WEBVTT - The Perils Of The Spotify Stalk 🕵️

0:00:01.480 --> 0:00:03.520
<v Speaker 1>Flex and Frooms Flex and Fromes.

0:00:03.560 --> 0:00:09.280
<v Speaker 2>This is the Flex and Frooms catch up podcast. Happy Thursday, Everybody,

0:00:09.400 --> 0:00:14.960
<v Speaker 2>seventh of September. What a beautiful, beautiful month. September is guys,

0:00:16.800 --> 0:00:19.600
<v Speaker 2>the Spotify stork. If you don't know what I'm talking about,

0:00:20.040 --> 0:00:21.920
<v Speaker 2>then I would say you've not been in the trenches. However,

0:00:23.760 --> 0:00:27.280
<v Speaker 2>this is like the last line of defense in the

0:00:27.320 --> 0:00:31.479
<v Speaker 2>war of being delusional is doing the Spotify stalk of

0:00:31.560 --> 0:00:36.800
<v Speaker 2>your crush. Okay, Mickey, Producer to the Stars has I'm

0:00:36.800 --> 0:00:39.240
<v Speaker 2>not gonna say no, I won't say it. I was

0:00:39.240 --> 0:00:42.280
<v Speaker 2>gonna say, yeah, you've got an interesting story that you

0:00:42.800 --> 0:00:43.839
<v Speaker 2>very very borright.

0:00:43.920 --> 0:00:44.959
<v Speaker 1>I was because you had you know.

0:00:45.240 --> 0:00:48.640
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I was a little crazy, but I'm fine now.

0:00:48.920 --> 0:00:49.800
<v Speaker 3>I killed the demons.

0:00:49.920 --> 0:00:51.720
<v Speaker 2>See this is what I mean, Like the demons can

0:00:51.760 --> 0:00:52.200
<v Speaker 2>be killed.

0:00:52.200 --> 0:00:55.880
<v Speaker 4>The demons were out and about demons to slay them.

0:00:55.960 --> 0:00:58.560
<v Speaker 4>You can't get by life being a spectator. You need

0:00:58.600 --> 0:01:01.040
<v Speaker 4>to be in the trench, Yana to come out of

0:01:01.040 --> 0:01:02.880
<v Speaker 4>the treasy on and also to not go back in.

0:01:03.160 --> 0:01:06.120
<v Speaker 4>Because anyone who is listening now acting or smug that

0:01:06.120 --> 0:01:07.479
<v Speaker 4>they haven't done anything delusional.

0:01:07.720 --> 0:01:08.639
<v Speaker 1>Your time is coming.

0:01:08.840 --> 0:01:11.080
<v Speaker 4>Think about all the people who didn't have a loose

0:01:11.200 --> 0:01:14.360
<v Speaker 4>time in their early twenties. They start acting loose in

0:01:14.440 --> 0:01:17.640
<v Speaker 4>their late twenties, and it goes into their mid thirties,

0:01:17.680 --> 0:01:18.759
<v Speaker 4>and we're worried for them.

0:01:19.640 --> 0:01:20.760
<v Speaker 2>True les, speak for yourself.

0:01:21.480 --> 0:01:27.319
<v Speaker 1>Let's go Me and my personalities are worried for them.

0:01:27.360 --> 0:01:28.160
<v Speaker 1>What day is it? Thursday?

0:01:28.280 --> 0:01:28.920
<v Speaker 2>Friday, Friday?

0:01:28.959 --> 0:01:31.640
<v Speaker 4>Baby, Oh sweety pies, it's Friday, and thank goodness for that.

0:01:32.200 --> 0:01:34.200
<v Speaker 4>Today we talk about the best excuse not to go

0:01:34.240 --> 0:01:37.200
<v Speaker 4>to work and the reason why you ruminate. I think

0:01:37.240 --> 0:01:40.720
<v Speaker 4>it should provide you with some comfort. But also, we

0:01:40.760 --> 0:01:44.280
<v Speaker 4>don't tend to oversimplify everything for no reason. It's just

0:01:44.280 --> 0:01:47.480
<v Speaker 4>because some things can afford to be simplified for the

0:01:47.520 --> 0:01:49.120
<v Speaker 4>sake of the girlies brains.

0:01:50.800 --> 0:01:53.600
<v Speaker 2>And yeah, anyway, happy weekend. Here's the potty Legs and

0:01:53.720 --> 0:01:54.720
<v Speaker 2>rooms on kit.

0:01:55.440 --> 0:02:01.280
<v Speaker 4>If you're someone who is a chronic procrastinator or someone

0:02:01.320 --> 0:02:03.320
<v Speaker 4>with ADHD, it's what this video told me.

0:02:03.400 --> 0:02:04.280
<v Speaker 1>This tool might help you.

0:02:04.600 --> 0:02:08.960
<v Speaker 4>I'm very skeptical about tools to help you be better

0:02:09.240 --> 0:02:13.040
<v Speaker 4>because I think that sometimes our quote unquote bad qualities

0:02:13.080 --> 0:02:16.320
<v Speaker 4>are stronger than we are, stronger than our will to change.

0:02:16.880 --> 0:02:18.920
<v Speaker 4>But I'm open to hearing it. I love downloading an

0:02:18.919 --> 0:02:20.239
<v Speaker 4>app I love a little software.

0:02:20.400 --> 0:02:21.079
<v Speaker 1>I'm interested.

0:02:22.160 --> 0:02:24.840
<v Speaker 4>So this is a digital tool, an online tool to

0:02:24.840 --> 0:02:26.400
<v Speaker 4>help you figure out what to do when your brain

0:02:26.400 --> 0:02:30.120
<v Speaker 4>won't do its job right. It's called Goblin Dot tool,

0:02:30.840 --> 0:02:33.880
<v Speaker 4>and it breaks down the things you have to do

0:02:34.440 --> 0:02:39.160
<v Speaker 4>into smaller action items so you can get it done easy, easily.

0:02:41.000 --> 0:02:43.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm concerned. Is it a tool or a crutch. I

0:02:43.800 --> 0:02:44.160
<v Speaker 1>don't know.

0:02:44.520 --> 0:02:46.200
<v Speaker 4>Like I think part of what we need to learn

0:02:46.240 --> 0:02:48.080
<v Speaker 4>how to do is to work with our brains, not

0:02:48.120 --> 0:02:51.400
<v Speaker 4>create more solutions around bad behavior and bad behavior, but

0:02:51.560 --> 0:02:56.080
<v Speaker 4>inopportune behavior. So when you have analysis paralysis, what you

0:02:56.200 --> 0:02:58.320
<v Speaker 4>do is you type in the task you need to do,

0:02:58.400 --> 0:03:00.920
<v Speaker 4>maybe you need to clean your room, and then it

0:03:00.960 --> 0:03:05.400
<v Speaker 4>has this spicy meter, so it's one chili to five chilies,

0:03:05.520 --> 0:03:08.400
<v Speaker 4>and five CHILIESE means that you want this broken down

0:03:08.440 --> 0:03:11.920
<v Speaker 4>in the most granular way like baby baby baby steps

0:03:12.280 --> 0:03:15.160
<v Speaker 4>and one chili is just kind of like a helpful framework,

0:03:15.440 --> 0:03:18.640
<v Speaker 4>maybe three or four different steps. So let's say I

0:03:18.680 --> 0:03:23.200
<v Speaker 4>picked five chilies. It would just you'd press this button

0:03:23.240 --> 0:03:26.200
<v Speaker 4>and then it'll give you this list, and it might say, okay,

0:03:26.240 --> 0:03:31.120
<v Speaker 4>first divide your room into four different sections of responsibility.

0:03:31.160 --> 0:03:32.960
<v Speaker 4>So you might say I've got my clothes. I've got

0:03:32.960 --> 0:03:35.360
<v Speaker 4>my bed, I've got my vanity, and I've got the

0:03:35.800 --> 0:03:37.560
<v Speaker 4>hallway in front of my room. And then for each

0:03:37.600 --> 0:03:40.280
<v Speaker 4>part of the room, it'll say, okay, for your clothes,

0:03:40.440 --> 0:03:42.760
<v Speaker 4>Separate the clean clothes from the dirty clothes. Put the

0:03:42.760 --> 0:03:45.280
<v Speaker 4>dirty clothes in the hallway, get it out of the way.

0:03:45.520 --> 0:03:48.760
<v Speaker 4>Get the clean clothes, Grab all the tops, put them

0:03:48.760 --> 0:03:50.960
<v Speaker 4>on hangers, and put them in your wardrobe. When you're

0:03:51.000 --> 0:03:53.120
<v Speaker 4>done that, grab all your pants. Put all your pants

0:03:53.120 --> 0:03:55.480
<v Speaker 4>on hangers and put And then that's how granular the

0:03:55.520 --> 0:03:56.000
<v Speaker 4>list is.

0:03:56.040 --> 0:03:57.040
<v Speaker 1>And what you're able to do.

0:03:57.040 --> 0:03:59.800
<v Speaker 4>Is check it off as you go, or create some

0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:03.000
<v Speaker 4>category so you can categorize as you make this list.

0:04:03.120 --> 0:04:06.600
<v Speaker 4>My biggest concern with this thing is that making the

0:04:06.600 --> 0:04:09.720
<v Speaker 4>list would be so enjoyable that the work would be

0:04:09.760 --> 0:04:12.160
<v Speaker 4>even more annoying to do after the fact, Like as

0:04:12.200 --> 0:04:15.240
<v Speaker 4>you're playing around with your goblin tools and being like, ooh,

0:04:15.280 --> 0:04:16.960
<v Speaker 4>I could do it this way or this way, or

0:04:17.080 --> 0:04:19.279
<v Speaker 4>edit it or take it out. When you actually have

0:04:19.320 --> 0:04:21.160
<v Speaker 4>to start doing the thing that was meant to help

0:04:21.200 --> 0:04:22.640
<v Speaker 4>you to do the thing, you don't want to do

0:04:22.680 --> 0:04:23.320
<v Speaker 4>the thing anymore.

0:04:23.480 --> 0:04:24.520
<v Speaker 2>You got your fun out.

0:04:24.680 --> 0:04:26.800
<v Speaker 4>It's not something that I would use because I'm coming

0:04:26.839 --> 0:04:29.039
<v Speaker 4>to terms with the fact that I don't want to

0:04:29.080 --> 0:04:31.919
<v Speaker 4>be disciplined in a way that requires me to be

0:04:32.040 --> 0:04:37.080
<v Speaker 4>anything but my myself. So, for example, I recognize that

0:04:37.160 --> 0:04:40.600
<v Speaker 4>when I recognize that my issue with cleaning is that

0:04:41.720 --> 0:04:44.240
<v Speaker 4>I don't put things back straight away, and I create

0:04:44.279 --> 0:04:47.080
<v Speaker 4>these mini piles and I say I'll get to them,

0:04:47.200 --> 0:04:48.840
<v Speaker 4>and then I don't get to them, and then I

0:04:48.880 --> 0:04:51.280
<v Speaker 4>have to do a big clean every week. So what

0:04:51.360 --> 0:04:54.240
<v Speaker 4>I so off the back of my clothes, my clean

0:04:54.279 --> 0:04:57.280
<v Speaker 4>clothing in a pile, instead of challenging myself to have

0:04:57.320 --> 0:05:00.800
<v Speaker 4>a spring clean day every time I'm getting read now

0:05:00.880 --> 0:05:03.560
<v Speaker 4>and I put on different outfit options. When I'm done,

0:05:03.560 --> 0:05:05.840
<v Speaker 4>I just put those clothes back on a hanger. Then

0:05:05.839 --> 0:05:08.080
<v Speaker 4>I pick an option from the pile as opposed to

0:05:08.120 --> 0:05:09.560
<v Speaker 4>the hangar, and if I don't want to wear it,

0:05:09.680 --> 0:05:11.839
<v Speaker 4>I'll put on a hanger, put it back. A pile

0:05:11.880 --> 0:05:15.080
<v Speaker 4>can stay. But I'm working at it small, small, every

0:05:15.080 --> 0:05:17.240
<v Speaker 4>time I get dressed. That's a very interesting that just

0:05:17.240 --> 0:05:20.280
<v Speaker 4>works better for me, not this whole like spring cleaning someday.

0:05:20.320 --> 0:05:21.680
<v Speaker 1>Whatever you know.

0:05:21.839 --> 0:05:26.000
<v Speaker 4>Like dishes, for example, I know that I could hand

0:05:26.160 --> 0:05:28.000
<v Speaker 4>wash every dish after I use it. I don't want

0:05:28.000 --> 0:05:28.679
<v Speaker 4>to get my hands.

0:05:28.520 --> 0:05:28.960
<v Speaker 1>Work like that.

0:05:29.120 --> 0:05:30.720
<v Speaker 2>I mean, you got beautiful nails, sta, you know what

0:05:30.760 --> 0:05:31.160
<v Speaker 2>I'm saying.

0:05:31.320 --> 0:05:33.240
<v Speaker 4>So it's like, okay, well, I know that I can

0:05:33.320 --> 0:05:36.080
<v Speaker 4>rinse them straight away, leave them stacked in the dishwash

0:05:36.200 --> 0:05:38.039
<v Speaker 4>until I have a load. Then I'm dont have like

0:05:38.120 --> 0:05:41.640
<v Speaker 4>food scents everywhere, and then it's getting done well.

0:05:41.480 --> 0:05:43.920
<v Speaker 2>This weekend, guys, I've put it in my calendar. I'm

0:05:43.960 --> 0:05:46.800
<v Speaker 2>going to clear out my whole wardrobe and just go

0:05:47.000 --> 0:05:50.119
<v Speaker 2>with the big job. I got a lot of clothes, Okay.

0:05:50.240 --> 0:05:51.640
<v Speaker 4>If he's looking at you, if you're looking at you,

0:05:51.680 --> 0:05:53.480
<v Speaker 4>it's like, what about me, get some clothes to me.

0:05:53.440 --> 0:05:55.440
<v Speaker 2>I gonna give you gif. I'm putting them all into

0:05:55.480 --> 0:05:58.880
<v Speaker 2>a separate wardrobe and sticking with the essentials and the basics.

0:05:59.160 --> 0:06:01.080
<v Speaker 2>I'm also going to clean out my entire kitchen.

0:06:01.640 --> 0:06:05.320
<v Speaker 1>When you say clean out, like donate or organize, orgize,

0:06:05.760 --> 0:06:08.920
<v Speaker 1>organize okay, sorry, wipe wipe the cupboards, sorry, babe, I

0:06:08.920 --> 0:06:09.880
<v Speaker 1>mean there might be one or two.

0:06:09.920 --> 0:06:12.680
<v Speaker 2>I just yeah, I'm a bit stingy when it comes

0:06:12.720 --> 0:06:16.080
<v Speaker 2>to ye. Yeah, you can always borrow something. We can

0:06:16.120 --> 0:06:17.040
<v Speaker 2>do a little round Robert.

0:06:17.080 --> 0:06:20.560
<v Speaker 4>Not the consolation prize borrow anyway. Goblin dot tools is

0:06:20.600 --> 0:06:23.320
<v Speaker 4>the tool. Please try and let us know if it's

0:06:23.320 --> 0:06:24.840
<v Speaker 4>actually been helpful. I don't mean try it for a

0:06:24.880 --> 0:06:27.360
<v Speaker 4>day or two. Really integrate it into your routine. Come

0:06:27.400 --> 0:06:29.159
<v Speaker 4>back to us at flex and frooms on Instagram. Let

0:06:29.240 --> 0:06:30.280
<v Speaker 4>us know if it was good for you and if

0:06:30.320 --> 0:06:32.560
<v Speaker 4>it was, you know, let the creators know and.

0:06:32.520 --> 0:06:34.240
<v Speaker 2>If if not, if you want to save your data,

0:06:34.560 --> 0:06:38.160
<v Speaker 2>just a classic notebook course roll away, don't book, a

0:06:38.160 --> 0:06:42.920
<v Speaker 2>bit of thinking, and a really lovely gel pen. It's

0:06:42.920 --> 0:06:45.720
<v Speaker 2>flexing frooms on Kita. Today we have a very exciting

0:06:45.760 --> 0:06:49.280
<v Speaker 2>am id aushole. It involves ghosting a best friend right

0:06:49.279 --> 0:06:50.760
<v Speaker 2>off the dome before we get into it, would you

0:06:50.800 --> 0:06:51.360
<v Speaker 2>go to the best friend?

0:06:51.440 --> 0:06:51.560
<v Speaker 3>Yes?

0:06:51.720 --> 0:06:51.800
<v Speaker 2>No?

0:06:52.040 --> 0:06:52.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

0:06:52.600 --> 0:06:56.360
<v Speaker 2>Cool? All right, here's a scenario with people. This is

0:06:56.360 --> 0:06:59.360
<v Speaker 2>a real one anonymous from a listener. It's long soul.

0:06:59.400 --> 0:07:02.800
<v Speaker 2>Try and get it done well. Today I block my

0:07:02.800 --> 0:07:05.320
<v Speaker 2>friend of eight years without warning on her birthday. Let

0:07:05.320 --> 0:07:07.240
<v Speaker 2>me set the same for you. I moved away from

0:07:07.240 --> 0:07:09.800
<v Speaker 2>our hometown a little every year ago, and in that year,

0:07:09.800 --> 0:07:12.720
<v Speaker 2>our communication and overall relationship is taken a nose. I've

0:07:13.040 --> 0:07:15.280
<v Speaker 2>she's a FaceTime girly and I'm a texting girly. There's

0:07:15.320 --> 0:07:15.800
<v Speaker 2>a problem.

0:07:16.600 --> 0:07:17.600
<v Speaker 1>You think that's the problem.

0:07:17.960 --> 0:07:20.680
<v Speaker 2>Yep, she, let's call this. Stacy is very open to

0:07:20.720 --> 0:07:23.040
<v Speaker 2>people about her bad communication skills when it comes to

0:07:23.040 --> 0:07:26.000
<v Speaker 2>maintaining friendships. I've always given her grace because I believe

0:07:26.040 --> 0:07:28.200
<v Speaker 2>that's as an adult, you don't always see you or

0:07:28.200 --> 0:07:30.440
<v Speaker 2>hear from friends, and that's okay, yea, as long as

0:07:30.480 --> 0:07:32.400
<v Speaker 2>there's some effort to keep up every once in a while.

0:07:32.880 --> 0:07:35.080
<v Speaker 2>I know people have lives outside our friendship, and I

0:07:35.080 --> 0:07:37.240
<v Speaker 2>try not to take it personally. But when I don't

0:07:37.280 --> 0:07:40.800
<v Speaker 2>hear from someone for a while, and I don't take

0:07:40.840 --> 0:07:42.800
<v Speaker 2>it personally when I don't hear from someone in a while,

0:07:42.920 --> 0:07:45.360
<v Speaker 2>life happens. But considering our only way to keep up

0:07:45.400 --> 0:07:47.600
<v Speaker 2>was through text to calls, I figured we'd each make

0:07:47.720 --> 0:07:50.280
<v Speaker 2>some sort of compromise. She'd call me at random, usually

0:07:50.280 --> 0:07:52.600
<v Speaker 2>when I was not available. Yeah, I'd always send a

0:07:52.600 --> 0:07:54.680
<v Speaker 2>follow up text saying I'm busy and asking how they

0:07:54.720 --> 0:07:56.560
<v Speaker 2>were doing, and try and call back another time that

0:07:56.600 --> 0:07:59.440
<v Speaker 2>fits both our schedules. I would get no reply, also,

0:07:59.480 --> 0:08:02.080
<v Speaker 2>no replies reactions to anything I'd sent on socials, even

0:08:02.080 --> 0:08:05.040
<v Speaker 2>though they'd be active on their stories. Repeat cycle. I

0:08:05.120 --> 0:08:07.160
<v Speaker 2>visited our hometown earlier in the year, excited to see

0:08:07.200 --> 0:08:09.600
<v Speaker 2>Stacy a reunion over the last year and a half.

0:08:09.600 --> 0:08:11.760
<v Speaker 2>His disappointing vibes are off, and Stacy last me to

0:08:11.760 --> 0:08:14.400
<v Speaker 2>bring someone with them to a planned group outing. She

0:08:14.520 --> 0:08:16.880
<v Speaker 2>sends the whole night with her plus one without much

0:08:16.880 --> 0:08:20.240
<v Speaker 2>interaction with anyone else, including me. I leave hometown feeling

0:08:20.280 --> 0:08:23.560
<v Speaker 2>like a friendship is not as it once was. Yeah,

0:08:23.640 --> 0:08:25.600
<v Speaker 2>long story short. I find out Stacy is living and

0:08:25.640 --> 0:08:29.720
<v Speaker 2>dating a next situationship of mine delanded poorly. This came

0:08:29.760 --> 0:08:32.360
<v Speaker 2>out of nowhere. Whoa Also a week Statia tells me

0:08:32.440 --> 0:08:35.080
<v Speaker 2>that this guy, let's call him Duke, wants to state

0:08:35.200 --> 0:08:37.360
<v Speaker 2>Stacy for contact. Stacy just got to have a long

0:08:37.400 --> 0:08:41.960
<v Speaker 2>term relationship with Duke's ex best friend. Babes is double jeopardy.

0:08:42.520 --> 0:08:45.120
<v Speaker 2>Stacy has told me countless times that I'm their best friend,

0:08:45.280 --> 0:08:47.400
<v Speaker 2>the person that seemed to genuinely care about them, and

0:08:47.440 --> 0:08:49.280
<v Speaker 2>when I was moving away, they acted very sad about

0:08:49.280 --> 0:08:54.160
<v Speaker 2>my leaving. If this means yeah, if this was not

0:08:54.200 --> 0:08:58.600
<v Speaker 2>someone literally I literally befriended. If this was not someone

0:08:58.640 --> 0:09:00.680
<v Speaker 2>I literally befriended as a teen and with someone I

0:09:00.720 --> 0:09:02.360
<v Speaker 2>met at this stage of life, I don't think there'd

0:09:02.400 --> 0:09:05.280
<v Speaker 2>be someone I keep around also my conflict avoidant person,

0:09:05.640 --> 0:09:07.960
<v Speaker 2>and they can be overly emotional, So telling them my

0:09:08.040 --> 0:09:11.319
<v Speaker 2>feelings about that felt too exhausting, and my the asshole

0:09:11.360 --> 0:09:12.920
<v Speaker 2>is goes to your friend? Ever excuse me? Or should

0:09:12.960 --> 0:09:15.000
<v Speaker 2>I've just been honest with her about my feelings. In

0:09:15.040 --> 0:09:17.000
<v Speaker 2>my head, I'm protecting my peace. But now I'm not

0:09:17.040 --> 0:09:18.800
<v Speaker 2>sure if it was the right thing to do. They's

0:09:18.840 --> 0:09:24.680
<v Speaker 2>someone I genuinely cared about. Yeah, just someone I began

0:09:24.720 --> 0:09:27.319
<v Speaker 2>to have less patience for as time has moved on. Look, okay,

0:09:27.360 --> 0:09:31.719
<v Speaker 2>if I were you earlier. Look, if I were you,

0:09:31.840 --> 0:09:37.920
<v Speaker 2>I probably wouldn't have blocked, only because I think I

0:09:37.960 --> 0:09:39.560
<v Speaker 2>would have just matched their energy and kind of let

0:09:39.600 --> 0:09:42.800
<v Speaker 2>it fizzle because they're probably like, damn dating the X situationship,

0:09:42.840 --> 0:09:45.400
<v Speaker 2>I'm freaking out, so kind of let them be the

0:09:45.400 --> 0:09:48.360
<v Speaker 2>ones that have to sit in the awkwardness. Not you.

0:09:48.360 --> 0:09:50.079
<v Speaker 1>You're a huge guy, I agree.

0:09:51.240 --> 0:09:54.400
<v Speaker 4>I think a lot of advice culture, especially on the Internet,

0:09:54.440 --> 0:09:57.680
<v Speaker 4>wants everything to feel so finite, and I'm sure that's

0:09:57.679 --> 0:09:59.800
<v Speaker 4>for the purposes of social media to wrap it up

0:09:59.800 --> 0:10:02.640
<v Speaker 4>into everyone feels resolved in what's going on. This is

0:10:02.679 --> 0:10:04.360
<v Speaker 4>what you should do, and if you don't do anything

0:10:04.360 --> 0:10:07.000
<v Speaker 4>but that, it's not done. In this instance, I, as

0:10:07.040 --> 0:10:08.480
<v Speaker 4>you know, I am a fan of the slow ghost.

0:10:09.120 --> 0:10:11.480
<v Speaker 4>I don't think enough people have the communication skills necessary

0:10:11.480 --> 0:10:14.080
<v Speaker 4>to have a hard conversation and to come out of

0:10:14.120 --> 0:10:18.960
<v Speaker 4>it better and healed and forgiven. And in this instance,

0:10:19.480 --> 0:10:21.400
<v Speaker 4>you know, you have a lot of variables that could

0:10:21.400 --> 0:10:24.360
<v Speaker 4>determine the dissolution of your relationship. Is it the distance,

0:10:24.480 --> 0:10:27.000
<v Speaker 4>is it your actual dynamic, is it dating the exes?

0:10:27.520 --> 0:10:30.560
<v Speaker 4>It could be any of those things. But fundamentally, it

0:10:30.600 --> 0:10:32.840
<v Speaker 4>sounds like it's not a friend that you really want

0:10:32.880 --> 0:10:36.319
<v Speaker 4>in your life. You sound quite begrudging about the whole process,

0:10:37.000 --> 0:10:41.880
<v Speaker 4>and so the block does feel necessary because you wanted

0:10:41.920 --> 0:10:44.640
<v Speaker 4>to do so. But I do worry that the block

0:10:44.800 --> 0:10:46.560
<v Speaker 4>kind of puts you in the position of being the

0:10:46.559 --> 0:10:50.599
<v Speaker 4>aggressor and not the victim totally, you know, like you

0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:53.200
<v Speaker 4>don't even get a chance to let them sit with

0:10:53.240 --> 0:10:57.520
<v Speaker 4>a discomfort of what they've done, because you remove yourself

0:10:57.520 --> 0:11:00.520
<v Speaker 4>in a way that makes you seem for.

0:11:00.440 --> 0:11:02.199
<v Speaker 1>All intents and purposes like the one with the problem.

0:11:02.720 --> 0:11:04.959
<v Speaker 2>We'll say, though you went with what your gut said.

0:11:04.840 --> 0:11:08.559
<v Speaker 1>Oh, you should always do that motivism if it feels

0:11:08.600 --> 0:11:09.120
<v Speaker 1>good to it.

0:11:11.240 --> 0:11:16.480
<v Speaker 2>We are always looking to create boxes, stereotype, characterized label

0:11:16.760 --> 0:11:21.440
<v Speaker 2>to then shatter. Then what's it called not regress? What's

0:11:21.440 --> 0:11:26.360
<v Speaker 2>the opposite transcend? You get that. You're just saying I

0:11:26.360 --> 0:11:28.640
<v Speaker 2>thought I heard that come through. Yeah, yeah, that was

0:11:28.640 --> 0:11:33.840
<v Speaker 2>really amazing. Mickey understands. The assignment got me thinking, would

0:11:33.920 --> 0:11:37.640
<v Speaker 2>you rather be referred to as a lady, a woman

0:11:38.200 --> 0:11:39.120
<v Speaker 2>or a girl? Flex?

0:11:42.640 --> 0:11:44.720
<v Speaker 1>I mean two of them don't sound accurate.

0:11:45.360 --> 0:11:47.959
<v Speaker 2>Girl and lady, Yeah, but.

0:11:48.320 --> 0:11:50.160
<v Speaker 1>Accurate in the sense I don't know what contact people

0:11:50.160 --> 0:11:50.520
<v Speaker 1>are using.

0:11:50.559 --> 0:11:50.880
<v Speaker 2>Lady.

0:11:51.960 --> 0:11:54.240
<v Speaker 4>Really, it kind of sounds like what parents say to

0:11:54.320 --> 0:11:56.520
<v Speaker 4>little kids when they don't want to aid you, but

0:11:56.520 --> 0:11:59.880
<v Speaker 4>you're in discussion. So sound example, if I'm standing it

0:12:00.240 --> 0:12:03.440
<v Speaker 4>in Baker's like getting a cheesy might scroll and a

0:12:03.440 --> 0:12:05.640
<v Speaker 4>little girl turns around and says, oh my god, she's

0:12:05.679 --> 0:12:11.040
<v Speaker 4>so pretty. Then the mom might say, oh, that's so kind.

0:12:11.080 --> 0:12:12.600
<v Speaker 4>Why don't you get out of the lady's way. Now,

0:12:13.920 --> 0:12:15.400
<v Speaker 4>she's not gonna say get out of get out of

0:12:15.440 --> 0:12:17.400
<v Speaker 4>the girl's way, get out of the woman's way.

0:12:17.559 --> 0:12:18.679
<v Speaker 1>She said, get out of the lady's way.

0:12:18.760 --> 0:12:19.679
<v Speaker 2>It's a woman's way.

0:12:22.160 --> 0:12:25.240
<v Speaker 4>So Micky said I'd like to be called a matriarch. Yeah,

0:12:25.240 --> 0:12:29.599
<v Speaker 4>I mean that's a princess or a prince, yeah, or

0:12:29.679 --> 0:12:30.280
<v Speaker 4>prince or king.

0:12:30.600 --> 0:12:35.160
<v Speaker 2>I do king, I do king. So my friend Mickey

0:12:35.240 --> 0:12:37.520
<v Speaker 2>might producing. Mickey's had a conversation with a friend last

0:12:37.520 --> 0:12:39.079
<v Speaker 2>week and she was trying to explain to a group

0:12:39.120 --> 0:12:42.000
<v Speaker 2>of people how, in her mind, lady is a mature woman.

0:12:42.600 --> 0:12:44.400
<v Speaker 2>Then I got us thinking, do you self identify as

0:12:44.440 --> 0:12:46.640
<v Speaker 2>a lady, girl, a woman? One of my friends said

0:12:46.640 --> 0:12:49.440
<v Speaker 2>she never identifies a lady and preferred woman. I know,

0:12:49.520 --> 0:12:51.400
<v Speaker 2>I'm very happy and preferred to be labeled girl.

0:12:52.600 --> 0:12:57.600
<v Speaker 3>I'm a girl, A girl, Yeah, I'm a girl. Maybe

0:12:57.679 --> 0:13:00.120
<v Speaker 3>it's because I see one of the young Yeah, he.

0:13:00.160 --> 0:13:01.080
<v Speaker 1>Has the essence of a girl.

0:13:01.080 --> 0:13:07.960
<v Speaker 2>Though Micky's allowed, Micky's you twenty five under twenty five.

0:13:08.040 --> 0:13:11.719
<v Speaker 4>Yes, I will say something about lady feels like there's

0:13:11.720 --> 0:13:13.760
<v Speaker 4>an aesthetic attached to it. And I think that's why

0:13:13.840 --> 0:13:16.160
<v Speaker 4>people are like, I don't know if I'm a lady,

0:13:16.200 --> 0:13:17.840
<v Speaker 4>because yeah, I'm not a primrose.

0:13:17.840 --> 0:13:18.600
<v Speaker 2>I haven't assented.

0:13:18.760 --> 0:13:21.480
<v Speaker 4>Yes, and not wearing a pencil skirt with a matching

0:13:21.480 --> 0:13:22.839
<v Speaker 4>bou clay blazer.

0:13:22.559 --> 0:13:25.680
<v Speaker 2>Or a petty coat, not a PEPSI coat Yes. Personally,

0:13:25.720 --> 0:13:28.040
<v Speaker 2>I'm deep in my woman era. I was a girl

0:13:28.080 --> 0:13:30.880
<v Speaker 2>for a little while probably, and you ate you did

0:13:30.880 --> 0:13:33.520
<v Speaker 2>that so well, Micky, and I say trajectory. As I've

0:13:33.520 --> 0:13:37.080
<v Speaker 2>said ten times in this episode, I am behavior that

0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:39.560
<v Speaker 2>it is very tempting to call yourself a girl, but

0:13:39.640 --> 0:13:42.079
<v Speaker 2>I think it is also important to step into your woman.

0:13:42.880 --> 0:13:45.440
<v Speaker 2>Growing up, I had a lot of ill around woman

0:13:45.840 --> 0:13:46.880
<v Speaker 2>because it felt serious.

0:13:46.960 --> 0:13:49.200
<v Speaker 1>Are you reading what you've written? Yeah? Okay, great?

0:13:49.640 --> 0:13:53.080
<v Speaker 2>And I felt and I liked being infantilized because it

0:13:53.120 --> 0:13:55.280
<v Speaker 2>felt fun, silly and gave me permission to be a

0:13:55.280 --> 0:13:58.439
<v Speaker 2>little fairy. I also think it's a weird hangover from

0:13:58.480 --> 0:14:00.440
<v Speaker 2>the era where saying you were a fem was a

0:14:00.440 --> 0:14:03.600
<v Speaker 2>dirty word. I love being a woman. I will definitely

0:14:03.640 --> 0:14:05.439
<v Speaker 2>get into the lady areas when I'm in my well

0:14:05.520 --> 0:14:09.160
<v Speaker 2>to do going to the theater era sixty plus. It's

0:14:09.200 --> 0:14:12.200
<v Speaker 2>giving first year feminism, and yet I'm here for it.

0:14:13.280 --> 0:14:14.199
<v Speaker 1>You gotta know where you are.

0:14:16.520 --> 0:14:18.760
<v Speaker 4>Do I want to be called a woman, a lady,

0:14:18.880 --> 0:14:25.840
<v Speaker 4>or a girl? None of them like sound quite right? Yeah,

0:14:26.120 --> 0:14:28.240
<v Speaker 4>there's something about it. I feel like we're missing something

0:14:28.320 --> 0:14:31.200
<v Speaker 4>like is there another term it's not female? I think

0:14:31.200 --> 0:14:32.920
<v Speaker 4>there's another term though, but if anything.

0:14:32.760 --> 0:14:35.640
<v Speaker 2>Girlli pop, girllypop, Yeah, girllipop, But it would be nice

0:14:35.680 --> 0:14:37.920
<v Speaker 2>to come to a consensus. Is something that is understood

0:14:37.920 --> 0:14:41.320
<v Speaker 2>by the widest demographic that doesn't feel so loaded. But

0:14:41.360 --> 0:14:43.440
<v Speaker 2>we also need to think why does woman feel loaded?

0:14:44.560 --> 0:14:48.440
<v Speaker 4>Woman to me feels like mother, Okay, as in it's

0:14:48.480 --> 0:14:52.080
<v Speaker 4>it's it's an identifier, but a title like when you

0:14:52.160 --> 0:14:56.120
<v Speaker 4>are deep in your womanhood. You know, like, I don't

0:14:56.120 --> 0:14:58.880
<v Speaker 4>think i'd call it. Pick me a woman, but that's

0:14:58.920 --> 0:15:03.960
<v Speaker 4>what they all feel oded. But if I had a preference,

0:15:04.000 --> 0:15:05.040
<v Speaker 4>I would pick woman.

0:15:04.840 --> 0:15:06.840
<v Speaker 2>And lady woman and lady.

0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:08.440
<v Speaker 1>You're a lady. I gotta say, I don't think I

0:15:08.480 --> 0:15:09.040
<v Speaker 1>was a girl.

0:15:09.560 --> 0:15:13.440
<v Speaker 2>Man boy and guy maybe that's for next week.

0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:16.480
<v Speaker 1>We get man, boy and guy, and I was like,

0:15:16.520 --> 0:15:19.720
<v Speaker 1>how would I do this for a man? Most men

0:15:19.720 --> 0:15:22.160
<v Speaker 1>are guys, guy.

0:15:23.560 --> 0:15:24.080
<v Speaker 3>And exciting.

0:15:24.160 --> 0:15:25.640
<v Speaker 1>It's a man exactly.

0:15:26.320 --> 0:15:28.520
<v Speaker 3>We don't have a guy equivalent in ladyland.

0:15:29.720 --> 0:15:33.520
<v Speaker 1>Guy sounds like yeah, some guy. Everyone, Yeah, they're awesome. Guy.

0:15:34.360 --> 0:15:35.320
<v Speaker 2>Everyone's some guy.

0:15:35.480 --> 0:15:35.720
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:15:37.400 --> 0:15:40.360
<v Speaker 4>When I when I'm referring to a man, I feel

0:15:40.400 --> 0:15:45.240
<v Speaker 4>like I'm making making a positive character assessment, like someone

0:15:45.280 --> 0:15:51.680
<v Speaker 4>who is in their masculine energy and displaying archetypally good

0:15:51.720 --> 0:15:54.920
<v Speaker 4>qualities like being reliable and structure.

0:15:55.120 --> 0:15:57.120
<v Speaker 1>Like that's a man. That's a king, right though.

0:15:57.400 --> 0:15:59.960
<v Speaker 2>See I say king when it's positive.

0:16:00.040 --> 0:16:03.520
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, but I call you king. Yeah, true, Like I'm

0:16:03.560 --> 0:16:06.640
<v Speaker 4>not reserving that just for men. But yeah, most most

0:16:06.800 --> 0:16:09.880
<v Speaker 4>meant to me are some guy boy feels like.

0:16:09.880 --> 0:16:15.040
<v Speaker 2>A slur Oh definitely, definitely the crowd nods.

0:16:16.000 --> 0:16:18.600
<v Speaker 1>You've been listening to The Flex and Froom's daily podcast.

0:16:18.840 --> 0:16:21.440
<v Speaker 3>For more, tune in de Cater on DAB or stream

0:16:21.480 --> 0:16:22.480
<v Speaker 3>it on iHeartRadio