Speaker 1: Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout
Speaker 1: Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We
Speaker 1: pay our respect to their elders past and present and
Speaker 1: extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait islander
Speaker 1: peoples today.
Speaker 2: This episode is recorded on Gaddigal Land of the Aurora Nation.
Speaker 2: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 3: I'm Laura and I'm Brittany.
Speaker 2: And Brittany, you have something that you're gonna tell us
Speaker 2: because on last or of Tuesday's episode I said it's
Speaker 2: time for some dating updates.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is a funny little update. Actually it's not.
Speaker 3: I'm not going to go hard, but I is. How
Speaker 3: is the dating life currently hollow? The dating traps?
Speaker 1: It's still very very slow. I'm still just dipping my
Speaker 1: toes in the water.
Speaker 3: How many dates has one been on.
Speaker 1: With one person? Or different people? Oh?
Speaker 3: Both, look at me.
Speaker 1: I'm acting like I'm counting.
Speaker 3: It's too okay? How many dates?
Speaker 1: With?
Speaker 3: Said? Too?
Speaker 1: So? I think I told you a story. Okay, I've
Speaker 1: got two updates. I told you a story a little
Speaker 1: while ago about how produced a kish and I had
Speaker 1: matched with the same person online, and then we went
Speaker 1: out to the pub and we ran into that person.
Speaker 2: We have this really awkward moment. I said that a
Speaker 2: few weeks ago. But you never actually went on a
Speaker 2: date with his guy in real life. It was it
Speaker 2: was someone you match, you talked to a little bit,
Speaker 2: and then he.
Speaker 1: We both only met him on a dating app, but
Speaker 1: we didn't know we were both we would never do that, like,
Speaker 1: we're not going to play games. But then when we
Speaker 1: discovered we'd both talked to him, we never spoke to
Speaker 1: him again. But that was because he he sort of
Speaker 1: just like disappeared.
Speaker 3: So we disappeared into the net of the internet.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so we were like whatever, like like we're invested.
Speaker 1: We ran into him together at the pub, and I
Speaker 1: don't think he actually recognized us slash me. He might
Speaker 1: have recognized Keisha I produced Akisha, but not me. Anyway,
Speaker 1: we all had a bit of a laugh about it.
Speaker 1: He then all of his friends must have told him
Speaker 1: what happened, and then he went and found me on Instagram.
Speaker 1: Oh there was more. Yes, So he came and found
Speaker 1: me on Instagram and was like, hey, we've never spoken
Speaker 1: on Instagram. He's like, just want to let you know
Speaker 1: I didn't ghost you.
Speaker 2: You know when someone's really putting in the effort is
Speaker 2: when they change platforms, when they take it from the
Speaker 2: dating apps and they go into the Instagram, like find
Speaker 2: you on LinkedIn, send.
Speaker 1: A home in Pigeon. He's like, I want to I
Speaker 1: just want to let you know I didn't ghost you.
Speaker 1: And I wrote back and I was like, that's true.
Speaker 1: He actually did. No, I didn't. I said no. That's
Speaker 1: that's literally the definition of ghosting. We were talking and
Speaker 1: then she disappeared, and he's like, oh, well, I didn't
Speaker 1: mean it. Can I apologize? Can I make it up
Speaker 1: to you? Is it? Though?
Speaker 2: Can you actually go someone who you've never met in
Speaker 2: real life? I don't think you care?
Speaker 1: I care? No, Yeah, because if you imagine if you're
Speaker 1: talking to someone. I'm not saying this was asked as
Speaker 1: an example. Imagine if you're talking to someone non stop
Speaker 1: for like ten messages a day, for three weeks, four weeks,
Speaker 1: five weeks, and then all of a sudden nothing, that's
Speaker 1: a ghosting. You don't have to have met them, they're
Speaker 1: still they were there and then they're not.
Speaker 2: But I kind of feel like you can really only
Speaker 2: go someone once they've been a little bit of investment,
Speaker 2: i e.
Speaker 3: Once he's an investment.
Speaker 2: I don't think that who the fuck could text someone
Speaker 2: for five weeks without actually meeting them in real life
Speaker 2: unless he people. Unless when you were on dating apps
Speaker 2: you've set your profile to there are zero barriers, like
Speaker 2: as in one hundred kilometer radius.
Speaker 1: Do you know what the listeners are thinking right now?
Speaker 1: They're like, oh, bless Laura's soul. She's been out of
Speaker 1: the dating game for a while. You can one hundred
Speaker 1: percent be invested without meeting, yes, And I can be
Speaker 1: ghosted without.
Speaker 2: Meeting within a week, two weeks, maybe three weeks max
Speaker 2: I would meet someone. I have such a short plan,
Speaker 2: but I have a short attention span. I couldn't date
Speaker 2: someone online texting for five weeks. I'd be like, fuck,
Speaker 2: I'm so bored of this. Let's figure this out in
Speaker 2: real life see if we are compatible.
Speaker 1: But also think about the last couple of years in
Speaker 1: COVID and all the lock downs. So I feel like
Speaker 1: like blessed is the life that Laura has a beautiful
Speaker 1: relationship with children. All last single people out here are
Speaker 1: like Laura.
Speaker 2: You do not remember what the dating was like. I
Speaker 2: also blacked out what the pandemic was like as well.
Speaker 1: He did that happen?
Speaker 3: What are you talking about?
Speaker 1: But that wasn't even my update. I also told you
Speaker 1: guys another story recently.
Speaker 3: Wait wait, wait, don't know.
Speaker 2: So he said into your DMS and said I didn't
Speaker 2: gost you and you said you did and he said okay,
Speaker 2: and then what happened?
Speaker 1: Oh, so he wants to take me on a date.
Speaker 1: That's where's count We haven't yet. I've been actually too busy.
Speaker 1: And then I got COVID and implouenza. Everyone's hospitals, So
Speaker 1: I was like, wait, will you go on a date?
Speaker 1: We said, man, I think I probably should maybe like
Speaker 1: a coffee if he's going to put the effort in.
Speaker 1: But he's got to put the effort in.
Speaker 2: Do you have to have the conversation with produce a
Speaker 2: key shirt that you're both that he chose you?
Speaker 1: No, because then she started talking to his other friend.
Speaker 1: That's not even the update. The update was. I just said,
Speaker 1: I've actually only gone on two dates this year. Isn't
Speaker 1: that a sad thing for me? But I'm only just
Speaker 1: getting back out there. I've been on two days one
Speaker 1: of them I told you guys about recently where I
Speaker 1: said when we actually met, it wasn't really the person
Speaker 1: that I thought. It was like a semi catfish without catfish.
Speaker 1: It was that person, but maybe some older photos, filters,
Speaker 1: a few filters it's thrown in there, yeah, from ten
Speaker 1: years ago, a few filters from nineteen ninety seven, like
Speaker 1: the vintage film. It he tried to make it vintage.
Speaker 3: It wasn't.
Speaker 1: It was actually just vintage.
Speaker 3: It was. It was just an antique.
Speaker 1: It was from plenty of fish. So we had that
Speaker 1: date right and we were talking. You know. There were
Speaker 1: a few texts after it because it was really nice,
Speaker 1: like there was nothing wrong with this person, Like I
Speaker 1: want to make that clear. It just wasn't. The vibe
Speaker 1: just wasn't there. It wasn't for me. But there were
Speaker 1: a few texts after and then I just when the
Speaker 1: opportunity came for me to not respond, I didn't so
Speaker 1: like I was being nice enough. But when the texts
Speaker 1: died down and it wasn't a question anymore, you ghosted him, Well,
Speaker 1: he hasn't. He didn't write back to me either. I
Speaker 1: guess it was just sort of fading or he picked
Speaker 1: up on it, so I didn't go. So we we
Speaker 1: were back and forth until you know, a conversation dies,
Speaker 1: it just never picked back up.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was. It's a slow fade.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So then I went on the date with the
Speaker 1: second person I've been on a date with, and we
Speaker 1: were again this is what I do, walking coffee date,
Speaker 1: you know, two birds one stone on a walking coffee date.
Speaker 1: Was standing out in the front of his coffee shop
Speaker 1: and there is a window in the coffee store. This
Speaker 1: is at my local, and I'm standing there with this person,
Speaker 1: lots of flirting, lots of whatever. And then I look
Speaker 1: up to my right and one point five meters away
Speaker 1: is the first guy, the catfish date guy that I
Speaker 1: stopped talking to, and he's standing there staring at me,
Speaker 1: and I stared at him, and then we had this.
Speaker 1: I pretended I didn't recognize him because I didn't what
Speaker 1: are you doing that situation? And I looked on my
Speaker 1: face and I looked away, and the guy was on
Speaker 1: a date with was like, is E anything all right?
Speaker 1: Because I must have just had them like I can't
Speaker 1: die have a poker face, and I just told him
Speaker 1: I was like, I went on a date with that guy.
Speaker 3: And I.
Speaker 1: Goes to and he was like, oh, this is awkward,
Speaker 1: and I was like, should we go to knock coffee shop?
Speaker 1: And that was it. So that's my dating update. That's
Speaker 1: just like nothing, nothing can ever be smooth. Two dates
Speaker 1: and then they collide. My world's collide. That's all I've
Speaker 1: done is two dates and I had an implosion.
Speaker 2: Two dates but more than one date with the second
Speaker 2: person or not?
Speaker 3: Oh hang on, you know, yes I do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the second one I had went on a few
Speaker 1: dates with yeah, oh.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, cool. Nice.
Speaker 2: It's good to be updated. I'm glad that all the
Speaker 2: people are now updated. I'm glad that we can all
Speaker 2: live vicariously through your dating life anytime you want to,
Speaker 2: you know, tell us the ins and outs.
Speaker 3: I've forgotten. And it's not that I've forgotten.
Speaker 2: What it's like to date. Trust me, that trauma is
Speaker 2: etched into my brain. I did some pretty terrible dating
Speaker 2: in my time. But I've forgotten about how the interactions
Speaker 2: go with online dating, Like what are the rules of
Speaker 2: engagement in terms.
Speaker 3: Of what just in terms of everything.
Speaker 1: I think, like when you start the conversation.
Speaker 3: Well, actually I have one.
Speaker 2: I think there's actually one question in here which we
Speaker 2: will get into, which I think kind of ties in
Speaker 2: a little bit, maybe loosely. Look it's a stretch, but
Speaker 2: we'll tie it in, all right. Anyways, for anyone who
Speaker 2: doesn't know what this episode is, you guys are not
Speaker 2: just about my dating I wish it was just.
Speaker 3: About Britt's dating life.
Speaker 2: You guys write in You're Deep, You're dark, You're burning
Speaker 2: questions and we do our absolute best to answer them,
Speaker 2: and we have chosen three, maybe four, depending on how
Speaker 2: much time. We have very good questions today. But before
Speaker 2: we get into answering the questions, there is something that
Speaker 2: I read in the news which is a very unrelatable
Speaker 2: news article that I came across.
Speaker 3: And that is brettany Hockley.
Speaker 2: Did you see that Ben Affleck's son had an accident?
Speaker 1: Okay, I didn't read this article. I scrolled past it
Speaker 1: and I saw it and I thought Ben Affleck had
Speaker 1: the car accident, and I just I was like, I
Speaker 1: couldn't care less if Ben Affleck accidentally dinged the cars,
Speaker 1: so I kept scrolling. It wasn't Ben, it was his son.
Speaker 2: Ben Affleck's ten year old son has run his three
Speaker 2: hundred and sixty one thousand dollar Lamborghini into a BMW.
Speaker 1: I have so many questions.
Speaker 2: Imagine you're a child not even okay, none of us
Speaker 2: can imagine this, because I'm pretty certain that not a
Speaker 2: single person who listens to this podcast owns the Lamborghini. Hey, lamee,
Speaker 2: So maybe someone does, do you think I don't think
Speaker 2: that we would be their cup of tea. I feel
Speaker 2: like there's they're probably listening to the Financial Review. But
Speaker 2: could you imagine your kid getting in your car and
Speaker 2: driving your car for a starter as a ten year
Speaker 2: old let alone. I mean, at least a Lamborghini would
Speaker 2: be easier for them to enter because it's so low lying.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't even have a step up into it.
Speaker 1: You roll on into it.
Speaker 2: The part of this story that's even wilder is that
Speaker 2: this wasn't their car. They didn't own this car. He
Speaker 2: got into the car at a dealership.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Well they own it now and did
Speaker 1: it break?
Speaker 3: And you bought it? And did it at a dealership?
Speaker 3: I can't even They.
Speaker 1: Probably just had to buy two cars. They probably had
Speaker 1: to buy the car, the Lamborghini and the car that
Speaker 1: they just hear.
Speaker 2: Could you imagine or does it do you okay. Do
Speaker 2: you think that in that sort of situation you would
Speaker 2: have to pay to repair it or would the insurance
Speaker 2: come under you just have to pay the access sure
Speaker 2: six hundred.
Speaker 1: Bucks and fat Chancelord, there is no way that ben
Speaker 1: Netflix ten year old sign just smash two cars of
Speaker 1: dealership and they're going to be like six hundred dollars
Speaker 1: thank you. I'd be like, you're purchasing those two cars?
Speaker 1: I know your net worth? I can google it.
Speaker 2: I would love to know. And maybe this is something
Speaker 2: we can do in a radio segment. What is your
Speaker 2: child ruined? What's something that you own that your child
Speaker 2: has just monumentally fucked up for you?
Speaker 3: I'll go first.
Speaker 2: We bought a brand new couch when we moved into
Speaker 2: our new apartment or a new house, and it's.
Speaker 3: A Koala couch. I love it.
Speaker 2: And I walked out one day and Molly was there
Speaker 2: with a black pen just drawing down the side of it,
Speaker 2: just casually looking me dead into the eyes, like fuck you, mummy,
Speaker 2: drawing down the side of.
Speaker 1: The couch, kind of textile like permit market, just in
Speaker 1: a black barrow, all down the side, all down the side.
Speaker 1: She'd been sitting there doing it for a while. Is
Speaker 1: it still on there because you get off.
Speaker 2: I picked a very good color couch. I picked a
Speaker 2: gray couch so it covered it remotely. But if you
Speaker 2: look closely, yeah, of course you can.
Speaker 3: Still see it.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, my child has do not get me
Speaker 2: started on your child.
Speaker 1: Oh my child dlah fast four legs and she has
Speaker 1: ruined a lot of things. I don't even know where
Speaker 1: I would start.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'll sign on one of them. We have a
Speaker 2: very big announcement that we're making tomorrow. It's something that
Speaker 2: we've been working on for a long time, something that
Speaker 2: we're really excited about, something that we honestly cannot wait.
Speaker 3: To share with you. And we got given it.
Speaker 1: I like, this is giving it away.
Speaker 2: No one knows reave it under line, people, we got
Speaker 2: given it here it is, here's one for the two
Speaker 2: of you to have together. And I got here today
Speaker 2: and I was like, I can't wait to take a.
Speaker 3: Photo of it.
Speaker 2: It doesn't exist anymore because Delilah ate it.
Speaker 3: And I wish that this was a joke.
Speaker 2: I wish that when somebody went to school and said,
Speaker 2: my dog ate my homework.
Speaker 3: This is literally that situation Britney's dog ate.
Speaker 1: My homework, his most prized possession, something that was very
Speaker 1: meaningful to both of us, and something that we don't
Speaker 1: have the very first one. Yeah, we can't get it
Speaker 1: back right now, so I'm not gonna lie. Do you
Speaker 1: know what I felt like when I saw it? I
Speaker 1: felt like I was the child and I didn't know
Speaker 1: how to tell my parents what had happened you. I
Speaker 1: was like, what am I gonna do that? It's gonna
Speaker 1: be so upset to be I was like, well, am
Speaker 1: I actually gonna do? I was like, I don't know
Speaker 1: how to tell us. I just pretended it was like
Speaker 1: really nonchalant. I was just like, hey, loll so this happened.
Speaker 2: So what we're actually saying on this podcast episode is
Speaker 2: that there is an Australian shepherd dog. It's up upper sale.
Speaker 2: If anyone would like it, you can come pick it
Speaker 2: up from bod Guy.
Speaker 1: I can never I will never leave Delilah in your
Speaker 1: care babysitting, because I'll come She'll be gone. I love
Speaker 1: that and be like, hey, gave her away. I swapped
Speaker 1: her for a plant on the corner of the street.
Speaker 2: I thought it would be easier, but anyway, Okay, let's
Speaker 2: get into all of the questions that you guys have
Speaker 2: written in. I won't give Delilah away.
Speaker 3: I'm not that mean. But also, man, puppies are hard.
Speaker 1: I mean, she didn't choose clothes, everything, announcements, very expensive handbag. Dude,
Speaker 1: she ate my muffin off the bench. She's she's she's
Speaker 1: been running road. Yeah, but she's so cute.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I think I would rather kids, no way.
Speaker 2: Dog for dogs are very polarizing in that people like,
Speaker 2: if you verbalize that you're not very much of a
Speaker 2: dog person, people get really angry.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't date it. If that's a deal breaker. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you don't like a dog.
Speaker 2: People think you're a psychopath. I have a dog. I
Speaker 2: am a dog person. I'm just not a puppy perpose.
Speaker 1: She's only her birthday in a couple of days. Oh yeah, well,
Speaker 1: good things she's celebrated. She said, that's her celebrating.
Speaker 3: All right, let's get into the questions. Help. I'm in
Speaker 3: a situation.
Speaker 2: I've been with my partner for two years, and recently
Speaker 2: I spent a couple of days away doing house inspections. Now,
Speaker 2: while I was away, I took my partner's laptop with
Speaker 2: me so that I could watch some movies, and because
Speaker 2: I was using it to do a bit of work,
Speaker 2: I was also very bored. Of course you were, so
Speaker 2: I decided to look at his photos. Of course you did,
Speaker 2: and look at his messages. You should stop on his
Speaker 2: laptop I bought. Now, I know I shouldn't have done this,
Speaker 2: but I did it, And anyway, of course I found
Speaker 2: something that has made me feel sick. Now I have
Speaker 2: found two separate videos. They were very sexual video of
Speaker 2: him and other girls in the past. Now, one of
Speaker 2: the videos I have questions about and I want to
Speaker 2: ask him about it. He will obviously know then that
Speaker 2: I went through his stuff. In addition to the videos,
Speaker 2: there was also a message that I found in She
Speaker 2: Went Deep Guys. There was also a message that I
Speaker 2: found of him texting a random number asking if they
Speaker 2: were free, and also asking them how much. This has
Speaker 2: also left me feeling really sick because I never thought
Speaker 2: my partner was like this. What the hell do I
Speaker 2: do do I have to just ignore this whole situation,
Speaker 2: ignore the text messages, ignore the videos, and go on
Speaker 2: and continue to do life as though I don't know
Speaker 2: about this, or can I bring it up with him,
Speaker 2: dun't dun't duh?
Speaker 3: What should I do?
Speaker 1: Was the does it say? Laura? Was the message that
Speaker 1: she found where he said how much an you around
Speaker 1: kind of thing? Was that a message from before the
Speaker 1: relationship as well?
Speaker 2: I get the impression in the way that this is
Speaker 2: worded that maybe there is some loose overlap in from
Speaker 2: the beginning. I feel like they're from quite a long
Speaker 2: time ago. Maybe there is, Like when she says there's
Speaker 2: one of them in particular, I have questions about maybe
Speaker 2: there is some overlap or there's something there that makes
Speaker 2: her feel insecure. But the videos specifically from the question
Speaker 2: are from the past, so previously to her relationship.
Speaker 1: All right, well, you got yourself into a real pickulducle
Speaker 1: here because you did the wrong thing by going through
Speaker 1: his laptop, for sure. Like, I think there needs to
Speaker 1: be a level of privacy in a relationship, and I
Speaker 1: don't mean I think in a relationship you should have
Speaker 1: access to each other's stuff. Like I don't think you
Speaker 1: have to be hiding anything. I think you can know
Speaker 1: each other's passwords, but I think you need to know
Speaker 1: someone's passwords but still have that respect of not diving deep.
Speaker 1: Now I'm not saying that this is your fault, and
Speaker 1: I'm not saying you can't approach him anymore. I'm just
Speaker 1: this is from me in a relationship. I would hate
Speaker 1: if I knew my partner was going through every single
Speaker 1: thing on my computer and I've got nothing to hide.
Speaker 1: I just it just doesn't sit.
Speaker 3: Right with me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think that there's a big difference between
Speaker 2: having like an open phone or open like laptop policy
Speaker 2: in terms of like you know each other's passwords, and
Speaker 2: there's this real level of just like, yeah, sure, what's
Speaker 2: mineus yours verse going really deep and trying to find
Speaker 2: something like I think that they're very different things. And
Speaker 2: you know what, I know what happens to a lot
Speaker 2: of people that the curiosity becomes overwhelming and that you
Speaker 2: do kind of find yourself down a rabbit hole. I
Speaker 2: guess the biggest problem is, though, is then when you
Speaker 2: do come across something, trying to explain how you got
Speaker 2: into that rabbit hole in the first place can be
Speaker 2: a bit of a situation.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And if you want to approach him now and
Speaker 1: talk about it, which I think you're going to have to,
Speaker 1: because it sounds like now that you've got this knowledge,
Speaker 1: it's going to eat you alive and you're going to
Speaker 1: really dwell on it for a little while, so you
Speaker 1: probably do need to have the conversation. I don't think
Speaker 1: you can scoot around it. I think you need to
Speaker 1: say I accidentally found something on your computer when I
Speaker 1: had it the other day. I wish I didn't. I'm
Speaker 1: really sorry, but it doesn't change the fact that I
Speaker 1: have seen it and I want to talk to you
Speaker 1: about it. So I think you need to own up
Speaker 1: to it. I also apologize, don't go at him, attacking him,
Speaker 1: go into it in an open conversation and be honest.
Speaker 1: But I think in these situations, honestly is the best policy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I also see the only part that I
Speaker 2: disagree with you, brit is like, I don't think that
Speaker 2: you can kind of frame this is as like I
Speaker 2: accidentally found something back from.
Speaker 1: Nineteen ninety seven.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you have to be honest and say, look,
Speaker 2: curiosity got the better of me and I was I
Speaker 2: was going through your staff and I feel really shit
Speaker 2: about that and I am fuck like, I don't know,
Speaker 2: I don't have an explanation for what made me want
Speaker 2: to do that, because it didn't come from something that
Speaker 2: you've done. Right now, however, there are these two videos
Speaker 2: and there is this text message. Because the problem is
Speaker 2: if you say I accidentally found something, then you have
Speaker 2: to pick the one thing you want to talk about
Speaker 2: is that the message? Is it the video or are
Speaker 2: you going to say you found the message? So then
Speaker 2: you dug even deeper, Like yeah, you have to just
Speaker 2: own the whole thing otherwise it becomes too messy and
Speaker 2: entrenched with lies. But I do agree with you that
Speaker 2: I think a conversation needs to be had.
Speaker 1: But you need to be aware. I'm just putting myself
Speaker 1: in this position to imagine it. You need to be
Speaker 1: really aware that he's going to be mad. He's going
Speaker 1: to be really upset that you've gone through his stuff,
Speaker 1: and he is going to have a level of entitlement
Speaker 1: to be able to do that, Like it is a
Speaker 1: bit of an invasion of privacy, especially if they're videos.
Speaker 1: This is the other thing we need to talk about.
Speaker 1: He hasn't done anything wrong, he hasn't cheated on you totally,
Speaker 1: but obviously having that sort of intimacy from a past
Speaker 1: relationship on your computer is still unsettling. So I think
Speaker 1: you can one hundred percent ask him to delete those.
Speaker 1: That is that is in your right in a relationship
Speaker 1: to say, I don't think you need a video of
Speaker 1: you having sex with your partner on your phone. For me,
Speaker 1: if I was dating somebody now and they went through
Speaker 1: my phone, I would have so much of my past
Speaker 1: relationship with Jordan, Like they would be discovering a lot
Speaker 1: of things that I don't really think about it, but
Speaker 1: that's just stored on my phone from the last eighteen months.
Speaker 1: That's a pretty normal thing to have those things in
Speaker 1: your past. And I wouldn't have those if I was
Speaker 1: If somebody approached me and said, why do you have
Speaker 1: photos of them, I'd like I didn't. I didn't even
Speaker 1: look at them, like they're just from years ago. They're
Speaker 1: sitting in my phone. There's thousands of them. I haven't
Speaker 1: gone through and deleted them. This is just a bit
Speaker 1: different in this sense because it's very sexual, and that's
Speaker 1: what's making you uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: I think the big part of this is though it
Speaker 2: may not have been intent, like he's not necessarily holding
Speaker 2: onto those videos because it's intentional. If you found them
Speaker 2: so deep down in his messages or in his video files,
Speaker 2: it's very very likely that he's not even aware that
Speaker 2: they're there, especially if they're from years and years back.
Speaker 2: I mean, you said that you've been together for two
Speaker 2: years now, he might not be aware that they're there. Now,
Speaker 2: what you said, brit is very correct. Like, he hasn't
Speaker 2: done anything wrong, assuming that this is before your relationship,
Speaker 2: he hasn't done anything wrong. Even if he paid for
Speaker 2: sex before your relationship, he still hasn't done anything wrong. Yes,
Speaker 2: it might not line up with your values, but he
Speaker 2: wasn't in a relationship with you. He was and is
Speaker 2: allowed to behave in whatever capacity he feels is okay
Speaker 2: for him, and it's not hurting you. It's not hurting
Speaker 2: your relationship because it happened before your relationship. So I
Speaker 2: definitely think there has to be a level of acceptance
Speaker 2: here where if it all all did happen prior to
Speaker 2: you being together, you have to get to a point
Speaker 2: where you're okay. Your partner has a past, and he
Speaker 2: is entitled to his past and doesn't need to be
Speaker 2: sorry for his past, nor does he really need to
Speaker 2: explain it to you, especially if he's been committed, faithful, compassionate, loving,
Speaker 2: all the things that you want in a partner whilst
Speaker 2: he's been in the relationship with you.
Speaker 1: So now knowing all of the above, that it could
Speaker 1: open a whole can of worms. Also knowing that it
Speaker 1: seems like he hasn't done anything wrong, definitely not intentionally.
Speaker 1: You just need to decide if you want to open
Speaker 1: that can of worms or if you just want to
Speaker 1: let it go. Is it going to bother you enough
Speaker 1: that you would like to ask him to delete it?
Speaker 1: Have the conversation. If you can move past it and
Speaker 1: not worry about it and not think about it, maybe
Speaker 1: you don't have to, but you need to know if
Speaker 1: is that going to eat you alive? Are you gonna
Speaker 1: dwell on it? Is it going to become some toxic
Speaker 1: internal issue? Then deal with it. But that's something that
Speaker 1: you need to think about.
Speaker 3: You like sneak in there and delete it yourself.
Speaker 1: Of course you could deleat it, yeah, but then also
Speaker 1: you can't. I would be I would be pissed if
Speaker 1: I knew my partner was doing that, creeping into my stuff,
Speaker 1: going through my stuff and then deleting what they didn't like.
Speaker 1: I'd be like, fuck you, buddy, Like you can't go
Speaker 1: through my personal stuff like that.
Speaker 2: Okay, well, I feel like we've answered that question. Uh,
Speaker 2: let's get in to question number two.
Speaker 1: Okay, question number two. I thought this was a funny question.
Speaker 1: I'm going to read it exactly how she wrote it. Ladies,
Speaker 1: how do you ethically and morally have a hoe phase?
Speaker 1: A bit of a broad question, but I'm four months
Speaker 1: single and not looking for a relationship or to date,
Speaker 1: but I wouldn't mind connecting with people. I'm also queer,
Speaker 1: So how do I have a hoe phase without using people?
Speaker 1: And how do I successfully communicate this towards any potential
Speaker 1: sexual partners?
Speaker 2: Okay, Firstly, you're gonna have a great time. Secondly, the
Speaker 2: fact that you have even asked the question, how do
Speaker 2: I do this without hurting people? The fact that you're
Speaker 2: aware that, like sometimes when you're going through are I.
Speaker 3: Want to not be attached.
Speaker 2: I don't want to be tethered to anyone, but I
Speaker 2: still want to have sex and have a great time
Speaker 2: and have these connections that sometimes people end up being
Speaker 2: collateral damage in that period of your life. But because
Speaker 2: you're aware of that and you're asking the question, I
Speaker 2: think that you're going to be You're going to be
Speaker 2: more conscious in terms of communicating, especially in the early
Speaker 2: phases when you're like getting to know someone going on
Speaker 2: a couple of dates in order to get to the
Speaker 2: part where you guys can be physical together. I think
Speaker 2: it's important to be communicating, Hey, I'm only looking for
Speaker 2: something that's physical or I'm not looking. You don't have
Speaker 2: to say I'm only looking for physical but I'm not
Speaker 2: looking for anything serious. What I think sometimes people do,
Speaker 2: and not everyone, but sometimes we can do it when
Speaker 2: we're dating, and I've definitely done it in the past
Speaker 2: is I thought I didn't want anything serious, and I
Speaker 2: didn't want anything serious, but I definitely emotionally got into
Speaker 2: the trenches with people and maybe allowed them to think
Speaker 2: that there would be something more serious coming along, because
Speaker 2: sometimes it's hard to have like a good one night
Speaker 2: stand or have like that fearhysical connection without having the
Speaker 2: emotional connection. But if you do that and you play
Speaker 2: that game, then of course you then walking the line
Speaker 2: of really hurting someone along the way, especially if you
Speaker 2: had absolutely no fucking intention of it turning from a
Speaker 2: physical thing to a commitment thing.
Speaker 1: What I want to start by saying is, and I
Speaker 1: know what I know why you have phrased it like
Speaker 1: this a whole phase. I know you're just trying to
Speaker 1: say I want to go out and hook out with
Speaker 1: whoever I want to really reiterate, you can have sex
Speaker 1: with as many people as you want. That does not
Speaker 1: make you a hope like it absolutely does not. It
Speaker 1: just makes you living your best life. That's okay. Secondly,
Speaker 1: this is completely fine that you want to do this.
Speaker 1: I promise you. There are so many other people out
Speaker 1: there in the exact same position that want to connect
Speaker 1: with people and they want to and maybe you don't
Speaker 1: want just one night stands. Maybe you want to sleep
Speaker 1: with the same person multiple times, but with no real
Speaker 1: commitment or responsibility. All you have to do is be
Speaker 1: completely honest with the people that you with. If you
Speaker 1: if you're on a dating app, you can say that
Speaker 1: and literally you can say looking to connect with people,
Speaker 1: not looking for anything serious. You can put that out
Speaker 1: there the same way people can say, Hey, I'm looking
Speaker 1: for relationship, I'm wanting to settle down. I guarantee you
Speaker 1: there are that many people looking for exactly the same
Speaker 1: thing as you. As long as there's complete transparency and
Speaker 1: complete honesty, no one's going to get hurt. And sure
Speaker 1: someone might end up developing feelings in these situations. Often
Speaker 1: that does happen. But as long as you've said it
Speaker 1: from the start, this is what I'm looking for, you
Speaker 1: can always fall back onto that. And maybe if someone
Speaker 1: develops feelings and you're not ready, maybe that's when you
Speaker 1: think I might cut that cord now in a very
Speaker 1: respectful way then and move on to dating somebody else.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think that that's the biggest part of
Speaker 2: it though, right fort Like if you're plugged into someone
Speaker 2: and you know that they're starting to catch feelings, I
Speaker 2: think it's a bit of a cop out, and a
Speaker 2: lot of us do it, And you know, I've certainly
Speaker 2: done it in past relationships where we go, well, I
Speaker 2: told them I didn't want anything. It's not my fault
Speaker 2: that they've caught feelings to me. Like, if you know
Speaker 2: someone's caught feelings for you and you're still saying I
Speaker 2: only want it to physical, like, cut the poor person loose,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Because they're hoping that you're
Speaker 2: going to change your mind. They're hoping that maybe they
Speaker 2: can do something or convince you, or the more time
Speaker 2: you spend together that you might end up becoming emotionally invested,
Speaker 2: and if you know absolutely that that's not going to happen,
Speaker 2: then I do think that we have a greater responsibility
Speaker 2: to care about other people's emotions and to care about
Speaker 2: other people's emotional well being enough to go, Okay, well,
Speaker 2: if they're going to want to keep seeing me because
Speaker 2: they want more, I'm going to be the one to
Speaker 2: step away from this and look for somebody else who
Speaker 2: is just after something physical. I think that that is
Speaker 2: the road that this has to go down for you
Speaker 2: not to be hurting other people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and also, at the end of the day, don't
Speaker 1: ever think this. Just just have fun, like this doesn't
Speaker 1: have to be a really big deal. These are supposed
Speaker 1: to be. Dating is supposed to be the funnest time
Speaker 1: of your life. And people get really go down this
Speaker 1: rabbit hole of thinking that they need to be really
Speaker 1: serious at the start and that dating is always exhausting
Speaker 1: and dating fatigue is a thing. I'm aware of that.
Speaker 1: But we should be able to have a lot of
Speaker 1: fun with this time of our life. The time is
Speaker 1: going to come one day where you will settle down,
Speaker 1: you will want that serious relationship. Enjoy this time, enjoy
Speaker 1: the freedom enjoy meeting new people, enjoy hooking up with
Speaker 1: new people. It's a really it can be a really,
Speaker 1: really amazing time and you can meet some really amazing people.
Speaker 1: So don't overthink it and don't let it weigh too
Speaker 1: heavily on you. That's my advice. Sex is fun too,
Speaker 1: Have fun, all right?
Speaker 2: Question number three. I've been dating this guy for over
Speaker 2: a month now. Everything is great and I really like him,
Speaker 2: but there is no foreplay, like none, none at all.
Speaker 2: And this has come off the back of the episode
Speaker 2: that Matt was on last week where we spoke about
Speaker 2: the lack of foreplay. Now she goes on to say,
Speaker 2: we kiss for a bit and then just go straight
Speaker 2: into penetrative sex, no clatoral stimulation, and when it's over,
Speaker 2: he always seems to ask did you finish? Which I
Speaker 2: absolutely have not. I really don't want to offend him,
Speaker 2: So what should I do? Would he get offended if
Speaker 2: I suggest that he uses my vibrator? I am offended.
Speaker 2: I am offended for you. I am offended that you
Speaker 2: have dated someone for a month and not had an orgasm.
Speaker 1: I'm offended that you don't want to offend him by
Speaker 1: saying you didn't come when he asked you to, like
Speaker 1: when he asked if you did, don't lie just saying no, sorry, no,
Speaker 1: like absolutely not not even fifty percent. I'm not even
Speaker 1: halfway there. Sorry, you only did a quarter of the job.
Speaker 1: So no, I didn't come. I'm not serviced. The worst
Speaker 1: thing you can do, we say this is a lot.
Speaker 1: The worst thing you can do in these situations is
Speaker 1: lie or pretend that because if you have been like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I did, I came, He's going to be like, great,
Speaker 1: nailed it. Whatever I just did is what works for her.
Speaker 1: So he's going to keep doing it, and you're going
Speaker 1: to be in a.
Speaker 3: Very vicious cycle. Absolutely never reward bad behavior.
Speaker 2: That's exactly an animal or a child. But it never
Speaker 2: never reward bad behavior. They will do it again and
Speaker 2: again and again. Okay for me, I think that this
Speaker 2: is a really easy one. Yes, you may offend him
Speaker 2: a little bit. He may go, oh my god, like
Speaker 2: I didn't realize. Yeah, he might feel a bit uncomfortable
Speaker 2: about it. But guess what, I personally think that your
Speaker 2: sexual satisfaction is more important than his ego and his
Speaker 2: ego because it's ego at the end of the day.
Speaker 2: Like maybe he just doesn't know. Maybe he was dating
Speaker 2: a girl who was quite fine with like get it
Speaker 2: in wham bam, and she could orgasm from penetrative sex.
Speaker 3: Most women can't.
Speaker 2: And you are setting this person up even if you
Speaker 2: guys don't end up in a long term relationship, you
Speaker 2: are setting him up to be a better lover for
Speaker 2: the next person and for yourself by communicating to him
Speaker 2: that actually he needs to do a bit more of
Speaker 2: the distance. And I don't think you have to to
Speaker 2: be honest, I don't think you have to go straight
Speaker 2: to bringing a vibrator in like you can if that's
Speaker 2: what you want to use, if that's how you know,
Speaker 2: you can easily get off. But I do think you
Speaker 2: can kind of be like, I would love it if
Speaker 2: you would go down on me. Can you put your
Speaker 2: fingers in me first?
Speaker 3: There are other things that you could ask him to do.
Speaker 1: Just sit on his face.
Speaker 3: You could just sit on his face.
Speaker 2: There are other things that you can do prior to
Speaker 2: just resorting to using toys.
Speaker 1: It's very easy for me. It's it's just like, yeah,
Speaker 1: my heart, my soul hurt. When you're like, I don't
Speaker 1: want to offend him, it's not it's actually not offending him.
Speaker 1: You're doing him a favor, Like he, without doubt will
Speaker 1: be mortified to know that he thinks he's nailing it
Speaker 1: and he's not hitting the spot physically, metaphorically, literally, he's
Speaker 1: emotionally in every way, this guy's not in the spot.
Speaker 1: So you need to tell him that so he knows
Speaker 1: how to hit it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and okay, where would you do this? Would you
Speaker 2: do this in the bedroom? Whend you do it outside
Speaker 2: of the bedroom?
Speaker 1: I would do this one in the bedroom, and I
Speaker 1: wouldn't be saying you're not doing it. I would just
Speaker 1: be saying, let's try something else.
Speaker 2: Or and I think like literally just before he is
Speaker 2: about to stick it in, Like if that's where you
Speaker 2: get too straight away, if he's like kissing kiss and
Speaker 2: kissing and then trying to like get it, you can
Speaker 2: be like, well, well, well let's slow down, how about we,
Speaker 2: you know, and you can kind of direct him in
Speaker 2: a way before he gets to that point, like I
Speaker 2: just want to take it slow this time and see
Speaker 2: if that helps. If it doesn't help, if he doesn't
Speaker 2: take the subtle cues, and you have to be a
Speaker 2: little bit more black and white with him than I
Speaker 2: think a conversation outside of the bedroom can be helpful
Speaker 2: as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean you can literally just say, during sex,
Speaker 1: put a finger in, Okay, like, just just give your
Speaker 1: guys some direction. He probably wants the direction.
Speaker 2: But if that doesn't work, then I think the next
Speaker 2: best option is you can say, hebe, I want to
Speaker 2: try something. I would really love it if we could
Speaker 2: take things a bit slower and have a bit more foreplay,
Speaker 2: Like that would really get me off that you're not
Speaker 2: then therefore saying, hey, you've been doing this wrong. What
Speaker 2: you're saying is this is what would make it better
Speaker 2: for me. So you're kind of like doing it in
Speaker 2: a supportive way without being too much of a put down.
Speaker 2: But nobody has time for skipping foreplay. No one is
Speaker 2: in that much of a rush.
Speaker 1: Well, that is it. Three short and sharp questions. Please
Speaker 1: keep the questions coming into life on Cut podcast, Instagram, dms,
Speaker 1: keep your accent on filategic professionals, anything that you want
Speaker 1: to send us.
Speaker 3: We aren't doing another ask gun Cut for a little
Speaker 3: while though.
Speaker 1: We're taking some time. Yeah, but we still need them, Laura, Yes,
Speaker 1: discourage them.
Speaker 2: Okay, but if you need an immediate answer to your question,
Speaker 2: you just have to wait a little while because.
Speaker 1: We are going on holiday, so we have was very
Speaker 1: exciting for us. We have one more episode next week
Speaker 1: on Tuesday, and then we're going away for a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks and then we're going to drop a bonus
Speaker 1: episode in that time.
Speaker 3: So because we.
Speaker 2: Can't actually get away on a proper holiday, we have
Speaker 2: to just keep on bringing your contest so keep.
Speaker 1: Them coming in and also the ask gun cut aftermaths.
Speaker 1: We really want to keep bringing you guys some aftermaths
Speaker 1: because you guys write in and you're always asking whatever happened?
Speaker 1: Do you ever know what happened to this person? So
Speaker 1: we want to be able to bring you those. We
Speaker 1: also want to know we give you this advice, so
Speaker 1: we always Laura and I always say to each other,
Speaker 1: what do you reckon they did.
Speaker 3: Or whatever happened to that person? I know we help
Speaker 3: sleep easier.
Speaker 2: We are going to drop an aftermath during our break,
Speaker 2: but that is it from us.
Speaker 3: Guys.
Speaker 2: If you learn the episode, jump onto Apple Podcast. You
Speaker 2: can leave us a review there, and you know they're drill.
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