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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just once answers.

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Speaker 2: Now the tough nut Princess act doesn't work. It reduces resilience.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum

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Speaker 1: and dad.

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Speaker 2: Good day. My name is doctor Justin Colson, the author

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Speaker 2: of six books about raising happy families and the founder

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Speaker 2: the owner of the director of Happy Families dot com

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Speaker 2: dot I you raised your eyebrows when I said that.

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Speaker 2: Did I just sound a bit too up myself? Is

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Speaker 2: that the problem? No? No, no, no, okay, Well that's who

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Speaker 2: I am.

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Speaker 3: Who are you?

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Speaker 2: What are you doing in my studio? My wife, Kylie,

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Speaker 2: missus Happy Families, Mum to our six daughters, is joining

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Speaker 2: me as always so that we can talk about making

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Speaker 2: families happier.

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Speaker 3: Hey, I love the reviews that are coming through at

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Speaker 3: the moment. We've had another five star review from Jesse

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Speaker 3: Hill eighty five.

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Speaker 2: Thanks Jesse Hill.

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Speaker 3: My favorite podcast.

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Speaker 2: Oh wow.

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Speaker 3: I've been listening to this podcast for about six months

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Speaker 3: and it has been become my favorite. Most of the

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Speaker 3: topics are equally applicable to kids as they are to adults.

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Speaker 3: I love that the expert semi regularly shares specific examples

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Speaker 3: of how he hasn't lived up to his standards. Many

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Speaker 3: parenting experts admit they also screw up and find it hard,

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Speaker 3: but he's the only one I've listened to that actually

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Speaker 3: shares examples of his parenting fails, which is how we

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Speaker 3: all parent at times, and it makes me feel more

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Speaker 3: secure that my fifty to seventy percent good parenting is

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Speaker 3: normal and I am not failing overall. I particularly love

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Speaker 3: that I Can Do Better episodes and I get marriage

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Speaker 3: tips out of it as well as Justin and Kylie

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Speaker 3: are an amazing example of partnership in marriage.

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Speaker 2: Jesse Hill, you've made our day. Thank you so much

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Speaker 2: for that five star review. Now the I Can Do

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Speaker 2: Better episode, I have to be a bit of a

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Speaker 2: corrector for just a moment. It's called I'll do Better Tomorrow,

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Speaker 2: and that's what today is all about. This is our

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Speaker 2: older Better Tomorrow episode where we review the week, and

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Speaker 2: we did this every Friday. We sort of have a

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Speaker 2: look at what we did well, what we maybe didn't

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Speaker 2: do so well, look for love and opportunities to do

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Speaker 2: better tomorrow as parents, because the great thing about children

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Speaker 2: is that they always give you an opportunity to do

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Speaker 2: better tomorrow, like they're so forgiving and we get it

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Speaker 2: wrong so often. So do you want to go first, missus,

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Speaker 2: happy families or shall life? I can go for it.

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Speaker 1: Well.

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Speaker 3: Last weekend, the kids and I went on a little

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Speaker 3: road trip on our own. It was just the three

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Speaker 3: of us in the car. And normally when I'm in

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Speaker 3: the car, I kind of just sewn out. I kind

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Speaker 3: of get in my own little world, whether it's been

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Speaker 3: listening to music or of late listening to some podcasts,

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Speaker 3: and I kind of just, you know, let the kids

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Speaker 3: do their own thing. But we had about ten hours

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Speaker 3: in the car. It was a long, long drive, and

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Speaker 3: I wanted to find ways that I could connect. And

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Speaker 3: I've watched you over the years connect with the kids,

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Speaker 3: and you'll often say to me, you know, what did

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Speaker 3: you talk with the kids about in the car, And

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Speaker 3: I'm kind of like nothing, I've been doing a little

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Speaker 3: bit of quiet time before it all gets crazy. Sure,

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Speaker 3: but I decided that I would I needed a bit

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Speaker 3: of help. So we have these little conversation starters that

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Speaker 3: have been sitting in the games draw for I don't

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Speaker 3: know how long, and I've never used them.

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Speaker 2: I had the little box called the Art of Conversations. Yes,

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Speaker 2: really you've used them?

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Speaker 1: I have?

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Speaker 2: Oh wow, how did that go?

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Speaker 3: It was fantastic, so our ten year old Lily, she

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Speaker 3: I said to her, and there was a bit of

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Speaker 3: a lull in conversation. I said, Hey, I've got these

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Speaker 3: little cards. Do you want to have a game with me?

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Speaker 3: And she happily opened the box. She loved asking all

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Speaker 3: the questions. Wasn't so excited about answering them. She just

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Speaker 3: wanted me to answer them. And I think she just

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Speaker 3: loves getting to know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I was going to say, that's the whole thing

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Speaker 2: is children love it when we go into their world,

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Speaker 2: when we enter their world and become sort of childlike.

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Speaker 2: But every now and again they love to step into

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Speaker 2: our world and understand what the world is from our

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Speaker 2: perspective or what it was like when we were growing up.

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Speaker 2: They love stories.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's what she really appreciated, the stories, where

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Speaker 3: you know, she kind of asked me, what was something

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Speaker 3: that I did that was really naughty when I was little?

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Speaker 2: What did you say?

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Speaker 3: I can't tell you on the podcast.

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Speaker 2: I want to know, you have to tell me what

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Speaker 2: did you do that was not you were little it's okay.

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Speaker 3: Well, it wasn't so much naughty. It was that I

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Speaker 3: didn't own up to it. I was about seven or eight,

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Speaker 3: and me and my little sister had walked home from

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Speaker 3: school and we had we had to let ourselves in,

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Speaker 3: but I had forgotten my key to let myself in

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Speaker 3: the front door. And where we lived at the time,

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Speaker 3: the veranda was level with my dad's shed, and if

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Speaker 3: I stood on the shed, I could actually climb through

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Speaker 3: my bedroom window. And my bedroom window was open, but

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Speaker 3: it wasn't open enough. And it was those windows where

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Speaker 3: you push out so they kind of come out at

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Speaker 3: an angle. And with my young, immature mind, I didn't

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Speaker 3: realize that if I pulled on the corner of a

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Speaker 3: window like that, that it would actually shatter the window.

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Speaker 2: You broke the window.

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Speaker 3: I totally broke, and you didn't it. I didn't tell

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Speaker 3: my mom and dad that I did, and.

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Speaker 2: You told Lily that I did. What did she say?

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Speaker 2: She couldn't believe you're a rebel. You were a seven

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Speaker 2: year old, eight year old delinquent breaking into houses, smashing windows.

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Speaker 2: I can't believe that I married you.

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Speaker 3: This is I did tell my mum and dad. Eventually

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Speaker 3: I was well and truly married, and probably on the phone.

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Speaker 3: I probably did it on the phone when you told

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Speaker 3: them like.

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Speaker 2: Twenty years later, that's right, crack up. So that's your

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Speaker 2: old do better tomorrow. Just the value of having really

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Speaker 2: great conversations.

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Speaker 3: That was part of it. The second part was that obviously,

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Speaker 3: with ten hours, I wasn't going to talk conversation the

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Speaker 3: whole time, and I had to come up with something

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Speaker 3: else a little bit more creative. It is kind of draining,

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Speaker 3: isn't it, especially when I have to tell her all

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Speaker 3: the bad things about me. So I did something that

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Speaker 3: I've never done before, and partly because we were a

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Speaker 3: new territory and so we were seeing things we had

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Speaker 3: never seen before on our drive, and so I said.

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Speaker 2: Why don't we do car bingo car bingo?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, So I got her to draw up a grid

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Speaker 3: five by five, oh, which meant that she had to

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Speaker 3: come up with twenty five things. So as we were driving, genius,

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Speaker 3: I just called out twenty five things. You know, a

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Speaker 3: red car, a white car, a bridge, a tree standing

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Speaker 3: on its own, a.

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Speaker 2: Horse, an aeroplane. You should have put an aeroplane down,

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Speaker 2: because there's no aeroplanes in the sky. Atline with COVID.

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Speaker 3: That would have been smart.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that would have been a long game.

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Speaker 3: A letterbox, a house, a driveway, you know, just different

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Speaker 3: things that you'd see. Well, we were in the country,

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Speaker 3: so there was there were some things on the list

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Speaker 3: that were going to be really hard to find. But

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Speaker 3: what was so great was it got us both kind

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Speaker 3: of focused on seeing things and we saw things that

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Speaker 3: we would never have seen. And what I noticed was

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Speaker 3: on the trip home when we actually played the game,

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Speaker 3: we literally did we were like, have we been this

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Speaker 3: way before? Because we saw things that we just had

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Speaker 3: been oblivious to. On the way out, we saw a

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Speaker 3: flock of EMUs, wild EMUs. There was about twenty five

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Speaker 3: of them and they literally were just in a pack.

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Speaker 3: I don't know what you call what.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know what a flock of

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Speaker 2: a flock. I don't know. I'm going to google it

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Speaker 2: right now while you can each other story.

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Speaker 3: That's pretty cool. I've never seen EMUs out in the

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Speaker 3: wild before.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so a group of EMUs is called a mob.

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Speaker 2: I can tell you that because I'm sure that in

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Speaker 2: one of those Australian one of those Aussie trivia games

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Speaker 2: that we played what was There was an Aussie trivia

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Speaker 2: game when we were kids with an It came in

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Speaker 2: an eski. I think it was called oz Trivia or

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Speaker 2: something like that, and I'm sure it was one of

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Speaker 2: the questions there. Anyway, I love that I'll do better

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Speaker 2: tomorrow just inviting the kids into your world with great

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Speaker 2: conversations and having those conversations starters can really do that,

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Speaker 2: and what a great story. We're gonna have a look

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Speaker 2: at what I can do better tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: Next it's their Happy Families podcast.

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Speaker 4: Are Screens Creating Tension at home? Tweens, teens and Screens

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Speaker 4: is a webinar to guide families to healthy, safe super

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Speaker 4: screen solutions. Bye Today at happy families dot com dot

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Speaker 4: au slash shop, it's.

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Speaker 3: The Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time poor

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Speaker 3: parent who just wants answers now, And today we're talking

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Speaker 3: about the insights that we've had as parents this week.

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Speaker 2: So my one's actually built out over a couple of weeks,

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Speaker 2: but this week has been the week where the penny

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Speaker 2: dropped and I just went, ah, yes, this, I'm nailing

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Speaker 2: it because I completely failed it at the beginning. Now,

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Speaker 2: before I share what's happened, I want to highlight that

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Speaker 2: it's very easy to come across insensitive when you're having

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Speaker 2: a conversation like this, But I want to just reassure

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Speaker 2: everybody that we've been very very sensitive about it in

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Speaker 2: our home, very careful about it. So basically, a few

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Speaker 2: weeks ago, if you've been listening to the podcast for

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Speaker 2: a while, you may know, one of our kids came

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Speaker 2: to me and said, Dad, Dad, I'm really unfit and

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Speaker 2: I'm really out of shape, and I want to do

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Speaker 2: something about it, and school cross country is coming up,

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Speaker 2: and so can you help me to start running? So

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Speaker 2: I changed all my morning plans. I put off my

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Speaker 2: bike rides and thought, I'm being a good dad here,

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Speaker 2: I'm being noble. I'm doing the right thing. I'm going

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Speaker 2: to run with my daughter every morning and help her

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Speaker 2: to get her fitness back, because I'm a bit of

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Speaker 2: a fitness guy, right, I mean, I really really value

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Speaker 2: good health. And we started our run on the first morning.

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Speaker 2: She was so enthusiastic. I mean she was running really

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Speaker 2: really well for about seventy meters and that was it,

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Speaker 2: and we were running downhill, but she couldn't run any further.

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Speaker 2: I'm not laughing, I'm not laughing.

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Speaker 3: I bet no, because this is a little bit of daja,

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Speaker 3: but it wasn't running. But I remember my first ride

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Speaker 3: with you.

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Speaker 2: Oh you're going to make me look really bad now,

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Speaker 2: aren't you.

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Speaker 3: And you just you kind of looked at me and

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Speaker 3: here I was.

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Speaker 1: I was.

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Speaker 3: My heart rate I think was through the roof. I

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Speaker 3: felt like I was going to have a heart attack.

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Speaker 3: I was working so hard, and you kind of looked

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Speaker 3: over at me and you said, do you think that

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Speaker 3: you could ride just a little bit faster?

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Speaker 2: Quick? Dangine. To just finish this story, After we'd been

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Speaker 2: for a handful of rides and your fitness was starting

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Speaker 2: to improve, we went for a ride. We were living

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Speaker 2: in the Illawarra in the Woollongong region at the time,

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Speaker 2: and we went for a ride from our house in

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Speaker 2: for people who know the area, from a house in

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Speaker 2: Victory down to Dapto and out the back there. And

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Speaker 2: it was it was a cold morning. It was the

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Speaker 2: middle of winter, and I'd given you all of my

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Speaker 2: warm cycling gears so that you stayed nice and warm.

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Speaker 2: But what I didn't realize is that you were already

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Speaker 2: going to be warm because you were working hard. And

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Speaker 2: when I ride next to you. I'm literally my heart

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Speaker 2: rate is as low as it is, if not lower,

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Speaker 2: when I'm walking, like it was that low. And so

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Speaker 2: it was literally one degree celsius it was.

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Speaker 3: And when we went down into the valley, I felt

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Speaker 3: like we just walked into a freezer. It was so cold.

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Speaker 2: And I'm wearing no gloves, no arm warmers and just

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Speaker 2: lycra shorts and alycra jersey, and it was so cold.

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Speaker 2: I was always crying. And you you've got the jacket

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Speaker 2: on the gloves and the beanie and you've got the

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Speaker 2: long legs and you are toasty warm, and you are

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Speaker 2: working so hard, and here's me not working out at all,

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Speaker 2: and it's just like it was so painful that I

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Speaker 2: thought I if I could have cried, I would have,

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Speaker 2: but my eyes were turning into icicles. Anyway, that's a

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Speaker 2: long tangent. Let's come back to. So I'm running with

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Speaker 2: our little one, and yeah, she runs about seventy meters

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Speaker 2: downhill and then she's puffed out and she can't run anymore.

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Speaker 2: And I've kind of looked at it. We were only

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Speaker 2: running a one hundred meters to the park and back.

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Speaker 2: It was going to be a one and a half

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Speaker 2: k run, and I'm like, what do you mean? And

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Speaker 2: I actually got really cross with her. I'm like, you've

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Speaker 2: made me cancel my bike rides. You've made me miss

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Speaker 2: out on my fitness experiences that I have so that

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Speaker 2: I can spend this good quality time with you, daddy

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Speaker 2: daughter time, helping you to get fit. And you're telling

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Speaker 2: me that you're not prepared to run more than seventy meters,

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Speaker 2: And I actually I got really impatient. I said, you're

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Speaker 2: going to run. We're going to make you this time count.

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Speaker 2: This is going to be high caller like high quality time.

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Speaker 2: I mean, it sounds so ridiculous, but in the moment,

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Speaker 2: you know, you're kind of emotional about it. You're like,

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Speaker 2: what's going on here? Anyway?

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Speaker 3: How good was the quality? It didn't go very well,

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Speaker 3: feel the serenity.

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Speaker 2: We didn't even make it to the park. We stopped

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Speaker 2: about three hundred meters shy four hundred meters shy of

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Speaker 2: the park, turned around. I tried to get it to

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Speaker 2: run home. She wouldn't do it. We ended up walking.

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Speaker 2: And what I thought in my mind was, well, if

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Speaker 2: we're walking, I might as well make this just some

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Speaker 2: nice daddy daughter time. But what came out of my

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Speaker 2: mouth was, cheez, you're unfit. You've really got We've got

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Speaker 2: a lot of work to do. If you're going to

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Speaker 2: if you think this is what our morning is going

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Speaker 2: to be like, you've got another thing like I was.

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Speaker 2: I started to read it the Riot Act. I couldn't

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Speaker 2: believe that I was and I know better. So anyway,

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Speaker 2: the next day she was ready to go again, but

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Speaker 2: she was pretty reluctant. She was really scared about what

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Speaker 2: might happen. And I apologized to her. I said, it's

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Speaker 2: going to be much better today. I've got a plan.

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Speaker 2: We're going to run from this telegraph pole of that

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Speaker 2: telegraph pole, so it's just literally one pole, and then

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Speaker 2: we'll walk to the next one, and then we'll run

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Speaker 2: to the next one.

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Speaker 3: So what's that about? Twenty meters between the telegraph.

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Speaker 2: Poles are about sort of eighty to one hundred meters

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Speaker 2: apart or something like that. I reckon like they're reasonable distance.

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Speaker 2: And for the next couple of weeks she's been doing that.

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Speaker 2: We've been running one, walking one and we had this

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Speaker 2: really awesome experience on our run earlier this week where

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Speaker 2: she looked at me and she said Dad, I'm going

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Speaker 2: to start doing two poles. And then when we got

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Speaker 2: to the base of a hill. There's one hill that

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Speaker 2: we run up. It's probably about four telegraph poles long, and.

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Speaker 3: She's a tough one though. It's got a good kick.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a pretty tough hill. And she said, I'm

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Speaker 2: going to run the whole hill, and she did, and

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Speaker 2: she was so stoked. And then just in the last

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Speaker 2: couple of days, she was running around the house with

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Speaker 2: one of her sisters and as she ran past me,

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Speaker 2: she stopped and she said, Dad, I feel so much

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Speaker 2: more agile now that I'm running with you every day

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Speaker 2: or every other day or whatever it is that we're doing.

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Speaker 2: And I just thought that could have been catastrophic, Like

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Speaker 2: I nearly blew it. Her fitness is really still quite low,

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Speaker 2: but over the course of maybe three or four weeks,

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Speaker 2: as we've been consistent with it, what's happened is she's

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Speaker 2: got a newfound confidence and she's having these tiny wins

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Speaker 2: and that little bit of progress, daily progress, having regular wins. Psychologically,

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Speaker 2: the research tells us this is one of the best

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Speaker 2: ways that we can build a sense of confidence and

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Speaker 2: mastery and resilience and confidence that the tough Up Princess

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Speaker 2: Act doesn't work. It reduces resilience. But what we've done

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Speaker 2: is we've had little win and then a little win,

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Speaker 2: and each day she's motivated to push herself a bit further.

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Speaker 3: And well, she's so motivated, she's the one who's waking

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Speaker 3: us up. She's literally knocking on our door at five

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Speaker 3: point thirty.

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Speaker 2: We don't leave for fifteen minutes. What are you doing anyway?

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Speaker 2: That's that's why I'll do better tomorrow, because I mean,

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Speaker 2: I really, if I'm honest, I really blew it. But

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Speaker 2: I feel like we were able to rescue it, the

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Speaker 2: two of us. We stayed true to the course and

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Speaker 2: we we're having some really great outcomes now. So I'm

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Speaker 2: feeling like we're doing better tomorrow and it's something that

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Speaker 2: we can take with us moving forward as well. Well.

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Speaker 3: Thanks for sharing that story. That was really cool. I'm

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Speaker 3: loving watching as our daughter just you know, gets this

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Speaker 3: new found confidence. It's so great to see. If you're

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Speaker 3: enjoying our podcast.

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Speaker 2: Jump onto Apple Podcasts, leave us a rating and review.

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Speaker 2: You looked at me like, hang on, you say that,

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00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:43,200
Speaker 2: not me. You're like, I don't know what to say next.

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Speaker 2: Jump on an Apple podcast. Leave us a rating and review.

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Speaker 2: We love those five star ratings. They help other people

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Speaker 2: to find the podcast and make their families happier. The

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Speaker 2: Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Rulan from Bridge

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Speaker 2: Media and Craig Bruce is our executive producer. If you'd

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Speaker 2: like more information about it, how to make your family happier,

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Speaker 2: how to go for better quality runs, or how to

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Speaker 2: have better conversations on long road trips, you can visit

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Speaker 2: us at happy families dot com dot A. You've become

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Speaker 2: a Happy Family's member and make your family happier today,

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Speaker 2: because happy families don't just happen