Speaker 1: Flex and Frooms, Flex and Frooms. This is the Flex
Speaker 1: and Frooms catch up podcast. It's Flex and Firms Welcome
Speaker 1: back to the potty such play to have you here?
Speaker 1: Flex and Firms on Kita. So the other day a
Speaker 1: man beat a mobile phone driving charge which you can
Speaker 1: lose five demerit points, so don't play this Sydney driver
Speaker 1: thirty five years old. Turns out he was actually trying
Speaker 1: to eat a packet of dippets, which I don't know
Speaker 1: which is worth.
Speaker 2: Are you legally allowed to be one hand off the
Speaker 2: wheel so you can.
Speaker 1: Spreadable cheese? It dippets? Or was it the snack of
Speaker 1: cocting reports different?
Speaker 2: Was it a it's it's a nationwide confusion. Is it
Speaker 2: cosy a bikini? I think it's that type of thing.
Speaker 1: And this has got me thinking, flexi cheese. What an
Speaker 1: underrated snack? Everyone, If you're listening and thinking, damn, this
Speaker 1: is based white girl.
Speaker 2: Millennials coming out cheese wine.
Speaker 1: No, I'm not speaking about the cheese and wine era. Okay,
Speaker 1: we're back in the proson moment. Okay, I'm talking about
Speaker 1: a snack that is considered not cool. A bigger stringer,
Speaker 1: for example, or a snack. My housemate is a Belle
Speaker 1: is currently training to run a marathon. What does that mean?
Speaker 1: She must edit her dietary requirements, needs more snacks. She
Speaker 1: has founded a snack called Happy Cow. It is like
Speaker 1: a sorry sorry, put some respects on Happy Cow's name.
Speaker 1: Please flex Happy Cow. It's this like cardboard circle, right,
Speaker 1: and you open up the cardbird circle and there's like
Speaker 1: eight little snack cheeses in pizza portions. Right. Then you
Speaker 1: undo the foil and inside is a three cheese mixture.
Speaker 1: This cheese is soft. It's a mix of three cheese.
Speaker 1: It's like a fondant, a fondu. I've been eating them
Speaker 1: as a snack at three pm because I alternate between
Speaker 1: the lint hazel up block. I get a big kilo
Speaker 1: thing that I just chop off a row every are though,
Speaker 1: but I thought it doesn't fill me up. It gives
Speaker 1: me with a sugar high. I'm gonna pivot to the cheese.
Speaker 1: Give it a go. Absolutely loving my Happy Cow eight
Speaker 1: piece pizza based snack.
Speaker 2: We'll heard you the first time, babe the Happy Cow
Speaker 2: edging for that spino.
Speaker 1: I would also is eat more cheese, guys. It's a
Speaker 1: really good it's really good for calcium, and it's a
Speaker 1: healthy feeling snack. It's good protein as well. Don't think
Speaker 1: it's great for period cramps though they say that. But
Speaker 1: who told you that the internet? Don't trust the Internet.
Speaker 2: And if you're a mucasy babe like I can be sorry,
Speaker 2: you're freaking me out. The throat mucus clearing throat thing
Speaker 2: happens when your dairy consumption is high. Allegedly, I'm not
Speaker 2: no wheb MD. I'm just a humble woman.
Speaker 1: It's giving, not human encoded. Okay, you get some signs
Speaker 1: up your How do we.
Speaker 2: Actually tell if we are or someone else is emotionally unavailable?
Speaker 2: We will tread lightly with this topic because we don't
Speaker 2: want to armchair diagnose anyone. We do it, we will,
Speaker 2: we will, but take that as your disclaimer. I don't
Speaker 2: want to censor myself, but you should censor what you
Speaker 2: choose to hear from what we will say. Moving forward,
Speaker 2: Refinery twenty nine just dropped an article called how to
Speaker 2: tell if You're chasing someone who's emotionally unavailable, which I
Speaker 2: think most people should get around because we, I say
Speaker 2: we as a society, we who date often confuse blatant
Speaker 2: disinterest with an avoidant.
Speaker 3: Attachment style with emotional unavailability, don't get it to same,
Speaker 3: and they are different things and we should know how
Speaker 3: to discern between them. The article references Lily not me
Speaker 3: twenty three, I'm twenty nine, you're twenty five, babe, okay
Speaker 3: status sexual relationship with someone which she hoped would turn
Speaker 3: more serious and romantic over time, but just ended up
Speaker 3: constantly disappointing her A tale as old as time, She said,
Speaker 3: Between the constant pendulum swing, did I write this pendulum swing?
Speaker 1: That's that's a flex code of phrase.
Speaker 2: Between the constant pendulum swing, between him showing me intense
Speaker 2: affection and then completely ignoring me, and a complete inability
Speaker 2: to tell what he was thinking at any given time,
Speaker 2: it started to become pretty clear he wasn't interested or
Speaker 2: was just incapable of committing so. Therapist Maria Sosa, who's
Speaker 2: holistically Grace on Instagram, explains that we often mistake signs
Speaker 2: of emotional unavailability for excitement and chemistry and mystery, right like,
Speaker 2: are they hard to get a hold of because they're
Speaker 2: just busy people? Or are they not available for you?
Speaker 2: I will say it's a futile task of fool's errand
Speaker 2: to try and discern or to try and tell what
Speaker 2: someone is thinking. You will never be right because humans
Speaker 2: are contradictory and fickle at the best of times. So
Speaker 2: the article then goes into how to tell if someone
Speaker 2: is emotionally unavailable based on how you respond to them,
Speaker 2: which I think is healthy and helpful. So one, you
Speaker 2: get really excited at the slightest bit of affection because
Speaker 2: they don't usually show you any So they're holding a hand,
Speaker 2: You're freaking out. You get unusually excited when they reach
Speaker 2: out and talk to you because they rarely do.
Speaker 1: You drop all of.
Speaker 2: Your plans to hang out with them when they finally
Speaker 2: suggest it, or they aren't too busy for you.
Speaker 1: Not good.
Speaker 2: You feel like you're constantly trying to figure them out
Speaker 2: or navigate their changing moods. You're constantly asking your friends
Speaker 2: and family to help decipher their behavior or their intentions.
Speaker 2: I feel like that's a great framework. Should we call
Speaker 2: someone emotionally unavailable because of that? They could just not
Speaker 2: like you. Yeah, let's be careful not to brand people things.
Speaker 2: Let's just assess how we feel in response to them.
Speaker 2: What I want to discuss those is thought I was
Speaker 2: having when reading this article by Refinery twenty nine. The
Speaker 2: article in case you want to go check it out
Speaker 2: for yourself. It's called how to tell if You're chasing
Speaker 2: someone Who's emotionally unavailable. It's an easy read three to
Speaker 2: five minutes you have it. It made me think, are
Speaker 2: people becoming more emotionally unavailable the longer they choose to date? Now?
Speaker 2: What is for certain? When you are dating there is
Speaker 2: bound to be disappointment. Not everyone that you have a
Speaker 2: crush on eventuates. Not to say that that's a bad
Speaker 2: thing or a good thing. But I don't know if
Speaker 2: we as a people have developed enough resilience and enough
Speaker 2: emotional intelligence to accept that for what it is and
Speaker 2: move on. I imagine for a lot of people, after
Speaker 2: any failed dating interaction, you build another brick, another wall,
Speaker 2: another barrier that makes you less able to participate in
Speaker 2: dating freely or with a sense of openness, maybe even
Speaker 2: bit of a naivity. I feel it's really easy to
Speaker 2: be like, I know what's happening next, I know what's
Speaker 2: going to happen, I know how this ends, when really
Speaker 2: you don't.
Speaker 1: You don't.
Speaker 2: But with that being said, do you agree with my analysis?
Speaker 2: Or the question I've post.
Speaker 1: Well, I think you can go either way. You can
Speaker 1: go either two extreme ways. You can become totally walls down,
Speaker 1: because I don't if you're not desper but like you
Speaker 1: know what you want so badly that you're more open
Speaker 1: to different people that you originally wouldn't be, So I
Speaker 1: think the walls are down. But also, yeah, like you said,
Speaker 1: I think it's only a human to want to protect
Speaker 1: yourself when you've been hurt time and time again.
Speaker 2: I've mentioned before that I don't like to tell people
Speaker 2: who they are, but I do like to call out
Speaker 2: behavior if it's requested of me.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah.
Speaker 2: And so a friend was basically establishing some parameters of
Speaker 2: what had happened in a dating circumstance, and I said,
Speaker 2: sounds like you're emotionally unavailable, because like what you're doing
Speaker 2: is very aligned with the people you are dating, and
Speaker 2: you would brand their behavior as being emotionally unavailable, to
Speaker 2: which she said, well, what even is that?
Speaker 4: Then?
Speaker 2: What is emotional? Aren't we aren't we all emotionally unavailable?
Speaker 2: Which I said, potentially, let's look up some key characteristics
Speaker 2: in case you don't want to Google, because I live
Speaker 2: on Google. I don't mind being here a little bit
Speaker 2: longer every day, cheapest creepers emotional. Here's a hack on
Speaker 2: how to google emotional emotionally unavailable characteristics.
Speaker 1: I think we know what they are. I don't think
Speaker 1: emotionally unavailable is a thing that exists. Don't make me say,
Speaker 1: do you.
Speaker 2: Think it's more like a response to a situation as
Speaker 2: opposed to something you can identify as we're not therapists,
Speaker 2: but you know, to the wrong person, I might come
Speaker 2: across as emotionally unavailable, I just don't like you. Yeah,
Speaker 2: This idea of avoiding commitment or labels things staying really surface,
Speaker 2: keeping you at arm's length, struggling to empathize, being really
Speaker 2: unclear about what you want or what you're able to give,
Speaker 2: getting defensive, being inconsistent, not knowing how much to trust
Speaker 2: or if you can trust. And also I think the
Speaker 2: big kicker is not being able to provide what you expect.
Speaker 2: You know, like, in order to maintain a certain level
Speaker 2: of availability, you need to be available, not come with.
Speaker 1: The games and the walls and be like, I.
Speaker 2: Don't know why they're not responding.
Speaker 1: I do, yeah, and games forget games, guys. But also
Speaker 1: sometimes you need to have some games. Oh, I have
Speaker 1: a bit of fun. Let's be real.
Speaker 2: You're listening to flex and Frooms on Kaita and A
Speaker 2: Winter has a message for you.
Speaker 4: What is it so interesting to me how people dress
Speaker 4: when they come in for interviews And sometimes you feel
Speaker 4: they're wearing clothes that they just bought that morning or
Speaker 4: maybe the night before, and not something that in any
Speaker 4: way suits their personality and who they are. And I
Speaker 4: think what everybody should remember, whether they're interviewing at Vogue
Speaker 4: or indeed anywhere, that we're not hiring your wardrobe. Always
Speaker 4: remember a young man who came in in a dress
Speaker 4: and a handbag and I gave him the job on
Speaker 4: the spot. You have to dress for yourself, and it's
Speaker 4: the same for any job that you might be going for.
Speaker 4: I think it doesn't do yourself a service.
Speaker 1: Oh Fumy is not happy. Form is not happy. Spaen
Speaker 1: me the details, Anna, expectfully, you were in the devil
Speaker 1: wes Praduct. Whether or not you co sign that is
Speaker 1: not for me to know. But the whole thing is
Speaker 1: about her reinventing herself. Paul, what's her name? And Hathaway
Speaker 1: and Hathaway Okay, that's traumatic to watch. Nah, all I'll
Speaker 1: say is Anna Wintour. You've got me fossil, Yeah, FRUMI
Speaker 1: looks pissed off. I don't very often this emotion is
Speaker 1: coming from. I think it's the idea that like that
Speaker 1: you need to change for somewhere like folk. Yeah, they
Speaker 1: create fashion. I feel like, oh yeah, it's like going
Speaker 1: to fashion Week in Australia. You think, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I've got to wear something different. It is environment that
Speaker 1: they've created, so telling people to come as they are.
Speaker 1: We wearing a blue sweater is somehow not fashionable. Never
Speaker 1: forget the frumby sweater like spare me. It's confusing.
Speaker 2: We've talked a lot about how I feel like people
Speaker 2: are in denial about how much their appearance is a
Speaker 2: deal breaker and how much you know, aside from all
Speaker 2: of the other things your gender, your race, your socioeconomic status,
Speaker 2: A lot of that can be perceptively or perceptually bypassed
Speaker 2: by looking a certain way. Right. Somehow people forget racism exists.
Speaker 2: If you're a rich billionaire and black, surely it mustn't right.
Speaker 2: Kanye talks about it constantly, But in this instance, Anna,
Speaker 2: come on, let's not feed people. These comers, you are lies.
Speaker 2: It's never worked before, it's not gonna work today, okay,
Speaker 2: And it's not something that people have permissioned to do.
Speaker 2: Anna herself dresses in a uniform. Yeah, has maintained a
Speaker 2: very specific way of being. I'm sure you don't get
Speaker 2: up like that with a fresh bob Manolo Blanix and
Speaker 2: a shift dress every day. You've chosen a very specific aesthetic.
Speaker 1: It's giving Lord, fuck wad not just.
Speaker 2: Kidding, no no, no, no no no. But in this instance,
Speaker 2: I do agree, however, with the idea that you can
Speaker 2: tell and people are putting on an aesthetic right now.
Speaker 2: It'd be surprising. I get a lot of hate on
Speaker 2: the internet right but the way people can call me
Speaker 2: out for outfit repeating, I'm so surprised by babes, I'm
Speaker 2: aware this fit again and again and again and again
Speaker 2: people actually do that.
Speaker 1: Oh you love that jacket? Flex?
Speaker 2: Oh you love that? Yeah, babe, I bought it. It
Speaker 2: looks what I'm gonna keep wearing it. I'mlike, miss, I'm
Speaker 2: going to Europe in six weeks. Help me get a
Speaker 2: new wardrobe.
Speaker 1: Please to me. Just think guys, oh never free me
Speaker 1: flex and Frims on Keida. It's flex and frims on
Speaker 1: kit FLEXI. I've been reading a book called Stolen Focus.
Speaker 1: It was given to us by a manager, and I
Speaker 1: do have a tendency to play on my phone in meetings,
Speaker 1: so it was a targeted at the time. However, I'm
Speaker 1: reading the book and I'm quite enjoying it. It's by
Speaker 1: a man called Johann Hari. He is a British British,
Speaker 1: a British Swiss writer. And you know what, I was
Speaker 1: meant to bring the book in to read a passage today.
Speaker 1: My focus was stolen because I had been making tariarchy
Speaker 1: be if I had a lot of taboy to bring in. Okay, Anyway,
Speaker 1: I was reading a passage. It really gripped me. The
Speaker 1: other day he spoke about a concept called the message
Speaker 1: is the medium. This was coined by a philosopher society
Speaker 1: I don't know who in the nineteen sixties, right, and
Speaker 1: it told us about how the way that you receive
Speaker 1: a message is the message in and of itself. So
Speaker 1: take for example, television. Yes, you receive things on the
Speaker 1: television and you see it in the television mode, right, yep.
Speaker 1: This also applies to writing. If you read something on
Speaker 1: the internet, it's a very different experience to reading something
Speaker 1: in a book, and the way you read it changes.
Speaker 1: So when you read on the internet, you skim. When
Speaker 1: you read in a book where you have to be
Speaker 1: plugged in, you skim read books too. Yeah, but that's
Speaker 1: because you've spent too much time reading the internet and
Speaker 1: I read first. Okay, you don't know me, mates, I'm
Speaker 1: a protient.
Speaker 2: I'm no brit To be fair, I was a fast
Speaker 2: reader turned skim reader.
Speaker 1: You're not retaining any information at this point.
Speaker 2: Says you from googles. How to pronounce Yohann hurry, Yohann hurry,
Speaker 2: Yohan hurry comes on air, Yohan har.
Speaker 1: Any information I told you I never remember? Saying I
Speaker 1: never remember them? It makes me look bad anyway. The
Speaker 1: point of this is, this is why he has beef.
Speaker 1: Dare I say with social media? He's not he's not
Speaker 1: a massive fan of social media, and he discusses how
Speaker 1: things like Instagram and TikTok.
Speaker 3: She said, I'm not retaining any information.
Speaker 2: Not only are you reading the book called Focus, you've
Speaker 2: forgotten to bring the book because your focus was stolen
Speaker 2: and not even trying to conjure up any information.
Speaker 4: About the book.
Speaker 1: He's got beef with the internet.
Speaker 2: I can't talk about it.
Speaker 3: Listen.
Speaker 1: He's not going to watch this because he's not on Instagram.
Speaker 1: But I don't read the book. I'm enjoying it. Just
Speaker 1: an anything the book.
Speaker 2: Please.
Speaker 1: You've been listening to The Flex and Froom's daily podcast.
Speaker 1: For more, tune Indicator on DAB or stream it on iHeartRadio.