1 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:05,560 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. 2 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:07,120 Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the. 3 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:10,119 Speaker 1: Time poor parent who just wants answers. 4 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:12,920 Speaker 2: Now, well, we want to delay sleepovers. We need to 5 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:17,079 Speaker 2: highlight that there are risks and really what this comes 6 00:00:17,079 --> 00:00:18,799 Speaker 2: down to is talk to your kids. Just say, I 7 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:20,720 Speaker 2: know you want to have the sleepover. I know it's 8 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:22,680 Speaker 2: going to be really fun, but what are you going 9 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:23,560 Speaker 2: to do to stay safe? 10 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:27,200 Speaker 1: And now here's the scars of our show my mom 11 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:27,760 Speaker 1: and dad. 12 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:30,160 Speaker 2: One of my favorite things to do across the summer 13 00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:33,360 Speaker 2: holidays with my friends when I was a teenager was 14 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:36,120 Speaker 2: have sleepovers. All the guys would come to my house 15 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:38,040 Speaker 2: and we would sleep over. Then we'd get up in 16 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:40,159 Speaker 2: the morning, catch the bus to the beach go surfing. 17 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:42,839 Speaker 2: This is probably from about the age of thirteen Kylie, 18 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:45,839 Speaker 2: maybe fourteen. And if it wasn't my place, it was 19 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:49,400 Speaker 2: Ben and Jay's auntie at Spoon Bay on the Central Coast. 20 00:00:49,479 --> 00:00:51,080 Speaker 2: She had a house just down the road from the beach. 21 00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:52,760 Speaker 2: We'd go and sleep over there. There'd be five or 22 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:55,480 Speaker 2: six of us in the rumper's room sleeping with I 23 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:57,520 Speaker 2: don't know, like just sleeping on the carpet pretty much 24 00:00:57,560 --> 00:00:59,280 Speaker 2: or on the couch. And first thing. In the morning, 25 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:02,240 Speaker 2: we'd run down to the beach and go surfing. Sleepovers 26 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:06,000 Speaker 2: were a huge part of my adolescent years. Don't think 27 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,200 Speaker 2: that I really had them very much, if at all, 28 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:12,960 Speaker 2: prior to my teen years, but just loved them. Sleepovers 29 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:15,000 Speaker 2: much of a part of your growing up. 30 00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:19,000 Speaker 1: I do remember a handful. My earliest memory, I would 31 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:22,680 Speaker 1: have been about six, wow, and my mum had my 32 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:26,800 Speaker 1: baby sister, and I went and stayed with my auntie, 33 00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:31,760 Speaker 1: and all I remember is sleeping in my cousin, my 34 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:35,240 Speaker 1: boy cousin's bedroom with his blue wall paper and his 35 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:39,560 Speaker 1: trucks up on the shelf, and seeing the shadows of 36 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:44,679 Speaker 1: the trees swaying in the breeze and the outdoor light. 37 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:45,480 Speaker 2: Spooky. 38 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:48,560 Speaker 1: It was very spooky, and I remember just staying awake 39 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:52,640 Speaker 1: for half the night, scared, but too scared to say anything. 40 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,600 Speaker 2: Right, So, when I was younger, I had sleepovers at 41 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:59,120 Speaker 2: my grandparents' houses, and I loved sleeping over at Nana 42 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:01,080 Speaker 2: Pop's house like that was that was just the most 43 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,120 Speaker 2: awesome thing. But other than that, that was pretty much it 44 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:06,520 Speaker 2: Nana Pop's place. And then as a teenager, sleeping over 45 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,280 Speaker 2: with my mates before we went surfing, we'd camp out 46 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:10,359 Speaker 2: in the backyard. We'd pitch a tent and go down 47 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:13,079 Speaker 2: to the shops by a whole lot of lollies. Hubbabubba 48 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,200 Speaker 2: was my favorite, and we just chew gum all night 49 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:17,000 Speaker 2: and talk and then get up early in the morning 50 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:17,520 Speaker 2: and go surfing. 51 00:02:17,639 --> 00:02:19,160 Speaker 1: I wonder you don't like gum these days. 52 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:23,240 Speaker 2: Oh, I can't stand this stuff terrible. So the conversation 53 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:26,639 Speaker 2: that we're having today about sleepovers is prompted by emails 54 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:30,200 Speaker 2: via podcasts at happy Families dot com DOTU. Somebody wanted 55 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:32,200 Speaker 2: to know what do you do about sleepovers, especially during 56 00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:35,600 Speaker 2: the summer holidays, Christmas holidays. We've got all these family friends, 57 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:39,280 Speaker 2: kids wanted to catch up with their friends from school, neighborhoods, 58 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:41,480 Speaker 2: camping stuff in the backyard. What do we do? How 59 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,760 Speaker 2: do we get this right? A sleepover's okay or not? 60 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,480 Speaker 2: Over the last few years, there's been a lot of 61 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:50,519 Speaker 2: noise made on mummy blogs, on Instagram and social media 62 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:54,079 Speaker 2: about why so many parents are saying no, kids cannot 63 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:56,760 Speaker 2: have sleepovers, not going to let it happen. The risks 64 00:02:56,800 --> 00:03:01,080 Speaker 2: are too high, the rewards are essentially not worth the risk. 65 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:03,600 Speaker 2: Not going to do it. Our approach, Kylie has not 66 00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:06,280 Speaker 2: necessarily been that. But at the outset, before we even 67 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:08,680 Speaker 2: begin this conversation, I want to highlight this is a 68 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:11,960 Speaker 2: hard one to respond to from a science based perspective, 69 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:13,680 Speaker 2: So as a scientist, I always want to know what 70 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,320 Speaker 2: are the studies show. There's not really much research out 71 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:20,359 Speaker 2: there about kids and sleepovers. Research does show that there 72 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:23,160 Speaker 2: is risk associated with sleepovers, but for most of us 73 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:27,160 Speaker 2: who have lived through childhood and had the experience, we 74 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,920 Speaker 2: know that so long as it's safe, it's cool, like 75 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,320 Speaker 2: it's awesome. Yes, you eat too much sugar. Yes you 76 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:34,600 Speaker 2: stay out way too late. Yes you are right off 77 00:03:34,639 --> 00:03:36,240 Speaker 2: the next day, and your parents wonder if I'll ever 78 00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:38,760 Speaker 2: let you do it again. But it's so much fun 79 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:42,200 Speaker 2: to hang out with your friends late at night. And 80 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:44,640 Speaker 2: so we're going to kind of try to thread this 81 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:48,080 Speaker 2: needle and talk about the pros and cons the risks 82 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:51,920 Speaker 2: and rewards of sleepovers for kids at any age. 83 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,880 Speaker 1: Well, I think if we start at the really high end, 84 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:58,360 Speaker 1: the high end, the high end of the disasters that 85 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:04,920 Speaker 1: could possibly happen, right there are definitely some safety concerns, yes, 86 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:09,320 Speaker 1: without doubt that you would want to alay before you 87 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:12,080 Speaker 1: would make a decision to let your child have a sleepover. 88 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,560 Speaker 2: And I will never ever minimize those concerns. And for 89 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:18,279 Speaker 2: those who have been affected because of those concerns, not 90 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:22,760 Speaker 2: being satisfied, devastating tragedy casts the longest shadow through the 91 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:26,800 Speaker 2: lives of people who have been affected. There So, the 92 00:04:26,839 --> 00:04:29,320 Speaker 2: research does tell us that kids are most likely to 93 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:31,799 Speaker 2: be harmed by people known to them, and the younger 94 00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:34,840 Speaker 2: they are, the greater the risk. So I think in 95 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:39,280 Speaker 2: harmony with yesterday's conversation about kids and alcohol, and there 96 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,480 Speaker 2: was one key word that was the very heart of 97 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:46,320 Speaker 2: our discussion but delay, delay, delay, hold off. And I 98 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,240 Speaker 2: think that there's some real wisdom there when it comes 99 00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:51,960 Speaker 2: to kids in sleepovers, especially sleepovers with friends. Now, if 100 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:53,719 Speaker 2: you've got family members that you know are safe, whether 101 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:56,000 Speaker 2: it's grandma and grandpa or the Arnie and uncle because 102 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,920 Speaker 2: they're going to catch up with their cousins, you obviously 103 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,640 Speaker 2: assess that as you you need to, and you want 104 00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:04,560 Speaker 2: to make sure that there's appropriate mixes of a lack 105 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,560 Speaker 2: of a mix perhaps of genders. You want to make 106 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:09,440 Speaker 2: sure that there's appropriate supervision, appropriate sleeping arrangements. 107 00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:12,760 Speaker 1: But the and in our experience with the younger kids 108 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,920 Speaker 1: actually being easier if Nan and Pop or Auntie and 109 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:17,599 Speaker 1: uncle can actually come under our house. Baby, see, we 110 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:19,960 Speaker 1: have a night off and have a sleepover at our house. 111 00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:23,760 Speaker 1: Kids are in the same hot environment, the safety and 112 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:27,279 Speaker 1: security and that their own bed and Nan and Pop 113 00:05:27,279 --> 00:05:29,440 Speaker 1: can kind of fall into the routine of the family 114 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:31,120 Speaker 1: as opposed to everything being turned up. 115 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:32,919 Speaker 2: But it still feels like a sleepover because they're being 116 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:35,240 Speaker 2: looked after by someone different. It's right, yeah, but I 117 00:05:35,279 --> 00:05:38,880 Speaker 2: think in terms of advice, in terms of the conversation 118 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,840 Speaker 2: around this, so long as you know that the adults 119 00:05:41,839 --> 00:05:43,680 Speaker 2: who are in charge are safe and that there are 120 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:45,880 Speaker 2: no other adults coming in that you don't know, because 121 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:48,000 Speaker 2: that's a real risk. Right. You might send the kids 122 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:51,040 Speaker 2: off to someone's house for a sleepover, even a relative's house, 123 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:54,120 Speaker 2: but they have a visitor either from down the road 124 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,320 Speaker 2: or from overseas or a family member, whoever it is. 125 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:58,240 Speaker 2: You don't know them, you don't know what the history is. 126 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:00,320 Speaker 2: We want to make sure that our can kids are 127 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:01,839 Speaker 2: safe at all times. We need to know who's going 128 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:04,600 Speaker 2: to be there, and that also raises questions with young kids, 129 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:08,520 Speaker 2: even with family, should there be a bedtime, what's going 130 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:11,880 Speaker 2: to be the rule around screens. What kind of content 131 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:13,960 Speaker 2: and programming will the children be allowed to watch if 132 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:17,039 Speaker 2: there are going to be movies that are viewed. I mean, 133 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,640 Speaker 2: we've kind of we've had our kids invited to sleepovers 134 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,760 Speaker 2: from the age of six or seven with school parties, 135 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:24,400 Speaker 2: and our general response has been, you know what, we'll 136 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,719 Speaker 2: just pick them up at nine o'clock or ten o'clock. 137 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:28,560 Speaker 2: Once it's late and they feel like they've had a 138 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:29,919 Speaker 2: great time, we'll pick them up and we'll drop them 139 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:30,719 Speaker 2: back the next morning. 140 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,560 Speaker 1: And obviously, at that age, at nine o'clock or ten 141 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:36,760 Speaker 1: o'clock bedtime is way beyond what we would normally allow. 142 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:40,680 Speaker 1: So we're meeting them halfway. We're saying, no, we're not 143 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:43,720 Speaker 1: really comfortable with you having the sleepover, but you can 144 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:45,719 Speaker 1: have a late night, you can spend time with your friends, 145 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:48,440 Speaker 1: stay up late each your chocolate and ice cream Sundays 146 00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:50,920 Speaker 1: or whatever is you going to do, but we're going 147 00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:51,920 Speaker 1: to have you home. Yeah. 148 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:54,560 Speaker 2: So I think the advice that we're sharing here is 149 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:56,640 Speaker 2: really helpful for kids. I'm going to say under about 150 00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:59,400 Speaker 2: the age of ten, maybe even eleven or twelve. It 151 00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:02,000 Speaker 2: just depends on you and your family. When it comes 152 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:06,320 Speaker 2: to family, grandparents, auntie's, uncles, cousins, you want to know 153 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,560 Speaker 2: where they're going to be sleeping, how they're going to 154 00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:11,880 Speaker 2: be safe, what programming, if any, and screens they're going 155 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:15,520 Speaker 2: to have access to. And essentially you're looking after it 156 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:18,160 Speaker 2: from a family point of view by having those conversations 157 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:21,000 Speaker 2: with your parents or your siblings who are looking after them, 158 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:25,680 Speaker 2: so they can have time with their cousins. When it 159 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:30,920 Speaker 2: comes to friends, our strong preference is the kids get 160 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:33,200 Speaker 2: dropped off, but then they get picked up rather than 161 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:36,160 Speaker 2: having a sleepover until they're a lot older. And that's 162 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:37,760 Speaker 2: just because the older they are, the more of a 163 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:39,920 Speaker 2: voice they've got, the more they understand things like consent. 164 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,440 Speaker 2: They know what's right and wrong. Younger children they're just 165 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:46,440 Speaker 2: more vulnerable, and therefore they think they need a high 166 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:52,200 Speaker 2: level of oversight, a high level of parental involvement. As 167 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:57,440 Speaker 2: kids get older, though, the challenges shift they become potentially 168 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,720 Speaker 2: a little bit more complex. We start to deal with 169 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:05,520 Speaker 2: shoes of screens and phones, cyberbullying, being on social media, 170 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:09,200 Speaker 2: the potential for sending images that may or may not 171 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:10,760 Speaker 2: be completely appropriate. 172 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:11,920 Speaker 1: Speaking ouse. 173 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:14,640 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I hadn't thought of that one and then 174 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:18,080 Speaker 2: picking up on yesterday's conversation. By the time they're sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, 175 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:19,680 Speaker 2: or maybe even a little bit younger, depending on the 176 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,200 Speaker 2: kids and the family and the environment, maybe even fourteen 177 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:25,480 Speaker 2: or fifteen. There's also the issue of alcohol and other drugs. 178 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:28,760 Speaker 2: So I think at this point. 179 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:30,680 Speaker 1: You've talked about all the big things. But the reality 180 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,760 Speaker 1: is when you get a bunch of kids together and 181 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:35,760 Speaker 1: there's a lot of sugar and a lack of sleep, 182 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:40,000 Speaker 1: you've also just got the emotional relational challenges that come 183 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:41,640 Speaker 1: with everybody being together. 184 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:43,480 Speaker 2: Your kids can kind of get nasty, can't they. 185 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,880 Speaker 1: Well, yeah, when you get that angry. 186 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:48,640 Speaker 2: Angry, you know what else they do that? They do 187 00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:50,480 Speaker 2: really dumb things. Now this is kind of harmless, but 188 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:53,120 Speaker 2: I remember one sleepover at my house. So my mom 189 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:56,720 Speaker 2: used to go shopping and she would buy stuff in bulk. 190 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,480 Speaker 2: I guess it's kind of a little bit like what's 191 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:01,880 Speaker 2: the name of the like Costco, you know how he 192 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,600 Speaker 2: can buy stuff in bulk. So Mum would Mum would 193 00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:07,320 Speaker 2: go shopping and we had to sleep over one night, 194 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:09,800 Speaker 2: I reckon it was about eleven o'clock at night. We 195 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:12,160 Speaker 2: were all still awake, and one of the guys was like, oh, 196 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:15,439 Speaker 2: I'm really hungry. So we opened up the pantry and 197 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:17,880 Speaker 2: in our house we actually had like a walk in pantry. 198 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:21,560 Speaker 2: It was quite quite sizable. I don't know how this happened, 199 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:24,719 Speaker 2: but one of the guys saw out a two liter 200 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:29,199 Speaker 2: bottle of chocolate topping, two liters of chocolate topping on 201 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:33,400 Speaker 2: one of the shelves. His name was Aaron, and Aaron's like, ah, 202 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:36,800 Speaker 2: chocolate topping, we should do a milkshake. And somehow one 203 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:39,400 Speaker 2: of the guys said, hey, ada to drink the chocolate topping, 204 00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:41,240 Speaker 2: and we all said we'd pay him five bucks if 205 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:43,400 Speaker 2: you could drink the top chocolate topping. So he tried 206 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:47,800 Speaker 2: to drink two liters. He just literally put the bottle 207 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:52,160 Speaker 2: to his mouth and started sculling this chocolate topping like coddies, 208 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:56,199 Speaker 2: thick and rich. I cannot imagine how much sugar went 209 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:58,319 Speaker 2: it is I reckon. He drank about a liter of it, 210 00:09:59,040 --> 00:09:59,640 Speaker 2: just pure. 211 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:02,640 Speaker 1: I'm assuming it didn't stay down for long he. 212 00:10:02,679 --> 00:10:04,679 Speaker 2: Kept it in but yeah, yeah, yeah, But every time 213 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:09,120 Speaker 2: he booked, the whole room smelled like jobbler. It was disgusting. 214 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:12,400 Speaker 2: Was like that. So there's there's also just the dumb things. 215 00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:14,959 Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know if I was. 216 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:18,600 Speaker 1: The victim of a peanut butter face. Oh really, yes, 217 00:10:18,679 --> 00:10:21,680 Speaker 1: of course one of my sleepovers. I was always the 218 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:23,600 Speaker 1: one to fall asleep before everybody else. 219 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:25,600 Speaker 2: And we used to do the shaving cream, put the 220 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:27,640 Speaker 2: shaving cream on their face and then they and then 221 00:10:27,679 --> 00:10:30,120 Speaker 2: tickle them. They'd slap their face and put shaving cream everywhere. 222 00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:31,920 Speaker 2: I don't know if you did that one. So someone 223 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,520 Speaker 2: painted your face with peanut butter. They did, that's brilliant. 224 00:10:34,559 --> 00:10:36,360 Speaker 1: They did, stuck my hand and water hoping that I'd 225 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:36,960 Speaker 1: wet my bed. 226 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:43,320 Speaker 2: We did noody runs. That's a boy thing. Skinny dipping on, 227 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:46,240 Speaker 2: skinny dipping. Yeah, So there's all those kinds of things 228 00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:48,480 Speaker 2: as well. And in the age of social media and 229 00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:52,400 Speaker 2: telephones and cameras everywhere, some of those things which we 230 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:55,439 Speaker 2: would look back to the nineteen seventies, nineteen eighties, nineteen 231 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:59,720 Speaker 2: nineties as harmless fun in twenty twenty two, twenty twenty 232 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:02,760 Speaker 2: three not quite so harmless, could actually get you in 233 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,959 Speaker 2: a whole lot of trouble because the world's changed and 234 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:08,640 Speaker 2: there are cameras everywhere. So I think what we want 235 00:11:08,679 --> 00:11:11,720 Speaker 2: to delay sleepovers. We need to highlight that there are risks, 236 00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:15,400 Speaker 2: and really, what this comes down to is talk to 237 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:16,760 Speaker 2: your kids, just say, I know you want to have 238 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 2: the sleepover. I know it's going to be really fun, 239 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:21,040 Speaker 2: but what are you going to do to stay safe? 240 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:22,959 Speaker 2: What are you going to do if the boys or 241 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,360 Speaker 2: the girls or whoever is hanging out with start looking 242 00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:29,320 Speaker 2: at imagery that is explicit and vulgar and coarse and inappropriate. 243 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:31,560 Speaker 2: How are you going to deal with that? Or what 244 00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:36,080 Speaker 2: happens if someone wants to play truth or dare and 245 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:39,240 Speaker 2: you find yourself in a situation where you're feeling pressured 246 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:42,720 Speaker 2: to behave in ways that are inconsistent with what we've 247 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:45,520 Speaker 2: taught you having those conversations, I guess giving them a 248 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:49,520 Speaker 2: dry run before they get there can be super important 249 00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:53,160 Speaker 2: for keeping them safe and actually facilitating their ability to 250 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,120 Speaker 2: have a good time. 251 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,000 Speaker 1: This reminds me of the conversation we had recently about 252 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:01,840 Speaker 1: interesting mobile phones to our kids. 253 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:04,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, it was last Monday, and well. 254 00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:07,199 Speaker 1: The research there isn't a lot of research around sleepovers. 255 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:09,280 Speaker 1: I'm going to suggest that this is going to be 256 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:13,480 Speaker 1: a conversation similar to mobile phones. I think that parents 257 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:16,320 Speaker 1: are pretty conscientious in making decisions to help keep their 258 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:20,120 Speaker 1: children safe, and so there isn't going to be a 259 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:24,760 Speaker 1: arbitrary age that we say this is. This is you know, okay, 260 00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:26,800 Speaker 1: this is great. It really is going to come down 261 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:31,680 Speaker 1: to each individual family's needs and their children and who 262 00:12:31,679 --> 00:12:35,040 Speaker 1: they are, their personalities and their developmental level oka opposed 263 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:35,600 Speaker 1: to their age. 264 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:37,840 Speaker 2: So let me ask you a couple of quick questions, 265 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:41,200 Speaker 2: just yes or no. Number one, should there be a 266 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:42,679 Speaker 2: bedtime for sleepovers? 267 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,720 Speaker 1: Yes? One? 268 00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:46,240 Speaker 2: And what time should that be? 269 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:51,600 Speaker 1: That's up to the individual family. Okay, but I think 270 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:54,439 Speaker 1: I think the reality is they're probably not going to 271 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:57,439 Speaker 1: listen to you, but you can definitely have an expectation. 272 00:12:57,720 --> 00:12:59,480 Speaker 2: But when we've had sleepovers at our place, we've just 273 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:00,920 Speaker 2: gone into the kids and said, you know what, guys, 274 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:05,079 Speaker 2: it's bedtime. We're going to bed. We expect that you're 275 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:06,720 Speaker 2: going to go to bed, but we're also not silly. 276 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:08,280 Speaker 2: We know you're probably going to stay up. So if 277 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,840 Speaker 2: you do, the expectation is number one, you stay quiet. 278 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,080 Speaker 2: Number two, there are no screens, and number three you'd 279 00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:15,280 Speaker 2: be nice. And then we've kind of just gone to 280 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:19,120 Speaker 2: bed because kids, Right, So there's that next question. For you, 281 00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:22,040 Speaker 2: if you're dropping your kids off to a friend's place 282 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:24,400 Speaker 2: for a sleep should you talk to other parents about 283 00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:28,240 Speaker 2: your values, your expectations around the sleepover. 284 00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:31,040 Speaker 1: I would be having that conversation before I even drop 285 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:34,240 Speaker 1: them off. For me, my number one rule is, these 286 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:36,280 Speaker 1: are people that I know well. These are people that 287 00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:39,480 Speaker 1: I've spent time with, and I've spent time with in 288 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:43,040 Speaker 1: their home. We've had conversations around the kinds of things 289 00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:45,320 Speaker 1: that I allow my children to do already, and so 290 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,440 Speaker 1: the conversation that I'm then having with them in the 291 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:49,720 Speaker 1: lead up to a sleepover is just kind of reiterating, 292 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:51,880 Speaker 1: just checking in. Kids said they're going to be watching 293 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:56,040 Speaker 1: a movie tonight. Do you know what they're watching? We 294 00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:58,880 Speaker 1: don't let a children watch anything over a PG or 295 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,280 Speaker 1: whatever it is is. 296 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:03,480 Speaker 2: Okay, So last question for your sleepovers. Good idea or 297 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:04,080 Speaker 2: bad idea? 298 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:07,520 Speaker 1: Context matters. Okay, If I want to have a night 299 00:14:07,559 --> 00:14:10,520 Speaker 1: away with you, they're amazing, right, I'm. 300 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,480 Speaker 2: Going to say they're a great idea. So long as 301 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:16,840 Speaker 2: you know the people, you've had good conversations with your child, 302 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,800 Speaker 2: and your child knows that you are available at any 303 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:23,760 Speaker 2: time under any circumstances. If they're concerned, worried, or need 304 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:25,280 Speaker 2: to come home, even if that means that you've got 305 00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:27,680 Speaker 2: to get in the car and drive across town in 306 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:28,520 Speaker 2: the middle of the night. 307 00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:32,080 Speaker 1: I think for us the biggest thing is just follow 308 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:32,560 Speaker 1: your guart. 309 00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:35,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, nice one. 310 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:38,520 Speaker 1: You might know people well, but there's just an egle 311 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:40,960 Speaker 1: that you've got and you need to go with it. 312 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:44,080 Speaker 1: Maybe you're wrong, but you'd rather be wrong with this 313 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:45,360 Speaker 1: than wrong on the other end. 314 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,920 Speaker 2: Yes, safety is everything. The Happy Family's podcast is produced 315 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:50,040 Speaker 2: by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our 316 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:53,000 Speaker 2: executive producer. If you like more info about making your 317 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,840 Speaker 2: family happy, please visit us at Happy families dot com 318 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:56,160 Speaker 2: dot au.