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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.

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Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just

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Speaker 2: once answers me out.

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Speaker 3: But I also am so grateful for the face to

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Speaker 3: FaceTime that I have with those same people because it

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Speaker 3: helps me to see the whole picture and recognize that

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Speaker 3: they're just like me. Sometimes they get it right and

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Speaker 3: sometimes they completely screw up, and that's okay. And now

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Speaker 3: here's the stars of our show, my mom and dad.

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Speaker 1: Wohoo, you excited it's Friday.

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Speaker 3: No, I was anticipating your excitement.

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Speaker 1: I was almost going to do it.

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Speaker 3: Really, something's happening this weekend that you must be that

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Speaker 3: excited about to see the week gone.

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Speaker 2: I just really enjoy things slowing down as we get

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Speaker 2: to the weekend and spending time with our family. My

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Speaker 2: name's Justin here with Kylie where a husband and wife

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Speaker 2: podcast partnership. And we've got six kids between us, well,

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Speaker 2: six kids together, what do I mean?

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Speaker 1: We have six daughters, all ours.

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Speaker 2: All ourse from the very beginning. And no, for those

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Speaker 2: of you who are wondering, we weren't trying for a boy, really,

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Speaker 2: well I wasn't, were you?

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Speaker 4: No?

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Speaker 1: Okay?

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Speaker 2: We run a website called Happy Families dot com. Dot

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Speaker 2: a U and I've got six books that I've written

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Speaker 2: about raising happy families. Every Friday we talk about how

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Speaker 2: we can do better tomorrow, the idea that parenting should

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Speaker 2: be something that's intentional, and as we become better.

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Speaker 1: People, we raise better kids.

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Speaker 2: And even if we don't, we still become better people

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Speaker 2: in the process of raising the challenging kids that we've got.

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Speaker 2: Before we talk about it, I'll do better Tomorrow stories

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Speaker 2: for this week, though, I just want to do a

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Speaker 2: shout out to Hamish Blake. I mean, he doesn't know

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Speaker 2: that I exist one of the most popular humans in

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Speaker 2: the country. But Hamish a couple of weeks ago did

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Speaker 2: his latest birthday cake extravaganza.

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Speaker 1: Have you seen what he does?

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Speaker 4: So?

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Speaker 1: Did I actually show it to you on Instagram?

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Speaker 3: You did not.

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Speaker 2: So Hamish Blake made a commitment to his little kids,

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Speaker 2: and they are very young.

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Speaker 3: Oh, I know the commitment he's made, but I haven't

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Speaker 3: seen his latest creation.

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Speaker 2: Right, So for those of you who are not familiar,

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Speaker 2: he's made a commitment to his kids that he's going

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Speaker 2: to make them whatever birthday cake they want for them

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Speaker 2: the birthday. So the night before their birthday, he stays

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Speaker 2: up until whatever time it takes to get the cake.

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Speaker 3: He must be a closet baker. I mean, let's face it,

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Speaker 3: no dad is ever going to agree to this if

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Speaker 3: they don't have some kind of interest or skill factor.

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Speaker 3: I mean, this is serious. Yea. Cakes he's making are intense.

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Speaker 1: He's got mechanisms going on something.

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Speaker 2: I mean he actually, for the latest one, he bought

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Speaker 2: the the inside of the cake and he just did

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Speaker 2: all the outside stuff. But we're talking about it was

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Speaker 2: supposed to be a It was supposed to be a unicorn,

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Speaker 2: and it turned.

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Speaker 1: Into what he called a unid donkey.

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Speaker 2: Anyway, I've got some We've got some audio from what

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Speaker 2: he was doing, because he drinks a bit of whiskey

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Speaker 2: while he's making these cakes. And the last one finished

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Speaker 2: at about three am.

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Speaker 1: His what happened.

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Speaker 5: I had a bit of a nap putting the kids

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Speaker 5: to bed, and I have accidentally had a martini before

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Speaker 5: doing this.

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Speaker 1: We're going get it.

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Speaker 4: Done, guys.

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Speaker 5: When you're making a unicorn cake, like a lot of

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Speaker 5: the baking is about trade offs, like is the heck

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Speaker 5: going to be too big with the horn? Like to

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Speaker 5: have a delicious Tasmanian whiskey of George CLIs to heal. Okay,

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Speaker 5: in all seriousness, I bout myself on marshmallow yellow hands.

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Speaker 1: I'm really going to get down to it. I'ppably been

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Speaker 1: making around a little bit. That's all right, we're having fun.

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Speaker 4: It's me again and Uni, Hey, if you need to

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Speaker 4: have an early night, this is not going to be

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Speaker 4: an early one. I'm not panicking, but I'm realizing that

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Speaker 4: now three o'clock, I got to just get the wings

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Speaker 4: on with a donkey. We're doing a una donkey and

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Speaker 4: the donkey takes flight.

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Speaker 1: So anyway, I was thinking about this great story.

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Speaker 2: About how he does this for his kids, stays up late,

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Speaker 2: gets himself far too drunk, and makes these incredible creations,

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Speaker 2: and what a great tradition it is, and how fantastic

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Speaker 2: the stories are and just the whole narrative around it.

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Speaker 2: The kids are kind of too little to appreciate it now,

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Speaker 2: but I think as they get old, this is going

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Speaker 2: to become a really special thing that the whole family

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Speaker 2: can enjoy. And I was thinking, for just a moment

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Speaker 2: as I was watching the footage.

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Speaker 1: Gee, I'm a bad dad.

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Speaker 2: Like there's that whole parent shaming parent comparison thing that happens,

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Speaker 2: And then I gave myself a quick uppercut and I

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Speaker 2: was like, really, are you going.

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Speaker 3: To to base your life on somebody else's show? Real, honey?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, kinda, But this is what happens all the time

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Speaker 2: on Facebook and Instagram and TikTok and whatever else people

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Speaker 2: are using. And it was just a reminder that we

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Speaker 2: can all fall prey to it, and instead of using

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Speaker 2: it as a source of comparison, we need to stop

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Speaker 2: valuing ourselves in comparison to others and just use it

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Speaker 2: for inspiration. Like I'm not going to start cooking a

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Speaker 2: cake for our six daughters or for you until all

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Speaker 2: hours of the night. That's not my thing. But we've

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Speaker 2: all got something that we do with our kids. We've

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Speaker 2: got something that you did.

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Speaker 3: You only did it once, but you did cut a

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Speaker 3: hundred hearts out for me one.

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Speaker 1: Day, that's right out of paper. Yeah yeah, and wrote

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Speaker 1: a hundred things that I loved about you.

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Speaker 3: Well, it wasn't a hundred you wrote. You cut a

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Speaker 3: hundred overlaid them, that's right, But you wrote fifty things

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Speaker 3: about me, which was It's still my favorite gift.

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Speaker 2: Do you know how long it took to cut out

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Speaker 2: one hundred and I know how long it took.

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Speaker 3: Wow, it probably took you twice as long as it

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Speaker 3: would have taken me, but I know how long it

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Speaker 3: would take me. And it's a long, long labor of

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Speaker 3: love anyway.

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Speaker 2: Shout out to Hamish Blake, not for the comparison and

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Speaker 2: feelings of not being enough that I experienced for thirty seconds, but.

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Speaker 1: For the inspiration to be a better dad.

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Speaker 2: Just brilliant, and I think we should see more dads

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Speaker 2: and mums on social media shouting out, hey, here's the

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Speaker 2: cool stuff I'm doing for my kids. Not so that

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Speaker 2: people can feel like they're not enough or feel shamed,

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Speaker 2: but so that we can be inspired to be better.

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Speaker 3: What I love about social media is it allows me

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Speaker 3: to see bits and pieces of people's life that I

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Speaker 3: wouldn't normally see. But I also am so grateful for

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Speaker 3: the face to face time with that I have with

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Speaker 3: those same people because it helps me to see the

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Speaker 3: whole picture and recognize that they're just like me. Sometimes

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Speaker 3: they get it right and sometimes they completely screw up,

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Speaker 3: and that's okay.

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Speaker 2: Well, speaking of screwing up or getting it wrong, I'm

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Speaker 2: going to share my I'll do better tomorrow.

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Speaker 3: Oh, you're looking at me like I screwed up.

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Speaker 2: No, I saved you from I saved you, saved me.

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Speaker 1: I was so glad you were. So I'll do better tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: For those of you who are knew to a bit,

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Speaker 1: I'll do better tomorrow.

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Speaker 3: The point was that you share stories about your life,

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Speaker 3: not mine.

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Speaker 2: Oh I am, it's about me because I came to

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Speaker 2: the rescue. I was the savior, you were a hero

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Speaker 2: of exactly. All right, well i'll let you glory come on.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 2: Actually, just before I do movie night last Friday night,

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Speaker 2: just a quick aside, I said to Emily, our seven

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Speaker 2: year old, Hey kid, we're gonna what are we going

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Speaker 2: to watch for video night tonight? And she looked at me,

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Speaker 2: straight faced and said, what's a video night?

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Speaker 4: No one?

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Speaker 1: What a video night is?

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Speaker 3: I can't believe you called it that.

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Speaker 1: I don't last time.

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Speaker 4: We watched a video.

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: She's actually lived in a world where there are no videos,

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Speaker 2: but I called it video night anyway.

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Speaker 3: So what happened to family movie night?

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Speaker 1: I'll do better tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: A few nights ago, Emily was starting to absolutely lose it,

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Speaker 2: and I could hear her big emotions cascading.

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Speaker 3: I was just just make it a point here. You

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Speaker 3: say that you heard it. She had been screaming for

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Speaker 3: a very long time before you came to the rescue.

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Speaker 2: Well, I had just left the office, walked into the

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Speaker 2: house and heard this screaming, and I'm like, oh, this

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Speaker 2: sounds terrible. And initially I was like, I've got to

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Speaker 2: get up there and fix it. And then I remembered

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Speaker 2: all the stuff that I teach people, and sometimes I

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Speaker 2: have to actually remember the stuff that I teach people

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Speaker 2: because in the moment, the big emotions can still take over.

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Speaker 2: And when I heard that and I felt that I

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Speaker 2: remember this, I remember this.

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Speaker 1: Feeling that came over my entire body.

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Speaker 2: It started at my face, and I softened my eyes

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Speaker 2: and my face, and I just had this compassion for

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Speaker 2: a little seven year old that was struggling, and my

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Speaker 2: heart started to completely melt. And I ran up the

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Speaker 2: stairs just in time to see you with your arm

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Speaker 2: around her, shepherding her into her bedroom where you were

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Speaker 2: going to leave her to kind of get over herself,

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Speaker 2: and you look like you kind of had enough, and

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Speaker 2: it's ramped. I said, I'll look after it. I'll look

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Speaker 2: after it. I've got this and you kind of looked

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Speaker 2: at me.

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Speaker 1: Like whatever, because you were kind of I'm done.

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Speaker 2: And she laid on the bed and she just screamed,

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Speaker 2: and I just had this hole, Oh, my precious.

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Speaker 1: Girl, you're so upset, like that was what I was feeling,

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Speaker 1: and I somehow I needed to communicate that to her.

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Speaker 2: And she screamed for about thirty seconds, and I said,

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Speaker 2: I just want to hug you, but if you don't

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Speaker 2: want to be near you, I'll leave and you can

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Speaker 2: come and get a hug when you're ready. And I

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Speaker 2: just gently said, would you like me to hug you?

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Speaker 1: And she looked at me and said yes, and then

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Speaker 1: she just started crying and she snuggled into me.

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Speaker 2: We had this great, big hug, and two minutes later

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Speaker 2: the tantrum was completely over and.

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Speaker 3: She bounced out. She literally skipped out into the kitchen,

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Speaker 3: came and gave me a big hug and said, and

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Speaker 3: I'm like, I just love you so much and it's

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Speaker 3: the end of it.

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Speaker 2: I was like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, So I

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Speaker 2: just I want to share that too as a reminder

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Speaker 2: for me and for you, but for every parent who's

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Speaker 2: listening that if we can get our heart right, and

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Speaker 2: if we can get our face right as well, and

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Speaker 2: if we just gently say those things like you're really

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Speaker 2: upset and I'm here, do you want to hug or

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Speaker 2: would you like to have some time alone? And I'll

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Speaker 2: come back and hug you when you're ready, It softens them.

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Speaker 2: They know that they're safe, they know that they're not

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Speaker 2: in trouble, and then we can work the other stuff

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Speaker 2: out later.

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Speaker 3: And I just went boom, that was a really big win.

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Speaker 3: But there was actually a follow on when from that?

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Speaker 1: What that I don't know about?

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Speaker 3: That you don't know about?

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Speaker 1: Okay, fill me in. That's right.

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Speaker 3: So the next morning, Emily came in for her morning huggies.

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Speaker 3: You'd already gotten up, so it was just me in

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Speaker 3: bed and she snuggled in and we had a little

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Speaker 3: cuddle and I said, Emily, I said, the last few

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Speaker 3: days we've been dealing with some really big emotions. I said,

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Speaker 3: we're having them in the morning before you go to school,

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Speaker 3: and it's been really hard to get you ready for school.

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Speaker 3: And I said, and then last night we had another

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Speaker 3: really big meltdown and I said, and mummy's really struggling

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Speaker 3: with it right now. And she said, I know. I

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Speaker 3: need to get my emotions under checks. That's exactly what

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Speaker 3: she said. I need to get my emotions under check.

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Speaker 3: And I said, what are we going to do about it?

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Speaker 3: She said, well, I need to take some deep breaths.

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Speaker 3: When I take deep breaths, it helps me. And I

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Speaker 3: said yep. And she said, and I also need to

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Speaker 3: have happy thoughts. When I think happy thoughts, I don't

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Speaker 3: get angry. And I went, wow, that's awesome. I said,

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Speaker 3: how do you think we're going to go today? And

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Speaker 3: she said, We're going to have a much better day today.

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Speaker 3: So she got up and she just got ready and

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Speaker 3: got everything done with ample time. And it was the

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Speaker 3: first time for the whole week that we actually met

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Speaker 3: at to school on time. Her teacher even messaged me

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Speaker 3: to say, I don't know what happened, but Emily showed

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Speaker 3: up today early with a big smile on her face

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Speaker 3: and was ready for the day. It's just amazing how

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Speaker 3: simple efforts as parents to get our hearts in the

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Speaker 3: right place actually has such huge impact in our children's

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Speaker 3: lives as they try to navigate their own emotions.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm just thinking about the power of connection as well,

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Speaker 2: I said all the time, just like dollar's the currency

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Speaker 2: of our economy. Connection is the currency of our relationships.

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Speaker 2: He in just a sec we're going to find out

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Speaker 2: about your I'll do better tomorrow, And based on what

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Speaker 2: I know about it, my guess is that we might

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Speaker 2: get some hate mail over this one.

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Speaker 3: Don't say that it's coming up next.

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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast.

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Speaker 4: For a happier family, Try a Happy Families membership, because

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Speaker 4: a happy family doesn't just happen.

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Speaker 3: Details at happy families dot com dot au. It's the

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Speaker 3: Happy Families Podcast, the podcast for the time poor parent

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Speaker 3: who just wants answers now. And I'm not sure if

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Speaker 3: I'm going to share my experience after that intro.

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Speaker 1: So here's the deal. I'll do better tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: We want to find out what we've done well or

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Speaker 2: what we haven't done well, so that we can be

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Speaker 2: better moving forward. And you've told me what you're going

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Speaker 2: to share with this one, and I just want to

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Speaker 2: preface it. How are you going to respond if anyone

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Speaker 2: tells you that you've done the wrong thing? If we

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Speaker 2: get any feedback from people on social media or via email.

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Speaker 3: I'm done.

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Speaker 4: I'm done.

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to come back.

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Speaker 2: You can't quit Okay, so no hate mail all out that.

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Speaker 2: We'll have to put that out there as a caveat straightaway.

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Speaker 2: No hate mail allowed, or we can't tell these stories.

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Speaker 2: All right, what did you do?

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Speaker 3: Oh? I'm being brave in sharing this because I recognize

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Speaker 3: that Number One, I don't condone the action.

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Speaker 2: You did.

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Speaker 1: The wrong thing is what you're saying.

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Speaker 3: I didn't so do the wrong thing, but it could

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Speaker 3: be taken in that life, depending on the age of

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Speaker 3: the child.

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Speaker 1: Okay, all right, so knock us out. What did you do? Well?

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Speaker 3: One of our children. We've been struggling with her a

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Speaker 3: little bit lately. She's just been really, really prickly. That's

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Speaker 3: the best way to describe it. It's really hard to

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Speaker 3: get close to her, and at times it takes a

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Speaker 3: lot of effort to remind ourselves that she is an

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Speaker 3: absolutely beautiful child underneath all of that crazy difficult behavior.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, for a couple of years now, I've been saying,

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Speaker 2: she's a good kid. She's a good kid. She's such

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Speaker 2: a good kid. But my goodness, sometimes she's challenging. But

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Speaker 2: she's a good kid anyway.

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Speaker 3: And we butt heads a lot. And the other day

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Speaker 3: I had asked her to put away her books that

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Speaker 3: were sitting on the couch before she went off to school,

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Speaker 3: or she didn't she left them, And when I finally

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Speaker 3: got to the lounde room to do the tiding up

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Speaker 3: for the morning, I realized it was actually her journal.

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Speaker 3: And I was a little bit curious, because she's cranky

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Speaker 3: at me a lot, and I wondered whether or not

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Speaker 3: I might get some insights into what she was actually

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Speaker 3: feeling if I just read a few pages.

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Speaker 2: All right, So we're going to put a Facebook post

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Speaker 2: up and we're going to ask the question, is it

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Speaker 2: ever okay? Is it ever okay to read your kids journal?

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Speaker 2: Because obviously that's what you've done.

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Speaker 3: I did. I did read her journal, And.

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Speaker 2: No one's going to say anything about whether or not

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Speaker 2: you should have done it, or they're just going to

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Speaker 2: say whether or not it's okay.

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Speaker 1: All right.

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Speaker 2: This is not about Kylie everyone. This is just about

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Speaker 2: asking the question in fairness. In finis, I know you

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Speaker 2: want to finish the story, But in firnis, if I

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Speaker 2: was packing away books and I found somebody's open journal,

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Speaker 2: I'd probably have a quick skim, depending on who it

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Speaker 2: was and how old they were and how much I

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Speaker 2: really wanted to know. But with an eleven year old, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I probably would. So eldest is twenty two, yeah, I

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Speaker 2: wouldn't read it.

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Speaker 3: I have only read our children's journals probably three times,

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Speaker 3: and each time it has been a similar situation. The

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Speaker 3: book's been lying out. I haven't gone looking for it, sure,

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Speaker 3: and there has been some struggle, And so whether it

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Speaker 3: has been I've just been really concerned about them as

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Speaker 3: a parent or whether or not we in our relationship

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Speaker 3: personal relationship has been struggling, and been wondering whether or

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Speaker 3: not it would give me some insights. So I opened

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Speaker 3: the book and I did read, and can I tell

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Speaker 3: you how much my heart melted when I read just

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Speaker 3: her beautiful insights. This is actually her gratitude journal, so

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Speaker 3: it's not her day to day journal. But the very

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Speaker 3: first thing that I read was an experience that I

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Speaker 3: had shared at the dinner table one night when we

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Speaker 3: were sharing our grateful things, and she shared that experience

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Speaker 3: in her own words and then just talked about what

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Speaker 3: a beautiful experience it was and what it taught her

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Speaker 3: about life in general, and what it taught her about me.

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Speaker 3: And I was just blown away that, in spite of

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Speaker 3: all of the anks that goes on back and forth,

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Speaker 3: you know, from day to day in our lives, and

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Speaker 3: from time to time even me forgetting who she really

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Speaker 3: is deep down, that she could share such beautiful things,

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Speaker 3: and that got me wanting to read more, because I

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Speaker 3: just I loved what I.

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Speaker 1: Read, and so I did. I read three or four

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Speaker 1: of her.

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Speaker 3: Entries, and every single one of them was just filled

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Speaker 3: with absolute beauty and gratitude for the wonderful life that

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Speaker 3: she lives and for the family that she has, And

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Speaker 3: I was blown away because it gave me an insight

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Speaker 3: into her heart that I haven't actually as a parent,

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Speaker 3: seen not so much scene, but she has never articulated

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Speaker 3: it in such clarity.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes it can be hard to see the beauty in

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Speaker 2: our kids because they're just so challenging, And it sounds

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Speaker 2: like in this case, this has been really a really

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Speaker 2: meaningful and important way for you to be able to

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Speaker 2: reframe how you see a kid who can really drive

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Speaker 2: us up the law.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it literally has changed changed how I view her.

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Speaker 1: Well.

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Speaker 2: The take home message hug your kids, read their journals.

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Speaker 3: I'm not saying it's the right thing to do, definitely

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Speaker 3: not saying it's the right thing to do.

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Speaker 2: We hope you have a wonderful weekend, that you get

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Speaker 2: to spend some high quality time with your kids, and

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Speaker 2: that it's intentional, and that the things that we've shared

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Speaker 2: with yes today will help you to do better.

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Speaker 1: Tomorrow with your kids.

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Speaker 2: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Rulan from

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Speaker 2: Bridge Media, with Craig Bruce as our executive producer. If

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Speaker 2: you would like more information about how to make your

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Speaker 2: family happier, If you'd like more information about he can

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Speaker 2: get access to our world class, world leading Happy Families memberships.

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Speaker 2: Find all the info you need at happy families dot

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Speaker 2: com dot a