Speaker 1: Wait, like you're you're comfortable? No, how do you feel comfort?
Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 1: This is our Ask Uncut episode where we answer your deep,
Speaker 1: dark and burning questions. This episode, you can truly ask
Speaker 1: us anything. It could be about your shitty boyfriend who
Speaker 1: never writes back when he's out in a boys' night.
Speaker 1: It could be how to spell jalapino, whatever your heart
Speaker 1: ever asks out, and no, don't ask us that, do
Speaker 1: google it. It could be where that Brittany and I
Speaker 1: have any rogue facial hairs? Do you, Brittany have any
Speaker 1: rogue facial hairs? I can, hands down say I have
Speaker 1: never had a rope. Shut up. I don't believe you
Speaker 1: for one second. I am unhari is person. Even my
Speaker 1: body hair, I don't have hair. I could literally shave
Speaker 1: my face. Really, I have never I barely even pluck
Speaker 1: my eyebrows. I've never waxed the lip. I've never done anything.
Speaker 1: I've got some true Italian jeans in my family. I
Speaker 1: have this one rogue chin hair that always comes back
Speaker 1: and every soft and it's like every six weeks or so,
Speaker 1: Matt will be like, oh, my friend's back and then
Speaker 1: he'll pat it. When I was in labor. When I
Speaker 1: was in labor, I hadn't noticed that it had grown back.
Speaker 1: And it's not what you want to be told when
Speaker 1: you're laying in a bed and you don't have tweezers
Speaker 1: on you, and you're trying to give birth and someone
Speaker 1: you have a baby poking out of your vagina, and
Speaker 1: someone says to you, hey, babe, your chin hair's back.
Speaker 1: Anyway that I hope that made some women feel better
Speaker 1: about themselves. My sister's got a wicked one on a chin. Sorry, Sy,
Speaker 1: it's just like this one little moled always grows a
Speaker 1: really long hair. I think it's one of those things
Speaker 1: that every like so many. I would say ninety nine
Speaker 1: percent of women have a rogue facial hair that just grows,
Speaker 1: so no one ever talks about it. Statistic and I
Speaker 1: don't it. Yeah, Look, I've done my research. I want
Speaker 1: to destigmatize these things to make everyone feel inclusive and
Speaker 1: connected totally. Let's start with the questions. I want to
Speaker 1: tell you something funny actually that my friend wrote to me.
Speaker 1: She wrote into us as just a funny story that
Speaker 1: had happened to her. Literally, she goes guys this just
Speaker 1: happened to be ten minutes ago, and of course I
Speaker 1: was going to tell you first. She has quite a
Speaker 1: big following and she's someone in the public and I
Speaker 1: won't name her, but she recently had a baby. This
Speaker 1: is what she wrote to me today. I'm now going
Speaker 1: to try and decipher who this is. And it wasn't me, guys,
Speaker 1: she goes, guys, this is almost real time. This literally
Speaker 1: just happened. My partner is doing an online course and
Speaker 1: thought he'd spend this really rainy day finishing it off.
Speaker 1: I've just put bubb down for sleep, and I thought,
Speaker 1: you know what, it's been a while. I might spice
Speaker 1: things up. I might set his study a light. So
Speaker 1: I ran into the room, lifting up my shirt, completely
Speaker 1: naked and shoved my boobs in his face. Here I
Speaker 1: was hitting him in the face with my bibs, and
Speaker 1: I thought it was hilarious until he told me his
Speaker 1: webcam was on and his teacher was watching the whole thing.
Speaker 1: But also, if you've just had a baby, you're more
Speaker 1: than likely, after a few smacks around, to start lactating
Speaker 1: as well. I think it's so funny, but also imagine
Speaker 1: if you were just going like come on, babe woom.
Speaker 1: And then the Professor's like, excuse me, Oh, no, stuff
Speaker 1: gets so weird after you have a kid, It just
Speaker 1: gets weird. Do you know what Larlie did to me today? Oh?
Speaker 1: I couldn't. I don't even know where to start. Was
Speaker 1: a mania. So I was sitting there on the couch
Speaker 1: and she'd just been eating chocolate. So she went on
Speaker 1: asking me for more coconut rough chocolate and I was like,
Speaker 1: you're not having any more. You've had three pieces. And
Speaker 1: then she comes up with what I thought was chocolate
Speaker 1: on her hand and goes yacky yaki. And at the
Speaker 1: same time I could smell human shit, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't think that's chocolate, but I think that's coconut
Speaker 1: roll would think that we're talking about the same thing.
Speaker 1: I grabbed her hand and I smelt it, and I
Speaker 1: was like, yes, you have just shoved your hand down
Speaker 1: the back of your pants into your own pooh and
Speaker 1: you think that's yucky. I was like, my child is
Speaker 1: a genius. She knows this is yucky. Look at all
Speaker 1: the words she's learned. You know what this is how
Speaker 1: they work it out. Yeah, I know that the pooh
Speaker 1: is yucky until they've put it on their hand, they've
Speaker 1: smelt it, they realize it doesn't feel good. This is
Speaker 1: how they're learning. Call it education. It's organic education. I
Speaker 1: told you she's a genius. She put two and two together.
Speaker 1: I think I think genius is a stretch at this point.
Speaker 1: It's a stretch, but we'll give her. She's a learning anyway. Guys,
Speaker 1: thank you to every single person who's written in a
Speaker 1: question for today's episode. We love these episodes. It is
Speaker 1: when we answer all the tricky stuff that is happening
Speaker 1: in your lives. Some of it's not that tricky, some
Speaker 1: of it's pretty entertaining, and you know what, we hash
Speaker 1: it out. We've got no experience. We don't know what
Speaker 1: we're talking about, but we've got profit, we've got unbridled
Speaker 1: enthusiasm and you can't beat that. And we have a
Speaker 1: lot of life experience as well. So Brittany, who has
Speaker 1: chosen all the questions for today because she's the only
Speaker 1: one who has some free time, please give me question
Speaker 1: number one. Question number one is the reason I chose this.
Speaker 1: I love that I'm giving you a background like it's
Speaker 1: like an essay. I'm presenting, Guys, the reason I chose
Speaker 1: this topic today, But seriously, the reason they chose this
Speaker 1: top today was it is something I think is very relevant.
Speaker 1: It's something I have had this exact conversation quite recently,
Speaker 1: not quite to this extent. I think a lot of
Speaker 1: people have this question, so I'm going to get into it.
Speaker 1: A girl reading to us and said, Hey, guys, I
Speaker 1: recently got sent this message. The message reads, Hey, Francesca, Honestly,
Speaker 1: you are beautiful, funny, and I really would have liked
Speaker 1: to see this workout, but I don't think I'm up
Speaker 1: to it anymore. I guess there's just too many red
Speaker 1: flags for me. You've never been a girl that commits
Speaker 1: to one guy, and I don't think anyone wants to
Speaker 1: hear that you have a roster on the side, or
Speaker 1: that you're literally the opposite of a fuck boy. You're
Speaker 1: a fuck girl. I love that you're honest and you
Speaker 1: say that whatever is on your mind. But I think
Speaker 1: if you actually want to have a special relationship and
Speaker 1: have someone special in your life, they probably shouldn't hear
Speaker 1: so much about your past experiences. And I've heard too
Speaker 1: many about yours. I am really sorry, and I do
Speaker 1: hope you find what you're looking for a bit. Unfortunately
Speaker 1: it's not me. I love that He's like, I love
Speaker 1: that you're honest, but actually stop being so fucking honest,
Speaker 1: because I don't like it. What the backhanded compliment that was? Yeah,
Speaker 1: in a nutshell, she's met this guy, and she's been
Speaker 1: really open about her past experiences, and they are the
Speaker 1: fact that she doesn't really commit easily. She's hooked up
Speaker 1: with heaps of people, she's slept with heaps of people,
Speaker 1: she has people on the side, she has fuck boys,
Speaker 1: she's got friends with benefits, and she's been open about
Speaker 1: that with him, and he has turned around and said
Speaker 1: in all honesty, and I don't think he's been rude,
Speaker 1: but I don't think he'd said it in a very
Speaker 1: good way, and I don't think he needed to go
Speaker 1: into that detail. But essentially he's saying, look, I don't
Speaker 1: want to know so much about your past, and now
Speaker 1: I feel like I know it. I don't want to
Speaker 1: go there. She finishes it by saying, look, I do
Speaker 1: think this is a great conversation, and I have been
Speaker 1: having this conversation with my friends. Essentially, should you be
Speaker 1: sharing your past with someone new that you're dating, and
Speaker 1: if so, how much should you be sharing? So I
Speaker 1: actually think that this is a really great question. Firstly,
Speaker 1: I just want to say it is relevant how many
Speaker 1: people you've slept with, Like, you know, no one can
Speaker 1: slut shame you, or no one should slut shame you.
Speaker 1: You can sleep with as many people as you want.
Speaker 1: It doesn't define you, It does not impact you as
Speaker 1: a person, It doesn't impact anyone else. It doesn't impact
Speaker 1: anybody else. Should you divulge all the information about yourself
Speaker 1: in a first date and your history? No, I don't
Speaker 1: think so. And I think that you know, you need
Speaker 1: to kind of be aware about how much of your
Speaker 1: past you share because you haven't spent enough time with
Speaker 1: someone for them to understand who you are as a
Speaker 1: person now and the things that you like and whether
Speaker 1: you have a great connection. And I think that there's
Speaker 1: so many other things that you can focus on before
Speaker 1: telling this person, Hey, I've got this many people who
Speaker 1: I've slept with. You know, I'm not really looking for
Speaker 1: anything serious right now, because you just don't know what
Speaker 1: it could grow into. So I think be very very
Speaker 1: careful about jumping straight into talking about all of your
Speaker 1: exes and all of your past relationships, and it's not
Speaker 1: because you should be ashamed of them, and it's not
Speaker 1: because you should feel guilt for having them, but it's
Speaker 1: just because that doesn't need to be the first conversation
Speaker 1: you're having on a first, second, third, fourth date. And
Speaker 1: where Brick came and we started talking about this question
Speaker 1: and we started unpacking it a little bit, because, like
Speaker 1: you know, we usually we usually try and get on
Speaker 1: the same page before we start recording this podcast. I
Speaker 1: just usually want to know each other where we sit,
Speaker 1: what side of the fence we sit on. So I
Speaker 1: know a lot about Matt's past relationships and he knows
Speaker 1: loads about my past relationships. Because I think it's really
Speaker 1: important to talk about your past for your current partner
Speaker 1: to get a really good understanding of who you are
Speaker 1: as a person. I think that there is context there,
Speaker 1: and I think that that's an important part of what
Speaker 1: makes you you. However, I have no idea how many
Speaker 1: people Matt's had sex with. I don't fucking care. I
Speaker 1: don't want to know. I don't want to know because
Speaker 1: I don't think it would make me jealous. But it's
Speaker 1: just irrelevant, and I think that it's such an unnecessary
Speaker 1: topic to have because it can cause some hurt, it
Speaker 1: can cause some jealousy, and it can also make someone
Speaker 1: feel a little bit insignificant if they're a bit immature.
Speaker 1: And I say this because when I was really a
Speaker 1: lot younger than I am now, a lot more insecure
Speaker 1: than what I am now, I didn't have a very
Speaker 1: big sexual experience. I mean, I think I only slept
Speaker 1: with a handful of people at the time. And I
Speaker 1: met this guy who I really really liked, and I
Speaker 1: did end up being with him for a long time,
Speaker 1: but he told me that he'd slept with over one
Speaker 1: hundred people and I'd only slept with two people at
Speaker 1: the time. So hearing that he had slept with one
Speaker 1: hundred people and I had only slept with two people
Speaker 1: made me think that I was so insignificant, And of
Speaker 1: course that's my shit to deal with, that's my baggage.
Speaker 1: But it was just a conversation that I wish we
Speaker 1: had never had, and I wish I had never asked,
Speaker 1: because it made me feel a way that I didn't
Speaker 1: need to feel, and you know what, like he hadn't
Speaker 1: done anything wrong, and that's all on me, but still
Speaker 1: I felt that way and those feelings were still valid.
Speaker 1: I couldn't just will them away. So I think just
Speaker 1: be careful early. When you meet someone and you like them,
Speaker 1: you don't need to tell them about every single thing
Speaker 1: that's going in your life. You don't owe them that
Speaker 1: yet either, I think the same thing, and I think
Speaker 1: that everyone's entitled to talk about their past, and everyone's
Speaker 1: entitled to know your partner's past to an extent. But
Speaker 1: I really do think and I've learned this from experience.
Speaker 1: I have dealt with it in my current relationship with
Speaker 1: Jordan now, But I do think it is the way
Speaker 1: you deliver it, and it's the level of detail you
Speaker 1: go into. The fact of the matter is you don't
Speaker 1: need to go into detail. And maybe instead of telling
Speaker 1: your current partner that, like I slept with him, slept
Speaker 1: with him, hooked up with him, here's my friends with benefits,
Speaker 1: I don't think you need to go into that detail.
Speaker 1: I think it can be like, oh, yeah, like we
Speaker 1: had something in the past. It could be literally the
Speaker 1: language that you choose to use because whether we like
Speaker 1: it or not, whether it's right or not. And I've
Speaker 1: had a really hard time getting my head around this.
Speaker 1: Most men in my life that I've spoken to and
Speaker 1: I'm talking. I asked friends, I asked relatives, male relatives.
Speaker 1: I asked Jordan, my boyfriend, I asked his friends. I've
Speaker 1: asked a lot of people. I even just asked Matt.
Speaker 1: Most men have the same response, and it's that they
Speaker 1: don't want to know your past in that depth. They
Speaker 1: don't care about it. Okay, cool. They want to know
Speaker 1: that you had a relationship of two years. That's where
Speaker 1: it ends. They want no more detail, and they don't
Speaker 1: want you to speak in depth about it because they
Speaker 1: want to feel like they're in the moment now, they're
Speaker 1: living with you. You're what they're thinking about. They don't
Speaker 1: want to think about the fact that you've slept with
Speaker 1: all these other people. It's just like a mind game
Speaker 1: to them. It's fun, isn't it. Because I think, and
Speaker 1: this is very gender like norms that we're kind of
Speaker 1: going into, and we're being a little bit stereotypical here,
Speaker 1: But I do think that as women, we like to
Speaker 1: talk like, we like to talk about our feelings. What
Speaker 1: are you talk about? I like to tell people everything
Speaker 1: that's happening in my life, and I know that in
Speaker 1: the past, I've definitely made the mistake of talking too
Speaker 1: much and saying too much, and then getting myself into
Speaker 1: a situation where the person who is receiving the information
Speaker 1: I'm giving them, I e. The guy that I like,
Speaker 1: he doesn't want to hear it. But the fact of
Speaker 1: the matter is that you may get someone off side
Speaker 1: before they get to actually know the whole picture of
Speaker 1: who you are as a person. And the other thing
Speaker 1: as well is is what you can run the risk
Speaker 1: of is to this guy, like this text message that's
Speaker 1: come in, you have said I have a roster, or
Speaker 1: I have a you know, I have my side men
Speaker 1: that I want to be with, or like, you know,
Speaker 1: I have my Tuesday guy or my Wednesday guy. I'm
Speaker 1: good for you, girl, mate, I used to have a
Speaker 1: Wednesday guy too. I'm not going to tell someone who
Speaker 1: I go on a date with that I've got a
Speaker 1: Wednesday night guy, because especially if the date's on a
Speaker 1: Wednesday night, well, no, if the date's on a Tuesday,
Speaker 1: I'm not like, hey, so tomorrow night, I got Wednesday
Speaker 1: night guy. That's why I didn't you go home from
Speaker 1: the day. The reason why I think you don't have
Speaker 1: those sorts of conversations is because you don't know if
Speaker 1: you actually really like this person or not, and then
Speaker 1: you're giving the impression that you're not after anything serious.
Speaker 1: And even though I had a Wednesday night guy, I
Speaker 1: still wanted a serious relationship. So I think you shoot
Speaker 1: yourself in the foot and you give an impression that
Speaker 1: you're not after anything more than friends with benefits or
Speaker 1: to other fuck buddy. So I really do think there
Speaker 1: is a level of how much of you you need
Speaker 1: to share before it's totally oversharing. Well, this is where
Speaker 1: my problem came in, right with Jordan. Your girl likes
Speaker 1: to talk high spirit. You girl's got a history. You
Speaker 1: girl likes to talk. You're like So I dated Asso Shipath.
Speaker 1: I once said it this guy who had a wife
Speaker 1: and you know, we had a dog and we were
Speaker 1: gonna get married. And then he gas, what the fuck
Speaker 1: out of me? And the thing is for somebody like me?
Speaker 1: And I say somebody like me, I refer to the
Speaker 1: fact that I've been single for nine years, ten years,
Speaker 1: and I've dated a lot of people. I've been onto
Speaker 1: dating reality TV shows. The things for me, I have
Speaker 1: a history, and when I want to talk about my past,
Speaker 1: it often whether it's traveling to certain places. Usually there
Speaker 1: are stories that are linked in with someone I might
Speaker 1: have been seen at the time, and so I've got
Speaker 1: a big history of experiences with other people. And I
Speaker 1: would never go into detail about people that I had
Speaker 1: been with or anything like that, but I would mention people.
Speaker 1: I'd be like, oh, you know, I ended up seeing
Speaker 1: this guy in Nargentina and then we went to this place,
Speaker 1: and I would just throw into conversation like that, and
Speaker 1: eventually Jordan had to say to me, look like, I
Speaker 1: I think your history is great. Everything's great, but I
Speaker 1: don't really want to know. I don't want to hear
Speaker 1: about people you've been with. And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: but I haven't really gone into detail. He's like, I know,
Speaker 1: and it doesn't matter. He's like, I just I don't
Speaker 1: want to think about that part of your life that
Speaker 1: you had all these experiences with other people. I just
Speaker 1: want to make them with you. And I had to
Speaker 1: really stop and register that because I loved to talk
Speaker 1: like I wanted to tell him everything, and I had
Speaker 1: to realize that, Okay, maybe it is going to affect him,
Speaker 1: and whether I think it's right or not, I couldn't
Speaker 1: understand it at the start, I was like, but I
Speaker 1: want to tell you about this because it was a
Speaker 1: big part of my life. I had to come to
Speaker 1: the point where he said, I understand you want to
Speaker 1: tell me, but I need you to understand that I
Speaker 1: don't want to hear about it. And we had to
Speaker 1: meet at this point where I had to say, Okay,
Speaker 1: I can't. I can't do that because making him uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: And I think that's what we need to realize, is
Speaker 1: that everyone's going to be different. But if you go
Speaker 1: into a relationship or the first couple of dates and
Speaker 1: all you're doing is talking about all these other people
Speaker 1: that you've been with, immediately, this person's going to lose
Speaker 1: interest or the only thing that they're going to have
Speaker 1: an interest in is like maybe they're going onto your roster.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that to be mean or to be harsh.
Speaker 1: I'm saying you would think the same thing if the
Speaker 1: role was reversed. Just as an example too, as like
Speaker 1: a role reversal. I was on a date, like a
Speaker 1: long time ago obviously with this person, and I've been
Speaker 1: speaking to him before we went on the date. He's
Speaker 1: leading into my Instagram. We were chatting for a little
Speaker 1: bit we went on this that had an amazing day,
Speaker 1: Like went into the harbor, went to a really nice restaurant,
Speaker 1: went to opera bar, went to another bar, and it
Speaker 1: was great. The band was there, the chats were there,
Speaker 1: it was really smooth. I was like, I like this guy. Now.
Speaker 1: I don't know why he did what he did next,
Speaker 1: but we started to talk about like the last person
Speaker 1: we're with in terms of a relationship, and then he
Speaker 1: told me I've slept with three hundred people. That's what
Speaker 1: he said. He goes, oh, I've slept with about three
Speaker 1: three hundred and twenty people or something. He's like, I
Speaker 1: don't really count. And I was gobsmacked. And the way
Speaker 1: he said it to me was as if this was
Speaker 1: going to guarantee him getting laid with me, because it
Speaker 1: was almost like he was like, this is how experienced
Speaker 1: I am, This is how good I am. In all honesty,
Speaker 1: it was the exact moment he said it, everything my
Speaker 1: body switched and I was like, I want nothing to
Speaker 1: do with him. It just completely And I'm not saying
Speaker 1: that's right, but I'm trying to explain that whether we
Speaker 1: want it or not, we can't control the way we
Speaker 1: feel and that is that ignited something in me that
Speaker 1: was like, oh cool, that's great for you. But now
Speaker 1: I just feel like I'm in another notch on your
Speaker 1: belt and I lost interest. I think because it makes
Speaker 1: you feel like you're not special and other notch. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and when you're with someone and you really like them,
Speaker 1: you want them to make you feel special. You don't
Speaker 1: want them to tell you that you're one of X
Speaker 1: amount of people. You know. You want to feel like
Speaker 1: you're an individual and they see you as an individual.
Speaker 1: So I think, you know, regardless of how many people
Speaker 1: you've had in sexual partners, that's totally beside the point.
Speaker 1: And like we've said all throughout this, like you could
Speaker 1: have three hundred partners, you could have a thousand, you
Speaker 1: could have two. It's fucking irrelevant, to be perfectly honest.
Speaker 1: But if you want to have a serious relationship with
Speaker 1: someone and you do think that you're interested in them,
Speaker 1: then do try and make them feel special and do
Speaker 1: prioritize their feelings, and maybe there might be a little
Speaker 1: bit in them that feels put off by hearing about
Speaker 1: your exes, because we all have that little bit of
Speaker 1: jealousy that's inside us obviously, Like I said, I spoke
Speaker 1: to Matt knows a lot about my history and my relationships.
Speaker 1: I only started telling him about my history and my
Speaker 1: relationships once we were in a committed relationship, and he
Speaker 1: asked because he wanted more context about who I am
Speaker 1: as a person. Also, when you knew you had him, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I one you in a reality TV show. I'm going
Speaker 1: to tell you all my fucking crazy stories because I
Speaker 1: think we have wrapped that question and answered it, probably
Speaker 1: answered it too much, but anyway, keep some of this,
Speaker 1: keep some of your past to yourself, all right. Question
Speaker 1: number two? All right, this is controversial. Okay, guys, I
Speaker 1: got quite the doozy for you, and I'm in a
Speaker 1: sticky situation. So it's kind of a long story. But essentially,
Speaker 1: my boss has been having a secret affair with one
Speaker 1: of my coworkers, a dirty dog, dirty dog. Almost everyone
Speaker 1: in the office knows about it because the coworker that
Speaker 1: he's sleeping with has actually told us. It's very obviously
Speaker 1: true as well, and it's starting to become a problem
Speaker 1: in the workplace because it's interfering with our ability to
Speaker 1: do our jobs. Not only is this an inappropriate work situation,
Speaker 1: but also what a fucking dog cheating on his partner
Speaker 1: for a year. It's hard because I really like him
Speaker 1: as a boss, but I get really annoyed when I
Speaker 1: see them together acting flirty and making jokes about their affair,
Speaker 1: thinking that the rest of us don't understand. I don't
Speaker 1: feel as though I am in a senior enough position
Speaker 1: to say anything, but no one else is saying anything
Speaker 1: despite us all wanting it to be over. What the
Speaker 1: heck should I do? Should I tell a board member
Speaker 1: or should I leave an anonymous letter to my boss
Speaker 1: telling him that everyone knows and to sort his shit
Speaker 1: out and keep it out of the workplace. I'm really
Speaker 1: confused about what to do because the whole situation is
Speaker 1: wrong that I don't feel or know if it's my
Speaker 1: place to say anything. Help. Okay, I think this is
Speaker 1: very controversial because what are they doing when you say flirty?
Speaker 1: What is it that's flirty about their behavior? And what
Speaker 1: are they doing that is stopping you from being able
Speaker 1: to do your job? Like, if it is just that
Speaker 1: they're joke here and they have banter, you're going to
Speaker 1: have a really hard time saying that whatever it is
Speaker 1: that's going on is a problem, because just because you
Speaker 1: morally see this as being an issue, which of course
Speaker 1: it is. Like, well, I mean, he's cheating, and it's
Speaker 1: fucked right, But him being a dickhead and him cheating
Speaker 1: on his wife is not your personal problem. Just because
Speaker 1: it's morally wrong doesn't mean that you should take on
Speaker 1: somebody else's bad shit that they're doing and take ownership
Speaker 1: from it and get yourself involved. That said, if it's
Speaker 1: obviously happening in the workplace, if those actions are impeding
Speaker 1: your ability to do your job, if he is preferencing
Speaker 1: her or prioritizing her, just say that you guys are
Speaker 1: in the same position and she's being given preferential treatment
Speaker 1: by him. If any of that sort of stuff's happening,
Speaker 1: then you absolutely have a reason to say something. And
Speaker 1: in that case, you should take this to HR and
Speaker 1: you should have a conversation because you know it's already
Speaker 1: such inappropriate workplace conduct. But if they're not physically doing
Speaker 1: anything or not necessarily I don't mean physical is in
Speaker 1: life they have to be fucking in a boardroom, Like
Speaker 1: that's not what I'm saying, but like, if they're not
Speaker 1: doing anything that actually kind of crosses a line of
Speaker 1: being flirtatious in a way that it stops you from
Speaker 1: doing your job. Then I think you're going to have
Speaker 1: a really hard time with this because if it's just
Speaker 1: the moral implications that she's told you, and it hurts
Speaker 1: your soul that he is cheating on his wife, and
Speaker 1: you want to do like the vigil anti right thing,
Speaker 1: which I think most of us would really struggle with,
Speaker 1: and most of us would want to be like, you
Speaker 1: know what, No, screw you, You should suffer for this.
Speaker 1: You need to stop doing what you're doing and do
Speaker 1: the right thing, because what you're doing is wrong, and
Speaker 1: that's really noble that that's where your head's at. I
Speaker 1: think it's going to come back and bite you and
Speaker 1: the ass being an employee, that it will bite him
Speaker 1: in the ass because they are both going to deny, deny, deny,
Speaker 1: and say that nothing is happening, and then what do
Speaker 1: you do for me? Here the issue is, and I
Speaker 1: agree with Laura, if this is just your moral compass
Speaker 1: that literally is going haywire and doesn't know what to do,
Speaker 1: you need to reconsider whether it's worth disrupting and causing
Speaker 1: a problem between everyone in the office and him and
Speaker 1: his wife. Because people are assholes. People are going to
Speaker 1: be assholes around you. You're not responsible for somebody else's
Speaker 1: asshole behavior. But for me, the reason I think this
Speaker 1: is actually quite a simple answer is, and I'm very
Speaker 1: passionate about this, you say that you're not comfortable in
Speaker 1: your workplace and then it's causing problems and you're unable
Speaker 1: to do your job. And for me, that is pretty
Speaker 1: clear cut. If no one should ever, under any circumstances,
Speaker 1: feel uncomfortable in their place of work. Now we don't
Speaker 1: know what is happening to make you feel that way,
Speaker 1: but I when everyone's listening to know that if you're uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: you one hundred percent can take that further because this
Speaker 1: should be a safe place. And I mean with everything
Speaker 1: happening in the world right now and everything happening in Parliament,
Speaker 1: I think that I can't drive this point home enough. Now,
Speaker 1: how you go about that? You can either go to
Speaker 1: HR or obviously and you can have the discussion and
Speaker 1: you can leave it to them, or because you did
Speaker 1: make a point where you said, look, I quite like
Speaker 1: him as a boss normally and you don't know what
Speaker 1: to do. I do think that you could leave an
Speaker 1: anonymous note if you really wanted to. That's not passive aggressive,
Speaker 1: that's not nasty, that's not malicious. I think you could
Speaker 1: even know saying exactly what you just said to us. Hey, look,
Speaker 1: we all know what's going on, and we don't feel
Speaker 1: comfortable with it. If you could leave your extracurricular activities
Speaker 1: outside of the workplace, that would be the best thing
Speaker 1: for everyone. I personally think that's okay. If you're torn
Speaker 1: between whether to go and throw this person under the
Speaker 1: bus or to just say, hey, give him a nudge
Speaker 1: in the right direction, that would be my advice in
Speaker 1: what to do. But ultimately only you're going to know
Speaker 1: what to do. I just don't think you need to
Speaker 1: go to work every single day if you're uncomfortable in
Speaker 1: that environment. I would one hundred percent agree with everything
Speaker 1: you said, and I guess the like where I came
Speaker 1: from in my perspective of this is if they are
Speaker 1: bringing this to work, then you need to say something.
Speaker 1: But if they are leaving their extracurricular activities at the door,
Speaker 1: and they are exactly that extracurricular and you only know
Speaker 1: about this because your friend told you, and it's the
Speaker 1: moral side of it that you're grappling with, then I
Speaker 1: think that's when you don't want to get involved. But
Speaker 1: if they are physically doing stuff at work, if there
Speaker 1: is anything that makes you feel uncomfortable from their behavior
Speaker 1: that is impeding your ability to do your job, that
Speaker 1: is sexual misconduct. That is absolutely freaking and appropriate. And
Speaker 1: we're definitely not sitting here advocating saying and I'm not
Speaker 1: I swear that to say that you should just cop
Speaker 1: that on the chin or look for another job. My
Speaker 1: perspective at the start is more so if nothing is
Speaker 1: happening at work and it's on you and how you
Speaker 1: feel he should be behaving because of something that you've
Speaker 1: been told, then that's where the area is gray. I think, Well,
Speaker 1: the other thing that I want to point out too,
Speaker 1: and it's interesting that it's the first thing that we
Speaker 1: think of. It takes two to ten go there are
Speaker 1: two people in this There is your boss, the male,
Speaker 1: and there is your friend who is a colleague and
Speaker 1: he's the female. Why do you just have to go
Speaker 1: straight to the boss and leave a note. Why can't
Speaker 1: you talk to your friend and call her out, and
Speaker 1: not even call her out, but just go hey, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't agree with what you're doing. I don't think
Speaker 1: you should be doing it, you know, morally because the
Speaker 1: guy is married. But you can't bring this work anymore,
Speaker 1: Like you guys need to do that outside, Like I
Speaker 1: don't think. Of course, the boss has a responsibility and
Speaker 1: I'm not taking that off him, but I'm just saying
Speaker 1: there are different ways you can go about this if
Speaker 1: you don't want to go and throw yourself under a
Speaker 1: bus to your boss. Well, I guess the thing is right,
Speaker 1: is that there is such a gross imbalance of power,
Speaker 1: right if you're going to be hooking up with your boss,
Speaker 1: Like the issue doesn't necessarily lie with the employee. The
Speaker 1: issue well, I mean, like, look, it's not good from
Speaker 1: any side of the coin. It's a shitty, shitty coin.
Speaker 1: But the imbalance of power comes when somebody who is
Speaker 1: the boss has the power in the workplace. They are
Speaker 1: abusing that and really there should be boundaries in place.
Speaker 1: I mean a lot of workplaces have the rule that
Speaker 1: you can't hook up with people from work at all. No,
Speaker 1: not my work, maybe not at your workplace. Hotels are incesstrius,
Speaker 1: so that's the thing, right, So maybe if your workplace
Speaker 1: has those rules in place where you can't date other employees,
Speaker 1: or you have to have a conversation with HR before
Speaker 1: you start dating people from within the company, then that's
Speaker 1: a really clear cut conversation for you to be able
Speaker 1: to have with HR. If that lines a little bit blurred,
Speaker 1: or if it's a smaller company and they don't have
Speaker 1: those distinctions, then then that does make that conversation a
Speaker 1: lot harder. But I do think that even an anonymous
Speaker 1: letter could come back to them figuring out that it's
Speaker 1: from you. I even think that you're able to sit
Speaker 1: down if you really want to and you have the
Speaker 1: capacity to, you could sit down with your boss and
Speaker 1: say this is making me feel uncomfortable, and you could
Speaker 1: have a face to face with him. That doesn't need
Speaker 1: to be accusatory. That it could be I've heard these things.
Speaker 1: I don't feel comfortable in this situation. But that would
Speaker 1: take a lot of courage to do that. I think
Speaker 1: don't do that without HR. Absolutely you need to do
Speaker 1: that with other people around as well. Absolutely, Yeah, don't
Speaker 1: have any of these conversations one on one if you're
Speaker 1: actually going to go in and I guess not. I
Speaker 1: don't want to say accue someone, but just be very
Speaker 1: very aware that it's always great to have a paper trail,
Speaker 1: and it's always great to have someone else in the
Speaker 1: room one hundred percent I stand by that from experience.
Speaker 1: And next and last question, I am currently stuck on
Speaker 1: what to do. I have been broken up from my
Speaker 1: ex boyfriend for just over a year. Recently, we decided,
Speaker 1: after much thought and individual growth, that we wanted to
Speaker 1: work towards being together again sometime in the coming months.
Speaker 1: So we are in inverted commas dating again, but not
Speaker 1: in a serious relationship as of yet. We're just trying
Speaker 1: to feel it out. However, recently, I've gotten to know
Speaker 1: one of my guy friends well through regular chats, and
Speaker 1: I feel as though there is a mutual connection to
Speaker 1: the point where it feels like I would like to
Speaker 1: possibly explore more with him, though I'm not one hundred
Speaker 1: percent sure this friend is feeling or thinking the same thing,
Speaker 1: even though he appears to be interested. I'm stuck because
Speaker 1: I feel as though I'm already into deep with my
Speaker 1: ex because we're trying again and we're in a good place.
Speaker 1: But the fact is I do have these new feelings too.
Speaker 1: What do I do Do I explore the feelings with
Speaker 1: a friend or do I continue to build a relationship
Speaker 1: with my ex where it's just stable and I'm in
Speaker 1: a good place because we've known each other for eight years.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, fuck your friend.
Speaker 2: Fuck your friend f YF. And that's at the end
Speaker 2: of them.
Speaker 1: So thanks guys. Listening to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 1: You know the drill. I think if you are having
Speaker 1: these feelings and these thoughts, really really assess them, Like
Speaker 1: I mean, first up, we're not our feelings. There's definitely
Speaker 1: going to be temptations that come and go throughout all
Speaker 1: of our relationships. You know, you're going to have times
Speaker 1: where you think, oh, maybe I'm attracted to this person.
Speaker 1: You still have your moral compass absolutely right, like you're
Speaker 1: going to be tempted, But the fact that you've already
Speaker 1: gone through this breakup with your partner and now you're
Speaker 1: trying again, and yet you're still tempted by other people
Speaker 1: and you use the word comfortable hashtags like me think
Speaker 1: you're just doing this because it's safe, it's reliable, it's comfortable,
Speaker 1: and you know exactly what you're going to get from
Speaker 1: your ear long term partner, whereas the new person it's scary,
Speaker 1: it's uncharted territory, it's not safe, it's not a guarantee,
Speaker 1: and you could be risking at all. It's mysterious even
Speaker 1: I know, but that's kind of makes it fun and naughty.
Speaker 1: But I do think that there is a lot to
Speaker 1: say about having a relationship that is safe and stable
Speaker 1: and comfortable. Like I'm not going to just rather that
Speaker 1: off and say that those things are important, because they
Speaker 1: are really really important, and after eight years, what you
Speaker 1: have built with your partner is something that is very
Speaker 1: sign However, if you do have this longing to try
Speaker 1: something new, to be with someone new, if those feelings
Speaker 1: are overpowering what you have with your partner, especially when
Speaker 1: you've already gone through this really tumultuous time, then I
Speaker 1: think you really need to assess whether or not you're
Speaker 1: just playing it safe because you don't want to be alone,
Speaker 1: because you're hatching your bets right now and going, well,
Speaker 1: if I take this, it's a risk and I could
Speaker 1: have no one, but at the moment I've got someone.
Speaker 1: Make sure that you're making that decision, because that's someone
Speaker 1: is the person who you absolutely want to spend your
Speaker 1: life with, who you want to you know, potentially have
Speaker 1: kids with if that's what you want in your life,
Speaker 1: and you can see yourselves together in twenty thirty forty
Speaker 1: years time, still inspiring each other and still actually loving
Speaker 1: each other and being engaged in this relationship. Otherwise, fuck
Speaker 1: your friend. I'm going to start by saying, we already
Speaker 1: know what you say, Brittany, Yeah, and then I'll explain it.
Speaker 1: I'm going to say it's your time to shine. Fuck
Speaker 1: your friend, not necessarily, not be so crude, hook up
Speaker 1: with your friend. Explore that for sure. And now I'm
Speaker 1: going to tell you why. I am a big believer
Speaker 1: that you can definitely get back with an X and
Speaker 1: it can be beautiful and you're forever and you're penguin.
Speaker 1: I think that sometimes we do need a break in
Speaker 1: long term relationships to assess where we're at and what
Speaker 1: we want. And I think you can come full circle
Speaker 1: and you could very well get back with your partner
Speaker 1: and it's your everything. The fact is, right now, you've
Speaker 1: been broken up with him for a year. There's a
Speaker 1: reason you broke up. We don't know what it is,
Speaker 1: but there's a reason you've been broken up with him
Speaker 1: for a year. You still have feelings for him, which
Speaker 1: is absolutely normal. You have stated that you know it
Speaker 1: is a stable relationship, and like Lauris said, I want
Speaker 1: to reiterate, we want stable, but we want stable when
Speaker 1: it's our penguin. We don't want stable because we're scared
Speaker 1: of what the other option is. The fact is you're
Speaker 1: not with him yet. You're still trying to work it
Speaker 1: out and decide if you want to get back with him.
Speaker 1: But there is someone here that, whether you like it
Speaker 1: or not, you have developed feelings for someone else and
Speaker 1: you want to explore that. I could almost guarantee. But
Speaker 1: if you don't explore that and you get back with
Speaker 1: your partner, that little seed is going to be in
Speaker 1: the back of your head for a long time and
Speaker 1: you're going to wonder what if. And I've done that before.
Speaker 1: We've had a lot of people write in that say
Speaker 1: ten years later, they're still thinking about a what if
Speaker 1: from when they were twenty like, this is quite common.
Speaker 1: You're doing nothing wrong if you explore it, and it
Speaker 1: sounds like you've got nothing to lose if you explore
Speaker 1: it with this new person and it doesn't work out, well,
Speaker 1: I disagree. I think it does sound like she has
Speaker 1: a lot to lose. I think it sounds like she
Speaker 1: has her now current. Even though they're not back to
Speaker 1: being in a serious relationship, they've made commitments to work
Speaker 1: towards that. And I think once you've made those verbal commitments,
Speaker 1: that means you're not having sex with other people or
Speaker 1: you're not seeing other people. So I am going to
Speaker 1: say the one thing you shouldn't do is monkey branch
Speaker 1: or not be transparent. I think if you're going to
Speaker 1: pursue your friend and you're going to see what that is,
Speaker 1: I actually think you do owe it to your long
Speaker 1: term partner to say, hey, I want to hold the
Speaker 1: brakes on this, because if you've made a commitment that
Speaker 1: you're not seeing anybody else, don't break that commitment. Oh,
Speaker 1: if you've made a commitment, yeah I'm not don't cheat
Speaker 1: on him. Fuck No. I don't advocate that ever, of course,
Speaker 1: but she said in invertise commas, we're seeing each other again,
Speaker 1: it's not serious. You need only you're gonna know if
Speaker 1: you're cheating. If you're doing this, he's gonna think you're cheating.
Speaker 1: You don't do it, and you know where that line lies.
Speaker 1: You know, you don't need us to tell you what
Speaker 1: that is and you don't need If it's a gray area,
Speaker 1: then it's probably wrong, you know, absolutely. But if you
Speaker 1: know that you're both in a point where you're like
Speaker 1: just feeling it out, you're doing your own thing, you're independent,
Speaker 1: you don't talk every day. If you know that if
Speaker 1: you hooked up with this new person that it's going
Speaker 1: to be okay, I would say explore it. Even if
Speaker 1: you just kiss the guy, Like even if you just
Speaker 1: get that just to see if there is a spark
Speaker 1: or a feeling, you might kiss him and be like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, you want my back. That was the
Speaker 1: sloppiest thing I've ever experienced. And you are in the
Speaker 1: friend zone, Buddy, Burdon. I kiss my friend once and
Speaker 1: it was the worst thing ever did. It was like
Speaker 1: kiss my brother. I was like, it was like my brother,
Speaker 1: get off me. It was discussing. But yeah, like that's
Speaker 1: a whole other story I did. It was actually my
Speaker 1: brother's really good friend. Sorry bro, but that's irrelevant. So
Speaker 1: I think, like, only you're gonna know if you're doing
Speaker 1: the wrong thing by hooking up with him. But I'm
Speaker 1: a big advocate, like we have a whole lifetime to
Speaker 1: be with someone, if you're unsure right now, you need
Speaker 1: to figure it out. If kissing this guy or looking
Speaker 1: out with this guy is going to help you figure
Speaker 1: it out. I think that that's what you should do,
Speaker 1: and that's just personal as long as you're not crossing
Speaker 1: boundaries and hurting anyone's feelings and doing the wrong thing.
Speaker 1: And the big red flag to me, the big red
Speaker 1: flag that like I can't overcome on this and why
Speaker 1: I'm like, look, you should go and pursue your friend,
Speaker 1: is that after spending eight years with someone, having a
Speaker 1: year apart, and then coming back together, you should be
Speaker 1: damn certain that's the person you want to be with.
Speaker 1: This shouldn't be ambiguous to you. You should be like,
Speaker 1: you know what, we're getting back together because I absolutely
Speaker 1: know that you're the person I want to be with
Speaker 1: and I want to spend my life. And the fact
Speaker 1: that you're still not sure makes me think that you're
Speaker 1: playing this safe because you don't want to be alone.
Speaker 1: That's that was harsh, all right, half club here at
Speaker 1: Life Uncut anyway, guys, that's it for another episode of
Speaker 1: Life Uncut. Ask gun Cut, please keep your questions coming in.
Speaker 1: You know you can slide on into our DMS like
Speaker 1: a slippery little sucker. Just put ask guncut at the
Speaker 1: top and give us absolutely any question about anything. It
Speaker 1: could be about finance, It could be about your chin hairs,
Speaker 1: like patient hair, like be about how to spell halipino,
Speaker 1: about you know what. Personally, I prefer it wasn't that.
Speaker 1: But if that's your biggest problem of your life. Actually,
Speaker 1: if that's the biggest problem in your life, you're doing okay.
Speaker 1: I don't need to hear that. Or how to spell champagne.
Speaker 1: I always get it wrong to say champagny. I feel
Speaker 1: like no one knows how to spell champagne, but we
Speaker 1: all know how to drink it, like February for Wedner's Day, Yeah,
Speaker 1: like I have. Every time I write those, I say
Speaker 1: it in my head. I'm like Wednes's Day, February are
Speaker 1: we everyone does? Every single person does, and when they
Speaker 1: do it, every single person goes fuck. Does everyone else
Speaker 1: know how to spell these words? And I don't know why?
Speaker 1: Oh yacht, that's a hard one to spell. No wish
Speaker 1: to share. I can't say whish to she sauce without
Speaker 1: shy shere. Wow, this really took a turn anyway, Guys,
Speaker 1: if you haven't subscribed to the podcast yet after listening
Speaker 1: to us Rambler those the last little bit off, you
Speaker 1: probably won't, but if you want to hit subscribe, because
Speaker 1: what that means that each week we will end up
Speaker 1: in your library, at the top of your library, and
Speaker 1: you will not have to wait at all. We don't
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Speaker 1: your dad, tell your dog to your friends, and share
Speaker 1: love because we love love.