1 00:00:04,320 --> 00:00:08,440 Speaker 1: This is the All New Positivity Podcast, Episode eight. Hello. 2 00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:11,040 Speaker 1: My name is doctor Justin Coulson, and welcome to the 3 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:15,880 Speaker 1: podcast that's dedicated to making your life, your work, and 4 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:19,079 Speaker 1: your family happier. Today. An idea that I'm going to 5 00:00:19,079 --> 00:00:21,400 Speaker 1: share with you that is so simple you probably won't 6 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:23,799 Speaker 1: believe it. I'll share it with you right now, in fact, 7 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:25,720 Speaker 1: but it is really simple and you need to hear 8 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:28,320 Speaker 1: more to really understand it. We think that we're going 9 00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:30,280 Speaker 1: to be happy. We think there'll be more positivity in 10 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:32,240 Speaker 1: our lives if we can just get more stuff, whether 11 00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:34,440 Speaker 1: it's the house or the car, or the perfect family 12 00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:37,800 Speaker 1: or the perfect body, or whatever it might be. While 13 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:41,400 Speaker 1: it's true that getting stuff is good, the reality is 14 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:44,920 Speaker 1: that giving is better. Today, I'm going to talk about 15 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:47,600 Speaker 1: how our giving makes us happier and how it also 16 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:51,879 Speaker 1: makes those around us happier compared to receiving. As well 17 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:53,680 Speaker 1: as that. On my Facebook page this week, there was 18 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:58,160 Speaker 1: a big brew haha about dealing with tantruming toddlers. So 19 00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:01,040 Speaker 1: for my Ask Doctor Justin's segment this week, I'm sticking 20 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:03,880 Speaker 1: with that theme and I'll share my DearS to help 21 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:07,440 Speaker 1: you to solve the toddler tantrums for once and for all, 22 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,520 Speaker 1: as well as that a quick positivity hack today, and 23 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:14,840 Speaker 1: some great quotes about wrapping up the podcast with fun, 24 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:18,640 Speaker 1: happiness and kindness and a little bit deep as well 25 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:21,160 Speaker 1: up next though, it's the bizarre secret to happiness that 26 00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:24,000 Speaker 1: nobody believes until they try it. 27 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:27,240 Speaker 2: Parenting is the most important thing we will ever do, 28 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:29,920 Speaker 2: so it's important that we get it right, but with 29 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:32,800 Speaker 2: so much pressure, demands and advice, it's hard to know 30 00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:36,080 Speaker 2: what our children really need. Using the very best scientific 31 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:38,400 Speaker 2: research and then turning it into an easy to read 32 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:41,600 Speaker 2: book and cd What your Child Needs from You helps 33 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:44,600 Speaker 2: you connect with your children in meaningful ways. Dr John 34 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:48,160 Speaker 2: Irvine reviewed it and said practical, easy to read, well referenced, 35 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:50,280 Speaker 2: and cover so many of the day to day topics 36 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:53,280 Speaker 2: parents agonize over, and Michael Gross claimed this is a 37 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,720 Speaker 2: book that deserves a special place by the side of 38 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:58,800 Speaker 2: every parent's band. What your Child Needs from You from 39 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:02,000 Speaker 2: doctor Justin Coulson is the parenting book that offers the 40 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,440 Speaker 2: solutions to make you a better parent can help your 41 00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:06,960 Speaker 2: family to be happier. Available as an e book and 42 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:10,840 Speaker 2: an audiobook at major online booksellers now and at Justinkolson 43 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:11,560 Speaker 2: dot com. 44 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:14,519 Speaker 1: You probably had a grandmother or an auntie, or maybe 45 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:17,280 Speaker 1: even your own parents say to you it's much better 46 00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:20,920 Speaker 1: to give than to receive. I didn't buy it when 47 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:23,359 Speaker 1: I was a kid. I thought, no way, the more 48 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,760 Speaker 1: stuff I've got, the happier I'll be, And especially at 49 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:30,120 Speaker 1: Christmas time, it was just I want, I want. Well 50 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:33,360 Speaker 1: are my seminars for professionals. I run a seminar called 51 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:35,959 Speaker 1: will the Best Me Please Stand Up? It's one of 52 00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:38,680 Speaker 1: my favorite keynote speeches to give, and it's all about 53 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:42,480 Speaker 1: harnessing the power of positive psychology to make our lives 54 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:46,080 Speaker 1: and the lives of people around us better. Recently, I 55 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:48,560 Speaker 1: shared this seminar with a room full of eighty to 56 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,000 Speaker 1: one hundred people who are in leadership roles in a 57 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:54,560 Speaker 1: certain company, and I got four volunteers to come to 58 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:57,600 Speaker 1: the front of the room. One volunteer I gave five 59 00:02:57,680 --> 00:02:59,560 Speaker 1: dollars to and said, I'd like you to spend this 60 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:03,480 Speaker 1: on yourself before the day's out. Just go buy yourself 61 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:05,959 Speaker 1: a treat and enjoy it. The second volunteer, I said, 62 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,280 Speaker 1: here you go, here's five dollars for you to spend 63 00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:11,640 Speaker 1: on somebody else before the end of the day, the 64 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:15,480 Speaker 1: third volunteer I gave twenty dollars to and I invited 65 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:17,919 Speaker 1: them to spend the twenty dollars on themselves before the 66 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,200 Speaker 1: end of the day, going buy yourself something really nice. 67 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:23,640 Speaker 1: And the fourth volunteer, I gave them twenty dollars and said, 68 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,520 Speaker 1: I want you to spend this twenty dollars on somebody else. 69 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:29,760 Speaker 1: Buy something nice for somebody. Then I'll turned around and 70 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:31,120 Speaker 1: said to the whole room, so who do you think 71 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:32,520 Speaker 1: is going to be the happiest and who's going to 72 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:35,040 Speaker 1: be the most miserable. Somebody old out, well, you're going 73 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:37,560 Speaker 1: to be the most miserable, justin because you've just made 74 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:41,760 Speaker 1: yourself fifty dollars poorer. But then we discuss who would 75 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:44,200 Speaker 1: actually be the happiest and who would be the unhappiest. 76 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:48,040 Speaker 1: Research tells us something really interesting. When this experiment has 77 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:51,600 Speaker 1: been done, whether on paper or with real money, something 78 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:55,120 Speaker 1: interesting happens. People always expect that the person who gets 79 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:57,520 Speaker 1: twenty dollars to spend on themselves will be happiest and 80 00:03:57,560 --> 00:04:00,640 Speaker 1: the person who's got twenty dollars to give away is 81 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:03,600 Speaker 1: going to be the most unhappy. Well, it turns out 82 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:06,000 Speaker 1: that when we give people the money, and we question 83 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:09,120 Speaker 1: them about it before and after the fact, something really 84 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:12,760 Speaker 1: interesting happens. The amount of money actually doesn't matter, It 85 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:16,800 Speaker 1: doesn't really impact on happiness at all. However, what does 86 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:19,480 Speaker 1: impact on happiness is what we do with it. And 87 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:23,520 Speaker 1: contrary to our expectations, the people who are given the 88 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:27,440 Speaker 1: money to give away to buy something nice for somebody 89 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:32,119 Speaker 1: as a gift end up significantly happier than the people 90 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,240 Speaker 1: who have been given the money to spend on their 91 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:37,800 Speaker 1: own needs. The other really interesting thing is they also 92 00:04:37,839 --> 00:04:42,520 Speaker 1: make somebody else happier as well. Netta Weinstein is a 93 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:45,400 Speaker 1: researcher from either the US or Canada I can't quite 94 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:47,880 Speaker 1: remember now. I think she's from Canada, and she's done 95 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:51,520 Speaker 1: some really interesting research on helping people as well. She's 96 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:55,800 Speaker 1: found that when we ask somebody to help somebody and 97 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,480 Speaker 1: they do it because they feel like they have to, 98 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:00,720 Speaker 1: doesn't really make them much happier. In fact, sometimes they 99 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:04,240 Speaker 1: become quite resentful. They're being forced, they're being controlled. But 100 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:06,880 Speaker 1: when somebody's given an option to help and they choose 101 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:10,520 Speaker 1: to do it when it's autonomously motivated, they end up 102 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:14,120 Speaker 1: with a big happiness boost. The really really interesting thing 103 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:17,839 Speaker 1: about this is that those effects are also found in 104 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:21,120 Speaker 1: the person who has helped. It's not just us that 105 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,600 Speaker 1: gets a boost out of helping somebody or being kind 106 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,840 Speaker 1: to somebody. It's also the person we're being kind too, 107 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:30,719 Speaker 1: so long as they know that we're doing it because 108 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:35,039 Speaker 1: we want to do it now. Todd Kashton and Mike 109 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:38,080 Speaker 1: Steger two of my favorite researchers in the world. They've 110 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:39,960 Speaker 1: done a little bit more research in this area. And 111 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,039 Speaker 1: this is the last study I'll tell you about, but 112 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:45,560 Speaker 1: they compared people who were doing hedonic behaviors. They were 113 00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:47,479 Speaker 1: doing things that just felt good. You know, I'm all 114 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:51,960 Speaker 1: about having a good time, maximizing pleasure, minimizing pain. That's 115 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,760 Speaker 1: what we would call hedonic behaviors. Examples of that might 116 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:58,240 Speaker 1: be going to a big party, or eating more than 117 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:02,279 Speaker 1: I needed to, or being intimate with somebody just because 118 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:05,120 Speaker 1: it felt good. Maybe spending a whole lot of money 119 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:08,800 Speaker 1: on something that I really wanted, or over indulging and 120 00:06:08,839 --> 00:06:13,440 Speaker 1: being excessive in other areas their hedonic behaviors and Steger 121 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:17,280 Speaker 1: and Kashton compared people who were acting hedonically with people 122 00:06:17,279 --> 00:06:21,120 Speaker 1: who are acting what we call you demonically. Aristotle talked 123 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:23,839 Speaker 1: about you demonia being living your best life, living a 124 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:27,760 Speaker 1: character and virtue filled life. So we're talking about people 125 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:31,799 Speaker 1: who are volunteering their time, giving money, expressing gratitude, listening 126 00:06:31,839 --> 00:06:36,960 Speaker 1: to somebody carefully, that kind of behavior. What they found 127 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:43,760 Speaker 1: was that in two studies, reports of behavior that came 128 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:49,800 Speaker 1: from you demonic theories showed greater life satisfaction, greater meaning life, 129 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:54,280 Speaker 1: and greater positive emotion people who were acting hedonically. Well, 130 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:56,919 Speaker 1: that was less consistently related to wellbeing. It might feel 131 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,960 Speaker 1: good in the moment, but it seems like over time 132 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,320 Speaker 1: if we look at how people are feeling from day 133 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:05,080 Speaker 1: to day based on what they did today and what 134 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:08,080 Speaker 1: they did yesterday. When we're doing stuff that just feels 135 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:09,960 Speaker 1: good for us, we get a little bit of a 136 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,680 Speaker 1: boost in the moment, but we don't actually feel better 137 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,600 Speaker 1: about it for long. When we do something good for 138 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:20,520 Speaker 1: other people, it seems to have a sustaining, ongoing effect. 139 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:23,680 Speaker 1: This is what they wrote in their research. They said, 140 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:28,280 Speaker 1: we had anticipated that hedonic behavior reports would be related 141 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:32,120 Speaker 1: to daily positive emotions, given the emphasis placed on pleasure 142 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:37,160 Speaker 1: when we do something hedonic. However, e domonic behavior reports 143 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:41,280 Speaker 1: and not hedonic behavior reports were most consistently related to 144 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:45,200 Speaker 1: positive emotion. They also said, this chocolate cake from a 145 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:48,680 Speaker 1: vending machine can please us, but chocolate cake from a 146 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:53,600 Speaker 1: spouse or child can elevate us. In this present study, 147 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:56,800 Speaker 1: you demonic behaviors may have had deeper, more meaningful effects 148 00:07:56,840 --> 00:08:01,880 Speaker 1: than hedonic behaviors, supplying participants with positive emotion and perhaps 149 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:05,920 Speaker 1: helping them to identify opportunities to acquire resources important to 150 00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:11,600 Speaker 1: their future. It seems that hedonic behavior was inversely related 151 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:16,400 Speaker 1: to positive emotion, and it was positively related to negative emotion. 152 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:19,840 Speaker 1: In other words, what we're doing is we're seeing that 153 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:23,560 Speaker 1: those who most often engage in pleasure seeking behavior tend 154 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:29,200 Speaker 1: to have less desirable emotional and psychological lives. The research 155 00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:33,600 Speaker 1: suggests that pleasure seeking is a poor long term strategy 156 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:37,359 Speaker 1: if we want to have enduring well being, enduring happiness. 157 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:42,400 Speaker 1: When we're kinder people, we have an impact on them, 158 00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:47,200 Speaker 1: but an even more profound impact on us. A short 159 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:49,760 Speaker 1: while ago, I was walking through Bondi Junction. It's one 160 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,880 Speaker 1: of the more busy parts of Sydney, I suppose you 161 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:55,720 Speaker 1: might say, and it's a fairly affluent area as well. 162 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:57,760 Speaker 1: And while I was standing at some lights waiting to 163 00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,760 Speaker 1: cross a road. I noticed on the opposite side of 164 00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:03,199 Speaker 1: the lady sitting on a rug holding up a sign, 165 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:06,400 Speaker 1: and the sign indicated that she'd been abused. She was 166 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:10,680 Speaker 1: a victim of domestic violence, and she had nowhere and nothing, 167 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:14,240 Speaker 1: and so she was begging for food or money or 168 00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:17,439 Speaker 1: something to help clothe and school her children and herself. 169 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:20,880 Speaker 1: And I watched people, hundreds of people walk past her 170 00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:24,560 Speaker 1: and not even glance at her, and something about the 171 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:27,480 Speaker 1: situation made my heart go out to her. Now, somebody 172 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:29,280 Speaker 1: said to me later, she could have just been a junkie. 173 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,400 Speaker 1: She could have just been trying to score some cash 174 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:34,360 Speaker 1: so she could go and get a next hit. But 175 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:37,360 Speaker 1: I stopped as I walked towards her, and I crouched 176 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:39,120 Speaker 1: down in front of her. I didn't actually have any 177 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,240 Speaker 1: cash on me. I usually only carry a card with 178 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:44,720 Speaker 1: me so that I don't spend all my cash. But 179 00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:46,560 Speaker 1: I apologized to her and said if I had cash, 180 00:09:46,559 --> 00:09:48,040 Speaker 1: I would have loved to have given it to her, 181 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:50,320 Speaker 1: and explained that I only carried a card on me. 182 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,920 Speaker 1: But I also said to her that I'd noticed that 183 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:57,440 Speaker 1: she seemed to be invisible to most people, but she 184 00:09:57,559 --> 00:09:59,720 Speaker 1: wasn't invisible to me and that I was terribly sorry 185 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:01,560 Speaker 1: for he her suffering, and I wish that there was 186 00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:04,800 Speaker 1: something that I could do to alleviate that. Something really 187 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:08,880 Speaker 1: profound happened at that moment. Somehow she held it together 188 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:12,560 Speaker 1: but holding back sobs. She thanked me, and she said, 189 00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:15,480 Speaker 1: I sit here all day and I am invisible. People 190 00:10:15,559 --> 00:10:19,040 Speaker 1: don't see me. And she commented that just me stopping 191 00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:24,200 Speaker 1: to acknowledge her made a significant difference for her. It 192 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,880 Speaker 1: boosted her, it made her feel better. Now, I don't 193 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:29,360 Speaker 1: know if it really will have a long term effect 194 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:31,920 Speaker 1: on her. She probably needs more than just kind words, 195 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,560 Speaker 1: But it can be that easy to be kind, to 196 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:40,000 Speaker 1: just pause and speak to somebody kindly and show some empathy, 197 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:43,680 Speaker 1: show some acknowledgment, show some kindness. So here's my question 198 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:47,760 Speaker 1: for you. How do you show kindness? Not out of 199 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:49,880 Speaker 1: judy because you're a boss and you have to be polite, 200 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:52,000 Speaker 1: or because you're a parent you have to be patient, 201 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:56,840 Speaker 1: but true kindness where you give something of yourself. How 202 00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:58,480 Speaker 1: do you show that sort of kindness each day in 203 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:02,280 Speaker 1: your interactions? What would happen if you did it more? 204 00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:06,720 Speaker 1: Leave your answer at justinclson dot com. Slash Podcast slash eight. 205 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:09,160 Speaker 1: That's like the number eight. I'd love to hear about 206 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:12,880 Speaker 1: your kindness experiences and how it's affected you and how 207 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:15,640 Speaker 1: it's affected those people who are around you. That's justinclson 208 00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:20,760 Speaker 1: dot com slash podcast Slash eight up next. It's the 209 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:23,079 Speaker 1: big issue of toddler tantrums. 210 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:26,360 Speaker 3: Most children have worn curious and confident. They love to 211 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:29,080 Speaker 3: explore the world, mean new friends, and try new things. 212 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:32,199 Speaker 3: But between the ages of two and twelve, confidence often 213 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,959 Speaker 3: drops off. Why is this and how can we rebuild it? 214 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:39,120 Speaker 3: Creating Confident Kids Scientific Strategies for Building Self Belief in 215 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:42,080 Speaker 3: Children is an easy to read ebook for busy parents. 216 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:45,400 Speaker 3: In this e book, doctor Justin Coulson shares simple strategies 217 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:48,760 Speaker 3: to create confidence in kids. Using his skill at simplifying 218 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:51,560 Speaker 3: the science and a lot of straight from the herd stories, 219 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:55,120 Speaker 3: you discover the five biggest confidence crushes, the five best 220 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:59,240 Speaker 3: confidence boosters, and twenty questions to clearly identify your child's 221 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:02,560 Speaker 3: view of their family identity, plus a bonus chapter to 222 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:06,400 Speaker 3: share surprising confidence boosters for people of all ages. Creating 223 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:10,520 Speaker 3: Confident Kids at major online booksellers now or at Justinculson 224 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:11,200 Speaker 3: dot com. 225 00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:13,240 Speaker 1: If you've ever been a parent of a toddler, you'll 226 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:15,600 Speaker 1: know that there are very few things that can impact 227 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:20,360 Speaker 1: our positivity as quickly and as negatively as toddler tantrum's. 228 00:12:20,679 --> 00:12:22,680 Speaker 1: Last week, I posted a picture on my Facebook page 229 00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:25,200 Speaker 1: of a child and a shopping trolley with a sign attached. 230 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:28,120 Speaker 1: The sign said, please ignore my tantrum. I'm learning that 231 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:32,000 Speaker 1: screaming doesn't work. Now A few things went through my 232 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,480 Speaker 1: mind when I saw that. First of all, who in 233 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,200 Speaker 1: the world will take a photo like that and post 234 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:39,400 Speaker 1: it on social media? But second, is the child learning 235 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:43,320 Speaker 1: that screaming doesn't work by being left alone in a 236 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:48,800 Speaker 1: shopping trolley to scream? Well, maybe, but I don't think so. 237 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:53,280 Speaker 1: Further to that, is it healthy, Well, I definitely don't 238 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:57,040 Speaker 1: think so. How are we supposed to deal with toddler tantrums? 239 00:12:57,720 --> 00:12:59,200 Speaker 1: Let me share with you a couple of things that 240 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:01,280 Speaker 1: I think might make some sort of an impact when 241 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:05,960 Speaker 1: it comes to your toddlers, and they're extraordinarily big emotional outbursts. 242 00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:07,920 Speaker 1: The first thing that you need to know is until 243 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:10,200 Speaker 1: about the age of four and a half five years old, 244 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:14,160 Speaker 1: children don't have something that psychologists call theory of mind 245 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:17,320 Speaker 1: and what that basically means is their brain doesn't have 246 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:22,880 Speaker 1: the capacity to understand that another person may want something 247 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:25,520 Speaker 1: different to them, that another person may have different motives 248 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,880 Speaker 1: or thoughts or ideas to them. So when the most 249 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:32,440 Speaker 1: important person in a toddler's world, Mum or dad, says 250 00:13:32,559 --> 00:13:36,040 Speaker 1: no to a toddler, the toddler kind of goes, what's 251 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,920 Speaker 1: going on here? You're supposed to love me and this 252 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,280 Speaker 1: is what I want, and how can you say no 253 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,320 Speaker 1: to me? Because you're supposed to be thinking exactly what 254 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:44,400 Speaker 1: I think. And they don't know how to deal with it. 255 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:49,080 Speaker 1: They don't have theory of mind, and that is a 256 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:52,400 Speaker 1: fairly significant cause of many toddler tantrums. Now, the next 257 00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:54,320 Speaker 1: thing that we need to understand as well, is that 258 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,440 Speaker 1: toddlers don't know how to regulate their emotions at all. 259 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:03,600 Speaker 1: They're feeling this thing inside them, this swelling, big emotional thing. 260 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,280 Speaker 1: They don't know what it's called. They know that it's 261 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:08,280 Speaker 1: kind of quite scary to be feeling it, and they 262 00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:11,320 Speaker 1: can feel that it's getting bigger and bigger and bigger. Now, 263 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:17,199 Speaker 1: that emotional that lack of emotional intelligence also causes them 264 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,720 Speaker 1: great concern and it can cause them huge amounts of stress, 265 00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:21,880 Speaker 1: and they get more and more and more wound up 266 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:25,440 Speaker 1: the more it happens. So when we get cranky at 267 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:28,880 Speaker 1: our toddlers for having big emotions, for having tantrums, we're 268 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:33,760 Speaker 1: actually neglecting to understand these two important developmental facts. Number One, 269 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:36,400 Speaker 1: I can't control my emotions. I'm just too young to 270 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:38,720 Speaker 1: really be able to regulate them. Kids are usually going 271 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:41,560 Speaker 1: to be somewhere around seven or eight years old before 272 00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:44,680 Speaker 1: they're starting to regulate their emotions fairly consistently. And let's 273 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:47,240 Speaker 1: face it, we all know some adults who don't know 274 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:49,320 Speaker 1: how to regulate their emotions, so let's go easy on 275 00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:52,000 Speaker 1: the two or three year old. But secondly, they don't 276 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:55,320 Speaker 1: have the brain capacity to be able to understand how 277 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:57,640 Speaker 1: or why we'd be saying no to them, because it 278 00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,920 Speaker 1: just it doesn't compute if they want to go on 279 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:01,760 Speaker 1: that little ride in the shopping center, if they want 280 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,680 Speaker 1: to have a chocolate bar, if they want whatever it is, 281 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:06,000 Speaker 1: the lollipop, or if they just want to be picked 282 00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:08,040 Speaker 1: up and held and we're saying no and telling them 283 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:13,239 Speaker 1: to get over it. They can't understand that. Intellectually, cognitively, 284 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:16,280 Speaker 1: they don't have the brain power to really work through that, 285 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:21,920 Speaker 1: particularly when they're emotional. So what should we do. Well, 286 00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:25,080 Speaker 1: let's talk about the shopping center. First of all, my 287 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:27,160 Speaker 1: number one rule. If you can, and I know that 288 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:30,000 Speaker 1: not everybody can, but if you can, don't take your 289 00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:33,680 Speaker 1: kids shopping. They don't like being in shopping centers, particularly 290 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:37,280 Speaker 1: when it's late, or when they're tired, or when we're stressed, 291 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:40,240 Speaker 1: or they're stressed, or they're hungry or in a hurry. 292 00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:43,280 Speaker 1: Shopping centers and children are not a really great mix. 293 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:43,480 Speaker 3: Now. 294 00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:45,240 Speaker 1: I know that sometimes we've got to take our kids. 295 00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:48,840 Speaker 1: I'm not saying that this is going to happen in 296 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:52,120 Speaker 1: everybody's world, but if you can time your shop so 297 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,520 Speaker 1: that your child is either happy or can be looked 298 00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:59,640 Speaker 1: after by somebody else, that's the best time to do it. 299 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:04,280 Speaker 1: Always possible, I understand that, But if you can shop alone, 300 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:08,720 Speaker 1: i'd recommend it. Okay. Now, if you do have to 301 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:12,520 Speaker 1: go with your child, take something to occupy them or 302 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:16,000 Speaker 1: be engaged with them to help keep them occupied. Don't 303 00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:18,000 Speaker 1: just give them a phone or advice and say here, 304 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:21,400 Speaker 1: play with that kid. Spend time teaching them, talking to them, 305 00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:23,920 Speaker 1: engaging them. Look at the strawberries, what color are they? 306 00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:26,480 Speaker 1: You don't get them talking to you about different things 307 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:28,160 Speaker 1: that are happening in the shops. Get them to help 308 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:29,920 Speaker 1: you find something. As you walk through the fruit and 309 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:33,800 Speaker 1: veggie aisle, say we're looking for the green lettuce. Can 310 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:35,720 Speaker 1: you help me find the lettus point when you see it. 311 00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:38,600 Speaker 1: Get them involved in shopping and make it a game. 312 00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:40,360 Speaker 1: Engage with them. It'll be one of the best things 313 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,520 Speaker 1: that you can do, and it'll make shopping happier for 314 00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:46,800 Speaker 1: you and for them. If your child starts to get upset, 315 00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:51,920 Speaker 1: go with an emotion coaching approach. I've talked about this 316 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,840 Speaker 1: a lot of times in my blogs and in my books, 317 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:58,480 Speaker 1: but I'll talk about it again briefly here. Emotion coaching 318 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:00,720 Speaker 1: means that, first of all, we stay calm because emotions 319 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:05,720 Speaker 1: are contagious, and we recognize our child's emotion as an 320 00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:11,280 Speaker 1: opportunity for connection. We spend a moment or two trying 321 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:15,440 Speaker 1: to understand why our child's feeling the way that she does. 322 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:19,760 Speaker 1: We actually identify the emotion that our child is feeling, 323 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:21,119 Speaker 1: and we give it a name. We might say to 324 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:24,240 Speaker 1: our child, you're feeling really upset, you're feeling really frustrated. 325 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:26,160 Speaker 1: You'd really like to get out of this shopping trolley, 326 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:30,200 Speaker 1: you're really feeling hungry right now. And then we offer 327 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:33,760 Speaker 1: reassurance and comfort. Maybe one of my followers on Facebook 328 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:37,280 Speaker 1: calls at hug therapy. We offer a cuddle, We validate 329 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,400 Speaker 1: the emotion. We might say I feel like that when 330 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:42,159 Speaker 1: I'm shopping as well. Sometimes that's exactly how I feel, 331 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:45,600 Speaker 1: and we offer more comfort. Now, if our kids won't 332 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:49,160 Speaker 1: calm down, go somewhere with them and spend some time 333 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:53,640 Speaker 1: helping them to work through the emotions safely and help 334 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:56,159 Speaker 1: them to regulate the emotion just by being there and 335 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:59,280 Speaker 1: being a safe place with them. I know that you 336 00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:01,640 Speaker 1: can't always just leave your shopping trolley full of stuff 337 00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:04,160 Speaker 1: and go and hide in the corner of the bakery 338 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:07,240 Speaker 1: and start talking to them. It's not always practical, but 339 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,480 Speaker 1: in an ideal world, this is what you'll be trying 340 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:12,320 Speaker 1: to do. And once things have come then you can 341 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:15,080 Speaker 1: restate quite clearly what you expect, or get them to 342 00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:17,520 Speaker 1: tell you what's expected. Is even better, and spend some 343 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:20,120 Speaker 1: time chatting about what the best way to behave is now. 344 00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:23,000 Speaker 1: I've run through this with dozens of my coaching clients 345 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,399 Speaker 1: and they all say the same thing. I don't have 346 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:27,560 Speaker 1: time for that. But then they try it and they 347 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:30,880 Speaker 1: alsay the same thing. They say that worked so well 348 00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:34,680 Speaker 1: and so fast, that is unbelievable. With my own kids, 349 00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:38,159 Speaker 1: I offer kindness and I offer empathy whenever there is 350 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:41,000 Speaker 1: a tantrum, if the tantrum escalates, and I'll give you 351 00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:43,040 Speaker 1: an example. A couple of years ago, my now four 352 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,960 Speaker 1: year old she was two two and a half maybe 353 00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:47,879 Speaker 1: three years old, and she was having a massive tantrum 354 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:51,399 Speaker 1: at the table. So I talked to her. I said, Lily, 355 00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:54,240 Speaker 1: you're feeling a really upset right now, or Lily, you 356 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:55,919 Speaker 1: don't want to eat the dinner or whatever it was. 357 00:18:56,359 --> 00:18:58,720 Speaker 1: And she kept on screaming and kicking the table, and 358 00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:01,000 Speaker 1: I said, Lily, if you don't behave like that at 359 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:02,720 Speaker 1: the table, we need to be quiet, and we need 360 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:05,080 Speaker 1: to be kind and we need to be respectful. So 361 00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:06,880 Speaker 1: you can sit here quietly and do the right thing, 362 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:08,720 Speaker 1: or Daddy will take you somewhere else so that we 363 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:11,280 Speaker 1: can calm down together. And she kept it up. So 364 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:12,639 Speaker 1: I picked her up and I said, would you like 365 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:14,840 Speaker 1: a cuddle? And she started fighting against me and pushing 366 00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:17,240 Speaker 1: against me as I carried her out into the lounge 367 00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:18,600 Speaker 1: room and I sat on the lounge with her, and 368 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:21,600 Speaker 1: she kept on fighting and screaming, and I said, we're 369 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:23,520 Speaker 1: having dinner, and it's not okay to make all this 370 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:26,200 Speaker 1: noise at the dinner table. So I'm constantly resetting the limit, 371 00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:28,640 Speaker 1: but I'm not getting mad at her. And I said 372 00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:30,360 Speaker 1: to her, would you like to calm down and come 373 00:19:30,359 --> 00:19:32,240 Speaker 1: back in for dinner or would you like to stay 374 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:35,600 Speaker 1: in here and be upset? She didn't say anything, she 375 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:37,320 Speaker 1: just kept on screaming. So I took that as I'd 376 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:39,560 Speaker 1: rather stay here and be upset dad. So I offered 377 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:41,879 Speaker 1: her another cuddle, and she didn't want it. Eventually I 378 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:43,600 Speaker 1: picked her up and carried her to her room. All 379 00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:46,159 Speaker 1: this took place over about thirty or forty seconds, and 380 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:48,000 Speaker 1: once we were in the room, I said, you can 381 00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:50,639 Speaker 1: just stay here then until you've calmed right down. I 382 00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:52,720 Speaker 1: can stay here with you, or I can wait outside. 383 00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:55,240 Speaker 1: What do you prefer? And she kept on screaming, and 384 00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:57,920 Speaker 1: I said, okay, I'll give you one more chance. Would 385 00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:00,679 Speaker 1: you like a cuddle? Notice how I'm always off her cuddles, 386 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:02,960 Speaker 1: but I'm also always setting a clear limit with her, 387 00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:06,520 Speaker 1: really kindly, though really gently. She didn't want to cuddle. 388 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,560 Speaker 1: So I said, okay, I'm just going to wait outside 389 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,439 Speaker 1: the door. You can come and get a cuddle as 390 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:11,879 Speaker 1: soon as you're ready, and you can come back and 391 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,919 Speaker 1: eat as soon as you're ready to calm down. I 392 00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:17,399 Speaker 1: took about three steps from her, and as I walked away, 393 00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:20,040 Speaker 1: she came running to me with arms outstretched. So I 394 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:21,359 Speaker 1: turned around, I picked her up, and I gave her 395 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:25,280 Speaker 1: a big cuddle, and she calmed down straight away. The 396 00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:29,080 Speaker 1: tantrums rarely last more than a minute or two. When 397 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:32,800 Speaker 1: the kids know what's expected, we remove them from the situation. 398 00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:34,840 Speaker 1: We tell them they're more than welcome to come back 399 00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:39,480 Speaker 1: once they're calm. We offer them hugs constantly. If they refuse, 400 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:43,879 Speaker 1: and they do it all the time, ask if they're sure, 401 00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:46,679 Speaker 1: and then move away. But promise them a hug as 402 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:48,920 Speaker 1: soon as they're willing to play by the rules, because 403 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:50,919 Speaker 1: you'll find that within moments they will come along and 404 00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:54,000 Speaker 1: they will do exactly that. I've had this happen with 405 00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,640 Speaker 1: so many of my parenting coaching clients, and I'd love 406 00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:58,680 Speaker 1: to share some more ideas with you, but I think 407 00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:01,359 Speaker 1: that that's probably enough to to walk you through it. 408 00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:05,040 Speaker 1: Some food for thought, Okay, well you can. You can 409 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:07,399 Speaker 1: ask me any question that you want about parenting or 410 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:12,080 Speaker 1: about positivity at Justincilson dot com slash questions. All you 411 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,600 Speaker 1: have to do is leave a voice message or email me. 412 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:18,040 Speaker 1: All the information you need is at Justincilson dot com 413 00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:21,240 Speaker 1: slash questions. Up next, I've got an important announcement and 414 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:25,960 Speaker 1: also a fun parenting hack, plus my favorite quote about kindness. 415 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:28,760 Speaker 4: Your conference is about to start. It's five minutes to go. 416 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:31,840 Speaker 4: People are inside taking their chairs. I wonder what's going 417 00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:34,760 Speaker 4: to happen next. Perhaps you're worried about the guest speakers. 418 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:38,399 Speaker 4: What will they say? Will it be appropriate relevance and 419 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:39,320 Speaker 4: up to dates? 420 00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:40,879 Speaker 1: Will it be evidence based? 421 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,720 Speaker 4: Will they stick to time? Is it going to be boring? 422 00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,520 Speaker 4: You want to be sure the information at your conference 423 00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:49,439 Speaker 4: will tick all your boxes and give everyone the stuff 424 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:51,639 Speaker 4: they want to learn. You want people to come to 425 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:53,119 Speaker 4: you at the end of the day and say, wow, 426 00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:56,400 Speaker 4: thanks for organizing today. It took so much away from 427 00:21:56,440 --> 00:22:00,000 Speaker 4: your conference. Dr Justin Coulson can help. He provides keynot 428 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:02,320 Speaker 4: speeches from thirty minutes to an hour and a half, 429 00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:05,600 Speaker 4: workshops from ninety minutes to half days, and even day 430 00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:06,480 Speaker 4: long seminars. 431 00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:08,000 Speaker 1: He speaks to school. 432 00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:11,720 Speaker 4: Kids, professional educators, principles and teachers who are working day 433 00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:14,640 Speaker 4: to day in the classroom, right through to other professionals 434 00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,960 Speaker 4: like lawyers and bankers who are parents. Because we all 435 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:23,680 Speaker 4: want happier families, happier classrooms, and happier workplaces. So what's 436 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:26,479 Speaker 4: your next conference about? If you'd like to learn more 437 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:29,320 Speaker 4: about getting a speaker who will help your audience learn, laugh, 438 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:31,960 Speaker 4: and leave with practical tools that will empower them to 439 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:36,080 Speaker 4: be happier, more productive, and better parents, teachers, people, and 440 00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:38,520 Speaker 4: if you'd like the credit for having chosen that speaker, 441 00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:42,840 Speaker 4: visit Justinkilson dot com for more information about booking doctor 442 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:46,919 Speaker 4: Justin Kilson as a speaker at your next conference Justinkilson 443 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:47,840 Speaker 4: dot com. 444 00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:51,600 Speaker 1: Before this week's fun and I Think Insightful parenting hack, 445 00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:53,879 Speaker 1: let me share with you a quick and important announcement 446 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:57,240 Speaker 1: if you need parenting insight for your tween or teen. 447 00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:01,720 Speaker 1: It's perfect timing because on Wednesday night, November twelfth, I'm 448 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:06,160 Speaker 1: sharing a master class at the Raising Adolescence Conference. It's 449 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:09,920 Speaker 1: an online conference, it's free, and you can still access 450 00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:13,040 Speaker 1: content right now. In fact, there are more classes happening 451 00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:17,239 Speaker 1: right through until November fourteenth. When you're registered with your 452 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,840 Speaker 1: email address, you get access to four days of master 453 00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:26,360 Speaker 1: classes from teachers, educators, authors, doctors, psychologists and me. I'll 454 00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:28,720 Speaker 1: be running a seminar that's called a Parent's Guide for 455 00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:32,320 Speaker 1: Surviving the teen Years. That's on Wednesday night, November the twelfth, 456 00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:36,280 Speaker 1: at eight pm. So if you want to raise happier, successful, 457 00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:40,520 Speaker 1: more cooperative teens and twins, you know where I'll be. 458 00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:43,680 Speaker 1: You can join me for free, and when you're register 459 00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:45,560 Speaker 1: as well, you score a whole bunch of extra downloads 460 00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:48,199 Speaker 1: as well. They look practical, they look helpful, and I 461 00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:51,280 Speaker 1: recommend it highly. Sign up for Raising Adolescents. You can 462 00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:54,560 Speaker 1: get the downloads and tune into my class November twelfth. 463 00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:58,159 Speaker 1: I'm excited to do what I can to help you. 464 00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:01,240 Speaker 1: All the details are in the show of this episode. 465 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:05,120 Speaker 1: That's justin Callson dot com slash podcast slash eight as 466 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,399 Speaker 1: in the number eight. Once you go there, you'll be 467 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:08,960 Speaker 1: able to get the directions for how to sign up 468 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:10,199 Speaker 1: for the course and hear what I've got to say 469 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:13,320 Speaker 1: about raising twins and teams. All right, let's wrap this 470 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:14,960 Speaker 1: up with a fun parenting hack. I want to share 471 00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:17,080 Speaker 1: this idea with you. This week in our house, we 472 00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:19,040 Speaker 1: decided to try and have a bit more fun because 473 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:22,320 Speaker 1: sometimes we get pretty serious. One night, for dinner, each 474 00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:24,640 Speaker 1: person had to walk into the shop and purchase one 475 00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:27,480 Speaker 1: food ingredient for our meal. We had a few rules 476 00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:29,480 Speaker 1: around it, but it was pretty basic by vegetable and 477 00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:31,800 Speaker 1: we're cooking it for dinner with whatever everyone else buys, 478 00:24:32,119 --> 00:24:35,000 Speaker 1: and we all chose the meat together. We were allowed 479 00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:36,679 Speaker 1: to use pantry items as well by the way to 480 00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:40,040 Speaker 1: make the meal just right. But it made dinner time fun. 481 00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:42,119 Speaker 1: We all got involved in the process. We're all the shops, 482 00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,520 Speaker 1: we're all grabbing one or two things each and then 483 00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:47,280 Speaker 1: cooking up this meal. No idea what we were going 484 00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:49,919 Speaker 1: to make. If your family's smaller on ours we've got 485 00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:51,920 Speaker 1: six kids, you might need to get two or three 486 00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:54,639 Speaker 1: ingredients each. But the idea is it gets you laughing, 487 00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:56,760 Speaker 1: It gets you trying something new, it gets you talking 488 00:24:56,800 --> 00:25:00,199 Speaker 1: and cooking and eating together, and it's great fun. So 489 00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:03,719 Speaker 1: there's my fun parenting positivity hack for the week. Okay, 490 00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:06,400 Speaker 1: the theme of today's podcast has been kindness. I want 491 00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:09,440 Speaker 1: to leave you with my favorite kindness quote. I hope 492 00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:12,920 Speaker 1: you like it. It comes from Henry James. He said three 493 00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:16,040 Speaker 1: things in human life are important. The first is to 494 00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:20,359 Speaker 1: be kind, the second is to be kind, the third 495 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:24,080 Speaker 1: is to be kind. So with that, I hope you 496 00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:27,639 Speaker 1: have a positive and kind week. That is it for 497 00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:29,600 Speaker 1: this week's podcast. Thanks for listening. If you have any 498 00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:32,320 Speaker 1: questions you'd like answer, go to Justincilson dot com slash 499 00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:34,920 Speaker 1: questions and I'll do my best to answer you in 500 00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:37,399 Speaker 1: an upcoming podcast. You can also leave me a message 501 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:40,840 Speaker 1: there or ask you a question via email. And if 502 00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:43,359 Speaker 1: you've enjoyed this episode, you'll find the outline and the 503 00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:46,359 Speaker 1: resource links in the show notes at Justincilson dot com 504 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:50,119 Speaker 1: slash podcast slash eight as in the number eight. And 505 00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:52,440 Speaker 1: I'd love to hear about your kindness experiences, so visit 506 00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:54,760 Speaker 1: the site let me know. I'd also really like to 507 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,840 Speaker 1: encourage you to share the podcast. If it's made even 508 00:25:57,840 --> 00:25:59,679 Speaker 1: the slightest impact on you, or if it's helped you 509 00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:01,879 Speaker 1: in your personal life, or in your professional life or 510 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:04,639 Speaker 1: in your parenting, I'd be really appreciative if you would 511 00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:08,880 Speaker 1: visit Justincolson dot com slash podcast slash eight. You'll find 512 00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:11,119 Speaker 1: a pre populated Twitter or Facebook post that you can 513 00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:13,400 Speaker 1: share with your friends and followers and that'll help get 514 00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:16,320 Speaker 1: the word out about the podcast. And would you please 515 00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:20,280 Speaker 1: consider visiting iTunes and rating the podcast because it's your 516 00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:23,520 Speaker 1: ratings that determine how likely it is that people discover 517 00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:26,399 Speaker 1: the podcast. It's the ratings that increase the visibility of 518 00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:28,280 Speaker 1: the podcast. Other people then get to find out how 519 00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:30,800 Speaker 1: I can help them to have a more positive life 520 00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:33,520 Speaker 1: and family. And of course you can subscribe to the 521 00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:36,000 Speaker 1: podcast on iTunes as well. So that is it for 522 00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:37,879 Speaker 1: this week. I'm going to have another podcast ready to 523 00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:41,480 Speaker 1: go for next week. Until then, remember the greatest weapon 524 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:46,600 Speaker 1: against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.