WEBVTT - You’re not broken with Dr Sarah Woodhouse 📚

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so that's exactly right. It's where our reaction doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>necessarily fit what's going on in front of us, although

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<v Speaker 1>not always, you know, it may maybe a great fit

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<v Speaker 1>of what's going on in front of us. But either way,

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<v Speaker 1>we're being reminded of something that happened in our past.

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<v Speaker 1>So we're being reminded of an experience within a parental

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<v Speaker 1>relationship or within another relationship that we experienced as traumatic,

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<v Speaker 1>and that old reaction just floods in. And there's a

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<v Speaker 1>phrase that I really encourage people to focus on, which

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<v Speaker 1>is if it's hysterical, it's historical.

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<v Speaker 2>Welcome back to the Writers and Conquered podcast. I'm your host,

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<v Speaker 2>Georgie Stephenson, former lawyer turned entrepreneur, social media personality and

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<v Speaker 2>personal development junkie. This podcast is for my girl who

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<v Speaker 2>want to feed their mind with positive and expansive thoughts

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<v Speaker 2>to help them step into their power and live their

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<v Speaker 2>most authentic life. Which had a variety of topics including mindset, business, relationships, health,

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<v Speaker 2>and so much more. Basically, wherever you are on your journey,

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<v Speaker 2>I want to help you feel inspired and empowered to

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<v Speaker 2>rise up and conquer your next bold move. I know

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<v Speaker 2>that's going to look different for everyone, but just no,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm right here by your side and that you have

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<v Speaker 2>the RNC community behind you. Let's do this. Hello and

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<v Speaker 2>welcome back to the Rise and Conquer podcast. Today I

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<v Speaker 2>am joined by doctor Sarah Woodhouse. Sarah is a research

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<v Speaker 2>psychologist of trauma. Her research explores how different ways of thinking, feeling,

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<v Speaker 2>and being can affect trau symptoms. Sarah wrote a book

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<v Speaker 2>called You're Not Broken, which discusses the ins and outs

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<v Speaker 2>of trauma. Today we are diving into a book. We

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<v Speaker 2>are discussing what exactly trauma is, how it can show

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<v Speaker 2>up in our everyday lives, from health both physical and mental,

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<v Speaker 2>to our relationships, even down to our finances. We also

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<v Speaker 2>discuss how we can break that trauma loop. You guys know,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm such a big advocate for talking about our trauma

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<v Speaker 2>working through it. You guys know, I personally see a

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<v Speaker 2>psychologist and it's definitely one of the best things that

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<v Speaker 2>I have ever done. So I'm really excited for you

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<v Speaker 2>guys to hear this episode, and I think you're really

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<v Speaker 2>gonna love it and get a lot from it. Let's

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<v Speaker 2>go straight into it, Doctor Sarah Woodhouse. Welcome to the

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<v Speaker 2>Rise and Conquer podcasts.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you, it's so lovely to be here.

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<v Speaker 2>I am so excited. My audience knows I am a

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<v Speaker 2>self development junkie, and especially something I'd love getting into

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<v Speaker 2>is limiting beliefs, which is pretty much what well, I

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<v Speaker 2>guess my interpretation of what your book is about, You're

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<v Speaker 2>not Broken, break free from the trauma and reclaim your life. So,

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<v Speaker 2>oh my god, I'm so excited.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, thank you. And you're right. No, it's a really

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<v Speaker 1>key piece of it. And it's why I called the

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<v Speaker 1>book You're Not Broken.

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<v Speaker 2>You know.

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<v Speaker 1>It was all to do with kind of the beliefs

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<v Speaker 1>that so many of us carry around that.

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<v Speaker 2>And I love the title because I think sometimes we

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<v Speaker 2>can think, oh my god, we've got all these issues,

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<v Speaker 2>we've got all these trauma, traumas, we've got all this

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<v Speaker 2>stuff happening are But I think the reality is most

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<v Speaker 2>of us, well, I think all of us do have this,

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<v Speaker 2>and even like you say in your book, these little

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<v Speaker 2>traumas that you probably may think, it's not like something

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<v Speaker 2>that bad happen, Why is this affecting me? But they

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<v Speaker 2>can affect us in so many different ways.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my gosh. Absolutely, that's just a key you know,

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<v Speaker 1>key part of the book really is explaining, explaining those

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<v Speaker 1>traumas that we don't often think of as traumas. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>for many of us, it's it's the it's the relationship stuff.

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<v Speaker 1>It's relational trauma, very often from the parental relationship, and

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<v Speaker 1>so many of us carry it. And and as I

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<v Speaker 1>explain it, you know how as a child these experiences

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<v Speaker 1>like you know, feeling unseen, feeling unheard, having your ideas

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<v Speaker 1>and feelings kind of dismissed or belittled. How if that's

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<v Speaker 1>occurring regularly, you know, fairly constantly, we will react to

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<v Speaker 1>that as if it's a trauma. Yeah, yes, one hundred percent.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, that's that's been one of the best things really,

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<v Speaker 1>That's that's happened in terms of the trauma field over

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<v Speaker 1>the last fifteen years, I would say, is total recognition

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<v Speaker 1>of that.

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<v Speaker 2>Huge and I I want to get into that in

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<v Speaker 2>just a moment before we get into the book and

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<v Speaker 2>all things trauma and limiting beliefs. This is a bit

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<v Speaker 2>of a fluffy question beforehand, but as this is the

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<v Speaker 2>Rising Conquer podcast, what is your favorite quote or motto

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<v Speaker 2>that helps you rise and conquer?

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<v Speaker 1>The one I've got so many. I've got so many

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<v Speaker 1>little because they're almost like giving you their cues and

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<v Speaker 1>they're just so important. So I've got so many. But

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<v Speaker 1>the one that I that if I'm really feeling disempowered

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<v Speaker 1>and really feeling yeah, I think disempowered is the right word.

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<v Speaker 1>Disconnected from my strongest self, the one that I always

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<v Speaker 1>lean on is I'm the queen of my life. And

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<v Speaker 1>it just gets me like right in my gut. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>even as I say, I feel really emotional because it's

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<v Speaker 1>it's just so true for all of us, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>and we have to recognize that life's in session, man.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, we've got to we've got to take it seriously.

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<v Speaker 1>We've got to create what we want. And I'm I'm

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<v Speaker 1>the queen of my life. You know, I get to choose.

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<v Speaker 1>I get to create what I wanted to create. And

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<v Speaker 1>that little phrase reminds me of that, you know, the

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<v Speaker 1>fact that I'm the boss here. You know, it's my

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<v Speaker 1>life and I get to live it however I want.

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<v Speaker 2>Ah, that is so simple but so powerful. I absolutely

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<v Speaker 2>love that.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's great, isn't it. I love it.

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<v Speaker 2>And so for the listeners who don't know who you are,

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<v Speaker 2>could you just give us a little snapshot. Yes.

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<v Speaker 1>So I'm Sarah Woodhouse, doctor Sarah Woodhouse, and I am

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<v Speaker 1>a research psychologist, which basically means I research. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm an academic rather than being clinical and treating people.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm an academic and I'm a trauma expert. And I've

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<v Speaker 1>spent about eleven years is academically researching trauma. I was

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<v Speaker 1>funded by the UK Medical Research Council and worked with

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<v Speaker 1>some absolutely incredible organizations therapists, and along the way worked

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<v Speaker 1>in various kind of treatment centers and addiction centers. And

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<v Speaker 1>I've just had a very broad, incredible experience. And alongside that,

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<v Speaker 1>I've had my own journey with trauma and recovery. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>so that's me. I moved to Australia two years ago

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<v Speaker 1>and very grateful given everything that's going on with COVID,

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<v Speaker 1>especially very very very grateful to be here. And when

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<v Speaker 1>I landed in Australia, I was up for different another

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<v Speaker 1>research grant, but decided it was time to write a book.

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<v Speaker 1>I felt very compelled me too. Movement was going on.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know, maybe some part of me new COVID

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<v Speaker 1>was along the way, because it was only about eight

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<v Speaker 1>months later. So, yeah, I wrote the book, and I'm

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<v Speaker 1>so grateful in terms of the timing of it because

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<v Speaker 1>I think it's perfect.

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<v Speaker 2>A hundred percent. And I love that. I love like

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<v Speaker 2>little intuition nudges and things where you're like, no, this

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<v Speaker 2>is actually my next step. And the fact that you

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<v Speaker 2>followed that is yeah, it's huge.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, thank you because it did feel scary and i'd so,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, we're all taught to see the ladder, aren't we,

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<v Speaker 1>and just keep climbing up it. So you got to

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<v Speaker 1>that stage you've got to keep going, keep going, keep going.

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<v Speaker 1>So it felt like a real leap and a stretch

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<v Speaker 1>to roll the dice as coming to Australia did. To

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<v Speaker 1>be honest, we've had like three years of dice rolling

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<v Speaker 1>and it's been phenomenally scary at times and without doubt,

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<v Speaker 1>the best three years of my life. And I think

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<v Speaker 1>my husband would say the same because we've just I

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<v Speaker 1>feel like we've torn up the rule book. It's been

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<v Speaker 1>really exciting.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh I love that. I'm all about that, making your

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<v Speaker 2>own rolls, making your own way. And so is the

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<v Speaker 2>book out for the audience to buy yet, I know

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<v Speaker 2>I got an advanced copy, but when is it coming out?

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<v Speaker 1>It is. It came out on the thirtieth of March,

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<v Speaker 1>so it is available. Yeah, it's in all most bookshops

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<v Speaker 1>should have it, independent bookstores and all the big ones. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>it's there. It's available online as well, you know, book Topia,

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<v Speaker 1>book Depository, Amazon. So yes, and it's doing really well,

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<v Speaker 1>which just beyond congratulations. Thank you.

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<v Speaker 2>Well it's yeah, it's such an amazing read. I got

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<v Speaker 2>straight into it and loved it. So I was so

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<v Speaker 2>excited to have you on the potty and you've heard

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<v Speaker 2>it here. Guys. It is available. I'll put the links

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<v Speaker 2>in the show notes, but without further I do. Let's

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<v Speaker 2>get into it. So first of all, before we get into,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, how we can change our trauma, how we

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<v Speaker 2>can change our limiting beliefs and that side of things,

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<v Speaker 2>I really want to get into what actually is trauma,

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<v Speaker 2>because we did touch on this at the start. But

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<v Speaker 2>I think some people, you know, they see trauma as

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<v Speaker 2>if they saw a loved one die or if they

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<v Speaker 2>had something very horrific happened to them. Like when I

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<v Speaker 2>think of the word trauma, I think of, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>people coming back from the war and that sort of thing.

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<v Speaker 2>So can you explain to us what trauma is.

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<v Speaker 1>So essentially, it's a reaction. One of the big things

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<v Speaker 1>I wanted to do with the book was bust myths

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<v Speaker 1>about trauma because there are so many misconceptions about what

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<v Speaker 1>it is, who it applies to, who has it. Trauma

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<v Speaker 1>isn't a disorder. Post traumatic disorder is a name that

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<v Speaker 1>we gave to very high levels of trauma symptoms in

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<v Speaker 1>the seventies, but it's just a name. Trauma is a reaction,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's a reaction to any experience, and that's really

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<v Speaker 1>important that any experience that makes us feel overwhelmed, threatened,

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<v Speaker 1>and out of control. So I really encourage people to

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<v Speaker 1>focus on those three things what's going on. The reason

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<v Speaker 1>we feel those three things is because our fight flight

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<v Speaker 1>freeze response has been triggered, so there's a ton of

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<v Speaker 1>hormones coursing through our nervous system. But what I personally

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<v Speaker 1>find is that when I talk nervous system stuff, a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of people check out. So I don't know what

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<v Speaker 1>it is. Maybe I'm projecting, maybe it's just me, but

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<v Speaker 1>when I mentioned nora adrenaline or adrenaline, I just feel

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<v Speaker 1>like I lose people a little bit. So although I

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<v Speaker 1>recognize and acknowledge that learning about what's going on in

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<v Speaker 1>the nervous system is so important. Has been a really

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<v Speaker 1>important part of my healing. I was thinking, it's really

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<v Speaker 1>useful to use really human terms. So overwhelmed, threat and

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<v Speaker 1>out of control. They're the three things, and if those

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<v Speaker 1>three things are experienced in response to any event, they're

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<v Speaker 1>the baseline for the traumatic reaction and any event, as

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<v Speaker 1>you say, you know, when I say trauma, people think bushfires, floods, war, assault.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, that's traditionally what we think of, and of

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<v Speaker 1>course we do, because that's when we first noticed trauma.

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<v Speaker 1>We first noticed it in the most extreme cases who

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<v Speaker 1>were experiencing you know, extreme flashbacks and all the rest

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<v Speaker 1>of those kind of PTSD symptoms. But gradually, as the

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<v Speaker 1>research and therapy has moved on, we are recognizing and

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<v Speaker 1>fully acknowledging that PTSD is not the only response to trauma.

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<v Speaker 1>And so, yes, there's all these severe, big experiences, but

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<v Speaker 1>then there are these commonplace, everyday experiences that can also

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<v Speaker 1>lead to us feeling overwhelmed, threatened, and out of control.

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<v Speaker 1>And that's particularly true for children.

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<v Speaker 2>So interesting, I remember when I was kind of reading

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<v Speaker 2>about that and yeah, I think when you I guess,

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<v Speaker 2>I guess. For me, it felt like validation when I

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<v Speaker 2>realized because I know we're going to probably get into it.

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<v Speaker 2>But like you said, a lot of our limiting beliefs,

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<v Speaker 2>or you know, our traumas and stuff can come from

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<v Speaker 2>our parents and our childhood. And sometimes, like when I

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<v Speaker 2>went to therapy and I was dealing with our sorry,

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<v Speaker 2>working through a lot of things, I would feel guilty.

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<v Speaker 2>Was I had the most amazing childhood. You know, I

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<v Speaker 2>had the most loving, amazing parents. I had a really

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<v Speaker 2>good you know, it's not like I went without and

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<v Speaker 2>all these different things. So I remember I used to

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<v Speaker 2>feel guilty for having traumas and I was like, but

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<v Speaker 2>you know, my life was quote unquote perfect. But I

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<v Speaker 2>think it's very validating to realize even if it is

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<v Speaker 2>quote unquote perfect, you can still have stuff that happened

0:13:26.640 --> 0:13:29.760
<v Speaker 2>in your life that are traumas that you know triggered

0:13:29.760 --> 0:13:35.640
<v Speaker 2>these symptoms and other limiting beliefs. So in your book,

0:13:35.720 --> 0:13:39.520
<v Speaker 2>I know that you go through four different types of trauma.

0:13:39.600 --> 0:13:42.840
<v Speaker 2>Can you explain these? Yeah.

0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:45.200
<v Speaker 1>I love that you've asked that. Actually I haven't been

0:13:45.200 --> 0:13:48.040
<v Speaker 1>asked that in any of the podcasts. So I know

0:13:48.080 --> 0:13:51.679
<v Speaker 1>it's really nice. So yeah, so I include four definitions

0:13:51.679 --> 0:13:53.760
<v Speaker 1>of trauma, and what I'm trying to do in the

0:13:53.760 --> 0:13:57.360
<v Speaker 1>book is what you'll find is that most trauma books,

0:13:57.360 --> 0:14:00.360
<v Speaker 1>not all of them, but most of them from a

0:14:00.400 --> 0:14:04.080
<v Speaker 1>specific therapeutic modality. So their long words, aren't they What

0:14:04.120 --> 0:14:08.280
<v Speaker 1>I mean is that they're from a type of treatment perspective.

0:14:08.920 --> 0:14:12.839
<v Speaker 1>So they give a fantastic explanation of trauma and how

0:14:12.880 --> 0:14:16.560
<v Speaker 1>to heal it, but it's in like one tranch, so

0:14:16.679 --> 0:14:19.280
<v Speaker 1>it's not broad, it's not covering the others. And I

0:14:19.320 --> 0:14:24.680
<v Speaker 1>was absolutely determined to incorporate all the modalities, so that's

0:14:24.720 --> 0:14:29.040
<v Speaker 1>why I did this. So for definition, so the first

0:14:29.280 --> 0:14:31.960
<v Speaker 1>the first definition is a trauma is a perceived threat

0:14:32.000 --> 0:14:35.120
<v Speaker 1>that overwhelms us and our ability to respond. And that's

0:14:35.240 --> 0:14:38.240
<v Speaker 1>really what I was just talking about, you know, it's

0:14:38.280 --> 0:14:41.200
<v Speaker 1>the overwhelm and the threat and the feeling out of control.

0:14:41.960 --> 0:14:43.840
<v Speaker 2>So do you have an example of that?

0:14:44.960 --> 0:14:47.360
<v Speaker 1>I mean, the truth is it could be anything, and

0:14:47.600 --> 0:14:50.160
<v Speaker 1>I think, honestly, what I'm trying to do with the

0:14:50.200 --> 0:14:54.040
<v Speaker 1>book is to stop people thinking so much about the

0:14:54.080 --> 0:14:56.720
<v Speaker 1>event and to focus on the reaction. So a trauma

0:14:56.760 --> 0:14:58.920
<v Speaker 1>is a perceived threat and I think that's a really

0:14:58.960 --> 0:15:01.600
<v Speaker 1>important word because what I perceive is threatening will be

0:15:01.600 --> 0:15:04.960
<v Speaker 1>different to what you perceive as threatening based on our conditioning,

0:15:05.120 --> 0:15:08.120
<v Speaker 1>based on our fear conditioning. So that's a really important

0:15:08.120 --> 0:15:11.800
<v Speaker 1>part of that definition. And in terms of what it

0:15:11.800 --> 0:15:14.480
<v Speaker 1>could be, you know, it's those relationship if you're thinking

0:15:14.480 --> 0:15:19.040
<v Speaker 1>about childhood, it's those relationship issues or dynamics that I

0:15:19.080 --> 0:15:23.600
<v Speaker 1>first mentioned. So feeling unseen and unheard, any kind of

0:15:23.640 --> 0:15:27.160
<v Speaker 1>boundary violation, and I'm not just talking here about you know,

0:15:27.200 --> 0:15:29.960
<v Speaker 1>physical boundary violations. I'm talking about people not listening when

0:15:30.000 --> 0:15:32.680
<v Speaker 1>you say no, you know, not listening to your opinions,

0:15:34.080 --> 0:15:36.800
<v Speaker 1>any kind of enmeshment as well, which kind of goes

0:15:36.840 --> 0:15:41.560
<v Speaker 1>along with those boundaries. There's so much in that relationship piece.

0:15:42.080 --> 0:15:44.960
<v Speaker 1>But also it's not just that you know that there

0:15:45.000 --> 0:15:48.840
<v Speaker 1>are you know, everyday slips and falls, strangers coming to

0:15:48.880 --> 0:15:53.160
<v Speaker 1>the front door, routine medical procedures, going for your vaccinations.

0:15:53.520 --> 0:15:56.040
<v Speaker 1>Your mum goes, oh, actually, this is a very common

0:15:56.040 --> 0:15:59.000
<v Speaker 1>one I speak to about, speak to people about that

0:15:59.120 --> 0:16:01.280
<v Speaker 1>often comes up as they do their work, one of

0:16:01.320 --> 0:16:04.920
<v Speaker 1>their parents having been put in hospital for two weeks

0:16:05.000 --> 0:16:07.760
<v Speaker 1>or three weeks or four weeks. You know, that's extremely

0:16:07.800 --> 0:16:11.160
<v Speaker 1>traumatic for a child, not you know, not potentially a

0:16:11.200 --> 0:16:14.360
<v Speaker 1>teenager who would be able to cognitively understand what's going on,

0:16:14.400 --> 0:16:17.360
<v Speaker 1>but for a younger child that that would be that

0:16:17.400 --> 0:16:20.360
<v Speaker 1>would be perceived as a huge threat. It would be

0:16:20.400 --> 0:16:24.840
<v Speaker 1>felt as extremely overwhelming, and they would feel like they

0:16:24.880 --> 0:16:27.840
<v Speaker 1>weren't able to adequately respond. So that's that's what that

0:16:28.000 --> 0:16:32.560
<v Speaker 1>first definition is all about. Yeah, and then the second

0:16:32.560 --> 0:16:35.840
<v Speaker 1>one is trauma is our unprocessed memory of the experience.

0:16:36.760 --> 0:16:42.320
<v Speaker 1>So a lot of my work looked at memory and

0:16:42.360 --> 0:16:45.480
<v Speaker 1>I was really it was really important to me to

0:16:45.600 --> 0:16:48.480
<v Speaker 1>include this aspect of it because I find it to

0:16:48.520 --> 0:16:51.840
<v Speaker 1>be really empowering when I explain it to people because

0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:55.360
<v Speaker 1>essentially trauma is a memory issue because what's going on

0:16:55.920 --> 0:16:59.360
<v Speaker 1>during so and each definition kind of leads on from

0:16:59.360 --> 0:17:02.440
<v Speaker 1>each other. So if you take that child whose mums

0:17:02.480 --> 0:17:06.280
<v Speaker 1>say had gone into hospital, that they perceived that event

0:17:06.480 --> 0:17:11.600
<v Speaker 1>as experience as extremely threatening and overwhelming. Now, what goes

0:17:11.640 --> 0:17:14.760
<v Speaker 1>on with our fight flight freeze is that our body

0:17:14.800 --> 0:17:18.359
<v Speaker 1>is flooded with hormones and our mind is flooded hormones,

0:17:18.720 --> 0:17:20.359
<v Speaker 1>and a lot of people miss that piece of it.

0:17:20.440 --> 0:17:22.000
<v Speaker 1>So it is the body. Yes, So you're going to

0:17:22.040 --> 0:17:26.439
<v Speaker 1>be experiencing anxiety like symptoms most likely, or if you've

0:17:26.480 --> 0:17:28.720
<v Speaker 1>gone into freeze, you'll have kind of completely shut down

0:17:28.760 --> 0:17:32.879
<v Speaker 1>or dissociated. But it also affects our thinking, It affects

0:17:32.880 --> 0:17:36.360
<v Speaker 1>our cognition, so our prefrontal cortex kind of goes offline.

0:17:36.560 --> 0:17:40.280
<v Speaker 1>So that's the bit that makes decisions, and it really

0:17:40.359 --> 0:17:46.359
<v Speaker 1>affects our memory processing. So essentially, as those hormones course

0:17:46.400 --> 0:17:49.280
<v Speaker 1>around our body, we can't remember in the way that

0:17:49.320 --> 0:17:52.040
<v Speaker 1>we usually do. So normally we would expect it. We

0:17:52.080 --> 0:17:57.080
<v Speaker 1>would any of our experiences are processed, and by that,

0:17:57.119 --> 0:17:59.160
<v Speaker 1>I mean we understand them.

0:17:59.440 --> 0:17:59.639
<v Speaker 2>You know.

0:17:59.680 --> 0:18:02.600
<v Speaker 1>We we experience an event and we apply our own

0:18:02.680 --> 0:18:06.399
<v Speaker 1>filter to it, so we understand it, we assimilate it

0:18:06.440 --> 0:18:10.040
<v Speaker 1>within our entire life experience, and we kind of pop

0:18:10.080 --> 0:18:13.560
<v Speaker 1>it in a box. That experience was sad or that

0:18:13.640 --> 0:18:16.919
<v Speaker 1>experience confirms my belief of X y Z. We can't

0:18:16.920 --> 0:18:21.119
<v Speaker 1>do that with trauma memories. Our memory literally isn't processing,

0:18:22.119 --> 0:18:25.119
<v Speaker 1>can't process them because of that flood of hormones. So

0:18:25.280 --> 0:18:30.080
<v Speaker 1>something really odd happens to the memory. And it's almost

0:18:30.119 --> 0:18:32.280
<v Speaker 1>the way that I explain it is that it's almost

0:18:33.119 --> 0:18:35.600
<v Speaker 1>like so instead of being So if you picture the

0:18:35.640 --> 0:18:38.800
<v Speaker 1>process memory as kind of whole and complete and where

0:18:38.840 --> 0:18:43.520
<v Speaker 1>it's supposed to be, the unprocessed trauma memory is in bits.

0:18:44.359 --> 0:18:47.800
<v Speaker 1>It's kind of maybe it's attached to a little bit

0:18:47.800 --> 0:18:49.760
<v Speaker 1>of it might be a physical feeling in our body,

0:18:49.840 --> 0:18:52.119
<v Speaker 1>say a pain. Part of it might be a belief.

0:18:52.200 --> 0:18:54.000
<v Speaker 1>Part of it might be a smell. Part of it

0:18:54.080 --> 0:18:57.000
<v Speaker 1>might be an image. Part of it's a feeling, of course,

0:18:57.440 --> 0:19:03.880
<v Speaker 1>So it's like this disp spread of sensory and emotional bits,

0:19:04.840 --> 0:19:07.240
<v Speaker 1>and that's why we're triggered.

0:19:07.840 --> 0:19:08.040
<v Speaker 2>You know.

0:19:08.119 --> 0:19:11.240
<v Speaker 1>That's why today if you're walking down the road, so

0:19:11.400 --> 0:19:14.119
<v Speaker 1>this this fictatious person who you know, whose mum went

0:19:14.160 --> 0:19:16.920
<v Speaker 1>into hospital, it's why when they're walking down the road

0:19:17.680 --> 0:19:19.760
<v Speaker 1>and maybe they walk past the hospital and they see

0:19:20.040 --> 0:19:22.080
<v Speaker 1>a woman going into it, why they might have a

0:19:22.200 --> 0:19:29.119
<v Speaker 1>huge flood of fear adrenaline, suddenly feel extremely afraid, or

0:19:29.160 --> 0:19:32.879
<v Speaker 1>whatever their triggered reaction might be. So that that memory

0:19:32.920 --> 0:19:36.680
<v Speaker 1>piece explaining that's really important because it explains why we're

0:19:36.680 --> 0:19:40.959
<v Speaker 1>triggered today. So essentially, trauma is a memory dysfunction. That's

0:19:41.119 --> 0:19:43.960
<v Speaker 1>that's what it is, and it's really important. So even

0:19:43.960 --> 0:19:47.200
<v Speaker 1>though nowadays we're so focused on explaining the somatic side

0:19:47.200 --> 0:19:51.399
<v Speaker 1>of it, that cognitive piece of it is really really

0:19:51.400 --> 0:19:52.640
<v Speaker 1>really important to remember.

0:19:53.040 --> 0:19:58.680
<v Speaker 2>Interesting, Okay, so you're kind of explaining that, you know

0:19:58.800 --> 0:20:02.480
<v Speaker 2>what tram is, it could really be anything. It's really

0:20:02.600 --> 0:20:08.520
<v Speaker 2>our perceived notion of what happened. I really want to

0:20:08.560 --> 0:20:12.639
<v Speaker 2>get into how trauma can show up in different aspects

0:20:12.640 --> 0:20:17.720
<v Speaker 2>of your life, so you know, relationship, physical, mental health, finances, work.

0:20:17.800 --> 0:20:21.800
<v Speaker 2>Because I think I was a bit like when I

0:20:21.840 --> 0:20:23.959
<v Speaker 2>was reading the book, I was like, I kind of

0:20:24.040 --> 0:20:26.920
<v Speaker 2>know this, but it was almost like a bit shocking

0:20:27.040 --> 0:20:31.080
<v Speaker 2>to see how much it can come up in something

0:20:31.720 --> 0:20:34.959
<v Speaker 2>that is completely, you know, different to the trauma, if

0:20:35.000 --> 0:20:36.679
<v Speaker 2>that makes sense. So I was wondering if you can

0:20:36.800 --> 0:20:40.040
<v Speaker 2>kind of break that down.

0:20:39.359 --> 0:20:41.520
<v Speaker 1>Yes, totally. So in the middle part of the book

0:20:41.600 --> 0:20:44.680
<v Speaker 1>is my favorite part, and I explain how trauma shows

0:20:44.720 --> 0:20:47.399
<v Speaker 1>up in our relationships, in our health, and in our work.

0:20:47.920 --> 0:20:50.840
<v Speaker 1>And you know, the truth is so the first part

0:20:50.880 --> 0:20:52.600
<v Speaker 1>of the book when I'm explaining all about trauma and

0:20:52.600 --> 0:20:55.280
<v Speaker 1>I've got those definitions in there and really trying to

0:20:55.280 --> 0:20:57.520
<v Speaker 1>get under the bonnet of what it is that really

0:20:57.560 --> 0:21:00.760
<v Speaker 1>all comes from my research that is have academic hat

0:21:00.760 --> 0:21:03.520
<v Speaker 1>on when I did that and it was really important

0:21:03.520 --> 0:21:05.320
<v Speaker 1>to me to explain it in a in a an

0:21:05.400 --> 0:21:09.720
<v Speaker 1>accessible way. But the middle parts it was all fresh research.

0:21:09.840 --> 0:21:10.119
<v Speaker 2>Really.

0:21:10.840 --> 0:21:13.199
<v Speaker 1>Obviously I drew on my knowledge, but had you know,

0:21:13.560 --> 0:21:16.240
<v Speaker 1>so many interviews with people really trying to dig down

0:21:16.280 --> 0:21:18.640
<v Speaker 1>into how it affects these different areas of our life,

0:21:19.359 --> 0:21:23.359
<v Speaker 1>and and it was fascinating, you know. So so for

0:21:23.880 --> 0:21:27.720
<v Speaker 1>in relationships, for example, the primary way that I talk

0:21:27.800 --> 0:21:32.639
<v Speaker 1>about it affecting it is through being triggered. And this

0:21:32.760 --> 0:21:36.480
<v Speaker 1>is true with romantic relationships or friendships or family relationships,

0:21:36.480 --> 0:21:40.720
<v Speaker 1>whatever it is. If we so so say we've got

0:21:40.760 --> 0:21:43.240
<v Speaker 1>relational trauma in particular, So there I'm talking about those

0:21:43.520 --> 0:21:47.399
<v Speaker 1>kind of other other traumas, the ones that we the commonplace,

0:21:47.440 --> 0:21:51.360
<v Speaker 1>every day ones that we didn't traditionally think of as trauma.

0:21:52.720 --> 0:21:55.240
<v Speaker 1>So say we're focusing on that kind of relational trauma.

0:21:55.960 --> 0:22:00.919
<v Speaker 1>If you imagine anyone who carries that when involved in

0:22:01.080 --> 0:22:05.640
<v Speaker 1>any kind of uncomfortable relationship dynamic today as an adult,

0:22:06.320 --> 0:22:10.040
<v Speaker 1>that they're possibly going to get triggered. And that could

0:22:10.080 --> 0:22:12.280
<v Speaker 1>be you know, it could be a conflict, it could

0:22:12.320 --> 0:22:15.800
<v Speaker 1>be someone someone using a certain tone of voice, It

0:22:15.840 --> 0:22:19.399
<v Speaker 1>could be a comment someone makes it work you know,

0:22:19.680 --> 0:22:23.560
<v Speaker 1>So they're really I'm focusing on the relationships, and really

0:22:23.600 --> 0:22:24.960
<v Speaker 1>it's all to do with being triggered.

0:22:25.800 --> 0:22:31.520
<v Speaker 2>Interesting, So you're saying, in a relationship with someone else, yeah,

0:22:31.640 --> 0:22:34.560
<v Speaker 2>it can just be something. And so you're saying, look

0:22:34.760 --> 0:22:39.000
<v Speaker 2>for the aspects of that relationship that kind of set

0:22:39.119 --> 0:22:42.920
<v Speaker 2>you off. I'm not going to say for no reason,

0:22:43.080 --> 0:22:45.359
<v Speaker 2>but yeah, set you off more than other things.

0:22:46.240 --> 0:22:48.480
<v Speaker 1>No, it's true, and you're right, it's not for no reason,

0:22:49.000 --> 0:22:53.280
<v Speaker 1>but it is. It is notable, isn't it? Because you

0:22:53.359 --> 0:22:55.120
<v Speaker 1>are right? So I spoke to someone the other day

0:22:55.160 --> 0:22:59.000
<v Speaker 1>and they they were explaining that they'd been triggered by

0:22:59.240 --> 0:23:01.280
<v Speaker 1>I can't remember it was their partner had done their

0:23:01.800 --> 0:23:06.920
<v Speaker 1>partner had it was something just totally innocuous, like had

0:23:07.880 --> 0:23:09.920
<v Speaker 1>the partner had seen a cockquach, And they were kind

0:23:09.920 --> 0:23:13.120
<v Speaker 1>of arguing about this cockquach, and we were both having

0:23:13.119 --> 0:23:16.359
<v Speaker 1>this conversation about it's you know, if one of you

0:23:16.400 --> 0:23:19.200
<v Speaker 1>has an extreme reaction, it's not actually about the thing

0:23:19.280 --> 0:23:21.920
<v Speaker 1>in front of you. It's not actually about the cock coroach,

0:23:22.040 --> 0:23:25.199
<v Speaker 1>do you know what I mean? Yeah, So that's exactly right.

0:23:25.240 --> 0:23:30.240
<v Speaker 1>It's where our reaction doesn't necessarily fit what's going on

0:23:30.320 --> 0:23:32.320
<v Speaker 1>in front of us, although not always, you know, it

0:23:32.359 --> 0:23:35.040
<v Speaker 1>may maybe a great fit of what's going on in

0:23:35.040 --> 0:23:37.879
<v Speaker 1>front of us, but either way, we're being reminded of

0:23:37.920 --> 0:23:42.199
<v Speaker 1>something that happened in our past. So we're being reminded

0:23:42.359 --> 0:23:46.520
<v Speaker 1>of an experience within a parental relationship or within another

0:23:46.560 --> 0:23:51.320
<v Speaker 1>relationship that we experienced as traumatic, and that old reaction

0:23:51.560 --> 0:23:53.960
<v Speaker 1>just floods in. And there's a phrase that I really

0:23:54.040 --> 0:23:57.400
<v Speaker 1>encourage people to focus on, which is, if it's hysterical,

0:23:57.560 --> 0:24:01.320
<v Speaker 1>it's historical, which is just so cheesy, but I love

0:24:01.359 --> 0:24:04.520
<v Speaker 1>it because it's just so true. You know, if your friend,

0:24:04.800 --> 0:24:07.679
<v Speaker 1>your mum, your partner, whoever it is, is having an

0:24:07.720 --> 0:24:12.400
<v Speaker 1>extreme reaction, I would always be saying that they are

0:24:12.440 --> 0:24:14.720
<v Speaker 1>most likely not just responding to what's going on in

0:24:14.760 --> 0:24:17.080
<v Speaker 1>front of them, but it's about something deeper. You know,

0:24:17.160 --> 0:24:20.439
<v Speaker 1>something from their past has been triggered. And really what

0:24:20.480 --> 0:24:23.959
<v Speaker 1>we're looking for is it's about strength of reaction and

0:24:24.000 --> 0:24:29.200
<v Speaker 1>it's about repetition. So doing it once it still indicates

0:24:29.240 --> 0:24:32.520
<v Speaker 1>that something's been triggered, but really it's the repetition. So

0:24:32.560 --> 0:24:36.480
<v Speaker 1>if you find yourself responding strongly in response to the

0:24:36.520 --> 0:24:39.160
<v Speaker 1>same type of situation or the same type of trigger

0:24:39.200 --> 0:24:42.200
<v Speaker 1>the same thing that your partner does, or your friend does,

0:24:42.320 --> 0:24:46.440
<v Speaker 1>or whatever it might be. If it's happening often repeatedly,

0:24:46.920 --> 0:24:49.240
<v Speaker 1>then I would be saying, Okay, we've got a pattern here.

0:24:50.440 --> 0:24:52.640
<v Speaker 1>Your past rum is being triggered. There's something we need

0:24:52.640 --> 0:24:54.800
<v Speaker 1>to look at and heal. Because our triggers really are

0:24:54.800 --> 0:24:58.560
<v Speaker 1>the pathway to healing. They show us what is unresolved

0:24:58.600 --> 0:25:00.000
<v Speaker 1>and what needs to be resolved.

0:25:03.320 --> 0:25:06.920
<v Speaker 2>Okay, rn C fam, I'm going too quickly interrupt myself

0:25:07.320 --> 0:25:10.760
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0:25:10.880 --> 0:25:15.919
<v Speaker 2>get enough sleep? Do you wake up feeling rested? Do

0:25:16.040 --> 0:25:20.840
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0:25:20.960 --> 0:25:26.200
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0:25:53.040 --> 0:25:57.520
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0:25:57.560 --> 0:26:01.159
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0:26:48.720 --> 0:26:51.680
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0:26:51.720 --> 0:26:53.800
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0:26:53.880 --> 0:26:56.520
<v Speaker 2>focused during the day. We know it affects our mood

0:26:56.960 --> 0:27:00.200
<v Speaker 2>and often we will overeat because our body is looking

0:27:00.240 --> 0:27:03.359
<v Speaker 2>for energy. So if you want to start with a

0:27:03.359 --> 0:27:08.280
<v Speaker 2>wellness product, you will not regret Moon Milk. It's honestly

0:27:09.080 --> 0:27:12.720
<v Speaker 2>life changing and I'm not even being dramatic. Since getting

0:27:12.880 --> 0:27:17.680
<v Speaker 2>amazing sleep, it just completely changes my whole entire day.

0:27:18.240 --> 0:27:22.320
<v Speaker 2>And yeah, so many testimonials from our NH gang who

0:27:22.600 --> 0:27:27.560
<v Speaker 2>agree and who are experiencing the same amazing results as

0:27:27.560 --> 0:27:30.720
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0:27:30.800 --> 0:27:33.800
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0:27:33.920 --> 0:27:38.119
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0:27:38.160 --> 0:27:42.280
<v Speaker 2>spelled completely out, no symbols, and I will put a

0:27:42.359 --> 0:27:44.600
<v Speaker 2>link in the show notes and the code and the

0:27:44.640 --> 0:27:49.080
<v Speaker 2>show notes. But enough about wellness, Let's get back into

0:27:49.119 --> 0:27:55.320
<v Speaker 2>the show. And I always find in regards to relationships,

0:27:55.359 --> 0:28:01.360
<v Speaker 2>like where where am I really so kind of feeling

0:28:01.480 --> 0:28:04.880
<v Speaker 2>like a victim? Like where am I hate again? Yeah,

0:28:04.960 --> 0:28:07.199
<v Speaker 2>like you said, like showing up in these kind of

0:28:07.800 --> 0:28:12.040
<v Speaker 2>bigger triggered ways, But also where am I feeling like, oh,

0:28:12.080 --> 0:28:14.879
<v Speaker 2>poor me and very much like this person has done

0:28:14.920 --> 0:28:19.359
<v Speaker 2>something to me and very victim by that person, which

0:28:19.400 --> 0:28:20.600
<v Speaker 2>for me has come up.

0:28:21.520 --> 0:28:26.520
<v Speaker 1>Yes, totally, that's a really common, very common relationship reaction,

0:28:27.040 --> 0:28:30.119
<v Speaker 1>I would say, is going into victim? You know that

0:28:30.480 --> 0:28:33.960
<v Speaker 1>really is. And in the book I do detail because

0:28:34.000 --> 0:28:37.119
<v Speaker 1>it's so important to because because relationships are so complicated

0:28:37.720 --> 0:28:40.720
<v Speaker 1>and so glopy, you know, I think the word I

0:28:40.800 --> 0:28:42.080
<v Speaker 1>use in the book, or the phrase I using the

0:28:42.080 --> 0:28:44.840
<v Speaker 1>book is it's like a muddy pain. It's just really

0:28:44.920 --> 0:28:48.600
<v Speaker 1>glopy and sticky and confusing. It can all just feel

0:28:48.600 --> 0:28:51.280
<v Speaker 1>a bit much. And that's especially true if you have

0:28:51.440 --> 0:28:56.400
<v Speaker 1>any kind of relational trauma from childhood. That's it's going

0:28:56.480 --> 0:29:01.400
<v Speaker 1>to feel especially difficult, especially can using. So it was

0:29:01.440 --> 0:29:04.240
<v Speaker 1>really important to me to kind of pull it apart.

0:29:04.520 --> 0:29:07.040
<v Speaker 1>So I list all, or as many as I could,

0:29:07.280 --> 0:29:09.920
<v Speaker 1>the main ones that I've seen that the relationship triggers,

0:29:10.200 --> 0:29:13.080
<v Speaker 1>so the things that can trigger us, and I also

0:29:13.200 --> 0:29:18.479
<v Speaker 1>list the reactions that I've seen or personally experienced, you know,

0:29:20.040 --> 0:29:23.120
<v Speaker 1>And I think that allows people to find some clarity,

0:29:23.160 --> 0:29:24.760
<v Speaker 1>which is really what the book is all about, and

0:29:24.760 --> 0:29:27.520
<v Speaker 1>what my work is all about is helping people pull

0:29:27.560 --> 0:29:32.560
<v Speaker 1>it apart, which in itself that insight and awareness it's

0:29:32.720 --> 0:29:33.520
<v Speaker 1>really healing.

0:29:34.160 --> 0:29:37.560
<v Speaker 2>Huge, huge, And so let's go on to health because

0:29:37.560 --> 0:29:41.719
<v Speaker 2>this was so interesting to me. So you're saying, you know,

0:29:41.800 --> 0:29:45.800
<v Speaker 2>our traumas can show up in our health. Can you

0:29:45.880 --> 0:29:49.280
<v Speaker 2>kind of explain to us how they can sharpen our

0:29:49.280 --> 0:29:50.160
<v Speaker 2>physical health?

0:29:51.520 --> 0:29:53.640
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's I've got to be honest, that is so

0:29:53.920 --> 0:29:57.440
<v Speaker 1>broad that it's hard for me to give a really.

0:29:57.400 --> 0:30:01.200
<v Speaker 2>What about with our relationship with food? Because this is

0:30:01.240 --> 0:30:03.800
<v Speaker 2>something that I have had with my past.

0:30:04.240 --> 0:30:08.240
<v Speaker 1>Yes, yes, isn't it so common? You know? And the

0:30:08.320 --> 0:30:10.640
<v Speaker 1>reason I do that so so the so the chapter

0:30:10.720 --> 0:30:15.880
<v Speaker 1>is all about how trauma affects our health, and I

0:30:16.360 --> 0:30:21.000
<v Speaker 1>detail how it affects our coping mechanisms, in particular food

0:30:21.160 --> 0:30:23.640
<v Speaker 1>and alcohol. And the reason I do that is because

0:30:24.000 --> 0:30:26.320
<v Speaker 1>so many of us, you know, thinking of food, now,

0:30:27.200 --> 0:30:30.120
<v Speaker 1>so many of us do you have a difficult relationship

0:30:30.120 --> 0:30:34.080
<v Speaker 1>with food, And I'm picking that apart in the context

0:30:34.120 --> 0:30:39.240
<v Speaker 1>of trauma and explaining why that happens. Really, because food

0:30:39.600 --> 0:30:43.520
<v Speaker 1>is about comfort, right, you know, it's it's and in

0:30:43.560 --> 0:30:47.240
<v Speaker 1>its and in its most innocent form, it's extremely joyful.

0:30:47.240 --> 0:30:49.840
<v Speaker 1>It's coming in on a cold day having a hot

0:30:49.880 --> 0:30:52.200
<v Speaker 1>bowl of soup. You know, you may be a bit hungry.

0:30:52.240 --> 0:30:58.160
<v Speaker 1>It's a comforting thing. But because it's comforting if we

0:30:59.320 --> 0:31:02.520
<v Speaker 1>have trauma, so if we carry trauma and we're experiencing

0:31:02.720 --> 0:31:07.720
<v Speaker 1>often experiencing these kind of overwhelming triggered reactions, we can

0:31:07.800 --> 0:31:11.560
<v Speaker 1>end up reaching for that comfort in more of a

0:31:11.600 --> 0:31:15.120
<v Speaker 1>dysfunctional way, as so many of us do. I mean, really,

0:31:15.160 --> 0:31:18.720
<v Speaker 1>I would say it's one of the main coping you know, dysfunctional,

0:31:18.800 --> 0:31:22.800
<v Speaker 1>disempowering coping mechanisms that I encounter on a daily basis

0:31:22.880 --> 0:31:26.160
<v Speaker 1>with people. So so I just knew that had to

0:31:26.160 --> 0:31:29.200
<v Speaker 1>be in there and had to be explaining what that's

0:31:29.240 --> 0:31:32.680
<v Speaker 1>about and you know a little bit about kind of

0:31:32.680 --> 0:31:33.760
<v Speaker 1>how we can move through it.

0:31:34.200 --> 0:31:38.640
<v Speaker 2>So you're saying these, you know, these relationship with foods,

0:31:38.680 --> 0:31:41.880
<v Speaker 2>with alcohol and those sorts of things can actually be

0:31:42.680 --> 0:31:48.320
<v Speaker 2>from a pass trauma or almost like a crutch that.

0:31:48.040 --> 0:31:50.600
<v Speaker 1>You know very often, you know, one of the one

0:31:50.600 --> 0:31:53.080
<v Speaker 1>of the questions people ask me the most, really it's

0:31:53.120 --> 0:31:55.840
<v Speaker 1>just as so often is but how do I know?

0:31:56.000 --> 0:31:58.280
<v Speaker 1>Like what are the main signs? And the one that

0:31:58.360 --> 0:32:01.520
<v Speaker 1>I always say is the biggest red flag is if

0:32:01.560 --> 0:32:09.680
<v Speaker 1>people are using compulsive avoidant coping mechanisms. You know, for me, honestly,

0:32:09.720 --> 0:32:11.280
<v Speaker 1>I would go as far to say that I have

0:32:11.440 --> 0:32:14.840
<v Speaker 1>never worked with anyone who hasn't in some way or another,

0:32:15.880 --> 0:32:18.880
<v Speaker 1>developed some kind of avoidant coping. And you know, that

0:32:18.960 --> 0:32:22.840
<v Speaker 1>might look like obsessively working. You know, that might be

0:32:23.080 --> 0:32:25.240
<v Speaker 1>you know, another word that would be workholism. But it

0:32:25.600 --> 0:32:28.959
<v Speaker 1>could be obsessively thinking about your projects and you and

0:32:29.000 --> 0:32:32.160
<v Speaker 1>your work. It could be distracting yourself with your phone,

0:32:32.280 --> 0:32:35.680
<v Speaker 1>It could be compulsive eating, it could be compulsive busyness.

0:32:35.960 --> 0:32:40.000
<v Speaker 1>I see that so often, this kind of tidying the house,

0:32:40.560 --> 0:32:45.479
<v Speaker 1>running from appointment to appointment. You know, anything that is

0:32:45.960 --> 0:32:49.920
<v Speaker 1>pushing our feelings away from us is avoidant coping. You know,

0:32:49.920 --> 0:32:54.440
<v Speaker 1>we're avoiding the cape, We're avoiding the feeling as a

0:32:54.480 --> 0:32:57.160
<v Speaker 1>way to cope because it feels too much, so we

0:32:57.320 --> 0:33:00.479
<v Speaker 1>just run from it. And actually that keeps us stuck

0:33:00.680 --> 0:33:02.920
<v Speaker 1>in the cycle of reactions, because really what we need

0:33:02.960 --> 0:33:06.200
<v Speaker 1>to do is move towards our feelings to release them.

0:33:06.760 --> 0:33:10.760
<v Speaker 2>So interesting, So I know you also in the book

0:33:10.800 --> 0:33:13.600
<v Speaker 2>you chat about, you know, how the trauma can affect

0:33:13.600 --> 0:33:17.600
<v Speaker 2>our education, our finances, our work, and you know, it's

0:33:17.720 --> 0:33:20.120
<v Speaker 2>much like what you kind of just went into them.

0:33:20.680 --> 0:33:23.000
<v Speaker 2>But something that you just said, which I really want

0:33:23.040 --> 0:33:26.520
<v Speaker 2>to chat about, is breaking the trauma loop. So, like

0:33:26.560 --> 0:33:30.520
<v Speaker 2>you said, it's almost like we are unaware. We're just

0:33:31.400 --> 0:33:34.720
<v Speaker 2>you know, we're getting triggered or we're addicted, we're using

0:33:34.760 --> 0:33:37.960
<v Speaker 2>things as a crutch, and I guess because it feels

0:33:38.080 --> 0:33:41.800
<v Speaker 2>like what we've always done. I think it can be

0:33:41.880 --> 0:33:45.280
<v Speaker 2>sometimes super hard to even be aware. But you know,

0:33:45.360 --> 0:33:48.080
<v Speaker 2>that's what's so great about the middle section of this

0:33:48.120 --> 0:33:52.280
<v Speaker 2>book is we're like having light bulb moments and we're like, oh, okay,

0:33:52.360 --> 0:33:56.240
<v Speaker 2>so this is interesting, But then how do we break

0:33:56.360 --> 0:33:58.920
<v Speaker 2>the trauma loop? So this is a very exciting part

0:33:58.920 --> 0:34:00.800
<v Speaker 2>of the book for me because, like I said, I

0:34:01.000 --> 0:34:05.160
<v Speaker 2>love I love self development. I love getting into, you know,

0:34:05.280 --> 0:34:08.680
<v Speaker 2>the actual how aspect, and I very much see this

0:34:08.800 --> 0:34:13.680
<v Speaker 2>podcast as giving the audience actionable tools. So can you

0:34:13.760 --> 0:34:18.320
<v Speaker 2>kind of get into the how to break the trauma

0:34:18.440 --> 0:34:20.600
<v Speaker 2>loop and that side of things?

0:34:22.160 --> 0:34:26.440
<v Speaker 1>Yes, I would love to talk about that, and there

0:34:26.440 --> 0:34:28.560
<v Speaker 1>are so many different ways that we can do it,

0:34:29.239 --> 0:34:32.880
<v Speaker 1>you know. And in the book, I include seven tools

0:34:32.960 --> 0:34:36.560
<v Speaker 1>and they are all designed to help us break the

0:34:36.560 --> 0:34:40.200
<v Speaker 1>cycles that we're trapped in. Because the thing that your

0:34:40.280 --> 0:34:43.160
<v Speaker 1>listeners should know is that these traumatic reactions happen in

0:34:43.200 --> 0:34:47.040
<v Speaker 1>a kind of cycle. So initially you're triggered, and then

0:34:47.239 --> 0:34:50.239
<v Speaker 1>you experience the kind of physical and emotional reaction, and

0:34:50.280 --> 0:34:53.000
<v Speaker 1>then very quickly it's followed by a cognitive reaction. So

0:34:53.080 --> 0:34:55.080
<v Speaker 1>that will show up in your beliefs and your thinking,

0:34:55.120 --> 0:34:58.360
<v Speaker 1>so like negative spiraling thinking or those old beliefs that

0:34:58.400 --> 0:35:01.319
<v Speaker 1>we were talking about, and then almost always it's going

0:35:01.400 --> 0:35:04.680
<v Speaker 1>to sharpen your behavior and most often, like I said,

0:35:04.680 --> 0:35:09.440
<v Speaker 1>that's a kind of avoidant coping. So my whole philosophy

0:35:09.719 --> 0:35:12.680
<v Speaker 1>is around, you know, figuring out ways to get out

0:35:12.719 --> 0:35:15.840
<v Speaker 1>of that loop. And there are so many different ways

0:35:15.840 --> 0:35:18.160
<v Speaker 1>to do it. Want you know, I did just just

0:35:18.320 --> 0:35:21.680
<v Speaker 1>mention really one of the best ways to do it

0:35:21.760 --> 0:35:25.000
<v Speaker 1>is to learn to and it's so hard, it's so

0:35:25.120 --> 0:35:28.319
<v Speaker 1>simple and so hard, but to learn to be with

0:35:28.480 --> 0:35:31.720
<v Speaker 1>our feelings instead of running from them, because we become

0:35:31.800 --> 0:35:34.719
<v Speaker 1>trapped in these cycles. If you think about it, that

0:35:34.840 --> 0:35:40.160
<v Speaker 1>behavioral push to push away our feelings is then keeping

0:35:40.200 --> 0:35:42.680
<v Speaker 1>us trapped in the pattern and in the cycle. So

0:35:43.040 --> 0:35:46.480
<v Speaker 1>we need to a simple way of doing that is

0:35:46.640 --> 0:35:49.279
<v Speaker 1>to be with our feelings. So that can be as

0:35:49.280 --> 0:35:53.360
<v Speaker 1>simple as you know, when you realize that you're feeling shame,

0:35:53.520 --> 0:35:56.560
<v Speaker 1>or you're feeling anxiety, if you're feeling afraid, whatever it

0:35:56.680 --> 0:35:59.880
<v Speaker 1>might be, or you say you realize your thoughts are spiraling,

0:36:01.239 --> 0:36:05.840
<v Speaker 1>or all those old beliefs have been triggered, just pausing.

0:36:06.880 --> 0:36:10.800
<v Speaker 1>And I know that sounds like maddeningly simple, But what

0:36:11.239 --> 0:36:14.040
<v Speaker 1>we have been taught and conditioned to do is to run.

0:36:14.440 --> 0:36:18.759
<v Speaker 1>So we feel it, like we'll notice in a kind

0:36:18.760 --> 0:36:22.120
<v Speaker 1>of half way, and then we run from it, we

0:36:22.160 --> 0:36:25.600
<v Speaker 1>get on with the day. We you know, we clean something,

0:36:25.680 --> 0:36:27.920
<v Speaker 1>we get on with work, we look at our phone,

0:36:27.920 --> 0:36:30.080
<v Speaker 1>whatever it might be, we go and eat something. And

0:36:30.160 --> 0:36:35.440
<v Speaker 1>actually the healing piece there is to pause and acknowledge

0:36:35.440 --> 0:36:39.239
<v Speaker 1>how you're feeling. And it's such a powerful thing to

0:36:39.280 --> 0:36:42.920
<v Speaker 1>do because healing from trauma is all about strengthening the

0:36:42.960 --> 0:36:46.759
<v Speaker 1>mind body connection. So what's going on is we kind

0:36:46.800 --> 0:36:50.680
<v Speaker 1>of cognitively or consciously notice something in our body, because

0:36:50.719 --> 0:36:53.640
<v Speaker 1>that's where our feelings are experienced, right, They're in our body.

0:36:53.719 --> 0:36:56.080
<v Speaker 1>So we'll notice that we're feeling a little bit ashamed

0:36:56.160 --> 0:36:58.719
<v Speaker 1>or we're feeling anxious, and we immediately pull up an

0:36:58.800 --> 0:37:00.880
<v Speaker 1>out of it. And what we need to do is

0:37:00.960 --> 0:37:06.319
<v Speaker 1>come back down into it and so notice what's going on,

0:37:06.360 --> 0:37:10.640
<v Speaker 1>but cognitively acknowledge it. So say to ourselves, I've been triggered,

0:37:10.719 --> 0:37:14.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm feeling really ashamed, or I've been triggered, I'm feeling

0:37:14.160 --> 0:37:17.360
<v Speaker 1>really anxious, or whatever it might be, I've been triggered,

0:37:17.400 --> 0:37:20.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm feeling really angry. And then so kind of pulling

0:37:20.200 --> 0:37:23.560
<v Speaker 1>the mind body together by then allowing the feeling and

0:37:23.680 --> 0:37:27.120
<v Speaker 1>just noticing what's going on in your body. So, oh

0:37:27.160 --> 0:37:29.960
<v Speaker 1>my gosh, my jaw is really tense, I've got a

0:37:30.280 --> 0:37:32.880
<v Speaker 1>you know, I've got a pain or tension in the

0:37:32.920 --> 0:37:35.719
<v Speaker 1>back of my neck. My shoulders are really tight, my

0:37:35.840 --> 0:37:38.920
<v Speaker 1>heart's be beating. And the more we do it, the

0:37:38.920 --> 0:37:42.799
<v Speaker 1>more we can be with our body. It's fascinating, it

0:37:42.880 --> 0:37:45.680
<v Speaker 1>really is. When you start working this way and actually,

0:37:45.800 --> 0:37:47.799
<v Speaker 1>and this doesn't have to take long. I'm not saying, like,

0:37:47.880 --> 0:37:50.160
<v Speaker 1>take an hour out of your day to just sit

0:37:50.239 --> 0:37:54.279
<v Speaker 1>and feel your feelings. I'm saying, when you notice an uncomfortable,

0:37:54.280 --> 0:37:57.799
<v Speaker 1>negative feeling, just pause, acknowledge it in your mind, and

0:37:57.920 --> 0:38:00.520
<v Speaker 1>just notice where it is in your body, you know,

0:38:00.600 --> 0:38:04.360
<v Speaker 1>And that is one of the simplest and quickest ways

0:38:04.840 --> 0:38:08.440
<v Speaker 1>to kind of step out of the trauma loop because

0:38:09.000 --> 0:38:12.600
<v Speaker 1>allowing our feelings to be and do what they need

0:38:12.640 --> 0:38:16.120
<v Speaker 1>to do, it helps them resolve. Because what you're also

0:38:16.160 --> 0:38:18.920
<v Speaker 1>going to realize is when you're with that feeling, you

0:38:19.000 --> 0:38:21.359
<v Speaker 1>might realize that your eyes are prickling and you need

0:38:21.440 --> 0:38:24.400
<v Speaker 1>to cry and you've got to let yourself. Or you

0:38:24.440 --> 0:38:26.440
<v Speaker 1>might realize that you have a ton of pressure in

0:38:26.480 --> 0:38:28.719
<v Speaker 1>your arms you feel like you want to punch, so

0:38:28.760 --> 0:38:31.920
<v Speaker 1>you punch the air. It's also the kind of resolution

0:38:32.080 --> 0:38:34.719
<v Speaker 1>piece of it is allowing your body to do what

0:38:34.760 --> 0:38:37.560
<v Speaker 1>it needs to do. Maybe it needs to shout, maybe

0:38:37.880 --> 0:38:39.279
<v Speaker 1>you know, like I said, maybe it needs to cry,

0:38:39.320 --> 0:38:41.719
<v Speaker 1>maybe it needs to make a call, like maybe you

0:38:41.840 --> 0:38:44.839
<v Speaker 1>just know you need to speak to someone. But it's

0:38:44.920 --> 0:38:48.319
<v Speaker 1>kind of understanding that feelings have a beginning, middle, and

0:38:48.480 --> 0:38:51.040
<v Speaker 1>end if we allow them to and see it through,

0:38:51.200 --> 0:38:53.080
<v Speaker 1>see the rise and fall of it, like the bell

0:38:53.160 --> 0:38:58.200
<v Speaker 1>curve of it. But it's so simple, and I get

0:38:58.239 --> 0:39:00.560
<v Speaker 1>that it sounds so simple, but I've been practicing this

0:39:00.640 --> 0:39:04.680
<v Speaker 1>for probably I would say, seventeen eighteen years, and still

0:39:05.320 --> 0:39:08.240
<v Speaker 1>there are times when I can't do it, when instead

0:39:08.280 --> 0:39:11.600
<v Speaker 1>of pausing and just being with my feelings, I run

0:39:11.640 --> 0:39:15.440
<v Speaker 1>from them. So it's simple, but it's difficult. But it

0:39:15.480 --> 0:39:17.840
<v Speaker 1>comes with practice, it really does. Like the more you

0:39:17.880 --> 0:39:19.560
<v Speaker 1>do it, the better at it we get. And it's

0:39:19.560 --> 0:39:22.319
<v Speaker 1>a really exciting journey, Like it's a really exciting way

0:39:22.400 --> 0:39:26.520
<v Speaker 1>to walk because it's also about embodiment. It's about reconnecting

0:39:26.560 --> 0:39:29.080
<v Speaker 1>to your body and your authentic self.

0:39:30.520 --> 0:39:33.000
<v Speaker 2>I absolutely love it, and I love that you said

0:39:33.560 --> 0:39:36.960
<v Speaker 2>it sounds simple, but it's so powerful because it's so true.

0:39:37.040 --> 0:39:41.239
<v Speaker 2>I remember doing some work where I realized I was

0:39:41.320 --> 0:39:44.640
<v Speaker 2>just so disconnected from my feelings. And you know, my

0:39:44.760 --> 0:39:48.719
<v Speaker 2>psychologist would ask, so, how do you feel? And I

0:39:48.800 --> 0:39:51.280
<v Speaker 2>used to give her a word that it wasn't a feeling,

0:39:51.400 --> 0:39:55.239
<v Speaker 2>it was a logical thought. And it's almost like I

0:39:55.280 --> 0:40:00.359
<v Speaker 2>had trouble articulating feelings because I would never feel them.

0:40:00.520 --> 0:40:05.080
<v Speaker 2>I would push them away, and then that manifested in

0:40:05.840 --> 0:40:11.000
<v Speaker 2>anxiety like a workaholic, that sort of side of things too.

0:40:11.200 --> 0:40:14.680
<v Speaker 2>And I noticed such a huge difference when you actually

0:40:14.719 --> 0:40:19.240
<v Speaker 2>just feel your feelings. And for me, it felt almost

0:40:19.400 --> 0:40:24.600
<v Speaker 2>like painful and very much like shameful to feel feelings,

0:40:24.680 --> 0:40:26.960
<v Speaker 2>so I wouldn't do it and I would push it down.

0:40:27.360 --> 0:40:30.879
<v Speaker 2>But when I started actually feeling the feelings and doing

0:40:30.920 --> 0:40:33.880
<v Speaker 2>what you're saying now, Sarah is, I realized it wasn't

0:40:33.880 --> 0:40:38.040
<v Speaker 2>that bad, and I was like, oh okay. Like once

0:40:38.120 --> 0:40:40.920
<v Speaker 2>I had done the process and like you said, pause

0:40:40.960 --> 0:40:44.439
<v Speaker 2>felt the feeling and it left, I was like, oh wow,

0:40:44.520 --> 0:40:47.160
<v Speaker 2>I don't actually have to keep all these feelings bottled up.

0:40:47.880 --> 0:40:50.839
<v Speaker 1>I so appreciate you sharing that, and you articulated it

0:40:50.960 --> 0:40:55.040
<v Speaker 1>so beautifully because and I would say, you know, from

0:40:55.040 --> 0:40:58.960
<v Speaker 1>where I'm standing, your experience of not being able to

0:40:59.000 --> 0:41:01.799
<v Speaker 1>feel your feelings from feeling detached from your body. You know,

0:41:01.840 --> 0:41:05.320
<v Speaker 1>they are all signs of relational trauma. So no matter

0:41:05.360 --> 0:41:08.319
<v Speaker 1>how perfect I'm doing like air quotes now, no matter

0:41:08.320 --> 0:41:11.960
<v Speaker 1>how perfect our childhood was, we can all experience you know,

0:41:12.000 --> 0:41:14.360
<v Speaker 1>we can all experience this, that, this, and many of

0:41:14.440 --> 0:41:18.000
<v Speaker 1>us do you know what you've described, There are common

0:41:18.320 --> 0:41:22.080
<v Speaker 1>symptoms of relational trauma of not being able to kind

0:41:22.080 --> 0:41:25.239
<v Speaker 1>of be with our with our feelings, and that very

0:41:25.280 --> 0:41:28.440
<v Speaker 1>often happens because of our experiences in childhood and not

0:41:28.560 --> 0:41:30.040
<v Speaker 1>having our feelings validated.

0:41:30.960 --> 0:41:36.400
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, exactly. And also what I did find after really

0:41:36.760 --> 0:41:39.600
<v Speaker 2>being aware aware of this, and for me it's always

0:41:39.680 --> 0:41:42.200
<v Speaker 2>awareness comes first, and then I can kind of get

0:41:42.200 --> 0:41:47.080
<v Speaker 2>into you know, past traumas and helping and breaking the

0:41:47.120 --> 0:41:51.320
<v Speaker 2>loop and whatnot, is once that I actually started feeling

0:41:51.320 --> 0:41:53.200
<v Speaker 2>the feelings. So something I used to talk to my

0:41:53.280 --> 0:41:58.120
<v Speaker 2>psychologists about was I never because I never kind of

0:41:58.160 --> 0:42:02.680
<v Speaker 2>like felt my feelings whole. It's almost like life felt

0:42:02.760 --> 0:42:07.200
<v Speaker 2>a bit. I'm trying to articulate the world, like I

0:42:07.239 --> 0:42:11.680
<v Speaker 2>don't want to say mundane, almost like like colorless, if

0:42:11.680 --> 0:42:14.600
<v Speaker 2>that makes sense, and it's like something really amazing would

0:42:14.640 --> 0:42:17.840
<v Speaker 2>happen and I'd be like, oh yeah, cool, something really

0:42:17.880 --> 0:42:20.040
<v Speaker 2>bad would happen and I'd be like, oh, yeah, I

0:42:20.040 --> 0:42:22.319
<v Speaker 2>could deal with this. So it's like I had this

0:42:22.360 --> 0:42:26.600
<v Speaker 2>coping mechanism of yeah, not feeling my feelings, but then

0:42:27.280 --> 0:42:31.160
<v Speaker 2>you know, I couldn't feel that super joyful feeling. And

0:42:31.239 --> 0:42:34.279
<v Speaker 2>so once I started feeling the feelings, connecting with my

0:42:34.320 --> 0:42:38.360
<v Speaker 2>feelings and really connecting with my body, is I could, really,

0:42:38.719 --> 0:42:45.520
<v Speaker 2>I guess, receive happiness, receive love, receive you know, those feelings,

0:42:46.000 --> 0:42:48.360
<v Speaker 2>and life got a lot better.

0:42:49.320 --> 0:42:51.920
<v Speaker 1>Absolutely, I've got nothing to add to that because you

0:42:51.960 --> 0:42:55.759
<v Speaker 1>just described it so beautifully. You know that that is

0:42:55.800 --> 0:43:00.440
<v Speaker 1>exactly the problem is when we deny, if if we

0:43:00.480 --> 0:43:04.759
<v Speaker 1>deny any feeling, we deny all of them. There is

0:43:04.760 --> 0:43:08.200
<v Speaker 1>no middle ground there. You have to allow them all

0:43:09.120 --> 0:43:11.439
<v Speaker 1>or else you do end up in this very kind

0:43:11.440 --> 0:43:16.839
<v Speaker 1>of it's almost like everything has been dialed down. Yes,

0:43:16.880 --> 0:43:19.080
<v Speaker 1>and that's very very very common.

0:43:20.280 --> 0:43:23.799
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And it's like, yeah, would you rather you know,

0:43:24.040 --> 0:43:27.040
<v Speaker 2>not feel the highs and lows or would you rather just

0:43:27.160 --> 0:43:30.560
<v Speaker 2>feel that kind of in the middle stage all the time.

0:43:30.640 --> 0:43:33.279
<v Speaker 2>And I just realized I could, you know, I had

0:43:33.320 --> 0:43:35.840
<v Speaker 2>lived my life for like that's for so long that

0:43:35.920 --> 0:43:37.920
<v Speaker 2>I was like, no, I want to feel the highs

0:43:38.239 --> 0:43:40.000
<v Speaker 2>and I want to feel the lows. So that was

0:43:40.080 --> 0:43:43.080
<v Speaker 2>a huge breakthrough. And I think that's also me just

0:43:43.280 --> 0:43:45.719
<v Speaker 2>explaining to the audience too for you R and c

0:43:45.920 --> 0:43:49.000
<v Speaker 2>F them is you know, if you ask someone who

0:43:49.200 --> 0:43:51.880
<v Speaker 2>you do feel a bit disconnected to your feelings and

0:43:51.920 --> 0:43:55.520
<v Speaker 2>stuff happens and you almost feel like you can't receive

0:43:55.640 --> 0:44:00.200
<v Speaker 2>the love, receive the joy, or even the bad feelings,

0:44:00.320 --> 0:44:02.560
<v Speaker 2>it's definitely a sign that you're a bit to get

0:44:02.640 --> 0:44:03.919
<v Speaker 2>disconnected in that way.

0:44:04.560 --> 0:44:07.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, absolutely a sign you're disconnected. And I would be

0:44:08.080 --> 0:44:10.960
<v Speaker 1>using the language of trauma, you know, then I would

0:44:11.000 --> 0:44:14.919
<v Speaker 1>be I would be explaining that, you know, very it's

0:44:15.040 --> 0:44:19.000
<v Speaker 1>very feasible that there's some older relational trauma there and

0:44:19.000 --> 0:44:21.360
<v Speaker 1>that that's okay. You know, the whole point of the

0:44:21.360 --> 0:44:25.160
<v Speaker 1>book is that we've all experienced trauma, that we've all

0:44:25.200 --> 0:44:28.359
<v Speaker 1>experienced the traumatic reaction in one way or another. We

0:44:28.400 --> 0:44:32.520
<v Speaker 1>all carry it. So when I say, you know, well,

0:44:32.560 --> 0:44:34.080
<v Speaker 1>you know, do any of the listeners who are that

0:44:34.160 --> 0:44:36.879
<v Speaker 1>could be trauma, I'm saying, yeah, you and the rest

0:44:36.920 --> 0:44:41.359
<v Speaker 1>of us, you know, it's okay, It really is okay.

0:44:40.640 --> 0:44:47.960
<v Speaker 1>It's a common protective reaction, and the best thing we

0:44:48.000 --> 0:44:50.319
<v Speaker 1>can do is acknowledge it and call it what it is.

0:44:51.000 --> 0:44:54.120
<v Speaker 1>You know, just call it what it is, and and

0:44:54.239 --> 0:44:56.560
<v Speaker 1>you will begin to heal. You know, as you learn

0:44:56.600 --> 0:44:58.080
<v Speaker 1>about it, you will begin to heal.

0:45:00.200 --> 0:45:03.640
<v Speaker 2>And so Sarah, to finish off the interview, I want

0:45:03.680 --> 0:45:06.960
<v Speaker 2>to chat about your tools in the book. So, guys,

0:45:07.040 --> 0:45:10.520
<v Speaker 2>Sarah's got a chapter that is literally called the Tools,

0:45:10.560 --> 0:45:15.000
<v Speaker 2>where she gives you I think there's seven yes that correct? Right? Yeah, yes,

0:45:15.120 --> 0:45:18.000
<v Speaker 2>so seven tools, which I loved reading because it's kind

0:45:18.000 --> 0:45:20.319
<v Speaker 2>of like, you know, you can pick the ones that

0:45:20.360 --> 0:45:23.400
<v Speaker 2>resonate with you. Our bit to finish, Sarah, I was

0:45:23.440 --> 0:45:26.919
<v Speaker 2>wondering if you can go in and explain tool one

0:45:27.040 --> 0:45:30.320
<v Speaker 2>because that was definitely my favorite because it's got a

0:45:30.360 --> 0:45:32.520
<v Speaker 2>bit of spiritualness in it, a bit of woo woo,

0:45:32.560 --> 0:45:36.080
<v Speaker 2>which is down my alley. And then guys, make sure

0:45:36.120 --> 0:45:38.000
<v Speaker 2>you go read the book for other other tools.

0:45:38.560 --> 0:45:41.640
<v Speaker 1>Great. So setting you in tool one, setting your intentions

0:45:41.680 --> 0:45:43.280
<v Speaker 1>in your path? Is that the one that you loved?

0:45:43.719 --> 0:45:43.959
<v Speaker 2>Yes?

0:45:44.160 --> 0:45:46.759
<v Speaker 1>Yes, I'm so happy that you asked for me to

0:45:46.800 --> 0:45:51.080
<v Speaker 1>talk about that. So this is all I'm going to look.

0:45:51.120 --> 0:45:52.839
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to open the book and have a liks

0:45:52.840 --> 0:45:54.799
<v Speaker 1>so I can find the actual questions so I can

0:45:54.800 --> 0:45:59.440
<v Speaker 1>read them out. So this is it's part practical and

0:45:59.480 --> 0:46:02.680
<v Speaker 1>as you said, part spiritual, which the book is. You

0:46:02.719 --> 0:46:05.799
<v Speaker 1>know that I would say it spans both of those.

0:46:05.840 --> 0:46:09.480
<v Speaker 1>It was really important to me because I'm authentically both

0:46:09.520 --> 0:46:12.120
<v Speaker 1>of those things. You know, I'm a researcher, but I'm

0:46:12.160 --> 0:46:14.960
<v Speaker 1>also very very spiritual, and it's been a really important

0:46:15.000 --> 0:46:17.960
<v Speaker 1>part of my healing journey. So the tools I really

0:46:18.000 --> 0:46:21.279
<v Speaker 1>wanted to be able to incorporate both, and as the

0:46:21.320 --> 0:46:24.799
<v Speaker 1>whole book does. So this is part practical and part spiritual,

0:46:26.360 --> 0:46:29.759
<v Speaker 1>and it's really about encouraging people to build a clear

0:46:29.840 --> 0:46:34.799
<v Speaker 1>vision for themselves. Because what I've found personally and professionally,

0:46:34.800 --> 0:46:36.640
<v Speaker 1>because this is a tool I use when I work

0:46:36.640 --> 0:46:39.160
<v Speaker 1>with people, or you know, a version of it is

0:46:40.040 --> 0:46:44.359
<v Speaker 1>if we're going to break free from old cycles, if

0:46:44.400 --> 0:46:47.600
<v Speaker 1>we don't know what we're stepping into, we can feel

0:46:47.640 --> 0:46:52.480
<v Speaker 1>really unsafe. So I always encourage people to create a

0:46:52.560 --> 0:46:57.960
<v Speaker 1>vision and engage with their purpose and their you know,

0:46:58.040 --> 0:47:01.680
<v Speaker 1>and engage with what they're seeking before they begin the work,

0:47:02.080 --> 0:47:06.719
<v Speaker 1>because it's just it's almost like it gives you a

0:47:06.800 --> 0:47:09.520
<v Speaker 1>structure and a sense of safety that when we're in

0:47:09.560 --> 0:47:11.879
<v Speaker 1>this zone so when we're talking about trauma and doing

0:47:11.880 --> 0:47:16.160
<v Speaker 1>this kind of work is really really important. So it's

0:47:16.200 --> 0:47:18.520
<v Speaker 1>a really important tool. That's what I would say to people.

0:47:19.760 --> 0:47:24.120
<v Speaker 1>So the questions are, so I've said, what are you

0:47:24.160 --> 0:47:26.920
<v Speaker 1>seeking in your relationships? What are you seeking in your

0:47:26.960 --> 0:47:29.960
<v Speaker 1>health and well being? What are you seeking in your work?

0:47:30.600 --> 0:47:32.560
<v Speaker 1>And when you picture your life a year from now,

0:47:32.640 --> 0:47:35.000
<v Speaker 1>what do you want it to look like? So that

0:47:35.120 --> 0:47:38.239
<v Speaker 1>idea of seeking is really important to me in the

0:47:38.280 --> 0:47:42.439
<v Speaker 1>work that I do. And I think there's something about

0:47:42.440 --> 0:47:46.080
<v Speaker 1>the word that just helps people kind of key into

0:47:46.320 --> 0:47:51.040
<v Speaker 1>or access on a deeper level when we talk about

0:47:51.080 --> 0:47:55.680
<v Speaker 1>what you're seeking, what you're I don't know that there's

0:47:55.680 --> 0:47:58.719
<v Speaker 1>a deeper spirituality the word than the media saying what

0:47:58.760 --> 0:48:03.120
<v Speaker 1>do you want? You know, what are you're seeking? It's

0:48:03.200 --> 0:48:05.920
<v Speaker 1>kind of a reaching for something that we need, that

0:48:05.960 --> 0:48:09.879
<v Speaker 1>we instinctively know. So they're the questions that we use

0:48:10.680 --> 0:48:14.560
<v Speaker 1>and what we do from those, So you're right as

0:48:14.640 --> 0:48:16.719
<v Speaker 1>much as you would want on those. And then I

0:48:16.800 --> 0:48:21.359
<v Speaker 1>really encourage people to take their answers and translate them

0:48:21.360 --> 0:48:26.080
<v Speaker 1>into daily intentions, which I think are so important. I

0:48:26.120 --> 0:48:29.080
<v Speaker 1>think it's really important that we're all using intentions. And

0:48:29.160 --> 0:48:31.680
<v Speaker 1>I know that also probably all sounds a bit Gabby Bernstein,

0:48:32.000 --> 0:48:35.480
<v Speaker 1>but they work. There is so much evidence to show

0:48:35.520 --> 0:48:38.840
<v Speaker 1>that they work. I am really into I've done a

0:48:38.840 --> 0:48:41.879
<v Speaker 1>lot of kind of training and research into the subconscious

0:48:41.920 --> 0:48:44.120
<v Speaker 1>and how it plays out in our beliefs on a

0:48:44.160 --> 0:48:47.200
<v Speaker 1>daily basis, and how we can break habits and patterns

0:48:47.600 --> 0:48:51.799
<v Speaker 1>and intentions are really powerful, you know. So from those,

0:48:52.040 --> 0:48:54.760
<v Speaker 1>so say you know, what are you seeking in your relationships?

0:48:55.400 --> 0:48:58.239
<v Speaker 1>Once you've got that answer, you would then pull from

0:48:58.239 --> 0:49:00.719
<v Speaker 1>that intentions, which is it is a bit of a

0:49:00.719 --> 0:49:04.919
<v Speaker 1>tricky practice that they there can be hard to initially set,

0:49:04.920 --> 0:49:07.640
<v Speaker 1>but you the more you practice them, the more you

0:49:07.680 --> 0:49:13.440
<v Speaker 1>get familiar with the wording. So so for example, what

0:49:13.520 --> 0:49:16.520
<v Speaker 1>here we go? So here I've written, So for example,

0:49:16.600 --> 0:49:19.759
<v Speaker 1>so you wrote, I'm seeking deeper emotional connection in my

0:49:19.840 --> 0:49:25.880
<v Speaker 1>closest relationships. So your intention then would be so my

0:49:25.960 --> 0:49:28.200
<v Speaker 1>intention is to be more honest and open about how

0:49:28.200 --> 0:49:30.959
<v Speaker 1>I'm feeling. So you see, there's the seeking piece first,

0:49:30.960 --> 0:49:34.080
<v Speaker 1>and then we translate it into an intention, and then

0:49:34.120 --> 0:49:38.120
<v Speaker 1>from that I really encourage people to to create affirmations

0:49:38.280 --> 0:49:40.480
<v Speaker 1>because we set the intention in the morning, but then

0:49:40.600 --> 0:49:45.839
<v Speaker 1>during the day I use affirmations to queue in and

0:49:45.920 --> 0:49:49.399
<v Speaker 1>remind me of where I'm headed. Because remember we've set

0:49:49.440 --> 0:49:52.520
<v Speaker 1>the we've we've did the seeking weight work first, so

0:49:52.560 --> 0:49:55.440
<v Speaker 1>we know that that that's coming from a really deep

0:49:55.480 --> 0:49:58.040
<v Speaker 1>place within us. So on a daily basis, we need

0:49:58.080 --> 0:50:01.280
<v Speaker 1>to find ways to remind us of where we're headed.

0:50:01.320 --> 0:50:04.840
<v Speaker 1>And affirmations work so beautifully. So take that intention of

0:50:05.640 --> 0:50:07.640
<v Speaker 1>my intention is to be more honest and open about

0:50:07.640 --> 0:50:11.040
<v Speaker 1>how I'm feeling. To support the intention, you could use

0:50:11.040 --> 0:50:14.919
<v Speaker 1>an affirmation like I'm deeply connected to those I love,

0:50:15.600 --> 0:50:18.680
<v Speaker 1>or it's safe to be open about my feelings, or

0:50:18.719 --> 0:50:22.879
<v Speaker 1>I state my feelings honestly. So they're just smaller affirmations

0:50:22.880 --> 0:50:25.120
<v Speaker 1>that you can use during the day that keep you

0:50:25.160 --> 0:50:27.880
<v Speaker 1>on the right path, one that's come from a deep,

0:50:28.960 --> 0:50:31.600
<v Speaker 1>a deeper place within you that's connected to your purpose.

0:50:33.320 --> 0:50:37.719
<v Speaker 2>I love that, and I love the last bit of

0:50:37.760 --> 0:50:40.759
<v Speaker 2>that tool you wrote. You know what the worst thing

0:50:41.160 --> 0:50:44.280
<v Speaker 2>is about trauma? It keeps us focused on the past,

0:50:44.400 --> 0:50:46.960
<v Speaker 2>so then our future ends up being a carbon copy

0:50:47.040 --> 0:50:51.360
<v Speaker 2>of what happened before. To change, we gently remind ourselves

0:50:51.400 --> 0:50:55.440
<v Speaker 2>to refocus on what we want. So what do you want? Ah?

0:50:55.680 --> 0:50:56.319
<v Speaker 2>I love that.

0:50:56.520 --> 0:50:58.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm so pleased you like to I love it too.

0:50:59.000 --> 0:51:01.799
<v Speaker 1>It's just so empowered and it's just so important with

0:51:01.840 --> 0:51:04.560
<v Speaker 1>this work because I find that the trauma space often

0:51:04.680 --> 0:51:07.880
<v Speaker 1>is very very heavy, you know, and I understand why,

0:51:07.920 --> 0:51:11.600
<v Speaker 1>of course it is, but I think because because of that,

0:51:11.719 --> 0:51:14.719
<v Speaker 1>so because there's so much or can be so much

0:51:14.800 --> 0:51:17.719
<v Speaker 1>deep healing and processing going on, I feel like that

0:51:18.080 --> 0:51:22.840
<v Speaker 1>often the lighter empowerment piece is missing. So it was

0:51:23.080 --> 0:51:26.640
<v Speaker 1>really really important to me to pull those two, those

0:51:26.680 --> 0:51:30.400
<v Speaker 1>two spaces together so as we heal, we can also

0:51:30.480 --> 0:51:33.120
<v Speaker 1>empower ourselves. And it's really critical that we do.

0:51:34.760 --> 0:51:38.240
<v Speaker 2>One hundred percent. And yeah, I resonate with that so much.

0:51:38.920 --> 0:51:41.600
<v Speaker 2>Out well, thank you so much, Sarah. You have been

0:51:42.080 --> 0:51:48.799
<v Speaker 2>such a light and it's just so yes, so many

0:51:48.920 --> 0:51:53.800
<v Speaker 2>like aha moments, and I absolutely loved how you explained everything,

0:51:53.960 --> 0:51:56.840
<v Speaker 2>and I really appreciate your time on coming up coming

0:51:56.880 --> 0:51:58.280
<v Speaker 2>on the podcast and it's.

0:51:58.160 --> 0:52:00.960
<v Speaker 1>Been such a wonderful chat. So are they were amazing

0:52:01.480 --> 0:52:05.440
<v Speaker 1>amazing questions and oh I'm just a big fan, you know,

0:52:05.880 --> 0:52:07.120
<v Speaker 1>it's been great.

0:52:07.600 --> 0:52:09.800
<v Speaker 2>Thanks so much, Sarah. And can you let the audience

0:52:09.920 --> 0:52:12.439
<v Speaker 2>know You've already let them know where they can find

0:52:12.480 --> 0:52:15.279
<v Speaker 2>the book, so I will link that, but where can

0:52:15.320 --> 0:52:16.719
<v Speaker 2>they find you? And follow you.

0:52:17.520 --> 0:52:20.800
<v Speaker 1>Yes, I'm everywhere. Really, you can't. You can't escape me.

0:52:20.840 --> 0:52:23.920
<v Speaker 1>I don't think so. I've got a website which is

0:52:24.120 --> 0:52:28.560
<v Speaker 1>ww dot Sarah Woodhouse dot com, and I'm on Instagram

0:52:28.640 --> 0:52:32.600
<v Speaker 1>and Facebook. I'm at the Sarah Woodhouse and on Twitter,

0:52:32.719 --> 0:52:37.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm sn Underscore Woodhouse and I would love to connect. Ah.

0:52:37.120 --> 0:52:40.800
<v Speaker 2>Thanks so much, Sarah, Thank you, thank you for listening

0:52:40.800 --> 0:52:44.880
<v Speaker 2>for another RNC episode. I really appreciate taking the time

0:52:45.280 --> 0:52:47.680
<v Speaker 2>to be here with me, and also for taking the

0:52:47.760 --> 0:52:51.759
<v Speaker 2>time for yourself. If you found this episode helpful, it

0:52:51.760 --> 0:52:54.399
<v Speaker 2>would be so amazing if you shared it on your

0:52:54.440 --> 0:52:57.319
<v Speaker 2>stories and tagged us, or simply just send it on

0:52:57.400 --> 0:53:01.200
<v Speaker 2>to a girlfriend or family member who would benefit from listening.

0:53:01.880 --> 0:53:04.840
<v Speaker 2>We are an independent podcast run by me and my

0:53:04.920 --> 0:53:07.920
<v Speaker 2>amazing podcast manager, so it would mean the world to

0:53:08.000 --> 0:53:12.120
<v Speaker 2>us if you left a review on the Apple podcast app. Also,

0:53:12.239 --> 0:53:15.280
<v Speaker 2>if you're vibing this podcast and the concepts we're chatting

0:53:15.320 --> 0:53:19.680
<v Speaker 2>about and your craving community, please come and join us

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<v Speaker 2>over at the RNC podcast community Facebook group. Just search

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<v Speaker 2>Rise and Conquer Podcast Community on Facebook and I will

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<v Speaker 2>be in there to chat to you. Until next time.