1 00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:05,400 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. 2 00:00:05,800 --> 00:00:08,960 Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just 3 00:00:09,119 --> 00:00:10,000 Speaker 2: wants answers. 4 00:00:10,039 --> 00:00:12,639 Speaker 3: Now Good. It's doctor Justin Coulson and welcome to a 5 00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:16,599 Speaker 3: special episode of the Happy Families Podcast. Today, Kylie and 6 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,040 Speaker 3: I are going to share with you a conversation that 7 00:00:18,079 --> 00:00:21,840 Speaker 3: you had with Cameron Daddo and his wife Allison. They've 8 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:25,680 Speaker 3: got a podcast it's called Separate Bathrooms. Well, Kylie and 9 00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:28,560 Speaker 3: I were invited to be their special guests to talk 10 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:32,880 Speaker 3: about parenting and relationships and ge we enjoyed the conversation. 11 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:35,720 Speaker 3: Just a quick word about Cam and Ali. They have 12 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:39,880 Speaker 3: had about a thirty year relationship now, and the podcast 13 00:00:40,159 --> 00:00:43,280 Speaker 3: is all about the highs and lows of relationships and 14 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:46,879 Speaker 3: the lessons that we learn as we struggle with some 15 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:50,160 Speaker 3: of the challenges associated with marriage or long term partnerships 16 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:53,680 Speaker 3: and having kids. Well, Kylie and I were just delighted 17 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:56,360 Speaker 3: to be able to share our Happy Famili's journey with them, 18 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,600 Speaker 3: and for those of you who listen every day to us, 19 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:00,240 Speaker 3: we thought that you might like to hear some of 20 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:02,080 Speaker 3: the backstory and a few of the things that have 21 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:06,840 Speaker 3: built us into who we are. Separate Bathrooms is available 22 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:11,320 Speaker 3: from your favorite podcast, Catcher, and to Cameron and Allison, 23 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:14,480 Speaker 3: thanks so much for a really enjoyable conversation. 24 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:23,520 Speaker 4: We have a fabulous couple in today. Super excited to 25 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:27,000 Speaker 4: speak to both of these people. Married couple again. 26 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:31,120 Speaker 1: Talking about parenting and relationships. They're super qualified. They've been 27 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,880 Speaker 1: married for twenty five years or twenty three years. Actually, 28 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:37,360 Speaker 1: I'll be married for fifty these two. They're parents to 29 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:41,480 Speaker 1: six daughters, one of which is married herself, and they 30 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:44,039 Speaker 1: were married quite young. He was twenty two and she 31 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:44,840 Speaker 1: was nineteen. 32 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:51,240 Speaker 4: He is well known as a parenting expert, and we'll 33 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:53,760 Speaker 4: dive into that and find out exactly how he became 34 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:58,440 Speaker 4: a parenting expert. She is the rock, and not as 35 00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:01,720 Speaker 4: in Duane Johnson, but she is the rock in the 36 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:06,160 Speaker 4: family and dare we say, the inspiration for many other things. 37 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:11,200 Speaker 4: They say that happy families don't just happen. Have that quote. 38 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:14,400 Speaker 1: Let's give them names and get to know them better. 39 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:17,760 Speaker 1: Please welcome Doctor Justin and Kylie Colson. 40 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,240 Speaker 3: Hi, guys, so good to be with you. 41 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:22,919 Speaker 1: You look fabulous across this zoom link. You two. 42 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,480 Speaker 3: Well, we knew that we had to make ourselves look 43 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:30,280 Speaker 3: pretty special because we're hanging out with the guy that 44 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:33,760 Speaker 3: every girl wanted to be associated with when I was 45 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:36,560 Speaker 3: growing up and the girl that every guy wanted to 46 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:39,800 Speaker 3: marry when I was growing up. So we've done our best. 47 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:43,280 Speaker 4: You've done incredibly well, incredibly well. Thank you so much 48 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:46,240 Speaker 4: for joining us in our separate bathrooms today. We have 49 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:49,400 Speaker 4: a lot to jump into for both of you, because 50 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:54,680 Speaker 4: you've both got incredible insights, we feel and we know 51 00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:58,680 Speaker 4: this is a relationship podcast and you justin actually have 52 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:02,840 Speaker 4: a website successful so called happyfamilies dot com. And Kylie, 53 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:08,280 Speaker 4: you are the mother of six daughters and the woman 54 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:11,200 Speaker 4: behind the man beside the man in front of the man, 55 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:13,800 Speaker 4: as we've talked about before with the man, but we 56 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:16,600 Speaker 4: also want to hear about, of course about you, Kylie 57 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,080 Speaker 4: as well. You know, what's your participation in all of 58 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:22,960 Speaker 4: this as well. So let's just dive in. What's our 59 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:23,880 Speaker 4: first question for. 60 00:03:23,919 --> 00:03:26,600 Speaker 1: Well, I just wanted to know you guys were married 61 00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:30,360 Speaker 1: quite young. How long did you date? For Well, I. 62 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:32,360 Speaker 5: Guess it depends how you define date. 63 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:36,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, we met at Christmas time at a convention aligned 64 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:39,600 Speaker 3: with a church, and we kind of got to know 65 00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:43,800 Speaker 3: each other at that convention and then we had a date, 66 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:47,200 Speaker 3: a date one evening, followed by another date the next 67 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:51,200 Speaker 3: day in January. Then in March at Easter we caught 68 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:53,200 Speaker 3: up and eight days later we're engaged. 69 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:54,880 Speaker 1: Eight days. 70 00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:56,360 Speaker 4: They've beaten us. 71 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,200 Speaker 1: Honey, we were like three weeks. 72 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:01,960 Speaker 4: No, three weeks, getting shorter all the time. It is 73 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:06,360 Speaker 4: two and a half months, honey, confusion. I don't know, 74 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:07,960 Speaker 4: just kidding all. 75 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,680 Speaker 5: Who else did you get engaged too? I'm not sure. 76 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:13,760 Speaker 3: That was the other one, wasn't it right? 77 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:16,320 Speaker 1: Mate? As I said in the intro, you were twenty two. 78 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:18,320 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna I'm just gonna let that one slide 79 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:22,479 Speaker 1: straight through to the keeper. Justin you you were twenty two. 80 00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:24,680 Speaker 1: As I said in the intro, Kylie, you were nineteen. 81 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:28,680 Speaker 1: That was that was young, and Justin you're now. You're 82 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:31,039 Speaker 1: now the founder of this highly successful website. You've got 83 00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:34,239 Speaker 1: happy families dot com. You've recorded close to three hundred 84 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:36,640 Speaker 1: podcasts as far as I can see, and then they're 85 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:41,680 Speaker 1: all about raising happy families. Were you always a parenting expert? 86 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:46,080 Speaker 3: No? Because of the nature of this conversation, and because 87 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:48,320 Speaker 3: we've listened to your podcast and we really love the 88 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:53,160 Speaker 3: way you honor relationships on this on this show, maybe 89 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:56,479 Speaker 3: I can share how I got into this, and that 90 00:04:56,520 --> 00:05:00,240 Speaker 3: will sort of color in the very thin scale that 91 00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:03,200 Speaker 3: we've got to work with. When I was working in 92 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:06,240 Speaker 3: Brisbane at one of the major stations, we had our 93 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:11,039 Speaker 3: first two kids, and I just, I just I've taken 94 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:12,600 Speaker 3: a big breath because I hate telling this story. It's 95 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,880 Speaker 3: a really painful story to tell. Kylie left me one 96 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:17,280 Speaker 3: Saturday afternoon. I'd been out late the night before because 97 00:05:17,279 --> 00:05:19,919 Speaker 3: you know, radio DJ doing the whatever it was that 98 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:25,800 Speaker 3: I had to do the publicity thing Friday night, somewhere about. Yeah, 99 00:05:25,839 --> 00:05:27,839 Speaker 3: I'd had about three hours sleep. I've been up and 100 00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:30,039 Speaker 3: in the studio by five point thirty the next morning, 101 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:33,599 Speaker 3: done my six to midday gig. Saturday afternoon, I'm absolutely wrecked, 102 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:36,080 Speaker 3: and Kylie says to me, I've got to go out. 103 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:37,640 Speaker 3: I'm going to leave the kids with you, and I'm 104 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:40,320 Speaker 3: kind of like, I'm I'm tired. I don't have the 105 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:43,680 Speaker 3: capacity to look after them. I'm an absolute wreck and 106 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,440 Speaker 3: Kylie basically says, no, no, no, the baby's just gone down 107 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:49,159 Speaker 3: and the three year olds due for her nap anytime 108 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:51,000 Speaker 3: in the next sort of half hour or so. You 109 00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:53,120 Speaker 3: put her down, you have your nap. I'll be back 110 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,360 Speaker 3: before they wake up and we can have a nice night. 111 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:58,840 Speaker 3: So I thought, your beauty, that sounds good. But I 112 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:00,560 Speaker 3: don't know if you've noticed that some times three year 113 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:02,400 Speaker 3: olds feel like they're too big for their daytime nap. 114 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:05,880 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, And that's kind of what happened. My our 115 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:08,880 Speaker 3: three year old said I don't want to go to sleep, 116 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,359 Speaker 3: and I was so exhausted, and you know this, like 117 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:14,080 Speaker 3: when you're tired, you just cannot be at your best. 118 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:16,880 Speaker 3: And I got into this big power struggle with her 119 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:19,720 Speaker 3: that escalated and escalated, and soon I was screaming at 120 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:22,960 Speaker 3: her and threatening her and calling her names, Your little brat, 121 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,039 Speaker 3: go to sleep. And I don't know about you, but 122 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:27,760 Speaker 3: I don't know anyone that listens to their dad called 123 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,720 Speaker 3: them a little brat and threatens them and tells them 124 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:31,560 Speaker 3: to go to sleep. And then sudden goes good, point, 125 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,240 Speaker 3: I'm tireder than I thought, I'll have a n app now, 126 00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:36,240 Speaker 3: thanks for being so convincing. And it got to the 127 00:06:36,279 --> 00:06:39,440 Speaker 3: point where I just escalated and I yelled at her 128 00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 3: and I picked her up and I squeezed her and 129 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,520 Speaker 3: I whacked a bum and I threw her under a 130 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:46,239 Speaker 3: bed and locked her in a room and just treated 131 00:06:46,279 --> 00:06:53,040 Speaker 3: her just awfully. I mean even now I still get 132 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:57,200 Speaker 3: very just so disappointed myself for the way that I 133 00:06:57,240 --> 00:07:04,000 Speaker 3: treated her. And obviously I didn't go to sleep that afternoon. 134 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:06,640 Speaker 3: She did. She fell asleep crying on the floor behind 135 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:10,080 Speaker 3: the door. But I walked into the backyard that afternoon 136 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:13,080 Speaker 3: and once she had gone to sleep, and I remember thinking, 137 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:16,440 Speaker 3: it's not my fault. She made me do it. And 138 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:19,800 Speaker 3: then I realized immediately how ridiculous that statement was, how 139 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:22,040 Speaker 3: untrue that was. I mean, she's a toddler, she's behaving 140 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:24,600 Speaker 3: like one. I'm an adult. I'm not behaving like one. 141 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:26,920 Speaker 3: And so when Kylie walked in the door, I saw 142 00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:29,760 Speaker 3: that I was awake. We had a conversation and I 143 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:32,840 Speaker 3: explained what had happened and how badly I'd behaved, and 144 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:35,800 Speaker 3: I said, I need to do something about this. But 145 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:39,080 Speaker 3: I wasn't so keen on going and doing therapy, and 146 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:42,880 Speaker 3: so instead I signed up for I quit my radio career. 147 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:45,400 Speaker 3: I went back to school and eight and a half 148 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:48,760 Speaker 3: years of full time study. Later, with a mortgage and 149 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:50,280 Speaker 3: two kids, and then three kids, and then four kids 150 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:53,000 Speaker 3: and then five kids, I'd gotten a tape quoal I'd 151 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:57,400 Speaker 3: gotten my first class honors psychology science degree and a 152 00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:02,080 Speaker 3: PhD in psychology, and I did it all basically because 153 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:03,040 Speaker 3: I wanted to be a better dad. 154 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:09,000 Speaker 4: Wow, what a turning point, Brave, Brave, Do you remember 155 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:10,520 Speaker 4: that moment, Kylie? 156 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:11,360 Speaker 5: Yeah? 157 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:14,160 Speaker 4: What was your words to to Justin at that time? 158 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:17,240 Speaker 3: I said something like, I'm not a real good dad? 159 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:19,720 Speaker 3: Am I? And Kylie said no, And come to think 160 00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:22,400 Speaker 3: of it, you're not much of a husband either. Like 161 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:26,920 Speaker 3: I was failing, I was an absolute I think that 162 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:29,760 Speaker 3: it would you say disaster is overstating it or do 163 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,160 Speaker 3: you think that's a reasonable assessment. 164 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:34,880 Speaker 2: I think the challenge is that when you get married, 165 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:38,200 Speaker 2: you're so in love and you think that you have 166 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:40,840 Speaker 2: got all the answers, and you think that your love 167 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:44,360 Speaker 2: is going to be enough to carry you through. And 168 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:49,680 Speaker 2: when you hit these moments in time where you recognize 169 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:51,480 Speaker 2: that you're either not aligned or you're not on the 170 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:54,880 Speaker 2: same page, you kind of question a lot of things. 171 00:08:55,240 --> 00:09:02,400 Speaker 2: And we both grew up in very different parentings styled homes, 172 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:06,280 Speaker 2: and I had always from a very little girl, I 173 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:08,560 Speaker 2: didn't want to do anything else in life except for 174 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:09,800 Speaker 2: being a wife and a mother. 175 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:13,160 Speaker 5: Was that was my that was my dream. 176 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:17,240 Speaker 2: Becoming a mum was just the next step in my 177 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:19,960 Speaker 2: life where you know, I found my prince charming. We 178 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:23,319 Speaker 2: got married and I wanted to be a mum, and 179 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 2: I thought I had all the answers because being a 180 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,800 Speaker 2: mum was just so innate. 181 00:09:27,679 --> 00:09:29,960 Speaker 4: Right, That's what she wanted, that's what you dress of. 182 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:32,800 Speaker 2: And I have always been a nurturer as well, So 183 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:36,880 Speaker 2: those kind of qualities are very innate within me. And 184 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:40,120 Speaker 2: so whenever we would have challenges, I'd kind of be 185 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:44,839 Speaker 2: like bewildered that he just didn't know how to do things. 186 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,160 Speaker 2: It didn't come naturally to him. He didn't Yeah, he 187 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:50,480 Speaker 2: didn't see the world the way I did. And so 188 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:53,959 Speaker 2: those those first few years of parenting were really challenging 189 00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:56,800 Speaker 2: for both of us for totally different reasons. 190 00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,840 Speaker 4: And it sounds like not any parenting, but relationship wise 191 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:04,320 Speaker 4: too as well. I mean, were you They're often what 192 00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:07,520 Speaker 4: Cam and I fight about the most is when he 193 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:10,000 Speaker 4: gets angry at the children, and I don't think they 194 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:13,120 Speaker 4: deserve to be gotten angry at. That's what we fight about. 195 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:15,920 Speaker 2: That first year of marriage before children came along was 196 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:19,920 Speaker 2: absolute bliss. We actually had, you know, kind of two 197 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,880 Speaker 2: major arguments and one of us, each of us had 198 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,640 Speaker 2: had a moment where we just kind of lost the plot, 199 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:30,640 Speaker 2: but we had a Yeah, just had a beautiful start, 200 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,959 Speaker 2: and then the children come along, and yeah, it really 201 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:37,960 Speaker 2: makes you question things. And so what you said about, 202 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:40,920 Speaker 2: you know, seeing the way he would respond to children 203 00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:44,800 Speaker 2: really affected me because your mama bear comes out, yeah, 204 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:46,920 Speaker 2: you know. And I think it's more so as a 205 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:49,280 Speaker 2: mum as opposed to being a dad. The mama bear 206 00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:52,480 Speaker 2: comes out and you just want to protect, Yeah, the ones. 207 00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:56,160 Speaker 4: And I find it difficult too because everything and I'm 208 00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:59,120 Speaker 4: sure this is what you hear justin probably what you 209 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:00,880 Speaker 4: teach too, is that you have to be on the 210 00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:02,520 Speaker 4: same page. You have to be on the same page. 211 00:11:02,559 --> 00:11:04,960 Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm not on the same page as you, honey. 212 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:07,719 Speaker 4: I don't agree with why you're getting so mad at them. 213 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:10,000 Speaker 4: I'm not mad at them, but you are. So it's 214 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:13,400 Speaker 4: such a that's something that comes up in conflict for us, 215 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:14,000 Speaker 4: doesn't it. 216 00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:18,400 Speaker 1: As you said, Kylie, when you are parented differently, Like 217 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:20,920 Speaker 1: you said, you two are parented differently. Allison and I 218 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:25,120 Speaker 1: were parented very differently, and so when you're confronted with 219 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:27,959 Speaker 1: these little souls who are part of you, and your 220 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:33,360 Speaker 1: emotions get activated, and suddenly that primary teaching of how 221 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:36,719 Speaker 1: you were parented gets activated as well. But unless you've 222 00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:41,320 Speaker 1: been conscious about how you want a parent, that early 223 00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:45,840 Speaker 1: training and teaching of how you were parented gets activated. 224 00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:46,680 Speaker 1: Would you agree with that? 225 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:50,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, totally, And I think the reality is over time, 226 00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:54,040 Speaker 2: as Justin started to study and learn, his whole journey 227 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:59,880 Speaker 2: was wholeheartedly about being a better spouse and a better parent. 228 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:05,199 Speaker 2: And so as he became more educated and learned more 229 00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:11,520 Speaker 2: about the science behind behavior in general and family well being, 230 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:14,440 Speaker 2: the tables turned very quickly, and all of a sudden, 231 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:17,319 Speaker 2: all of the things that we had or I had 232 00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:20,599 Speaker 2: believed were the right way to do things were being questioned. 233 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:25,320 Speaker 2: And so I then had to take counsel from him 234 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:30,280 Speaker 2: being the dad who was never not home very much, 235 00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:32,160 Speaker 2: and all of a sudden, he had all of these 236 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:34,600 Speaker 2: answers and I. 237 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:36,000 Speaker 3: Didn't answers they. 238 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:40,160 Speaker 2: And the reality is it took us probably about five 239 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:43,120 Speaker 2: years through that process before I fully came on board. 240 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:46,200 Speaker 3: And the story behind that is really quite compelling. So 241 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:49,479 Speaker 3: I'm learning how to become a better parent, I'm learning psychology, 242 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:50,959 Speaker 3: but I'm not actually doing much of it at home. 243 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:53,960 Speaker 3: Kylie's doing it all, raising the family while I'm doing 244 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:57,320 Speaker 3: the school work and the financial work. And I remember 245 00:12:57,640 --> 00:12:59,400 Speaker 3: one night I got back from Uni, it would have 246 00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:03,040 Speaker 3: probably been eight eight point thirty in the evening. As 247 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:06,080 Speaker 3: I've walked into the house, not only is every light on, 248 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:08,319 Speaker 3: but the kids. I think we had three of them 249 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:12,320 Speaker 3: at the time. The kids were running around, just going nuts. 250 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:14,320 Speaker 3: They were fighting. The house was a mess, there were 251 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:17,960 Speaker 3: dishes in the sink. Everything was not as it should be, 252 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:22,240 Speaker 3: quote unquote. And I know that it's really tempting, as 253 00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:24,959 Speaker 3: a bread winner, or as the person who's out slaying 254 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:26,760 Speaker 3: the wild beasts for dinner or whatever it is that 255 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:29,040 Speaker 3: we do, it's really tempting to say, what have you 256 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:32,240 Speaker 3: been doing all day? But because I'd done four years 257 00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:34,240 Speaker 3: of psychology by then, I kind of knew that was 258 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:35,559 Speaker 3: not the big best question to ask. 259 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:41,800 Speaker 5: But he well, yeah, So I didn't actually let him 260 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:42,360 Speaker 5: say anything. 261 00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:45,480 Speaker 2: He walked in the door and glad I just looked 262 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:47,360 Speaker 2: at him and I said, you need to take beast 263 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:48,920 Speaker 2: kids now, and I need to go. 264 00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:52,120 Speaker 3: So Kytie walked out of the kitchen into the bedroom, 265 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:57,320 Speaker 3: closed the door with some emphasis, and I remember standing 266 00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:59,599 Speaker 3: there and going moment of truth, buddy, what are you 267 00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:02,080 Speaker 3: going to do now? So I walked over the kids 268 00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:07,959 Speaker 3: and they were not easily softened. They were pretty hyped up. 269 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,880 Speaker 3: But within about ninety seconds the kids were calm and 270 00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:15,280 Speaker 3: quiet and peaceful, and I reckon about five minutes later, 271 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:18,160 Speaker 3: they were in bed and asleep, like, I just nailed it, Alie, 272 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:23,040 Speaker 3: I just nailed it because I came Like our emotions, 273 00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:25,640 Speaker 3: whether we're talking about a couple of relationships or with 274 00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:29,680 Speaker 3: our kids, our emotions are contagious, and kids will catch 275 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:32,240 Speaker 3: our chaos, and they'll catch how cranky, and they'll catch 276 00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:35,400 Speaker 3: how crazy, but they'll also catch how calm. Absolutely, and 277 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:37,240 Speaker 3: I knew in that moment that I had to be calm. 278 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:39,120 Speaker 3: I just had to be so level. The other thing 279 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:41,040 Speaker 3: that I talk about all the time when I'm talking 280 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:43,080 Speaker 3: to parents about this stuff is that high emotions equals 281 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:46,720 Speaker 3: low intelligence. Like, the more emotional we are. You've probably 282 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,360 Speaker 3: had this even with each other. Have you ever noticed 283 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,000 Speaker 3: that the angrier you are, the more right you are? 284 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:55,960 Speaker 1: Well, yeah, yes, And that's been part of me, is 285 00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:57,880 Speaker 1: trying to give up well, giving up the need to 286 00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:01,280 Speaker 1: be right and catching myself on that me that need 287 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:04,320 Speaker 1: to be right. It doesn't work. Yeah. 288 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:06,680 Speaker 3: So I just knew in that moment, if I caught 289 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,360 Speaker 3: what Kylie and the kids had, the night was going 290 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:14,000 Speaker 3: to go downhill really really fast. And so I kept 291 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:16,080 Speaker 3: a level in balance, I kept my intelligence in my 292 00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:18,400 Speaker 3: head rather than sending it out the window. Within a 293 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:19,920 Speaker 3: few minutes, the kids were down, and then I just 294 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,600 Speaker 3: set about cleaning up the kitchen and I figured, I'll 295 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:24,840 Speaker 3: have dinner at eleven o'clock time. Whatever, I'll deal with it. 296 00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:27,280 Speaker 3: And I just I knew that Kylie had a lousy day. 297 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:30,760 Speaker 3: After about maybe thirty or forty minutes of doing the 298 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:32,560 Speaker 3: best that I could in the house, I went into 299 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:35,320 Speaker 3: the bedroom and instead of saying, well, I've done this, 300 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:38,240 Speaker 3: and I've done this, look at me, noble. And instead 301 00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:42,280 Speaker 3: of saying I can't believe what happened tonight and launching 302 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:46,920 Speaker 3: into either police or prosecutor or preacher mode, I remember 303 00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:50,640 Speaker 3: saying to Kylie something along the lines of seems like 304 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:55,120 Speaker 3: I had a really tough day to day and that 305 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,400 Speaker 3: was about it. I said, do you feel like talking 306 00:15:57,400 --> 00:16:03,120 Speaker 3: about it? And I think at that point Kylie burst 307 00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:05,440 Speaker 3: into tears, like we're crying. 308 00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:10,760 Speaker 4: Wow, what a simple thing to say, but so powerful, 309 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:11,680 Speaker 4: so meaningful. 310 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:13,160 Speaker 5: Yeah, I guess for me. 311 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:17,720 Speaker 2: Sitting in the bedroom at the time, our second oldest, 312 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:22,480 Speaker 2: she was two, and she was a really emotionally needy child, 313 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,920 Speaker 2: and she pretty much cried all day. She was at 314 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:30,240 Speaker 2: my feet all day, and I just took it. Took 315 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:33,960 Speaker 2: every bit of you know, kind of energy and self 316 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,840 Speaker 2: restraint to not hurt her because I just wanted the 317 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:39,440 Speaker 2: noise to stop. And so when he walked in, it 318 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,400 Speaker 2: was like, you need you need to take them because 319 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:45,680 Speaker 2: I can't can't do this anymore. And when I went 320 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:47,560 Speaker 2: into the bedroom and I closed the door and I 321 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:51,680 Speaker 2: just obviously listened to the chaos die in the house, 322 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:55,440 Speaker 2: I overheard him literally get down to my two year 323 00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:58,080 Speaker 2: old's level and just say to her, you've had a 324 00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:01,480 Speaker 2: hard day. And she burst into tears, gave him a 325 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:04,520 Speaker 2: big cuddle, and everything came down. And in my head 326 00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:06,159 Speaker 2: at that time, it was like, are you telling me? 327 00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:08,239 Speaker 2: All I had to do was tell her that she 328 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:11,200 Speaker 2: was having a hard day and everything would have stopped. 329 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,560 Speaker 2: But in the moment, it was so overwhelming, and I 330 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:19,680 Speaker 2: felt I felt completely helpless to know how to make 331 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:22,680 Speaker 2: it right because nothing I was doing was making it right, 332 00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:25,040 Speaker 2: and so that was the first time I kind of 333 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:27,800 Speaker 2: realized that clearly there was something in the things that 334 00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:31,080 Speaker 2: he was learning, and there was a need for me 335 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:32,800 Speaker 2: to sit up and actually listen. 336 00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:35,440 Speaker 3: It's the Happy Family's podcast. 337 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:39,680 Speaker 1: For a happier family, try a Happy Families membership, because 338 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:43,440 Speaker 1: a happy family doesn't just happen. Details at happy families 339 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:46,919 Speaker 1: dot com dot au. You don't need a license to 340 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:50,280 Speaker 1: become a parent. Do you think we should have to 341 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:51,920 Speaker 1: have a license to become a parent? 342 00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:52,760 Speaker 3: No? 343 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:54,400 Speaker 5: I don't think you should have a license. 344 00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:55,400 Speaker 1: Why's that. 345 00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:58,560 Speaker 3: I've never been asked that question before? 346 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:02,960 Speaker 5: We haven't. I You've stumped me. 347 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:06,600 Speaker 3: So you resist it, but you're not sure why. 348 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:12,240 Speaker 2: What I love about family life in general is that 349 00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:18,000 Speaker 2: there is just so much to learn, and it's only 350 00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:23,280 Speaker 2: through actually living that process that we learn. So no 351 00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:27,679 Speaker 2: amount of training actually prepares you for what it's like 352 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:29,640 Speaker 2: to live with someone twenty four to seven. 353 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:32,400 Speaker 5: No amount of training. 354 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:38,240 Speaker 2: Helps you prepare for this amazing miracle that lands in 355 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:41,480 Speaker 2: your lap after you've carried them inside you for nearly 356 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:47,640 Speaker 2: ten months. And you can tell me what I need 357 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:52,000 Speaker 2: to do, and you can give me all of the resources, 358 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:53,800 Speaker 2: but at the end of the day. It's not until 359 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:57,000 Speaker 2: I'm actually in that moment and I'm holding that baby 360 00:18:57,359 --> 00:19:00,560 Speaker 2: that I then start to learn what it is to 361 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:01,400 Speaker 2: be a mother. 362 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:04,480 Speaker 5: Or what it is to be a wife. 363 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:09,600 Speaker 3: I love that answer. Yeah, I would say no as well, 364 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:11,560 Speaker 3: but for totally different reasons. But now you've set me 365 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:14,000 Speaker 3: off on a different course. So my reasons for no 366 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:17,040 Speaker 3: that there would be it would turn into a money 367 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:23,119 Speaker 3: making thing for universities, and there would be this push 368 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:26,479 Speaker 3: for everyone to have this particular parenting process, and the 369 00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:28,960 Speaker 3: reality is that there is no one size fits all. 370 00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:32,960 Speaker 3: We know what good parenting and good relationship principles are, 371 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:36,679 Speaker 3: but there's so many things that we just can't be 372 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:40,600 Speaker 3: prepared for. So I would actually say no. But just 373 00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:43,000 Speaker 3: thinking about what you're saying, something that I've really been 374 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:46,560 Speaker 3: thinking about a lot lately is what the product of 375 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:49,200 Speaker 3: parenting is. The product or the outcome of the parenting 376 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:54,879 Speaker 3: process is not actually the child, it's the parent. See, 377 00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:57,639 Speaker 3: the better you get at parenting, the better you become 378 00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:58,320 Speaker 3: as a person. 379 00:19:58,960 --> 00:19:59,320 Speaker 1: Agreed. 380 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,600 Speaker 3: As you become a better parent, you become more compassionate, 381 00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:04,679 Speaker 3: you become more patient, you become all long suffering, you 382 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:09,520 Speaker 3: become more forbearing, you become more loving and charitable and 383 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:14,720 Speaker 3: understanding and forgiving. You stop worrying about what the script is, 384 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:17,679 Speaker 3: you stop worrying about what the habits are, and you 385 00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:21,080 Speaker 3: develop a different heart. And that's something that does not 386 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:23,800 Speaker 3: happen the day the baby arrives. It doesn't happen when 387 00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:26,679 Speaker 3: the you and you've got a toddler. In our experience, 388 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:28,640 Speaker 3: I mean, our eldest has moved out and married now 389 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:32,000 Speaker 3: as well, and we're only just starting to get our 390 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:35,159 Speaker 3: heads around it now after more than twenty years of 391 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:39,719 Speaker 3: child rearing. But it changes you day by day by 392 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:44,080 Speaker 3: day if you get your heart right. And I think 393 00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:47,159 Speaker 3: that parenting is about heart, not about habit. Therefore, teaching 394 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:50,359 Speaker 3: skills is helpful, but you can't teach heart like you 395 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:51,040 Speaker 3: teach skills. 396 00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:54,560 Speaker 4: Yeah, look, a lot of us parents, we are tired, 397 00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:57,600 Speaker 4: and I think this must be a big question and 398 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:02,520 Speaker 4: a common question that comes up. And intimacy between you know, 399 00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:05,639 Speaker 4: mum and dad or mum and mum or dad and 400 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:09,240 Speaker 4: dad whoever is raising the family, and intimacy does tend 401 00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:13,359 Speaker 4: to wane. And you're outspoken about this, so give us 402 00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:16,480 Speaker 4: some tips about how do you keep the flame alive. 403 00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:18,399 Speaker 4: How do you keep the intimacy going? What have you 404 00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:21,360 Speaker 4: guys been able to do that? You know you talk 405 00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:24,000 Speaker 4: about you still crazy, madly in love with each other, 406 00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:28,400 Speaker 4: which is just delightful. So give us some tips out there. 407 00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:32,679 Speaker 2: You know, the thing that stands out to me the 408 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:37,480 Speaker 2: most when you ask me that question is every day 409 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:41,760 Speaker 2: Justin and I make an intentional decision to choose each other. 410 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:45,840 Speaker 3: And we've heard you guys mention that, so yeah, yeah, 411 00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:47,399 Speaker 3: we know that that's a big thing for you as well, 412 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:49,480 Speaker 3: and we've been super intentional about that. 413 00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:52,639 Speaker 2: And as such, even though each of us, for totally 414 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:56,360 Speaker 2: different reasons, live very busy and full lives, we make 415 00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:59,280 Speaker 2: a point of making time for each other like that 416 00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:02,920 Speaker 2: is a really intentional part of our journey. 417 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,560 Speaker 3: I'm really intentional about with Kylie. And I'm giving myself 418 00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:07,480 Speaker 3: a pat on the back here. Please forgive me for this, 419 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,640 Speaker 3: but I really want to share it because it highlights 420 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:11,960 Speaker 3: I think a theme that's run through some of our 421 00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:15,000 Speaker 3: conversation is every single day I look at Kylie and 422 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:19,240 Speaker 3: I will literally say that the words you have my heart, 423 00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,680 Speaker 3: and that's an everyday thing because what I want to 424 00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:26,720 Speaker 3: do is reaffirm to Kylie and myself, Like, you do 425 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:29,480 Speaker 3: that tomorrow for the first time, and it doesn't really 426 00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:31,600 Speaker 3: change much. And you do it for a week and 427 00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:34,399 Speaker 3: it doesn't really change much. But the compound effect of 428 00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:37,520 Speaker 3: doing that every single day, day in, day out, week in, 429 00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:39,320 Speaker 3: week out, month in, month out, year and year out 430 00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:44,359 Speaker 3: for twenty years of thirty years, Kylie has my heart. 431 00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:49,200 Speaker 3: And when you feel that way about somebody, you want 432 00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:52,159 Speaker 3: to share everything with them. We've got a couple of 433 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,560 Speaker 3: fun rules, like when we walk past each other in 434 00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:59,480 Speaker 3: the in any context, we must touch. So even if 435 00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:01,959 Speaker 3: it's a squeak of the elbow or a stroke across 436 00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:04,600 Speaker 3: the shoulder, or a quick kiss or a squeezet the 437 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:08,040 Speaker 3: barm or something like that, we we just we've made 438 00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:10,119 Speaker 3: a commitment to touch. And the reason for that is 439 00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:14,040 Speaker 3: to acknowledge how I see you. You're a person. I 440 00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:15,480 Speaker 3: know I'm in a hurry to get to the office. 441 00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:16,800 Speaker 3: I know I'm rushing out the door to around the 442 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:17,720 Speaker 3: kids here or there. 443 00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:20,760 Speaker 5: But I'm on a phone call or all that stuff. 444 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:24,240 Speaker 2: It doesn't it doesn't take any effort to just, you know, 445 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:27,399 Speaker 2: acknowledge one another, even if you don't have time to 446 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:28,360 Speaker 2: be with each other. 447 00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:30,520 Speaker 1: I love what you're saying, and I think it's really important, 448 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:34,560 Speaker 1: especially as relationships grow longer. There is one thing I 449 00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:38,600 Speaker 1: do want to ask you about building resilience in kids, 450 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:41,960 Speaker 1: because you often hear a lot today where people talk 451 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:45,120 Speaker 1: about how soft children are, and they you know, there's 452 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:48,479 Speaker 1: they're they're weak, they don't they don't understand hardship, and 453 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:52,320 Speaker 1: people are looking for hacks, They're looking for shortcuts and things. 454 00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:56,000 Speaker 1: But I don't know that there are hacks or shortcuts 455 00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:59,520 Speaker 1: in this topic of building resilience in our in our kids. 456 00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:03,720 Speaker 3: I want to share a quote from another parenting author 457 00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:08,000 Speaker 3: who has just said this so beautifully. L. R. Noss said, 458 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:09,879 Speaker 3: it's not our job to tough and our children up 459 00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:13,080 Speaker 3: to face a cruel and heartless world. It's our job 460 00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:17,160 Speaker 3: to raise children who will make the world a little 461 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:21,600 Speaker 3: less cruel and heartless. The idea that our kids are 462 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:24,800 Speaker 3: soft and that that's a bad thing, I think is 463 00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:28,320 Speaker 3: actually quite damaging. And this idea that we've got to 464 00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:31,159 Speaker 3: tell our kids to toughen up, princess and drink some 465 00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:36,000 Speaker 3: concrete and harden up, it's damaging, it's unfair, it's unkind, 466 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:38,800 Speaker 3: and I don't think that it appeals to the very 467 00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:42,280 Speaker 3: best in them or in us. It's true that they 468 00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:44,359 Speaker 3: do need to push through hard things. We've got a 469 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:46,320 Speaker 3: saying in our house. So I'm a cyclist, and I 470 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,240 Speaker 3: used to write competitively, and if I want to get 471 00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,080 Speaker 3: strong cycling, I'll say to the kids, so I write 472 00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:53,160 Speaker 3: uphill or downhill. And because like you got to write uphill, Dad, 473 00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:54,840 Speaker 3: I say, right, So, you've got to love the hills 474 00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:56,920 Speaker 3: because the hills make you strong, and when you get 475 00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:58,640 Speaker 3: to the top of the hill, there's this incredible view 476 00:24:58,640 --> 00:24:59,960 Speaker 3: from the top, and then you get to enjoy the 477 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:03,639 Speaker 3: right down the other side anyway. And so we really 478 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:05,719 Speaker 3: work hard on helping our kids to love the hills 479 00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:08,480 Speaker 3: because you got to love the hills. But the idea 480 00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:11,800 Speaker 3: of resilience, what it actually means is that your strength 481 00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:15,200 Speaker 3: and through adversity. People talk about bouncing back. No one 482 00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:18,560 Speaker 3: bounces back from adversity. Adversity changes you. You don't bounce 483 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:22,159 Speaker 3: back to who you were or where you were. Adversity 484 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:25,879 Speaker 3: changes you. We were so compelled as we listened to 485 00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:30,960 Speaker 3: your podcast about your early challenges and your marriage, when 486 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:32,919 Speaker 3: you went through one of the hardest things that a 487 00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:36,840 Speaker 3: married couple can go through and there's no way that 488 00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:39,919 Speaker 3: you could say, oh, yeah, we bounced back. You're going 489 00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:45,200 Speaker 3: to say no, no, we changed, but hopefully we adapted positively. 490 00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:48,639 Speaker 3: We became more functional, We made ourselves better people as 491 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:50,800 Speaker 3: a result of it. And that's what you do with 492 00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:53,200 Speaker 3: your kids. So the metaphor that I use for building 493 00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:55,359 Speaker 3: resilience and kids is pretty simple. When you're on a 494 00:25:55,359 --> 00:25:58,920 Speaker 3: balance beam, imagine life is that balance beam. Some kids, 495 00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:00,520 Speaker 3: as they're walking across the balance beam, it looks like 496 00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:02,040 Speaker 3: they're going to fall off, and they do, and their 497 00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,439 Speaker 3: parents say, get back up. It's not being such a 498 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:07,400 Speaker 3: silk have a go your mug, and that real sort 499 00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:10,400 Speaker 3: of tough en up princess mentality. The research is really 500 00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:13,159 Speaker 3: clear that makes kids feel unworthy, It makes them feel unloved, 501 00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:15,960 Speaker 3: It makes them feel anything but resilient. When they don't 502 00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:18,600 Speaker 3: feel that they've got the support, they don't feel like 503 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:21,520 Speaker 3: they can go on. What's the point. Conversely, at the 504 00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:23,720 Speaker 3: other end of the continuum, there are these parents who 505 00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:25,760 Speaker 3: see their child start to tip off the balance beam 506 00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:27,280 Speaker 3: and they jump up there and they grab their child 507 00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:28,920 Speaker 3: in their arms and they say, don't worry, sweetheart, I'll 508 00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:32,240 Speaker 3: carry you across. But you can't carry your kids across 509 00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:36,159 Speaker 3: the balance beam of life. So the perfect way to 510 00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:40,120 Speaker 3: accomplish resilient building in your kids is when you see 511 00:26:40,119 --> 00:26:42,439 Speaker 3: them start to tip, you put your hand up on 512 00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:45,399 Speaker 3: their leg and say, I'm right beside you. Lean on 513 00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:48,399 Speaker 3: me for a sec take a breath. Okay, Now, I 514 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:50,480 Speaker 3: can't walk across this balance beam with you, but I 515 00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:53,600 Speaker 3: am beside you. I'm going to let go. You got 516 00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:55,680 Speaker 3: to take the next step, though. You're the one that's 517 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:58,600 Speaker 3: got to do the walking. So when I let go, 518 00:26:58,720 --> 00:26:59,840 Speaker 3: what are you going to do? How are you going 519 00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:02,639 Speaker 3: to take that step? Let's figure it out, now, okay, 520 00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:06,200 Speaker 3: off you go. The The idea there is that we 521 00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:08,479 Speaker 3: do not do it for our kids, but we support 522 00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:10,520 Speaker 3: them every step of the way until they're able to 523 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,440 Speaker 3: do it confidently and confidently on their own. 524 00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:13,680 Speaker 1: That way, we're there. 525 00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:16,480 Speaker 3: We're building their competence, we're building their sense of autonomy, 526 00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:18,639 Speaker 3: we're building a sense of relatedness. These are the basic 527 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,480 Speaker 3: psychological needs that help them to flourish and be motivated 528 00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:24,040 Speaker 3: and have well being. And I think that that's the 529 00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:27,160 Speaker 3: that's the really small snapshot for how you create resilience 530 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:46,360 Speaker 3: in your kids. 531 00:27:39,680 --> 00:28:04,800 Speaker 6: Now, Okay, daddo here or should I say? 532 00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:08,760 Speaker 1: Professor Hickson from Project Ari, a fun podcast about a 533 00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:12,680 Speaker 1: robot learning right from wrong? Is your role to teach 534 00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:14,240 Speaker 1: him to be a human boy? 535 00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:17,920 Speaker 4: How what the Ari? 536 00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:22,120 Speaker 1: I wanted your attention teaching your kids about respect? Take 537 00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:25,880 Speaker 1: a break, let Project Ari do the talking and luck 538 00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:30,800 Speaker 1: new episodes every Monday. Search Project Ari where you get 539 00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:31,680 Speaker 1: your podcasts. 540 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:36,280 Speaker 3: In partnership with the Australian Government, we do a. 541 00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:41,640 Speaker 1: Two minute shower basically to keep your answers short. I'll 542 00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:43,720 Speaker 1: start off. We've got nine questions for you both. 543 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:44,960 Speaker 5: You can help you with that. 544 00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:46,160 Speaker 3: I'll do my best. 545 00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:51,240 Speaker 1: Justin's very succinct. Here we go. Question one, what do 546 00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:52,560 Speaker 1: people get wrong about you? 547 00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:58,440 Speaker 3: My confidence leads some people to think that I can 548 00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:03,200 Speaker 3: be arrogant at times. Anyone who knows me well would not. Well, 549 00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:05,680 Speaker 3: I would not agree with that, but yeah, I'm pretty confident, 550 00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:08,840 Speaker 3: and sometimes that's misinterpreted. I don't think anyone gets you wrong. Ever, 551 00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:10,280 Speaker 3: I'm trying to think. 552 00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:14,880 Speaker 5: Maybe that I'm more confident than I am. 553 00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:18,360 Speaker 3: I don't know, okay, Elie. 554 00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:21,160 Speaker 4: Two, what do you think is your own at best 555 00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:22,640 Speaker 4: quality about yourself? 556 00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:28,600 Speaker 2: I just I love people and I love helping people. 557 00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:30,880 Speaker 2: If there is a way that I can make somebody's 558 00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:33,560 Speaker 2: life better for having been in my space, then I 559 00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:33,920 Speaker 2: want to. 560 00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:36,080 Speaker 3: Do that, right. Yeah, Can I talk about Kylie's best 561 00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:37,000 Speaker 3: quality instead of mine? 562 00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:39,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's question three. But I actually liked it when 563 00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:41,880 Speaker 1: you said before. I liked it when you said before, 564 00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:43,440 Speaker 1: I'm going to give myself a pat on the back 565 00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:46,480 Speaker 1: because I don't think we do that enough in Australia. 566 00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:49,600 Speaker 1: As with men, that's somehow frowned upon that you can't 567 00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:52,120 Speaker 1: actually say, I'm really proud of myself for doing this, 568 00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:54,080 Speaker 1: but I think we need to do that. So, I 569 00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:56,520 Speaker 1: mean you can answer what Kylie's best quality is, but 570 00:29:57,160 --> 00:29:58,120 Speaker 1: what do you think yours is? 571 00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:04,400 Speaker 3: Though as well? I keep on trying. I really, I truly, 572 00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:09,120 Speaker 3: genuinely want to be an outstandingly good human being. And 573 00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:11,800 Speaker 3: I have a long, long, long way to go, but 574 00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:14,120 Speaker 3: I really want to be a great husband, a great dad, 575 00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:17,920 Speaker 3: a great friend, a great contributor to our world, and 576 00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:23,000 Speaker 3: that intention might be a quality that I could say 577 00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:25,960 Speaker 3: I'm grateful for and that I strive to develop. 578 00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:30,560 Speaker 1: Great answer, Okay, so what's Kylie's best quality? 579 00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:34,560 Speaker 3: Then Kylie's best quality is her out and out goodness. 580 00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:38,640 Speaker 3: I've come into contact with a bajillion people throughout my 581 00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:44,040 Speaker 3: life in so many different areas, and I just have absolute, 582 00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:50,240 Speaker 3: unquestioned admiration for Kylie's character. She's a person of integrity, 583 00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:53,040 Speaker 3: She's a person of just such goodness and such desire 584 00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:57,240 Speaker 3: to make a difference in other people's lives. And I'm 585 00:30:57,320 --> 00:31:02,360 Speaker 3: consistently grateful and in awe of have that characteristic Kylie. 586 00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:06,680 Speaker 1: What would you say Justin's best quality? 587 00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:11,120 Speaker 2: I don't know too many people who literally leave everything 588 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:22,800 Speaker 2: behind because they want to be a better dad. But 589 00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:26,600 Speaker 2: that's literally what he did. He recognized that there was 590 00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:34,959 Speaker 2: a lack in himself and has literally devoted his life 591 00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:39,920 Speaker 2: to being better as a husband and as a father. 592 00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:44,520 Speaker 2: And every day he's intentional about doing that. 593 00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:51,360 Speaker 4: Ah, you too, I tell you it's a I get there. 594 00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:53,880 Speaker 4: We've just cried more than ever in this podcast of 595 00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:56,640 Speaker 4: any other podcast, Baby. 596 00:31:56,480 --> 00:32:01,520 Speaker 1: Girl on Honey, Okay, beautiful shower, by the way. 597 00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:05,440 Speaker 4: You know what the long the two minute shower. The 598 00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:08,120 Speaker 4: answers are too good. We're in it for the long run. Now, 599 00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:12,000 Speaker 4: what's your favorite catchphrase? Do you have a favorite catchphrase? 600 00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:13,200 Speaker 1: Yeah? 601 00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:18,720 Speaker 3: Probably attitude is everything. I say that a lot, and 602 00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:20,840 Speaker 3: you've got to love the hills. They're kind of interlink, 603 00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:23,680 Speaker 3: aren't they. Ye? Is there anything else that I say? 604 00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:24,840 Speaker 3: I reckon? They're the main ones. 605 00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:26,880 Speaker 5: I don't know if I have a catchphrase. 606 00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:31,840 Speaker 2: Really you're going to say, you know, I get in 607 00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:33,640 Speaker 2: trouble all the time on the podcast, because I have 608 00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:36,880 Speaker 2: a crutch clearly, and I say, you know all the. 609 00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:39,160 Speaker 3: Time, you don't get in trouble. Come on, don't feel 610 00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:39,360 Speaker 3: like that. 611 00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:39,880 Speaker 1: I know. 612 00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:41,840 Speaker 3: Have you got a friend? I've got a catchphrase? I 613 00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:45,320 Speaker 3: can't think of one. No, just when you get excited. 614 00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:53,160 Speaker 1: Wooo, what are you reading Kylie. 615 00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:53,160 Speaker 5: At the moment? 616 00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:53,800 Speaker 4: Yes? 617 00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:57,479 Speaker 3: Yes, great question, great question. I love that question. What 618 00:32:57,520 --> 00:32:59,000 Speaker 3: are you reading at the moment? 619 00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:02,560 Speaker 2: I am reading Ten Things that Every Parent needs to Know? 620 00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:05,720 Speaker 2: Bye by Justin Coulson. 621 00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:06,600 Speaker 5: Who is that? 622 00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:08,560 Speaker 4: By Doctor Justin. 623 00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:12,200 Speaker 3: The context for that, though, is that we have a 624 00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:15,360 Speaker 3: Happy Families membership. And I'm not saying sharing this to plug. 625 00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:18,240 Speaker 3: I'm just just as context have a happy family's membership. 626 00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:21,200 Speaker 3: And once every school term we go through one of 627 00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:24,400 Speaker 3: my books as book club, and so Kylie runs book 628 00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:27,800 Speaker 3: club in the membership, and therefore Kylie has to read 629 00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:29,000 Speaker 3: the book and the. 630 00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:32,280 Speaker 2: Only reason I run it, guys, is because I haven't 631 00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:34,080 Speaker 2: read them, and I think this was his way of 632 00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:36,560 Speaker 2: making sure I did actually read them. 633 00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:38,520 Speaker 4: Really does he pay you well for that? 634 00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:43,360 Speaker 5: He does? He does. How about you Justin? 635 00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:44,120 Speaker 4: What do you read for? 636 00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:46,120 Speaker 5: Do you read stuff? 637 00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:46,680 Speaker 4: Laughs? 638 00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:50,080 Speaker 5: Or yeah? Or if you seen the psychology or no? 639 00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:53,320 Speaker 3: I just truly I live and breathe it like I 640 00:33:53,400 --> 00:33:55,880 Speaker 3: don't do this for a living. I do this for 641 00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:58,520 Speaker 3: my life. This is who I am. And if you 642 00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:01,400 Speaker 3: could see my bedside table right now, we have shelves. 643 00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:04,080 Speaker 5: I can't vacuum on his side of the We have. 644 00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:07,720 Speaker 3: Shelves in our bedside tables because I just in fact, 645 00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:09,320 Speaker 3: I just ordered eight more books yesterday. 646 00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:14,360 Speaker 4: Last last question, one word and you can do one word, 647 00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:17,640 Speaker 4: hopefully to describe each other in one word? 648 00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:19,560 Speaker 5: Intense intense. 649 00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:24,360 Speaker 3: Okay, well, I'm not going to say calming, although I 650 00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:29,960 Speaker 3: wish that I could. I'm going to say I think 651 00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:40,400 Speaker 3: I've already mentioned this anyway, but just one word, sorry, goodness, goodness, goodness. 652 00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:42,919 Speaker 1: Gracious, yeah, great balls of fire? How good are you two? 653 00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:47,560 Speaker 1: Thank you doctor Justin and Kylie Coulson for. 654 00:34:47,520 --> 00:34:51,560 Speaker 4: Coming on one quote that we read about you. This 655 00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:53,719 Speaker 4: is something that came through on our email. It says 656 00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:59,080 Speaker 4: we are utterly, completely and unquestionably absolutely deeply crazy about 657 00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:02,920 Speaker 4: one another still after nearly twenty three years. That's a 658 00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:07,200 Speaker 4: quote from the both of you, and our wish is 659 00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:09,640 Speaker 4: that we all felt that way about our partners and 660 00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:11,359 Speaker 4: that it only gets stronger for both of you because 661 00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:14,080 Speaker 4: I think we might be completely and absolutely deeply crazy 662 00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:16,919 Speaker 4: about the both of you after this talk. So thank 663 00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:20,160 Speaker 4: you so much for coming in. It was just so delightful. 664 00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:21,080 Speaker 3: Thank you guys. 665 00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:30,000 Speaker 1: That was a hugely informative and heartfelt chat. It was 666 00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:33,520 Speaker 1: splayed open. I do. Yeah, I love that. 667 00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:37,160 Speaker 4: I think I feel like that happens when you're you 668 00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:41,120 Speaker 4: know how it's infectious when you meet someone or people 669 00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:45,160 Speaker 4: who are so open and vulnerable and loving as Kylie 670 00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:48,600 Speaker 4: and Justin. I to me, it opens me up more 671 00:35:48,719 --> 00:35:51,200 Speaker 4: as a person. I mean, like I said, I've not 672 00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:55,600 Speaker 4: cried that much in a podcast in any of our podcasts. 673 00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:57,120 Speaker 4: That was so beautiful. 674 00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:02,560 Speaker 1: I loved the analogies. I love that one love the Hills. 675 00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:03,520 Speaker 4: I knew you love that. 676 00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:05,680 Speaker 1: I just well you know I love bike crime. Yeah, 677 00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:09,759 Speaker 1: I know, but to actually embrace the difficult times, embrace 678 00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:14,360 Speaker 1: those things because that is what makes us stronger. Yeah, 679 00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:19,640 Speaker 1: just a fabulous couple. Remember we have our Facebook room 680 00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:22,680 Speaker 1: there Separate Bathrooms. You can join that. You can follow 681 00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:27,120 Speaker 1: ol at Alison Daddo, Ali Daddo, Ali Daddo, and I'm 682 00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:29,879 Speaker 1: at Cameron Daddo. So we usually do our posts there 683 00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:30,279 Speaker 1: as well. 684 00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:32,240 Speaker 4: Yeah, always dms on that as well. 685 00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:34,000 Speaker 1: We'll be back with more later. 686 00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:36,799 Speaker 4: Thanks so much for listening. 687 00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:39,480 Speaker 3: We really hope that you enjoyed our conversation with Cameron 688 00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:44,080 Speaker 3: and Alison Daddo. Their podcast Separate Bathrooms. You can download 689 00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:47,080 Speaker 3: it from wherever you get your podcasts, and The Happy 690 00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:51,719 Speaker 3: Families Podcast returns tomorrow with a conversation a tough one, 691 00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:55,719 Speaker 3: a parent who's struggling to get her child to give 692 00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:58,120 Speaker 3: up the dummies. They've tried the Dummy Fairy, it didn't work. 693 00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:00,000 Speaker 3: Plus later this week we're going to dive into the 694 00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:02,200 Speaker 3: doctor's desk and look at some brand new research to 695 00:37:02,239 --> 00:37:05,080 Speaker 3: help you to be a better parent. And a conversation 696 00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:08,240 Speaker 3: with one of the best selling parenting authors of all time, 697 00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:12,319 Speaker 3: Steve Bidolf. That's on Wednesday. All that and Maud this 698 00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:15,360 Speaker 3: week on The Happy Families Podcast. We'll see you tomorrow