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Speaker 1: Gooday. This is doctor Justin Coulson, the author of six

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Speaker 1: books about raising happy families and the founder of Happy

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Speaker 1: Families dot com dot au. Here with Kylie, my wife,

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Speaker 1: podcast co host and mum to our six daughters. Because

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Speaker 1: at school holidays we are sharing with you podcast conversations

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Speaker 1: that matter. We think that this one is going to

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Speaker 1: be really important.

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Speaker 2: School holidays is a great chance for us to reconnect

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Speaker 2: with our kids and practice the art of playful parenting.

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Speaker 1: Woo.

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Speaker 2: It's all about creating space for playfulness, mindset, and intention.

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Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families podcast.

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Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just

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Speaker 2: once answers mew.

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Speaker 1: Margin means that there's room around the edges for you

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Speaker 1: to do the stuff that lights you up, that's playful,

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Speaker 1: that's fun, that brings you joy.

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Speaker 2: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum

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Speaker 2: and dad.

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Speaker 1: What's your favorite game in the car?

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Speaker 2: I don't have a favorite game in the car.

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Speaker 1: I like to eat in the car? Is that why

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Speaker 1: there's always crumbs? Everything?

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Speaker 2: I like to sing?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, singing is good. Singing is fun. Singing is playful.

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Speaker 1: What about I spy?

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Speaker 2: Though surely you like I spy, don't get me started

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Speaker 2: with I spy.

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Speaker 1: You don't like to play though, do you?

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Speaker 2: It doesn't come very naturally to me, if that's what

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Speaker 2: you're asking.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, So this is something that I've discovered as

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Speaker 1: I watch parents. Actually we should introduce ourselves. For those

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Speaker 1: who are new to the podcast. I'm justin Grench. I've

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Speaker 1: written six books about raising happy families, and you are.

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Speaker 2: I'm Kylie and I missus happy family who.

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Speaker 1: Doesn't like to play games?

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Speaker 2: Oh you're hilarious.

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Speaker 1: Actually you do like playing games, but I do.

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Speaker 2: I love playing Quirkle and I love playing blocks. They're

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Speaker 2: all bright colors.

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Speaker 1: I love they're competitive. You like to destroy our children's

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Speaker 1: self esteem is demolish so bad. So today we're talking

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Speaker 1: about playful households because something that I've noticed about parents

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Speaker 1: is that we don't often look like we're having fun

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Speaker 1: when we're with our kids. When you watch parents in

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Speaker 1: the shopping, and it's probably unfair because shops. Kids hate shops.

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Speaker 2: I don't know any parent who loves taking their kids

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Speaker 2: to the shops.

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Speaker 1: I don't know any child who likes going to the shops.

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Speaker 1: And that's that's the kind of the reason that was unfair.

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Speaker 1: But even at the park, a lot of parents look bored,

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Speaker 1: they don't want to be with their kids, and I reckon,

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Speaker 1: we need to talk about how to have fun, how

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Speaker 1: to have a more playful family environment.

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Speaker 2: Well that all sounds really, you know, dandy, but the

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Speaker 2: reality is life's hard. I just think about the person

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Speaker 2: who comes home, whether it's mum or dad or both.

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Speaker 2: You've been at work all day and you get home

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Speaker 2: and you just want to have a few minutes of downtime.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and with COVID you don't even get that because

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Speaker 1: coming home means leaving the study and walking into the

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Speaker 1: living room. There's no time to decompress like it's on

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Speaker 1: and then and then every.

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Speaker 2: Single person, whether it be your spouse or your partner

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Speaker 2: or your children ever, everybody wants a piece of you.

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Speaker 2: And you just want to decompress after the day that

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Speaker 2: you've had and compartmentalize everything. And you don't get that.

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Speaker 2: And so how are you supposed to be playful with

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Speaker 2: all of that?

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Speaker 1: I was going to say, it is hard to be

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Speaker 1: playful because not only have you got to try to

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Speaker 1: find the ability to smile and joke around and have

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Speaker 1: a nice time with people, but you're also juggling this

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Speaker 1: really significant issue of the cooking needs to be done,

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Speaker 1: the cleaning needs to be done, and everything needs to

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Speaker 1: be ready for tomorrow, and there's loads of washing to

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Speaker 1: put on or take out of the dryer. So there's

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Speaker 1: a lot going on. And yet we know that kids

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Speaker 1: who have high quality playtime with their parents are more resilient,

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Speaker 1: they learn better boundaries, they have a higher level of

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Speaker 1: connectedness and relatedness. Being playful at home is one of

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Speaker 1: the easiest things that we can do to build connection.

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Speaker 1: Fill the relationship bucket full of water, that gorgeous stuff

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Speaker 1: that makes everyone feel so good about life. And I reckon,

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Speaker 1: as hard as it is, and we should acknowledge that

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Speaker 1: as you have it's really important for parents to get

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Speaker 1: reminders you'll need to be playful. So I reckon, we

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Speaker 1: should have a conversation about how we can be more playful.

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Speaker 1: And there's three things that I think we need. Number One, margin.

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Speaker 2: Oh really, what's margin?

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Speaker 1: Margin means that there's room around the edges for you

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Speaker 1: to do the stuff that lights you up, that's playful,

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Speaker 1: that's fun, that brings you joy. So we need margin margin.

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Speaker 1: What's your point? I feel like you're kind of digging

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Speaker 1: the knife in in a passive aggressive way and trying.

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Speaker 2: To injure me here, what's maybe? What are you saying,

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Speaker 2: I'm sure everyone else will work it out.

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Speaker 1: What are you saying?

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Speaker 2: Come on, I don't think we have a lot of

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Speaker 2: margin in our lives.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So six kids, a business, a podcast, blah blah

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Speaker 1: blah blah blah. But we can still have a sense

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Speaker 1: of time affluence, can't we?

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Speaker 2: Sure if you follow me while you have a conversation

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Speaker 2: as I clean the house and.

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Speaker 1: Help with that thing too. So the first thing is margin,

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Speaker 1: and I reckon we need to be really intentional about that,

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Speaker 1: which is the second thing. Margin requires intention So if

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Speaker 1: we're going to be playing with our kids, we have

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Speaker 1: to be intentional about not just being playful, but intentional

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Speaker 1: about creating the margins so that we've got the headspace

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Speaker 1: to play without being stressed and saying, oh, for goodness,

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Speaker 1: ex we haven't got time for this, go to bit.

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Speaker 2: So I'm going to ask you a question then, around

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Speaker 2: that intention, did you feel very playful when the roof

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Speaker 2: fell in?

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Speaker 1: Well, there are times to be playful, and there are

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Speaker 1: times to pick up the damage that's caused by a

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Speaker 1: bath that has overflowed into the TV room downstairs, and

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Speaker 1: cause the sea.

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Speaker 2: Life is hard and whether it's the ceiling caving in,

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Speaker 2: there is stuff going on all the time, and his parents,

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Speaker 2: it can be really really hard to find the right mindset.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so two things about that though. First of all,

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Speaker 1: people's roofs don't fall in every day, even metaphorically. And secondly,

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Speaker 1: we have started laughing about it now that we're a

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Speaker 1: few days down the track and we've realized that it's

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Speaker 1: only going to cost a couple of thousand dollars and

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Speaker 1: not the jillion dollars that we thought it was going

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Speaker 1: to be. Even though that's a horrible thing to have

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Speaker 1: to go through, we're at the and now where we

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Speaker 1: can yeel about it and it's funny. The third thing

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Speaker 1: we need if we're going to have a playful household

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Speaker 1: is margin, intention and mindset. We've actually got to have

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Speaker 1: the mindset that life is fun, that life is to

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Speaker 1: be enjoyed, and that our family relationships can be playful

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Speaker 1: and enjoyable. Now, I don't think that sarcasm is playful.

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Speaker 1: I think sarcasm is usually rood and unkind. But we

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Speaker 1: can be playful in our relationships with the right margin,

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Speaker 1: the right mindset, and the right intention. Let's talk about

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Speaker 1: what that looks like in practice. Right after the break.

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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast.

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Speaker 3: Imagine a home where discipline got results without anyone having

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Speaker 3: to feel bad or in trouble. The do's and don'ts

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Speaker 3: of discipline as a webinar to help parents set limits

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Speaker 3: with love, compassion, and humanity. Find it now at happyfamilies

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Speaker 3: dot com dot au slash shop.

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Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families Podcast, the podcast for the time

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Speaker 2: poor parent who just wants answers now, and today we

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Speaker 2: are talking about what a playful household looks like thinking

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Speaker 2: about this and thinking about our Mother's Day disaster, and

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Speaker 2: I'm wondering whether or not you could have actually invited

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Speaker 2: everybody down so they could have had a water fight.

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Speaker 2: That would have been playful, that.

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Speaker 1: Would have been breathakingly playful. I wish, I wish that

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Speaker 1: I'd done that. See now I'm feeling bad for being

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Speaker 1: a big grump and saying Mother's Day's ruined because somebody's

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Speaker 1: flooded the bathroom and the rest of the house.

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Speaker 2: Hindsight is a wonderful thing, is it not?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it is, but It's also a great opportunity to

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Speaker 1: learn to be better. So next time we do flood

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Speaker 1: the house, we'll have a water fight. Okay, that's my

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Speaker 1: promise to you. I or replay something to you.

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Speaker 4: You ready, Oh, hi there and welcome to Minisula water

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Speaker 4: Salads that aren't really salads. Today's ingredients for snicker salad.

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Speaker 1: That's right.

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Speaker 4: In Minnesota, Snickers and apples can make a salad. I

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Speaker 4: never said it was healthy. If you want to make

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Speaker 4: the salad extra Minnesotan use honeycrisp apples, which were developed

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Speaker 4: at the University of Minnesota in nineteen sixty. Mix one

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Speaker 4: package of vanilla pudding into one cup of buttermilk. Chop

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Speaker 4: eat apples.

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Speaker 1: Add your chopped apples to the pudding.

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Speaker 4: Lots of recipes se to take the skins up, but

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Speaker 4: I see, leave the mind because where else are we

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Speaker 4: getting fiber in our diet. Chop your snickers? How many

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Speaker 4: snickers you ask? Measure that with your heart. Fall in

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Speaker 4: at least one type of cool it. But if you

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Speaker 4: have too many apples, you'll need two tups. And there

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Speaker 4: you have it, Snickers salad. And yes, they also use

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Speaker 4: milky wab because I think it tastes like a coramel apple.

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Speaker 4: When it's all done, it does.

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Speaker 1: Sound like fun. A Snickers salad.

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Speaker 2: That sounds like I've got Cinderella in my kitchen.

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Speaker 1: So better? How playful? Right? How much fun? You know what?

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Speaker 1: I really loved on Instagram in the last week or so,

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Speaker 1: maybe the last two weeks. Hamish Blake. He's got this

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Speaker 1: tradition and it's brilliant. It's not as crazy, scary horrible

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Speaker 1: as a Minnesota salad that Snickers and apples with extra

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Speaker 1: fiber if you leave the skin on. What is going

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Speaker 1: on there? But Hamish Blake made a commitment to one

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Speaker 1: of his kids that every single year he would bake

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Speaker 1: that child whatever cake he wanted.

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Speaker 2: He clearly doesn't have six children.

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Speaker 1: No he doesn't, he has two. But he promised that

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Speaker 1: he would bake the cake for the birthday every single year,

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Speaker 1: whatever cake the kid wants. And this year the cake

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Speaker 1: took Hamish. He created this Pokemon thing that opens and closes.

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Speaker 1: It does so manually, and it's in a bottle of jello,

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Speaker 1: and there's cake, and there's there's just stuff everywhere. He

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Speaker 1: was up until one am. He started at seven pm,

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Speaker 1: finished at one am. Consumed a surprising him out of

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Speaker 1: alcohol while he was doing it to get through the night,

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Speaker 1: I think, but I just thought, here's this guy. Now,

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Speaker 1: obviously he's a comedian and everyone in Australia knows Hamish

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Speaker 1: Blake is. He's one of our most loved comedians and

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Speaker 1: he's also clearly a really devoted that and if you

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Speaker 1: follow on Instagram you'd see that. But we talk about

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Speaker 1: playfulness and if you go through those three things that

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Speaker 1: I was talking about, margin, Hamish Blake has created the

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Speaker 1: margin that he needs to bake the cake every single year,

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Speaker 1: no matter what it takes. Intention he's really intentional about

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Speaker 1: being playful. And third, he's got a mindset that says

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Speaker 1: I'm here for my kids and I want their lives

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Speaker 1: to be joy and fun. Now that takes the cake,

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Speaker 1: can I say that you're so bad?

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Speaker 2: So bad?

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Speaker 1: But what I love about that story is that all

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Speaker 1: of us can do our own version of that in

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Speaker 1: our homes. It doesn't have to involve ovens and icing

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Speaker 1: mixture and pokemon or anything like that.

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Speaker 2: But I'd like to see you take that one on.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to bake a cake this weekend. Okay, let's see.

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's going to be fancy. It's going

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Speaker 1: to come a straight out of a packet. But I'll

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Speaker 1: bake a cake just to prove that I can, and

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Speaker 1: then I'm going to eat it in front of you.

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Speaker 2: Oh is that right?

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Speaker 1: To prove that I can bake a cake, I might

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Speaker 1: share some of it with you. So let's talk about

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Speaker 1: some ways that we can be playful in our homes.

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Speaker 1: What do you reckon? Well, look, you've set me up

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Speaker 1: to be.

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Speaker 2: The unplayful person in our family.

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Speaker 1: Well, okay, let me ask you a question, then prove

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Speaker 1: me wrong. When was the last time that you played

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Speaker 1: any kind of wrestling game with the kids.

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Speaker 2: I'm not going to wrestle with the kids. Do you

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Speaker 2: know how much I'm spending with my exercise physiologists to

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Speaker 2: get my neck and shoulders.

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Speaker 1: Or back to normal? Okay?

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Speaker 2: They told me I had a cheeseboard for a back.

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Speaker 1: I rest my case a cheese for a bit.

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Speaker 2: I'm supposed to have cheese spine, but I have a

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Speaker 2: cheeseboard spine.

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Speaker 1: Who says that I don't know? So, but you're not

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Speaker 1: playful because you don't rest the kids, right, No, that's

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Speaker 1: not true. Okay, tell me when you play with the kids, Well,

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Speaker 1: we put.

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Speaker 2: The music on really loud in the mornings when you're

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Speaker 2: off gallivanting around the country size I don't know, surfing,

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Speaker 2: or whatever else you do at that early hour of

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Speaker 2: the morning, we put the music up really loud and

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Speaker 2: we dance. You should see Emily's moves. Awesome.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so, but do you dance or do you just

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Speaker 1: send the musical also dance?

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Speaker 2: Where do you think they got their moves from?

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Speaker 1: Not one of us can dance? All right, Well, that

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Speaker 1: kind of takes care of my first three things that

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Speaker 1: I had on my list. Music, dancing, and singing. They're

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Speaker 1: great ways for us to play with our kids.

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Speaker 2: I rest my case.

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Speaker 1: Okay, what else have you got on your list for

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Speaker 1: how we can be more playful?

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Speaker 2: Look, I think one of the most favorite things that

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Speaker 2: I love doing is when we break the rules.

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Speaker 1: Oh, tell me more about that.

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Speaker 2: Well, we have certain rules. The kids go to bed

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Speaker 2: at seven point thirty.

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Speaker 1: We don't watch a TV if they do not You

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Speaker 1: makes us sound so perfect. When was the last time

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Speaker 1: our kids went to bed at side I'm saying our kids,

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Speaker 1: I'm just saying, you have rules.

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Speaker 2: I've got and seven thirty might be a time frame

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Speaker 2: that some people put their children to beds, or you

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Speaker 2: might you might have a rule that you eat a

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Speaker 2: maine meal before you have dessert, yes, Or you might

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Speaker 2: have a rule that you don't watch TV on school nights.

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Speaker 1: Uh huh.

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Speaker 2: Anything like, we've all got rules.

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Speaker 1: And you're seeing you can be more playful if you

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Speaker 1: break the rules. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, How cool is it when your kids come home

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Speaker 2: from school and you go, you know what, We're going

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Speaker 2: to have a movie night tonight. And I know we

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Speaker 2: usually eat at the dinner table, but we're going to

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Speaker 2: have dinner in front of the TV.

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Speaker 1: I'm still going to argue that a movie not it's

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Speaker 1: the best way to be playful, but I take your point.

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Speaker 1: It's great to do that. One of my favorite ways

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Speaker 1: to be playful is we play this game with the kids.

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Speaker 1: I know you hate it because it destroys your beautifully

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Speaker 1: made bed every time we play this game called push

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Speaker 1: d off the bed. It started when our eldest was

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Speaker 1: our only child and she was only a couple of

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Speaker 1: years old and she started trying to push me off

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Speaker 1: the bed one day and that turned into a game

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Speaker 1: and has been going for twenty years. And I usually

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Speaker 1: get injured. I need to go and see a messouge

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Speaker 1: so hire a practor the bed takes an absolute hammering

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Speaker 1: as well. But we pushed that off the bed, and

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Speaker 1: then once I'm off the bed, the kids jump on

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Speaker 1: and I've got to get all of them off the

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Speaker 1: bed at the same time, which is getting increasingly difficult,

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Speaker 1: the older and bigger that they get. But playfulness goofing

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Speaker 1: off the intention, the mindset and having the margin for it.

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Speaker 1: These are some ideas that maybe will help your family

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Speaker 1: to be a little more playful tonight.

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Speaker 2: Well, I think we can be really playful tonight if

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Speaker 2: you organize dinner.

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Speaker 1: All right, I'll tell you what donuts for dinner. Oh yes, done,

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Speaker 1: will break the rules and we'll sing really loud while

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Speaker 1: we're eating them. We really hope you've enjoyed the podcast.

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Speaker 1: We have so much fun playing around with these ideas

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Speaker 1: and sharing them with you. We will not be talking

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Speaker 1: about Minnesota salads ever. Again. Snickers and apples should never

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Speaker 1: be combined in the same recipe.

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Speaker 2: I think that sounds really good. Of course you do,

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Speaker 2: just not with donuts.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not going to make that for your cake

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Speaker 1: this weekend. That's a guarantee. Thanks so much for listening tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: A Q and A from one of our listeners via

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Speaker 1: podcasts at Happy families dot com dot U. Michelle wants

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Speaker 1: to know about how to help her eight year old

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Speaker 1: with some body image issues and I can't wait for

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Speaker 1: Wednesday Maggie Dent talking about raising boys. It's going to

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Speaker 1: be a conversation that I'm really really looking forward to.

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Speaker 1: Maggie's a superstar when it comes to talking about boys,

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Speaker 1: and that's coming up then. The Happy Families podcast is

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Speaker 1: produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is

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Speaker 1: our executive producer and if you want more info about

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Speaker 1: how to make your family happier, what we have to

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00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:38,440
Speaker 1: do is jump onto Facebook Dr Justin Colson's Happy Families

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Speaker 1: or visit our website where we can get all the

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Speaker 1: info you need Happy families dot com dot au