our entire life Uncut team is Britt, myself
Speaker 2: and Keisha.
Speaker 4: That is it.
Speaker 2: We create this podcast, We put all the content together,
Speaker 2: Keisha edits every episode. I do second edit of everything.
Speaker 2: We all book in ge like this whole podcast is
Speaker 2: run by the three of us. There is no commercial
Speaker 2: backing in terms of no of the creation of the podcast.
Speaker 2: And if you do and you feel as though you
Speaker 2: would like to go and give us a vote, or
Speaker 2: you've ever listened to an episode that's meant something to
Speaker 2: you or touched you in some way, we would be
Speaker 2: so so greatfull link that bio. Let's get into answering
Speaker 2: your questions.
Speaker 1: Okay, question number one. I am currently on maternity leave,
Speaker 1: so I'm home a lot. We have a security camera
Speaker 1: at our front door, that myself and my film say
Speaker 1: get notifications for when someone's there.
Speaker 3: However, my film.
Speaker 1: Say is obsessed with looking at it every time it
Speaker 1: goes off, literally every time, so it feels like I'm
Speaker 1: sort of being watched with whatever I do, and he'll
Speaker 1: text me if someone comes over or if I leave
Speaker 1: the house.
Speaker 3: I made a comment a while.
Speaker 1: Ago that it makes me feel a bit weird and
Speaker 1: it's giving controlling vibes, and he was apologetic and said
Speaker 1: it was absolutely not his intention. He said he will
Speaker 1: stop looking at it, and he stopped commenting on every
Speaker 1: time a notification went off. So now he's doing it again.
Speaker 1: Is this normal? Is this just a modern technology thing?
Speaker 1: Or does it sound a bit controlling? He shouldn't have
Speaker 1: to look at it for security reasons if I'm home.
Speaker 2: Wait, so it's for packages and stuff like when the
Speaker 2: doorbell goes.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a doorbell thing.
Speaker 1: So what he's doing is he's seeing someone or something arrive.
Speaker 1: He gets a notification and he goes to check out
Speaker 1: just who it is that's coming to a place.
Speaker 2: I mean, to be fair, if I had something like
Speaker 2: that set up, and my sister does, so that's why
Speaker 2: I'm kind of like I can empathize. You get sent
Speaker 2: a notification to your phone. So if I was being
Speaker 2: sent a notification to my phone saying someone is at
Speaker 2: your door, I'm gonna look at who's at my door,
Speaker 2: Like you know, I'm gonna be curious. And I'm not
Speaker 2: doing that because I'm checking it on Matt. I'm doing
Speaker 2: it because I'm like, ooh, my phone told me someone's
Speaker 2: at my door. It's like getting an Instagram notification where
Speaker 2: I'm like, ooh, I'm gonna check who's you know on
Speaker 2: my Instagram commenting on something. I think the big thing
Speaker 2: to check. I mean, before you kind of categorize this
Speaker 2: as being controlling, I think that this is actually potentially
Speaker 2: just him him being way too reactive to technology, Like
Speaker 2: you know, he's like, he's got a little notification that's
Speaker 2: come up. He's checking what's happening even though you're there
Speaker 2: and he doesn't need to be doing it. I guess
Speaker 2: the thing is, is he controlling in other ways? Are
Speaker 2: there other things that he's doing Because this, in isolation
Speaker 2: is not a red flag to me, But if he
Speaker 2: is doing other things and you have been together for
Speaker 2: any length of time and there have been other red flags,
Speaker 2: along the way, then I would think that a bigger
Speaker 2: picture might paint a controlling narrative, whereas this, in isolation,
Speaker 2: I think that this is just like curiosity got the cat.
Speaker 1: I completely agree, it's what's going hand in hand with
Speaker 1: this behavior. If there's a lot of other behavior, where
Speaker 1: have you been put your location services on your phone?
Speaker 3: Report back to me?
Speaker 2: Yeah, mat sure, you answer your phone when I'm calling,
Speaker 2: or text with it.
Speaker 1: But if there's none of that and he's just been reactive,
Speaker 1: it's like it's like holding a red flag in front
Speaker 1: of a ball and being like, don't look. Of course
Speaker 1: they're gonna look, so we can't answer the rest of that.
Speaker 1: Is it just weird if he gets a notification and
Speaker 1: checks who's there, No, especially when at the end of
Speaker 1: the day he's thinking, Okay, my fiance and my newborn
Speaker 1: baby is at home alone and there are people turning up.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna check in what's the other behavior that
Speaker 1: is displaying. If that is concerning, then they're red flag.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Or maybe he's just put so much stuff off
Speaker 2: iconic lately and he's like, oh God, the delivery driver's
Speaker 2: coming again. She's gonna know that I've been buying all
Speaker 2: these pairs.
Speaker 4: Now, I think it's the opposite.
Speaker 1: I think she's at home buying from the Iconic and
Speaker 1: he's like, what are you ordering again? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Maybe, but like, okay, I do think that. And the
Speaker 2: reason why I don't feel alarmed by this is because
Speaker 2: I know, Okay, watch my sister do it every day
Speaker 2: at work, Like whenever we're in the Tony May office,
Speaker 2: she'll get a little notification. She'd be like, oh, I
Speaker 2: can see the camera at home, someone's dropping off a
Speaker 2: package or someone's doing this, Like she will always check
Speaker 2: and her husband works from home, so I don't see
Speaker 2: that as her being controlling of him. But like we
Speaker 2: just said it, it paints a greater picture if there
Speaker 2: are other factors that play here. I guess the one
Speaker 2: thing you could do is tell them to turn notifications off,
Speaker 2: because push notifications are an opt in thing, right, So
Speaker 2: if you're at home, you don't want him to be
Speaker 2: checking in it's unnecessary for him to do. So just
Speaker 2: tell him to change the settings on his phone, and
Speaker 2: then it won't be as tempting for him to like
Speaker 2: look at the cameras every time someone comes to your
Speaker 2: front door.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I just don't have a camera. I understand why
Speaker 4: people have it now.
Speaker 2: People have dash cams, they have cameras on their front door,
Speaker 2: people have cameras everywhere.
Speaker 4: I don't, Yeah, I mean I do.
Speaker 1: If you're listening cameras everywhere, back door, front door, dash cam.
Speaker 2: Brittany always has her house fully locked up tight too.
Speaker 2: On the more about the safety Okay, anyway, question number two.
Speaker 2: Last night at dinner, my partner told me he had
Speaker 2: masturbated the night before as he was in the mood,
Speaker 2: but I had fallen asleep. He always watches porn if
Speaker 2: he's going to masturbate, which I'm totally fine with. However,
Speaker 2: my question is this, is it weird for your partner
Speaker 2: to masturbate while watching porn when you're in bed next
Speaker 2: to them sleeping. I find it a little strange and
Speaker 2: weird knowing he was getting off to some pawn while
Speaker 2: I was right there next to him, Not because it
Speaker 2: wasn't me he was getting off to, just the fact
Speaker 2: that he did it while I was there sleep. As
Speaker 2: I tried to explain this to him, he couldn't understand
Speaker 2: why I thought it was weird.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's not ideal, is it.
Speaker 1: It's not ideal for him to be jacking off in
Speaker 1: the bed while you're asleep, But he obviously just didn't
Speaker 1: want to wake you up. He's obviously horny, you've gone
Speaker 1: to sleep. Maybe he was trying to be considerate by
Speaker 1: not quote unquote poking the bear.
Speaker 3: Should he have gotten up and gone to the shower,
Speaker 3: probably yeah, or like the.
Speaker 4: Spare room or any other room.
Speaker 3: But I think he probably didn't think it through and
Speaker 3: was probably lazy.
Speaker 1: Oh.
Speaker 2: I think this is a very big gray area because
Speaker 2: I reckon that this is going to cover the full spectrum.
Speaker 2: There are gonna be people who don't care, and there
Speaker 2: are going to be people who would be really weirded
Speaker 2: out by this and really really really think it's not
Speaker 2: appropriate across a relationship boundary.
Speaker 4: That's how I kind of see this. I think that
Speaker 4: the scope is so great.
Speaker 2: I want to start by saying, we have answered a
Speaker 2: question similar before, where the question was is it okay
Speaker 2: for my partner to masturbate without me knowing? Firstly, I
Speaker 2: think it is totally fine for you to masturbate without
Speaker 2: telling your partner. If you of your hornting, do you
Speaker 2: want it? You can do whatever you want in your
Speaker 2: own time. Wherever you want in your house. But I
Speaker 2: think the issue is here. I would say that there
Speaker 2: would be a lot of people who would not feel
Speaker 2: comfortable by their partner watching porn and masturbating next to them,
Speaker 2: And I think it's the fact you being asleep means
Speaker 2: that you are not actively consenting to that happening, even
Speaker 2: though it's is his bed, even though he didn't mean
Speaker 2: anything by it, I'm sure even though it wasn't predatory
Speaker 2: or any of those other things, if it made you
Speaker 2: feel uncomfortable and you were literally unconscious, then I think
Speaker 2: when you verbalize that you think it's weird, he shouldn't
Speaker 2: be saying it's not weird. He shouldn't be like gas
Speaker 2: ladding you and saying it's not weird. You should be
Speaker 2: fine with this. I think that the correct response to
Speaker 2: this should have been, oh, I didn't realize it would
Speaker 2: make you feel uncomfortable. I won't do it next to
Speaker 2: you again. I'll go into another room. And I think
Speaker 2: that for me, it's his response that makes me feel
Speaker 2: more frustrated, rather than it happening is a once off,
Speaker 2: and maybe that being a misunderstanding or an assumption that
Speaker 2: you would be fine with it.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Look, I don't think in all honesty, I don't
Speaker 1: think it's that weird in terms.
Speaker 3: Of I'd probably be okay with it.
Speaker 1: But I think it's a very personal thing in a
Speaker 1: relationship because I put the shoe on the other foot,
Speaker 1: and I think, Okay, if my partner's in bed asleep,
Speaker 1: I've gotten home from work, like whatever, I end bed,
Speaker 1: I'm horny. Would I touch myself or would I say
Speaker 1: I can't touch myself because he's asleep. And I'd probably
Speaker 1: touch myself, but I wouldn't see that as offensive as
Speaker 1: what you're saying, Laura, where it's like he's jacking off
Speaker 1: next to you asleep. So I'm trying to put it
Speaker 1: in that sense, but it's unique to every situation. What
Speaker 1: are your boundaries in your relationship? Whether or not he
Speaker 1: thinks it's weird, he does have to accept that you've
Speaker 1: said you feel uncomfortable by it, so he doesn't have
Speaker 1: to be uncomfortable by it. But you've said you're uncomfortable
Speaker 1: and he needs to accept that, and you probably need
Speaker 1: to have a conversation if he does this again, it's
Speaker 1: gonna cause some serious problems.
Speaker 2: What would you do if you woke up in the
Speaker 2: middle of the night and Ben was watching porn and
Speaker 2: furiously masturbating in bed next to you does have to
Speaker 2: be furiously furiously join in.
Speaker 3: I'd probably join in.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, it wouldn't be as big of a thing
Speaker 1: for me. I'd probably be like, why didn't you wake me?
Speaker 1: But we're still also in the throes of the early relationship,
Speaker 1: you know. I think it's different when it's you sleep deprived.
Speaker 1: There's kids you've been to get a long time. You
Speaker 1: don't want to be woken up in the middle of
Speaker 1: the night to have sex.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I guess that's why I say, like, the
Speaker 2: spectrum to this is going to be so big, because
Speaker 2: there will be people who would be completely fine with it,
Speaker 2: and there would be people who will listen to this
Speaker 2: who think it is a total betrayal and a boundary.
Speaker 1: Well, there are people that don't even like their partner
Speaker 1: masturbating at all.
Speaker 3: So of course it's the spectrum.
Speaker 2: I think it's the issue here, and the reason why
Speaker 2: that this person feels so weird about it is because
Speaker 2: it's the not knowing. It's the waking up the next
Speaker 2: day and them just so casually saying that this happened
Speaker 2: next to them while they were unconscious. That's like, yeah,
Speaker 2: it's pretty fucking weird. If I found out that Matt
Speaker 2: of a nighttime was masturbating next to me watching porn,
Speaker 2: I think I'd be a bit weirded out by it.
Speaker 2: Why not because I have an issue with him watching porn,
Speaker 2: and not because I have an issue with him masturbating,
Speaker 2: But I think it would be because it was within
Speaker 2: my personal space and I wasn't conscious of it.
Speaker 3: What if he was just like, oh, babe, I was
Speaker 3: just so cold and I didn't want to get up
Speaker 3: go downstairs to the bathroom.
Speaker 4: He lazy bastard.
Speaker 6: I don't know.
Speaker 3: I also think, just don't wake me up with the
Speaker 3: sound of poorln either.
Speaker 4: I think it's disrespectful.
Speaker 2: I think he's prioritizing his comfort and his like laziness
Speaker 2: and his you know, want to not have to get
Speaker 2: out of bed or go downstairs or whatever or go
Speaker 2: into another room. So he's just like, oh, I'll get
Speaker 2: away with it and you won't know because you're no.
Speaker 1: He doesn't think it's He doesn't think he's getting away
Speaker 1: with anything, doesn't think it's a problem. He told her
Speaker 1: about the next time true, like he's not sneaking around
Speaker 1: and thinking like he's not getting off on the fact
Speaker 1: he's sneaking around. He was like, by the way, I'm
Speaker 1: mass bayed last night. I don't think he thinks he's
Speaker 1: done anything wrong. It's not necessarily anything wrong. But at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, you don't feel comfortable with it.
Speaker 1: So that's just what you need to tell him. And
Speaker 1: for the future, if he wants to masturbate while you're asleep,
Speaker 1: he needs to get up.
Speaker 4: Yeah, go somewhere else.
Speaker 2: I'd be interested to know what people's opinions are on
Speaker 2: this as too, And I think if we did a poll,
Speaker 2: I think the votes would be very interesting to see
Speaker 2: who would be okay with it and who wouldn't be.
Speaker 4: But I do you agree with you, Britt.
Speaker 2: I think him telling you, like point blank that that's
Speaker 2: what he did, then that suggests he does not even
Speaker 2: think that it is remotely wrong. But at the end
Speaker 2: of the day, the big conversation here around which there
Speaker 2: is a conversation around consent. Here, you can't consent if
Speaker 2: you're unconscious, and it doesn't matter if you're in a relationship,
Speaker 2: any sort of sexual relations should not just be assumed
Speaker 2: because you're in a relationship, And I think if you're
Speaker 2: the one saying to him that you find it weird,
Speaker 2: it's not really his position to turn around and tell
Speaker 2: you it's not.
Speaker 4: And I think that that's where the bigger conversation in
Speaker 4: this is.
Speaker 2: But I would love to know how everybody else listening
Speaker 2: to this feels and what they would do if that
Speaker 2: was their relationship.
Speaker 1: Well, I remember, I can't remember how long ago it was,
Speaker 1: would have been a year ago plus. We did a
Speaker 1: poll on just masturbation in general, like are you happy
Speaker 1: with your partner masturbating or does that make you upset
Speaker 1: to think that they're masturbated in a day without you
Speaker 1: when you're at work, And I was actually surprised how
Speaker 1: many people didn't want theirner masturbating without them. I found
Speaker 1: that really surprising. So I think this pole would probably
Speaker 1: lean similar to that.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: No, And I think our response to that was that
Speaker 2: that's problematic, Like we shouldn't be putting restrictions and rules
Speaker 2: on our mother's bodies and trying to dictate how they
Speaker 2: pleasure themselves. I mean, like there's already enough rules, like
Speaker 2: we're allowed to have autonomy over our own body and
Speaker 2: our pleasure.
Speaker 1: It's only unless they're masturbating instead of having any intimacy
Speaker 1: with you. Like if you know they're masturbating all day
Speaker 1: and then they don't want to touch you or have
Speaker 1: a connection or have sex with you, and it's causing
Speaker 1: a problem, that's when it's the problem. But if they're
Speaker 1: just masturbating and then you still get everything you need
Speaker 1: or I think that's fine.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I reckon that there's people who have an
Speaker 2: issue with it because there's like almost like a form
Speaker 2: of jealousy. There are people who have an issue with
Speaker 2: their partners masturbating because they feel like it then infers
Speaker 2: that they're not good enough or they're not doing a
Speaker 2: good enough job. It's taken as a personal criticism, which
Speaker 2: I think if that's how you feel about your partner masturbating,
Speaker 2: then I think we need to reframe how we see it, because,
Speaker 2: like I think it's an important part of a healthy relationship.
Speaker 2: You don't want to have to always be available for sex,
Speaker 2: and sometimes you just need to surface yourself.
Speaker 4: Sometimes go jack off on your but service.
Speaker 2: Yourself in another room or check that your partner's okay
Speaker 2: with you doing it in the bed. Next to them
Speaker 2: like it's not a big it doesn't need to be
Speaker 2: a big deal. But I definitely think it's a conversation
Speaker 2: that should be had. But I reckon there'd be so
Speaker 2: many people who have experienced this.
Speaker 1: Laura, that's enough masturbation, chap Let's move on to question
Speaker 1: number three. This is an interesting one, and I think
Speaker 1: it might rub a lot of people up the wrong way.
Speaker 1: One of my absolute pet peeves is not receiving a
Speaker 1: thank you for my generosity. Recently, a lot of my
Speaker 1: friends and family are having babies, so I've given them gifts,
Speaker 1: home cooked meals.
Speaker 3: And heartfelt cards.
Speaker 1: Some of them I don't even receive a thank you
Speaker 1: from unless I bring it up. I am the type
Speaker 1: of person who sends a text on a bigger occasion
Speaker 1: thank you cards, but some friends and family haven't even
Speaker 1: sent me a text to say thank you. I've previously
Speaker 1: traveled into state for a wedding and contributed.
Speaker 3: To the wishing well.
Speaker 1: I thanked her for having me at the wedding, but
Speaker 1: I never received a thank you for the it I
Speaker 1: made and the effort I make with our friendship, and
Speaker 1: we haven't spoken since.
Speaker 3: I know times have changed, and thank you cards aren't
Speaker 3: really a thing anymore.
Speaker 1: But I also think it's not hard to send a
Speaker 1: text thanking someone for the generosity.
Speaker 4: Am I being unreasonable? Ooh, I maybe people are not
Speaker 4: gonna agree with me.
Speaker 2: I think if you are going out of your way
Speaker 2: to help, if someone who's just had a baby, if
Speaker 2: you were in the throes of very early motherhood and
Speaker 2: you have a newborn, and you were someone going out
Speaker 2: of your way to either bring food or to send
Speaker 2: a present, or to do something that should just be
Speaker 2: out of the generosity of your own heart, without the
Speaker 2: expectation of receiving anything back, and if you want to
Speaker 2: help them. And I say this because being a new
Speaker 2: mum and having a newborn is such an all consuming
Speaker 2: moment of life that often the things that you would
Speaker 2: normally do, the thank yous, the following up, the like
Speaker 2: fucking having a shower, getting eight hours of sleep, the
Speaker 2: stuff that you would normally do in life just doesn't
Speaker 2: exist anymore. Your entire world and identity has been flipped
Speaker 2: on its head. Now, I'm not saying that that's an
Speaker 2: excuse to be an asshole in your friendship, but I
Speaker 2: am saying that I think it's a period in life
Speaker 2: where we can give our friends a little bit of
Speaker 2: grace that they are going to be a little bit selfish,
Speaker 2: and it's not because they're being selfish intentionally. It's because
Speaker 2: most new mums with newborns are just trying to survive.
Speaker 2: They're just trying to get by, and so doing something
Speaker 2: in that period of life should just come with generosity
Speaker 2: without expectation. But I also think in general, like if
Speaker 2: you're going to do things for your friends because you
Speaker 2: love them and care about them, I don't really think
Speaker 2: that we should be doing things with the expectation of
Speaker 2: getting something back. And I know that that's a fine
Speaker 2: line between feeling taken for granted and doing something out
Speaker 2: of the kindness of your own heart, but I think
Speaker 2: you need to figure out where that line sits for you.
Speaker 3: I don't think that's a tricky line.
Speaker 1: I don't think you should ever be doing something with
Speaker 1: your intention of getting a thank you. And of course
Speaker 1: you can feel undervalued if maybe it's a particular person
Speaker 1: that you're constantly doing things for and you never get
Speaker 1: anything back. But your motivation for helping people out, I
Speaker 1: personally think isn't to get a pat on the back,
Speaker 1: and it isn't to get these thank yous. You should
Speaker 1: know your friend would be so grateful if you've dropped
Speaker 1: food over. She might not have time to send you
Speaker 1: a thank you card, but I would be very shocked
Speaker 1: if you turn up to her house with a homemade
Speaker 1: lasagna and she didn't say thank you so much, or
Speaker 1: she didn't say any sort of thank you. So maybe
Speaker 1: your problem is it's not enough of a level, or
Speaker 1: it's not meeting what you're like like, it sounds like
Speaker 1: you're the person that does send thank you cards.
Speaker 2: Something we can do in all relationships, not just friendships,
Speaker 2: but definitely in romantic relationships as well. And it's so
Speaker 2: fucking unhealthy, and I know that sometimes I do it
Speaker 2: when it comes to like having little TIFs with Matt
Speaker 2: Is scorekeeping. Scorekeeping is so toxic in your relationships. It's
Speaker 2: toxic in friendships, and it's toxic in romantic relationships. But
Speaker 2: it sounds to me like you are keeping score, that
Speaker 2: you were doing things with an expectation of getting something back.
Speaker 2: And I think once, if you have logged it in
Speaker 2: your brain that you are keeping score, you will always
Speaker 2: be resentful. You will always be frustrated because the other
Speaker 2: person that you're keeping score against doesn't know and they
Speaker 2: don't know that you're in this tit for tat situation,
Speaker 2: and I think it actually just breeds, like I said,
Speaker 2: just such a level of resentment within friendships. It's so
Speaker 2: unfair and it's so one sided because the other person
Speaker 2: doesn't know that that's what's going on. But I think
Speaker 2: you know, in these instances that you're talking about, like
Speaker 2: early motherhood, in going to weddings, yes it is beautiful
Speaker 2: that you have been generous, but I do think that
Speaker 2: these are both moments in life where you are allowed
Speaker 2: to just give without the expectation of getting something back.
Speaker 2: I think another important part of this is, you know,
Speaker 2: we all receive love in different ways, and we've spoken
Speaker 2: about it, like the different love languages, and it sounds
Speaker 2: to me like you're somebody who is like a words
Speaker 2: of affirmation, Like you want to be told that you're appreciated.
Speaker 2: You want to be told that you're doing a good job.
Speaker 2: And I think that different people show that in different ways,
Speaker 2: Like for me, I don't need to receive a thank
Speaker 2: you card from someone. If anything, I'm like that what
Speaker 2: a waste of paper. It goes straight in the bin.
Speaker 2: I'm not someone who keeps hold of cards, so for me,
Speaker 2: that's kind of mismatched. I'll send a text, I'll definitely
Speaker 2: say thank you, and I'll appreciate in different ways. But
Speaker 2: maybe it's that you have a very specific way in
Speaker 2: which you feel appreciated and your friends aren't meeting those expectations,
Speaker 2: but they might be meeting them in other ways.
Speaker 1: I think the thing you do really need to ask
Speaker 1: yourself here is, and this is what's popping into my mind,
Speaker 1: is you're obviously an amazing friend and an amazing person,
Speaker 1: but no one's making you do this. And I don't
Speaker 1: think they're asking you to do these things. I don't
Speaker 1: think they've asked you to make them a dinner. You're
Speaker 1: doing it because you really want to do it. So
Speaker 1: maybe ask yourself, why are you that offended that you're
Speaker 1: not getting these cards and thank yous back? Because everybody
Speaker 1: in life and in personality is different. Everyone's at a
Speaker 1: different stage. If you have no attachments, right, let's just
Speaker 1: say you don't have a partner, you don't have kids,
Speaker 1: you're living your best life, and you take dinner to
Speaker 1: your friend who's got a newborn baby. They might have
Speaker 1: other kids, at home, they have a crazy life. They
Speaker 1: don't have as much time and brain function to think
Speaker 1: of the same things that you're doing. And sometimes because
Speaker 1: of these life events, friendships grow and change and they
Speaker 1: can become one sided. Not intentionally, but because people's life
Speaker 1: journeys differ. They've got different priorities At the moment, I'm
Speaker 1: so sure that they're grateful, but it's not the top
Speaker 1: of their list to go and get a thank you
Speaker 1: can't and send.
Speaker 4: It to you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but there does come a point in friendships though,
Speaker 2: like if you feel as though a friendship is one sided,
Speaker 2: it can't be one sided indefinitely. You know, you can't
Speaker 2: just keep showing up to a friendship where your friend
Speaker 2: is not returning serve you know, over and over again,
Speaker 2: because that does give you a sense of feeling like
Speaker 2: you are unloved or unappreciated or all of.
Speaker 4: Those sorts of feelings.
Speaker 2: So I think, like you have to be the one
Speaker 2: to kind of figure out is this repetitive behavior by
Speaker 2: the same person. Is this that I'm showing up to
Speaker 2: the friendship and they're not meeting me here because they
Speaker 2: don't want to or they can't. At this point in life,
Speaker 2: there are periods where people deserve and are allowed to
Speaker 2: be a little bit in would focused. But I guess
Speaker 2: it's like figuring out whether it's repetitive behavior or whether
Speaker 2: it's just a part of the season of your friendship.
Speaker 1: Well, I was gonna say exactly that, Laura. Friendships do
Speaker 1: have seasons as well. Sometimes they run their course, and
Speaker 1: this could be running its course. If you feel like
Speaker 1: it's not being reciprocated, you're not on the same level,
Speaker 1: You're not getting what you need from the friendship. You
Speaker 1: don't have to maintain it. Sometimes it's time to take
Speaker 1: a step back and maybe you can revisit it in
Speaker 1: six months or a year. But if you're feel like
Speaker 1: you're putting in in, in, in, in, not gettything.
Speaker 2: Bad, take a step back, do less, do less, take
Speaker 2: us stop cooking, stop sending presents, stop sending cards, and
Speaker 2: thank you.
Speaker 4: That's enough from us. Tour round this out. Go and
Speaker 4: get your live show tickets as well.
Speaker 2: If you have been thinking about coming and watching Life
Speaker 2: Uncut live, we are coming to a capital city near
Speaker 2: you and it's going to be freaking amazing. We've got
Speaker 2: Sam Fisher, we have Mitch coming, Keisha's going to be there.
Speaker 2: We are all going to be on stage with some
Speaker 2: absolutely incredible guests.
Speaker 4: It's going to be wild and it's going to be hilarious.
Speaker 2: You can get your tickets from Life on podcast dot
Speaker 2: com dot au and yeah, it's gonna be so so fun,
Speaker 2: So please don't miss that. It's happening the whole month
Speaker 2: of October. We've got eight locations across the country and
Speaker 2: over the pond in Auckland, even all the way to Perth.
Speaker 3: Perth always says that no one comes to them.
Speaker 4: We're coming. We're coming. We're coming all the way to you.
Speaker 2: So bring your friends, and don't just bring your friends,
Speaker 2: bring your boyfriend, bring your girlfriend. It'll be such an
Speaker 2: eye opening revolution.
Speaker 4: You will learn some stuff. You'll believe a different person,
Speaker 4: a better person. Smellia right anyway, that's it.
Speaker 3: Don't forget tell me mom, don't dad, tell you dog.
Speaker 3: Tea friends and share the love because we love love