WEBVTT - Walk down memory lane - GAS LIT CITY BABY!

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<v Speaker 1>Hi guys, and welcome back to another little trip down

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<v Speaker 1>memory Lane with Life on Cart. I'm Laura, and if

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<v Speaker 1>you've been following along this week, then you would know

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<v Speaker 1>that Britt is not here with me today, and that

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<v Speaker 1>is because we are still on holidays. But before we

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<v Speaker 1>get into today's little walk down memory lane, I just

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<v Speaker 1>want to wish you guys the biggest happy freaking New

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<v Speaker 1>Year's Eve that I can possibly muster whilst I sit

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<v Speaker 1>here alone in my bedroom recording this. But I hope

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<v Speaker 1>the twenty twenty one brings you, guys everything that you

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<v Speaker 1>have wanted. I hope that you guys have your goals

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<v Speaker 1>in place. And for everybody who felt like twenty twenty

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<v Speaker 1>was a little bit stagnant, they weren't able to really

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<v Speaker 1>kick start or progress or we'll move in the direction

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<v Speaker 1>that they wanted for themselves, I hope that this new

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<v Speaker 1>year brings you all of that and so much more.

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<v Speaker 1>And we really can't wait to come back in the

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<v Speaker 1>new year and bring you this podcast and hopefully bring

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<v Speaker 1>you guys some roles as well, because that's what life's

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<v Speaker 1>all about. But anyway, for today's episode, we thought what

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<v Speaker 1>better way to bring in a brand new year twenty

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<v Speaker 1>twenty one than with some fireworks, And by fireworks, I

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<v Speaker 1>kind of mean gas lighting. Similar a very tenuous stretch

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<v Speaker 1>of a link here, but I'm gonna go with it.

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<v Speaker 1>So today's episode is gas Lit City Baby. It is

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<v Speaker 1>from April this year, and I personally really love this episode.

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<v Speaker 1>I know Britt loves this episode two and it's because

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<v Speaker 1>gas lighting is something that is and it's so common

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<v Speaker 1>in relationships, not just in romantic relationships, but in all relationships.

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<v Speaker 1>It can be really malicious technique that's used in toxic relationships,

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<v Speaker 1>but it can also just be something that we do

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<v Speaker 1>unintentionally as a result of either feeling guilty for our

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<v Speaker 1>behavior or also because we don't have the best communication skills.

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<v Speaker 1>So it's something that like, I think a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>people will listen to this episode and go ah, I

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<v Speaker 1>do that from time to time, and I'm not a

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<v Speaker 1>total asshole.

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<v Speaker 2>But being aware of.

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<v Speaker 1>Your behavior also helps you to recognize it, identify it,

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<v Speaker 1>and do better in your own relationships.

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<v Speaker 2>So I loved this episode. We did it.

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<v Speaker 1>It's also just such a good walk down memory lane

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<v Speaker 1>because we talk about too Hot to Handle, which was

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<v Speaker 1>truly one of the highlights this year, and also some

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<v Speaker 1>great accidentally unfiltereds in there for you as well. So, guys,

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<v Speaker 1>that's enough for me for today. I hope that you

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<v Speaker 1>have already popped yourself a glass of champagne. Sit back, enjoy.

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<v Speaker 1>This is episode twenty nine and it's gas lit city.

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<v Speaker 2>Baby. Are we live? You're live? Okay? I still really

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<v Speaker 2>need to fart.

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<v Speaker 3>I need to go to the bathroom.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh do you alright? We'll just start. I think it's

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<v Speaker 2>in your head. No, that was in my butt.

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<v Speaker 1>Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm Laura and I'm Brittany.

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<v Speaker 1>And this should be our Tuesday episode, except very confusing.

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<v Speaker 1>We know it is Thursday, and we're very very sorry

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<v Speaker 1>that we couldn't bring you our episode this week.

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<v Speaker 2>We did, I say we we as a collective podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>We did have a crazy week and we couldn't get

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<v Speaker 2>it to you. But there is very very good reason. Laura,

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, what's your bloody excuse? No, I was

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<v Speaker 2>just supporting you. Thank you, and I I feel hell,

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<v Speaker 2>I feel supported. I feel seen sorry guys that we

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<v Speaker 2>couldn't get you it. We had a really hard week

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<v Speaker 2>with Mally. She she came down with some sort of

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<v Speaker 2>viral bug, and which is crazy because we have not

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<v Speaker 2>left house, We have not done anything at all for

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<v Speaker 2>almost five weeks now, so somehow somewhere in our house

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<v Speaker 2>she's managed to pick up some sort of virus. And

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<v Speaker 2>we spent a couple of nights back and forth from

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<v Speaker 2>hospital with her, and yeah, it was a bit stressful.

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<v Speaker 2>So that took Numero uno priority this week. Absolutely, Like

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<v Speaker 2>and the crazy thing that I thought was Laura is

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<v Speaker 2>messaging me and she's like, we're in hospital again. Throughout

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<v Speaker 2>the night, She's like, we can still try and record tomorrow,

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<v Speaker 2>Like you were still trying. You were like, I feel

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<v Speaker 2>bad and I want to get the episode out. And

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<v Speaker 2>I had to sort of pull the rug from under

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<v Speaker 2>you a little bit and say, absolutely not. I don't

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<v Speaker 2>want to weave a team down. You didn't, but I

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<v Speaker 2>love your dedication, but there's a time for it, and

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<v Speaker 2>this was this is more important. And sometimes there are

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<v Speaker 2>a few things in life that are going to trumpet,

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<v Speaker 2>but family is one of them. Guys.

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<v Speaker 1>Sometime life just gets ya. And you know what, having

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<v Speaker 1>a sit kid is worse than having a man with

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<v Speaker 1>men flu. So if you don't have a kid, and

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<v Speaker 1>so you're not. We can't quite figure out what that's like.

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<v Speaker 1>Think of when your boyfriend or your ex boyfriend or

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<v Speaker 1>your dad has been sick. It's about ten times worse

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<v Speaker 1>than that. But she's completely on the men. Now hopefully

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<v Speaker 1>she's out of the woods.

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<v Speaker 2>Are we out of the woods? Are we out of

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<v Speaker 2>the woods? But that is our reason, guys, And thank you.

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<v Speaker 2>You're always so understanding. Always, I say always. We've only

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<v Speaker 2>ever done this once, but you guys were really understanding

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<v Speaker 2>that time, and we're very, very grateful with how understanding

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<v Speaker 2>you were this week as well.

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<v Speaker 1>So this is going to be a bit of a

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<v Speaker 1>longer episode because we are also going to merge in

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<v Speaker 1>and ask uncut. We hadn't talked about that, but we're

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<v Speaker 1>bringing that on you now. Brittany, I just looked like,

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<v Speaker 1>well my what, there's news to me, news to you,

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<v Speaker 1>news to everyone. We're going to merge in and ask

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<v Speaker 1>uncut at the end, So guys just strap yourselves in,

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<v Speaker 1>put in some undies. It's gonna be a good episode.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, something great did happen to me this week? I'll

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<v Speaker 2>go on then tell me all about it. It was

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<v Speaker 2>just that you watched too hot to Handle and that's

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<v Speaker 2>great for me because now we can talk about it.

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<v Speaker 1>So last episode recommended too All that we should watch

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<v Speaker 1>Too Hot to Handle, And look, guys, I'm I'm a

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<v Speaker 1>sick o for reality TV.

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<v Speaker 2>You know that.

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<v Speaker 1>I just didn't want to get on board because I

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<v Speaker 1>knew that it would be many hours of my life

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<v Speaker 1>that i'd never get back. And I managed to watch

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<v Speaker 1>the entire series in two days, and.

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<v Speaker 2>It's so good. It's so good.

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<v Speaker 1>It's freaking disgusting, and I hate it with every single

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<v Speaker 1>fiber in my body.

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<v Speaker 2>And I love it as well. You felt like you

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<v Speaker 2>were losing some brain cells and you felt like I

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<v Speaker 2>shouldn't be watching this. There has to be something more

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<v Speaker 2>productive I can do with my life. But you couldn't

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<v Speaker 2>look away like you just you were so invested in

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<v Speaker 2>seeing what happened and seeing who got with who. And

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<v Speaker 2>I don't even know if it was that, but it

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<v Speaker 2>was just I was in hysterics, constantly laughing at them

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<v Speaker 2>with them at the host Lana, Oh my god, Lana,

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<v Speaker 2>Oh I need Lana. Can Lana start a podcast? I'm

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<v Speaker 2>here for it and I'm gonna blow your mind right

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<v Speaker 2>now ready. One of our listeners wrote in today to

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<v Speaker 2>me personally, She's like, I just feel like you need

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<v Speaker 2>this information. Do you know where they got the name

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<v Speaker 2>Lana from? Where? You can't laugh at your own joke

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<v Speaker 2>before you've even but Lana Lana? What is Lana backwards? Anal?

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<v Speaker 2>That's pretty surely that is not the motivator.

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, guys have some deep connection really form that laving bond,

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<v Speaker 1>but that's not it.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a show, is a piss take. Blana laughs at them,

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<v Speaker 2>not with them the whole time. She's always making fun

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<v Speaker 2>of them. Like, I one hundred percent think that it

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<v Speaker 2>is anal backwards. That's why they've done it. It was forethought

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<v Speaker 2>for sure, I remeditated. I am on board. I have

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<v Speaker 2>watched the whole thing.

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<v Speaker 1>I am a convert born again, too hot to handle,

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<v Speaker 1>stick a fantic.

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<v Speaker 2>I love it.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm sure that some people are going to think less

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<v Speaker 1>of us for this, but you know what, that's I

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<v Speaker 1>have no other recommendations for this week. My recommendation is

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<v Speaker 1>your recommendation from last week. So what did you think

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<v Speaker 1>of the show now you've watched it. There's so many

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<v Speaker 1>aspects of it that I liked. I liked that there

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't this forced dating that happened from it, so like

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<v Speaker 1>unlike I don't know, we talked about this a little

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<v Speaker 1>bit just between us, but sort of for the listeners.

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<v Speaker 2>I like that in sort of like.

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<v Speaker 1>Comparison to say, like The Bachelor or Married at First Sight,

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<v Speaker 1>there's these forced connections that have to happen, Like you

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<v Speaker 1>are encouraged to get into a relationship, and you only

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<v Speaker 1>win by being in a relationship. I really really like

0:08:17.680 --> 0:08:20.000
<v Speaker 1>this whole idea. It's too hot to handle that you

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<v Speaker 1>can still win. You can still be a full participant

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<v Speaker 1>in the experiment, and you can still grow within the

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<v Speaker 1>experiment without being in a relationship, and that is a

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<v Speaker 1>really interesting take on a dating show that's not happened before.

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<v Speaker 1>I also liked that there was no specific villain, so

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<v Speaker 1>I think sometimes in The Bachelor, and this is one

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<v Speaker 1>thing that always comes up each season and is a

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<v Speaker 1>real point of contention. But in this there doesn't need

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<v Speaker 1>to be in There doesn't need to be a villain, like,

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<v Speaker 1>there's no manufactured villain. It just follows the storyline of

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<v Speaker 1>these people. It follows the storyline of their conversations, of

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<v Speaker 1>their interactions, and it doesn't feel as though a plot

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<v Speaker 1>has already been manufactured, whereas I do think that sometimes

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<v Speaker 1>with The Bachelor, they already know what role they want eat.

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<v Speaker 2>Character to play.

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<v Speaker 1>And I didn't get that vibe from Too Hot to Handle,

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<v Speaker 1>and I loved how fresh that felt for a reality

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<v Speaker 1>TV show.

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<v Speaker 2>I agree, but I think when you agree with it

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<v Speaker 2>but known as a bottle, we'll shut up. I do

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<v Speaker 2>think that Francesca was supposed to be their version of

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<v Speaker 2>the villain. She wasn't a villain, and she wasn't the

0:09:17.880 --> 0:09:20.360
<v Speaker 2>bully or anything, but if you had to pick someone,

0:09:20.480 --> 0:09:23.319
<v Speaker 2>she was the one that was sort of a bit controversial,

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<v Speaker 2>breaking the rules, doing the wrong thing, not caring about

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<v Speaker 2>what anyone said. She was all about her, So I

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<v Speaker 2>think she was supposed to be that person of the series.

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<v Speaker 1>I still think that she was lovable in her own way,

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<v Speaker 1>Like she definitely did some things that were villainous, but

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<v Speaker 1>she made those decisions and she was very vocal about that.

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<v Speaker 1>But I don't think that the edit really it didn't

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<v Speaker 1>seem like they were chopping changing. They didn't sound like

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<v Speaker 1>they were doing sound biting at all, where they were

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<v Speaker 1>taking bits and pieces of a conversation to create or

0:09:49.640 --> 0:09:53.400
<v Speaker 1>manufacture storyline. It really felt like it was naturally following

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<v Speaker 1>what these people were experiencing, what was happening.

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<v Speaker 2>I just I really surprisingly enjoyed it. I did it.

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<v Speaker 1>Hated a good solid five hours per night to watching

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<v Speaker 1>the whole thing, and I got it done in two days.

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<v Speaker 1>So guys, if you haven't seen it yet, we don't

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<v Speaker 1>really want to give away full spoilers. But this does

0:10:10.559 --> 0:10:13.720
<v Speaker 1>lead us into our conversation for today's episode, which is

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<v Speaker 1>going to be on gas lighting. Britt very much pointed

0:10:16.080 --> 0:10:18.679
<v Speaker 1>out that she felt that Harry had gas lighted Francesca

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<v Speaker 1>at one point, and we'll get into how we kind

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<v Speaker 1>of saw that play out.

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<v Speaker 2>Do you say gas lid or gas lighted? Oh? Then

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<v Speaker 2>they gave me on the grammar. Now, no, that's a

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<v Speaker 2>general I don't know because I don't know because usually

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<v Speaker 2>you'd say, are you the gas lighter or the gas

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<v Speaker 2>light tee? Yeah, I actually don't know that one. Let's

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<v Speaker 2>just say differently, gas lid city. Do you want me

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<v Speaker 2>to stop? Anyway, there was a segment where one of

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<v Speaker 2>the guys and I was ega Harry, who you love

0:10:45.920 --> 0:10:47.800
<v Speaker 2>at the end, And this is a thing. They all

0:10:47.840 --> 0:10:50.920
<v Speaker 2>have great progression in their storylines and they come full circle,

0:10:50.960 --> 0:10:52.840
<v Speaker 2>and there's moments where you hate them and you can't

0:10:52.880 --> 0:10:55.400
<v Speaker 2>believe that they're doing this or saying this, and then

0:10:55.400 --> 0:10:58.719
<v Speaker 2>they come full circle and you love them. But there

0:10:58.760 --> 0:11:01.800
<v Speaker 2>was a moment at the beginning where I believe completely

0:11:01.880 --> 0:11:03.199
<v Speaker 2>and I think I mean, I've seen a lot of

0:11:03.240 --> 0:11:05.680
<v Speaker 2>articles on it too. The world thinks that he completely

0:11:05.760 --> 0:11:09.240
<v Speaker 2>gas lit, gaslighted Francesca. He did the wrong thing, through

0:11:09.280 --> 0:11:11.600
<v Speaker 2>her under the bus, embarrassed her in front of his friends,

0:11:11.640 --> 0:11:14.920
<v Speaker 2>and then somehow made her come to him, apologizing and

0:11:14.960 --> 0:11:16.679
<v Speaker 2>basically begging for him back, and he was saying, I

0:11:16.720 --> 0:11:18.960
<v Speaker 2>don't think I can forgive you for this. And I

0:11:19.000 --> 0:11:20.800
<v Speaker 2>was sitting there with my sister and I was like,

0:11:20.840 --> 0:11:23.160
<v Speaker 2>how is this happening? How is this woman, who you

0:11:23.200 --> 0:11:26.640
<v Speaker 2>can tell she's smart. How is this beautiful, intelligent woman

0:11:26.800 --> 0:11:29.160
<v Speaker 2>begging for him back and apologizing after what he just

0:11:29.200 --> 0:11:31.400
<v Speaker 2>did to her? And that's what got me thinking, how

0:11:31.600 --> 0:11:33.559
<v Speaker 2>this must happen all the time I've been in this

0:11:33.640 --> 0:11:36.240
<v Speaker 2>situation personally, I know you have. I think a lot

0:11:36.280 --> 0:11:39.680
<v Speaker 2>of women have, and it's not overly spoken about. But

0:11:39.720 --> 0:11:43.360
<v Speaker 2>before we get into the real meaty part of the episode, Britt,

0:11:43.440 --> 0:11:46.600
<v Speaker 2>how was your week being I actually have a funny

0:11:46.640 --> 0:11:49.800
<v Speaker 2>story to tell you. It wasn't me, but you just

0:11:49.800 --> 0:11:52.880
<v Speaker 2>reminded me of it. So my sister Sherry's boyfriend Jay

0:11:52.880 --> 0:11:55.120
<v Speaker 2>he's from Scotland, so any story is funny just because

0:11:55.120 --> 0:11:57.440
<v Speaker 2>he says in a Scottish accent. He was just super

0:11:57.480 --> 0:12:00.280
<v Speaker 2>casually telling us about something that happened to him. Him

0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:04.760
<v Speaker 2>the other day he went to get a haircut at

0:12:04.760 --> 0:12:08.520
<v Speaker 2>the barber, essential service, essential service, just a little trim

0:12:08.559 --> 0:12:11.959
<v Speaker 2>and he had a runny nose. Now when he went

0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:15.679
<v Speaker 2>into the barber and sat down, the barber put his

0:12:15.880 --> 0:12:19.880
<v Speaker 2>cape around his neck, brushed his hair back, and with

0:12:19.960 --> 0:12:24.200
<v Speaker 2>a bare hand went oh, I'll get that and wiped

0:12:24.400 --> 0:12:30.520
<v Speaker 2>his nose, wiped the snot from his nose. No. No,

0:12:31.000 --> 0:12:34.080
<v Speaker 2>And I said to jay what do you mean he

0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:37.120
<v Speaker 2>wiped your nose. No. He's like, he just wiped my not.

0:12:37.240 --> 0:12:39.280
<v Speaker 2>He just went up look at that. I'll get that

0:12:39.400 --> 0:12:41.160
<v Speaker 2>with his bare hand. And I said to Jaye, what

0:12:41.200 --> 0:12:43.720
<v Speaker 2>did you do? He's like, oh, I didn't know what

0:12:43.760 --> 0:12:46.040
<v Speaker 2>to do. I just sat there did not And I

0:12:46.120 --> 0:12:48.920
<v Speaker 2>was like, you're right, everything's funny with his scott His accent,

0:12:49.240 --> 0:12:52.080
<v Speaker 2>But how I think that's gobsmacking, Like if somebody came

0:12:52.160 --> 0:12:53.559
<v Speaker 2>up to me with their bare hand, I didn't know

0:12:53.640 --> 0:12:56.720
<v Speaker 2>a stranger and wiped stop from my nose. I would

0:12:56.720 --> 0:12:57.240
<v Speaker 2>be offended.

0:12:57.400 --> 0:12:59.840
<v Speaker 1>That man is definitely a dad, and he has been

0:13:00.080 --> 0:13:02.600
<v Speaker 1>and in so much time at home in isolation with

0:13:02.679 --> 0:13:05.880
<v Speaker 1>his kids that it just it was like that muscle

0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:08.680
<v Speaker 1>memory just he just accident and then he probably was

0:13:08.720 --> 0:13:10.679
<v Speaker 1>doing it and halfway through he was like, what.

0:13:10.520 --> 0:13:11.640
<v Speaker 2>The fuck am I doing?

0:13:11.760 --> 0:13:15.200
<v Speaker 3>But you just have to commit committed, you just have

0:13:15.280 --> 0:13:17.600
<v Speaker 3>to continue. And Jay was like, it was this awkward moment.

0:13:17.600 --> 0:13:19.480
<v Speaker 3>Then he had to sit through the whole haircut and

0:13:19.559 --> 0:13:21.600
<v Speaker 3>he's like, I was really scared. I was really scared

0:13:21.640 --> 0:13:23.280
<v Speaker 3>that my nose was gonna run again because I didn't

0:13:23.280 --> 0:13:24.160
<v Speaker 3>know what was gonna happen.

0:13:27.440 --> 0:13:29.600
<v Speaker 2>I love the way I asked you, what's been happening

0:13:29.679 --> 0:13:32.959
<v Speaker 2>in your week? That's the story that you share. I

0:13:33.120 --> 0:13:34.760
<v Speaker 2>just picture it and if you think of that in

0:13:34.760 --> 0:13:36.520
<v Speaker 2>a Scottish accent, it just made my week because I

0:13:36.559 --> 0:13:38.000
<v Speaker 2>just didn't know there are people out there that were

0:13:38.000 --> 0:13:40.160
<v Speaker 2>that dedicated in their job. So I take my hat

0:13:40.200 --> 0:13:42.360
<v Speaker 2>up to that barber. He's a full service kind of guy.

0:13:42.520 --> 0:13:44.880
<v Speaker 2>He's a mad Please what about you? I guess you

0:13:44.880 --> 0:13:47.720
<v Speaker 2>didn't really have time in between hospital visits to do

0:13:47.840 --> 0:13:48.640
<v Speaker 2>anything this week.

0:13:48.880 --> 0:13:50.400
<v Speaker 1>No one wants to listen to me say this, but

0:13:50.440 --> 0:13:53.920
<v Speaker 1>I have no recommendations because I've literally not done anything

0:13:53.960 --> 0:13:55.880
<v Speaker 1>except care for a sick kid. But you know what,

0:13:55.920 --> 0:13:58.880
<v Speaker 1>I do have recommendation actually, and this is for mums

0:13:59.520 --> 0:14:02.520
<v Speaker 1>who are ever in a situation where they're not sure

0:14:02.679 --> 0:14:04.640
<v Speaker 1>whether or not to take their kids hospital. The last

0:14:04.679 --> 0:14:05.959
<v Speaker 1>couple of nights and we had to go in a

0:14:06.000 --> 0:14:09.280
<v Speaker 1>few times in Marley, Matt and I had that moment

0:14:09.320 --> 0:14:12.040
<v Speaker 1>where you're you're there with your sick kid and and

0:14:12.120 --> 0:14:14.840
<v Speaker 1>you're like, I don't know what to do, Like we

0:14:14.920 --> 0:14:16.560
<v Speaker 1>don't is she is she really sick?

0:14:16.679 --> 0:14:17.480
<v Speaker 2>Is she not that sick?

0:14:17.559 --> 0:14:19.720
<v Speaker 1>Like her temperature is really high? Do we take her

0:14:19.720 --> 0:14:21.920
<v Speaker 1>to hospital? Don't we take it to hospital? I think

0:14:22.040 --> 0:14:24.480
<v Speaker 1>if you, as a parent, ever in a situation where

0:14:24.480 --> 0:14:27.400
<v Speaker 1>you're standing there with your child contemplating whether or not

0:14:27.440 --> 0:14:29.760
<v Speaker 1>to take them to hospital, just take them to hospital.

0:14:29.800 --> 0:14:31.160
<v Speaker 1>I felt a bit guilty because I was like, I

0:14:31.200 --> 0:14:32.800
<v Speaker 1>don't know if this is an emergency or not, but

0:14:32.920 --> 0:14:35.800
<v Speaker 1>I feel better being here. And the doctors were so

0:14:36.040 --> 0:14:38.280
<v Speaker 1>amazing at the Children's Hospital in Randwick.

0:14:38.400 --> 0:14:40.440
<v Speaker 2>They were like, if there is ever a situation.

0:14:40.040 --> 0:14:42.440
<v Speaker 1>Where you don't know whether or not you should take

0:14:42.440 --> 0:14:46.040
<v Speaker 1>your child to hospital, then just take them and that reassurance.

0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:48.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, that's what mums need here. They don't, don't.

0:14:48.880 --> 0:14:50.640
<v Speaker 1>That's not the time for like trying to problem solve.

0:14:50.640 --> 0:14:52.240
<v Speaker 1>We're trying to figure out whether it's the right or

0:14:52.240 --> 0:14:54.480
<v Speaker 1>wrong thing to do. Just don't take chances, take your kid.

0:14:54.640 --> 0:14:56.680
<v Speaker 2>I mean, as a hospital worker, I have seen that

0:14:56.880 --> 0:14:59.320
<v Speaker 2>happen so many times and I can't agree more. If

0:14:59.360 --> 0:15:01.840
<v Speaker 2>you would debate anything about whether you're unwell enough or

0:15:01.920 --> 0:15:03.560
<v Speaker 2>if you should go and see a doctor, absolutely go

0:15:03.560 --> 0:15:05.800
<v Speaker 2>and see the doctor. That's what they're there for. They're

0:15:05.800 --> 0:15:07.520
<v Speaker 2>there to care for you, and if you don't need

0:15:07.560 --> 0:15:09.760
<v Speaker 2>to be there, they will let you know. But just

0:15:09.840 --> 0:15:13.280
<v Speaker 2>imagine if you questioned it and stayed home and something happened,

0:15:13.320 --> 0:15:15.960
<v Speaker 2>God forbid, you'd never forgive yourself. But that's what ever

0:15:16.080 --> 0:15:19.720
<v Speaker 2>forgive yourself. That's what hospital workers are there for. There's

0:15:19.760 --> 0:15:20.480
<v Speaker 2>my recommendation.

0:15:20.560 --> 0:15:22.160
<v Speaker 1>Don't take your kids hosp unless you need to, But

0:15:22.200 --> 0:15:24.920
<v Speaker 1>if you're not sure, take them there you go. I'm

0:15:24.960 --> 0:15:27.120
<v Speaker 1>sure there's some better things you can watch on Netflix.

0:15:30.880 --> 0:15:35.440
<v Speaker 2>All right, I'm going to jump into an accidentally unfiltered

0:15:35.760 --> 0:15:37.400
<v Speaker 2>that somebody wrote in I love it.

0:15:37.400 --> 0:15:40.240
<v Speaker 1>It's short and sharp and spicy. Guys, I love this

0:15:40.280 --> 0:15:42.080
<v Speaker 1>section of the podcast. So for those of you who

0:15:42.120 --> 0:15:45.040
<v Speaker 1>are knew, this is where you, guys share your most

0:15:45.040 --> 0:15:48.200
<v Speaker 1>embarrassing stories with us and we share them with the

0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:48.640
<v Speaker 1>rest of you.

0:15:49.160 --> 0:15:51.240
<v Speaker 2>But you know what, most of you probably already know that,

0:15:51.320 --> 0:15:53.360
<v Speaker 2>So hit it off, britt. But also, if you are new,

0:15:53.520 --> 0:15:56.920
<v Speaker 2>where you been, where you've been, Okay, pull yourself a

0:15:56.920 --> 0:16:00.360
<v Speaker 2>glass of wine. Get on board. So this girl had

0:16:00.360 --> 0:16:02.600
<v Speaker 2>a one night stand. Basically she meets this guy, super

0:16:02.600 --> 0:16:05.200
<v Speaker 2>smoking hot. She's like, stuff it, I'm just gonna I'm

0:16:05.240 --> 0:16:06.600
<v Speaker 2>just gonna go. I need it. I'm gonna go all

0:16:06.640 --> 0:16:09.280
<v Speaker 2>out take him home. She takes him home. They have

0:16:09.360 --> 0:16:13.320
<v Speaker 2>a great night, like amazing sex all night. In the

0:16:13.360 --> 0:16:16.760
<v Speaker 2>morning it's time for him to go. He says, well,

0:16:17.240 --> 0:16:19.240
<v Speaker 2>you know, can I grab your number? Because they hadn't

0:16:19.240 --> 0:16:21.600
<v Speaker 2>even swapped numbers yet, can I grab your number? And

0:16:21.680 --> 0:16:24.800
<v Speaker 2>she's like absolutely, bit cute, bit nervy, puts a number

0:16:24.840 --> 0:16:27.360
<v Speaker 2>in his phone and off he goes. Later that day,

0:16:30.960 --> 0:16:33.720
<v Speaker 2>she gets a call from her dad, Honey, why am

0:16:33.800 --> 0:16:36.040
<v Speaker 2>I getting messages from some guy about how great the

0:16:36.080 --> 0:16:40.560
<v Speaker 2>sex was last night. What out of habit? She just

0:16:40.640 --> 0:16:45.280
<v Speaker 2>typed in her dad's phone number. How do you do that, dude?

0:16:46.080 --> 0:16:48.840
<v Speaker 2>I know my parents' phone number off off by heart.

0:16:48.880 --> 0:16:53.720
<v Speaker 2>I can type it anywhere, so I don't know. He's like, babe,

0:16:53.720 --> 0:16:55.800
<v Speaker 2>watch your number. She types it in, coach, She's a

0:16:55.840 --> 0:16:58.240
<v Speaker 2>bit nervy. She obviously calls her dad a lot and

0:16:58.280 --> 0:17:00.920
<v Speaker 2>types it in, types it in. He went home and

0:17:00.960 --> 0:17:03.160
<v Speaker 2>said texting about how great the sex. Wel God only

0:17:03.200 --> 0:17:05.440
<v Speaker 2>knows what else he said. And the dad's getting it,

0:17:06.880 --> 0:17:09.720
<v Speaker 2>which is something my dad would do. My dad'd be like,

0:17:09.720 --> 0:17:10.280
<v Speaker 2>you got.

0:17:10.119 --> 0:17:15.000
<v Speaker 1>Some Oh wow, wow, I know that's a lot.

0:17:15.560 --> 0:17:16.440
<v Speaker 2>I imagine.

0:17:16.480 --> 0:17:18.040
<v Speaker 1>I don't know how I would feel if that happened

0:17:18.080 --> 0:17:19.560
<v Speaker 1>to me and I was a dad and that was

0:17:19.560 --> 0:17:20.000
<v Speaker 1>my daughter.

0:17:20.280 --> 0:17:23.080
<v Speaker 2>My family. There's six of us and we are two girls,

0:17:23.080 --> 0:17:25.280
<v Speaker 2>two boys, mom and dad. The six of us are

0:17:25.359 --> 0:17:29.359
<v Speaker 2>so tight. There's literally nothing that you can't say or

0:17:29.359 --> 0:17:31.520
<v Speaker 2>tell each other that you should see our dinner table conversation.

0:17:31.560 --> 0:17:32.400
<v Speaker 2>It's ludicrous.

0:17:32.440 --> 0:17:34.199
<v Speaker 1>I'm just imagining some guy that you had sex with

0:17:34.200 --> 0:17:36.520
<v Speaker 1>the night before messaging your dad being like you were

0:17:36.600 --> 0:17:39.160
<v Speaker 1>so tight, that was the best sex I've ever had,

0:17:39.359 --> 0:17:41.800
<v Speaker 1>and your dad being like, oh, thanks for that, Philip,

0:17:41.920 --> 0:17:42.520
<v Speaker 1>have a great night.

0:17:43.760 --> 0:17:46.840
<v Speaker 2>Happy. Actual, my dad will come out some morning. He'll

0:17:46.880 --> 0:17:49.280
<v Speaker 2>be like, I'm picturing him. This is how I picture it.

0:17:49.320 --> 0:17:50.800
<v Speaker 2>He doesn't have a walking stick, but I would picture

0:17:50.840 --> 0:17:53.760
<v Speaker 2>him like walking out nob. I'd picture him walking out whistling,

0:17:53.920 --> 0:17:55.919
<v Speaker 2>like putting his cane around in a circle, you know

0:17:55.960 --> 0:17:58.480
<v Speaker 2>that sort of a thing. He'd just come out really happy,

0:17:58.440 --> 0:18:00.000
<v Speaker 2>and I'd be like, Dad, you got lucky last night?

0:18:00.080 --> 0:18:02.480
<v Speaker 2>Did Yeah? And he just you know it. Oh, it's

0:18:02.520 --> 0:18:04.880
<v Speaker 2>too much. It doesn't know. It doesn't bother me if

0:18:04.960 --> 0:18:06.879
<v Speaker 2>I'm happy to know my parents are happy.

0:18:07.720 --> 0:18:11.520
<v Speaker 1>I once walked in on my mom having sex and

0:18:11.560 --> 0:18:12.520
<v Speaker 1>oh yeah that trust me.

0:18:13.080 --> 0:18:15.080
<v Speaker 2>I didn't want to know that she was happy. It

0:18:15.119 --> 0:18:22.640
<v Speaker 2>was I'm scarred. I still hate that memory. Okay, when

0:18:22.640 --> 0:18:26.119
<v Speaker 2>I say my grandmum, if you listen to this, I sometimes, yeah,

0:18:26.160 --> 0:18:28.879
<v Speaker 2>it's awful. When I say my family's open, we are

0:18:28.920 --> 0:18:30.760
<v Speaker 2>not that open. That's something I have never seen and

0:18:30.800 --> 0:18:31.800
<v Speaker 2>I will never unseen.

0:18:31.880 --> 0:18:34.160
<v Speaker 1>Look, all great relationships have boundaries, and I think that's

0:18:34.200 --> 0:18:37.719
<v Speaker 1>really important. I also have an accidentally unfiltered for us

0:18:37.840 --> 0:18:40.040
<v Speaker 1>hit me. It is much more g rated, but I

0:18:40.480 --> 0:18:42.800
<v Speaker 1>really enjoyed this one because after a week of some

0:18:42.840 --> 0:18:45.680
<v Speaker 1>pretty intensive parenting, this one gave me a good chuckle.

0:18:45.720 --> 0:18:48.600
<v Speaker 1>It's kind of long. My daughter is dramatic. She is

0:18:48.600 --> 0:18:50.120
<v Speaker 1>the sort of person who would step on a piece

0:18:50.160 --> 0:18:52.480
<v Speaker 1>of dirt on the floor and fall down, screaming me

0:18:52.640 --> 0:18:54.879
<v Speaker 1>hurt foot. Or she'd hit her head on a pillow

0:18:54.920 --> 0:18:56.440
<v Speaker 1>and make a huge deal out of it.

0:18:56.920 --> 0:18:59.879
<v Speaker 2>She is too. I am her mum, so she believes

0:19:00.080 --> 0:19:02.520
<v Speaker 2>everything that I say. I use this to my advantage,

0:19:02.560 --> 0:19:05.760
<v Speaker 2>and I told her that kisses fix everything. Stub your toe,

0:19:05.880 --> 0:19:08.240
<v Speaker 2>get a kiss, Smack yourself in the face with the room,

0:19:08.480 --> 0:19:10.840
<v Speaker 2>get a kiss. Cut your finger with a fake knife,

0:19:10.880 --> 0:19:13.240
<v Speaker 2>you also get a kiss. It was going great. She

0:19:13.320 --> 0:19:15.840
<v Speaker 2>caught on quick and instead of screaming, always asked for

0:19:15.920 --> 0:19:20.000
<v Speaker 2>a kiss because I hurt. How could this possibly go wrong? Well?

0:19:20.040 --> 0:19:22.280
<v Speaker 1>I did not foresee the world falling apart and me

0:19:22.400 --> 0:19:24.400
<v Speaker 1>needing to work from home with my six month old

0:19:24.440 --> 0:19:26.520
<v Speaker 1>and my two year old for the last five weeks.

0:19:26.880 --> 0:19:28.840
<v Speaker 1>My daughter was eating her breakfast while I was on

0:19:28.880 --> 0:19:31.879
<v Speaker 1>a video call. She bit her tongue and she started crying.

0:19:32.480 --> 0:19:35.200
<v Speaker 1>She then then she stopped and I saw the look

0:19:35.240 --> 0:19:37.360
<v Speaker 1>on her face. So here, I sit on a very

0:19:37.600 --> 0:19:40.600
<v Speaker 1>very important video conference call with my work and my

0:19:40.640 --> 0:19:44.440
<v Speaker 1>two year old comes running in screaming, mummy, kiss tongue.

0:19:44.520 --> 0:19:46.639
<v Speaker 1>I am trying to shift my six month old so

0:19:46.680 --> 0:19:48.639
<v Speaker 1>I can turn the audio and video off, and I

0:19:48.720 --> 0:19:51.199
<v Speaker 1>managed to mute it after she screams, of course, but

0:19:51.280 --> 0:19:53.600
<v Speaker 1>didn't get the video shut off in time before my

0:19:53.640 --> 0:19:55.959
<v Speaker 1>two year old daughter sticks her tongue out and shoves

0:19:56.000 --> 0:19:57.919
<v Speaker 1>it in at me for a kiss as I'm opening

0:19:57.920 --> 0:19:59.719
<v Speaker 1>my mouth to tell her no, and that's how her

0:19:59.720 --> 0:20:02.399
<v Speaker 1>tongue went straight down My mouth falls on a cowork

0:20:03.040 --> 0:20:04.240
<v Speaker 1>zoom call.

0:20:05.680 --> 0:20:09.280
<v Speaker 2>I think that's so cute. Due not really what you

0:20:09.320 --> 0:20:10.800
<v Speaker 2>want to do make out with your two year old

0:20:10.840 --> 0:20:13.080
<v Speaker 2>and a zoo care. I meant I wouldn't want to

0:20:13.080 --> 0:20:14.320
<v Speaker 2>make out with a not on a sad call.

0:20:15.119 --> 0:20:15.439
<v Speaker 1>True.

0:20:15.840 --> 0:20:17.679
<v Speaker 2>True, that one took me a while to get there.

0:20:17.680 --> 0:20:19.880
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I'm gonna that that was a long one.

0:20:19.960 --> 0:20:21.159
<v Speaker 2>It was a long one. It was a lot of

0:20:21.200 --> 0:20:25.040
<v Speaker 2>it as cute. That was cute. I think we can

0:20:25.080 --> 0:20:27.359
<v Speaker 2>tell the difference between Laura and I. Laura is the

0:20:27.440 --> 0:20:30.639
<v Speaker 2>mom and I am there and everybody who's not a

0:20:30.720 --> 0:20:32.879
<v Speaker 2>mom just listened to me. Waffle that one on and

0:20:32.960 --> 0:20:37.160
<v Speaker 2>was like, shut up, that's disgusting. Keep your snorty two

0:20:37.200 --> 0:20:39.560
<v Speaker 2>year old, bleeding tongue child away from me. And I'm like,

0:20:40.320 --> 0:20:44.400
<v Speaker 2>guess that's how sickness is spreaded. Give her tongue a kiss.

0:20:45.400 --> 0:20:47.760
<v Speaker 2>I think that's I think that is like a full

0:20:47.800 --> 0:20:49.840
<v Speaker 2>play thing. In Japan, they like stuck each other's tongues

0:20:49.840 --> 0:20:52.719
<v Speaker 2>and lick each other's eyeballs. That's just cold kissing. No, like,

0:20:52.880 --> 0:20:56.119
<v Speaker 2>have you heard the eyeball looking No? Yeah, big Big

0:20:56.200 --> 0:20:59.399
<v Speaker 2>four play in Japan. That is so weird.

0:20:59.640 --> 0:21:02.160
<v Speaker 1>So my I'm not going to sort of fetish shame,

0:21:02.240 --> 0:21:04.280
<v Speaker 1>but that is that is up there with the weird stuck.

0:21:04.359 --> 0:21:06.680
<v Speaker 2>But this is actually really funny. We went around Australia,

0:21:06.760 --> 0:21:08.400
<v Speaker 2>like my parents took us around Australia in a full

0:21:08.440 --> 0:21:10.520
<v Speaker 2>drive when we were all little kids, and I'm talking.

0:21:10.520 --> 0:21:12.760
<v Speaker 2>We just camped our way through the deserts and had

0:21:12.760 --> 0:21:18.840
<v Speaker 2>fires for dinner and ate fire for dinner. There's tough

0:21:18.880 --> 0:21:21.280
<v Speaker 2>times in the desert. We sat around a fire I

0:21:21.280 --> 0:21:23.080
<v Speaker 2>can't find we would make damper and it was such

0:21:23.119 --> 0:21:27.520
<v Speaker 2>an amazing Australian experience. But it can get pretty windy

0:21:27.560 --> 0:21:30.359
<v Speaker 2>out there in the desert. And we were constantly getting

0:21:30.840 --> 0:21:36.040
<v Speaker 2>sand in our eye. The best way when it's drought,

0:21:36.080 --> 0:21:38.040
<v Speaker 2>there's not a lot of water and you're a small

0:21:38.080 --> 0:21:40.480
<v Speaker 2>child with sand in You're right, Dad would lick the

0:21:40.600 --> 0:21:43.359
<v Speaker 2>sand out of our eye because you put the tongue

0:21:43.359 --> 0:21:47.119
<v Speaker 2>in the eye. If you're still with me, stay so weird,

0:21:47.720 --> 0:21:50.160
<v Speaker 2>But it makes sense if you're out there, because when

0:21:50.200 --> 0:21:52.359
<v Speaker 2>you think about it, it's a really weird thing. But

0:21:52.400 --> 0:21:55.080
<v Speaker 2>if you actually deep dive, it makes sense. He would

0:21:55.080 --> 0:21:56.880
<v Speaker 2>just like he could open our eye up and you'd

0:21:56.880 --> 0:21:58.399
<v Speaker 2>be able to see the grain of sand. He'd just

0:21:59.320 --> 0:22:02.040
<v Speaker 2>with his tongue like a lizard and it would get

0:22:02.040 --> 0:22:04.400
<v Speaker 2>this and it would get the stand out because we

0:22:04.400 --> 0:22:06.760
<v Speaker 2>were out in the middle of nowhere with limited water.

0:22:06.960 --> 0:22:09.080
<v Speaker 1>We just went from talking about licking people's eyes as

0:22:09.080 --> 0:22:11.960
<v Speaker 1>a fetish to you telling me about some camp childhood.

0:22:12.160 --> 0:22:14.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I just licking. But you know what I just

0:22:14.280 --> 0:22:16.720
<v Speaker 2>thought I would share. That's nice. Sega hout of who

0:22:16.760 --> 0:22:20.840
<v Speaker 2>I am thinks that there's been a lot of trauma here,

0:22:22.359 --> 0:22:24.880
<v Speaker 2>all right, that's we just we went so rogue. Let's

0:22:24.920 --> 0:22:30.080
<v Speaker 2>jump into the content and gas lighting, shall we. Oh, look,

0:22:30.119 --> 0:22:32.840
<v Speaker 2>if we have to, I'm here for a girl it's

0:22:32.880 --> 0:22:34.760
<v Speaker 2>seen a while. I haven't seen you in such a

0:22:34.800 --> 0:22:37.240
<v Speaker 2>long time, I know. And when we haven't seen each other,

0:22:37.240 --> 0:22:38.840
<v Speaker 2>we start to just talk. I don't want to say

0:22:38.920 --> 0:22:41.480
<v Speaker 2>fool shit, but we just we do. Don't worry it's

0:22:41.520 --> 0:22:43.520
<v Speaker 2>too much. I feel like sometimes Laura and I get

0:22:43.560 --> 0:22:45.000
<v Speaker 2>together if we haven't seen each other for a while

0:22:45.000 --> 0:22:46.919
<v Speaker 2>and we just word vomit for like two hours.

0:22:46.960 --> 0:22:48.679
<v Speaker 1>Well, it's also like this is when we catch up.

0:22:48.720 --> 0:22:51.480
<v Speaker 1>And then most girlfriends just catch up, have a glass

0:22:51.520 --> 0:22:53.359
<v Speaker 1>of wine and we do it and then we record

0:22:53.400 --> 0:22:55.680
<v Speaker 1>it for we nationally record it for the rest of

0:22:55.680 --> 0:22:56.679
<v Speaker 1>Australia to listen to.

0:22:56.840 --> 0:23:00.000
<v Speaker 2>But that actually, like that was your advice for mother's

0:23:00.119 --> 0:23:03.320
<v Speaker 2>out there. This is my advice for mothers. If your

0:23:03.400 --> 0:23:06.560
<v Speaker 2>child does have something in their eye, you can use

0:23:06.600 --> 0:23:09.479
<v Speaker 2>your tongue. That's what. That's why I'll say. I'm not

0:23:09.520 --> 0:23:12.760
<v Speaker 2>making a joke either. I've been a HUNDI serious. So

0:23:13.200 --> 0:23:17.200
<v Speaker 2>let's get onto the topic. So, guys, we are going

0:23:17.240 --> 0:23:19.840
<v Speaker 2>to be talking about gas lighting. Okay, So before we

0:23:19.880 --> 0:23:22.320
<v Speaker 2>get into the topic for today, which kind of also

0:23:22.400 --> 0:23:24.399
<v Speaker 2>led us into the topic, one brit had brought up

0:23:24.440 --> 0:23:27.320
<v Speaker 2>gas lighting because of watching Too Hot to Handle on

0:23:27.400 --> 0:23:29.280
<v Speaker 2>how it seemed to be this current theme that run

0:23:29.400 --> 0:23:31.919
<v Speaker 2>through the series a little bit. But this is what

0:23:32.000 --> 0:23:34.640
<v Speaker 2>happened to me this week. And you know what, some

0:23:34.680 --> 0:23:37.400
<v Speaker 2>of you won't care, but I care, I really care,

0:23:37.760 --> 0:23:38.879
<v Speaker 2>So I'm going to share it with you.

0:23:39.160 --> 0:23:41.680
<v Speaker 1>Britt and I went for a walk whilst we were

0:23:41.680 --> 0:23:43.840
<v Speaker 1>trying to think about what we were going to do

0:23:43.880 --> 0:23:46.879
<v Speaker 1>for this episode, and we were, you know, throwing around ideas,

0:23:46.960 --> 0:23:49.639
<v Speaker 1>and we were going for a walk down Bondaie And

0:23:49.760 --> 0:23:52.320
<v Speaker 1>as we were walking along with the promenade, I look

0:23:52.400 --> 0:23:55.040
<v Speaker 1>up and for anybody who has been listening to this

0:23:55.040 --> 0:23:57.840
<v Speaker 1>podcast a while, you would know that I often talk

0:23:57.960 --> 0:24:01.760
<v Speaker 1>about an ex who was the most toxic ex that

0:24:01.800 --> 0:24:04.639
<v Speaker 1>I've ever dated, like the one who gas lit me,

0:24:04.720 --> 0:24:07.560
<v Speaker 1>the one who is it gas lit to start gaslighting,

0:24:07.760 --> 0:24:09.639
<v Speaker 1>the one who gasled me, the one who cheated on me,

0:24:09.840 --> 0:24:14.120
<v Speaker 1>the one who made me feel so insanely crazy when

0:24:14.119 --> 0:24:17.320
<v Speaker 1>I was in that relationship, so insane. And I look

0:24:17.440 --> 0:24:20.840
<v Speaker 1>up and he's standing two meters away from my face,

0:24:21.200 --> 0:24:24.800
<v Speaker 1>staring straight at me. It was a really, really awful

0:24:24.840 --> 0:24:27.399
<v Speaker 1>situation where I was like, how is it possible that

0:24:27.440 --> 0:24:29.639
<v Speaker 1>we have been in lockdown for five weeks? I've not

0:24:29.680 --> 0:24:32.679
<v Speaker 1>even seen my dearest, closest friends and family, and I

0:24:32.760 --> 0:24:34.480
<v Speaker 1>managed to run into the one person in the world

0:24:34.480 --> 0:24:36.520
<v Speaker 1>who I'd rather punch myself in the face seven thousand

0:24:36.520 --> 0:24:39.280
<v Speaker 1>times before seeing. And then to make it worse, I

0:24:39.320 --> 0:24:41.600
<v Speaker 1>was like, Oh my god, Brit, that's that guy. That's

0:24:41.600 --> 0:24:44.000
<v Speaker 1>that guy I always talk about on the podcast. And

0:24:44.080 --> 0:24:47.200
<v Speaker 1>Britt goes, oh that guy right there, and then starts.

0:24:46.840 --> 0:24:48.359
<v Speaker 2>Doing parkor.

0:24:49.640 --> 0:24:54.000
<v Speaker 1>Like instead of being the good friend who is subtle

0:24:54.119 --> 0:24:57.480
<v Speaker 1>and like slyly looks to the side and says, oh

0:24:57.520 --> 0:24:59.720
<v Speaker 1>that guy. Okay, let's keep walking. Let's walk in this direction,

0:24:59.760 --> 0:25:02.040
<v Speaker 1>and this supports me through the trauma that I'm experiencing.

0:25:02.359 --> 0:25:05.440
<v Speaker 1>She starts pretending to do park hall and like, which

0:25:05.480 --> 0:25:05.960
<v Speaker 1>is cool.

0:25:06.000 --> 0:25:07.080
<v Speaker 2>I don't know what it's called.

0:25:07.440 --> 0:25:10.080
<v Speaker 1>She starts pretending to like jump off things and do

0:25:10.160 --> 0:25:13.399
<v Speaker 1>some assaults and shit down the promenade to get his

0:25:13.520 --> 0:25:18.720
<v Speaker 1>attention because my co host is a Childhi.

0:25:17.720 --> 0:25:20.919
<v Speaker 2>God, I was. I was already mid parkour. I was

0:25:20.960 --> 0:25:23.080
<v Speaker 2>just pretending to do parkour. I was being silly parkles

0:25:23.080 --> 0:25:25.640
<v Speaker 2>where you like jump and do flips off objects. I'd

0:25:25.680 --> 0:25:27.920
<v Speaker 2>had a lot of energy anyway. I was doing his parkour,

0:25:28.640 --> 0:25:31.080
<v Speaker 2>and then you I looked at you, and I was like,

0:25:31.400 --> 0:25:34.240
<v Speaker 2>you've seen a ghost what I've just missed something in

0:25:34.240 --> 0:25:35.879
<v Speaker 2>the last twenty second. I was like, I want to

0:25:35.960 --> 0:25:39.080
<v Speaker 2>unsubscribe from life right now. Someone please eject me. And

0:25:39.119 --> 0:25:41.000
<v Speaker 2>she's like that's the guy. That's the guy. That's the guy,

0:25:41.440 --> 0:25:43.639
<v Speaker 2>and I you know, you try to be subtle, but

0:25:43.640 --> 0:25:44.920
<v Speaker 2>I was like, well wait, wait back because I didn't

0:25:44.920 --> 0:25:45.520
<v Speaker 2>want to miss him.

0:25:45.720 --> 0:25:47.119
<v Speaker 1>Not only did she not try to be subtle, she

0:25:47.160 --> 0:25:51.480
<v Speaker 1>did a full three sixty degree turn to see him,

0:25:51.520 --> 0:25:52.160
<v Speaker 1>like to look at.

0:25:52.119 --> 0:25:55.760
<v Speaker 2>Him, and I am I am not over this. It

0:25:55.760 --> 0:25:57.480
<v Speaker 2>didn't make sense to me. I saw him and I

0:25:57.520 --> 0:25:59.159
<v Speaker 2>was like that one and You're like yes, and I

0:25:59.200 --> 0:26:02.200
<v Speaker 2>was like, real, it was the last person I picked

0:26:02.200 --> 0:26:03.239
<v Speaker 2>it for you. I will say that.

0:26:03.520 --> 0:26:07.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, So you must be good. You must be good guys.

0:26:07.760 --> 0:26:11.560
<v Speaker 1>So basically where this long story is going. Britta and

0:26:11.560 --> 0:26:14.000
<v Speaker 1>I have in the past talked a lot about relationships

0:26:14.040 --> 0:26:17.520
<v Speaker 1>that we've been in where we have experienced gas lighting

0:26:17.760 --> 0:26:21.040
<v Speaker 1>or you know, emotional manipulation, cheating, and I think that

0:26:21.119 --> 0:26:23.280
<v Speaker 1>these things can all kind of tie into each other.

0:26:23.560 --> 0:26:25.600
<v Speaker 1>So that was why we wanted to talk. We were like, ah,

0:26:25.880 --> 0:26:28.879
<v Speaker 1>here it is the topic for today's episode, given to

0:26:28.960 --> 0:26:30.800
<v Speaker 1>us on a silver platter in the form of my

0:26:30.840 --> 0:26:33.200
<v Speaker 1>ex boyfriend. That is one of the reasons why we're

0:26:33.200 --> 0:26:36.359
<v Speaker 1>talking about gas lighting today, but also because it is

0:26:36.400 --> 0:26:39.919
<v Speaker 1>something that happens in a lot of relationships, some relationships

0:26:39.920 --> 0:26:43.000
<v Speaker 1>that are healthy and some relationships that you know clearly

0:26:43.000 --> 0:26:44.639
<v Speaker 1>you need to get the hell out of. But it

0:26:44.720 --> 0:26:46.840
<v Speaker 1>is a very very common behavior that we have a

0:26:46.960 --> 0:26:49.800
<v Speaker 1>name for, and that is what we're talking about. In

0:26:49.840 --> 0:26:52.040
<v Speaker 1>case you don't know what gas lighting is, it is

0:26:52.119 --> 0:26:54.480
<v Speaker 1>just like a tactic or a behavior in where a

0:26:54.480 --> 0:26:58.760
<v Speaker 1>person or it could even be your partner, your boss,

0:26:59.040 --> 0:27:01.640
<v Speaker 1>but basically, in order to gain more power, they make

0:27:01.680 --> 0:27:04.800
<v Speaker 1>their victim i EU question your reality, so they make

0:27:04.880 --> 0:27:10.919
<v Speaker 1>you feel like you're crazy. You question yourself and your motives,

0:27:10.960 --> 0:27:14.720
<v Speaker 1>You question the situation, you question the event that happened.

0:27:14.359 --> 0:27:18.679
<v Speaker 2>The way it unfolded. It's a manipulation and it eventually

0:27:18.680 --> 0:27:21.560
<v Speaker 2>will weigh you down. So it's definitely a tactic that

0:27:21.600 --> 0:27:25.640
<v Speaker 2>people use both consciously and subconsciously to gain control.

0:27:25.960 --> 0:27:28.280
<v Speaker 1>And it's like it's a form of emotional abuse. It

0:27:28.359 --> 0:27:31.159
<v Speaker 1>really is, and it can be something that is very

0:27:31.280 --> 0:27:34.360
<v Speaker 1>very malicious and very intent driven. For example, I think

0:27:34.400 --> 0:27:36.719
<v Speaker 1>a good example of This is like, maybe you've been

0:27:36.760 --> 0:27:39.639
<v Speaker 1>in a relationship with someone where you know black and

0:27:39.680 --> 0:27:41.880
<v Speaker 1>white that they have cheated on you. You have evidence,

0:27:42.119 --> 0:27:45.560
<v Speaker 1>and you confront them and they deny it, deny, deny, deny.

0:27:46.000 --> 0:27:48.719
<v Speaker 1>That is gas lighting. And that's a very very intent

0:27:48.800 --> 0:27:52.480
<v Speaker 1>driven example of gas lighting. Another one which is probably

0:27:52.480 --> 0:27:54.600
<v Speaker 1>not so malicious, which you know it's not because the

0:27:54.600 --> 0:27:57.320
<v Speaker 1>person is necessarily a bad person, but maybe it's because

0:27:57.359 --> 0:28:00.000
<v Speaker 1>their communication skills aren't very good. Could be for exams.

0:28:00.560 --> 0:28:03.280
<v Speaker 1>Just say you are in a relationship, you feel like

0:28:03.280 --> 0:28:05.520
<v Speaker 1>your partner is not pulling the weight of the housework.

0:28:05.800 --> 0:28:08.280
<v Speaker 1>And you say to them like, I'm feeling really upset.

0:28:08.280 --> 0:28:10.120
<v Speaker 1>I don't feel like you pull the weight of the housework.

0:28:10.200 --> 0:28:11.920
<v Speaker 1>This you know, you've done this, this, and this which

0:28:11.960 --> 0:28:15.040
<v Speaker 1>have upset me. And they say, well, you're wrong, because

0:28:15.080 --> 0:28:17.800
<v Speaker 1>I do. And the conversation just ends there. And so

0:28:17.880 --> 0:28:21.480
<v Speaker 1>instead of them validating how you feel or validating the situation,

0:28:21.640 --> 0:28:24.520
<v Speaker 1>they are shutting down what your reality is. And they're

0:28:24.520 --> 0:28:26.960
<v Speaker 1>telling you and denying you what is facts to you

0:28:27.040 --> 0:28:29.800
<v Speaker 1>and the way you feel, and that lack of validation

0:28:29.960 --> 0:28:34.399
<v Speaker 1>and that lack of acknowledging your reality is basically that's it.

0:28:34.440 --> 0:28:36.159
<v Speaker 1>Like that's the definition of what gas lighting is.

0:28:36.440 --> 0:28:39.600
<v Speaker 2>The reason I feel that this was really important to

0:28:39.600 --> 0:28:42.800
<v Speaker 2>talk about is that I did go through it myself

0:28:43.280 --> 0:28:46.320
<v Speaker 2>in my toxic relationship that I've spoken about here before

0:28:46.360 --> 0:28:47.240
<v Speaker 2>on episode three.

0:28:47.440 --> 0:28:49.560
<v Speaker 1>This is like, we recommend this episode all the time.

0:28:49.600 --> 0:28:51.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm just gonna jump in a brit because it's a

0:28:51.480 --> 0:28:54.120
<v Speaker 1>freaking doozy. But it was in a really, really toxic

0:28:54.160 --> 0:28:57.360
<v Speaker 1>relationship where she legitimately dated a psychopath. And we don't

0:28:57.360 --> 0:29:00.400
<v Speaker 1>throw those terms around, like we really really think that

0:29:00.440 --> 0:29:02.000
<v Speaker 1>you can't just cause someone a psycho.

0:29:01.840 --> 0:29:02.520
<v Speaker 2>Just for the sake of it.

0:29:02.800 --> 0:29:05.520
<v Speaker 1>But his behavior, which if you listen to episode three,

0:29:05.640 --> 0:29:08.680
<v Speaker 1>would very much indicate that that's the personality type that

0:29:08.720 --> 0:29:11.120
<v Speaker 1>he is. So yeah, So if you haven't listened to episode,

0:29:11.120 --> 0:29:12.320
<v Speaker 1>go back and listen to it. So I was in

0:29:12.360 --> 0:29:14.240
<v Speaker 1>this relationship for a few years with this guy that

0:29:14.320 --> 0:29:18.040
<v Speaker 1>was living a double life, and it was only now

0:29:18.160 --> 0:29:19.920
<v Speaker 1>I didn't know what that abuse was at the time.

0:29:19.960 --> 0:29:22.360
<v Speaker 1>I didn't recognize it because nobody spoke about it.

0:29:23.040 --> 0:29:25.640
<v Speaker 2>When I finally fast forward a few years and it's

0:29:25.640 --> 0:29:28.320
<v Speaker 2>only recently that I have heard about gaslighting, and we'll

0:29:28.360 --> 0:29:31.160
<v Speaker 2>talk about it about its origin soon. But it's only

0:29:31.160 --> 0:29:34.000
<v Speaker 2>once people started to talk about it more. I put

0:29:34.040 --> 0:29:37.280
<v Speaker 2>the name to my situation and I thought, oh my god,

0:29:37.320 --> 0:29:39.440
<v Speaker 2>this is what he did. Every time I read something

0:29:39.440 --> 0:29:40.680
<v Speaker 2>about it or I heard about it, I was like,

0:29:40.720 --> 0:29:42.440
<v Speaker 2>that's me, that's me, this is what he did to me.

0:29:43.520 --> 0:29:45.440
<v Speaker 2>And it's so important to talk about. Because it wasn't

0:29:45.440 --> 0:29:49.720
<v Speaker 2>spoken about a I couldn't recognize it, I couldn't highlight it,

0:29:50.040 --> 0:29:52.240
<v Speaker 2>meaning I couldn't do anything about it because I didn't

0:29:52.280 --> 0:29:56.320
<v Speaker 2>know it was happening and I was stuck in this relationship.

0:29:56.720 --> 0:29:58.800
<v Speaker 2>So to give you an example, Laura, I don't even

0:29:58.800 --> 0:30:00.960
<v Speaker 2>know if I've spoken to you, but I just think

0:30:01.000 --> 0:30:04.200
<v Speaker 2>it's so important. There was this There were situations that

0:30:04.240 --> 0:30:06.320
<v Speaker 2>he would do to me, like, for example, it would

0:30:06.400 --> 0:30:08.760
<v Speaker 2>it would be about anything. He would just cancel something

0:30:08.880 --> 0:30:11.120
<v Speaker 2>because his other partner had turned up, but he would

0:30:11.120 --> 0:30:13.480
<v Speaker 2>make me say. He would say things like you didn't

0:30:13.480 --> 0:30:15.920
<v Speaker 2>book the accommodation. We've had to cancel it, things like that,

0:30:16.000 --> 0:30:19.120
<v Speaker 2>like he'd blame me. But there was one time that

0:30:19.280 --> 0:30:22.120
<v Speaker 2>has it's really really stuck with me all these years,

0:30:22.880 --> 0:30:26.920
<v Speaker 2>and basically I stumbled across his phone one day. He

0:30:26.960 --> 0:30:29.040
<v Speaker 2>was showing me something in his phone. He was very

0:30:29.080 --> 0:30:32.959
<v Speaker 2>protective of it, and I was swiping through what he

0:30:33.000 --> 0:30:34.680
<v Speaker 2>was showing me, and I saw a photo of me

0:30:35.160 --> 0:30:38.080
<v Speaker 2>naked and a video and I had never seen this before.

0:30:38.240 --> 0:30:40.320
<v Speaker 2>I didn't know what it was. And I sort of

0:30:40.520 --> 0:30:42.720
<v Speaker 2>was like, well, what is that? And he snashed the

0:30:42.720 --> 0:30:44.760
<v Speaker 2>phone away and he was like what what? Nothing like?

0:30:45.320 --> 0:30:47.200
<v Speaker 2>And I was like, no, I know what I saw.

0:30:47.760 --> 0:30:49.320
<v Speaker 2>And this was a few years deep, so I was

0:30:49.320 --> 0:30:52.800
<v Speaker 2>a bit more. I was very submissive, and I'm embarrassed

0:30:52.840 --> 0:30:55.160
<v Speaker 2>to say that now because of the person I am now,

0:30:56.560 --> 0:30:58.240
<v Speaker 2>but I said, no, I know what I just saw.

0:30:58.960 --> 0:31:02.560
<v Speaker 2>What the hell was that? Basically he had filmed us

0:31:03.000 --> 0:31:05.160
<v Speaker 2>and taken a photo in the bedroom. I had never

0:31:05.200 --> 0:31:07.920
<v Speaker 2>seen it, knew nothing about it, and he then proceeded

0:31:07.920 --> 0:31:12.160
<v Speaker 2>to convince me that I was all for it. I

0:31:12.240 --> 0:31:13.880
<v Speaker 2>knew about it. He was like, baby, you remember we

0:31:13.880 --> 0:31:15.400
<v Speaker 2>spoke about that, We said we're going to do it.

0:31:15.440 --> 0:31:18.000
<v Speaker 2>You'd had a few drinks, and by the end of

0:31:18.040 --> 0:31:21.360
<v Speaker 2>that conversation I was like, oh, yeah, I guess I

0:31:21.400 --> 0:31:24.239
<v Speaker 2>probably did and I just forgot about it when there

0:31:24.320 --> 0:31:28.000
<v Speaker 2>is no way that I did. And he was just

0:31:28.120 --> 0:31:31.720
<v Speaker 2>so good at the manipulation. And I walked away from

0:31:31.760 --> 0:31:33.600
<v Speaker 2>that being like, oh yeah, I totally did that, Like

0:31:33.720 --> 0:31:35.880
<v Speaker 2>we definitely had that conversation, which we did not, And

0:31:35.920 --> 0:31:39.719
<v Speaker 2>that is just a prime, prime example of gas lighting.

0:31:39.960 --> 0:31:42.800
<v Speaker 1>That is one of the worst versions. There are so

0:31:42.960 --> 0:31:45.280
<v Speaker 1>many variants of this, and that's something that we're going

0:31:45.320 --> 0:31:47.200
<v Speaker 1>to talk about. And like with everything that we do

0:31:47.320 --> 0:31:50.160
<v Speaker 1>discuss on this podcast, that there is a spectrum which

0:31:50.160 --> 0:31:53.840
<v Speaker 1>we recognize that sort of behavior is at the very

0:31:54.040 --> 0:31:56.560
<v Speaker 1>end of what is completely unacceptable. That guy is an

0:31:56.600 --> 0:31:58.720
<v Speaker 1>absolute fluck boy and you need to get them out

0:31:58.720 --> 0:32:01.000
<v Speaker 1>of your life end of the spects. And then there's

0:32:01.120 --> 0:32:03.520
<v Speaker 1>also the end of the spectrum where, like we said,

0:32:03.960 --> 0:32:06.440
<v Speaker 1>something that might happen in your relationship and you need

0:32:06.480 --> 0:32:09.480
<v Speaker 1>to sort of better your communication skills and outline to

0:32:09.520 --> 0:32:11.760
<v Speaker 1>your partner that they're doing it. But the first thing,

0:32:12.000 --> 0:32:14.520
<v Speaker 1>exactly as you just said, Britt, is recognizing one what

0:32:14.600 --> 0:32:18.640
<v Speaker 1>it is, to what that behavior is, and really understanding

0:32:19.040 --> 0:32:22.960
<v Speaker 1>that your reality doesn't need to be validated by anybody else.

0:32:23.120 --> 0:32:26.040
<v Speaker 1>So if you feel something, you know that it's happened,

0:32:26.360 --> 0:32:28.400
<v Speaker 1>you know that you feel a certain way about it,

0:32:28.680 --> 0:32:31.600
<v Speaker 1>don't allow somebody to try and convince you to get

0:32:31.640 --> 0:32:35.000
<v Speaker 1>you angry, to get you flustered to try and convince

0:32:35.040 --> 0:32:36.800
<v Speaker 1>you that that there's anything else in that. You know,

0:32:36.880 --> 0:32:39.080
<v Speaker 1>like someone should validate the way that you feel, especially

0:32:39.120 --> 0:32:41.240
<v Speaker 1>if they love you and respect you. And I think

0:32:41.240 --> 0:32:43.000
<v Speaker 1>that that's like my biggest point I want to drive

0:32:43.080 --> 0:32:45.040
<v Speaker 1>home before we even really get into the topic, is like,

0:32:45.080 --> 0:32:48.000
<v Speaker 1>you don't need somebody else to validate your reality. If

0:32:48.000 --> 0:32:50.160
<v Speaker 1>that's how you feel, then it is real to you

0:32:50.280 --> 0:32:52.720
<v Speaker 1>and it deserves validation. And if your partner loves you

0:32:52.800 --> 0:32:54.800
<v Speaker 1>and respects you, they will validate it, even if they

0:32:54.840 --> 0:32:56.760
<v Speaker 1>don't agree with you necessarily.

0:32:56.960 --> 0:32:58.760
<v Speaker 2>Anyway, Yeah, into.

0:33:00.080 --> 0:33:02.560
<v Speaker 1>And now I will breathe into like where this whole

0:33:02.960 --> 0:33:05.480
<v Speaker 1>the name of it started, because like, so, gaslighting is

0:33:05.520 --> 0:33:08.440
<v Speaker 1>a concept has been around for so long since this.

0:33:08.840 --> 0:33:10.920
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I'm sure the behavior's been around for forever,

0:33:11.000 --> 0:33:13.080
<v Speaker 1>but the concept and the name of it was coined

0:33:13.080 --> 0:33:15.200
<v Speaker 1>in the nineteen thirties. There was a play that was

0:33:15.200 --> 0:33:17.880
<v Speaker 1>written in nineteen thirty eight. It's a mystery thriller written

0:33:17.880 --> 0:33:20.840
<v Speaker 1>by British playwright Patrick Hamilton and at this called gas Light.

0:33:20.960 --> 0:33:22.960
<v Speaker 1>It was made into a movie in nineteen forty four,

0:33:23.360 --> 0:33:28.320
<v Speaker 1>and the whole premise of this play slash movie is

0:33:28.360 --> 0:33:31.160
<v Speaker 1>that the husband so the husband and wife, and the

0:33:31.240 --> 0:33:34.680
<v Speaker 1>husband is manipulating the wife into feeling like she's crazy,

0:33:34.720 --> 0:33:37.160
<v Speaker 1>and so he would set things up and do things

0:33:37.200 --> 0:33:39.680
<v Speaker 1>to really make her question her reality, to the point

0:33:39.680 --> 0:33:42.800
<v Speaker 1>where he had set up the gas lights in the

0:33:42.800 --> 0:33:44.840
<v Speaker 1>attic to make them flicker, and she had said to

0:33:44.920 --> 0:33:46.520
<v Speaker 1>him this one day, Oh, we really need to fix

0:33:46.560 --> 0:33:48.960
<v Speaker 1>the gas lights in the attic because they keep flickering,

0:33:49.160 --> 0:33:51.600
<v Speaker 1>and he's like, what are you talking about. You're crazy,

0:33:51.680 --> 0:33:54.120
<v Speaker 1>but there's nothing wrong with gaslights, they're not on. And

0:33:54.200 --> 0:33:58.080
<v Speaker 1>so he did this with such consistency and with such

0:33:58.160 --> 0:34:00.520
<v Speaker 1>malicious intent that by the time that got to the

0:34:00.600 --> 0:34:03.080
<v Speaker 1>end of the movie, she actually thought she was insane.

0:34:03.200 --> 0:34:05.520
<v Speaker 1>And I think that, like, that's obviously a really extreme

0:34:05.600 --> 0:34:09.520
<v Speaker 1>version of it, but this sort of behavior consistently over

0:34:09.560 --> 0:34:13.320
<v Speaker 1>a period of time leaves you feeling so incredibly fucking

0:34:13.480 --> 0:34:17.279
<v Speaker 1>insane in your relationship. I think it's important to, like one,

0:34:17.320 --> 0:34:19.680
<v Speaker 1>recognize that if you're in a relationship where you feel

0:34:19.680 --> 0:34:21.840
<v Speaker 1>crazy and you feel very different to how you have

0:34:21.880 --> 0:34:24.880
<v Speaker 1>in your other relationships, where you feel super insecure, you

0:34:24.880 --> 0:34:28.840
<v Speaker 1>feel overly sensitive, your partner's telling you that you're behaving crazy,

0:34:29.120 --> 0:34:30.720
<v Speaker 1>then there is a really good chance that you're actually

0:34:30.719 --> 0:34:32.520
<v Speaker 1>being gas lighted in that you want to.

0:34:32.520 --> 0:34:35.400
<v Speaker 2>Know something really interesting, tell me. So it's funny because

0:34:35.640 --> 0:34:38.960
<v Speaker 2>the term obviously originated in the thirties after that movie,

0:34:39.400 --> 0:34:44.240
<v Speaker 2>but it didn't become popular until Donald Trump was elected,

0:34:44.600 --> 0:34:48.239
<v Speaker 2>and it has been used so much since his inauguration

0:34:48.680 --> 0:34:51.799
<v Speaker 2>that in twenty eighteen, the Oxford Dictionary named it the

0:34:51.800 --> 0:34:52.640
<v Speaker 2>most popular term.

0:34:52.719 --> 0:34:55.040
<v Speaker 1>I kind of believe that because Donald Trump just gas

0:34:55.160 --> 0:34:57.279
<v Speaker 1>lights everyone. I think I read the same thing that

0:34:57.320 --> 0:34:59.880
<v Speaker 1>you're quoting now. But it's been used in relation to

0:35:00.000 --> 0:35:02.000
<v Speaker 1>a lot of politicians. So it's not just a term

0:35:02.000 --> 0:35:05.040
<v Speaker 1>that has to be relative to relationships. It's a term

0:35:05.040 --> 0:35:07.600
<v Speaker 1>that can be used in the workplace. Like Britt said,

0:35:07.600 --> 0:35:09.960
<v Speaker 1>it's a term that can be used it's when anybody

0:35:10.000 --> 0:35:13.200
<v Speaker 1>tries to sort of fundamentally shift what your reality is

0:35:13.239 --> 0:35:15.920
<v Speaker 1>based on lies. So it can be used from politicians.

0:35:15.960 --> 0:35:17.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm sure that they're using it all the time.

0:35:17.680 --> 0:35:21.240
<v Speaker 2>Oh my god. Absolutely. Okay, So I've shared my example obviously,

0:35:21.360 --> 0:35:25.439
<v Speaker 2>my example of me being gas lit gaslighted? What gas lits?

0:35:27.040 --> 0:35:29.120
<v Speaker 2>You've spoken about your toxic X. Do you have an

0:35:29.120 --> 0:35:31.600
<v Speaker 2>example of something that happened in that relationship, So maybe

0:35:31.600 --> 0:35:33.640
<v Speaker 2>people can try to relate to. It could be a

0:35:33.640 --> 0:35:36.239
<v Speaker 2>little thing, it could be something huge. Let me get

0:35:36.239 --> 0:35:37.160
<v Speaker 2>the list out. Yes.

0:35:37.440 --> 0:35:41.120
<v Speaker 1>So one of the big things that happened really early

0:35:41.200 --> 0:35:44.319
<v Speaker 1>on in our relationship was we were out this one

0:35:44.400 --> 0:35:45.879
<v Speaker 1>night at a nightclub and like.

0:35:45.800 --> 0:35:46.920
<v Speaker 2>We've been drinking.

0:35:46.960 --> 0:35:48.279
<v Speaker 1>We've been going through a bit of a bad patch

0:35:48.360 --> 0:35:50.560
<v Speaker 1>as well, which I don't understand why we were going

0:35:50.560 --> 0:35:53.920
<v Speaker 1>through a bad patch, like nothing had happened, but he

0:35:54.080 --> 0:35:57.800
<v Speaker 1>was behaving really really distant to me, and I didn't

0:35:57.800 --> 0:35:59.720
<v Speaker 1>know what I had done wrong, and I was already

0:35:59.719 --> 0:36:01.920
<v Speaker 1>feeling like, Okay, well, what have I done in this

0:36:01.960 --> 0:36:04.600
<v Speaker 1>situation to put a wedge between us? And we were

0:36:04.640 --> 0:36:07.799
<v Speaker 1>out and he wasn't really talking to me very much

0:36:07.800 --> 0:36:10.799
<v Speaker 1>and he was quite angry with me, and then he

0:36:10.880 --> 0:36:13.040
<v Speaker 1>was on his phone. He's like texting, and he was

0:36:13.040 --> 0:36:15.000
<v Speaker 1>just constantly on his phone whilst we're on a night

0:36:15.000 --> 0:36:17.839
<v Speaker 1>out together. And I went up to him and I said,

0:36:17.880 --> 0:36:21.400
<v Speaker 1>I feel like you're texting another girl, and if you

0:36:21.440 --> 0:36:23.439
<v Speaker 1>are doing that, you need to shut that shit down

0:36:23.520 --> 0:36:27.440
<v Speaker 1>right now. And he was like, you're insane, You're a psycho,

0:36:27.640 --> 0:36:31.040
<v Speaker 1>Like you're a fucking psycho. In that situation where where

0:36:31.080 --> 0:36:32.840
<v Speaker 1>I really really wanted to believe him. I was so

0:36:32.920 --> 0:36:34.959
<v Speaker 1>in love with him, like I really really really wanted

0:36:35.000 --> 0:36:37.799
<v Speaker 1>to be wrong, and I wanted cold heart evidence. I

0:36:37.840 --> 0:36:39.759
<v Speaker 1>wasn't going off my instinct, I wasn't going off my gut,

0:36:39.800 --> 0:36:41.959
<v Speaker 1>like I wanted cold heart evidence if he was actually

0:36:42.040 --> 0:36:45.319
<v Speaker 1>cheating on me. And so I got home and I

0:36:45.440 --> 0:36:46.840
<v Speaker 1>said to him again, I was like, I feel like

0:36:46.880 --> 0:36:49.080
<v Speaker 1>you've been texting a girl tonight. I don't know why,

0:36:49.120 --> 0:36:51.319
<v Speaker 1>but my intuition is raging, and I really really think

0:36:51.360 --> 0:36:52.480
<v Speaker 1>that you've been doing the wrong thing.

0:36:52.520 --> 0:36:53.440
<v Speaker 2>And he continued with.

0:36:53.400 --> 0:36:57.560
<v Speaker 1>The whole you're crazy narrative, and then he fell asleep,

0:36:57.680 --> 0:36:59.480
<v Speaker 1>and I picked up his phone. I went through his phone,

0:36:59.640 --> 0:37:02.880
<v Speaker 1>and he had only just recently moved, so like literally

0:37:02.920 --> 0:37:05.480
<v Speaker 1>two weeks prior, we had moved across the road from

0:37:05.520 --> 0:37:09.640
<v Speaker 1>his original apartment, and this girl was messaging him saying,

0:37:09.640 --> 0:37:13.359
<v Speaker 1>I'm downstairs, let me in. So she was downstairs at

0:37:13.360 --> 0:37:15.239
<v Speaker 1>his old apartment. It was a girl he used to

0:37:15.239 --> 0:37:17.680
<v Speaker 1>hook up with, and she was buzzing the buzzer of

0:37:17.719 --> 0:37:19.920
<v Speaker 1>the apartment downstairs to get in for a booty call,

0:37:20.040 --> 0:37:21.319
<v Speaker 1>to get in for a booty call, because he had

0:37:21.320 --> 0:37:23.719
<v Speaker 1>been texting her the whole time anyway. So it was

0:37:23.760 --> 0:37:26.120
<v Speaker 1>like it was insane, It was such it was so

0:37:26.440 --> 0:37:29.520
<v Speaker 1>insane this situation played out. And then what's even more

0:37:29.560 --> 0:37:32.560
<v Speaker 1>insane is that that was at a point in my

0:37:32.600 --> 0:37:35.839
<v Speaker 1>life where I didn't have the confidence that I have now,

0:37:35.920 --> 0:37:39.480
<v Speaker 1>Like my standards were already so so low, and like

0:37:39.560 --> 0:37:42.120
<v Speaker 1>I didn't have the respect for myself. I didn't think

0:37:42.160 --> 0:37:45.239
<v Speaker 1>I deserved what I deserve, and I really put up

0:37:45.239 --> 0:37:48.520
<v Speaker 1>with behavior that's completely beneath me, and I forgave him,

0:37:48.520 --> 0:37:50.680
<v Speaker 1>and I stayed in that relationship for two years. And

0:37:50.760 --> 0:37:52.879
<v Speaker 1>what I like, the point of this that I really

0:37:52.920 --> 0:37:54.680
<v Speaker 1>want to drive home is that if you see this

0:37:54.760 --> 0:37:57.840
<v Speaker 1>behavior early on in your relationship, these are big fucking

0:37:57.880 --> 0:38:00.319
<v Speaker 1>red flags, and it doesn't get better. And someone gas

0:38:00.400 --> 0:38:02.480
<v Speaker 1>lights you early on or behaves in a way that's

0:38:02.520 --> 0:38:06.319
<v Speaker 1>like rocks your foundation, you need to leave before it

0:38:06.360 --> 0:38:09.360
<v Speaker 1>becomes too late and before you're too emotionally invested. But

0:38:09.400 --> 0:38:13.279
<v Speaker 1>there is fundamentally something wrong with somebody who lies to

0:38:13.480 --> 0:38:18.759
<v Speaker 1>your face black and blue because it suits their agenda absolutely.

0:38:18.800 --> 0:38:20.480
<v Speaker 2>And as I said, it sounds like you and I

0:38:20.520 --> 0:38:22.839
<v Speaker 2>were in the same position in terms of the way

0:38:22.840 --> 0:38:25.279
<v Speaker 2>we felt about ourselves, and we didn't think we deserve better,

0:38:25.320 --> 0:38:27.440
<v Speaker 2>and I think there are a lot of people out

0:38:27.440 --> 0:38:30.319
<v Speaker 2>there that will really relate to that. But I do

0:38:30.440 --> 0:38:32.120
<v Speaker 2>really really want to drive home that I think the

0:38:32.160 --> 0:38:35.719
<v Speaker 2>biggest thing is just education and people talking about it.

0:38:35.800 --> 0:38:37.520
<v Speaker 2>I didn't know what it was, You didn't know what

0:38:37.560 --> 0:38:39.919
<v Speaker 2>it was. We couldn't recognize the behavior. So that's why

0:38:39.920 --> 0:38:42.279
<v Speaker 2>I want to drive home. We have so many young

0:38:42.320 --> 0:38:44.879
<v Speaker 2>female listeners, and I want to do everything I can

0:38:45.680 --> 0:38:48.680
<v Speaker 2>to keep you guys out of this toxic situation.

0:38:49.040 --> 0:38:50.759
<v Speaker 1>And also, I guess if you find yourself in a

0:38:50.760 --> 0:38:54.279
<v Speaker 1>toxic situation or you find yourself questioning, like if you're

0:38:54.280 --> 0:38:56.560
<v Speaker 1>having a fight with your boyfriend and it's the same

0:38:56.680 --> 0:38:59.520
<v Speaker 1>narrative that's happening over and over and over, and they're

0:38:59.520 --> 0:39:01.279
<v Speaker 1>telling you that you're crazy, or they're telling you that

0:39:01.280 --> 0:39:03.880
<v Speaker 1>you're making it up, talk to your friends, talk to

0:39:03.920 --> 0:39:06.319
<v Speaker 1>your sister, talk to your mom, talk to the people

0:39:06.320 --> 0:39:09.160
<v Speaker 1>who are close to you, and explain the situation. Because

0:39:09.360 --> 0:39:11.600
<v Speaker 1>if your friends and family can say to you you're

0:39:11.640 --> 0:39:14.279
<v Speaker 1>not crazy, that behavior is really really screwed up, then

0:39:14.280 --> 0:39:16.720
<v Speaker 1>that gives you ammunition to go back and say, actually,

0:39:16.800 --> 0:39:19.680
<v Speaker 1>do you know what, like this, whatever you're saying is

0:39:19.719 --> 0:39:22.240
<v Speaker 1>real I know it's not real, like I know the truth,

0:39:22.600 --> 0:39:25.560
<v Speaker 1>but you need to realize that the only person who

0:39:25.600 --> 0:39:28.560
<v Speaker 1>you can control in some situations is yourself, Especially if

0:39:28.600 --> 0:39:30.799
<v Speaker 1>you're in a real toxic relationship with someone who does

0:39:30.840 --> 0:39:35.440
<v Speaker 1>have sort of narcissistic personality disorder. You're never going to

0:39:35.440 --> 0:39:39.720
<v Speaker 1>be able to convince them or make them necessarily believe

0:39:40.080 --> 0:39:42.640
<v Speaker 1>your version or get them to agree with you. You

0:39:42.719 --> 0:39:45.080
<v Speaker 1>just have to make choices that are completely for yourself,

0:39:45.080 --> 0:39:47.319
<v Speaker 1>which is probably leaving the relationship.

0:39:47.920 --> 0:39:51.040
<v Speaker 2>I looked up a psychologist that actually sort of specializes

0:39:51.120 --> 0:39:52.880
<v Speaker 2>in this behavior, and she deals with a lot of

0:39:52.920 --> 0:39:56.440
<v Speaker 2>people that have been through this situation. She has highlighted

0:39:56.480 --> 0:39:59.680
<v Speaker 2>some things, some sentences to sort of ask yourself to

0:39:59.719 --> 0:40:01.759
<v Speaker 2>see if you say yes to any of them, that

0:40:02.000 --> 0:40:04.520
<v Speaker 2>maybe you need to dive a little bit deeper and

0:40:04.560 --> 0:40:06.360
<v Speaker 2>see if you're in this relationship. So we're going to

0:40:06.440 --> 0:40:08.920
<v Speaker 2>read a few of these out and just think to yourself,

0:40:09.640 --> 0:40:12.279
<v Speaker 2>has this happened to me? Does this happen to me? Yes?

0:40:12.400 --> 0:40:13.840
<v Speaker 2>I can agree, okay.

0:40:13.920 --> 0:40:16.319
<v Speaker 1>So, and like if you're in a toxic relationship, you

0:40:16.360 --> 0:40:19.000
<v Speaker 1>already know that something is wrong, Like you already had

0:40:19.080 --> 0:40:23.200
<v Speaker 1>that feeling where you're so unsettled, and like just the

0:40:24.239 --> 0:40:27.520
<v Speaker 1>essence of your body is like something is really wrong here.

0:40:27.560 --> 0:40:30.200
<v Speaker 1>And you always feel like you're fighting for the relationship

0:40:30.200 --> 0:40:32.360
<v Speaker 1>where you always feel like you're a little bit crazy,

0:40:32.680 --> 0:40:35.160
<v Speaker 1>but sometimes you need to have that validity really driven

0:40:35.200 --> 0:40:36.160
<v Speaker 1>home that you need.

0:40:36.000 --> 0:40:38.880
<v Speaker 2>To get out. Okay, So she says to ask yourself

0:40:38.920 --> 0:40:41.200
<v Speaker 2>if you say yes to any of these, ask yourself,

0:40:41.600 --> 0:40:44.720
<v Speaker 2>am I too sensitive? Do you ask yourself this multiple

0:40:44.719 --> 0:40:47.279
<v Speaker 2>times a day? Do you often feel confused and even

0:40:47.320 --> 0:40:52.080
<v Speaker 2>crazy in the relationship? Do you find yourself constantly apologizing

0:40:52.960 --> 0:40:56.160
<v Speaker 2>you can't understand why you aren't happy? Why aren't I

0:40:56.160 --> 0:40:58.960
<v Speaker 2>happy in this relationship? What am I doing wrong? Do

0:40:59.040 --> 0:41:03.200
<v Speaker 2>you frequently make it excuses for your partner's behavior. Do

0:41:03.280 --> 0:41:06.080
<v Speaker 2>you know that something is wrong but you just can't

0:41:06.120 --> 0:41:08.040
<v Speaker 2>put your finger on it. You know in your gut,

0:41:08.719 --> 0:41:10.239
<v Speaker 2>but you're just like, what is that? I don't know?

0:41:10.360 --> 0:41:12.399
<v Speaker 2>That was me for sure? And Laura, you just put

0:41:12.440 --> 0:41:16.440
<v Speaker 2>your hand up like you're in clave. Do you start

0:41:16.520 --> 0:41:21.000
<v Speaker 2>lying to avoid people questioning his behavior or your partner's behavior?

0:41:21.000 --> 0:41:22.759
<v Speaker 2>And this could be not just we are saying it

0:41:22.800 --> 0:41:25.480
<v Speaker 2>as a male because majority of gas lighting situations are

0:41:25.520 --> 0:41:29.239
<v Speaker 2>male dominated, but women gaslight too, but for today we

0:41:29.280 --> 0:41:31.560
<v Speaker 2>are just saying we're using the pronoun and he do

0:41:31.640 --> 0:41:33.400
<v Speaker 2>you find yourself? And this is a big one, and

0:41:33.480 --> 0:41:36.560
<v Speaker 2>I did this? Do you find yourself lying to your

0:41:36.560 --> 0:41:39.279
<v Speaker 2>friends and family about his behavior because you know the

0:41:39.320 --> 0:41:41.640
<v Speaker 2>behavior is not right, so you lie about it. I

0:41:41.719 --> 0:41:43.920
<v Speaker 2>was doing that to my sister all the time in

0:41:43.960 --> 0:41:46.520
<v Speaker 2>my relationship. She would call him out on it and

0:41:46.680 --> 0:41:48.919
<v Speaker 2>question me, like, why you letting him do that? Why

0:41:49.000 --> 0:41:50.399
<v Speaker 2>is he doing this to you? Why is he saying

0:41:50.400 --> 0:41:52.120
<v Speaker 2>this to you? And I would lie. I'd make up

0:41:52.160 --> 0:41:55.200
<v Speaker 2>a whole story to make him not look like an

0:41:55.239 --> 0:41:58.080
<v Speaker 2>idiot or a liar to my family, because otherwise you'd

0:41:58.120 --> 0:42:00.680
<v Speaker 2>have to then justify why you were putting up with

0:42:00.719 --> 0:42:03.000
<v Speaker 2>being treated so badly. But it's because you really really

0:42:03.040 --> 0:42:06.040
<v Speaker 2>want the relationship, Oh absolutely. And the last few were

0:42:06.640 --> 0:42:09.680
<v Speaker 2>do you have trouble making decisions on your own? Because

0:42:09.920 --> 0:42:14.160
<v Speaker 2>a really slow burn in a toxic gas lighting relationship

0:42:15.000 --> 0:42:18.360
<v Speaker 2>is it's control, So you start to lose the ability

0:42:19.000 --> 0:42:21.640
<v Speaker 2>to want or to be able to make decisions because

0:42:21.719 --> 0:42:23.880
<v Speaker 2>usually you have to run it by your partner. So

0:42:23.960 --> 0:42:26.400
<v Speaker 2>that's a question to ask yourself, Have I has it changed?

0:42:26.400 --> 0:42:29.200
<v Speaker 2>And I can't make decisions? Now, and do you wonder

0:42:29.239 --> 0:42:32.279
<v Speaker 2>if you were good enough? That is the big one

0:42:32.320 --> 0:42:34.719
<v Speaker 2>that they say, do you ever ask yourself if you're

0:42:34.719 --> 0:42:37.480
<v Speaker 2>good enough for him? And you're questioning that, that's because

0:42:37.640 --> 0:42:39.799
<v Speaker 2>they are making you feel like you're not. You just don't.

0:42:39.800 --> 0:42:41.959
<v Speaker 2>That doesn't happen on its own. But then that.

0:42:41.880 --> 0:42:45.879
<v Speaker 1>Also feeds into this feeling of like why when someone

0:42:45.920 --> 0:42:48.919
<v Speaker 1>treats you so badly you will still fight so hard

0:42:48.920 --> 0:42:50.359
<v Speaker 1>to keep the relationship and.

0:42:50.880 --> 0:42:52.759
<v Speaker 2>It's kind of like this crazy thing.

0:42:52.800 --> 0:42:54.399
<v Speaker 1>Then when you're out of it, you're like, how did

0:42:54.400 --> 0:42:56.800
<v Speaker 1>I ever put up with that behavior? How did I

0:42:56.920 --> 0:42:59.120
<v Speaker 1>ever think I was never going to meet someone better

0:42:59.160 --> 0:43:01.400
<v Speaker 1>than that? When you're in it and you're entrenched in

0:43:01.480 --> 0:43:05.399
<v Speaker 1>something that with someone who treats you so badly, it's

0:43:05.440 --> 0:43:08.600
<v Speaker 1>so all encompassing. If you're in it, like right now

0:43:09.040 --> 0:43:10.960
<v Speaker 1>you I'm talking to you. If you're in it, what

0:43:10.960 --> 0:43:14.200
<v Speaker 1>you need to ask yourself is what is there about

0:43:14.200 --> 0:43:17.480
<v Speaker 1>this relationship that's so good that is worth putting up

0:43:17.520 --> 0:43:21.440
<v Speaker 1>with feeling this crazy all the time for? And honestly,

0:43:22.160 --> 0:43:24.200
<v Speaker 1>the answer should be nothing, like there is nothing in

0:43:24.239 --> 0:43:26.279
<v Speaker 1>this world or there's no person, there is no man,

0:43:26.320 --> 0:43:30.080
<v Speaker 1>there is no woman, there is literally nobody that is

0:43:30.160 --> 0:43:34.920
<v Speaker 1>so important that they can rock your fundamental identity of yourself,

0:43:34.920 --> 0:43:37.640
<v Speaker 1>that they can make you feel crazy, that they can

0:43:37.800 --> 0:43:40.680
<v Speaker 1>make you lower your standards, that nobody is worth that

0:43:40.840 --> 0:43:42.560
<v Speaker 1>at all. Ever, I think that the other thing that's

0:43:42.600 --> 0:43:44.960
<v Speaker 1>really important to touch on in this is that we

0:43:45.000 --> 0:43:47.000
<v Speaker 1>said it a little bit briefly at the start, but

0:43:47.040 --> 0:43:49.399
<v Speaker 1>I really want to sit in it and make sure

0:43:49.440 --> 0:43:52.080
<v Speaker 1>that we've covered it as well. Is that just because

0:43:52.080 --> 0:43:55.360
<v Speaker 1>you're in a relationship where someone does gaslight as like

0:43:55.440 --> 0:43:58.440
<v Speaker 1>their coping mechanism for an argument, doesn't mean that you're

0:43:58.560 --> 0:44:01.320
<v Speaker 1>necessarily in a bad relationship. There is a very mild

0:44:01.400 --> 0:44:03.959
<v Speaker 1>version of this as well, which comes from people who

0:44:04.080 --> 0:44:08.080
<v Speaker 1>are poor communicators. They don't really deal with criticism or

0:44:08.120 --> 0:44:10.520
<v Speaker 1>feedback very well, and it comes from an insecurity. It

0:44:10.560 --> 0:44:12.879
<v Speaker 1>comes with like lack of self confidence. So I do

0:44:12.880 --> 0:44:16.399
<v Speaker 1>think that there are some people who when you point

0:44:16.400 --> 0:44:18.400
<v Speaker 1>out to them, hey, you've hurt my feelings I feel

0:44:18.400 --> 0:44:21.400
<v Speaker 1>like this, their initial reaction is to get defensive or

0:44:21.440 --> 0:44:23.719
<v Speaker 1>to say no, I didn't, I didn't do that. You know,

0:44:23.880 --> 0:44:26.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm not the person you're saying that I am. And

0:44:26.200 --> 0:44:28.720
<v Speaker 1>it's not because they're a bad person. It's not because

0:44:28.719 --> 0:44:30.439
<v Speaker 1>it's a relationship that you should leave.

0:44:30.760 --> 0:44:31.520
<v Speaker 2>It's just that.

0:44:31.400 --> 0:44:35.280
<v Speaker 1>They aren't very great at communicating when they feel attacked,

0:44:35.600 --> 0:44:37.960
<v Speaker 1>and that's something that you absolutely can work on. That

0:44:38.000 --> 0:44:41.400
<v Speaker 1>relationship is so salvageable, and that's probably a pretty normal

0:44:41.880 --> 0:44:45.000
<v Speaker 1>part of like dealing with conflict in a relationship because

0:44:45.200 --> 0:44:47.200
<v Speaker 1>a lot of people don't deal with criticism very well.

0:44:47.239 --> 0:44:49.160
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I know I don't deal with criticism very well,

0:44:49.160 --> 0:44:51.239
<v Speaker 1>and I know that I can be defensive sometimes when

0:44:51.520 --> 0:44:53.520
<v Speaker 1>Matt tells me that I'm being a ship partner. The

0:44:53.560 --> 0:44:55.560
<v Speaker 1>difference is is that, like, I want to be better,

0:44:55.600 --> 0:44:59.440
<v Speaker 1>and I'm not intentionally manipulating him to get the outcome.

0:44:59.480 --> 0:45:02.839
<v Speaker 1>I'm not inten intentionally trying to lie. Where this behavior

0:45:02.920 --> 0:45:06.439
<v Speaker 1>becomes so toxic and so destructive is when someone knows

0:45:06.440 --> 0:45:08.640
<v Speaker 1>they've done the wrong thing and they're intent on lying

0:45:08.640 --> 0:45:10.600
<v Speaker 1>about it and they're intent on like pulling the wool

0:45:10.640 --> 0:45:11.200
<v Speaker 1>over your eyes.

0:45:11.239 --> 0:45:13.040
<v Speaker 2>I want to jump in on what you just said

0:45:13.040 --> 0:45:16.800
<v Speaker 2>and really reiterate that gas lighting is not the same

0:45:17.120 --> 0:45:20.960
<v Speaker 2>as sensitivity. So what you just said, some people can

0:45:21.040 --> 0:45:23.239
<v Speaker 2>be really sensitive in a relationship and that's just who

0:45:23.239 --> 0:45:25.880
<v Speaker 2>they are as a person, and they might take things

0:45:25.920 --> 0:45:29.640
<v Speaker 2>a bit harsher might be constructive criticism, but they get defensive.

0:45:30.480 --> 0:45:32.719
<v Speaker 2>It's really important to differentiate if you are just being

0:45:32.760 --> 0:45:35.200
<v Speaker 2>overly sensitive and the person is trying to give you

0:45:35.239 --> 0:45:39.400
<v Speaker 2>constructive criticism or if they're actually trying to alter your perception,

0:45:39.800 --> 0:45:42.719
<v Speaker 2>because there's a big difference with sensitivity and gas lighting.

0:45:42.840 --> 0:45:45.240
<v Speaker 1>If you're in a relationship with someone who says things

0:45:45.239 --> 0:45:48.560
<v Speaker 1>to you like you're so sensitive, or you're being paranoid,

0:45:48.640 --> 0:45:51.000
<v Speaker 1>or you're acting crazy, or like you're making that up

0:45:51.200 --> 0:45:53.960
<v Speaker 1>or oh, I was just joking, babe, Like all of

0:45:54.000 --> 0:45:56.600
<v Speaker 1>these things are a way of kind of downplay and

0:45:56.640 --> 0:45:58.560
<v Speaker 1>not validate the way that you're feeling. And I think

0:45:58.600 --> 0:46:02.680
<v Speaker 1>that that is like a very clear indication that when

0:46:02.760 --> 0:46:04.799
<v Speaker 1>you are bringing an argument, not not even an argument,

0:46:04.840 --> 0:46:06.640
<v Speaker 1>when you're bringing conflict to the table, or when you're

0:46:06.640 --> 0:46:09.040
<v Speaker 1>trying to express that there's something wrong or something that's

0:46:09.120 --> 0:46:12.600
<v Speaker 1>upsetting you, then instead of taking responsibility and taking ownership,

0:46:12.640 --> 0:46:15.719
<v Speaker 1>your partner instead is trying to flip the narrative and

0:46:15.840 --> 0:46:19.040
<v Speaker 1>make you the bad person. And that undermines everything that

0:46:19.040 --> 0:46:22.680
<v Speaker 1>you're feeling, It undermines everything that's happened, and that there's

0:46:22.719 --> 0:46:23.680
<v Speaker 1>no there's nowhere to go.

0:46:23.880 --> 0:46:26.120
<v Speaker 2>If if you're telling your partner that you know you're

0:46:26.200 --> 0:46:29.480
<v Speaker 2>upset by a situation and they won't even validate that

0:46:29.480 --> 0:46:33.280
<v Speaker 2>that situation is real, then the only the only option

0:46:33.320 --> 0:46:35.080
<v Speaker 2>you have is to back down from it, and it

0:46:35.120 --> 0:46:37.480
<v Speaker 2>means that they get to win win, like who wins

0:46:37.520 --> 0:46:40.600
<v Speaker 2>in an argument. If both people in a relationship are

0:46:40.640 --> 0:46:44.240
<v Speaker 2>like well rounded and really reasonable people, then it doesn't

0:46:44.239 --> 0:46:46.840
<v Speaker 2>matter who comes with a you know, a disagreement or

0:46:47.440 --> 0:46:52.160
<v Speaker 2>feeling upset. Like a normal response to conflict is I'm

0:46:52.320 --> 0:46:54.799
<v Speaker 2>sorry that I've made you feel like that, and what

0:46:54.840 --> 0:46:56.880
<v Speaker 2>can I do to make it better? Like that is

0:46:56.920 --> 0:46:59.560
<v Speaker 2>the that is the most normal reaction. But if you're

0:46:59.560 --> 0:47:02.600
<v Speaker 2>not getting that from your partner, if you are afraid

0:47:02.719 --> 0:47:04.680
<v Speaker 2>to talk to them about things that are making you

0:47:04.760 --> 0:47:07.160
<v Speaker 2>upset because you're so scared that they're gonna dump you,

0:47:07.360 --> 0:47:09.640
<v Speaker 2>or they're gonna start a fight, or you're gonna end

0:47:09.719 --> 0:47:12.000
<v Speaker 2>up blowing up about it, then you really need to

0:47:12.200 --> 0:47:14.680
<v Speaker 2>assess like that there's something fundamentally wrong there. And I

0:47:14.680 --> 0:47:17.799
<v Speaker 2>think depending on where you're at in your relationship, it's

0:47:18.000 --> 0:47:18.439
<v Speaker 2>much harder.

0:47:18.440 --> 0:47:20.560
<v Speaker 1>Obviously if you're married and you've got kids and you're

0:47:20.600 --> 0:47:22.399
<v Speaker 1>having these blow ups, then I think that you need

0:47:22.440 --> 0:47:24.719
<v Speaker 1>to go and speak to a counselor, or speak to

0:47:25.080 --> 0:47:27.160
<v Speaker 1>a third party, or speak to somebody else about it.

0:47:27.200 --> 0:47:30.440
<v Speaker 1>But if you're in the early early stages of a relationship,

0:47:30.600 --> 0:47:32.600
<v Speaker 1>this is such a huge red flag that this is

0:47:32.719 --> 0:47:35.480
<v Speaker 1>not the right relationship for you, and then cut your

0:47:35.520 --> 0:47:38.800
<v Speaker 1>losses and leave because you need to be validated. Conflict

0:47:38.840 --> 0:47:41.360
<v Speaker 1>resolution is one of the most important aspects of a

0:47:41.480 --> 0:47:44.360
<v Speaker 1>thriving and sustainable relationship, and if you don't have that

0:47:44.440 --> 0:47:46.400
<v Speaker 1>early on, I don't think that that's something that you

0:47:46.440 --> 0:47:47.600
<v Speaker 1>can really work towards.

0:47:47.880 --> 0:47:50.279
<v Speaker 2>I do just want to make a note that I

0:47:50.320 --> 0:47:52.080
<v Speaker 2>did get a lot of this information from a woman

0:47:52.160 --> 0:47:55.920
<v Speaker 2>called Robin Stern. She is a licensed psychoanalyst, that is,

0:47:56.000 --> 0:47:58.480
<v Speaker 2>she's an associate director at like the Yale Center for

0:47:58.640 --> 0:48:01.960
<v Speaker 2>Emotional Intelligence. Knows her stuff. This girl knows her shit.

0:48:02.160 --> 0:48:05.320
<v Speaker 2>She knows her shit. But I just found it really interesting.

0:48:05.400 --> 0:48:09.200
<v Speaker 2>She just says, quote. It's worth noting that in my practice,

0:48:09.320 --> 0:48:12.000
<v Speaker 2>the gas lighter is typically a man and the gaslight

0:48:12.080 --> 0:48:16.000
<v Speaker 2>tee is typically a woman. In my clinical experience, many

0:48:16.040 --> 0:48:19.960
<v Speaker 2>women are socialized to doubt themselves and continually apologize for

0:48:20.000 --> 0:48:24.080
<v Speaker 2>disagreeing or upsetting their partners, but men are not. I

0:48:24.160 --> 0:48:29.840
<v Speaker 2>find that really interesting that women, we are almost made

0:48:29.920 --> 0:48:32.920
<v Speaker 2>now to be pleased, and we apologize constantly because we

0:48:32.960 --> 0:48:35.480
<v Speaker 2>want to fix the situation. So it doesn't matter what

0:48:35.560 --> 0:48:38.759
<v Speaker 2>the man is delivering to us or what the situation is.

0:48:38.800 --> 0:48:41.920
<v Speaker 2>We usually just want to get it done and be like, fine,

0:48:41.960 --> 0:48:42.560
<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry.

0:48:42.800 --> 0:48:45.680
<v Speaker 1>So let's bring this back to a very very very

0:48:45.719 --> 0:48:48.000
<v Speaker 1>pivotal thing that we have both watched this week, which

0:48:48.000 --> 0:48:50.399
<v Speaker 1>is too hot to handle, and that was what got

0:48:50.440 --> 0:48:53.000
<v Speaker 1>us onto this topic in the first place. So guys,

0:48:53.000 --> 0:48:55.400
<v Speaker 1>if you haven't seen the series yet, then maybe skip

0:48:55.400 --> 0:48:56.799
<v Speaker 1>ahead a little bit because I don't want to give

0:48:56.800 --> 0:49:00.160
<v Speaker 1>we any spoilers. But there is this section in the

0:49:00.400 --> 0:49:04.200
<v Speaker 1>series where Harry and Francesca have made out, so they

0:49:04.239 --> 0:49:07.040
<v Speaker 1>broke the rules, right, and then Harry goes back and

0:49:07.080 --> 0:49:09.440
<v Speaker 1>he tells the guys, oh, Francesca made out with me.

0:49:09.560 --> 0:49:11.759
<v Speaker 1>He throws her under the bus because she didn't he

0:49:11.800 --> 0:49:15.279
<v Speaker 1>completely completely was the one who, like he fully threw

0:49:15.360 --> 0:49:17.320
<v Speaker 1>himself on her. If anything, it was a bit predatory,

0:49:17.360 --> 0:49:20.000
<v Speaker 1>but whatever, so he is the one who did it,

0:49:20.480 --> 0:49:23.000
<v Speaker 1>and then he throws her under the bus. He doesn't

0:49:23.000 --> 0:49:25.640
<v Speaker 1>take any responsibility for it, like when She's sitting there

0:49:25.640 --> 0:49:28.120
<v Speaker 1>being like, why are you saying this? Like I I whatever,

0:49:28.160 --> 0:49:31.040
<v Speaker 1>I didn't do that. It's obviously over. The relationship's done.

0:49:31.080 --> 0:49:33.880
<v Speaker 1>She then starts dating somebody else, and he's like a

0:49:33.880 --> 0:49:37.240
<v Speaker 1>wounded puppy because he hates seeing her dating somebody else.

0:49:37.560 --> 0:49:41.600
<v Speaker 1>But she's done nothing wrong. Then she still has feelings

0:49:41.600 --> 0:49:43.960
<v Speaker 1>for him. She wants to be with him. She kind

0:49:44.000 --> 0:49:46.280
<v Speaker 1>of like regrets that she's gone and dated this other person.

0:49:46.360 --> 0:49:48.440
<v Speaker 1>So she goes back to Harry and she starts having

0:49:48.440 --> 0:49:50.680
<v Speaker 1>conversation with him about how she still has feelings for him,

0:49:50.960 --> 0:49:53.480
<v Speaker 1>and instead of having like a mature and open conversation

0:49:53.520 --> 0:49:57.480
<v Speaker 1>about this, Harry's response is, well, you know, I don't

0:49:57.520 --> 0:50:00.040
<v Speaker 1>know if I can forgive you for what you've done.

0:50:00.160 --> 0:50:02.720
<v Speaker 1>And she hadn't done anything wrong, but he had managed

0:50:02.719 --> 0:50:06.640
<v Speaker 1>to flip the conversation and make her apologize for behavior

0:50:06.680 --> 0:50:08.880
<v Speaker 1>that was actually his shitty behavior in the first place.

0:50:09.280 --> 0:50:12.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, she was apologizing and begging for him back, and

0:50:12.239 --> 0:50:14.279
<v Speaker 2>I found myself asking Sherry. I was like, did I

0:50:14.320 --> 0:50:17.239
<v Speaker 2>miss something? What's she apologizing for? I couldn't work it

0:50:17.280 --> 0:50:20.399
<v Speaker 2>out how how he got there and how she got there,

0:50:20.400 --> 0:50:24.960
<v Speaker 2>But it was happening and it was such blatant gas lighting, like.

0:50:24.600 --> 0:50:28.080
<v Speaker 1>He was amazing at emotionally manipulating her at this point.

0:50:28.080 --> 0:50:31.640
<v Speaker 1>But I think it's really important to acknowledge he is

0:50:31.760 --> 0:50:34.600
<v Speaker 1>very young. He is twenty three years old, and that

0:50:34.680 --> 0:50:37.480
<v Speaker 1>behavior is indicative of somebody who's young and who doesn't

0:50:37.480 --> 0:50:41.400
<v Speaker 1>necessarily have like the full spectrum or experience in how

0:50:41.440 --> 0:50:44.120
<v Speaker 1>to deal with conflict and how to treat someone who

0:50:44.560 --> 0:50:47.160
<v Speaker 1>you know, he wanted to uphold bro code and like

0:50:47.239 --> 0:50:48.920
<v Speaker 1>keep everyone happy. Like I don't think he dealt with

0:50:48.960 --> 0:50:50.480
<v Speaker 1>it in the best way. But I do think that

0:50:50.520 --> 0:50:52.719
<v Speaker 1>age plays a massive part in it. And I think

0:50:52.719 --> 0:50:54.960
<v Speaker 1>that people who were in their early twenties are afforded

0:50:55.000 --> 0:50:57.279
<v Speaker 1>a bit of time to be jerks. But when you're

0:50:57.320 --> 0:50:59.920
<v Speaker 1>in your thirties, that's who you are. Like if you're

0:50:59.800 --> 0:51:02.440
<v Speaker 1>thirty three and you're doing shit like that, that's the

0:51:02.480 --> 0:51:04.960
<v Speaker 1>man that you are. And I really think it's important

0:51:04.960 --> 0:51:06.600
<v Speaker 1>that if you're in that point in your life and

0:51:06.680 --> 0:51:08.560
<v Speaker 1>you're dating someone who is meant to be a man

0:51:08.600 --> 0:51:11.319
<v Speaker 1>and they're still displaying this sort of behavior, then it's

0:51:11.480 --> 0:51:13.799
<v Speaker 1>never gonna change, Like it's the person that they are.

0:51:14.000 --> 0:51:16.400
<v Speaker 2>I do absolutely agree with what you said. Whilst it

0:51:16.440 --> 0:51:19.399
<v Speaker 2>was a blatant example on Harry's behalf of gas lighting.

0:51:19.480 --> 0:51:21.480
<v Speaker 2>I don't think there was anything malicious in there. I

0:51:21.480 --> 0:51:24.560
<v Speaker 2>don't think it was intentional. I don't even know if

0:51:24.600 --> 0:51:26.160
<v Speaker 2>he knew he was doing it. I think he would

0:51:26.200 --> 0:51:28.840
<v Speaker 2>probably watch it. I imagine he would watch it back and

0:51:28.880 --> 0:51:31.640
<v Speaker 2>be like, wow, I didn't I can see what that

0:51:31.680 --> 0:51:34.759
<v Speaker 2>looks like now, as you know, as an outsider.

0:51:34.320 --> 0:51:36.319
<v Speaker 1>Maybe it's kind of interesting that these people like even

0:51:36.360 --> 0:51:39.799
<v Speaker 1>for us, like when you do reality TV, you kind

0:51:39.800 --> 0:51:42.600
<v Speaker 1>of watch yourself back and you're like, oh yeah, I

0:51:42.760 --> 0:51:45.120
<v Speaker 1>like that about myself, and I don't like that about myself.

0:51:45.160 --> 0:51:48.480
<v Speaker 1>It's almost a self development in and of itself the experiment,

0:51:48.520 --> 0:51:51.480
<v Speaker 1>because you see behaviors back that you can reflect on,

0:51:51.800 --> 0:51:54.160
<v Speaker 1>which nobody ever really gets to watch, Like you never

0:51:54.160 --> 0:51:56.040
<v Speaker 1>get to watch your life back in that sort of way.

0:51:56.800 --> 0:52:00.040
<v Speaker 2>Oh. I found it really fascinating watching myself back, and

0:52:00.080 --> 0:52:01.560
<v Speaker 2>there was nothing that I did where I was like,

0:52:01.640 --> 0:52:03.279
<v Speaker 2>oh my god, I'm horrible. I would have changed that,

0:52:03.640 --> 0:52:06.400
<v Speaker 2>but it definitely I can't imagine these people watching themselves

0:52:06.880 --> 0:52:09.279
<v Speaker 2>and not learning or taking something from it. For sure.

0:52:09.280 --> 0:52:11.319
<v Speaker 2>If you guys haven't seen too Hot to Handle yet,

0:52:11.360 --> 0:52:13.720
<v Speaker 2>please go and see it, and I think we should

0:52:13.719 --> 0:52:16.600
<v Speaker 2>talk about it on the Facebook page. Maybe. Okay, So

0:52:16.760 --> 0:52:19.319
<v Speaker 2>I think if you're in a situation where you know

0:52:19.400 --> 0:52:23.000
<v Speaker 2>that you'll be in gas lit city, then what do

0:52:23.040 --> 0:52:25.200
<v Speaker 2>you do in this situation? Right, Like, what's your next

0:52:25.239 --> 0:52:27.359
<v Speaker 2>step apart from like getting the fuck out of there?

0:52:27.360 --> 0:52:31.080
<v Speaker 2>Which sometimes that's not always they're not that's not always

0:52:31.080 --> 0:52:33.480
<v Speaker 2>the solution. Like, sometimes you can't just lead the relationship. Well,

0:52:33.480 --> 0:52:35.120
<v Speaker 2>maybe you're not ready to, or maybe you don't want

0:52:35.160 --> 0:52:37.040
<v Speaker 2>to and you actually want to work on it. What

0:52:37.200 --> 0:52:39.800
<v Speaker 2>do you do to show your partner and explain to

0:52:39.840 --> 0:52:41.920
<v Speaker 2>your partner like, this is behavior that's not acceptable and

0:52:41.960 --> 0:52:43.920
<v Speaker 2>I'm not going to stand for this. It can be

0:52:44.080 --> 0:52:47.319
<v Speaker 2>excruciatingly difficult to put yourself out of this sort of

0:52:47.440 --> 0:52:50.400
<v Speaker 2>a toxic relationship and this sort of a power dynamic.

0:52:50.760 --> 0:52:52.480
<v Speaker 2>But there are some steps that you can do. There

0:52:52.480 --> 0:52:55.120
<v Speaker 2>are some things that you can do within yourself with

0:52:55.280 --> 0:52:57.560
<v Speaker 2>other people in your life, so let's just nut out

0:52:57.640 --> 0:53:00.680
<v Speaker 2>some of them. Obviously. Step one is identify the problem.

0:53:00.719 --> 0:53:03.360
<v Speaker 2>Hopefully by now you have identified that from some of

0:53:03.360 --> 0:53:05.640
<v Speaker 2>the things we've said before, the questions you can ask

0:53:05.680 --> 0:53:08.759
<v Speaker 2>yourself if you're not sure and you're a fens hitter

0:53:09.200 --> 0:53:11.359
<v Speaker 2>and you're like, am I crazy? Or is he doing

0:53:11.400 --> 0:53:14.400
<v Speaker 2>this to me? They suggest you go to a friend

0:53:14.440 --> 0:53:17.080
<v Speaker 2>or someone that's close to both of you and just say,

0:53:17.800 --> 0:53:22.120
<v Speaker 2>don't protect me, don't sugarcoat it. Tell me do you

0:53:22.200 --> 0:53:23.840
<v Speaker 2>agree the way he treats me? Do you agree the

0:53:23.840 --> 0:53:26.560
<v Speaker 2>way things he says to me? And just ask them

0:53:26.600 --> 0:53:28.319
<v Speaker 2>because you know that these people love you and they're

0:53:28.360 --> 0:53:29.840
<v Speaker 2>going to tell you the truth. And if you go

0:53:29.960 --> 0:53:32.440
<v Speaker 2>to them and say, don't sugarcoat it, give it to

0:53:32.440 --> 0:53:35.160
<v Speaker 2>me hard, give me the hard truth, they will do

0:53:35.239 --> 0:53:36.920
<v Speaker 2>that and you're going to learn a lot from that

0:53:36.960 --> 0:53:39.120
<v Speaker 2>because these people only want the best for you.

0:53:39.120 --> 0:53:40.759
<v Speaker 1>You're going to go to your friends and ask them

0:53:40.800 --> 0:53:43.880
<v Speaker 1>for their cold, hard and honest opinion about your partner

0:53:43.920 --> 0:53:46.520
<v Speaker 1>and about your relationship. Then you need to be really

0:53:46.600 --> 0:53:49.080
<v Speaker 1>ready to make some changes because it's really an unfair

0:53:49.239 --> 0:53:51.719
<v Speaker 1>position to put your friends in to say, hey, give

0:53:51.719 --> 0:53:54.239
<v Speaker 1>me or give me your opinion on my partner who

0:53:54.239 --> 0:53:55.880
<v Speaker 1>treats me like shit. And they're going to tell you

0:53:55.960 --> 0:53:57.120
<v Speaker 1>that and then be like.

0:53:57.239 --> 0:53:59.279
<v Speaker 2>Sweet, we're going to stay together because we love each

0:53:59.280 --> 0:53:59.720
<v Speaker 2>other forever.

0:54:00.200 --> 0:54:02.200
<v Speaker 1>Like that's not fair and I've done that to my

0:54:02.239 --> 0:54:04.359
<v Speaker 1>friends before and it makes it really uncomfortable for them.

0:54:04.400 --> 0:54:06.759
<v Speaker 1>So I think you can only really do that if

0:54:06.760 --> 0:54:09.200
<v Speaker 1>you're at a point and at a at a crossroad

0:54:09.239 --> 0:54:11.359
<v Speaker 1>where you need to make some hard decisions and you're

0:54:11.400 --> 0:54:14.640
<v Speaker 1>ready to make those hard decisions, because otherwise it just

0:54:14.680 --> 0:54:18.560
<v Speaker 1>becomes them against you. They feel uncomfortable because they have

0:54:18.640 --> 0:54:20.840
<v Speaker 1>now said the wrong thing about your partner, and it's

0:54:20.920 --> 0:54:22.719
<v Speaker 1>just it's can open up a whole other can of

0:54:22.719 --> 0:54:26.040
<v Speaker 1>worms with your relationship with your nearest and dearest. I think,

0:54:26.080 --> 0:54:29.080
<v Speaker 1>just on what Brits said as well, like you know

0:54:29.200 --> 0:54:31.480
<v Speaker 1>this is happening, draw a line in the sand in

0:54:31.520 --> 0:54:33.799
<v Speaker 1>the way that you communicate with your partner. And as

0:54:33.800 --> 0:54:37.600
<v Speaker 1>soon as you start seeing it happen in your conflicts,

0:54:37.640 --> 0:54:39.200
<v Speaker 1>So when you have gone to your partner and said

0:54:39.800 --> 0:54:41.600
<v Speaker 1>this has upset me, and as soon as you start

0:54:41.640 --> 0:54:44.360
<v Speaker 1>seeing their behavior when they're like that didn't happen or

0:54:44.360 --> 0:54:47.160
<v Speaker 1>they're not acknowledging it, you call a space of spade

0:54:47.160 --> 0:54:50.440
<v Speaker 1>and say, like this, this conversation is not going to

0:54:50.480 --> 0:54:53.160
<v Speaker 1>happen like this. I am not going to sit here

0:54:53.160 --> 0:54:55.439
<v Speaker 1>and not be validated for the way I feel. You're

0:54:55.440 --> 0:54:57.640
<v Speaker 1>not going to tell me that this didn't happen because

0:54:57.680 --> 0:55:00.480
<v Speaker 1>I know it happened, and you really have to stand

0:55:00.680 --> 0:55:04.080
<v Speaker 1>so strong in what you know is reality and what

0:55:04.120 --> 0:55:08.000
<v Speaker 1>you believe and the way that you feel. Don't get crazy,

0:55:08.080 --> 0:55:10.640
<v Speaker 1>don't get angry, don't yell, don't scream, because that is

0:55:10.719 --> 0:55:13.520
<v Speaker 1>exactly the reaction that they want, because they want you

0:55:13.600 --> 0:55:15.520
<v Speaker 1>to yell. They want you to scream because by you

0:55:15.640 --> 0:55:17.399
<v Speaker 1>yelling and screaming, it means that they get to then

0:55:17.440 --> 0:55:18.879
<v Speaker 1>flip it and say, well.

0:55:18.840 --> 0:55:21.319
<v Speaker 2>You're the one acting crazy now, because you kind of are.

0:55:21.480 --> 0:55:23.120
<v Speaker 2>But they've created that situation.

0:55:23.239 --> 0:55:26.520
<v Speaker 1>So I think be very very mindful to not deliver

0:55:26.600 --> 0:55:28.360
<v Speaker 1>the sort of conflict and not deliver the sort of

0:55:28.440 --> 0:55:29.680
<v Speaker 1>argument that they're looking for.

0:55:30.200 --> 0:55:32.680
<v Speaker 2>Something they suggest that you can do in terms of that,

0:55:33.040 --> 0:55:36.760
<v Speaker 2>in terms of really nailing down the moment you're saying,

0:55:36.960 --> 0:55:40.759
<v Speaker 2>am I crazy? Is to sort truth from distortion. So

0:55:41.320 --> 0:55:43.960
<v Speaker 2>after you've had a conversation or a situation like this,

0:55:44.520 --> 0:55:49.279
<v Speaker 2>immediately after right down in a journal what happened to

0:55:49.360 --> 0:55:52.120
<v Speaker 2>the point of the dialogue. Flow, write down what he said,

0:55:52.239 --> 0:55:55.200
<v Speaker 2>write down what you've said, and then write down your feelings.

0:55:55.320 --> 0:55:58.960
<v Speaker 2>That way you can track, you can pinpoint where your

0:55:59.040 --> 0:56:03.120
<v Speaker 2>partner starts to go from reality into gas lighting into making.

0:56:03.160 --> 0:56:05.880
<v Speaker 2>You can see the switch, and that way, it's so

0:56:06.080 --> 0:56:09.040
<v Speaker 2>common for women and men. But it's so common to

0:56:09.080 --> 0:56:11.400
<v Speaker 2>have a fight, have an argument, and you're so upset

0:56:11.440 --> 0:56:14.759
<v Speaker 2>and you you know you deserve better. But a week later,

0:56:14.840 --> 0:56:17.520
<v Speaker 2>two weeks later, it's forgotten because you're back in love, and.

0:56:17.440 --> 0:56:19.799
<v Speaker 1>You forget facts like you forget details, like you might

0:56:19.800 --> 0:56:22.239
<v Speaker 1>be like, well, on Tuesday you said this, and it's like, fuck,

0:56:22.280 --> 0:56:24.200
<v Speaker 1>I can't remember it was Tuesday or Wednesday, Like I don't.

0:56:24.320 --> 0:56:27.040
<v Speaker 2>I don't keep a mentally, I'm not keeping tabs on

0:56:27.080 --> 0:56:29.080
<v Speaker 2>everything that you've done. I just know that this week,

0:56:29.360 --> 0:56:31.360
<v Speaker 2>these several things have happened. That's upset me.

0:56:31.400 --> 0:56:33.200
<v Speaker 1>I don't know the time, date and place of all

0:56:33.200 --> 0:56:36.080
<v Speaker 1>of them, so stop trying to trip me up on details.

0:56:36.160 --> 0:56:38.600
<v Speaker 2>Well, that way, you've got the facts. You've got the facts,

0:56:38.760 --> 0:56:41.000
<v Speaker 2>you can see where it strays from reality, and you

0:56:41.040 --> 0:56:44.479
<v Speaker 2>can go back and remember and reread how you felt

0:56:44.520 --> 0:56:47.400
<v Speaker 2>in that situation and just how far from the truth

0:56:47.760 --> 0:56:50.440
<v Speaker 2>your partner strayed, how he made you feel.

0:56:50.920 --> 0:56:54.000
<v Speaker 1>This is such an important tool for your own sanity

0:56:54.120 --> 0:56:55.880
<v Speaker 1>to keep a journal of these sorts of things. If

0:56:55.920 --> 0:56:58.279
<v Speaker 1>you are in a very, very toxic place, but I

0:56:58.440 --> 0:57:00.560
<v Speaker 1>do also think that if you're at a point where

0:57:00.600 --> 0:57:02.880
<v Speaker 1>you need to keep a journal of your arguments with

0:57:02.920 --> 0:57:05.840
<v Speaker 1>your partner, then you have some pretty big questions that

0:57:05.840 --> 0:57:08.560
<v Speaker 1>you need to ask yourself, because that's a really dark

0:57:08.680 --> 0:57:11.600
<v Speaker 1>place to be at. I don't think that anyone should

0:57:11.640 --> 0:57:14.279
<v Speaker 1>ever be at a point in their relationship where they

0:57:14.320 --> 0:57:17.959
<v Speaker 1>need to journal or write down the fights that they're

0:57:18.000 --> 0:57:20.240
<v Speaker 1>having to be able to say, well, this is what happened,

0:57:20.280 --> 0:57:22.120
<v Speaker 1>and this is what you said. I think that that

0:57:22.480 --> 0:57:26.280
<v Speaker 1>in itself is such a huge indication that your relationship

0:57:26.360 --> 0:57:30.560
<v Speaker 1>is so far gone past the point of repair that

0:57:30.640 --> 0:57:34.360
<v Speaker 1>you need to start making some choices for yourself and everything.

0:57:34.600 --> 0:57:36.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm so with you on this brick because everything that

0:57:36.200 --> 0:57:38.360
<v Speaker 1>I read was like the best way of dealing with

0:57:38.920 --> 0:57:40.520
<v Speaker 1>of someone who's gas letting you is to keep a

0:57:40.600 --> 0:57:42.680
<v Speaker 1>journal and to keep information and to be able to

0:57:42.760 --> 0:57:45.400
<v Speaker 1>kind of like time stamp this sort of conversation.

0:57:45.880 --> 0:57:48.400
<v Speaker 2>But that just to me. I'm like, if you need

0:57:48.440 --> 0:57:51.280
<v Speaker 2>to do that, then you need to leave for sure.

0:57:51.400 --> 0:57:53.320
<v Speaker 2>But the thing is, it's easy for us to say

0:57:53.360 --> 0:57:54.880
<v Speaker 2>that now we've both been in it, and we know

0:57:54.960 --> 0:57:57.520
<v Speaker 2>it's not that easy about saying leave. So that's why

0:57:57.560 --> 0:57:59.880
<v Speaker 2>we're actually telling you steps and giving you a proce

0:58:00.760 --> 0:58:04.240
<v Speaker 2>And the next step in figuring this out is engaging

0:58:04.280 --> 0:58:07.640
<v Speaker 2>in some mental exercises and it's literally to shift your

0:58:07.640 --> 0:58:10.919
<v Speaker 2>mindset because you're in this controlling relationship and this life

0:58:10.960 --> 0:58:13.440
<v Speaker 2>where you can't imagine your life without this person. So

0:58:13.480 --> 0:58:16.320
<v Speaker 2>they suggest that to shift your mindset, you start to

0:58:16.320 --> 0:58:18.960
<v Speaker 2>do these exercises where you just start to visualize your

0:58:19.000 --> 0:58:22.560
<v Speaker 2>life without your partner, visualize it on your own. What

0:58:22.560 --> 0:58:25.480
<v Speaker 2>would you be doing differently, what could you be doing differently,

0:58:25.520 --> 0:58:28.280
<v Speaker 2>what opportunities would come to you, and to start to

0:58:28.360 --> 0:58:31.320
<v Speaker 2>think about your life without the other person, because chances

0:58:31.360 --> 0:58:34.960
<v Speaker 2>are if you're in this relationship, you have been codependent

0:58:35.120 --> 0:58:37.080
<v Speaker 2>for a very long time. You have felt like you

0:58:37.120 --> 0:58:39.640
<v Speaker 2>can't make those decisions on your own. You don't know

0:58:39.680 --> 0:58:41.720
<v Speaker 2>what you would do on your own. So that is

0:58:41.800 --> 0:58:44.480
<v Speaker 2>a huge as for me, someone that's super into meditation.

0:58:46.120 --> 0:58:49.400
<v Speaker 2>Your mindset can change your whole path and the journey

0:58:49.440 --> 0:58:51.959
<v Speaker 2>that you're on. So to start being and think about

0:58:52.000 --> 0:58:54.160
<v Speaker 2>it positively. Don't think I'm on my own, I'm going

0:58:54.240 --> 0:58:55.960
<v Speaker 2>to be lonely, i don't know where to go, I'll

0:58:55.960 --> 0:58:58.080
<v Speaker 2>have no one, I'll have nothing to do. You have

0:58:58.160 --> 0:59:00.600
<v Speaker 2>to think of it in a positive light. I'm gonna

0:59:00.600 --> 0:59:02.720
<v Speaker 2>have all this time to start these new hobbies. I

0:59:02.760 --> 0:59:04.840
<v Speaker 2>can finally go and travel to this country because if

0:59:04.880 --> 0:59:05.960
<v Speaker 2>he never wanted to go there.

0:59:06.080 --> 0:59:09.560
<v Speaker 1>I can finally find somebody at some point who treats

0:59:09.560 --> 0:59:11.680
<v Speaker 1>me with love and respect, who I don't feel is

0:59:11.720 --> 0:59:15.240
<v Speaker 1>crazy with every single second of every single day, just

0:59:15.280 --> 0:59:19.000
<v Speaker 1>like on this whole idea of like meditating and projecting

0:59:19.000 --> 0:59:20.880
<v Speaker 1>a life of like what you could have if you

0:59:20.880 --> 0:59:24.600
<v Speaker 1>weren't with somebody who makes you feel crazy all the time. Yes,

0:59:24.840 --> 0:59:27.200
<v Speaker 1>I understand, and I've been there, Like, trust me, I've

0:59:27.240 --> 0:59:30.040
<v Speaker 1>been so deep in the trenches in this type of

0:59:30.080 --> 0:59:33.520
<v Speaker 1>relationship where I felt like I couldn't imagine my life

0:59:33.560 --> 0:59:35.640
<v Speaker 1>without them, and I couldn't see like I couldn't see

0:59:35.680 --> 0:59:37.960
<v Speaker 1>the forest of the trees. But what you need to

0:59:37.960 --> 0:59:41.960
<v Speaker 1>ask yourself as well, is you are so unhappy in

0:59:42.000 --> 0:59:44.640
<v Speaker 1>that relationship, Like a relationship where someone gas lights you

0:59:44.840 --> 0:59:48.040
<v Speaker 1>is such an unhappy place to be in. And being

0:59:48.080 --> 0:59:50.400
<v Speaker 1>on your own means that you get to control your

0:59:50.400 --> 0:59:53.560
<v Speaker 1>own happiness. So when you're with someone who treats you badly,

0:59:53.560 --> 0:59:56.840
<v Speaker 1>when you're in a toxic relationship, your happiness is so volatile.

0:59:56.840 --> 0:59:59.640
<v Speaker 1>It grows up and down, up and down, high, so high,

0:59:59.720 --> 1:00:02.280
<v Speaker 1>and then so low, all dependent on that other person

1:00:02.360 --> 1:00:04.640
<v Speaker 1>and how that other person treats you and how that

1:00:04.720 --> 1:00:07.720
<v Speaker 1>other person makes you feel. But when you take control

1:00:07.800 --> 1:00:10.840
<v Speaker 1>back and you actually start living for yourself and making

1:00:10.880 --> 1:00:14.040
<v Speaker 1>those decisions for yourself, you take ownership over your own

1:00:14.040 --> 1:00:17.080
<v Speaker 1>happiness again, and you no longer have those peaks and troughs.

1:00:17.360 --> 1:00:19.400
<v Speaker 1>You get to decide when you're happy, You get to

1:00:19.440 --> 1:00:22.480
<v Speaker 1>decide what makes you happy, and you will honestly start

1:00:22.560 --> 1:00:27.160
<v Speaker 1>living in this constantness of having control in your life,

1:00:27.200 --> 1:00:30.040
<v Speaker 1>which I think is something that when you regain that

1:00:30.080 --> 1:00:32.360
<v Speaker 1>after being after being out of control for so long,

1:00:32.400 --> 1:00:35.000
<v Speaker 1>it's just like the most incredible experience.

1:00:35.320 --> 1:00:37.080
<v Speaker 2>I'm really sat in this one and thought about it

1:00:37.080 --> 1:00:38.600
<v Speaker 2>for a long time because I think a lot of

1:00:38.640 --> 1:00:42.160
<v Speaker 2>people will understand this. But when you're having this argument,

1:00:42.200 --> 1:00:45.000
<v Speaker 2>when you're trying to figure out your situation, your relationship,

1:00:45.880 --> 1:00:48.440
<v Speaker 2>don't worry about who's right and who's wrong. Don't be

1:00:48.560 --> 1:00:51.160
<v Speaker 2>like I'm right, you're he's like i'm right, you're right,

1:00:51.240 --> 1:00:53.240
<v Speaker 2>you're wrong, you're wrong. It's not about who's right and wrong.

1:00:53.440 --> 1:00:56.120
<v Speaker 2>It's about the feelings that you feel in that situation.

1:00:56.640 --> 1:00:59.160
<v Speaker 2>Maybe he is right, but how did you feel in

1:00:59.200 --> 1:01:01.640
<v Speaker 2>that journey? How did you feeling that conversation, Because your

1:01:01.760 --> 1:01:05.000
<v Speaker 2>feelings are far more important than he was right in

1:01:05.040 --> 1:01:07.600
<v Speaker 2>the conversation, And a lot of people really get swept

1:01:07.680 --> 1:01:09.920
<v Speaker 2>up in that. They A woman will walk away to

1:01:09.960 --> 1:01:15.320
<v Speaker 2>her friends and she will almost validate, She'll almost validate

1:01:15.320 --> 1:01:18.720
<v Speaker 2>it by saying, well, you know he was right, that's irrelevant.

1:01:19.000 --> 1:01:22.040
<v Speaker 2>He made you feel like absolutely dirt the whole time,

1:01:22.080 --> 1:01:23.760
<v Speaker 2>and that is more important than the fact that he

1:01:23.880 --> 1:01:24.800
<v Speaker 2>was right. Yeah.

1:01:25.040 --> 1:01:27.320
<v Speaker 1>But also, like just with any conflict, like and I

1:01:27.320 --> 1:01:30.400
<v Speaker 1>think that this is this is important with any like

1:01:30.520 --> 1:01:34.400
<v Speaker 1>a disagreement in life, Like, for example, Matt doesn't have

1:01:34.440 --> 1:01:36.560
<v Speaker 1>to agree with me, Like if we're having a fight,

1:01:37.440 --> 1:01:39.600
<v Speaker 1>I don't and I feel a certain way about something.

1:01:39.880 --> 1:01:42.280
<v Speaker 1>He doesn't need to agree that I'm right, like that's

1:01:42.320 --> 1:01:43.960
<v Speaker 1>not what the fight is. But he does need to

1:01:44.040 --> 1:01:46.600
<v Speaker 1>validate that he understands that I feel a certain way

1:01:46.640 --> 1:01:50.000
<v Speaker 1>about something. So maybe I'm wrong, Like maybe maybe I'm

1:01:50.040 --> 1:01:53.280
<v Speaker 1>totally wrong, maybe he does do enough housework right, maybe

1:01:53.320 --> 1:01:56.440
<v Speaker 1>I am being a little bit irrational, But he still

1:01:56.480 --> 1:01:59.880
<v Speaker 1>needs to say I understand that you're upset and what

1:02:00.040 --> 1:02:01.919
<v Speaker 1>can I do to help make this better? You still

1:02:01.920 --> 1:02:04.080
<v Speaker 1>need to validate that someone is upset and someone is

1:02:04.160 --> 1:02:08.240
<v Speaker 1>hurting by completely disregarding that, you're disregarding any way for growth,

1:02:08.280 --> 1:02:10.280
<v Speaker 1>you're disregarding any way for the two of you to

1:02:10.320 --> 1:02:13.480
<v Speaker 1>be able to kind of resolve this situation amicably. It

1:02:13.480 --> 1:02:17.040
<v Speaker 1>becomes about exactly what Bridges said, I'm right, you're wrong.

1:02:17.160 --> 1:02:20.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm big, you're small. I have control you don't. And

1:02:20.160 --> 1:02:24.240
<v Speaker 1>that's not what conflict or conversation or arguments should be about.

1:02:24.760 --> 1:02:26.960
<v Speaker 2>When we were sort of looking into this, I did

1:02:27.080 --> 1:02:29.280
<v Speaker 2>learn a new word. I learn a new term, and

1:02:29.320 --> 1:02:32.439
<v Speaker 2>it's like a subcategory of gas lighting, and I wanted

1:02:32.440 --> 1:02:34.880
<v Speaker 2>to highlight it because I had never heard of it before.

1:02:35.480 --> 1:02:38.640
<v Speaker 1>It's called bright siding. It is something that we spoke

1:02:38.680 --> 1:02:41.480
<v Speaker 1>about though. So this was like very opportunistic in that

1:02:42.120 --> 1:02:45.720
<v Speaker 1>when we did the miscarriage episode a couple of weeks

1:02:45.720 --> 1:02:48.400
<v Speaker 1>back now, when one of the things I spoke about

1:02:48.440 --> 1:02:53.680
<v Speaker 1>on that episode is that people often unintentionally make the

1:02:53.720 --> 1:02:57.360
<v Speaker 1>situation worse by constantly telling you like, oh, like you know,

1:02:57.920 --> 1:02:59.840
<v Speaker 1>you should be positive about the fact that you already

1:02:59.840 --> 1:03:02.680
<v Speaker 1>had the baby, or like lucky it was really early,

1:03:02.920 --> 1:03:06.600
<v Speaker 1>and there's this a little bit of insensitivity that comes

1:03:06.640 --> 1:03:08.880
<v Speaker 1>with people trying to make you feel better about the

1:03:08.920 --> 1:03:11.600
<v Speaker 1>whole fact that you're having a miscarriage. And then Britt

1:03:11.600 --> 1:03:14.320
<v Speaker 1>was talking about this episode and she came across this word,

1:03:14.360 --> 1:03:16.160
<v Speaker 1>which is bright siding, like.

1:03:16.280 --> 1:03:18.640
<v Speaker 2>Literally, look on the bright side. That's where it has

1:03:18.680 --> 1:03:22.400
<v Speaker 2>come from, people constantly saying look on the bright side.

1:03:22.680 --> 1:03:25.080
<v Speaker 1>And it's another way of gas lighting, I guess, but

1:03:25.120 --> 1:03:28.560
<v Speaker 1>it's definitely not a severe and it comes with good intention,

1:03:29.040 --> 1:03:32.600
<v Speaker 1>but it's the same concept. And what bright siding is

1:03:32.600 --> 1:03:36.600
<v Speaker 1>is that means that somebody is putting their own discomfort

1:03:36.640 --> 1:03:38.840
<v Speaker 1>and having a conversation with you. So, for example, if

1:03:38.840 --> 1:03:41.880
<v Speaker 1>you're telling someone that you've had a miscarriage, they don't

1:03:41.960 --> 1:03:45.560
<v Speaker 1>want to feel uncomfortable in that conversation, and so their

1:03:45.600 --> 1:03:48.080
<v Speaker 1>response to say like, oh, you know, like lucky it

1:03:48.160 --> 1:03:51.320
<v Speaker 1>was early on is an attempt for them to make

1:03:51.360 --> 1:03:54.160
<v Speaker 1>the situation better so that they don't feel uncomfortable, And

1:03:54.200 --> 1:03:56.840
<v Speaker 1>it's not validating the hurt that you feel, because by

1:03:56.920 --> 1:03:59.320
<v Speaker 1>validating the hurt that you feel, there is this error

1:03:59.360 --> 1:04:03.520
<v Speaker 1>of like, oh, it's it's uncomfortable to deal with someone's grief.

1:04:03.520 --> 1:04:06.200
<v Speaker 1>It's uncomfortable to deal with someone's pain. It's uncomfortable to

1:04:06.240 --> 1:04:09.560
<v Speaker 1>deal with somebody else who feels uncomfortable. So we do,

1:04:09.640 --> 1:04:11.040
<v Speaker 1>and I think a lot of us do this just

1:04:11.160 --> 1:04:13.880
<v Speaker 1>a normal like life and day to day like problems.

1:04:13.720 --> 1:04:16.560
<v Speaker 1>It's it's like easier to say, oh, you know, the

1:04:16.560 --> 1:04:18.400
<v Speaker 1>situation is not as bad as you're making it out.

1:04:18.560 --> 1:04:23.800
<v Speaker 2>Or it's literally like having someone before speedter shit sandwich

1:04:24.000 --> 1:04:26.720
<v Speaker 2>but saying to them you should be appreciating the free lunch.

1:04:26.960 --> 1:04:29.919
<v Speaker 2>Oh I like that, Yeah, let them let them sit

1:04:30.000 --> 1:04:32.120
<v Speaker 2>in the fact that they're eating a shit sandwich. Yeah

1:04:32.120 --> 1:04:35.920
<v Speaker 2>they're getting free food. For sure, they're still shit, but

1:04:36.040 --> 1:04:39.360
<v Speaker 2>it's shit. So there's this, and it's really hard because

1:04:39.600 --> 1:04:43.120
<v Speaker 2>somebody like me, I'm a very optimistic person and I

1:04:43.200 --> 1:04:44.840
<v Speaker 2>do want to look on the bright side of things

1:04:44.840 --> 1:04:47.720
<v Speaker 2>as much as possible, but I am I like to

1:04:47.720 --> 1:04:50.000
<v Speaker 2>think I'm pretty careful with it and I can assess

1:04:50.000 --> 1:04:52.600
<v Speaker 2>the situation and I do try to realize that I

1:04:52.640 --> 1:04:54.080
<v Speaker 2>want to be here for you and support you and

1:04:54.080 --> 1:04:56.280
<v Speaker 2>be positive. But there are times where you're like, you

1:04:56.320 --> 1:04:58.720
<v Speaker 2>know what, this is shit, and let's just sit in

1:04:58.800 --> 1:05:00.640
<v Speaker 2>this for a minute because there's nothing we can say

1:05:01.040 --> 1:05:03.840
<v Speaker 2>so that I think that it's really hard and it's

1:05:03.840 --> 1:05:06.400
<v Speaker 2>a really fine line, and you can't hold it against

1:05:06.440 --> 1:05:08.240
<v Speaker 2>your friends or anyone in your life if they do

1:05:08.320 --> 1:05:10.480
<v Speaker 2>say these things to you or they are bright siding you,

1:05:10.520 --> 1:05:14.880
<v Speaker 2>because you have to know that this isn't a narcissistic

1:05:15.040 --> 1:05:18.840
<v Speaker 2>or manipulative or malicious type of gas lighting. It's an

1:05:18.920 --> 1:05:22.240
<v Speaker 2>unintentional type of gaslighting. But like you said with your

1:05:22.280 --> 1:05:26.560
<v Speaker 2>miscarriage chat, it doesn't help the situation, and sometimes people

1:05:26.640 --> 1:05:29.240
<v Speaker 2>need to just have someone say to them that sucks

1:05:29.560 --> 1:05:30.360
<v Speaker 2>bright siding.

1:05:30.920 --> 1:05:33.720
<v Speaker 1>Bright siding, which is like just a tangent of gas lighting.

1:05:34.280 --> 1:05:36.600
<v Speaker 1>It is definitely not as bad as gas lighting, and

1:05:36.640 --> 1:05:39.720
<v Speaker 1>it is not an intentional, malicious.

1:05:39.480 --> 1:05:42.200
<v Speaker 2>Evil thing that we do like it. It is so

1:05:42.320 --> 1:05:44.840
<v Speaker 2>far from that. But it's just an interesting thing that like,

1:05:45.000 --> 1:05:47.400
<v Speaker 2>as human behavior, we want to kind of make people

1:05:47.480 --> 1:05:49.880
<v Speaker 2>feel better, but by doing that, sometimes we make people

1:05:49.920 --> 1:05:52.880
<v Speaker 2>feel worse. And when brit brought it up, I was like,

1:05:52.920 --> 1:05:55.120
<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, that is that's that word. That's that

1:05:55.240 --> 1:05:57.320
<v Speaker 2>thing that we were talking about. And I didn't know

1:05:57.560 --> 1:05:59.200
<v Speaker 2>that it had a name, but now it has a name.

1:05:59.360 --> 1:06:01.600
<v Speaker 2>We did ask does We didn't know how to label it.

1:06:01.600 --> 1:06:04.320
<v Speaker 2>We didn't know what it was, But everything's got to label, guys,

1:06:04.400 --> 1:06:09.800
<v Speaker 2>and so you know a label. If you're in a

1:06:09.840 --> 1:06:12.640
<v Speaker 2>relationship with someone and you feel like you that they're

1:06:12.680 --> 1:06:16.240
<v Speaker 2>gas lighting you, then you need to have conversations around this.

1:06:16.360 --> 1:06:18.240
<v Speaker 2>You need to make some changes in your life because

1:06:18.280 --> 1:06:22.800
<v Speaker 2>it's such as scary and uncomfortable and like belittling place

1:06:22.880 --> 1:06:24.240
<v Speaker 2>to be and in your relationship.

1:06:24.400 --> 1:06:26.360
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, girlfriend, you deserve so much more than that.

1:06:26.760 --> 1:06:29.840
<v Speaker 1>And if I think it's more friends, probably who brightside.

1:06:29.880 --> 1:06:31.880
<v Speaker 1>I think it's friends who have good intention to try

1:06:31.920 --> 1:06:33.840
<v Speaker 1>and make you feel better. But I do think that

1:06:33.880 --> 1:06:37.720
<v Speaker 1>sometimes sometimes it's misguided. And it's also okay to have

1:06:37.760 --> 1:06:39.600
<v Speaker 1>a conversation with your friends and say that you know,

1:06:39.880 --> 1:06:41.600
<v Speaker 1>you don't need them to make you feel better, you

1:06:41.640 --> 1:06:44.920
<v Speaker 1>just need them to listen. And that's that's an important

1:06:44.920 --> 1:06:48.240
<v Speaker 1>conversation to have as well. Both different, both very important.

1:06:48.680 --> 1:06:52.040
<v Speaker 2>I really really am passionate about this topic and I'm

1:06:52.120 --> 1:06:54.560
<v Speaker 2>so glad that we put this out there and put

1:06:54.560 --> 1:06:56.920
<v Speaker 2>it together. And as somebody that has been through it

1:06:56.960 --> 1:07:02.000
<v Speaker 2>to the extreme and on basic level as well, I

1:07:02.040 --> 1:07:04.600
<v Speaker 2>hope that you guys got something from this. And I

1:07:04.600 --> 1:07:07.200
<v Speaker 2>think this is the sort of episode that maybe you

1:07:07.240 --> 1:07:09.600
<v Speaker 2>know a friend or you know someone that is in

1:07:09.640 --> 1:07:11.760
<v Speaker 2>this sort of a toxic situation but you don't know

1:07:11.760 --> 1:07:14.160
<v Speaker 2>how to approach it. It might be as simple as

1:07:14.160 --> 1:07:16.640
<v Speaker 2>just sending them this episode, tag them in it, say

1:07:16.640 --> 1:07:19.360
<v Speaker 2>listen to these girls, and then they might sort of

1:07:20.160 --> 1:07:22.160
<v Speaker 2>have some triggers and there might be some things that

1:07:22.200 --> 1:07:24.680
<v Speaker 2>stick out to them during this episode, and they'll they'll

1:07:24.680 --> 1:07:26.479
<v Speaker 2>get there on their own, or maybe they can listen

1:07:26.480 --> 1:07:27.960
<v Speaker 2>to it and then you can talk to them as

1:07:27.960 --> 1:07:29.760
<v Speaker 2>a friend. Then you can say, once you've listened to it,

1:07:29.920 --> 1:07:32.080
<v Speaker 2>let's have a chat. But here to be that little

1:07:32.240 --> 1:07:36.120
<v Speaker 2>subtle soothing voice in your ear? So are we soothing?

1:07:36.600 --> 1:07:40.360
<v Speaker 2>I don't know it's my laugh soothing? Jesus Christ. No,

1:07:43.360 --> 1:07:45.040
<v Speaker 2>do you know what? I almost feel like? You know,

1:07:45.080 --> 1:07:47.360
<v Speaker 2>when you hang out with someone too much, you start

1:07:47.400 --> 1:07:52.000
<v Speaker 2>to like get their characteristics. I feel like you hang

1:07:52.040 --> 1:07:53.640
<v Speaker 2>around me too, Like I think we're hanging around to

1:07:53.640 --> 1:07:55.640
<v Speaker 2>each other too much that I think sometimes your laugh

1:07:55.640 --> 1:07:57.760
<v Speaker 2>gets a bit magnic like mine, Like I'm worried I'm

1:07:57.840 --> 1:07:59.120
<v Speaker 2>rubbing off on you.

1:07:59.280 --> 1:08:02.360
<v Speaker 1>Okay, you think that it's you, You're you're the influence.

1:08:03.080 --> 1:08:05.280
<v Speaker 2>No, sometimes your laugh gets a bit mannic, and I'm

1:08:05.280 --> 1:08:06.440
<v Speaker 2>like she's caught it.

1:08:06.520 --> 1:08:07.920
<v Speaker 1>No, I think I've always had a bit of a

1:08:07.920 --> 1:08:09.560
<v Speaker 1>manic laugh. To be honest, I think I just kept

1:08:09.560 --> 1:08:11.320
<v Speaker 1>it under wraps at the start, and I'm.

1:08:11.160 --> 1:08:13.680
<v Speaker 2>Like, free the beast. You want to know something funny.

1:08:13.760 --> 1:08:15.600
<v Speaker 2>When I went on The Bachelor, we finished as that

1:08:15.720 --> 1:08:18.719
<v Speaker 2>is like, that's us rapping. Oh yeah, gas lighting's over, guys,

1:08:18.720 --> 1:08:22.080
<v Speaker 2>next topic. When I went on the Bachelor, I just

1:08:22.080 --> 1:08:24.439
<v Speaker 2>thought of this now. My family was like, have fun.

1:08:24.760 --> 1:08:28.559
<v Speaker 2>Just just be yourself because you're great, like you know,

1:08:28.840 --> 1:08:31.400
<v Speaker 2>be just be kind. But if we have any advice

1:08:31.439 --> 1:08:33.519
<v Speaker 2>for you, it's just don't let the laugh out.

1:08:33.640 --> 1:08:37.880
<v Speaker 1>That's what they say, which I just want to say, guys, Like,

1:08:38.040 --> 1:08:42.120
<v Speaker 1>one of the biggest points of like, like the most

1:08:42.280 --> 1:08:44.960
<v Speaker 1>highlighted review that we get is that people are like,

1:08:45.120 --> 1:08:48.439
<v Speaker 1>I fucking love Britney's laugh and I fucking love Britney's laughing.

1:08:48.439 --> 1:08:51.360
<v Speaker 2>It's out there, you're here for it. I'm also just

1:08:51.400 --> 1:08:51.640
<v Speaker 2>on that.

1:08:52.080 --> 1:08:53.880
<v Speaker 1>This is like before we get into ask gun Card,

1:08:53.880 --> 1:08:55.280
<v Speaker 1>I just want to throw this one out there. We

1:08:55.360 --> 1:08:59.320
<v Speaker 1>have had so many incredibly wonderful reviews lately and I

1:08:59.360 --> 1:09:03.360
<v Speaker 1>am just like beyond gobsmacked and so grateful and we

1:09:03.439 --> 1:09:05.360
<v Speaker 1>both like from time to time send them to each

1:09:05.360 --> 1:09:07.200
<v Speaker 1>other because we're like, oh my god, you know, here's

1:09:07.200 --> 1:09:09.240
<v Speaker 1>a bit of a confidence boost for you. But we

1:09:09.360 --> 1:09:11.800
<v Speaker 1>love making this podcast so much, and we love having

1:09:11.800 --> 1:09:13.519
<v Speaker 1>these chats, and we love putting them out there, and

1:09:14.000 --> 1:09:16.840
<v Speaker 1>it just fills us with so much gratitude that we

1:09:16.880 --> 1:09:19.840
<v Speaker 1>know that this has helped some of you at different

1:09:19.880 --> 1:09:21.720
<v Speaker 1>points in your life. And that's the whole purpose of

1:09:21.720 --> 1:09:23.800
<v Speaker 1>what we're doing this for. If you walk away from

1:09:23.800 --> 1:09:25.800
<v Speaker 1>some of these episodes feeling empowered, if you walk away

1:09:25.840 --> 1:09:28.720
<v Speaker 1>from them feeling supported, that is the whole purpose of this.

1:09:28.880 --> 1:09:30.840
<v Speaker 1>And so for every single person who has left a

1:09:30.880 --> 1:09:34.400
<v Speaker 1>positive review or has reached out like we are so

1:09:34.560 --> 1:09:36.439
<v Speaker 1>humbled and so incredibly grateful for that.

1:09:37.040 --> 1:09:38.640
<v Speaker 2>I thank you, going to put that in there. Thank you,

1:09:38.680 --> 1:09:45.479
<v Speaker 2>thank you, thank you.

1:09:47.040 --> 1:09:49.759
<v Speaker 1>All Right, guys, so I did throw a little stanner

1:09:49.760 --> 1:09:51.120
<v Speaker 1>in the works and say that we were going to

1:09:51.160 --> 1:09:53.479
<v Speaker 1>do and ask un Kart on today's episode if you

1:09:53.720 --> 1:09:54.559
<v Speaker 1>had to be prepared.

1:09:54.840 --> 1:09:56.439
<v Speaker 2>Well, let's just have to say, even though you didn't

1:09:56.479 --> 1:09:58.479
<v Speaker 2>know we were doing it, you got one. Well, but

1:09:58.520 --> 1:10:01.639
<v Speaker 2>I didn't know, But I'm just super I like this.

1:10:02.040 --> 1:10:03.200
<v Speaker 2>I like a prepared woman.

1:10:03.360 --> 1:10:05.920
<v Speaker 1>So because we you know, obviously we didn't do the

1:10:05.920 --> 1:10:08.880
<v Speaker 1>Tuesday episode Thursday EPP's meant to be asked on cart

1:10:08.880 --> 1:10:11.720
<v Speaker 1>We get so many freaking questions from you guys, and

1:10:11.800 --> 1:10:14.920
<v Speaker 1>we love it, so I don't want to deal with

1:10:14.920 --> 1:10:16.920
<v Speaker 1>the backlog, So we're just going to do one question

1:10:17.000 --> 1:10:19.080
<v Speaker 1>because this is already going to be a super long episode.

1:10:19.120 --> 1:10:22.040
<v Speaker 1>So one question, Britt, come at.

1:10:21.880 --> 1:10:25.680
<v Speaker 2>Me, bra I met this guy just before we went

1:10:25.720 --> 1:10:29.120
<v Speaker 2>into isolation, literally three days. As soon as we went

1:10:29.160 --> 1:10:31.760
<v Speaker 2>into lockdown, it was all on. He was all over me.

1:10:31.920 --> 1:10:33.639
<v Speaker 2>We were still seeing each other, so we were sort

1:10:33.640 --> 1:10:37.160
<v Speaker 2>of isolating together and it was absolutely fantastic. In the

1:10:37.280 --> 1:10:40.760
<v Speaker 2>last week, since restrictions have started to lift, he has

1:10:40.800 --> 1:10:43.919
<v Speaker 2>gone a bit colder. I'm not really hearing from him anymore,

1:10:44.040 --> 1:10:47.639
<v Speaker 2>and I think he's pulling back because I so he's lifting.

1:10:48.360 --> 1:10:50.600
<v Speaker 2>What do I do? How do I approach this? Is

1:10:50.600 --> 1:10:51.120
<v Speaker 2>that a thing?

1:10:52.200 --> 1:10:52.400
<v Speaker 3>Oh?

1:10:52.520 --> 1:10:56.040
<v Speaker 2>Girlfriend? Oh it's such a thing. Oh it's such a thing.

1:10:56.080 --> 1:10:59.000
<v Speaker 2>And you're not alone? This is okay. I feel like

1:10:59.080 --> 1:11:00.240
<v Speaker 2>there's going to be a lot of people who are

1:11:00.240 --> 1:11:02.519
<v Speaker 2>going to be in this situation and it's shit because

1:11:02.520 --> 1:11:05.639
<v Speaker 2>you've just invested what like seven weeks of your life

1:11:05.640 --> 1:11:07.400
<v Speaker 2>into someone and in a way, like, I think the

1:11:07.439 --> 1:11:10.040
<v Speaker 2>thing that we really need to think about with this

1:11:10.240 --> 1:11:14.639
<v Speaker 2>is that it's seven weeks of real intensity, because if

1:11:14.640 --> 1:11:17.559
<v Speaker 2>you have isolated with that person, it's not just like, oh, I've.

1:11:17.439 --> 1:11:20.519
<v Speaker 1>Been seeing this guy for seven weeks. It's like five, six,

1:11:20.600 --> 1:11:24.200
<v Speaker 1>seven weeks of every single day, almost all day, being

1:11:24.240 --> 1:11:26.280
<v Speaker 1>in each other's space. So that's that is like a

1:11:26.360 --> 1:11:28.840
<v Speaker 1>full baptism of fire. That is a pressure cooker of

1:11:28.840 --> 1:11:32.200
<v Speaker 1>a relationship from the start. It's understandable, and one of

1:11:32.200 --> 1:11:34.680
<v Speaker 1>the things I'm sympathizing with is that you're probably a

1:11:34.720 --> 1:11:37.839
<v Speaker 1>lot more emotionally invested than what you would be normally

1:11:38.400 --> 1:11:40.080
<v Speaker 1>if you had just met a guy and you'd casually

1:11:40.160 --> 1:11:41.240
<v Speaker 1>dated for five weeks.

1:11:41.479 --> 1:11:44.640
<v Speaker 2>Oh. Absolutely, things are so heightened in this environment. I

1:11:44.680 --> 1:11:47.840
<v Speaker 2>feel like it's the Bachelor Mansion all over again. It's literally, Yeah,

1:11:47.920 --> 1:11:50.320
<v Speaker 2>I was like almost engaged after three months of knowing

1:11:50.320 --> 1:11:52.680
<v Speaker 2>a guy, So I like, you think you love them

1:11:52.720 --> 1:11:56.000
<v Speaker 2>after three days, but I did. The idea is you

1:11:56.040 --> 1:11:58.519
<v Speaker 2>are in an environment where if you've just started seeing

1:11:58.600 --> 1:12:01.800
<v Speaker 2>someone and you're locked down, all you're thinking about, or

1:12:01.800 --> 1:12:04.120
<v Speaker 2>you're speaking the only person you're speaking to, you're spending

1:12:04.160 --> 1:12:08.320
<v Speaker 2>all your time with this person. But I am going

1:12:08.400 --> 1:12:10.160
<v Speaker 2>to give you some tough love here and say, if

1:12:10.160 --> 1:12:13.240
<v Speaker 2>he's pulling back now just because he's free, A, you're

1:12:13.240 --> 1:12:15.640
<v Speaker 2>too good for him. B. You could always have the

1:12:15.640 --> 1:12:18.360
<v Speaker 2>conversation with him. But girl, it is about to be

1:12:18.720 --> 1:12:21.400
<v Speaker 2>a froth fest. As soon as we are out of here,

1:12:21.520 --> 1:12:24.400
<v Speaker 2>it is going to be insane, the dating the people

1:12:24.400 --> 1:12:26.479
<v Speaker 2>that are out, everyone's going to be wanting to meet

1:12:26.479 --> 1:12:28.800
<v Speaker 2>new people. So I think you don't put too much

1:12:28.880 --> 1:12:32.920
<v Speaker 2>pressure on it. And see, it sucks and it's unfortunate,

1:12:33.120 --> 1:12:35.160
<v Speaker 2>and you don't want to think that you were in it,

1:12:35.800 --> 1:12:38.880
<v Speaker 2>but it sounds like potentially you were in a situationship

1:12:38.920 --> 1:12:42.360
<v Speaker 2>and that ladies and gentlemen is a thing. I am

1:12:42.479 --> 1:12:45.880
<v Speaker 2>still dealing deeply with the fact that you said froth fest,

1:12:46.120 --> 1:12:49.439
<v Speaker 2>but I'm gonna overlook that for one second. He's actually

1:12:49.680 --> 1:12:53.000
<v Speaker 2>will be a froth fest. I'm so deeply traumatized.

1:12:53.720 --> 1:12:56.559
<v Speaker 1>But what I want to say is like this, like

1:12:56.600 --> 1:12:58.200
<v Speaker 1>if this is what this guy's done, Like if he

1:12:58.280 --> 1:13:00.720
<v Speaker 1>has just bunkered down with you first six weeks, like

1:13:00.800 --> 1:13:04.040
<v Speaker 1>that's shit, Like he has treated you badly and that

1:13:04.160 --> 1:13:06.080
<v Speaker 1>is a really, really shit thing to do to someone,

1:13:06.160 --> 1:13:10.360
<v Speaker 1>to use them emotionally and physically to be able to

1:13:10.840 --> 1:13:13.000
<v Speaker 1>have them as a support person because he didn't want

1:13:13.000 --> 1:13:14.960
<v Speaker 1>to be on his own. Like that is a that

1:13:15.080 --> 1:13:17.920
<v Speaker 1>is all characteristics of a bad, bad guy and someone

1:13:17.960 --> 1:13:20.439
<v Speaker 1>who doesn't respect you, and someone who doesn't respect your time,

1:13:20.479 --> 1:13:24.920
<v Speaker 1>and someone who doesn't respect your feelings. So I'm like already, Like,

1:13:25.040 --> 1:13:27.880
<v Speaker 1>if he's pulling back now and actually like not giving

1:13:27.920 --> 1:13:31.080
<v Speaker 1>you the attention and the love and affirmation that he

1:13:31.160 --> 1:13:33.879
<v Speaker 1>was giving you last week, and you really do genuinely

1:13:33.880 --> 1:13:37.360
<v Speaker 1>think it's because the lockdown is lifting, then that for

1:13:37.439 --> 1:13:39.599
<v Speaker 1>me is like red flag, red flag, red flag, red flag,

1:13:39.640 --> 1:13:42.160
<v Speaker 1>but some distance in place, because you are not somebody's

1:13:42.200 --> 1:13:45.000
<v Speaker 1>emotional sounding board. You're not there just to make somebody

1:13:45.040 --> 1:13:46.920
<v Speaker 1>else feel better. And if you really thought this was

1:13:46.920 --> 1:13:49.000
<v Speaker 1>a relationship and something that you'd invested your time and

1:13:49.640 --> 1:13:52.200
<v Speaker 1>you'll love into, then you need to take care of

1:13:52.280 --> 1:13:54.519
<v Speaker 1>yourself now if you're not being treated the way you deserve.

1:13:55.080 --> 1:13:57.120
<v Speaker 2>I agree, And I do want to add one thing,

1:13:57.320 --> 1:13:59.840
<v Speaker 2>and it's I guess it's in a way I'm bright,

1:14:00.920 --> 1:14:03.480
<v Speaker 2>but I think in a situation like this, it's important

1:14:03.520 --> 1:14:07.240
<v Speaker 2>to not necessarily straight away feel defensive and like he

1:14:07.360 --> 1:14:10.280
<v Speaker 2>used you, but maybe look at it like you were

1:14:10.320 --> 1:14:14.040
<v Speaker 2>both in a really bad situation that the whole world,

1:14:14.120 --> 1:14:15.800
<v Speaker 2>no one expected it, no one you want to do

1:14:15.880 --> 1:14:18.000
<v Speaker 2>with it, and you probably helped each other through it.

1:14:18.400 --> 1:14:20.240
<v Speaker 2>You found each other at the right time. I'm sure

1:14:20.280 --> 1:14:21.800
<v Speaker 2>he helped you through it a lot. I'm sure he

1:14:21.880 --> 1:14:24.880
<v Speaker 2>made the experience better. And maybe that's just a nicer

1:14:24.920 --> 1:14:27.200
<v Speaker 2>way to look at it. Okay, he's not my penguin.

1:14:27.600 --> 1:14:31.600
<v Speaker 2>It sucks, but I probably wouldn't have had such a

1:14:31.600 --> 1:14:34.240
<v Speaker 2>good time or had the support I needed in this

1:14:34.320 --> 1:14:36.400
<v Speaker 2>time if it wasn't for him. So it's just another

1:14:36.439 --> 1:14:37.439
<v Speaker 2>way to have a look at it.

1:14:37.479 --> 1:14:39.240
<v Speaker 1>No, I don't think that's bright siding, And I actually

1:14:39.280 --> 1:14:41.160
<v Speaker 1>love that, Like I mean, I had I was like,

1:14:41.360 --> 1:14:43.240
<v Speaker 1>the guy's a dickhead. No, but I love that you've

1:14:43.280 --> 1:14:45.040
<v Speaker 1>said that because I think that that's so true. Like,

1:14:45.280 --> 1:14:47.479
<v Speaker 1>you know, you can focus on the negative parts of

1:14:47.520 --> 1:14:50.160
<v Speaker 1>the fact that the relationship hasn't or isn't working out,

1:14:50.439 --> 1:14:52.439
<v Speaker 1>but the relationship may not have worked out anyway. So

1:14:52.720 --> 1:14:55.040
<v Speaker 1>if you've been able to get support in love and

1:14:55.800 --> 1:14:58.400
<v Speaker 1>during a really really stressful and anxious time have someone

1:14:58.439 --> 1:14:59.880
<v Speaker 1>there to come, you know, to be at home with,

1:15:00.120 --> 1:15:03.000
<v Speaker 1>than to have fun with then that's really special in

1:15:03.040 --> 1:15:05.080
<v Speaker 1>and of itself. You know, not every relationship that we

1:15:05.080 --> 1:15:07.360
<v Speaker 1>have in life needs to turn into the one.

1:15:07.600 --> 1:15:09.960
<v Speaker 2>No, it just can't. Possibly, it's part of the journey.

1:15:10.160 --> 1:15:11.720
<v Speaker 2>He was part of your journey, and he got you

1:15:11.760 --> 1:15:13.639
<v Speaker 2>to where you are. And if that's the case, then

1:15:13.680 --> 1:15:16.040
<v Speaker 2>you can look back at that time fondly. It doesn't

1:15:16.040 --> 1:15:18.599
<v Speaker 2>have to be a really negative memory for you, because

1:15:19.080 --> 1:15:21.280
<v Speaker 2>we're all going to remember Corona for the rest of

1:15:21.320 --> 1:15:24.000
<v Speaker 2>our lives. Also, maybe you have some really good stories

1:15:24.000 --> 1:15:26.920
<v Speaker 2>from your time in isolation exactly well in your house

1:15:26.960 --> 1:15:37.519
<v Speaker 2>and more stories than I got. All right, Laura, you

1:15:37.600 --> 1:15:40.000
<v Speaker 2>know we never finished an episode, but that our suck

1:15:40.080 --> 1:15:43.639
<v Speaker 2>and our sweet, our highlights, lowlights, the best, the worst.

1:15:43.880 --> 1:15:45.519
<v Speaker 2>What happened to you this week?

1:15:45.760 --> 1:15:48.439
<v Speaker 1>Well, my low light was definitely Marley being sick. Like

1:15:48.520 --> 1:15:51.519
<v Speaker 1>that's a that's a low low low light. It's pretty

1:15:51.600 --> 1:15:52.880
<v Speaker 1>much off. The light is off.

1:15:53.040 --> 1:15:57.360
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's the electricity is cut. Yes, thank you for

1:15:57.439 --> 1:15:59.760
<v Speaker 2>running with my joke. It wasn't even funny in the

1:15:59.800 --> 1:16:01.880
<v Speaker 2>first but I'm here for you and I always try

1:16:01.880 --> 1:16:02.920
<v Speaker 2>to make sport.

1:16:04.200 --> 1:16:07.040
<v Speaker 1>So my low light was Marley being sick. My low

1:16:07.120 --> 1:16:09.960
<v Speaker 1>light was also missing the EPP. My other low light

1:16:10.040 --> 1:16:11.880
<v Speaker 1>is that I have to stay up and edit this EPP.

1:16:11.920 --> 1:16:13.040
<v Speaker 1>There's a few low light Laura.

1:16:13.040 --> 1:16:14.680
<v Speaker 2>It doesn't know the rules. You're only supposed to have one.

1:16:14.720 --> 1:16:15.840
<v Speaker 2>But I'm going to give it to you this week.

1:16:15.920 --> 1:16:17.680
<v Speaker 2>You deserve it. Thank you, thank you soo much. My

1:16:17.800 --> 1:16:22.800
<v Speaker 2>highlight is oh look, my highlight's boring. It's too hot

1:16:22.800 --> 1:16:26.400
<v Speaker 2>to handle. I really enjoyed it. Like guys, I'm here

1:16:26.439 --> 1:16:29.360
<v Speaker 2>for the shit TV watch it. It was great.

1:16:29.920 --> 1:16:32.600
<v Speaker 1>If you have five eight hour I can't even know.

1:16:32.640 --> 1:16:34.760
<v Speaker 1>It's like, it's like, who knows how many episodes it is,

1:16:34.840 --> 1:16:36.639
<v Speaker 1>but it's great. I think that's my heart.

1:16:36.720 --> 1:16:38.960
<v Speaker 2>I think it's eight. I'm okay, So my second swite

1:16:39.000 --> 1:16:40.080
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to preempt it. Well.

1:16:40.280 --> 1:16:42.800
<v Speaker 1>Also, Matt has cooked dinner almost every night this week.

1:16:42.800 --> 1:16:45.639
<v Speaker 1>That's also my highlight. He's been an angel.

1:16:46.200 --> 1:16:49.000
<v Speaker 2>That's amazing. An angel. Shout out to Maddie J.

1:16:49.320 --> 1:16:51.160
<v Speaker 1>He's an angel sent from the heavens. All you have

1:16:51.200 --> 1:16:52.880
<v Speaker 1>to do is get angry at them once and then

1:16:52.880 --> 1:16:54.760
<v Speaker 1>they really pull themselves into lime.

1:16:56.840 --> 1:16:59.759
<v Speaker 2>Well, I'm going to preempt my second suite with firstly

1:16:59.840 --> 1:17:02.320
<v Speaker 2>my suck. Yes, I'm aware we're at different points. Of

1:17:02.360 --> 1:17:06.160
<v Speaker 2>our life and my suck is ridiculous. But it sucked.

1:17:06.720 --> 1:17:10.000
<v Speaker 2>I shouted myself a coffee machine, like a little at

1:17:10.000 --> 1:17:12.360
<v Speaker 2>home coffee machine, because I thought I'm gonna save heaps

1:17:12.400 --> 1:17:14.679
<v Speaker 2>of money by not buying my coffees out every day.

1:17:14.960 --> 1:17:18.759
<v Speaker 2>Bought this machine. Then I went ham buying the pods

1:17:18.760 --> 1:17:21.759
<v Speaker 2>for it. Must have had like a hundred pods, because

1:17:21.760 --> 1:17:26.880
<v Speaker 2>you love the environment. They're acyclable, you know, are they? Oh? Sorry,

1:17:27.640 --> 1:17:33.200
<v Speaker 2>continue shouted myself. Some pods, went hardcore, went ham, got

1:17:33.240 --> 1:17:35.519
<v Speaker 2>probably one hundred pods because I was just gonna use

1:17:35.520 --> 1:17:37.760
<v Speaker 2>them for the rest of my life. I got the

1:17:37.800 --> 1:17:41.000
<v Speaker 2>wrong sized pods. They don't fit into my coffee machine,

1:17:41.200 --> 1:17:44.320
<v Speaker 2>don't have my receipt, can't return them. I now have. Well,

1:17:44.400 --> 1:17:46.880
<v Speaker 2>so you really do hate the environment? Hate? Yeare you

1:17:46.920 --> 1:17:49.960
<v Speaker 2>go unintentionally though? Oh that's a real way. So I

1:17:49.960 --> 1:17:51.960
<v Speaker 2>put them up on bonde loop. I'm just gonna throw

1:17:51.960 --> 1:17:54.200
<v Speaker 2>them out like I don't. You get no throw them

1:17:54.240 --> 1:17:56.680
<v Speaker 2>like you get a pod, you get a pod likedy

1:17:56.720 --> 1:18:00.160
<v Speaker 2>for Maybe I could take them now I got an

1:18:00.240 --> 1:18:04.519
<v Speaker 2>espresso machine. That's a shame. Okay, fancy pants, we really

1:18:04.520 --> 1:18:08.400
<v Speaker 2>went all out. My sweet was actually it was Laura,

1:18:08.479 --> 1:18:12.160
<v Speaker 2>it was you this week. Laura knows me very well,

1:18:12.200 --> 1:18:15.320
<v Speaker 2>and she gave me the gift of cookie dough. She

1:18:15.439 --> 1:18:18.360
<v Speaker 2>gave me a log of Bennett Street cookie dough. She

1:18:18.479 --> 1:18:21.000
<v Speaker 2>knows how much I love it. And it was as

1:18:21.040 --> 1:18:23.120
<v Speaker 2>simple as that. It was just a little deed that

1:18:23.240 --> 1:18:23.920
<v Speaker 2>made my week.

1:18:24.000 --> 1:18:26.800
<v Speaker 1>Brittany is a very very easy person to please, so

1:18:26.920 --> 1:18:29.599
<v Speaker 1>long as it is calorie dense and full of sugar.

1:18:29.880 --> 1:18:32.960
<v Speaker 1>She is the happiest woman on this planet. I'm here

1:18:33.000 --> 1:18:35.400
<v Speaker 1>for it. Guys, thank you so much for listening to

1:18:35.520 --> 1:18:37.640
<v Speaker 1>another episode. And like I know we've already said it,

1:18:37.680 --> 1:18:39.680
<v Speaker 1>but I'm so sorry that we couldn't get Tuesday to you.

1:18:40.240 --> 1:18:43.200
<v Speaker 1>We really do try and be so like consistent and

1:18:43.720 --> 1:18:46.719
<v Speaker 1>disciplined with getting this out. But you know what, sometimes

1:18:46.760 --> 1:18:49.000
<v Speaker 1>life just throws your curveball.

1:18:49.439 --> 1:18:54.360
<v Speaker 2>Some may say sometimes life is uncut. Who would say that, Brittany, Well,

1:18:54.360 --> 1:18:55.080
<v Speaker 2>we would.

1:18:57.080 --> 1:18:57.120
<v Speaker 3>No.

1:18:57.320 --> 1:19:00.240
<v Speaker 2>Guys, we appreciate, we appreciate you there. We appreciate your

1:19:00.240 --> 1:19:02.280
<v Speaker 2>support and your love and the fact that you keep

1:19:02.280 --> 1:19:04.640
<v Speaker 2>coming back. And guys, if you haven't signed up for

1:19:04.680 --> 1:19:07.479
<v Speaker 2>our Facebook page, we have a really beautiful, supportive and

1:19:07.560 --> 1:19:10.799
<v Speaker 2>hilarious little community going on at Life un Cup podcast,

1:19:11.040 --> 1:19:14.400
<v Speaker 2>jump on Facebook, falls on Instagram, hit five stars, leave review,

1:19:14.520 --> 1:19:16.400
<v Speaker 2>tell your dog, tell you mom, tell you Nan, and

1:19:16.439 --> 1:19:19.280
<v Speaker 2>share the love because we love love