Speaker 1: If you play with their head, it's going to keep
Speaker 1: pulling off. Brittany, she's talking about my microphone. Guys, am
Speaker 1: I Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of
Speaker 1: Life Uncut. I'm Laura, and I'm Brittany and psych This
Speaker 1: is our Tuesday episode. On Thursday. I know we've done
Speaker 1: the whole switcher room. If you listen to Tuesday's episode,
Speaker 1: then you would know this week. We did ask guncut
Speaker 1: on Tuesday, which means that today is the big, meaty episode,
Speaker 1: just the way you like it. And we do have
Speaker 1: a big one to unpack today, but we're not going
Speaker 1: to get in there yet. Let's unpack our life, Laura.
Speaker 1: Can we keep talking about meeting and getting in there?
Speaker 1: That gets you going, doesn't it. It's the little things
Speaker 1: these days, isn't it. Oh? Well, yeah, the small thrills,
Speaker 1: the cheap thrills. Anyway, what have you been doing in
Speaker 1: the last forty eight hours? So I a couple of
Speaker 1: weeks ago, I was telling you guys about how I
Speaker 1: was really really anxious about getting Mally into daycare, and
Speaker 1: today we had orientation. She's in my wild anxiety has
Speaker 1: not subsided at all. I spent the whole time, one
Speaker 1: hour of orientation, and this lovely lady was trying to
Speaker 1: like talk me through like the day and what they
Speaker 1: do and what they eat and all this stuff, and
Speaker 1: all my brain was doing was looking at small things
Speaker 1: on the ground, being like, that's a choking hazard. That
Speaker 1: right there is a joking hazard. That boy's got her
Speaker 1: eye on her, that's a choking hazard. Why has that
Speaker 1: kid got an ice back on his head? What did
Speaker 1: he run into? What happened to you? She's definitely gonna
Speaker 1: run into something. She's gonna fall over, she's gonna have scratches,
Speaker 1: and you can stop. That doesn't make me feel any better,
Speaker 1: but it should, because this is life. You're gonna get
Speaker 1: knocked down. She's gonna want to get back up real quick.
Speaker 1: This is how you teach your kids a bit of resilience.
Speaker 1: And I think that this is going to probably teach
Speaker 1: me a bit of resilience as well. I think this
Speaker 1: is going to be a really hard time for you
Speaker 1: at the start, and then I think you're gonna love it.
Speaker 1: I think you're not gonna know yourself having all this
Speaker 1: extra time. You're gonna love that. She's socializing and she's
Speaker 1: gonna make little friends. She's gonna have an amazing time.
Speaker 1: So she starts next week, and I figure by about
Speaker 1: the three or four week mark, I'll probably just drop
Speaker 1: her off in the morning and forget that I even
Speaker 1: put her there. Yeah, you went back a week later
Speaker 1: and pick her up. Yeah you don't even know who
Speaker 1: she is. Yeah, she's got a boyfriend, a tattoo, and
Speaker 1: she's moving out on Friday. You be back home drinking margaritas.
Speaker 1: Tell me how your day has been. I've seen you.
Speaker 1: I mean I haven't seen you for a whole twelve hours,
Speaker 1: So it's been a long twelve hours. My day. I
Speaker 1: had the day at the hospital. I went to a
Speaker 1: fancy pants lunch for an hour and it was brilliant.
Speaker 1: Then I just came home and worked got ghost to
Speaker 1: buy guy I was seeing. But we're not going to
Speaker 1: talk about that. Actually we are going to talk about that.
Speaker 1: Last week Brittany had a boyfriend and this week he's
Speaker 1: gone missing. She uses that term loosely. I was going
Speaker 1: on some dates with a guy, but he has dis
Speaker 1: Should we start putting out the missing person poster? At
Speaker 1: what point? Like, how many days can you go without
Speaker 1: hearing from a guy before you have been categorically ghosted.
Speaker 1: Where does it? Where does it? I don't know. I
Speaker 1: think it depends on how it ended. But I also
Speaker 1: have a message team. Since it's been like four days,
Speaker 1: just adding another one to the list. Single and you're
Speaker 1: thirty guys, If you haven't listened to that episode yet,
Speaker 1: we highly recommend get on it. It's a bloody battleground
Speaker 1: out there. But you know what this behavior has been.
Speaker 1: I think we like to kind of pretend like it's
Speaker 1: new age, like that the ghosting is a new thing.
Speaker 1: Ghosting has been around for forever except forever. Except back
Speaker 1: in the day. It probably it would happen in like
Speaker 1: a less significant way, like obviously if someone didn't call
Speaker 1: your landline again, they were gone. You didn't know what
Speaker 1: happened to them. The problem with ghosting now is that
Speaker 1: you can check up on them on social media. You
Speaker 1: can check up on them and see what they're doing,
Speaker 1: so you can be like, oh, well, I know you're
Speaker 1: not dead. But back in the day, you just wouldn't
Speaker 1: hear from them, and you'd be like, oh, they've been
Speaker 1: abducted by aliens. Anal probing. It's the only thing that
Speaker 1: makes sense. Anal property he'll prove it. It's not the
Speaker 1: only thing that makes sense, but I love that that's
Speaker 1: the conclusion you've gone to. Naturally, no look in all honesty.
Speaker 1: I could have also contacted him. We both went away
Speaker 1: for the week, we saw each other before the weekend,
Speaker 1: we went away for the weekend. Neither of us have
Speaker 1: contact each other. So I'm probably as bad as him.
Speaker 1: But I did send the last text, so that makes
Speaker 1: me feel better. It's also still early days, like you
Speaker 1: could probably will hear from him again. But my question,
Speaker 1: my other question is I have a few questions and
Speaker 1: feelings about this. We love. That is how many days
Speaker 1: can pass before you get that hey, how you been
Speaker 1: text And it be okay if you haven't seen it
Speaker 1: or heard from him for like six months and he's like, hey, sup,
Speaker 1: what have you been doing? Or is it like a
Speaker 1: week like where's that line in the sand where you're like, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: well we were texting every day and now I haven't
Speaker 1: heard from you for two weeks. Now after two weeks,
Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, babe, who di is? That's my response? Sorry,
Speaker 1: I've got a new number. Hey Bay, Sorry I deleted
Speaker 1: my context? Who is this? I know? Do you want
Speaker 1: to know another thing. I've started my half marathon training.
Speaker 1: I went for what my first run. I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what, you wake up those days, actually you
Speaker 1: might not know. You wake up those days you feel
Speaker 1: extra motivated. You're like, I'm gonna go and slay the
Speaker 1: fitness world. Yeah. No, I can't relate. But that's okay, Okay,
Speaker 1: so that's the that's I don't like running, but I'm
Speaker 1: doing this half marathon. So I was like, I woke
Speaker 1: up and I was like, this is the day. I'm
Speaker 1: on it. I had a fake tan on, so I
Speaker 1: felt good. I put my shorts on, put my runners on.
Speaker 1: Don't laugh. Fake tan makes everything better. And I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go and start training. I went on this
Speaker 1: one run, pulled my muscle and had to like limp back.
Speaker 1: I was like, this is disaster. Contrary to popular belief,
Speaker 1: fake tan does not make you run fast. That no,
Speaker 1: So let's get into an accidentally unfiltered All right, guys, Well,
Speaker 1: it is time for our favorite part of the episode,
Speaker 1: and that is when you send in your most embarrassing
Speaker 1: stories and we all laugh at you together like the beautiful, wonderful,
Speaker 1: heartfelt community that we are kick it off. I was
Speaker 1: so deep, deep like a puddle. Guys. All right, So
Speaker 1: I just started a new job and my boss is
Speaker 1: freaking hot. I'm talking like ten out of ten and
Speaker 1: crash your scooter type hoot. To anyone who listened to
Speaker 1: the episode a few weeks ago, you would get that reference.
Speaker 1: That was the guy that ghosted me. After working in
Speaker 1: a female dominated industry for the last few years, you
Speaker 1: can imagine my excitement at this. So of course I
Speaker 1: told all of my friends about my new boss day
Speaker 1: in COVID fashion, I had to do all my training online,
Speaker 1: meaning zoom calls with the man himself. Day one on
Speaker 1: the job and I had my first zoom meeting with him.
Speaker 1: I was having some technical difficulties, so I shared my
Speaker 1: screen so that he could see what I was doing
Speaker 1: on my computer, and, to my absolute fucking horror, minutes
Speaker 1: into sharing my screen, a notification popped up front and
Speaker 1: center from my best friends saying, hey, babe, so when's
Speaker 1: the call start with your future hottie hobby. Aha. I
Speaker 1: tried to hide it as quickly as I could, being
Speaker 1: the absolute ten out of ten that he years. He
Speaker 1: acted like he didn't see anything but that didn't stop
Speaker 1: me from going bright red and him also laughing for
Speaker 1: the rest of the meeting. I'm planning your funeral now.
Speaker 1: I just love this. Do you know how many stories
Speaker 1: I have now heard about people sharing their screen and
Speaker 1: having like super inappropriate tabs open. I have heard no stories,
Speaker 1: but I love this so much. I was on a
Speaker 1: Zoom meeting just recently. This is a totally different thing.
Speaker 1: I was on a Zoom meeting recently, and I'm so
Speaker 1: convinced the person I was on a Zoom meeting with
Speaker 1: just farted and kept talking. They would have for sure
Speaker 1: so good they were, but also based in Melbourne, so
Speaker 1: it's totally excusable. All like sense of self has kind
Speaker 1: of gone out the window. Do you know, just because
Speaker 1: they're in Melbourne? Yeah, because you been in lockdown? Are
Speaker 1: you true? True? I mean we were only in lockdown
Speaker 1: for a few weeks and I had to train myself
Speaker 1: not to far in public again. But I'm like a
Speaker 1: boss anyway. But no, So I've received messages that have
Speaker 1: come in. We've received messages that have come in which
Speaker 1: haven't been like full accidentally unfiltered stories, but people who
Speaker 1: have accidentally shared their screen with colleagues or bosses, and
Speaker 1: they've had like porn tabs or dildo or sex shops
Speaker 1: or things open as well. So I think that this
Speaker 1: has happened more than once. I'm gonna tell you my
Speaker 1: accidentally Unfiltered that I'm bringing to the table today because
Speaker 1: it's fucking brilliant. I'm just gonna I'm just retelling the story, guys,
Speaker 1: because this lovely lady, she actually voicemailed in her story,
Speaker 1: so she DMed us with a voice memo on Instagram
Speaker 1: because she just thought it was so funny. So I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna retell you the story. Basically, she's seen this guy.
Speaker 1: She was super, super super into him. She thought he
Speaker 1: was so hot. Now this woman does something that I
Speaker 1: used to do. You might remember when the way that
Speaker 1: accidentally unfiltered started. If you guys are an original listener,
Speaker 1: you'll know that it started because my sister and I
Speaker 1: do this thing where we send each other photos and
Speaker 1: videos of our day. We've logged to each other, and
Speaker 1: it's always ugly photos. We're always trying to out ugly
Speaker 1: each other, like in the most hideous costumes. I accidentally
Speaker 1: sent one of those to a guy I was seen
Speaker 1: and that is how accidentally unfiltered it started. So fast
Speaker 1: forward a year. This girl's gone on this really hot
Speaker 1: date and she does the same thing with her best friend.
Speaker 1: They vlog their days to each other, which is very
Speaker 1: modern day. This is very gen y. Basically, like they
Speaker 1: take a little video like hey babe, like today, blah
Speaker 1: blah blah, and then they send it instead of having
Speaker 1: to have a phone call or instead of calling or texting,
Speaker 1: they just constantly take the video recording and send it
Speaker 1: to each other. So she's got on this date with
Speaker 1: this guy who she thinks is fucking the ants pants.
Speaker 1: So she gets home, she puts on her big pink,
Speaker 1: ugly fluffy dressing gown. She's taken a makeup off, so
Speaker 1: she's got her hair and top not no makeup. When
Speaker 1: she got this big hideous, ugly, pink fluffy dressing gown,
Speaker 1: and she goes to town on the vlog to her
Speaker 1: friend saying how amazing the date was, how hot he was,
Speaker 1: how in love she is, how she thinks it's the
Speaker 1: best thing ever. She goes on and on and on,
Speaker 1: and she makes a point of being really ugly in
Speaker 1: the video because that's what's funny with her friend and
Speaker 1: sends it to a friend and then goes, fuck, she
Speaker 1: sent it to the guy she's just been on the
Speaker 1: date with. Now this I know you think that this
Speaker 1: couldn't get better, but it does because she had just
Speaker 1: been on the date with him and she was like
Speaker 1: feeling him out. So she's like, so, like, you know,
Speaker 1: where do you see this going? Like what are you
Speaker 1: looking for? And he goes definitely not looking for a relationship,
Speaker 1: looking something really casual. She's like, oh, totally like me too.
Speaker 1: I'm just like super casu as well gets home ten
Speaker 1: minutes later and vlogs him how we're getting married. I've
Speaker 1: already hit that they knew the date and the people
Speaker 1: who are doing the flowers. It's gonna beautiful. Keep the
Speaker 1: eleventh of November free. I actually I was dying, like
Speaker 1: I couldn't stop laughing, and my heart goes out to
Speaker 1: a bit. She laughed it off. She was like, what
Speaker 1: do you do? Actually, what do you do? Nothing? You
Speaker 1: own it. The voice memo came through when Britt had
Speaker 1: come over to my house, so we both got to
Speaker 1: listen to this back together and simultaneously died on the
Speaker 1: couch for you you're out there you're listening, you know what.
Speaker 1: We might be laughing at you, but we're really laughing
Speaker 1: with you. But don't worry. I'm laughing so much because
Speaker 1: I've done exactly the same thing. So I feel for you,
Speaker 1: but bless your soul. I hope you do marry him.
Speaker 1: I have another one. I know that, like we usually
Speaker 1: only do tit for tat, but I'm gonna check another
Speaker 1: one out here anyway, because this is like really innocent.
Speaker 1: I love her when people ride in there like, this
Speaker 1: is my friend's story, you know, as a girl. A
Speaker 1: friend of mine recently told me this story and I
Speaker 1: wanted to share it with you guys. So she was
Speaker 1: expecting her sister and little nephew to come for morning tea.
Speaker 1: So when she heard the doorbell ring, she got super
Speaker 1: excited and she opened the door on her knees, expecting
Speaker 1: her little nephew, only to find that she was staring
Speaker 1: at crotch height to a delivery man. Now, what makes
Speaker 1: this thing worse is that she opened the door saying hello,
Speaker 1: little man with her arms out wide. I love he
Speaker 1: would have been like a bing go just staring straight
Speaker 1: at the guy's pain. Anyway, I am dead. I love
Speaker 1: it a little man. I have one more too. We're
Speaker 1: not getting into the episode today, guys, I hope you
Speaker 1: enjoy this. Twenty five minutes of accidentally unfiltered stories and
Speaker 1: that's a wrap. This is one more. You know, I
Speaker 1: have a friend, I'm not gonna name his name, but
Speaker 1: I have a friend that's like a solid gamer. You know,
Speaker 1: a gamer that I don't know if you guys aren't
Speaker 1: into gaming. They wear their headphones, they play video games
Speaker 1: in their lund room, but they connect, they're talking live it.
Speaker 1: Weireds me out. I once had to wear a virtual
Speaker 1: reality gaming mask. I didn't have to, but like I
Speaker 1: chose to, stating a guy who was wearing one and
Speaker 1: I and I put it on. But I didn't realize
Speaker 1: that you can do virtual reality porn, and so I
Speaker 1: looked down. They had a dick. Did you do virtual
Speaker 1: reality porn? How have you never told me this? Will
Speaker 1: we have a dating relationship sex podcasts? He was, yeah,
Speaker 1: it was a thing. We need to unpack this another day,
Speaker 1: another episode. Continue with your story. This is this guy
Speaker 1: that's a gamer, right, He's got his headphones on, he's
Speaker 1: in his laund room. He's deep in this game and
Speaker 1: he's talking to like ten other people around the world
Speaker 1: because they're playing against each other, but they're all connected
Speaker 1: by microphone. His girlfriend comes in and she's frisky af
Speaker 1: so she's like, whoa, let's do this. He's like, boys,
Speaker 1: I am out, throws his mic and things down, logs off,
Speaker 1: and then they go to town having hardcore sex in
Speaker 1: the lound room. Hardcore. He bought swings and wits and
Speaker 1: belts and stuff. Loud hard sex. Did not turn his
Speaker 1: microphone off. So the ten people around the world that
Speaker 1: his friends that he talks to order every day just
Speaker 1: all sat there listen having sex and they couldn't reach him.
Speaker 1: They were like yelling in the headphones, like like he
Speaker 1: could stop, and it's just they just went to town.
Speaker 1: That's a lot of trauma right there. That's a suppressed
Speaker 1: trauma that's gonna need to use the therapy. Thank god,
Speaker 1: it wasn't video. It was just mike Like. That's that's something.
Speaker 1: If there's anything as as a plus you can take
Speaker 1: away from this is that it wasn't recorded. It was
Speaker 1: just sound and you can always mute that. Like, I mean,
Speaker 1: they were volunteering to listen to that. They didn't have
Speaker 1: to listen you would you did virtual reality porn sex.
Speaker 1: I never did the sex. I just like wore it
Speaker 1: and like we virtually did it. It's a whole point. You
Speaker 1: have a penis. It's very strange. You're so every week
Speaker 1: there's something else that's weird U And I'm like, how
Speaker 1: have we gotten to this point of our relationship? And
Speaker 1: I don't know this. I'm just a bundle of surprises
Speaker 1: for you, Brittany, Like I put virtual reality on, but
Speaker 1: I was like running through a daisy field. Well, that
Speaker 1: just really shows the differences between you and me as
Speaker 1: a person, doesn't it. I think that that right there
Speaker 1: has just perfectly summed up our relationship. Drives it home,
Speaker 1: doesn't it, Guys? Before we get into the full topic today,
Speaker 1: today we're talking about narcissistic personality disorder. We're also talking
Speaker 1: about just narcissism in general, and we're gonna unpack what
Speaker 1: this means, what it is, how do identify it, and
Speaker 1: also what you do if you find yourself in a
Speaker 1: relationship with some who is narcissistic and what you know,
Speaker 1: how do you deal if like you have a family
Speaker 1: member or maybe a parent who's narcissistic. So we are
Speaker 1: going to be talking about this today, but obviously before
Speaker 1: we get into it, we know that this can be
Speaker 1: a really triggering subject matter and a really triggering experience
Speaker 1: for anybody who's actually survived a narcissistic relationship. We just
Speaker 1: want to put that out there before we get started. Also,
Speaker 1: you know, if you haven't been through a narcissistic relationship
Speaker 1: at all, this is still going to be a great
Speaker 1: episode that will help you identify any red flag so
Speaker 1: that you know what to look for if you ever
Speaker 1: find yourself dealing with someone either in the workplace who's
Speaker 1: a narcissist. And I just think there's little bits that
Speaker 1: we can all take from this episode. I'm really excited
Speaker 1: about this and the reason why I'm excited about this episode,
Speaker 1: which is a weird word to use, I know that,
Speaker 1: but I'm excited about this episode because some of you
Speaker 1: might know this if you've been following the podcast from
Speaker 1: the very very beginning, But basically, the reason why Life
Speaker 1: Uncut started was because Britta and I sat down for
Speaker 1: breakfast this one day and we barely barely knew each other,
Speaker 1: and we got chatting about why we did the show,
Speaker 1: like how our ex relationships had kind of transpired. The
Speaker 1: two of us got talking about these really toxic relationships
Speaker 1: that we had both had. Britt has spoken very openly
Speaker 1: about hers on episode three, which is the sociopath episode,
Speaker 1: about how she dated someone for several years who had
Speaker 1: a completely double life, and I spoke really openly with
Speaker 1: Britt about my relationship with someone who had very severe
Speaker 1: narcissistic tendencies. That was where life Uncut came from, because
Speaker 1: we sat down and we started having these conversations, and
Speaker 1: we knew that there would be other people out there
Speaker 1: who may have been in the exact same situation as us,
Speaker 1: have experienced us the same things, and would get something
Speaker 1: out of having these conversations on a more public platform.
Speaker 1: I do feel like it is really common for women
Speaker 1: to get together, and it seems to be the thing
Speaker 1: that bonds women. It seems to be the things that
Speaker 1: they trauma, that yeah, that they relate to. I mean,
Speaker 1: if you guys, think about now, to yourself, anyone, any
Speaker 1: girlfriend you've ever sat down with, you will often talk
Speaker 1: about past relationships good and bad, but often you're bonding
Speaker 1: over you are I don't want to use the word trauma,
Speaker 1: but bad experiences, crazy things that have happened, funny things
Speaker 1: that have happened. You always bond over past experiences. We
Speaker 1: bonded over The Bachelor as a past experience, but that
Speaker 1: wasn't what actually galvanized up. Yeah, that wasn't what cemented
Speaker 1: this relationship. It was like, what the fuck we've both
Speaker 1: been with these crazy people, Like the same thing happened
Speaker 1: to me, and this is how I felt this is
Speaker 1: And then we just got drawn into this this idea
Speaker 1: of like, there've got to be more people that have
Speaker 1: experienced this, and we want to talk about it and
Speaker 1: we want to help them. And so that's where the
Speaker 1: whole Life Uncut stemmed from. Today, Like Laura said, we
Speaker 1: have put the trigger warning out. It's not gonna be
Speaker 1: for everyone. If you do think that this could affect you,
Speaker 1: for sure, tune now. We don't want we don't want
Speaker 1: this to bring up any bad feelings or things from
Speaker 1: the past that are going to affect you now. So
Speaker 1: that's out little warning for you. But we do really
Speaker 1: want to reiterate that we are not trained professionals, and
Speaker 1: everything we're speaking about in this episode is just a
Speaker 1: discussion between two people that have experienced it themselves. So
Speaker 1: we're just two women that have been through this together.
Speaker 1: We've had the experiences ourselves. We have spoken to therapists
Speaker 1: about it, we've spoken to other people about it, We've
Speaker 1: done our own research past and present, so at the
Speaker 1: time that we're experiencing it and now particularly for this episode. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and we did put it out on the Facebook group
Speaker 1: as well about you know, if you guys had any
Speaker 1: questions about dealing with people who are narcissists or dealing
Speaker 1: with a narcissist in your life, and there was some
Speaker 1: amazing questions that were put forward. I actually was so
Speaker 1: blown away by how many people have been affected by this.
Speaker 1: There are some questions that we're going to answer to
Speaker 1: the best of our ability, the unqualified advice that you
Speaker 1: all come here for. And there are also some questions
Speaker 1: which I've kind of banked because we're going to get
Speaker 1: a clinical psychologist on the podcast to really unpack different
Speaker 1: types of personality disorders. But what we wanted to start
Speaker 1: with with today and talking about narcissism, calling people a narcissist,
Speaker 1: this seems to be like a very on trend and
Speaker 1: fad driven thing at the moment where you know, you
Speaker 1: go through a bad relationship, there is some toxicity there,
Speaker 1: and the fallback word for labeling someone is to call
Speaker 1: them a narcissist or to say that they have narcissistic
Speaker 1: personality disorder. But the reality is only one percent of
Speaker 1: the population These stats come from the Mayo Clinic online.
Speaker 1: One percent of population potentially has narcissistic personality disorder. It's
Speaker 1: an incredibly difficult mental illness to be able to actually
Speaker 1: diagnose because the problem is is that many people who
Speaker 1: suffer from narcissistic personality disorder will never seek treatment and
Speaker 1: they are in absolute denial that they suffer from it.
Speaker 1: So narcissistic personality disorder is the most extreme version of it,
Speaker 1: and it is a mental illness. Now, there are also
Speaker 1: people who are just your general, everyday narcissists. There's a
Speaker 1: love black boys, buck girls, and fuck people out there,
Speaker 1: but there's also just your general narcissists or people have
Speaker 1: who have very very high and strong narcissistic tendencies. It
Speaker 1: makes them a narcissist, but it doesn't mean that they
Speaker 1: have narcissistic personality disorder. And I think it's really really
Speaker 1: important for us to distinguish that they are two very
Speaker 1: different things. And unless someone has been actually diagnosed with NPD.
Speaker 1: Then you can't diagnose a friend. You can't diagnose a boyfriend,
Speaker 1: and you can't diagnose a family member. All you can
Speaker 1: do is look at the facts and look at the information,
Speaker 1: and then make the best decisions for yourself. If you
Speaker 1: think somebody is displaying narcissistic narcissistic traits, then it gives
Speaker 1: you the tools to be able to protect yourself as
Speaker 1: best you can. Before we get into it, I'm just
Speaker 1: going to give you a proper definition from the Mayor clinic.
Speaker 1: Narcissistic personality disorder is one of several types of personality disorders.
Speaker 1: It's a mental condition in which people have an inflated
Speaker 1: sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive
Speaker 1: attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy
Speaker 1: for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies
Speaker 1: a fragile self esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
Speaker 1: Now that's from the main of Clinting. That's actually an
Speaker 1: interesting sentence there where it says they actually have this
Speaker 1: fragile self esteem and they're quite they can be quite vulnerable.
Speaker 1: Because I think it's a common misconception that narcissists are
Speaker 1: always these super super high functioning, arrogant, overly confident, charismatic assholes.
Speaker 1: That is the term that a lot of people that
Speaker 1: is sort of what a lot of people imagine a
Speaker 1: narcissist to be. And I don't think there's a lot
Speaker 1: of people realize that there can be these underlying confidence issues. Well,
Speaker 1: that also kind of brings us into the next part
Speaker 1: is the fact that there are many different types. There
Speaker 1: isn't just one sort of label that brands every single
Speaker 1: narcissist the same. They're a covert narcissists, which are also
Speaker 1: coined as being vulnerable narcissists, and then there are another
Speaker 1: thing called grandiose narcissus. Now, the thing that details and
Speaker 1: signifies NP is when somebody characterizes and displays both of
Speaker 1: those personalities at the same time. So very few people
Speaker 1: are grandiose and also vulnerable narcissistic personality types at the
Speaker 1: very same time. So, just to kind of break those
Speaker 1: down a little bit, somebody who has a covert narcissistic
Speaker 1: tendency is somebody who is innately very very insecure, which
Speaker 1: is definitely not the most common one. I think it's
Speaker 1: something that almost goes a little bit unspoken about. When
Speaker 1: people talk about narcissism, people genuinely talk about this person
Speaker 1: who has a really big ego and uses other people
Speaker 1: to feed that ego. So somebody who has covert or
Speaker 1: vulnerable narcissism. They are extremely sensitive to any type of criticism,
Speaker 1: to the point where it's almost as though anybody else's
Speaker 1: feelings about things are invalid and only their feelings are
Speaker 1: what's most important. And it's kind of the mentality of like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm doing such a good job and nobody recognizes me,
Speaker 1: which is very different to a grandiose personality type, which
Speaker 1: is I'm doing a good job and everyone knows I'm
Speaker 1: doing a good job. They're the kind of two different
Speaker 1: types of narcissism that we're going to be talking about. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the thing with COVID narcissism is that they are really
Speaker 1: highly sensitive, and they're highly sensitive to emotions. It's just
Speaker 1: that they're only sensitive to their own emotions, and I
Speaker 1: think that's the distinguishing feature. They're sensitive to emotions, not yours.
Speaker 1: They couldn't give a fuck about yours. It's literally, like,
Speaker 1: to put it simply, it's only things that are going
Speaker 1: to affect them that make them emotional. They don't have
Speaker 1: that connection when they see that you're upset. They see
Speaker 1: that you're upset, but they don't care that you're upset. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and that's like the common theme throughout it, like dealing
Speaker 1: with somebody who's extremely narcissistic. There's this lack of empathy
Speaker 1: and this lack of really trying to understand and respect
Speaker 1: somebody else's feelings because they will always prioritize their own
Speaker 1: ego and their own feelings over the top of anything else.
Speaker 1: And they're really driven by this idea of being superior,
Speaker 1: of being important, So they're usually attracted to quite high
Speaker 1: powered or jobs that sort of give them a lot
Speaker 1: of affirmation. And when I was doing some research, I
Speaker 1: kind of found this pretty funny. But obviously social media
Speaker 1: influencers are up there. Yeah, I mean that's yeah, that's
Speaker 1: why we're talking about it, guys, we identify I believe
Speaker 1: that for sure. Yeah. So, I mean social media influencers
Speaker 1: they get a lot of their gratification and their validation
Speaker 1: from people who they don't know, and that kind of
Speaker 1: feeds into their narcissistic supply. That's not to say that
Speaker 1: all are by any means, but it definitely would attract
Speaker 1: people who have those tendencies as well, surgeons and people
Speaker 1: who work in like high powered medical industries, also politicians
Speaker 1: and business tycoons. So these are like the top listed
Speaker 1: of professions that really attract narcissistic personality types. I think
Speaker 1: this is a really important time just to just to
Speaker 1: make note that there can be healthy narcissism every single person,
Speaker 1: like you just said, for example, social media influencers are
Speaker 1: on the list. For sure, there's a bunch that are narcissistic.
Speaker 1: But I think it's really interesting. When I was doing
Speaker 1: my research, I found that they literally say everybody in
Speaker 1: the world has some characteristics that are narcissistic, like we
Speaker 1: are humans, and it's unavoidable. But according to what they
Speaker 1: call the DSM five, which is the Diagnostic and Statistic Manual,
Speaker 1: which is the go to manual, it's like the Bible.
Speaker 1: For this sort of stuff. To be clinically diagnosed with
Speaker 1: NPD narcissistic personality disorder, a person has to exhibit at
Speaker 1: least fifty five percent of the most common signs of narcissism. So,
Speaker 1: long story short, there's a list. There's nine things on
Speaker 1: the list nine traits, you have to have fifty five
Speaker 1: percent of them to be diagnosed as a narcissist. But
Speaker 1: I can guarantee you if we read through them, which
Speaker 1: we will, there'll be one at least that everyone's gonna
Speaker 1: be like, oh yeah, if I'm being honest, like, I'm
Speaker 1: guilty of that absolutely. And I think that that's a
Speaker 1: really important thing to kind of spend some time on,
Speaker 1: is this fact that like, narcissism is not you're a narcissist,
Speaker 1: You're not a narcissist. It's a spectrum and at the
Speaker 1: very far end of that spectrum is end and at
Speaker 1: the very end of that spectrum is at mpath and
Speaker 1: we all sit somewhere with on that spectrum of what
Speaker 1: a narcissist is. And I think that, you know, we
Speaker 1: can be very guilty, and people can be very guilty
Speaker 1: of pointing the finger and blame shifting and relationships, and
Speaker 1: it can be very easy to call someone a blanket narcissist,
Speaker 1: but maybe they've just behaved in a bit of a
Speaker 1: selfish way. Really, But we'll quickly run through what those
Speaker 1: nine those kind of nine red flags are to look
Speaker 1: out for, and that the nine things that are what
Speaker 1: identifies someone as being narcissistic. I want to read them
Speaker 1: to you, and I want you to tell me if
Speaker 1: you think you take any of them. You don't even
Speaker 1: have to tell me which ones, but just make a
Speaker 1: note in your head, Okay, And you, guys, as I'm
Speaker 1: reading them, just make a note yourself if there's any
Speaker 1: that you think, oh, I'm a bit like that. You
Speaker 1: don't even have to ever share this. Okay. So these
Speaker 1: are not all the signs, but these are the most
Speaker 1: common signs. A grandiose sense of self importance and exaggerates
Speaker 1: achievements and talents. Number two dreams of unlimited power. Six
Speaker 1: sess brilliance, beauty, or ideal love. Three requires excessive admiration.
Speaker 1: Four believes he or she is special and unique and
Speaker 1: can only be understood by or should associate with other
Speaker 1: people of high status. Five lacks empathy for the feelings
Speaker 1: and needs of others. Six unreasonably expects special, favorable treatment
Speaker 1: or compliance with his or her wishes. Seven exploits and
Speaker 1: takes advantage of others to achieve personal ends. Eight envies
Speaker 1: others or believes they are envious of him or her,
Speaker 1: and nine has an attitude of arrogance, or at least
Speaker 1: acts that way. I'm gonna be straight up honest, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna own this one. This one really resonated with me.
Speaker 1: Number two dreams of unlimited power, success, brilliance, beauty, or
Speaker 1: ideal love. Like for sure, I want success, beauty, brilliant,
Speaker 1: ideal love like I always. That's probably my problem is
Speaker 1: that I look for an ideal love. Maybe, so one
Speaker 1: hundred percent my hand is up for number two. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I guess that there's definitely other things in there
Speaker 1: as well, which you're like, well, I'm not like that
Speaker 1: all the time, but I've definitely done it from time
Speaker 1: to time. Does that make me an asshole? Probably? There's
Speaker 1: probably somebody out there who I have treated badly in
Speaker 1: a past relationship who would look at this list and
Speaker 1: say that's Laura. Is that me all the time? Absolutely not.
Speaker 1: But when I read that number two as well, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't want power, Like power to me is such
Speaker 1: a weird word. I don't want to have power over people.
Speaker 1: The thought of that makes me feel really uncomfortable. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't like the power, just the success, brilliance, beauty,
Speaker 1: and ideal love. Yeah, I do. I fantasize about ideal love. Yeah, sure,
Speaker 1: I'll have about chanting Danam. I'm hoping to have to.
Speaker 1: I'm hoping to be in a predicament where I have
Speaker 1: to choose between Liam Hemsworth and zac Efron. That is
Speaker 1: what I'm hoping happens in Byron Bay next week. Fantasies.
Speaker 1: There we go. We're very much gotten off topic here,
Speaker 1: but anyway, so I think like next we can kind
Speaker 1: of move into a little bit about being in a
Speaker 1: relationship with someone narcissistic and how that kind of plays out.
Speaker 1: And I have spoken a lot on this podcast before
Speaker 1: about my past relationships. We've never done a dedicated episode
Speaker 1: to the train wreck. That was one of them. I
Speaker 1: guess like when I uncovered what a narcissist was, I'd
Speaker 1: never really I mean, of course i'd heard the word,
Speaker 1: but i'd never ever actually unpacked what it's like to
Speaker 1: be in a narcissistic relationship. And after two years, I
Speaker 1: ended up in therapy after having a terrible breakup. I'd
Speaker 1: been cheated on again, and there was this constant lying
Speaker 1: and we were on and off and it was very,
Speaker 1: very volatile, and I ended up sitting down with a counselor,
Speaker 1: because I actually sat down with a counselor and really
Speaker 1: expected the counselor to be, like, help me. I wanted
Speaker 1: her to help me be better so that he would
Speaker 1: accept me more and I wouldn't keep being the problem
Speaker 1: in the relationship. Like this was how much my self
Speaker 1: esteem over the two years has been do it all
Speaker 1: down into nothing. I went in there thinking, you'd been
Speaker 1: convinced that every problem in the relationship was you, and
Speaker 1: the only way to fix it was that you had
Speaker 1: to change. I had gotten to the point in our
Speaker 1: relationship where I mean I for me, an open relationship
Speaker 1: is not something that I want at all. But I
Speaker 1: had gotten to the point in our relationship where I
Speaker 1: was contemplating being in an open relationship so that he
Speaker 1: could be in an open relationship. And I was prepared
Speaker 1: to lower my standards so much just so that way
Speaker 1: he wouldn't be breaking my standards anymore. Like my boundary is, Yeah,
Speaker 1: my boundaries no longer existed. And I have never ever
Speaker 1: been so confused, so lost in myself. I didn't know
Speaker 1: who I was anymore, I didn't know what I stood for,
Speaker 1: and I was so embarrassed to my friends to my
Speaker 1: family because I felt like, how could I possibly have
Speaker 1: gotten to this point? At that time, I thought, maybe
Speaker 1: if I was more beautiful, he won't do this. Maybe
Speaker 1: if I'm funnier, he won't do this. Maybe if I
Speaker 1: can change something about myself, it'll make him want to
Speaker 1: be with me more, and then the relationship will work,
Speaker 1: Like I can fix this. And that's when the therapist
Speaker 1: sort of said to me, like, I don't know if
Speaker 1: you've ever researched narcissistic behavior. She's like, obviously, I can't
Speaker 1: say that that's what this person is because you know,
Speaker 1: when you go to a therapist, they're only hearing one
Speaker 1: side of the story, so it could be biased. But
Speaker 1: she gave me the tools to really unpack what I
Speaker 1: was going through, and I started reading a lot about it,
Speaker 1: and I literally saw in the information that was in
Speaker 1: front of me my relationship and how it had unfolded.
Speaker 1: And so the very start of our relationship, and this
Speaker 1: is a very key telltale sign of meeting someone who
Speaker 1: is narcissistic, is this concept of love bombing that happens
Speaker 1: at the beginning of the relationship. So when when I
Speaker 1: first got into this relationship, I have never felt more loved,
Speaker 1: more special, more like I had a soulmate connection than
Speaker 1: I did in the first couple of months of being
Speaker 1: with this person. And it was because they idolized me.
Speaker 1: They would bring me gifts, they would show up at
Speaker 1: my work, they would call me, text me incessantly, and
Speaker 1: it was this completely all consuming, all infatuating, ridiculously intense
Speaker 1: relationship that I'd never experienced before. And I was like,
Speaker 1: this is what love is. And then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: shit changed, really really quick, really quick. I had exactly
Speaker 1: the same thing when I was just reading out those
Speaker 1: nine characteristics, all the most common characteristics of a narcissist,
Speaker 1: my ex, the sociopath, the psycho, and he actually is.
Speaker 1: I'm not just, I don't throw that term around. He
Speaker 1: ticks every single one, every single one of those nine.
Speaker 1: And I'm not just I'm not being a bitter ex,
Speaker 1: like I'm so happy to talk about it and be
Speaker 1: super honest about it, but he ticks every single one.
Speaker 1: And the way I spoke about it in episode three,
Speaker 1: so I dated sociopath, but I'm just gonna jump in
Speaker 1: again now and discuss it. The way that he hooked
Speaker 1: me was exactly the same bombarded with love. I have
Speaker 1: never I was the most special human in the universe.
Speaker 1: That's how I felt. I was like, whoa, this is love,
Speaker 1: This is what I'm supposed to feel. This is how
Speaker 1: someone's supposed to treat me. The attention that I got,
Speaker 1: and I'm talking it wouldn't have been unusual to get
Speaker 1: one hundred messages a day, multiple medias that was via email,
Speaker 1: that were phone calls, that was text messages. Actually there
Speaker 1: were two emails, but that's because he made me make
Speaker 1: another email. But that's a long story. But like all day,
Speaker 1: and he would turn up at work as well, all
Speaker 1: the things you said, take me away. This is and
Speaker 1: this is guys, this we're gonna get into red flags.
Speaker 1: This is a big one. Anyone that told you they
Speaker 1: love you in the first two or three red flag.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying they're a narcissist, but there's something to
Speaker 1: be said for someone that says within two weeks they
Speaker 1: love you because you just don't know human enough. Sure
Speaker 1: you can have this infatuation and the lust, absolutely, but
Speaker 1: someone that's like you are the love of my life.
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that there aren't people out there
Speaker 1: that are like For sure, people that have met and
Speaker 1: within two weeks said they love each other and they
Speaker 1: ended up together totally. But I think the thing to
Speaker 1: keep in mind is if you are someone who has
Speaker 1: experienced that and you are still with that person in life,
Speaker 1: is great. You are the exception that is not normal
Speaker 1: for most couples in relationships. So if you do find
Speaker 1: yourself in that situation, like Bridges said, where it's all
Speaker 1: consuming and this person's telling you they love you straight
Speaker 1: away and it seems too good to be true, sometimes
Speaker 1: it's because it is too good to be true, and
Speaker 1: this can be a really big warning sign that something
Speaker 1: quite toxic is about to shift in the behavior. So
Speaker 1: this phase that we're talking about is called idealization, and
Speaker 1: this is a characteristic of narcissistic relationships. Basically, it's part
Speaker 1: of it's part of the entrapment ites. It's this idolizing
Speaker 1: of you, and then you become so in love with
Speaker 1: the person who is narcissistic that you feed their ego,
Speaker 1: you give them everything they want. You are completely succumbed
Speaker 1: to the relationship. Then what happens is maybe they'll pick
Speaker 1: a fight with you. For me, it wasn't for me,
Speaker 1: it wasn't that he picked a fight for me. It
Speaker 1: was that we were out at a nightclub and he
Speaker 1: started texting another girl and was obviously flirting with girls
Speaker 1: right in front of me, And it was that the
Speaker 1: switch in his behavior was so severe that it was
Speaker 1: almost like Jekyl and Hyde. I didn't understand who I
Speaker 1: was out with that night. I was like, what is
Speaker 1: going on? Like what are you doing? Are you? Have
Speaker 1: you taken drugs? Are you drunk? Like what is this person?
Speaker 1: And there was just this complete two phase nature. What
Speaker 1: happens is this this is called the devalue phase. So
Speaker 1: the devalue phase of the relationship, it really makes you
Speaker 1: super confused you and you start to question your reality
Speaker 1: and you question if even what's happening around you is real,
Speaker 1: and then that creates anxiety in you. And that anxiety
Speaker 1: and that fear of losing the person is actually what
Speaker 1: strengthens the bond and what starts to make this narcissistic
Speaker 1: relationship so incredibly toxic and lack a drug because every
Speaker 1: time you go through this idealization phase and then a
Speaker 1: devalue phase, it strengthens those bonds and you become closer
Speaker 1: and closer to the narcissist, and it becomes harder and
Speaker 1: harder for you to actually leave. And so for people
Speaker 1: who this goes on for years. For It's why actually
Speaker 1: leaving a relationship with a narcissist it's one of the
Speaker 1: hardest things to do. Maybe get to get side, it's
Speaker 1: one of the hardest things to do, and it's something
Speaker 1: that family and friends often can't relate to unless they've
Speaker 1: actually experienced it themselves, because your friends and family can
Speaker 1: often see what's happening. But part of what a narcissistic
Speaker 1: person will do of someone who's truly truly narcissistic is
Speaker 1: that they isolate you from your friends and family, and
Speaker 1: they make it so that you don't have your support network,
Speaker 1: where in that moment, they're the people that you need
Speaker 1: the most. Personally, I found I lost one of my
Speaker 1: best friends during this relationship. I was her maid of
Speaker 1: honor and I was uninvited to her wedding because of
Speaker 1: his really bad behavior at her engagement party. But because
Speaker 1: I was so in love with him and so scared
Speaker 1: of lo in the relationship, I chose to defend him
Speaker 1: and not defend the friendship. Can I ask what he did?
Speaker 1: We don't talk about it now I can talk about it.
Speaker 1: He was out of curiosity to be uninvited to a wedding.
Speaker 1: I feel like pretty big thing. She was my best
Speaker 1: friend from school. We were at the engagement party, and
Speaker 1: he just started being really, really overtly sexual towards one
Speaker 1: of the other bridesmaids, commenting on her boobs made her
Speaker 1: feel very, very uncomfortable, and he was obviously flirting with her,
Speaker 1: but was really pushing the boundaries in a way that
Speaker 1: I mean. I wasn't there when this was happening. I
Speaker 1: was in the other room, and she then went obviously
Speaker 1: told my friend, and so my girlfriend came and said
Speaker 1: to me, like this has happened, and I chose not
Speaker 1: to believe it. And when I confronted him about it,
Speaker 1: he said that my friend was a liar, it never happened.
Speaker 1: He would never do that. He loved me, and so
Speaker 1: I felt like I felt like I had found this
Speaker 1: incredibly special relationship and people were trying to ruin it
Speaker 1: for me because I had to choose between what was
Speaker 1: being said and what was actually happening. Well, that's the
Speaker 1: whole point. That's what they want you to believe, isn't it.
Speaker 1: That's where that friend and she ended up dissolving. It
Speaker 1: became to a point where my girlfriend had said, I
Speaker 1: don't want him at her wedding, and I was like, well,
Speaker 1: here's my boyfriend. If you don't want him at the wedding,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to come to the wedding. And then
Speaker 1: that was it. I didn't end up going to the wedding, which,
Speaker 1: in retrospect, I look at that now and I think
Speaker 1: it's so fucking sad. You're so in love and you
Speaker 1: do get to a point where you think that the
Speaker 1: world's against you, and like this person would never lie
Speaker 1: to you, because you do have a different connection with
Speaker 1: your partner than you do with your friends, and you
Speaker 1: will love your friends and trust your friends and they're
Speaker 1: everything to you, but you can't deny that there's not
Speaker 1: a different kind of bond with a lover husband partner.
Speaker 1: So you weren't making a decision based on the fact
Speaker 1: that you were trying to end a friendship. You honestly
Speaker 1: believed that they were trying to end your relationship. So
Speaker 1: I think that's different totally. And I think the thing
Speaker 1: that we need to keep in perspective is that when
Speaker 1: you're in a relationship with someone who is very, very narcissistic.
Speaker 1: They are a drug. The person who is the supply
Speaker 1: ends up almost needing them as much as the narcissist
Speaker 1: needs them in return. So it's it's toxic from both
Speaker 1: sides of the relationship. For sure. I want to get
Speaker 1: into another I mean this all ties in together. But
Speaker 1: the next sort of thing I want to talk about
Speaker 1: is gas lighting. We have done a whole episode on it, guys,
Speaker 1: a few episodes back. You can go and have a
Speaker 1: listen to that one, but we can't not mention it
Speaker 1: here because it's such a huge part of a narcissistic relationship.
Speaker 1: The whole idea is they're manipulating you. They want to
Speaker 1: make you believe that the whole world is wrong. Everything
Speaker 1: they say is gospel. They start to make you question yourself,
Speaker 1: your own sense of reality, what you know to be true,
Speaker 1: every time you go to question them on something, because
Speaker 1: you're going to there's no way that you've met a
Speaker 1: relationship like this, like even like you just said, Laura,
Speaker 1: like the time comes where you have to go to
Speaker 1: him and say, did this just happen? Did you just
Speaker 1: do this? Did you just say this? Like did you
Speaker 1: actually go there and they're going to come back at
Speaker 1: you and they're going to start gas lighting because they
Speaker 1: need to get you back on their side. My ex
Speaker 1: did it to me all the time. All the time.
Speaker 1: I would go to him knowing he had been like
Speaker 1: deep down, knowing he'd just been with someone else, knowing
Speaker 1: he had cheated, knowing that things were not adding up,
Speaker 1: and I would leave the conversation thinking how apologizing to
Speaker 1: him and thinking how could I have gotten that so wrong?
Speaker 1: Like I'm going crazy. He would make me think I
Speaker 1: was going crazy, And that is something you really really
Speaker 1: need to be aware of. If you start questioning your
Speaker 1: own reality, it's a really big red flag that they're
Speaker 1: trying to put you in this little box and cut
Speaker 1: you off from the rest of the world. It's such
Speaker 1: a weird thing because this sort of like relationship terminology
Speaker 1: is only stuff that you become super aware of, I
Speaker 1: think once you've been in this type of relationship, Like
Speaker 1: prior to experiencing this myself, I'd never heard of the
Speaker 1: word love bombing. I'd never heard of the word gas lighting.
Speaker 1: I didn't know that these things actually existed until experiencing
Speaker 1: them and being amidst the absolute confusion that it throws
Speaker 1: you into. And then when you come out on the
Speaker 1: other side and you actually read the definitions for some
Speaker 1: of these things and you go, holy fucking shit, that
Speaker 1: was my whole relationship. And I think a lot of
Speaker 1: people who experience these relationstionships have this retrospective outlook on
Speaker 1: it that they go, oh, my god, that's what happened
Speaker 1: to me, and acknowledging that and being able to identify
Speaker 1: and label things. There's a lot of power in that
Speaker 1: as well. Another thing to notice is when you're in
Speaker 1: this conversation and they're gas lighting you, right, so when
Speaker 1: you go to them and you say, did this happen?
Speaker 1: Not only is it common for them to say to
Speaker 1: you you're going crazy, This would never have happened. You know,
Speaker 1: people are lying to you, They're always going to do that.
Speaker 1: But then what they do is throwing a compliment to
Speaker 1: They're throwing some praise to make you feel good, to
Speaker 1: make you feel like, oh, okay, not only am I
Speaker 1: going crazy, but this guy is a good person. An example,
Speaker 1: you're crazy, everyone's lying to you. How can you possibly
Speaker 1: believe them? You know how amazing I think you are?
Speaker 1: And you know I love you, so that's it. So
Speaker 1: all of a sudden you've gone, oh, I'm crazy, this
Speaker 1: guy loves me so much. And that's how they keep
Speaker 1: you hooked. There is this complete lack of empathy, and
Speaker 1: I think that people who are very narcissistic are actually
Speaker 1: able to fake it really really well. So like you
Speaker 1: might have so good man who you might think that
Speaker 1: like they might be crying, they might be groveling, they
Speaker 1: might be begging for you to stay and apologizing and
Speaker 1: doing all the things that would that would signal that
Speaker 1: actually they're really really sorry. And then as soon as
Speaker 1: you're back in and you've been hooked back into the relationship,
Speaker 1: the exact same behavior starts happening again, and there was
Speaker 1: really no real remorse there. It was almost very performative
Speaker 1: because they know exactly what to do to get what
Speaker 1: they need out of you in order to keep you there,
Speaker 1: because the relationship itself and the purpose that you serve
Speaker 1: in that relationship is that you feed their ego. And
Speaker 1: often people who are narcissistic are actually really attracted to
Speaker 1: empaths and people who have a lot of feelings and
Speaker 1: care a lot because they are often more flexible with
Speaker 1: their boundaries than people who are very strong willed and
Speaker 1: are not as sensitive or driven by their feelings. So
Speaker 1: it's kind of the difficult thing is that you know,
Speaker 1: somebody who is narcissistic is attracted to an EmPATH, and
Speaker 1: an EmPATH is attracted to an narcissist. And often you'll
Speaker 1: find that if you keep getting into the same types
Speaker 1: of relationships that are narcissistic relationships. Is because maybe you
Speaker 1: do fall into that type of category, which once you're
Speaker 1: aware of it, it allows you to be able to
Speaker 1: work on yourself to be able to identify those things
Speaker 1: as well. The next thing that we want to jump
Speaker 1: into is it's one thing to start to see the
Speaker 1: red flags and have this realization that maybe you're dating
Speaker 1: a narcissist, this relationship with this person is not healthy.
Speaker 1: How do you extract yourself from that? It is one
Speaker 1: thing to leave a normal relationship and have a breakup
Speaker 1: and move on, and it is a whole nother ballgame
Speaker 1: to try and extract yourself from a relationship or a
Speaker 1: situation with a narcissist or someone with narcissistic tendencies. It's
Speaker 1: a whole another ballgame. People don't understand, they don't understand
Speaker 1: the depth of the addiction that you kind of have
Speaker 1: for somebody when you're in that type of relationship, and
Speaker 1: also the fact that they are so manipulative in trying
Speaker 1: to get you to stay, in my case, that you
Speaker 1: ended up having to move and I ended up selling
Speaker 1: my car because I just actually felt like I was
Speaker 1: never ever going to be free of the relationship, because
Speaker 1: every single time I would get a little bit further away,
Speaker 1: something would happen and I get sucked back in, and
Speaker 1: it was very all consuming. I think the other thing
Speaker 1: to remember as well is that there's a lot of
Speaker 1: guilt attached when you have found yourself in these relationships
Speaker 1: and you are in this phase of going back and forth,
Speaker 1: back and forth and trying to break free. There's a
Speaker 1: lot of feeling of just unworthiness and sadness and guilt
Speaker 1: that goes with it, and like feeling like, how the
Speaker 1: fuck did this happen to me? I really just want
Speaker 1: to say, like this can happen to anyone. That's the thing,
Speaker 1: and that was one of the things that Britain I
Speaker 1: really wanted to bring to this episode, is that both
Speaker 1: of us have experienced this to a very very toxic
Speaker 1: and very damaging level, and this literally can happen to anyone.
Speaker 1: It's not a reflection of you. It's not a reflection
Speaker 1: of you being weak. It's not a reflection of you
Speaker 1: not knowing your boundaries. It's a reflection of dealing with
Speaker 1: somebody who doesn't work like a normal person, or doesn't
Speaker 1: work like your average person. The reason it's so hard
Speaker 1: to leave is because this is actually a term that
Speaker 1: they use to describe these relationships. You are a narcissist supply.
Speaker 1: You're a narcissistic supply chain. You are feeding them. They
Speaker 1: need you to operate because they need you to be
Speaker 1: under their control. They need you to make them feel good.
Speaker 1: They need to know that they have power. So every
Speaker 1: time you go to leave, they will find a way
Speaker 1: to bring you back because you are their supply. What
Speaker 1: they suggest you do when you want to leave a
Speaker 1: relationship like this is not to give a reason for
Speaker 1: why you're leaving. If you know that this is super,
Speaker 1: super super unhealthy, don't say I'm leaving because you control
Speaker 1: me too much. I'm leaving because you don't let me
Speaker 1: do what I want on the weekends. If you give
Speaker 1: them a reason, they're going to say, I love you
Speaker 1: so much, I promise you can do it every one
Speaker 1: on the weekend. I will never do that to you again.
Speaker 1: They're going to find a reason to bring you back,
Speaker 1: and specifically to what you've told them the problem is.
Speaker 1: But what they suggest you say if you need to
Speaker 1: extract yourself is say I'm leaving because I don't love
Speaker 1: you and it's not going to work and I want
Speaker 1: out of the relationship. Don't give them a reason. It's
Speaker 1: just that this isn't working anymore. Yeah, and it needs
Speaker 1: to be like such a clear and concise thing. And
Speaker 1: don't get me wrong that that's not going to be enough.
Speaker 1: They're still going to try and bring you back in.
Speaker 1: But exactly as Britz said, you can't get them something
Speaker 1: to negotiate with because as soon as you give them
Speaker 1: something that they've done wrong, or you try and explain
Speaker 1: to them what it is that's making you so upset
Speaker 1: or making you need to leave, that gives them leverage
Speaker 1: to try and manipulate you and change your mind. And
Speaker 1: one of the questions that we kept getting on the
Speaker 1: Facebook group, will they change that? Can you explain to
Speaker 1: a narcissist why you feel the way you feel or
Speaker 1: how they're hurting you, you really can't because even if
Speaker 1: you do explain it to them and they pretend like
Speaker 1: they're accepting that information, or they they seem to be
Speaker 1: accepted in that information, they're not going to put it
Speaker 1: into action. Unless a narcissist actually identifies that they are
Speaker 1: a narcissist and seeks therapy for it, they're never going
Speaker 1: to change or come to a different conclusion. So you're
Speaker 1: always going to get sucked back in. The only thing
Speaker 1: to do if you can do it, So if you
Speaker 1: don't have children, if it's not someone you're related to,
Speaker 1: if it's early days in a relationship, the only thing
Speaker 1: you can do is walk away and fucking block and
Speaker 1: delete and shut down your social media and do not
Speaker 1: allow them to have any access to your life. And
Speaker 1: as much as that just seems like the most severe
Speaker 1: and horrible way of ending things, and I guarantee that
Speaker 1: there will be this period where you literally feel like
Speaker 1: you're going through withdrawal symptoms from them, but that is
Speaker 1: the most effective way of being able to deal and
Speaker 1: break off this narcissistic relationship. For every single day that passes,
Speaker 1: one day at a time, you're slowly going to be
Speaker 1: able to get over the relationship. You're solely going to
Speaker 1: break down those bonds, and it's like having an addiction
Speaker 1: to anything. Really take it one day at a time,
Speaker 1: and every single day that you go without speaking to them,
Speaker 1: without contacting them, without looking at their social media, pat
Speaker 1: yourself on the back, because like that is one day
Speaker 1: closer to you being free of this absolute fucking hell.
Speaker 1: Something that they think is also really important to know,
Speaker 1: because this is also such a hard part of like
Speaker 1: breaking free of someone who is narcissistic, is that once
Speaker 1: they can't control you anymore, they may try and control
Speaker 1: the narrative around you. So they may try and influence
Speaker 1: the way that your friends, or your family, or people
Speaker 1: in your workplace even think of who you are as
Speaker 1: a person. So maybe they will make up stories, maybe
Speaker 1: they will bend the truth to make it seem like
Speaker 1: you're the one who was doing the wrong in the relationship.
Speaker 1: The same thing happened to me with my ex. When
Speaker 1: it all came out that he had his double life,
Speaker 1: he went and told everyone he knew, everyone that could
Speaker 1: possibly cross paths with us, because we had a lot
Speaker 1: of circles that cross paths. He you and I. He
Speaker 1: thought everyone that I was like this crazy stalker and
Speaker 1: this is how we played it off because people are like,
Speaker 1: you know, like we used to see her car at
Speaker 1: your house, like we know that something's going on, and
Speaker 1: he would say things like, yeah, she used to just
Speaker 1: fucking turn up and stand out in front of my house,
Speaker 1: like he made it out like everything. Every time someone
Speaker 1: would say we saw you together, like calling him out
Speaker 1: on it, he had this way turning around and saying
Speaker 1: she's a nutjob, like she was crazy, and I was like, dude,
Speaker 1: we were getting married. I was like, this is insane
Speaker 1: that he was trying to poison every single person in
Speaker 1: my life and turn everyone against me because he couldn't
Speaker 1: control me anymore. So obviously we've just touched on like
Speaker 1: how to get out of a relationship if it's in
Speaker 1: the early stages, but like we acknowledge that there are
Speaker 1: relationships that you can't just walk away from. Maybe you
Speaker 1: have children, maybe it's a relative. What I want to
Speaker 1: say to that is that the first step is acknowledging
Speaker 1: what you're dealing with. So if you have already recognized,
Speaker 1: and you already identified that the person that you're dealing
Speaker 1: with is narcissistic, or has narcissistic personality disorder and it's
Speaker 1: been diagnosed, then you you know what you're in for.
Speaker 1: And I think that that's the first step of setting
Speaker 1: personal boundaries and being able to protect yourself. So if
Speaker 1: it is someone that you can't actually move yourself completely
Speaker 1: away from and create space, then what you need to
Speaker 1: do is try and create as much mental wellness around
Speaker 1: that person as possible. Set boundaries, set limitations, and if
Speaker 1: you do find yourself in a situation where they are
Speaker 1: gas lighting, you be really aware and cognizant that that
Speaker 1: is what's happening. Don't get embroiled in the argument, don't
Speaker 1: get tied down in it. Just walk away and don't
Speaker 1: give fire to it, because I think that the more
Speaker 1: that you try and negotiate or have a conversation or
Speaker 1: change their mind, the more you're gonna get sucked back
Speaker 1: into that reality. I put a little list of things
Speaker 1: together because I knew the time would come where we
Speaker 1: would have to do a list of how to move
Speaker 1: on and extract yourself. I love it when you do
Speaker 1: the research for it a list. Basically, the number one thing.
Speaker 1: Education is key, Information is power. You might not know
Speaker 1: what you're dealing with I certainly didn't. I know Laura
Speaker 1: didn't until you actually have someone laid out for you
Speaker 1: and you're looking at it physically and you're like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, that yes, yes, yes, yes. So educate yourself
Speaker 1: to what it is. Read up about these unhealthy relationships.
Speaker 1: Read up about the narcissistic tendencies, traits, the different types
Speaker 1: of narcissism, because remember, they don't all fall into one category.
Speaker 1: Totally listen to podcasts, go online. There's so many forums
Speaker 1: and communities. I know that something that really really helped
Speaker 1: me was joining online communities of other people who had
Speaker 1: dealt with narcissistic relationships, and it made me think I
Speaker 1: am not alone and I'm not an idiot, which is
Speaker 1: what I really really felt at the time, and it
Speaker 1: was a real safe space to kind of rebuild from
Speaker 1: there as well. So I do think that there are
Speaker 1: so many resources online that can make you feel really
Speaker 1: empowered and you come out of the other side going, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm not the only one who's been through this. Yes, see,
Speaker 1: now my problem is I'm the opposite to you. It
Speaker 1: took me such a long time to deal with because
Speaker 1: I didn't I didn't seek help and I didn't go
Speaker 1: on online communities and I didn't do the research, and
Speaker 1: I knew I was in a fucked up relationship and
Speaker 1: I knew what had happened to me, and like, there
Speaker 1: is so much more that I'll never actually be able
Speaker 1: to talk about to you, guys. I knew was so
Speaker 1: far from being okay, but I dealt with it on
Speaker 1: my own. I was like, I'm fine, everything's fine. I
Speaker 1: don't need anyone. And that was the worst thing. Now,
Speaker 1: in hindsight, that's the worst thing I could have done,
Speaker 1: because it took me so much longer to move on.
Speaker 1: Like I was a hot mess for a really, really
Speaker 1: long time. So I can say from the other side,
Speaker 1: like Laura is saying, go and do it, because she's
Speaker 1: done it. She sought help and it really helped her,
Speaker 1: I can say go and seek help because I didn't,
Speaker 1: and I saw what that did to me. Yeah, totally.
Speaker 1: And I think like the biggest thing that I did
Speaker 1: that was of benefit to me was going and speaking
Speaker 1: to a therapist and unpacking what it was in my
Speaker 1: relationship and why I was attracted to this and really
Speaker 1: understanding what had happened a bit better. And I think
Speaker 1: that's that's like something what you just said, brit is
Speaker 1: like something that I think so many people who experience
Speaker 1: this to have to overcome is just how long it
Speaker 1: takes and how deep the damage goes when you're in
Speaker 1: a narcissistic relationship, Like it's it's so and can be
Speaker 1: so traumatic, and like we talk about things from like
Speaker 1: a gas lighting, lying, manipulation perspective, Like there's people who
Speaker 1: are in these relationships and it's much more physical and
Speaker 1: the abuse is much more volatile and frightening. And so
Speaker 1: I think that that you know, the number one thing
Speaker 1: to do is go and speak to someone who's a professional.
Speaker 1: Try to build up a life outside of your relationship.
Speaker 1: So this is maybe you're reigniting or reconnecting with friends.
Speaker 1: Maybe you are trying to find a new hobby or
Speaker 1: going back to a sport or a hobby that you
Speaker 1: used to do. That might be reconnecting with your family
Speaker 1: against just something something that you can do on your
Speaker 1: own for yourself, with your friends, separate, completely separate and
Speaker 1: independently of him. So it's slowly slowly taking your life back.
Speaker 1: And I really think that there's power in vulnerability and
Speaker 1: talking about what it is that you've experienced. So if
Speaker 1: you have, if you have been through this and you
Speaker 1: are finding that you're isolated and you haven't been able
Speaker 1: to connect with your friends, I do think that there
Speaker 1: is power in actually talking about what you've gone through
Speaker 1: and the reason why you withdrew from them, because if
Speaker 1: they are your true friends or your family, they're going
Speaker 1: to be much more receptive once they understand. Now, the
Speaker 1: next one on your list, which is like something that
Speaker 1: I think is really hard to work on after you've
Speaker 1: been through these relationships, but it's just so critical is
Speaker 1: working on your self esteem and working on your self
Speaker 1: worth and knowing that what happened to you is not
Speaker 1: your fault, and knowing that the relationship is not a
Speaker 1: byproduct of anything that you did wrong, and also knowing
Speaker 1: that like, you couldn't have changed anything about yourself to
Speaker 1: make them treat you better, Like that's not the basis
Speaker 1: of what would have made that relationship better. Yeah. I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna sugarcoat it. It's the hardest thing to do.
Speaker 1: It is so hard. It's one thing to say, build
Speaker 1: yourself steam and get your confidence back. Okay, Yeah, how
Speaker 1: the hell do I do that when I've just been
Speaker 1: trampled over and I feel like a piece of shit. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it took that took me a really really long time,
Speaker 1: and I'm totally there now, but I'd be lying if
Speaker 1: I said it wasn't really hard to do. And I
Speaker 1: also think it's really important to start trying to bring
Speaker 1: new things into your life that give you a sense
Speaker 1: of self worth outside of what the relationship was like
Speaker 1: for me, I know, like it kind of sounds lame.
Speaker 1: I've talked about it before, Like I took up salsa
Speaker 1: dancing and having which I laughed at every time. And
Speaker 1: it's not funny, but it's funny. I went to solsa dancing.
Speaker 1: I used a salsa dance like four nights a week.
Speaker 1: I look like that red emoji absolutely and I'm steel
Speaker 1: so bad at salsa dancing. But it was just something
Speaker 1: that got me out of my own house. It got
Speaker 1: me around a new group of people, and it forced
Speaker 1: me to do something that was active. So I was
Speaker 1: feeling good about myself, like endorphins were running and like
Speaker 1: I really enjoyed myself. It got me out of such
Speaker 1: a bad slump and it got me away from just
Speaker 1: drinking or going out and partying, which wasn't helpful for
Speaker 1: my mental state at that point in time. So you know,
Speaker 1: I think it's it's lame to say start a new hobby,
Speaker 1: but I also think it can be a really constructive
Speaker 1: thing to do when you're in a bad space. God, no,
Speaker 1: I start, I've said it, but two I enrolled in
Speaker 1: Italian classes at adult education. Everyone was fifty plus. But
Speaker 1: I had a great old time because I needed to
Speaker 1: take my mind of it. We're not one of those
Speaker 1: people that say, oh, start a new hobby, Like, we
Speaker 1: don't just make it up. Literally, go and find something
Speaker 1: that you always wanted to do, or that you're passionate about,
Speaker 1: or that you want to explore further, and just go
Speaker 1: and do it. I mean, you have free time now,
Speaker 1: Like when you're not spending all every second of your
Speaker 1: day filling somebody else's hole, you can fill your own hole.
Speaker 1: That sounds very sexual, but it's not how I mean.
Speaker 1: It's always make you can fill your own cup. You know, basically,
Speaker 1: you have so much more time and so much more
Speaker 1: energy to work on yourself, and that can be seemed
Speaker 1: really overwhelming when you're absolutely at rock bottom, but it
Speaker 1: is a really, really great place to start and The
Speaker 1: last few things are just once you've decided to leave,
Speaker 1: don't rush back into dating. Don't try and fix yourself
Speaker 1: get over it by getting under someone else. You need
Speaker 1: to sit in your own pain, in your own trauma
Speaker 1: and your own experiences, and you need to heal yourself's.
Speaker 1: Like I wish there was a magic cure, there's not.
Speaker 1: The worst thing you can do is go and have
Speaker 1: like a recovery relationship, a band aid relationship. Don't get
Speaker 1: into another relationship until you know that if the relationship
Speaker 1: goes bad, you're gonna be okay. That's the big thing
Speaker 1: I think. Make sure that you're at a point in
Speaker 1: your life where you know that even if shit goes wrong,
Speaker 1: and even if you can't control it and you end
Speaker 1: up in a bad space again, that you as a
Speaker 1: person are going to be fine. I know that this
Speaker 1: is gonna resonate with a lot of people. I know
Speaker 1: this episode there's gonna be a lot of people saying,
Speaker 1: oh my God, like I've been through that, or maybe
Speaker 1: this is what I'm going through right now, maybe I
Speaker 1: have a friend going through that. What I want to
Speaker 1: really highlight here is that feelings of you're not good enough,
Speaker 1: It's all your fault. If only you could have done
Speaker 1: something better, if and you could have been better. They
Speaker 1: are all really really normal feelings. They're not true. But
Speaker 1: I don't want to lie to you and say that
Speaker 1: you're not going to feel it. And if you feel that,
Speaker 1: then you're feeling the wrong thing, because you will feel it.
Speaker 1: It's human nature to feel those things. I felt them
Speaker 1: for a long time and know Laura felt them. I
Speaker 1: know every one of you listening is going to think
Speaker 1: that you haven't been good enough at a certain time
Speaker 1: in a relationship for that person, and that maybe if
Speaker 1: you were just a little bit better, a little bit prettier,
Speaker 1: a little bit smarter, a little bit funnier, that maybe
Speaker 1: the relationship would have worked. It's so important to me
Speaker 1: that you guys, get to a place where you do
Speaker 1: know that that's not true. They're going to make you
Speaker 1: feel like that. People will make you feel like that
Speaker 1: in your life. I want you to feel like that
Speaker 1: for about two point two seconds, and then tell yourself
Speaker 1: how amazing you are. Think of all the positives in
Speaker 1: your life, think of all the really good things, because absolutely,
Speaker 1: if something doesn't work out, if for a relationship like
Speaker 1: this doesn't work out. It has nothing to do with
Speaker 1: you men, bloody men. Just to wrap this whole section up. Like,
Speaker 1: I know, it's been big. I know it's been heavy.
Speaker 1: There's so much to cover with this because there's so
Speaker 1: many different types and there's so many ways that it
Speaker 1: can display itself. But you know, like we said, we've
Speaker 1: had so many questions come in and we have put
Speaker 1: them in a bank. We're going to get a clinical
Speaker 1: psychologists on to answer some of the really difficult questions
Speaker 1: that you guys have put forward about narcissism and also
Speaker 1: just about different types of personality disorders in general that
Speaker 1: we've received over the last year doing this podcast. But
Speaker 1: I feel like this was an episode that was a
Speaker 1: really long time coming, and so I'm glad that we've
Speaker 1: finally had this discussion and put it out there. We
Speaker 1: want to highlight that we did read it all. We
Speaker 1: don't want you to think that we're scooting over things
Speaker 1: that we don't think are important, because we do think
Speaker 1: there are. So we could talk about this for weeks literally,
Speaker 1: and like we said, if you guys have any further
Speaker 1: questions that you want us to throw at a clinical
Speaker 1: psychologist and we do get them on hit us up
Speaker 1: on our Facebook group, or you can hit us up
Speaker 1: on lifelunk Cup podcast on Instagram and we'll add it
Speaker 1: to the best. Well, that was a big episode, Laura,
Speaker 1: bloody big one. It was a big one. But you know,
Speaker 1: every now and again we have to do these ones.
Speaker 1: We have to dog deep and we have to talk
Speaker 1: about things we think are important. But let's now talk
Speaker 1: about something a little bit more lighthearted. We don't finish
Speaker 1: an episode without our suck and sweet, our highlight and
Speaker 1: our lowlight of the week. So you are going first,
Speaker 1: and I can see on your face that you've got
Speaker 1: no idea what your suck sweet is. I can read
Speaker 1: you like a book. I know what my sweet is. Oh,
Speaker 1: I have so many sweets, which is bad. This has
Speaker 1: been a really good week. It sucks first, dude, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, But okay, I suck. I'm just gonna say,
Speaker 1: you know, as much as there's some highlights to the
Speaker 1: fact that Molly's growing to daycare, I hate that she's
Speaker 1: going to day care. I hate it. There's no part
Speaker 1: of my body right now that enjoys this idea. It's
Speaker 1: a necessity so that I can get work done and whatnot.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I'm not cool with it. I can two
Speaker 1: weeks and you'll love it. Yeah, Okay, We'll talk to
Speaker 1: me in two weeks time and I'll give you a
Speaker 1: new sweet. But right now, that's my suck. My sweet
Speaker 1: for the week is that we we have yesterday just
Speaker 1: launched the new range for Tony May, and that has
Speaker 1: been like six months coming and so much work, and
Speaker 1: I'm like super proud of it. And I don't even
Speaker 1: care if this is a plug, but it's you're all
Speaker 1: llowed to plug. It's just our yeah, our new range
Speaker 1: that we've been all working on and that I feel
Speaker 1: like has consumed my life for the last six Oh
Speaker 1: my god. And I saw some of the pictures from
Speaker 1: the campaign. Girlfriend, you were in one of the midlists.
Speaker 1: Now hoping you notice, I've been like flipping it around
Speaker 1: all episode, like waiting for you to notice, and you
Speaker 1: haven't whipping it around my neck. So that's my sweet.
Speaker 1: It's been such a big business week for me and
Speaker 1: for Tony May, and like I just, you know, very
Speaker 1: very rarely do I have moments where I actually feel
Speaker 1: super proud. I usually suffer from massive imposter syndrome, and
Speaker 1: today I'm like, this is a good day. Oh I'm
Speaker 1: proud of you. You wave bloody heart and the collection
Speaker 1: is amazing. Have a look Tonymay dot com. I'm joking,
Speaker 1: dot you is what she meant to say. What's your
Speaker 1: sweet sucks? Okay, what's just suck? I hate mind Suck's
Speaker 1: pretty funny but also pretty messed up. I've had this
Speaker 1: some spider web on the just see me out, Laura.
Speaker 1: I've had a spider web in my car window in
Speaker 1: my mirror, you know, the side mirror. He obviously the
Speaker 1: spider's obviously living behind the mirror. Because the spiderweb comes
Speaker 1: out every morning. I brush it off, comes out the
Speaker 1: next morning, and I'm like, you know what, snuggle on
Speaker 1: in there. You're not doing any harm. Live your best
Speaker 1: life in my mirror. Fancy spider live in an arrangee
Speaker 1: and BONDI that randes some expensive rend that is freeloading.
Speaker 1: He's got beach fuse to I was, I've been like
Speaker 1: wiping the spiderweb away every day with a stick or something,
Speaker 1: and he comes back and I'm like, fuck, I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna let him up, Like he's not doing any harm.
Speaker 1: Live your best life. Then, as I was driving back
Speaker 1: from Port mcquarie. So this. I only saw this when
Speaker 1: I was on the highway on the weekend. I noticed
Speaker 1: that the spider web was now in side my car,
Speaker 1: inside in the front mirror. Bit so I'm like, all right,
Speaker 1: smarty pants, you've made your way in. So what I
Speaker 1: had to do was get some spider stuff and I
Speaker 1: killed him. Sorry. I'm like, I can't have a huntsman
Speaker 1: running on the inside of my window on the hole
Speaker 1: that just got really dark. That happened, Okay, give me
Speaker 1: a sweet. My sweet is like, well, hasn't actually happened yet.
Speaker 1: But I along with Laura, but separately. We're going to
Speaker 1: Byron Bay this weekend. Oh yeah, I forgot so, but
Speaker 1: both like, we're both going separately, but I'm sure i'll
Speaker 1: see you. No. So I booked a trip to Byron
Speaker 1: Bay and then britt booked the exact same trip on
Speaker 1: the exact same days and was like, oh, maybe we'll
Speaker 1: see each other. And I was like, well, clearly we're
Speaker 1: going together now, Brittany, clearly we're going to see each other.
Speaker 1: You sound I'm really making this. Old guy said I
Speaker 1: was a stalkerl I was like, Brittany, why are you
Speaker 1: parked out the front of my house again. Yeah, because
Speaker 1: we do the podcast twice a week, we can't really
Speaker 1: go anywhere or have a life because it's like three
Speaker 1: days apart. It's not enough time to ever do it.
Speaker 1: So Laura was like, heads up, I have to take
Speaker 1: a week off because I have to go up for
Speaker 1: a work trip to Byron Bay because you're doing shooting
Speaker 1: stuff up there. And I was like, well, bingo, if
Speaker 1: we've got a week off, I'm going on a week
Speaker 1: holiday too. And then I was like, where could I
Speaker 1: possibly go within New South Wales that I would want
Speaker 1: to go and spend a week And just so happened
Speaker 1: that the only friends I have are in Byron Bay.
Speaker 1: So how following you that Britt is staying like a
Speaker 1: straight away from me. We're taking the podcast equipment up
Speaker 1: there and we're going to do next week's for it.
Speaker 1: We're going to do next week's episode from Byron Bay.
Speaker 1: I don't actually even know where you're staying you a
Speaker 1: little bit, ahi, guys. And on that note, thank you
Speaker 1: for listening to another episode of Life Uncut. We hope
Speaker 1: that you loved it. We hope that you've got something
Speaker 1: out of it. We hope that you feel empowered and
Speaker 1: that you have some people in this world who have
Speaker 1: been through the exact same shit that you have been through,
Speaker 1: and you know the drill or the housekeeping. If you
Speaker 1: haven't signed up for the Facebook group or the Instagram
Speaker 1: it's Life Uncut podcast. If you're on the Facebook group,
Speaker 1: make sure that you actually join the group, which you
Speaker 1: have to like select, not just like the page, because
Speaker 1: we don't do anything on the page. That's that's it's
Speaker 1: just a shop window. You're gonna get into best where
Speaker 1: they're deady actually fight club. It's just like it's a
Speaker 1: pretend version. You've got to get in in in deep
Speaker 1: to the group and then we never talk about it
Speaker 1: because never talk about it on every episode. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: you know what, I just kind of deal with you
Speaker 1: guys appreciate a lot because we love la