Speaker 1: You know what I've noticed about Warrywood.
Speaker 2: You say worry would funny?
Speaker 1: Actually, you know what I realized I said funny the other.
Speaker 2: Day, warry would you say worry? Would worry? Would? That's better?
Speaker 2: Like worry? What everyone here is worrying? We're worried. We're
Speaker 2: worried about the future, worried about the cost of living.
Speaker 1: You have quite loud cicadas cigarda, yeah, fucking aggressive. Like
Speaker 1: what's the size of a cicada around here? I saw
Speaker 1: a guy walking a dog and I was like, is.
Speaker 2: That a dog? They're abnormally big. I've got a bunch
Speaker 2: of its funny. I've got a bunch of shells.
Speaker 3: Oscar collected a bunch of shells with my parents when
Speaker 3: they were here, and I put them in a container
Speaker 3: because I didn't want them around the house because they
Speaker 3: attracted something else.
Speaker 2: And I put him outside in the container and I.
Speaker 3: Forgot, and every now and then I see a bird
Speaker 3: hit the container.
Speaker 2: And now I'm like, I like this.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to two doting dads. My name happens to be.
Speaker 2: Mattie Jay and I'm Ash.
Speaker 1: And this is a podcast that is all about parenting.
Speaker 2: It's the good, the bad and the relatable.
Speaker 1: And now look, if you've come wanting any type of advice,
Speaker 1: this is not, and I repeat, not the podcast for you.
Speaker 1: We are two men who have little to no idea
Speaker 1: about anything.
Speaker 2: Like parenting the way you went about editing. But if
Speaker 2: you like to giggle, we will do We can help
Speaker 2: you do that. It's I'm sweating already. Yeah, why, I'm
Speaker 2: just worried with baby swamp the swamp. This is lovely.
Speaker 2: I'm comfortable. I'm like, I'm just a human generator. Do
Speaker 2: you run hot? Normally? I run hot? Baby? Okay? Well, yeah,
Speaker 2: you know what will cool you down?
Speaker 3: I was smooth just like this. Cheers, cheers, And if
Speaker 3: you've heard that, cheers.
Speaker 2: It is a cheese of a stone and wood pacific ale.
Speaker 2: You know what it tastes like.
Speaker 1: Beer reminds me of something ash I can't quite.
Speaker 2: Am I going to beat you to it? No? Is
Speaker 2: that could be a bit of Byron read each other's bone.
Speaker 2: You know. I like a holiday to BARRONA Yes, very refreshing.
Speaker 3: The town, not the name, both the beer and the
Speaker 3: town very refreshing. So we are drinking a pacific ale,
Speaker 3: which comes from stone and wood.
Speaker 2: Our partners and it's inspired by the Pacific Ocean. Okay.
Speaker 1: You know, I've always wondered when when I drink this,
Speaker 1: I'm like, it's got quite a nice.
Speaker 2: Little fruity kick to it.
Speaker 1: It's a taste that is synonymous that's the right word.
Speaker 1: Probably not, but I'll go with it with a Pacific ale.
Speaker 1: And I've always wanted to Ash, how do they get
Speaker 1: that the fruit flavors in there?
Speaker 3: Well, it's all Australian bali and of course galaxy hops
Speaker 3: from Tasmania giving it.
Speaker 2: So what kind of hotsical galaxy?
Speaker 1: I was hoping it was going to be like they
Speaker 1: actually saw that from the Milky Way.
Speaker 2: Trying to solar system.
Speaker 3: That's what it gets to tropical fruit aromas and flavors
Speaker 3: and white is so refreshing.
Speaker 1: Well, the ash, that makes a lot of sense to
Speaker 1: why they call it fire and bay in a bottle
Speaker 1: Absolutely Okay.
Speaker 3: If you want to pick up your refreshing Pacific owl,
Speaker 3: get it from your local bottle shop, pub or bar. Again,
Speaker 3: cheers my friend, and thank you Stone and Wood for
Speaker 3: being such good friends of the show.
Speaker 1: Hey, Ash, before we get into the episode, we have
Speaker 1: a very important announcement to make.
Speaker 2: Ah, Yes, we do. We had a.
Speaker 1: Competition for a year's worth of stone and wood.
Speaker 2: One lucky punter out there. Do you want to do
Speaker 2: the honors? You do the honors? All right, Well, so
Speaker 2: the winner drum roll please, Matte Love have you drawned
Speaker 2: this out? Here we go? The winner is Taylor Hosmond.
Speaker 2: Well done. We'll be in touch to organize said twelve
Speaker 2: case Sally.
Speaker 1: We will not be delivering that ourselves.
Speaker 2: That will come via freak Matthew. The other day, I
Speaker 2: was going for a leisurely run. We like to run
Speaker 2: on this podcast, but can I just I can't talk
Speaker 2: about it.
Speaker 1: I just want to say you were doing an amazing
Speaker 1: job so far. Thank you with your running ten k
Speaker 1: every day. I had a rest day yesterday because you deserve.
Speaker 2: I'm in my thirties. I know where to take your
Speaker 2: rest day, and it's the day that I don't want
Speaker 2: to run.
Speaker 1: Just for the people listening right now. How many k's
Speaker 1: have you done this month?
Speaker 2: One hundred and fifty five five more to go today.
Speaker 2: That's amazing just to get through. Yes, look, I.
Speaker 3: Don't want turn this into a running podcast, so we'll
Speaker 3: forget about that.
Speaker 2: I was running.
Speaker 3: I was running along the main road here, Pittwater Road,
Speaker 3: terrible potholes everywhere.
Speaker 2: I was running. Was six thirty in the morning, maybe
Speaker 2: six dish. Great time to run.
Speaker 3: And there's a homeless guy who lives in the not
Speaker 3: in the bus shelter, like the car park or the
Speaker 3: bus stop. Okay, see running up to this running, I'm
Speaker 3: running past this homeless person where they usually are.
Speaker 2: Do you normally give them a nod? Do you say? No? No?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: I never really seen them other than in their little
Speaker 3: north Anyway, he spotted me running.
Speaker 2: He's come after me.
Speaker 3: He's pointed at me, and he's come after me profanities.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, thankfully across the road from a main
Speaker 3: road and there's trady traffic coming past. He's in the
Speaker 3: middle of the road like yelling profanities.
Speaker 2: At me, like fucking there's some fucking that. I just
Speaker 2: gave him the finger and kept running and I was like,
Speaker 2: that's such a weird interaction to have with someone. I
Speaker 2: carried on my merry way with the run and I got.
Speaker 3: Home and I was like, hmm, seems strange. So I
Speaker 3: text our friend at the cafe and I said, can
Speaker 3: you send me a current photo of mister Freese? It
Speaker 3: was mister Free.
Speaker 1: You come face to face with the man himself. Do
Speaker 1: you think he's been listening and he thought this, this
Speaker 1: is the guy that's dragging my name through the mud.
Speaker 2: I don't know, but.
Speaker 1: I was like, I done himself any favors has he No?
Speaker 2: I was like, it would be so good if this was.
Speaker 2: And it turns out the last update we had they
Speaker 2: were selling the house. That was last year, so it's
Speaker 2: been they had the open house. He also got taser
Speaker 2: locked up for trying to shoot the police with the bell.
Speaker 1: Now right, so now he's obviously he's homeless, which let's
Speaker 1: hope for his sake that he turns us around.
Speaker 2: This is fucking Did he have a samurai.
Speaker 3: S No, they've obviously taken his weapons from him. Doesn't
Speaker 3: have the luxuries.
Speaker 2: He's got a lovely willly strolley and a lovely deck chair.
Speaker 1: You're quite lucky you could have been. Imagine if you
Speaker 1: were on the side of mister.
Speaker 3: Free, I would outrun that motherfucker. No, but he would
Speaker 3: have that meth strength and that myth speed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't. They don't stop at anything. I think
Speaker 1: not even a lion could take them down. It would
Speaker 1: take like three lines. You're strong, but.
Speaker 2: Maybe they're onto something.
Speaker 3: What do you mean maybe we need to take the
Speaker 3: rest of society needs to take more math. We'd all
Speaker 3: be really strong from incoherent though from next week? Any
Speaker 3: friends of the show anyway? So yeah, I'll keep your posters.
Speaker 2: I thought I might go change your route. Do you
Speaker 2: think I ran back past her the other day and
Speaker 2: he wasn't looking and I snuck past.
Speaker 1: So you're not going to let this interfere with your
Speaker 1: running route? Nah, dude, don't don't get attacked.
Speaker 2: That's all right. It'll be a great story if I do, so,
Speaker 2: it will be get attacked. I'm on it.
Speaker 3: Also, Matthew, last week we spoke a lot about Chris,
Speaker 3: but we didn't really speak about New Years. Yes, so,
Speaker 3: I mean I haven't really asked you about your New
Speaker 3: Year's You definitely haven't asked me about mine.
Speaker 2: Really, I know. It was like maybe in passing. Look,
Speaker 2: I'll be pretty honest with you.
Speaker 1: We didn't do a whole lot. We had a couple
Speaker 1: of friends around at our place. They all had kids.
Speaker 2: We hosted another event after Christmas. We went the.
Speaker 1: Double the double whammy. We did Christmas. We did, but
Speaker 1: we only had. It was two other families. They each
Speaker 1: had two kids. My mum was also still with us,
Speaker 1: as in living with us. She wasn't you know not
Speaker 1: in reference to her being dead.
Speaker 2: Yes, she is still alive. She's kicking.
Speaker 1: It was very chilled, very chilled. We saw the nine
Speaker 1: o'clock fireworks.
Speaker 2: With the kids. Nine o'clock. The kids were up till. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I've got a solution for that. And that's why I
Speaker 3: bring this up because I was similar. We had a
Speaker 3: really chill one with some friends. I was sober, believe
Speaker 3: it or not. I just need a little break. I
Speaker 3: thought that was a good I thought I would drink
Speaker 3: and feel proud of myself next morning.
Speaker 2: Did you feel proud? No? Anyway. So I've got a
Speaker 2: solution for a good hack. So we had the kids.
Speaker 3: We left our friend's place at like a seven thirty
Speaker 3: with the promise of them being able to see some
Speaker 3: fireworks on the TV show.
Speaker 2: Now, what do you do when the fireworks are at
Speaker 2: nine o'clock but you want kids to bet at an
Speaker 2: appropriate time? I don't know. Well, you go to YouTube,
Speaker 2: my friend.
Speaker 3: Ah, and you search twenty twenty two Sydney fireworks and
Speaker 3: you watch.
Speaker 2: The eleven minute version of that and send them off
Speaker 2: to bed. I've heard about this, I have had I've
Speaker 2: not done.
Speaker 1: We should have done it, because once they get past
Speaker 1: like quarter to nine, they then get this weird second
Speaker 1: win and they just they go loopy, overtired. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: did they straight to sleep? We're all in bit a
Speaker 1: date thirty and did they realize no idea? I said,
Speaker 1: good news is we're going to get to rewatch it tomorrow.
Speaker 3: And we did and did they like it? I was
Speaker 3: just like me at the end. I don't mind, but
Speaker 3: I was just happy to not have them up.
Speaker 1: It's one of those things that it's good on paper,
Speaker 1: like it's nice to go.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: We were all up at nine o'clock and we watched
Speaker 1: the fireworks together. But it's just it's not the saying
Speaker 1: goes the juices are worth the squeeze.
Speaker 2: Very true. Ash.
Speaker 3: What we used to do as kids at my grandmother's
Speaker 3: house for New Years is we used to walk up
Speaker 3: and down the street hitting pots and pants. I don't
Speaker 3: know what the significance of that was, but I do
Speaker 3: remember doing it and was like, that's what we do.
Speaker 3: That's what people do, literally pots and pans, And I mean.
Speaker 2: Is it everyone on the street would do it or
Speaker 2: just the kids? It just seems to be asked. Another
Speaker 2: weird thing from our childhood.
Speaker 1: I heard of that tradition. Well, it's just Christmas trees, absolutely.
Speaker 2: Not pots and pants. We're all for it. But also
Speaker 2: when New.
Speaker 3: Years comes through as solutions, and this is another quick
Speaker 3: thing I just want to go through because this is
Speaker 3: meant to be a parenting podcast, but I often find
Speaker 3: myself writing notes when I am incoherent in the middle
Speaker 3: of the night and forgetting and then finding them again.
Speaker 3: So I've found some new resolutions that I've wanted to
Speaker 3: take on before.
Speaker 2: New Year's actually happened.
Speaker 3: It must have been a week or two before New
Speaker 3: Year's I'm not sure when it was. But it's nothing groundbreaking.
Speaker 3: I'm not a groundbreaking man.
Speaker 2: I think you're selling yourself short here. Maybe one of
Speaker 2: people ask me, what's ash like.
Speaker 1: The one word that always phrase that always comes to
Speaker 1: mind is.
Speaker 2: Jerk, groundbreaking, doubt.
Speaker 3: These these are just things that I just want to
Speaker 3: do better this year. First one, wash my hands more
Speaker 3: often than not.
Speaker 1: I don't know what it is about. I think once
Speaker 1: you get to your mid thirties, washing your hands is just.
Speaker 2: A bit more of a non priority. Yeah, but it's like,
Speaker 2: why did I have to say more often than not,
Speaker 2: just wash your hands more.
Speaker 1: Bro Well, maybe the ratio right now is favorite.
Speaker 2: I wanted washing. Yeah, okay, tighten up the ratios.
Speaker 1: Obviously, if you're going to do dinner, you wash your hands.
Speaker 1: What about if you're doing a piss do you wash
Speaker 1: your hands out?
Speaker 2: I feel like I do it enough. I'm not perfect.
Speaker 2: You're a very hygienic guy. Thank you.
Speaker 3: I'm not perfect. I'm sweating over here. New Year's resolution
Speaker 3: number two. I've got fully wipe my butt every time,
Speaker 3: but dash all year?
Speaker 2: Is there a certain period a certain period of year?
Speaker 2: I don't. You're like, March, March of mine. I need
Speaker 2: a break, I'll document it.
Speaker 1: Can I ask actually on that because you have I
Speaker 1: think you sent me a message I can't remember. I
Speaker 1: did see you and you're like, do people really wipe
Speaker 1: their ass clean?
Speaker 2: Every time? Do they? Yeah? Okay, I just on you don't.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm not admitting that.
Speaker 1: I mean sometimes you do get to the fifth wipe
Speaker 1: and it's not the brownness isn't getting any like lighter.
Speaker 1: It's just a consistent and you're like, I don't know
Speaker 1: where this poo's coming from. Is it just.
Speaker 2: Seeping out of me? Like one of those Plato's squish.
Speaker 1: And sometimes you get to like the fifth, sixth wipe,
Speaker 1: and you're like, I don't have time for this. I've
Speaker 1: got places to be, people to see.
Speaker 2: What do you do? Then you just just get just
Speaker 2: be itchy for the rest of the day and you go.
Speaker 1: You know, I'll have a shower when I come home.
Speaker 2: I'm on board. I'm with you on that one. I
Speaker 2: do well.
Speaker 1: I mean, can I ask the question on average how
Speaker 1: often would you wipe to be clean?
Speaker 2: I don't know? On the spot, I'd like to say
Speaker 2: I try every time, but I don't know. I don't
Speaker 2: fully know anyway. Next one, let's move on from that one.
Speaker 2: Chat more in elevators. I don't know.
Speaker 3: I'd have no idea, no need for this is such
Speaker 3: a millennial one. Answer my phone when it rings?
Speaker 1: You you hate a phone call?
Speaker 2: And this is it gets a little bit weird.
Speaker 3: Here gets eat from the earth and then he brackets
Speaker 3: has got not plants?
Speaker 2: What what do you no idea? Just next one? What
Speaker 2: do you want to bark or all?
Speaker 3: This one is just empathy and then he brackets says
Speaker 3: pretend and last one it just says gene shorts.
Speaker 2: Yeah, great, well we've we've ticked that one off. We'll
Speaker 2: tick that one off. You do like a bit of
Speaker 2: empathy at time.
Speaker 1: Anyway, I think they're all very worthwhile goals for the year.
Speaker 1: I think you've done a great list, particularly the ass
Speaker 1: wiping one.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I thought that was a complete waste of time,
Speaker 2: that that list. And I was like, we'll just share
Speaker 2: with Matt, see what do you think. When did you
Speaker 2: write that that? I don't know. I've just got when
Speaker 2: it's edited last and that was when I found it. Great.
Speaker 1: I've got nothing, actually, I could my only kind of
Speaker 1: resolution so far. I am an horrendous swimmer. I'm a
Speaker 1: terrible swimmer. I've never never swum. Always always struggled. And
Speaker 1: at the moment we're doing a bit of a competition
Speaker 1: seven hundred and fifty meters and for the first time
Speaker 1: ever I did seven hundred and fifty meters without like
Speaker 1: stopping and dying.
Speaker 2: Wow, that's a lot. I can't do it. It's so boring,
Speaker 2: so boring, so wet, it's and I started getting water
Speaker 2: in my ear. Oh. Did it come out.
Speaker 1: So it's come good today. Yesterday we were together and I.
Speaker 2: Just had this like not in that way, but yeah, I.
Speaker 1: Left ear I was like in this bubble and it
Speaker 1: happens every time, like so that was my goal to
Speaker 1: do a bit more swimming.
Speaker 2: So you can have to be one of those old dudes.
Speaker 2: That blue tax there.
Speaker 1: That's I'm literally like, I'm getting like the ear wax mold.
Speaker 2: That's it. That's what that's all I've got.
Speaker 3: You know you get when you got ear wax mold
Speaker 3: that rhymed. Go ahead, you know you're getting old when
Speaker 3: you get an ear wax mole.
Speaker 2: All right, anyway, how are you? Anyway?
Speaker 1: How do you think I am? You look good as
Speaker 1: this will come as no major surprise to you, Ash,
Speaker 1: but we have some sick individuals in.
Speaker 2: Our household, ends, does it.
Speaker 1: Laura's been this is going on two weeks now that
Speaker 1: she's been onwell, and I was giving her a lot
Speaker 1: of sympathy to begin with, but then by the second week,
Speaker 1: get over it, Like, come on, surely, by now you're
Speaker 1: starting to.
Speaker 2: Feel a little bit better. Milk in this one, surely.
Speaker 1: And she does get a little bit of bad asthma
Speaker 1: at times. The first week was a flu, not COVID,
Speaker 1: Pretty sure it was COVID though. Second week just this cough. Dude,
Speaker 1: this cough just wasn't going anywhere.
Speaker 2: Can we get an example of.
Speaker 1: It's like a cat, That's that's what it sounds like, NonStop.
Speaker 1: And look she's unwell, but I'm like, I'm trying to
Speaker 1: watch TV.
Speaker 2: Shut up.
Speaker 1: The worst that it got, the worst that it got
Speaker 1: ash was an asthma attack. That shit resulted in Laura vomiting.
Speaker 2: She coughed so hard that it refluxed.
Speaker 1: And yeah, and it was We had pizza with solami
Speaker 1: and capsicum very It was lovely.
Speaker 2: It was really good. How long after that was it
Speaker 2: re edible? Only like once or twice?
Speaker 1: I think in like the nine years that we've been together,
Speaker 1: have I ever had to like be in the same
Speaker 1: room as Laura vomiting? And it's quite What do you
Speaker 1: do in that situation? Like you you're very helpless. You
Speaker 1: can't offer much.
Speaker 2: Powder on the back stage, Okay, don't that's it. I mean,
Speaker 2: I've got a glass of water. You better just getting
Speaker 2: the hell out of there or going.
Speaker 1: I hung around. I was in the bathroom with her.
Speaker 1: What happened was she was coughing in the sink, and
Speaker 1: then in the sink a plug.
Speaker 2: Is like, yeah, the metal thing, Yeah, it's like down.
Speaker 1: It's like a circle, and then a circle, then a
Speaker 1: circle says a little like.
Speaker 2: You can't screw that? Can you show you? I've gone upstairs.
Speaker 2: I'll do it. We'll do it a little demonstrated because.
Speaker 1: There's a there's a tiny little lip where the water
Speaker 1: comes through, but that I got blocked up with the
Speaker 1: caps and the salami and like the pizza dough. And
Speaker 1: so Laura was then vomiting in the toilet behind me,
Speaker 1: and I always trying to then clean up all the
Speaker 1: vomit from the sink. And I was like, this is lovely.
Speaker 2: This is marriage, mane, this is this sickness and hell
Speaker 2: married live.
Speaker 1: But I wish I wish you could do more when
Speaker 1: someone's vomiting.
Speaker 2: I don't. I wish I could do less and away
Speaker 2: from where it's ating. Empathy, pretend, pretend, I mean, I
Speaker 2: wish I could do more.
Speaker 1: Ve that in there.
Speaker 2: But how she now, how's she going now? Mate?
Speaker 1: She ended up and she is she is okay, She's
Speaker 1: on the end. She ended up going in the hospital
Speaker 1: just because she.
Speaker 2: Was very out of breath.
Speaker 1: They think she has mild pneumonia.
Speaker 2: Do you get that from just lack of movement? Look,
Speaker 2: I always associated with being really cold, like cold assignment.
Speaker 1: I thought it was like if you're hiking in there, but.
Speaker 2: A lot of like old people. Yes, in tropical areas
Speaker 2: as well. I feel like pneumonia.
Speaker 1: I feel like if you're over seventy and you're living
Speaker 1: in Queensland, pneumonia's going to get young.
Speaker 2: Be w. Yeah, the warning to all of you out there,
Speaker 2: be on to all of you.
Speaker 3: Yep, Like you hear a lot of times where like
Speaker 3: someone breaks their leg ends up in hospital, does at
Speaker 3: pnemonia and.
Speaker 1: The like where's the pnemonia come from? Pneumonia is just that
Speaker 1: it's lurking.
Speaker 2: It's lurking, following you around like a shadow for your
Speaker 2: whole life.
Speaker 1: I'm sure it's in here somewhere.
Speaker 2: Pneumonia. Yes, I can smell you. I have managed to.
Speaker 2: I don't think it's contagious, bro, it is that okay.
Speaker 1: So here's my question for you though, ash Okay, when
Speaker 1: your partner is sick, is it okay to sleep in
Speaker 1: a separate room slash bed?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Okay, great, because I've moved out. You've moved out.
Speaker 2: I've moved the summer house. I moved to the poolhouse.
Speaker 1: I moved downstairs in the cellar. We have a little
Speaker 1: like sofa, a little room downstairs. Oh yes, yes, another one,
Speaker 1: and I've made that into a bed batchpas.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Boy. And the first night was hard. So should
Speaker 2: we change your postal address? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, twenty yeah, I give it away just a at the
Speaker 3: end of the night.
Speaker 2: It was a bit tough. At first.
Speaker 1: Night one felt very you know, felt strange.
Speaker 2: Because how good is rest? Though?
Speaker 1: So I woke up after night one and I was like,
Speaker 1: this is pretty nice.
Speaker 3: I've had like a divorce papers in the mouth to
Speaker 3: my neighbor who is Laura.
Speaker 1: I've had a full seven and a half hours uninterrupted.
Speaker 2: Is amazing.
Speaker 1: So night too, I was like, hey, well I better
Speaker 1: stay downstairs just because you still got the cough.
Speaker 2: I don't want to getting away.
Speaker 1: And so night three, I'm like this is now, I've
Speaker 1: got like my clothes downstairs and downstairs through.
Speaker 2: You're just carrying the TV.
Speaker 3: In your one bedroom U the front and it's like
Speaker 3: you only get your kids once a fortnight and go
Speaker 3: one of those sad little single dad beds for them
Speaker 3: in the corner where they share it.
Speaker 1: And Laura's like, I think I'm getting well enough for
Speaker 1: you to come back into the bed, and yeah, I don't.
Speaker 2: Know, Laura.
Speaker 1: I better have a few more nights just in case.
Speaker 1: So it's been real nice, it's been lovely.
Speaker 2: Laura has other husband's out there going see I told you,
Speaker 2: I told you it was fine. I don't want to
Speaker 2: catch the MOONI bro.
Speaker 3: It's like you're going to sublet your room out your
Speaker 3: house out downstairs.
Speaker 2: That's great. Well, so Cloud's on them end.
Speaker 3: Also, we need to have a bit of a housewarming
Speaker 3: for you and your batchpad before she completely on the man.
Speaker 1: I'm thinking Sunday Sunday because the Sunday's Laura's got the
Speaker 1: kids on Sundays.
Speaker 2: I don't know what.
Speaker 1: The other thing that's happened, just quickly ash to make
Speaker 1: things more difficult than what they already are. Parenting kids
Speaker 1: is hard enough.
Speaker 2: I always say it sucks. You know what makes me
Speaker 2: even harder? I mean, I love it. There he is.
Speaker 1: You know what makes parenting even harder?
Speaker 2: It's been a single dat mosquitoes.
Speaker 3: Oh yes, yep, do they like you, not kids. I'm
Speaker 3: talking about mosquitoes. Do the mosquitoes like you in particular?
Speaker 2: Not me? I'm fine. I take it as the biggest
Speaker 2: compliment ever. Yeah, it's a mosquito.
Speaker 1: How much do you have that as like you were
Speaker 1: that with pride?
Speaker 2: It's like an It's like you can't fucking touch me.
Speaker 2: They don't like my blood. Yeah, not sweet enough. I
Speaker 2: must taste like ship, you know.
Speaker 1: And I'm happy mosquitoes alarm drunk that.
Speaker 2: Stuff definitely better not drive or fly.
Speaker 1: So you call Warrywood worry would worry Wood because I'm worrying.
Speaker 1: You could worry with the swamp. But actually, Bondai after
Speaker 1: this rain.
Speaker 2: I don't think.
Speaker 3: Just so that the Bondi City Council doesn't hear you,
Speaker 3: you're not allowed to refer to bond as a swamp
Speaker 3: because the rich will come after you.
Speaker 1: Well at the moment, just heaps. There is nothing but mosquitoes.
Speaker 3: It's about time that you guys got something that wasn't
Speaker 3: just quite so savor.
Speaker 1: I'm like three houses down from a sewage plant.
Speaker 2: It's not a nice way to talk about Carson's house anyway.
Speaker 1: Can I just show you a little bit shit?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Oh, my god, she's been she's been ganted away from me.
Speaker 2: Hang, oh my god, look at her arms. Do leaven
Speaker 2: the doors open? Man, Oh my god, that's a bed bug. No,
Speaker 2: it's not the mosquito. Mosquito, it would be so good
Speaker 2: that you got bed bugs, not for me.
Speaker 1: So she no one else in the house is getting bitten.
Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden, Lola wakes up and
Speaker 1: she's got like thirty mosquitoes.
Speaker 2: She the only one. Marley a little bit, but Low
Speaker 2: they're still in the same room.
Speaker 1: They're in the same room. She just gets rid and
Speaker 1: they all turn.
Speaker 2: Into wells right, so, and like they don't like Marley
Speaker 2: not so much.
Speaker 1: And Marley's they're like, I've got one as well somewhere that.
Speaker 2: Wants to be part of the team.
Speaker 1: She wants to was something wrong with it. La was
Speaker 1: getting all the attention, and so at the moment, man.
Speaker 2: Like, she thought about pneumonia. Well, what's the disease you
Speaker 2: get from mosquitoes. There's a couple. We'll go through them.
Speaker 2: Ross River fever, Ross River fever, one of them.
Speaker 1: The last thing we need at the moment. We've got
Speaker 1: pneumonia soon to have Ross River fever.
Speaker 2: What else is the other one you get when you're overseas.
Speaker 3: Malaria malaria, Yeah, not glaringly obvious, that one.
Speaker 2: Not to be forgotten one of them. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So then so obviously we're just given about the dummy
Speaker 1: full time pretty much now, because every time you go
Speaker 1: to bed, oh my god, I have the dummy.
Speaker 2: So what's the solution do you think?
Speaker 1: Though, Well, I don't know. Well, I've had a look online.
Speaker 1: I'm looking at mosquito killers at the moment, everything from
Speaker 1: like the sticky pads right up until like you have
Speaker 1: these like zappers to these ones that are like this
Speaker 1: UV light that like slowly.
Speaker 2: Kill them all slowly is better? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I wanted to bet so hey if you got any
Speaker 1: advice for how to get rid of mosquitoes. Even got
Speaker 1: the little wristbands that have like a little bit for balance.
Speaker 1: So I'm trying everything at the moment, out of ideas,
Speaker 1: out of ideas.
Speaker 2: The massies don't like me. They're like April, that's about
Speaker 2: it in this house. So there's always one. There's only
Speaker 2: one Acrifi has April survived in the swamp.
Speaker 3: We just keep on doors shut. That's why I'm sweating
Speaker 3: front doors open, screen door isn't. Look she does get bitten,
Speaker 3: but not to that extent.
Speaker 2: Let's put this way, if Lola was a fully.
Speaker 3: Grown woman, wouldn't look so bad because their body would
Speaker 3: have spread them out.
Speaker 2: Okay my logic there. Yeah, no, I got it very good.
Speaker 2: But grow up Lola, it'd be fine. Look they're not great.
Speaker 3: I mean yeah, you definite don't want to get roster
Speaker 3: of a fever. Automati who had that once never recovered properly.
Speaker 2: He's like if anything flying comes near, he's like, you know,
Speaker 2: said pneumonia. I don't want to talk about it. They
Speaker 2: all died heavy. How do you nan recovered? How Man
Speaker 2: had it? Yeah, she's always got pneumonia. Spoon Man not
Speaker 2: so much. Rest in Peace RP should do meltdowns, we
Speaker 2: should do a new segment. This intro one of the
Speaker 2: worst that we've ever said. I but the worst it is,
Speaker 2: the better it is. I think I can agree with that.
Speaker 3: I don't know if people listening can agree with because
Speaker 3: they probably got to turn this bit off for us.
Speaker 2: If you're listening right now, turn it down just a spititch.
Speaker 3: So if you're not familiar with this segment, it's where
Speaker 3: we have people writing and tell us about their kids
Speaker 3: or a child they might know most ridiculous meltdown over
Speaker 3: what it's very entertaining.
Speaker 1: But also if anyone is not a parent, because there
Speaker 1: are a few people who don't have kids and they're listening.
Speaker 1: Having kids is just it's NonStop troubleshooting of meltdown. It's
Speaker 1: just doesn't matter.
Speaker 3: I've often said that it's like having an incoherent drunk
Speaker 3: person owning one.
Speaker 2: Yes, that's exactly what it is.
Speaker 1: Things are good, It's only gonna last for maximum five
Speaker 1: minutes before you have a meltdown.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, And then that's like you have a meltdown
Speaker 2: with a drunk person. You know what the fuck? Oh
Speaker 2: you know?
Speaker 3: I love you, man, I, I love you so much.
Speaker 3: That's exactly what its parenting. It's they should put that
Speaker 3: in the d chair. It's like parenting defined. I'll start
Speaker 3: with just one that happened to me, not my kids,
Speaker 3: but I witnessed it firsthand, which I love that the most.
Speaker 1: It's enjoyable when you're childless is even better.
Speaker 2: And you know when it's a good one when other
Speaker 2: parents around are like, do you know what's wrong? Do
Speaker 2: you know what happened? Oh? Fuck? So I was at
Speaker 2: the beach the other day and I just get out
Speaker 2: of the car and then all of a sudden, I
Speaker 2: hear the wind up behavior this kid just screaming like
Speaker 2: top of.
Speaker 3: Their lungs, Like, oh, I thought maybe they'd fallen over
Speaker 3: or something serious had happened. And then April was happened
Speaker 3: to be where like she'd been out of the car
Speaker 3: seen it.
Speaker 2: What was happening. I hadn't seen it. I just heard it.
Speaker 2: And then I'm walking back behind the car and I
Speaker 2: was like, oh, like what happened?
Speaker 3: And she was like the kid had an absolute, still
Speaker 3: melting down cry for twenty minutes, right twenty minutes because
Speaker 3: it was getting dressed. How da, how dare you dress
Speaker 3: me down at the beach to go into the water.
Speaker 2: But then we've walked to our.
Speaker 3: Spot of the beach, you can still hear it. Then
Speaker 3: I hear it coming down the beach, still screaming, and
Speaker 3: I'm like, what the fuck? And the lady next to
Speaker 3: us was like, do you guys know what happened? And
Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, they just the kid just got dressed.
Speaker 2: Didn't like it.
Speaker 1: There is that little split moment from when you've put
Speaker 1: a shirt over the toddler's head.
Speaker 2: And they're like, oh, that's a freak at.
Speaker 1: And then as soon as you're probably in the hole,
Speaker 1: they're like, oh, thank god.
Speaker 3: I always said to ask you when that happens. Nearly
Speaker 3: lost today. But they kept going, kept screaming, and then
Speaker 3: the parents thought, you know, it's a good idea, let's
Speaker 3: get him into the water. But also it was a
Speaker 3: northerly swell, so all the water comes from deep water.
Speaker 3: It's really cold compared to what it should be in summer,
Speaker 3: and they a little tip. The kid just went off
Speaker 3: just continuous. They had to pack up and go home.
Speaker 2: D's it's pretty lovely night. The thing is that the
Speaker 2: parents would have been like, let's get down to the
Speaker 2: beach for the kid. Yeah, I'm doing this, We're doing
Speaker 2: this for the kid, and ended up having to go.
Speaker 1: There is nothing more disheartening than when you were doing
Speaker 1: something with the intention nothing else but to try and
Speaker 1: make your child happy, like go into like a kid's
Speaker 1: playground or something like that, and if they don't enjoy it,
Speaker 1: obviously a meltdown's fine. But if you can't spin that
Speaker 1: round and like get them to turn the corner, and
Speaker 1: then you come back home and it's just you accept defeat.
Speaker 2: Fuck, it is disheartening. I hate that, like I did this,
Speaker 2: I do this for you. Yeah, I don't do it
Speaker 2: for me. I don't know the lines. I know. I
Speaker 2: don't want to go to zoo and my legs immediately
Speaker 2: hurt as soon as I walk in there.
Speaker 3: It's like, why am I legs so sore? Like I've
Speaker 3: been running a marathon today.
Speaker 2: I got one here for you.
Speaker 1: This one is from Casey and she's written in and
Speaker 1: she said my toddler had a tantrum because I didn't
Speaker 1: get the receipt after buying three things from Willie's.
Speaker 3: Just worried about you going to shops afterwards, warranted like
Speaker 3: why what is it to you?
Speaker 2: Another one?
Speaker 3: I'll just give you one that I've got really quick.
Speaker 3: That's actually from a family member of mine. So it's
Speaker 3: from a cousin and they've got two kids. They've got
Speaker 3: one who's like I think she's like three four or
Speaker 3: something like that.
Speaker 2: Apparently she has a meltdown because they won't let her
Speaker 2: drive the car every time.
Speaker 3: Apparently that's about as annoying as a guest ah. She's
Speaker 3: trying to get somewhere it's like you put him in the.
Speaker 2: Seat drive maybe fucking do it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Mayson has an obsession with the car that if
Speaker 3: we get her out of the car without it letting
Speaker 3: it have a play in the car melt down.
Speaker 2: Stop that habit right now, I do. Someone else doesn't.
Speaker 2: Not naming names.
Speaker 1: This meltdown is one that happens to us, and I
Speaker 1: don't know if you're because are the same. We've got
Speaker 1: the double pram and Lola's a really good height because
Speaker 1: she's still in like the like the seat pram. Yeah,
Speaker 1: perfect height to press the pedestrian pressing button, whereas Marley's
Speaker 1: kind of like wedged on the back.
Speaker 2: Of the suitor, stuck in there somewhere.
Speaker 1: And so when we go up to a crossing, Lola
Speaker 1: will press the button and then Marley's like, I'm the
Speaker 1: press and then there's this fight of who has to
Speaker 1: press it.
Speaker 2: Last.
Speaker 1: We let Marley press the button and then Laula's like
Speaker 1: I wanted to press it that it's just just all day.
Speaker 3: You'd be there all day being like, okay, last one
Speaker 3: we don't go to I reckon if you didn't be
Speaker 3: like that's it, that's the last one.
Speaker 2: They would just go back and forth.
Speaker 3: All today because Oscar and Mayson do that. If last
Speaker 3: person to get a kiss from mom before they go
Speaker 3: to sleep. But Macy would jump up and down in
Speaker 3: the cot so that she's the last one.
Speaker 2: She's the youngest. The other day she's jumping up and
Speaker 2: down on the cotton head butt a bang, hit the deck,
Speaker 2: straight to sleep, Straight to sleep. Concussion.
Speaker 3: Anyway, if you've got one, please send us a d
Speaker 3: M or you've flickers, flickers.
Speaker 2: Not just send us a DM. We don't change the
Speaker 2: email address.
Speaker 1: I think we might change it.
Speaker 2: What is it? What is it right now? Big dick dad? Yes,
Speaker 2: let's move on to some questions.
Speaker 1: I have a question for you can straight up? Do
Speaker 1: you mind if I kick off? Yeah? I'm very intrigued
Speaker 1: this question because I feel like couples have very varying styles.
Speaker 1: This one ashes. This one has come from Paris. Jane
Speaker 1: message me this morning in fact on Instagram direct my messages,
Speaker 1: and she said, we'd love to know how you guys
Speaker 1: work through your parenting tips as a couple. Oh so, like,
Speaker 1: what's your resolution process? But when you and April are
Speaker 1: having a little argument.
Speaker 3: Or haven't like agreed on the outcome, of the parenting situation.
Speaker 3: Like for examples, one for you please, and April does
Speaker 3: this a lot, okay, where I'll be like, no, I.
Speaker 1: Just heard her move upstairs because she does listen in Oh,
Speaker 1: She's like just put an ear to the floor.
Speaker 2: Well, you're about to get sledged whenever, like one of
Speaker 2: the kids is like I want something like this, and
Speaker 2: I'm like no, and I like walk away. Sometimes April
Speaker 2: has given it to them afterwards and I have snoop
Speaker 2: to see what happened, and she's done it, So you're
Speaker 2: the you're the bad yeah, and.
Speaker 3: I've gone you know, you've got to back me up,
Speaker 3: like you can't just like it's just like it's just
Speaker 3: easier to do. Usually what happens is we'll have like
Speaker 3: a little tiff. We don't fight very often.
Speaker 2: What happens when you guys actually have a fight.
Speaker 3: I think, how there's a lot of fights still open
Speaker 3: we haven't resolved them, which is not good.
Speaker 2: How would you guys?
Speaker 1: Gay question for you because Laura and I, if we
Speaker 1: have obviously a little disagreement doesn't warrant having a full
Speaker 1: sit down. Yeah, we can't go to sleep without saying
Speaker 1: physically or you just.
Speaker 2: Like well, I could probably go to sleep. Look in
Speaker 2: the batch bad, go downstairs.
Speaker 1: We need to kind of both acknowledge what was the
Speaker 1: cause of the problem and like say sorry and then
Speaker 1: have a kiss and then.
Speaker 2: We're good to go. I think kiss. Are you guys
Speaker 2: like that? Oh? Do you do?
Speaker 1: You guys?
Speaker 2: You can let it simmer for a little bit. No,
Speaker 2: we usually just take little digs at each other until
Speaker 2: eventually we laughed about it. Oh that's nice and healthy. Yeah, great, anyway,
Speaker 2: that's that's the answer. Literally, I'll be like, just ask
Speaker 2: mum if she'll give it to you kidney shot. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it seems to be working perfect. We're fine, I swear
Speaker 2: all right, My turn, my mummy turn.
Speaker 3: Here's one comes from Amy via Instagram. If you could
Speaker 3: erase one aspect or task in parenting.
Speaker 2: Forever, what would it be? But is endless? Jesus, it's
Speaker 2: a very open ended question. Where do we begin? One thing?
Speaker 3: You just like go, I'll just like paraphrase that a
Speaker 3: little bit for your game. If you don't mind, man,
Speaker 3: one thing that you fucking hate about it that you
Speaker 3: could just I wish I could never or would never
Speaker 3: have to do that ever again in my existence.
Speaker 2: I think that. Okay, there's a lot. I can't say
Speaker 2: all of it.
Speaker 1: Probably the one that I disliked the most would be
Speaker 1: brushing teeth. Oh yeah, you got yeah, because every time
Speaker 1: we had a little window we talked about it last year,
Speaker 1: we would say the sugar bugs and unless you get
Speaker 1: rid of the sugar bugs through brushing your teeth, sugar
Speaker 1: bugs would rot your teeth away.
Speaker 2: And it worked for a little bit and the kids would.
Speaker 1: Be like, oh, sugar bugs. And on they would like
Speaker 1: allow us to brush their teeth. But every time, every
Speaker 1: time the kids are in the bath, I've got to
Speaker 1: brush their teeth. It's like I've got pliers and I'm
Speaker 1: pulling out of them.
Speaker 2: Just I've got to pin them down, open your mouth.
Speaker 1: And then Lola's like, I want to do it, and
Speaker 1: then she just sucks the toothpaste off, swallows it.
Speaker 2: She's like finished, that's not it smart. You got to actually, yeah,
Speaker 2: having the battle, it's the battle, and.
Speaker 1: Then ash and then because like we always finish on
Speaker 1: brushing the teeth. So then I get out of the bath,
Speaker 1: they're kicking, screaming. Getting them dressed, they're kicking, scream again.
Speaker 1: It just takes a little while. They finally calm down,
Speaker 1: like midway through the first book.
Speaker 2: Ah, maybe can you tell I hate brushing teeth? Maybe
Speaker 2: brush them at a different time you're onto something.
Speaker 3: Maybe just finish dinner and go guess what, girls, this time,
Speaker 3: we're going to brush our teals straight off to dinner
Speaker 3: so the food doesn't get lodged in there, that food out.
Speaker 2: That's very clever. What would it be for you? It's
Speaker 2: definitely the battle of It's just like the battle of
Speaker 2: trying to get them to listen. That's it, because.
Speaker 3: I feel like if I could remove the aspect of
Speaker 3: me telling them to do something.
Speaker 2: To remove disciplining. Is that I hate disciplining them because
Speaker 2: I find that I'm doing it all the time because
Speaker 2: they don't listen. Is that a April? No? No, of
Speaker 2: course not. I don't know. It's a tough one because
Speaker 2: it's like Oscar, what about reading kids' books? Do you
Speaker 2: like that? It's all boring to me? Man, But I
Speaker 2: don't do that? What about kids play? I do? Like
Speaker 2: I do. April is way more diligent with that that
Speaker 2: she does. The I do the help to the bath,
Speaker 2: we do the bath, get them dress, I say good night.
Speaker 2: They read a book you're you're the dinner guy. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm the dinner guy. I finish.
Speaker 3: Actually, that's it. You've just hit them on the head dinner.
Speaker 3: If I could remove the battle of getting them to
Speaker 3: eat dinner, If I could just get them to eat dinner,
Speaker 3: I reckon I would be a better person. That empathy
Speaker 3: wouldn't be pretend. That would be real. If I could
Speaker 3: get them to eat dinner.
Speaker 1: If there's any scientists out there.
Speaker 2: Figure that out. What do I do starve them?
Speaker 1: Let's not explore the depths of the ocean or like universes.
Speaker 2: No one needs that. Just figure out how to make like.
Speaker 3: There's more grains of sand then there is stars. Just
Speaker 3: tell me how to get my kids to eat that
Speaker 3: fucking dinner. Like if someone served me chicken nuggets and chips,
Speaker 3: I would be like, you're the best, not like I
Speaker 3: don't like it. I liked it yesterday, I don't like
Speaker 3: it today. That's another thing too. If I can get
Speaker 3: rid of oh god here, same with dinner, the change
Speaker 3: of taste buds over to the course of twenty four hours.
Speaker 3: So I'll be like, have this, and they'll be like,
Speaker 3: I'll eat it.
Speaker 2: Okay. That's the key that is it. That's the thing,
Speaker 2: Like I hate watermelon and then you give it to
Speaker 2: them tomorrow and they're like, I don't like it.
Speaker 1: You actually do what my fucking just quickly, Marley was like,
Speaker 1: actually I no longer like having butter on my toast.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, that's a lie, because I've seen you
Speaker 1: eat that by the spoonful this morning and all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, because it's on your toast right now and it's.
Speaker 2: In front of you, haven't even noticed. That's another thing.
Speaker 3: Oscar doesn't want veggiemite with butter anymore. So I've been
Speaker 3: sneaking the butter on there.
Speaker 2: I sneak in the butter on the pit. I ain't
Speaker 2: raising no freak. And if you have.
Speaker 1: Any parenting questions, you can submit that to us via
Speaker 1: either one of our personal instagram.
Speaker 2: Yeah, DM, stop me on the street.
Speaker 1: Be like, I've got a question, don't stop me in
Speaker 1: the street. Actually that's probably what mister Freeze.
Speaker 2: Was trying to do. I've got a really good dream
Speaker 2: of the ash, please stop. And you're like, fuck off.
Speaker 2: I literally gave you in the finger and get I
Speaker 2: just wanted to know.
Speaker 3: But it was one of those Ah, what is our
Speaker 3: email to dd at out lock out Lock's so two yep,
Speaker 3: dd at outlook dot com dot au.
Speaker 2: Great, you can submit them there?
Speaker 1: Can I also just say, as well as really quickly
Speaker 1: before we go, Yes, we do have. I believe the
Speaker 1: figure is round about forty three calendars. This is chur
Speaker 1: Play twenty twenty four. They are remaining. They are sitting
Speaker 1: there waiting to find a home someone in this country
Speaker 1: to love them. You asked the question, You're like, has
Speaker 1: anyone masturbated over the calendar?
Speaker 2: Do you know what?
Speaker 1: Nothing would make me happier?
Speaker 2: Yes, I welcome it.
Speaker 3: I have over the pictures of me because I'm so
Speaker 3: self upset. What my idea was to take them to
Speaker 3: news agents and put them in the calendar section of
Speaker 3: the news agent, but put free and then film people
Speaker 3: picking them up.
Speaker 2: We'll be there for a while. Do love good news agents.
Speaker 2: We just sit there and play scratch thems and we
Speaker 2: need what scratch thems to.
Speaker 3: Scratches one name called scratches Scratch the scratch ems anyway,
Speaker 3: don't gamble.
Speaker 2: Kids, there's some remaining. There is some remaining that are
Speaker 2: on the budget Smuggler website. They are go grab them.
Speaker 2: Maybe we'll just heavily discount them. Let's give it one
Speaker 2: more week. We've got to left. We'll give weself. I
Speaker 2: was wait till next week.
Speaker 1: Hey, they will sell out me let me tell you
Speaker 1: they will not.
Speaker 2: We're going to actually put the price up. We can
Speaker 2: do it, like everything must go sale. Yeah, we should
Speaker 2: do that, Okay, we should. We'll see you guys, if
Speaker 2: you've enjoyed this episode. Sorry, that's okay.
Speaker 3: If you enjoyed the episode, please add it to a friend,
Speaker 3: someone who needs to laugh, someone is a cackle, or
Speaker 3: someone who's just having a little bit maybe struggling.
Speaker 2: With parenting, because parenting is hard. Parenting is tough, apparently.
Speaker 1: And also we would love if you've enjoyed this episode.
Speaker 1: You can, of course subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 1: so every episode gets delivered straight into your inbox and
Speaker 1: a review, a few stars, a few comments all we
Speaker 1: ask for the end.
Speaker 2: Goodbye, see you next time.