WEBVTT - Finding your identity, dealing with mum guilt & time hacks with Kylie Camps

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<v Speaker 1>Hi, and welcome to the Rise and Conquer Podcast. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>your host, Georgie Stevenson. I am a lawyer and health coach,

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<v Speaker 1>social media influencer, wife, and dog mum. On the Rise

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<v Speaker 1>and Conquer Podcast, we dive deep into all things mindset, habits, career, health,

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<v Speaker 1>relationships and more. This is a podcast for women who

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<v Speaker 1>want to rise up to be the best version of themselves,

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<v Speaker 1>who have big dreams in who are willing to put

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<v Speaker 1>in the work to get there. I want to bring

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<v Speaker 1>you the tools and actionable steps to feel confident in yourself,

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<v Speaker 1>inspired to take bold action, and motivated to conquer your goals.

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<v Speaker 1>Are you with me, girl friends, Let's rise and conquer. Hi, guys,

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<v Speaker 1>and welcome to another episodisode of the Rise and Conquer Podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Today we are chatting to Kylie Camps. She is the

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<v Speaker 1>owner of The Kind Parenting Company and host of the

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<v Speaker 1>Kylie Camps Podcast. She is an infant and child sleep consultant,

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<v Speaker 1>mother of twin boys, and happiness advocate. The Kind Parenting

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<v Speaker 1>Company philosophy is all about protecting the emotional wellness of

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<v Speaker 1>the whole family through evidence based methods and kind parenting techniques.

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<v Speaker 1>Her podcast focuses on conversations for women, particularly mothers who

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<v Speaker 1>have perhaps lost themselves in motherhood. She shares her highs

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<v Speaker 1>and lows of mom life and promotes a healthy, realistic

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<v Speaker 1>lifestyle while talking about parenting, relationships, and self development. Today

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<v Speaker 1>we cover topics such as mom guilt, the big question

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<v Speaker 1>of what to do with social media and young children,

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<v Speaker 1>how to utilize and really manage your time so you're

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<v Speaker 1>getting most from the day, and how to have an

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<v Speaker 1>identity away from your children. As you guys know, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not a mother, but it's definitely something I'm thinking about

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<v Speaker 1>in the next couple of years. So I really really

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<v Speaker 1>enjoyed this conversation with Kylie, and I'm so excited for

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<v Speaker 1>you guys to listen. Hi, Kylie, thank you so much

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<v Speaker 1>for coming on the show.

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<v Speaker 2>Hey Georgie, thank you for having me.

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<v Speaker 1>Of course, I am so excited. Before we get into

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<v Speaker 1>the good stuff, though, as this is the Rise and

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<v Speaker 1>Conquer podcast, I have to ask, what is one thing

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<v Speaker 1>you are rising up and conquering this week?

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<v Speaker 2>I would have to say this week I am rising

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<v Speaker 2>up and conquering my son's recovery from his tonsil ectomy

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<v Speaker 2>and just juggling mum life with my other son. So

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<v Speaker 2>it's definitely been a bit of a hairy forty eight hours.

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<v Speaker 2>He had his tonsils out on we two days ago,

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<v Speaker 2>so right now we're just trying to conquer him resting

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<v Speaker 2>and getting better.

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<v Speaker 1>That is so horrible, the poor thing. I grew up

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<v Speaker 1>having tonsilitis all the time. So so it's probably good

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<v Speaker 1>they're out now and he can recover and stop getting

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<v Speaker 1>tonsol itis.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, fingers crossed. It's going to help improve his overall health.

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<v Speaker 2>But yeah, just a bit of a yucky recovery period,

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<v Speaker 2>but we'll get there.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, good luck with rising conquering that. I hope he

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<v Speaker 1>gets better soon. So I would love if you can

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<v Speaker 1>introduce yourself. Can you give a quick intro into who

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<v Speaker 1>you are and what the Kind Parenting Company is?

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<v Speaker 2>Sure? So, I am an infant and child sleep consultant

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<v Speaker 2>and Happiest baby educator. My husband and I we own

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<v Speaker 2>the Kind Parenting Company, which is an online company, and

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<v Speaker 2>we specialize in programs for baby and told the sleep

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<v Speaker 2>and hold the behavior as well. We also hold events

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<v Speaker 2>for women with a really strong focus on personal growth

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<v Speaker 2>and development. I also have my own podcast, which is

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<v Speaker 2>the Kylie Camps Podcast, and I also do a bit

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<v Speaker 2>of work, I guess on social media as well.

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<v Speaker 1>Amazing, you have a lot going on, and so how

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<v Speaker 1>did you get into being a sleep consultant.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, there's definitely a lot happening. But I kind of

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<v Speaker 2>fell into the world of sleep consultancy purely because we

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<v Speaker 2>had our twin boys in twenty thirteen and we just

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<v Speaker 2>had no idea about how to help them sleep in

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<v Speaker 2>a kind way. At the time, it was all the

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<v Speaker 2>rage to just let babies cry out and be a

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<v Speaker 2>bit more strict, which it's not now, thankfully, but you know,

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<v Speaker 2>nearly six years ago, it definitely was, and my husband Matt,

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<v Speaker 2>and I just felt like our back was kind of

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<v Speaker 2>up against the wall in terms of wanting to foster

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<v Speaker 2>that emotional wellness, but we also needed to get some sleep.

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<v Speaker 2>So we both became really obsessed with infant sleep and

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<v Speaker 2>I decided that I would enroll to complete my certification,

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<v Speaker 2>and at that time I didn't really intend upon using

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<v Speaker 2>it professionally, but once I started to gain this feels

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<v Speaker 2>and knowledge, I felt like I had an obligation to

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<v Speaker 2>other parents to share this knowledge.

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<v Speaker 1>Isn't it funny how you kind of just like fall

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<v Speaker 1>into things. I love that and so obviously you're a

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<v Speaker 1>mum of twins' wife, a speaker, sleep consultant. Like you said,

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<v Speaker 1>you do stuff on social media. I have to ask,

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<v Speaker 1>and obviously this is a very bored question, but like,

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<v Speaker 1>how do you actually do it all? I'm like, find

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<v Speaker 1>myself very stressed out and I have like one or

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<v Speaker 1>two businesses and you have two little ones, Like how

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<v Speaker 1>do you actually do it all?

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<v Speaker 2>You know what, I always try and be really transparent

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<v Speaker 2>when people ask me this question, because it does come

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<v Speaker 2>through a bit. I'll get dms from other women saying

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<v Speaker 2>how are you doing it all? And I know with

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<v Speaker 2>social media it can seem like people are doing it all,

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<v Speaker 2>But to be honest, I don't. I don't do it all.

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<v Speaker 2>And I always say this, you know, I choose one

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<v Speaker 2>or two areas and I try and do those areas really,

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<v Speaker 2>really well, and then sometimes the rest of my life,

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<v Speaker 2>like the other areas in my life, they just suffer

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<v Speaker 2>or there's a sacrifice that you pay sometimes when you're

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<v Speaker 2>really invested in doing super well in one area of life,

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<v Speaker 2>if that makes sense. I'm always talking about the fact

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<v Speaker 2>that everything in life comes back to pain verse pleasure.

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<v Speaker 2>So for me, the pleasure of really prioritizing parenting and

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<v Speaker 2>my family often does come at the pain of, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>my social life taking a hit, or the pleasure of

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<v Speaker 2>running a business and having that freedom to create this

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<v Speaker 2>lifestyle for our family does have the pain point of

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<v Speaker 2>you know, not being able to go to every single

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<v Speaker 2>family function, not being able to do everything socially. It's

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<v Speaker 2>just not really a case of doing everything for me.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a case of doing the things that are most important.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you for being so transparent. It's like, I don't

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<v Speaker 1>want to say unusual, but I love that you've kind

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<v Speaker 1>of been like, yeah, well, sometimes other stuff does suffer,

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<v Speaker 1>but that's what you get when you do put your

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<v Speaker 1>focus on priorities. Do you have any tips for mums

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<v Speaker 1>or dads who are got their own business or they're

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<v Speaker 1>doing a certain project, Like, do you have any time

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<v Speaker 1>management tips, because I'm sure you have to have some.

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<v Speaker 2>Absolutely. I thank my lucky stars that when we had

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<v Speaker 2>our twin boys, it really forced me to become super

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<v Speaker 2>super organized because when you have two newborns, it is

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<v Speaker 2>all about military precision organization so that you can get

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<v Speaker 2>out the door and just get on with your day.

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<v Speaker 2>So having twins definitely made me super organized, and it's

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<v Speaker 2>something that I guess I've continued to refine each and

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<v Speaker 2>every year. I'm a big fan in trying to remember

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<v Speaker 2>to look after future Kylie. So that often means each

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<v Speaker 2>night going Okay, what do I need to do now? Like,

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<v Speaker 2>what can I spend twenty minutes doing so that future

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<v Speaker 2>Kylie tomorrow has a much more streamlined day. So it's

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<v Speaker 2>simple things like unpacking the dishwasher, the knots out of

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<v Speaker 2>the kids' school shoes so that I don't get frustrated

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<v Speaker 2>the next morning, spending time doing that. It's just yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>looking after future you and being that bit more organized.

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<v Speaker 2>I also think having a morning routine is really important.

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<v Speaker 2>And getting enough sleep.

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<v Speaker 1>I actually love that. I haven't really heard that before.

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<v Speaker 1>So looking after the future you. So does this also include, like,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, making sure you get enough sleep so you

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<v Speaker 1>like the next day is good and that sort of

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<v Speaker 1>thing as well.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Absolutely. And another thing when it comes to time

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<v Speaker 2>management tips, I guess something I've shared before over on

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<v Speaker 2>our podcast is to really encourage people who are struggling

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<v Speaker 2>with time management to do a bit of a time audit.

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<v Speaker 2>So set aside a whole week where you're going to

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<v Speaker 2>commit to writing down exactly how you're spending your time.

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<v Speaker 2>And the key is you need to be really, really honest.

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<v Speaker 2>So if you wake up at six am and you

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<v Speaker 2>spend half an hour on social media, write that. If

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<v Speaker 2>you spend three hours a night watching Netflix, write that down.

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<v Speaker 2>And then at the end of the week you have

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<v Speaker 2>the data. You have the info in front of you,

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<v Speaker 2>so you can look at it and go, Okay, I

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<v Speaker 2>spend thirty hours a week at work, or forty hours

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<v Speaker 2>a week with my family, or I'm spending twelve hours

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<v Speaker 2>a week watching TV. It just gives you an awareness

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<v Speaker 2>of how you're actually spending your twenty four hours each

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<v Speaker 2>and every day and your whole week, and then you

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<v Speaker 2>can redistribute and steal and borrow from other areas of

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<v Speaker 2>your life that you might feel need more attention.

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<v Speaker 1>Amazing, and I totally remember that from your podcast. I

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<v Speaker 1>listened to that episode, so thank you for sharing that.

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<v Speaker 1>And so I want to chat to you about how

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<v Speaker 1>your relationship has evolved after having children. So would you

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<v Speaker 1>say that your relationship to diet and exercise has changed

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<v Speaker 1>since falling pregnant?

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<v Speaker 2>Absolutely before, well, I guess way before having kids. In

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<v Speaker 2>my early twenties, I really struggled with a very severe

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<v Speaker 2>eating disorder, and I know that it's such a long recovery,

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<v Speaker 2>and I ended up falling pregnant six years kind of

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<v Speaker 2>after recovery, but still I had kind of, I guess,

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<v Speaker 2>hangover tendencies of my eating disorder. I still wasn't super well.

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<v Speaker 2>I was still holding onto some behaviors that weren't very

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<v Speaker 2>helpful for me, and I know that when I felt pregnant,

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<v Speaker 2>those closest to me really did wonder how I would

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<v Speaker 2>cope with all of the changes that come with falling pregnant.

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<v Speaker 2>But for me, it was a really positive shift.

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<v Speaker 1>How would you say that it was a positive shift,

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<v Speaker 1>like in what ways? Is did you become more accepting

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<v Speaker 1>of your body or you know, did you start eating

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<v Speaker 1>healthier or how did that sort of change.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's interesting because like immediately before I fell pregnant

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<v Speaker 2>with the boys, I was on a following a diet

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<v Speaker 2>which I had always consistently been doing in my early twenties.

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<v Speaker 2>There was always some sort of method, some sort of

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<v Speaker 2>approach that I was following, and I had gone really strict.

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<v Speaker 2>I had cut out everything processed, I was eating only

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<v Speaker 2>plant based and I was feeling really good, and part

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<v Speaker 2>of me does wonder if the fact that I was

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<v Speaker 2>eating so well helped us to fall pregnant. But as

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<v Speaker 2>soon as I felt pregnant, it was just like a

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<v Speaker 2>switch had flicked because no longer could I eat the

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<v Speaker 2>things that I was telling myself I should eat. I

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<v Speaker 2>had really intense cravings. I was so incredibly sick all

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<v Speaker 2>day every day. It definitely wasn't just morning sickness. So

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<v Speaker 2>for the first time in a long time, I was

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<v Speaker 2>listening to what my body needed rather than giving my

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<v Speaker 2>body what I thought it needed. If that makes sense.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you try and incorporate a healthy lifestyle with your

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<v Speaker 1>two boys now too?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, definitely. It's so important for all parents to remember

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<v Speaker 2>that the moment you become a parent, you are a

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<v Speaker 2>role model. Whether you like it or you realize it

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<v Speaker 2>or not, the way that you live your life is

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<v Speaker 2>showing your kids well, it's teaching them what their normal is.

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<v Speaker 2>So it is really important to both my husband and

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<v Speaker 2>I that we lead a healthy, in active life just

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<v Speaker 2>so the kids can absorb that bi osmosis just by

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<v Speaker 2>being around us.

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<v Speaker 1>And do you have any tips or anything that you

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<v Speaker 1>personally do on days where you are struggling and you

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<v Speaker 1>know you might fall back into that you want a

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<v Speaker 1>diet mentality.

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<v Speaker 2>For me, I did a lot of work when I

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<v Speaker 2>was going through my eating disorder, and one of the therapies, well,

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<v Speaker 2>if I'm honest, probably the only therapy I felt like

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<v Speaker 2>really helped me was cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT, and

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<v Speaker 2>CBT is really really powerful because it teaches you to

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<v Speaker 2>understand that you're more than your thoughts. You can have

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<v Speaker 2>your thoughts, but you can act in a way that

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<v Speaker 2>aligns with your true values. So that training I guess

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<v Speaker 2>that I had in my early twenties has really continued

0:13:08.040 --> 0:13:11.800
<v Speaker 2>to serve me. So now I'm thirty two, my boys

0:13:11.840 --> 0:13:13.520
<v Speaker 2>will be six at the end of the year, and

0:13:13.559 --> 0:13:16.920
<v Speaker 2>I can honestly say I don't have struggles with my

0:13:17.040 --> 0:13:20.760
<v Speaker 2>body image at all in the way that I used to. Sure,

0:13:20.960 --> 0:13:23.320
<v Speaker 2>I have some days where I'm like, oh, I don't

0:13:23.360 --> 0:13:26.440
<v Speaker 2>feel amazing today, but those days are usually a week

0:13:26.480 --> 0:13:29.959
<v Speaker 2>before my period, and I track that so then I know, Okay,

0:13:30.200 --> 0:13:32.319
<v Speaker 2>no wonder you're feeling a little sluggish and you're a

0:13:32.320 --> 0:13:34.600
<v Speaker 2>little bloated and a bit puffy, it's because you're due

0:13:34.640 --> 0:13:37.480
<v Speaker 2>for your periods. So on the days that I struggle,

0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:41.439
<v Speaker 2>I guess I lean on that CBT training and remind

0:13:41.480 --> 0:13:43.679
<v Speaker 2>myself that even though I have those thoughts that I'm

0:13:43.720 --> 0:13:46.880
<v Speaker 2>not feeling great, I still take actions that can make

0:13:46.920 --> 0:13:49.319
<v Speaker 2>me feel good. And I just have that knowledge in

0:13:49.440 --> 0:13:53.120
<v Speaker 2>understanding that I'm a woman. My body is going to fluctuate.

0:13:53.440 --> 0:13:54.839
<v Speaker 2>You know, I'm going to have those days where I

0:13:54.840 --> 0:13:56.920
<v Speaker 2>feel a bit crappy, but they will pass.

0:13:57.520 --> 0:14:00.800
<v Speaker 1>I absolutely love that, and I am so similar. It

0:14:00.840 --> 0:14:03.880
<v Speaker 1>was so funny, Like just the other day, I was

0:14:04.000 --> 0:14:06.880
<v Speaker 1>just mentally like not in the greatest place. I was

0:14:06.960 --> 0:14:10.920
<v Speaker 1>all bloated. I was just feeling like crap, and I

0:14:10.960 --> 0:14:13.959
<v Speaker 1>was like being really harsh on myself as well. And

0:14:14.040 --> 0:14:17.040
<v Speaker 1>then I looked at like my period tracking app and

0:14:17.160 --> 0:14:20.560
<v Speaker 1>I was like on day forty one of my cycle

0:14:20.640 --> 0:14:23.320
<v Speaker 1>and I hadn't got my monthly and don't worry, I'm

0:14:23.360 --> 0:14:28.040
<v Speaker 1>not pregnant. It's not me announcing it. But it just

0:14:28.080 --> 0:14:30.120
<v Speaker 1>made me realize I was like, oh wow, like I've

0:14:30.120 --> 0:14:32.720
<v Speaker 1>got heaps of hormones. I'm obviously very stressed because my

0:14:32.760 --> 0:14:35.760
<v Speaker 1>period is late. Like you need to give yourself a break.

0:14:35.920 --> 0:14:38.840
<v Speaker 1>So I love what you just said then about being

0:14:39.000 --> 0:14:41.400
<v Speaker 1>like using the CBT and about being aware.

0:14:42.120 --> 0:14:45.160
<v Speaker 2>In my early twenties, I never tracked my period, so

0:14:45.240 --> 0:14:47.640
<v Speaker 2>I would just think, oh, like, I'm just a really

0:14:47.640 --> 0:14:51.840
<v Speaker 2>grumpy person, but not realizing that I'm only grumpy that

0:14:51.880 --> 0:14:54.280
<v Speaker 2>week before my period. And now that I've realized that,

0:14:54.800 --> 0:14:58.360
<v Speaker 2>it's so powerful, and especially as a mum, because if

0:14:58.360 --> 0:15:01.000
<v Speaker 2>I didn't have that awareness that it was my hormones

0:15:01.040 --> 0:15:03.720
<v Speaker 2>going out of control, then I would probably think, oh,

0:15:03.760 --> 0:15:06.120
<v Speaker 2>my gosh, my kids are just wild this week. They're

0:15:06.160 --> 0:15:08.840
<v Speaker 2>being so naughty or they're being so out of control,

0:15:09.360 --> 0:15:11.880
<v Speaker 2>and really they're being exactly the same. It's just the

0:15:11.920 --> 0:15:15.680
<v Speaker 2>way that I'm responding. So that knowledge of tracking period

0:15:15.800 --> 0:15:17.040
<v Speaker 2>is so powerful.

0:15:18.120 --> 0:15:20.240
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god. Yes, I was the exact same. Like

0:15:20.280 --> 0:15:22.760
<v Speaker 1>I was like really angry and moody at Tim and

0:15:22.840 --> 0:15:25.480
<v Speaker 1>just like hated him, and then like I realized and

0:15:25.560 --> 0:15:32.200
<v Speaker 1>I was like, sorry, Tim, Oh that's love being a woman. Okay,

0:15:32.240 --> 0:15:37.440
<v Speaker 1>So let's chat more about managing and prioritizing your social

0:15:37.480 --> 0:15:41.000
<v Speaker 1>media career along with motherhood. I like I said, I

0:15:41.000 --> 0:15:43.920
<v Speaker 1>couldn't even imagine how you do that. I know you

0:15:44.000 --> 0:15:46.920
<v Speaker 1>do have a unique way of creating balance and space

0:15:46.960 --> 0:15:48.920
<v Speaker 1>between the two. Do you want to share that little

0:15:48.920 --> 0:15:50.000
<v Speaker 1>hack with our listeners.

0:15:50.600 --> 0:15:55.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? Absolutely so. I do try to be really conscious

0:15:55.200 --> 0:15:57.840
<v Speaker 2>and aware of my social media use, not just for

0:15:57.960 --> 0:16:01.560
<v Speaker 2>my own wellness, but again because I feel like, as

0:16:01.600 --> 0:16:05.200
<v Speaker 2>a parent, you're showing your kids what is normal. So

0:16:05.480 --> 0:16:09.200
<v Speaker 2>for me, on a Friday, every Friday, I delete my

0:16:09.240 --> 0:16:12.080
<v Speaker 2>social media apps from my phone and then I don't

0:16:12.120 --> 0:16:16.160
<v Speaker 2>download those again until Monday morning. And that just means

0:16:16.160 --> 0:16:20.160
<v Speaker 2>that over the weekend, I'm not tempted to scroll on

0:16:20.200 --> 0:16:22.960
<v Speaker 2>social media or check in to see what other people

0:16:22.960 --> 0:16:25.960
<v Speaker 2>are doing. You know, it forces me to look up

0:16:26.320 --> 0:16:29.680
<v Speaker 2>and be present in my own life. I remember I

0:16:29.720 --> 0:16:31.920
<v Speaker 2>had a moment of thinking, oh my gosh, you know,

0:16:32.560 --> 0:16:34.200
<v Speaker 2>in a year and a half, this was when I

0:16:34.200 --> 0:16:36.960
<v Speaker 2>first started doing it, my two boys are going to

0:16:36.960 --> 0:16:39.720
<v Speaker 2>be at school, and they're going to grow up in

0:16:39.760 --> 0:16:42.480
<v Speaker 2>a digital world. And what's going to happen one day

0:16:42.520 --> 0:16:45.320
<v Speaker 2>when they have social media accounts and they come to

0:16:45.360 --> 0:16:47.800
<v Speaker 2>me and say, oh, Mom, I'm being bullied online or

0:16:47.840 --> 0:16:51.200
<v Speaker 2>whatever it is. And as a mom, I will turn

0:16:51.240 --> 0:16:53.360
<v Speaker 2>around and say to them, you know, don't worry about that.

0:16:53.520 --> 0:16:56.920
<v Speaker 2>You're great, blah blah blah, all that stuff. But if

0:16:57.080 --> 0:17:00.360
<v Speaker 2>I forever have my phone in my hair and my

0:17:00.400 --> 0:17:03.720
<v Speaker 2>head looking down at my phone, that I'm probably sending

0:17:03.720 --> 0:17:06.679
<v Speaker 2>them a message that the phone is really really important

0:17:06.960 --> 0:17:08.920
<v Speaker 2>and that living in the digital world is the most

0:17:09.000 --> 0:17:11.600
<v Speaker 2>important thing. And I just don't ever want them to

0:17:11.640 --> 0:17:16.200
<v Speaker 2>think that way. So removing social media from my weekends

0:17:16.760 --> 0:17:20.560
<v Speaker 2>it just means I'm super present with them, honestly.

0:17:20.800 --> 0:17:24.159
<v Speaker 1>Like, I remember when I first watched your story about

0:17:24.160 --> 0:17:26.600
<v Speaker 1>doing this, and I like, well, the first thing I

0:17:26.640 --> 0:17:30.600
<v Speaker 1>thought was like, I have that automatic log on and

0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:32.080
<v Speaker 1>I was like, oh, I wouldn't even know what my

0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:35.160
<v Speaker 1>password is to like get back into my account, which

0:17:35.200 --> 0:17:39.159
<v Speaker 1>is a bit dangerous. But then I just thought the

0:17:39.240 --> 0:17:43.280
<v Speaker 1>amount of self control you must have is just like,

0:17:43.800 --> 0:17:46.800
<v Speaker 1>you're so committed, and you're obviously so committed to your boys,

0:17:46.840 --> 0:17:50.600
<v Speaker 1>and I just absolutely love that. Do you have any

0:17:50.680 --> 0:17:54.439
<v Speaker 1>other tips and tricks around creating that space and balance

0:17:54.480 --> 0:17:56.399
<v Speaker 1>between motherhood and social media.

0:17:57.200 --> 0:18:00.720
<v Speaker 2>I do. I think it's important, but parents just be

0:18:00.840 --> 0:18:03.080
<v Speaker 2>mindful of how they use social media in front of

0:18:03.119 --> 0:18:06.280
<v Speaker 2>their kids. Social media is an amazing tool, but for me,

0:18:06.320 --> 0:18:08.160
<v Speaker 2>it's a bit like junk food. You know, it's there,

0:18:08.200 --> 0:18:10.119
<v Speaker 2>it serves its purpose, but you don't need to be

0:18:10.200 --> 0:18:13.800
<v Speaker 2>consuming at twenty four seven, and I think just understanding

0:18:13.800 --> 0:18:17.680
<v Speaker 2>that if your kids see you forever talking into Instagram stories,

0:18:17.840 --> 0:18:21.960
<v Speaker 2>having a one sided conversation, they're not learning the art

0:18:21.960 --> 0:18:24.640
<v Speaker 2>of conversation as they would if you were having that,

0:18:25.160 --> 0:18:28.680
<v Speaker 2>you know, exchange in real life with a friend, and

0:18:28.920 --> 0:18:31.400
<v Speaker 2>there's a risk of them thinking they have to share everything.

0:18:31.960 --> 0:18:34.639
<v Speaker 2>Like I love Instagram Stories and I've used Snapchat in

0:18:34.680 --> 0:18:37.240
<v Speaker 2>the past, and I think they're amazing tools for connection.

0:18:37.880 --> 0:18:39.840
<v Speaker 2>But I don't want my boys to think that they

0:18:39.880 --> 0:18:42.680
<v Speaker 2>need to have a mobile phone in the hand and say, oh,

0:18:42.760 --> 0:18:45.400
<v Speaker 2>today we're going to the park and today I'm having

0:18:45.440 --> 0:18:49.240
<v Speaker 2>this and today I'm having that. It's just really being

0:18:49.320 --> 0:18:52.480
<v Speaker 2>clear what your values are, and my values are that

0:18:52.560 --> 0:18:55.399
<v Speaker 2>I want the boys to have a strong sense of

0:18:55.480 --> 0:18:59.920
<v Speaker 2>self and understanding and connection with themselves before they enter

0:19:00.119 --> 0:19:02.280
<v Speaker 2>a world of social media, and that starts with me

0:19:02.400 --> 0:19:05.199
<v Speaker 2>modeling that for them. So I just try and be

0:19:05.240 --> 0:19:09.399
<v Speaker 2>mindful with my usage around them. And you know, every

0:19:09.520 --> 0:19:12.400
<v Speaker 2>parent has a right to work that out for themselves,

0:19:12.720 --> 0:19:16.480
<v Speaker 2>and each child is different. One of my boys loves

0:19:16.520 --> 0:19:19.760
<v Speaker 2>being filmed. He is just so extra and he loves it.

0:19:20.040 --> 0:19:22.639
<v Speaker 2>And then my other little boy doesn't like it. At all.

0:19:23.080 --> 0:19:25.800
<v Speaker 2>So I have that balance as well as a sort

0:19:25.800 --> 0:19:29.000
<v Speaker 2>of straddle that one's cool with being filmed, one doesn't

0:19:29.080 --> 0:19:31.480
<v Speaker 2>like it. And it's funny, you know. I've had people

0:19:31.520 --> 0:19:34.040
<v Speaker 2>over the years say, oh, you're favoring one of your

0:19:34.080 --> 0:19:36.440
<v Speaker 2>children because you show him more, and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no,

0:19:37.000 --> 0:19:40.440
<v Speaker 2>that's not the case at all. I'm just respecting their boundaries.

0:19:40.560 --> 0:19:43.800
<v Speaker 2>So just being mindful is my biggest hit. And I

0:19:43.840 --> 0:19:46.960
<v Speaker 2>think it's just an ongoing conversation. You know, you assess

0:19:46.960 --> 0:19:49.760
<v Speaker 2>it now if you have a baby, and then you

0:19:49.800 --> 0:19:51.920
<v Speaker 2>assess it again when they're a toddler, and then again

0:19:52.000 --> 0:19:54.800
<v Speaker 2>when they're at school. It's a continual conversation.

0:19:55.160 --> 0:19:58.479
<v Speaker 1>I also wanted to chat to you about mum guilt,

0:19:58.920 --> 0:20:02.199
<v Speaker 1>so I I'm not a mum. Me and Tim have

0:20:02.520 --> 0:20:05.760
<v Speaker 1>you chatted about having children, but we don't think it's

0:20:05.800 --> 0:20:09.040
<v Speaker 1>going to be anytime soon. But I do see this

0:20:09.119 --> 0:20:13.560
<v Speaker 1>word mum guilt thrown around a lot. Do you ever

0:20:13.600 --> 0:20:15.920
<v Speaker 1>get mum guilt and how do you deal with that?

0:20:16.960 --> 0:20:19.840
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, mum guilt is definitely a term that you hear

0:20:20.080 --> 0:20:23.520
<v Speaker 2>a lot. I have to be honest, I don't struggle

0:20:23.680 --> 0:20:26.280
<v Speaker 2>with a lot of mum guilt. But I am in

0:20:26.320 --> 0:20:29.240
<v Speaker 2>a unique situation where I have been able to work

0:20:29.280 --> 0:20:32.560
<v Speaker 2>from home and work around the kids, but I have

0:20:32.680 --> 0:20:35.639
<v Speaker 2>definitely had my moments of mum guilt and it's a

0:20:35.680 --> 0:20:38.320
<v Speaker 2>topic that I love to explore, and when I do

0:20:38.480 --> 0:20:42.600
<v Speaker 2>explore it, I think it's important that mums take a

0:20:42.680 --> 0:20:46.960
<v Speaker 2>pause and really identify what the fear is behind the

0:20:47.040 --> 0:20:51.200
<v Speaker 2>guilt and then take some action surrounding those fears. So

0:20:51.280 --> 0:20:53.920
<v Speaker 2>what I mean by that is, say you're having mum

0:20:53.960 --> 0:20:57.320
<v Speaker 2>guilt because you're returning to work, So what is the

0:20:57.440 --> 0:21:01.439
<v Speaker 2>actual fear? Is the fear that at your sun or

0:21:01.480 --> 0:21:04.240
<v Speaker 2>daughter is not going to be well cared for? Is

0:21:04.280 --> 0:21:06.520
<v Speaker 2>it the fear that your son daughter is going to

0:21:06.600 --> 0:21:08.919
<v Speaker 2>miss you or that you're going to miss them or

0:21:08.960 --> 0:21:12.520
<v Speaker 2>your You know, there's endless, endless fears, especially once you

0:21:12.760 --> 0:21:15.000
<v Speaker 2>when once you become a parent, Like the fear list

0:21:15.119 --> 0:21:19.639
<v Speaker 2>is so freakin' long. But working out what is the fear,

0:21:19.880 --> 0:21:22.400
<v Speaker 2>what's the problem, and what can you do? So say

0:21:22.440 --> 0:21:25.719
<v Speaker 2>that fear is will they be well cared for? Okay,

0:21:25.800 --> 0:21:28.720
<v Speaker 2>so take an action and the action might be visiting

0:21:28.880 --> 0:21:32.720
<v Speaker 2>all of the daycare centers in your area and having

0:21:32.760 --> 0:21:34.920
<v Speaker 2>a big checklist on what you want to ask for,

0:21:35.440 --> 0:21:38.520
<v Speaker 2>because at least then you're taking a positive action towards

0:21:38.520 --> 0:21:41.560
<v Speaker 2>that fear, which is going to help negate that overriding

0:21:41.640 --> 0:21:45.000
<v Speaker 2>mum guilt. I think another thing with mum guilt is

0:21:45.040 --> 0:21:48.640
<v Speaker 2>to talk to other mums. Open your mouth and say, hey,

0:21:48.680 --> 0:21:52.000
<v Speaker 2>I'm feeling this way, and another woman will open up

0:21:52.040 --> 0:21:54.280
<v Speaker 2>and tell you her story about it. Because we all

0:21:54.320 --> 0:21:58.240
<v Speaker 2>have such unique different pain points, so having the conversation

0:21:58.359 --> 0:22:01.600
<v Speaker 2>and realizing that we're all in it together is helpful.

0:22:02.480 --> 0:22:06.800
<v Speaker 1>I've heard you speak about the idea of self sacrifice

0:22:07.280 --> 0:22:10.680
<v Speaker 1>and like needing to balance that with adequate self care

0:22:10.800 --> 0:22:13.880
<v Speaker 1>and how important it is not to tie up your

0:22:13.920 --> 0:22:17.840
<v Speaker 1>happiness solely in your children. Why do you believe in

0:22:17.920 --> 0:22:21.080
<v Speaker 1>this And do you have any advice for someone who

0:22:21.119 --> 0:22:24.679
<v Speaker 1>feels like they don't have an identity way from away

0:22:24.680 --> 0:22:25.600
<v Speaker 1>from their children.

0:22:26.600 --> 0:22:29.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Absolutely, I'm really really passionate on speaking about the

0:22:30.000 --> 0:22:33.199
<v Speaker 2>topic of self care for mums because a lot of

0:22:33.280 --> 0:22:37.160
<v Speaker 2>us grew up in households where our moms just did everything,

0:22:37.440 --> 0:22:41.960
<v Speaker 2>and they did everything at the cost of their wellness

0:22:42.000 --> 0:22:44.479
<v Speaker 2>and their health and their happiness, you know, putting everyone

0:22:44.600 --> 0:22:47.160
<v Speaker 2>needs before their own, and it is a beautiful thing.

0:22:48.000 --> 0:22:51.879
<v Speaker 2>But when that happens, there's also a risk of burnout

0:22:52.000 --> 0:22:54.960
<v Speaker 2>and resentment. And so for those of us who did

0:22:54.960 --> 0:22:58.080
<v Speaker 2>grow up in households like that, where our moms did

0:22:58.119 --> 0:23:01.520
<v Speaker 2>not prioritize self care, it can be a really foreign

0:23:01.600 --> 0:23:05.920
<v Speaker 2>concept to actually do that now as an adult. It's

0:23:05.960 --> 0:23:08.760
<v Speaker 2>almost like we need someone to give us permission and say,

0:23:08.800 --> 0:23:12.159
<v Speaker 2>you know what, you matter too. But the fact is,

0:23:12.280 --> 0:23:15.800
<v Speaker 2>if you're not caring for yourself, it will come out

0:23:15.800 --> 0:23:19.000
<v Speaker 2>in other ways. And those other ways could be being

0:23:19.080 --> 0:23:24.080
<v Speaker 2>less patient, being less happy, you know, having a resentment,

0:23:24.640 --> 0:23:27.439
<v Speaker 2>not being able to connect with your partner, all of

0:23:27.480 --> 0:23:31.400
<v Speaker 2>these things that you really can improve if you simply

0:23:31.800 --> 0:23:34.679
<v Speaker 2>add a little bit of self care into your daily routine.

0:23:35.080 --> 0:23:37.000
<v Speaker 2>And they don't have to be big things. It can

0:23:37.040 --> 0:23:39.440
<v Speaker 2>be little. It can be popping a face mask on

0:23:39.440 --> 0:23:42.239
<v Speaker 2>once the kids are down at night, or getting up

0:23:42.280 --> 0:23:45.280
<v Speaker 2>before the kids wake up and listening to your favorite podcast,

0:23:45.400 --> 0:23:48.320
<v Speaker 2>or reading a chapter of a book. But little acts

0:23:48.359 --> 0:23:51.720
<v Speaker 2>of self care go a long way, because, as that

0:23:51.840 --> 0:23:54.680
<v Speaker 2>saying goes, you can't pull from an empty cup, and

0:23:54.760 --> 0:23:57.200
<v Speaker 2>when you have more in your cup, you can give

0:23:57.359 --> 0:24:01.000
<v Speaker 2>more to those around you. I'm a big fan of

0:24:01.600 --> 0:24:05.040
<v Speaker 2>as much self preservation as you can have in your

0:24:05.119 --> 0:24:08.119
<v Speaker 2>life to combat that self sacrifice that goes along with

0:24:08.160 --> 0:24:11.560
<v Speaker 2>being a parent. And for those who feel that they

0:24:11.680 --> 0:24:15.320
<v Speaker 2>may have lost their identity since becoming a mum, you

0:24:15.480 --> 0:24:18.879
<v Speaker 2>are not alone so many mums. In fact, I would

0:24:19.000 --> 0:24:22.960
<v Speaker 2>argue that pretty much every mum has a moment where

0:24:23.000 --> 0:24:26.800
<v Speaker 2>they realize that they're not who they used to be

0:24:27.160 --> 0:24:31.440
<v Speaker 2>and they're adjusting to this new life, this big responsibility

0:24:31.760 --> 0:24:35.040
<v Speaker 2>of being a parent. And you know, for myself, I

0:24:35.080 --> 0:24:37.800
<v Speaker 2>can remember having the boys and they were only twelve

0:24:37.880 --> 0:24:41.040
<v Speaker 2>weeks old and just thinking, oh, my gosh, I don't

0:24:41.080 --> 0:24:43.719
<v Speaker 2>know whether I'm trying to get back to old Kylie

0:24:43.840 --> 0:24:47.120
<v Speaker 2>or trying to invent this new version of me or

0:24:47.160 --> 0:24:51.320
<v Speaker 2>somewhere in the middle, and it's really really overwhelmed me.

0:24:51.840 --> 0:24:56.240
<v Speaker 2>But adding in those little acts of self care really

0:24:56.280 --> 0:24:59.120
<v Speaker 2>do go a long way from making you feel connected

0:24:59.720 --> 0:25:03.560
<v Speaker 2>to who you are separate from being a parent. It's

0:25:03.640 --> 0:25:07.640
<v Speaker 2>important that as parents we don't tie all of our

0:25:07.680 --> 0:25:10.520
<v Speaker 2>happiness up in our kids, because that's far too much

0:25:10.600 --> 0:25:13.600
<v Speaker 2>pressure on our kids. They can't be the keeper of

0:25:13.640 --> 0:25:16.080
<v Speaker 2>our happiness and our joy because they're going to fail

0:25:16.200 --> 0:25:19.880
<v Speaker 2>their humans. So just understanding that it's up to you

0:25:20.000 --> 0:25:22.040
<v Speaker 2>to look after your own happiness.

0:25:22.600 --> 0:25:25.439
<v Speaker 1>Oh, I love that. It's also like I kind of

0:25:25.480 --> 0:25:29.639
<v Speaker 1>resonated with that even they don't have children, but even

0:25:29.760 --> 0:25:33.639
<v Speaker 1>with your partner, Like sometimes I realize I put a

0:25:33.680 --> 0:25:37.960
<v Speaker 1>lot of emphasis on Tim and Tim making me happy,

0:25:38.440 --> 0:25:41.640
<v Speaker 1>which I almost have to like shift out of and

0:25:41.720 --> 0:25:44.360
<v Speaker 1>like realize that it's not his job to make me happy.

0:25:44.760 --> 0:25:47.280
<v Speaker 1>I need to make sure I'm like you know, feeling

0:25:47.280 --> 0:25:51.520
<v Speaker 1>fulfilled myself and I'm happy with myself first too. So

0:25:51.680 --> 0:25:54.560
<v Speaker 1>it is really hard because you almost do get dependent

0:25:54.680 --> 0:25:56.879
<v Speaker 1>on the people you spend most time with.

0:25:57.920 --> 0:26:00.359
<v Speaker 2>It is it's so hard, and it's so amazed that

0:26:00.400 --> 0:26:04.240
<v Speaker 2>you have that awareness, because that was a big unlock

0:26:04.320 --> 0:26:07.840
<v Speaker 2>for Matt night. Like I remember just thinking, oh, you know,

0:26:07.880 --> 0:26:10.639
<v Speaker 2>I'm frustrated that Matt's not giving me x y Z

0:26:10.680 --> 0:26:13.680
<v Speaker 2>and saates variety or whatever it is, and then having

0:26:13.720 --> 0:26:17.159
<v Speaker 2>this light bulb moment and going, oh, if I'm looking

0:26:17.200 --> 0:26:19.480
<v Speaker 2>to Matt to bring more variety into my life, that's

0:26:19.480 --> 0:26:22.080
<v Speaker 2>actually my responsibility. So I need to go out and

0:26:22.119 --> 0:26:24.879
<v Speaker 2>bring that into my life first. You can't rely on

0:26:24.920 --> 0:26:27.959
<v Speaker 2>your significant other to be the keeper of everything that

0:26:28.000 --> 0:26:28.760
<v Speaker 2>makes you happy.

0:26:29.760 --> 0:26:32.439
<v Speaker 1>Yes, And it's so funny that we're talking about this

0:26:32.480 --> 0:26:36.439
<v Speaker 1>because literally last night, like me and Tim usually spend

0:26:36.440 --> 0:26:39.280
<v Speaker 1>Friday night together, and as we're recording this, it's Friday,

0:26:39.760 --> 0:26:42.960
<v Speaker 1>and he said that he's like going to see a friend,

0:26:43.359 --> 0:26:47.159
<v Speaker 1>and I was like, I was like, I know, in

0:26:47.200 --> 0:26:49.840
<v Speaker 1>my head, I like already thought that we were hanging

0:26:49.880 --> 0:26:53.560
<v Speaker 1>out as per usual, and I've had quite a stressful week,

0:26:53.600 --> 0:26:56.639
<v Speaker 1>so I really kind of was waiting on that, and

0:26:56.680 --> 0:26:59.320
<v Speaker 1>so he said it, and I instantly was like almost

0:26:59.359 --> 0:27:02.600
<v Speaker 1>like heartbroke and like I felt neglected, and then I

0:27:02.640 --> 0:27:04.879
<v Speaker 1>had to take a step back and being like I

0:27:04.920 --> 0:27:06.880
<v Speaker 1>can have the best Friday night, Like I can go

0:27:07.160 --> 0:27:10.280
<v Speaker 1>watch my favorite show, can get some vegan food because

0:27:10.280 --> 0:27:12.680
<v Speaker 1>he doesn't like vegan, and like I really had to, yeah,

0:27:12.720 --> 0:27:15.040
<v Speaker 1>like take that step back and be like no, just

0:27:15.080 --> 0:27:17.560
<v Speaker 1>because we usually do something and you know that usually

0:27:17.640 --> 0:27:20.960
<v Speaker 1>makes me happy, I don't necessarily have to always do that,

0:27:21.040 --> 0:27:23.240
<v Speaker 1>And especially with him, I.

0:27:23.160 --> 0:27:27.400
<v Speaker 2>Think it's so incredible that you guys have that dynamic

0:27:27.480 --> 0:27:30.600
<v Speaker 2>in your relationship pre kids, Like the fact that you're

0:27:30.640 --> 0:27:34.040
<v Speaker 2>aware of that sort of stuff now before having children,

0:27:34.119 --> 0:27:37.000
<v Speaker 2>Like it's going to really set you guys up to

0:27:37.080 --> 0:27:39.280
<v Speaker 2>be so much more successful when you do move from

0:27:39.280 --> 0:27:41.840
<v Speaker 2>a couple to a family, because you know, there's so

0:27:41.920 --> 0:27:46.479
<v Speaker 2>many issues that pop up. So I think that's wonderful.

0:27:47.200 --> 0:27:50.400
<v Speaker 1>Thank you. And so why we are talking about sort

0:27:50.400 --> 0:27:54.320
<v Speaker 1>of that shift from coming from a couple two children.

0:27:54.400 --> 0:27:57.320
<v Speaker 1>I'm not gonna lie, it's something that scares me because

0:27:57.840 --> 0:28:01.400
<v Speaker 1>even now I struggle too far and time for tim

0:28:01.440 --> 0:28:05.000
<v Speaker 1>because my schedule is so hectic, and so I definitely

0:28:05.119 --> 0:28:08.760
<v Speaker 1>have a fear around what is things going to be

0:28:08.880 --> 0:28:11.240
<v Speaker 1>like when we do have children, like even you know,

0:28:11.359 --> 0:28:14.159
<v Speaker 1>one more thing of what we have. Do you go

0:28:14.320 --> 0:28:17.480
<v Speaker 1>through something similar when you kind of had to adjust

0:28:17.520 --> 0:28:21.080
<v Speaker 1>from being a couple to parents, Like did the family

0:28:21.160 --> 0:28:23.280
<v Speaker 1>dynamic shift? Like how did you deal with that?

0:28:24.160 --> 0:28:26.680
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's huge. I'm not gonna lie, it is a

0:28:26.720 --> 0:28:31.760
<v Speaker 2>big shift. And look, to be honest, I don't want

0:28:31.760 --> 0:28:34.679
<v Speaker 2>to scare you more, but for us it was it

0:28:34.720 --> 0:28:37.000
<v Speaker 2>was really big because we went from a couple to

0:28:37.040 --> 0:28:39.560
<v Speaker 2>a family of four, you know, so that was a

0:28:39.600 --> 0:28:43.680
<v Speaker 2>big jump. There is nothing quite like the baptism of

0:28:43.760 --> 0:28:47.480
<v Speaker 2>fire of having two newborns to really sort of flip

0:28:47.520 --> 0:28:51.080
<v Speaker 2>everything on its head. But there are changes that happen

0:28:51.120 --> 0:28:54.240
<v Speaker 2>when you move to a family because exactly like you said,

0:28:55.200 --> 0:28:59.800
<v Speaker 2>you have to share yourself in a completely different way.

0:29:00.360 --> 0:29:05.120
<v Speaker 2>And parenting is so consuming. It really, it's so hard

0:29:05.160 --> 0:29:08.280
<v Speaker 2>to explain the love that you have for your baby

0:29:08.360 --> 0:29:11.920
<v Speaker 2>or your babies and the way it consumes you. And

0:29:12.520 --> 0:29:14.800
<v Speaker 2>there is there's a shift, and I think that just

0:29:14.840 --> 0:29:17.320
<v Speaker 2>being aware, Okay, there is going to be a change,

0:29:17.400 --> 0:29:21.000
<v Speaker 2>and there's going to be some lifestyle changes that happen.

0:29:21.520 --> 0:29:25.640
<v Speaker 2>So having the awareness communicating like talking to your partner

0:29:25.680 --> 0:29:28.560
<v Speaker 2>and checking in regularly and just you know, seeing how

0:29:28.600 --> 0:29:32.600
<v Speaker 2>each other's going, like, babe, how are you coping? Asking

0:29:32.640 --> 0:29:35.760
<v Speaker 2>that question, you know, and it goes both ways, and

0:29:35.800 --> 0:29:39.680
<v Speaker 2>being in the trenches together, having a partner that's really

0:29:39.720 --> 0:29:43.840
<v Speaker 2>supportive and is there wanting to be amongst the nappies

0:29:43.920 --> 0:29:47.000
<v Speaker 2>and the feeding and all of that stuff and getting

0:29:47.080 --> 0:29:50.440
<v Speaker 2>up overnight with you, it can make it a really

0:29:50.680 --> 0:29:54.280
<v Speaker 2>uniting experience rather than a dividing experience.

0:29:55.280 --> 0:29:58.240
<v Speaker 1>And so do you guys, do anything in particular to

0:29:58.360 --> 0:30:01.960
<v Speaker 1>make sure you are still like beating into the cup

0:30:02.000 --> 0:30:04.520
<v Speaker 1>or relationship like do you have a permanent date night

0:30:04.800 --> 0:30:07.040
<v Speaker 1>or does someone come look after the kids? Like how

0:30:07.040 --> 0:30:08.200
<v Speaker 1>do you deal with that?

0:30:08.920 --> 0:30:12.200
<v Speaker 2>Oh my gosh, I'm probably the worst to answer this question.

0:30:12.400 --> 0:30:16.400
<v Speaker 2>Because we did not have a date night for three years,

0:30:16.480 --> 0:30:19.720
<v Speaker 2>and I am not recommending that that was just our

0:30:19.800 --> 0:30:22.960
<v Speaker 2>situation with a lack of support and a lack of help.

0:30:23.320 --> 0:30:27.520
<v Speaker 2>So if you have help, accept it, like take it

0:30:27.560 --> 0:30:30.200
<v Speaker 2>with both halds and be grateful for it. And if

0:30:30.240 --> 0:30:34.280
<v Speaker 2>you can have that weekly or monthly or however often

0:30:34.320 --> 0:30:38.240
<v Speaker 2>feels right for you date night, definitely take it. But

0:30:38.440 --> 0:30:42.080
<v Speaker 2>if you don't have the help and support, don't give up.

0:30:42.160 --> 0:30:43.920
<v Speaker 2>It's not the end of the world. It doesn't mean

0:30:43.960 --> 0:30:46.920
<v Speaker 2>you need to write off your relationship at all. You

0:30:47.160 --> 0:30:49.800
<v Speaker 2>just need to be I guess a little more proactive

0:30:49.960 --> 0:30:52.440
<v Speaker 2>because you don't have that extra set of hands. So

0:30:53.200 --> 0:30:57.280
<v Speaker 2>definitely establishing a routine for your little ones is important.

0:30:57.400 --> 0:31:00.920
<v Speaker 2>Having a bedtime is so important, not just for them,

0:31:01.240 --> 0:31:04.560
<v Speaker 2>but for you because you have an end to your day.

0:31:05.080 --> 0:31:08.600
<v Speaker 2>So it was so comforting for Matt Night to know, Okay,

0:31:08.920 --> 0:31:11.240
<v Speaker 2>come six thirty pm, the boys are both going to

0:31:11.280 --> 0:31:13.600
<v Speaker 2>be asleep and we can sit down and have a meal,

0:31:14.080 --> 0:31:20.720
<v Speaker 2>have a conversation and really connect properly. That's really really helpful. Also,

0:31:21.000 --> 0:31:23.800
<v Speaker 2>just being aware of how you speak to one another.

0:31:24.520 --> 0:31:26.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm a big fan of being aware of how you

0:31:26.560 --> 0:31:29.720
<v Speaker 2>spend the first thirty seconds when you see each other

0:31:29.760 --> 0:31:32.760
<v Speaker 2>for the day, so really going to one another, greeting

0:31:32.800 --> 0:31:36.280
<v Speaker 2>each other, asking how your day was. That sort of

0:31:36.320 --> 0:31:39.840
<v Speaker 2>stuff is important because it is really tempting when one

0:31:39.880 --> 0:31:42.240
<v Speaker 2>parent is at home with a baby all day to

0:31:42.360 --> 0:31:45.280
<v Speaker 2>just sort of unload on the other parent when he

0:31:45.360 --> 0:31:48.000
<v Speaker 2>or she gets home from work and you know, hand

0:31:48.000 --> 0:31:51.280
<v Speaker 2>them the baby and verily spew everything that's happened throughout

0:31:51.280 --> 0:31:53.840
<v Speaker 2>the day. But if you just take you know, twenty

0:31:53.880 --> 0:31:57.000
<v Speaker 2>thirty seconds to greet each other, it can really set

0:31:57.040 --> 0:31:57.880
<v Speaker 2>the tone.

0:31:58.600 --> 0:32:01.440
<v Speaker 1>And it's probably like also having that mutual sort of

0:32:02.000 --> 0:32:05.440
<v Speaker 1>respect and being aware that yeah, they may have been away,

0:32:05.520 --> 0:32:09.240
<v Speaker 1>but they might not have had the best day either.

0:32:09.840 --> 0:32:13.280
<v Speaker 2>Oh completely. So many people fall into the habit and

0:32:13.320 --> 0:32:15.360
<v Speaker 2>Matt and I certainly did this in the early days

0:32:15.800 --> 0:32:19.160
<v Speaker 2>of almost competing with one another about who had the

0:32:19.200 --> 0:32:23.360
<v Speaker 2>hardest day, and when that starts, resentment builds, and then

0:32:23.440 --> 0:32:27.040
<v Speaker 2>resentment is like the number one killer of putting out

0:32:27.040 --> 0:32:29.400
<v Speaker 2>that fire and connection that you have for your partner.

0:32:29.800 --> 0:32:32.640
<v Speaker 2>So do not enter a competition of who had it harder.

0:32:33.600 --> 0:32:36.000
<v Speaker 2>I always say, it's just best to assume that the

0:32:36.040 --> 0:32:38.200
<v Speaker 2>other person had a harder You know, if you both

0:32:38.240 --> 0:32:40.920
<v Speaker 2>go into it assuming that you had the hardest day,

0:32:41.280 --> 0:32:43.400
<v Speaker 2>you're both going to be really generous and kind.

0:32:44.240 --> 0:32:47.000
<v Speaker 1>And so I want to switch gears and finish off

0:32:47.040 --> 0:32:51.480
<v Speaker 1>the conversation chatting to you about being a sleep consultant.

0:32:52.360 --> 0:32:56.160
<v Speaker 1>So why do you place such a heavy importance on sleep,

0:32:56.360 --> 0:32:57.400
<v Speaker 1>especially in children.

0:32:58.840 --> 0:33:02.360
<v Speaker 2>Look, sleep is just one of those things that is

0:33:02.480 --> 0:33:06.480
<v Speaker 2>so underrated. And you know, Matt and I certainly hadn't

0:33:06.520 --> 0:33:08.480
<v Speaker 2>given it a lot of thought until it was taken

0:33:08.520 --> 0:33:12.000
<v Speaker 2>away from us. So sleep is absolutely one of the

0:33:12.080 --> 0:33:15.720
<v Speaker 2>pillars of health. You know, we need to sleep. It's

0:33:15.760 --> 0:33:18.360
<v Speaker 2>like we need water to drink and food to eat.

0:33:19.120 --> 0:33:24.080
<v Speaker 2>Quality sleep it's imperative. If your sleep is compromised, you're

0:33:24.120 --> 0:33:27.840
<v Speaker 2>going to suffer. And you know, when I first became

0:33:27.840 --> 0:33:30.440
<v Speaker 2>a sleep consultant, I spent a lot of time doing

0:33:30.520 --> 0:33:34.280
<v Speaker 2>in home consultations, So going and meeting face to face

0:33:34.320 --> 0:33:37.480
<v Speaker 2>in home with families who are struggling, and I can

0:33:37.520 --> 0:33:40.920
<v Speaker 2>tell you, Dodgy, like nine out of ten times, the

0:33:41.040 --> 0:33:43.280
<v Speaker 2>mum would burst into tears and say I've just been

0:33:43.320 --> 0:33:47.080
<v Speaker 2>diagnosed with postnatal depression. And then we would sit and

0:33:47.120 --> 0:33:49.600
<v Speaker 2>we would go through all of her symptoms. And when

0:33:49.600 --> 0:33:52.400
<v Speaker 2>I was able to show her that a lot of

0:33:52.440 --> 0:33:56.840
<v Speaker 2>her symptoms could also be sleep deprivation. It was such

0:33:56.880 --> 0:34:01.880
<v Speaker 2>a big comfort because, yes, post natal depression is absolutely

0:34:01.960 --> 0:34:04.880
<v Speaker 2>real and it needs to be diagnosed and taken seriously,

0:34:05.680 --> 0:34:09.239
<v Speaker 2>but sleep deprivation is real too, and just understanding if

0:34:09.280 --> 0:34:12.440
<v Speaker 2>you have had weeks, months, days, even years for some

0:34:12.600 --> 0:34:17.640
<v Speaker 2>families of really broken sleep, you're not going to function well.

0:34:18.719 --> 0:34:23.160
<v Speaker 1>I am like the biggest advocate for sleep because I'm

0:34:23.160 --> 0:34:26.080
<v Speaker 1>that person that if I don't get my seven to

0:34:26.160 --> 0:34:30.040
<v Speaker 1>eight hours sleep personally, I just notice how different the

0:34:30.120 --> 0:34:32.880
<v Speaker 1>day is. Like, first of all, I notice my mood.

0:34:32.960 --> 0:34:36.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm someone who just can't function on low sleep. I

0:34:36.200 --> 0:34:38.680
<v Speaker 1>notice I'm like, I'm way more hungry than usual, I'm

0:34:38.719 --> 0:34:42.400
<v Speaker 1>way more distracted. I notice my anxiety can be triggered

0:34:42.600 --> 0:34:45.920
<v Speaker 1>so much easier. So I could not agree more And

0:34:45.960 --> 0:34:49.000
<v Speaker 1>I love that you do that. So when you do

0:34:49.200 --> 0:34:50.880
<v Speaker 1>work with someone, how does that look?

0:34:51.880 --> 0:34:54.880
<v Speaker 2>So when I first started, it was an in home,

0:34:55.040 --> 0:34:58.000
<v Speaker 2>in person service, and I did that for about a

0:34:58.080 --> 0:35:00.320
<v Speaker 2>year and a half, but it got to the point

0:35:00.320 --> 0:35:03.760
<v Speaker 2>where I was booked out months and months in advance,

0:35:03.800 --> 0:35:05.759
<v Speaker 2>and it was starting to stress me out because I

0:35:05.760 --> 0:35:09.000
<v Speaker 2>would have these families call me and say I've heard

0:35:09.040 --> 0:35:11.160
<v Speaker 2>about you. I really want to get in you know,

0:35:11.239 --> 0:35:14.760
<v Speaker 2>I'm desperate, and to say to a parent who needs helpum,

0:35:14.800 --> 0:35:17.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm really sorry, I can't actually help you. For another

0:35:18.040 --> 0:35:21.680
<v Speaker 2>six to eight weeks felt awful. So I was taking

0:35:21.719 --> 0:35:25.960
<v Speaker 2>on way too many clients. It was affecting my wellness,

0:35:26.520 --> 0:35:29.160
<v Speaker 2>and it kind of got to the point where I realized, Okay,

0:35:29.520 --> 0:35:33.360
<v Speaker 2>this isn't working. I am working way too much right now,

0:35:33.440 --> 0:35:35.680
<v Speaker 2>and I'm not working to the best of my ability

0:35:35.719 --> 0:35:39.200
<v Speaker 2>because I'm overloaded, and I feel this guilt of not

0:35:39.280 --> 0:35:41.800
<v Speaker 2>being able to help families. So what are my options?

0:35:42.400 --> 0:35:46.920
<v Speaker 2>And then we realized we could create an online program,

0:35:47.600 --> 0:35:49.799
<v Speaker 2>and that was such a journey. It took her over

0:35:49.840 --> 0:35:52.160
<v Speaker 2>a year to create the first version and then we've

0:35:52.280 --> 0:35:56.200
<v Speaker 2>updated it since. But you know, the online programs, I've

0:35:56.280 --> 0:35:59.320
<v Speaker 2>really wanted to make sure they would be as good,

0:35:59.440 --> 0:36:02.560
<v Speaker 2>if not as good better than are in home consultations.

0:36:02.600 --> 0:36:06.720
<v Speaker 2>So they all have video tutorials. They have unlimited access

0:36:06.719 --> 0:36:09.759
<v Speaker 2>to audio files, so for families who don't have time

0:36:09.800 --> 0:36:12.839
<v Speaker 2>to read, they can just listen like it's a podcast.

0:36:13.320 --> 0:36:16.480
<v Speaker 2>We have forums for support that have you know, a

0:36:16.560 --> 0:36:19.800
<v Speaker 2>manager five days a week. So now it looks a

0:36:19.800 --> 0:36:22.760
<v Speaker 2>little bit different to how it did five years ago,

0:36:22.840 --> 0:36:25.719
<v Speaker 2>but I'm so proud of the Kind Parenting Company. It's

0:36:25.760 --> 0:36:28.759
<v Speaker 2>a really great resource, amazing.

0:36:29.400 --> 0:36:31.640
<v Speaker 1>To finish off the podcast, I'm going to go in

0:36:31.719 --> 0:36:35.200
<v Speaker 1>with a really light question. I'm personally someone who has

0:36:35.239 --> 0:36:38.000
<v Speaker 1>to have a morning routine, and I'm like in love

0:36:38.040 --> 0:36:40.239
<v Speaker 1>with mine. It did take me a while to get there,

0:36:40.320 --> 0:36:42.919
<v Speaker 1>so I really want to ask you, what is your

0:36:43.280 --> 0:36:44.840
<v Speaker 1>morning routine, like, what does it look like?

0:36:45.719 --> 0:36:48.840
<v Speaker 2>I am totally there with you with the morning routine.

0:36:48.960 --> 0:36:52.759
<v Speaker 2>It is so powerful and important. When the boys were

0:36:52.800 --> 0:36:55.440
<v Speaker 2>twelve weeks old, I started doing this thing that I

0:36:55.440 --> 0:36:58.960
<v Speaker 2>would call my hour of power, so I would wake

0:36:59.040 --> 0:37:01.440
<v Speaker 2>up before the book, get a bit of exercise in,

0:37:01.600 --> 0:37:04.239
<v Speaker 2>have breakfast, do a bit of social media stuff, and

0:37:04.320 --> 0:37:08.280
<v Speaker 2>that hour of power has continued on with me, except

0:37:08.320 --> 0:37:11.839
<v Speaker 2>now nearly six years into parenthood, it's a lot more

0:37:11.840 --> 0:37:13.799
<v Speaker 2>than an hour because I have a lot more things

0:37:13.840 --> 0:37:17.799
<v Speaker 2>I need to do. So currently my routine looks like

0:37:18.040 --> 0:37:21.399
<v Speaker 2>getting up at four am on the days that Matt

0:37:21.440 --> 0:37:24.759
<v Speaker 2>has a day shift, and getting up at four point

0:37:24.760 --> 0:37:28.520
<v Speaker 2>thirty or four forty five on other days, and I

0:37:29.160 --> 0:37:32.480
<v Speaker 2>take some time to do some mindfulness breathing, and then

0:37:32.520 --> 0:37:35.600
<v Speaker 2>I head downstairs. I make a coffee, I put my

0:37:36.239 --> 0:37:39.880
<v Speaker 2>Apple earbuds in, and I tune into a podcast, often

0:37:40.000 --> 0:37:43.640
<v Speaker 2>a Rise and Conquer podcast, I must say. And then

0:37:43.680 --> 0:37:48.319
<v Speaker 2>I get ready for the day. I you know, I

0:37:48.400 --> 0:37:51.840
<v Speaker 2>take some time to get dressed. I like putting on makeup,

0:37:51.880 --> 0:37:54.479
<v Speaker 2>I like doing my hair, and then I get stuck

0:37:54.520 --> 0:37:58.200
<v Speaker 2>into some work stuff, check emails, check social media, pack

0:37:58.280 --> 0:38:01.320
<v Speaker 2>the kids lunches. I do as much as I can

0:38:01.800 --> 0:38:05.000
<v Speaker 2>before the boys wake up, because now they're at school,

0:38:05.280 --> 0:38:07.080
<v Speaker 2>I miss them throughout the day, so I want to

0:38:07.120 --> 0:38:09.640
<v Speaker 2>spend that two hours of a morning before they head

0:38:09.640 --> 0:38:12.520
<v Speaker 2>off being able to do the mum things like go

0:38:12.600 --> 0:38:14.680
<v Speaker 2>for a walk and plain Monopoly and all that stuff.

0:38:14.760 --> 0:38:17.560
<v Speaker 2>So I just cram as much into it as I can.

0:38:18.400 --> 0:38:20.480
<v Speaker 1>I love that you do get up that early. When

0:38:20.520 --> 0:38:22.960
<v Speaker 1>I often tell people how ELA get up, I like,

0:38:23.000 --> 0:38:25.440
<v Speaker 1>I get looks like I'm crazy, So I.

0:38:25.440 --> 0:38:28.040
<v Speaker 2>Love that you're also.

0:38:28.719 --> 0:38:32.200
<v Speaker 1>So I want to thank you so much for coming

0:38:32.280 --> 0:38:35.880
<v Speaker 1>and sharing so much knowledge. I like I said, I

0:38:35.960 --> 0:38:38.440
<v Speaker 1>obviously don't have children, but I find this stuff so

0:38:38.800 --> 0:38:41.960
<v Speaker 1>interesting and you just have so much good stuff, So

0:38:42.320 --> 0:38:44.640
<v Speaker 1>thank you so much. Can you let the audience know

0:38:44.920 --> 0:38:46.160
<v Speaker 1>where they can find you.

0:38:46.840 --> 0:38:49.680
<v Speaker 2>Thank you so much for having me. It's been really fun.

0:38:50.560 --> 0:38:53.120
<v Speaker 2>The best place to probably find me is over on Instagram,

0:38:53.200 --> 0:38:55.280
<v Speaker 2>and that's just at Kylie.

0:38:54.960 --> 0:38:58.560
<v Speaker 1>Camps perfect Paul. Thank you so much. Kylie, have an

0:38:58.560 --> 0:38:59.480
<v Speaker 1>amazing afternoon.

0:39:00.040 --> 0:39:02.640
<v Speaker 2>Thanks Georgie.

0:39:03.680 --> 0:39:06.640
<v Speaker 1>Thanks so much for listening into this week's episode. If

0:39:06.640 --> 0:39:09.799
<v Speaker 1>you love to Rise and Conquer and you're craving more community,

0:39:10.200 --> 0:39:12.480
<v Speaker 1>I have got your girl friend. I was feeling the

0:39:12.560 --> 0:39:15.319
<v Speaker 1>exact same, so I'm very excited to announce that we

0:39:15.480 --> 0:39:19.160
<v Speaker 1>have made a close Rise and Conquer Facebook community group.

0:39:19.600 --> 0:39:22.360
<v Speaker 1>To join our girl gang, head to Facebook and search

0:39:22.560 --> 0:39:25.560
<v Speaker 1>Rise and Conquer podcast community, or head to the show

0:39:25.600 --> 0:39:28.520
<v Speaker 1>notes for the link. I decided to create this community

0:39:28.600 --> 0:39:31.160
<v Speaker 1>for like minded women who is searching for a safe

0:39:31.400 --> 0:39:34.480
<v Speaker 1>and positive space for us to share our stories, to

0:39:34.480 --> 0:39:38.120
<v Speaker 1>ask for advice, and interact together. Lastly, if you know

0:39:38.200 --> 0:39:41.600
<v Speaker 1>someone who would benefit from this episode, please make sure

0:39:41.600 --> 0:39:44.040
<v Speaker 1>you share it with them or even take a screenshot

0:39:44.080 --> 0:39:47.320
<v Speaker 1>and share it on your Instagram stories. I really really

0:39:47.360 --> 0:39:51.840
<v Speaker 1>appreciate all the support, and this is a total independent podcast,

0:39:51.920 --> 0:39:56.960
<v Speaker 1>so any sort of sharing involved I really really appreciate. Also,

0:39:57.040 --> 0:39:59.000
<v Speaker 1>if you want to go beyond this episode, check out

0:39:59.000 --> 0:40:03.920
<v Speaker 1>our official instat program at Riseandconquer dot podcast, or my

0:40:04.120 --> 0:40:07.359
<v Speaker 1>personal Instagram at Georgie Stevenson. I hope you have an

0:40:07.400 --> 0:40:10.440
<v Speaker 1>amazing day or night whenever you're listening by for now

0:40:10.480 --> 0:40:11.279
<v Speaker 1>and talk to you soon