1 00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:08,039 Speaker 1: This is the Happy Family's podcast with doctor Justin Kilson, 2 00:00:08,039 --> 00:00:10,240 Speaker 1: where Luke and Susie and this is the podcast for 3 00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: the time poor parent who just wants answers. 4 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:14,040 Speaker 2: Now, I'm going to give him credit in this story. 5 00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:17,479 Speaker 3: He was stepping in to step up and contribute in 6 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:20,960 Speaker 3: ways which weren't normal for him because he saw need 7 00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:23,320 Speaker 3: and wanted to be helpful. So let's start with that 8 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:26,040 Speaker 3: rather than the problem of the domestic challenge nature. 9 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,840 Speaker 4: Well, look, I've actually gotten in trouble for saying that 10 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 4: I was helping my wife the laundry, because apparently I'm 11 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:32,599 Speaker 4: not supposed to help. 12 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:34,239 Speaker 5: I'm just supposed to do it. 13 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:38,360 Speaker 4: But regardless of whatever position you're coming from, we have 14 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:40,479 Speaker 4: a division of labor in our home, and I was 15 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:42,720 Speaker 4: doing stuff that wasn't part of what I normally do. 16 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:47,000 Speaker 4: I was doing the clothes washing because Kylie, my wife, 17 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:50,000 Speaker 4: was expecting one of our children, and she was tired 18 00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:52,080 Speaker 4: and over it frankly, and I thought, well, I can 19 00:00:52,159 --> 00:00:52,440 Speaker 4: do this. 20 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:56,920 Speaker 1: So about eight months, yeah, yeah, so I started loading 21 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:58,480 Speaker 1: up the clothes washer. 22 00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:02,319 Speaker 5: What do you call that washing machine? Thank you, Oh dear, 23 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:04,520 Speaker 5: you can see where this is going already. 24 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:06,360 Speaker 2: The clothes cleaning. 25 00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:10,160 Speaker 5: Machine stop picking on me. 26 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:16,959 Speaker 4: I started, and I did a good job, Like you know, 27 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,399 Speaker 4: I separated the whites from the darks. And because we 28 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,640 Speaker 4: have so many daughters, I mean six girls at the 29 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:23,800 Speaker 4: time we didn't have six. But with nothing but girls, 30 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:28,120 Speaker 4: we've got a whites pile, of pinks pile and a 31 00:01:28,319 --> 00:01:31,399 Speaker 4: darks pile. And I don't know which one it was. 32 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:34,800 Speaker 4: Let's let's say threw all the darks in and I 33 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:36,480 Speaker 4: just jammed it all in there so I can get 34 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:39,240 Speaker 4: it all done in one load, because by Jingos, I 35 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:42,679 Speaker 4: wasn't doing two loads of this. And when I started 36 00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:44,520 Speaker 4: to hang the washing an hour and a half later 37 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:46,720 Speaker 4: or whatever it was, I noticed that a lot of 38 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:50,160 Speaker 4: the clothing still appeared dirty. In fact, some of it 39 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:53,240 Speaker 4: looked dirtier than it was when it went in. And 40 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:57,120 Speaker 4: so I started perusing the White Goods catalog for the 41 00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:58,280 Speaker 4: local retailers. 42 00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:01,640 Speaker 3: I love this because he's Instant's instant thought was, clearly, 43 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:06,040 Speaker 3: the cloth closed cleaning machine is broken, and I can 44 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:06,440 Speaker 3: fix this. 45 00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:10,920 Speaker 5: That's one with bigger capacity. 46 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:11,840 Speaker 2: I like that. 47 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,000 Speaker 1: That's solution's focus. 48 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:14,040 Speaker 5: Yeah, that's right. 49 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:17,880 Speaker 4: And Kylie noticed my interest in the catalog and asked 50 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,000 Speaker 4: what I was doing, and I explained what had happened, 51 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:22,000 Speaker 4: and it was at that point that I learned a 52 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:26,080 Speaker 4: really important lesson, not just for cleaning clothes in one 53 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:29,680 Speaker 4: of these magnificent machines, but but for life. When you're 54 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 4: stuffed too much in, you get suboptimal outcomes. Kylie had 55 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:37,040 Speaker 4: a look at how many items of clothes I had 56 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,960 Speaker 4: almost put three loads of washing through in one load, 57 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:43,240 Speaker 4: and so obviously the machine just couldn't cope it, and 58 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:44,000 Speaker 4: it didn't do it. 59 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:46,560 Speaker 2: But it's not like just before collection. 60 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:52,600 Speaker 4: Start walking up and down the neighborhood street two in 61 00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:54,359 Speaker 4: the morning, hoping no one discovers you. 62 00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:59,040 Speaker 5: And so I think that there's a really important. 63 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:01,639 Speaker 4: Life lesson here for family, for parents, and that is 64 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:05,320 Speaker 4: that when we stuff too much in, we get lousy outcomes. 65 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:08,360 Speaker 4: Our children need to have a life, they need to 66 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:10,280 Speaker 4: have a childhood, They need to be allowed to breathe. 67 00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:10,760 Speaker 5: You know. 68 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:14,040 Speaker 4: A recent study just published in the last very very 69 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:19,320 Speaker 4: recent past showed that if we can have some silence 70 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,639 Speaker 4: every day, ten minutes at a minimum two hours would 71 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:23,160 Speaker 4: be ideal. 72 00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:26,400 Speaker 5: And I know that's not really really realistic, but. 73 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:30,720 Speaker 4: Our brain responds so well to just having that downtime. 74 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:33,519 Speaker 5: But we're so busy stuffing stuff. 75 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:35,680 Speaker 4: In with the kids with their extracurricular and we've got 76 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:37,920 Speaker 4: so much on our plates, and we still want to 77 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:39,840 Speaker 4: have a little bit of time to watch our favorite 78 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,200 Speaker 4: ridiculous television show at eight o'clock at nine or eight 79 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:44,080 Speaker 4: thirty at night or whatever once the kids, you know, 80 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:46,320 Speaker 4: or we're on our Netflix catching up on our cereals 81 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:46,880 Speaker 4: or whatever it is. 82 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:50,119 Speaker 5: We just try to stuff too much in the thing. 83 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:52,560 Speaker 3: Though, when I look at that and I think about, yeah, 84 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,960 Speaker 3: we go, yeah, karate, and we've got rugby, and we've 85 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:57,720 Speaker 3: got training, and then we've got all these different things 86 00:03:57,760 --> 00:03:58,840 Speaker 3: that we're going to do. 87 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:01,440 Speaker 2: And if we don't do it, if we cull them back, 88 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:02,960 Speaker 2: then we don't. 89 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:06,560 Speaker 3: Get these years of their life back where they get 90 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:09,160 Speaker 3: to develop and learn new skills and try new things. 91 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:13,120 Speaker 3: This time disappears. So we're trying to fit more in 92 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:17,240 Speaker 3: for their life skills. And I can see why the 93 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:20,760 Speaker 3: busyness can interrupt with this. But where's the line between 94 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,919 Speaker 3: the space now and the options later. 95 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:28,000 Speaker 4: It's a really fine line, because we want our children 96 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:31,440 Speaker 4: to have those experiences and develop those skills. We've made 97 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:34,240 Speaker 4: a decision in our family and it's not for every family, 98 00:04:34,279 --> 00:04:36,120 Speaker 4: and I'm not suggesting that others should do it. I'm 99 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:39,760 Speaker 4: simply using it as an example that our kids don't 100 00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:43,760 Speaker 4: play Saturday sport. We have one at the moment who 101 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:47,720 Speaker 4: is playing, and it causes some disruption, but we want 102 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:50,720 Speaker 4: to have our super Saturdays, and so our Saturday is 103 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 4: a kind of a sacred day for us where it's 104 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:57,760 Speaker 4: just absolutely family time. And let me tell you recently, 105 00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:01,719 Speaker 4: in middle of winter in we're now living in Brisbane, 106 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:04,640 Speaker 4: we jumped in the car at six o'clock on a 107 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:05,440 Speaker 4: Saturday morning. 108 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:06,960 Speaker 5: Ask me how happy the children were to. 109 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:10,200 Speaker 4: Get out of bed at six a the kids winter morning, 110 00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:14,440 Speaker 4: and we drove down to Burley Heads and we jumped 111 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:16,600 Speaker 4: out of the car and we walked over the headland and. 112 00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:19,039 Speaker 5: You know, it's just magic up there. It was the 113 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:20,120 Speaker 5: most beautiful day. 114 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:23,120 Speaker 4: And then we were while season two we didn't see 115 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:25,640 Speaker 4: any whales, but Gollie, it was gorgeous and we got 116 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:28,279 Speaker 4: back down to the to the base where the surf 117 00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:30,599 Speaker 4: club is and we had some brecki on the beach 118 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:34,440 Speaker 4: and then we walked from Burley to North Burley, well, 119 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:36,520 Speaker 4: my wife and I, Kylie and I walked, but the 120 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,400 Speaker 4: kids they just because it's Queensland, right. I know it's 121 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:41,760 Speaker 4: the middle of winter, but the kids swam, They walked 122 00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:45,080 Speaker 4: in the water knee deep, waist deep all the way up. 123 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:48,000 Speaker 5: They just had such a great time. 124 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:50,240 Speaker 4: It took us four hours to do the walk, and 125 00:05:50,279 --> 00:05:52,039 Speaker 4: we still managed to get our other daughter a sport 126 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,280 Speaker 4: in time and all that sort of thing. But when 127 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:58,320 Speaker 4: we slowed down, the whole family just came together. Everybody 128 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,080 Speaker 4: felt so good. I've spoken to it so another family 129 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:03,599 Speaker 4: who decided to take on this advice, and they came 130 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:05,760 Speaker 4: back to me and they said, we've just started saying 131 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:08,000 Speaker 4: things like, no, we're going to be busy on that 132 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:10,160 Speaker 4: Friday night. We'd love to attend, but we might be 133 00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:12,839 Speaker 4: able to be there. They've just started saying no to things. 134 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:16,320 Speaker 4: They've stopped stuffing so much in and it's given them 135 00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:21,839 Speaker 4: what I call margin in their life, and they're getting 136 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:24,880 Speaker 4: to have some interesting conversations with their children and wonderful 137 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:29,080 Speaker 4: experiences that build relationships with their children and bond their 138 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:33,360 Speaker 4: family stronger. Makes such a difference, much better result than 139 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:36,480 Speaker 4: being able to say, my daughter has her Grade eight piano, 140 00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:39,960 Speaker 4: which is wonderful, but what would you rather a daughter 141 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,240 Speaker 4: who's got great eight piano or a daughter who and 142 00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:44,640 Speaker 4: I'm not saying they're mutually exclusive, but if we push 143 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:46,840 Speaker 4: too hard, sometimes the relationships suffer. 144 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:49,720 Speaker 5: So that we can give them those skills. 145 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:50,920 Speaker 3: It's harder to make the other parents feel like they're 146 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:54,600 Speaker 3: inadequate as parents. If, like without quoting the grade eight, 147 00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:56,800 Speaker 3: like the achievements of our children, we need that to 148 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:58,279 Speaker 3: make other parents feel like we're. 149 00:06:58,160 --> 00:06:59,880 Speaker 5: Better, that's right. 150 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:03,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's hard with multiple children too, because I know, 151 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:07,159 Speaker 1: you know, we've invested in our boys all do rugby, 152 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,760 Speaker 1: and we actually we love the Saturday morning sport because 153 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:10,320 Speaker 1: it's for us. 154 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:11,360 Speaker 2: It's over and done with by. 155 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:13,120 Speaker 1: Nine point thirty in the morning, so we've still got 156 00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:16,200 Speaker 1: the whole day, but we've got our energy by that point. 157 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,920 Speaker 4: You've got a tradition for your family, and so I'm 158 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:20,280 Speaker 4: not saying that you need to do it my way. 159 00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:21,840 Speaker 5: I'm glad you have pointed that out. 160 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:24,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, but then you know, one of our other sons 161 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:27,880 Speaker 1: does karate, but I recognize, but that sort of takes 162 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,280 Speaker 1: up most of our school afternoons then, plus then the 163 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:34,040 Speaker 1: Saturday morning, I noticed there's another son of mine who's 164 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:36,080 Speaker 1: got some skills that I think I think he'd be 165 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:40,160 Speaker 1: great at maybe dancing, maybe gymnastics, but he's physically different 166 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:43,400 Speaker 1: to his brothers. But we don't have the time to 167 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:47,520 Speaker 1: invest in him because of what's being invested in another child. 168 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:50,120 Speaker 1: So I like that idea of you know what, let's 169 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:53,520 Speaker 1: start saying, notice some stuff, figure out what's important is it? 170 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:55,240 Speaker 1: You know, I don't know. 171 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:57,800 Speaker 2: I don't know who thought one size doesn't fit all suit. 172 00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:01,040 Speaker 3: It doesn't this whole well, this whole thing, Like, let's 173 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:03,040 Speaker 3: take it away from parenting. This is something that I 174 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:07,960 Speaker 3: understood in my office space that in a culture and 175 00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:10,680 Speaker 3: a team environment, you had some people come in and go, 176 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:12,600 Speaker 3: it's got to be head down, bum up. 177 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,720 Speaker 2: You've got to constantly be working the entire time. 178 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:16,960 Speaker 3: And what I knew was that at the end of 179 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,720 Speaker 3: the day I had really poor performers. If that was 180 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,480 Speaker 3: the culture where I had other managers from other departments go, 181 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:24,760 Speaker 3: your guys are just looking at Facebook and are just 182 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:26,840 Speaker 3: they're laughing and joking and they're not working and they're 183 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,920 Speaker 3: standing in the hallways. I went, yeah, but that's where 184 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:30,960 Speaker 3: some of their best stuff comes out of That's where 185 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,920 Speaker 3: their magic comes because they're having fun and they're not 186 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:36,520 Speaker 3: they know that they can take a few minutes and 187 00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:38,600 Speaker 3: just go look at something else. It's different because we 188 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,440 Speaker 3: were a creative environment in a radio station. But at 189 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:44,160 Speaker 3: the same point, like what it built was culture, what 190 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:47,400 Speaker 3: it built was relationships. And after ten years, that team 191 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:50,120 Speaker 3: that was only looking at Facebook are still working those 192 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:52,679 Speaker 3: jobs out of the most tight knit team that I've 193 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:56,200 Speaker 3: ever seen in the radio industry. And it came from 194 00:08:56,200 --> 00:09:00,199 Speaker 3: those I talked about. The inefficiency of relationship is what 195 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,800 Speaker 3: I'd always talk about. You can't bond efficiently. 196 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:05,839 Speaker 4: It's so funny that you said that, because there was 197 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:07,640 Speaker 4: a line in my head that I was going to use, 198 00:09:07,679 --> 00:09:10,360 Speaker 4: and you've just you've given me the opposite of the line. 199 00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:13,240 Speaker 4: What I was going to say is we're so intensely 200 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:19,080 Speaker 4: focused on maximizing every moment, but relationships don't work on 201 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:22,560 Speaker 4: the principles of efficiency. It's precisely what I was going 202 00:09:22,559 --> 00:09:24,440 Speaker 4: to say. You've just fund it in the other way. 203 00:09:24,679 --> 00:09:27,720 Speaker 4: Relationships don't work. You can't say to your kids, Okay, kids, 204 00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:30,120 Speaker 4: we have seven and a half minutes between the garage 205 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:31,240 Speaker 4: and football training. 206 00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:32,640 Speaker 5: What's on your mind. 207 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:36,360 Speaker 2: Yeah that's true, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. 208 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:39,440 Speaker 3: And so because you would say to me like in particular, 209 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:41,959 Speaker 3: and because it was almost like I felt like she 210 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:43,640 Speaker 3: was doing me a favor when she would take the 211 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,640 Speaker 3: kids in for bedtime every night while I was doing 212 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:46,120 Speaker 3: something else. 213 00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:47,920 Speaker 2: I'm sorry, like you know, if you want me to 214 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:48,560 Speaker 2: do it, and say she goes. 215 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:50,920 Speaker 3: No, that's actually my favorite time because she goes and 216 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,720 Speaker 3: she sits in the room and there's quiet and there's 217 00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:55,160 Speaker 3: no agenda and there's nowhere to be and then suddenly 218 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,360 Speaker 3: they start talking to her, yeah, and telling her things 219 00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:01,280 Speaker 3: about the day that they never want responded with, how 220 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:01,760 Speaker 3: is your day? 221 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,720 Speaker 2: What happened at school? Was going on? It just burst 222 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:05,560 Speaker 2: out in space. 223 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:08,840 Speaker 4: Slow down, slow down, slow down. 224 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:10,120 Speaker 5: Yes. 225 00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:12,200 Speaker 1: I found the other day my son told me something 226 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:15,120 Speaker 1: about a little we were in the middle of doing stuff. 227 00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,760 Speaker 1: He told me about a fight he'd had with one 228 00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:19,199 Speaker 1: of his friends and he said, he said he's not 229 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:20,559 Speaker 1: going to talk to me for the rest of the year. 230 00:10:20,559 --> 00:10:22,080 Speaker 1: And I said, well, that's going to be very quiet then, 231 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:25,000 Speaker 1: isn't it. And we were in the middle and I 232 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,959 Speaker 1: was so busy reacting to this, just trying to say something, 233 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,240 Speaker 1: just to get us out to the car so that 234 00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:30,840 Speaker 1: we could keep doing what we had to do. It 235 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,960 Speaker 1: was a couple of hours later, in the quiet of night, 236 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:35,720 Speaker 1: that I called him in and I said, you know what, 237 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:38,120 Speaker 1: that must have really hurt your feelings when your friend 238 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:40,000 Speaker 1: said that he doesn't want to talk to you for 239 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:43,520 Speaker 1: the rest of the year, and blow all this other 240 00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:46,880 Speaker 1: stuff came out, and I realized in that moment, how 241 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:50,680 Speaker 1: many times have I just dismissed these little things trying 242 00:10:50,679 --> 00:10:54,080 Speaker 1: to get everything else done, that I've dismissed these golden 243 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,440 Speaker 1: little moments where your child's trying to let you in 244 00:10:57,440 --> 00:11:00,560 Speaker 1: and not really given it the response and the time 245 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:03,880 Speaker 1: that it needs, that he needs. And I feel like 246 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:08,240 Speaker 1: I've missed so much conversation with my child and learning 247 00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:11,280 Speaker 1: about his life because I've been dismissive because I've been busy. 248 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:14,520 Speaker 4: It's one of those things where you know, if we could, 249 00:11:14,679 --> 00:11:18,240 Speaker 4: if we could just get that conversation right when the 250 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:20,280 Speaker 4: kids come in the door and we say how is 251 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:23,319 Speaker 4: your day and they say eh, And sometimes we get 252 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:26,680 Speaker 4: cranky about that, But think about it when you walk 253 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,240 Speaker 4: in at the end of your day and your significant 254 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:32,720 Speaker 4: other says, how is your day? I'm so glad you asked, 255 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:34,280 Speaker 4: and I want to tell you about this, and we 256 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:37,920 Speaker 4: don't do that we're like, Oh, but once we're laying down, 257 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:41,000 Speaker 4: once we're in bed, once the kids are in bed, 258 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:42,720 Speaker 4: once we're in the car, once we've gone for a 259 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:45,400 Speaker 4: walk in nature, once we've done something, once we're at 260 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:50,040 Speaker 4: the table, the conversation starts to flow. Relationships aren't abou efficiency, 261 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,959 Speaker 4: They're about time, slow down, stop stuffing so much in. 262 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,120 Speaker 3: Love, wonderful. I'm glad we took some time to catch 263 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:58,600 Speaker 3: that moment. Now we've got to go, Justin quit before 264 00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:02,200 Speaker 3: we wrap things up, let's all rem Justin how to 265 00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:03,679 Speaker 3: use the washing machine. 266 00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:10,000 Speaker 2: The clothes cleaning machine. Doctor Justin Golson, thank you so much. 267 00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:12,280 Speaker 5: For your Oh gosh, I hope that's not all you 268 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:17,280 Speaker 5: take out of this. I'm sharing. I'm burying my soul here. 269 00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:20,000 Speaker 2: It's not all we take, but it's enough. It's enough. 270 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:23,920 Speaker 1: For more info in all of Justin's books, podcasts, and programs, 271 00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:26,160 Speaker 1: you can jump online to Happy Families dot com dot 272 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,520 Speaker 1: are you to find out how to have Justin speak 273 00:12:28,559 --> 00:12:30,000 Speaker 1: at your school, or you can come along to your 274 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:39,560 Speaker 1: organization as well. Go to Justin Coulson dot com.