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Speaker 1: Is Happy Batley's podcast with doctor Justin Coulson, where Luke

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Speaker 1: and Suzie parents of three little boys, and this is

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Speaker 1: the podcast for those of us who are time poor parents.

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Speaker 1: There just one answers now and.

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Speaker 2: One message that came through to the show recently. Luke

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Speaker 2: said this, I would love if you would be able

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Speaker 2: to chat about balance on your show at some point.

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Speaker 2: I currently feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions.

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Speaker 1: And most of us go a million directions. Is that all?

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Speaker 2: It is a day and age where we often have

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Speaker 2: a lot of commitments and a lot of different things

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Speaker 2: pulling us in lots of different ways, and lots of

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Speaker 2: things to fill our time with someone to try and

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Speaker 2: bring some wisdom around this whole area as doctor Justin Coulson,

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Speaker 2: and this time we kind of took taking you a

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Speaker 2: bit broader than just families. You do tend to specialize

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Speaker 2: in parents and families, but on the whole, this whole

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Speaker 2: area of balance in our homes and in our life

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Speaker 2: is something that I guess we're thinking about all the time.

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Speaker 3: It is I'm not sure that I believe in it.

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Speaker 3: I'm not sure that it's really achievable. What I would

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Speaker 3: prefer to focus on is how we can be intentional

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Speaker 3: about what we're doing, how we can focus our awareness,

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Speaker 3: where our attention goes, our energy flows. And so I'm

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Speaker 3: more inclined to say, are you going to get balanced? Well,

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Speaker 3: probably not, because there's always something that's urgent, there's always

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Speaker 3: something that needs a fire that needs to be put out.

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Speaker 4: Instead, let's look at ways that we can.

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Speaker 3: Prioritize, focus on the roles that matter most, and focus

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Speaker 3: on being intentional in the moment that we're in.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and understanding things are seasonal too. Sometimes. I know,

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Speaker 2: I look at Luke's life and it's ridiculous the amount

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Speaker 2: of times he's working seven days a week for a

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Speaker 2: couple of weeks in a row. But we know that's

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Speaker 2: that season, and his life might feel like it's out

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Speaker 2: of balance for a while, but he's actually getting energized

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Speaker 2: the whole time. He doesn't feel out of balance, but

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Speaker 2: the family life gets a little knocked out.

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Speaker 4: Of it a bit. If you look. I travel around

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Speaker 4: the country.

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Speaker 3: I'm in and out of corporations and schools and organizations

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Speaker 3: on a daily basis, literally from one end of this

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Speaker 3: country to the other, and even overseas, and so there

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Speaker 3: are times where I'm on the road for longer than

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Speaker 3: i want to be, and that's very hard for the family.

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Speaker 3: We try to minimize that, but it's really hard. So

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Speaker 3: from that point of view, there's very little balance. But

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Speaker 3: when you're focused on the micro picture, when you're zooming

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Speaker 3: in really close, it's hard to know whether you're in

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Speaker 3: balance or not.

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Speaker 4: You need to.

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Speaker 3: Step back and have a look at the week, or

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Speaker 3: have a look at the month and say, well, on balance,

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Speaker 3: how has the month gone.

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Speaker 4: So if we just focus on balance for.

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Speaker 3: A moment before we move to intention and intentionality what

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Speaker 3: we do in our families.

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Speaker 4: We have things like super Saturday.

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Speaker 3: So Saturdays and Sundays are sacred days for our family

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Speaker 3: because I'm so busy during the week, like most parents,

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Speaker 3: you know, out and about doing stuff, and then the

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Speaker 3: afternoons are busy, and the mornings are busy, and the

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Speaker 3: evenings are exhausting, and so Saturday and Sunday we try

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Speaker 3: to get get some balance back. And we try to

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Speaker 3: make sure that we have a monthly camping trip. We

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Speaker 3: don't do it every month. We probably could be better,

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Speaker 3: but most months we go go away for twenty four

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Speaker 3: hours or forty eight hours. Sometimes it takes longer to

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Speaker 3: pack the dark car.

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Speaker 4: They were actually camping for you.

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Speaker 3: But we do that and it's just so refreshing and

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Speaker 3: rejuvenating and balancing. And you know, you can go camping

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Speaker 3: once a month, even if it's in the backyard.

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Speaker 4: The kids love to have that experience.

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Speaker 3: Get a little brazier from the local hardware store that

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Speaker 3: will cost you forty fifty sixty bucks. Get some wood

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Speaker 3: roast marshmallows in the backyard. I mean, why not set

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Speaker 3: up the two man ten in the backyard and camp

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Speaker 3: out with the kids, or go somewhere. I always go

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Speaker 3: somewhere close to food because I don't want to cook

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Speaker 3: while I go camping, so I buy pizza because I'm

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Speaker 3: lazy and it's just too hard.

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Speaker 2: To you're efficients, I believe that's exactly right.

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Speaker 4: But again, this is about the balance.

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Speaker 3: I don't want to go camping with my kids and

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Speaker 3: lose the opportunity to be with him because I've got

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Speaker 3: to clean dishes in semi cold water in a base

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Speaker 3: and that's too small for anything.

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Speaker 4: To fit all the drivers. Go with that.

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Speaker 3: Other things that we can do in our home. We've

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Speaker 3: discovered that mornings are a challenge for a couple of

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Speaker 3: our daughters. Six daughters, it's obvious that some of them

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Speaker 3: aren't going to like mornings, and so we wake them

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Speaker 3: up fifteen minutes early as a result of the fact

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Speaker 3: that they don't like mornings, which sounds like torture it.

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Speaker 3: But then we say to them, would you like a

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Speaker 3: massage before we get the morning going, and they respond

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Speaker 3: so well to that. We lay them on this sofery

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Speaker 3: thing and we give them a five minute massage their

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Speaker 3: feet or their hands, or their shoulders or the back,

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Speaker 3: and it helps them to wake up in a really nice,

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Speaker 3: balanced way. It helps us to be intentional in our

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Speaker 3: relationship and start the day in a way where we

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Speaker 3: can say, what are you looking forward to today?

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Speaker 4: How are you feeling about life?

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Speaker 3: We can start to engage in conversation with them. These

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Speaker 3: are the kinds of things that can help us to

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Speaker 3: get balanced by doing little things.

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Speaker 4: Here and there. Take a twenty minute vacation personally during

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Speaker 4: the day.

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Speaker 3: Maybe it's during your lunch break and you can just

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Speaker 3: go somewhere quiet at work and have twenty minutes where

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Speaker 3: you just have your own space. Or maybe if you're

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Speaker 3: at home, you run a bath and have a twenty

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Speaker 3: minute bath, or you go for a twenty minute walk

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Speaker 3: with the dog, just to get out of the house

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Speaker 3: and get out of the routine of the cleaning and

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Speaker 3: the drama and all the stuff that's got to be done.

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Speaker 3: And you know, people keep on saying, but I don't

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Speaker 3: have time. There's this law, I can't remember the name

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Speaker 3: of the law. I think it's called Parkinson's law. That

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Speaker 3: any activity that you're doing will expand to fill the

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Speaker 3: amount of space that you have to do the activity.

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Speaker 3: So if you reduce the space by doing something else,

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Speaker 3: it's amazing how much you can still get done. So

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Speaker 3: go for the twenty minute walk, have that twenty minute vacation.

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Speaker 3: These things help us to get balance.

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Speaker 1: It's interesting because we often throw out the cliche of

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Speaker 1: using the aeroplane analogy of putting the oxygen mask on

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Speaker 1: yourself before you try and help others. But part of

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Speaker 1: the intentionality that you're talking about is if you'll feel

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Speaker 1: like you're pulled in a million different directions, then maybe

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Speaker 1: you're the one who needs to take that fifteen minutes

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Speaker 1: and intentionally go take a breather, relax calm is if

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Speaker 1: it's read a book, if it's and if you take

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Speaker 1: fifteen twenty thirty minutes, what does it take to suddenly

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Speaker 1: feel like you've got more energy and the ability to

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Speaker 1: be intentional with everything else.

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Speaker 3: So there's also a big difference between ME time and

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Speaker 3: WE time, and typically if people feel like they're out

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Speaker 3: of balance and their families are out of balance, there's

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Speaker 3: that inclination to have me time, and a little bit

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Speaker 3: of that is important, as we've just identified. But what

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Speaker 3: the research shows is that we invest when we invest

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Speaker 3: in WE time, when we're intentional about the way we

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Speaker 3: spend our time with our family, and when we get

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Speaker 3: that right, we actually feel more balanced. So let me

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Speaker 3: give you another couple of examples from my family or

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Speaker 3: from families that I know. We're a family that has

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Speaker 3: a faith background. You don't have to have a faith

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Speaker 3: background to do this, but we have what we call

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Speaker 3: our fifteen minutes of faith every morning at six forty five,

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Speaker 3: and I play a song on the piano. I can

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Speaker 3: play about three songs, and that's one of them. I

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Speaker 3: play the song on the piano. When the kids hear that,

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Speaker 3: they know that that's the time to come into the

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Speaker 3: living room so that we can have our fifteen minutes

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Speaker 3: together and during that time we read inspirational ideas and stuff,

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Speaker 3: or we memorize poems or quotes, or we talk about

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Speaker 3: our day, and we spend our morning in that with

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Speaker 3: that focus.

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Speaker 4: Now again, you don't have to have a faith to

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Speaker 4: do that.

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Speaker 3: You might find an inspirational poem and say, kids, we're

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Speaker 3: going to memorize this for the next two weeks, or

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Speaker 3: we're going to learn about somebody who did something inspiring

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Speaker 3: each morning so that we can learn from them how

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Speaker 3: to be curious or how to have perseverance. We can

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Speaker 3: talk about values and character traits and virtues and teach

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Speaker 3: our children this stuff, regardless of our philosophical underpinnings. So

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Speaker 3: we do that every morning at six forty five, after

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Speaker 3: the kids have had their massage. It's a great way

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Speaker 3: to get the morning going. And then we crank up

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Speaker 3: some music because that helps everybody to feel good for

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Speaker 3: the rest of the morning. Some other families that I know,

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Speaker 3: they'll have one night per week where there are no screens,

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Speaker 3: there are no interruptions, there are no meetings, there are

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Speaker 3: no appointments.

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Speaker 4: There are no exceptions.

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Speaker 3: Everybody is together and they have their family night where

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Speaker 3: they play games, or they talk, or they do stuff,

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Speaker 3: and they're actually intentional about what they're doing. And we

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Speaker 3: can do all these sorts of things. I mean, you're

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Speaker 3: only limited by your imagination. And it's amazing what happens

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Speaker 3: when we forget about me time and we focus on

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Speaker 3: we time intentionally.

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Speaker 4: We feel like that balance comes back.

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Speaker 1: My guess is that your kids are more efficiently able

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Speaker 1: to take care of themselves because you've made sure they

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Speaker 1: started the day in a good space that like, as

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Speaker 1: in what it returns to you and whether this is

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Speaker 1: your intention or not, like, you probably have to put

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Speaker 1: less emotion and effort into them to get ready to

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Speaker 1: get into the day because of what you've done here.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think so.

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Speaker 3: The other thing that we do, and it's probably worth

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Speaker 3: just highlighting, is we don't tell our kids what to

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Speaker 3: do to get ready in the morning. We ask them

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Speaker 3: what they still need to do, which takes away all

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Speaker 3: of that correction and direction and all of the stress.

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Speaker 3: Instead of saying, where are your shoes? Why haven't you

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Speaker 3: got your shoes? What do you mean you don't know

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Speaker 3: what your shoes are?

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Speaker 4: And you know, all that.

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Speaker 1: Sounds like my morning on the morning, okay, Instead got

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Speaker 1: the emotions.

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Speaker 4: We just say to the children, what's next? What do

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Speaker 4: you still need to do? Do you need any help?

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Speaker 4: And so they have to sort of run through in

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Speaker 4: their mind. What have I done?

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Speaker 3: Okay, I've packed my bag, but I haven't had break Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I need some breakfast. Okay, DoD any help with that? No,

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Speaker 3: I'm fine?

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Speaker 4: Do you know what me? And so we don't tell

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Speaker 4: them what to do.

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Speaker 3: We ask them what needs to be done, and then

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Speaker 3: we ask them if they need any help, And it's

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Speaker 3: remarkable how much more effective they are because we're not

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Speaker 3: on their case.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Great, I love that.

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Speaker 1: I love that.

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Speaker 2: I'm already picturing changes in my head. Doctor Justin Coulson,

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Speaker 2: you bring the wisdom. Thank you so very much for

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Speaker 2: answering our question about balance.

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Speaker 1: I think we need to go to his place and

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Speaker 1: be a part of his family too. If there's massa,

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Speaker 1: it's my first thought too. Thanks doctor Justin.

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Speaker 4: Thanks guys.

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Speaker 2: For more information on all of doctor Justin's books, podcasts, programs,

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Speaker 2: you can find them all at Happy Families dot com

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Speaker 2: dot au. But don't forget Justin is available to speak

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Speaker 2: at your school or organization. You can find out more

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Speaker 2: at Justincolson dot com