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Speaker 1: Job mission with Jonesy and Amanda Well.

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Speaker 2: Raising teenagers is hard. I think we can all agree

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Speaker 2: we wish there was a handbook with all the answers.

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Speaker 2: Our next guest might have something that can help us.

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Speaker 2: And name is Daisy Turnbull. She's been a teacher of

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Speaker 2: teens for over a decade. She's a Lifeline counselor. She's

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Speaker 2: also the daughter of an ex prime minister and she's

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Speaker 2: dedicated her new book to him. It's called Fifty Questions

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Speaker 2: to Ask Your Teens Daisy Turnbull.

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Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, and I dedicated it to both my parents.

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Speaker 1: Just I'm ensure any awkwardness is removed.

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Speaker 3: We don't on awkwardness. It was great to catch up

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Speaker 3: with them on Australia Day.

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Speaker 1: If you were on that boat, that's hilarious.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, the story was, he's Jonesy saying that he caught

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Speaker 2: up with your parents.

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Speaker 3: I was there.

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Speaker 2: I was sized on the boat and bobbed around.

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Speaker 3: I said hello, Malcolm and he waved back hello. So

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Speaker 3: I would say that's pretty much you know I was there.

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Speaker 2: You were there.

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Speaker 1: It's certainly one way to make an entrance.

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Speaker 2: That's right.

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Speaker 3: Zach shuw up with eight geriatrics in a boat that's

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Speaker 3: even older, Daisy.

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Speaker 2: Let's talk about your book Fifty Questions to Ask your Teens.

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Speaker 2: I've had a really hard parenting week this week. My

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Speaker 2: eighteen year old son has not been great at filling

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Speaker 2: out his uniforms, not uniforms, his forms for university entry.

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Speaker 2: And I left him to do it because he said, yep,

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Speaker 2: I'm fine, I'm fine, but he's not great at forms.

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Speaker 2: Great brain, great kid. But now where I'm wondering. Now

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Speaker 2: all of this has come home to Rooster, and it's scrambling.

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Speaker 2: It's hard as a parent when you let them make

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Speaker 2: mistakes and when you run into interfere. I run into

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Speaker 2: interfere constantly, and I'm not sure I should be doing that.

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Speaker 2: Where do you draw the line on helicoptering.

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Speaker 1: Well, I think it has to be a gradual kind

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Speaker 1: of stepping back and remove all of the kind of

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Speaker 1: helicopter blades. I think. I think the question you have

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Speaker 1: to ask yourself when you're doing things for your kids

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Speaker 1: is how much longer do I want to be doing

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Speaker 1: this for? And so your son, you know, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: maybe you're like I got to say, I suck it

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Speaker 1: filling out forms as well. So I often kind of

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Speaker 1: do them and then go back and read over them

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Speaker 1: and I've probably put my name in the wrong spot

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Speaker 1: and that kind of thing. But maybe it is a

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Speaker 1: conversation to have with him around. You know, you do it,

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Speaker 1: and I'm happy to look at it and then get

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Speaker 1: back to him doing it himself. Eventually.

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Speaker 2: It's hard, isn't it, Because often I'll step in and

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Speaker 2: I'll say, this is the last thing I'll do, and

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Speaker 2: then then you're on your own. And then the next

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Speaker 2: time I go, I'll just do this bit, and then

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Speaker 2: you're on your own. But it seemed and my mother

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Speaker 2: did this to me and it drove me crazy, but

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Speaker 2: I can't stop myself. And I think this is the lesson,

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Speaker 2: isn't it exactly?

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Speaker 1: And what it takes away is not to pick on

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Speaker 1: your son, sorry, but like that his autonomy, but also

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Speaker 1: his ability to develop competency, like his ability to be

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Speaker 1: able to do things on his own, because it's really

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Speaker 1: hard to learn to do something when someone's doing it

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Speaker 1: for you. And I think with teens, that's why this

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Speaker 1: book kind of moves on from the fifty risks of

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Speaker 1: the Kid's Book to being actually, this is not about

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Speaker 1: doing things, but about talking about things and building experiences

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Speaker 1: with your team.

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Speaker 3: And you know you're exactly right because I'm a snow

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Speaker 3: player parent. So the helicopter parent gave way to the

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Speaker 3: snow player parents. So what we do now? So, for example,

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Speaker 3: my daughter with her car, she lost the key to

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Speaker 3: a car, so I got another one cut, and then

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Speaker 3: she lost that key, so I got another one cut,

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Speaker 3: and then just recently she's lost So this is three

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Speaker 3: keys that I've got for the car to get cut.

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Speaker 3: And I say to her every time, if you only

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Speaker 3: have one key, if you lose the key to get

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Speaker 3: the guy out from this, and it's going to cost

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Speaker 3: you nine hundred dollars. And she says, but I don't

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Speaker 3: want to spend on hundred and thirty dollars, I said,

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Speaker 3: but the point is, But so what I said to was,

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Speaker 3: I said, this is it. I'm not getting a more

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Speaker 3: keys cut and if you and your car's only worth

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Speaker 3: fifty bucks, so it's going to go to the crush.

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Speaker 3: And no, I'm not going to do it. That's it,

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Speaker 3: I said, last key, because I've got you three keys.

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Speaker 3: Obviously you're not learning this lesson. And she's not a kid,

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Speaker 3: she's twenty four.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well, and I think, you know, this is the

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Speaker 1: reason we need to have We need to have conversations

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Speaker 1: with teams about getting them to that point because the

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Speaker 1: problem is the teenage years are now lasting long into

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Speaker 1: people's twenties because they're staying at home longer and they're

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Speaker 1: constantly you know, they're staying at home longer because obviously

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Speaker 1: there's housing prices, but also parents times are very comfortable.

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Speaker 1: Parents do a lot of things for their kids.

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Speaker 2: Adulting is hard, yeah, it is, and stepping back from

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Speaker 2: all of this is hard, and letting your child be

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Speaker 2: the adult. What do you suggest when you say conversations

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Speaker 2: to have give us an example of the kind of things,

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Speaker 2: because teens don't always want to hear from their parents,

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Speaker 2: So what would how do you go about it?

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Speaker 1: So I think so that the book is structured with

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Speaker 1: fifty questions and they all start slightly different conversations. Some

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Speaker 1: of them will cross over the one I think you know.

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Speaker 1: The first one is like what can you actually do?

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Speaker 1: And talking to your team? And this might even be

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Speaker 1: for teams younger like eleven or twelve, like is your team,

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Speaker 1: you know, making their lunch and unpacking the dishwasher and

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Speaker 1: all those chores because we know that one of the

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Speaker 1: biggest issues we have, you know, with homes is around

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Speaker 1: the mental load and the equal sharing of the mental load.

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Speaker 1: And in some ways the teenagers are the time to

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Speaker 1: raise your kid to be a good flatmate.

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Speaker 2: I've started that very late.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, some of these conversations are really practical and then

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Speaker 1: others are more you know, conceptual as well.

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Speaker 3: This is all good information now, Lucy.

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Speaker 2: Thanks, Sorry, that's okay.

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Speaker 1: Everyone does and gorgeous.

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Speaker 3: Ok it's okay, it's okay. Well, Daisy, this is great.

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Speaker 3: Thank you so much to the book Fifty Questions to

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Speaker 3: Ask Your Teens is out tomorrow. Thank you for joining.

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Speaker 1: Us, Thank you for having me.

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Speaker 2: Have a great week, Daisy Turbule There, Jonesy and Amanda's