1 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:06,840 Speaker 1: Welcome to How I Work, a show about the tactics 2 00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:09,320 Speaker 1: used by the world's most successful people to get so 3 00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:13,120 Speaker 1: much out of their day. I'm your host, doctor Amantha Imba. 4 00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:18,239 Speaker 1: I'm an organizational psychologist, the founder of behavioral science consultancy Inventium, 5 00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:21,800 Speaker 1: and I'm obsessed with finding ways to optimize my work day. 6 00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:27,920 Speaker 1: Today's show is a mini episode where I share something 7 00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:31,440 Speaker 1: that I've been doing that I thought was quite helpful. 8 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:35,000 Speaker 1: But before we get into that, a quick call out. 9 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:38,160 Speaker 1: If you are a listener and you have a question 10 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:40,279 Speaker 1: on your mind, I would love to hear from you. 11 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:43,400 Speaker 1: I'm going to be doing a few shows where I'm 12 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:45,800 Speaker 1: experimenting with a new format where I will be answering 13 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:49,800 Speaker 1: listener questions, so email them over to me at Amantha 14 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:53,000 Speaker 1: at inventium dot com. Do are you and my email 15 00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:55,360 Speaker 1: is always in the show notes as well. I would 16 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:58,160 Speaker 1: love to hear from you and what is on your mind. 17 00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:01,720 Speaker 1: And as always, if you're enjoying How I Work, and 18 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:03,880 Speaker 1: if you enjoy this episode, I would love it if 19 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:08,480 Speaker 1: you could share it with someone that would also get 20 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:11,360 Speaker 1: something valuable from it. And thank you to everyone that 21 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:13,480 Speaker 1: has done that. It's one of the reasons that the 22 00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:17,400 Speaker 1: show has grown in the way that it has, so 23 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:22,959 Speaker 1: thank you all right on with today's show. So a 24 00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:28,240 Speaker 1: couple of weekends ago, I celebrated in inverted commerce my 25 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:33,080 Speaker 1: birthday in Stage four lockdown in Melbourne. I had barely 26 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,920 Speaker 1: given my birthday any thought this year, because really, the 27 00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:38,800 Speaker 1: options for what us Melburnians can do right now are 28 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:42,800 Speaker 1: a little bit limited. However, I did spend a small 29 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:45,800 Speaker 1: amount of time thinking about what I could do to 30 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:49,880 Speaker 1: make an ISO birthday suck just a little bit less. 31 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:52,600 Speaker 1: So my six and a half year old daughter, Frankie, 32 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:54,120 Speaker 1: was with me for the weekend, so we had a 33 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:57,880 Speaker 1: chat about it. On Birthday Eve. I suggested to Frankie 34 00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:01,080 Speaker 1: that she might like to be my slave for the day, 35 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:04,760 Speaker 1: which is very politically incorrect, I know, but not a 36 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:09,320 Speaker 1: completely unreasonable idea given that the reverse plays out every 37 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:13,800 Speaker 1: other day now. Frankie pointed out some flaws to this idea, 38 00:02:13,919 --> 00:02:17,120 Speaker 1: such as she doesn't know how to cook, load the dishwasher, 39 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:21,320 Speaker 1: make coffee, and so on, so we kept thinking. So. 40 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:25,040 Speaker 1: One of the things that can make parenting, especially single parenting, 41 00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:27,640 Speaker 1: exhausting is the amount of times you have to say 42 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:31,600 Speaker 1: no during the day. Can I play on my iPad. Mum, No, 43 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:34,120 Speaker 1: can I ride my bike? We're in your jumper that 44 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:35,799 Speaker 1: happens to be really expensive and made out of a 45 00:02:35,919 --> 00:02:39,480 Speaker 1: very delicate cotton silk mix. No can I play with 46 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:41,600 Speaker 1: this entire pack of blue tack and get it all 47 00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:45,560 Speaker 1: over the carpet and my hair? No? Every no comes 48 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:49,000 Speaker 1: with a feeling of frustration and annoyance for both of us. 49 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:52,360 Speaker 1: So I thought to myself, what if my birthday became 50 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:55,840 Speaker 1: the day of yes? What if for any request Frankie 51 00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:59,880 Speaker 1: asked of me, I simply said yes, I ran this by, 52 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:03,680 Speaker 1: and she reacted as excitedly as if it were her 53 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:06,959 Speaker 1: birthday tomorrow, not mine. I pointed out that this rule 54 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:10,240 Speaker 1: should probably cut both ways. Any request I made of 55 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:14,640 Speaker 1: her would also have to result in yes. We pinky 56 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:17,640 Speaker 1: promised on this plan. I think Frankie, to be honest, 57 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:19,600 Speaker 1: was more excited about it being the day of yes, 58 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:22,640 Speaker 1: but an at home birthday celebration day when she went 59 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:26,520 Speaker 1: to sleep that night. The day started smoothly enough, with 60 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:29,240 Speaker 1: Frankie presenting me with the home made birthday present of 61 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:33,239 Speaker 1: a tiny felt purse that had been stapled together, completely 62 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:36,760 Speaker 1: non functional, but obviously one of the best presents I've 63 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:40,600 Speaker 1: ever received. I also received a jar of fairy dust, 64 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:44,800 Speaker 1: but I'm yet to verify whether it actually works. We 65 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:50,200 Speaker 1: then went downstairs to have breakfast. Can I use the iPad? Mum? 66 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:54,440 Speaker 1: We have very strict screen time rules in my household. Normally, 67 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:57,680 Speaker 1: if she's lucky, Frankie will get twenty minutes of iPad 68 00:03:57,680 --> 00:04:00,240 Speaker 1: time on the weekend. But being the day of yeah, yes, 69 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:04,880 Speaker 1: I of course said yes. Frankie decided she needed a 70 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:08,680 Speaker 1: lockable notebook, so she googled how to make one on YouTube. 71 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:13,000 Speaker 1: Then she asked, Mom, can we make this? Yes? I replied, 72 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:16,880 Speaker 1: thinking this might be the first YouTube craft project I've 73 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:20,279 Speaker 1: completed with my daughter in her six years on this planet. 74 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,279 Speaker 1: I asked Frankie to collect all the materials, to which 75 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:26,000 Speaker 1: she helpfully did because the answer was always yes. We 76 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:29,839 Speaker 1: then made a notebook that was lockable with some pipe 77 00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:33,640 Speaker 1: cleaner and actually looked pretty cool. At eleven AM, after 78 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:36,479 Speaker 1: Frankie had been playing with Lego and was being relatively 79 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:39,520 Speaker 1: self entertaining, she asked me whether it was TV time. 80 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:41,839 Speaker 1: One of the rules in my house is that no 81 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:45,520 Speaker 1: TV happens before four pm, so I replied not yet. 82 00:04:45,839 --> 00:04:48,680 Speaker 1: Then Frankie remembered the rules of the day and phrased 83 00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:54,240 Speaker 1: the question in a different way. Mum, can I watch TV? Yes, 84 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:58,640 Speaker 1: I said, as a part of me died inside. The 85 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:03,719 Speaker 1: day progressed smooth and conflict free. Yes, more TV was 86 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:06,599 Speaker 1: watched than normal, but Frankie self regulated her behavior to 87 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,200 Speaker 1: avoid turning into a catch potato. During the day of Yes, 88 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:13,720 Speaker 1: we danced, we built lots of lego creations, and baked muffins. 89 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:17,120 Speaker 1: It was an awesome day. Having said that, when Frankie 90 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:20,280 Speaker 1: was up an hour past her usual bedtime constructing a 91 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:23,960 Speaker 1: highly complex fort in her bedroom to sleep in, I 92 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:27,479 Speaker 1: deeply wished for the day of Yes to end. The 93 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,800 Speaker 1: next morning, Frankie asked me, yesterday also a day of Yes? 94 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:34,280 Speaker 1: I sadly informed her that it was not, But it 95 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:37,320 Speaker 1: did get me thinking about how much better our lives 96 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:40,720 Speaker 1: could be if every day became a day of yes. 97 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:44,159 Speaker 1: It actually reminded me of an interview I did for 98 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:48,200 Speaker 1: How I Work with Paul Migliarini, who at the time 99 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:50,960 Speaker 1: headed up Amazon Web Services for Australia and New Zealand. 100 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:54,360 Speaker 1: Paul explained to me that what they think at Amazon, 101 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:57,160 Speaker 1: particularly for people leaders, is that they tried to think 102 00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:01,880 Speaker 1: of their role as a way to find an answer 103 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:05,839 Speaker 1: that is yes. So essentially to find a way to 104 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:09,320 Speaker 1: say yes. Many managers go into a lot of meetings 105 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,400 Speaker 1: and think that it's their job to say no. But 106 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:15,000 Speaker 1: what Paul said is that his job is, if someone's 107 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:18,440 Speaker 1: given him a proposal, is to try to work out 108 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:21,560 Speaker 1: how to get it to yes. So we're so used 109 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:23,600 Speaker 1: to saying no right now, and if you're in Melbourne, 110 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,039 Speaker 1: you're probably used to the government saying no to everything too. 111 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:29,840 Speaker 1: But perhaps where you do have some control, see if 112 00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:32,640 Speaker 1: you can find a way to say yes. I guarantee 113 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,719 Speaker 1: you'll create a very different type of day for yourself 114 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:39,960 Speaker 1: and those around you. And finally, as a special little treat, 115 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,520 Speaker 1: I spoke to Frankie about the Day of Yes a 116 00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:46,039 Speaker 1: mini interview if you like. So let's hear a quick 117 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:50,359 Speaker 1: bit from Frankie about the Day of Yes. Okay, so, Frankie, 118 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:52,520 Speaker 1: can you tell me what this podcast episode is about. 119 00:06:52,839 --> 00:06:54,960 Speaker 2: It's about Mum's best day. 120 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,600 Speaker 1: What did we do that was different on Mum's birthday? 121 00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:02,080 Speaker 1: Yes Day? How did the Day of Yes work? Frankie? 122 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:08,320 Speaker 2: It worked like we both say yes to whatever said, 123 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:13,520 Speaker 2: Like Canapolis watch TV and you would say yes, and. 124 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:15,920 Speaker 1: Then and then what would happen? Would you just watch 125 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:19,040 Speaker 1: TV for the rest of the day? But that didn't happen, 126 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,360 Speaker 1: did it? So you watched TV? But then you decided 127 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,400 Speaker 1: you didn't want to watch TV all day because it 128 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:25,520 Speaker 1: was boring, isn't it? 129 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:29,720 Speaker 2: If that was the only thing which existed in the world, 130 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:34,480 Speaker 2: then we could do that because it tells us some information. 131 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:38,760 Speaker 2: What does ipays in computers? 132 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:42,360 Speaker 1: Oh? Yes, you asked to play on your TV? The 133 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:46,600 Speaker 1: news or the news? The news gives us information. Frankie, 134 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:49,240 Speaker 1: can I ask what did mummy ask you to do that? 135 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:50,120 Speaker 1: You said yes to. 136 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:55,600 Speaker 2: Bush my teeth after eat and breakfast? 137 00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:58,560 Speaker 1: Yes, I did do that. Was there anything else I 138 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:05,520 Speaker 1: asked you to do? There was? Did I ask you 139 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:09,400 Speaker 1: to clean up some things? No? I think I did. 140 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:13,520 Speaker 1: I think you've blocked that from your memory. Hey, Frankie, 141 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,440 Speaker 1: do you remember what you asked me the morning after 142 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:20,000 Speaker 1: the day of Yes? Do you remember you didn't ask 143 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:22,160 Speaker 1: me if you could watch TV? He said? Is today 144 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:25,800 Speaker 1: another day of yes? Do you remember asking that? And 145 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:28,960 Speaker 1: what did I say? No, that's exactly what I said. 146 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:35,600 Speaker 1: And Frankie, should we do the day of Yes again? Yes? 147 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:38,840 Speaker 1: Or no, yes, what was What was the best thing 148 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:39,840 Speaker 1: about the day of yet? 149 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:45,560 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, were very bad day because they got joined. 150 00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:50,400 Speaker 1: TV and it's watching TV really the best part about the. 151 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:53,640 Speaker 2: Day they playing on that and time with mum. 152 00:08:54,559 --> 00:08:57,120 Speaker 1: Well he's spending time with mum better than watching TV 153 00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:03,720 Speaker 1: and iPad. Yes, Frankie, thank you for being a guest 154 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:10,600 Speaker 1: on How I Work? Was that fun? Yeah? So that 155 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:13,800 Speaker 1: is it for today's show. If you are enjoying How 156 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:16,280 Speaker 1: I Work, I would love it if you could leave 157 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:19,480 Speaker 1: a review in Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to 158 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:22,360 Speaker 1: this show. It is awesome getting reviews, whether that be 159 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:25,480 Speaker 1: a star rating or even if you are generous enough 160 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:28,160 Speaker 1: to write some words like always bring a smile to 161 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,480 Speaker 1: my face. There are some lovely reviews that people have written, 162 00:09:30,559 --> 00:09:32,120 Speaker 1: so thank you so much if you've done that, or 163 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:33,960 Speaker 1: if you plan to do so today. So that is 164 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:35,920 Speaker 1: it for today and I will see you next time.