WEBVTT - ASK UNCUT - Talking about exes on a first date, boss affairs and playing it safe 0:00:19.560 --> 0:00:24.040 Wait, like you're you're comfortable? No, how do you feel comfort? 0:00:25.880 --> 0:00:29.720 Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. 0:00:29.960 --> 0:00:33.240 This is our Ask Uncut episode where we answer your deep, 0:00:33.400 --> 0:00:37.160 dark and burning questions. This episode, you can truly ask 0:00:37.200 --> 0:00:39.639 us anything. It could be about your shitty boyfriend who 0:00:39.640 --> 0:00:41.400 never writes back when he's out in a boys' night. 0:00:41.600 --> 0:00:44.640 It could be how to spell jalapino, whatever your heart 0:00:44.840 --> 0:00:46.800 ever asks out, and no, don't ask us that, do 0:00:46.960 --> 0:00:48.960 google it. It could be where that Brittany and I 0:00:49.120 --> 0:00:52.360 have any rogue facial hairs? Do you, Brittany have any 0:00:52.440 --> 0:00:55.040 rogue facial hairs? I can, hands down say I have 0:00:55.200 --> 0:00:58.000 never had a rope. Shut up. I don't believe you 0:00:58.080 --> 0:01:02.080 for one second. I am unhari is person. Even my 0:01:02.120 --> 0:01:05.280 body hair, I don't have hair. I could literally shave 0:01:05.360 --> 0:01:08.479 my face. Really, I have never I barely even pluck 0:01:08.560 --> 0:01:11.640 my eyebrows. I've never waxed the lip. I've never done anything. 0:01:11.760 --> 0:01:14.920 I've got some true Italian jeans in my family. I 0:01:14.959 --> 0:01:17.559 have this one rogue chin hair that always comes back 0:01:17.560 --> 0:01:19.800 and every soft and it's like every six weeks or so, 0:01:19.840 --> 0:01:22.040 Matt will be like, oh, my friend's back and then 0:01:22.080 --> 0:01:24.520 he'll pat it. When I was in labor. When I 0:01:24.560 --> 0:01:27.520 was in labor, I hadn't noticed that it had grown back. 0:01:27.760 --> 0:01:29.600 And it's not what you want to be told when 0:01:29.640 --> 0:01:31.840 you're laying in a bed and you don't have tweezers 0:01:31.880 --> 0:01:33.440 on you, and you're trying to give birth and someone 0:01:33.480 --> 0:01:35.600 you have a baby poking out of your vagina, and 0:01:35.640 --> 0:01:38.240 someone says to you, hey, babe, your chin hair's back. 0:01:38.319 --> 0:01:40.319 Anyway that I hope that made some women feel better 0:01:40.319 --> 0:01:45.240 about themselves. My sister's got a wicked one on a chin. Sorry, Sy, 0:01:45.680 --> 0:01:47.480 it's just like this one little moled always grows a 0:01:47.520 --> 0:01:49.280 really long hair. I think it's one of those things 0:01:49.280 --> 0:01:51.960 that every like so many. I would say ninety nine 0:01:52.000 --> 0:01:54.400 percent of women have a rogue facial hair that just grows, 0:01:54.560 --> 0:01:56.520 so no one ever talks about it. Statistic and I 0:01:56.600 --> 0:01:58.480 don't it. Yeah, Look, I've done my research. I want 0:01:58.480 --> 0:02:01.720 to destigmatize these things to make everyone feel inclusive and 0:02:01.760 --> 0:02:05.880 connected totally. Let's start with the questions. I want to 0:02:05.920 --> 0:02:09.160 tell you something funny actually that my friend wrote to me. 0:02:09.240 --> 0:02:11.639 She wrote into us as just a funny story that 0:02:11.680 --> 0:02:13.720 had happened to her. Literally, she goes guys this just 0:02:13.760 --> 0:02:15.440 happened to be ten minutes ago, and of course I 0:02:15.440 --> 0:02:17.000 was going to tell you first. She has quite a 0:02:17.000 --> 0:02:19.040 big following and she's someone in the public and I 0:02:19.040 --> 0:02:22.400 won't name her, but she recently had a baby. This 0:02:22.520 --> 0:02:24.320 is what she wrote to me today. I'm now going 0:02:24.400 --> 0:02:26.760 to try and decipher who this is. And it wasn't me, guys, 0:02:26.800 --> 0:02:29.960 she goes, guys, this is almost real time. This literally 0:02:30.040 --> 0:02:32.920 just happened. My partner is doing an online course and 0:02:32.960 --> 0:02:35.639 thought he'd spend this really rainy day finishing it off. 0:02:36.040 --> 0:02:38.239 I've just put bubb down for sleep, and I thought, 0:02:38.480 --> 0:02:41.000 you know what, it's been a while. I might spice 0:02:41.040 --> 0:02:44.120 things up. I might set his study a light. So 0:02:44.160 --> 0:02:47.200 I ran into the room, lifting up my shirt, completely 0:02:47.360 --> 0:02:50.200 naked and shoved my boobs in his face. Here I 0:02:50.360 --> 0:02:52.000 was hitting him in the face with my bibs, and 0:02:52.080 --> 0:02:54.800 I thought it was hilarious until he told me his 0:02:54.880 --> 0:02:57.520 webcam was on and his teacher was watching the whole thing. 0:03:00.600 --> 0:03:02.520 But also, if you've just had a baby, you're more 0:03:02.560 --> 0:03:05.720 than likely, after a few smacks around, to start lactating 0:03:05.760 --> 0:03:09.240 as well. I think it's so funny, but also imagine 0:03:09.240 --> 0:03:10.880 if you were just going like come on, babe woom. 0:03:10.880 --> 0:03:14.960 And then the Professor's like, excuse me, Oh, no, stuff 0:03:15.000 --> 0:03:17.560 gets so weird after you have a kid, It just 0:03:17.600 --> 0:03:20.120 gets weird. Do you know what Larlie did to me today? Oh? 0:03:20.160 --> 0:03:22.840 I couldn't. I don't even know where to start. Was 0:03:22.880 --> 0:03:26.240 a mania. So I was sitting there on the couch 0:03:26.400 --> 0:03:28.720 and she'd just been eating chocolate. So she went on 0:03:28.840 --> 0:03:31.760 asking me for more coconut rough chocolate and I was like, 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:33.960 you're not having any more. You've had three pieces. And 0:03:34.000 --> 0:03:36.480 then she comes up with what I thought was chocolate 0:03:36.480 --> 0:03:40.520 on her hand and goes yacky yaki. And at the 0:03:40.560 --> 0:03:44.200 same time I could smell human shit, and I was like, 0:03:44.600 --> 0:03:47.120 I don't think that's chocolate, but I think that's coconut 0:03:47.160 --> 0:03:49.520 roll would think that we're talking about the same thing. 0:03:49.600 --> 0:03:51.600 I grabbed her hand and I smelt it, and I 0:03:51.640 --> 0:03:54.120 was like, yes, you have just shoved your hand down 0:03:54.160 --> 0:03:56.960 the back of your pants into your own pooh and 0:03:57.000 --> 0:03:58.600 you think that's yucky. I was like, my child is 0:03:58.600 --> 0:04:01.360 a genius. She knows this is yucky. Look at all 0:04:01.360 --> 0:04:03.240 the words she's learned. You know what this is how 0:04:03.240 --> 0:04:05.480 they work it out. Yeah, I know that the pooh 0:04:05.520 --> 0:04:07.680 is yucky until they've put it on their hand, they've 0:04:07.720 --> 0:04:10.240 smelt it, they realize it doesn't feel good. This is 0:04:10.280 --> 0:04:13.040 how they're learning. Call it education. It's organic education. I 0:04:13.040 --> 0:04:15.560 told you she's a genius. She put two and two together. 0:04:15.760 --> 0:04:18.640 I think I think genius is a stretch at this point. 0:04:18.760 --> 0:04:21.760 It's a stretch, but we'll give her. She's a learning anyway. Guys, 0:04:21.760 --> 0:04:23.479 thank you to every single person who's written in a 0:04:23.560 --> 0:04:26.680 question for today's episode. We love these episodes. It is 0:04:26.720 --> 0:04:29.400 when we answer all the tricky stuff that is happening 0:04:29.440 --> 0:04:31.719 in your lives. Some of it's not that tricky, some 0:04:31.720 --> 0:04:34.479 of it's pretty entertaining, and you know what, we hash 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:36.400 it out. We've got no experience. We don't know what 0:04:36.400 --> 0:04:39.000 we're talking about, but we've got profit, we've got unbridled 0:04:39.080 --> 0:04:41.039 enthusiasm and you can't beat that. And we have a 0:04:41.040 --> 0:04:43.600 lot of life experience as well. So Brittany, who has 0:04:43.640 --> 0:04:45.960 chosen all the questions for today because she's the only 0:04:46.000 --> 0:04:48.560 one who has some free time, please give me question 0:04:48.760 --> 0:04:52.160 number one. Question number one is the reason I chose this. 0:04:52.200 --> 0:04:54.920 I love that I'm giving you a background like it's 0:04:54.920 --> 0:04:57.159 like an essay. I'm presenting, Guys, the reason I chose 0:04:57.160 --> 0:04:59.760 this topic today, But seriously, the reason they chose this 0:04:59.800 --> 0:05:02.760 top today was it is something I think is very relevant. 0:05:02.760 --> 0:05:05.640 It's something I have had this exact conversation quite recently, 0:05:05.680 --> 0:05:07.720 not quite to this extent. I think a lot of 0:05:07.720 --> 0:05:09.440 people have this question, so I'm going to get into it. 0:05:09.480 --> 0:05:11.880 A girl reading to us and said, Hey, guys, I 0:05:12.040 --> 0:05:17.520 recently got sent this message. The message reads, Hey, Francesca, Honestly, 0:05:17.680 --> 0:05:20.640 you are beautiful, funny, and I really would have liked 0:05:20.640 --> 0:05:22.960 to see this workout, but I don't think I'm up 0:05:22.960 --> 0:05:25.320 to it anymore. I guess there's just too many red 0:05:25.320 --> 0:05:27.560 flags for me. You've never been a girl that commits 0:05:27.600 --> 0:05:29.680 to one guy, and I don't think anyone wants to 0:05:29.680 --> 0:05:31.839 hear that you have a roster on the side, or 0:05:31.880 --> 0:05:34.720 that you're literally the opposite of a fuck boy. You're 0:05:34.760 --> 0:05:37.479 a fuck girl. I love that you're honest and you 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:39.560 say that whatever is on your mind. But I think 0:05:39.640 --> 0:05:42.200 if you actually want to have a special relationship and 0:05:42.279 --> 0:05:45.040 have someone special in your life, they probably shouldn't hear 0:05:45.160 --> 0:05:48.360 so much about your past experiences. And I've heard too 0:05:48.400 --> 0:05:51.520 many about yours. I am really sorry, and I do 0:05:51.720 --> 0:05:54.040 hope you find what you're looking for a bit. Unfortunately 0:05:54.080 --> 0:05:56.200 it's not me. I love that He's like, I love 0:05:56.200 --> 0:05:58.520 that you're honest, but actually stop being so fucking honest, 0:05:58.520 --> 0:06:01.760 because I don't like it. What the backhanded compliment that was? Yeah, 0:06:01.760 --> 0:06:05.000 in a nutshell, she's met this guy, and she's been 0:06:05.040 --> 0:06:07.640 really open about her past experiences, and they are the 0:06:07.680 --> 0:06:10.839 fact that she doesn't really commit easily. She's hooked up 0:06:10.839 --> 0:06:12.640 with heaps of people, she's slept with heaps of people, 0:06:13.040 --> 0:06:15.680 she has people on the side, she has fuck boys, 0:06:15.760 --> 0:06:18.160 she's got friends with benefits, and she's been open about 0:06:18.160 --> 0:06:20.320 that with him, and he has turned around and said 0:06:20.560 --> 0:06:22.840 in all honesty, and I don't think he's been rude, 0:06:22.839 --> 0:06:24.160 but I don't think he'd said it in a very 0:06:24.160 --> 0:06:25.520 good way, and I don't think he needed to go 0:06:25.560 --> 0:06:29.040 into that detail. But essentially he's saying, look, I don't 0:06:29.040 --> 0:06:30.880 want to know so much about your past, and now 0:06:30.920 --> 0:06:33.080 I feel like I know it. I don't want to 0:06:33.120 --> 0:06:35.960 go there. She finishes it by saying, look, I do 0:06:36.000 --> 0:06:37.920 think this is a great conversation, and I have been 0:06:37.960 --> 0:06:40.960 having this conversation with my friends. Essentially, should you be 0:06:41.040 --> 0:06:44.400 sharing your past with someone new that you're dating, and 0:06:44.480 --> 0:06:46.880 if so, how much should you be sharing? So I 0:06:46.920 --> 0:06:49.520 actually think that this is a really great question. Firstly, 0:06:49.560 --> 0:06:51.719 I just want to say it is relevant how many 0:06:51.720 --> 0:06:53.840 people you've slept with, Like, you know, no one can 0:06:53.880 --> 0:06:56.000 slut shame you, or no one should slut shame you. 0:06:56.000 --> 0:06:57.920 You can sleep with as many people as you want. 0:06:57.960 --> 0:07:00.919 It doesn't define you, It does not impact you as 0:07:00.960 --> 0:07:03.600 a person, It doesn't impact anyone else. It doesn't impact 0:07:03.680 --> 0:07:08.200 anybody else. Should you divulge all the information about yourself 0:07:08.240 --> 0:07:11.280 in a first date and your history? No, I don't 0:07:11.280 --> 0:07:13.120 think so. And I think that you know, you need 0:07:13.160 --> 0:07:15.320 to kind of be aware about how much of your 0:07:15.320 --> 0:07:18.000 past you share because you haven't spent enough time with 0:07:18.080 --> 0:07:20.560 someone for them to understand who you are as a 0:07:20.560 --> 0:07:23.440 person now and the things that you like and whether 0:07:23.520 --> 0:07:25.760 you have a great connection. And I think that there's 0:07:25.760 --> 0:07:28.000 so many other things that you can focus on before 0:07:28.040 --> 0:07:30.880 telling this person, Hey, I've got this many people who 0:07:30.880 --> 0:07:32.960 I've slept with. You know, I'm not really looking for 0:07:33.000 --> 0:07:35.320 anything serious right now, because you just don't know what 0:07:35.320 --> 0:07:38.040 it could grow into. So I think be very very 0:07:38.080 --> 0:07:41.800 careful about jumping straight into talking about all of your 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:44.120 exes and all of your past relationships, and it's not 0:07:44.160 --> 0:07:45.840 because you should be ashamed of them, and it's not 0:07:45.840 --> 0:07:48.120 because you should feel guilt for having them, but it's 0:07:48.160 --> 0:07:50.640 just because that doesn't need to be the first conversation 0:07:50.720 --> 0:07:53.760 you're having on a first, second, third, fourth date. And 0:07:53.800 --> 0:07:56.040 where Brick came and we started talking about this question 0:07:56.080 --> 0:07:58.040 and we started unpacking it a little bit, because, like 0:07:58.120 --> 0:08:00.320 you know, we usually we usually try and get on 0:08:00.320 --> 0:08:02.760 the same page before we start recording this podcast. I 0:08:02.840 --> 0:08:04.600 just usually want to know each other where we sit, 0:08:04.720 --> 0:08:07.120 what side of the fence we sit on. So I 0:08:07.160 --> 0:08:09.520 know a lot about Matt's past relationships and he knows 0:08:09.560 --> 0:08:12.000 loads about my past relationships. Because I think it's really 0:08:12.080 --> 0:08:16.000 important to talk about your past for your current partner 0:08:16.280 --> 0:08:18.280 to get a really good understanding of who you are 0:08:18.320 --> 0:08:20.440 as a person. I think that there is context there, 0:08:20.480 --> 0:08:22.440 and I think that that's an important part of what 0:08:22.600 --> 0:08:25.680 makes you you. However, I have no idea how many 0:08:25.720 --> 0:08:28.720 people Matt's had sex with. I don't fucking care. I 0:08:28.760 --> 0:08:30.760 don't want to know. I don't want to know because 0:08:30.800 --> 0:08:32.880 I don't think it would make me jealous. But it's 0:08:33.080 --> 0:08:36.480 just irrelevant, and I think that it's such an unnecessary 0:08:36.760 --> 0:08:40.360 topic to have because it can cause some hurt, it 0:08:40.400 --> 0:08:43.240 can cause some jealousy, and it can also make someone 0:08:43.240 --> 0:08:46.280 feel a little bit insignificant if they're a bit immature. 0:08:46.320 --> 0:08:48.520 And I say this because when I was really a 0:08:48.559 --> 0:08:51.000 lot younger than I am now, a lot more insecure 0:08:51.040 --> 0:08:52.719 than what I am now, I didn't have a very 0:08:52.720 --> 0:08:55.600 big sexual experience. I mean, I think I only slept 0:08:55.600 --> 0:08:57.320 with a handful of people at the time. And I 0:08:57.400 --> 0:08:59.199 met this guy who I really really liked, and I 0:08:59.240 --> 0:09:01.160 did end up being with him for a long time, 0:09:01.280 --> 0:09:02.960 but he told me that he'd slept with over one 0:09:03.000 --> 0:09:05.160 hundred people and I'd only slept with two people at 0:09:05.160 --> 0:09:07.600 the time. So hearing that he had slept with one 0:09:07.679 --> 0:09:10.200 hundred people and I had only slept with two people 0:09:10.760 --> 0:09:14.400 made me think that I was so insignificant, And of 0:09:14.480 --> 0:09:17.360 course that's my shit to deal with, that's my baggage. 0:09:17.679 --> 0:09:19.520 But it was just a conversation that I wish we 0:09:19.600 --> 0:09:22.000 had never had, and I wish I had never asked, 0:09:22.080 --> 0:09:24.880 because it made me feel a way that I didn't 0:09:24.880 --> 0:09:27.280 need to feel, and you know what, like he hadn't 0:09:27.280 --> 0:09:30.120 done anything wrong, and that's all on me, but still 0:09:30.160 --> 0:09:32.080 I felt that way and those feelings were still valid. 0:09:32.080 --> 0:09:34.200 I couldn't just will them away. So I think just 0:09:34.240 --> 0:09:36.840 be careful early. When you meet someone and you like them, 0:09:37.400 --> 0:09:39.280 you don't need to tell them about every single thing 0:09:39.280 --> 0:09:40.920 that's going in your life. You don't owe them that 0:09:41.000 --> 0:09:45.040 yet either, I think the same thing, and I think 0:09:45.120 --> 0:09:48.040 that everyone's entitled to talk about their past, and everyone's 0:09:48.200 --> 0:09:51.400 entitled to know your partner's past to an extent. But 0:09:51.440 --> 0:09:54.280 I really do think and I've learned this from experience. 0:09:54.840 --> 0:09:56.839 I have dealt with it in my current relationship with 0:09:56.920 --> 0:09:59.360 Jordan now, But I do think it is the way 0:09:59.400 --> 0:10:01.480 you deliver it, and it's the level of detail you 0:10:01.559 --> 0:10:03.160 go into. The fact of the matter is you don't 0:10:03.240 --> 0:10:05.680 need to go into detail. And maybe instead of telling 0:10:05.720 --> 0:10:08.320 your current partner that, like I slept with him, slept 0:10:08.360 --> 0:10:10.560 with him, hooked up with him, here's my friends with benefits, 0:10:11.120 --> 0:10:12.680 I don't think you need to go into that detail. 0:10:12.720 --> 0:10:14.400 I think it can be like, oh, yeah, like we 0:10:14.480 --> 0:10:17.000 had something in the past. It could be literally the 0:10:17.160 --> 0:10:20.800 language that you choose to use because whether we like 0:10:20.840 --> 0:10:22.719 it or not, whether it's right or not. And I've 0:10:22.720 --> 0:10:24.760 had a really hard time getting my head around this. 0:10:25.360 --> 0:10:27.199 Most men in my life that I've spoken to and 0:10:27.240 --> 0:10:31.240 I'm talking. I asked friends, I asked relatives, male relatives. 0:10:31.280 --> 0:10:34.000 I asked Jordan, my boyfriend, I asked his friends. I've 0:10:34.000 --> 0:10:35.880 asked a lot of people. I even just asked Matt. 0:10:36.600 --> 0:10:39.480 Most men have the same response, and it's that they 0:10:39.679 --> 0:10:43.320 don't want to know your past in that depth. They 0:10:43.320 --> 0:10:45.000 don't care about it. Okay, cool. They want to know 0:10:45.040 --> 0:10:46.760 that you had a relationship of two years. That's where 0:10:46.760 --> 0:10:48.560 it ends. They want no more detail, and they don't 0:10:48.600 --> 0:10:50.640 want you to speak in depth about it because they 0:10:50.720 --> 0:10:53.080 want to feel like they're in the moment now, they're 0:10:53.080 --> 0:10:55.280 living with you. You're what they're thinking about. They don't 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:57.040 want to think about the fact that you've slept with 0:10:57.080 --> 0:10:59.080 all these other people. It's just like a mind game 0:10:59.160 --> 0:11:01.280 to them. It's fun, isn't it. Because I think, and 0:11:01.360 --> 0:11:04.240 this is very gender like norms that we're kind of 0:11:04.280 --> 0:11:06.480 going into, and we're being a little bit stereotypical here, 0:11:06.520 --> 0:11:08.720 But I do think that as women, we like to 0:11:08.800 --> 0:11:11.840 talk like, we like to talk about our feelings. What 0:11:11.840 --> 0:11:14.040 are you talk about? I like to tell people everything 0:11:14.040 --> 0:11:16.120 that's happening in my life, and I know that in 0:11:16.160 --> 0:11:19.080 the past, I've definitely made the mistake of talking too 0:11:19.160 --> 0:11:22.120 much and saying too much, and then getting myself into 0:11:22.120 --> 0:11:24.960 a situation where the person who is receiving the information 0:11:24.960 --> 0:11:27.040 I'm giving them, I e. The guy that I like, 0:11:27.440 --> 0:11:29.040 he doesn't want to hear it. But the fact of 0:11:29.080 --> 0:11:31.200 the matter is that you may get someone off side 0:11:31.240 --> 0:11:33.520 before they get to actually know the whole picture of 0:11:33.520 --> 0:11:35.560 who you are as a person. And the other thing 0:11:35.600 --> 0:11:37.320 as well is is what you can run the risk 0:11:37.400 --> 0:11:40.120 of is to this guy, like this text message that's 0:11:40.120 --> 0:11:43.200 come in, you have said I have a roster, or 0:11:43.240 --> 0:11:45.360 I have a you know, I have my side men 0:11:45.360 --> 0:11:47.040 that I want to be with, or like, you know, 0:11:47.080 --> 0:11:48.960 I have my Tuesday guy or my Wednesday guy. I'm 0:11:49.000 --> 0:11:50.520 good for you, girl, mate, I used to have a 0:11:50.520 --> 0:11:53.120 Wednesday guy too. I'm not going to tell someone who 0:11:53.200 --> 0:11:55.040 I go on a date with that I've got a 0:11:55.040 --> 0:11:57.400 Wednesday night guy, because especially if the date's on a 0:11:57.400 --> 0:11:59.480 Wednesday night, well, no, if the date's on a Tuesday, 0:11:59.520 --> 0:12:01.840 I'm not like, hey, so tomorrow night, I got Wednesday 0:12:01.880 --> 0:12:03.560 night guy. That's why I didn't you go home from 0:12:03.559 --> 0:12:06.400 the day. The reason why I think you don't have 0:12:06.520 --> 0:12:09.400 those sorts of conversations is because you don't know if 0:12:09.440 --> 0:12:11.600 you actually really like this person or not, and then 0:12:11.640 --> 0:12:14.760 you're giving the impression that you're not after anything serious. 0:12:14.800 --> 0:12:17.040 And even though I had a Wednesday night guy, I 0:12:17.080 --> 0:12:19.679 still wanted a serious relationship. So I think you shoot 0:12:19.720 --> 0:12:21.640 yourself in the foot and you give an impression that 0:12:21.679 --> 0:12:24.080 you're not after anything more than friends with benefits or 0:12:24.080 --> 0:12:26.440 to other fuck buddy. So I really do think there 0:12:26.520 --> 0:12:29.559 is a level of how much of you you need 0:12:29.600 --> 0:12:32.560 to share before it's totally oversharing. Well, this is where 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:35.079 my problem came in, right with Jordan. Your girl likes 0:12:35.120 --> 0:12:39.959 to talk high spirit. You girl's got a history. You 0:12:40.080 --> 0:12:43.080 girl likes to talk. You're like So I dated Asso Shipath. 0:12:43.160 --> 0:12:44.920 I once said it this guy who had a wife 0:12:45.120 --> 0:12:47.080 and you know, we had a dog and we were 0:12:47.080 --> 0:12:49.160 gonna get married. And then he gas, what the fuck 0:12:49.160 --> 0:12:51.560 out of me? And the thing is for somebody like me? 0:12:51.800 --> 0:12:53.720 And I say somebody like me, I refer to the 0:12:53.720 --> 0:12:56.079 fact that I've been single for nine years, ten years, 0:12:56.160 --> 0:12:58.320 and I've dated a lot of people. I've been onto 0:12:58.679 --> 0:13:01.680 dating reality TV shows. The things for me, I have 0:13:01.800 --> 0:13:03.960 a history, and when I want to talk about my past, 0:13:04.080 --> 0:13:07.280 it often whether it's traveling to certain places. Usually there 0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:08.800 are stories that are linked in with someone I might 0:13:08.840 --> 0:13:10.480 have been seen at the time, and so I've got 0:13:10.480 --> 0:13:13.920 a big history of experiences with other people. And I 0:13:13.960 --> 0:13:15.840 would never go into detail about people that I had 0:13:15.840 --> 0:13:17.840 been with or anything like that, but I would mention people. 0:13:17.880 --> 0:13:20.040 I'd be like, oh, you know, I ended up seeing 0:13:20.040 --> 0:13:22.000 this guy in Nargentina and then we went to this place, 0:13:22.000 --> 0:13:23.760 and I would just throw into conversation like that, and 0:13:23.800 --> 0:13:27.880 eventually Jordan had to say to me, look like, I 0:13:27.880 --> 0:13:30.360 I think your history is great. Everything's great, but I 0:13:30.400 --> 0:13:32.480 don't really want to know. I don't want to hear 0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:34.320 about people you've been with. And I was like, oh, 0:13:34.400 --> 0:13:36.280 but I haven't really gone into detail. He's like, I know, 0:13:36.400 --> 0:13:38.600 and it doesn't matter. He's like, I just I don't 0:13:38.600 --> 0:13:40.560 want to think about that part of your life that 0:13:40.640 --> 0:13:42.319 you had all these experiences with other people. I just 0:13:42.360 --> 0:13:43.960 want to make them with you. And I had to 0:13:44.000 --> 0:13:46.040 really stop and register that because I loved to talk 0:13:46.080 --> 0:13:48.559 like I wanted to tell him everything, and I had 0:13:48.600 --> 0:13:51.800 to realize that, Okay, maybe it is going to affect him, 0:13:51.800 --> 0:13:53.680 and whether I think it's right or not, I couldn't 0:13:53.720 --> 0:13:55.000 understand it at the start, I was like, but I 0:13:55.040 --> 0:13:56.640 want to tell you about this because it was a 0:13:56.640 --> 0:13:58.360 big part of my life. I had to come to 0:13:58.360 --> 0:14:01.080 the point where he said, I understand you want to 0:14:01.080 --> 0:14:02.840 tell me, but I need you to understand that I 0:14:02.920 --> 0:14:04.600 don't want to hear about it. And we had to 0:14:04.600 --> 0:14:06.959 meet at this point where I had to say, Okay, 0:14:07.000 --> 0:14:09.520 I can't. I can't do that because making him uncomfortable. 0:14:09.880 --> 0:14:11.840 And I think that's what we need to realize, is 0:14:11.880 --> 0:14:14.360 that everyone's going to be different. But if you go 0:14:14.480 --> 0:14:17.080 into a relationship or the first couple of dates and 0:14:17.120 --> 0:14:19.440 all you're doing is talking about all these other people 0:14:19.440 --> 0:14:22.880 that you've been with, immediately, this person's going to lose 0:14:22.880 --> 0:14:24.240 interest or the only thing that they're going to have 0:14:24.320 --> 0:14:26.560 an interest in is like maybe they're going onto your roster. 0:14:26.840 --> 0:14:29.440 I'm not saying that to be mean or to be harsh. 0:14:29.600 --> 0:14:32.040 I'm saying you would think the same thing if the 0:14:32.160 --> 0:14:34.520 role was reversed. Just as an example too, as like 0:14:34.560 --> 0:14:37.440 a role reversal. I was on a date, like a 0:14:37.480 --> 0:14:40.320 long time ago obviously with this person, and I've been 0:14:40.360 --> 0:14:42.800 speaking to him before we went on the date. He's 0:14:42.840 --> 0:14:45.120 leading into my Instagram. We were chatting for a little 0:14:45.120 --> 0:14:46.880 bit we went on this that had an amazing day, 0:14:46.920 --> 0:14:49.200 Like went into the harbor, went to a really nice restaurant, 0:14:49.240 --> 0:14:51.400 went to opera bar, went to another bar, and it 0:14:51.480 --> 0:14:53.480 was great. The band was there, the chats were there, 0:14:53.520 --> 0:14:57.080 it was really smooth. I was like, I like this guy. Now. 0:14:57.120 --> 0:14:59.120 I don't know why he did what he did next, 0:14:59.120 --> 0:15:00.920 but we started to talk about like the last person 0:15:00.960 --> 0:15:03.280 we're with in terms of a relationship, and then he 0:15:03.360 --> 0:15:06.320 told me I've slept with three hundred people. That's what 0:15:06.360 --> 0:15:07.920 he said. He goes, oh, I've slept with about three 0:15:07.920 --> 0:15:09.840 three hundred and twenty people or something. He's like, I 0:15:09.880 --> 0:15:12.480 don't really count. And I was gobsmacked. And the way 0:15:12.520 --> 0:15:15.760 he said it to me was as if this was 0:15:15.800 --> 0:15:18.200 going to guarantee him getting laid with me, because it 0:15:18.240 --> 0:15:21.320 was almost like he was like, this is how experienced 0:15:21.360 --> 0:15:24.160 I am, This is how good I am. In all honesty, 0:15:24.200 --> 0:15:26.880 it was the exact moment he said it, everything my 0:15:26.920 --> 0:15:28.520 body switched and I was like, I want nothing to 0:15:28.520 --> 0:15:30.920 do with him. It just completely And I'm not saying 0:15:30.920 --> 0:15:34.800 that's right, but I'm trying to explain that whether we 0:15:34.840 --> 0:15:36.480 want it or not, we can't control the way we 0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:39.800 feel and that is that ignited something in me that 0:15:39.880 --> 0:15:42.200 was like, oh cool, that's great for you. But now 0:15:42.600 --> 0:15:44.280 I just feel like I'm in another notch on your 0:15:44.280 --> 0:15:47.440 belt and I lost interest. I think because it makes 0:15:47.480 --> 0:15:50.640 you feel like you're not special and other notch. Yeah, 0:15:50.640 --> 0:15:53.880 and when you're with someone and you really like them, 0:15:54.240 --> 0:15:56.640 you want them to make you feel special. You don't 0:15:56.640 --> 0:15:58.800 want them to tell you that you're one of X 0:15:58.800 --> 0:16:01.280 amount of people. You know. You want to feel like 0:16:01.320 --> 0:16:03.520 you're an individual and they see you as an individual. 0:16:03.560 --> 0:16:06.000 So I think, you know, regardless of how many people 0:16:06.040 --> 0:16:08.680 you've had in sexual partners, that's totally beside the point. 0:16:08.760 --> 0:16:11.760 And like we've said all throughout this, like you could 0:16:11.800 --> 0:16:13.840 have three hundred partners, you could have a thousand, you 0:16:13.840 --> 0:16:16.600 could have two. It's fucking irrelevant, to be perfectly honest. 0:16:16.960 --> 0:16:19.880 But if you want to have a serious relationship with 0:16:19.960 --> 0:16:22.720 someone and you do think that you're interested in them, 0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:25.560 then do try and make them feel special and do 0:16:25.760 --> 0:16:28.320 prioritize their feelings, and maybe there might be a little 0:16:28.360 --> 0:16:31.440 bit in them that feels put off by hearing about 0:16:31.480 --> 0:16:33.480 your exes, because we all have that little bit of 0:16:33.560 --> 0:16:36.280 jealousy that's inside us obviously, Like I said, I spoke 0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:39.320 to Matt knows a lot about my history and my relationships. 0:16:39.960 --> 0:16:42.000 I only started telling him about my history and my 0:16:42.040 --> 0:16:44.440 relationships once we were in a committed relationship, and he 0:16:44.680 --> 0:16:47.040 asked because he wanted more context about who I am 0:16:47.080 --> 0:16:49.240 as a person. Also, when you knew you had him, Yeah, 0:16:49.720 --> 0:16:51.560 I one you in a reality TV show. I'm going 0:16:51.640 --> 0:16:54.080 to tell you all my fucking crazy stories because I 0:16:54.080 --> 0:16:57.680 think we have wrapped that question and answered it, probably 0:16:57.880 --> 0:17:00.880 answered it too much, but anyway, keep some of this, 0:17:01.560 --> 0:17:04.080 keep some of your past to yourself, all right. Question 0:17:04.200 --> 0:17:07.560 number two? All right, this is controversial. Okay, guys, I 0:17:07.600 --> 0:17:09.520 got quite the doozy for you, and I'm in a 0:17:09.560 --> 0:17:13.520 sticky situation. So it's kind of a long story. But essentially, 0:17:13.640 --> 0:17:15.879 my boss has been having a secret affair with one 0:17:15.960 --> 0:17:19.000 of my coworkers, a dirty dog, dirty dog. Almost everyone 0:17:19.040 --> 0:17:21.240 in the office knows about it because the coworker that 0:17:21.280 --> 0:17:24.320 he's sleeping with has actually told us. It's very obviously 0:17:24.320 --> 0:17:26.760 true as well, and it's starting to become a problem 0:17:27.080 --> 0:17:30.119 in the workplace because it's interfering with our ability to 0:17:30.200 --> 0:17:34.240