WEBVTT - The Day We Became Dads - Birth Stories

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<v Speaker 1>I just went for a little walk to get that

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<v Speaker 1>burrito and nice coffee. Down there. Really are go down there,

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<v Speaker 1>the people who live around here, they're all so beautiful.

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<v Speaker 2>Thank you, just not.

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<v Speaker 1>You, your fucking prawn, just the features. And I was

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<v Speaker 1>just like, where are two arms and ten fingers, two arms,

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<v Speaker 1>two legs except for Buster?

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<v Speaker 2>Just exquisite.

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<v Speaker 1>I just was like, call these good looking people walking

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<v Speaker 1>into the cafe. Everyone's nicely dressed. I'm like, fuck, you'd

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<v Speaker 1>hate to be like below the poverty line walking through

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<v Speaker 1>this suburb right now, Meal.

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<v Speaker 2>Welcome back to two doting dads. I am Maddie J.

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm Ash. This is fuck it up his time.

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<v Speaker 2>Don't fuck what your.

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<v Speaker 1>Fuck the intro up for the Mick Fanning episode.

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<v Speaker 2>Don't tell people, all right, don't tell I don't know what.

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<v Speaker 2>We'll keeping that in because I Ash, I just power

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<v Speaker 2>on through.

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<v Speaker 1>If there's a mistake, I heard about it for like

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<v Speaker 1>forty eight hours after your Life, We've got to re record.

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<v Speaker 2>Fuck. This is a podcast all about parenting. It's the good, the.

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<v Speaker 1>Bad, and the relatable.

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<v Speaker 2>And if you've come for advice, stop right now, pull

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<v Speaker 2>the handbrake up.

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<v Speaker 1>And go around and get the fuck out of here.

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<v Speaker 1>Although today maybe I'll have some advice.

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<v Speaker 2>Any anyone who takes advice from Ashton Wigs.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't say my full name the ato after.

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<v Speaker 2>Me ash Yes, I want to say condolences for not winning.

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<v Speaker 2>The Bitcoin better be a competition that is now over.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't need the money.

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<v Speaker 2>That's a life.

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<v Speaker 1>I definitely need the money.

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<v Speaker 2>But congratulations to those who have won. Yes, your bitcoins,

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<v Speaker 2>that's that forty five grand each. The boys round about

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<v Speaker 2>slinging up bitcoins like it was gone out.

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<v Speaker 1>Of fashion, sling me one. We could go halves in

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<v Speaker 1>a bitcoin?

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<v Speaker 2>Did you message? I feel like you would have messaged them,

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<v Speaker 2>and when you're like on a night out.

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<v Speaker 1>No, I'm waiting for elon masks right back to my

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<v Speaker 1>dam if I reach out to the boys. But look,

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't win. You didn't win that I know of.

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<v Speaker 1>Someone did win, and I don't know who it is,

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<v Speaker 1>but I will find you. I have a unique set

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<v Speaker 1>of skills.

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<v Speaker 2>But it's not all bad news because July is over drive.

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<v Speaker 2>July has finished and I'm back on the back to

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<v Speaker 2>my back to no place.

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<v Speaker 1>Like home, back in your neck of the woods, no

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<v Speaker 1>place like home. Whenever I get an order of better beer.

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<v Speaker 1>There's mainly more cases of this than the rest because

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<v Speaker 1>it is my favorite.

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<v Speaker 2>What's so good about it? Why do you love it

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<v Speaker 2>so much?

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<v Speaker 1>Just got a nice a little bit of a sweet

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<v Speaker 1>taste to U's not too bubbly nice. I gave my

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<v Speaker 1>mum one. Actually, what did she really liked it? She

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<v Speaker 1>was like, oh shit, it's pretty good.

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<v Speaker 2>She's a massive piss head.

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<v Speaker 1>Though, No, she's not.

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<v Speaker 2>She is no. She whenever I was spoken to her

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<v Speaker 2>on the phone, she's always she's always.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't tell her that, she'd hate that. She drinks moderately. Anyway,

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you, better be' gonna crack it beautiful.

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<v Speaker 2>Cheers my friend cheers.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh god, the doorbell's just run bust. He's gone off

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<v Speaker 1>his head.

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<v Speaker 2>I would just like to apologize for that little interruption.

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<v Speaker 1>That's right, guess what it was. It was a stripper.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's do it.

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<v Speaker 2>You wish you was online shopping?

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<v Speaker 1>You get it delivered to work? That is a rookie mistake.

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<v Speaker 2>L I'm meant to be able to spending freeze.

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<v Speaker 1>Jesus, I'm always on a spending freeze. Allegedly.

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<v Speaker 2>How are you feeling after a weekend dash in the club?

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<v Speaker 1>Well, we went out Thursday night, me and you. I

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<v Speaker 1>got to bed about one o'clock on Friday night, and

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<v Speaker 1>then I finished up at about three thirty on Saturday night.

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<v Speaker 2>We gammed up the ivy. How is it the ivy?

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<v Speaker 1>Shit? I had to pay like thirty five bucks to

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<v Speaker 1>get in. I'm an old man.

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<v Speaker 2>Did you did you say? I had to? It?

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<v Speaker 1>Was it for a birthday?

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<v Speaker 2>Lineup to get in?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it was fun.

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<v Speaker 2>How long do you line up for?

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<v Speaker 1>I can't remember. I was so drunk. It was good.

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<v Speaker 1>I had a good time. It was for a birthday.

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<v Speaker 1>We stayed in the city. It was nice, sleeping, was.

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<v Speaker 2>A little little boogie on the dance floor.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't remember a whole lot cool.

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<v Speaker 2>Did you find it that?

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<v Speaker 1>Someone?

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<v Speaker 2>I spoke to Ash and I was like, did you

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<v Speaker 2>have a big night? He's like, no, no, no, I

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<v Speaker 2>wasn't that big. And then I jumped onto the two

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<v Speaker 2>doting dad's Instagram page and someone had tagged you in

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<v Speaker 2>a video and it was at like three in the morning.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, Love is pumping lasers. Everyone's gone wild,

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<v Speaker 2>and it zooms in on one guy standing there looking

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<v Speaker 2>like he's lost his key. He's just a sad look

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<v Speaker 2>and they tagged at two days in the club.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know how people like that sort of It

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<v Speaker 1>was wild. I was there for a thirty year, but

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<v Speaker 1>I was looking around going I'm fucking old.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>But at the same time, I was also like, I

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<v Speaker 1>can do what I want. I'm out there slaying, are

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<v Speaker 1>you though? No, I was just yawning laser ds.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm still recovering from a little little drink we had.

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<v Speaker 1>On Thursday, Thursday or Friday morning, which one? It was

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<v Speaker 1>good team bonding, Oh yes, good team bonding. How many

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<v Speaker 1>arguments we had over that time A lot?

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<v Speaker 2>It was good. Since then, my parenting is just it's

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<v Speaker 2>falling to piece of ash.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I do that to people.

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<v Speaker 2>It's all going to ship.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>I had a moment where I don't know if Oscar

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<v Speaker 2>does this. Marley just started doing it where whenever I'm

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<v Speaker 2>cooking dinner, she's like, Daddy, can I help.

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<v Speaker 1>I know, like it's something that I should should embrace that.

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<v Speaker 1>That's what I thought.

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<v Speaker 2>At first. I was like, no, it's too hard. I

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<v Speaker 2>just want to like, I just want to get these

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<v Speaker 2>veggies chopped, steam them and then we can move on.

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<v Speaker 2>But then I was like, do you know what I

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<v Speaker 2>am going to allow her to step up into the

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<v Speaker 2>kitchen be my little sous chef. Then I realized do

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<v Speaker 2>you alan? You do things? And afterwards you go that

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<v Speaker 2>was really fucking dumb.

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<v Speaker 1>Did you Gordon ramsay here and be like, what are

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<v Speaker 1>you an idiot? Sandwich? Oh?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah I was. I was swearing at her.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh she wasn't tears, Like what is this with the hands?

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<v Speaker 1>What is this you call the scrambled eggs?

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<v Speaker 2>Fucking disgusting? And I was chopping some veggies, not the carrots,

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<v Speaker 2>the zucchinis. Zucchini is easy to cut, and Marley was like,

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<v Speaker 2>can I cut them? And I was like, you're old enough.

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<v Speaker 1>Sure, she's four. He's a chef's knife.

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't give her the big one. I gave her

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<v Speaker 2>a small knife.

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<v Speaker 1>You gave her an knife? Was a plastic knife?

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<v Speaker 2>No, it was but knife recently sharpened cutting knife? Holy shit,

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<v Speaker 2>what are you doing? Don't give me that tone. I

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<v Speaker 2>was trying to encourage her to seventy the kitchen. We're

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<v Speaker 2>having a bonding session.

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<v Speaker 1>Mate, you really, first you're given kids knives and now

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<v Speaker 1>this is sexism.

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<v Speaker 2>But she had one trouble with zecchini, and I was

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<v Speaker 2>like this is a terrible decision.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>And then at that moment, Laura's come in and I'm

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<v Speaker 2>there on my phone scrolling, and I was like, She's like,

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<v Speaker 2>what are you fucking doing with? Like why's mother got

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<v Speaker 2>a knife? And I was like she wanted it, she

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<v Speaker 2>asked for it. Anyway, Afterwards, I was like, ah, man,

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<v Speaker 2>what am I doing?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, don't guys, if you're listening, don't give your kids knives.

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<v Speaker 2>Sometimes you've just got to veer off the track to

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<v Speaker 2>realize get back on the track.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's like you need a loss to come back

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<v Speaker 1>to be like I need to be better than that.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Like she does this thing where she just somehow finds

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<v Speaker 1>where the knives are wherever I put them and walks

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<v Speaker 1>out with a knife. Somehow She'll open the discwasher like

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<v Speaker 1>she's got super strength to be like, how the fuck did.

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<v Speaker 2>She open it?

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<v Speaker 1>She's tiny, And then she even reached that and then

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<v Speaker 1>she just goes quiet and I look over and she's like,

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<v Speaker 1>got the chef's knife. I'm like, oh my.

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<v Speaker 2>God, if it keeps them happy, let her haven't give

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<v Speaker 2>her something.

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<v Speaker 1>She's holding it by the blade like.

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<v Speaker 2>That, and I'm like, do you ever think I'll just

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<v Speaker 2>I'll leave it for one more minute because she's quiet.

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<v Speaker 1>Just yanked out that way. I was like, put down

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<v Speaker 1>the knife like a hostage situation. I was like, excuse me, lady.

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<v Speaker 2>It's not worth it.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not that bad. You're not going to get in trouble.

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<v Speaker 1>She's like, I want to get away from here.

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<v Speaker 2>Cal Why do kids love knives so much?

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know. That's what she started going.

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<v Speaker 2>Watching hanging out with April Sea Beast.

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<v Speaker 1>Baby Sea Beast. They have a lot in there.

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<v Speaker 2>There's a lot of stabbing in CB.

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<v Speaker 1>There's a lot of drinking and stabbing for a child's.

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<v Speaker 2>Hey, just really quickly, I did I know you gave

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<v Speaker 2>me some homework because you're like, it's not a pooning hack,

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<v Speaker 2>it's a pooning style. It's a hack.

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<v Speaker 1>You did it once and then you didn't work to it. No, No,

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't work. Look, it wasn't ideal. Just the kids

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<v Speaker 1>don't care. Your kids don't care about competition. Yeah not yet.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but this is how it went down. Hey, Marley,

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<v Speaker 2>I bet I can eat that corn faster than you. Marley,

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<v Speaker 2>I bet I can eat the corn faster. Show me

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<v Speaker 2>how fuch you can eat it Ready ready, Maley, here

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<v Speaker 2>we go, I can eat the corn first. Ready ready.

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<v Speaker 1>So she didn't care give a shit.

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<v Speaker 2>Literally didn't care a single iota, like no interest.

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<v Speaker 1>I think it's I think it's must be a boy thing.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a girl thing.

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<v Speaker 1>I think Marley is a girl thing that don't care

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<v Speaker 1>that well. Like I always thought April wasn't competitive right, like,

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<v Speaker 1>not an overly competitive person until one time we got

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<v Speaker 1>on the sangreeas on the New Year's Eve at a

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<v Speaker 1>friend's house and the beer pong came out and she

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<v Speaker 1>got real competitive. Turned out her and my best friend

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<v Speaker 1>fight full fight, like a competitive fight over this. I

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<v Speaker 1>just separate them wild.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>So I don't know, maybe not growing to the competitive parenting.

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<v Speaker 2>Are they throwing a fizz? Oh?

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<v Speaker 1>Nearly headlocks over beer pong? We got pretty lit on

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<v Speaker 1>sang grea during the day.

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<v Speaker 2>It's sometimes sangree will do that to people.

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<v Speaker 1>She's not allowed to drink sangrea anymore.

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<v Speaker 2>It'll make the nicest individual turn into an animal.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, April is.

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<v Speaker 2>Not immune to that anyway.

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<v Speaker 1>So it didn't work whatever, So Beno's thanks for that, mate,

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<v Speaker 1>thanks for nothing.

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<v Speaker 2>I wanted it to work. I tried it for dinner.

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<v Speaker 1>I tried one of those starter guns in all the Runners.

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<v Speaker 1>Was just like, shut, look, Marley's a little bit more

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<v Speaker 1>intellectual than Oscar. I would say, really like I can.

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<v Speaker 1>I can easily just be like to Oscar, be like, come,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm got to raise me. There gotta raise me. Let's

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<v Speaker 1>go and be like, Okay, I'll time you. That is

0:11:15.640 --> 0:11:17.880
<v Speaker 1>the dreamt that doesn't work.

0:11:17.880 --> 0:11:21.440
<v Speaker 2>All the time we have been teasing, ash teasing.

0:11:21.640 --> 0:11:23.480
<v Speaker 1>I feel like I'm missing. What am I missing? What

0:11:23.559 --> 0:11:24.160
<v Speaker 1>are we teasing?

0:11:24.240 --> 0:11:28.840
<v Speaker 2>Go the childbirth story? You were being a big old

0:11:28.920 --> 0:11:31.880
<v Speaker 2>cock teas last episode. Would you like to go first

0:11:31.880 --> 0:11:34.320
<v Speaker 2>with your story or I can go first?

0:11:34.360 --> 0:11:36.360
<v Speaker 1>What you First? Of all, I just want to say,

0:11:37.080 --> 0:11:38.800
<v Speaker 1>there's no way that you and I could do what

0:11:38.920 --> 0:11:43.160
<v Speaker 1>our wives have done. Oh my god, that should cover us, right,

0:11:46.920 --> 0:11:49.400
<v Speaker 1>That'll get us out of trouble for anything that comes

0:11:49.440 --> 0:11:50.040
<v Speaker 1>after that.

0:11:50.160 --> 0:11:52.960
<v Speaker 2>So yeah, obviously.

0:11:52.559 --> 0:11:55.000
<v Speaker 1>I've got I have two kids, so like there's two

0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:59.240
<v Speaker 1>birthing stories. That's so you're not going to be Yeah,

0:11:59.280 --> 0:12:01.199
<v Speaker 1>it is strange except for people have twins, and that

0:12:01.240 --> 0:12:02.120
<v Speaker 1>wouldn't be strange.

0:12:02.240 --> 0:12:05.480
<v Speaker 2>So I apologize. You should wouldn't be a smart ass.

0:12:05.960 --> 0:12:08.880
<v Speaker 1>I mean Oscar was meant to be a natural birth.

0:12:09.240 --> 0:12:12.800
<v Speaker 1>And on the day that was, you know, the Jew date,

0:12:13.240 --> 0:12:15.199
<v Speaker 1>it was meant to be my last day of work. Okay,

0:12:15.240 --> 0:12:17.160
<v Speaker 1>because it was like, okay, well after this, a baby

0:12:17.200 --> 0:12:17.880
<v Speaker 1>could come, right.

0:12:17.840 --> 0:12:20.120
<v Speaker 2>But you had you did your last day of work

0:12:20.600 --> 0:12:21.400
<v Speaker 2>on the due date.

0:12:22.000 --> 0:12:22.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, on the Jew date.

0:12:23.160 --> 0:12:25.880
<v Speaker 2>That's high risk. Well go to earn the monies.

0:12:25.960 --> 0:12:29.200
<v Speaker 1>I would have just left. Yes, yeah, you'd think that

0:12:29.240 --> 0:12:30.040
<v Speaker 1>I would have just left.

0:12:30.800 --> 0:12:34.120
<v Speaker 2>Anyway, I may be jumping ahead, so tell me to

0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:37.440
<v Speaker 2>shut up if I'm asking questions that you're about to answer.

0:12:37.720 --> 0:12:38.840
<v Speaker 2>Did her waters break?

0:12:39.200 --> 0:12:44.240
<v Speaker 1>No, thankfully, thankfully. So last day of work, And it

0:12:44.240 --> 0:12:45.920
<v Speaker 1>was also a friend of mine his last day at work,

0:12:46.000 --> 0:12:48.280
<v Speaker 1>but for a different reason. He was moving on. He

0:12:48.360 --> 0:12:51.120
<v Speaker 1>was actually going back overseas. So after work, we stopped

0:12:51.120 --> 0:12:51.960
<v Speaker 1>at the part at the bottom.

0:12:52.000 --> 0:12:53.560
<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, you didn't.

0:12:57.800 --> 0:12:59.640
<v Speaker 1>I didn't tell her that I was going on the bar,

0:13:00.080 --> 0:13:01.640
<v Speaker 1>but you didn't. But it was like just just like

0:13:01.679 --> 0:13:06.559
<v Speaker 1>a you know, last little hirah drink to drink two

0:13:06.600 --> 0:13:11.040
<v Speaker 1>pints quickly escalated anyway, so we went early, so it

0:13:11.080 --> 0:13:12.480
<v Speaker 1>was like I didn't finish her five We went on

0:13:12.480 --> 0:13:15.120
<v Speaker 1>like four thirty thirty minutes whatever. I had to get

0:13:15.120 --> 0:13:18.000
<v Speaker 1>a bus home anyway, so it's not like i'd just

0:13:18.040 --> 0:13:20.160
<v Speaker 1>been like run all the way home.

0:13:20.320 --> 0:13:22.560
<v Speaker 2>Like did you stick to two pints? Yeah?

0:13:22.640 --> 0:13:24.400
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah because it stuck to two because I got

0:13:24.400 --> 0:13:27.400
<v Speaker 1>the call during the second pint. Lucky and April rang

0:13:27.480 --> 0:13:29.599
<v Speaker 1>me and she goes, oh, hey, like how are you.

0:13:29.679 --> 0:13:31.360
<v Speaker 1>I'm like yeah good. She's like, oh you are, like

0:13:31.400 --> 0:13:33.320
<v Speaker 1>you're coming home. I'm like, yeah, yep, I'm coming home.

0:13:33.400 --> 0:13:37.240
<v Speaker 1>She goes, oh yeah, just don't be alarmed. I'm in labor.

0:13:37.880 --> 0:13:40.880
<v Speaker 1>And I was like what. She goes, well, technically I'm

0:13:40.920 --> 0:13:44.440
<v Speaker 1>in labor. I'm like, I'm fine. She's at home. She's fine.

0:13:44.480 --> 0:13:46.800
<v Speaker 1>She's like, look, I've got a little bit of pelvic pain,

0:13:47.360 --> 0:13:51.200
<v Speaker 1>but I'm in labor apparently, and I'm dilated. And I

0:13:51.200 --> 0:13:55.000
<v Speaker 1>was like what oh shit. I was like, oh, okay,

0:13:55.840 --> 0:13:57.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm at my home. Now neck the beer.

0:13:57.960 --> 0:13:58.480
<v Speaker 2>One more.

0:13:59.400 --> 0:14:01.600
<v Speaker 1>I get one more where I'm like, sorry, guys, gotta go.

0:14:02.679 --> 0:14:06.319
<v Speaker 1>Judy calls, and then so there's that, and then I've

0:14:06.320 --> 0:14:07.240
<v Speaker 1>got to get on a bus.

0:14:07.320 --> 0:14:09.320
<v Speaker 2>Were you excited? Were your nervous? Oh?

0:14:09.440 --> 0:14:12.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, yeah, I wasn't not excited, to be honest.

0:14:12.960 --> 0:14:14.640
<v Speaker 2>Sometimes sometimes it's pretty green.

0:14:14.679 --> 0:14:16.000
<v Speaker 1>I didn't know really what all that meant.

0:14:16.080 --> 0:14:18.520
<v Speaker 2>You know, it's quite a nerve wracking experience. Sometimes you

0:14:18.559 --> 0:14:22.200
<v Speaker 2>could be more apprehensive because it's like it's a fucking

0:14:22.200 --> 0:14:25.360
<v Speaker 2>big deal, like it's you're excited to meet this little I.

0:14:25.240 --> 0:14:27.640
<v Speaker 1>Was more like, I don't know what a lot of

0:14:27.640 --> 0:14:31.520
<v Speaker 1>those words mean, but I'm coming home now. And then

0:14:32.000 --> 0:14:35.640
<v Speaker 1>get home. She's like it's a little bit more painful.

0:14:36.040 --> 0:14:38.200
<v Speaker 1>Like she's like, but I'm okay, fine, we don't need

0:14:38.240 --> 0:14:39.800
<v Speaker 1>to go to the hospital. I'm like, okay, cool. So

0:14:39.880 --> 0:14:43.960
<v Speaker 1>I haven't really done the wrong thing could have. And

0:14:44.000 --> 0:14:45.800
<v Speaker 1>then we had something to eat or whatever, and they

0:14:45.800 --> 0:14:48.960
<v Speaker 1>progressively got worse and worse as they do. We went

0:14:48.960 --> 0:14:51.480
<v Speaker 1>to the hospital just to get a check, and as

0:14:51.520 --> 0:14:55.120
<v Speaker 1>it happens, they're like, you're not going home because you're

0:14:55.320 --> 0:15:01.080
<v Speaker 1>essentially in labor. In labor for quite some time, overnight hours.

0:15:01.280 --> 0:15:02.680
<v Speaker 1>Like I said, I couldn't do it, you know, I

0:15:02.680 --> 0:15:04.880
<v Speaker 1>couldn't do what she was doing, epidur all that sort

0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:05.360
<v Speaker 1>of stuff.

0:15:05.640 --> 0:15:07.720
<v Speaker 2>Did you guys already have the bag packed full of

0:15:07.720 --> 0:15:08.960
<v Speaker 2>the essential line, Yeah, you had.

0:15:08.840 --> 0:15:10.560
<v Speaker 1>It in the car just in case. But then we

0:15:10.600 --> 0:15:12.600
<v Speaker 1>also had like her mum on call if we needed

0:15:12.600 --> 0:15:15.360
<v Speaker 1>anything else or whatever, and yeah, and then eventually, like

0:15:15.400 --> 0:15:17.200
<v Speaker 1>it came time to push. I don't want to prolong

0:15:17.240 --> 0:15:18.960
<v Speaker 1>this story because you could be like, oh yeah, then

0:15:18.960 --> 0:15:20.960
<v Speaker 1>we had dinner, Like I had dinner, What did you

0:15:21.000 --> 0:15:24.400
<v Speaker 1>have actually sat on that really uncomfortable reclining chair that

0:15:24.440 --> 0:15:25.160
<v Speaker 1>you meant to sleep on?

0:15:25.320 --> 0:15:26.960
<v Speaker 2>Oh? They terrible, aren't they?

0:15:27.160 --> 0:15:29.640
<v Speaker 1>No? I was too busy push it and I'm like,

0:15:32.320 --> 0:15:35.040
<v Speaker 1>it's so bad, We've got it. And then it comes

0:15:35.080 --> 0:15:37.440
<v Speaker 1>time to push, and I mean April put in a

0:15:37.480 --> 0:15:40.360
<v Speaker 1>real good effort push push. We had to try and

0:15:40.480 --> 0:15:44.600
<v Speaker 1>use the vacuum to vacuum out EPI drill, EPI drill. Yeah. Yeah,

0:15:44.640 --> 0:15:47.480
<v Speaker 1>but she was just like poor man. Like I said,

0:15:47.520 --> 0:15:49.680
<v Speaker 1>I don't know how they do it, Like I've pushed

0:15:49.680 --> 0:15:54.760
<v Speaker 1>out some mean shit but nothing, nothing like that. And

0:15:54.800 --> 0:15:57.480
<v Speaker 1>it's like she was like pushing, pushing, wouldn't calm. He

0:15:57.640 --> 0:16:00.360
<v Speaker 1>was what they call it posterior. Yes, yeah, so the

0:16:00.480 --> 0:16:05.040
<v Speaker 1>head down dark, wrong way, yeah, completely stark. Our obsertration

0:16:05.240 --> 0:16:07.680
<v Speaker 1>was like eventually he's like he's not coming out. We

0:16:07.720 --> 0:16:09.560
<v Speaker 1>need to have an emergency, said. I think April at

0:16:09.560 --> 0:16:12.200
<v Speaker 1>that point was like, don't care, just get him out

0:16:12.240 --> 0:16:14.840
<v Speaker 1>of me. Like we knew it was a boy. Yeah, yeah,

0:16:14.880 --> 0:16:16.280
<v Speaker 1>So all of a sudden they hit that button on

0:16:16.320 --> 0:16:19.360
<v Speaker 1>the wall and wait, what button, there's like.

0:16:19.320 --> 0:16:26.480
<v Speaker 2>A confetti comes down. We got to win. He's stuck.

0:16:27.840 --> 0:16:30.720
<v Speaker 1>And yeah, so pressed the button. All of a sudden

0:16:30.720 --> 0:16:33.360
<v Speaker 1>there's like fifteen people ready to carry because they've got

0:16:33.400 --> 0:16:34.880
<v Speaker 1>to move you onto a different bed to get you

0:16:35.080 --> 0:16:37.800
<v Speaker 1>ready for surgery and theater. Sorry and all that sort

0:16:37.840 --> 0:16:40.880
<v Speaker 1>of stuff. Right anyway, the press the button and I'm like, fuck,

0:16:40.880 --> 0:16:42.680
<v Speaker 1>where's all these fucking people come from? And then they're

0:16:42.720 --> 0:16:45.280
<v Speaker 1>like moving into beds and then they're like, come on, Ash,

0:16:45.320 --> 0:16:46.200
<v Speaker 1>you've got to come with us.

0:16:46.320 --> 0:16:48.800
<v Speaker 2>How many hours do you think roughly from when you

0:16:48.880 --> 0:16:51.760
<v Speaker 2>guys arrived at hospital to this point we're talking, Well.

0:16:51.560 --> 0:16:55.760
<v Speaker 1>We arrived at hospital at about nine o'clock the night

0:16:55.800 --> 0:16:58.840
<v Speaker 1>before Oscar was born at about eleven thirty pm.

0:17:00.000 --> 0:17:02.520
<v Speaker 2>It's a long stint. So at this point, more importantly,

0:17:02.880 --> 0:17:05.760
<v Speaker 2>how is your back after being in that chair for

0:17:05.800 --> 0:17:06.240
<v Speaker 2>so long?

0:17:06.359 --> 0:17:08.359
<v Speaker 1>Fucked, it's still bad.

0:17:08.480 --> 0:17:10.439
<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry you had to go through that.

0:17:10.680 --> 0:17:15.280
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, Look, lots of money has been spent on my

0:17:16.160 --> 0:17:18.600
<v Speaker 1>the same sinse. Yeah, it's never been the same sins. Honestly,

0:17:18.680 --> 0:17:19.120
<v Speaker 1>I don't know.

0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:22.000
<v Speaker 2>That's pretty It's such an unknown, right, You're just like, hey,

0:17:22.040 --> 0:17:24.720
<v Speaker 2>I'm just a little passenger on this experience. Yeah, and

0:17:24.760 --> 0:17:26.360
<v Speaker 2>I guess you tell me what's going to happen.

0:17:26.440 --> 0:17:28.480
<v Speaker 1>And it's all like I can do, and like any

0:17:28.480 --> 0:17:30.639
<v Speaker 1>man can do is just be like try and just

0:17:30.720 --> 0:17:33.440
<v Speaker 1>be there, right, That's all you can really do. Get

0:17:33.520 --> 0:17:38.119
<v Speaker 1>yelled at, cop it thankfully, April not too bad like

0:17:38.200 --> 0:17:41.399
<v Speaker 1>she was pretty much like you know, it was just

0:17:41.440 --> 0:17:42.560
<v Speaker 1>me trying to comfort her the.

0:17:42.520 --> 0:17:43.880
<v Speaker 2>Whole time, holding hands.

0:17:44.200 --> 0:17:47.560
<v Speaker 1>Oh I'm not touching that. Yeah. Yeah.

0:17:47.600 --> 0:17:52.919
<v Speaker 2>Did you ever did you ever try and say come on,

0:17:53.040 --> 0:17:55.480
<v Speaker 2>April big breaths, No, do.

0:17:57.080 --> 0:17:58.080
<v Speaker 1>Any Oh?

0:17:58.240 --> 0:17:59.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah I did that. That was the worst I ever do.

0:18:00.040 --> 0:18:02.040
<v Speaker 1>I didn't want to be like, push a bit harder

0:18:03.000 --> 0:18:05.800
<v Speaker 1>next time. Yeah. I was like, you know, next time

0:18:05.840 --> 0:18:09.840
<v Speaker 1>when you get a contraction, be like yeah.

0:18:09.880 --> 0:18:12.119
<v Speaker 2>There was one moment where I was like, come on, Laura,

0:18:12.760 --> 0:18:15.320
<v Speaker 2>you can do it through the nose.

0:18:16.359 --> 0:18:18.800
<v Speaker 1>She shut the f off. Shut up, Matthew.

0:18:19.320 --> 0:18:20.760
<v Speaker 2>I was like, I will not do that again.

0:18:22.119 --> 0:18:24.280
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. So all the people come in the room and

0:18:24.280 --> 0:18:26.320
<v Speaker 1>they're like moving in to a more of a theater bed,

0:18:27.600 --> 0:18:30.439
<v Speaker 1>which is fine until they say, ash, you've got to

0:18:30.840 --> 0:18:33.000
<v Speaker 1>You've got to come out now with us. And right

0:18:33.040 --> 0:18:35.240
<v Speaker 1>there on the floor is a big pile of turd.

0:18:35.880 --> 0:18:37.919
<v Speaker 1>My wife's pushed out. So I'm like, oh, let me

0:18:37.960 --> 0:18:41.239
<v Speaker 1>just get round that. Someone going to pick that up. Well,

0:18:41.280 --> 0:18:44.440
<v Speaker 1>you can push that thing out if you push that out. Look,

0:18:44.440 --> 0:18:48.679
<v Speaker 1>it was pretty mushy, and I vividly remember that. I

0:18:48.720 --> 0:18:54.200
<v Speaker 1>remember I was like, babe, respect, have I ever done

0:18:54.240 --> 0:18:56.399
<v Speaker 1>that in front of you? So every time I fart

0:18:56.440 --> 0:18:57.800
<v Speaker 1>in front of her now, I'm like, remember that time

0:18:57.840 --> 0:18:58.719
<v Speaker 1>you shout on the floor.

0:19:00.240 --> 0:19:02.760
<v Speaker 2>I remember a lot of people kind of said like, hey,

0:19:02.880 --> 0:19:06.080
<v Speaker 2>jes so you're aware this may happen. They're shitting on

0:19:06.119 --> 0:19:06.600
<v Speaker 2>the floor.

0:19:07.280 --> 0:19:10.119
<v Speaker 1>No one told me I no one told you she

0:19:10.200 --> 0:19:13.280
<v Speaker 1>could a shot on my foot like it was wearing

0:19:13.280 --> 0:19:13.960
<v Speaker 1>brand new shoes.

0:19:14.520 --> 0:19:16.360
<v Speaker 2>Do you offer to clean it up or no?

0:19:17.640 --> 0:19:20.320
<v Speaker 1>There was another twelve blokes there and we go down

0:19:20.320 --> 0:19:22.160
<v Speaker 1>to the theater as you do their prep for theater

0:19:22.240 --> 0:19:23.800
<v Speaker 1>blah blah blah, And then I'm in like the small

0:19:23.800 --> 0:19:27.600
<v Speaker 1>little prep theater area where like I'm doing the paperwork

0:19:27.640 --> 0:19:29.919
<v Speaker 1>bit right, there's a little bit of paperwork you gonna do. Anyway,

0:19:29.960 --> 0:19:32.240
<v Speaker 1>they pushed her into the theater and before they move

0:19:32.280 --> 0:19:37.120
<v Speaker 1>it off from that bed to the operating bed. They're

0:19:37.160 --> 0:19:40.919
<v Speaker 1>like one, two, three, lift, and all I hear is

0:19:40.960 --> 0:19:44.720
<v Speaker 1>this big bang, and I thought she's on the ground.

0:19:45.240 --> 0:19:47.959
<v Speaker 1>She's fallen on the ground. She didn't fall on the ground, Matthew,

0:19:48.000 --> 0:19:50.479
<v Speaker 1>but like that was my first initial thought. Then all

0:19:50.520 --> 0:19:52.439
<v Speaker 1>of a sudden started to think about that movie, what

0:19:52.520 --> 0:19:55.240
<v Speaker 1>to expect when you're expecting. There's a one of the

0:19:55.240 --> 0:19:57.879
<v Speaker 1>couples in there. The wife starts to lose blood and

0:19:57.920 --> 0:19:59.359
<v Speaker 1>he's thinking about whether it's going to be a single

0:19:59.440 --> 0:20:02.240
<v Speaker 1>dad for these whole life now immediately, so I'm just.

0:20:02.200 --> 0:20:04.000
<v Speaker 2>In this city's thoughts that they're running through.

0:20:04.080 --> 0:20:06.720
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they're like everything's okay,

0:20:06.800 --> 0:20:09.719
<v Speaker 1>you can come in, sat down, and obviously they do.

0:20:10.119 --> 0:20:11.760
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. I don't want to look. I can't.

0:20:11.800 --> 0:20:14.199
<v Speaker 1>We're talking about this what was the big crash. It

0:20:14.320 --> 0:20:17.400
<v Speaker 1>was just the noise of April moving beds because it's

0:20:17.440 --> 0:20:21.159
<v Speaker 1>like sterile environments. It just that's what they tell me.

0:20:21.320 --> 0:20:24.360
<v Speaker 1>It echoed probably dropped her and she felt to before Yeah,

0:20:25.000 --> 0:20:29.600
<v Speaker 1>she gone, she's in the theater room downstairs. And then like, yeah,

0:20:29.760 --> 0:20:32.800
<v Speaker 1>I didn't want to look the curtain. Remember the obstetrician

0:20:32.880 --> 0:20:34.200
<v Speaker 1>and the rest is a bit of a blow. It's

0:20:34.200 --> 0:20:36.600
<v Speaker 1>all adrenaline for everyone that's in the room, right, And

0:20:36.920 --> 0:20:38.879
<v Speaker 1>I remember they dropped the curtain and like he was

0:20:38.880 --> 0:20:40.600
<v Speaker 1>half out of the stomach and they like turned him

0:20:40.600 --> 0:20:45.159
<v Speaker 1>around and like, and I was just like, put him back.

0:20:45.480 --> 0:20:47.800
<v Speaker 2>Is he still in the in the sack?

0:20:48.680 --> 0:20:48.920
<v Speaker 1>Nah?

0:20:49.080 --> 0:20:49.520
<v Speaker 2>Nah?

0:20:49.560 --> 0:20:55.120
<v Speaker 1>He was just screaming. He was purple screaming, like, which

0:20:55.160 --> 0:20:57.480
<v Speaker 1>is a good thing if they're screaming, right, because they're

0:20:57.520 --> 0:20:59.359
<v Speaker 1>getting all the shit out of it. And they're like,

0:20:59.480 --> 0:21:01.119
<v Speaker 1>do you want a whole I'm like, no, wrap that

0:21:01.160 --> 0:21:06.000
<v Speaker 1>thing up. I was just like And then obviously after that,

0:21:06.040 --> 0:21:10.399
<v Speaker 1>it's a beautiful moment, right, Baby's born, great, some photos

0:21:10.480 --> 0:21:12.960
<v Speaker 1>and everything went swimmingly, except for the fact that he

0:21:13.040 --> 0:21:16.160
<v Speaker 1>was just screamed for like three or four days after that.

0:21:16.520 --> 0:21:18.439
<v Speaker 1>So that was Oscar. But the next one was a

0:21:18.440 --> 0:21:21.040
<v Speaker 1>planned sea section because we had an emergency sea section.

0:21:21.200 --> 0:21:23.240
<v Speaker 2>Can I just science before you go into baby number two?

0:21:23.320 --> 0:21:25.040
<v Speaker 1>It'd be really quick, It'll be really quick.

0:21:25.080 --> 0:21:28.879
<v Speaker 2>But yeah, don't you fucking shut up and listen to

0:21:28.960 --> 0:21:32.760
<v Speaker 2>my story with we haven't been involved in a cesarian.

0:21:33.280 --> 0:21:35.800
<v Speaker 2>Is that a moment of just a kind of stitch

0:21:35.840 --> 0:21:38.280
<v Speaker 2>April up and then she's good to go? Could she

0:21:38.359 --> 0:21:39.080
<v Speaker 2>hold the baby?

0:21:39.200 --> 0:21:41.199
<v Speaker 1>Good to go? Like? Up, you pop out to go?

0:21:42.080 --> 0:21:44.600
<v Speaker 1>You next time you can walk out. So like I

0:21:44.680 --> 0:21:46.120
<v Speaker 1>got to take the baby. So I'm with the baby

0:21:46.160 --> 0:21:49.439
<v Speaker 1>for like hours at this point, not hours, It felt

0:21:49.440 --> 0:21:49.960
<v Speaker 1>like hours.

0:21:50.600 --> 0:21:51.760
<v Speaker 2>Did you go shirt off?

0:21:52.200 --> 0:21:54.920
<v Speaker 1>Not at first? No skin on skin, not at that point. No,

0:21:55.040 --> 0:21:57.480
<v Speaker 1>it was like thankfully my mother in law and father

0:21:57.480 --> 0:21:59.720
<v Speaker 1>in law there and came out and we were you know,

0:22:00.040 --> 0:22:02.040
<v Speaker 1>everyone had a hold and it was nice. But like

0:22:02.400 --> 0:22:05.320
<v Speaker 1>he screamed the whole time, so that wasn't nice. But

0:22:05.359 --> 0:22:07.520
<v Speaker 1>he did, like stop bits and pieces doing there. But

0:22:08.080 --> 0:22:10.120
<v Speaker 1>I mean, can't blame with the guy's just come out

0:22:10.119 --> 0:22:14.600
<v Speaker 1>of a comfortable salm womb womb into the bright lights

0:22:14.640 --> 0:22:17.239
<v Speaker 1>of a fucking hospital. Also did the lights a bit

0:22:19.240 --> 0:22:21.000
<v Speaker 1>like the poor kids, like.

0:22:22.680 --> 0:22:23.320
<v Speaker 2>Bit of moodlight.

0:22:23.359 --> 0:22:24.720
<v Speaker 1>I can imagine that's what it would be like being

0:22:24.720 --> 0:22:29.159
<v Speaker 1>abducted by aliens and they're like, okay, turn the light up, flashlight.

0:22:29.400 --> 0:22:31.480
<v Speaker 1>It's guys, just a bit of moodlight and you're gonna

0:22:31.480 --> 0:22:33.159
<v Speaker 1>stick something. I fucking wreck them.

0:22:34.160 --> 0:22:34.360
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:22:34.440 --> 0:22:37.800
<v Speaker 1>Look, the whole twenty four hours was very stressful. When

0:22:37.920 --> 0:22:40.040
<v Speaker 1>it came to pushing because she pushed for ages and

0:22:40.080 --> 0:22:42.760
<v Speaker 1>ages and ages. It was kind of like not the plan.

0:22:43.359 --> 0:22:45.440
<v Speaker 1>It was a bit like all of a sudden, you're

0:22:45.440 --> 0:22:47.400
<v Speaker 1>going into like them and those out who are listening

0:22:47.400 --> 0:22:48.760
<v Speaker 1>wo have had the same thing. It's like, all of

0:22:48.760 --> 0:22:51.320
<v Speaker 1>a sudden, you're going into like a serious surgery where

0:22:51.320 --> 0:22:54.640
<v Speaker 1>you could die essentially if you lose blood. So, yeah,

0:22:54.680 --> 0:22:57.640
<v Speaker 1>there was a lot of high emotion for a couple

0:22:57.680 --> 0:23:01.960
<v Speaker 1>of days afterwards. It wasn't smooth sailing, which probably a

0:23:02.000 --> 0:23:02.720
<v Speaker 1>lot of them aren't.

0:23:03.960 --> 0:23:06.040
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I think I think a lot of people go

0:23:06.119 --> 0:23:09.760
<v Speaker 2>into these experiences with a set idea of what their

0:23:09.800 --> 0:23:12.120
<v Speaker 2>birth plan is, and you've kind of got to realize

0:23:12.119 --> 0:23:15.680
<v Speaker 2>that it's not really up to you. Yeah, in a

0:23:15.680 --> 0:23:17.639
<v Speaker 2>lot of situations, is up to the medical staff to

0:23:17.680 --> 0:23:19.680
<v Speaker 2>be like, this is the new way we're going and

0:23:19.720 --> 0:23:21.280
<v Speaker 2>we have to do this because of X, Y and Z,

0:23:21.400 --> 0:23:21.840
<v Speaker 2>And you're just.

0:23:21.800 --> 0:23:24.119
<v Speaker 1>Like, well, sweet, I'm not gonna Yeah, I've got a

0:23:24.160 --> 0:23:27.520
<v Speaker 1>friend who have two kids and they're both kids. She

0:23:27.720 --> 0:23:29.680
<v Speaker 1>lost a lot of blood like during the vaginal birth

0:23:29.720 --> 0:23:31.600
<v Speaker 1>and like nearly died both times. It's like you just

0:23:31.680 --> 0:23:32.680
<v Speaker 1>can't plan for that.

0:23:32.760 --> 0:23:35.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, this is hang on a second. Eight twenty five.

0:23:35.400 --> 0:23:39.919
<v Speaker 2>We didn't have lose blood.

0:23:38.160 --> 0:23:40.920
<v Speaker 1>Nearly die at nine point thirty at. No, that's high

0:23:40.960 --> 0:23:43.399
<v Speaker 1>level in terms of emotion for the first one, the

0:23:43.480 --> 0:23:46.399
<v Speaker 1>second one. And I couldn't suggest this more a plant

0:23:46.440 --> 0:23:49.520
<v Speaker 1>ce section. It's like checking into a hotel. It's great,

0:23:50.040 --> 0:23:52.960
<v Speaker 1>like turn up a bit nerve wracking, you know, turn

0:23:53.040 --> 0:23:55.800
<v Speaker 1>up check in, you know, check all aprils, bloods, do

0:23:55.800 --> 0:23:57.520
<v Speaker 1>all that sort of stuff, poking and proden her. I'm

0:23:57.560 --> 0:23:58.320
<v Speaker 1>just on my phone lines.

0:23:58.400 --> 0:23:59.400
<v Speaker 2>Can I ask another question?

0:23:59.520 --> 0:23:59.760
<v Speaker 1>Ash?

0:24:00.200 --> 0:24:04.159
<v Speaker 2>Not to send naive here, but if your first is

0:24:04.200 --> 0:24:07.680
<v Speaker 2>not vaginal, your first is a cesarean, your second has

0:24:07.800 --> 0:24:08.800
<v Speaker 2>to then be a cesarian.

0:24:08.880 --> 0:24:10.240
<v Speaker 1>Is that I'm not a doctor.

0:24:10.680 --> 0:24:16.359
<v Speaker 2>No, yeah, just a love of people to their doctor.

0:24:16.400 --> 0:24:20.360
<v Speaker 2>Were like, well, actually I heard Ash say that can

0:24:20.600 --> 0:24:22.600
<v Speaker 2>be vaginal birds.

0:24:22.640 --> 0:24:25.400
<v Speaker 1>Well, guys, there's a guy that I listened to never

0:24:25.440 --> 0:24:26.640
<v Speaker 1>met an obstetrician.

0:24:26.640 --> 0:24:26.920
<v Speaker 2>Ash.

0:24:26.960 --> 0:24:30.320
<v Speaker 1>She was drinking a beer at the time, taking booking. Fully,

0:24:30.720 --> 0:24:34.400
<v Speaker 1>I'll talk you through it. A look, I think there's

0:24:34.480 --> 0:24:38.760
<v Speaker 1>a really high risk of it splitting during pushing hemorrhaging.

0:24:38.880 --> 0:24:40.480
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. I look like I said, I'm not

0:24:40.520 --> 0:24:41.440
<v Speaker 1>a physician.

0:24:41.960 --> 0:24:43.200
<v Speaker 2>But I'm taking that as well.

0:24:43.240 --> 0:24:45.600
<v Speaker 1>We had to we had to. People are going to

0:24:45.640 --> 0:24:47.760
<v Speaker 1>be like, she wouldn't have had to have done it. Look,

0:24:47.840 --> 0:24:51.280
<v Speaker 1>we were advised by someone who I paid money to, right,

0:24:51.520 --> 0:24:54.240
<v Speaker 1>so we just took the advice. So checked into the

0:24:54.240 --> 0:24:58.200
<v Speaker 1>hotel and the baby making hotel. So you book a

0:24:58.240 --> 0:25:00.200
<v Speaker 1>time going we doubts look like this, do it first

0:25:00.200 --> 0:25:01.640
<v Speaker 1>thing in the morning. You're done with. Get it over

0:25:01.720 --> 0:25:03.360
<v Speaker 1>with because I don't want to be waiting all day

0:25:03.880 --> 0:25:06.240
<v Speaker 1>in the hospital going to the theater like this time

0:25:06.400 --> 0:25:09.560
<v Speaker 1>not as rush, nice calm. It was actually really nice.

0:25:10.080 --> 0:25:12.479
<v Speaker 2>Was there still that same bang when they put April

0:25:12.520 --> 0:25:13.760
<v Speaker 2>on the table? There was the bang?

0:25:13.800 --> 0:25:20.159
<v Speaker 1>No bang. Now I'm suspicious and I'm facing April's just

0:25:20.200 --> 0:25:22.280
<v Speaker 1>sitting on the side because they're putting the painkillers in

0:25:22.320 --> 0:25:24.440
<v Speaker 1>epidua or whatever so that she can't feel them cut

0:25:24.440 --> 0:25:26.520
<v Speaker 1>it open and all that sort of stuff. I'm facing

0:25:26.560 --> 0:25:29.040
<v Speaker 1>her like this, and all of a sudden, a hot

0:25:29.119 --> 0:25:33.800
<v Speaker 1>flush comes over me in that moment, And for anyone

0:25:33.800 --> 0:25:36.159
<v Speaker 1>who's ash and I were facing each.

0:25:36.480 --> 0:25:41.240
<v Speaker 2>Other, obviously she's got back to back, so she's on

0:25:41.560 --> 0:25:42.600
<v Speaker 2>the edge of the bed.

0:25:43.000 --> 0:25:45.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah yeah, And I'm facing her like that, and I

0:25:46.119 --> 0:25:49.840
<v Speaker 1>just hit the deck faint full faint and I've got

0:25:49.880 --> 0:25:53.240
<v Speaker 1>a photo here. I don't know if I'm the first

0:25:53.240 --> 0:25:58.199
<v Speaker 1>man ever to faint in a plan C section. I

0:25:58.200 --> 0:26:03.760
<v Speaker 1>would like to know, actually there he is. Oh my

0:26:03.840 --> 0:26:06.600
<v Speaker 1>legs up, legs up on the chair, ice packed. No

0:26:06.640 --> 0:26:08.600
<v Speaker 1>one was even attending to April or the nurses, just

0:26:08.600 --> 0:26:16.520
<v Speaker 1>like are you a gay? So I remember I was

0:26:16.600 --> 0:26:19.880
<v Speaker 1>like holding April's hands and I was like just looking

0:26:19.920 --> 0:26:22.280
<v Speaker 1>at an April couldn't see anything or because it was April.

0:26:22.840 --> 0:26:31.159
<v Speaker 1>And then I was like gone out on the ground,

0:26:31.200 --> 0:26:33.320
<v Speaker 1>woke up, towel on my head. They gave me an

0:26:33.359 --> 0:26:36.679
<v Speaker 1>orange juice, which was nice. That is so I actually

0:26:36.680 --> 0:26:38.160
<v Speaker 1>spent the rest of the birth like that.

0:26:38.720 --> 0:26:40.160
<v Speaker 2>You poor poor thing.

0:26:41.200 --> 0:26:43.800
<v Speaker 1>It's all about me anyway. So our obstetrition took this

0:26:43.840 --> 0:26:46.120
<v Speaker 1>photo because she was just like here a pussy, get off.

0:26:46.000 --> 0:26:49.199
<v Speaker 2>The flour and you stayed there all like it's the

0:26:49.240 --> 0:26:51.280
<v Speaker 2>safest place to be. You don't want to get back up.

0:26:51.280 --> 0:26:53.280
<v Speaker 1>And then well they're like, we don't want this child

0:26:53.320 --> 0:26:55.359
<v Speaker 1>to see how much of a pussy their father is.

0:26:56.800 --> 0:26:58.040
<v Speaker 1>It's like you better get up.

0:26:58.400 --> 0:26:58.640
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:26:58.720 --> 0:27:01.600
<v Speaker 1>So that was the second one, which everything else went

0:27:01.600 --> 0:27:02.680
<v Speaker 1>really smoothly. After that.

0:27:03.080 --> 0:27:04.720
<v Speaker 2>You made a full recovery.

0:27:04.520 --> 0:27:08.800
<v Speaker 1>I've made a full recovery well since I've never been

0:27:08.800 --> 0:27:13.040
<v Speaker 1>the same. What about you, Matthew? How did you go?

0:27:13.560 --> 0:27:16.320
<v Speaker 2>It was a little bit strange in that we were

0:27:16.320 --> 0:27:18.600
<v Speaker 2>in the midwif free program and.

0:27:18.680 --> 0:27:22.240
<v Speaker 1>Unfortunately, fun is it to say that mid it's.

0:27:22.119 --> 0:27:26.280
<v Speaker 2>A fucking good word wed with we and a lot

0:27:26.320 --> 0:27:28.600
<v Speaker 2>of people said this, that's the best when you go public,

0:27:28.600 --> 0:27:30.280
<v Speaker 2>that's like the one you want. You kind of got

0:27:30.280 --> 0:27:32.960
<v Speaker 2>to elect it and then depending on availability, you may

0:27:33.040 --> 0:27:35.919
<v Speaker 2>or may not get it towards the tale, and unfortunately

0:27:36.160 --> 0:27:40.159
<v Speaker 2>the midwife, i mean wife one of her parents was unwell.

0:27:40.040 --> 0:27:43.640
<v Speaker 1>Who cares, It's not my problem, it's.

0:27:43.440 --> 0:27:46.119
<v Speaker 2>About us, it's not you. So she had to go

0:27:46.240 --> 0:27:49.040
<v Speaker 2>back to Perth. And then we were then passed around

0:27:49.080 --> 0:27:50.280
<v Speaker 2>a few different midwives.

0:27:50.680 --> 0:27:52.480
<v Speaker 1>Did you not splurge for the obstetrician?

0:27:52.720 --> 0:27:56.560
<v Speaker 2>We didn't, Sorry, money bags, jeez, it must be nice you're.

0:27:56.400 --> 0:27:58.639
<v Speaker 1>Bringing you're bringing life into this world.

0:27:59.359 --> 0:28:03.040
<v Speaker 2>Okay, but I think it was a case where every

0:28:03.119 --> 0:28:07.800
<v Speaker 2>midwife thought the other midwife had told us what was

0:28:07.840 --> 0:28:08.639
<v Speaker 2>happening next.

0:28:09.160 --> 0:28:11.600
<v Speaker 1>Oh, the classic miscommunication. So we were.

0:28:11.560 --> 0:28:14.280
<v Speaker 2>Rocking up and they were kind of like, no one

0:28:14.280 --> 0:28:16.720
<v Speaker 2>really knew. They're like, did Shantell say this and we're

0:28:16.760 --> 0:28:19.720
<v Speaker 2>like no, and they're like, oh, that's weird. Anyway, see

0:28:19.720 --> 0:28:22.320
<v Speaker 2>you later. We'll see you soon. And then we missed

0:28:22.320 --> 0:28:24.600
<v Speaker 2>our due date, so they were like, you're going to

0:28:24.600 --> 0:28:27.360
<v Speaker 2>be induced. And then one of the midwives said come

0:28:27.400 --> 0:28:29.760
<v Speaker 2>in on Tuesday, and we kind of assumed that was

0:28:29.800 --> 0:28:32.760
<v Speaker 2>for our next appointment. So we drive to the hospital

0:28:32.800 --> 0:28:35.680
<v Speaker 2>for the Tuesday appointment and the next midwife is then

0:28:35.760 --> 0:28:37.439
<v Speaker 2>seeing us and she looks at us a little bit

0:28:37.480 --> 0:28:39.880
<v Speaker 2>confused and goes, oh, you guys pack light because we

0:28:40.520 --> 0:28:42.040
<v Speaker 2>had nothing, and we're like, what do you mean, and

0:28:42.120 --> 0:28:44.080
<v Speaker 2>like you're about to be induced?

0:28:45.320 --> 0:28:55.040
<v Speaker 1>Were about from the hits that surprised you didn't know

0:28:55.080 --> 0:29:01.440
<v Speaker 1>it got them and they're like, got him? Fellas was.

0:29:02.000 --> 0:29:04.600
<v Speaker 2>It was such a fucking random moment. We didn't even

0:29:04.640 --> 0:29:07.080
<v Speaker 2>have the bag half packed, but it was at home.

0:29:07.280 --> 0:29:08.800
<v Speaker 1>So all of a sudden, Laura, I don't know how

0:29:08.920 --> 0:29:09.840
<v Speaker 1>organized you are too.

0:29:10.480 --> 0:29:13.880
<v Speaker 2>I'm actually I was quite bad. Obviously Laura was. She

0:29:13.960 --> 0:29:20.600
<v Speaker 2>was in charge of probably now and Laura kind of said, oh, Matt,

0:29:20.600 --> 0:29:22.800
<v Speaker 2>can you go back home, can you get the bag?

0:29:22.840 --> 0:29:25.800
<v Speaker 2>Can you bring this? This? And this? And I was like, fuck,

0:29:25.840 --> 0:29:29.440
<v Speaker 2>it's happening. I never expected it to be this much

0:29:29.440 --> 0:29:33.960
<v Speaker 2>of a surprise, but she got induced and similar scenario

0:29:34.160 --> 0:29:37.680
<v Speaker 2>where Marley was posterious, head down facing the wrong way.

0:29:37.840 --> 0:29:41.720
<v Speaker 2>Baby got stuck. And it wasn't too long like, it

0:29:41.760 --> 0:29:44.720
<v Speaker 2>wasn't a really drawn out like, it wasn't over twelve hours,

0:29:45.080 --> 0:29:46.520
<v Speaker 2>but it was still a really long time and it

0:29:46.520 --> 0:29:49.400
<v Speaker 2>got to the point where the baby was just not coming,

0:29:49.560 --> 0:29:52.720
<v Speaker 2>no longer moving. Baby was stuck, and the midwife at

0:29:52.760 --> 0:29:55.960
<v Speaker 2>the time, who didn't know what was going on, she

0:29:56.120 --> 0:29:58.560
<v Speaker 2>was like, Okay, if the baby doesn't move anymore, we

0:29:58.640 --> 0:30:01.320
<v Speaker 2>may be in a bit of trouble here. And at

0:30:01.320 --> 0:30:05.000
<v Speaker 2>the same time, one of the head obstetricians, I can't

0:30:05.040 --> 0:30:07.560
<v Speaker 2>remember his name, but he was what they say is

0:30:07.600 --> 0:30:15.360
<v Speaker 2>like the godfather of He was he was about sixty

0:30:15.360 --> 0:30:20.400
<v Speaker 2>odds and everyone said within the industry, if you call

0:30:20.440 --> 0:30:23.160
<v Speaker 2>it that, he is regarded as one of the best.

0:30:23.320 --> 0:30:26.160
<v Speaker 2>And by chance he happened to be on call and

0:30:26.320 --> 0:30:29.320
<v Speaker 2>was walking down the hallway past our room and he

0:30:29.480 --> 0:30:37.560
<v Speaker 2>was like, oh, and he popped in and he was inquisitive.

0:30:38.000 --> 0:30:41.520
<v Speaker 2>And then moments later there was a group of student

0:30:41.920 --> 0:30:48.680
<v Speaker 2>medical scrubs and obviously Laura was focused on pushing, and

0:30:48.760 --> 0:30:50.640
<v Speaker 2>someone kind of tapped me on the shoulder and said,

0:30:50.920 --> 0:30:53.160
<v Speaker 2>do you mind if the students come in? And I'm

0:30:53.160 --> 0:30:56.360
<v Speaker 2>not they're not like high school, they're like adults and

0:30:56.760 --> 0:31:04.560
<v Speaker 2>preschool walks in. But I said, of course, please make

0:31:04.640 --> 0:31:08.600
<v Speaker 2>yourself comfortable, take a seat, front row, reserve.

0:31:08.880 --> 0:31:11.760
<v Speaker 1>Popcorn anybody, no baby's moving.

0:31:12.800 --> 0:31:16.959
<v Speaker 2>There was probably about I want to say, my memory

0:31:17.000 --> 0:31:18.920
<v Speaker 2>is somewhat blurred ash, but I want to say there

0:31:18.920 --> 0:31:20.560
<v Speaker 2>was about eight or nine students.

0:31:20.760 --> 0:31:24.520
<v Speaker 1>Wow, full house. That's a full house. That's a party.

0:31:25.080 --> 0:31:26.880
<v Speaker 1>I could have squeezed two more in there as a

0:31:26.880 --> 0:31:28.120
<v Speaker 1>baby shower, that's what that is.

0:31:29.320 --> 0:31:31.520
<v Speaker 2>And I remember there was a moment the students are

0:31:31.520 --> 0:31:35.360
<v Speaker 2>watching on and this obstetrician who is such an expert

0:31:36.120 --> 0:31:38.440
<v Speaker 2>he learned over to Laura and he said, hey, you

0:31:38.480 --> 0:31:41.040
<v Speaker 2>know you've really got to push here. Okay, the next

0:31:41.040 --> 0:31:43.680
<v Speaker 2>push on it's really really big, as big as you've got,

0:31:43.720 --> 0:31:48.840
<v Speaker 2>give me everything, and remember you've got to push me away, okay.

0:31:49.640 --> 0:31:52.880
<v Speaker 2>And I remember thinking that's a weird thing to say,

0:31:53.000 --> 0:31:55.040
<v Speaker 2>what do you mean by that? And Laura looked at

0:31:55.120 --> 0:31:57.840
<v Speaker 2>him and gave him a little nod as in, I

0:31:57.920 --> 0:32:03.120
<v Speaker 2>understand what you need. I got this, and she just

0:32:03.640 --> 0:32:09.240
<v Speaker 2>retracted her arms, leant forward and gave this old guy,

0:32:09.320 --> 0:32:13.480
<v Speaker 2>the obstetrician, the biggest push you've ever seen. He went flying.

0:32:14.440 --> 0:32:17.600
<v Speaker 1>He now what was the most regarded obstetrician.

0:32:19.360 --> 0:32:20.240
<v Speaker 2>He was horizontal.

0:32:20.520 --> 0:32:21.120
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god.

0:32:21.440 --> 0:32:24.280
<v Speaker 2>He landed on the floor and I was like, get.

0:32:24.200 --> 0:32:28.240
<v Speaker 1>Him, Laura, do it again. We're getting well, he's down.

0:32:28.680 --> 0:32:34.000
<v Speaker 2>Hey Luck, it's w W. And what he meant, Ash,

0:32:34.040 --> 0:32:36.800
<v Speaker 2>which I now know, is if you push me away,

0:32:36.920 --> 0:32:44.160
<v Speaker 2>I won't have to get involved and exactly, yeah, exactly,

0:32:44.400 --> 0:32:46.680
<v Speaker 2>but Laura and I thought that he meant.

0:32:46.800 --> 0:32:50.680
<v Speaker 1>Push him away physically, which I blame him. Yeah, he

0:32:50.760 --> 0:32:55.480
<v Speaker 1>looks choice be more specific in that moment. Yeah, if

0:32:55.480 --> 0:32:58.080
<v Speaker 1>he's the most regarded, imagine what the least regarded with

0:32:58.440 --> 0:32:58.800
<v Speaker 1>that was.

0:32:59.080 --> 0:33:00.520
<v Speaker 2>That was amateur hour by him.

0:33:00.800 --> 0:33:01.200
<v Speaker 1>Anyway.

0:33:01.560 --> 0:33:04.760
<v Speaker 2>So we got back up and they had to got

0:33:04.760 --> 0:33:06.880
<v Speaker 2>a doctor. What do they call when you have eyotomy?

0:33:07.160 --> 0:33:15.080
<v Speaker 2>Thank you very much, doctor ash. Yes, So that's that's

0:33:15.080 --> 0:33:17.560
<v Speaker 2>how it progressed, which is fucking.

0:33:17.320 --> 0:33:20.160
<v Speaker 1>Horrific for you, especially.

0:33:21.280 --> 0:33:24.200
<v Speaker 2>Similar to yourself. I mean, I can't imagine cesarians obviously

0:33:24.240 --> 0:33:27.560
<v Speaker 2>a step above that, but you're just this person in

0:33:27.560 --> 0:33:30.920
<v Speaker 2>the room who was so useless. I'm so useless other

0:33:31.000 --> 0:33:33.640
<v Speaker 2>than like the odd you're doing. Like in my head,

0:33:33.680 --> 0:33:36.160
<v Speaker 2>I was like, give Laura some encouragements, so like, you're

0:33:36.160 --> 0:33:38.640
<v Speaker 2>doing great, honey, Like you don't.

0:33:38.760 --> 0:33:40.760
<v Speaker 1>I feel like they feel like you don't want to

0:33:40.760 --> 0:33:44.640
<v Speaker 1>be patronizing to oh, you're doing really good.

0:33:45.920 --> 0:33:48.560
<v Speaker 2>So I think holding the hand and if she said

0:33:48.560 --> 0:33:49.720
<v Speaker 2>I want a water like I'd.

0:33:49.600 --> 0:33:52.640
<v Speaker 1>Be yeah, that's like that's all you can do. Like

0:33:53.800 --> 0:34:01.800
<v Speaker 1>water boy, I was two jugs go, but like after that,

0:34:02.000 --> 0:34:04.800
<v Speaker 1>like just smooth sailing through, It's never smooth sailing. Let's

0:34:04.800 --> 0:34:07.240
<v Speaker 1>be completely honest. If you're having a baby, or about

0:34:07.240 --> 0:34:09.800
<v Speaker 1>to have a baby right now, or just had a baby,

0:34:10.200 --> 0:34:13.160
<v Speaker 1>there is no such thing as smooth sailing, as smooth

0:34:13.200 --> 0:34:16.439
<v Speaker 1>as it can be because it's honestly, like I said,

0:34:16.480 --> 0:34:18.439
<v Speaker 1>your life will never be the same once it does.

0:34:18.480 --> 0:34:21.880
<v Speaker 1>Pop out of their screaming its fucking head off, and

0:34:21.920 --> 0:34:24.719
<v Speaker 1>some of them stop screaming, but others like just hadn't

0:34:24.719 --> 0:34:25.760
<v Speaker 1>stopped fucking screaming.

0:34:25.920 --> 0:34:29.760
<v Speaker 2>Marley was was pretty good, like she was pretty quiet, Like, hey,

0:34:31.239 --> 0:34:33.320
<v Speaker 2>she was in her eyes open, she was quite alert.

0:34:33.360 --> 0:34:35.720
<v Speaker 2>I remember them saying, oh, she's quite she's quite alert

0:34:35.840 --> 0:34:36.760
<v Speaker 2>for it.

0:34:36.800 --> 0:34:39.480
<v Speaker 1>Did they did you do the hearing test? And they

0:34:39.480 --> 0:34:42.560
<v Speaker 1>look like a DJ. After the two big things over

0:34:42.760 --> 0:34:46.720
<v Speaker 1>is there's like hearing's all fine, play.

0:34:49.600 --> 0:34:51.680
<v Speaker 2>And then this may not come a surprise ash, But

0:34:51.719 --> 0:34:53.960
<v Speaker 2>I took my clothes off and when.

0:34:53.800 --> 0:34:56.120
<v Speaker 1>Skin to skin you love taking your kid off?

0:34:56.200 --> 0:34:57.799
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, like pants off.

0:34:57.800 --> 0:35:00.839
<v Speaker 1>They're like, sir, not, there's not we meant my skin

0:35:00.880 --> 0:35:01.280
<v Speaker 1>to skin.

0:35:01.760 --> 0:35:04.520
<v Speaker 2>I was shirt off about halfway through. I was, I

0:35:04.719 --> 0:35:07.520
<v Speaker 2>was prepared. I was greased up in the corner. Get

0:35:07.560 --> 0:35:07.920
<v Speaker 2>me this.

0:35:08.040 --> 0:35:11.239
<v Speaker 1>Baby ready to wrestle, Let's go.

0:35:11.960 --> 0:35:13.520
<v Speaker 2>My mum was in the room as well, which was

0:35:13.560 --> 0:35:22.680
<v Speaker 2>quite nice. Clothes both just standing naked. We're ready. But

0:35:22.960 --> 0:35:27.080
<v Speaker 2>I remember when I first held Marley and I was like,

0:35:27.160 --> 0:35:30.480
<v Speaker 2>holy fuck, I am now a dad. You know this

0:35:30.560 --> 0:35:33.520
<v Speaker 2>moment I've been waiting for for nine months. And at

0:35:33.520 --> 0:35:35.600
<v Speaker 2>that moment, I had a little cry and I wasn't

0:35:35.640 --> 0:35:38.080
<v Speaker 2>like a blubbering mess, but I was just like the

0:35:38.360 --> 0:35:42.840
<v Speaker 2>rush of emotion is high, Like nothing a better.

0:35:42.719 --> 0:35:45.359
<v Speaker 1>Experience, totally Yeah, And like I haven't held a lot

0:35:45.400 --> 0:35:48.239
<v Speaker 1>of babies when before that that's a lie.

0:35:48.280 --> 0:35:51.440
<v Speaker 2>You would you would go around the playground. Does he

0:35:51.520 --> 0:35:53.640
<v Speaker 2>want a little want more?

0:35:54.680 --> 0:35:57.359
<v Speaker 1>Honestly, I was like, can I put it down now?

0:35:58.040 --> 0:36:00.879
<v Speaker 1>Because I was I was just like, surely he's uncomfortable.

0:36:01.239 --> 0:36:03.279
<v Speaker 1>I wasn't fit, you know how, like you gotta be

0:36:03.360 --> 0:36:06.200
<v Speaker 1>like occupationally fit for it. I was like, it's getting

0:36:06.239 --> 0:36:06.719
<v Speaker 1>kind of heavy.

0:36:06.800 --> 0:36:11.600
<v Speaker 2>But I was also fucking petrified because yeah, yeah, delicate at.

0:36:11.520 --> 0:36:13.880
<v Speaker 1>The same time, yeah, yeah that Like I had my

0:36:14.120 --> 0:36:16.280
<v Speaker 1>mother in law and my father in law there, like thankfully,

0:36:16.320 --> 0:36:18.080
<v Speaker 1>they were like that's you know, and I was like,

0:36:18.480 --> 0:36:21.799
<v Speaker 1>shake it up, got c Yeah. At the same time,

0:36:21.840 --> 0:36:24.960
<v Speaker 1>I was just like, so hadn't slept either, because I

0:36:25.000 --> 0:36:28.319
<v Speaker 1>was next to April the whole time. Yeah, look, it's

0:36:28.360 --> 0:36:29.760
<v Speaker 1>a whole it's an ordeal.

0:36:29.920 --> 0:36:32.360
<v Speaker 2>And then the reality of parenting.

0:36:32.200 --> 0:36:35.239
<v Speaker 1>Sinks right in when you when you're driving home at

0:36:35.360 --> 0:36:36.839
<v Speaker 1>forty k is an hour, like.

0:36:37.480 --> 0:36:39.480
<v Speaker 2>Is it okay? Still breathing, isn't there?

0:36:39.560 --> 0:36:42.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's still good. The first time they have a

0:36:42.080 --> 0:36:44.880
<v Speaker 1>decent sleep and you're like, is he dead? Yeah, and

0:36:45.080 --> 0:36:46.800
<v Speaker 1>you've got to go in there and finger under the

0:36:49.360 --> 0:36:52.200
<v Speaker 1>I was just opening up and that you're like, fuck,

0:36:54.680 --> 0:36:57.279
<v Speaker 1>well that's a good story, mathey. But let's let's move

0:36:57.320 --> 0:37:01.160
<v Speaker 1>on into my favorite segment, Tell Me Lies.

0:37:01.239 --> 0:37:10.480
<v Speaker 2>Tell me Ash. As always, we dive deep into the

0:37:10.560 --> 0:37:15.520
<v Speaker 2>DM's open you be go on, go on, and we

0:37:15.560 --> 0:37:18.840
<v Speaker 2>select the best lies that are submitted by the dorting,

0:37:18.880 --> 0:37:21.839
<v Speaker 2>moms and dads of social media. We get many, many

0:37:21.880 --> 0:37:22.480
<v Speaker 2>lies we do.

0:37:22.520 --> 0:37:24.360
<v Speaker 1>We get a lot of really good lies. We're helping

0:37:24.400 --> 0:37:25.000
<v Speaker 1>each other out.

0:37:25.120 --> 0:37:28.120
<v Speaker 2>Unfortunately, only time for two ash your best one? What

0:37:28.160 --> 0:37:28.400
<v Speaker 2>do you got?

0:37:28.520 --> 0:37:30.560
<v Speaker 1>Yes, my best one this week? And I can't believe

0:37:30.560 --> 0:37:33.520
<v Speaker 1>we haven't said this one. It's on the list of

0:37:33.600 --> 0:37:36.719
<v Speaker 1>lies that we've received. We keep a list and just

0:37:37.040 --> 0:37:39.400
<v Speaker 1>chog my memory about something I do as well. So

0:37:39.440 --> 0:37:42.560
<v Speaker 1>this one says, when you're at the shop, obviously you

0:37:42.600 --> 0:37:45.120
<v Speaker 1>say all the toys at the shop are display only.

0:37:45.760 --> 0:37:50.319
<v Speaker 1>It's very good. We all know what that's like. You're like, ah, now,

0:37:50.480 --> 0:37:52.440
<v Speaker 1>sometimes you just buy and one to shut them the

0:37:52.600 --> 0:37:56.239
<v Speaker 1>fuck up off the back of this. What we do

0:37:56.320 --> 0:37:58.560
<v Speaker 1>with Oscar is and I did make a video about

0:37:58.560 --> 0:38:00.000
<v Speaker 1>this a while ago, is when we go to the show,

0:38:00.360 --> 0:38:03.680
<v Speaker 1>because they're display only, we take a photo of Oscar

0:38:03.800 --> 0:38:05.960
<v Speaker 1>holding the toy so he can look back at it

0:38:06.040 --> 0:38:11.680
<v Speaker 1>later when it comes to when it comes to his

0:38:11.800 --> 0:38:15.120
<v Speaker 1>birthday or Christmas, and it says like, okay, just to

0:38:15.200 --> 0:38:17.080
<v Speaker 1>remind us what he really really liked.

0:38:18.560 --> 0:38:19.040
<v Speaker 2>Brilliant.

0:38:19.239 --> 0:38:21.960
<v Speaker 1>There you go, brilliant, so that you know they say,

0:38:22.480 --> 0:38:26.120
<v Speaker 1>there's no advice here. Take that one and run with it. Matthew,

0:38:26.160 --> 0:38:29.160
<v Speaker 1>that's all yours. What have you brought for us today?

0:38:29.200 --> 0:38:32.200
<v Speaker 1>I think that's a great lie in general. But there's

0:38:32.280 --> 0:38:33.959
<v Speaker 1>extensions of that lie.

0:38:33.880 --> 0:38:38.000
<v Speaker 2>Okay, Ash This one comes from Jessica. She has submitted

0:38:38.040 --> 0:38:40.880
<v Speaker 2>this one on the two dotting Dad's Instagram page, which

0:38:41.040 --> 0:38:43.680
<v Speaker 2>is the best way to give us your lines if

0:38:43.719 --> 0:38:46.439
<v Speaker 2>you had it read out on the podcast, which I'm

0:38:46.480 --> 0:38:49.720
<v Speaker 2>sure it would be the highlight of one's weak ash Oh.

0:38:49.600 --> 0:38:52.520
<v Speaker 1>And call to action, go and follow it. Please. If

0:38:52.520 --> 0:38:54.920
<v Speaker 1>you're not following it, go and follow it.

0:38:55.000 --> 0:38:58.120
<v Speaker 2>Jump aboard. But Jessica says, I tell my daughter the

0:38:58.200 --> 0:39:00.239
<v Speaker 2>small car the merry go rounds at the show popping

0:39:00.280 --> 0:39:04.839
<v Speaker 2>centers only work on your birthday. So she is now

0:39:04.840 --> 0:39:06.480
<v Speaker 2>two and a half and will run up to the

0:39:06.560 --> 0:39:13.560
<v Speaker 2>kids who's playing on them and say that's great. The

0:39:13.640 --> 0:39:16.280
<v Speaker 2>parents always look at her with a very weird, strange

0:39:16.320 --> 0:39:16.960
<v Speaker 2>look on their face.

0:39:18.600 --> 0:39:22.160
<v Speaker 1>Look, that's really good, that's clever, and what a lovely daughter.

0:39:22.160 --> 0:39:24.719
<v Speaker 1>You're also making people's day as well, because they think

0:39:24.760 --> 0:39:28.360
<v Speaker 1>they're like, it's my birthday, that's great, it's my birthday,

0:39:28.880 --> 0:39:29.480
<v Speaker 1>and the other.

0:39:29.360 --> 0:39:31.440
<v Speaker 2>Parents are like, oh god, no, it's not your birthday to.

0:39:31.400 --> 0:39:35.280
<v Speaker 1>Me there with Oskar, I'm like, look that's clever because

0:39:35.560 --> 0:39:39.560
<v Speaker 1>look those things are spending four bucks ago.

0:39:39.960 --> 0:39:41.960
<v Speaker 2>Inflation hitting hard and do you.

0:39:41.920 --> 0:39:45.480
<v Speaker 1>Know crafty motherfuckers too. They've put the little payWave on there.

0:39:45.840 --> 0:39:48.800
<v Speaker 1>When they were coins, you could easily be like, sorry, sorry, bud,

0:39:49.400 --> 0:39:53.040
<v Speaker 1>don't have any coins because daddy's poor. Now it's just like, look,

0:39:53.400 --> 0:39:54.960
<v Speaker 1>they know they know what it is.

0:39:54.960 --> 0:39:58.040
<v Speaker 2>Because give me your phone, give it.

0:39:58.160 --> 0:40:00.080
<v Speaker 1>And like Oscar knows how to use my phone. You

0:40:00.120 --> 0:40:02.680
<v Speaker 1>know it's my past. Cote.

0:40:02.680 --> 0:40:04.920
<v Speaker 2>You say that kids aren't smart, they fucking they know

0:40:04.960 --> 0:40:07.399
<v Speaker 2>what's going on. You know what's going on. Hey, let's

0:40:07.520 --> 0:40:10.080
<v Speaker 2>answer some listener questions.

0:40:09.760 --> 0:40:13.920
<v Speaker 1>Ashton, Yes, Matthew, how do you stop your toddler getting

0:40:14.040 --> 0:40:16.320
<v Speaker 1>up at the crack of dawn?

0:40:16.719 --> 0:40:19.920
<v Speaker 2>Yes, very good question. Two things that I do, ash

0:40:20.200 --> 0:40:23.160
<v Speaker 2>One is I put them to bed quite late, keep

0:40:23.200 --> 0:40:23.960
<v Speaker 2>them up to midnight.

0:40:26.640 --> 0:40:29.360
<v Speaker 1>I keep them up till four am, and like sleep

0:40:29.400 --> 0:40:29.960
<v Speaker 1>this one off.

0:40:32.000 --> 0:40:34.120
<v Speaker 2>Sometimes I go to bed at eight o'clock and they

0:40:34.160 --> 0:40:36.479
<v Speaker 2>sleep until seven. It's fucking great.

0:40:36.640 --> 0:40:37.279
<v Speaker 1>Seven's good.

0:40:37.640 --> 0:40:38.440
<v Speaker 2>Seven's the dream.

0:40:38.680 --> 0:40:41.279
<v Speaker 1>Seven is good. I just was thinking, like last night,

0:40:41.360 --> 0:40:43.280
<v Speaker 1>how good would it be to get like twelve thirteen

0:40:43.280 --> 0:40:45.800
<v Speaker 1>hours to sleep. They don't know how good they got it, dude.

0:40:46.200 --> 0:40:49.319
<v Speaker 2>Well, when we were away, I think it was maybe

0:40:49.440 --> 0:40:51.279
<v Speaker 2>it was the morning that we left and I had

0:40:51.280 --> 0:40:53.000
<v Speaker 2>to leave here at like five point thirty to get

0:40:53.040 --> 0:40:55.439
<v Speaker 2>to the airport. Laura messaged me and said, the kids

0:40:55.400 --> 0:40:57.160
<v Speaker 2>will slept into like seven forty five.

0:40:57.320 --> 0:40:59.319
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, how good.

0:40:59.520 --> 0:41:03.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. One thing that I've started to do, which long

0:41:03.440 --> 0:41:07.120
<v Speaker 2>term is a fucking nightmare, but short term it's great.

0:41:07.440 --> 0:41:08.239
<v Speaker 1>I laid on me.

0:41:08.400 --> 0:41:12.640
<v Speaker 2>I've started, and it's Lord will be so disappointed in me.

0:41:13.160 --> 0:41:18.319
<v Speaker 2>I've started giving What if it's quite early, say it's

0:41:18.360 --> 0:41:22.240
<v Speaker 2>like the annoying window is between five to six, because

0:41:22.600 --> 0:41:25.000
<v Speaker 2>it's probably too late for them to go back to sleep.

0:41:25.040 --> 0:41:27.319
<v Speaker 2>But you don't want to get up at five o'clock. See, like,

0:41:27.360 --> 0:41:29.880
<v Speaker 2>what can I give them? I will give them a

0:41:29.960 --> 0:41:32.520
<v Speaker 2>baby bottle? So Marley's four, I'll give her a bottle

0:41:32.520 --> 0:41:34.279
<v Speaker 2>of milk and a baby bottle in bed.

0:41:34.400 --> 0:41:37.080
<v Speaker 1>Instead, we should take them back to sleep, not always

0:41:37.080 --> 0:41:39.640
<v Speaker 1>which is quiet. Yeah, just it gives me My kids

0:41:39.640 --> 0:41:41.480
<v Speaker 1>have a bottle every morning, both of them together. That

0:41:41.480 --> 0:41:44.200
<v Speaker 1>it's like a bonding thing like that. I will get

0:41:44.200 --> 0:41:46.040
<v Speaker 1>them up the coming to bed with us and have

0:41:46.040 --> 0:41:48.120
<v Speaker 1>a bottle and then we'll all just sit there. It's

0:41:48.200 --> 0:41:49.160
<v Speaker 1>quite nice.

0:41:49.360 --> 0:41:52.560
<v Speaker 2>I know some people. I remember at the age of two,

0:41:52.760 --> 0:41:56.000
<v Speaker 2>another parent was like, your children are still on bottles.

0:41:55.600 --> 0:41:59.840
<v Speaker 1>And I was like, judgmental, this is a no judge area,

0:42:00.120 --> 0:42:01.960
<v Speaker 1>going to judge whatever's easiest for you.

0:42:02.400 --> 0:42:04.279
<v Speaker 2>Parents told me that the child works up at five

0:42:04.320 --> 0:42:05.960
<v Speaker 2>o'clock and they give them a beer to get to

0:42:06.000 --> 0:42:09.520
<v Speaker 2>go back to sleep. I get it, part of least

0:42:09.520 --> 0:42:13.200
<v Speaker 2>resistances a lot. But now Marley's back on. So I

0:42:13.239 --> 0:42:16.440
<v Speaker 2>have to have to say to Marley, I don't.

0:42:16.200 --> 0:42:16.759
<v Speaker 1>Don't tell mom.

0:42:16.800 --> 0:42:19.520
<v Speaker 2>Don't tell mom, which shouldn't do that. Secrets are bad.

0:42:19.800 --> 0:42:23.160
<v Speaker 2>But then so Marley will come to me and she's like, hey, Dad,

0:42:23.719 --> 0:42:26.400
<v Speaker 2>give me a bottle. But it's it's like four in

0:42:26.400 --> 0:42:29.640
<v Speaker 2>the afternoon. It's not going to happen.

0:42:29.719 --> 0:42:31.920
<v Speaker 1>We've changed, like our school have oat milk and it's

0:42:31.960 --> 0:42:34.520
<v Speaker 1>a really good way. Fuck, I'm full against today.

0:42:34.640 --> 0:42:37.280
<v Speaker 2>You belong in the Eastern suburbs. Mate, giving your fucking

0:42:37.360 --> 0:42:43.720
<v Speaker 2>kids intolerance, Ah is siliac as well, fucking a glutton.

0:42:44.560 --> 0:42:47.120
<v Speaker 1>Here's a handy hint, Matthew. It's a really good way

0:42:47.120 --> 0:42:49.239
<v Speaker 1>to get your kids to drink water as you put

0:42:49.239 --> 0:42:51.920
<v Speaker 1>a bit of milk in, heat it up for thirty seconds,

0:42:52.239 --> 0:42:54.160
<v Speaker 1>then you cool it down a bit, with the rest

0:42:54.160 --> 0:42:57.239
<v Speaker 1>of it being water. Yes, bam, hydrated.

0:42:58.040 --> 0:42:59.120
<v Speaker 2>I feel like everyone does that.

0:42:59.360 --> 0:43:01.720
<v Speaker 1>Oh okay, well so fuck myself.

0:43:03.360 --> 0:43:05.600
<v Speaker 2>What you're telling me is effectively just like, hey, it's

0:43:05.600 --> 0:43:06.560
<v Speaker 2>a thing called a dummy.

0:43:07.320 --> 0:43:12.719
<v Speaker 1>There's a thing called like general knowledge no shit, Ash, Yeah, okay, right,

0:43:13.560 --> 0:43:14.600
<v Speaker 1>next question.

0:43:14.800 --> 0:43:18.719
<v Speaker 2>What surprised you the most about becoming a parent? Ash?

0:43:18.800 --> 0:43:25.240
<v Speaker 1>Hmmm, I'm surprised that I went thirty years without using wipes?

0:43:25.680 --> 0:43:28.839
<v Speaker 1>What do you mean, like, I can't live without them?

0:43:28.880 --> 0:43:31.200
<v Speaker 1>I think we've been over this before, but I just

0:43:31.239 --> 0:43:34.400
<v Speaker 1>want to stress I love wipes. It's the best thing

0:43:34.440 --> 0:43:36.440
<v Speaker 1>about having kids. They are one of them, and I'm

0:43:36.480 --> 0:43:39.279
<v Speaker 1>surprised how did I live without them? Not wiping on

0:43:39.360 --> 0:43:43.600
<v Speaker 1>my anus, which which I know you're assuming what I mean, Well,

0:43:43.640 --> 0:43:44.120
<v Speaker 1>I use.

0:43:43.960 --> 0:43:46.240
<v Speaker 2>Them sometimes sometimes if it's a it's.

0:43:46.080 --> 0:43:51.360
<v Speaker 1>A treat, I use it. Like with food, I'm like,

0:43:51.440 --> 0:43:53.319
<v Speaker 1>I got a burrito here, I'm like, where are your

0:43:53.360 --> 0:43:55.960
<v Speaker 1>wipes them?

0:43:56.200 --> 0:43:57.719
<v Speaker 2>I have to make sure that when you come over

0:43:57.760 --> 0:43:59.520
<v Speaker 2>to record that we have enough wipes.

0:44:00.080 --> 0:44:02.760
<v Speaker 1>All that you've got like one of those enormously.

0:44:02.800 --> 0:44:04.000
<v Speaker 2>This is for the kids.

0:44:04.239 --> 0:44:06.920
<v Speaker 1>Don't touch these wipes. These are for Uncle Ash.

0:44:07.000 --> 0:44:12.680
<v Speaker 2>It's super sad, but also it's quite handy as well.

0:44:12.719 --> 0:44:15.800
<v Speaker 2>If the benchtop's quite messy, little chiky white.

0:44:15.680 --> 0:44:18.120
<v Speaker 1>I wipe the floor with it yesterday. Man, I'll wipe

0:44:18.160 --> 0:44:23.160
<v Speaker 1>anything with it. I'll wash the car with them. This

0:44:23.280 --> 0:44:26.880
<v Speaker 1>is I'm just out there.

0:44:26.920 --> 0:44:27.719
<v Speaker 2>They are bloody great.

0:44:27.760 --> 0:44:29.920
<v Speaker 1>They are great. They are great anyway, so I'm surprised

0:44:29.920 --> 0:44:34.239
<v Speaker 1>I've got through my whole life before having kids. So

0:44:34.239 --> 0:44:36.040
<v Speaker 1>I've got them to thank them for that.

0:44:36.200 --> 0:44:41.920
<v Speaker 2>I guess for me, it's just how much of a.

0:44:40.440 --> 0:44:41.280
<v Speaker 1>Loser you are.

0:44:42.920 --> 0:44:45.960
<v Speaker 2>Emotional, I now crime more than ever.

0:44:46.360 --> 0:44:47.600
<v Speaker 1>Look, no one wants to hear that. That's all we

0:44:47.640 --> 0:44:48.200
<v Speaker 1>got time for.

0:44:48.320 --> 0:44:49.399
<v Speaker 2>Okay, Well, thanks much.

0:44:50.880 --> 0:44:54.200
<v Speaker 1>Remember to if you like this episode, please go leave

0:44:54.200 --> 0:44:57.960
<v Speaker 1>a review, leave a review, subscribe, jump on our Instagram.

0:44:57.520 --> 0:44:59.480
<v Speaker 2>If you aren't going to give us a review, and

0:44:59.480 --> 0:45:01.719
<v Speaker 2>you're going to drop in and give us five stars.

0:45:02.440 --> 0:45:05.680
<v Speaker 2>I love it so much reading the reviews. Yeah that

0:45:05.920 --> 0:45:08.200
<v Speaker 2>it makes my week. And when I see someone's left

0:45:08.200 --> 0:45:11.960
<v Speaker 2>a review as a number of stars and not written anything.

0:45:12.480 --> 0:45:16.040
<v Speaker 1>It's worthless. It's not. It's such a tease and make

0:45:16.080 --> 0:45:18.360
<v Speaker 1>sure you follow a long hour Instagram because we do

0:45:18.400 --> 0:45:20.399
<v Speaker 1>some giveaways here or there. We've got some stuff coming

0:45:20.480 --> 0:45:23.200
<v Speaker 1>up back end of the year. Of course, Father's.

0:45:22.880 --> 0:45:25.839
<v Speaker 2>Day always coming up, is coming up, so jump on.

0:45:26.040 --> 0:45:28.880
<v Speaker 2>And if you know a parent out there or maybe

0:45:29.120 --> 0:45:31.120
<v Speaker 2>could be to someone's having a shit day and they

0:45:31.120 --> 0:45:33.600
<v Speaker 2>don't have kids, they're probably going to be like, why

0:45:33.600 --> 0:45:35.200
<v Speaker 2>are you sending me a parenting podcast?

0:45:35.239 --> 0:45:37.680
<v Speaker 1>Afterwards they'll feel better about not having kids.

0:45:38.200 --> 0:45:40.000
<v Speaker 2>If you know a parent out there who's doing it tough,

0:45:40.080 --> 0:45:42.200
<v Speaker 2>needs to laugh and they want to hear two dads

0:45:42.440 --> 0:45:45.960
<v Speaker 2>talk about how bad they are at parenting, send them this.

0:45:46.280 --> 0:45:50.200
<v Speaker 2>That's why we are here and Ash, I think we

0:45:50.239 --> 0:45:52.280
<v Speaker 2>should pack up and get.

0:45:52.160 --> 0:45:54.239
<v Speaker 1>Out of here. So you guy than.

0:46:01.560 --> 0:46:05.200
<v Speaker 2>Two Doting Dads. Podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country

0:46:05.200 --> 0:46:08.920
<v Speaker 2>throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community.

0:46:09.160 --> 0:46:11.680
<v Speaker 1>We pay our respects to their elders past and present

0:46:11.719 --> 0:46:14.800
<v Speaker 1>and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate islander

0:46:14.840 --> 0:46:18.480
<v Speaker 1>peoples today. This episode was recorded on gadagal Land