Speaker 1: Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
Speaker 1: were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders
Speaker 1: past and present.
Speaker 2: Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
Speaker 2: recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and welcome back to
Speaker 2: another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 1: I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is therapy Thursday. Ask
Speaker 1: gun Cut, were you writing your deepest, darkest burning questions?
Speaker 2: We answer, we do our best. I need some therapy
Speaker 2: after last night.
Speaker 1: There it be full stop, not just after last night,
Speaker 1: I do.
Speaker 3: Do you know what? We advocate for therapy a lot
Speaker 3: on here.
Speaker 2: We're always talking about how it's so good for people,
Speaker 2: but then we don't go and get there like we should.
Speaker 3: Oh, I should go to a regular therapist.
Speaker 1: I was for quite a while post breakup with you
Speaker 1: know who.
Speaker 3: The man who.
Speaker 1: No, actually that makes it sound like he was bad Jordan,
Speaker 1: my ex, you all know him. I went to therapy
Speaker 1: after that because I needed therapy after you. It's a
Speaker 1: rough time.
Speaker 3: You really did need therapy after that.
Speaker 1: But I haven't been in ages and it's wrong because
Speaker 1: you don't or shouldn't just go to therapy when like
Speaker 1: something happens and you need it. Although that's how I
Speaker 1: took that situation, but there are so many people that
Speaker 1: experts that say, you know, your brain is also a
Speaker 1: muscle that you need to look after and exercise, whether
Speaker 1: it's at its high or at it's low. So people
Speaker 1: should be going to like constant, weekly or monthly therapy
Speaker 1: just for like maintenance.
Speaker 2: Look, I don't actually need therapy because of what happened
Speaker 2: to me last night. Please don't come for me for
Speaker 2: using therapy as a joke. And I shouldn't joke about it,
Speaker 2: but I last night. So at the moment, I don't
Speaker 2: know if you've heard this in the news, brut and
Speaker 2: I know that you're very abreast of what's happening in
Speaker 2: the news. There is a plague of gastro that's going around,
Speaker 2: Like gastro is like the worst it's ever been in Australia.
Speaker 3: At the moment, gastro at an all time high. Have
Speaker 3: you heard this?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Sorry, I was waiting for you to tell me. Well,
Speaker 1: is that it? You just wanted to give me the
Speaker 1: news headline on gastow.
Speaker 2: I don't need to I don't need to read the
Speaker 2: news about the gastro. And you want to know why
Speaker 2: because she because the burn Johnson household is riddled with gastro. No,
Speaker 2: the adults don't have it, just the kids. So it
Speaker 2: absolutely railed Lola. And now Marley has gastro.
Speaker 1: I thought that you guys got gastro all time. No,
Speaker 1: in my head, when someone plays a word association game,
Speaker 1: they go Laura, I go gastro.
Speaker 3: Hold on.
Speaker 2: This does feel very familiar. No, okay, this is what
Speaker 2: happened to me. So Lola has been sick for about
Speaker 2: four days now. She's in pretty good spirits for a
Speaker 2: kid who's like, you know, shooting out of both ends.
Speaker 2: But every so often she'll just be like playing around
Speaker 2: and then she goes, oh, my tummy hurts, vomb Oh my
Speaker 2: tummy hurts, like explosive diarrhea.
Speaker 1: Like no warning, no time to get anywhere.
Speaker 3: It's just like it's there.
Speaker 2: No warning for the vomits, but plenty of warning for
Speaker 2: the diary. All right, good, plenty of warning. She's three,
Speaker 2: so she's like pretty well and truly toilet trained.
Speaker 3: Do you toilet?
Speaker 2: Is it potty trained? Toilet trained? That kind of feels
Speaker 2: very like animal association, like she uses a toilet, she
Speaker 2: uses a toilet, she's trained to use a toilet. At nighttime,
Speaker 2: she still wears a nappy because, like you know, and
Speaker 2: the drinks at nighttime.
Speaker 3: Things still happens.
Speaker 2: So anyway, it was the middle of the night last night,
Speaker 2: and every night she still gets into our bed, like
Speaker 2: every single night without fail. So about two o'clock, I
Speaker 2: either hear her crying in her room and she wants
Speaker 2: me to come physically pick her up and carry her
Speaker 2: to my room, or she'll like make her way to
Speaker 2: the side of the bed and then kind of winge
Speaker 2: until I pick her up and pull her into bed.
Speaker 2: So she comes into the room and she's like, she's
Speaker 2: kind of half crying, and I was like, baby, come here,
Speaker 2: and I picked her up. And as I picked her
Speaker 2: up and pulled her into the bed and pulled her
Speaker 2: into my sheets and my blanket.
Speaker 1: She goes, mummy, I wet myself.
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, sweetheart, it's okay.
Speaker 2: And then as she was saying mummy, I wet myself,
Speaker 2: I realized that in fact, she did not wet herself.
Speaker 1: She was a human burrito of shit.
Speaker 2: You know, when you get Guzman and Gomez and then
Speaker 2: all the sauces come out at the bottom.
Speaker 1: No one listening needs the visual, like, well, let me
Speaker 1: tell you the source.
Speaker 2: Well, and truly came out the bottom because I took
Speaker 2: her into the bathroom and she had shit everywhere up
Speaker 2: her back to her neckline, down to her ankles. It
Speaker 2: was like she was encased and it was everywhere. It
Speaker 2: was in my bed, it was on my sheets, it
Speaker 2: was in her sheet.
Speaker 3: You just give up.
Speaker 1: How have you not got it when she basically bombed
Speaker 1: in you in your mouth? Because sometimes they just take
Speaker 1: down the kids.
Speaker 2: Apparently, this gastro strain that's going around Australia at the
Speaker 2: moment is just like taking down the little kids.
Speaker 3: And adults are being pretty scott free.
Speaker 1: I swear to God, every time I think, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I think I might want a kid, you pull me
Speaker 1: back down to the ground, Laura. You you kick my
Speaker 1: legs out from underneath me, and then you stump on
Speaker 1: me while I'm on the ground.
Speaker 2: To be fair, it's physically taking out the kids, but
Speaker 2: it's emotionally taking out the parents.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, I don't know what's worse. Shooting yourself, No,
Speaker 1: emotions are bad. Shooting yourself constantly is worse.
Speaker 3: This is the highs and loads.
Speaker 1: You just called me brisket, pretty titty hungry brisket, hey Bridge, that's.
Speaker 2: What happens when you have no sleep. I have fucking slept, guys, anyway,
Speaker 2: So that's where I'm at. I know I don't actually
Speaker 2: need therapy, but I'm on the edge of a lot
Speaker 2: of things at the moment.
Speaker 1: I'm all seriousness. I'm not just saying this, but I
Speaker 1: think you might actually like it could actually help you
Speaker 1: with ave sis stuff.
Speaker 3: Anyway.
Speaker 1: Well, I haven't had anything hugely event for but I
Speaker 1: have been having a bit of a laugh. So Ben
Speaker 1: and I are in the very early stages of wedding planning, which.
Speaker 2: You've been in the early stages of wedding planning for
Speaker 2: twenty years.
Speaker 1: No, I haven't. I've never planned my wedding. I've never
Speaker 1: been a person that saves wedding dresses, that thinks of
Speaker 1: what they want like, I've never been that person.
Speaker 2: How many ring photos did you have saved in your
Speaker 2: in the folder of your saved images in Instagram?
Speaker 1: A lot?
Speaker 3: It is very helpful. That's not a criticism. That was
Speaker 3: really good for me.
Speaker 1: But I genuinely, honestly am telling you this I started
Speaker 1: saving rings for the first time six eight months ago. Like,
Speaker 1: when I knew I was going to marry Ben, I
Speaker 1: wasn't one of those girls that grew up dreaming of
Speaker 1: the pick a fence and the Yeah, no, neither, do
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like, there are people that
Speaker 1: have had their kids day picked out since they're fifteen
Speaker 1: and the ring and there's nothing wrong with that. It's
Speaker 1: not me. I'm also not a planner, so like the
Speaker 1: thought of trying to plan his wedding is a disgusting
Speaker 1: so overwhelming for me. But anyway, I said to Ben,
Speaker 1: let's just start the very early planning, like the big
Speaker 1: things like what do you want from a wedding? How
Speaker 1: do you see it? So we started to have that
Speaker 1: discussion and I was like, let's just see if we're
Speaker 1: on the same page. You know, the things like do
Speaker 1: you want to sit down or do you want to
Speaker 1: stand up? Do you want a church inside wedding somewhere?
Speaker 1: Do you want an outside wedding? You know those things
Speaker 1: that are like you don't need to have a planner
Speaker 1: or be booking stuff. It's just let's see we're on
Speaker 1: the same page.
Speaker 2: Also, the size, Yeah, if you want to have a
Speaker 2: big after party. Do you want to be casual? Do
Speaker 2: you want it to be formal?
Speaker 3: I get it.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I said to him, Ben, what do you let's
Speaker 1: talk about like the big stuff. Just see if we
Speaker 1: see on the same page. What are the big things,
Speaker 1: like the most important things that you see at your wedding.
Speaker 1: And there was a moment of silence and he looks
Speaker 1: off and he thinks. And I was like, oh, he's
Speaker 1: really thinking about this. And he looks back down and
Speaker 1: he goes, I just really want that stick thing that
Speaker 1: you waddle in your hands.
Speaker 3: Sorry, what the share don't they do? And I was
Speaker 3: like I was like sorry what.
Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, this stick that you wattle. I was like,
Speaker 1: the stick that you wattle?
Speaker 3: What are you talking about?
Speaker 1: And I'm trying to think of the big stuff and
Speaker 1: I'm like the stick that you waddle and he's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, you you wattle it around, isn't that?
Speaker 3: And I said think that that's a cultural thing.
Speaker 1: It's not. I said, do you mean a sparkler and
Speaker 1: he was like yeah, I said a sparkler and he's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: the thing that you like, Oh my god. I was like, okay, babe,
Speaker 1: I can do a sparkle for you. First of all,
Speaker 1: it's got a sparkle. It's not a stick. You wattle.
Speaker 3: I was like, what is wattle.
Speaker 1: He's like, oh no, I think it's an English translation.
Speaker 1: I was like, no one wattles anything. But I was like, yeah, babe,
Speaker 1: that's fine.
Speaker 3: Do you know what this means? We need a wedding
Speaker 3: plan you? This means you organizing a wedding. That's what
Speaker 3: I've come to realize.
Speaker 1: I was like, this is us trying to break down
Speaker 1: the big stuff, and the first and only thing that
Speaker 1: you want is a sparkler.
Speaker 3: I was like, babe, I've got you covered.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have so many wattles there for you plas
Speaker 1: his soul. And then in my head I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm fucked. I'm going to plan this whole wedding. So
Speaker 1: that's about as far as we got. We got some spucks.
Speaker 2: I always find it interesting because so many men they
Speaker 2: plan the engagement, but then they haven't thought passed the
Speaker 2: engagement to a wedding at all, and so the buck
Speaker 2: often and I don't want to be like stereotyping here
Speaker 2: because I know it can be different nor relationships, but
Speaker 2: often It's like I did the engagement and then kind
Speaker 2: of they're planning preparation, handwiping happens like like just finishes
Speaker 2: there and then the baton has passed to the woman
Speaker 2: in heterosexual relationships to do the rest of the work,
Speaker 2: and that kind of sucks.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I will also be passing the baton.
Speaker 3: To a wedding else. Please do this all right?
Speaker 2: Well, look before we get into answering your questions today,
Speaker 2: we do have our lives and our unsubscribes.
Speaker 3: Brittany, what is yoel vibe?
Speaker 1: Okay, It's a Netflix movie called The Beautiful Game, which
Speaker 1: is basically about the Homeless World Cup football competition. So
Speaker 1: the movie is fictional, but it's based on a real story.
Speaker 1: And I only knew it was based on a real
Speaker 1: story after I watched it and thought, I wonder if
Speaker 1: this is real, had to.
Speaker 3: Go google it.
Speaker 1: So, long story short, every single year all around the
Speaker 1: world is like fifty countries they do a Homeless World
Speaker 1: Cup where the only criteria is you need to be homeless,
Speaker 1: and it's really for shining a light on social marginalization
Speaker 1: and what people are going through all over the world,
Speaker 1: but trying to find them A source of happiness because
Speaker 1: a lot of these homeless people around the world get
Speaker 1: together and they play street football, you know, like even
Speaker 1: famous football athletes. Now you hear a lot of them
Speaker 1: saying they started in poverty playing on the streets and
Speaker 1: they have amazing skills. So what happens is all around
Speaker 1: the world every year they get a team of homeless
Speaker 1: people that play football that are really good and they
Speaker 1: go and compete against each other in the Homeless World Cup.
Speaker 1: And it was just such a beautiful film that did
Speaker 1: have a wonderful ending, Like it's sad because you know
Speaker 1: that these people are really homeless and they are really struggling,
Speaker 1: but it's really beautiful to show how happy they are
Speaker 1: by feeling that can they're included in something and they
Speaker 1: connected and a sense of purpose and like seeing them
Speaker 1: achieve their dreams. Because I googled it and in reality,
Speaker 1: thousands of people go to watch these Homeless World Cups
Speaker 1: and they're cheering for their country and they just feel
Speaker 1: like they have a purpose.
Speaker 2: It makes you a question like how and where does
Speaker 2: the funding come from to allow for this, because if
Speaker 2: people are homeless and they're unable to support themselves, then
Speaker 2: I would say that they're very unlikely that they're in
Speaker 2: a financial position where they're able to go and play
Speaker 2: in any sort of World Cup.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely, and most of it, you know, just for
Speaker 1: my own curiosity how to look, but most of it
Speaker 1: is funded externally from sponsors and the FIFA Foundation put
Speaker 1: a little bit of money in. But my understanding is
Speaker 1: the accommodation and food and things like that, and their
Speaker 1: entries are all covered when they're there. But my understanding
Speaker 1: is they need to fund themselves their team to get there.
Speaker 1: And the teams are quite small. It's not a full
Speaker 1: football field. It's like five or six players on a side,
Speaker 1: so they're smaller. But it is an incredible film, Like
Speaker 1: I can't stress enough for you guys to watch it,
Speaker 1: The Beautiful Game on Netflix. You will froth it.
Speaker 4: My rope of the week is it's a podcast. It
Speaker 4: is called The Rest is Entertainment. It is hosted by
Speaker 4: two British people that are in their fifties, so it's
Speaker 4: got a little bit of a more mature and definitely
Speaker 4: smarter than me essence to it.
Speaker 3: It's just because someone's older doesn't make me smarter.
Speaker 4: These people are definitely smarter than me, so it's hosted
Speaker 4: by the author and he's also a TV producer. He's
Speaker 4: been in media and entertainment for a very long time.
Speaker 4: Richard Osman, the name of the author didn't completely ring
Speaker 4: a bell to me, but then when I saw the
Speaker 4: cover of his books, he's that one that has the
Speaker 4: fox on his books.
Speaker 3: I'm not sure he's written. Oh yeah, yeah, he's like
Speaker 3: very well.
Speaker 1: Known, very established author.
Speaker 4: And the other host is a journalist and a columnist
Speaker 4: for The Guardian called Marina Hyde. It's a pop culture
Speaker 4: and politics based podcast, but because they're based in the UK,
Speaker 4: it has a particular focus on British politics and this
Speaker 4: week the episode that they released is called which Dumped
Speaker 4: Tory Will Do Strictly, which is not something that a
Speaker 4: lot of Australians would be interested in. But the first
Speaker 4: thing that they spoke about was Jill Biden doing the
Speaker 4: cover of you Vogue, and they broke down how much
Speaker 4: of like these political kind of things that intertwine with
Speaker 4: media and with.
Speaker 1: Pop culture coverage.
Speaker 4: You know, a lot of the first ladies of the
Speaker 4: United States have done US Vogue and they spoke about
Speaker 4: how that has evolved over time, like started as a
Speaker 4: puff piece and now it's something that people are like, Oh,
Speaker 4: I don't really think you should be doing this. They
Speaker 4: spoke about Glen Powell, Sidney Sweeney, they spoke about Sabrina Carpenter,
Speaker 4: and then they went into the last segment that was
Speaker 4: all about the UK election and how they've now got
Speaker 4: a new prime minister. It was super, super interesting if
Speaker 4: you're into that kind of thing. I know that some
Speaker 4: people are into politics and others really really aren't, but
Speaker 4: I found that I learned a lot, and I learned
Speaker 4: about stuff that I wouldn't usually listen to, even though
Speaker 4: they're the fields of interest of mine, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1: Sounds like a weird mix, like Sabrina Carpenter to Joe Biden. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what I like.
Speaker 3: It's definitely politics, but make it fluffy.
Speaker 1: God, it's more like politics, but make it different to
Speaker 1: what I'm used to listening to about politics, because it
Speaker 1: sounds like they're trying trying to make it more like
Speaker 1: snack size or more interesting to people that probably wouldn't
Speaker 1: be interested in politics. So it's like, let's suck you
Speaker 1: in with some pop culture and then sprinkle our political
Speaker 1: agenda in there too.
Speaker 3: Brilliant.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I really like it.
Speaker 4: It's called The Rest Is Entertainment. It is a podcast
Speaker 4: that you can find anywhere.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm going to make mine quick minus recommendation for parents.
Speaker 2: I feel like one of the hardest thing to find
Speaker 2: is to find good babysitters or if you're looking for
Speaker 2: a nanny, a good nanny, because also not only is
Speaker 2: it hard, it's also like something that feels really risky
Speaker 2: because most people don't feel comfortable or confident in choosing
Speaker 2: someone who's outside their network to take care of their kids,
Speaker 2: which is obviously how pretty much every parent feels. There
Speaker 2: is an app it is called Juggle Street, and we
Speaker 2: were recently in the position so we have help in
Speaker 2: the mornings with Male and Lola, simply because we start
Speaker 2: working so early and it was just last year was
Speaker 2: such a huge year for Matt in terms of him
Speaker 2: having to carry the parenting load, and so to help us,
Speaker 2: we hired a friend who was coming and she was
Speaker 2: doing the mornings to help get the girls to daycare.
Speaker 2: But she's recently just left to have a baby, So
Speaker 2: we were in a position I was like, you already
Speaker 2: have to why do you need drive, why do you
Speaker 2: need another one?
Speaker 1: Hurry back from Tony, you can bring your baby.
Speaker 2: So she left us and we had to try and
Speaker 2: find a new I mean, I wouldn't call her a nanny,
Speaker 2: but it's kind of more than a babysitter, and so
Speaker 2: juggle Street was something that was recommended to us. It's
Speaker 2: an app. You have to pay for a subscription. I
Speaker 2: think it's around ninety dollars. But by paying for it,
Speaker 2: you have to verify that you're a family and then
Speaker 2: you have access to all verified daycare workers and babysitters,
Speaker 2: people who have their health and safety checks, they have
Speaker 2: all of their insurances, they're working.
Speaker 3: With kids, certificates, all of that stuff.
Speaker 2: A lot of them are actually daycare workers who are
Speaker 2: looking for some extra hours of babysitting in the evenings
Speaker 2: or whatnot. And basically you go on you post a job.
Speaker 2: It could be like I need a babysitter for four
Speaker 2: hours on Monday night, and then you can go in
Speaker 2: and you can act send your job to people's profiles,
Speaker 2: specific people who you've gone and vetted yourself. So you
Speaker 2: might pick fifty people and send the job to them
Speaker 2: and they can say whether they do or don't want
Speaker 2: to do the job. And we found our new babysit
Speaker 2: are on there who we are using. I just think
Speaker 2: it is really hard to find quality care and at
Speaker 2: least this gives you a little bit more control over
Speaker 2: the process and you're not just posting on any public
Speaker 2: forums or having to rely on asking a friend necessarily
Speaker 2: or stealing a friends nanny or babysitter.
Speaker 3: So it's called juggle Street.
Speaker 2: It's an app, and I've paid the ninety five dollars
Speaker 2: for the subscription and I would recommend it, So if
Speaker 2: you do take that choice, I mean, I know it's expensive,
Speaker 2: but the last thing I want to say about this
Speaker 2: one specifically is I have used lots of apps, Like
Speaker 2: I've used lots of online forums. I've done the due
Speaker 2: diligence around trying to find something that's like suitable and
Speaker 2: really not just use it friendly, but like active because
Speaker 2: a lot of these apps, often a lot of the
Speaker 2: profiles are old, like these are all people who have
Speaker 2: been active within the day, you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: So you know that they're people who are actually looking
Speaker 2: for work. And I just think that this is the
Speaker 2: best one by far that I've used. So that's my
Speaker 2: recommendation for any parents out there. I hope you enjoy it.
Speaker 2: I know it's expensive, but I do think it is
Speaker 2: worth it. Let's get into your questions.
Speaker 1: Question number one. I've moved back to the town I
Speaker 1: grew up in and had a situation where I recognized
Speaker 1: a trade that came to our property. I had slept
Speaker 1: with him. I didn't mention it to my husband, but
Speaker 1: then I had a thought that maybe I should have
Speaker 1: told him. I would never lie if he asked me
Speaker 1: out right, But now I don't know if I need
Speaker 1: to divulge this information voluntarily.
Speaker 2: Also, imagine your husband, out of nowhere, zero contact, being
Speaker 2: like trade, Did you fuck the plumber?
Speaker 3: Like back in the like did you fuck that plumber
Speaker 3: a decade ago?
Speaker 1: Did you like? He's never gonna ask if you fucked.
Speaker 3: Of course you're not gonna lie to him, but he's
Speaker 3: not gonna ask. Just to add, I.
Speaker 1: Didn't speak to him at all, He didn't see me
Speaker 1: at all, and he won't be returning. It was purely
Speaker 1: a short fling, and it was so long ago. Who
Speaker 1: knows if he even recognizes me. What are your thoughts?
Speaker 3: You don't need to tell him, you don't.
Speaker 2: You don't need to tell I mean like you can
Speaker 2: if some people have different relationships with their partners, right,
Speaker 2: Like some partners are more jealous, or you know, they
Speaker 2: have more insecurities around ex boyfriends, whatever, which is I mean,
Speaker 2: that's a whole weird thing in and of itself. But
Speaker 2: some people do feel like that they're easily more insecure.
Speaker 2: Other people, for example, just find it funny and find
Speaker 2: it interesting to know, like who their now husband or
Speaker 2: partner has been with in the past. Like if Matt
Speaker 2: said that to me, if we had someone come over
Speaker 2: and I don't know, service the pool once and he
Speaker 2: was like, baby, you're never gonna believe this. I actually
Speaker 2: hooked up with her seven years ago. That would be
Speaker 2: an overlap nine years ago. If he hooked up with
Speaker 2: her seven years ago, I'd have an issue with it,
Speaker 2: But say, like before us, I wouldn't care, And I
Speaker 2: would kind of appreciate that he told me because I
Speaker 2: would feel like you but I wouldn't care, do you
Speaker 2: know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Like I would why would you want it?
Speaker 1: Like you're not gonna sit back and like the baby
Speaker 1: see that Bricky fucked him? Like what, okay, thanks bab,
Speaker 1: thanks for blame. Good eye buy it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I think look, if he was going to
Speaker 2: come to the house again.
Speaker 1: If this was like an ongoing maintenance job.
Speaker 2: If he was like your regular pool boy that was
Speaker 2: coming every Thursday, like.
Speaker 1: It maintained me ten years ago, you don't have to
Speaker 1: come back and maintained.
Speaker 2: Yeah, then I would say, Okay, he's probably worth mentioning
Speaker 2: it to your husband and also maybe employing someone else.
Speaker 2: But the fact that he came to your house once
Speaker 2: you didn't speak to him, and he's gone and he's
Speaker 2: never coming back. No, it is okay in relationships to
Speaker 2: have some secrets, so long as they don't hurt the
Speaker 2: other person.
Speaker 3: Well, it's not.
Speaker 1: It's not a secret you're hooked up with him before
Speaker 1: your bartner like so many years ago. If he was,
Speaker 1: don't tell him.
Speaker 3: No, kid yourself.
Speaker 1: Nothing good can come from you telling him now except
Speaker 1: planting a thought inside your partner's head about you being
Speaker 1: with someone else unnecessarily. If he was frequenting the house,
Speaker 1: If this was a REHNTO that was going to take
Speaker 1: a year, and someone you had been with was going
Speaker 1: to be inside your house after he was inside you,
Speaker 1: then yeah, you would probably have to say something.
Speaker 3: But I mean, this happened to me the other day.
Speaker 1: Actually, not this situation. But Ben was telling me that
Speaker 1: he likes this musician this and he was playing the
Speaker 1: song and he was like, I really like this guy.
Speaker 1: It's such a vibe. And I didn't have to, but
Speaker 1: I did. And I was like, oh, I hooked up
Speaker 1: with him, but you didn't have to do that one.
Speaker 1: That's my point. I didn't have to, but I was like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: now I know better. And I was like, oh, I
Speaker 1: hooked up with him so long ago, Like funny, you
Speaker 1: ruined the music for him. Now then he unfollowed him
Speaker 1: and he won't listen to the music, and I was like, Ben,
Speaker 1: it was so long before. He's like out in my
Speaker 1: head now and I was like, fair, I shouldn't have
Speaker 1: said that, And that I think is this situation right now,
Speaker 1: Like this is the builder situation. He's never coming back
Speaker 1: and if you need another reno, employ someone else.
Speaker 2: This has similarities to me, and it's reminded me of
Speaker 2: the time that I bought the sunscreen, so like I
Speaker 2: used to use invisible zinc. I don't use invisible zinc anymore,
Speaker 2: but I used to use invisible zinc and I bought
Speaker 2: it and it was sitting.
Speaker 3: There in the bathroom.
Speaker 2: And then I found out that the model on the
Speaker 2: bottle was the girl that Matt was dating prior to
Speaker 2: dating me. Yeah, and I don't know how I found
Speaker 2: that out, but she was just sitting there in my
Speaker 2: bathroom cabinet, and I was like.
Speaker 3: Ah, she's really beautiful.
Speaker 2: She's so beautiful that she's on the advertisement for how
Speaker 2: to protect your skin.
Speaker 3: That's how beautiful she is.
Speaker 1: And I don't need to look at her in my
Speaker 1: bathroom and SOA.
Speaker 2: Then, look, I used to really love invisible zinc. I
Speaker 2: used to love how it makes you so glowy and
Speaker 2: also looks a little bit like you've got foundation on
Speaker 2: when you're just wearing sunscreen. And now I don't wear
Speaker 2: it anymore.
Speaker 1: It's funny.
Speaker 3: She ruined it.
Speaker 1: She did ruin it. Yeah, but you do need to
Speaker 1: protect your skin.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I use.
Speaker 2: Other sunscreen now, But look, I get it. I think
Speaker 2: not that nothing good comes from it. I feel as
Speaker 2: though Matt and I we share pretty much everything. I
Speaker 2: think if somebody came into my orbit in some way,
Speaker 2: whether it was the pool guy or the plumber, I
Speaker 2: would probably tell Matt. But that's because we would laugh
Speaker 2: about this, and that's our relationship. Matt has told me
Speaker 2: and pointed out people that he's slept with in the
Speaker 2: past that it's always it's always caveatd almost with like
Speaker 2: reasons why he wasn't that into them, and it was
Speaker 2: so bad in bed, so bad in bed.
Speaker 3: So I don't know. I mean, I'm not completely against it.
Speaker 2: I do think it depends on your relationship, but I
Speaker 2: think it's unnecessary now after we days or however long
Speaker 2: it's been to be like, hey, babe, remember several weeks
Speaker 2: ago when that guy came to our house.
Speaker 3: Ps, I fucked him.
Speaker 1: The only way no more, hang on. The only way
Speaker 1: that this can end badly is if your husband or
Speaker 1: partner loved the work that he did and then in
Speaker 1: the future wanted to hire him back for work. Then
Speaker 1: you would have to tell him, and then it could
Speaker 1: turn himTo something where I was like, why didn't you
Speaker 1: tell me that at the time. That's the only way
Speaker 1: I can see this ending badly. But otherwise you seem
Speaker 1: to be losing sleep about it. I would be sleeping
Speaker 1: just fine. Okay, I have a question, A new one
Speaker 1: question two.
Speaker 2: I'm thirty five and in the dreaded dating scene fuck
Speaker 2: I hear it's rough now. I mean it was rough
Speaker 2: when I.
Speaker 3: Was dating, but I go, yeah, there's rough.
Speaker 2: Okay, I've been ghosted suddenly after a few great dates
Speaker 2: and what felt like a really good connection for me.
Speaker 2: How do I stop obsessing over what I may have
Speaker 2: done wrong and what could have been I feel like
Speaker 2: this will make my dating anxiety even worse than it
Speaker 2: already is, Like I'm losing all hope that I'll ever
Speaker 2: meet someone that actually likes me back.
Speaker 1: This breaks my heart, but this is something that everyone
Speaker 1: feels like, everyone at some point goes through something and
Speaker 1: it's funny to look back.
Speaker 3: But I remember saying on this podcast, what's.
Speaker 1: Wrong with me? Like I'm the common denominator because I've
Speaker 1: been dating for however many years, however many dates, and
Speaker 1: it's always me, you know, like it doesn't work out,
Speaker 1: so it's me. They go on and the next person,
Speaker 1: you know, I always said I was the one before
Speaker 1: the one. The next person they date they fall in
Speaker 1: love with, which makes it worse because you're like, it's
Speaker 1: not that you weren't ready, it's just that, yeah, you lied,
Speaker 1: you fucking well, you are ready because you're married, But
Speaker 1: that hurts because you're getting to this really deep, very
Speaker 1: unhealthy cycle of thinking that it's you. There's not a
Speaker 1: lot of advice around this other than you have to
Speaker 1: tell yourself how many people there are in the world,
Speaker 1: the odds of you waking up, walking out, going on
Speaker 1: a date for the first time to him being the
Speaker 1: person marrying for forty five years. Like some people do
Speaker 1: that and they meet their soulmates really really young, but
Speaker 1: majority of people don't. And I think the only thing
Speaker 1: that you can tell yourself is that you don't want
Speaker 1: to settle, you know what you're looking for, and then
Speaker 1: reually try and break down within yourself. Are you upset
Speaker 1: because you thought that person was the one and they
Speaker 1: didn't feel back, or are you just upset because you
Speaker 1: just feel a little bit rejected and rejection hurt. No.
Speaker 2: I think also it's the feeling of misreading, Like when
Speaker 2: you're invested in someone, you've gone on several dates with them,
Speaker 2: you think it's heading in a great trajectory, and then
Speaker 2: they just all of a sudden fucking ghost you like, yeah,
Speaker 2: of course, it's going to leave you with questions that
Speaker 2: are unanswered and feeling as though you have done something.
Speaker 2: I firstly want to validate what you're saying, because anyone
Speaker 2: would feel as though they had done something wrong to
Speaker 2: turn that person off. But I really really want to
Speaker 2: emphasize the fact and I strongly believe this someone ghosting
Speaker 2: you says way more about them and where they probably
Speaker 2: are in their life, Like he might have other girls
Speaker 2: on the go, he might have other things happening that
Speaker 2: have meant that you know, he couldn't be as invested
Speaker 2: in you as what you thought he was, And that's
Speaker 2: not because you have misinterpreted it. So many people are
Speaker 2: incredible at showing up when they're on a date and
Speaker 2: making you believe that they are completely invested in you,
Speaker 2: that they're not interested in anyone else, that things are
Speaker 2: going in such an incredible way, and then all of
Speaker 2: a sudden you feel like emotionally like you feel like
Speaker 2: this emotional whiplash because all of a sudden they're not
Speaker 2: interested in you and they're dating someone else. That is
Speaker 2: more about their personality and how they are able to
Speaker 2: kind of switch it on and switch it off. So
Speaker 2: many people can do that and a lot of people can't.
Speaker 2: And I think it's that mismatch in when you are
Speaker 2: all in and how and what they have going on
Speaker 2: in their personal lives.
Speaker 1: But also remember how common, unfortunately, ghosting is, Like you
Speaker 1: are not a one off being ghosted here, Like, I mean,
Speaker 1: how many times we've been ghosted, Laura? How many times?
Speaker 1: Every single week we have people writing about ghosting like
Speaker 1: it is ferocious, And I.
Speaker 2: Want to say, like, you know, I mean I've ghosted
Speaker 2: people in the past, which I've talked about it before,
Speaker 2: and it's definitely not something that I would ever do again.
Speaker 3: Obviously hopefully have to gos my husband.
Speaker 2: But I understand now at my age and at this point,
Speaker 2: and also in how many episodes we've done on relationships,
Speaker 2: how damaging it is to the other person. But usually
Speaker 2: it comes from a place of conflict avoidance, and it
Speaker 2: comes from a place of that person's own insecurity or
Speaker 2: not wanting to deal with the repercussions. And I would
Speaker 2: say in every instance where I ghosted, not that there
Speaker 2: was many, but in a couple of times that I did,
Speaker 2: it was always because I had other big things going
Speaker 2: on in my life and I was like, I can't
Speaker 2: deal with that, Like I can't deal with your hurt
Speaker 2: and your upset, and so I would like remove my
Speaker 2: super selfish in no way. Am I negating the behavior,
Speaker 2: but I'm kind of explaining the thought process that often
Speaker 2: happens with someone who's conflict avoidant and then they ghost.
Speaker 2: The only other thing I want to say is, and
Speaker 2: I know that I've been out of the dating pool
Speaker 2: for a really long time, and there's nothing more fucking
Speaker 2: infuriating than hearing someone who's like in a happy marriage
Speaker 2: be like, just keep dating, you'll meet someone one day.
Speaker 2: And obviously, Britt now like you are also in a
Speaker 2: happy relationship for a very long time there, like you
Speaker 2: were the one who was like waving the dating flag.
Speaker 2: But what I do want to say is every single
Speaker 2: person that I have spoken to recently who was in
Speaker 2: the dating pool and in the dating world. I mean
Speaker 2: just recently when we were in Bali, a friend of
Speaker 2: ours is currently dating, and she's like, you know what,
Speaker 2: I'm just having some actual time off because I am
Speaker 2: so exhausted by how constantly disappointed I am in men.
Speaker 3: This is a heterosexual relationship.
Speaker 2: But I want to say that you are not alone
Speaker 2: in feeling dating anxiety, because the dating world is very,
Speaker 2: very hard at the moment. People are extremely disposable in
Speaker 2: how they treat other people. We're always looking for something better.
Speaker 2: We always have multiple people on the go, and I
Speaker 2: think that dating now is probably the hardest that it's
Speaker 2: ever been.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and unfortunately we live in a world where and
Speaker 1: I completely understand why your anxiety builds with every year
Speaker 1: because you're thirty five and your anxiety comes from a
Speaker 1: lot of external pressures and internal pressures.
Speaker 3: Yeah's so hard.
Speaker 1: We have a biological clock. We can always say, you
Speaker 1: don't settle, you do things when you want, don't rush.
Speaker 1: Women are having babies older. That is all accurate, but
Speaker 1: you cannot deny the fact that women's fertility runs out
Speaker 1: really quickly. And I understand why women feel this extra
Speaker 1: anxiety when they get to their mid thirties and they're single,
Speaker 1: if they don't have children yet and they want them.
Speaker 1: It is something that it is all you're going to
Speaker 1: think about all day.
Speaker 2: But I also think it comes down to being once
Speaker 2: you're in that point of dating. So like if you're
Speaker 2: thirty five, you know you want a relationship, You know
Speaker 2: that you want to have kids one day, like not
Speaker 2: everyone does, but if that's something that you know, it
Speaker 2: also comes down to being intentional about dating and not
Speaker 2: kind of because I think we can all be very
Speaker 2: very kind and try and make someone fit. You know,
Speaker 2: they might be telling you to your face that they're
Speaker 2: not meeting you where you need to be met to
Speaker 2: have all those things in life, but you might really
Speaker 2: like them, and so therefore you try and make the
Speaker 2: relationship fit. I think sometimes it's trying to divide your
Speaker 2: fear from your mind and go, Okay, can this person
Speaker 2: as much as I'm feeling really excited about this connection
Speaker 2: and this person, will this person give me those things
Speaker 2: that I want in life, And trying to be a
Speaker 2: little bit intentional about dating as well, and not just
Speaker 2: being led by your heart, because that's really important.
Speaker 1: I think you can do that and still be ghosted.
Speaker 1: Like I think that's what she's done. She said the
Speaker 1: connection was forming, she felt it going well, and again
Speaker 1: that's not on you, it's on them. But the last
Speaker 1: thing I want to say is it's completely up to
Speaker 1: you how you take control of your life in this situation.
Speaker 1: For me, I wasn't willing to settle, and I didn't
Speaker 1: want to go down the track of kids alone, but
Speaker 1: I did want to preserve the option, so that is
Speaker 1: why I did the egg freezing, and then I continued
Speaker 1: in the dating world. I also took time off when
Speaker 1: I needed to. But I do want to say I
Speaker 1: was thirty five when I met Ben, Like you're thirty five,
Speaker 1: I was thirty five. I feel very lucky I met
Speaker 1: him at that age. But I wouldn't have said or
Speaker 1: if I didn't meet him, if I didn't need to him,
Speaker 1: I would have kept dating until I found the right person.
Speaker 1: I do just want to say, don't let that anxiety
Speaker 1: get the better of you. And if your anxiety is
Speaker 1: surrounded in any capacity with children and fertility, maybe go
Speaker 1: and have that initial fertility chat with a doctor and
Speaker 1: see if there is anything you can do if you
Speaker 1: haven't already done the egg freezing. Because the anxiety relief
Speaker 1: that I felt, the weight off my shoulders when I
Speaker 1: did that, yeah, was huge. I still had a bit
Speaker 1: of anxiety about like am I going to be alone forever?
Speaker 1: Like the standard thing that everyone feels, but it was
Speaker 1: a weight off my shoulder and my anxiety was halved
Speaker 1: when I was like, cool, I've looked after myself in
Speaker 1: that capacity. Let's just see what happens.
Speaker 2: But also, there's nothing worse for the long term of
Speaker 2: your life than settling in a relationship because you have
Speaker 2: anxiety around being alone. Because imagine being fifty and waking
Speaker 2: up one day and going, holy fuck, I married that
Speaker 2: hunk of shit, Like why did I do that?
Speaker 3: And now I have not a whole life.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like, you know, like a literal hunk of gastro
Speaker 2: Why did I marry that person? You don't want to
Speaker 2: be in that situation, And a lot of people do
Speaker 2: find themselves there because they married someone who wasn't quite right.
Speaker 3: They wanted to make it fit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so that's yeah, that's definitely something I think we
Speaker 1: all hang in there, hang in there, Okay.
Speaker 3: Question number three.
Speaker 1: I moved to a country to be with my partner.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, what I feel like this is going
Speaker 1: to be like me in the end. I moved to
Speaker 1: a country to be with my partner. I have said
Speaker 1: that it is really important for me to go back
Speaker 1: home twice a year, which is a four hour international flight,
Speaker 1: but it's also a four hour drive to the airport. Anyway,
Speaker 1: some of my friends and family mentioned that they reckon
Speaker 1: he should be contributing financially to me going home because
Speaker 1: I'm the one that moved away. I've always just paid,
Speaker 1: but it did get me thinking, and I think it
Speaker 1: sounds reasonable that he helps me out. He makes significantly
Speaker 1: more than me too, but he doesn't agree. Should note
Speaker 1: we've been together for a few years now and don't
Speaker 1: have any shared finances. What do you guys think? I
Speaker 1: definitely think he should be contributing.
Speaker 2: I think flying home twice a year is a lot,
Speaker 2: That's my honest opinion. I think two flights a year
Speaker 2: international flights financially is a lot of money for most people.
Speaker 2: So I would say one international flight and you both
Speaker 2: contribute to that is totally fair. If you're wanting to
Speaker 2: do more international flights, if you've got this like set
Speaker 2: idea that you want to do it twice a year,
Speaker 2: then I would say personally, I'm like, okay, cool, fly
Speaker 2: as many times as you want, but maybe that second
Speaker 2: flight is you.
Speaker 3: But I do think you should be contributing to some
Speaker 3: of this. Absolutely.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you guys are in a committed, long term relationship,
Speaker 1: You've moved overseas together. Just because you don't yet share finances,
Speaker 1: I couldn't agree more. I do this with Ben, like
Speaker 1: when we started the relationship.
Speaker 2: Ben and you split everything could do. Brit obviously travels
Speaker 2: so much and you, guys, I fly.
Speaker 1: Four to six times a year and we split it
Speaker 1: so he'll only fly once or twice. But it doesn't
Speaker 1: matter because it's about the relationship together. I'm flying to
Speaker 1: see him because he doesn't have the ability to fly more.
Speaker 1: I said at the very start, because it's easier for
Speaker 1: me to say the start. You guys are different now
Speaker 1: because you're a couple of years in, but it should
Speaker 1: still be as easy. But before I got into it,
Speaker 1: I said, look, I'm happy to get into this long term,
Speaker 1: but it's very obviously I'm going to have to do
Speaker 1: most of the heavy lifting. Are you going to be
Speaker 1: happy to split it and help each other out? And
Speaker 1: he's like, yeah, of course, I want you to come
Speaker 1: and see me. I'm going to make this work.
Speaker 2: The only thing that's different about your situation, though, Britt,
Speaker 2: is that you're flying to see him to spend time
Speaker 2: together as a couple, whereas this is flying to be
Speaker 2: away from each other to spend time as a family.
Speaker 2: So and I understand that that is very, very important
Speaker 2: and some people are way more family orientated than others.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I definitely think he should be contributing somewhat,
Speaker 2: whether or not that's two flights or not. I don't
Speaker 2: know that's something for you guys to agree on. But
Speaker 2: you should not be fronting all of the travel when
Speaker 2: you have been the one that has moved your life
Speaker 2: over there. You've been the one to make all the sacrifices,
Speaker 2: and you're the one who's homesick and missus your friends, missus,
Speaker 2: your family, and missus the life and the identity that you.
Speaker 1: Used to have. Yeah, but you've also said to him
Speaker 1: before you moved, you know, you said, I told him
Speaker 1: it was really important for me to go home twice
Speaker 1: a year, Like if I'm going to move overseas with you,
Speaker 1: that's part part of it. I think absolutely he should
Speaker 1: pay for one flight. You've moved for him so you
Speaker 1: guys can be together. So if you didn't move to
Speaker 1: be together, you'd probably be flying twice to see him,
Speaker 1: and he'd be contributing.
Speaker 2: Also, I would mean, I don't want to like make
Speaker 2: a big mountain out of mole hill here, but it
Speaker 2: would piss me off if my partner who I lived with,
Speaker 2: who I raised a financial question with, responded with I'm
Speaker 2: not paying for that, Like, I'm not helping you with that,
Speaker 2: especially when it came to something that contributed to our
Speaker 2: relationship and something that was important to me. Like for me,
Speaker 2: I don't know that sometimes we're like it's a red flag,
Speaker 2: it's an amber flag. It would worry me and concern
Speaker 2: me about how he views money and the way in
Speaker 2: which he views what's his and what's yours, even though
Speaker 2: you're in a relationship together.
Speaker 3: That to me is an amber flag.
Speaker 2: I would say, and I think that there's a lot
Speaker 2: more conversations that the two of you need to have
Speaker 2: about money, especially when your whole life is now revolving
Speaker 2: around being where he is. I think finances probably should
Speaker 2: be a little bit more shared in this intance, so
Speaker 2: that you have a little bit more safety and not
Speaker 2: so much independence of each other.
Speaker 1: Well, I also think the conversation just has to be that,
Speaker 1: just a simple conversation. But I think you're really tell
Speaker 1: him why and make him understand. So you say, I
Speaker 1: want this relationship to work, so I'm going to live
Speaker 1: in this other country with you, but for this relationship
Speaker 1: to stay healthy and me to stay happy over here,
Speaker 1: I not resent you and not resent you for making
Speaker 1: me move. I need to be with my family twice
Speaker 1: a year, like I think that twice a year when
Speaker 1: you live overseas is fine. It's a four hour flight,
Speaker 1: so it's not a twenty four hour flight. I think
Speaker 1: that is absolutely fine. It's not like it's a twenty
Speaker 1: four hour flight. It's like New Zealand. I guess, you know,
Speaker 1: like that's to be fair, I missed that part. I
Speaker 1: know I read it, but that or you read it,
Speaker 1: but I missed that. I thought it was like, okay,
Speaker 1: if you're flying to Europe, that's expensive if it's a
Speaker 1: four hour flight, like, just suck it up.
Speaker 2: Past.
Speaker 1: Well, Also, he earns more than you, so I think
Speaker 1: just explain, like for us to stay successful in this relationship,
Speaker 1: I need to go home and get my fix, my
Speaker 1: emotional fix, fill my bucket with my family and friends,
Speaker 1: and then come back and be amazing. But I can't
Speaker 1: do that on my own. Yeah, and you earn more
Speaker 1: than me, like throwing in a couple of bucks. You know,
Speaker 1: That's what I think. And if you're gonna maybe there's
Speaker 1: a conversation you need to have about finances as a whole,
Speaker 1: like you are going to be in this committed relationship
Speaker 1: with this person, have you had the financial chat because
Speaker 1: it's so important. Are you going to be splitting finances
Speaker 1: forever eventually? Are you gonna pull it for your bills
Speaker 1: or a house or whatever else you want. Like, that's
Speaker 1: a whole other conversation. But I don't think you're asking
Speaker 1: for too much. If you wanted to fly home six
Speaker 1: times a year, that's a different story. But if it's
Speaker 1: one to two times a year, fine, he can pay
Speaker 1: for half a flight.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree. I mean he might not think it's reasonable.
Speaker 2: I think you need to have a pressure wrong, You
Speaker 2: need to have a proper conversation about it. But yeah,
Speaker 2: he's absolutely you play in this podcast. He is absolutely
Speaker 2: in the wrong about this. Like, you're in a relationship together,
Speaker 2: you share things. When you're in a relationship together, you
Speaker 2: mutually support each other. And when it comes to finances,
Speaker 2: if one person is constantly the one sacrificing more to
Speaker 2: be able to have the relationship, then that is not fair.
Speaker 1: There's also really little things that you can do that
Speaker 1: make it fit not as big. So what if you said,
Speaker 1: could we put an account together where we put in
Speaker 1: thirty dollars each a week something like that, and over
Speaker 1: the year you build up enough money. I'm pretty sure
Speaker 1: if it's only a four hour flight. I'm trying to
Speaker 1: think where around Australia is four hours. But it's going to.
Speaker 3: Cover the flight it's flying Town's will it could be
Speaker 3: a six hundred dollar flight.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So if you're putting thirty bucks in each a week,
Speaker 1: probably doable. Whatever amount is right for you, guys financial situation.
Speaker 1: But it doesn't feel as big of a hit then like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm booking a flight transferring me a thousand bucks, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. So maybe it's something that you
Speaker 1: can build up over the year.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I also think if you've been in a relationship with
Speaker 2: someone for years, it's time to have shared finances. You're
Speaker 2: paying shared rent, you're paying for shared electricity, you're paying
Speaker 2: for shared food, like, you're paying for shared things in
Speaker 2: the house.
Speaker 1: Well, i'd be interested.
Speaker 2: Well, are you just buying two separate butters and then
Speaker 2: you never share anything?
Speaker 1: Well, I'd be interested to know what their situation is, like,
Speaker 1: who's paying the rent? Are they splitting everything fifty to fifty?
Speaker 1: I'm guessing that's probably everything's down the middle.
Speaker 2: By the sounds of playing the pod, all right, okay,
Speaker 2: Question number four, I met the greatest guy. Ever, my
Speaker 2: family absolutely adore him and he treats me so well.
Speaker 2: We are living in an apartment complex in a main
Speaker 2: city where we had an external car park with allocated
Speaker 2: parking very specific.
Speaker 3: One day, on.
Speaker 2: My way back to work, I noticed a note on
Speaker 2: my windscreen. When I pulled over to read the note,
Speaker 2: it said, he cheated on you, babe. I instantly thought, no,
Speaker 2: this must not be for me. But as I got
Speaker 2: to work and kept thinking about it, I started to
Speaker 2: get upset. I told my boss that I wasn't feeling
Speaker 2: well and that I had to go home. And when
Speaker 2: I confronted my partner, I told him, if it's true,
Speaker 2: let's talk about it, because I can appreciate people who
Speaker 2: make mistakes. He remained very confident in saying that it
Speaker 2: was absolutely not true and he was upset that someone
Speaker 2: would do something like this. What are your thoughts on
Speaker 2: this and what would you have done in this situation?
Speaker 2: Do you believe the note that someone left on my
Speaker 2: car without a contact name or number over someone you love?
Speaker 1: Why are people such assholes? Yeah, people are assholes, but
Speaker 1: they are good people out there too. This for me
Speaker 1: is pre straightforward. If you're in a loving relationship and
Speaker 1: you feel comfortable and you trust your partner and you
Speaker 1: have there's no red flags, there's none of that gut
Speaker 1: feeling bubbling that oh my god, this gout intuition, the
Speaker 1: intuition that this could actually be true. Then absolutely no,
Speaker 1: you don't believe a random note did someone's walk past
Speaker 1: and put on your car like without doubt. No, if
Speaker 1: you trust your partner, you've gone to him and said, hey,
Speaker 1: I got this note, and he says, oh my god,
Speaker 1: it's crazy, no way, what's your feeling in that situation?
Speaker 1: And I say that because if that happened to me
Speaker 1: right now with Ben, I would laugh. I would just
Speaker 1: probably tell him and think it was funny because I
Speaker 1: trust him wholeheartedly and I feel so safe and he
Speaker 1: has never made me question that. If this happened with
Speaker 1: my ex, who ended up being the sociopath with a
Speaker 1: double life, I constantly felt uneasy like something was wrong
Speaker 1: in that relationship. If I got that note in that relationship,
Speaker 1: I probably would have thought that it was true.
Speaker 2: I don't think that that is the only times in
Speaker 2: which cheating happens. I think that a lot of people
Speaker 2: get blindsided by cheat in their relationships and I understand
Speaker 2: why this has made you feel uneasy, but I think
Speaker 2: you were going to kill yourself with intrusive thoughts, and
Speaker 2: you are going to potentially ruin a great relationship if
Speaker 2: you give too much power to a note without any evidence,
Speaker 2: and also to whoever left that note on your car,
Speaker 2: and for anyone who has ever left a note like this,
Speaker 2: it is really fucking cruel to do that without context.
Speaker 2: So unless your reasoning behind it was just to cause
Speaker 2: pain to everyone, to the person who was cheated on,
Speaker 2: to the guide, to everybody in that situation, that's all
Speaker 2: you've done. So if you want to tell someone that
Speaker 2: they've been cheated on and you want to leave a note,
Speaker 2: you have to do the due diligence of leaving a number,
Speaker 2: of allowing some sort of follow up, or of allowing
Speaker 2: some sort of context as to why.
Speaker 1: Or even something that actually shows you know who they are,
Speaker 1: none of his name or your name, babe, or could
Speaker 1: be anything. He cheated on you at this location on
Speaker 1: this day. So you're like, okay, well, how would you
Speaker 1: have known you there?
Speaker 3: Whatever it is, I want receipts, is what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: But I understand what you're saying. Laura, cheating can happen
Speaker 1: in safe relationships. Of course it can, That's not what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. But in this situation, you've got nothing to
Speaker 1: go off. Totally no, but sorry.
Speaker 2: What I was trying to get to is that I
Speaker 2: understand why you would then take a note like that
Speaker 2: and maybe allow your thoughts to run away with you.
Speaker 2: But I'm trying to say, like, just don't allow that
Speaker 2: to happen, because you could ruin a great relationship. Also,
Speaker 2: you've had the conversation with your partner, who you have said,
Speaker 2: in all respects is amazing. He has completely denied it,
Speaker 2: which maybe that's what would happen if there was cheating.
Speaker 2: But the thing is is all you can do now
Speaker 2: is give him the benefit of the doubt.
Speaker 3: Is trust.
Speaker 2: Your relationship is trust the connection that you have with him.
Speaker 2: And if something happens down the track or you find
Speaker 2: out something else and then you start to put red
Speaker 2: flags together, then that's a completely different story. But I
Speaker 2: certainly would not be jeopardizing my relationship over one rogue
Speaker 2: note that I found on my car.
Speaker 1: It could have even blown off someone else's car onto.
Speaker 2: Your car, I don't know, or it could be like
Speaker 2: a scorned ex partner of his.
Speaker 3: You know, it could be someone who.
Speaker 1: Could be nothing a big teenager's plainer.
Speaker 3: Totally, totally.
Speaker 2: I think there's too many variables around what it could
Speaker 2: be and who could have done it that I would
Speaker 2: absolutely be prioritizing my partner over the note without context.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, they've got nothing left to do. Really, there's
Speaker 1: no way that you're gotta find out if it's true.
Speaker 1: You've asked him. The only thing you can go off
Speaker 1: right now is your gut feeling on his response, Like,
Speaker 1: was there a tell when he said no?
Speaker 3: Of course not.
Speaker 1: I would never was there something that seemed different or
Speaker 1: seemed off? He's like, I never fucked that girl.
Speaker 3: I swear I never.
Speaker 1: Fucked Betty from the shop down the rad No. But like,
Speaker 1: you know your partner, you love him, you said he's amazing.
Speaker 1: How did you feel in the situation when he responded
Speaker 1: to you, and how do you feel in the relationship overall?
Speaker 1: Because your instinct right now is the only thing you've
Speaker 1: got to go off. I would not let it interrupt
Speaker 1: your relationship and continue on. And if there's any other
Speaker 1: red flags in the future, then maybe you can take
Speaker 1: a look at it them yeah.
Speaker 2: I do want to say, though in validation of this,
Speaker 2: not in validation that I think he's done anything wrong.
Speaker 2: But I understand that if you're someone who has any
Speaker 2: sort of anxieties or insecurities kind of like we were
Speaker 2: talking about at the start around like do you tell
Speaker 2: your partner or not about an ex fling, some people
Speaker 2: would be more affected by receiving a note like this
Speaker 2: than others, purely because maybe you've been cheated on in
Speaker 2: the past and it's a big anxiety for you. I
Speaker 2: think for me, if I saw a note like that,
Speaker 2: my logical brain and everything else would be like absolutely bullshit,
Speaker 2: like Matt would never But then some little part of
Speaker 2: me would go like, oh.
Speaker 3: Am I looking for signs? Am I feeling insecure?
Speaker 2: It wouldn't last long, but I would definitely think that
Speaker 2: it probably would hurt me a little bit because it
Speaker 2: would pick at a It would pick at a wound
Speaker 2: that still exists from all the things that have happened
Speaker 2: in the past and all the insecurities I've had around relationships.
Speaker 2: But I do think be really careful with your interestive
Speaker 2: thoughts when it comes to your relationship, because thoughts are
Speaker 2: not facts, and you absolutely can ruin something that's really
Speaker 2: great by assuming or trying to believe or thinking that
Speaker 2: you know what someone else has done or how they've
Speaker 2: behaved without ever having any evidence.
Speaker 3: I think you have to be really careful about that.
Speaker 1: You can also say to your partner the truth, I
Speaker 1: feel really uneasy, like I haven't stopped thinking about feeling, Like,
Speaker 1: just just have a chat because he might do everything
Speaker 1: he needs to do in that situation to put those
Speaker 1: thoughts at ease and make you feel better, Like there's
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with instead of accusing him, there's nothing wrong
Speaker 1: with saying it's really rocked to me, Like, you know,
Speaker 1: my logical self knows that you wouldn't do that, but
Speaker 1: it's really made me feel uneasy for some reason, Like,
Speaker 1: and maybe just talk through and see what his response is.
Speaker 2: Just make sure in doing that you take a very
Speaker 2: non accusatory stance because you know you're not trying to
Speaker 2: catch him out, Like, yeah, I think, just be careful
Speaker 2: with the way in which you have these conversations. But
Speaker 2: definitely it's okay to tell him that it's made you
Speaker 2: feel uneasy and for the way that you feel. But yeah,
Speaker 2: I mean that sucks because people are assholes. And I
Speaker 2: think that that's such an asshole note to leave on
Speaker 2: anyone's car, whether it did or didn't happen. I think
Speaker 2: that that is like the most asshole way to go
Speaker 2: about it.
Speaker 1: Pussy.
Speaker 3: What kind of pussy?
Speaker 1: Man? We just want a pussy? Do you know?
Speaker 3: The left pussy puss? I hate that work. You want
Speaker 3: to break up someone's relationship.
Speaker 2: He's a tough whatave the name? What's that old quote
Speaker 2: from the Lady Tough? No, She's like Betty White, Betty White.
Speaker 2: It's like, why do they always say like a pussy?
Speaker 2: She's like, pussies can take a beating something like that.
Speaker 1: So tough. She's like, there's nothing more tough than a pussy.
Speaker 1: I actually it's only in the street.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, not the saying, oh this is okay. Kejus pulled
Speaker 2: it up. She said, why do people say grow some balls?
Speaker 2: Balls are weak and sensitive. If you really want to
Speaker 2: get tough, grow a vagina. Those things take a pounding.
Speaker 2: Betty White, What a fucking legend, Betty. I'd like to
Speaker 2: sign off with that. He's to you, Betty White. Anyway, guys,
Speaker 2: that's it from us.
Speaker 3: If you have any questions to.
Speaker 2: Ask on cut you know, the drill. Slide into the
Speaker 2: DMS a life Uncut podcast on Instagram. Tell us what
Speaker 2: is happening in your life and we will give you
Speaker 2: some enthusiastic advice based on all the ship we've dealt
Speaker 2: within our lives.
Speaker 1: Also, keep your accidentally unfiltereds coming in. If we've ever
Speaker 1: answered your ask gun cut or your friends ask gun Cut,
Speaker 1: please send those in because we love to ask on
Speaker 1: cut follow ups. And also, if you're not watching us
Speaker 1: on YouTube missing out, yeah, you could like get this
Speaker 1: in three D action like the face, the legs, the
Speaker 1: box shot.
Speaker 2: Now do everything. Guys, come join us on the YouTube channel.
Speaker 2: It is Laugh and Cut podcast and that's it, you.
Speaker 3: Know the drill.
Speaker 1: In case you're wondering, yes, I'm wearing Ben's clothes again,
Speaker 1: so if you've got a YouTube you can see that.
Speaker 1: That's literally the only reason why people coming to see
Speaker 1: Ben's wardrobe. Okay, actually I wore Ben's jacket on the
Speaker 1: episode on Tuesday. I've never had more people in my
Speaker 1: DMS asking me where that jacket is from. I may
Speaker 1: as well tell you now, not sponsored. It is from
Speaker 1: a site that I hadn't heard of until I met Ben.
Speaker 1: A brand called ice cream ice cream.
Speaker 3: Yeah love that.
Speaker 1: Oh sorry, Billionaire Boys Club ice cream. That's the I
Speaker 1: had to ask Ben. That's the brand. It is a
Speaker 1: men's jumper, men's jacket, So for all those people that
Speaker 1: were asking me, just in case you didn't know, it
Speaker 1: is men's wear. But I love that kind of stuff,
Speaker 1: the big oversize stuff.
Speaker 3: So that is it.
Speaker 1: So yeah, Ben left his bag here, so I'm just
Speaker 1: going through his clothes. I'm I'm in corporate.
Speaker 2: It's a really nice jacket. It's not like Lumberjack Matt
Speaker 2: always everything in an extra large. He wants things oversized
Speaker 2: on him. So then I can't wear it because it's
Speaker 2: like it literally looks like I'm wearing daddy's clothes. Guys,
Speaker 2: you know the drill.
Speaker 1: Tell your mum to you dad, tety dog to your friends,
Speaker 1: and share the love because we love them