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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just answers. Now.

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Speaker 2: Once upon a time I tried to do three loads

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Speaker 2: of washing in one Everything came out dirty than it was.

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Speaker 2: Because when you put too much in, too much in.

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Speaker 3: You get less.

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Speaker 2: You put too much in, you get mushy results, you

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Speaker 2: get lousy results.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom

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Speaker 1: and dad.

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Speaker 2: Every Friday on the Happy Families Podcast, we talk about

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Speaker 2: what we're going to do better tomorrow. This is a

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Speaker 2: moment of introspection. It's where the parenting expert and his

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Speaker 2: wife mum to six daughters Kylie, reflect get intentional talk

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Speaker 2: about well, what didn't and how we can do things better. Kylie,

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Speaker 2: I think we should start with you. How would you

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Speaker 2: approach today's podcast? How do you want to do things

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Speaker 2: better tomorrow? Or do you just want to celebrate the

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Speaker 2: fact that you've nailed it this week?

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Speaker 3: Well, we've now been back at school for a week. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and I have been reflecting on the holiday that was

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Speaker 3: and the acknowledgement that we really need you to slow

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Speaker 3: down and be a part of our holidays. I don't know.

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Speaker 3: We joke about this a lot.

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Speaker 2: I feel like you're about to put me under the

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Speaker 2: bus again in this episode.

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Speaker 3: Well, let's just say you didn't have a choice these holidays. No,

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Speaker 3: you crashed and burned big time. All right.

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Speaker 2: So a little bit of background. It's been an absolutely

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Speaker 2: frantic couple of months. We've had a brand new book

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Speaker 2: come out. There's been a TV show, I had a

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Speaker 2: trip to America for a big conference, and there's been

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Speaker 2: all the usual stuff going on. And towards the end

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Speaker 2: of term two, which I mean we're going back three

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Speaker 2: four weeks now, but towards the end of last term,

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Speaker 2: I could feel myself starting to crash. I could feel

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Speaker 2: my my lunds not work properly anymore. I could feel

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Speaker 2: my body starting to say just stop. But we had

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Speaker 2: we had a big night planned in Brisbane for we

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Speaker 2: went to Semolon Rouge. Then the next night we had

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Speaker 2: a wedding, a wedding were I'm seeing. And then the

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Speaker 2: next day you were catering for a wedding for some friends.

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Speaker 2: You said, I'll do it. I'd love to try this.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to give it a go. And so I

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Speaker 2: could feel myself crashing and I almost pulled out of

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Speaker 2: Milan Rouge you actually told me not to go. You

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Speaker 2: said you're going to take your sister right. No, no, no,

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Speaker 2: I really want to see this thing. And at Milan Rouge,

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Speaker 2: I could just feel my throat collapsing and dying. And

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Speaker 2: then I had to hold it together for the wedding,

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Speaker 2: which was well I did. I think I did a

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Speaker 2: reasonable MC job. And then the next day it was Friday,

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Speaker 2: and I was gone. I stayed in bed, I didn't move,

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Speaker 2: And you.

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Speaker 3: Don't get sick very often, and if you do get sick,

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Speaker 3: it's a couple of days in bed and you're back

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Speaker 3: to life as we know it.

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Speaker 2: I was so sick that on Tuesday you went on

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Speaker 2: holidays without me. You put the kids on an airplane.

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Speaker 2: We booked this family holiday and I just couldn't go.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so executive decision, but we decided that we would

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Speaker 3: leave the Siicou at home.

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Speaker 2: I can't believe that we were in a position where

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Speaker 2: this happened. I've never even heard stories of this thing

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Speaker 2: happening where the family goes off and leaves one of

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Speaker 2: the parents at home because they're sick, Like, who does that?

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Speaker 2: And you did it to me?

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Speaker 3: I did it to you. I did it to you.

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Speaker 3: But you know, there are a couple of things that

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Speaker 3: came out of the holiday that were really big learning

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Speaker 3: moments for me. The first one is something that we've

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Speaker 3: talked about a little bit on the podcast. I've led

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Speaker 3: a lot of the holiday planning up to you over

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Speaker 3: the years. Of course, I'll do the activities, I'll work

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Speaker 3: out what we're actually going to do there. But when

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Speaker 3: it comes to hotels and airplanes and all of that stuff,

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Speaker 3: the actual logistics of the travel, that's all up to you.

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Speaker 3: I don't even think about it. I get in the car,

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Speaker 3: we get to the airport, you get us on the airplane,

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Speaker 3: you pick up the car. Like I don't think about

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Speaker 3: any of that stuff. And so when I realized that

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Speaker 3: I was all on my own, I knew that I

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Speaker 3: was actually pretty much out of my depths. This is

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Speaker 3: not a comfort space for me at all, and I

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Speaker 3: was going to have to do it all alone. But

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Speaker 3: I also knew that was really important for our kids

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Speaker 3: to number one, recognize that it was a challenge for me,

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Speaker 3: but to see me do it in spite of the

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Speaker 3: fact that I was a little bit nervous about it.

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Speaker 2: Not to mention the fact that they needed a holiday too.

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Speaker 3: Well, they did. They needed it, and so once upon

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Speaker 3: a time I probably would have just canceled the holiday.

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Speaker 3: I would have just said, we're not going. Dad's not well,

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Speaker 3: we can't do it. But I was like, you know what,

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Speaker 3: I'm a big girl. I can do this, and so

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Speaker 3: we decided to give it a go. Well, we got

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Speaker 3: to the airport, everything went smoothly. I parked the car

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Speaker 3: for the week that we were gone, We got on

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Speaker 3: an aeroplane, everything was fine. We picked up a car

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Speaker 3: at the other end. I got them to the airbnb

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Speaker 3: and I said to them girls, I said, I've never

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Speaker 3: done this before. Like literally, Dad takes care of all

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Speaker 3: of this. I said, how did I go? And they all,

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Speaker 3: one by one they were like, oh, ten out of

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Speaker 3: ten months. Because I have done little bits in the past.

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Speaker 3: We've been stuck and I've had to do something, and

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Speaker 3: the girls have watched me. Even just driving to a

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Speaker 3: new place, I get a little bit stressed out about it,

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Speaker 3: and my energy might elevate a little bit in those circumstances.

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Speaker 3: And the last time I had been somewhere with my

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Speaker 3: nineteen year old and I didn't know where I was going.

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Speaker 3: She was kind of like mom, you're a bit of

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Speaker 3: stress head. So it was really nice to be able

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Speaker 3: to go through that process and to just be calm

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Speaker 3: and know that I was capable and I could do it.

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Speaker 3: So that was the first thing. The second thing was

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Speaker 3: just one of the things that we've recognized over the

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Speaker 3: years is that when we crammed too much in to

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Speaker 3: our holidays, we don't actually get to enjoy it.

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Speaker 2: This is my washing machine analogy for those who have

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Speaker 2: missed the story. Once upon a time, I tried to

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Speaker 2: do three loads of washing in one and I mean

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Speaker 2: the water didn't even go through all the clothes. Everything

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Speaker 2: came out dirty than it was. Because when you put

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Speaker 2: too much in, too much in.

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Speaker 3: You get less.

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Speaker 2: Too much you put too much in, you get mushy results,

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Speaker 2: to get lousy results. So there's a lesson in this

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Speaker 2: from the holiday, I presume.

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Speaker 3: Unfortunately, once we arrived at our destination, within twenty four hours,

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Speaker 3: Miss Emily crashed.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so she caught what I had.

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Speaker 3: She got it, and she got it bad. So all

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Speaker 3: of a sudden, we're now in a position where we're

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Speaker 3: away from home, You're sick and not even there, and

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Speaker 3: I've got one child who is sick sick, sick, and

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Speaker 3: a whole loup of kids that are dying to have

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Speaker 3: a holiday. Yeah, So thankfully we all brainstormed and we

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Speaker 3: decided that one person each day would stay home with

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Speaker 3: the sick child while the other family members go off

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Speaker 3: and try to have a bit of a holiday. But

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Speaker 3: as a result, it just meant that we had to

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Speaker 3: really slow things down, like big time slow things down.

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Speaker 3: So I just did a small activity in the morning,

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Speaker 3: then we'd come home for lunch, make sure the child

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Speaker 3: was so shayild, and then go off again for another

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Speaker 3: few hours in the afternoon. It's not how we would

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Speaker 3: have normally done things, and definitely from a travel point

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Speaker 3: of view, I was doing a lot more miles than

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Speaker 3: I needed to do because of the logistics of making

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Speaker 3: sure that baby number six was okay. But after a

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Speaker 3: few days of doing it, the kids actually came to

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Speaker 3: and there that I really like how we're doing this.

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Speaker 3: I feel like we've slowed things down and we're just

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Speaker 3: able to really be in the moment and enjoy this activity. No,

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Speaker 3: we can come home, We've got a few hours where

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Speaker 3: we can have some lunch, read a book, maybe watch

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Speaker 3: a little bit of TV before we head off for

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Speaker 3: the afternoon.

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Speaker 2: I'm laughing because I finally flew to where you were

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Speaker 2: on Saturday, just for the last three days, and it's

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Speaker 2: exactly the opposite. Once I got there, was like, okay,

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Speaker 2: let's go. We got lots to do.

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Speaker 3: It was for me because you arrived. I knew that

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Speaker 3: you were kind of trying to fit in as much

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Speaker 3: of a holiday as possible in three days that we've

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Speaker 3: been planning for, you know, a whole week, and so

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Speaker 3: just to kind of navigate the shortened period of time

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Speaker 3: that we now had together as a family and the

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Speaker 3: travel that was required for different places. I looked at

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Speaker 3: it and said, okay, well we're going to go on

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Speaker 3: hour up the road. There's this thing, this thing, and

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Speaker 3: this thing that we could do.

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Speaker 2: Let's do them all.

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Speaker 3: Let's just try and do them all because I knew

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Speaker 3: that that's how your brain would work.

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Speaker 2: That's exactly it.

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Speaker 3: But we woke up the next morning and everyone was

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Speaker 3: just feeling a little bit and so I said, you

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Speaker 3: know what, let's revise it. Let's not do all of it.

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Speaker 3: But what did you say?

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Speaker 2: I said, it'll be fine, let's do it. Do it,

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Speaker 2: let's jam too much in.

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Speaker 3: So the first two activities went beautifully, Yes they did.

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Speaker 3: We had a wonderful time. The last activity of the

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Speaker 3: day was the one that I was actually just itching

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Speaker 3: to do. But we hadn't done a lot of homework,

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Speaker 3: so when we got there, we recognized that it actually

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Speaker 3: was going to require a little bit more of us

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Speaker 3: than we had originally anticipated, and all of a sudden,

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Speaker 3: all of the wheels fell off.

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Speaker 2: In fairness, I said, let's pull the pin. You were

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Speaker 2: a bit cranky about it because we were finally there

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Speaker 2: and it was an hour and a half up the

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Speaker 2: road from where we were staying, so we had to

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Speaker 2: drive all the way back the next day. I rescued it.

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Speaker 2: I said let's go, let's do it, and we did,

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Speaker 2: and it was the highlight of the trip. Can I

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Speaker 2: just can I just put that in there?

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Speaker 3: Okay?

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Speaker 2: So what's your take home message when it comes to

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Speaker 2: family holidays? Is it slowed down, don't put too much in,

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Speaker 2: leave husbands at home. What's the take home message here here?

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Speaker 1: For me?

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Speaker 3: I think it was really just slowing down those first

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Speaker 3: few days of the holiday, in spite of the fact

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Speaker 3: that we weren't all able to be get that's a

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Speaker 3: huge thing. We weren't all able to be together.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it was a just point.

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Speaker 3: But just recognizing that you kind of had to make

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Speaker 3: lemonade out of the lemons that we were given allowed

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Speaker 3: us to have experiences that we otherwise wouldn't have had

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Speaker 3: because we just had to reinvent the wheel for a

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Speaker 3: little bit. But slowing down made all of those experiences

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Speaker 3: that's that much more enjoyable. We actually really got to

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Speaker 3: just take in that moment, and then the drive home,

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Speaker 3: even if it was an hour, it didn't detract from

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Speaker 3: it because we weren't trying to squeeze so much in

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Speaker 3: We kind of you know, were coming home. We still

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Speaker 3: felt fresh, even though we'd driven an extra hour to

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Speaker 3: do it.

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Speaker 2: I feel like this take home message of don't try

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Speaker 2: to tramp too much and comes up a lot of

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Speaker 2: the podcast, and yet it's a lesson that we need

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Speaker 2: to be hearing again and again and again. This slow

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Speaker 2: things down. Take a leaf out of the Chris and

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Speaker 2: Philippa Slow Parents from French guidance book. There's there's so

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Speaker 2: much value there in terms of my older Better Tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to share just to brief ideas. The first

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Speaker 2: is the creativity of kids. I love how creative our

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Speaker 2: kids are. You've talked all about our holiday. Something that

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Speaker 2: happened on the holiday and has continued since then is

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Speaker 2: our kids developed. They invented a brand new game and

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Speaker 2: it was so much fun. I so didn't want to

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Speaker 2: play this, Like I'm not into games at all anyway,

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Speaker 2: and I just we.

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Speaker 3: Couldn't understand what they were trying to say in the

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Speaker 3: first place.

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Speaker 2: This game though, and it was so much fun. So

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Speaker 2: you need a fair few people to be able to

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Speaker 2: do it. You'd want at least four people. So one

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Speaker 2: person has chosen to be the questioner, and I guess

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Speaker 2: you'd probably need people to be a sort of eight

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Speaker 2: and above to play this game. But one person is

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Speaker 2: chosen to be They just did there. So let's say

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Speaker 2: I'm in. I've got to close my eyes, and everybody

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Speaker 2: else has to pick a number that they agree on

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Speaker 2: between why ten, yeah, yeah, So you might all decide

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Speaker 2: that you're going to pick the number eight. And then

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Speaker 2: my job is to ask each person who's not in,

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Speaker 2: because I'm the one that's in, how they would rank something.

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Speaker 2: So i might say book or movie or food or

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Speaker 2: holiday destination or whatever. And I'm and let's Let's say

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Speaker 2: I say I asked you a book or a song

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Speaker 2: or a band and the number was eight.

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Speaker 3: You would say, I have to come up with a

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Speaker 3: band that I would give an eight too, But I

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Speaker 3: would that I would rate as an eight.

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Speaker 2: And so we've got all these ratings, like this person

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Speaker 2: in the family sings at that number. So if it's eight,

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Speaker 2: of course you're gonna pick me. If it's ten, we're

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Speaker 2: going to pick you.

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Speaker 3: Yes, But we decided we weren't going to do things

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Speaker 3: like that because I've got a bit personal, isn't it.

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Speaker 2: But it might be food yeah, yeah so or dessert. Yes,

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Speaker 2: it could be like lasagna is an eight, whereas I

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Speaker 2: don't know sausage and mash is a three.

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Speaker 3: So there's no numbers.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, No one gets to say the number. Everyone just

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Speaker 2: has to say what that.

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Speaker 3: Can think about the category. You think about the category

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Speaker 3: and they think about the number, and then they come

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Speaker 3: up with a food or whatever it is, a book

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Speaker 3: or a song or a movie that corresponds to the category.

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Speaker 3: That's exactly right.

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Speaker 2: If that makes it. Now we're saying, I'm thinking, how

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Speaker 2: in the world we play this game? But we got it,

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Speaker 2: and we played it for hours and hours. It was

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Speaker 2: such so much fun. On the long car rides. It

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Speaker 2: was great. On the train ride that we talk, and

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Speaker 2: on the skyrail trip that we talk, it was great

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Speaker 2: when we were just sitting in the like, it was

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Speaker 2: so much fun.

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Speaker 3: And what's great is watching just how the kids are

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Speaker 3: able to pick categories that is going to give them

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Speaker 3: the best chance of being able to get the number right.

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Speaker 2: So much fun. Like, Okay, so you said lasagna, and

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Speaker 2: you've said the holiday destination is I don't know, New

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Speaker 2: Zealand or Ballei or Sydney or whatever, and they're kind

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Speaker 2: of integrating all this information about the meal and the

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Speaker 2: book and the song and the holiday destination or the

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Speaker 2: quality of friend or whatever it is, and then bang

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Speaker 2: they'll say eight and goes no way.

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Speaker 3: Like that was amazing. Was if they didn't get it right,

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Speaker 3: they were literally one mark away.

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Speaker 2: Usually Yeah, it was crazy. So just just kind of

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Speaker 2: small moments. And that's with my real take home message,

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Speaker 2: and that is so I'm talking about the holiday because

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Speaker 2: for the last week I've been away. I left on

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Speaker 2: Sunday flew out to Sydney and I was working in

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Speaker 2: Sydney at Sydney Grammar doing some professional development for staff

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Speaker 2: there on Monday. Then on Tuesday and Wednesday I was

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Speaker 2: in the Elora region, and on Thursday I was at

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Speaker 2: Oxford College in the Southern Highlands. I've been all over

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Speaker 2: the New South Wales countryside over the last week and

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Speaker 2: haven't really been at home. But as I was thinking

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Speaker 2: about that game and thinking about those small moments that

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Speaker 2: we had, I kind of thought this week one thing

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Speaker 2: that I've done really well because I've been away is

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Speaker 2: taking advantage of time confetti. You know when you get

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Speaker 2: those tiny bits of paper confetti and they just settled

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Speaker 2: down bit by bit. That's kind of what this week

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Speaker 2: has been when it comes to my involvement with the family.

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Speaker 2: Five minutes on the phone here, two minutes on the

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Speaker 2: phone there, a quick FaceTime call in the morning, a

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Speaker 2: quick good night call before I go and run a presentation,

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Speaker 2: or as I'm driving back to the hotel. And it's

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Speaker 2: been those time can fitting moments that have really I

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Speaker 2: think been the magic in the week, kind of putting

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Speaker 2: a positive spin on the fact that I've been away,

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Speaker 2: which makes it super hard. So that's my older about

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Speaker 2: it tomorrow. Yours don't stick too much in Mine is

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Speaker 2: take advantage of the small moments and really celebrate them.

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Speaker 2: That connection with your kids makes such a difference. We

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Speaker 2: hope that's a little bit of inspiration for your upcoming weekend.

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Speaker 2: Good luck making your family happier and being intentional. Hopefully

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Speaker 2: you'll be able to do better tomorrow as a result

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Speaker 2: of the things that we've shared with you just now.

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Speaker 2: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Rawlan from

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Speaker 2: Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer. For more

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Speaker 2: information about making your family happier, visitors at happy families

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Speaker 2: dot com dot you. Oh, and a quick reminder as well,

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Speaker 2: our Parenting ADHD course is about to start. It starts

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Speaker 2: on July thirty one. If you haven't checked out already,

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Speaker 2: you can get all the details at happy families dot com,

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Speaker 2: dot you and at Dr Justin Colson's Happy Families on Facebook.

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Speaker 1: Bill