1
00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:06,479
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Family's podcast.

2
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:10,280
Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just

3
00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:14,560
Speaker 2: wants answers Now, Kylie.

4
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:16,680
Speaker 1: For the first let's say, twenty years of our marriage,

5
00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:19,520
Speaker 1: it was always just family holidays, you meet the kids,

6
00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:22,319
Speaker 1: we said. In fact, we were explicit about this. We

7
00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:25,560
Speaker 1: would watch people who would go on holidays solo and say,

8
00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:28,560
Speaker 1: why would they do that? How could they leave each other?

9
00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:31,560
Speaker 1: Imagine going a holiday, going on a holiday on your own.

10
00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:33,960
Speaker 3: I think part of the reason we felt that way, though,

11
00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:37,400
Speaker 3: was because we'd actually never experienced a real holiday.

12
00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:38,160
Speaker 1: Well, that's true.

13
00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:41,640
Speaker 3: All about holidays were sleeping in family.

14
00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:44,360
Speaker 1: The loundry, to your parents place, at my parents' place.

15
00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:47,800
Speaker 1: We didn't have holidays for like the first fifteen eighteen

16
00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:49,880
Speaker 1: years of our marriage. Really we didn't have the money

17
00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:53,240
Speaker 1: for it. But over time, of course, we've been able

18
00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:55,600
Speaker 1: to start to have some holidays, and maybe five years

19
00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:59,120
Speaker 1: ago you started to have some girls trips, or you'd

20
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:02,440
Speaker 1: either go solo and do your own thing, or you

21
00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:05,360
Speaker 1: would go on a girl's trip away. And so in

22
00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:07,600
Speaker 1: today's podcast, what we thought we'd do, and this is

23
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:10,039
Speaker 1: partly inspired by our experience, but also partly inspired by

24
00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:13,319
Speaker 1: an article that I stumbled across recently looking at the

25
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:15,800
Speaker 1: idea of girls trips. Thought we talk about the good,

26
00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:18,080
Speaker 1: the bad, the ugly, whether it's a good idea or

27
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:21,480
Speaker 1: not to go on holiday with a bunch of girls

28
00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:24,800
Speaker 1: or a bunch of guys and leave your husband or

29
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:27,520
Speaker 1: wife or partner at home to hold onto the home

30
00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:30,240
Speaker 1: front and manage the kids and keep everything going on

31
00:01:30,319 --> 00:01:34,280
Speaker 1: their own while you go and party. Good idea, bad idea?

32
00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:38,240
Speaker 1: Where do we land on this? In this article, it's

33
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:41,360
Speaker 1: very much about saying girls need to get away and

34
00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:43,760
Speaker 1: have their trips at every age. And I love this.

35
00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:46,440
Speaker 1: The questions that this author gets in order of frequency

36
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,960
Speaker 1: at number one, how are you affording this? And in

37
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,960
Speaker 1: bracket she says by saving? How are you managing this

38
00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:57,000
Speaker 1: with work? And this particular author says, I'm self employed,

39
00:01:57,600 --> 00:02:00,960
Speaker 1: but most of my friends have to jug annual leave

40
00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:03,560
Speaker 1: with a month that has a whole lot of public

41
00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:06,680
Speaker 1: holidays in or something like that. And then the third

42
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:10,440
Speaker 1: question is don't your partner's mind And the big answer

43
00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:13,680
Speaker 1: here was no, they don't. So I want to talk

44
00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:16,120
Speaker 1: about this idea of how do you make it happen?

45
00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:18,800
Speaker 1: Should you make it happen? Does it work? Doesn't it work?

46
00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:20,840
Speaker 1: If it's going to work, what do you need to

47
00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:24,360
Speaker 1: be mindful of? So much, so much rich material for

48
00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:27,080
Speaker 1: us to dive into. Where do you want to start?

49
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:30,000
Speaker 3: Well, I think there's a really big difference between girls

50
00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:32,919
Speaker 3: trips and boys trips. Yeah, yes, yes, and the way

51
00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:35,960
Speaker 3: they're perceived, So maybe start there.

52
00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:38,840
Speaker 1: Okay, So I'm going to say this. I get nervous

53
00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:41,440
Speaker 1: about girls trips, and maybe I shouldn't say this.

54
00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:44,520
Speaker 2: I'm going to get I might get canceled for saying this,

55
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,760
Speaker 2: But I get worried about girl's trips because when a

56
00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,639
Speaker 2: whole bunch of girls get together, especially if there's any

57
00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:51,600
Speaker 2: unhappiness and misery in some of those relationships, I become

58
00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:53,440
Speaker 2: really nervous that you might.

59
00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:56,040
Speaker 1: Go away and then come back and end up bearing

60
00:02:56,040 --> 00:03:00,000
Speaker 1: the load of relationship drama, like it's contagious, and I

61
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,400
Speaker 1: I would hate for you to go away and have

62
00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:04,000
Speaker 1: all the emotional baggage and burden, and yet at the

63
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:08,680
Speaker 1: same time the emotional intensity girls' trips. I suppose when

64
00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:11,640
Speaker 1: girls get together there's deep conversations and there's emotional bonding

65
00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:14,959
Speaker 1: and that kind of thing. So I want to tread

66
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:16,680
Speaker 1: carefully when I say this. Can you say this more

67
00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:18,639
Speaker 1: delicately than me so that I don't sound like I'm

68
00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:21,160
Speaker 1: just being a grumpy guy around this one.

69
00:03:21,639 --> 00:03:24,000
Speaker 3: So I think the people that you spend time with

70
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:27,400
Speaker 3: is so important. There's that idea out there that the

71
00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:30,359
Speaker 3: five people you spend the most time with is kind

72
00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:31,200
Speaker 3: of the person you become.

73
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:32,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, you become the average of those five people.

74
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:35,720
Speaker 3: Yeah. And so I remember in the early days when

75
00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:38,080
Speaker 3: you and I first got married and we had our

76
00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:41,520
Speaker 3: first child, and I was attending mum's groups, and I

77
00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:43,800
Speaker 3: would go along, and I would sit in a room

78
00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:47,360
Speaker 3: full of disgruntled women who were really unhappy with their

79
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:50,160
Speaker 3: partners and would spend the whole hour and a half

80
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:52,760
Speaker 3: we were together while we're supposed to enjoy each other's time,

81
00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:55,920
Speaker 3: just bashing their husbands. And I would come home feeling

82
00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:59,280
Speaker 3: just a little bit bewildered by it because I wasn't

83
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:00,520
Speaker 3: having those experiences.

84
00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:03,080
Speaker 1: I remember those conversations. You'd come home and say, they

85
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:05,720
Speaker 1: don't they don't like the father of their children.

86
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:10,560
Speaker 3: This is a pretty serious issue here, and that early on,

87
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,760
Speaker 3: like you think about new relationships off and you're in

88
00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:17,839
Speaker 3: that honeymoon state, right, So everything's beautiful and golden and rich.

89
00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:22,080
Speaker 3: And so for me, the most important thing about any

90
00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:25,000
Speaker 3: kind of trip, like extended trip, that you're going to

91
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:27,640
Speaker 3: spend time with, you want to actually be with people

92
00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:28,520
Speaker 3: that elevate you.

93
00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:30,840
Speaker 1: That you choose your companions carefully.

94
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:34,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, And I think that that is such

95
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:35,800
Speaker 3: an important part of the process.

96
00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:38,280
Speaker 1: I was thinking about it as well. And this is

97
00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:40,000
Speaker 1: probably for both girls and guys, but I'll say it

98
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,320
Speaker 1: in the girl's trip, just the challenge of crawling underneath

99
00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:45,479
Speaker 1: the barbed wire of finding the time, the annual leave

100
00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:48,479
Speaker 1: if you're an employee, or trying to work out how

101
00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:50,320
Speaker 1: you're going to do that. I guess there's a second

102
00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:53,120
Speaker 1: element to this that's very much about the girls, and

103
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:57,400
Speaker 1: that is just dancing through the mine field of kids

104
00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:02,560
Speaker 1: and your husband or partner and their expectations and potential

105
00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:04,960
Speaker 1: winching and whining about strategic and confidence. I don't know

106
00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:06,280
Speaker 1: how to do it. I don't know where the kids

107
00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:07,800
Speaker 1: have to be on which day, and I don't think

108
00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:10,480
Speaker 1: that I can cook the meals. And that's something when

109
00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:12,640
Speaker 1: we've talked about this on social media, that's something that

110
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,560
Speaker 1: comes up all the time. I could never do that.

111
00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:17,320
Speaker 1: I could never leave my husband to look after the

112
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,400
Speaker 1: kids for a week or four days while I go

113
00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:20,560
Speaker 1: away with the girls.

114
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:24,640
Speaker 3: I've had so many conversations since I took my first

115
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:28,480
Speaker 3: solo trip what nearly five years ago now, and I'm

116
00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:33,159
Speaker 3: really mindful that doing it is hard for lots of

117
00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:33,960
Speaker 3: different reasons.

118
00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:37,120
Speaker 1: And it's hard for you because you're going away and trusting,

119
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:40,680
Speaker 1: and it's then hard for dad or partner who's at

120
00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:42,159
Speaker 1: home doing it all one hundred percent.

121
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,480
Speaker 3: And the reason I went on my very first trip

122
00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:48,240
Speaker 3: wasn't about going on a holiday. I was so burnt

123
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:51,960
Speaker 3: out and I needed the space because I knew my

124
00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:55,320
Speaker 3: life and where I was mentally, emotionally and physically was

125
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:56,480
Speaker 3: not where I wanted to be.

126
00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:58,200
Speaker 1: And can I just say two things about this. Number One,

127
00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:01,039
Speaker 1: I actively encouraged you to go. Number Two, I nailed

128
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:04,160
Speaker 1: it while you were gone. It was amazing. I was like, yes,

129
00:06:04,279 --> 00:06:04,920
Speaker 1: I've got it.

130
00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:08,440
Speaker 3: But this is the thing. It was a joint decision.

131
00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:11,200
Speaker 3: I didn't put my foot down and say I'm doing

132
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,560
Speaker 3: this regardless of what you think. I've got to go.

133
00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:16,640
Speaker 3: I didn't say I have to be gone for this

134
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:19,800
Speaker 3: amount of time. We sat together in this place and

135
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:23,000
Speaker 3: recognized that we were I was in a hard place,

136
00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:26,120
Speaker 3: and I just needed a little bit of breathing space

137
00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:29,920
Speaker 3: so I could actually see my reality for what it

138
00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:32,960
Speaker 3: was and not for what I felt like it was

139
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,000
Speaker 3: in that place where I felt like the blinders were

140
00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:37,839
Speaker 3: so heavy that I could only see the tip of

141
00:06:37,839 --> 00:06:38,200
Speaker 3: my nose.

142
00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:41,000
Speaker 1: So not to dads. Not to dads, You've got to

143
00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:43,560
Speaker 1: deal with the just the logistics, okay, And there's obviously

144
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:47,440
Speaker 1: the financial elements, and there's clearly going to be a

145
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:50,240
Speaker 1: major shift in the dynamic while your wife or partner

146
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:53,159
Speaker 1: is away. But I just think if you're in a

147
00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:54,960
Speaker 1: situation where you can save up and set this as

148
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:57,920
Speaker 1: a goal, I know how good it is when you

149
00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,440
Speaker 1: come home. You feel like a different person, You feel

150
00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:03,719
Speaker 1: so refreshed and so good about life, and we're also

151
00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,599
Speaker 1: thrilled to have you home. I mean, it's just a

152
00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:11,600
Speaker 1: wonderful reunion. I would encourage dads to actively pursue this

153
00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:14,840
Speaker 1: as a hate hunt. Go on a girl's trip, or

154
00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:16,760
Speaker 1: go and have a solo trip and go somewhere and

155
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:20,960
Speaker 1: isolate yourself and spend a couple of days relaxing and

156
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,840
Speaker 1: pulling it together so that we can be strong again

157
00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:27,000
Speaker 1: for the next little while. I just reckoned. There's so

158
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:31,640
Speaker 1: much value in it, and I think mums need to

159
00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:34,600
Speaker 1: be encouraged, actively, encouraged to go and do it.

160
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:36,920
Speaker 3: I was having a conversation with a really good friend

161
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:40,160
Speaker 3: of mine and she is so burnt out, she is

162
00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:43,760
Speaker 3: so stretched, and I said, you need a couple of

163
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:46,520
Speaker 3: days away wherever it is. It doesn't have to be

164
00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:49,640
Speaker 3: an expensive getaway. Just go and do this for yourself.

165
00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:51,040
Speaker 3: And she just looked at me and she said, I

166
00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:53,800
Speaker 3: couldn't do it. She said, there's just so many moving

167
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:55,880
Speaker 3: parts in our house. She said, my kids are all

168
00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:58,480
Speaker 3: at different stages. I'd be scared that someone would get

169
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,880
Speaker 3: hurt and I wasn't here to fix it. I don't

170
00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:02,520
Speaker 3: even think my husband would know where to find the

171
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,320
Speaker 3: band aids if he needed them. You know that kind

172
00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:07,480
Speaker 3: of thing. And I think for so many of us,

173
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:11,840
Speaker 3: we become martyrs to the life that we've chosen. We've

174
00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:12,760
Speaker 3: chosen at.

175
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,840
Speaker 1: I know the couple you're talking about, and the thing

176
00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:17,320
Speaker 1: I know about them is that he would be fine.

177
00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:19,960
Speaker 1: He would be thrilled for the opportunity to.

178
00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:22,440
Speaker 3: Just and friends would step in, and you know, extended

179
00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:25,200
Speaker 3: family would step in if it was needed, Like we

180
00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:29,640
Speaker 3: don't have to be martyrs to the experiences that we're having,

181
00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:32,080
Speaker 3: but so many of us choose to be because we

182
00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:35,520
Speaker 3: can't fathom that somebody else will come along and do

183
00:08:35,559 --> 00:08:38,720
Speaker 3: things differently. And that's what comes down to. Your husband

184
00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:40,800
Speaker 3: will do things differently to you, and it is not

185
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:43,960
Speaker 3: necessarily going to look pretty and it's not necessarily going

186
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:47,360
Speaker 3: to be what you want. But are your children safe?

187
00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:50,920
Speaker 3: Are your children going to be okay? Are your children

188
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:56,760
Speaker 3: going to enjoy the novelty of doing things differently? Possibly,

189
00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:58,120
Speaker 3: and you're all going to be better off for it

190
00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:01,520
Speaker 3: at the other end, because you come home refreshed, rejuvenated,

191
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:04,800
Speaker 3: and ready to jump back into life again. And your

192
00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:08,559
Speaker 3: kids will either appreciate you more than they've ever appreciated

193
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:11,600
Speaker 3: you before because that totally messed it up, or be

194
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:14,160
Speaker 3: grateful to have you back because they've missed your presence.

195
00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:16,480
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, Okay. Up next, we need to talk

196
00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:17,520
Speaker 1: about boys trips.

197
00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:25,600
Speaker 3: So I've had a lot to say about girls trips

198
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:28,880
Speaker 3: because obviously I have now experienced them, But we're going

199
00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:31,120
Speaker 3: to talk about boys trips. And what's interesting about this

200
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:33,960
Speaker 3: is you've actually never done one no no, and we've

201
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:37,359
Speaker 3: had conversations about this because you have seen the benefits

202
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:38,880
Speaker 3: that have come from me having a little bit of

203
00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:42,200
Speaker 3: time away. And you made a decision last year that

204
00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:44,680
Speaker 3: you were going to go on a surfing trip. That's right.

205
00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:46,839
Speaker 1: I decided to book a surfing trip. I decided to

206
00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:47,880
Speaker 1: book a boy's trip, and.

207
00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:50,000
Speaker 3: Then you decided to invite me.

208
00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:55,600
Speaker 1: I'm not sure that I decided to invite you so

209
00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:57,240
Speaker 1: much as I told you where I was going and

210
00:09:57,280 --> 00:10:00,760
Speaker 1: it was a bucket list destination, and you said, and

211
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:04,040
Speaker 1: then you look at me with those eyes, you can't

212
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:06,000
Speaker 1: put this one on me. You looked at me with

213
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:08,600
Speaker 1: those eyes and said, I've always wanted to go there.

214
00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:11,040
Speaker 1: That's what you said.

215
00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:13,360
Speaker 3: I did say that, but I think it had more

216
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:14,559
Speaker 3: to do with the fact that you didn't want to

217
00:10:14,559 --> 00:10:15,960
Speaker 3: go to bed on your own each night.

218
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:18,840
Speaker 1: I travel so much, I spent so much time in hotels,

219
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,520
Speaker 1: and I didn't want to be on my own. And

220
00:10:21,559 --> 00:10:23,760
Speaker 1: apart from that, only one of the guys said, yeah,

221
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:26,520
Speaker 1: I'm in Ell. The other guys said no, you didn't

222
00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:31,480
Speaker 1: want to have a romance, not at all. So as

223
00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:34,559
Speaker 1: I've talked to other guys and listen to the conversations

224
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:36,800
Speaker 1: that happened, I just want to highlight that when it

225
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,960
Speaker 1: comes to boys trips, there are a few points of friction.

226
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,680
Speaker 1: There are a few unique obstacles that relate to boys trips.

227
00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:46,480
Speaker 1: Boys don't or men husbands whatever, don't have the same

228
00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:50,880
Speaker 1: I guess headache in terms of are you going to

229
00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:54,880
Speaker 1: be all right honey if I leave for a few days.

230
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:56,559
Speaker 1: That seems to be a girl's thing. It seems to

231
00:10:56,559 --> 00:10:57,240
Speaker 1: be a women thing.

232
00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:00,920
Speaker 3: And I have again, as we've gone throughout married life together,

233
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:04,800
Speaker 3: the conversations I have with my friends whose husbands have

234
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:05,920
Speaker 3: had this boy's trip that.

235
00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:08,199
Speaker 1: They do every year, right the golf trip or the

236
00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,800
Speaker 1: fishing trip, or the surfing trip or the cycling trip order.

237
00:11:10,559 --> 00:11:14,800
Speaker 3: It becomes a place of resentment in their relationship because

238
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:19,400
Speaker 3: the wife never does it, either from her own decision

239
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:22,480
Speaker 3: that it couldn't possibly work. I can't possibly do it,

240
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:25,959
Speaker 3: as in the case that we've just shared, or her

241
00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:28,960
Speaker 3: husband never thinks to encourage her to do it. It's

242
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:32,240
Speaker 3: not it's not even a conversation piece. It's just accepted

243
00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,000
Speaker 3: that I go off and do it, but you have

244
00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:35,640
Speaker 3: to stay home and look after the kids because I

245
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:37,000
Speaker 3: couldn't possibly do your job.

246
00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:40,640
Speaker 1: So my boys trip that you're coming along on is

247
00:11:40,679 --> 00:11:43,559
Speaker 1: only a few weeks away, and I'm I'm so excited

248
00:11:43,559 --> 00:11:45,120
Speaker 1: for it. I'm really really looking forward to.

249
00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:46,960
Speaker 3: It, so am I Because while you're surfing, I'm going

250
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:50,040
Speaker 3: to sit in the mass argea, get a good massage

251
00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:51,199
Speaker 3: and read a book by the police.

252
00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:53,679
Speaker 1: So we're having a We're having a joint boys and

253
00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:55,520
Speaker 1: girls trip. That's what I'm doing.

254
00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:58,559
Speaker 3: Well, thankfully your mate's bringing his wife too, so we will.

255
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:02,160
Speaker 1: Yeah. So the the concerns that I see, the things

256
00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:05,960
Speaker 1: that I see coming up. First off, often boys trips

257
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:10,679
Speaker 1: are associated with heavy drinking and rowdy behavior just boys

258
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:14,280
Speaker 1: being boys. I don't like that phrase, but I think

259
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:16,559
Speaker 1: that it says everything. And there's also and I really

260
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,680
Speaker 1: hate to say this, but I've heard too many stories

261
00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:21,920
Speaker 1: of potential and fidelity that kind of thing. I don't know.

262
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,920
Speaker 1: Boys trips can absolutely trigger anxieties and partners about the

263
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:27,080
Speaker 1: excessive party and the temptations. Now. I know that plenty

264
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,000
Speaker 1: of girls go away and have lots of fun as well,

265
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,520
Speaker 1: but it seems like it's more likely to be associated

266
00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:36,520
Speaker 1: with the boys trips. And there's also associated communication challenges.

267
00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:38,360
Speaker 1: That's another thing that seems to come up. A lot

268
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:43,440
Speaker 1: men seem to be less inclined to talk about what

269
00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:45,600
Speaker 1: happened on their trip. It's that whole what happens in

270
00:12:45,679 --> 00:12:49,200
Speaker 1: Vegas stays in Vegas kind of thing, and that can

271
00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:54,360
Speaker 1: lead partners to have mistrust and suspicion and feel excluded.

272
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:57,720
Speaker 1: I just think it's not okay. I've also I heard

273
00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:01,040
Speaker 1: one person indicate that when they're hubby came home from

274
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,400
Speaker 1: his trips, he's a bit grumpy for a bit, like

275
00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:05,679
Speaker 1: instead of coming home refreshed and relaxed, he comes back

276
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:09,120
Speaker 1: and he's like and then there's friction like oh the kids,

277
00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:10,960
Speaker 1: and oh I've just had all this me time and

278
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,520
Speaker 1: now I'm back into this rubbish, and there's almost like

279
00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:15,520
Speaker 1: a lack of gratitude for the time away. It's more

280
00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:17,200
Speaker 1: of a geez, I wish my life was like that

281
00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:18,520
Speaker 1: all the time kind of thing.

282
00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:23,040
Speaker 3: And I don't think that's gender related. I think that, well, yeah,

283
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:25,760
Speaker 3: you're probably right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

284
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:28,319
Speaker 1: So these are the challenges associated with it overall, though,

285
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,560
Speaker 1: I mean, I can't speak from experience. I'm looking forward

286
00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:33,160
Speaker 1: to speaking from experience, but well, yeah, I have to

287
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,240
Speaker 1: add another year. But when I do talk to my friends,

288
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:38,440
Speaker 1: who have had those trips. They relish them, they cherish them,

289
00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:40,320
Speaker 1: they really look forward to them. One of my mates,

290
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:43,960
Speaker 1: he just saves up his money and flies into Melbourne

291
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:47,040
Speaker 1: and goes to the wavepool there and he spends four

292
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:49,360
Speaker 1: or five days at the wavepool, way cheaper than going

293
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:52,320
Speaker 1: away on a big holiday somewhere, and absolutely has a ball.

294
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,760
Speaker 1: And for him that's his annual boys trip, him and

295
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,720
Speaker 1: a couple of mates. I'm thinking about joining him, except

296
00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,560
Speaker 1: I can't see the joy in sitting in a wave

297
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:03,000
Speaker 1: pool to going somewhere a bit more exotic or tropical

298
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,480
Speaker 1: or even coffs harbor. I'll take coughs. Do you know

299
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,719
Speaker 1: what I mean? Okay, So we need to wrap this up.

300
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:10,920
Speaker 1: The voice trips, the girls trips. There are some challenges

301
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:15,160
Speaker 1: around it. How do we overcome those common obstacles and

302
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:16,080
Speaker 1: points of friction?

303
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:19,400
Speaker 3: So I've got three things. I think the people that

304
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:23,640
Speaker 3: you spend time with matters and spouses are going to

305
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:27,080
Speaker 3: be generally more supportive if they feel comfortable with the

306
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:29,120
Speaker 3: people that you're spending time with, if they know that

307
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:32,680
Speaker 3: you've got good friends who are great examples and uplift

308
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:36,440
Speaker 3: and live, you know, good morals. Then the chance of

309
00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:40,760
Speaker 3: your partner or spouse going awol in that situation is

310
00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:45,520
Speaker 3: pretty limited. And the second thing would be that intention

311
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,480
Speaker 3: behind your time away matters.

312
00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:50,240
Speaker 1: What's the purpose? Am I going away to party, party, party?

313
00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,040
Speaker 1: Or am I going away because I want to ride

314
00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:54,400
Speaker 1: my black up big hills or catch lots of waves?

315
00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:57,320
Speaker 3: Yeah? I just need a break from the mental load.

316
00:14:57,720 --> 00:15:00,720
Speaker 3: I need to rejuvenate, restore all those things.

317
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,720
Speaker 1: Or have lots of massages at a health retreats of course. Yeah, sorry,

318
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:06,040
Speaker 1: I was thinking about me. I'm so sorry you said

319
00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:06,640
Speaker 1: three things.

320
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:13,680
Speaker 3: And lastly, communication, Communication is so important. If your husband

321
00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:16,760
Speaker 3: or partner has been having these men's trips for years

322
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:19,040
Speaker 3: on end and you haven't, then it's about time that

323
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:21,000
Speaker 3: we sit down and just acknowledge. I love that you

324
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,720
Speaker 3: get to go and do this, but I'm at a

325
00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:24,720
Speaker 3: point in my life where I'm actually starting to resent

326
00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:26,600
Speaker 3: it because I feel like I really need it. How

327
00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:27,680
Speaker 3: can we make this work?

328
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:31,320
Speaker 1: Yeah? My summary point was just one. It was basically

329
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:33,560
Speaker 1: the success of any trip, regardless of whether you're a

330
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,040
Speaker 1: boy or a girl. Male female hinges on having a

331
00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:38,880
Speaker 1: healthy and trusting relationship. If your relationship's not a good place,

332
00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:41,840
Speaker 1: this is probably going to sow the seeds of resentment

333
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:45,600
Speaker 1: and suspicion. But if you've got open communication, mutual respect,

334
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:49,120
Speaker 1: and a willingness to a willingness to work together to

335
00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:52,000
Speaker 1: make it work for one another, then everyone's going to

336
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:54,520
Speaker 1: feel comfortable. Everyone's going to feel supported, And these can

337
00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:57,960
Speaker 1: be really enriching individual experiences but also ultimately be good

338
00:15:57,960 --> 00:15:58,880
Speaker 1: for the relationship.

339
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:00,920
Speaker 3: And I think the only thing I want to say,

340
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:04,760
Speaker 3: because so many people just feel like they just want

341
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:06,440
Speaker 3: to put their husbands in the deep end and let

342
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:10,520
Speaker 3: them kind of suffer through that experience. The chances of

343
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:14,160
Speaker 3: this being an annual experience, if that's how you kind

344
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:17,480
Speaker 3: of view things, is going to be probably very short

345
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:21,240
Speaker 3: lived if we don't put some contingencies in place for them.

346
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:23,800
Speaker 3: The reality is they don't do our job every day,

347
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:26,200
Speaker 3: and so while we don't need to mother them, we

348
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:29,440
Speaker 3: don't need to baby them. We don't need to, you know,

349
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:32,840
Speaker 3: fill in every gap. Here's a list of people that

350
00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:34,600
Speaker 3: you can send the kids to for an hour for

351
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:38,200
Speaker 3: a play, or here's a couple of freezer meals to

352
00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:40,520
Speaker 3: get you through. You'll be able to do four meals

353
00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:43,680
Speaker 3: on your own or whatever. But just making a little

354
00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:46,120
Speaker 3: bit of effort to help them know that they're not

355
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:48,800
Speaker 3: on their own, because anyone who's been on their own

356
00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:50,280
Speaker 3: knows the weight of that.

357
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:53,400
Speaker 1: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Rulant from

358
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:56,280
Speaker 1: Bridge Media. We hope it's giving you some inspirations, ideas,

359
00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:59,040
Speaker 1: maybe sparks a conversation. Even if it only happens once

360
00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:02,360
Speaker 1: every two or three years, I think there's value in it.

361
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,600
Speaker 1: If you'd like more information about making your family happy,

362
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:06,399
Speaker 1: we'd love for you to join us at happy families

363
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:08,800
Speaker 1: dot com dot you check out our Happy Families membership.

364
00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:12,000
Speaker 1: So many people are involved and making their families thrive

365
00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:15,600
Speaker 1: as a result. Happy families dot com dot Au. We'll

366
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:16,760
Speaker 1: see on the podcast tomorrow