Speaker 1: Both Oscar and I have been banned from Mario Kart
Speaker 1: in my house. Go On April has officially banned Mario Kart.
Speaker 1: Oscar used to come home after school want to play
Speaker 1: me marriy cut, but I kept kicking his.
Speaker 2: Ass and then I would try and be.
Speaker 1: A good winner.
Speaker 2: Would you antagonize him? Oh yeah?
Speaker 1: I would laugh at something that happened on the screen
Speaker 1: that wasn't even had to do with him, and he'd
Speaker 1: be like.
Speaker 2: I don't love hating laughter. And now we're both well
Speaker 2: that'll learn you that, it will learn me.
Speaker 1: So look, Oscar's taking it harder than I am.
Speaker 2: Back to doo doating dads. I am Mattie J and
Speaker 2: I'm Ash And this is a podcast all about parenting.
Speaker 2: It is the good, it is.
Speaker 1: The bad and the relatable.
Speaker 2: And if you've come for advice, shock horror, it's not
Speaker 2: gonna happen. It's not going to happen. Absolutely not. Just
Speaker 2: realized I've been so sore. I just my back has
Speaker 2: been it's stiff. Thank you, and I'm not just talking
Speaker 2: about your peenis there is just laugh good start. I
Speaker 2: realized what I did? What's that? Go on? I am
Speaker 2: renovating a house.
Speaker 1: Start this again.
Speaker 2: At the moment, renovating a house, I thought it was finished,
Speaker 2: renovating a house, Ash, tell me it's never finished, just abandoned.
Speaker 2: Hmmm K. So we were doing a bit of landscaping.
Speaker 2: A lovely young man named Charlie who was helping us
Speaker 2: out shirtless, he no, very very short shorts, very short shorts.
Speaker 2: I saw him once in normal clothing attire and you know,
Speaker 2: nothing to gork at. And then he came dressed ready
Speaker 2: to work and he had like proper, like seventy shorts.
Speaker 1: On nothing a gore cat.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like a lot of a lot of thigh And
Speaker 2: I was like, Bolt, yeah, subtle, it's just like not
Speaker 2: a not enough to be like that's off pudding, but
Speaker 2: just enough to like every now and then the sun
Speaker 2: would catch it. It would catch the sun.
Speaker 1: And you know, there's nothing out off putting about any
Speaker 1: size bolt Man.
Speaker 2: But the whole time, Ash, I've been like, hey, if
Speaker 2: you need a hand in a hand, I'm more than
Speaker 2: capable of cradling. And oh, sorry, Jess, I hate that
Speaker 2: she does. She really hates that. I can see. That's
Speaker 2: why I did it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's good, I'm off for it.
Speaker 2: And I was like, I will give you a hand
Speaker 2: and he was like, oh yeah, okay, that's all right.
Speaker 2: And I was like, let me help you. I need
Speaker 2: to feel like a man. Also gets me out of
Speaker 2: looking after the kids. Smart, thank you smart. I like
Speaker 2: anything to get out of helping. And he was like, look,
Speaker 2: we have some road base, a little bit of road
Speaker 2: based coming. Do you say what is road based? Keep
Speaker 2: a ton of it. And we're doing buckets in the trailer.
Speaker 2: In the buckets down the side of the house. Boom.
Speaker 2: I was like, I can help you.
Speaker 1: Where was it going?
Speaker 2: It was going in Noah, you're asking questions. Okay, well
Speaker 2: you can't start us. Story was going there was okay,
Speaker 2: there's a trim of the deck and it's going in
Speaker 2: base the trim around the deck and then we're having
Speaker 2: some stones on top. And I did about six buckets.
Speaker 1: Wow, a single bucket at a time, double double smart.
Speaker 1: You know, part of a part of painters training just
Speaker 1: to is you know how heavy those drums twenty leads.
Speaker 2: Are like twenty kilos. Well leaders is.
Speaker 1: More than twenty kilos, is it?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Twenty leaders of water is twenty kilos and paint thicker,
Speaker 1: so wouldn't it be heavy.
Speaker 2: Lots to think about, a lot to think about.
Speaker 1: They stay to carry too at once even out the
Speaker 1: way better for you're back smart.
Speaker 2: Thank you. Well. I was just following what Charlie was doing.
Speaker 2: So his name is Charlie, Charlie and his bulg and
Speaker 2: he's doing a great job. Charlie, sorry from being inappropriate here.
Speaker 2: You're very handsome, very handsome. But I've done a couple
Speaker 2: of buckets. I did maybe half an hour of like
Speaker 2: buckets and pouring, and then Lauda was like, You've got
Speaker 2: to take the kids. And I've woken up this morning
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I feel like I've been like compressed
Speaker 2: my spine. Maybe you have heavy man chess. How do
Speaker 2: these boys do that all day?
Speaker 1: Muscle memory? It becomes muscle memory, right, they work on it.
Speaker 1: You're just like it's like going into a gym, a
Speaker 1: bodybuilder's gym, you and then them saying to you, right,
Speaker 1: come over here and lift this what they would usually lift.
Speaker 1: And then you waken up the next day and no
Speaker 1: wonder you saw.
Speaker 2: I did do? I don't know. Tell me as someone
Speaker 2: who has spent a lot of time on site as
Speaker 2: a accomplished, accomplished painter.
Speaker 1: When are you accomplished?
Speaker 2: Not so much. Just what do you call someone who's
Speaker 2: finished the trade? That your qualified painter?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Okay, So he had two buckets and he was like
Speaker 2: shoveling it off the back of the tray into the buckets.
Speaker 2: And there's a number of buckets there on the floor,
Speaker 2: and I went to grab two and I said, oh,
Speaker 2: I just put one more shovel in this one here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he didn't like it, swinging your dick around that nice,
Speaker 1: You're like coming here, he comes to my fucking trunk.
Speaker 2: Fill up this bucket to the to the bring you
Speaker 2: little bit. And then I was like five steps away
Speaker 2: from being like, oh.
Speaker 1: He was shoveling and then carrying. I'm guessing so he's
Speaker 1: doing both. Yeah, and you're just like.
Speaker 2: Top it off, a big fellow.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Hey, last week I told a story, yes, about
Speaker 1: something I broke as a child. Oh, yes, and we
Speaker 1: are lucky enough.
Speaker 2: Sorry, fucking sorry.
Speaker 1: No, that's all right. You get a lot on your plate.
Speaker 2: You tell a lot of stories. It's hard to keep up. Well,
Speaker 2: I'll just shut my mouth. No, you're just like in
Speaker 2: a good way. You're like a never ending pig. Because
Speaker 2: I'm not going to show amazing stories.
Speaker 1: Thank you. And you've got a lot on your plane
Speaker 1: and I'm seeing what you understand where you've forgot renovating.
Speaker 2: For those For those who are unaware, it was the
Speaker 2: car door ther door.
Speaker 1: So I inadverted speech, I.
Speaker 2: Can't move too much.
Speaker 1: I was blamed for something that happened, which was the
Speaker 1: door ripping off on the poor side of a fence. Yes,
Speaker 1: but my sister blamed me for our whole childhood until
Speaker 1: she did and finally admit when we were teenagers that
Speaker 1: it was her that actually left the door open which
Speaker 1: led to it being ripped off. Now we are lucky
Speaker 1: enough to have my sister who's willing to take questions
Speaker 1: from you, Matt about said into and so what we'll
Speaker 1: do to give a quick call please, and we will
Speaker 1: ask her to defend herself. Her start of the story's
Speaker 1: a good answer.
Speaker 2: Now, oh well, someone's got cold feet. She knows the truth.
Speaker 1: You're there for those listening. My sister's name is Beth.
Speaker 1: I refer to Beth. That's who I am referring to.
Speaker 2: Okay, it's just it's just Jesus, sorry to put you
Speaker 2: through this painful phone call. Okay, can I just can
Speaker 2: I just say, Beth, if you would like to, you
Speaker 2: may have a lawyer present for this phone call. Anything
Speaker 2: you say or do will be held against you and
Speaker 2: possibly used in court. I understand.
Speaker 1: Yeah, have you practiced that line?
Speaker 2: No, I just watched a lot of law order.
Speaker 1: All right, Ben, I want you to give us your
Speaker 1: version of the story, like exposing our family. I just
Speaker 1: feel poor.
Speaker 2: Those things together. Yeah, you must have just felt.
Speaker 1: We lived in a We lived in asbestos riddled house.
Speaker 2: I bet it was like a marble fence and ash
Speaker 2: was like, oh, it was horrible.
Speaker 1: I lived next door as the Italians, a concrete fence.
Speaker 2: We had a statue of Baby Jesus out the front. Yeah, obviously,
Speaker 2: like it was quite a memorable moment in our family.
Speaker 2: And I remember it being a really big deal because
Speaker 2: the car had electric windows.
Speaker 3: And he says, yeah, because there was just all these
Speaker 3: electronics that had to get picked, as well as just
Speaker 3: the door.
Speaker 2: This was twenty eight years ago we're talking about. I
Speaker 2: can't really remember the specifics, but I do remember it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, being assumed that Ashton left the door open just
Speaker 3: obviously went on with that, like I don't want to
Speaker 3: take a blame for, you know, a couple of thousand
Speaker 3: dollars worth of damage to your dad's favorite car, only car.
Speaker 2: He kind of took it on the Chino me. He
Speaker 2: just kept Yeah.
Speaker 3: I feel like he didn't deny it.
Speaker 2: It's like four years old, barely tall, just went along
Speaker 2: with it. I think I just had to cop up
Speaker 2: because I was the youngest. You were, you know, the
Speaker 2: showman of the siblings.
Speaker 3: I think you just enjoyed being the center of attention
Speaker 3: of this story.
Speaker 2: So, oh, he's fine with it. Oh I wasn't. It
Speaker 2: obviously made her the victim here, which I like, living
Speaker 2: in the shadows of Ashwicks, which must have been very
Speaker 2: difficult me understand where I come from. What was the
Speaker 2: moment which led to you owning up to the incident.
Speaker 2: You can't get any trouble now ten years later. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it is a rule once once you hit a decade,
Speaker 2: it's a clean slate, exactly.
Speaker 3: And I know Ashton's taken the blame for this, but
Speaker 3: I'm pretty sure I.
Speaker 2: Did it very good, very good. I appreciate being blamed
Speaker 2: for so long.
Speaker 1: I'm so glad that now you'll be right. My therapist
Speaker 1: has heard about this story many times.
Speaker 2: Is this the final page though of the story. Are
Speaker 2: we now putting this to bed finally know? Oh ah,
Speaker 2: she's there.
Speaker 1: I think the term no, I think Mum did call
Speaker 1: me about it continues, it continues. I feel like once
Speaker 1: I've spoken to Mum about I wouldn't.
Speaker 2: Want to take it to my deathbed. I very appreciate that.
Speaker 2: We appreciate you being on the podcast, Beth and owning up. Also,
Speaker 2: happy birthday, thank you?
Speaker 1: How old are you thirty thirty seven? Well congratulations, don't.
Speaker 2: Look a day over twenty. Stop creeping on my sister. Dude.
Speaker 1: All right, thanks Beth. It'll still come up with my therapist.
Speaker 1: But I appreciate you owning up to it. There we
Speaker 1: have it, so open the horses.
Speaker 2: Now we have it.
Speaker 4: Wow.
Speaker 2: Can I just pull you up on one thing you
Speaker 2: were there? You know those you know, those celebrities like
Speaker 2: I think Pink is one who's she's been outed for
Speaker 2: not being poor, but she pretended to be poor to
Speaker 2: be more relatable. Are you No, you're essentially the podcast
Speaker 2: version of Pink. You're like, we were so poor and
Speaker 2: then she's like, then the Bentley was so badly damaged
Speaker 2: that we didn't even get to drive it for a
Speaker 2: whole two weeks. Electric windows, oh support.
Speaker 1: It was a rental firebro asbestos house that my dad felt.
Speaker 2: Oh no, I'm just having a flashback. Fuck, what is
Speaker 2: it now?
Speaker 1: Oh my dad fell through the asbestos roof when he
Speaker 1: was trying to fix the antenna so that we get reception.
Speaker 1: And I remember coming out of my bedroom and it happened,
Speaker 1: and all I could see where his legs flailing about
Speaker 1: through the ceiling.
Speaker 2: We should have asked that stunt.
Speaker 5: Believe.
Speaker 2: I can't believe anything you say, because, like, really, show
Speaker 2: me a photo of that. I bet it was like
Speaker 2: a three story beachfront manch and Ash was like, we
Speaker 2: could barely have any food. We had baked beans for Christmas. Please, Yes,
Speaker 2: we did. Please, And you're always having to go at me.
Speaker 2: We did, I tell you right now, all of the
Speaker 2: servants had to have baked beans. Moving on Easter hat
Speaker 2: parade blame. Did you did Oscar do one for school? Yeah?
Speaker 2: He did? Did you go? Yeah?
Speaker 1: It was so lame.
Speaker 2: There is nothing more special, Ash than looking at the
Speaker 2: face of your child as they lock eyes with you,
Speaker 2: and they realized that one of the most beloved family
Speaker 2: members that parent is in the crowd cheering them on.
Speaker 1: Oscar does this thing where he doesn't look at anyone.
Speaker 1: His looks at the ground. He knows we're there.
Speaker 2: You didn't get awave, you didn't get nothing special. Nah.
Speaker 1: He had a pretty cool He did his hat with
Speaker 1: his buddy.
Speaker 2: They did it together. It looked pretty good. Did two
Speaker 2: laps of the oval? Two make yours with your school
Speaker 2: and like making them endure endurance.
Speaker 1: Length childhood obesity is not a joke, man, And they
Speaker 1: did twenty four laps of the Oval and now they're
Speaker 1: all athletes. But yeah, look it was fifty minutes long parade.
Speaker 2: Yeah, how many? How many years do they do at
Speaker 2: your school?
Speaker 1: All of it every year?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's I felt like a one hundred grades. Could
Speaker 2: you not make it? Because Oscar being kindy start with kindy?
Speaker 2: Could you then be lying out of there or did
Speaker 2: you have to hang around?
Speaker 1: He was the first class to go, and I looked
Speaker 1: at April, like, yes, let's get out of here.
Speaker 2: And then she was.
Speaker 1: Crying such a cryer. I let her cry. Did she
Speaker 1: cry across country?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Dude, emotions are good to experience, are they? Yeah?
Speaker 1: And then yeah, then we had to sit there the
Speaker 1: whole time.
Speaker 2: Why don't you guys get out of there?
Speaker 1: They would have seen us. Oh he has to go
Speaker 1: sit back down with his class. It's all about I
Speaker 1: don't want to.
Speaker 2: I don't want to throw my sister under the bus
Speaker 2: seat because she's a very good parent, one of the best.
Speaker 2: Will we all know that? Oh yeah, o Kate, if
Speaker 2: you're listenings. She loves the podcast. She was like, the
Speaker 2: Easter had parade, don't even bother And I was like,
Speaker 2: what do you mean. She's like, it's it's a non
Speaker 2: event at school. So I was like, okay, fine, Like,
Speaker 2: don't have to tell me twice not to go to
Speaker 2: an event. And my sister is someone who would have
Speaker 2: and like swimming, carnivals, cross country, she attends them all.
Speaker 1: She's the parent that goes.
Speaker 2: She is the going parent. And so I was thinking, well,
Speaker 2: if she's not going to attend, if it's not important
Speaker 2: enough for my sister, I'm not going to go.
Speaker 1: Would you. As soon as you get the opportunity for
Speaker 1: an out of one of these things, you're not going
Speaker 1: to question it.
Speaker 2: So she's never been to one of these that parades
Speaker 2: at the school that we now attend with Marley okay,
Speaker 2: and Marley was like, hey, who's coming to the Easter parade?
Speaker 2: Or I think I was like, hey, Marley's the heads
Speaker 2: up this Friday, the Ust that parade, We're not coming.
Speaker 1: No one's going to come and watch you.
Speaker 2: No one to hear that.
Speaker 1: No, we do love you.
Speaker 2: Now that I think about it, it was big news
Speaker 2: for her to digest. She was in tears. But I
Speaker 2: couldn't attend. Laura couldn't attend. No, yeah, okay, and she
Speaker 2: did have a beautiful hat that we made. But Marley
Speaker 2: was hysterical. And then Nana, thank Heavens, said I can
Speaker 2: attendi like night and shining armor, the backbone of his family.
Speaker 1: She is, she really is.
Speaker 2: I keep like waving my left arm because that's where
Speaker 2: she's she's not that's her quarters. She's on holidays. But
Speaker 2: thankfully she attended. And this is like the event was
Speaker 2: a big deal.
Speaker 1: Okay, why was it a big deal?
Speaker 2: My sister was like, it's nothing. You get. You get
Speaker 2: like thirty seconds, you have one cookwave and you get
Speaker 2: out of there. It was like a full on. They
Speaker 2: only do the first three years of school, so the
Speaker 2: older kids don't do it. Every parent was there, the kids,
Speaker 2: do the Easter hap parade. They'd do a whole class choreography. Choreography, choreography, corey, huh,
Speaker 2: choreog That is a weird It is a weird word. Yeah,
Speaker 2: thank you.
Speaker 1: Choreography.
Speaker 2: It's not easy this thing.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm saying it wrong. Corey ography, ography, well, choreography.
Speaker 2: It was. It was massive, huge event. What was the dance?
Speaker 2: Chicken dance?
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, we also did the chicken not me,
Speaker 1: but they also did the chicken dance.
Speaker 2: It's a classic.
Speaker 1: It's a banger.
Speaker 2: It's a classic. And I had other parents messaging me, going, hey,
Speaker 2: you know the Eastern parades on today, and I was like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: I know that give missing the chicken dance. And it
Speaker 2: was great. My nana said it was one of the
Speaker 2: best East Hat parades she's ever attended.
Speaker 1: She's having you on for sure, she's definitely laying the
Speaker 1: boot in because it probably was good. But to be like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, and it's like, oh, you know, how was
Speaker 1: last night and you want to just like rub it.
Speaker 2: It was a non event. It was nothing.
Speaker 1: It was the best night of my life. It was
Speaker 1: the best parade I've ever been to.
Speaker 2: That's what she said. I believe it. I believe it.
Speaker 2: And it was like the look on Marley's face. She
Speaker 2: sent me the video and just Marley as she looked
Speaker 2: up and realized that Nana was there, one of the
Speaker 2: family members. The backbone, the backbone, the night was there.
Speaker 2: I thought you were going to say something. It wasn't.
Speaker 2: The night was there. Yeah, so you would have loved
Speaker 2: that you got it on camera. I don't want to.
Speaker 2: I can't share the footage because Marley is the school uniform.
Speaker 2: I we can't share. We can't share this guy.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 2: It's like the and there's also other kids there as well.
Speaker 1: It's like whenever I take ma, she's swimming aprils, like,
Speaker 1: get a photo. I'm like, okay, yeah, a fully grown
Speaker 1: man taking photo of kids in their bathing suits. That's
Speaker 1: gonna look real fucking good.
Speaker 2: Again, I'm attacking my sister here, making me feel better
Speaker 2: about myself. It was the Daughters of the Son's last
Speaker 2: year because next year he won't do the tap parade.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, she cried my sister. Yeah, she's having a
Speaker 2: great time. She's a the beach. Oh that's right.
Speaker 1: She didn't even go. I had to go I didn't
Speaker 1: endure it. I just mentioned swimming lessons. I take Macy
Speaker 1: every Thursdays. Do you still take your girls?
Speaker 2: Still go? I've got an arrangement now on Friday mornings
Speaker 2: ash where my sister takes takes her child and takes Lola. Oh,
Speaker 2: can she take Macy to swimming lessons? She's fine.
Speaker 1: The problem is with these swimming lists.
Speaker 2: They're indoor.
Speaker 1: Usually your one's indoor in the door. Yeah, it's so
Speaker 1: hot in there.
Speaker 2: Now it's now, it's nice.
Speaker 1: I'm walking into a micro climate. It's like raining walking
Speaker 1: there and there's a cloud and it's raining.
Speaker 2: Is yours a chlorinated pool? Yeah? What's the type of
Speaker 2: It's like apsults? Ours is like a type of It's
Speaker 2: gonna make me sound like an epsolt a bond? Is that? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Ours was actually Champagne.
Speaker 2: I just I should have stopped myself.
Speaker 1: Yeah you should have. Yeah, as okay, I'll stop. You
Speaker 1: stop on swimming lessons. And Mason has started to She's
Speaker 1: all of a sudden from not wanting to put her
Speaker 1: head under whatsoever. She's a very mouth open swimmer, having
Speaker 1: a great time and she and that causes a lot
Speaker 1: of water to go and be ingested, as you can imagine,
Speaker 1: but all of a sudden, she's decided that she wants
Speaker 1: to shut her mouth, hold a breath, and go on
Speaker 1: water and swim on her own, which is when you
Speaker 1: watch it and you're like, huh, all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: which is great, except there's in the class. There's a
Speaker 1: couple of kids, like say three four kids depending, I'm
Speaker 1: not sure what the capacity is, and when they're doing
Speaker 1: their individual swims, the other one sit on the step
Speaker 1: and you would hope they sit on the step nicely.
Speaker 1: But Mabie is a bit of a dare devil now
Speaker 1: that she can swim on her own, so she's just
Speaker 1: started taking off when the other kids being attended to,
Speaker 1: just just putting the head under and taken off under
Speaker 1: the water and the like.
Speaker 2: It's good to see that confidence. But at the same time,
Speaker 2: his kids are fucking dumb. She had to get rescued.
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm like twenty or thirty meters away. You
Speaker 1: have to you know how, you have to sit where
Speaker 1: all the parents are.
Speaker 2: You're the creepy guy taking photos of the kids. I
Speaker 2: was under the water. You're in the back corner, caged.
Speaker 2: Came around with my big camera, And why did that
Speaker 2: make you sit twenty meters it's not it's the other
Speaker 2: end of the pool, and you can't you sit next
Speaker 2: to her your child's swimming.
Speaker 1: Well, it is directly in line, there's no obstruction. But
Speaker 1: she's at that end.
Speaker 2: Of the door on the street through the fence.
Speaker 1: Anyway, I'm sitting there and I saw her like leap
Speaker 1: off the submerged step, and I thought, here we go
Speaker 1: and just to see what would happen. And she sunk
Speaker 1: like a stone and then she started to like swim
Speaker 1: and when one of the instructors walking past just leans over,
Speaker 1: reaches in and grabs her and just hads to pull
Speaker 1: her straight.
Speaker 2: Out and just like having a great time. But like
Speaker 2: every time the teacher turns his back. Now it's going
Speaker 2: to be stressful for a teacher, Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: And I can hear him saying to her, don't go
Speaker 1: when it's not your turn, don't go on to just
Speaker 1: stay right here. But she's not.
Speaker 2: No one tells Macie what to exactly.
Speaker 1: Right, and she was like fuck you, fuck you, and
Speaker 1: she's just straight into the deep pan. And it's like
Speaker 1: it's become like thirty minutes of like just nerve racking.
Speaker 2: Will Macy make it out?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm like, fuck, I'm ready, I'm anxiety turned out
Speaker 1: in a lifeguard shirt, just waiting, waiting for it to
Speaker 1: sink to the bottom. But the fact is that walking
Speaker 1: instructors walking past and had to stop because the other
Speaker 1: guy was right at the other end. It was like,
Speaker 1: for fux sake, Macon, just Lola, Lola at the beach. Fuck,
Speaker 1: it's annoying, so annoying. And there's always a new problem
Speaker 1: with kids, you know, every week. You know, for example,
Speaker 1: like we hit the milestone of Lola not being a
Speaker 1: nappies fucking great, celebrate that when absolutely, But then at
Speaker 1: the same time that happens, she's also then a bit
Speaker 1: like Macy become confident in the water and we're at
Speaker 1: the beach and she wants to swim out, like beyond
Speaker 1: the point where she's like touching the sand.
Speaker 2: That's pretty cool and yeah, but she can't swim. Oh yeah,
Speaker 2: So she's like she goes, swims out, sinks. I then
Speaker 2: save her and she's like, what do you think you're doing?
Speaker 1: I remember actually I remember from the cruise last year. Wait,
Speaker 1: she's like she can't swim, but she also doesn't want
Speaker 1: your help, dude.
Speaker 2: If I touch her, she's like, get your fucking fingures
Speaker 2: off me and put me back down. And I'm like,
Speaker 2: you were at the bottom of the pool. And she's like,
Speaker 2: I know what I'm doing. So then I let her sing.
Speaker 2: I wait. Ten seconds goes by and I'm like, I'll
Speaker 2: lift her back up and she's like, I said, unhand me.
Speaker 1: She's just on the bottom of the floor the floor.
Speaker 2: I'm like, do I do? I just let her drown once,
Speaker 2: just one time, like a supervised drowning, just to I
Speaker 2: would endorse that, just to like let her know that, like, hey,
Speaker 2: you could die, I'm saving your life here.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like when I like, my kids have
Speaker 1: zero road sense, and I'm like, do you understand if
Speaker 1: that car hits you, You're gone? Do we do a
Speaker 1: controlled hit and run hit and run? We're just we
Speaker 1: should start a business.
Speaker 2: Can we go the Easter shows on? Can we go
Speaker 2: to the Dodge and Cars and just give it a
Speaker 2: little tap a love tape? Not going to break a bone.
Speaker 1: I was thinking about hitting them with my car, but okay, okay,
Speaker 1: we could put like a couple of cushions on the
Speaker 1: front of the Carver.
Speaker 2: Fine, yeah, control. You don't want to break a fema,
Speaker 2: but you do want them to be on their backside
Speaker 2: and have a cry. Yeah, just a little. They don't
Speaker 2: understand these things can go once again, just for legal reasons.
Speaker 2: Don't take anything that we say as a vin controlled death.
Speaker 2: It's like controlled crying, but it's just like controlled dying. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2: I think we've nailed this.
Speaker 1: I don't think we've gone a bit off topic there.
Speaker 1: My kids went over there at the beach and they
Speaker 1: get hit with the wave of all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: they hate the beach.
Speaker 2: Now on actually, just really quickly, just really quickly before
Speaker 2: we go into a new segment. Yes, really, because we
Speaker 2: do have a new segment. I did make a promise
Speaker 2: to Jest that this would be a quick episode slash segment.
Speaker 1: We always promise that we never do.
Speaker 2: Nola hates having sand on her feet at the beach. Oh,
Speaker 2: She's like, she washes her feet and the sand along
Speaker 2: the edge of like where the water is, the sand
Speaker 2: is hard. So she's fine, takes four more steps away
Speaker 2: from the water, she gets sand on her feet and
Speaker 2: she's like, oh my god, you sand. It's like Macy
Speaker 2: hates it on her hands.
Speaker 1: So I've got to when we get to the beach,
Speaker 1: I've got to go fill a bucket up with water
Speaker 1: so that every time she does anything in the sand,
Speaker 1: to go make sure.
Speaker 2: She's like it's never ending, it's never ending. Sorry, hey,
Speaker 2: actually have a segment. We do have a new segment. Okay,
Speaker 2: I can't pronounce it properly. You want to say what
Speaker 2: it is? Hair Rant? Just like, amazing work from you.
Speaker 2: I've got to give credit when credit is due because
Speaker 2: you come up with the.
Speaker 1: Name pretty much instantaneous, just.
Speaker 2: Like came to you. It just popped into your head,
Speaker 2: you like on the floor. You came to and you're like, oh,
Speaker 2: what did I just say? And I was like, just
Speaker 2: name the segment and you're like, I don't recall. Very good,
Speaker 2: very good. It's about parents having rants. Yes, love that
Speaker 2: or Rance rants Rance again. Normally for a segment, we
Speaker 2: have a song that we sing. If you've done one
Speaker 2: without me, no, oh, I would never dream of that. Okay, Okay,
Speaker 2: you know if I'm gonna if I'm going to sing
Speaker 2: a song, I'm going to sing it with you. That's
Speaker 2: actually one of the nicest I'm just going to play
Speaker 2: you you've obviously brought the name to the table. I'm like,
Speaker 2: I got to bring something.
Speaker 1: Good because I haven't even thought about the song.
Speaker 2: So I think I think, I'm just I'm going to
Speaker 2: play the chorus and then I'll tell you what I'm
Speaker 2: thinking for work. I was driving in the car by myself,
Speaker 2: and I thought, what is a song that can work?
Speaker 2: And then it came to me, just popped into my head,
Speaker 2: a little like your vision that you had just came
Speaker 2: to me. Okay, I'm just gonn play the song. Hey,
Speaker 2: you don't like parenting, you don't like parenting. If you're annoyed,
Speaker 2: give us your parent. Okay, we can make it work.
Speaker 1: I like it.
Speaker 3: You don't like parenting, you don't like parenting?
Speaker 1: This this is a parent rant that works. Okay, you
Speaker 1: don't like parenting, we could definitely do we get the instrumental.
Speaker 2: Just tell me your parent.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you got it right? Then maybe you should sing
Speaker 1: it every time? Parant?
Speaker 2: I can't, I can't. This is your parant. Okay, we
Speaker 2: got there. We go. I like, well, do we want
Speaker 2: to put it to the vote? Do you want to
Speaker 2: let the listeners choose? Yes? I mean you're on board.
Speaker 2: I'm on board. We care so much about what.
Speaker 4: The listeners think, like parenting, Your kids are annoying, kids
Speaker 4: are so annoying, and tell us your parlet's your parent
Speaker 4: pet rant is anything that is just making you a
Speaker 4: little bit frustrated in the world of parenting when there's
Speaker 4: a lot, there's a lot, Yeah, there's that's that's why
Speaker 4: segments so good.
Speaker 2: Any example, just give us so we talked about we
Speaker 2: did it on stories. You know, daylight savings is a nightmare.
Speaker 2: Oh yes, it's only an hour difference, but it completely
Speaker 2: disrupts the schedule, the sleep schedule.
Speaker 1: Pretty much, jet lags your kids.
Speaker 2: It's a nightmare. One hour and it's like, fucked me
Speaker 2: a nightmare. I mean at the moment, I'm getting really
Speaker 2: annoyed with dinner. Kids don't eat anything.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, I've given up.
Speaker 2: Yeah I've given There we go. So that's just a
Speaker 2: little like starving, essentially, to get brains lubricated for more
Speaker 2: potential pair rants parents, parents, I've got one here. Okay,
Speaker 2: this one is from Okay and hello Kate. She says
Speaker 2: it's frustrating that school kids get twenty weeks of holidays. Well,
Speaker 2: parents only get four weeks of leave. How does this
Speaker 2: make sense for the average household.
Speaker 1: Well, it's very simple. You get paid for that leave.
Speaker 1: You can take as much leave if you want if
Speaker 1: you don't get paid for it. But I get you.
Speaker 1: It's frustrating. It's a lot of weeks, twenty weeks.
Speaker 2: If you're siding with corporations here, which I didn't expect.
Speaker 1: Big business. I'm all about big business. You are first
Speaker 1: for a business.
Speaker 2: Wit.
Speaker 1: Look, we're in and around election time, all about big business,
Speaker 1: and then when the election's over, back to small business.
Speaker 2: I think it is sorry playing foots is under the table.
Speaker 2: It is very good. I remember working in the office.
Speaker 2: This is before I was doing podcasting, working nine to five,
Speaker 2: if you will say this is.
Speaker 1: Last week when I worked at an office.
Speaker 2: Okay, but I remember people would bring their kids into
Speaker 2: the office. Oh how annoying. And I didn't mind it.
Speaker 2: They just sat in the corner on an iPad.
Speaker 1: That generation that's called bad parenting, that.
Speaker 2: Generation of parents who are you know, like ten years
Speaker 2: older than us. Yeah, they were just like, let the
Speaker 2: iPad do the work. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And they're also just like I've got I've got a
Speaker 1: job to like, what else do you do with it?
Speaker 2: But I always thought like, what is why do I
Speaker 2: do that? Because there's just too many weeks.
Speaker 1: And the care is expensive.
Speaker 2: Do we say do we say that we should scale
Speaker 2: back school holidays?
Speaker 1: Yeah, so send them all year, no break. Let's just
Speaker 1: see what the burnout looks like then. Actually, just on that,
Speaker 1: did your kids get any like end of turn burnout?
Speaker 1: Do you think I'm a burnt right out to a
Speaker 1: crisp yeah, chucoal, Yeah that's yeah. I'm still trying to
Speaker 1: bring him back.
Speaker 2: Oh, school was looking dark? That's racist.
Speaker 1: Yeah, look at too many weeks. I totally agree. I've
Speaker 1: always said that unless you're a teacher and you're like
Speaker 1: yeahh and you get.
Speaker 2: Like fuck the teachers? Oh joking? Do I have one?
Speaker 3: Okay, Maddie, I'm going to try and send this over
Speaker 3: a voice message because it's a lot easier.
Speaker 2: But first of all, love.
Speaker 1: Your podcast, my hair, before we continue, she said, Maddie,
Speaker 1: love your podcast? What about me?
Speaker 2: She said, love the podcast? No, well, I was speaking
Speaker 2: to her. Oh, I speak to the fans, Ash, I
Speaker 2: invest time and energy.
Speaker 3: I'm not sure if your girls went through the same thing.
Speaker 3: My daughter, Indy, she's eighteen months old and she's going
Speaker 3: through this period of hating her nappy being changed. It
Speaker 3: is the most annoying, chaotic, stressful job.
Speaker 2: Of the day.
Speaker 3: In addition to that, doing number two's she always chooses
Speaker 3: the most inconvenient time.
Speaker 2: It's like straight.
Speaker 3: After bath time or just before daycare. The stress that
Speaker 3: goes through my body trying to get her to stay
Speaker 3: still while I'm trying to wipe. Who is disgusting and
Speaker 3: just not a vibe.
Speaker 2: I love it, she says, just no vibe. I don't
Speaker 2: think there's a vibe changing an appy other than this.
Speaker 1: Shiit stinks.
Speaker 2: I don't think anyone's changing a happy and gone. Oh
Speaker 2: that was great. That was the vibe. Vibes high sometimes,
Speaker 2: although I got to say sometimes when I'm still wiping
Speaker 2: Lola's bum when she does a number two and it's
Speaker 2: a clean wipe, and I'm like, oh, vibe that that
Speaker 2: was great. That was good. Vibes were high.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I do remember the old stage of them
Speaker 1: not wanting to change then appy. Every now and then
Speaker 1: Macy still wants to poo in an appy.
Speaker 2: Hitting them down. Wow, okay in a gentle and loving way.
Speaker 2: Did you ever have a stage where you would put
Speaker 2: them to bed and they would ship, they would fall
Speaker 2: asleep for an hour, and the macy still does that,
Speaker 2: like that's just come on, that's not fair, it's not
Speaker 2: And do you know you don't deserve that? I do?
Speaker 2: You know what?
Speaker 1: And you don't know the ones that are sorry, let
Speaker 1: me get this out. The ones that are worst are
Speaker 1: the ones you don't know they've done it until you, like,
Speaker 1: maybe go and check on the me're like fucking stinks
Speaker 1: in there, and they've been and they share a room,
Speaker 1: so they're stewing in.
Speaker 2: Shut the door.
Speaker 1: It's like that game operation where you've got to try
Speaker 1: and change the nappy without waking and you're in there
Speaker 1: like good scavel. But call it.
Speaker 2: She's gone, she's gone. Call it. It's like I always do.
Speaker 1: I always go to April. It's too man job, too
Speaker 1: man jobs. And then well she'll lead the way in
Speaker 1: and I'll disappear and she has to do it on
Speaker 1: her own.
Speaker 2: Hey, let's go into listening questions.
Speaker 1: Yes, let's do that.
Speaker 2: Can I start this one off? This one is from
Speaker 2: Libby Libby, she wants to know what are our favorite
Speaker 2: kids songs? None?
Speaker 1: No, there are some that you've too for sure. I
Speaker 1: get that. I get it would you want missed up?
Speaker 2: Please go number three?
Speaker 1: Man, this is going to trigger a lot of people
Speaker 1: because it's where it's widely known as a song that
Speaker 1: everyone hates, but I actually vibe off it. It's called
Speaker 1: baby shark.
Speaker 2: Yuck see yuck. No, I don't even know. I vie.
Speaker 1: I get it, man, Macy, we're fucking actions.
Speaker 2: It's got like billions of views. I know, I know
Speaker 2: so much better than that. I know, but it's just
Speaker 2: I just basic. I'm a basic bitch's okay, what's your
Speaker 2: number three? Then number three? Kids love it. It's called
Speaker 2: pooh bum poo bum poopy man pop pop pop poop
Speaker 2: bee bum bum that fucking slabs. Can you send me
Speaker 2: that please?
Speaker 1: I'm not doing enough research.
Speaker 2: It's a great song that is good gear and now
Speaker 2: I feel stupid. Yeah yeah, baby shark.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 1: I was just like, this is what I'm vibe to
Speaker 1: Macy with. Ok after We've just had a twenty minute
Speaker 1: conversation about princesses and unicorns and then we hit some
Speaker 1: baby Shark hits the really finish off that night.
Speaker 2: Laura hates that song. Nana also hate song. It's like
Speaker 2: a treat if they get to listen to it in
Speaker 2: the car, the po song. I think that's a banger.
Speaker 2: That's going on to Jim toilet number two? What do
Speaker 2: you got again?
Speaker 1: I'm going to trigger some people here.
Speaker 2: Let it go.
Speaker 1: I'm frozen, Macey and I belt that it is a banger.
Speaker 1: I honestly love that song. This is honesty. I'm being honest.
Speaker 2: I regret asking this question. Why I just thought you'd
Speaker 2: have more spice.
Speaker 1: We are to be honest. A lot of the time
Speaker 1: in the car, we're listening.
Speaker 2: That's bad parenting from you.
Speaker 1: We listen to things like what else Limp Biscuit Drake
Speaker 1: Drake at the moment for the kids is really good
Speaker 1: swearing Paul Kelly.
Speaker 2: No, don't try and defend yourself. That's your number two.
Speaker 2: My number two is what does the fox say? Oh yeah?
Speaker 2: What does the fox say? It's just like I got a.
Speaker 1: Bit of baby shark vibe about it.
Speaker 2: Don't even dare try to make that comparison. What does
Speaker 2: a fox say? It's high energy, it's a Friday Harbor banger.
Speaker 2: It slaps pick the kids up to drop that. What
Speaker 2: does a fox say that one?
Speaker 1: What does a fox says?
Speaker 2: I apologize? Are your animals. What's your number one? Number one?
Speaker 1: Look is called rattling bog by the Wiggles wisdom. Yes,
Speaker 1: that is very good. I get around that.
Speaker 2: I fuck with that for sure. What do you got?
Speaker 1: What's your number one? Because obviously my list sucks compared
Speaker 1: to yours.
Speaker 2: Diversity kop we had her on a few weeks ago.
Speaker 2: Oh yes, this song weekend baby, it's the weekend.
Speaker 3: There we go.
Speaker 1: I see kids raving out of that.
Speaker 2: You're welcome your question.
Speaker 1: What's the longest you've gone, Matthew without washing your kids?
Speaker 2: I think two days, two nights. All right, Yeah, I
Speaker 2: don't have a problem with that, and the reason for them.
Speaker 2: We just justify my behavior. Okay, I don't think it's
Speaker 2: just fine. But yep, Lola had scraped and she's falling
Speaker 2: over a lot at the moment, glumza, very clumsy. The
Speaker 2: crocs are just no good for her. You gave me
Speaker 2: so much ship I did.
Speaker 1: You're not putting my kids in crocs because they I
Speaker 1: said that she trips over and now you're backtracked. I
Speaker 1: thank you, you were right.
Speaker 3: I was raight.
Speaker 2: Apology, accept it. But Lola is tripping over every little
Speaker 2: pebble and just moving too fast. I don't know, dude,
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know if she gets tired.
Speaker 2: It's just she just literally falls over after five o'clock.
Speaker 2: It's it's just like, it's not a matter of when. No,
Speaker 2: it's not a matter of it's not a matter of if.
Speaker 2: It's when she falls over. And every time she falls over,
Speaker 2: she loves ring skirts, squats. She keeps grazing your knee.
Speaker 2: And when she grazes her knee doesn't matter the size
Speaker 2: of the grays. She won't put water on it. She
Speaker 2: won't want to get in the bath. She can't walk.
Speaker 2: It like paralyzes her band aid, if with a band aid.
Speaker 1: So, yeah, here's a hint for you, his little tip trick,
Speaker 1: because I know what you mean. When kids get a graze,
Speaker 1: they don't want to put him in water. It stings
Speaker 1: as soon as they put it in.
Speaker 2: They get that.
Speaker 1: Put a flannel on it before they get in. A flannel, yeah,
Speaker 1: like a wet flannel, and they get him so oscar
Speaker 1: when he's got a graz's knee, I put a flannel
Speaker 1: on his knees, A.
Speaker 2: Flannel like a shirt, flannel like a little square like a.
Speaker 1: Wash cloth, a wash cloths, flannel whatever over it and
Speaker 1: when they're in the bath, that'll protect it.
Speaker 2: And because they're so dumb, they're like, oh, very good,
Speaker 2: very good. What's the long as you've gone without watching
Speaker 2: your kids? Weeks? How long were we in Bali? Last?
Speaker 1: Like a full wash pretty much in Bali? Not a
Speaker 1: single bath. It was had in three weeks outdoor shower, Yeah,
Speaker 1: wash wash, just wash cloth because I didn't want to
Speaker 1: drink in the bath water because it make them sick.
Speaker 2: Okay, oh there you are. I was about to say,
Speaker 2: you're a bad parent, but you're saving their lives.
Speaker 1: Don't judge me.
Speaker 2: I'll always judge you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, three weeks, that's, thank you, very record, that's a
Speaker 1: record except homeless people. And yeah, shout out to the homeless,
Speaker 1: because they'd be listening they.
Speaker 2: Do actually moving on. Yeah, I think that's a good question.
Speaker 2: That's a very good question. If anyone can beat three weeks,
Speaker 2: we're not going to judge, we're not going to dob
Speaker 2: you into child services, or are we three weeks? Great effort?
Speaker 2: Holidays the rules go out the window, yeah.
Speaker 1: I think, and rightly so, because we got back and
Speaker 1: put him in the bath because they stang.
Speaker 2: Four people sitting next to you on that jet stuff
Speaker 2: like no, they all smell like that when they're on
Speaker 2: jest ah. If you have any questions, a pair rant,
Speaker 2: or maybe you just want to give us some feedback,
Speaker 2: which we would love, send it through to us who
Speaker 2: would love that, not me. Pretend like you can't handling,
Speaker 2: I can't handler. You can hit us up hello at
Speaker 2: two Doting dads dot com or on social media.
Speaker 1: At two Doting Dads on Instagram TikTok as well also
Speaker 1: the Facebook.
Speaker 2: And if you're listening to this podcast and you don't
Speaker 2: subscribe to us on Spotify or Apple podcasts, like, I
Speaker 2: don't want to get angry, I don't want to raise
Speaker 2: my voice at you, but God's what are you doing?
Speaker 2: It's disappointing, isn't it just really of wanting behavior? Just
Speaker 2: stop right now? Jump out, subscribe and ashn. I would
Speaker 2: appreciate it as much as we appreciate the kids eating
Speaker 2: all the dinner. Oh that's the top level appreciation and
Speaker 2: that's what we're willing to give.
Speaker 1: Also, T shirts, we have a fresh crate.
Speaker 2: T shirts of the White One's labn is sold out.
Speaker 1: Sorry, lab sold straight out immediately.
Speaker 2: Popcats you guys love the lab suggest another color? Yes,
Speaker 2: if you're another color? Also, can I just throw blue
Speaker 2: keeping on the baby train? People said, can you do
Speaker 2: sizes for kids? No, We'll think about it and we'll
Speaker 2: see you guys next week. Have you anyst Bye.
Speaker 5: Stop rigidory nicety to us, very good, say bye Jess,
Speaker 5: bye yess.
Speaker 2: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
Speaker 2: throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 1: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
Speaker 1: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander
Speaker 1: peoples today