1 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:08,639 Speaker 1: Hello, this is the Happy Families podcast. We're trying to 2 00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:12,200 Speaker 1: record this and we have a childhood is going in 3 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:15,560 Speaker 1: the background because she wants us and we can't do it. 4 00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:17,279 Speaker 2: This is family life. We're trying to keep it as 5 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:19,520 Speaker 2: real for you as we possibly can. 6 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,600 Speaker 1: How do you have hard conversations about tricky topics when 7 00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:25,160 Speaker 1: kids don't want to talk to you, or when you're 8 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:29,120 Speaker 1: reading a parenting book and the script just doesn't make sense? 9 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:34,600 Speaker 1: Talk about that with Older Better Tomorrow Today and family Photos, 10 00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:40,320 Speaker 1: they often feel what's the word, Kylie, disastrous? 11 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,240 Speaker 3: Hard just hard work. 12 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:45,400 Speaker 1: We might have just nailed family photos, but there's a 13 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:46,920 Speaker 1: story behind it and we're going to share that with 14 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:49,200 Speaker 1: you next as well. It's Older Better Tomorrow, our Friday 15 00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:54,880 Speaker 1: edition of the Happy Families podcast right after this. Hello, 16 00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:57,040 Speaker 1: and welcome to a Happy Families podcast where you get 17 00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:59,520 Speaker 1: real parenting solutions every single day. 18 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:02,000 Speaker 2: This is Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. 19 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:03,800 Speaker 1: We are Justin and Kylie Colson, were the parents of 20 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:08,199 Speaker 1: six children, are six daughters and one grand daughter. And Kylie, 21 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:10,319 Speaker 1: you're going to kicks off today with no actually I'm 22 00:01:10,319 --> 00:01:11,920 Speaker 1: going to kicks off today. There are two things that 23 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:14,880 Speaker 1: I quickly need to share with you. The first was 24 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:17,320 Speaker 1: a conversation that I had with Emily, our eleven year old, 25 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:19,520 Speaker 1: the other day. She wanted to know about money. She 26 00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:23,520 Speaker 1: was trying to understand something about compensation, but that's not 27 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:26,559 Speaker 1: what she was asking about. She was asking me about constipation. 28 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:31,959 Speaker 3: I couldn't work out how that had. 29 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:33,119 Speaker 2: Anything to do with money. 30 00:01:33,319 --> 00:01:36,440 Speaker 1: She's like, dad, I can't remember the sentence that she 31 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:39,120 Speaker 1: led into it with, but she, like I said, financially 32 00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:42,959 Speaker 1: oriented and she started talking about constipation, and I just thought, 33 00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:44,679 Speaker 1: this is brilliant. 34 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:46,120 Speaker 2: This is absolutely brilliant. I love it. 35 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:51,200 Speaker 1: Constipation, compensation, what's the difference? Also a quick email. We 36 00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:54,520 Speaker 1: get emails most days podcasts at Happy Families dot com 37 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:55,520 Speaker 1: dot dot. 38 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:56,920 Speaker 2: I Lou dot au. 39 00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:00,480 Speaker 1: We love hearing from you about what's going on in 40 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:02,720 Speaker 1: your life or what you're enjoying on the pod. Brooklyn 41 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:05,600 Speaker 1: from New Zealand was kind enough to pop into our 42 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:09,360 Speaker 1: inbox a couple of days ago after catching up on 43 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:13,079 Speaker 1: our wedding anniversary podcast episode where You've Forgot the Anniversary 44 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:15,200 Speaker 1: and I gave you a hard time, and we just 45 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:16,880 Speaker 1: laughed our way through the five things that have made 46 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:18,959 Speaker 1: our marriage great and the two things that you decided 47 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:21,240 Speaker 1: to add on the back of it. Hey, Justin, Kylie 48 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:23,160 Speaker 1: and team just wanted to pop in and say today's 49 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:26,959 Speaker 1: episode about your anniversary was hilarious thanks to the genuine 50 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:30,000 Speaker 1: laugh out loud in my kitchen laughs. I especially love Justin's. 51 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:39,839 Speaker 2: Theme song, just Something. I'm never gonna live that down. 52 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:40,800 Speaker 2: I'm not a silk. 53 00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:44,560 Speaker 1: The kids are still walking around the kitchen singing it. 54 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:46,600 Speaker 1: In fact, they know that it upsets me and that 55 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:48,360 Speaker 1: I start silking with a good. 56 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:50,519 Speaker 2: And so they. 57 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:53,840 Speaker 1: Just justin, this is not being such a sook is. 58 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:56,239 Speaker 2: It's gonna They're gonna play it at my funeral. I 59 00:02:56,280 --> 00:03:02,360 Speaker 2: think they were like your theme song, it's so good. 60 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:14,239 Speaker 2: Everybody loves it. A little India grand daughter walks around 61 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:20,760 Speaker 2: the house. She's, Kyli, you're amazing, and I'm such a silk. 62 00:03:21,639 --> 00:03:22,960 Speaker 3: We might have to rectify that. 63 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:23,760 Speaker 2: And I think. 64 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,560 Speaker 1: Anyway, Brooklyn says, I love Justin's theme song. I don't 65 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:28,600 Speaker 1: think they'll ever be forgotten, not least by your own family. 66 00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:30,360 Speaker 1: You're both real and helpful. 67 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:32,320 Speaker 2: I love listening to the podcast happ anniversary. Have you 68 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:34,440 Speaker 2: have a great day, Brooklyn? Thank you for that. 69 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:36,760 Speaker 1: Oh, we should do a quick anniversary update That was 70 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:38,720 Speaker 1: not part of the run sheet for today, but let's 71 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:39,720 Speaker 1: just check it in anyway. 72 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:41,360 Speaker 2: What did your plan Hunt? 73 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:44,080 Speaker 3: I decided to drive you crazy. 74 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:44,880 Speaker 2: Literally. 75 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:45,400 Speaker 4: Yeah. 76 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:46,800 Speaker 2: We jumped onto the go kart track. 77 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:50,560 Speaker 3: I've been go karting once with you and we very 78 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:52,880 Speaker 3: first got married, and it scared the living daylights out 79 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,480 Speaker 3: of me. I was we were with a large group 80 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:58,080 Speaker 3: of people who were very competent, and here was me 81 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:01,120 Speaker 3: little driving miss Daisy around the track. 82 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,320 Speaker 4: I was too scared. 83 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:03,440 Speaker 3: So I decided to. 84 00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:05,880 Speaker 1: Give it another got yeah, and that was fun. So 85 00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:07,920 Speaker 1: we don't go karting. I lapped you? 86 00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:08,880 Speaker 2: You did, I lapped you. 87 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:13,920 Speaker 1: I was expert level, I think. But that was a 88 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,839 Speaker 1: lot of fun. Okay, let's hear your I'll do better tomorrow. 89 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:20,279 Speaker 1: This is family photos, family photos last weekend. 90 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:24,039 Speaker 3: Family photos don't happen enough in our house. 91 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:27,280 Speaker 2: Oh no, no, no, they have happened way too many times. 92 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:32,200 Speaker 3: The reason they don't happen enough is because it is 93 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:36,360 Speaker 3: so tricky. There's just making sure that there's eight people 94 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:39,640 Speaker 3: who are all smiling at the same time and actually have. 95 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:42,680 Speaker 2: A I need to wind this back a bit good demeanor. 96 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:43,280 Speaker 4: Yeah. 97 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:45,640 Speaker 1: So it starts with what am I going to wear? 98 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:48,560 Speaker 1: So for anyone who has a daughter, you know what 99 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:50,800 Speaker 1: it's like, what am I gonna wear? We have six 100 00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:54,240 Speaker 1: daughters who are all saying what am I gonna wear? 101 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:55,760 Speaker 1: And it's torture. 102 00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:59,000 Speaker 3: And I have been trying to coordinate what everyone was 103 00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:01,080 Speaker 3: gonna wear for it up three weeks. 104 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:02,359 Speaker 2: Whenever we were all. 105 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:04,200 Speaker 1: Together, I was going to say, almost three decades is 106 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:05,200 Speaker 1: what you've been in front of coordin? 107 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:09,320 Speaker 3: Well, yes, but for these one specifically, and every time 108 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:11,680 Speaker 3: at least one child would kind of come to the 109 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:14,039 Speaker 3: party and say maybe I could wear this or this. 110 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,080 Speaker 3: And the challenge is everybody can make a decision, but 111 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:19,440 Speaker 3: until you see everybody together, you don't know if it's 112 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:22,840 Speaker 3: all going to work. And it was about an hour 113 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:27,479 Speaker 3: before we were supposed to leave for our location and 114 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:28,960 Speaker 3: everyone starts going. 115 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:30,560 Speaker 2: Mom, can you come and tell me what to wear? 116 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:33,480 Speaker 3: YEP, it was a bit stressful. 117 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:35,360 Speaker 1: Three weeks of text messages and let's work it out. 118 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:38,400 Speaker 1: And now before anyway, you got everyone standing together against 119 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,120 Speaker 1: the wall and looking at us and taking photos of 120 00:05:40,279 --> 00:05:42,120 Speaker 1: us in the living room just to make sure it matched. 121 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:45,240 Speaker 1: And you were satisfied enough After a couple of additional 122 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:48,279 Speaker 1: clothing changes. So we jumped in the car and drive 123 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:50,200 Speaker 1: to where the photographer told us to meet. It had 124 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:52,080 Speaker 1: been raining all day, it was cloudy. We wanted the 125 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:56,320 Speaker 1: sunset and guess what, law we got it. 126 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:59,880 Speaker 3: We got it, but not before Little Indie fell asleep 127 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:01,040 Speaker 3: on the drive. 128 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:03,520 Speaker 2: Because family photos are not easy. And you know, it's 129 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:05,160 Speaker 2: like when you wake up a toddler and you're like, now, 130 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:08,359 Speaker 2: smile for the camera. She was not happy. 131 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:12,240 Speaker 3: She was not happy. But what I wanted to share 132 00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:17,760 Speaker 3: was how sometimes in family life we're kind of seeing 133 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:23,160 Speaker 3: things happen around us. And on this particular day, as 134 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,320 Speaker 3: I was watching the photographer and she was telling us, 135 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:27,320 Speaker 3: oh my gosh, this is gorgeous. You guys are making 136 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:30,560 Speaker 3: this so easy. This is great, perfect. You know, she 137 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,640 Speaker 3: was giving us all the affirmation we needed. But for me, 138 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:36,920 Speaker 3: as a participant, I was standing there thinking, this just 139 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:41,920 Speaker 3: feels really ordinary. There's nothing special in this moment. And 140 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,680 Speaker 3: as we were leaving that day, she said to me, 141 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:46,919 Speaker 3: she said, oh that was great, and I said, do 142 00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:48,760 Speaker 3: you think we got the money shot? I told her 143 00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:51,080 Speaker 3: exactly what I wanted and she said, oh, Kylie, she said, 144 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,760 Speaker 3: You've got lots of money shots. But I still didn't 145 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:56,159 Speaker 3: believe her, and so that night when she went home, 146 00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:59,320 Speaker 3: she actually just sent me a quick snap. She'd taken 147 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:03,040 Speaker 3: a photo of the photo on her computer screen, so 148 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:05,360 Speaker 3: she said, don't look at the faces, she said, I'm 149 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:09,360 Speaker 3: just showing you the vista. This is what you've got. 150 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:15,960 Speaker 3: And oh my gosh, not only did I have no 151 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:20,200 Speaker 3: idea what the sunset was doing behind us as she 152 00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:25,080 Speaker 3: was taking those photos, but it was like this one 153 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:31,560 Speaker 3: brief moment in time captured and all my joys kind 154 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:35,840 Speaker 3: of just accumulated into one small moment. I just felt 155 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:38,760 Speaker 3: so grateful. I love watching our family grow, and we've 156 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:43,720 Speaker 3: now got these two men in our picture on top. 157 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:51,200 Speaker 4: Of you, two extra men. That's right, we only had 158 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:53,480 Speaker 4: one man and our photos, and now we have three. 159 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,520 Speaker 4: And to see the joy that they bring to our 160 00:07:56,600 --> 00:08:01,360 Speaker 4: daughter's lives and bring to us, it just feels like 161 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:07,000 Speaker 4: all of those tricky moments in life have led us 162 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:08,800 Speaker 4: to this joyful moment. 163 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:10,320 Speaker 2: Makes you emotional. 164 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:13,720 Speaker 3: It does make me emotional, because, like I said, you 165 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:17,800 Speaker 3: kind of miss it all unless somebody's there reminding you 166 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:21,680 Speaker 3: to actually stop for just a moment and take it in. 167 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:24,240 Speaker 3: It's so easy to get caught up in all of 168 00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:27,400 Speaker 3: the crazy of family life. So I take home as 169 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:31,080 Speaker 3: just take a moment to take stock, take photos, and 170 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:31,760 Speaker 3: take photos. 171 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,559 Speaker 1: Yeah, can I add a little note there as well. 172 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:37,320 Speaker 1: Two quick things about the family photos. Number one, it 173 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:38,839 Speaker 1: was the first time ever that we haven't had any 174 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:41,520 Speaker 1: major fights during family photos, with the kids getting upset 175 00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:42,720 Speaker 1: with each other or saying that's. 176 00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:44,199 Speaker 2: It, I've had enough photos, no more photos. 177 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:46,360 Speaker 3: As we were sitting around the table, they actually commented 178 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:48,400 Speaker 3: this was the best family photos ever. 179 00:08:48,559 --> 00:08:51,640 Speaker 2: And I was like, we're older. Everyone's older now than 180 00:08:51,679 --> 00:08:54,480 Speaker 2: they've ever been. Like, everyone's learned how to regulate their emotions. 181 00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:58,280 Speaker 3: We nearly have a full sweep of adults. We shouldn't 182 00:08:58,280 --> 00:08:59,000 Speaker 3: have any. 183 00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:01,880 Speaker 1: Issue yet to see the photo, but we did get 184 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:04,760 Speaker 1: a boys photo. We've never had a boy's photo before. 185 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:07,600 Speaker 1: But there was me with the two sons in law, 186 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:10,640 Speaker 1: and they're both about fifteen centimeters taller than me. 187 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:11,600 Speaker 3: You were pretty sure. 188 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:15,800 Speaker 2: I'm just tiny time little kid in between these two 189 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:21,080 Speaker 2: giant men. After the break, figuring out how to have tricky. 190 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:25,080 Speaker 1: Conversations about difficult topics in a way that brings the 191 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:29,360 Speaker 1: kids in. It's always a surprise, but it can be done. 192 00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:31,920 Speaker 1: I'll tell you how next on The Happy Family's Podcast. 193 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:41,199 Speaker 1: To stay with us, We're back. This is The Happy 194 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,080 Speaker 1: Family's Podcast. Thank you so much for choosing to spend 195 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:45,080 Speaker 1: your Friday morning with us. We hope that this is 196 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:47,360 Speaker 1: making your family happy, or at least letting you know 197 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:50,040 Speaker 1: that your family's no different to all the other families. 198 00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:51,800 Speaker 2: That is. Life can be tricky. 199 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:55,800 Speaker 1: So I haven't shared this at the start of the pod, 200 00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:59,840 Speaker 1: and I probably should have. But I've done another draft 201 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:02,520 Speaker 1: of book and this week I finally finished it. And 202 00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:04,839 Speaker 1: this is the absolute last draft because the book gets 203 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,320 Speaker 1: printed and published and put on shelves in about two months, 204 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:12,000 Speaker 1: comes out June sixteenth. What are we up to? Like, Yeah, 205 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,360 Speaker 1: two and a half months and it's going to be 206 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,160 Speaker 1: on shelves. So the last few weeks I've been doing 207 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,400 Speaker 1: a final draft and it ended up being a fairly 208 00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:20,240 Speaker 1: major overhaul of the book. 209 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,760 Speaker 2: But the book is done. The book is done. The 210 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:29,040 Speaker 2: book is done. The angels are singing, My goodness, the 211 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:29,760 Speaker 2: book is done. 212 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:30,600 Speaker 3: We're singing. 213 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:36,360 Speaker 1: So I was writing this chapter about talking to kids 214 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:39,880 Speaker 1: about consent and intimacy and how to have difficult conversations 215 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:43,679 Speaker 1: Kylie and really really tough topic to write about, and 216 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:46,080 Speaker 1: I'm trying to say, well, how do we have these 217 00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:49,960 Speaker 1: chats with our kids? And I wrote the following about 218 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:51,920 Speaker 1: starting the conversation. I said, I'm an ambassador for this 219 00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:55,880 Speaker 1: strain Government's consent Can't Wait campaign. Government research shows big 220 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:58,880 Speaker 1: holes exist in parent conversations with kids on this tricky topic. 221 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:00,800 Speaker 1: That's because we make it too big of a deal. 222 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,319 Speaker 1: So instead make it simple, dumb it down. A ten 223 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:06,080 Speaker 1: minute chat while driving can be more effective than an 224 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:09,680 Speaker 1: hour long formal discussion. A consistent Sunday morning check in 225 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:13,440 Speaker 1: is valuable. Use media as gateways when sexual content appears 226 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:15,400 Speaker 1: in movies, TV or social media, use it as a 227 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:19,520 Speaker 1: discussion starter, whether it's problematic or uplifting content. So I've 228 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:22,160 Speaker 1: written that, and I was just thinking, it feels empty, 229 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:25,679 Speaker 1: it feels trite. Do parents really do this? And as 230 00:11:25,679 --> 00:11:30,480 Speaker 1: we were driving two family photos, I was driving Spotify 231 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,080 Speaker 1: as well as the car. I decided that I was 232 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:34,320 Speaker 1: in charge of the music grub and the kids and 233 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:39,920 Speaker 1: John Lennon's nineteen seventy one classic Jealous Guy came on 234 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:42,760 Speaker 1: Spotify and I turned it up and I said, oh, 235 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:44,880 Speaker 1: this is such a good song. And then about thirty 236 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:46,959 Speaker 1: seconds in, I was like, actually, I like Brian Ferry 237 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:48,600 Speaker 1: Roxy Music. I think that's the better one. So I 238 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:52,880 Speaker 1: put that on instead, and as the song was playing 239 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,360 Speaker 1: out for I'm sure everybody knows it. Because of copyright, 240 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:57,320 Speaker 1: we can't play on the podcast, but I'm sure everyone 241 00:11:57,320 --> 00:12:00,199 Speaker 1: knows the lyrics. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm 242 00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:02,480 Speaker 1: sorry that I made you cry. I didn't want to 243 00:12:02,559 --> 00:12:05,520 Speaker 1: hurt you. I'm just a jealous guy. So the chorus 244 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:08,120 Speaker 1: is playing and our fifteen soon to be sixteen year 245 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:10,720 Speaker 1: old daughter is sitting in the back and she says 246 00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:14,120 Speaker 1: that sounds like that's a pretty dodgy lyric, Dad, and 247 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:16,319 Speaker 1: I paused. I was like, hang on, this this is 248 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,360 Speaker 1: a classic. This song's been around since nineteen seventy one 249 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:21,320 Speaker 1: or nineteen eighty one. For the cover, and I wanted 250 00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:25,160 Speaker 1: to just burn her. I don't know, that's probably too strong, 251 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:26,080 Speaker 1: but I wanted to put her in a place. 252 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,559 Speaker 2: I was like, there's nothing dodgy about this. This is 253 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:29,640 Speaker 2: really good. 254 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:34,000 Speaker 1: And then Lily said to me, well, hang on a sec. 255 00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:36,600 Speaker 1: Here's a guy who's refusing to be accountable for his actions. 256 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:38,959 Speaker 1: He hurt her, and now he's saying, oh, I didn't 257 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:42,559 Speaker 1: mean to I'm just a jealous guy. Like he's downplaying 258 00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:46,320 Speaker 1: the impact of his behavior and the way that it's 259 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:49,160 Speaker 1: affecting her and he's hurt her. 260 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,240 Speaker 3: What I loved was that you actually then asked her, 261 00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:54,800 Speaker 3: explain to me what you mean, and she said, well, 262 00:12:55,679 --> 00:13:01,320 Speaker 3: if I was dating a guy and then I went 263 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:04,360 Speaker 3: and spent some time just chatting with another guy and 264 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:08,959 Speaker 3: he gets upset with me and treats me poorly and 265 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:15,120 Speaker 3: then apologizes because he's jealous. She said, that's just that's 266 00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:19,920 Speaker 3: poor excuse for treating me poorly, Like I don't deserve 267 00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:23,920 Speaker 3: to be treated like that. I've done nothing wrong and 268 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:27,160 Speaker 3: he doesn't have the right to treat me that way. 269 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:31,040 Speaker 1: I found it really just a fascinating conversation. It showed 270 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:35,960 Speaker 1: perhaps a generational divide. It also showed that context is everything. 271 00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:37,920 Speaker 1: In fact, I ended up following the conversation up with 272 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:39,560 Speaker 1: her the next day because I couldn't let it go. 273 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:42,160 Speaker 1: Like it really it got out of my skin. It 274 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,240 Speaker 1: was like a knuckle noogie, knuckles going into my ribs. 275 00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:47,080 Speaker 1: I was like, we're so much more alert today to 276 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:52,720 Speaker 1: things like coercive control and possessiveness and the emotional dynamics 277 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:58,320 Speaker 1: of unhealthy relationships, and jealousy is one of the most 278 00:13:58,559 --> 00:14:04,280 Speaker 1: commonly cited precursors to intimate partner violence. And I didn't 279 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:07,000 Speaker 1: mean to hurt you as a phrase in twenty twenty six, 280 00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:10,240 Speaker 1: that carries a whole lot of baggage that it probably 281 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:13,880 Speaker 1: just didn't carry previously. But and this is what I 282 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:16,160 Speaker 1: said to Lily, there's also a counter reading here. And 283 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,160 Speaker 1: I'm not trying to downplay what she's saying, because it's 284 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,440 Speaker 1: relevant and it matters, and if you've been in that 285 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:25,320 Speaker 1: situation then it's impactful. But the counter reading could show 286 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:28,360 Speaker 1: a shift in the culture where once this was a 287 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:31,520 Speaker 1: tender and emotionally sensitive guy, a guy who's actually brave 288 00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:35,240 Speaker 1: enough to name his jealousy, And now we're saying, well, 289 00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:38,000 Speaker 1: he's dangerous, whereas once upon a time we would have said, oh, no, 290 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,400 Speaker 1: good on him, because he's realized that his jealousy is 291 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,080 Speaker 1: leading him to act in unhelpful ways. And so then 292 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:45,720 Speaker 1: we had this fascinating conversation about the difference between acknowledging 293 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:48,840 Speaker 1: feelings and there or using them as an excuse for 294 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:55,360 Speaker 1: harmful behavior. No Sunday morning chat needed, no formalized discussion, 295 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:59,040 Speaker 1: just an impromptu chat because of a song lyric. 296 00:14:58,880 --> 00:14:59,480 Speaker 2: That came up. 297 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,080 Speaker 1: And as I walked away from that, I thought to myself, 298 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:06,840 Speaker 1: these conversations are easier than we often make them out 299 00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:09,280 Speaker 1: to be. We can have tough conversations about just about anything. 300 00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:10,800 Speaker 1: You see something on the teller, you hear something on 301 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,400 Speaker 1: a podcast, you listen to. 302 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:13,320 Speaker 2: A song lyric. 303 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:18,360 Speaker 1: There's just so many opportunities for really great conversations with 304 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:19,800 Speaker 1: the kids, and you can come back to them later 305 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:21,640 Speaker 1: and say, I was thinking about that thing that you said, 306 00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:24,840 Speaker 1: and I really think that there was wisdom or I 307 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,400 Speaker 1: think you missed the mark. Like there's so many opportunities 308 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:29,840 Speaker 1: for great conversations with our kids if we'll take them. 309 00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:30,760 Speaker 2: And I don't know. 310 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,240 Speaker 1: I just got very, very excited about talking to my 311 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:36,240 Speaker 1: daughter about a classic nineteen seventy one nineteen eighty one song. 312 00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:39,600 Speaker 3: I think the reason why this worked so well, though, 313 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:43,000 Speaker 3: is because Lily was at the lead. She actually wanted 314 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:47,160 Speaker 3: to engage in this. And the challenge we sometimes have 315 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,720 Speaker 3: with our kids is that if we're the ones who 316 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:54,040 Speaker 3: are constantly initiating the conversation, then it just feels like, yeah, oh, 317 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,840 Speaker 3: mom and dad want to teach me again, or Mum 318 00:15:56,840 --> 00:16:00,560 Speaker 3: and Dad giving me a lecture, or so finding the 319 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:02,760 Speaker 3: middle ground is really important. 320 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I still feel like I had to 321 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:07,760 Speaker 1: make sure that she knew as well that just because 322 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,600 Speaker 1: somebody hurts you doesn't mean that you should close the 323 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:12,200 Speaker 1: door on them forever. Like people make mistakes. There's and 324 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:14,760 Speaker 1: I think and she'd read, context is everything. 325 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:19,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, context matters. We're listening to this crooning song and 326 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,160 Speaker 3: it's very easy to kind of see one side to it, 327 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:23,480 Speaker 3: but until you're actually in the. 328 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:28,120 Speaker 2: Experience, family life is stretching. Family life is stretching. Anyway. 329 00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:29,920 Speaker 1: We really hope that you've enjoyed the podcast today. Thank 330 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:31,800 Speaker 1: you so much for listening to the Happy Families podcast, 331 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:35,080 Speaker 1: which is produced by Justin Rulan from Bridge Media. Mim 332 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:38,160 Speaker 1: Hammonds provides all of our additional admin and other support, 333 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:40,000 Speaker 1: and if you'd like more and fo to make your 334 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,000 Speaker 1: family happier, we would love for you to visit us 335 00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:43,640 Speaker 1: at Happy Families dot. 336 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:47,200 Speaker 2: Com dot au. We'll see you back on Monday on 337 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,000 Speaker 2: the pod. Have a great weekend. 338 00:16:49,720 --> 00:17:00,600 Speaker 5: She's ca calli couson turning Kason to Grace building world 339 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:03,840 Speaker 5: in this one big, busy place. 340 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:07,760 Speaker 4: Say stop. 341 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:15,960 Speaker 6: At the time you two sat lying the stuff, she said, 342 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:20,199 Speaker 6: you're already in love, just 343 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:37,560 Speaker 5: Yeah, and they believe her in their hearts.