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Speaker 1: Excuse me, Ashton, I don't know why I was English.

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Speaker 1: Then excuse me, young Chap. Yes, do you remember anything

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Speaker 1: from Oscar or, let's say Macy's birth?

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Speaker 2: I do recall fainting, okay, anything else. I recall stepping

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Speaker 2: over a large turd. That was April.

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Speaker 3: Beautiful memory. I know that you should.

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Speaker 2: Actually want to remember the important parts.

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Speaker 1: Well, I don't really either, but I feel like I'm

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Speaker 1: going to really give this third birth a red hot.

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Speaker 2: Crack well man, good thing. We have the host of

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Speaker 2: Australian Birth Stories, Sophie Walker, on the podcast to remind

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Speaker 2: us the in the outs of pregnancy, birth and of

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Speaker 2: course postpartum.

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Speaker 1: Since twenty seventeen, she's had over five hundred birth stories

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Speaker 1: from women and from women and men all across the country.

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Speaker 2: Which had about the big gaps in birth education, the

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Speaker 2: pressures on partners, and what we really need to prepare

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Speaker 2: for post pardon, let's get into it.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to two doting dads and one doting mom.

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Speaker 1: I am Maddie Jay.

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Speaker 4: And I'm Ash and I'm Sophie Walker.

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Speaker 3: And this is.

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Speaker 2: Birds are just going nuts right now, Birds are birding.

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Speaker 1: This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good,

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Speaker 1: it is the bad and the relatable. And we don't

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Speaker 1: give advice, but you maybe, yes, one of the most

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Speaker 1: intelligent guests we have ever had.

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Speaker 2: I would say so two books we've written one it's

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Speaker 2: not very intelligent, Ei, though we did have ast.

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Speaker 1: There is a question that we start. We're going to

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Speaker 1: put you on the spot. Yes, we can edit this

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Speaker 1: out if you don't want to answer it. Let's go

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Speaker 1: way back to when you were a child. Do you

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Speaker 1: recall the naughtiest thing you ever did?

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Speaker 3: Yes?

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Speaker 4: Oh, yes, great, great, we might have to edit this.

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Speaker 3: Okay.

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Speaker 4: Do you know so we've got a very blended family.

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Speaker 4: We're a bit of a brady bunch. And I have

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Speaker 4: a step brother who returned home from staying at his

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Speaker 4: mother's with two pet rats. Okay, and I killed them.

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Speaker 3: Quick cut that out. It was an accident.

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Speaker 4: Surely, well the Peter will come for me, now, weren't they? No,

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Speaker 4: it was intentional.

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Speaker 3: Can I just how old rough we were? Six? Okay?

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Speaker 3: All right, okay, okay, that's good. With passive period where

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Speaker 3: you can.

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Speaker 4: Be persecuted for that, we've really gone off on.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, very good.

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Speaker 3: Do I dare how the rats died?

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Speaker 4: Let's not. Let's not.

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Speaker 3: Good start.

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Speaker 4: I was like, we can't have pet rats and my

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Speaker 4: mum was really upset and I was like, I'll just

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Speaker 4: get rid of that.

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Speaker 3: Oh my goodness.

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Speaker 2: Do you remember what the punishment was for that?

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Speaker 4: No? I don't remember. I was like, yeah, do you

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Speaker 4: think no one knows it was me?

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Speaker 3: Well they do now, if it makes you feel any better.

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Speaker 1: We have a show called the Ecker, which is like

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Speaker 1: the Eastern Show and Brisbane. My sister won a goldfish.

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Speaker 1: I don't think I killed the goldfish, but the goldfish

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Speaker 1: they die pretty quick, and she buried it and I

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Speaker 1: thought I thought it would be like a fossil. I thought,

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Speaker 1: how cool to look at the bones. So I dug

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Speaker 1: it up.

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Speaker 3: You guys are fucked up and I got in a

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Speaker 3: lot of trouble and I was like, I was just inquisitive.

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Speaker 3: I wanted to see the bones of the fish.

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Speaker 2: The worst thing I ever did was befriend apossum.

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Speaker 3: And that's it. Didn't even kill it.

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Speaker 2: The dog's next door killed it, and I cried, that's

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Speaker 2: about it. But I've never I can successfully.

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Speaker 3: Can I just say we had ashes.

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Speaker 1: Mum on recently talked about him being in prison jail

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Speaker 1: holding cell anyway, so he's lying. Okay, befriended a possum.

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Speaker 1: You've been in jail, so just that's the only time

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Speaker 1: you know that I've been in jail.

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Speaker 4: Starving so lowly.

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Speaker 2: From me, and I think it's a really good place

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Speaker 2: to start. You might as well start at the bottom.

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Speaker 1: It's an interesting next question because I didn't expect your

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Speaker 1: first answer.

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Speaker 4: I don't know where that.

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Speaker 2: Came from, but wasn't I wasn't expecting to start with murder.

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Speaker 3: Did you always want to be a mum?

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Speaker 4: I feel like I need to reframe my first answer.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, very good, very good.

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Speaker 4: I did always want to be am my murderer's tendency maybe.

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Speaker 3: A six year old child's on them.

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Speaker 4: Okay, I did always want to be a mum, and

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Speaker 4: I kind of I always wanted to be a midwife, really,

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Speaker 4: which is weird that I didn't actually take that turn

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Speaker 4: after school. But yeah, I always saw myself wanting to

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Speaker 4: be a mum. And I was the first at any

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Speaker 4: family event to be like, oh, hold the baby. I'll

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Speaker 4: hold the baby from a really young age, so I've

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Speaker 4: always been into it.

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Speaker 2: I was the opposite.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, was there someone who introduced you to Midwiffree.

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Speaker 4: No, well, I didn't sort of study, but I've ended

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Speaker 4: up in this space now kind of just always gravitated

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Speaker 4: towards that nurturing side and wanting to take care of kids,

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Speaker 4: and I really look forward to the first opportunity of

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Speaker 4: like having my own and having my turn and doing

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Speaker 4: it all very maternal.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, very cool. And how I mean your first.

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Speaker 4: Child was I got three boys?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you got three boys?

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Speaker 2: Again, what's the eldest names Nick?

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Speaker 4: And he's eleven, and then I've got Louis who's nine

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Speaker 4: and Otti is six.

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Speaker 2: Well in the parent hierarchy, you are much higher than Madam.

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Speaker 2: I more seasoned for sure.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know there was such a gap between the

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Speaker 1: birth of your podcast and the birth of your first child,

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Speaker 1: but that is how the idea came about for the podcast.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, so I had I had a really difficult first birth,

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Speaker 4: and then I had a really great second birth, and

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Speaker 4: I made the podcast after the second birth. So it's like,

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Speaker 4: it can be really wonderful and let's kind of celebrate

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Speaker 4: and explore that. And that's when the podcast slotted in.

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Speaker 1: I know you've spoken about this many times, but for

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Speaker 1: anyone who's not familiar with your birth story for your first,

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Speaker 1: can you explain when you say it wasn't a great birth?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: What went wrong? Yeah?

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Speaker 4: So I went into that berth really confident because I

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Speaker 4: had that vibe of like, I can do this, like

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Speaker 4: bring on the challenge of contractions. And my husband has

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Speaker 4: ADHD and he's very sporty, and he was like, it's fine,

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Speaker 4: we'll just cover the contractions, we'll train for it, we'll

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Speaker 4: be fine. When so we were both really confident, in cocky,

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Speaker 4: really and I was like, I don't need drugs. I'm

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Speaker 4: just going to do it. I actually went into I

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Speaker 4: think it's about forty weeks and I went in. I

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Speaker 4: already had an appointment scheduled and I think I think

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Speaker 4: I was having contractions in the night. So I said

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Speaker 4: to the midwife, Oh, can you check me. I might

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Speaker 4: be in labor. And she checked me and she said,

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Speaker 4: you're five centimeters. I was like, huh, I'm halfway and

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Speaker 4: I haven't even raised a sweat. And she said, you're

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Speaker 4: going to have a baby this afternoon. You better go

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Speaker 4: home and have a sleep. And we were like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: we knew we had this. Thirty six hours later, I

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Speaker 4: was screaming for all the drugs. So I just well,

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Speaker 4: they used the term failure to progress. I got stuck

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Speaker 4: at five cent to meet us for a really long time,

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Speaker 4: and we did the pacing and the coaching and the

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Speaker 4: tens machine that I know you guys have tested out.

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Speaker 4: We're doing all of that, so we know exactly what

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Speaker 4: you've been through, exactly you have simulated that pain.

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Speaker 3: Do they know why that happens?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a bit tricky to know. I got to

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Speaker 4: a point where they said, well, we need to put

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Speaker 4: the drugs in to induce you and speed up the

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Speaker 4: later because it's not progressing. And it turns out that

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Speaker 4: my first was four point four kilos, so he was

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Speaker 4: pretty big.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to be really stupid and I'm sorry me too.

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Speaker 4: Go what's normal? Yeah, average is kind of like three

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Speaker 4: point four okay, wow, kind of Yeah, it was significantly larger.

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Speaker 4: It would have known, No, they didn't, which is funny

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Speaker 4: because then they were worried with my other two babies

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Speaker 4: that they were going to be big, and they they weren't.

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Speaker 4: They were smaller.

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Speaker 2: Can I ask you about you mentioned something their failure

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Speaker 2: to progress? Now, how did it feel when they said that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, there's so many terms in the birth space and

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Speaker 4: motherhood space I think as well fatherhood than a negative

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Speaker 4: like that. There's failure to progress, even miscarriage, like you've

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Speaker 4: done it wrong, you're not progressing, you're not pushing, you

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Speaker 4: need all these interventions, which we're trying to like dispel

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Speaker 4: and use more positive language. Even people still use like

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Speaker 4: natural birth. There's this unnatural birth, and I mean every

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Speaker 4: mode of birth is natural. We sort of talk about

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Speaker 4: cesarians as belly births rather than vaginal births, but we're

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Speaker 4: trying to do away with all that negative connotation.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, as soon as you said that, I was like,

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Speaker 2: it just has such like a negative And yeah, when

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Speaker 2: it's sort of out.

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Speaker 4: Of your control exactly and you're doing your best, and

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Speaker 4: of course you want your baby to come out. No

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Speaker 4: one's like actively even with the cervix, well, you've failure

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Speaker 4: to progress. Incompetent cervix is another term. Oh my goodness,

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Speaker 4: you know, like you're just so netive.

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Speaker 3: That's pretty much what you.

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Speaker 4: Again, something you've got no physical control over. But I

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Speaker 4: more or less got to the point where I said,

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Speaker 4: can I have an epidural? And then his heart rate

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Speaker 4: dropped and they need to use forceps, and I had

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Speaker 4: a post putum hemorrhage and it all just kind of

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Speaker 4: went pear shape for a really crazy five minutes. My

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Speaker 4: mum was there and my sister was there taking photos

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Speaker 4: and I yelled at her put down your camera and

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Speaker 4: hold up my leg, and my mom ran out of

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Speaker 4: the room. She was just like, this is too much.

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Speaker 4: My little boy came out and he was blue and unresponsive,

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Speaker 4: so that was a hectic few minutes, but he came

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Speaker 4: around really quickly, and then they managed me really quickly.

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Speaker 4: But I was just like, what the hell.

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Speaker 1: I was not expecting not expecting it when you're in

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Speaker 1: that situation where baby comes out blue in the chaos

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Speaker 1: of it all, I know you kind of zone out

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Speaker 1: towards that point of childbirth, But are you panicked? Are

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Speaker 1: you Are you aware of the stress and that those

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Speaker 1: types of emotions.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, And I actually can still recall losing the blood.

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Speaker 4: I thought I was dying and I just said, just

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Speaker 4: go to johnno, just go and be with the baby

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Speaker 4: because I'm pretty much dying. And it was all like

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Speaker 4: that sounds really extreme, and it was in the time,

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Speaker 4: but it was really quickly and then everyone's like, no,

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Speaker 4: the baby's fine, We've controlled the bleeding. You're good now,

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Speaker 4: like just put the baby on the breast, and I

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Speaker 4: was like oh, And I felt terrible and I was

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Speaker 4: like depleted from so I lost nine hundred mills and

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Speaker 4: anything over a liter is considered a postpartum hemorrhage. But

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Speaker 4: if you think of a leader of milk, it's a lot.

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Speaker 3: Of blood, a leader of water.

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Speaker 2: If you will take you yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 4: So it was really stressful for everyone and my husband John.

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Speaker 4: I thought that the baby and me were going to die,

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Speaker 4: so I was traumatic for the family as well. But

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Speaker 4: I guess fast forward to the next berth, I still

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Speaker 4: was like, Okay, I want a second go at this,

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Speaker 4: and I really immersed myself in birth education and looking

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Speaker 4: at other possibilities of birth because I think I just

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Speaker 4: went in going I don't need drugs and it'll be fine,

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Speaker 4: and they said I'll have a baby in the next

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Speaker 4: four hours and it's easy. And so I went the

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Speaker 4: next time around like I'm going to absorb every single

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Speaker 4: way that this can unfold. So nothing catches me by surprise.

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Speaker 1: Is there anything with the education that you had leading

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Speaker 1: up to the second child? Is there anything about your

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Speaker 1: first birth that you go, oh, I wish I knew this,

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Speaker 1: or I wish I'd done this differently.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: One of the biggest shifts was instead of like going

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Speaker 4: contractions coming and like literally going, oh, I just got

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Speaker 4: to get through the next one minute, I went the

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Speaker 4: opposite and I was like, Okay, contraction's coming. I'm going

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Speaker 4: to like release the tension as much as possible and

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Speaker 4: literally let the body move their baby kind of move

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Speaker 4: down and encourage that process, the physiology of birth, and

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Speaker 4: work with it rather than against it. And I think

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Speaker 4: I had like a five hour berth with my second

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Speaker 4: and he was a kilo smaller, So I think that helps.

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Speaker 4: And you've done it before and all your muscles have

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Speaker 4: done it before. But I really kind of worked with

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Speaker 4: the process instead of against it. And I think it's

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Speaker 4: instinctual when you feel pain to go for sure.

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Speaker 2: Were I'm just on the Tannes machine in particular, really

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Speaker 2: worked against the pain.

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Speaker 3: For a while because you.

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Speaker 4: Really grounded yourself.

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Speaker 2: I really ground myself, really felt like I was in

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Speaker 2: my natural element, and then all of a sudden, I

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Speaker 2: was like.

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Speaker 3: It was tough.

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Speaker 2: I just want to jump back the days and maybe

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Speaker 2: the week's leading after the first birth. Yeah, I mean,

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Speaker 2: where was your headspace after that? It was obviously the unexpected.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, we were in a kind of unusual situation at

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Speaker 4: the time because we hadn't really planned to have a

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Speaker 4: baby then, and we were both living at my parents'

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Speaker 4: house and we were both trying to finish master's degrees,

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Speaker 4: so it wasn't like the best time to fall pregnant.

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Speaker 4: And my mum wanted to sell the family home and

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Speaker 4: she's like, well, we can't sell it now because you're pregnant.

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Speaker 4: So I came home to a pretty great situation. Bum

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Speaker 4: was cooking for me and then they were like it

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Speaker 4: was first grandchild, So they were hovering around our bedroom

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Speaker 4: door in the morning, go can we hold the baby?

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Speaker 4: Can we hold the baby? So I could go and

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Speaker 4: have a shower, and we had heaps of support, really,

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Speaker 4: but I think, like my mum was saying, oh, I

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Speaker 4: think you know the fontanelle, the soft bit on the

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Speaker 4: top of the head. I think he's fontanelle's going in.

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Speaker 4: I don't think you're feeding him enough. I think you

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Speaker 4: should give him boiled water. And I was like, Mum,

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Speaker 4: nobody does that anymore? Like that, you don't know we're

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Speaker 4: talking about, yeah, put something in a bottle. So there

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Speaker 4: was a little bit of that tension, but generally we

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Speaker 4: had really great support and I had midwifree group care,

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Speaker 4: so I had a known midwife throughout the pregnancy, the birth,

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Speaker 4: and the postpartum and she was coming to the home

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Speaker 4: and checking everything and supporting me. So I had like

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Speaker 4: the best possible kind of setup, and yet I still

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Speaker 4: felt physically really depleted. I had because I had an episiotomy.

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Speaker 4: I had a lot of stitches and swelling, and I

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Speaker 4: actually had a prolapse. So I don't know if you're

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Speaker 4: familiar with that. We're throwing those words around all the time.

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Speaker 1: Now I'm assuming a prolapse is I don't know what

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Speaker 1: that is, okay, So it's when you know, so you

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Speaker 1: have your pelvic floor as a woman that holds all

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Speaker 1: the organs in at the bottom and when you're pushing,

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Speaker 1: and the weight that the pregnancy can stretch those muscles,

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Speaker 1: so things can kind of fall not fall out, but

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Speaker 1: there's laxity in those muscles, right, So you can have

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Speaker 1: in continence issues or you can have just like a

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Speaker 1: heaviness and things like that.

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Speaker 4: So you need to see a woman's health, physio and

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Speaker 4: get support. So I had those things going on, which

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Speaker 4: leads to like lower back pain and stuff, and still

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Speaker 4: navigating feeding and all the challenges for the first time

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Speaker 4: mum got through, but emotionally, once I got through thinking

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Speaker 4: about the birth and just going what the hell was that,

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Speaker 4: I kind of shelved that until I was pregnant again

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Speaker 4: to like reassess the birth process. And I really enjoyed

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Speaker 4: being a mum and I really had a really easy

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Speaker 4: breastfeeding journey, so I felt really positive about that.

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Speaker 1: We have to give you a big round of applause.

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Speaker 1: I'd give you like a Donnor for the audio, because

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Speaker 1: since twenty seventeen, you've created an absolute behemoth of a podcast.

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Speaker 1: It is incredible what you've done, and we found out

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Speaker 1: before we started recording that you still do a lot

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Speaker 1: of it on your own.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I think people really underestimate how much work is involved

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Speaker 1: in a podcast. People think you just rock up and

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Speaker 1: you chat for a bit.

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Speaker 3: And that's it. Yeah, so well done.

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Speaker 4: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: You had the birth of your second child, which was

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Speaker 1: opposite to your first, But then how do you make

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Speaker 1: the connection between those situations to then go I want

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Speaker 1: to start a podcast.

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Speaker 4: Well, I was listening to a lot of podcasts at

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Speaker 4: the time, and it was Yeah, in twenty seventeen, there

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Speaker 4: weren't many. It wasn't like what it is today. But

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Speaker 4: I was listening to heaps and work part time in

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Speaker 4: cancer research. That's what I was doing. And I was

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Speaker 4: chatting to a friend. We did a lot of like

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Speaker 4: envelope stuffing and things for research. She's like, you should

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Speaker 4: just do your own podcast, and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 4: who listened to mine? Just like, doesn't even matter. Just

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Speaker 4: like record yours and a few friends, which is what

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Speaker 4: I did initially. And I seriously thought, like I was

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Speaker 4: working and I had kids and things. I didn't think

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Speaker 4: it would become a business or anything like that. And

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Speaker 4: I literally did. So the first episode is me, the

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Speaker 4: next month's my sister, then a few close friends, and

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Speaker 4: I was like, can you Apparently with podcasts you've got

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Speaker 4: to keep the momentum. So tomorrow I'm coming over and

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Speaker 4: we'll record your birth story. And everyone likes to tell

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Speaker 4: their birst story, so they're like sure, but now they're like,

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Speaker 4: can you actually take my episode down? I didn't realize

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Speaker 4: millions of people.

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Speaker 3: I haven't.

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Speaker 4: I was like, no, it's I don't know how.

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Speaker 2: I'm just.

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Speaker 4: So yeah, it's funny, but I've been doing it. So

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Speaker 4: we've done five hundred and fifty episodes now and started

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Speaker 4: to share real variety of birth experiences and postpartum experiences,

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Speaker 4: and I think people enjoyed kind of seeing that as well.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, people like to hear that other people have gone

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Speaker 2: through things as well. I wasn't really aware of all

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Speaker 2: the different variations of and what can happen. Do you

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Speaker 2: think it's benefiting in terms of what people can expect

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Speaker 2: in every situation?

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Speaker 4: And I think we have, Like some people find out

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Speaker 4: they're pregnant and just kind of want to block their

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Speaker 4: ears and not hear any of it. And so we've

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Speaker 4: got like a starting point of his five positive birth

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Speaker 4: experiences to get you started. Have listened, and then hopefully

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Speaker 4: throughout your nine months of preparing, you'll gradually listen to

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Speaker 4: things that have had been a little bit more challenging.

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Speaker 4: Because I know people have messaged me saying, oh, thank god,

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Speaker 4: I listened to Claire's episode because she asked for this

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Speaker 4: and I asked for that. And so they're just sort

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Speaker 4: of putting a few extra things in their toolkits. Along

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Speaker 4: the way, and I think, yeah, their first hand account

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Speaker 4: saying that really helped.

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Speaker 1: Is there one that stands out as being the most

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Speaker 1: surprising that you've heard on the podcast?

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Speaker 4: One of them that was a bit more interesting was

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Speaker 4: a same sex couple where the other partner, who didn't

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Speaker 4: carry the child, was able to induce lactations, so they

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Speaker 4: both breastfed the baby even though one of them carried

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Speaker 4: the baby.

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Speaker 2: Again, when I'm like, we don't know how many variations

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Speaker 2: and how what can happen? There's one never straight off

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Speaker 2: the bat men could do that.

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Speaker 3: Assume it was two women.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you literally don't have the biology for it. And

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Speaker 4: every woman's like, imagine how good that would be. You're like,

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Speaker 4: the two am feed, you just elbow the other one fifty.

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Speaker 2: Fifty heavens, and we don't have that ability. That is

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Speaker 2: such an amazing I just didn't know. Sorry, and my

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Speaker 2: mind's a little bit blining abound.

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Speaker 1: And is there any stories when you look at the

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Speaker 1: spectrum of those being difficult births that sticks out as

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Speaker 1: being one that was traumatic for you to listen to.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, quite a few of them because we do everything

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Speaker 4: from like a textbook water birth with no drugs and

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Speaker 4: everyone that's euphuic through to stillbirth where the baby hasn't

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Speaker 4: survived or an infant loss. So we we really do

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Speaker 4: the full spectrum. And at the beginning they're titled as such,

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Speaker 4: and at the beginning, I'll say this episode contains the following.

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Speaker 4: If you don't feel ready to listen to it, then

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Speaker 4: stop now. So we're very respectful of that. And yet

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Speaker 4: those episodes still get a lot of people listening because

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Speaker 4: not only is it beneficial for someone to share it

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Speaker 4: and in a cathartic experience, but other people that have

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Speaker 4: been through that sort of such a unique and harrowing

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Speaker 4: journey want to listen to other people how they navigated it.

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Speaker 4: And then we've also got a lot of people listening

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Speaker 4: who want to support friends and family, or we've also

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Speaker 4: got it's now certified professional development for midwives to listen

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Speaker 4: to the podcast as part of their training, so they

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Speaker 4: can listen because you need to do a certain number

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Speaker 4: of births before you're qualified, but to be able to

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Speaker 4: listen to first hand accounts on mass they can use

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Speaker 4: that as accreditation, which is awesome.

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Speaker 2: Do you find that when you have people reaching out

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Speaker 2: that are they aren't parents yet but they're thinking about

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Speaker 2: whether they want to be parents, and they've listened to

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Speaker 2: a few stories and they've sort of built up a

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Speaker 2: bit of an anxiety around it.

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Speaker 4: Usually not anxiety. They sort of are starting to get

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Speaker 4: excited and they're doing all their homework and I feel

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Speaker 4: like they're like the gold the A plus students. They're

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Speaker 4: startying their head because I think depending on what model

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Speaker 4: of care you want and things like that, you do

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Speaker 4: need to know straight away to advocate for that. And

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Speaker 4: if they've done their research and know what they want,

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Speaker 4: then they're halfway there for that. So yeah, it's definitely exciting,

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Speaker 4: perhaps more so skewed to like Midwiffree and student duelers

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Speaker 4: and things listening and then they're ready at their point.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I'm a bit of a sponge right now.

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Speaker 1: We are expecting our baby, our third baby, in September.

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Speaker 4: So exciting, and I think now more.

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Speaker 1: Than ever, I'm a lot more keen to understand all

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Speaker 1: potential situations. Going back to some of the stories that

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Speaker 1: you've told, is the one that sticks with you the most.

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Speaker 4: I kind of think my favorite, one of my favorite

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Speaker 4: episodes is with my sister because I was her and

440
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,520
Speaker 4: I'd had three kids at that point, and I was

441
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:03,200
Speaker 4: supporting her.

442
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:04,480
Speaker 3: You're the expert.

443
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,920
Speaker 4: Well I thought I was, but then when you're in there,

444
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,439
Speaker 4: and I think when you've got that emotional connection. So

445
00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:11,720
Speaker 4: it really made me sort of see what it's like

446
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:14,080
Speaker 4: to support someone. And she was saying, I don't think

447
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,200
Speaker 4: I can do it, and I was thinking, I don't

448
00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:18,359
Speaker 4: think you can either. I didn't say that, and I

449
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:20,119
Speaker 4: was like, oh my god, Yeah, that really has to

450
00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:21,760
Speaker 4: come out. And when you're at that angle, it looks

451
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:23,919
Speaker 4: totally different when you're looking down.

452
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:24,960
Speaker 3: You're doing Yeah.

453
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,119
Speaker 4: I was like, just like squort a bit more. And

454
00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:29,240
Speaker 4: afterwards I was like, I don't know. I think perhaps

455
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:31,280
Speaker 4: I was using all the techniques and stories. I was like,

456
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:32,480
Speaker 4: I think you need to go to the toilet now,

457
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,480
Speaker 4: now get on the ball, now get on the bed,

458
00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:37,040
Speaker 4: and do the squad. And then her midwife was like

459
00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:40,200
Speaker 4: fine and let me boss her around and it went

460
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,240
Speaker 4: really well and it was a great experience, and I

461
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:43,520
Speaker 4: actually caught her baby.

462
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:44,360
Speaker 3: Wow.

463
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:46,959
Speaker 4: Yeah, which is funny because I caught her daughter and

464
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:48,960
Speaker 4: she is like a no touch person. I was like,

465
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,399
Speaker 4: I caught you a birth, and she won't give me

466
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:50,720
Speaker 4: a hug.

467
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:51,800
Speaker 3: Now, oh wow.

468
00:20:56,080 --> 00:21:00,480
Speaker 2: Out of the five hundred or so stories, how many

469
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:03,400
Speaker 2: of them had a fainting partner in it?

470
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:08,240
Speaker 4: I think a few. Yes, you're one of them.

471
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:13,679
Speaker 2: I've got two kids. Firstborn very when in routinely she

472
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:17,879
Speaker 2: went into labor contractions, fine, same thing, sort of he

473
00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:21,800
Speaker 2: was spine to spine, and we sort of ended up

474
00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:23,439
Speaker 2: being in there for like forty eight hours before it

475
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:26,120
Speaker 2: turned into an emergency sea section. I was completely fine

476
00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:27,600
Speaker 2: through the whole thing. I just step over a bit

477
00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:29,840
Speaker 2: of pooh. That was probably the hardest part, but like

478
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:33,080
Speaker 2: I was sort of I felt calm and collected in

479
00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:35,320
Speaker 2: the moment when she needed me to be there. But

480
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:39,399
Speaker 2: then with my second child, it was a planned C section,

481
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:42,320
Speaker 2: like booking into a hotel in this instance, and we

482
00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:44,359
Speaker 2: were both like, this is so much more calm, and

483
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:46,560
Speaker 2: we know what to expect. They tell us what we're doing.

484
00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:50,520
Speaker 2: We're in scrubs, it's all happening this morning. I'm staring

485
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:52,440
Speaker 2: my wife as she's sitting on the side of the

486
00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:56,040
Speaker 2: bed and she's getting an epidural. I can't see anything.

487
00:21:56,760 --> 00:22:02,199
Speaker 2: I didn't see the needle. Bo I'm out, I remember, thankfully.

488
00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:05,280
Speaker 2: I was sort of crouched down, sitting holding her hands,

489
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:08,080
Speaker 2: just being there in the moment with her and trying

490
00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:12,159
Speaker 2: to be if she was scared, trying to take on

491
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:15,399
Speaker 2: some of that for her, and it all came a

492
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:19,199
Speaker 2: little bit overwhelming for me, and I fainted, and I

493
00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:21,479
Speaker 2: remember waking up with my legs in the air with

494
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:24,680
Speaker 2: a flannel on my face and.

495
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:25,760
Speaker 3: Pants were off as well.

496
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:28,000
Speaker 2: Yes, that's still unexplained.

497
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:31,760
Speaker 3: We'll get to the bottom flap. And I'm holding.

498
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:34,040
Speaker 2: A juice box and I look up and my wife's

499
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:37,040
Speaker 2: laying down getting ready for a plant c section, and

500
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:39,680
Speaker 2: she just goes, of course, she'd make it all about you.

501
00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:44,679
Speaker 2: And there's all the nurses and everyone around taking photos

502
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:47,119
Speaker 2: of me flat on my back with my legs up

503
00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:50,920
Speaker 2: in the air, and I'm not I'm excited to tell

504
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:52,840
Speaker 2: this story because I'm usually not allowed to tell this

505
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:56,280
Speaker 2: story because I've told it too many times and Mats,

506
00:22:56,359 --> 00:23:01,160
Speaker 2: can you just cool it? But today I'm yeah, yeah,

507
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:03,800
Speaker 2: so I recovered and I was I'm so pleased.

508
00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:07,160
Speaker 1: Have you had any stories that have a similar situation

509
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:07,520
Speaker 1: to that.

510
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:10,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it's quite common, and I think, well,

511
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,639
Speaker 4: I think the big point of difference for like the

512
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:16,119
Speaker 4: birthing woman is going through all the hormones and everything,

513
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,520
Speaker 4: and you go into this other world where it's quite

514
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:21,080
Speaker 4: different for the birth support person because they're present and

515
00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:24,120
Speaker 4: they're seeing their child that's being born and their partner

516
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:25,959
Speaker 4: go through all those things. So I think you're in

517
00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:27,840
Speaker 4: kind of you're almost on different planets.

518
00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:30,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was kind of like when they pull both

519
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:34,800
Speaker 2: kids out and they're screaming, it's like, put it back

520
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:38,679
Speaker 2: feel my friends have fainted. Actually, one he took a

521
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:42,760
Speaker 2: peek midway through and sort of got a bit woozy

522
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:46,520
Speaker 2: and he moved off towards the corner of the delivery

523
00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:50,159
Speaker 2: suite and he fainted, hit the corner of the wall,

524
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:55,200
Speaker 2: started to slide down, but it's his knees locked out

525
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:58,320
Speaker 2: and stopped him from actually hitting. And he spent the

526
00:23:58,320 --> 00:23:59,520
Speaker 2: whole delivery like that.

527
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:03,920
Speaker 4: Oh, he might have been of more use doing that. Then, Yeah,

528
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:06,560
Speaker 4: out of the way.

529
00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:08,760
Speaker 3: No, have I held it?

530
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:10,720
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, yeah, it was great, and the way he

531
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:12,240
Speaker 2: tells it, it's just great.

532
00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:13,000
Speaker 4: So I missed the birth.

533
00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:14,360
Speaker 3: He missed the whole birth.

534
00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:16,800
Speaker 2: And he was in the corner of the wall, and yeah,

535
00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:18,439
Speaker 2: his knees stopped him from sliding.

536
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:21,040
Speaker 1: The way I'm wondering if these dads would have benefited

537
00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:21,959
Speaker 1: from doing the course.

538
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:24,600
Speaker 4: I think so, I was just thinking, you can't kind

539
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 4: of prepare for the smells of the hospital and like

540
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:30,120
Speaker 4: whether you'll see the epidural needle or things like that,

541
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:33,400
Speaker 4: but you can certainly prepare with big advocates of prepare

542
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,520
Speaker 4: as a birth partner and have like quite a few

543
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:37,640
Speaker 4: different options and make yourself a cheat sheet like oh

544
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:40,320
Speaker 4: if she you know, because sometimes you learn oh they

545
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:43,479
Speaker 4: like light touch message. I think if my husband had

546
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:44,560
Speaker 4: slightly touched me able to.

547
00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:50,719
Speaker 2: Punch sheet, I was way too sweaty palm.

548
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:52,639
Speaker 3: I'm like, what does that say?

549
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:57,240
Speaker 1: I feel like for the third birth, I'm going to

550
00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:59,320
Speaker 1: be making up for the fact that I was a

551
00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:02,200
Speaker 1: little bit shit it and the preparation side of things

552
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:05,200
Speaker 1: for the first two, because can we get an example

553
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:10,359
Speaker 1: of I just I just think I I think I

554
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:14,639
Speaker 1: don't even know if I went to a birth in class.

555
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:17,040
Speaker 1: I think we went to one. We had one walk

556
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:18,040
Speaker 1: through with a midwife.

557
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:19,000
Speaker 3: That was it.

558
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:21,720
Speaker 1: I was away for work a lot for our first

559
00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:24,960
Speaker 1: child for the birth, so that's my excuse.

560
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:26,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I just I don't know.

561
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:31,000
Speaker 1: I think I think I underestimated how much I would

562
00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:33,040
Speaker 1: need to know because I'm like, oh, it's like if

563
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:37,479
Speaker 1: you're going in for any type of operation, you're not

564
00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:40,040
Speaker 1: really I'm like, well, the medical staff will do all

565
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:40,480
Speaker 1: the work.

566
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:43,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't have to have the degree to you done.

567
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:47,360
Speaker 4: That's such a common idea of philosophy of so, yeah,

568
00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:49,280
Speaker 4: you'll have a midwife. People think the midwife will be

569
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:51,720
Speaker 4: like they're like the like a doueler or like a

570
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:53,640
Speaker 4: support person, and they're in and out and they've got

571
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:56,000
Speaker 4: other things going on a lot of the time. So

572
00:25:56,119 --> 00:25:58,800
Speaker 4: people are listening, they haven't been in the birth space before.

573
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:00,560
Speaker 4: You're on your own a lot of the just with

574
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:03,159
Speaker 4: your partner. So you want them to feel confident. You

575
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:05,760
Speaker 4: want them to know different things and like say you

576
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:08,320
Speaker 4: don't want that, you want four other options of like

577
00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:10,520
Speaker 4: maybe you want ice chips, or maybe you want the

578
00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:12,880
Speaker 4: face towel, or maybe you want birth combs and things

579
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:15,240
Speaker 4: like that, and have a little menu of things you

580
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:17,879
Speaker 4: can offer, because otherwise you'll feel like you'll get to

581
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:19,520
Speaker 4: that point. It's a bit like when you know you

582
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:21,200
Speaker 4: get to an exam and you're like, shit, I really

583
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:23,720
Speaker 4: should have studied the night before. This is that occasion

584
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:25,720
Speaker 4: you can't get it wrong. You need to be there

585
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:27,040
Speaker 4: and you need to have done it a bit of

586
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:28,880
Speaker 4: the homework. But I've given you my book so you'd

587
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:29,200
Speaker 4: be fine.

588
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:34,440
Speaker 2: Also courses that you you provide. What do you think

589
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:36,399
Speaker 2: would benefit young Matthew he the most.

590
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:39,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I think start from the beginning.

591
00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:41,080
Speaker 2: Ucation.

592
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:43,720
Speaker 4: You've got two births to go off, I think as well,

593
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:45,719
Speaker 4: so you know loosely what she enjoyed.

594
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,960
Speaker 1: I saw on the website there's actually before you even

595
00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:54,160
Speaker 1: get to childbirth, there's like an information chapter on being pregnant.

596
00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:55,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're not pregnant.

597
00:26:55,920 --> 00:27:00,359
Speaker 4: Let's well, how to support.

598
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:02,439
Speaker 3: Can I How can I help Laura? I want to

599
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:05,080
Speaker 3: I want to be I'm trying to. How can we both?

600
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:10,119
Speaker 4: I'm yeah, yeah, there's so many things you can do,

601
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:12,119
Speaker 4: and I think you're in a unique spot with and

602
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,920
Speaker 4: I've got three so I know what that's like. You logistically,

603
00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:16,760
Speaker 4: things are very different this time around because you've got

604
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:19,399
Speaker 4: two other people to take care of. I think you

605
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:21,960
Speaker 4: need to also just allow that space for this is

606
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:24,440
Speaker 4: a whole new person coming in. It's a new baby,

607
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:27,240
Speaker 4: a new birth, so you don't know how it's gonna unfold.

608
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:30,240
Speaker 4: But you've also got the logistics of the other two,

609
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:34,680
Speaker 4: and I think people commonly kind of say with subsequent children, like, oh,

610
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:36,280
Speaker 4: you'd be the one that take the other two to

611
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:38,600
Speaker 4: the park or to kinder or daycare, and then you'll

612
00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:41,560
Speaker 4: find most people on my show have said I cried

613
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:43,280
Speaker 4: and cried when the new baby came, and it was

614
00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:45,879
Speaker 4: less about this baby and it was more about missing

615
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:48,600
Speaker 4: the other two kids or the other one kid, because

616
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:51,800
Speaker 4: you're suddenly having less connection with them and you actually

617
00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:55,439
Speaker 4: know them more than you know this baby. And I

618
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:57,639
Speaker 4: remember that with my third because I was like, he

619
00:27:57,680 --> 00:27:59,639
Speaker 4: didn't look like the others as well. I was like,

620
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:02,520
Speaker 4: I'll take care of you, Like it wasn't post part

621
00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:03,919
Speaker 4: of the impression, and I was like, I'll take care

622
00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:05,320
Speaker 4: of you, but I don't really know you how to

623
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:08,000
Speaker 4: feel that connected to you, which was new for me,

624
00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:10,040
Speaker 4: and that took a little bit of time to get

625
00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:12,360
Speaker 4: to know him. But I felt more of a pull

626
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:14,439
Speaker 4: to the other two children. So I think you have

627
00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:18,040
Speaker 4: to find that balance of don't assume that like helping

628
00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:20,520
Speaker 4: is taking the other two away. Maybe sometimes it's holding

629
00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:24,400
Speaker 4: the newborn and letting them have the kind of em experience.

630
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:28,960
Speaker 3: Yeah I did it. Yeah, that's good. Gear is great.

631
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:30,320
Speaker 3: Get that is good stuff.

632
00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:33,159
Speaker 2: You know, I don't even think about that because I

633
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:36,159
Speaker 2: mean when you were like, yeah, who are you, Like

634
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:38,240
Speaker 2: that makes total sense because it's the first time you

635
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:39,800
Speaker 2: have a child as well, you kind of like, I

636
00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:40,280
Speaker 2: don't know you.

637
00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:43,400
Speaker 4: Yeah. On our podcast and in the content that we do,

638
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:45,800
Speaker 4: we're to like find what works for you and like

639
00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:48,360
Speaker 4: these are some of my opinions and my experience, but

640
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:50,920
Speaker 4: you know, you do what works for you in your household.

641
00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:55,200
Speaker 4: But I loved I was never like, have the husband

642
00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:57,680
Speaker 4: up helping with the nappy change. I'm like, that seems

643
00:28:57,760 --> 00:29:00,440
Speaker 4: ludicrous to me. Like sleep if you can sleep, so

644
00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:03,120
Speaker 4: you've got your a game for the next day. I

645
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:06,040
Speaker 4: loved with my second two to just go. I slept

646
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:08,080
Speaker 4: with them in a separate room like in the nursery,

647
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:09,960
Speaker 4: and I was like, okay, you deal with the other

648
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,680
Speaker 4: two kids. And I loved it at night rather than

649
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:15,160
Speaker 4: have the nighttime scary. So sometimes people say, oh, the

650
00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:17,120
Speaker 4: night comes and you're on your own and you're feeding

651
00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:19,160
Speaker 4: all night and you're not going to sleep. I loved it.

652
00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:20,640
Speaker 4: I was like, we're going to go into our little

653
00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:23,000
Speaker 4: nest and I just have to look after the newborn

654
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:25,719
Speaker 4: and do our thing, and you'll be up for like

655
00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 4: making school lunches and doing daycare run and you'll be

656
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:30,480
Speaker 4: feeling fresh, and it's a nice time for them to

657
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:32,680
Speaker 4: bond more and become a little bit more reliant if

658
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:33,640
Speaker 4: you haven't got that dynamic.

659
00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:36,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, because you were saying you really bonded with Mali

660
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:41,600
Speaker 2: after Lola was born, because you do become like sort

661
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 2: of like little besties all of a sudden. Yeah, because

662
00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:46,400
Speaker 2: my wife did the same thing. So with our second,

663
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:51,280
Speaker 2: she slept in the master bedroom with Macy. I slept

664
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:54,520
Speaker 2: on the couch classic. But then I was responsible for

665
00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:58,000
Speaker 2: anything Oscar needed and at worked because I was getting rest,

666
00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:01,360
Speaker 2: Oscar was getting rest, and we could, you know, like

667
00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:03,840
Speaker 2: jump in and help out in the morning when and

668
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:06,000
Speaker 2: we'd be refresh ready to help. And I think that's

669
00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:07,719
Speaker 2: a really good advice. Yeah.

670
00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:11,320
Speaker 1: I know everyone is different here, so we're not going

671
00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:13,880
Speaker 1: to take what you say as being the golden the

672
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:18,440
Speaker 1: golden rule. But your husband, when you mentioned the first birth,

673
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,520
Speaker 1: he was like, this is a sport we're going to take.

674
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:22,720
Speaker 3: We're going to tackle it, we're gonna get it done,

675
00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:23,320
Speaker 3: We're going to win.

676
00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:27,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, is there anything that he did, or even if

677
00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:29,400
Speaker 1: it was for that first birth, second or third, is

678
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 1: it anything that he did that you look back and go,

679
00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:32,920
Speaker 1: I'm so glad that he did that.

680
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:37,360
Speaker 4: I've got the counter to that. Okay, in the first

681
00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:39,080
Speaker 4: birth and then where he did better on the second.

682
00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:41,120
Speaker 4: But the first birth, I said, I want the ep

683
00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:44,560
Speaker 4: driol now, and he said, now, remember, he's like, now,

684
00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:47,320
Speaker 4: remember you said when you asked for the epit drill

685
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:50,040
Speaker 4: that I should offer like he was like, going off script,

686
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:52,880
Speaker 4: I should offer, you know, ice chips or something, and

687
00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:56,200
Speaker 4: I said, get out of my face, Mum. I said,

688
00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:59,080
Speaker 4: I'm so serious. I want that and it might take

689
00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:02,280
Speaker 4: a while, so order it now. And so he tried.

690
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:04,400
Speaker 4: He did follow the instructions, but it was he wasn't

691
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:05,240
Speaker 4: reading the rooms.

692
00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:08,360
Speaker 1: Sometimes says I'm going to have a nap, wake me

693
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:09,080
Speaker 1: up in an hour.

694
00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:12,719
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I'm are you sure? A bomb?

695
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:18,680
Speaker 4: But I think second time around he'd learnt and I'd learned,

696
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:20,920
Speaker 4: and we had different scripts. And I actually didn't really

697
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:23,520
Speaker 4: involve him in the second I just really went inward.

698
00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 4: I hardly spoke. I just really was focusing on the

699
00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:28,920
Speaker 4: physiology of birth and doing it on my own.

700
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 3: Did he struggle with that at all, then.

701
00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:32,760
Speaker 4: No, I think he was better at just like, Okay,

702
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:34,920
Speaker 4: if she needs me, she'll like grab me.

703
00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:35,320
Speaker 3: Yep.

704
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:39,040
Speaker 4: And interestingly, with the third I did actually want more

705
00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:41,520
Speaker 4: support from him, and I was holding his hands, gripping

706
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:44,440
Speaker 4: and using him as counterbalance. I didn't have birth combes

707
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:45,760
Speaker 4: at that point, so I was just holding on to.

708
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:47,880
Speaker 2: Him for squeezing for dear life.

709
00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:52,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, yeah. Is there any advice that you can

710
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:58,280
Speaker 1: give me when we are I'm I have a level

711
00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:01,760
Speaker 1: of apprehension, okay, right now about a third arriving, And

712
00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:05,479
Speaker 1: is there any advice that you can give me on

713
00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:08,480
Speaker 1: how to better manage life with three little ones under

714
00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:08,960
Speaker 1: one roof?

715
00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:12,800
Speaker 4: What's advice for managing three kids? Yeah, okay, it's hard.

716
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:15,160
Speaker 4: I've got a tragic photo of when I just came

717
00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:17,440
Speaker 4: home from hospital and I was in that little nest

718
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 4: I'd built myself, and then my three year old at

719
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:22,440
Speaker 4: the time brought a pillow and slept outside the door

720
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:24,360
Speaker 4: like he was waiting for me to come work house.

721
00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:29,360
Speaker 4: I know, it's real. Well, I think the important thing

722
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:32,040
Speaker 4: is to acknowledge that it's a transition for everybody in

723
00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:35,240
Speaker 4: the family, so for each child, so your youngest is

724
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:38,040
Speaker 4: no longer the youngest. They've become the middle man or

725
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:41,160
Speaker 4: woman in your case. Yeah, the dynamic shift you suddenly

726
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:44,959
Speaker 4: you've got three different people and three different wants and needs.

727
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:48,080
Speaker 4: And I think there's an assumption with subsequent kids, people like, oh,

728
00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:49,720
Speaker 4: you've had a baby before, you know what you're doing.

729
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:52,440
Speaker 4: And it's like, yeah, well we know what we're doing

730
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:54,240
Speaker 4: to a degree, but we've got a whole other person

731
00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:54,680
Speaker 4: to manage.

732
00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:55,640
Speaker 2: Now they're all different.

733
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:58,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, you need more meals, you need more help with

734
00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 4: like kinder then things like that, and you've got more mess.

735
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:06,600
Speaker 4: And I think acknowledging kind of surrendering the previous births

736
00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:08,760
Speaker 4: and children and being like, okay, we've got a clean

737
00:33:08,840 --> 00:33:11,360
Speaker 4: slate here in theory. We're going to look at this

738
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:14,400
Speaker 4: birth and this baby in a whole new light and

739
00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:18,240
Speaker 4: really brainstorm, like together, sit down and talk about what, well, Laura,

740
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:20,320
Speaker 4: what did you like in the first birth? What did

741
00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:22,360
Speaker 4: I do? Just get it, maybe get a bit of

742
00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:26,160
Speaker 4: an appraisal of your previous work, and then together just

743
00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:29,040
Speaker 4: talk about logistically, like I don't know if you're wanting

744
00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:32,320
Speaker 4: to do breastfeeding, but logistically, okay, we're going to probably

745
00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:36,000
Speaker 4: have witching hour where my kids just generally would cry

746
00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:38,640
Speaker 4: from say, four till eight pm. And you're like, all right,

747
00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:41,600
Speaker 4: we're probably in for an unsettled period with a baby,

748
00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:42,960
Speaker 4: but we're going to have to feed the other kids,

749
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:45,560
Speaker 4: So logistically, should we have like how we're going to

750
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:48,400
Speaker 4: manage that, Like just map out kind of best and

751
00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:51,080
Speaker 4: worst case scenarios so that you're both on the same

752
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:54,480
Speaker 4: page about what you're trying to navigate.

753
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:58,200
Speaker 2: It Changing nappies again, Matt, I know, I know, it's

754
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:01,920
Speaker 2: it's it's weird.

755
00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:03,160
Speaker 4: How what are your girls now?

756
00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:05,640
Speaker 1: So Marley is about to turn by the time it

757
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:08,440
Speaker 1: comes out, Maley is six and Lola is five?

758
00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:09,920
Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, I think.

759
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:15,240
Speaker 2: She will be five four February she will be sorry.

760
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:21,640
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, gold stuff, yes, yeah, yes, to reiterate, I

761
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:22,560
Speaker 1: know my children's agent.

762
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:27,120
Speaker 2: Also, I'm a numbers guy. Yes, there was something that

763
00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:29,319
Speaker 2: you did. Tap us on the shoulders, shoulder about a

764
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:31,799
Speaker 2: story that happened with one of your kids. I think

765
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:34,680
Speaker 2: it was Nick who had a bit of an incident

766
00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:38,120
Speaker 2: in a Westfield car park constipation. Can you please tell

767
00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:39,400
Speaker 2: us how did that happen?

768
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:42,400
Speaker 4: Well, you know how they are, They're like check for

769
00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:45,000
Speaker 4: wet nappies. Are they consistently doing wet nappies And we're like, yeah,

770
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:48,040
Speaker 4: he's consistently doing wet nappies, but he hasn't pood for

771
00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:48,800
Speaker 4: ten days.

772
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:54,719
Speaker 2: Ten I'd be so fucking cranky, I know.

773
00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:55,359
Speaker 5: Yeah.

774
00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:59,880
Speaker 4: He was like, it's like going somewhere you don't reabsorb,

775
00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:02,200
Speaker 4: and they were like, it's fine for breastfed. He was

776
00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:06,200
Speaker 4: exclusively breastfed, and they yeah, apparently for breastfed babysit, I

777
00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:08,439
Speaker 4: think the upper end of the scale is ten days.

778
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:13,319
Speaker 4: They'll like be ready because they'll come back. So you

779
00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:15,000
Speaker 4: know you so you do all the things you got

780
00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:16,680
Speaker 4: to do still. But then I was like, oh, he

781
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:19,719
Speaker 4: started making strange noises and I videoed it, which I

782
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:21,719
Speaker 4: don't think anyone needs to see, but John is like,

783
00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:25,200
Speaker 4: why are you videoing yourself? Was like it's like so overwhelming,

784
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:26,200
Speaker 4: but yeah.

785
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:28,280
Speaker 3: It was good for the archives.

786
00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:29,759
Speaker 4: First.

787
00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:33,799
Speaker 2: Okay, Westfield car Park and just full explosion.

788
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:35,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, well we were going to go in and then

789
00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:37,399
Speaker 4: he started making noises and I was like, I think

790
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:41,520
Speaker 4: it's time we went now. Now we went back into

791
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:43,399
Speaker 4: the carrental like had him in the in the.

792
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:47,400
Speaker 1: Boot and what kind of noise does a child groaning

793
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:49,080
Speaker 1: exactly like that?

794
00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:52,480
Speaker 4: Actually, I mean this is a gross visualization, but it

795
00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:54,719
Speaker 4: was pretty much like mister Whippy because you know your

796
00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:57,160
Speaker 4: old their legs up, you know your hold their legs

797
00:35:57,200 --> 00:35:58,279
Speaker 4: up to keep him out of the way, and it

798
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:06,200
Speaker 4: just kept coming. But we also just lo was like

799
00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:07,080
Speaker 4: it needs to come out.

800
00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:12,200
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, none of my kids have gone ten day?

801
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:13,200
Speaker 3: How long do you reckon?

802
00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:13,920
Speaker 2: You've gone? Now?

803
00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:20,759
Speaker 3: The longest for I was about to delve into a

804
00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:22,920
Speaker 3: story when I was twelve, but I won't now. I

805
00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:24,920
Speaker 3: know we never had that issue.

806
00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:28,880
Speaker 1: It's so there's there's so many things that happen differently

807
00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:31,520
Speaker 1: for other people. Do you think there's there may not

808
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:33,600
Speaker 1: be an answer to this, but what do you think

809
00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:36,400
Speaker 1: is the biggest misconception about childbirth?

810
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:40,520
Speaker 4: Misconception? I feel like you don't know what you're going

811
00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:42,839
Speaker 4: to want until you're in it. So people, I mean,

812
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:44,920
Speaker 4: we talk about birth plans, and I encourage people to

813
00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:46,880
Speaker 4: do them, but I encourage you to have three plans

814
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:48,520
Speaker 4: because you don't know who you're going to be on

815
00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:50,520
Speaker 4: that day and you don't know what's going to happen.

816
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:52,680
Speaker 4: So I think a lot of people also think I'll

817
00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:55,719
Speaker 4: just tell you what I need. But usually, or in

818
00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:59,640
Speaker 4: many many cases, you go almost mute, you go inside

819
00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:01,800
Speaker 4: yourself when it's not a time where you can say, actually,

820
00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:04,279
Speaker 4: can you pass me that jump up? And people will say, oh,

821
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:06,280
Speaker 4: I was thinking it, and I thought I was saying,

822
00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:09,239
Speaker 4: like I need my chapstick, but they weren't because they

823
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:12,680
Speaker 4: were so within themselves. So I think even thinking like

824
00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:14,920
Speaker 4: you might think you want a water birth and then

825
00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:17,320
Speaker 4: the thought of being in water at the time feels

826
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:21,240
Speaker 4: really wrong. So being flexible and you're just being open

827
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:24,479
Speaker 4: to things changing because you can definitely educate and prepare

828
00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:26,960
Speaker 4: yourself and listen to all the stories, but birth just

829
00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:28,560
Speaker 4: does its own thing in a lot of ways, and

830
00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:29,640
Speaker 4: you've got to be ready.

831
00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:32,600
Speaker 2: For the You've got to have the contingency just in case.

832
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:35,600
Speaker 2: I can imagine, like with so many people that want

833
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:38,120
Speaker 2: to be so meticulous in planned, but there's some things

834
00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:41,320
Speaker 2: that are just completely out of your control. Yeah, which happens.

835
00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:44,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, which is why we say like plan for a cesarean.

836
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:46,160
Speaker 4: Perhaps you're going you're not wanting a cesarean, but plan

837
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:48,080
Speaker 4: if you are. You want to have your playlist and

838
00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:50,200
Speaker 4: you want to tell the doctors not to talk about golfing,

839
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:53,799
Speaker 4: to like keep it a special birthing environment and keep

840
00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:57,640
Speaker 4: the lights limit dim if possible, and things like that. So, yeah,

841
00:37:57,680 --> 00:37:58,680
Speaker 4: you're ready for all of it.

842
00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:04,560
Speaker 1: So I'm just gonna explore all potential avenues just in case,

843
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:08,840
Speaker 1: so if any of those paths are the ones that

844
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:11,920
Speaker 1: we end up going down on the day, I'll have

845
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:13,200
Speaker 1: some level of information.

846
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:15,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, and like you know how to use the tens

847
00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:24,400
Speaker 4: machine now, so you've got that tick just so you

848
00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:25,319
Speaker 4: know it goes on the back.

849
00:38:26,719 --> 00:38:27,600
Speaker 2: No one told us that.

850
00:38:27,719 --> 00:38:29,040
Speaker 3: So we saw the comments. I was like, what is

851
00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:30,960
Speaker 3: the next time? Next time?

852
00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:35,799
Speaker 2: Now you postpartum, you've got a new book, Okay, tell

853
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:37,600
Speaker 2: us a little bit about Yeah.

854
00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:39,480
Speaker 4: I think we got to the first book and we're like, oh,

855
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:41,680
Speaker 4: I'm postpartum. We can't just squeeze that into a few

856
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:45,000
Speaker 4: pages at the end because it's huge, as you both know.

857
00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:48,840
Speaker 4: And we wanted to find a really comprehensive guide to

858
00:38:49,120 --> 00:38:52,040
Speaker 4: sort of feeding and sleep and all the big challenges

859
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:54,920
Speaker 4: and maternal mental health. And we also wanted something was

860
00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:58,040
Speaker 4: focused more on the woman because I feel like you

861
00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:00,480
Speaker 4: move into like all those different apps that are like

862
00:39:00,520 --> 00:39:02,520
Speaker 4: baby focused, the baby should be doing this, you should

863
00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:05,040
Speaker 4: be tummy time for this long and rolling at this point.

864
00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:08,600
Speaker 4: And we wanted something that really focused on the changes

865
00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:10,800
Speaker 4: that the woman's going through. And it's a perfect guide

866
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:13,080
Speaker 4: for a support person or partner to read to kind

867
00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:15,840
Speaker 4: of help understand that the physiology of a lot of

868
00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:16,879
Speaker 4: those processes too.

869
00:39:17,120 --> 00:39:21,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I mean my wife suffered from postpartum depression

870
00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:23,400
Speaker 2: and for me it was for both of us, it

871
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:26,560
Speaker 2: was such new territory. Yeah, I didn't know what to do,

872
00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:28,640
Speaker 2: She didn't know what to do. We didn't know what

873
00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:31,480
Speaker 2: we were facing. I think we're really really lucky that

874
00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:34,839
Speaker 2: we our GP noticed some things and some other people

875
00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:36,920
Speaker 2: around us knows some things that really helped, and we

876
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:40,000
Speaker 2: could start the research. So it's nice to know that

877
00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:42,640
Speaker 2: for anyone out there that's coming up to the birth

878
00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:45,000
Speaker 2: of their first, second, or third or whatever child, there's

879
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:48,280
Speaker 2: something that can help them navigate that. Yeah, and that's

880
00:39:48,280 --> 00:39:49,680
Speaker 2: about mum exactly.

881
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:52,560
Speaker 4: Yeah. And I think when you pregnant, you go to

882
00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:54,719
Speaker 4: all those appointments all the time, and they're measuring and

883
00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:56,920
Speaker 4: checking and they're checking your blood pressure and everything, and

884
00:39:57,040 --> 00:39:59,799
Speaker 4: literally have a baby and six weeks later they go, yep,

885
00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:02,359
Speaker 4: to go do you want contraception, like, that's pretty much

886
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:05,160
Speaker 4: how it goes, and you've got to navigate breastfeeding if

887
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:06,719
Speaker 4: that's what you're trying to do, or learn how to

888
00:40:06,760 --> 00:40:08,600
Speaker 4: do mixed feeding if you wanted to do that, or

889
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:11,359
Speaker 4: move to formula you're trying to navigate. People say, don't

890
00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:13,640
Speaker 4: co sleep, but we know seventy to eighty percent of

891
00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:16,640
Speaker 4: people will co sleep at some point. We also know

892
00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:20,279
Speaker 4: that ninety eight percent of women want to breastfeed, and

893
00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:23,400
Speaker 4: by six months only fifteen percent of Australian women are

894
00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:27,200
Speaker 4: still breastfeeding, So they're wanting to and it drops off

895
00:40:27,239 --> 00:40:30,120
Speaker 4: like that because there's no support. There's no funding. So

896
00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:32,480
Speaker 4: it's like if you want to find a lactation consultant

897
00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:36,680
Speaker 4: and you're exhausted and you've got cracknipples usually isolated, Yeah,

898
00:40:36,719 --> 00:40:38,600
Speaker 4: and if you haven't got the funds, you can't perhaps

899
00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:40,560
Speaker 4: pay one hundred and fifty two hundred dollars for a

900
00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:43,320
Speaker 4: private LC to come. So, I mean, we'd love to

901
00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:45,799
Speaker 4: see huge change in that area where you get more

902
00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:49,840
Speaker 4: medicare subsidies for support like that. But I think having

903
00:40:49,840 --> 00:40:52,040
Speaker 4: a base understanding of these are some of the things

904
00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:55,680
Speaker 4: to look out for, particularly with postnatal anxiety and depression.

905
00:40:56,400 --> 00:41:00,120
Speaker 4: You're in such a vulnerable physical and emotional time, and

906
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:02,800
Speaker 4: we talk about the postpartum cliff where you're literally getting

907
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:05,880
Speaker 4: all this support and then it tanks and you're supposed

908
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:08,319
Speaker 4: to just navigate this on your You know exactly what

909
00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:10,080
Speaker 4: you are, both of you when you're tired.

910
00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:12,640
Speaker 1: And when you talk about that that drop off, when

911
00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:14,120
Speaker 1: does that normally take place.

912
00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:18,080
Speaker 4: Well, from a medical point of view, after the six

913
00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:21,319
Speaker 4: week check, but a day five you literally fall off

914
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:23,919
Speaker 4: a cliff with your hormones. It's the biggest hormonal drop

915
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:28,600
Speaker 4: you'll ever experience, so which contributes to things like postnatal

916
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:32,120
Speaker 4: depression and anxiety. And we try to normalize like when

917
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:34,919
Speaker 4: to seek support and literally where to go. So we've

918
00:41:34,920 --> 00:41:37,719
Speaker 4: got the resources like start here, reach out to the GP,

919
00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:41,920
Speaker 4: get a plan, all those sorts of things, but also

920
00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:45,080
Speaker 4: we just normalize things like having no idea. I think

921
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:49,160
Speaker 4: people talk about motherly instinct or paternal instinct, and you're

922
00:41:49,239 --> 00:41:51,799
Speaker 4: learning who you are as a person. You're trying to

923
00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:55,279
Speaker 4: navigate this new dynamic and your hormones are all over

924
00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:58,120
Speaker 4: the place. It's we're expecting so much of people.

925
00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:01,000
Speaker 2: It's like the expectation is starting a brand new job

926
00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:02,759
Speaker 2: and knowing how to do it perfectly and.

927
00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:03,960
Speaker 4: It should come naturally.

928
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:06,279
Speaker 3: Yeah. And I know for.

929
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:11,960
Speaker 2: My wife April and me, I had such high expectations

930
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:15,200
Speaker 2: of myself and so did she that when we weren't

931
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:18,680
Speaker 2: hitting them, it was actually really bad. It was really toxic.

932
00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:19,120
Speaker 1: Yeah.

933
00:42:19,320 --> 00:42:22,040
Speaker 2: So I think like having something like this book out

934
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:25,120
Speaker 2: that people can use as a tool to navigate that

935
00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:26,759
Speaker 2: is I wish I had that.

936
00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:29,680
Speaker 4: It's hard too when people have tried to perhaps feel

937
00:42:29,719 --> 00:42:31,719
Speaker 4: pregnant for a long time and have really wanted this

938
00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:35,200
Speaker 4: and then actually a lot of this is shit. Yeah,

939
00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:37,840
Speaker 4: I'm not sure I do want this, and normalizing that

940
00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:41,160
Speaker 4: you can have rage, and you can have disappointment, and

941
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:43,560
Speaker 4: you can mourn your old life, and you can mourn

942
00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:46,000
Speaker 4: your relationship with your partner because you're hardly seeing each

943
00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:49,200
Speaker 4: other or you're not being as intimate perhaps as you were,

944
00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:52,960
Speaker 4: And we're trying to normalize all of that and also

945
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:56,799
Speaker 4: help you with support to navigate it, because yeah, we're

946
00:42:56,800 --> 00:42:59,640
Speaker 4: expecting and we see the shiny, kind of polished version

947
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:02,200
Speaker 4: online of people when they've got it together, but you're

948
00:43:02,239 --> 00:43:07,200
Speaker 4: not seeing that harrowing six weeks, everyone's crying everyone's leaking,

949
00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:10,160
Speaker 4: you know, Yeah, is there a chapter.

950
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:11,759
Speaker 2: In the book that tells you to do if you

951
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:12,480
Speaker 2: get shot on?

952
00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:16,560
Speaker 4: I just shower or both go into the shower together.

953
00:43:20,120 --> 00:43:21,320
Speaker 4: Some of them just can't be saved.

954
00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:24,480
Speaker 1: I think it's obvious chatting to you why the podcast

955
00:43:24,520 --> 00:43:26,640
Speaker 1: has been so successful, because you've been such a valuable

956
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:27,480
Speaker 1: source of information.

957
00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:29,280
Speaker 3: What's going to be next?

958
00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:32,040
Speaker 4: I don't know. I'm moving into perimenopause, so I feel

959
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:35,399
Speaker 4: like that's I've made products for myself. Basically as I'm

960
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:37,239
Speaker 4: gone along, like, Okay, I wish I had this, I

961
00:43:37,239 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 4: wish I had this, And now I'm moving into that chapter,

962
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:40,600
Speaker 4: I'm like, oh, maybe I'll have to write a book

963
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:43,960
Speaker 4: on perimenopause. But yeah, I don't know. I could be

964
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:46,480
Speaker 4: toddlers and toilet training, although I don't feel like I've

965
00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:49,080
Speaker 4: got much advice to give there. I didn't do a

966
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:49,480
Speaker 4: good chot.

967
00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:51,680
Speaker 2: Both of my kids toilet train themselves. All of a sudden,

968
00:43:52,000 --> 00:44:02,040
Speaker 2: I think my wife's done it. Don't feed themselves? What

969
00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:06,440
Speaker 2: was weird at She's obviously done an amazing job. I

970
00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:08,719
Speaker 2: try and get involved mu as possible, but yeah, a

971
00:44:08,719 --> 00:44:09,000
Speaker 2: lot of the.

972
00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:09,880
Speaker 3: Time they don't listen.

973
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:12,640
Speaker 4: They don't listen to me them.

974
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:14,080
Speaker 2: Yeah.

975
00:44:14,239 --> 00:44:14,839
Speaker 3: Yeah.

976
00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:17,120
Speaker 1: We always end on a question where we ask the

977
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:20,680
Speaker 1: guest when their children have grown up, they're no longer

978
00:44:20,719 --> 00:44:22,200
Speaker 1: living with you, is there one thing that you would

979
00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:24,040
Speaker 1: want them to remember at about the house they grew

980
00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:24,319
Speaker 1: up in.

981
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:26,839
Speaker 4: Well, our house is very noisy and wild. I think

982
00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:30,080
Speaker 4: we're Yeah, my husband's got ADHD and it's questionable whether

983
00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:32,600
Speaker 4: they're all on the spectrum somewhere. So it's noisy, but

984
00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:34,560
Speaker 4: I feel like we're a bit of a team, Like

985
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:36,920
Speaker 4: I joke when we travel we're like a boy band.

986
00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:39,520
Speaker 4: So I hope they reflect back on Like God, I

987
00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:41,680
Speaker 4: don't know how mum took us to all those places

988
00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:43,400
Speaker 4: and did all those things, and it was wild, but

989
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:46,399
Speaker 4: it was fun. It's noisy and hilarious at our house.

990
00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:48,360
Speaker 3: Sophie, it's been a pleasure.

991
00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:50,520
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for not just this chat, but

992
00:44:50,640 --> 00:44:52,000
Speaker 1: for all the work you're doing in the space.

993
00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:55,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, having me, We appreciate you spending some timers today

994
00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:58,640
Speaker 2: and helping to educate young Matt here who is expecting again,

995
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:02,040
Speaker 2: and of course the we'll leave a link in our

996
00:45:02,080 --> 00:45:03,279
Speaker 2: show notes for that as well.

997
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:05,280
Speaker 4: I appreciate it.

998
00:45:08,640 --> 00:45:13,879
Speaker 1: I can only imagine just how thrilled Laura is right now.

999
00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:16,239
Speaker 2: I think she should be over the moon that you're

1000
00:45:16,239 --> 00:45:20,120
Speaker 2: putting in the work. The hours, the hours glower and

1001
00:45:20,239 --> 00:45:20,760
Speaker 2: one hour.

1002
00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:24,240
Speaker 3: As this episode forty five minutes roundup.

1003
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:27,319
Speaker 1: I always say, I think I'm almost ready to push

1004
00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:28,840
Speaker 1: the obstitrician out the door and deliver.

1005
00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:29,760
Speaker 3: There's Babby myself.

1006
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:33,640
Speaker 2: Roll those sleeves up big give so you need some

1007
00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:34,759
Speaker 2: glass shut.

1008
00:45:34,960 --> 00:45:35,759
Speaker 3: I know what I'm doing.

1009
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:39,600
Speaker 2: If you've enjoyed this episode, please feel free to subscribe, share,

1010
00:45:39,719 --> 00:45:41,960
Speaker 2: leave a review. All you can join us on all

1011
00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:44,720
Speaker 2: of the socials, which is a lot of two doing dads.

1012
00:45:44,960 --> 00:45:48,279
Speaker 5: Let me blow your mind on if you put the

1013
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:52,000
Speaker 5: TikTok followers and the Instagram followers together, how much we

1014
00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:56,359
Speaker 5: are six figures baby, But.

1015
00:45:56,400 --> 00:45:59,920
Speaker 1: We can't get more followers without you right now listening,

1016
00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:03,440
Speaker 1: jump on TikTok, Instagram or Facebook and join us there.

1017
00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:05,080
Speaker 1: And if there's any other guests that you would like

1018
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:07,920
Speaker 1: us to interview. Maybe you're a parent, you're expecting and

1019
00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:10,920
Speaker 1: you want more information just like me. If there's anyone

1020
00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:14,280
Speaker 1: who you think would benefit you, benefit me, benefit people

1021
00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:18,640
Speaker 1: of this country, let us know. Well said good, Let's

1022
00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:27,120
Speaker 1: get out of here. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the

1023
00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:31,120
Speaker 1: traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land,

1024
00:46:31,280 --> 00:46:32,440
Speaker 1: see and community.

1025
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:35,200
Speaker 2: We pay our respects to their elders past and present

1026
00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:38,360
Speaker 2: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander

1027
00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:39,160
Speaker 2: peoples today