Speaker 1: Flex and Frooms Flex and Fromes.
Speaker 2: This is the Flex and Frooms catch up podcast. Happy Thursday, Everybody,
Speaker 2: seventh of September. What a beautiful, beautiful month. September is guys,
Speaker 2: the Spotify stork. If you don't know what I'm talking about,
Speaker 2: then I would say you've not been in the trenches. However,
Speaker 2: this is like the last line of defense in the
Speaker 2: war of being delusional is doing the Spotify stalk of
Speaker 2: your crush. Okay, Mickey, Producer to the Stars has I'm
Speaker 2: not gonna say no, I won't say it. I was
Speaker 2: gonna say, yeah, you've got an interesting story that you
Speaker 2: very very borright.
Speaker 1: I was because you had you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was a little crazy, but I'm fine now.
Speaker 3: I killed the demons.
Speaker 2: See this is what I mean, Like the demons can
Speaker 2: be killed.
Speaker 4: The demons were out and about demons to slay them.
Speaker 4: You can't get by life being a spectator. You need
Speaker 4: to be in the trench, Yana to come out of
Speaker 4: the treasy on and also to not go back in.
Speaker 4: Because anyone who is listening now acting or smug that
Speaker 4: they haven't done anything delusional.
Speaker 1: Your time is coming.
Speaker 4: Think about all the people who didn't have a loose
Speaker 4: time in their early twenties. They start acting loose in
Speaker 4: their late twenties, and it goes into their mid thirties,
Speaker 4: and we're worried for them.
Speaker 2: True les, speak for yourself.
Speaker 1: Let's go Me and my personalities are worried for them.
Speaker 1: What day is it? Thursday?
Speaker 2: Friday, Friday?
Speaker 4: Baby, Oh sweety pies, it's Friday, and thank goodness for that.
Speaker 4: Today we talk about the best excuse not to go
Speaker 4: to work and the reason why you ruminate. I think
Speaker 4: it should provide you with some comfort. But also, we
Speaker 4: don't tend to oversimplify everything for no reason. It's just
Speaker 4: because some things can afford to be simplified for the
Speaker 4: sake of the girlies brains.
Speaker 2: And yeah, anyway, happy weekend. Here's the potty Legs and
Speaker 2: rooms on kit.
Speaker 4: If you're someone who is a chronic procrastinator or someone
Speaker 4: with ADHD, it's what this video told me.
Speaker 1: This tool might help you.
Speaker 4: I'm very skeptical about tools to help you be better
Speaker 4: because I think that sometimes our quote unquote bad qualities
Speaker 4: are stronger than we are, stronger than our will to change.
Speaker 4: But I'm open to hearing it. I love downloading an
Speaker 4: app I love a little software.
Speaker 1: I'm interested.
Speaker 4: So this is a digital tool, an online tool to
Speaker 4: help you figure out what to do when your brain
Speaker 4: won't do its job right. It's called Goblin Dot tool,
Speaker 4: and it breaks down the things you have to do
Speaker 4: into smaller action items so you can get it done easy, easily.
Speaker 1: I'm concerned. Is it a tool or a crutch. I
Speaker 1: don't know.
Speaker 4: Like I think part of what we need to learn
Speaker 4: how to do is to work with our brains, not
Speaker 4: create more solutions around bad behavior and bad behavior, but
Speaker 4: inopportune behavior. So when you have analysis paralysis, what you
Speaker 4: do is you type in the task you need to do,
Speaker 4: maybe you need to clean your room, and then it
Speaker 4: has this spicy meter, so it's one chili to five chilies,
Speaker 4: and five CHILIESE means that you want this broken down
Speaker 4: in the most granular way like baby baby baby steps
Speaker 4: and one chili is just kind of like a helpful framework,
Speaker 4: maybe three or four different steps. So let's say I
Speaker 4: picked five chilies. It would just you'd press this button
Speaker 4: and then it'll give you this list, and it might say, okay,
Speaker 4: first divide your room into four different sections of responsibility.
Speaker 4: So you might say I've got my clothes. I've got
Speaker 4: my bed, I've got my vanity, and I've got the
Speaker 4: hallway in front of my room. And then for each
Speaker 4: part of the room, it'll say, okay, for your clothes,
Speaker 4: Separate the clean clothes from the dirty clothes. Put the
Speaker 4: dirty clothes in the hallway, get it out of the way.
Speaker 4: Get the clean clothes, Grab all the tops, put them
Speaker 4: on hangers, and put them in your wardrobe. When you're
Speaker 4: done that, grab all your pants. Put all your pants
Speaker 4: on hangers and put And then that's how granular the
Speaker 4: list is.
Speaker 1: And what you're able to do.
Speaker 4: Is check it off as you go, or create some
Speaker 4: category so you can categorize as you make this list.
Speaker 4: My biggest concern with this thing is that making the
Speaker 4: list would be so enjoyable that the work would be
Speaker 4: even more annoying to do after the fact, Like as
Speaker 4: you're playing around with your goblin tools and being like, ooh,
Speaker 4: I could do it this way or this way, or
Speaker 4: edit it or take it out. When you actually have
Speaker 4: to start doing the thing that was meant to help
Speaker 4: you to do the thing, you don't want to do
Speaker 4: the thing anymore.
Speaker 2: You got your fun out.
Speaker 4: It's not something that I would use because I'm coming
Speaker 4: to terms with the fact that I don't want to
Speaker 4: be disciplined in a way that requires me to be
Speaker 4: anything but my myself. So, for example, I recognize that
Speaker 4: when I recognize that my issue with cleaning is that
Speaker 4: I don't put things back straight away, and I create
Speaker 4: these mini piles and I say I'll get to them,
Speaker 4: and then I don't get to them, and then I
Speaker 4: have to do a big clean every week. So what
Speaker 4: I so off the back of my clothes, my clean
Speaker 4: clothing in a pile, instead of challenging myself to have
Speaker 4: a spring clean day every time I'm getting read now
Speaker 4: and I put on different outfit options. When I'm done,
Speaker 4: I just put those clothes back on a hanger. Then
Speaker 4: I pick an option from the pile as opposed to
Speaker 4: the hangar, and if I don't want to wear it,
Speaker 4: I'll put on a hanger, put it back. A pile
Speaker 4: can stay. But I'm working at it small, small, every
Speaker 4: time I get dressed. That's a very interesting that just
Speaker 4: works better for me, not this whole like spring cleaning someday.
Speaker 1: Whatever you know.
Speaker 4: Like dishes, for example, I know that I could hand
Speaker 4: wash every dish after I use it. I don't want
Speaker 4: to get my hands.
Speaker 1: Work like that.
Speaker 2: I mean, you got beautiful nails, sta, you know what
Speaker 2: I'm saying.
Speaker 4: So it's like, okay, well, I know that I can
Speaker 4: rinse them straight away, leave them stacked in the dishwash
Speaker 4: until I have a load. Then I'm dont have like
Speaker 4: food scents everywhere, and then it's getting done well.
Speaker 2: This weekend, guys, I've put it in my calendar. I'm
Speaker 2: going to clear out my whole wardrobe and just go
Speaker 2: with the big job. I got a lot of clothes, Okay.
Speaker 4: If he's looking at you, if you're looking at you,
Speaker 4: it's like, what about me, get some clothes to me.
Speaker 2: I gonna give you gif. I'm putting them all into
Speaker 2: a separate wardrobe and sticking with the essentials and the basics.
Speaker 2: I'm also going to clean out my entire kitchen.
Speaker 1: When you say clean out, like donate or organize, orgize,
Speaker 1: organize okay, sorry, wipe wipe the cupboards, sorry, babe, I
Speaker 1: mean there might be one or two.
Speaker 2: I just yeah, I'm a bit stingy when it comes
Speaker 2: to ye. Yeah, you can always borrow something. We can
Speaker 2: do a little round Robert.
Speaker 4: Not the consolation prize borrow anyway. Goblin dot tools is
Speaker 4: the tool. Please try and let us know if it's
Speaker 4: actually been helpful. I don't mean try it for a
Speaker 4: day or two. Really integrate it into your routine. Come
Speaker 4: back to us at flex and frooms on Instagram. Let
Speaker 4: us know if it was good for you and if
Speaker 4: it was, you know, let the creators know and.
Speaker 2: If if not, if you want to save your data,
Speaker 2: just a classic notebook course roll away, don't book, a
Speaker 2: bit of thinking, and a really lovely gel pen. It's
Speaker 2: flexing frooms on Kita. Today we have a very exciting
Speaker 2: am id aushole. It involves ghosting a best friend right
Speaker 2: off the dome before we get into it, would you
Speaker 2: go to the best friend?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Cool? All right, here's a scenario with people. This is
Speaker 2: a real one anonymous from a listener. It's long soul.
Speaker 2: Try and get it done well. Today I block my
Speaker 2: friend of eight years without warning on her birthday. Let
Speaker 2: me set the same for you. I moved away from
Speaker 2: our hometown a little every year ago, and in that year,
Speaker 2: our communication and overall relationship is taken a nose. I've
Speaker 2: she's a FaceTime girly and I'm a texting girly. There's
Speaker 2: a problem.
Speaker 1: You think that's the problem.
Speaker 2: Yep, she, let's call this. Stacy is very open to
Speaker 2: people about her bad communication skills when it comes to
Speaker 2: maintaining friendships. I've always given her grace because I believe
Speaker 2: that's as an adult, you don't always see you or
Speaker 2: hear from friends, and that's okay, yea, as long as
Speaker 2: there's some effort to keep up every once in a while.
Speaker 2: I know people have lives outside our friendship, and I
Speaker 2: try not to take it personally. But when I don't
Speaker 2: hear from someone for a while, and I don't take
Speaker 2: it personally when I don't hear from someone in a while,
Speaker 2: life happens. But considering our only way to keep up
Speaker 2: was through text to calls, I figured we'd each make
Speaker 2: some sort of compromise. She'd call me at random, usually
Speaker 2: when I was not available. Yeah, I'd always send a
Speaker 2: follow up text saying I'm busy and asking how they
Speaker 2: were doing, and try and call back another time that
Speaker 2: fits both our schedules. I would get no reply, also,
Speaker 2: no replies reactions to anything I'd sent on socials, even
Speaker 2: though they'd be active on their stories. Repeat cycle. I
Speaker 2: visited our hometown earlier in the year, excited to see
Speaker 2: Stacy a reunion over the last year and a half.
Speaker 2: His disappointing vibes are off, and Stacy last me to
Speaker 2: bring someone with them to a planned group outing. She
Speaker 2: sends the whole night with her plus one without much
Speaker 2: interaction with anyone else, including me. I leave hometown feeling
Speaker 2: like a friendship is not as it once was. Yeah,
Speaker 2: long story short. I find out Stacy is living and
Speaker 2: dating a next situationship of mine delanded poorly. This came
Speaker 2: out of nowhere. Whoa Also a week Statia tells me
Speaker 2: that this guy, let's call him Duke, wants to state
Speaker 2: Stacy for contact. Stacy just got to have a long
Speaker 2: term relationship with Duke's ex best friend. Babes is double jeopardy.
Speaker 2: Stacy has told me countless times that I'm their best friend,
Speaker 2: the person that seemed to genuinely care about them, and
Speaker 2: when I was moving away, they acted very sad about
Speaker 2: my leaving. If this means yeah, if this was not
Speaker 2: someone literally I literally befriended. If this was not someone
Speaker 2: I literally befriended as a teen and with someone I
Speaker 2: met at this stage of life, I don't think there'd
Speaker 2: be someone I keep around also my conflict avoidant person,
Speaker 2: and they can be overly emotional, So telling them my
Speaker 2: feelings about that felt too exhausting, and my the asshole
Speaker 2: is goes to your friend? Ever excuse me? Or should
Speaker 2: I've just been honest with her about my feelings. In
Speaker 2: my head, I'm protecting my peace. But now I'm not
Speaker 2: sure if it was the right thing to do. They's
Speaker 2: someone I genuinely cared about. Yeah, just someone I began
Speaker 2: to have less patience for as time has moved on. Look, okay,
Speaker 2: if I were you earlier. Look, if I were you,
Speaker 2: I probably wouldn't have blocked, only because I think I
Speaker 2: would have just matched their energy and kind of let
Speaker 2: it fizzle because they're probably like, damn dating the X situationship,
Speaker 2: I'm freaking out, so kind of let them be the
Speaker 2: ones that have to sit in the awkwardness. Not you.
Speaker 1: You're a huge guy, I agree.
Speaker 4: I think a lot of advice culture, especially on the Internet,
Speaker 4: wants everything to feel so finite, and I'm sure that's
Speaker 4: for the purposes of social media to wrap it up
Speaker 4: into everyone feels resolved in what's going on. This is
Speaker 4: what you should do, and if you don't do anything
Speaker 4: but that, it's not done. In this instance, I, as
Speaker 4: you know, I am a fan of the slow ghost.
Speaker 4: I don't think enough people have the communication skills necessary
Speaker 4: to have a hard conversation and to come out of
Speaker 4: it better and healed and forgiven. And in this instance,
Speaker 4: you know, you have a lot of variables that could
Speaker 4: determine the dissolution of your relationship. Is it the distance,
Speaker 4: is it your actual dynamic, is it dating the exes?
Speaker 4: It could be any of those things. But fundamentally, it
Speaker 4: sounds like it's not a friend that you really want
Speaker 4: in your life. You sound quite begrudging about the whole process,
Speaker 4: and so the block does feel necessary because you wanted
Speaker 4: to do so. But I do worry that the block
Speaker 4: kind of puts you in the position of being the
Speaker 4: aggressor and not the victim totally, you know, like you
Speaker 4: don't even get a chance to let them sit with
Speaker 4: a discomfort of what they've done, because you remove yourself
Speaker 4: in a way that makes you seem for.
Speaker 1: All intents and purposes like the one with the problem.
Speaker 2: We'll say, though you went with what your gut said.
Speaker 1: Oh, you should always do that motivism if it feels
Speaker 1: good to it.
Speaker 2: We are always looking to create boxes, stereotype, characterized label
Speaker 2: to then shatter. Then what's it called not regress? What's
Speaker 2: the opposite transcend? You get that. You're just saying I
Speaker 2: thought I heard that come through. Yeah, yeah, that was
Speaker 2: really amazing. Mickey understands. The assignment got me thinking, would
Speaker 2: you rather be referred to as a lady, a woman
Speaker 2: or a girl? Flex?
Speaker 1: I mean two of them don't sound accurate.
Speaker 2: Girl and lady, Yeah, but.
Speaker 1: Accurate in the sense I don't know what contact people
Speaker 1: are using.
Speaker 2: Lady.
Speaker 4: Really, it kind of sounds like what parents say to
Speaker 4: little kids when they don't want to aid you, but
Speaker 4: you're in discussion. So sound example, if I'm standing it
Speaker 4: in Baker's like getting a cheesy might scroll and a
Speaker 4: little girl turns around and says, oh my god, she's
Speaker 4: so pretty. Then the mom might say, oh, that's so kind.
Speaker 4: Why don't you get out of the lady's way. Now,
Speaker 4: she's not gonna say get out of get out of
Speaker 4: the girl's way, get out of the woman's way.
Speaker 1: She said, get out of the lady's way.
Speaker 2: It's a woman's way.
Speaker 4: So Micky said I'd like to be called a matriarch. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I mean that's a princess or a prince, yeah, or
Speaker 4: prince or king.
Speaker 2: I do king, I do king. So my friend Mickey
Speaker 2: might producing. Mickey's had a conversation with a friend last
Speaker 2: week and she was trying to explain to a group
Speaker 2: of people how, in her mind, lady is a mature woman.
Speaker 2: Then I got us thinking, do you self identify as
Speaker 2: a lady, girl, a woman? One of my friends said
Speaker 2: she never identifies a lady and preferred woman. I know,
Speaker 2: I'm very happy and preferred to be labeled girl.
Speaker 3: I'm a girl, A girl, Yeah, I'm a girl. Maybe
Speaker 3: it's because I see one of the young Yeah, he.
Speaker 1: Has the essence of a girl.
Speaker 2: Though Micky's allowed, Micky's you twenty five under twenty five.
Speaker 4: Yes, I will say something about lady feels like there's
Speaker 4: an aesthetic attached to it. And I think that's why
Speaker 4: people are like, I don't know if I'm a lady,
Speaker 4: because yeah, I'm not a primrose.
Speaker 2: I haven't assented.
Speaker 4: Yes, and not wearing a pencil skirt with a matching
Speaker 4: bou clay blazer.
Speaker 2: Or a petty coat, not a PEPSI coat Yes. Personally,
Speaker 2: I'm deep in my woman era. I was a girl
Speaker 2: for a little while probably, and you ate you did
Speaker 2: that so well, Micky, and I say trajectory. As I've
Speaker 2: said ten times in this episode, I am behavior that
Speaker 2: it is very tempting to call yourself a girl, but
Speaker 2: I think it is also important to step into your woman.
Speaker 2: Growing up, I had a lot of ill around woman
Speaker 2: because it felt serious.
Speaker 1: Are you reading what you've written? Yeah? Okay, great?
Speaker 2: And I felt and I liked being infantilized because it
Speaker 2: felt fun, silly and gave me permission to be a
Speaker 2: little fairy. I also think it's a weird hangover from
Speaker 2: the era where saying you were a fem was a
Speaker 2: dirty word. I love being a woman. I will definitely
Speaker 2: get into the lady areas when I'm in my well
Speaker 2: to do going to the theater era sixty plus. It's
Speaker 2: giving first year feminism, and yet I'm here for it.
Speaker 1: You gotta know where you are.
Speaker 4: Do I want to be called a woman, a lady,
Speaker 4: or a girl? None of them like sound quite right? Yeah,
Speaker 4: there's something about it. I feel like we're missing something
Speaker 4: like is there another term it's not female? I think
Speaker 4: there's another term though, but if anything.
Speaker 2: Girlli pop, girllypop, Yeah, girllipop, But it would be nice
Speaker 2: to come to a consensus. Is something that is understood
Speaker 2: by the widest demographic that doesn't feel so loaded. But
Speaker 2: we also need to think why does woman feel loaded?
Speaker 4: Woman to me feels like mother, Okay, as in it's
Speaker 4: it's it's an identifier, but a title like when you
Speaker 4: are deep in your womanhood. You know, like, I don't
Speaker 4: think i'd call it. Pick me a woman, but that's
Speaker 4: what they all feel oded. But if I had a preference,
Speaker 4: I would pick woman.
Speaker 2: And lady woman and lady.
Speaker 1: You're a lady. I gotta say, I don't think I
Speaker 1: was a girl.
Speaker 2: Man boy and guy maybe that's for next week.
Speaker 1: We get man, boy and guy, and I was like,
Speaker 1: how would I do this for a man? Most men
Speaker 1: are guys, guy.
Speaker 3: And exciting.
Speaker 1: It's a man exactly.
Speaker 3: We don't have a guy equivalent in ladyland.
Speaker 1: Guy sounds like yeah, some guy. Everyone, Yeah, they're awesome. Guy.
Speaker 2: Everyone's some guy.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: When I when I'm referring to a man, I feel
Speaker 4: like I'm making making a positive character assessment, like someone
Speaker 4: who is in their masculine energy and displaying archetypally good
Speaker 4: qualities like being reliable and structure.
Speaker 1: Like that's a man. That's a king, right though.
Speaker 2: See I say king when it's positive.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I call you king. Yeah, true, Like I'm
Speaker 4: not reserving that just for men. But yeah, most most
Speaker 4: meant to me are some guy boy feels like.
Speaker 2: A slur Oh definitely, definitely the crowd nods.
Speaker 1: You've been listening to The Flex and Froom's daily podcast.
Speaker 3: For more, tune in de Cater on DAB or stream
Speaker 3: it on iHeartRadio