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Speaker 1: Hello.

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Speaker 2: My name is Satasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud or

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Speaker 2: the Order Kerni Whoaltbury and a waddery woman. And before

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Speaker 2: we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I

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Speaker 2: would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land

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Speaker 2: of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country,

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Speaker 2: acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through.

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Speaker 2: As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and

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Speaker 2: the storytelling of you to make a difference for today

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Speaker 2: and lasting impact for tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: Let's get into it.

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Speaker 3: She's on the Money, She's on the Money.

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Speaker 4: Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast

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Speaker 4: that lets you be perfy about other people's money habits

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Speaker 4: for educational purposes of course. Welcome back to another one

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Speaker 4: of my money diaries. And I have to give you

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Speaker 4: a little quick apology for my voice today because it

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Speaker 4: is a little bit raspy. But I never want to

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Speaker 4: cancel on a money diarist. So we're here with bells

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Speaker 4: on and a kchy voice like we are channeling Phoebe

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Speaker 4: from Friends today and I am hoping that you'll stick

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Speaker 4: with me. But as you guys know, Money Diaries are

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Speaker 4: one of my favorite episodes of the week. I feel

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Speaker 4: so internally grateful that I get to share people's money

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Speaker 4: stories with our community. Before I get into reading out

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Speaker 4: this week's email, I just wanted to issue a little

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Speaker 4: bit of a content warning. In this episode, we are

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Speaker 4: going to be talking about financial and emotional abuse, and

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Speaker 4: that topic does involve threatened suicide. And this week I

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Speaker 4: got an email and it went like this, Dear, she's

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Speaker 4: on the money. I'm reaching out after listening to your

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Speaker 4: recent podcast episode about the community member concerned she can't

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Speaker 4: leave her marriage because of financial sircumstances. Having been in

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Speaker 4: the same situation, I want to be able to share

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Speaker 4: my story in the hopes that it might help others

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Speaker 4: in the community. At twenty three, I was in tens

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Speaker 4: of thousands of dollars of debt, well being the emotional

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Speaker 4: and financial support for my husband. Now at twenty eight,

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Speaker 4: I have a wonderful, loving partner, a slalid share portfolio,

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Speaker 4: and have just bought a house. Money Diarist, I'm so

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Speaker 4: excited about this, but like more excited because you reached

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Speaker 4: out after hearing that someone in our community was struggling

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Speaker 4: with something and you were like, oh, sit down, like,

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Speaker 4: let me take the wheel. I've done this before. Let

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Speaker 4: me share my story so that you can learn from.

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Speaker 1: Isn't that beautiful to stop my heart?

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Speaker 4: But it's true, Like that's why you reached out, is

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Speaker 4: it not?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely, Honestly, I was striving and I was like

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Speaker 1: I usually I pulled up at the shop and I

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Speaker 1: was like, I have to send them a message because

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Speaker 1: it just broke my heart knowing exactly how that feels,

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Speaker 1: and it's not like a unique experience, unfortunately, And I

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Speaker 1: was like, hopefully if I can help one, I would

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Speaker 1: absolutely love to.

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Speaker 4: And I'm so glad we're getting you on the show

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Speaker 4: because we had so many people reply to our Instagram

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Speaker 4: stories about that as well, and we're just like, oh

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Speaker 4: my goodness, this was me twenty years ago, this was

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Speaker 4: me five years ago, or this was me. But like

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Speaker 4: the best part about it is these women were all

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Speaker 4: like by the way, I'm thriving, like let them know.

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Speaker 4: And I think that's my favorite part, Like when I

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Speaker 4: get to go through our Instagram dms and screenshot all

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Speaker 4: of your positive messages and send them to our you know,

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Speaker 4: anonymous question asker and be like Hey, just so you know,

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Speaker 4: like the community is not just like backing you, but

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Speaker 4: like they see you and they get it, and you

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Speaker 4: know you can reach out to any of these people.

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Speaker 4: Were like, I'm not going to spoil the anonymous nature

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Speaker 4: that's on you anyway. I just I feel so special

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Speaker 4: that you were like, hey, let me share my whole story.

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Speaker 4: I'll come on the pod. Like that is elite. So

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Speaker 4: money dost, let's dive straight in. I want to know.

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Speaker 4: I ask all of my money diris the same question

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Speaker 4: at the start of every episode. If I asked you

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Speaker 4: to give your money habits a grade from A through

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Speaker 4: to F, what would you grade your.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to give myself an A. I think I've

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Speaker 1: kind of got it down.

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Speaker 4: Pat, Yeah, I love this well. Can you tell me

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Speaker 4: a bit more about your money story? Now?

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Speaker 1: Yes, I'd say growing up, money was talked about a

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Speaker 1: little bit, not too much. Both my parents worked for

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Speaker 1: the government and government jobs, so not like high income earners,

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Speaker 1: and I have what feels like one hundred and one siblings,

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Speaker 1: so they definitely had some like financial strain at that

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Speaker 1: point in time. I know they tried really hard to

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Speaker 1: educate us on money as best as they could, so,

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Speaker 1: you know, as soon as getting like a first job,

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Speaker 1: we had to pay board, and then they would do

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Speaker 1: things like a certain portion of that would go to

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Speaker 1: like donations to charity, that kind of thing. And then

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Speaker 1: the best, most heartwarming part I think of all of

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Speaker 1: it was that my parents never ever told us that

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Speaker 1: they saved it all for us, and then when we

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Speaker 1: were older, they would give it back to us. They're

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Speaker 1: the best, honestly, so good what honeys?

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Speaker 4: So, tell me a little bit more about your money story.

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Speaker 4: So obviously had a relatively positive money upbringing, but then

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Speaker 4: you're becoming an adult. What does that look like?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So, unfortunately for me, I guess some of the

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Speaker 1: trauma started before I was an adult, which is a

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Speaker 1: bit concerning. So first of all, good things being that

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Speaker 1: I started my first job when I was fourteen nine months,

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Speaker 1: got in there with saving, had some good money habits

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Speaker 1: already again, didn't understand the concept of tax and I

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Speaker 1: had a manager or an employer who liked to pay

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Speaker 1: people cash in hand, and at the time I didn't realize,

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Speaker 1: you know the implications of that, not having super being

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Speaker 1: paid that kind of thing. Then, when I was seventeen,

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Speaker 1: I met a man who was twenty five, and he

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Speaker 1: had worked in a shop near where I worked, and

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Speaker 1: he was interested in me, and we ended up starting dating,

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Speaker 1: which obviously very decent age gap there.

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Speaker 4: You would have thought that was so fancy. At seventeen,

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Speaker 4: you would have been like, this man is mature.

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Speaker 1: I was talking to my partner about this last night

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Speaker 1: and I said, I just remember being like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: it's so cool, like he's so grown up. Wow, I

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Speaker 1: love that.

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Speaker 4: And he thinks I'm mature.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and he's got money, he's got a job, like

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Speaker 1: this is so cool, which obviously like not cool now.

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Speaker 1: And now I was a grown hospital and I can.

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Speaker 4: Be like, oh, that feels a bit wrong.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I remember being like when I was twenty five

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Speaker 1: and being like, oh my gosh, I can't believe that

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Speaker 1: this man was interested in a seventeen year old.

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Speaker 4: You're like, this feels like a red flag now, how strange.

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Speaker 1: Oh gosh, so many red flags. It's not even funny.

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Speaker 1: But look, so I started to see this guy, met him,

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Speaker 1: and like it wasn't even to I only ever had

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Speaker 1: like two people ever say anything about the age gap,

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Speaker 1: and they were people that were in my year at school.

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Speaker 1: That I went friends with, so obviously I was like, Oh,

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Speaker 1: they're just jealous, or they're just whatever, or and so

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Speaker 1: I didn't think like anything of it. No one ever

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Speaker 1: said anything about it to me.

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Speaker 4: Like not even your family or with like your parents

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Speaker 4: or anyone.

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Speaker 1: No. And that's the thing is, I think that maybe

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Speaker 1: at one point they tried to express concern as best

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Speaker 1: as they could, but it wasn't necessarily the best.

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Speaker 4: Oh you're seventeen, you're not listening.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I remember once asking her saying, you know, why

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Speaker 1: didn't you stop me? And this was at the point

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Speaker 1: when I'd already been married, and she was like, even

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Speaker 1: if I tried, like you were such a determined woman,

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Speaker 1: I don't think you would have listened to me. And

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Speaker 1: I think it would have made you run faster towards it.

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Speaker 4: I mean, smart woman, because she knows you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, she does. She does better than anyone I

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Speaker 1: would say. Yeah. So basically, at sixteen seventeen, I got

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Speaker 1: my first car and I had my first thousand dollars

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Speaker 1: for it that i'd saved up through work, and then

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Speaker 1: my parents had loaned me the remaining I think it

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Speaker 1: was four thousand. I want to say three or four

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Speaker 1: thousand dollars, So I started paying that off and then

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Speaker 1: I started going out with this guy, and I remember thinking,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, he's got it all together, like he

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Speaker 1: knows what he's doing with his money. Blah blah blah.

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Speaker 1: We went out on our first date and I remembering like,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I can order anything on the menu,

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Speaker 1: Like this is so crazy. And I think the bill

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Speaker 1: came to something like one hundred and fifty dollars.

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Speaker 4: But that feels crazy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, honestly, it felt like so much money and he

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Speaker 1: just you know, he just paid the bill and it

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Speaker 1: was no problem. I was like, amazing. And then later

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Speaker 1: I actually found out at that exact point in time,

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Speaker 1: it was like the last one hundred and fifty dollars

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Speaker 1: in his bank account, and he was thinking he wasn't

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Speaker 1: actually going to be able to afford the bill. So

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Speaker 1: he one hundred percent love bombed me, Like now I

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Speaker 1: can see that for sure. Within two weeks of like,

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Speaker 1: you know, going out, it was like I love you,

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Speaker 1: like genuinely, and under two weeks said that he loved me,

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Speaker 1: and then by like the third or fourth week, he

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Speaker 1: had this mental snap and he just went from being

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Speaker 1: you know, seemingly like functionally had his life together to

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Speaker 1: very mentally unwell, you know, not coping with life, very

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Speaker 1: like depressed and down anxious, which now I can see

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Speaker 1: and say like he was always like that, and how

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Speaker 1: much of that was calculated, I wouldn't be able to

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Speaker 1: say for sure. So then throughout that year, I was

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Speaker 1: in year twelve, I was dating him throughout that year,

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Speaker 1: and I think that was the first thing kind of

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Speaker 1: put my money off a bit. And I can't obviously

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Speaker 1: I can't blame all of that on him, but I

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Speaker 1: think that I was trying to keep up with him

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Speaker 1: at what he was doing, So I was spending a

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Speaker 1: lot of money. I keep in mind, I think at

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Speaker 1: that point in time, earning something like fifteen dollars an

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Speaker 1: hour at the cafe, Like it's not big money.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but that's everything that you have, and keeping up

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Speaker 4: with a full time adult lifestyle when you're a child

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Speaker 4: who's just earning essentially pocket money is a big ask.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous. Then fast forward after that, I

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Speaker 1: guess I went through high school, I started university, and

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Speaker 1: I at this point so just before starting UNI actually,

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Speaker 1: so I guess the end of that year. I was eighteen,

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Speaker 1: and it was a month after my eighteenth birthday and

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Speaker 1: I was going to get a credit card. It was

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Speaker 1: a one thousand dollars credit card and it was just

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Speaker 1: for fun spending, like nothing important at all, and I

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Speaker 1: very very quickly maxed it out. That's what I learned about,

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Speaker 1: like you know how you can I was got overdraft. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and I remember going into calls and it was like

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Speaker 1: two dollars over and it went through and I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I can do this. I was like,

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Speaker 1: I can take more money. And then I remember trying

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Speaker 1: again and then it being rejected and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: and I don't have any money left in my bank account.

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Speaker 1: So there was that he had a car loan and

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Speaker 1: when I was eighteen, so very soon after that we decided,

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Speaker 1: I see that it was a really good idea to consolidate.

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Speaker 4: Oh perfect, Yeah, so great thinkin know what from his perspective,

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Speaker 4: that's genius. What a man.

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Speaker 1: I honestly, again, talking to my partner last night, we

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Speaker 1: were talking about how dangerous the manipulation was and it

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Speaker 1: was so much like it was all the time, and

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Speaker 1: I wonder, like I think for a memory that was

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Speaker 1: my idea to go, well, how about you know, we

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Speaker 1: do this, we join it, I'll help. You're stressed about that,

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Speaker 1: But it's like, how much of that was premeditated or

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Speaker 1: was it you know, he knew he knew what he

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Speaker 1: was doing when he said yes, he absolute knew what

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Speaker 1: he was doing, But whether or not he was planned

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Speaker 1: out beforehand, Like it's just crazy.

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Speaker 4: But even if it wasn't planned out beforehand, Like let's

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Speaker 4: say that you're just like the nicest person in the

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Speaker 4: entire world and he hadn't dropped any bombs and you

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Speaker 4: could literally just see that he was strung. And I

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Speaker 4: feel like in a lot of relationships, like you just

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Speaker 4: want the best for your partner at the time, right

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Speaker 4: because like I'm sure you were head over heels in love.

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Speaker 4: You're like, oh my goodness, this is stressing you. Let

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Speaker 4: me help. At that point, he's meant to be the

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Speaker 4: mature one that says, nah, like this is my thing

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Speaker 4: to deal with. You're a child that has just come

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Speaker 4: out of you know, school, don't worry about that. Like,

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Speaker 4: you know, maybe if we were married or something, we

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Speaker 4: could have these conversations, because it's like way down the line,

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Speaker 4: but like, why are you essentially taking on your boyfriend's debt.

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Speaker 4: One it could have been kindness, but like he took

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Speaker 4: your kindness for weakness and took advantage of it. And

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Speaker 4: like it doesn't matter whose idea it was, he took

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Speaker 4: it and ran with it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, and it's so terrible when honestly, when

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Speaker 1: reflecting on all of his stuff this week, I couldn't.

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Speaker 1: It was so hard to track down all the different

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Speaker 1: things and to try and properly timeline it because it

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Speaker 1: has been quite a while. But it's crazy just to

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Speaker 1: reflect on all the things that happened. Yes, so took

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Speaker 1: on his debt, and then shortly after decided it was

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Speaker 1: a great idea to join finances, which worked out really

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Speaker 1: really well.

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Speaker 4: Were you living together at this point or were you

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Speaker 4: joining finances and you're not even living together?

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Speaker 1: No, we didn't live together at this point.

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Speaker 4: But you had joint finances, yes, wild but okay, I know,

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Speaker 4: I mean, each to their own, but like, there does

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Speaker 4: not seem to be any benefit for both people in

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Speaker 4: this relationship right now.

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Speaker 1: No, not at all, not at all. So yeah, that

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Speaker 1: was a bit of fun. Took on our debt joint finances,

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Speaker 1: and then I started UNI. So with UNI, I was

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Speaker 1: doing like full time hours of work while doing full

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Speaker 1: time study. And then throughout this time, like his mental

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Speaker 1: health was constantly fluctuating, as it did throughout our whole relationship,

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Speaker 1: and we ended up getting engaged so within at the

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Speaker 1: end of my first year of UNI. To do that,

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Speaker 1: we took on more debt. So I can't actually remember

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Speaker 1: one hundred percent how much we took on at this

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Speaker 1: point in time, but we consolidated what was already there.

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Speaker 1: We then took on and at least the seven thousand

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Speaker 1: dollars that paid for my engagement ring, and then there

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Speaker 1: was like a few other little bits of money. I

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Speaker 1: can't remember what it was for, but there was a

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Speaker 1: little bit. So at that point it was at least

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Speaker 1: seventeen grand I think it was closer to nineteen at

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Speaker 1: that point. Then I ended up starting at a different university.

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Speaker 1: I've changed degrees, and there was lots of commuting, there

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Speaker 1: was car problems, and then living together again. Can hardly

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Speaker 1: afford anything, really, because I'm a unique student. I changed

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Speaker 1: degrees and it gets to the end of my first

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Speaker 1: year of my new degree and I didn't have enough

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Speaker 1: money to afford to renew my regio. So I sold

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Speaker 1: my car, ended up using combination of my money and

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Speaker 1: I think some of the loan to then buy two

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Speaker 1: new cars, because you know, he couldn't afford to keep

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Speaker 1: his car, so we sold his as well. Got two

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Speaker 1: new cars that had constant issues, were absolute trash and

295
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Speaker 1: required so much more money to go into them to

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Speaker 1: kind of repair and keep them going. After that, we

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Speaker 1: ended up getting married, So the following year we got married.

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Speaker 1: Now after the wedding, I think I was so fatigued

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Speaker 1: from all of that planning, so I basically said to him, Hey,

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Speaker 1: can you take over doing some of this money management

301
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Speaker 1: stuff because I can't do it. I'm so tired. I

302
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Speaker 1: got too much with UNI, and he said yeah, sure,

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Speaker 1: And then it kind of turned out that he wasn't

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Speaker 1: actually managing our money. He was just kind of like

305
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Speaker 1: watching it leave our bank account. But I remember I

306
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,640
Speaker 1: became a parent when I was at UNI that our

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Speaker 1: finances were really, really bad, and I'd always said no

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Speaker 1: Toice Center Link and I finally was like, no, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to do it. And it was just my own bias

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Speaker 1: that had helped me back in the first place about it,

311
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Speaker 1: But that then meant that I got student startup loans

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Speaker 1: at the start. I believe it's the start of the

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Speaker 1: semester when you get them, not the start of the year.

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Speaker 1: I had a look at the balance yesterday and that

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Speaker 1: ended up being twenty two hundred and seventy three dollars

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Speaker 1: for that debt. And I got audited and they were like, okay,

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Speaker 1: so you should have been reporting your partner's income. And

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, but I reached out to you

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Speaker 1: and I had said that the website wasn't letting me

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Speaker 1: track his income, and they were like, oh, yeah, no, no,

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Speaker 1: that was a web error on our part. You should

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Speaker 1: have been tracking his income. And they were like, you've

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Speaker 1: got to pay back everything that we have given you

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Speaker 1: because you don't qualify because we were married. So they

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Speaker 1: looked at our income as combined, and they ended up

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Speaker 1: letting me do forty dollars a fortnight was what I

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Speaker 1: ended up paying, and that was like scraping the bottom

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Speaker 1: of the barrel. So yeah, there was paying all of

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Speaker 1: that back. I remember first wanting to leave him three

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Speaker 1: months after our wedding. It was the first time I

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Speaker 1: was like, holy shit, I have made a terrible mistake,

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Speaker 1: and I think It just got to this point after

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Speaker 1: our wedding, when I was hanging out with two male

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Speaker 1: friends of mine. One was gay, one's not, and he

335
00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:44,880
Speaker 1: got really really jealous and really insecure about the friend

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Speaker 1: who was straight, and was just like, this man is

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Speaker 1: a threat to me. And he did like a whole

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Speaker 1: lot of horrible things, the manipulation and telling my family

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Speaker 1: lies about me and saying I was cheating on him

340
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Speaker 1: and that kind of thing, and really trying to isolate

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Speaker 1: me from my family, trying to get them on his

342
00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:02,840
Speaker 1: side and not be on my side because I, you know,

343
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Speaker 1: I was a terrible person who did the bad thing.

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Speaker 1: It was at that point that I was like I

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Speaker 1: can't do this anymore. And I remember reaching out to

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Speaker 1: my parents and being like, I can't do this. I

347
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Speaker 1: need to come and stay with you. And I think

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Speaker 1: this is the one thing that I know that they

349
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:19,200
Speaker 1: would have felt terrible about. It now is something I've

350
00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:21,320
Speaker 1: touched on with my mum since then, but at the

351
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Speaker 1: time they had said like, no, this is something that

352
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:25,760
Speaker 1: you two need to sort out between yourselves. I tried

353
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Speaker 1: reaching out for help and I was like, I can't

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Speaker 1: do this, and it wasn't there, and I had no

355
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Speaker 1: one else to turn to, and I remember looking at

356
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Speaker 1: my finances going, I am in so much debt and

357
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Speaker 1: I have no way to pay it off, and I

358
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Speaker 1: can't afford to do this on my own. So after

359
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Speaker 1: that point, it was like setting constant goals. So it

360
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Speaker 1: was like, you know, I'll wait till the end of

361
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:49,040
Speaker 1: the lease, or I'll wait till the end of semester,

362
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Speaker 1: and I was setting these constant goals for myself to

363
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Speaker 1: be like I will break up with him at this point.

364
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Speaker 1: But at that point in time, I think that was

365
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Speaker 1: the first time I realized I have no money and

366
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Speaker 1: I'm stuck here and I can't get out of this

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Speaker 1: without him.

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Speaker 4: That's so stressful, and like it makes my heart break

369
00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:08,520
Speaker 4: that you're like trying to set goals into the future

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Speaker 4: to be like, Okay, I can leave here, and like

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Speaker 4: I'm sure there are people listening going, oh my god,

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Speaker 4: that's me right now, or that was me, and like

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Speaker 4: it sucks so much because you knew what you wanted,

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Speaker 4: but knew you couldn't have it yet because like your

375
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:24,720
Speaker 4: safety was compromised, or you know, you weren't sure how

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00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:27,960
Speaker 4: you'd be financially stable, and I just I just never

377
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,280
Speaker 4: want women to be in that position, Like I want

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00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,679
Speaker 4: everyone to be in a position where money dised. If

379
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:34,760
Speaker 4: you were like, I'm out, I would have been like, yes, queen,

380
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Speaker 4: you're like, well, I already packed my bags and I'm gone.

381
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:40,080
Speaker 4: Like I just want people to have the ability to

382
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,119
Speaker 4: leave any situation they don't want to be in. And

383
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Speaker 4: I just know that that's it's not the reality, is it.

384
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Speaker 1: No, it's not at all. And I think I agree

385
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Speaker 1: with you so much, Like I don't ever want anybody

386
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Speaker 1: to be stuck in a situation like that ever, because

387
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Speaker 1: it was horrible. It was a terrible situation that he

388
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:57,080
Speaker 1: was really not a nice man, right, he was so

389
00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:59,080
Speaker 1: good that I remember my sister being like to me,

390
00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:01,399
Speaker 1: you know, like it's okay, you just need to like

391
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,639
Speaker 1: apologize for what you've done and you know, just acknowledge it.

392
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,720
Speaker 1: You guys can like can move on from there. Blah

393
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:07,240
Speaker 1: blah blah.

394
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Speaker 4: Absolutely not.

395
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Speaker 1: And it actually wasn't until I'm going to say a

396
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:12,400
Speaker 1: year after that that one of my sisters reached out

397
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:15,520
Speaker 1: to me and was like, I am so sorry. I've

398
00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:17,760
Speaker 1: had people talking about my personal life and interfering with

399
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:19,840
Speaker 1: my life. And I realized that maybe what you were

400
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:21,720
Speaker 1: saying to me was true. And I'm so sorry I

401
00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:24,439
Speaker 1: didn't believe you, but I think to yeah, just to

402
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:25,959
Speaker 1: have a bit of support and have someone in your

403
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:27,159
Speaker 1: corner to go actually, I see you.

404
00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:29,520
Speaker 4: So did this man know that you wanted to leave?

405
00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:32,520
Speaker 4: Like were you having these arguments that were like I

406
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:34,639
Speaker 4: want to leave or whatever, or was it just like

407
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:38,000
Speaker 4: you're in the background quietly building a plan to get

408
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:40,520
Speaker 4: out of this situation, but you just didn't share that

409
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:41,080
Speaker 4: with him.

410
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:44,080
Speaker 1: Yet with the first big blow up, So I had

411
00:18:44,119 --> 00:18:46,680
Speaker 1: suggested at one point I said, Okay, well, look, if

412
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:49,720
Speaker 1: you're basically going to control all of the affection, would

413
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:52,639
Speaker 1: you consider an open relationship And he had said flat

414
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:54,600
Speaker 1: out no, I don't when you're doing that, blah blah

415
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:57,160
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. So I think that was one conversation

416
00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:58,600
Speaker 1: I tried to have because I was like, I want

417
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,200
Speaker 1: to be with you, but you know, there's this whole

418
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:03,879
Speaker 1: part of our relationship that's lacking. To be honest with you,

419
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:06,280
Speaker 1: I don't think he knew that I wanted to leave

420
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:09,159
Speaker 1: until with that big fight, and like with a lot

421
00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:12,080
Speaker 1: of those big fights, with that whole situation, a few weeks.

422
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:14,680
Speaker 1: At that point was the first time I packed a bag.

423
00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:17,119
Speaker 1: He got really really aggressive. He had one of his

424
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,600
Speaker 1: more aggressive outbursts, and he'd you know, smashed up a

425
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:22,320
Speaker 1: whole part of our house, throwing a whole bunch of

426
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:25,479
Speaker 1: my stuff out. Was really really threatening. Oh my god,

427
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:27,080
Speaker 1: I think it was that time was the first time

428
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:30,760
Speaker 1: I'd ever physically felt really unsafe with him, And I

429
00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:33,240
Speaker 1: think that was kind of what triggered me to say,

430
00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:35,720
Speaker 1: come done. And I packed a bag and I was like,

431
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:37,359
Speaker 1: I'm going, and I think I wasn't home, I'm going

432
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,000
Speaker 1: to say for two nights until he had been like

433
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:41,320
Speaker 1: just come home, just come home, blah blah blah blah blah,

434
00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:42,840
Speaker 1: and then I'd end up going back. So I think

435
00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:46,119
Speaker 1: that's the only time he knew quite typical that after that,

436
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:48,880
Speaker 1: any time that I was, you know, wanted to leave

437
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:51,720
Speaker 1: or had conversations about it, it was instantly threatening suicide

438
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:53,800
Speaker 1: and self harm and then talking about, look what you've

439
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:56,399
Speaker 1: done to my mental health, which was the constant cycle

440
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:57,800
Speaker 1: of our entire relationship.

441
00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:00,520
Speaker 4: And that's heavy, like that is not fair and for

442
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:04,000
Speaker 4: anyone listening, that is not your responsibility. And I know

443
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,760
Speaker 4: that that sounds dramatic, and it feels like it is

444
00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:10,560
Speaker 4: your responsibility in that moment. If somebody threatens suicide in

445
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:16,680
Speaker 4: your relationship, take them seriously and call an ambulance, like seriously,

446
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:20,119
Speaker 4: if anyone is going to threaten that, be like, okay, cool,

447
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:22,240
Speaker 4: thank you for sharing that with me. I am going

448
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:25,479
Speaker 4: to do everything I can to support you, because in

449
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:29,280
Speaker 4: these situations, people can sometimes use it, as they did

450
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:32,879
Speaker 4: for you money Dirist, as a manipulation tactic, because I

451
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:36,280
Speaker 4: can almost guarantee that that was never their intention, because

452
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:39,600
Speaker 4: they thought that would scare you, not force you into action.

453
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:43,240
Speaker 4: When he was doing things like threatening suicide. Were you

454
00:20:43,359 --> 00:20:46,160
Speaker 4: taking that seriously or did you kind of think, oh,

455
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:49,199
Speaker 4: this is him being manipulative, or like how were you

456
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,960
Speaker 4: seeing it in that moment, especially being so young.

457
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I believed him. One of the first times

458
00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:57,840
Speaker 1: that it really happened, you know, took him up to hospital,

459
00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:00,199
Speaker 1: went and got him like a mental health assessment, and

460
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:02,439
Speaker 1: then you know, tried to get some things in place,

461
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:05,639
Speaker 1: and then as it went on, he was unwell. And

462
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:07,080
Speaker 1: I do think there are times that he was a

463
00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:09,880
Speaker 1: genuine threat to himself. But again I say that, and

464
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:12,640
Speaker 1: it's also that was always timed very well. When I

465
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,320
Speaker 1: was doing something well, something in my life was going well,

466
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:17,000
Speaker 1: and that was often when this would happen. So whether

467
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:20,760
Speaker 1: or not that was pure manipulation, or if it was,

468
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:26,040
Speaker 1: you know, he genuinely was like that and you know,

469
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:29,320
Speaker 1: very jealous or couldn't cope with somebody else having any

470
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:32,159
Speaker 1: kind of life success, like, I don't know. Towards the

471
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:35,480
Speaker 1: end it was much more I guess, clinical, whereas earlier

472
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:38,400
Speaker 1: on it was just absolute fear that the person I

473
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:39,600
Speaker 1: loved was going to die.

474
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:44,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, absolutely, and like that unfortunately was the intention. Oh yeah,

475
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:46,280
Speaker 4: that's exactly what he was trying to do to keep

476
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:49,240
Speaker 4: you around. And it's so sad, and I don't want

477
00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:52,480
Speaker 4: people thinking that. You know, Victoria doesn't take that seriously,

478
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:56,679
Speaker 4: I absolutely do. But I've also deeply studied narcissists, and

479
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,439
Speaker 4: that's what they do. Like they want you in a

480
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:01,720
Speaker 4: position where you don't feel like you can leave because

481
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,840
Speaker 4: they're suddenly feeling like you're losing control or they're losing

482
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:07,399
Speaker 4: control of the circumstance. And to gain back control, they

483
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,520
Speaker 4: need to gain back power over you, and to gain

484
00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:13,760
Speaker 4: that power, they threaten their lives and it's so messed

485
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:16,119
Speaker 4: up because mental health is something that we need to

486
00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:18,960
Speaker 4: take so seriously. But I think that a lot of

487
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,480
Speaker 4: the time they don't think you're going to take this seriously.

488
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:24,040
Speaker 4: They think you're going to be scared and not do

489
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,280
Speaker 4: anything and go, oh my god, please don't do that.

490
00:22:26,359 --> 00:22:29,280
Speaker 4: I love you, It's all good, don't worry. But the

491
00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:32,119
Speaker 4: reality is the way we need to be responding to

492
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:34,600
Speaker 4: that in an ideal world is doing exactly what you

493
00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:36,600
Speaker 4: were doing towards the end. Right, get in the car,

494
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:37,640
Speaker 4: We're going to hospital.

495
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:39,960
Speaker 1: And I think too, like the one big thing as well,

496
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:42,479
Speaker 1: is like, it's not your fault their mental health and

497
00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:45,439
Speaker 1: their behavior, especially like in cases like this, it's not

498
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:48,200
Speaker 1: actually on you, like it's on them. It's their behavior

499
00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:49,720
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, Like it wasn't my

500
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:52,520
Speaker 1: fault for doing well in UNI or in life, you know,

501
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,720
Speaker 1: to make him feel that way, it's not on me.

502
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,440
Speaker 1: And I think that took a long time to actually accept.

503
00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:00,679
Speaker 4: So talk to me, you God, through all of this,

504
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:04,479
Speaker 4: you still hadn't left. How did you ultimately end up leaving?

505
00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:06,720
Speaker 1: So I finished my degree, I moved to the city,

506
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:12,200
Speaker 1: and he didn't get a job. So I applied for

507
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,439
Speaker 1: every job I remember coming home one day after training

508
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:17,480
Speaker 1: for my job and I sat down and I applied

509
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,960
Speaker 1: for him for every single job on every job platform

510
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,280
Speaker 1: that you can think of, and sat there with him.

511
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:26,680
Speaker 1: I literally helped redo his resume, got everything up to date,

512
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:28,640
Speaker 1: and basically sat there and was like, is this something

513
00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:30,920
Speaker 1: you're interested is this something you're interested in? And went

514
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:33,280
Speaker 1: through and applied for absolutely everything. He said maybe too.

515
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,960
Speaker 1: After that he got a job and then started his training,

516
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:39,560
Speaker 1: and I think at this point in time, so this

517
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:44,119
Speaker 1: was we have been married for two and a bit years.

518
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,480
Speaker 1: At this point in time, it kind of got to

519
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:48,080
Speaker 1: this point where I started to know is obviously I'm

520
00:23:48,119 --> 00:23:50,840
Speaker 1: earning post degree money, so it's a bit more money,

521
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:52,960
Speaker 1: and I was just seeing how much of it was

522
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:55,840
Speaker 1: kind of going to him. At this point in time,

523
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:59,520
Speaker 1: I found like another financial planner, Australian financial planner, who's

524
00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:01,320
Speaker 1: you know, used to really this still I'm pretty sure

525
00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:03,800
Speaker 1: all over like YouTube and stuff at the time.

526
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:07,280
Speaker 4: Is that Canna, Yes, yeah, yeah, I love Canna, Yeah yeah.

527
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:11,280
Speaker 4: I was like YouTube YouTube that time, Canna yeah yeah.

528
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:15,040
Speaker 1: And honestly I learned so much from her about the

529
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:18,439
Speaker 1: importance of, you know, having an emergency fund and you know,

530
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:21,200
Speaker 1: having this extra money and getting yourself out of debt,

531
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 1: it really set a good foundation for me. And that

532
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:26,800
Speaker 1: kind of opened my eyes toir what my financial situation was,

533
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:29,280
Speaker 1: because keep in mind, at this point in time, I

534
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,880
Speaker 1: think quit well over thirty thousand dollars in debt. At

535
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:32,440
Speaker 1: that point in.

536
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:35,560
Speaker 4: Time, Yeah, you would have felt so stuck, like so stuck.

537
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:38,680
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, it was terrible. It was so bad.

538
00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:41,240
Speaker 1: And I remember him being so angry at me because

539
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:42,760
Speaker 1: I said, look, this is how much money we can

540
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:44,960
Speaker 1: work with to have fun money each and I remember

541
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,159
Speaker 1: him being so angry and being like, what do you

542
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:49,000
Speaker 1: mean that's no money to spend it on? Blah blah blah.

543
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:50,800
Speaker 1: This is that's all the stuff I want to do,

544
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:52,359
Speaker 1: but that's no money. And I remember being like, we

545
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:54,280
Speaker 1: don't have any more money, Like this is stretching it

546
00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:55,120
Speaker 1: as thin as we can.

547
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:56,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly where is that coming from?

548
00:24:56,960 --> 00:25:00,679
Speaker 1: We're in debt, Yeah, so much debt. And look, so

549
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:02,560
Speaker 1: I was in my first year of working, like I

550
00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:05,040
Speaker 1: was doing well, I'd started my first full time job,

551
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:08,439
Speaker 1: and I think he really really struggled with that. He

552
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:10,879
Speaker 1: just couldn't accept it. And I started to see more

553
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:14,119
Speaker 1: and more like fights were even more constant. That manipulation

554
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:17,479
Speaker 1: and lack of affection again was still so apparent. It

555
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:20,120
Speaker 1: was every day. I remember riding in my calendar an

556
00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:22,720
Speaker 1: ex for every day that we didn't have an argument. No,

557
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:25,239
Speaker 1: there were some months with like no days, and I

558
00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:26,960
Speaker 1: was like being like, oh, well, if it gets better,

559
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:28,199
Speaker 1: then we'll try and work on it, or if it

560
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:31,639
Speaker 1: stays like this, then I'll leave. So again, constant goal setting.

561
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:35,240
Speaker 1: It got to this point where I was like I

562
00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:37,600
Speaker 1: was taking on a lot of that financial responsibility, and

563
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:39,240
Speaker 1: I was like, I actually want some of this money

564
00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:40,480
Speaker 1: that I have earned for myself.

565
00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:43,239
Speaker 4: Yeah, of course, and like you deserve that, but you

566
00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:46,160
Speaker 4: probably were being talked out of the fact that you did,

567
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:48,320
Speaker 4: because remember, we should be sharing money.

568
00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:50,639
Speaker 1: Did start a business. I was a pet and I

569
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:52,679
Speaker 1: remember saying something about what I now know is a

570
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:54,760
Speaker 1: binding financial agreement. So what I now know is a BFA.

571
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:57,440
Speaker 1: I had literally been like, oh, if my business starts

572
00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:58,760
Speaker 1: to kind of take off, I want to kind of

573
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,920
Speaker 1: put this into place. And I remember him blowing up

574
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:04,080
Speaker 1: at me because we're married and I should you know,

575
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:05,679
Speaker 1: be in toime to that, Rara, And it's not like,

576
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:07,760
Speaker 1: you know, we're going to break up, and it was

577
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:09,200
Speaker 1: so over the top.

578
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:11,959
Speaker 4: Oh, no, we are. We are absolutely going to break up.

579
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:12,840
Speaker 1: Oh honey.

580
00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:15,720
Speaker 4: The reason you're being defensive is you're so worried I'm

581
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:18,280
Speaker 4: going to break up with you because I'm now successful

582
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:19,840
Speaker 4: and you're not going to be able to get a

583
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:22,359
Speaker 4: part of that. Because anyone with their right mind on

584
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:25,760
Speaker 4: that genuinely doesn't relieve they're going to break up. They're like, yeah,

585
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,080
Speaker 4: i'll sign your dumb BFA. We don't need it, but

586
00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:29,920
Speaker 4: sure like no one else cares.

587
00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:32,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. If I said that to my partner right now,

588
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:33,600
Speaker 1: he'd be like, cool, let's get it done.

589
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:36,399
Speaker 4: That's literally what my husband did. When I was like, hey, cool,

590
00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:38,439
Speaker 4: so we're going to move in together and I have

591
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:40,600
Speaker 4: a business. He was like, yeah, right, whatever, where do

592
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:42,280
Speaker 4: you want me to sign? And I remember being like

593
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:45,639
Speaker 4: green flag, Yeah, it is a right. I was like,

594
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:48,920
Speaker 4: this is actually very sexy. So you're saying you don't

595
00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:51,600
Speaker 4: even care that much about the binding financial agreement because

596
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:53,639
Speaker 4: you just don't think we're going to need it. That

597
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,920
Speaker 4: is very hot, It is, right, Yeah, like the things

598
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,880
Speaker 4: we find sexy. Now we're a little bit older, we're like, oh, yeah,

599
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:05,600
Speaker 4: so you unloaded the dish without being asked. Wild, Yeah,

600
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:05,919
Speaker 4: it is.

601
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:09,040
Speaker 1: It's crazy, isn't it. I'd never got the BFA into place.

602
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:13,560
Speaker 1: But then we did eventually like split finances, and as

603
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,680
Speaker 1: soon as we split finances, I was able to save

604
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:17,840
Speaker 1: and I started putting aside more and more money, and

605
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:20,280
Speaker 1: I started to build up my emergency fund, which was great.

606
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:23,840
Speaker 1: And also at this point in time, we decided to

607
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:25,760
Speaker 1: consolidate our debt because there was a lot of it.

608
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:27,760
Speaker 4: And I mean, that's not a terrible idea in the

609
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:30,439
Speaker 4: grand scheme of things, like because you probably were dropping

610
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:33,400
Speaker 4: your interest right and like just getting everything in order right.

611
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:35,920
Speaker 1: Yes, And honestly, if I hadn't been listening to Canna,

612
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:39,840
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have ever known how high my interest rate was.

613
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:43,159
Speaker 1: It was ridiculous. I wouldn't be able to tell you

614
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:45,360
Speaker 1: what it is now, because keep in mind we'd already consolidated.

615
00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:47,360
Speaker 1: I think it was once or twice at this point

616
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:50,320
Speaker 1: in time, so we had two loans. I want to say,

617
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:52,359
Speaker 1: because then I remember looking at it going, oh my gosh,

618
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:54,000
Speaker 1: we can get it. It was something like a nine percent

619
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,200
Speaker 1: interest rate with ing or an eight percent with ing,

620
00:27:56,960 --> 00:27:59,920
Speaker 1: but they only did at the time single person loan.

621
00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:02,199
Speaker 4: Yeah, so I had to go into one person's name

622
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:05,159
Speaker 4: and it was yours, wasn't it. Yeah, sure, tell me

623
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:06,800
Speaker 4: what happened once it was all in your.

624
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:10,119
Speaker 1: Name, so all in my name signed to pay things off.

625
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:11,760
Speaker 1: It was going well. I was able to put a

626
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:13,560
Speaker 1: side more money, I was getting a lot more educated,

627
00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:15,439
Speaker 1: which was great. And that was when I was like,

628
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:17,560
Speaker 1: I can't do this shit anymore. And I was like,

629
00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:21,040
Speaker 1: I'm done. And so I ended up having the conversation.

630
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:23,440
Speaker 1: I said, cool, let's end this. It was a process

631
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:25,439
Speaker 1: and it ended up being one that we double backed on.

632
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:27,679
Speaker 1: I said, okay, fine, let's try it again. That happened

633
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:29,560
Speaker 1: twice within this a three month period, and it got

634
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:30,919
Speaker 1: to this one point I said no, okay. I was like,

635
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:32,480
Speaker 1: we're done. This isn't good for either of us, and

636
00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:34,800
Speaker 1: then we broke up. So we lived together for a

637
00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:37,800
Speaker 1: few weeks before finding our own places. It was uncomfortable,

638
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:40,560
Speaker 1: it was awkward, of course, it was oh yeah, it's

639
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:43,280
Speaker 1: so rough, like it was just it's not nice. And

640
00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:44,440
Speaker 1: I think at this point this is when it was

641
00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:47,200
Speaker 1: really easy that when he you know, again, threatened self

642
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:49,000
Speaker 1: harm and I remember just like being like cool, I'd

643
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:51,160
Speaker 1: finished work for the day and I was like great,

644
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:52,719
Speaker 1: just got home and I said, cool, get in the car.

645
00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:54,560
Speaker 1: We're going straight to the hospital, and again took him

646
00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:57,280
Speaker 1: straight up to the hospital, went there, sat and then

647
00:28:57,400 --> 00:28:59,840
Speaker 1: waited him to be seeing SESS, got a plan in place,

648
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:03,000
Speaker 1: and then back home for it all the whole cycle

649
00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:04,520
Speaker 1: to play out again. But that was all right. I

650
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:07,080
Speaker 1: think it was just that, you know, getting it done

651
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:09,400
Speaker 1: and just being like I'm not tolerating anymore, like this

652
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:10,960
Speaker 1: just needs to happen, because I think that point, I

653
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:13,240
Speaker 1: finally had this money and I could finally see that

654
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:15,360
Speaker 1: there was an end goal and I could get out

655
00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:17,440
Speaker 1: of this. There was a light, Yeah, there was there

656
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:20,000
Speaker 1: was any Look, it shouldn't have taken so long, but

657
00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:21,600
Speaker 1: I was like twenty three and I was like, I

658
00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:22,240
Speaker 1: can get out of.

659
00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:25,000
Speaker 4: This eye one hundred percent. And this is what frustrates

660
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:28,120
Speaker 4: me so much, and like, I'm glad that your situation wasn't,

661
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:32,280
Speaker 4: you know, as dire as some women's, but like people

662
00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:35,040
Speaker 4: who say, why didn't you leave earlier? Like get in

663
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:38,880
Speaker 4: the actual bin? How how was I meant to leave earlier?

664
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:42,040
Speaker 4: And even if I could have left earlier. It's like,

665
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:44,040
Speaker 4: you know how you said before, you know, we tried

666
00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:46,640
Speaker 4: it a few times before we did it, Like we

667
00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:49,880
Speaker 4: didn't get married with the intention of getting a divorce.

668
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:53,760
Speaker 4: Like there's always that like small little thread of hope

669
00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:56,720
Speaker 4: that maybe we could fix this, Like I did fall

670
00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:58,640
Speaker 4: in love with this person for a reason. I do

671
00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:01,200
Speaker 4: genuinely in in my heart of hearts, I wanted this

672
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:03,200
Speaker 4: to work out. And I think that you have that

673
00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:08,040
Speaker 4: little glimmer of optimism, especially when you're not a narcissist.

674
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:10,280
Speaker 4: You're like, oh, like, you know, I believe in the

675
00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:12,880
Speaker 4: best in people, and I really think that they could

676
00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:15,480
Speaker 4: get through this. But on the flip side, they're like,

677
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:18,959
Speaker 4: I reckon, I could manipulator again, Like it's just the

678
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 4: most cooked situation.

679
00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:23,600
Speaker 1: Literally, and they're very well versed at it. And I think, yeah,

680
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:25,120
Speaker 1: you are. When people say, you know, why don't they

681
00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 1: leave sooner? Or you know, he did that once, so

682
00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:29,760
Speaker 1: you know surely he's going to do it again, Like

683
00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:31,520
Speaker 1: you don't know that at the time, and you've always

684
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:33,840
Speaker 1: got this constant hope that you know, oh, he's going

685
00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:35,960
Speaker 1: to get better. It's just his mental health, like he's

686
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,360
Speaker 1: going to be okay, We're going to be okay, and no,

687
00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:40,760
Speaker 1: like like I'm going to be okay. Now, I'm like,

688
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:43,720
Speaker 1: I'm going to be okay. But at the time I

689
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 1: was in his trap, and I think that's what happens

690
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:49,000
Speaker 1: to so many people, and unfortunately like women in particular.

691
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:52,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly, all right, let's go to a really quick break.

692
00:30:56,040 --> 00:30:59,160
Speaker 4: All right, we are back and you're doing this, you're

693
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:03,520
Speaker 4: living together. It's not very comfortable. What happens next.

694
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:07,280
Speaker 1: So moving out and he doesn't have any money, so

695
00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:09,760
Speaker 1: I lent him. I think it was like a thousand

696
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:13,360
Speaker 1: dollars something like that, fifteen hundred something like that. So

697
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 1: he's got that money, and then you know, I help

698
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:19,080
Speaker 1: him move whatever, and then my life starts going on

699
00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:20,920
Speaker 1: a really nice, good, positive trajectory.

700
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 4: As it should, Yes, as it should.

701
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:26,479
Speaker 1: I didn't know how bad it all was. Still at

702
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:29,120
Speaker 1: this point in time, I hadn't really seen all the light,

703
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:32,760
Speaker 1: and so we were still talking, still friendly. I finished

704
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:36,120
Speaker 1: a qualified for work, and I moved out regional and

705
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:38,600
Speaker 1: at one point he came back to visit, and I

706
00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:40,440
Speaker 1: remember when he did this trip. He was also doing

707
00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:44,040
Speaker 1: like a big trip around the state, and he asked

708
00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:45,920
Speaker 1: to borrow more money, and I lent him again. I'm

709
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:47,680
Speaker 1: going to say it was about a grand again, So

710
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:50,520
Speaker 1: I lent him money that time. But this is kind

711
00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:52,800
Speaker 1: of I guess where for me my financial story starts

712
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:54,960
Speaker 1: to go on out, which is when I moved to

713
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:57,440
Speaker 1: the country. I've obviously got this one loan and I

714
00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:59,520
Speaker 1: had said to him, look, I'm gonna keep paying it.

715
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:01,800
Speaker 1: You keep paying me the money, I'll keep paying the loan.

716
00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 1: So he did, so that was okay, and it got

717
00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:05,920
Speaker 1: to a point where I was earning really good money

718
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:07,840
Speaker 1: because in my job, I was getting like really good

719
00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:11,000
Speaker 1: penalty rates and I was on call. So within three

720
00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 1: months of being regional, and at this point that was

721
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:17,640
Speaker 1: I'm going to say six months after I left him,

722
00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:20,920
Speaker 1: I had paid off the debt. So at this point

723
00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:24,080
Speaker 1: it had been able to be narrowed down. That had

724
00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:26,560
Speaker 1: been seventeen or something seventeen or eighteen thousand when we

725
00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:28,320
Speaker 1: first got the loan, and then at this point there

726
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:31,360
Speaker 1: was ten left. And literally I saved up the ten

727
00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:33,960
Speaker 1: grand and I was like, I'm just chucking it on

728
00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:35,680
Speaker 1: the loan. I was like, I don't want this loan anymore.

729
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:37,720
Speaker 1: And I saved up the ten grand and I chucked

730
00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:39,080
Speaker 1: it on the loan and then it was gone. And

731
00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:40,840
Speaker 1: I said to him, look, if you want to just

732
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:42,640
Speaker 1: keep paying me, I'm going to pay off the loan,

733
00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:44,479
Speaker 1: or you happy that He said, yeap, cool, that's fine.

734
00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:46,200
Speaker 1: I said, there's no need to pay interest, just keep

735
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 1: paying me what you owe me. At this point, I

736
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:51,320
Speaker 1: still owed my parents' money. So after I paid off

737
00:32:51,320 --> 00:32:54,600
Speaker 1: that loan, I paid off the Center Link loan, so

738
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 1: I had again all the repayments I had to pay back,

739
00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:00,480
Speaker 1: and then the startup loan because I had paid the

740
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:02,880
Speaker 1: repayments initially, and I left the startup loan for a

741
00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:04,480
Speaker 1: few months, and then I was like, why do I

742
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:05,800
Speaker 1: have this? Like, I was like, I don't need this.

743
00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:07,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, I've got to get rid of it. It doesn't

744
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:07,880
Speaker 4: feel good.

745
00:33:08,080 --> 00:33:10,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, it does it at all. And I got rid

746
00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:13,200
Speaker 1: of it, and then I paid my mom and dad

747
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:15,160
Speaker 1: back and it was the last thing I had to

748
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:16,560
Speaker 1: pay back, was my mum and dad.

749
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:17,880
Speaker 4: That would have felt so good.

750
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:21,400
Speaker 1: Oh, the weight off my shoulders. I felt like I

751
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:23,760
Speaker 1: could breathe again. And again he still owed me that money,

752
00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:27,000
Speaker 1: but he was paying it regularly, which was good. Fast forward,

753
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:28,880
Speaker 1: I come back to the city I'm working in the

754
00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:32,800
Speaker 1: city perhaps cop Sydney vntal prices, which is just heartbreaking

755
00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:36,480
Speaker 1: to anyone. And he was still paying me money, which

756
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:39,640
Speaker 1: was good. And then go to about two years ago

757
00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:41,960
Speaker 1: and because again he still owed me a bit more

758
00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:42,440
Speaker 1: money and.

759
00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:45,000
Speaker 4: I still at that point still.

760
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,480
Speaker 1: Still still yeah yeah. Years later and he was just

761
00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:49,920
Speaker 1: paying like a small amount every week when he got paid.

762
00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:52,000
Speaker 1: And I actually remember at one point calling him, and

763
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:53,960
Speaker 1: it was during COVID and I was calling him to

764
00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:56,240
Speaker 1: be like I was going to say, hey, like, do

765
00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:58,120
Speaker 1: you think we can increase how much of paying me?

766
00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:00,560
Speaker 1: And he actually was like, hey, I wanted to talk.

767
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:02,560
Speaker 1: She as well, I'm glad we're talking. I was actually

768
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:04,400
Speaker 1: going to ask you if we could decrease how much

769
00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:07,360
Speaker 1: I'm paying you. Blah blah blah. So I ended up

770
00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:08,120
Speaker 1: saying yes.

771
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:10,760
Speaker 4: Oh, you are just a very kind human.

772
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:12,839
Speaker 1: But look yeah, so no, I ended up saying yeah

773
00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:14,839
Speaker 1: or whatever. Anyways, a few months later, he calls me says, hey,

774
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:16,440
Speaker 1: I can go back to paying you the amount that

775
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:20,040
Speaker 1: I was before. I was like great, but I remember saying, look,

776
00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:22,400
Speaker 1: actually my partner and I are looking at buying a house.

777
00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:25,560
Speaker 1: And he goes, oh, it must be nice, right, I

778
00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:28,400
Speaker 1: just c winish at me. I was like, so, I

779
00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:30,600
Speaker 1: am working in healthcare and COVID you take a seat,

780
00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:32,960
Speaker 1: all right, you take a damn seat. I was like,

781
00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:34,120
Speaker 1: not having it.

782
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:37,000
Speaker 4: Sit down, just you know what, sit in the back right.

783
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:39,839
Speaker 1: So he's still paying back. Still, that manipulation didn't stop

784
00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:42,440
Speaker 1: even when I'm in a new relationship. It was text

785
00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 1: messages threatening suicide, contacting my family. At one point sent

786
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:50,600
Speaker 1: a suicide note to my family jeez as if like

787
00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:52,719
Speaker 1: I had blocked his details, so he sent it to

788
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:54,800
Speaker 1: one as so can consider it. My dad with PTSD,

789
00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:57,440
Speaker 1: sent it to him and then sent it to my sister,

790
00:34:57,600 --> 00:34:59,520
Speaker 1: who had like, you know, a young child a lot

791
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:00,000
Speaker 1: on her play.

792
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:03,440
Speaker 4: Absolutely not, how dare you? Did you call an ambulance

793
00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:05,120
Speaker 4: because that's exactly what I would have done.

794
00:35:05,239 --> 00:35:07,400
Speaker 1: My dad did. So I was asleep, I finished night shift,

795
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:10,160
Speaker 1: and I woke up to this message and I called

796
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:12,200
Speaker 1: him and he ended up saying, look, I'm okay, I've

797
00:35:12,239 --> 00:35:14,360
Speaker 1: called an ambulance and I've gone to hospital. And it

798
00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:16,279
Speaker 1: wasn't until a few days later when I spoke to

799
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:19,080
Speaker 1: my family and it turned out that he had messaged

800
00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:21,080
Speaker 1: my dad he'd message my sister and they were together

801
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:22,680
Speaker 1: at the time. My parents were visiting her.

802
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:25,439
Speaker 4: Oh I'm glad that they were, though, because that could

803
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:27,880
Speaker 4: have been incredibly isolating.

804
00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:30,239
Speaker 1: Oh so horrible. My dad ended up calling police and said,

805
00:35:30,239 --> 00:35:32,040
Speaker 1: I needed to go to a welfare check on this address.

806
00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:34,200
Speaker 4: One hundred percent that's exactly what you should have done.

807
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:36,320
Speaker 1: So again, lying again, it wasn't him who called an ambulance.

808
00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:37,960
Speaker 1: It was my dad that he didn't tell me he

809
00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:41,080
Speaker 1: had sent a message to as well. It didn't end there.

810
00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:43,719
Speaker 1: It still, you know, kept happening, and he's still an

811
00:35:43,719 --> 00:35:46,239
Speaker 1: eternal victim. Post of a year after that situation, I

812
00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:48,000
Speaker 1: just opened my bank account one day, and this point

813
00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:50,799
Speaker 1: there's like two grand left on the ig loan that

814
00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:53,279
Speaker 1: he owed me, and there was the say, two two

815
00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:55,920
Speaker 1: and a half thousand that I had lent him just afterwards,

816
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:57,520
Speaker 1: and it was just in my account. So I called

817
00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:59,360
Speaker 1: him and I was like, hey, what's the guy. I

818
00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:00,520
Speaker 1: was like, thank you so much. It's just you know,

819
00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:02,319
Speaker 1: like thanks for moving that money over. And he's yeah,

820
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:04,359
Speaker 1: you're welcome, and I was like, oh, so are you,

821
00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:05,960
Speaker 1: And he goes, what do you mean, and I said, well,

822
00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:08,040
Speaker 1: I would say thank you if I lent someone money

823
00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:10,160
Speaker 1: and you know I've been paying it back, and he goes,

824
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:12,200
Speaker 1: you didn't let me money, Rah rah rah, And I

825
00:36:12,239 --> 00:36:14,880
Speaker 1: remember him screaming at the phone, sorry what I know

826
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:17,880
Speaker 1: he lost it, and I just remember said it and

827
00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:19,759
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't need to hear this. And

828
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:21,560
Speaker 1: I just remember sitting there with the phone like held

829
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:24,560
Speaker 1: away from my face, hearing him scream, and I was like,

830
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:27,959
Speaker 1: this isn't my life anymore, and I'm so grateful. And

831
00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:31,920
Speaker 1: I just sat there and I was like, okay, all right,

832
00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:34,520
Speaker 1: well all the best. I'm going to go. I heart

833
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:36,319
Speaker 1: the phone and I sent a message to all my

834
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:39,080
Speaker 1: sisters and I said, hey, if he contacts you or

835
00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:40,759
Speaker 1: if he wants to spend time with you, don't tell

836
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:42,560
Speaker 1: me about it. I don't want to know. He's not

837
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:45,479
Speaker 1: a nice man. He is not a good person, and

838
00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:47,560
Speaker 1: I suggest you don't spend time with him. I'm not

839
00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:49,879
Speaker 1: going to tell you not to, but I don't think

840
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:52,000
Speaker 1: he's someone that should be around your families or your children.

841
00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:54,200
Speaker 4: You're a better person than me. I would have been like,

842
00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:56,680
Speaker 4: do not talk to this person like I would have

843
00:36:56,719 --> 00:36:59,400
Speaker 4: cut them. No, Nope, you're a better human than I'll ever.

844
00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:01,160
Speaker 1: Be no, don't so that not at all. I didn't

845
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:02,879
Speaker 1: ever want to put anyone in a position where they

846
00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:06,120
Speaker 1: felt controlled or felt like they were obliged to do something.

847
00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:08,360
Speaker 1: But I was like, I don't want this man in

848
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:10,000
Speaker 1: my life. I said, don't tell me. If he contacts you,

849
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,279
Speaker 1: don't tell him anything about me. And I blocked him

850
00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:14,560
Speaker 1: on everything except for his phone number. So that was that.

851
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:17,040
Speaker 1: After that, at that point, one of my best friends

852
00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:18,840
Speaker 1: was like, oh my gosh, you need to get that

853
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:21,000
Speaker 1: money back, blah blah blah. And then other one was like, girl,

854
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:22,320
Speaker 1: I think you're seeing it, and I was like, I

855
00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:23,680
Speaker 1: don't care. At that point, it's like two.

856
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:25,520
Speaker 4: And a half grand, yep, just wipe that off.

857
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 1: I'm done. I don't want that. And again, now I

858
00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:28,680
Speaker 1: can look at it. I'm never getting that money back

859
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:31,040
Speaker 1: from him, but I don't really care, Like the peace

860
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:33,400
Speaker 1: of mind I have now is so much more important.

861
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:34,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, one hundred percent.

862
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:38,680
Speaker 1: So look, that was the big foundational trauma side of

863
00:37:38,719 --> 00:37:39,560
Speaker 1: my money story.

864
00:37:39,719 --> 00:37:43,440
Speaker 4: That is heavy and hard, and I'm so grateful that

865
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:46,520
Speaker 4: you took the time to share it. But what on earth?

866
00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:49,120
Speaker 4: But now you're out the other side, right, like you've

867
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:51,680
Speaker 4: come out the other side. You mentioned a few times,

868
00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:54,239
Speaker 4: like you're working in healthcare. Tell me what do you

869
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:55,319
Speaker 4: wear and what is your job?

870
00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:55,640
Speaker 2: Now?

871
00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:59,359
Speaker 1: Yes, okay, so I am a paramedic and paramedic manager me.

872
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:01,920
Speaker 4: The whole time. Call a paramedic, col a paramedic and

873
00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:03,359
Speaker 4: you're like, yeah, that's me.

874
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:07,400
Speaker 1: Babe, s me hey, hi queen as we No. Literally

875
00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:09,759
Speaker 1: I remember one of those days when I finished work

876
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:11,560
Speaker 1: and I had taken a patient to that hospital. At

877
00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:13,239
Speaker 1: the end of the day, I went home and I

878
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:14,839
Speaker 1: took him straight back to the nurse that I had

879
00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:17,040
Speaker 1: handed over my patient too, and she was like, ah,

880
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:19,600
Speaker 1: and it's just that, like you know, even in the city,

881
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:21,440
Speaker 1: even in the city, it happens. You know, like you

882
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:24,080
Speaker 1: see those same people in your personal life that you

883
00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:26,440
Speaker 1: see in your work life, and it's just you know,

884
00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:27,560
Speaker 1: not just a small town thing.

885
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:30,279
Speaker 4: Yeah, one hundred percent. That would have been jarring for

886
00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:30,880
Speaker 4: both of you.

887
00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:33,120
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, I think the good thing at that point,

888
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:34,520
Speaker 1: like we were done at that point, so it was

889
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:36,000
Speaker 1: kind of I could be a little bit separate and

890
00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:38,920
Speaker 1: be like this is my friend, not this is my husband,

891
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:40,120
Speaker 1: which was good.

892
00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 4: No, that is so good.

893
00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:44,440
Speaker 1: So my base rate is one hundred and fifteen thousand.

894
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:47,239
Speaker 1: I rely heavily on penalties.

895
00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:49,000
Speaker 4: I was about to say, please tell me you get

896
00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:51,600
Speaker 4: a lot of penalties, because like one hundred and fifteen

897
00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:54,680
Speaker 4: thousand like good salary, but not enough for what you do.

898
00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:57,360
Speaker 1: No, it's a big win. It's gone up in the

899
00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:59,840
Speaker 1: last couple of years, but I think it doesn't equate

900
00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:02,040
Speaker 1: to what we do. But that's okay. I'm not ungrateful.

901
00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:04,680
Speaker 1: I am really happy. And a massive benefit being that

902
00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:08,400
Speaker 1: we get lots of really good penalties with that. So

903
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:11,680
Speaker 1: unfortunately it's very rare that we actually get our breaks,

904
00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:14,360
Speaker 1: but we do get paid a penalty for every break

905
00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:14,879
Speaker 1: that we miss.

906
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:15,479
Speaker 4: Yeah. Good.

907
00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:17,960
Speaker 1: We also get paid overtime, so the second that you

908
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:20,839
Speaker 1: go into overtime, like you're one minute in, you get

909
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:24,960
Speaker 1: paid overtime. So last year with penalties, I earned one

910
00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:28,279
Speaker 1: hundred and thirty one thousand. At the moment, I am

911
00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:31,080
Speaker 1: on track to earn one hundred and fifty nine thousand.

912
00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:33,880
Speaker 4: Oh my god. That means you're doing so much extra work.

913
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:36,520
Speaker 1: Yes i am. I also have stepped into a new

914
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:38,640
Speaker 1: role in the last year, which does pay a lot

915
00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:40,920
Speaker 1: more the base rate for that one Off the top

916
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 1: of my head is one hundred and twenty three thousand,

917
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:46,560
Speaker 1: so I am earning more at the moment than what

918
00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:49,000
Speaker 1: I normally do. Again, with that as well, we still

919
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:51,439
Speaker 1: earn the same penalty. So if you miss a meal,

920
00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:54,359
Speaker 1: if you finish late, if you you know, get a

921
00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:56,880
Speaker 1: call out, that kind of thing, you do get penalties

922
00:39:56,880 --> 00:39:57,160
Speaker 1: as well.

923
00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:58,960
Speaker 4: I think this is so important. But how are you

924
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:03,000
Speaker 4: as a paramedic look after yourself in these situations? Because, like,

925
00:40:03,239 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 4: as you said, you worked through COVID and now we're

926
00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:08,840
Speaker 4: learning you're a paramedic, Like that would have been a lot.

927
00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:12,080
Speaker 4: But then also you're not just dealing with you know,

928
00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:16,000
Speaker 4: Johnny fell off the trampoline every single time, you're dealing

929
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:18,359
Speaker 4: with so much mental health, you're dealing with, you know,

930
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:22,080
Speaker 4: arguably so much trauma. How are you looking after yourself?

931
00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:23,920
Speaker 4: So this is a sustainable career.

932
00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:25,239
Speaker 1: Like it's a lot, it really is. And COVID was

933
00:40:25,239 --> 00:40:26,880
Speaker 1: a lot, and it was horrible, and I saw a

934
00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:30,799
Speaker 1: lot of wonderful paramedics burn out so fast. And I

935
00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:33,359
Speaker 1: have friends of mine that have been in the job,

936
00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:36,279
Speaker 1: like they left after less than two years because it

937
00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:40,200
Speaker 1: broke them. So I've always been very passionate about taking

938
00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:42,160
Speaker 1: care of my mental health. My dad was a firefighter

939
00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:44,520
Speaker 1: and he had PTSD and so he was a really

940
00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:48,200
Speaker 1: really good role model for me. So I luckily my

941
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:52,600
Speaker 1: workplace pays for psychology, which is great. They supply psychologists,

942
00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:55,640
Speaker 1: but I do also I have a private psychologist, so

943
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:59,080
Speaker 1: I see her regularly. She's lovely, She's a gem. And

944
00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:01,640
Speaker 1: that's just for that matindents and I honestly anyone who's

945
00:41:01,640 --> 00:41:03,640
Speaker 1: ever like there's so much stigma still, which just breaks

946
00:41:03,640 --> 00:41:06,040
Speaker 1: my heart. But like, just go talk to someone. It's

947
00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:08,279
Speaker 1: the best thing. Like they can give you such a

948
00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:12,799
Speaker 1: good perspective, they can help you through so much. So psychology,

949
00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:14,920
Speaker 1: I exercise regularly. I try to eat as best as

950
00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:17,040
Speaker 1: I can, and just you know, catch it with friends

951
00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:19,600
Speaker 1: and actually taking that time to debrief and take care

952
00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:21,560
Speaker 1: of myself and doing those recharging things, you know, spend

953
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:24,520
Speaker 1: time with people I love, do things that I enjoy.

954
00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:27,040
Speaker 4: No, I love that. I love that. And it sounds

955
00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:29,960
Speaker 4: like you're in a new relationship from the way that

956
00:41:30,040 --> 00:41:32,920
Speaker 4: you're talking. Talk to me about what life looks like

957
00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:35,560
Speaker 4: right now, and do you have any big money goals

958
00:41:35,560 --> 00:41:36,640
Speaker 4: that you're working towards.

959
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:37,960
Speaker 1: Oh, yes, life's good.

960
00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:41,000
Speaker 4: Hey, like life is so cross it sounds it now.

961
00:41:41,239 --> 00:41:43,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, honestly, so, I have been with my lovely partner

962
00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:46,160
Speaker 1: and I have been together. We got together when I

963
00:41:46,239 --> 00:41:49,440
Speaker 1: was separated. So in Australia, obviously you have to be

964
00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:53,719
Speaker 1: twelve months separated to then get divorced. I'm going to

965
00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:58,200
Speaker 1: say it was eight months. Eight months after separating was

966
00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:00,759
Speaker 1: when my partner and I got together, and we have

967
00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:04,120
Speaker 1: now been together for almost five years now. He's the

968
00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:07,839
Speaker 1: best person, genuinely the best person. He's so great and yeah,

969
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:10,080
Speaker 1: so it tours a big money goal. So he and

970
00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:13,320
Speaker 1: I just bought our first apartment together.

971
00:42:13,480 --> 00:42:15,799
Speaker 4: Oh, congratulate, I'm exciting.

972
00:42:16,080 --> 00:42:17,880
Speaker 1: Thank you through Zella Money.

973
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:19,880
Speaker 4: Actually, are you actually one of my clients?

974
00:42:19,960 --> 00:42:22,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, genuinely. Yeah. Oh I love this and.

975
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:24,080
Speaker 4: I'm so disappointed I didn't know that earlier.

976
00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:28,000
Speaker 1: Well, look, you can't really keep track of every single client,

977
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:29,719
Speaker 1: Like I feel like that's a lot for one gal.

978
00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:32,200
Speaker 4: I feel like it feels so nasty, like people are

979
00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:34,400
Speaker 4: going to listen and go, how did Victoria not know

980
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:37,960
Speaker 4: that you were a client? Like that's so bad? Like, thankfully,

981
00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:41,040
Speaker 4: a lot of things don't reach me unless there's an issue,

982
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:43,640
Speaker 4: and if there's an issue I know, but like, I

983
00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:47,319
Speaker 4: have six full time mortgage brokers with like literally over

984
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:49,560
Speaker 4: the year, thousands of clients. I wish I knew them

985
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:52,120
Speaker 4: all personally, but I just I don't get that privilege.

986
00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:54,239
Speaker 4: So I'm hoping that the team has looked after you

987
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:56,640
Speaker 4: in the best possible way that I've taught them. And

988
00:42:56,800 --> 00:42:59,120
Speaker 4: that's a positive ZEALA money story.

989
00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:00,600
Speaker 1: Oh it is so lovely.

990
00:43:00,719 --> 00:43:02,840
Speaker 4: I'm so proud of them. And the idea that you

991
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:05,759
Speaker 4: got to settle on your first home that is so exciting.

992
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:08,520
Speaker 1: Oh it's And honestly, we had this guy that a

993
00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:10,440
Speaker 1: few years ago, my partner and I were looking at buying.

994
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:13,200
Speaker 1: We saw this guy. He was great whatever it came

995
00:43:13,239 --> 00:43:15,560
Speaker 1: to this time round, and we were like asking him

996
00:43:15,600 --> 00:43:17,359
Speaker 1: questions to seems and he was very much at start,

997
00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:18,640
Speaker 1: it was like, great, let's get you into this home

998
00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:20,360
Speaker 1: because it's been a very long journey to get to

999
00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:22,799
Speaker 1: hear he was then like it got to this point

1000
00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:24,120
Speaker 1: where we were asked he was trying to figure out

1001
00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:25,920
Speaker 1: we both owned good money, we both had deposits. Do

1002
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:28,720
Speaker 1: we buy a property separately each, do we both buy investments?

1003
00:43:28,760 --> 00:43:30,600
Speaker 1: Do we buy one live in? Do we buy one

1004
00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:32,680
Speaker 1: investment do we do them together? What do we do?

1005
00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:35,560
Speaker 1: When I was asking him questions and I asked about Terran,

1006
00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:39,080
Speaker 1: this was the last straw. I said, Look, what would

1007
00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:40,680
Speaker 1: our interest rate be looking like if we did one

1008
00:43:40,719 --> 00:43:44,040
Speaker 1: on occupied one investment property together? And he goes, depends

1009
00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:46,280
Speaker 1: on how many times you change your mind this week?

1010
00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:47,160
Speaker 4: Excuse me.

1011
00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:49,000
Speaker 1: I was ropeable.

1012
00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:51,280
Speaker 4: I would have just been like, okay, cool, no worries

1013
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:53,520
Speaker 4: by Hey, you know what, I'm not gonna lie. I'm

1014
00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:55,959
Speaker 4: really glad that happened because I wouldn't have got you

1015
00:43:56,080 --> 00:43:59,640
Speaker 4: as a client if he had maintained his relationship properly.

1016
00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:01,879
Speaker 1: I know, I literally, I'm like, he is not going

1017
00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:05,040
Speaker 1: to get this ongoing commission for thirty years. He is

1018
00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:07,239
Speaker 1: not going to get this, you know, first payment. I

1019
00:44:07,280 --> 00:44:09,640
Speaker 1: was account and because she said him, I said, look,

1020
00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:11,680
Speaker 1: we would like to work with you, but we want

1021
00:44:11,680 --> 00:44:13,719
Speaker 1: someone who is aligned to our goals and can support us.

1022
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:15,960
Speaker 1: I understand you do this every day for us. This

1023
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:18,319
Speaker 1: is the first time purchasing property. If you don't think

1024
00:44:18,320 --> 00:44:20,560
Speaker 1: you can help us with this, then please tell me.

1025
00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:22,920
Speaker 1: And then he just sent through what he thought the

1026
00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:25,239
Speaker 1: interest rate would be, didn't acknowledge anything I said, and

1027
00:44:25,239 --> 00:44:26,040
Speaker 1: I was like, nah.

1028
00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:28,480
Speaker 4: Goodbye, absolutely not. You should never feel like that with

1029
00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:31,520
Speaker 4: a financial broker at all. Like at the end of

1030
00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:34,080
Speaker 4: the day, Like I know one thing for sure, and

1031
00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:37,000
Speaker 4: that's my girls will go above and beyond for our clients.

1032
00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:40,160
Speaker 4: Like you change your mind every single day, Like that's fine,

1033
00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:42,759
Speaker 4: that's fine, We'll map it out. Like we want you

1034
00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:45,600
Speaker 4: to be so secure with the financial decision you're making.

1035
00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:48,480
Speaker 4: You've literally never taken on more debt in your life,

1036
00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:50,759
Speaker 4: Like this is one of the biggest, if not the

1037
00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:53,200
Speaker 4: biggest financial decision you'll ever make, and it is a

1038
00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:56,080
Speaker 4: privilege that we get to hold your hand through that process.

1039
00:44:56,239 --> 00:44:58,799
Speaker 4: You're allowed to change your mind a million times over.

1040
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:00,840
Speaker 4: Like you want me to map out you want to

1041
00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:04,640
Speaker 4: know what's seven fifty eight hundred eight twenty five, six hundred.

1042
00:45:04,680 --> 00:45:06,600
Speaker 4: I don't care what it looks like. I will give

1043
00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:09,200
Speaker 4: you a scenario and map it out so that you

1044
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:12,080
Speaker 4: go I feel so confident, I'm so ready, Like that's

1045
00:45:12,120 --> 00:45:12,919
Speaker 4: what we want to hear.

1046
00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:15,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, And honestly I said to her when we had

1047
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:16,839
Speaker 1: a first appointment, said, look, we've just had a really

1048
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:19,400
Speaker 1: bad experience. As I just want to clarify this is

1049
00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:21,480
Speaker 1: our goal. This is what we're thinking. We've talked it

1050
00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:24,040
Speaker 1: through with the accountant. This is where we're at. Is

1051
00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:26,680
Speaker 1: this thing you can help us with? And she was like, yes, absolutely,

1052
00:45:26,719 --> 00:45:28,200
Speaker 1: and I was okay. I was like, we kind of

1053
00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:30,080
Speaker 1: want to, you know, we're working towards investments blah blahlah,

1054
00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:32,280
Speaker 1: because our goal is ultimately we want a house. Obviously

1055
00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:34,120
Speaker 1: Sydney's not very attainable for a house, which is why

1056
00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:37,279
Speaker 1: we're starting with an affordable mortgage for us, and we're

1057
00:45:37,280 --> 00:45:39,839
Speaker 1: going to buy an investment property and so talking about

1058
00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:41,480
Speaker 1: that and I was like, okay, what can we do?

1059
00:45:41,480 --> 00:45:43,360
Speaker 1: And she was like, cool, we could do regular valuations.

1060
00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:45,440
Speaker 1: How about I do six monthly check ins. We'll do

1061
00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:47,440
Speaker 1: this this This set up a punch. She was so

1062
00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:50,399
Speaker 1: lovely and I just felt so instantly at ease and

1063
00:45:50,840 --> 00:45:52,920
Speaker 1: just so good. Honestly, she's so so kind.

1064
00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:55,240
Speaker 4: I am glad, I am very proud of my team.

1065
00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:57,520
Speaker 4: So talk to me. Now, you've got a mortgage. How

1066
00:45:57,560 --> 00:45:58,080
Speaker 4: much is that?

1067
00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:03,239
Speaker 1: Yes? Alrighty, So our mortgage is five hundred and twenty

1068
00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:05,760
Speaker 1: six thousand and seven, one hundred and seventy four dollars

1069
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:06,520
Speaker 1: at the moment.

1070
00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:10,120
Speaker 4: Exciting, and how much did you purchase for six sixty. Oh,

1071
00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:12,320
Speaker 4: how good's that? So you had a pretty good deposit.

1072
00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:15,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, so a deposit, pretty sizable. We've done quite well.

1073
00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:20,400
Speaker 1: So we both had our deposits, we'd saved up. And

1074
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:24,359
Speaker 1: then my partner's parents, when his grandparents all unfortunately passed away,

1075
00:46:24,880 --> 00:46:26,799
Speaker 1: his family came into quite a bit of money, and

1076
00:46:26,840 --> 00:46:28,719
Speaker 1: so his mum and dad made the decision that each

1077
00:46:28,719 --> 00:46:30,719
Speaker 1: of the children would get one hundred thousand dollars to

1078
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:31,839
Speaker 1: go towards their first home.

1079
00:46:31,960 --> 00:46:34,360
Speaker 4: Isn't that so nice? Like that they got to be

1080
00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:36,360
Speaker 4: a part of like your like and I know that

1081
00:46:36,440 --> 00:46:39,279
Speaker 4: people you know often are like, oh, inheritance, but like,

1082
00:46:39,560 --> 00:46:42,320
Speaker 4: how nice that that got to go towards you creating

1083
00:46:42,360 --> 00:46:44,200
Speaker 4: a home. They would be so proud.

1084
00:46:44,400 --> 00:46:47,200
Speaker 1: They're such lovely people. And it was like I used

1085
00:46:47,200 --> 00:46:48,960
Speaker 1: to be like that. I used to be so jaded

1086
00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:50,960
Speaker 1: about it, and because I, you know, I had a

1087
00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:53,680
Speaker 1: hext and I worked for things, and so I was

1088
00:46:53,719 --> 00:46:54,880
Speaker 1: raised that you had to work for low things. And

1089
00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:56,640
Speaker 1: I used to be really jaded about it if anybody

1090
00:46:56,680 --> 00:46:58,640
Speaker 1: got money, and then I was like, no, I guess

1091
00:46:58,640 --> 00:47:01,080
Speaker 1: that's what parents can do. Like, if you're lucky enough,

1092
00:47:01,200 --> 00:47:02,719
Speaker 1: fortunate enough, to work hard and to be able to

1093
00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:04,800
Speaker 1: do that for your kids, like, that's such a wonderful

1094
00:47:04,840 --> 00:47:07,239
Speaker 1: gift you can give them, and his mum and dad

1095
00:47:07,239 --> 00:47:09,799
Speaker 1: are such great people, so honestly, it's so amazing. So

1096
00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:13,360
Speaker 1: we both had a decent deposit, had that then combination

1097
00:47:13,560 --> 00:47:17,759
Speaker 1: from his parents, and now we also now have So

1098
00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:19,880
Speaker 1: there's one hundred and thirty four thousand of our deposit

1099
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:22,680
Speaker 1: is still there. We actually had enough for the ten

1100
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:24,080
Speaker 1: percent on two properties.

1101
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:25,160
Speaker 4: Is it in your offset?

1102
00:47:25,239 --> 00:47:25,920
Speaker 1: Yes? Of course.

1103
00:47:26,480 --> 00:47:28,640
Speaker 4: Yeah. I was about to say, Jack would have set

1104
00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:31,240
Speaker 4: you up properly so that all of this is working

1105
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:32,200
Speaker 4: very nicely.

1106
00:47:32,480 --> 00:47:34,359
Speaker 1: Yes, she did. So, Look we've got that. The rest

1107
00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:36,680
Speaker 1: of our deposit is sitting in an offset account. We

1108
00:47:36,719 --> 00:47:39,200
Speaker 1: are pre approved for our investment loan, and it's just

1109
00:47:39,239 --> 00:47:41,279
Speaker 1: at the moment, to be honest, we're doing renos and

1110
00:47:41,320 --> 00:47:44,399
Speaker 1: it is so stressful. So it's a matter of just

1111
00:47:44,440 --> 00:47:46,919
Speaker 1: like whence we've kind of got this done, then we're

1112
00:47:46,920 --> 00:47:48,600
Speaker 1: going to get the investment property sorted. But at the

1113
00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:51,160
Speaker 1: moment it's sitting there offsetting up personal mortgage, which is great.

1114
00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:54,080
Speaker 4: How exciting. I feel like you've got all your financial

1115
00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:57,919
Speaker 4: stuff sorted. Tell me, are you investing in any other

1116
00:47:57,920 --> 00:48:00,000
Speaker 4: way or are you like, Nope, we've saved all this money.

1117
00:48:00,040 --> 00:48:02,200
Speaker 4: We're going to go all in on property. At the moment,

1118
00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:03,440
Speaker 4: absolutely so.

1119
00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:06,680
Speaker 1: I have got just over fifty two thousand in shares

1120
00:48:06,760 --> 00:48:07,280
Speaker 1: at the moment.

1121
00:48:07,520 --> 00:48:10,560
Speaker 4: What, Like, you are so set up. I'm obsessed.

1122
00:48:11,680 --> 00:48:14,200
Speaker 1: Thank you. Tell me about your super In terms of

1123
00:48:14,200 --> 00:48:16,880
Speaker 1: super I have ninety seven thousand at the moment.

1124
00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:21,000
Speaker 4: Oh nice. I feel like you are very well set up,

1125
00:48:21,280 --> 00:48:22,600
Speaker 4: like you were on the right path.

1126
00:48:22,680 --> 00:48:25,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're getting there. It's been good making progress.

1127
00:48:25,560 --> 00:48:27,640
Speaker 4: I want to go back to like seventeen year old

1128
00:48:27,719 --> 00:48:29,520
Speaker 4: you and be like, okay, cool, So do you know

1129
00:48:29,560 --> 00:48:31,880
Speaker 4: how it ends up? Like and this isn't even going

1130
00:48:31,960 --> 00:48:33,560
Speaker 4: to be the end, Like this is going to be

1131
00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:36,160
Speaker 4: lit and you'll just be Oh, how cool would that

1132
00:48:36,239 --> 00:48:36,600
Speaker 4: have been?

1133
00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:39,920
Speaker 1: Yeah? Honestly, I seventeen year old me would one think

1134
00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:42,200
Speaker 1: I'm so cool and two would be so proud of me.

1135
00:48:42,360 --> 00:48:44,240
Speaker 4: She would be I was very.

1136
00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:46,600
Speaker 1: Fortunate in the last couple of years. So I mentioned

1137
00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:48,880
Speaker 1: you before, like we were going to buy previously. It

1138
00:48:48,920 --> 00:48:51,440
Speaker 1: was just before COVID, and I'm so glad we didn't.

1139
00:48:51,680 --> 00:48:53,480
Speaker 1: We were in NOC. We were so close to having

1140
00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:55,719
Speaker 1: this massive max out mortgage just before cod which is

1141
00:48:55,800 --> 00:48:58,400
Speaker 1: during COVID. So glad we didn't do it, because in

1142
00:48:58,440 --> 00:49:01,280
Speaker 1: that time, with that money, I off my hex set completely,

1143
00:49:01,760 --> 00:49:04,000
Speaker 1: which was from a one year of one degree a

1144
00:49:04,040 --> 00:49:06,640
Speaker 1: whole degree and at that point in time half of

1145
00:49:06,640 --> 00:49:10,319
Speaker 1: a master's hat off that I then bought myself a

1146
00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:13,759
Speaker 1: car and a deal a demo. Of course I was responsible.

1147
00:49:13,840 --> 00:49:16,200
Speaker 1: Saved a fair bit of money by doing that, and

1148
00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:20,600
Speaker 1: just yeah, saved so much money. And if we hadn't

1149
00:49:20,640 --> 00:49:23,080
Speaker 1: had gone through what we did with our property journey previously,

1150
00:49:23,880 --> 00:49:25,920
Speaker 1: there is no way we have been on one to

1151
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:30,560
Speaker 1: two international holidays every year since kind of COVID lockdown's lifted,

1152
00:49:31,080 --> 00:49:33,800
Speaker 1: as well as small holidays as well. I no longer

1153
00:49:33,800 --> 00:49:37,160
Speaker 1: have a hextet. I, you know, have excellent savings. I

1154
00:49:37,239 --> 00:49:39,239
Speaker 1: now have this great share portfolio.

1155
00:49:39,480 --> 00:49:41,839
Speaker 4: I'm obsessed. And you know what, at the time when

1156
00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:44,239
Speaker 4: you lost at that auction, I'm sure you were heartbroken

1157
00:49:44,280 --> 00:49:46,080
Speaker 4: because that's all you ever thought you wanted.

1158
00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:48,960
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I actually drove past that address this morning

1159
00:49:48,960 --> 00:49:51,719
Speaker 1: on my way home from work, and I was like,

1160
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:53,960
Speaker 1: I'm so glad we didn't get that. I'm so glad

1161
00:49:53,960 --> 00:49:54,360
Speaker 1: we didn't.

1162
00:49:54,400 --> 00:49:56,120
Speaker 4: I feel like it's such a good lesson in that

1163
00:49:56,239 --> 00:49:58,960
Speaker 4: like sometimes when you don't get things, it's because they

1164
00:49:58,960 --> 00:50:01,120
Speaker 4: were meant to pass you by. I like, and I

1165
00:50:01,160 --> 00:50:03,640
Speaker 4: think that that's such a nice way of like being

1166
00:50:03,680 --> 00:50:05,879
Speaker 4: able to reflect and be like Nope, Like if it's

1167
00:50:05,920 --> 00:50:08,759
Speaker 4: not working for me right now, that's because it's not

1168
00:50:08,800 --> 00:50:11,520
Speaker 4: meant to Like this maybe a lesson or maybe there's

1169
00:50:11,560 --> 00:50:14,480
Speaker 4: something better coming. And I think that so many times,

1170
00:50:14,560 --> 00:50:17,440
Speaker 4: especially like with the story that you've shared, Like there

1171
00:50:17,440 --> 00:50:19,399
Speaker 4: were times where you're like I'm never getting out of this,

1172
00:50:19,520 --> 00:50:21,680
Speaker 4: or like I don't even know how to leave, but

1173
00:50:21,800 --> 00:50:24,160
Speaker 4: like you did it now, like the sun is not

1174
00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:26,640
Speaker 4: just shining, but the grass is greener where you're standing,

1175
00:50:26,719 --> 00:50:28,520
Speaker 4: Like isn't that like the best thing ever?

1176
00:50:28,800 --> 00:50:31,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, honestly, it is so good. I'm so happy and

1177
00:50:31,120 --> 00:50:33,879
Speaker 1: secure and it feels really really good.

1178
00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:36,160
Speaker 4: I adore it. All Right, I've got two more questions

1179
00:50:36,200 --> 00:50:38,960
Speaker 4: because I know we quickly running out of time. Let

1180
00:50:38,960 --> 00:50:41,440
Speaker 4: me know, what do you think your best money habit is.

1181
00:50:41,600 --> 00:50:45,080
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say automation love Honestly, set up everything really early,

1182
00:50:45,160 --> 00:50:47,800
Speaker 1: so everything is planned for so each pay I allocate

1183
00:50:47,880 --> 00:50:50,400
Speaker 1: for the year. So whether it's bills, either their monthly

1184
00:50:50,480 --> 00:50:53,920
Speaker 1: or annual, my groceries, my spending money, my saving money,

1185
00:50:53,960 --> 00:50:58,080
Speaker 1: my holiday money. Everything is allocated as a fortnightly automation.

1186
00:50:57,880 --> 00:50:59,960
Speaker 4: Love and then what do you think your worst money happen?

1187
00:51:00,280 --> 00:51:02,319
Speaker 4: Although I don't know someone who rates themselves an a

1188
00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:03,360
Speaker 4: has any.

1189
00:51:03,200 --> 00:51:05,520
Speaker 1: At the moment, I have been tracking a little bit

1190
00:51:05,680 --> 00:51:08,239
Speaker 1: less than I normally would, just because we've been renovating.

1191
00:51:08,560 --> 00:51:11,480
Speaker 1: It's been a bit hectic. So ordinarily a girlfriend and

1192
00:51:11,520 --> 00:51:13,200
Speaker 1: I we catch up at the start of every month

1193
00:51:13,239 --> 00:51:15,760
Speaker 1: and we go over how we've done the four weeks before.

1194
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:18,960
Speaker 4: That is so wholesome. I'm obsessed. Where can I find

1195
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:19,680
Speaker 4: a friend like that?

1196
00:51:19,760 --> 00:51:20,040
Speaker 3: For me?

1197
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:22,600
Speaker 1: It's so and also so I note so proud of her.

1198
00:51:22,760 --> 00:51:25,759
Speaker 1: She also signed contract on her first place yesterday as well.

1199
00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:26,560
Speaker 4: I'm obsessed.

1200
00:51:26,719 --> 00:51:28,520
Speaker 1: Eighteen months ago. I tried getting her to listen to

1201
00:51:28,560 --> 00:51:30,759
Speaker 1: your podcast eighteen months ago and she was like, I

1202
00:51:30,760 --> 00:51:32,520
Speaker 1: don't want to hear it. I don't want to look

1203
00:51:32,560 --> 00:51:35,640
Speaker 1: at money. It's too stressful, blah blah blah. And now now.

1204
00:51:35,520 --> 00:51:38,640
Speaker 4: She's getting her in house, I'm obsessed. How good is it?

1205
00:51:38,719 --> 00:51:41,279
Speaker 4: And you know what I get that money can be overwhelming.

1206
00:51:41,320 --> 00:51:44,200
Speaker 4: The amount of times people say oh, like, I know

1207
00:51:44,320 --> 00:51:47,160
Speaker 4: all your podcast, but I'm just I'm not ready, Like girl,

1208
00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:49,719
Speaker 4: you know it when you're ready. But like, it's so

1209
00:51:49,920 --> 00:51:52,720
Speaker 4: relatable to just feel overwhelmed when it comes to money.

1210
00:51:52,760 --> 00:51:55,120
Speaker 4: And I'm pretty sure if I went back to money

1211
00:51:55,160 --> 00:51:58,040
Speaker 4: diarist as in you back when you were like twenty

1212
00:51:58,040 --> 00:52:00,400
Speaker 4: two twenty three, you were in tens of that of

1213
00:52:00,440 --> 00:52:03,200
Speaker 4: dollars of debt, you were emotionally and financially supporting your

1214
00:52:03,239 --> 00:52:06,040
Speaker 4: husband who was not a nice human being. Like I

1215
00:52:06,120 --> 00:52:10,200
Speaker 4: can't imagine you would have been like, yeah, great money podcast,

1216
00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:12,719
Speaker 4: That's exactly what I need. Like you would have been

1217
00:52:13,160 --> 00:52:15,240
Speaker 4: telling me to get in the bin. And I totally

1218
00:52:15,280 --> 00:52:18,880
Speaker 4: get that. But I think it's so powerful and sometimes

1219
00:52:18,960 --> 00:52:20,760
Speaker 4: you can only see those things in hindsight.

1220
00:52:20,840 --> 00:52:22,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely, I'm glad now that I can see it,

1221
00:52:23,160 --> 00:52:25,160
Speaker 1: But at the time I couldn't. I literally could see

1222
00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:28,480
Speaker 1: none of it. So it really is like hindsight of course.

1223
00:52:28,600 --> 00:52:31,319
Speaker 4: All right, money Diristy. It has been so beautiful. Thank

1224
00:52:31,400 --> 00:52:33,799
Speaker 4: you so much for sharing your story with us. I

1225
00:52:33,840 --> 00:52:38,120
Speaker 4: am literally obsessed. But last question, you said that you

1226
00:52:38,120 --> 00:52:39,879
Speaker 4: were in a what's it going to take to get

1227
00:52:39,880 --> 00:52:40,840
Speaker 4: you to an A plus?

1228
00:52:40,920 --> 00:52:44,759
Speaker 1: Look, I want more money through dividends. I think I

1229
00:52:44,840 --> 00:52:47,960
Speaker 1: think that's kind of a current goal. And once my

1230
00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:51,520
Speaker 1: partner and I can kind of get an investment property sorted,

1231
00:52:52,040 --> 00:52:54,080
Speaker 1: I'm really keen to get that underway so that we

1232
00:52:54,120 --> 00:52:56,040
Speaker 1: can kind of work towards.

1233
00:52:55,760 --> 00:52:57,040
Speaker 4: The big family home.

1234
00:52:57,400 --> 00:53:00,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, getting out like you know, our big house, which

1235
00:53:00,360 --> 00:53:00,919
Speaker 1: would be good.

1236
00:53:01,080 --> 00:53:02,680
Speaker 4: I'm so obsessed that I get to be on that

1237
00:53:02,760 --> 00:53:06,160
Speaker 4: journey with you, Like that is literally so special, because

1238
00:53:06,239 --> 00:53:08,920
Speaker 4: like my favorite clients are the ones where you know,

1239
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:11,120
Speaker 4: you come back and we're working out what equity you

1240
00:53:11,160 --> 00:53:13,320
Speaker 4: have and what we can do and how we can invest,

1241
00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:15,080
Speaker 4: but then also how we can take you to the

1242
00:53:15,120 --> 00:53:18,439
Speaker 4: next level. Like I feel like the great Australian dream

1243
00:53:18,520 --> 00:53:21,000
Speaker 4: of like buying your first home as your family home,

1244
00:53:21,040 --> 00:53:23,920
Speaker 4: it just doesn't exist, but like there's still a pathway,

1245
00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:26,600
Speaker 4: and like it's just so exciting when we get to

1246
00:53:26,600 --> 00:53:27,600
Speaker 4: be on that journey with you.

1247
00:53:33,760 --> 00:53:36,320
Speaker 5: Did buy shared on She's on the Money is general

1248
00:53:36,360 --> 00:53:40,240
Speaker 5: in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's

1249
00:53:40,280 --> 00:53:43,720
Speaker 5: on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should

1250
00:53:43,760 --> 00:53:46,920
Speaker 5: not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision.

1251
00:53:47,320 --> 00:53:49,759
Speaker 5: If you do choose to buy a financial product, Read

1252
00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:53,480
Speaker 5: the PDS TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice.

1253
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:54,520
Speaker 1: Tailored towards your needs.

1254
00:53:54,880 --> 00:53:58,800
Speaker 5: Victoria Divine and She's on the Money are authorized representatives

1255
00:53:58,840 --> 00:54:01,239
Speaker 5: of Money Shop p U y L t D A

1256
00:54:01,320 --> 00:54:04,239
Speaker 5: b N three two one six four nine two seven

1257
00:54:04,360 --> 00:54:07,200
Speaker 5: seven zero eight a f s L four five one

1258
00:54:07,400 --> 00:54:08,920
Speaker 5: two eight nine