Speaker 1: In the fast paced, work focused world we live in,
Speaker 1: is hitting burnout now just inevitable for all of us.
Speaker 1: Last year I suffered from intense burnout and hit an
Speaker 1: all time work low, and a close friend who helped
Speaker 1: me through this period was Sabina Read, a psychologist who's
Speaker 1: a regular contributor on threeaw and the host of the
Speaker 1: Human Cogs podcast. And it was on one of our
Speaker 1: regular catch up walks that I confessed my experience of
Speaker 1: burnout to Sabina, and it was her advice and understanding
Speaker 1: that helped me work through it. Welcome to How I Work,
Speaker 1: a show about habits, rituals, and strategies for optimizing your date.
Speaker 1: I'm your host, doctor Amantha Imber. On today's quick Win episode,
Speaker 1: we go back to an interview from the past and
Speaker 1: I'd pick out a quick win that you can apply today.
Speaker 1: So last year, when I was suffering from a burnout,
Speaker 1: I was grappling with a few different decisions and Sabina
Speaker 1: offered me some incredible advice about walking the different paths.
Speaker 1: So I knew I had to get her back to
Speaker 1: share it for the podcast.
Speaker 2: But I think what you and I were talking about
Speaker 2: then was some fear based things about what if, what
Speaker 2: if this happens, what if that happens? And I find
Speaker 2: a really useful response or a strategy to that is
Speaker 2: to not just in your mind and not just in
Speaker 2: a journal, and not just talking and not just therapy,
Speaker 2: but to actually take some physical steps thinking about what
Speaker 2: would happen if that came to fruition or if I
Speaker 2: took that path, and then physically to walk back to
Speaker 2: your starting point and physically to walk down a separate
Speaker 2: path in a different direction. I mean, physically move your
Speaker 2: body in a different direction. I think I said to you.
Speaker 2: There's something called chair work in psychology which kind of
Speaker 2: uses similar principles, where you're inviting one part of a person.
Speaker 2: We're all made up of parts, and these parts are conflicting,
Speaker 2: and these parts need to talk to each other. And
Speaker 2: in chair work, in the therapeutic setting, you're inviting one
Speaker 2: part of a person. So perhaps a part that wants
Speaker 2: to leave, let's say, leave a job, leave a marriage,
Speaker 2: change something, and then another part wants to stay and
Speaker 2: wants the status quote. So we can all relate to
Speaker 2: those even outside of the work domain. And there's something
Speaker 2: about actually inviting a person to sit in chair A
Speaker 2: and talk for part A, and then sit in the
Speaker 2: second chair and talk for part B and the physical
Speaker 2: movement from chair. Now, as I'm saying this, there'll be
Speaker 2: people listening to this sounds bonkers. Why would you ask
Speaker 2: someone to get up and say a few sentences in
Speaker 2: one chair and then move themselves to the next chair.
Speaker 2: But it's a way to shake off some of the
Speaker 2: PRECONCEPD ideas, the faulty thinking, the expectations, the shoulds, and
Speaker 2: just be clear with that part and let that part
Speaker 2: have a voice. So the physicality matters. It shifts something
Speaker 2: in our physiology. And what I think you and I
Speaker 2: were talking about in the park was physically taking yourself
Speaker 2: down that path and imagining. And I'm closing my eyes
Speaker 2: as I'm saying it, but what would it feel like?
Speaker 2: Who would be there, what would it smell like? What
Speaker 2: would I do with my time? How would I be
Speaker 2: as a partner, what would be like as a parent,
Speaker 2: where would I live? Whatever? All the questions are. And
Speaker 2: then going back down starting point and going you know,
Speaker 2: down path B and asking the same questions and something
Speaker 2: around the physical walking through allows us to really imagine
Speaker 2: it before we shut it down.
Speaker 1: I found that strategy very very helpful, you know. And
Speaker 1: I think as like as I contemplated, you know, just
Speaker 1: different scenarios with the different decision points that I had
Speaker 1: throughout twenty twenty four, I think it helped me make better,
Speaker 1: clearer decisions using that strategy. It's funny twenties when I
Speaker 1: studied costalt therapy, I did so much empty chair work.
Speaker 2: Okay, so you're well familiar.
Speaker 1: I've spoken to many an empty chair.
Speaker 2: Ah, they're great company, aren't they.
Speaker 1: Love an empty chair? Although I think after doing about
Speaker 1: three or four years of costalt therapy, I am this
Speaker 1: is you as a client, This is me as a client.
Speaker 1: So I studied as a therapist, but I saw a
Speaker 1: gastalt therapist as a client. And I think after about
Speaker 1: four years of talking to empty chairs, you were ready
Speaker 1: for a human enough.
Speaker 2: Yes, you know, we were just talking off air briefly,
Speaker 2: then around what are the tactics? What are the strategies?
Speaker 2: And I think we need to understand this is not
Speaker 2: something you wrap in a bow and lately take forward
Speaker 2: and see you never burn out. This is about actually
Speaker 2: knowing who we are at our very core. We need
Speaker 2: to know what I need, I need to know what
Speaker 2: I need and I need to understand and when I
Speaker 2: ignore that, at what cost it comes to me. I
Speaker 2: also need to understand and feel and appreciate the dynamics
Speaker 2: between me and others in my life at this relational piece,
Speaker 2: professionally and personally. And again, now, we can't always honor
Speaker 2: our own needs in a relationship because there's other people
Speaker 2: at play. So let's just give an example. When you
Speaker 2: are in the company of someone that you find exhausting
Speaker 2: and depleting, that can be a factor towards burnout. It's
Speaker 2: not the only factor, but can be a cumulative factor.
Speaker 2: The only person who can change that is you. You
Speaker 2: can either have a conversation with the person or multiple
Speaker 2: conversations to talk about what happens in their orbit, or
Speaker 2: you can just depending on the relationship and how high
Speaker 2: stakes a relationship is, you can just say I'm not
Speaker 2: going to spend time in this person's company anymore because
Speaker 2: it is emptying my tank. Knowing what I need, knowing
Speaker 2: what we need, and then also knowing some of the
Speaker 2: external contextual pressures that happen to all of us as workers,
Speaker 2: as parents, as partners, as humans, and in the context
Speaker 2: also of a world that's spinning out of control. And
Speaker 2: then we couple that with all of these shoulds, and
Speaker 2: so we ignore and we put our blinkers back on,
Speaker 2: and we think, well, everyone else seem's fine, so I'll
Speaker 2: escape marching along, or you said, I'll take a holiday.
Speaker 2: I'm going to go to Vietnam and a staycation in Melbourne.
Speaker 2: And then when I got back, I felt fine. Band
Speaker 2: aid good good, I mean a powerful band aid, but
Speaker 2: it's not a permanent fix. And then you describe, well,
Speaker 2: after a couple of weeks, some of the same experiences
Speaker 2: start to set in again, and you think, damn, I
Speaker 2: was doing so fine, and that's why I said, what
Speaker 2: were the ingredients? How do we unpack that? How do
Speaker 2: we define that? And we didn't even finish that, but
Speaker 2: you said very clearly I wasn't contactable or responsible for
Speaker 2: other people. Then you go back to the world, the job,
Speaker 2: the life you were living, and now, of course we
Speaker 2: all have some responsibility to other people, but with what
Speaker 2: magnitude and to how many is probably in our control.
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed this quick win with Sabina Reid.
Speaker 1: If you'd like to listen to the full interview, you
Speaker 1: can find a link to that in the show notes.
Speaker 1: If you like today's show, make sure you hit follow
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Speaker 1: How I Work was recorded on the traditional land of
Speaker 1: the warrangery people, part of the Cooler Nation.